Daybreak
by haikomori
Summary: "It's strange...that the only time I can admit my feelings is when I can't have you. I mean...look at me, I'm just going to cause you trouble." But it doesn't matter...tomorrow is rushing at them...and the world. And they'll be at the center of it all.
1. Loss

**Should I be out with another story so soon? Probably not. But I just had to get started! Anyway, while it says Romance/Angst, this story will have a lot more than that. I can only pick two genres though...so I went with that. But it does have more. And I hope you'll enjoy. And that you don't mind if it's romance. *Gulp* But I do love the pairing...**

**Disclaimer. **

**Without further ado, the first chapter of my new story! Please enjoy! Maybe...well...you'll see.**

**EDIT: Some who have seen this story may be wondering why it was moved to the M section, rather than the T. This is because of some Graphic Violence (and a few other things) that can't be avoided in the story. It is NOT rated M for SEXUAL CONTENT. I hope you will all enjoy this story, regardless of it's new place. It's my first M fic...and it's not even for Sex. Weird huh? **

**Edit again: Sorry for so many edits. But here is some awesome news. Generalyao has been gracious enough to go over my old chapters and make comments at certain and fix any mistakes. I, in turn, have been going over the comments and adding to the fic, or taking away, as well as fixing awkward sentences and such. Basically, I've been making it better! At least I think so. So I hope this chapter seems better, and that you enjoy! Every chapter will be gone over, but we both have busy schedules, so changes will be gradual.**

**Edit 1: August 13, 2010 Edit 2: November 29, 2010.**

**And a big, special thanks to Generalyao! Without you, this would not be possible! **

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_It was meant to be a routine job for the Guardian Corp. That was all. Simple…simple. Cocoon had died the moment it had fallen from the sky, a glittering mass of crystal plummeting toward Pulse that sat as a newly bloomed flower, shimmering blue hues reflecting off little lights. And in the wake of this beautiful crystal, this new life, it was left to those who remained to rebuild. The center of Cocoon seemed as good a place as any to restart, but it could easily be seen as a way to cling to something old in the unfamiliar land of Gran Pulse. They were left alone in a new and dangerous world, and as terrible and deceitful as Cocoon's leaders had been, the past was a welcome anchor._

_The construction of the city dubbed New Bodhum had begun and was progressing well, the city slowly but surely forming around the remains of the crystallized Cocoon. It seemed to hug the crystal to itself, the buildings sparser the closer the circled around Cocoon, and the Crystal sent beautiful reflective rays of blue light on the city at night. And at dusk and dawn, the city was bathed in orange glows, burning like fire in a dying sun. New cities were already being talked about, and the idea of spreading farther into the unknowns of Gran Pulse was rampant. Yet always there was caution. Slow and steady…get settled first, then consider growing. Repair what was there, then look toward the new. _

_So they did._

_A repair mission for the structure that held the great burning Fal'Cie Phoenix, former light source of Cocoon, had been called to be done. It was less than necessary, Cocoon was gone and Phoenix's purpose extinguished, but there was no such thing as being overly cautious in the days they were rebuilding. No one really wanted the structure to come down after all, so a joint job between the Guardian Corps. and NORA was called. Truthfully, the two groups were only there because of a recent attack by some of the more violent flying creatures of Pulse. The maintenance team had become antsy from the reports and so had requested the extra protection._

_It was two whole years after the incident with Orphan, and on Hope's insistence, Lightning had brought him along to help. Once the arrangements had been made with the school, which was little considering how new and fresh everything was, Hope was already packing and talking excitedly of the trip. Lightning had an inkling though that the trip had less to do with the desire to battle, as it was unlikely to happen, but more for something to do on the anniversary of his father's death. The news had been a devastating blow to him and left the growing boy in Lightning's care. She could not, after all, leave him to the orphanages to pick him apart. There had been a lot of pain to heal though and she wasn't sure if it could ever be totally okay. There would be a scar, as there always was with a hard past, and it would sow the skin and make it harder. Tougher. Hope would be stronger for it._

_It seemed hollow to her nonetheless. _

_However, Hope at sixteen was becoming quite the handful. He was growing like a weed, or at least it seemed so to Lightning as she made constant trips to buy the boy more clothes to accommodate his ever increasing height. He was still of slender build, and was not quite her size, which seemed to annoy him to no end. It was not as if he was particularly rebellious either, but sometimes he would stop and stare into nothing, a look of sorrow on his features. Other times, she would catch him staring at her, something behind his eyes she couldn't quite identify, but it made her heart thump a little too fast for her liking. It was not as if she had changed much after all. Her hair was still well kept and at the side, if a little longer, and her eyes still the same piercing blue. She had once feared she had been getting gray hairs, only to have her sister playfully remind her she was a little young for that sort of thing yet. _

_It was confusing all the same, and Lightning doubted very much that she was like that at his age._ _That wasn't saying much though, considering her rather strange upbringing, or lack thereof._

_Regardless, this was a chance to let some of the Hope's frustrated steam out, so Lightning was not adverse to the thought of him coming. Seeing the rest of NORA again had also been refreshing in its own right, not that she would admit it. Snow would never let her hear the end of it. _

"_You're growing like a weed!" Snow cheered, ruffling Hope's hair. Said boy's platinum locks were only slightly longer, as he would often insist on a haircut when they started tickling too far down his neck. Lightning didn't really mind if he grew it out, although she did like it the way it was now. It was sticking in all directions thanks to Snow's hand, and Hope patted it down with an annoyed glance at the tall man. Snow had changed little as well, although sometimes he would look strangely tired or as he called it, "Emotionally drained". He donned his favorites coat constantly, but on rare occasions he would be without it, showing off his rather muscular build. This seemed to annoy Hope as well, perhaps for his own slender one, and Snow would take plenty of opportunities to remind him of Hope's own lack of real muscles._

"_You see me every other day and you choose now to notice? It wasn't like I was gonna stay a runt forever!" Hope chided, beaming all the same._

"_Don't say it like that! It makes me sound old."_

"_You're not Snow, stop worrying," Hope said, rolling his eyes._

"_I bet he's getting gray hairs from the wife at home though!" Gadot teased, poking Snow in the back. "I hear pregnant women can be quite the nightmare. OW!" Gadot shouted, gingerly rubbing his ribs where Lebreau had elbowed him. He gave her a shy smile. "Sorry..." _

"_Better be!" she huffed, although there was no real malice in her voice. She looked up at Phoenix, her eyes glowing orange from the bright light it released. "It's pretty."_

"_Yeah, but I bet it takes a lot of machinery to keep it afloat and functioning right. I wish they'd let me tinker with it..." Maqui whined, bouncing on his feet. _

"_And that's probably why they won't Maqui," Yuj said, shrugging as he walked beside him. _

_Lightning watched the group silently, eyes returning to the repair team every now and again. NORA had changed a lot too, but in a lot of ways they hadn't. They were still loud, rowdy, and sometimes incredibly irresponsible. But Gadot had calmed down enough that he could mediate a bad disagreement, his muscles seemed just the smallest bit bigger, and he could hold a serious conversation, much to Lightning's surprise. Yuj had done anything but stay the same, his hair changing to multiple shades of various colors to keep up with trends, and this month sporting bright yellow with black streaks. Maqui was still the tech head, his goggles a horrible pink, and he was proud to say he was a little taller. And Lebreau's hair had grown out more, but Lightning was glad she at least seemed to be wearing more clothes._

_Scantily clad, she believed she had called the girl it at one point._

_Lightning kept her arms crossed and said nothing, although her thoughts drifted to Serah. She thought of how her sister was already pregnant...and how pregnant women seem to feel the need to bother their sister with things like love and marriage. And how Serah had said there were plenty of good prospects, even if she wasn't aware of it, and that she had to keep an open mind. _If I have to hear one more of her little pep talks I'll-

_But Lightning was too lost on the fact that she was going to be an Aunt to really give it much thought. Besides, she had Hope to look after so she didn't really have the time; although lately, he has been starting to voice his concerns. He had been saying how he seemed to be in the way, and how she didn't need to hold back just for him. When she said she'd preferred spending time with him anyway, he had looked really happy though..._

"_Whatcha thinking about?" Hope asked, startling her from her thoughts. She glanced over at him, her usual stoic expression up, but he knew better then to put too much merit to it. He'd been living with her for so long, it was impossible not to know when she actually tuning him out. _

"_Nothing too important," Lightning said, avoiding his gaze._

"_Excited for Serah?" Hope said with a knowing smile. He bounced on the balls of his feet, smile widening._

How did he do that?_ "A little," she answered simply. Hope grinned, his eyes twinkling, and he grabbed her hand. Her heart skipped and he brow furrowed, but she allowed herself to be distracted by Hope._

"_No, you're really excited, I can tell. You're gonna be an aunt! Aunt Claire! It has a nice ring to it," Hope said, grinning. _

"_Don't say it like that." Lightning frowned, slipping her hand away so she could cross her arms again, "I don't want them to call me that."_

"_You really think Serah will let her kid call you Aunt Lightning? If anything, she'll _only _teach them Claire." Lightning scowled at that, knowing he was right. She'd have to talk to Serah about it later, find out exactly what her sister planned to have her child call her. _

_She wasn't really sure what happened next. One second, Hope was laughing, a look in his eyes that suggested he wanted to tell her something. Lebreau and Maqui weren't far from them, leaning on the railing near them that separated them all from Phoenix, watching Snow, Gadot, and Yuj fool around. The repair team was working diligently, drills roaring in the air. The bellows and grinds of machinery echoed around the brightly lit area, Phoenix was still shining, nothing was wrong. They stood on the platforms, watching as the team worked closely on the thin bridge that let them access Phoenix. Some patches of blue sky were shining in, giving the area a more open feeling._

_Then, in some brief feeling of self-awareness she knew something was coming. Hope seemed to sense it too, as his eyes widened a fraction before there was a great rumble. Before anyone could react, before she could shout and yell for them to get away, there was a great explosion._

_Lightning felt a great pain in her arms, a searing one, and was thrown to the floor. He head cracked the on the metal and for a moment, through her barely open eyes, her world spun in circles. She heard Hope's scream, almost shrill, and she reached blindly for him despite the pain, brushing his arms just as he slid away. Her eyes snapped open and she grabbed his arm but felt herself being pulled with him until her shoulder crashed painfully with what was left of the railing. Blinking away the stars she saw, she looked around and saw Lebreau and Maqui hanging over the rail, feet dangling with a seemingly endless bottom beneath them. Lebreau was hanging on for dear life by a shard of metal, Maqui clinging to her hand, but she could see them slipping steadily. Lebreau's hand bled on the jagged metal, her grip slipping with each drop that stained the torn platform. _

_Lightning looked down at her own charge, trying to force her arm to work. Her muscles screamed, almost as if they were snapping, but she dug her nails into his hands and tried to pull him up. Tried…tried…_

"_Light..." Hope gasped, clearly pained. His arm was at a strange angle, dangling at his side, and his face was covered in soot. His eyes were bright and wet, and he swallowed hard, "Light...everything...hurts...what-what happened?" Dazed too..._this looks bad.

_Lightning shook her head, trying and failing to force her arm to lift him up. Instead it shook with the effort of holding Hope, her nails digging and scratching his sliding hand. She tried to ignore the way her arm began to bend and slip against the rail. "Not now Hope...we have to get everyone safe." As if in response, the railing began to creak, and Lightning squeezed. _

"_Light...you're bleeding...and slipping!" Hope cried, wriggling in her grip. Lightning hissed, closing her eyes. _

"_Stop!" she snapped and he immediately stilled, looking down instead. She heard him whimper and tried to lift him again, but her muscles would not _listen_. _

"_Stupid. Fucking. Shoulder," Lightning ground out as she glanced at Lebreau and Maqui again. Snow was running at, his eyes bugged out as they slipped just a little more. There was pressure on her shoulder, sure and strong, and she thought she recognized Gadot's grip. But when she looked at the other two again, what she saw made her stomach drop. Lebreau cried out, screaming something unintelligible, and Maqui was shaking his head. The next moment, they were falling...falling..._

_Just falling...becoming specks…_

"_Light! Your arm!" Lightning gasped and looked at Hope, then her arm. It was bleeding profusely and parts of the railing were piercing her, digging into the flesh and making it immobile. She could feel herself slipping in Gadot's grip, and could hear the way Snow screamed out. The way he screamed her name..._

"_Light...you'll fall too," Hope whispered, eyes wide as if it was some great revelation. Maybe it was, but Lightning didn't have time for it._

"_Don't say that!" Gadot shouted from behind, "I'll figure this out," he called._

_It didn't even seem like Hope was listening, even as Gadot struggled with them and Lightning's grip was beginning to loosen. It was as if her whole body suddenly hated her. It didn't want to listen to her brain that was desperately shouting, "Save Hope, Save Hope, SAVE HOPE!" Her whole arm was trembling and she felt Hope slowly easing his own arm out, felt the skin flapping off his arm, "You'll die Light...you'll die...Let me go..." He started shaking his head, the barest hint of a smile on his face. He looked peaceful. Ready. _

_He was letting go. _

"_Like fucking hell I will!" she shouted back. Why were her eyes stinging? Why did Hope look so damn sad?_

_Why wouldn't her arm fucking move!_

"_I won't let you die..." he whispered_, _more to himself than her, "I can't...I won't...Lightning can't die..." His whole body was trembling, she could feel it. It was making her body tremble too... His eyes were shining with tears and a few of them escaped, leaving tracks on his cheeks. His face was filled with so much sadness...and so much...love...that Lightning gasped. His fingers continued to ease out of hers even as she fought to keep him there. Keep him with her. "I love you too much...to let you die..." Her throat closed up, her brain barely able to register his words, and before she knew what was happening, Hope was falling...falling...She could see the way his hair blew from the speed, the way his face shined with tears and sweat...the eyes that held that love...and the quiet acceptance of death. She stared as long as she could...as long as she was able...until she could no longer see him. She was screaming...screaming...Hope was dead...Hope was dead...and now she was dead too...her heart had stopped..._

_Hope was dead..._

_Hope was dead..._

_Hope was dead..._

_Over and over...over and over...he just kept falling...until there was nothing._

_No Hope._

"NO! HOPE! HOPE!" Her own screaming woke Lightning from her dream...from her memory. Tears lined her face as she sat up in her bed, shaking and screaming. She was aware of the shuffling in the next room and before she knew it, Serah was at her bedside, rubbing circles into her back, not needing to ask why. Snow walked in shortly afterward, carrying a two-and-a-half year old girl in his arms and staring at Lightning with an expression that screamed understanding. Lightning's arms continued to tremble and she reached for the scars that the railing had left her. It was a constant reminder of her own ineptitude, of her failure, and of her loss. Something that did not deserve to be forgiven. Something that she would live to endure with as some form of atonement for Hope...for she knew that it was all she could do for him now.

It would never be enough though...

For three years now, she had lived without Hope...or tried to at least. Three years and she still had nightmares. Three years and it still stung like that day. The day she had lost everything... Truly everything...

He would be nineteen and going to a university, telling her that she needed to lighten up, saying that he was glad he was with her... trying not to make his crush obvious. Telling her that they should visit Snow and Serah more often in the home they had been living in at the time. Begging her to let him have that sip of alcohol a few years too early.

He would be living...

But no…things never seemed to work that way.


	2. Contemplations

**Hey guys! A new chapter raring to go! I wish I could say that I have the time and energy to reply to your reviews, but I'm just so tired. These last few days have been hectic...but reading all your wonderful reviews made it easier! Seriously guys, thanks you for them, I wasn't expecting such a response. Thanks you so much for that, and I hope you'll continue to let me know what you think. I'll try my best to reply next time! But until then *wraps reviewers and readers into a giant hug of death*And I'm sorry the chapter was so sad! *hugs again***

**And to those interested, my Mom's surgery went great! She'll be able to walk in a few weeks, so it's all good. And it's quite an adventure, learning how evil rugs can truly be. Seriously, the past few days leading up to it, I've had maybe five hours of sleep. I'm running on empty...so I'm sorry again for not replying to the reviews. **

**Sorry for all my babble, so without further ado, the next chapter! **

**Edits done on August 13, 2010 Thanks again to Generalyao!. Edit again: December 15, 2010.**

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Lightning sighed and tilted her head up, letting the droplets from the shower-head wash down her body, wishing her thoughts would join the water as it spiraled down the drain. Steam had since fogged the glass that hid her body from view and she let her fingers trail across it, leaving tracks where her fingers had been. She let out a low growl and leaned her forehead against the glass, her breath fogging the glass even more, and tried not to think too much of her breakdown that morning. It was hard enough seeing the haunted look in Snow's eyes, but then she would see _his _face when she had one of her freak outs, or one of his own, it felt as if all the air would just rush out of her lungs. The guilt would start again, the cycle born anew, and the mourning would begin all over.

Lightning gritted her teeth, glaring at the shower wall, _Why...why damn it...why did you let me go!_

But she already knew why...knew the moment he had looked up at her and said those parting words.

"_I love you."_

His words still echoed in her ears...the way he said it. The desperation, the fear, and the absolute love. He was willing to sacrifice it all for her. His life and his future. Just for her. And he had even left her those so very precious words...left her to understand them. Every time she tried to wrap her head around the though of Hope _loving _her...she'd curse herself for ever considering his words. He was dead and gone because of her. Whatever else was there just didn't matter...no matter how warm, happy, or sad the feelings happened to be. It just didn't matter.

Because he wasn't there...

The water began to freeze, causing goose bumps to erupt on her skin and her teeth to chatter at the sudden drop in temperature. She turned the water off and stepped out, letting the water drip off her for a few moments before grabbing a towel set on the counter. She ran the baby blue cloth through her hair, watching the movements in the vanity mirror that sat above the counter, the mirror fogged with just a few visible patches on the glass. Feeling too tired really to finish and she left it slightly damp, quickly rubbing her body down before pulling on the clothes she had set aside on a small rail attached to the wall.

When she was finally done, she walked out into the kitchen to find the home she shared with Snow, Serah, and their young daughter Hazel, quiet. A note on the fridge drew her attention and she snapped it away from the magnet that held it down, reading Serah's quick and tidy note:

_Taking Hazel to the park. Snow was still tired, so he's in bed. After breakfast, would you run some errands for me? We're out of cheese, baby food, and- well, the rest is on the list on the counter. Thanks Claire! Take Snow if you want, you both need some fresh air! _

_-Love Serah+Hazel_

Lightning allowed a small smile to flit across her face as she put the note down, but it was gone as quickly as it came. She just wasn't in the mood for anything lately...especially _shopping._

Life was so strange without Hope. No Hope after she had gotten used to his presence. He had invaded her home, her life, after his father's death and she hadn't even realized it until he was gone. After seeing him with horrible bedhead or after he tried making her breakfast, things so small became monumentally important. And after he slipped between her fingers, it had left an empty space. Not just in her home, or in the home she shared with her sister, but everywhere. A hollow cold when she turned around, almost expecting to see his smile, only to be met with air.

Shaking her head, Lightning looked for Serah's list on the wood counter and began to peruse exactly what they needed as she prepared a cold bowl of cereal. She grabbed a box of cereal from the cupboards sitting just above the fridge, not even glancing at the box, and scanned the list for any needed items. As she pulled out a half-gallon of milk, the container nearly empty, she made a mental note to add milk to the list. Dumping the rest of the milk into her bowl, Lightning slowly munched on the somewhat soggy corn flakes, sitting stiffly at the table in the center of the tiled room. Eventually she had to put the spoon down, and began rubbing her forehead while closing her eyes.

The normalcy surrounding her was too much. It wasn't supposed to be normal. No Hope… No Maqui… No Lebreau.

It would never be normal...never again.

_Five whole days after the accident she sat in the starch hospital bed, her arm wrapped securely against her chest and face covered in scratches, as well as her arms. Bandages adorned her side as well, but the wounds were hidden by her white hospital gown. _

_She felt other pain though, in the deep of her gut and chest. The biting failure. The hollow, air stealing loss. The end of her life as she knew it. They were all good descriptions and none of them made her feel better. They did not lift the pain pressing against her heart the acid that ate away at her insides. The idea was still trying to sink in...the knowledge that Hope would not be walking in through the door, his brow furrowed and asking question after question. No Hope worrying about her when she came in late after a hard day. Telling her that she needed loosen up before ducking away to escape her wrath, like a swift smack against his head._

"Light, are you all right?"

"You hate hospitals, right?"

"Not yet, Light! Soldier or not, you're still beat up..."

_All of them were so possible from the pale, platinum blond boy. None of them would ever be heard, however, even though it felt as if his voice was carrying the words to her now. The memory of him echoed in her head, sneaked down the corners of her mind and floating just beyond her reach. His voice, his smile, his everything. Disappearing before she could grasp them, but still so clear as the thoughts played in her mind. Memories...were the only way to keep him alive anymore. _

"I love you."

"I love you too much...to let you die..."

_Hope!_

_She gritted her teeth and willed the tears away. She did not have the right to cry. Not after what happened. She needed to hold it in somehow, stop the pain from bursting out of her mouth in some feral cry of regret. But her eyes were so salty and wet...the corners were starting to leak. She couldn't do it, she couldn't do this!_

"_Sis?"_

_Lightning twitched slightly and looked over at the voice, steeling her blue eyes as best she could. She was a little annoyed that she had not heard the door open and humiliated that someone has seen her weakness. Snow walked in, eying her carefully, and with just a little too much concern for Lightning's comfort. He had a few scratches on his face, and his hands were bandaged tightly, the fingers stiff and hard to move, but other than that he seemed all right. Her mind flashed to the accident and Snow's desperate shouts filled her ears again, an echo of the past few days. After Hope fell, it was a haze...the pain in her arm far too blinding for her to have stayed conscious._

_But from what she heard, it hadn't been pretty. Lightning was not ready to deal with Snow on her own yet. All the times he had been to see her before, he had either been accompanied by a tearful and mournful Serah, or by Gadot and Yuj. Never alone. And alone meant he would want to talk. _

_She couldn't yet, she was sure she'd break down. She would not do that in front of Snow. She would not break. She would not break. She would not BREAK._

_Lightning looked away from Snow, even as he took several hesitant steps into the room. She could still feel his eyes boring into her, trying to read her even though her mask was up and firmly in place. Her mouth was nothing but a firm line and her eyes told him to stay away, yet he kept taking his steps. They both thought of how easy it would be if Hope was here to break the ice. And how it was no longer possible. _

_The bed dipped and Lightning resisted the urge to punch him right off of her bed. She did not want this. Not now. There was too much going on right now. But as much as she thought it, her hand would not move; she couldn't even form a fist. She did not tell him to stop when he opened his mouth, did not say she knew what he was doing, that he was going to try and comfort her or pour his heart out to her or some such nonsense. She could stop his guilt filled talk now though, no one would blame her. She was mourning too after all and was known to have a short temper to begin with. Their chat would easily end with a swift punch, a few harsh words, then he'd be gone._

_But she didn't do anything. _

"_I-I'm sorry Light..."_

_'Don't...' Broken. Broken. That was all his voice sounded like. When had Snow been broken though? Even...even when Serah had been a crystal, he had not sounded so lost. Now though, faced with the irrefutable fact of death-_

"_I know if I...if I had...done more..." She heard him sigh, felt the shifting of his arms._

_'No, don't say it...'_

"_Maybe they'd...they'd be here." His voice was thick and she could feel his eyes on her again. Pleading with her. Begging her to blame all of this on him or for to say something. Anything. _

_'It isn't true.'_

"_But I...just let them slip...right from my fingers. Lebreau...I told her I'd get them out. That it was nothing NORA couldn't handle. And she looked so happy...and Maqui...he...he was so sure I'd be able to get him outta there. I mean...I could tell, from the look on his face. But then...then they just slipped. And they looked-looked shocked..." Snow stopped, looking up at the ceiling, his voice thick and eyes watering more than he'd like to admit. "And then they were just gone. Just like that..."_

_'Stop...I can't hear this yet...' She closed her eyes as tight as she could, trying to block him out._

"_And then I saw Hope...I saw Hope go. Maker...Lightning, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Dammit!" Snow took a deep inhale, unable to keep the emotion out of his voice as he clenched his hands. He gave up trying, and was even tempted to let the tears free. He wasn't sure if Lightning would appreciate it. _

_Silence came between them, both of them lost and unable to find the right words, neither looking at the other. Snow was spiraling into his guilt, even welcoming it into him. It let him direct some of the emotion at something…something that was physical, and something that he could blame for his closest friends' and family members' deaths. Because they were his family, and they had died because of him. It was so painful...so fast and unpredictable that he had to blame something. Who better than himself?_

_He hated himself. And he took it in stride...letting it consume him._

_And Hope...that just wasn't right. He wasn't supposed to be gone._

"_Did Hope ever tell you...exactly how his mother died?" Snow finally asked. Lightning tensed, sensing what was coming next and dreading it all the same. She gathered all the details she knew, but realized that the boy hadn't gone in depth about it, especially after the business was technically settled. Her hands balled up the blankets that covered her, angry with herself for not asking. For not asking a lot of things..._

"_It...it was pretty bad actually," Snow continued despite Lightning's silence, "She had just saved my ass, but then the whole place started to go down. People were screaming and falling into that giant pit made during the Purge. And she had gotten hurt in the explosion, so I grabbed onto her. We were at the very edge of the bridge, metal was sticking out everywhere..." Snow's eyes clouded over, lost in the nightmarish memory, "I had her, but she started slipping. Slipping into that nothing with all the other people I decided to drag into the mess. And she looks at me...and says to take care of her son. To protect him and to take him home. And then she lets go...or I let go...or we both just slipped..."_

_Lightning's hand began to tremble as she fought off her own memories. Of all the screaming and Hope's face as they teetered over the edge. Of him letting go..._

"_Then, she was falling Light...just falling...falling..." Snow's voice was barely above a whisper, the pain creeping into his voice. "And what do I do?" he added bitterly, looking hatefully at his hands, "I let her son slip away too. I almost let _you _slip away Light. I-I don't know..." Snow balled his fists, his body shaking as he lost himself inside his own blame, guilt, and loss, "I don't know what to do...Light, I'm sorry! I'm sorry-"_

_Lightning had finally reached her limit and raised her hand, ready to punch him, to unleash the bitterness and anger in one beautiful, psychical catharsis. But the energy left her at the last minute, vanished when she saw his blue eyes alight with pain. Instead his head just snapped to the side, her palm throbbing from the slap; his cheek was a blaring red and a look of shock formed on his face. _

"_Don't you fucking say that to me! Like you could have done anything! Damn it Snow-" She hated how her voice shook, how something wet was on her cheeks, and how much it hurt... "-don't you think I've already thought about that? And about how it was my fault? About how they're-they're-damn it! You bastard!" She slapped him again, but it lacked any real malice or vigor. Her hand was trembling too...she was trembling. And damn it, she was crying in front of Snow! The very reason why she hadn't wanted to talk to him in the first place! _

_Suddenly she was being pulled into large, strong arms, and her head was nestled into a shoulder. She tried to push away, but once again, her arms refused to work. She really started to hate these traitorous appendages, wanting nothing more than to rip them off. Instead, she let them fall uselessly at her sides and let out a sigh, refusing to acknowledge the tears in her eyes. But then, she felt something warm and wet dribbling down her neck...and knew that Snow was crying too._

_He was mourning..._

_Even though her first instinct was to reject it, she could not bring herself to summon the energy she would need for such a task. And suddenly, before she knew it, a few tears had managed to escape her tightly shut eyelids._

_They sat like that for a while, neither saying a word. The stillness was almost tangible, the silence eerie yet comforting. Some amount of understanding fluttered above them, elusive and easily lost, but they could still feel it as it flitted above them. They said nothing..._

_For a time, they didn't need to. _

Lightning blinked, rubbing her eyes slightly from the stupor she had fallen in. How long had she been like that, just lost in a memory? She had been doing that a lot lately though...and sometimes hours would just float by, her mind drenched in memories both good and bad. New and old. Painful and bittersweet.

She glanced at the old wood clock resting beside the doorway and sighed, deciding that now was as good a time as any to get started on Serah's list, and lazily scooped the remains of her cereal into the trash while putting the bowl into the sink. She retrieved the list from the table, going up the stairs toward her room to pick up her wallet as well. Once it was secured in her...bag, she glanced at Snow and Serah's shared room, debating whether she should wake Snow and have him accompany her. A part of her said yes, and that it would be faster and easier that way. But another, larger part of her, reminded her of how haunted he was these days. Sure, he would still laugh and be his goofy self, but the memory was always there. Serah saw, she saw it, hell...Hazel saw it.

"_Why dada sad?"_

Or better...

"_Why all sad?"_

Hearing the girl say that still gave Lightning shivers, and Lightning always felt a twinge of regret for not being able to mask her pain better. That poor girl had to face a lot of grief from a past she knew nothing about. It was another thing that would have to change soon. Hazel couldn't be allowed to grow up like that...surrounded by ghosts of people she would not know.

Lightning shook her head again and watched the door for five whole minutes before entering the room and giving Snow one hell of an awakening. She threw the door open, which made a loud crack as it hit the wall before Lightning stopped it from swinging back with a quick acting hand. Snow jumped in an instant, panic flaring in his eyes, and Lightning had to hold back a smirk.

As he scrambled out of bed, desperately trying to cover himself, Lightning let her smirk grow. But as he made a dash for his dresser in the light blue room, she got a good view of his sleeping apparel and let out a snort. _Boxer-Briefs? Does he really wear boxer-briefs when he sleeps?_

"S-Sis? What the hell-" he nearly squeaked, pulling out some clothes as fast as he could.

"We're going shopping."

"N-Now?" His jaw dropped but Lightning did not smile or giggle or say anything to the contrary. If she had...well Snow would have been more worried actually.

"Yes, now. So get dressed unless you want to show all of Bodhum your choice of sleep attire." Snow's face reddened considerably at this, and he muttered a few dark curses under his breath. When Lightning caught a few of them, she gave him the look of death, inciting a whimper from the man.

"Fine, just let me change...crazy..." The last part was added just as she closed the door, and she called on all of her self-restraint from marching back in there and showing him what crazy was. Soon he re-emerged, sporting his usual long white coat and hat, and he gave her a cheeky smile. "So, just what are we searching for this fine morning?"

"Groceries."

Snow snickered, giving her a mock salute before rubbing the back of his head, "A matter of life and death, huh? Really sis, what's the big idea-"

"We need fresh air…both of us. Serah's words, not mine." Snow quieted down, a look of solemn understanding on his face. "Getting out together and doing...normal things is something normal people do. I guess." Snow snorted at this and Lightning offered another smirk in response, "Serah thinks it will help a little if we do it together. Probably wants us to bond and mourn together."

Snow looked at the note in her hand and snatched it from her, shaking his head and smiling. "All of that from this little message, huh?"

"Serah can be a little easy to read. Besides, she's been pushing it for a while now."

"Yeah, I guess...but it's scary...how she seems to know sometimes..."

Lightning gave a small nod before stuffing the note and list in a bag. She refused to call the thing a purse, and it technically wasn't, yet at the same time, it technically was. _A handbag...that was it. Just-Just a handbag. _Snow started to chuckle from behind her and her eyes swiveled toward him, narrowing as she sneered.

"Didn't think I'd see you with a purse, Light," Snow laughed.

"..."

"I mean, it's a little girly for you, but if it works..." Snow shrugged, sniggering at her.

"..."

"I can't wait to tell Serah you actually carried-"

"I'm not carrying it," Lightning said, bowing her head to hide her growing blush.

"What?"

"You are." And before Snow could protest, Lightning shoved the bag-purse-_container_ into Snow's hands, head still bowed. "It's your purse now," she added with a sinister smile that Snow could just barely see. Before he could try and give it back, she was out the door, her hair swishing as she turned away. Annoyed, Snow stared down at the thing that Serah had gotten Lightning last now oh-so-terrible Christmas, and was unable to hold back a grimace.

"It's pink...like, really pink" He shook his head and squinted his eyes, "No way Snow, it's in your hands now. It's now mauve. Mauve sounds manlier than pink. Damn...I'm trying to make pink sound manlier." Heaving a great sigh, he followed Lightning out, his...man-purse clutched in his hand.


	3. Attack

**Another Chapter, and Much sooner than I figured! I hope you all like it! Reviews:**

**White Illusion- neat, reviewing on a psp! And I still use a desktop computer! Lol. Thanks you for the review, and I'm glad the funny is working. Angst is good, but sometimes a lighter mood is better.**

**Broken Hope- Yes, I did kill them off too. Snow feels especially bad for their deaths, especially with NORA and all. **

**Puppy-Love- It is pretty sad isn't it? Hope is gone...so Lightning feels lost. But she trying to get better.**

**Wolfie- Indeed. Lightning is having a tough time with losing Hope, and it's hard for them to move on. Even when they try, it seems like they can't escape. I feel sort of bad, since...well...you know. **

**Hope's Light- Hope alive huh? Light would definitely freak out...**

**Naoto07- Snow isn't carrying a pink purse. It's mauve. Sounds manlier. Lol. **

**Thank you everyone who has been reading, and again sorry for not being able to reply to you guys the first chapter. But I think you'll all still enjoy it! Btw, I don't know if me replying to reviews will bother any of you, since not everyone has had me reply to them like I did in Bad Beginnings, so if you don't want me too, I won't. Just say the word! **

**And just to be safe, this is not a sequel to Bad Beginnings. But thank you for asking! :)**

**Let us be on with the next chapter, which I hope you will enjoy!**

**Edited: August 25, 2010**

"Tell me we're almost done Lightning...I really can't take the staring," Snow mumbled, trying not be bothered by the snickers that followed him as they passed a bunch of teenagers in the store. Lightning looked over at him, one eyebrow raised, and Snow immediately quieted down. He just could not win against her. Ever. It wasn't fair at all...

He shuffled his arms to better support the two bags he carried, looking hungrily down at the candy bar he had asked- no, taken! Taken! He did not have to ask Lightning if he could have a candy bar or not! He was beyond that. He was his own man...

She had even let him have the one with almonds!

_My manhood just keeps slipping away..._ Snow lamented as they finally exited the store. Lightning kept glancing back at him, her eyes practically sparkling as she zeroed in on the bag around his wrist. _Who knew the trek from the checkout line to the damn doors could take such a long time? _Snow shook his head and glanced at the sky, _I wonder if I can find a way to get my manhood back._

They walked the streets with ease, the sun shining high overhead and reflecting off some of the pieces of jagged crystal that had fallen from Cocoon. The pieces were imbedded in the ground, often near construction sites as crews worked on their removal, the skeletons of homes and building sitting behind the workers. The city had come a long way since the fall of Cocoon, but not everything was built up and ready for inhabitants. Many people of the city were reluctant to throw away even the fallen shards of the crystal, almost like they were still holding on to a piece of the old life, and would come to the construction zones in the hopes of collecting some small piece of the past. Buildings still stretched for miles though, trying to accommodate the larger than normal population for the city, and the crystal Cocoon rested at the center of the growing city, shining under the rays from the sun.

As Snow and Lightning walked through New Bodhum, or just Bodhum at times for Lightning, there was a definite sense of calm in the air. People were sitting with each other as the two passed homes, and children would run around, shouting tag at each other as adults watched in the distance.

The years that had passed had given way to a number of construction projects that made Gran Pulse more habitable, and it was now flourishing with life. Or was as flourishing as one could expect it to be. The streets were not as high tech as before and there were not tons of holograms littered with advertisements that followed them wherever they went. Rather, there were patches of grass that still stuck out of the unpaved streets in the city. Buildings closer to the border of New Bodhum would have the strangest and most colorful plants growing on the sides of the walls, bright pinks and deep night blues, and there were several small buildings that made the most of nearby bodies of water. They chugged it into New Bodhum, proving the citizens a much needed water supply. A strange blend of machine and nature had been born in the wake of an old life's descruction.

Technology had been salvaged from both Cocoon and Gran Pulse, leading to another strange merging of cultures. They rebuilt many of their old vehicles from old design sheets and these new scraps of machinery, leading to colorful and sometimes awkward looking designs. From buildings to parks, the people worked feverishly to rebuild the city, the buildings encroaching on the wildlife of Cocoon. Almost as if they were trying to stop Gran Pulse before the wildlife of the foreign land tried to claim them. Many people had already died after the fall of Cocoon, and the survivors were reluctant to lose more to the wildlife. There was talk of cities being built farther into the wilds of Gran Pulse, each with its own style that related to the technology found there, but they were few and far between.

However, as they went on their leisurely pace, Lightning seemed even quieter than usual. Maybe not. It was hard for Snow to tell, but he could still sense something was coming.

"Do you think Serah would mind if I ran 7th Heaven for a night? For something to do?" All the tension that Snow had built up was gone in an instant, and he gave Lightning a dumbfounded look. His inability to respond, and the slack look on his face, made Light shake her head in frustration and turn away. "Whatever, it's fine."

Finally recovering from his stupor, Snow shook his head and began walking towards her, "No-No, I don't see why she'd mind. It's just...why would you want to? You're not exactly a people person..." Snow looked away, snapping his mouth shut. _Maybe I shouldn't have said that?_

Lightning looked back at him and smirked, but it was empty and sad, not full of her usual, sarcastic flair. It made Snow cringe when he saw it and he shook his head, holding his hands up as he approached her. She shrugged, looking away from him.

"No...I don't like people all that much. But I need something to do...now that we're both on forced vacation time." Lightning rolled her eyes, still a little worn, but she trued to muster up her previous energy. Snow nodded earnestly, his brain finally clicking with what she meant. _She doesn't want to be idle...not right now...but I guess none of us do. The anniversary is coming up._

"I understand. Don't worry, I'll ask Serah about it, she won't mind." Snow gave her a cheeky grin, which Lightning hesitantly returned with a small smile. "Let's get going. I want to salvage what's left of my pride," he mumbled while holding out the small purse, sticking out his tongue.

"Didn't know you had any," Lightning smirked.

"Hey!"

Snow rolled his eyes and Lightning's smirk grew as she led them through the small crowd, Snow trying to balance the bags and keep up with Lightning's brisk pace. The closer they moved to their street though, the more Snow felt that something was wrong. A dark feeling, one that his his shoulders twitching and his back feel hot. He looked around him, trying to find whatever was making him uneasy, but all he saw were people. Some of them were smiling and talking with their friends or neighbors, while others looked out at Gran Pulse, in awe of the merge of nature and technology. Some children were playing, a small ball bouncing down the street, while others were crying, their mothers and siblings consoling them. It was peaceful.

_So, why does it feel so wrong?_

"You feel it too?" Lightning asked, glancing back at Snow. Her face was dark, her eyes narrowed and she surveyed behind him. He nodded slowly, still looking around, a feeling of desperation coming over him. Something just wasn't _right. _

"Come on, we're doubling back," Lightning snapped, taking off before Snow could react, forcing him to follow her. He growled and took several large strides, silently thanking his long legs as he started to catch up to her back. _Stupid groceries, _he thoughts as the bags thudded against his legs and swung wildly at his side.

"Light, come on...I mean...maybe we're imagining it," Snow tried, waving his hands, "It looks fine. We're just being paranoid or something.

She stopped and looked around at him, while raising an eyebrow and placing a hand on her hips. He rolled his eyes and blew out a heavy sigh, "Whatever. Just...don't make it sound like a mission. Kind of ruins the point of the whole vacation thing."

"Vacation time goes out the window when you have suspicious activity in the immediate-"

"Calm down Lightning," Snow interrupted, "We don't even know-"

An explosion cut Snow off before he could finish his sentence, the earth rumbling beneath their feet as a large boom shook the area. Snow swore as he dropped the bags, milk and eggs spilling to the ground, and they both whipped their heads toward the noise. Screams rang through the air and people began to push away from the explosion, crowding the small street even more. People began to poke their heads out of their homes, looking toward the business structures where the noise had come from, and bodies threw themselves against each other as they fought to get away from the unknown attack. People crashed to the ground only to scramble up moment later, bruised and battered as people stepped on them in their fevered rush to safety.

Lightning looked up and saw one of the taller buildings shrouded in dust, debris falling off in chunks as fires roared around it. Yet for all the screaming, Lightning could easily see that it was a superficial explosion. There was no real damage to the other buildings and debris was falling in smaller chunks than it would a larger explosion. _A diversion maybe...but why? It doesn't make sense. _Lightning clenched her hands and shot toward the buildings, easily slipping through bodies in her rush to get to the explosion.

"Damn...what should we-Lightning!" Snow called, running after her quickly disappearing figure. Snow swore and took off after her, bumping into people and knocking several back. He growled and started to grab and set the bodies aside, trying to keep sight of Lightning's back as he fought to go forward.

Lightning slowed as she reached the building and glanced towards the ground, easily spotting the large chunk of building that now laid splayed and crumbled along the street. A gaping hole stood at the top of the building where it had been hit, but the building didn't seem to be in danger of falling. _At least not yet. But how long will it last? _

People were still running, many right out of the building, but she brought her hand out as one individual ran past her, snatching his shirt. The blond man struggled futilely in her grip, eyes wide and panicking, and a slew of curses flew out of his mouth. Lightning tightened her grip on his collar and thrust the man toward her, looking menacing as she gave him one of her death glares, "Are there any people up there? Where did that explosion take place and is there anyone still in danger?" she demanded, shaking him slightly when he didn't answer right away.

"N-No! No, you crazy- it was just the supply room! No one's hurt but that doesn't mean it will stay that way! Let me go! Let me go!" Lightning readily complied, dropping the guy where he was and letting him fall into a heap on the ground. Snow caught up just as the man managed to pull himself up and scramble away, screaming more rude phrases as he ran for his life.

"See? You're...helping out," Snow said, grinning at her, "You have such a way with people sis."

Lightning ignored the comment and scanned the building, looking for signs of the culprit. Snow made to move, but she held out an arm to stop him and shook her head. "No one's inside, at least not anyone innocent."

"That's good." Snow sighed in relief, leaning out of her touch, "But who did it?"

"That's what we'll-wait. Look!" Lightning pointed to the very top of the building where several hulking figures stood. They seemed small from such a height, but Lightning knew that it was just a trick of their perspective. She continued to glare up, trying to identify what they were, but a strange glare of light blocked her vision. She briefly held up a hand to stop the glare, but noticed that it was coming from the two figures above, where the sunlight was hitting them.

_But why would they reflect light...like a crystal? Unless...C'ieth!_

"They're C'ieth, Snow..." Lightning mumbled, wishing she had her gun-blade with her. _Of all the days to leave it at home. _

"What?"

"You heard me," she said before pulling out a communicator, "We need to get the Corps. here."

"But we can handle them Sis."

Lightning glared at him, not in the mood for his arguments, "No Snow, we can't. We aren't armed, we're surrounded by panicking civilians, and there are several unconfirmed C'ieth at the top of that building. We are not equipped to handle this," she snapped, stepping toward him.

"I'm not running!" he cried indignantly, brow furrowed in agitation.

"I never said we were Snow." She held up a hand as he made to argue and sent a distress signal to the Guardian Corps. before turning back to him, "But for now, we'll have to settle for getting these people to safety."

"All right," he said, looking determined, "Then, let's save them!" More explosions sounded off, their ears popping as the ground shook anew. Snow and Lightning started running toward the civilians, Lightning biting her lip as she tried to think of the nearest safe zone. People began to tear off in random directions, screaming and knocking one another down in their haste. Shouts and screams ripped through the air, people shoved into one another, and all was chaos with the new explosions. Some were fighting with other people, pushing them to the ground and into the danger of being trampled. Others were holding onto children, trying to lead them through the crowd as they were pressed and pulled, threatening separation.

"I don't get it!" Snow cried, "How could they have gotten through the defense perimeter?"

"Good question," Lightning mumbled before she jumped onto a ledge in an effort to look over the masses of people. She cleared her throat as best as she could, then screamed at the top of her lungs, her throat ripping at as she fought to keep her shrill note. The sound was somewhat deafened by the crowd, but she kept at it, and took in several deep breaths when she would have to start again. Her throat throbbed painfully, unused to the abuse, and she could feel her voice going; but finally, the people were beginning to pay attention. As her last scream died out, she reached for her throat and rubbed it carefully, knowing it would hurt for a while.

"Citizens," she began, her voice hoarse and croaky, "please remain calm. The Guardian Corps. main attack and defense forces are on their way now. Until then, please follow the path towards the southern sector. The next path directly right will contain several shelters to use during this emergency. There are several emergency Corps. medical personnel located there as well. Please proceed in an orderly fashion." As her voice died, the people began to move, much to her relief. She jumped from her place and was joined by Snow, who smiled at her.

"Didn't know you could wail like that sis," he joked, but the seriousness of the situation was still in his eyes, "Good call though. At least there's no more running. They were going to hurt themselves."

"Do you know where the other explosions came from?" Lightning asked as they followed the crowd by the side, ready to intervene in case of an incident. She rubbed her throat again, swallowing at the dryness.

"No, it sounded farther away though," Snow said, looking around.

"I thought so too. It sounded like it came from the west side of the building from before."

"You could tell all that just from the sound?" Snow asked, eyebrows raised.

"But why...what's going on?" Lightning said as if he hadn't spoken. Several ships zoomed overhead, the engines roaring over the crowds as they signaled the arrival of the Guardian Corps. Lightning felt a knot unravel in her chest as the ships flew through the skies, several of them heading towards the believed C'ieth at the top of the first building. Several Corps. soldiers joined the crowds as well, and began to surround the crowds along the sides while maintaining the shaky order Lightning had brought.

"Should we go back now?" Snow asked as they stepped away. Lightning gave no answer but continued walking towards the buildings, which Snow took as a "yes". They followed several soldiers also heading in the same direction. Lightning's eyes swiveled from side to side as she watched for anything suspicious. Suddenly, something white hit her eyes and she did a double take, and she stopped in her tracks.

"Light?" Snow asked, catching himself before he ran too far ahead. He watched Lightning stop and look back, and he followed her line of vision. Someone was laying on the grass, and in surprise, Snow immediately rushed towards her, ignoring Lightning's shouts.

He knelt beside the body and gently lifted the prone girl, turning her towards the sky. Lightning joined him, standing over and inspecting the body. Snow felt for her pulse and nodded at Lightning to tell her that the girl was alive, before checking for any more injuries. She had long white hair that was tied neatly in a long braid, her complexion was pale, but suspiciously clean. In fact, she did not have a scratch on her…

Her clothes were strange too, white fur draped around her shoulders like a shawl and underneath it was a red top. A similar white fur skirt was worn, with fur boots, and red shorts were just under the somewhat bulky skirt, made more obvious by her rather small frame. Strangely, her clothes were also pristine. There was no sign of injuries or indication that this girl had fallen in the dirt: no mud, no scratches, nothing.

Before Lightning could voice these vital facts to Snow, the girl gave a low moan and slowly opened her eyes with Snow gently urging her on. Her eyes, a bright red color, blinked open at them. They widened as they landed on Snow and Lightning, the girl obviously coming too, and she shoved her way out of Snow's hands, moving swiftly away from them.

"Whoa, it's okay...we're not gonna hurt you. Can you tell us what happened?" Snow said soothingly as the girl pushed herself off the ground. She stared at him, than her eyes moved to Lightning, the girl's face expressionless. Lightning glared at her, but Snow only looked concerned. "Are you all right?"

The girl continued to stare, but after several long moments, she took a few steps toward them. Lightning pulled Snow off the ground, grunting slightly under his weight, as the girl now stood in front of them.

"Who are you?" Lightning demanded from the girl, never taking her eyes off her.

The girl considered her question, and then said slowly, as if still contemplating her answer, "I am Saorise."

"Were you hurt?" Snow asked before Lightning could say anything more. The girl shook her head, still looking at them unblinkingly. Another explosion sounded in the distance, prompting Snow to reach his hand out to her. "We should get out of here. It's not safe."

A small smile curved her lips this time and Lightning pulled Snow's hand away, her glare only intensifying. Saorise's eyes went to Lightning's eyes, then back to Snow's. "You're both missing some very dear people aren't you...especially _you_." Her eyes went to Lightning and the girl leaned in, her knowing smile still in place, "Dum vita est spes est(1)," she whispered.

"What?" There was a large gust of wind and another explosion. Lightning's eyes closed involuntarily, and she felt several arms grab her and pull her close. There was an intense heat, several little pinpricks of pain, and then they were moving. Her eyes no longer stinging, she opened them to see Snow as he carried her away.

"You all right Sis?" he asked once he saw she was awake. She pushed herself out of his arms, making him slow down, and nodded at him.

"The girl?" she asked, looking around.

"I don't know where she went. First, she said that...well, I don't know what she said. Then, there was the explosion...it was right on top of us. You almost got hit by the blast. I had to move you away and-"

She nodded before he worked himself up anymore, then laid a hand on his slightly burnt shoulder, part of the coat no longer there. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah!" he said, grinning, "I'm fine, don't worry about me. It was worth keeping you from getting hit." Lightning glanced down at herself and noticed that yes, aside from a small bruise on her arm, she was fine. She squashed down the smallest bit of annoyance she felt at being rescued, then gave Snow a thankful look. He smiled at her, but it was soon scrunched up in confusion, "But what do we do?" Snow asked.

"Get out of here. We need to join up with the Corp..." A small sound made Lightning trail off and she looked around for the noise. Snow watched as well, looking between the buildings, and he barely held in a gasp as several C'ieth began to lumber their way out from between the buildings. Lightning stepped back, reaching instinctively for her gun-blade, only to quickly take it back as she remembered it was not there.

"Not good." She looked around and nodded at Snow, both of them deciding that retreat was their best and only option. They slowly backed away, never taking their eyes off the C'ieth, but a sudden presence felt behind them made them stop. A quick glance out of the corner of Lightning's eyes told her that C'ieth surrounded them. They were grossly outnumbered - with at least seven C'ieth surrounding them - and heavily under armed.

"What do we do?"

"Hold out until back-up arrives," Lightning said, dodging as one of the C'ieth sent a hulking arm down on her. She landed away, but immediately had to roll in order to escape another strike. Snow, not as lucky, was knocked away by one of the C'ieth. He barely had time to move his head as it aimed for him, but impaling the ground instead. Snow kicked himself away, wiping away a trickle of blood that went down the side of his head where he had been grazed. He looked over at Lightning, rolling his eyes.

"You make it sound hard."

"Hmph."

Snow grinned and punched away an arm and at the same time, Lightning jumped above and landed on one of the C'ieth. She watched as it struggled to buck her off, and she had to duck her head as it aimed several swings at her head, but Snow took the opportunity to sucker punch the beast. Lightning jumped off as the beast began to wobble, landing just as the C'ieth thudded painfully on the ground. However, she quickly had to dodge another shot. One of the many oncoming hits managed to connect painfully on her side, though, and she grunted as she was swept across the ground. She heard Snow roar and knock the C'ieth away, before he dragged her away from it.

"Sis, you okay?"

"Just give me a sec," she said, shaking her head but she quickly pulled both herself and Snow back to the ground, just as an arm swung above them. "Not good...at all."

"I hadn't noticed that Light. Thanks though."

They dodged several more strikes, but Lightning could feel her legs begin to wobble dangerously as the battle dragged on. There wasn't a guarantee that back-up would arrive, and the battle was dragging on for far too long. Lightning was knocked away again, and Snow joined her not long afterward. The C'ieth raised its arm, and Lightning moved to push Snow away, but there was suddenly a loud shot from the distance that shocked them both. The next thing they knew, the C'ieth's arm had landed on the ground.

"Wha-" Two figures jumped down, two small hover vehicles soon landing gently beside them. They wore black cloaks, machine guns at the ready, and shot at the C'ieth as they continued to approach. Lightning pushed herself off the ground, pulling Snow up as she went, and watched as the figures beat the C'ieth back. They were rather stiff in their fighting, and when the wind picked up the would double over and press their elbows into their sides, almost ducking.

A warm sensation seeped in her body and Lightning felt strangely light, but she paid it no mind as she watched their rescuers fight on, still studying their odd behavior. The two strangers slowly lowered their weapons as the threat passed, the C'ieth falling dead on the ground, and the figures turned to each other and gave a quick nod. They started to sprint toward their rides but Lightning grabbed the smaller one by the shoulders and turned them to face her.

"Not that we aren't grateful, but who are you? You're not Guardian Corp, or PSI-COM. So who do you work for? Were you part of the explosions? Why did you rescue us?"

"Geez Light, you sure know how to show appreciation," Snow said, cocking his head to the side. The figure in Light's grip twitched at this, but the other turned and shook their head. Lightning only grew more suspicious at the odd behavior.

"Well?"

"I'm sorry..." The person said, but Lightning could tell that they were throwing their voices, "but we cannot discuss that at the moment." Before they could continue, however, several flying C'ieth flew towards them. The figures gave a shout and ducked their heads, pulling Snow and Lightning down with them. Lightning took the opportunity to pull down their hoods as they slammed into the ground. There was a jolt and ringing in her ears as the sound of a launcher ripped through the air, but she was too stunned to give it much notice. As the C'ieth were shot down by the launcher, another figure landed beside them and ran up to them hurriedly. Lightning and Snow, though, managed to get a good look of what was under the hoods of the other two individuals.

Lebreau stared at Lightning with wide eyes, her dark hair blowing slightly in the wind, and a bunch of her cloak still in Lightning's hand. Lebreau tried to pull away, grimacing slightly at Lightning's grip, but that was nothing compared to the whimper they got from Maqui. He was still wearing his bright pink goggles, although they were severely cracked now, and another pair of brown ones were just above them. He had a look of utter shock on his face, shaking his head slightly, but it was nothing compared to the look on Snow's face. His whole face had gone white, his mouth was parted slightly, and something wet was just in his eyes. Lightning guessed she looked similar...

"What the-guys are you...oh no." The figure stopped just a foot away from them, and Lightning slowly looked towards him. Her body moved mechanically, slow and numb, and her was mind jammed, making it impossible to think. She closed the gap between herself and the last hooded figure, whose launcher now laid forgotten and smoking on the ground. The figure trembled slightly, but Lightning continued, nothing really registering in her mind. She slowly reached for the hood, and just as slowly pulled it down, even as the figure flinched at her touch.

A _poof_ sounded as the hood was lowered, a full head of platinum blond locks quickly freeing themselves. The face was still a little pale and boyish. The innocence that she had always saw on him was still, miraculously, present. His green eyes stared at her with fear, although she noticed that they were a little wet as well. She could also see his age: his jaw was stronger, his face was now a little thinner, and a lot of the baby fat was now gone. He looked older…more mature, and was admittedly, taller than her, if only by a little. But it was still him...

It was still Hope.

* * *

1. Latin, loosely meaning, "Where life is, Hope is." I can no longer remember the exact translation, but this sums it up.


	4. De Novo

**Reviews! **

**Crystal- No problem, I hope you like the chapter!**

**Puppy-Love- That is a part of the mystery, but I think some of the thing will make sense. Or let you formulate theories! :) **

**Broken Hope- Yes, Saorise is a pretty strange figure. Why _was _she there just as they showed up? And oh yeah, she'll want answers. And she can be pretty scary.**

**Wolfie- Yup! I just had to give a shout out to one of my favorite games! :) I wish I could bring them back...who knows. But I'm glad I surprised you!**

**Hope's Light- Yup! I just can't seem to kill Hope. I do it, but then I think of how awesome he is (My fav. Character).**

**Naoto07- Yup! I liked writing the reunion. It made me warm on the inside. **

**So hello all! This update came a little later than I wanted, but I had a bit of a crisis. Luckily for you, and kind of for me, I managed to make it a disaster rather than a catastrophic disaster. I lost half of my documents and other things due to hardware malfunction, making my computer trap itself in a restart loop. However, I was able to get safe mode once, and save recent documents to a flash drive, saving this and many other stories. Yay! No disaster that would have killed this story. With that close call in mind, please enjoy this chapter. Because I feel like I've accomplished something in getting it up! Although it's not as long as I want (but chapter 5 is pretty long, so adding these two would be a little much) *sighs in relief* Thank you and enjoy!**

**Edit: September 27, 2010**

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Hope stared at Lightning and Lightning stared back at him, both of their eyes wide and searching. Lightning's hands trembled as she let go of the hood, but her hands remained on the cloak, traveling down to his chest and pulling on the fabric. Hope's shoulders began to shake, making it hard for Lightning to tell how bad her own hands were quaking. Hope's mouth was slightly parted and quivering, but no sound would come out. The others watched them, Maqui and Lebreau staring with wary and scared eyes, while Snow still looked like he had been struck with a club.

The air stopped between all of them, as if none of them were breathing, and Lightning believed that her heart had stopped. Or that a C'ieth had killed her. Or that the weight of the world had finally crushed her and she was hallucinating Hope here because she just missed him that much. Because Hope couldn't be here, standing in front of her, looking so scared and uncertain. No...Hope was dead. He was supposed to be dead.

_Am I hallucinating?_

The moment stretched on yet seemed far too short at the same time. Hope was alive. She could feel his heart beating rapidly underneath her fingers, all the proof she really needed. She could feel it pounding in his chest as she ran her fingers across it, never taking her eyes off his face. As if doing so would break everything...that he would disappear in a puff of smoke and she would be left alone again with her failure and grief.

A piercing shriek shattered the moment like glass.

Lightning jumped, while Hope finally looked away from her and into the distance. His eyes widened and he turned to Lebreau and Maqui, giving the slightest of nods. "Light-Light-" _His voice...his voice!_ It had changed more...but she could still hear some of the younger him in it. It was deeper...but she could tell it was his. "We have to go. The C'ieth are coming! We'll explain later." Still not yet out of her own stupor, Lightning allowed herself to be dragged to Hope's vehicle, watching as Snow was similarly brought to Maqui's vehicle. They started up the engines and soon they were hovering in the air, a soft humming consuming the area.

"We need to get out of here," Hope stated and looked towards Lebreau, "We'll need to take them _there_ for now, at least until it's safe. And then we'll-we'll talk..." Hope looked considerably paler at this, shifting in discomfort on the small rusted cycle. Lightning finally snapped out of her stupor, and although her mind was still reeling and nothing had quite hit home yet, she still managed to be menacing.

"Damn right, we're talking later," she growled, glaring at his back. Hope shivered slightly at her tone and looked straight ahead, unable to meet her eyes. Snow finally shook his head as well, and looked down at Maqui.

"How the hell are you even-why didn't you-just wait! Wait until-"

"Until we can talk, right?" Maqui finished, attempting to smile. A C'ieth flew by, grazing his cycle and nearly making him lose his seat on the ride. Maqui jumped, moving ahead to avoid being brushed by the C'ieth again. The others followed suit and Lightning wrapped her arms around Hope's middle as they sped ahead to avoid the C'ieth that now pursued them. She pressed against him, pressing her ears against his back to feel the thrum of his heart. She wanted to hear it...wanted to make sure it was there. Whatever questions, anger, or frustration she had could wait until they were safe, but she had to hear his heartbeat. She felt him jump slightly at her touch, but then he began to relax again. His heart was still beating so fast, she was a little surprised that it had not flown out of his chest yet. But maybe, she was still too stunned to really take it all in.

A gasp from Hope brought her back to her senses and she glanced down as several C'ieth flew right below them. They started to dive as well, and Lightning glanced at Hope, eyes searching his. He offered her no answer, instead choosing to look at Lebreau and Maqui, who both tilted their heads in confusion before following Hope's lead.

"What are you doing Hope?" Lightning asked. She almost smiled as she said it. Smiled, because she could say his name and have him respond.

"I know the Corps. will be able to handle the C'ieth, but the last thing we need is to have them panicking the whole city. So we're gonna lead them away," Hope said, dodging a C'ieth as it swooped down on them. Hope cursed, but Lebreau was already on it. She grabbed her machine gun and aimed at the C'ieth, blasting it away.

"And just how are we going to lead them away?" Lebreau shot at Hope as they swerved again. Lebreau grabbed onto her handles, the gun falling into her lap, "It's not like we're a C'ieth magnet. They're not _all_ gonna follow." Lightning noticed Hope flinch at this, then one hand left the wheel to scratch the back of his head nervously.

"Well...actually...they should all follow us. I mean-"

"Hope..." Maqui said in a dangerous tone, his eyebrows disappearing into his hair.

"I know he said we shouldn't...but I thought...just in case."

Maqui was glaring at him now, and Snow had to hold back a laugh at his fiery friend. It must have concerned a machine. "That was just a prototype and I still have a few kinks to work out! What made you think that would be a good idea?" _Bingo! _Snow thought, this time smirking.

"I-I know Maqui...and I'm sorry. But you'll be happy to know it's working," Hope offered, pointing towards the massive amount of C'ieth below. They stampeded and flew below them, a giant mass of strange crystal. The cycle wobbled slightly and Lightning, scowling, forced his hand back.

"Pay attention! And what are you talking about?" she asked, aware that the surroundings were quickly transforming from the many buildings of New Bodhum into mostly smaller streets. Soon they reached the outer limits that would lead to the wilds of Gran Pulse. Hope shook his cloak away from his wrist, a small mechanical bracelet wrapped tightly around his arm. It was made of various bits of scrap metal, some of it discolored or rusted, and a small bulb was placed on the right side. The skin was red from where the bracelet had touched and Lightning had a feeling that it was worse under the skin. The little bracelet had a small arch in it that was blinking red, and Lightning watched as Maqui's eyes widened, his own cycle falling before he quickly righted himself.

"It may be working but look at what it's doing to you!" he shouted, glaring at the offending piece of equipment, "There's a reason that it's still a prototype, Hope." Maqui was cut off as another flying C'ieth tried to take off his head before swooping back down into a smaller pack of the grotesque, birdlike creatures. They had to dodge several attacks from oncoming C'ieth, Lebreau hissing slightly when her arm was scratched by another of the beasts, "And all these C'ieth following _us_ isn't exactly a good thing either!" he cried, shaking his head.

"We just need to get them far enough from the city… then, we can take care of them..." The way Hope said it, it sounded far too dangerous for him to be trying. The way Lebreau's eyes widened was all the confirmation Lightning needed for her thoughts. _Oh no you don't, _she thought, _I am not losing you again._

"Hope, that's too much, too soon, and you know it! Something like that-" Lebreau started.

"Will take care of all the C'ieth in the area and secure New Bodhum! We cannot have all of these C'ieth around. Especially when we don't know what she's planning to do with them." All these "he's" and "she's" were starting to bother Lightning. Just how many people were involved in this? Why was there even C'ieth in the area? The Corps. usually had to worry about some Gran Pulse creature, not wayward C'ieth of the past. There were so many questions piling up and it took all of Lightning's willpower not to demand answers.

Lebreau backed down at Hope's words and gave a hesitant nod, her face lined with worry. Lightning caught Snow's eyes and saw her own concern mirrored in his face, but he tried to give her a reassuring nod. Worrying about it...would not do any good. Not now at least, when it seemed that Hope was going to do...whatever it was...no matter what.

They finally pulled away from New Bodhum, a stretch of Gran Pulse running beneath them now, and Lightning let her eyes widen at the sheer number of C'ieth that followed their wake. Maqui looked at Hope, asking him with his eyes if he was sure. When Hope only gave a nod and a smile, both Maqui and Lebreau reluctantly pulled their cycle to the other side of Hope. Lightning now had a clear view of the C'ieth below and wondered just what Hope was about to do.

"Hang on Light..." Hope mumbled, looking at her. His green eyes were clouded with something...something like fear, but they cleared up once he noticed she was looking at him. "It'll be over in a second." He turned away from her again, taking his right hand off the steering wheel, and aimed it at the C'ieth below. Lightning felt the air shift and instinctively tightened her hands around Hope. She could almost feel the tingle of energies coming off him, and before she knew it, a burst of white energy shot from his hand. The recoil knocked their cycle away, nearly crashing Hope and Lightning into the others, and the ball of energy shot down towards the ground at a blinding speed. The impact was frightening but eerily silent except for the sound of breaking earth. Lightning could see parts of the ground just break away and disappear into nothing. The white energy had expanded on impact, pulling in everything it could reach into a blinding sphere, C'ieth disappearing as they tried to escape the growing sphere. She squinted her eyes, trying to keep her focus on the blast.

The energy was quick to clear, but nothing was left except a giant crater, like a giant scar on Gran Pulse's surface. C'ieth that had been there were most certainly gone, not even trace remains of their bodies were etched into the ground. The flying C'ieth that had been caught in the blast were nowhere to be seen either, and the stillness and silence that followed was more than haunting. "What _was_ that Hope?" she questioned but Hope gave no response. Instead, he clutched the arm that had released the blast and slumped over. "Hope!" Lightning grabbed him before he could fall over, thankful when Maqui and Lebreau joined her on either side, helping her to keep the cycle steady. "Hope?" she tried but his eyes only rested on her briefly, clearly unfocused, before they slid shut. An unnatural fear for him gripped her heart and she started to shake him, anything to get him to open his eyes again. _I will not lose him again, not after just finding him. I will not lose him. I will not lose him!_

"Lightning stop! He just passed out, he'll be okay!" Lebreau called, grabbing Lightning's hands and yanking her away. Lightning wanted to hit her for it. How dare Lebreau try and take her away from Hope. She had just found him, she would not let him go! Lightning glanced at Snow as the other two assessed Hope's condition. He looked paler than usual, a look of fear on his own face, but he reached over to place a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"He'll be okay Light..." She gave him a brief nod and looked back over, hands clenching as Lebreau pulled him off the cycle and draped him over her own vehicle. Lightning took control as Maqui took his own hands away and she watched with stony eyes as Lebreau secured Hope to her. Noticing the woman's death gaze but not wishing to incite her wrath anymore, Lebreau pulled up closer and pulled Hope's cloak down so his neck was more exposed.

"Feel for yourself. He's fine." Lightning made no comment but moved her fingers along Hope's warm neck, searching for his pulse and pressing her fingers against it. The steady _beat...beat...beat_ told her that he was indeed all right, and she allowed her previous anger and frustration to melt away for now.

"So what was that?" Snow managed to ask once the tension was gone. They began to move again, lowering themselves closer to the ground now that the threat had passed. Maqui was leading the group by a small distance, taking them to some sort of rest area. At least, that's what Lightning assumed he was doing. Lebreau drove close to her, very aware of Lightning's need to be near Hope and did not comment as Lightning outstretched her own hand and brushed through Hope's locks before reconnecting her hand with the steering wheel and focusing on the road ahead.

"That, Snow, was some magic," Lebreau replied cheekily. The dark haired woman had missed messing with her former leader, and seeing him now, after so long, had her more than a little excited. Yet at the same time, and she had no doubt that it was happening with the others as well, there was a trace of fear at the explanation they would have to soon give. Where would they even begin? Technically, even she didn't know the whole story.

"-gured out that much." Snow's response brought her back to her senses and she grinned again, noticing the way his eyes lit up. A twinge of guilt gnawed at her, but she pushed it back, intent on explaining later, regardless of whatever holes there were in her story.

"Does that mean you're l'Cie?" Lightning asked before Lebreau could answer. The dark-haired girl's shoulders dropped and Maqui seemed a tad solemn as well, giving Lightning the only answer she needed.

"You could say that..." Lightning raised an eyebrow, unsure of what it meant, but chalked it up as something that would be discussed later. Maqui took a sharp turn left and then down, and for a moment, Lightning thought he had crashed the cycle into the ground. However, as she and Lebreau swerved to follow, she noticed that they were heading down an underground tunnel instead. The outside light was swallowed in an instant, and small specks of dirt would hit them every now and again. Snow blew out a sigh of amazement as he watched the ground become their ceiling as they headed down the tunnels. The cycles were moving too fast to make out much of the shapes in the earth that was above them, about every now and again Snow thought he saw something smooth. Metal wove in seamlessly as they continued down the tunnels, made from various scraps of metal as well. Regardless, the structure that seemed to form the tunnels looked stable, beams and sheets holding patching the tunnels.

_Tunnels...underground...and it looks like there will be more. Just where does this place go? _Lightning's thoughts were answered when they reached the end of the long stretching tunnel. She followed Maqui's lead as his cycle slowed down, and as they emerged from the tunnels, a large hangar was brought before her eyes. It was dimly lit, made of the same metals Snow and Lightning had seen in the tunnels. Chatter could be heard as well as drills and the occasional bang. Sparks would fly as workers managed vehicles and ships, all made of scrap or stolen, judging from insignias on the sides or the ships craftsmanship.

They landed swiftly, and Lightning was quick to shut the cycle down and step off the ride, staring around at the room. Snow joined her, looking at the numerous cycles that littered the area. Several looked well kept and professional, while others were obviously assembled from various other machines, colors clashing with colors with parts that looked too small or too big. A few people, situated close to one of the doors, who were diligently working on several of the cycles, looked up at the group upon their arrival.

"There you are!" one person called, holding up a wrench in mock salute, "Was it true? Were there really C'ieth?"

"Not now guys! We've got something else to take care of!" Maqui called back, grinning slightly. The workers looked confused and glanced at the newcomers, mouths opening slightly, but Lightning shot them a glare that had them back at their work within a second. Maqui looked back at the others, smile falling slightly as Snow and Lightning gave him a hard expression. "Sorry guys..."

"Where are we?" Lightning asked, ignoring his comment and fighting the urge to help Hope as Lebreau began to move Hope off the cycle. A groan from the silver haired man had Lightning's eyes on him in a second. Hope pushed Lebreau's hands away, placing a hand on the cycle to steady himself before looking back at the others. He was slightly paler, but was able to manage a weak grin.

"Sorry about that," he trailed off, looking around the hangar before locking eyes with Lightning and Snow, "Anyway, this place is called De Novo."

"De Novo?" Snow asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It means Anew," Hope answered, slowly taking a few test steps forward. Once he was certain he was not about to fall over, he straightened himself up. "But I'm sure the last thing you guys want to hear about is the meaning of the name of this place. Dead languages and all that..." Hope trailed off.

"You're right." Lightning crossed her arms and looked at the three of them, sending shots of fear down their spines. They huddled closer together, although the motion was practically undetectable. "You three will be doing a lot of explaining, and very, very soon."

Silence followed her words, and while Snow normally would have spoken up to save them, the look he was giving them told them that it was not happening this time. Neither Maqui, Lebreau, or Hope wanted to speak, but one of them had to make the first move. Hope felt a strange pressure on his back, and before he recognized what was happening, the fingers had already pushed him towards the front of the group. It was not much, but it was enough to single him out as the sacrifi- the leader.

"Good, then you can begin," Lightning stated. The whole hangar was in silence...not even the sounds of working could be heard. _Damn workers...trying to eavesdrop. _Hope looked towards the broken cycles, but the sound of work did not start. Thinking fast, and realizing he would have to do it anyway, Hope cleared his throat and nodded.

"All right, but we have to go somewhere else first."

"And why's that?" Lightning asked, crossing her arms.

"More private," Hope responded, trying to ignore how hard his heart was beating, "And there's someone you need to talk to anyway." Lightning stared at Hope, trying to determine what was going on behind his eyes, before she eventually nodded. Hope returned the nod and began to lead the small group down the hangar, Maqui and Lebreau a little jittery as they walked. Lebreau sent a pointed glare at the workers as they passed but they just rolled their eyes, obviously used to the treatment from her. The doors slid close with a soft swish as they left the hangar, and Hope was surprised when neither Lightning nor Snow started to demand answers from them. Heartened by the fact that they did seem willing to hear everything out, he increased their pace, leading them down several metallic hallways that twisted in several directions. Occasionally, voices would float over to them from one of the rooms, some containing curse words, others containing deep howls of laughter, but they made no point to stop at any of them. Lightning kept glancing at Hope, still not daring to believe he was really there, even as the walked down the always of this strange and new place. It seemed rather organized, even if it was made from meager parts, and rooms seemed to branch every which way.

After several winding hallways, they seemed to reach the end as they came upon a tall door, which stretched well into the ceiling of the underground complex, and Hope entered several numbers onto a small keypad. The door slid open with a click, revealing a long, large table with papers and books scattered across it. It seemed to be a planning area, and as they stepped in, it was only confirmed when Lightning saw recent maps of the cities that were growing on Pulse. There were multicolored tacks littering the maps, sometimes with five trying to be placed in one small area, and several chairs surrounded the table as if a meeting had recently taken place.

One chair, near the head of the table, was facing away from them, but there was an arm resting lazily on it. Once the doors closed, a laugh came from its direction, and Lightning felt odd. Like she knew that laugh and whom it belonged to, even though she could not pinpoint from where. It did not help when the figure would not turn around.

"Bout time ya'll got back. I was beginning to worry. So how'd it go anyway? Was Saorise really behind it or was it just a bunch of C'ieth-"

The chair finally turned around and Lightning had to hold back a gasp. She felt Snow tense beside her and knew he was thinking along the same lines as she was. They stared at another figure they had presumed was dead...or perhaps had suffered a fate that was even worse. But there he was, mouth wide open, eyes bugged out as he stared at the new guests, while Hope and the others all gave some nervous laughter. It quickly died though, replaced by great gulps and the desire to flee. Everything was turning into a chaotic mess and they were not sure how the Lightning and Snow were going to take it.

Hope was the first to say something, desperate to end the long and awkward silence that had been suffocating them. "Light...Snow...I know that this is sudden and all, but we kind of need him here in order to explain everything to you. This...as you know, I guess...is Rygdea...and he's currently running this show."


	5. Explanations and Tears

**What time is it? Adventure-I mean, update time! Reviews!**

**Hope's Light- Maybe...not that she'd admit it! And don't worry, more mystery is a coming! Hope you like! **

**Wolfie- Mmhm. Poor Lightning! Maybe a few...*giggle evilly* **

**Broken Hope- Wasn't she though? I'm glad I can still shock you!**

**Puppy-Love- I've been thinking about it, I tell you. Or at least some really awkward misunderstandings. And yes, another one, shocked at the twist!**

**I'm glad you're loving the mystery as much as the development of eventual romance! I hope you like this chapter, personally, it's a favorite of mine! Please enjoy!**

**Edited: August 25, 2010**

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The seconds seemed to stretched into minutes, the minutes stretched into hours, and the hours into days, but Hope knew it had really only been about five minutes. Aside from Lightning pulling down his hood, this had to be the longest five minutes of his life. He had no idea that both those moments would be happening in the same day, and he wished that he could go back to bed. The very thought gnawed at him, but in reality, he was probably going to be punched anyway.

Yet at the same time, he felt a sort of guilty pleasure in seeing Lightning again. Even if she was going to be furious at him, seeing her standing there...it made his heart do funny leaps. Leaps he had not felt in someone's presence since he was sixteen, while living under her roof. The same woman he had professed his love to just before he fell...

_Shit._

Feeling the heat rise in his cheeks, Hope took an instinctive step back, hands shaking slightly at the thought. The gravity of the situation was really starting to weigh down on him, and he wished that the ground would hurry up and swallow him already. Or that he'd have a sudden heart attack. Something...anything! She was going to kill him...he was going to die right after just seeing her again!

"Hope." Hope nearly jumped out of his boots when he was startled out of his thoughts. Feeling his cheeks warm up even more, he turned to look at Rygdea, who never looked more serious, "What are they doing here?"

"Uh...well...you see...they were under attack. By a bunch of C'ieth actually, and they weren't doing so well. So, Lebreau and Maqui jumped in...but once the C'ieth were defeated, some more came, so I jumped in. But then Lightning kind of pulled down their hoods, then she pulled down my hood, and then it was-was...well..." Hope paused, wringing his hands slightly after his botched explanation, "Anyway, we had to lead the C'ieth away from the city, so I had that bracelet Maqui made on. They all followed us, but then we had to get rid of them, so I blasted them...but then I passed out...then we arrived-"

Rygdea held up a hand and stood, and Hope felt his nerves increase ten-fold. Normally, he was never scared of Rygdea, but now, with everything that had just gone so wrong, he was. Especially with the huge explanation they were going to have to give. He had also used magic...and the bracelet. So many things...

"How many C'ieth were there?"

A little surprised by the question, Hope wracked his brain, trying to come up with an estimation, "Well over fifty," he eventually said, wondering how on Pulse so many had managed to get there so fast. An image of _her_ briefly passed through his mind, but Rygdea's shout smothered it.

"Over fifty? Are you sure?" Hope nodded and Rygdea ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "It has to be her then..." he muttered to himself, confirming Hope's own thoughts, "We'll have to take more drastic action." Coming back to himself, Rygdea glared at Hope, noticing the slight sag in his right arm. Rygdea nodded towards it, "How's your arm?"

"All right. The magic hurt it for a while...but it went away."

"And you passed out," Lebreau muttered loud enough for them all to hear.

Rygdea raised an eyebrow at him, and then moved away from the table. "Too soon Hope, way too soon. I'll have to put the restraints on you if you keep it up. No magic for at least a week, you got that? One week." Hope gave a nervous nod, somewhat thankful for the concern.

Silence stretched on again, and Hope could tell that both Lightning and Snow were getting tired of it. Not that he could blame them much, what with them seemingly coming back from the dead and all and dragging them underground to meet up with more supposedly dead people. What came next, though, nearly had him running from the room. Rygdea was laughing! Not just a light chuckle or anything, but full blown laughing. The sound echoed through the room, hitting Hope's ears and almost promising something dreadful. For a moment, he thought that the man had lost his mind. From the looks on Lebreau's and Maqui's faces, they seemed to think so too. Rygdea began to pull chairs away from the desk towards the door, and motioned for Lightning and Snow to sit. They gave Rygdea a stunned look, although Lightning looked far more collected than she had before. Four more chairs were pulled up and Rygdea sat down, throwing his hands at them to signal that they should do the same.

Nervously, Hope made for the seat that would place him between Maqui and Lebreau, but he was shoved into a chair that was next to Lightning before he could make it. He glared at Maqui, who only held up his hands in mock surrender.

"I suppose ya'll would be liking an explanation?" Rygdea said cheerfully, leaning back in his chair. Lightning raised an eyebrow at him.

"One would be nice. Having all these dead people suddenly pop up usually calls for one."

"Good point, good point." Rygdea chuckled, looking up at the ceiling with a somewhat wistful expression. "You know what? I think I'm glad that you guys showed up. We may even- no...we do need your help." The three nervous ones looked at him with stunned expressions, but he waved them off and gave them a wink.

"Well...it's best if you start asking the questions, then we can fill the necessary blanks. So shoot."

Lightning and Snow exchanged glances, silently communicating who would ask what first. Lightning gave a slight nod towards Snow and he turned to face Lebreau and Maqui. "When you guys fell...did you die? I mean, what happened?" he asked, choking slightly on the words.

The question was for Lebreau and Maqui only, for as Hope opened his mouth, Lightning silenced him with a glare. He supposed it was a good thing...his story was different after all.

Lebreau and Maqui exchanged nervous glances; Maqui began rubbing the back of his head while Lebreau wrung her hands in her lap. Lebreau was the first to speak. "Honestly, when I let go...I thought it was over...I could hear Maqui screaming behind me...but when I tried to reach for him, there was this blinding pain in my arm." Lebreau lifted her hand to her arm, lost in the memory. "He was screaming so loud...and I tried to make my own voice work...but nothing came out. It seemed like we fell forever...and I don't even remember landing, do you Maqui?"

The blond shook his head, staring at his own hands, "No...I mean, I screamed myself hoarse...then tried to figure out what to do...I was flailing my hands around and panicking and thinking..._it's_ _over_...then there was white. Maybe the white was when we landed?" The question was meant for himself, and no answer came to him. He shook his head and continued, "The next thing I knew, we were being shaken awake by this guy." He poked a thumb at Rygdea, "We really just woke up here...and we had these-" He threw out his wrist, Lebreau doing the same, to pull his sleeves up, showing off their l'Cie brands. The strange thing about them, however, was that they were burned to their skin, much like Fang's brand had been. The only difference being that it was splashed with several pastel colors in the small engraving, rather than the pure blue they had seen on Fang's and eventually their own.

Maqui was about to continue when Lightning cleared her throat, "The explanation coming for that sounds like it'll be tied into Hope's, so just leave it for now." Maqui nodded, agreeing it would steer too far from the other. Lightning turned to Hope, keeping her voice as void of emotion as she could. "And what happened to you?"

Hope's eyes darkened at this, something Lightning did not fail to notice, and now even Rygdea was paying special attention. Hope glanced at the man, his eyes searching, and Rygdea mouthed at him, "Tell it the way you want."

Reassured he would not have to dive too deep, Hope cleared his throat. "It was kind of the same for me once I-once I let go. It felt like forever while I was falling, and I was trying really hard not to think of what had happened. I just closed my eyes and sort of-sort of accepted it. Then everything went white for a while...and maybe I was dead. I didn't think or anything...I just wasn't there...or something. But then...then someone started to shake me awake." Hope squeezed his eyes shut, as if beating back a bad memory, but eventually continued, "She-she kind of took me in. It was-she was like me I suppose or something similar had happened. She even showed me my brand and explained a little about what it meant."

Hope touched his chest, rubbing it vigorously, and Lightning easily guessed that the new brand was located there. "Can we see it?" Lightning asked. Hope looked up at her, startled, and for a moment, she wondered why. As the color started to appear in his face however, she felt her own heart start to speed up. _Of course...he's thinking about _that. _I'd be thinking about it too after having said person show up. Damn it...now _I'm _thinking about it. _Not wanting to make Hope more uncomfortable, Lightning kept her mask in place and he finally relaxed. The tint of red was still there, but it was far less noticeable, and Hope slowly pulled down his cloak and shirt underneath.

The pale skin slowly revealed itself, the little skin shown appearing hard and muscled. Taking a split second to praise Hope with his growth and squashing anything other thought, she laid analytical eyes on the brand that peeked through. It was unlike Lebreau's and Maqui's, more arrows were in place and the brand burned pure white on his skin. It too would no longer continue its advancement, but it only made Lightning wonder what it meant.

Pushing that also aside, she returned her eyes to Hope's as he quickly righted his clothing. "How long did you stay with this woman? What did you do?"

Hope looked even more uncomfortable at this, even clenching and unclenching his hands, and a spark of fear flashed in his eyes. Lightning felt her curiosity heighten, but she had a feeling that he wouldn't go too far into detail. "Well...I stayed with her for a year before Rygdea's group found me. As for what we did...she showed me how to use my powers again...and told me what was different this time about them."

"Why did you leave? Did she come with you?"

Hope opened and closed his mouth, unsure of how to reply, but Rygdea saved him by speaking up, "Unfortunately...we're after her now. As kind as she may have been to Hope, when he got away, she started doing some unsavory things. Like sending C'ieth into rebuilding cities...or on us. Even managed to push a few of our own onto the other side of that little horizon...and I think she's responsible for that attack on New Bodhum too." Lightning bit the inside of her cheek as she took in the information. Snow looked particularly confused, and slowly mulled the information over himself.

Snow, surprisingly, was the first to speak, "And what about you Rygdea? We thought you and the rest of the Cavalry were dead after the whole thing with Orphan." Rygdea looked at Snow, eyebrows raised, before he let out a low chuckle.

"Gotta point there my friend. Well, easy enough to say that we did kind of die after that. Turned into C'ieth, then we were vanquished and what not. But then...we just sort of woke up here. We had the brands, but they were all burned up. I tried to get the group together, to get them to calm down, but you can't save everyone." Rygdea paused at that, obviously lost in his own thoughts. Eventually he snapped himself out of it, "But yeah, we started to try and experiment with 'em. It wasn't like we could go back to Cocoon, or...Chouchou (1)? Yeah...that's it. Chou's easier though... I mean, we still had l'Cie brands, and it was a right mess down there anyway, so it was better if we just stayed dead until we could figure everything out. Sometimes we'd even get new people...and then it just sort of exploded into this." Rygdea lifted his hands into the air, smiling slightly.

"Just what do the brands mean then?" Lightning asked, not wanting to get sidetracked.

Something heavy and suffocating seemed to grab the others at once, and the mood darkened in less than a second. Hope in particular was looking putout, eyes glued to the floor. It was Rygdea, again, who spoke, "We're not really sure. We're _still_ trying to figure that out. Sometimes we think we find something, but then it just turns out to be a false lead. And now with Saorise, it will have to take a backseat. She just keeps throwing the C'ieth at the cities and if we don't stop her...well...I don't know what she'll do...but it can't be good." Lightning wanted to interrupt - the name had sounded so familiar - but she did not have time. And they were too close to finding out why they stayed. Why they did not just _come home._

"So you've all just been living here...trying to make sense of all this, while trying to fight off this psycho? You've had no luck so far, it sounds like there's something even bigger behind it all, and you're stuck fighting this chick because...I don't know-she's the only lead you have?" Snow asked eyes wide.

"Something like that, yeah."

Snow nodded, and stood up. Lightning followed his lead, although she was not sure what he was up to. It felt like the conversation had just ended, but there were still so many unanswered questions. The fact that they didn't know the answers to those questions...or were hiding them...was all the more troubling...and agitating. However, Snow spoke before she could sift through the rest of her thoughts.

"And you three...what about you?" All three looked up at Snow's tone but Lightning knew what was coming. She felt the same herself - inside there was this rage. It was different from any rage she had felt before: different from when Serah had been crystallized and different from when Dysley tried to fool them all. It was chaotic and angry… a bubbling kind of anger. But there was hurt and sorrow...and something else that begged for release but seemed to just wrap around itself. It was suffocating her...suffocating Snow...and seeing the three like this, it just wanted to spill over.

"Well? Is that why you stayed? Because you didn't understand what was happening to you? You didn't know what to do? That your best chances were here?" Snow's voice rose with each word and the three had stood up, somewhat huddling close together. But Lightning saw how they did not bend to the shouted words...and something within her roared.

Hope, surprisingly, was the first to speak, "That is part of it," he said calmly, "We didn't know what to do...or what to think. We came here for some answers, or at least a chance at finding some."

Snow stepped toward them, and Lebreau and Maqui took an involuntary step backward. Lightning could not blame them. Snow was rather intimidating when he was angry. Hope, however, stayed. She could see something knowing in his eyes, but at the same time, he looked lost. It was hard to understand, but no one really seemed to get this strange new situation anyway.

"What's the other part then?" Snow asked, his voice no longer loud. A quiet Snow was even more frightening than a loud one, and something flickered in Hope's eyes, but Hope set his jaw and looked Snow straight in the eye.

"Honestly Snow, we didn't want you to have to deal with this shit again. It seemed unfair that everyone got a chance to restart their lives, but then we come waltzing in with more weird l'Cie crap. Who knows how long this will take to solve...or even if it is solvable?" Hope looked down for a fraction of a second, but he soon returned Snow's gaze quickly and evenly, "We wanted you to have a chance to have normal lives...but that would have been impossible if we came to you to ask for help. Because you _would_ have helped us...no matter what." Lightning's heart was starting to clench painfully at this, emotions warring with one another, as she tried to figure it all out. She had guilt and anger, sadness and relief, and so many other things just swirling around inside of her. Hope took a deep breath and continued, even as Lightning fought to sort herself, "Truthfully Snow...we thought it would be better...if we just stayed dead to you."

His words came like a sucker punch...her mind reeled. Memories unbidden came to her: Of Hope, Lebreau, and Maqui's funerals; of the empty coffins being lowered into cold graves; of the sad words, and the empty days that followed, and the haunted look in their eyes - in all of their eyes. They were never the same. Would never be the same.

She thought of the words spoken as they said goodbye...goodbye to them.

"_The light that is never vanquished_

_The hope that is never dispelled_

_Even in your passing_

_You have left your marks upon the World"_

"We didn't want to be burdens!" Maqui chipped in, trying to make Snow back off, to make him understand, "I mean, you have a kid now Snow. We can't keep running to you. You have a life to live!"

"_So young but still the impact there_

_They who are left behind cannot help but cry_

_To the Great Maker you may return_

_As death sweeps you up in its arms"_

Lebreau stepped forward, eyes wide but determined, "I know it sounds strange, but we don't even know if we'll survive this! And you wanted us to drag you down into it?"

"_Never forget their deeds_

_The laughter that echoes now_

_Their tears and their joy_

_And memories meant to last"_

"Try to understand Snow..." Hope tried, his voice sounding a little thick, "It's not like we wanted to...it's just-what were we supposed to do?"

"_The journey never ending_

_May it be peaceful and true_

_Pray you in now rest in light, for loved ones left behind_

_That their lost hearts may mend..._

_And know peace"_

"You really think...it'd be better if we thought you were dead?" Snow said, voice empty of any emotion. Lightning made to do something, even taking the steps forward to do so, the speech said that day etched into her mind. Burning her brain as it ricocheted off the walls of her head.

_POW!_

_THUD!_

Lightning blinked as Hope was thrown to the ground, hand cradling his jaw. She felt a surge of worry and satisfaction, but the only show was a small step toward Hope as he laid on the ground. Snow loomed over him, his hand still in a fist and a look of absolute rage on his face. Lebreau shakily went to help Hope up, refusing to look at Snow, but the silver-haired man raised his hand and shook his head at her helping hand. Hope dizzily stood up, still rubbing his jaw gingerly, but Snow yanked him up by the collar and lifted him the rest of the way. They were barely inches apart, Snow's eyes blazing, and Lightning felt a spark of fear in her.

"Snow..." Hope mumbled, trying to blink away the stars he was seeing.

Snow roughly set him down, but placed his hands on Hope's arms in an almost crushing grip, "You-You're such a fucking idiot! How dense do you really have to be to think that we'd be better off with you dead? Or do we mean so little!"

"Snow-wait-that's not-" Hope sputtered, still trying to regain his bearings.

"You think you'd be a burden to us! That's it? And what about us feeling so damn guilty and sad and depressed! None of that troubling at all? You little punk, I have every mind to beat each of you! You evil little-I can't believe you'd honestly think that! That we would be better off like that..." Snow's voice was trailing, thick with emotion, and he bowed his head. Hope still looked terrified, but he was biting his lips as well, eyes scrunched up in an effort not to cry. "You little idiot..."

"I'm sorry!" Hope choked out, trying to shake away the tears, "I'm so sorry! I'm sorry...I'm sorry! I just didn't know what to do...I thought you'd-you'd be. I'm so sorry...I don't know...what...what I-" Hope's knees were trembling and try as he might to hold them back, the tears began to fall. Lebreau and Maqui were crying too, huddling together and grabbing each other's hands. Lightning felt her own eyes wet a little and she swore she felt one tear slide down. Hope was only being supported by Snow at this point, and Hope was taking in great gulps of air as he tried to control himself.

"You little idiot..." Snow repeated, looking up at Hope again, "But you're alive...you're alive...thank Maker you're alive..." Snow pulled Hope into a bone-crushing hug, trying to suck up all the warmth and life that just a few hours ago, he thought he would never see again. Slowly Snow looked over at Maqui and Lebreau, signaling Lightning to come over as he did. Silently steadying Hope once she was beside him, Lightning watched as Snow approached Lebreau and Maqui and said, "And you...my equally idiotic teammates..." It was soon followed by more hugging and tears, but Lightning looked down at the boy...no...man in her arms.

"Hope." He looked up at her, his eyes bloodshot and red, and his whole body shaking. In many ways, he had grown...in others, he had not. But he was still there...he was _really _still there. She gently caressed his cheeks, then pulled back her hand and slapped him, which sent his head whipping back. He slowly turned back to face her, a small, sad smile on his face.

"I deserved that."

"Yes...yes you did. And we're not done." Before he could say another word, Lightning wrapped him in her arms and just held him there. He stiffened at first, and then slowly wound his arms around her as well, burying his face in her shoulder. His body relaxed against hers, quivering slightly but still relaxed, and a new set of tears began to soak her shoulder. Lightning buried her face into his hair and almost smiled at his new height, even hunched he was tall, but found that she was too overwhelmed to even try. So she just stood there, breathing him in, taking in all that was him.

Hope was alive. _Alive..._

They cried for a while...unable to hold back the pain...and the relief.

* * *

Rygdea waited patiently and understandingly as the others had their moment. He briefly thought of Cid and wondered how he was doing...wherever it was people went to after death. He smiled a little, promising to kick the man's ass once he got there himself for all the grief that he caused, and settled back into his chair. His eyes traveled to Hope who was still attached to Lightning, not that the soldier seemed to mind. He smiled again, his heart warming. It felt good to see this, felt good that this was happening. This was normal...they needed this.

That wasn't all they needed though, and he was determined to make sure they got it_. Besides, it would be a great time to place a better perimeter around New Bodhum_. If Saorise was really trying to attack the place, they would have to be there. Hopefully, he would be able to find out what the woman was up to before things got worse. But he would have to accompany them if it was going to work the way he needed it to. But he would have someone to watch over the place for a while...no problem though. Just one day and he could get back here and make the preparations. Then he would put one of the others in charge again, maybe that man Franz, and start out in New Bodhum.

A light touch on the shoulder made Rygdea look to his side and he was surprised when he saw Lightning standing beside him. He glanced at Hope who had now joined Snow in play attacking Maqui, who was unaware as the man changed direction to sneak up on him instead. Eyebrows raised, he turned back to Lightning.

"What is it, soldier?"

Lightning cleared her throat and nodded, sitting down beside him as she started, "While the C'ieth were attacking, there was a girl with white hair. I don't know much...but she did call herself Saorise."

Rygdea's heart thudded and he gave her a hard look, "Are you sure that's what she said?" She nodded, and Rygdea let out a low swear, "And it was a girl?"

"Yes...why would that be a problem?" Lightning narrowed her eyes, searching Rygdea's face.

"No..." Rygdea continued, "No...I guess it really doesn't matter with her." Confused but not wanting to press the man, Lightning decided to steer the conversation in a different direction.

"I-We're-taking them home with us," Lightning managed, trying not to feel embarrassed by her stutter. Rygdea actually smiled at that, allowing some of his worries to dissolve for just a moment. He was worried about them, especially Hope, but that didn't mean he was going to deny them something like this. _It'll probably help._

"I figured as much, so don't worry, I'll be more than happy to let them go. In fact, I'll be coming with you when you leave. I have business there, and I think I can help explain to some of your family members."

"Business?"

"With your military branches...and government I suppose, at least if it's changed. They, or at least Saorise, are conducting numerous and coordinated C'ieth attacks on Chou. Now that those three are going back, and that the attacks have risen to such a magnitude, asking for a little extra help really couldn't hurt anyone. And the best way to do that is show up in person."

Lightning nodded and watched the others as they roughhoused, happiness dancing in her eyes. But she was still curious, and had every intention of finding out what she could, "What really happened to Hope?"

Rygdea held back a sigh and leaned back in his chair, eyes straying toward the others without really seeing them, "You'll have to get him to tell you that." Lightning made an annoyed noise, so Rygdea thought it best to elaborate, "It's not as if he doesn't trust you...he just doesn't like to tell it. The only reason he told me everything is because I needed the information concerning Saorise. And it was needed in order to help him at the time. But as far as I know, I'm the only one that knows. And I swore I wouldn't tell a soul."

"_You're_ the only one who knows the full story?" Lightning asked, amazed as she glanced at the Lebreau and Maqui. She was sure they'd know what happened as well.

"Yup, not even those two know." He waved his hands at Lebreau and Maqui, "And honestly, they're the closest people to that kid. At least here." Lightning nodded, but it did not stop her from feeling agitated. She would just have to be patient then.

"What have you found out...about those brands?" she tried.

Rygdea smirked at the question, eyes blank, "Nothing too useful. Only that we can't become C'ieth over time, so long as we're careful. But if we were to overuse our magic...that would make it different."

"Different how?"

"We haven't had too many cases of it, but there are levels of magic used. There are several kinds of spells, which are separated into different categories, like Curative or Offensive magic. Each of them are treated separately, and are used to measure healthy levels of magic. There are limits though. We can only use so much at one time. As long as we don't exceed sixty percent of our capacity, we should be fine."

Lightning digested the information quickly enough, and then voiced her concerns, "How do you know when you're near the limit?"

"That really wasn't much of the problem...see, most of us can't even manage forty percent of their magic capabilities. They just aren't skilled with magic. The ones that do, however, have an instinctive reaction to it when they approach their limits. Magic will become harder to use and require more effort, and it's up to the caster to determine whether they should stop or not. There are a few exceptions...but we have them wearing those little power readers that Maqui designed to make sure that doesn't happen."

"What about Hope?"

"Don't worry about him; he's not in danger of that," Rygdea reassured, understanding her concern for the caster. "He actually has quite a bit of control over his powers."

Lightning nodded again and watched as Snow pulled his phone out of his pocket, only to grumble when he realized he didn't get reception so deep underground. Rygdea stood, pulling out a communicator and pressing a button. A small beep was heard before he pocketed it again and turned to Lightning. "I think it's about time I got you _all _back home, don't you think soldier?"

He began to walk away from her to round up the others, but Lightning had one more pressing question, "How did you find all of that out? About the magic?"

His answer was crisp and quick, but she could hear an underlying tone of sadness in it as well, "Had a lot of trial and error the first few days. Lots and lots of it." Lightning walked quickly to catch up with the man as he cleared his throat. "Well, as much fun as this has been, it's about time I got all you kiddies home. So you three go and pack your stuff while I wait for Franz O'Donnell to get his butt over here. I need someone to watch the place while I'm gone, and to fix my mess called organization."

"What do you mean, sir?"

"I mean you're going home, get it you three?"

"But-"

"No time for buts, just get packing. I know you must be dying to see the others." The three hesitantly nodded and Lightning and Snow began to follow them out of the room. Lightning made sure to watch Hope, and noticed that while he did look happy, there was something darker there. He was more than nervous...the way his eyes kept darting between her and Snow, something she always made sure to look away from before he caught her. He looked almost terrified. _Why though? Why would he-_

"Hope!" Rygdea called, startling them both, "Get over here. I forgot to ask you something. Maqui, get his stuff for him, we'll be a minute."

"Aw, man!" Maqui groaned, earning a snicker from Snow. Lightning lingered for only a second as Hope turned around, wishing she could stay and hear what they were discussing, but the door closed behind her and she followed the others.

"What is it sir?" Hope asked, clearly nervous. Rygdea, however, smiled at him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing too serious. I just want you to know that you _will_ be staying with them from now on." Hope opened his mouth to protest, but Rygdea cut across him, "I know you're worried Hope, but this is what's best for you. You haven't been the same since...well since then, and I want you to have a life outside of this. Who knows, we may get some answers on the way. And if not, that's fine as well."

"But-" Hope's eyes glanced around almost desperately, searching for something he could use as an argument. Nothing came…

"They'll be able to protect you Hope. You said so yourself, they're all pretty tough." Hope's eyes only flashed more concern, but Rygdea could not blame him. Not with all that weight on his shoulders..._anyone_ would be terrified.

"I shouldn't need protection anymore," Hope mumbled. Rygdea allowed himself a smile at this, ruffling Hope's hair.

"You may feel that way, but the others sure as hell don't. By the way, how are you feeling after the episode?"

"A-All right I guess, but you were right...still too early to be using that kind of magic."

"I told ya kid-"

"I'm not a kid," Hope grumbled, rolling his eyes but smiling all the same.

"Yeah, whatever. Just don't push it, or I'll have Maqui attach one of those restraints to you. Speaking of which..." Rygdea pulled up Hope's sleeve and removed the bracelet that had attracted the C'ieth. The skin was red and burned, but Rygdea ran a healing hand over the wound, clearing up the worst of it, "Now get going." Hope nodded, looking slightly more cheerful, and Rygdea almost let him walk away without the knowledge of what Lightning had seen earlier. But it wouldn't be fair to him...he was...after all...concerned about it the most.

"Hope...your friend there...Lightning. She said she saw a girl who called herself Saorise." Hope froze, muscles stiffening instantly, "But whatever you may be thinking, push it aside. There is _nothing _for you to worry about. Not while I'm here at least," Rygdea said, shaking his head slightly, "Trust me."

"But-" Hope said, biting his lip slightly. But even if he was still nervous, he could feel himself calming down from Rygdea's pep talk. He let out a small sigh of relief.

"But nothing Hope. You can do this...I know it." Hope tried to ignore his hands as they trembled at the news and he looked over at the man. Slowly, hesitantly, he gave him a nod, although they both knew how terrified he really was. It only increased ten-fold when he thought of the others, and Hope almost wished that he could still stay in this hole. But he knew that Rygdea would not allow it...and honestly, a part of him wanted to see everyone again. And...and seeing Lightning...

He would push aside his fear for now...if it meant staying with her.

* * *

1) Chou, or Chouchou, means butterfly in Japanese. It's interchangeable, and it depends on preference as to what they call it. But get it? Cocoon? Butterfly? ^-^


	6. Reunited

**Who's ready for an update? I know you are!**

**Crystal: I'm looking forward to that too! ^-^ And what happened with Saorise and Hope will be revealed slowly but surely. And thanks, I'm glad you liked it!**

**Wolfie: Yup, Rygdea knows. And trust me, he's one of few. A mystery that will slowly reveal itself. And he sure was, much to his astonishment. *giggle* Thanks for the review!**

**Puppy-Love: Yeah, the others were more than willing to step back in the face of Snow's wrath. He can be pretty scary. **

**Broken Hope: Who _will_ he live with? :) And the girl is a mystery, a big one, and I hope you keep finding it interesting! Thanks!**

**Hope's Light: Yay! I'm glad you're eager! Here's another chapter for you!**

**Naoto07: He does seem to get the short end of the stick rather often, doesn't he?**

**A special thanks to my mom for helping me with Hazel's dialogue. Two year olds are hard to write for...but you made it possible!**

**Also, as much angst as this story will have, this also seems to have a lot more humor than I thought. And I lot of other things. So, to comprise, I changed the secondary genre to drama. I feel it can cover the angst and humor quite nicely, as well as other things you might see in here. I hope that's all right, and don't worry, there will still be plenty of angst!**

**I hope you all like this chapter! I know I enjoyed writing it! Not much else to say for now, other than read and enjoy! Thanks to all my readers!**

* * *

Hope met up with the others in the assigned bedrooms, watching with mild interest as they fought over what should be packed and what should stay. They were having the most problems with Maqui as he tried, and failed, to pack his collection of self-made gadgets. He looked to the side of the room, where his own things were packed, and was surprised that a suitcase was already neatly sitting on the bed. He felt Rygdea walk up beside him and stepped aside to let him through the door.

"Chaos, I'm guessing?" he asked, crossing his arms and holding back a snicker.

"It wouldn't be us if there wasn't." Hope looked back at them when he heard Snow's voice booming over the others. Lightning glared at the giant, looking ready to strike, until she saw that he had a communicator held to his head. Snow pointed to Maqui, indicating where he had gotten it, and returned to his conversation.

"Yes-Yes I know you're worried. No, trust me, everything is fine, sis is right here too. No...No she's fine Serah. We're both fine." Snow let out a silent sigh before trying again, "Listen, we'll be coming back soon, but we have something we need to discuss. No, nothing like that, don't worry. But I need you to get Gadot and Yuj to come over... I know, but they should be able to drop by. Tell them it's important. ...And if you can, try to get Sazh. Yup...that important." Snow let out a laugh and said a quick goodbye, sending Serah his love. He turned to look at Hope and Rygdea as they walked in, giving them a wide smile.

"I haven't told Serah yet. I want to be able to surprise her."

Lebreau looked over at him, hand on her hip, the other shoving some clothes into a bag, "Are you sure you want to surprise her like this? I mean really, when three supposedly dead people walk through that door, she's gonna have a heart attack. And why are you getting everyone?" she added as an afterthought, "Don't you want to take this more slowly? Instead having them all panic at once?"

"No way. _Everyone _has to know. Besides, Serah won't believe something like that unless she had proof. And the others have a right to know you guys are back."

"I guess." Lebreau finally finished packing and went over to Maqui, forcefully taking several electronics from his hands. "You can get the rest later. Or build em. Come on." Maqui moaned as Lebreau began to pack the last of his things, deciding not to include most of his gadgets. Lightning rolled her eyes before going to the bed that had Hope's suitcase and tossing to over. Hope barely caught the handle between his fingers, amazed it hadn't just exploded all over the place at the treatment.

"We won't be surprising anyone if we don't get going," Lightning muttered, crossing her arms. Hope snickered, finding that an annoyed Lightning could easily become an angry Lightning, and wondered how long Maqui had left to live. But his self preservation seemed to kick in and Maqui gave Lightning a sheepish glance, accepting Lebreau's packing job and crowding near the door. Lightning had a ghost of a smirk on her face before she motioned for Snow and Lebreau to follow. Rygdea shook his head, a chuckle escaping, and began to lead the way down the hangar.

Hope trailed behind the pack and he was surprised when Lightning fell into step beside him. He gave her a sideways glance before looking straight ahead, hating the heat that was making its way to his face. _Come on Hope. You're older now. Grow some backbone instead of acting like a school boy with a crush!_ Hope glanced at Lightning again, feeling his heart quicken and uncertainty cloud his mind. But he one thing was clear to him as he watched her...

It was so much more than a crush...

Three years...three whole years away from her. Some of them had been fun. He liked being with Lebreau and Maqui, exchanging laughs and building more familiarity. They had stuck together, uncertain in this world they had been thrust into. And now...now they were going home. But then there were times that made Hope want to just crawl up and die. Or to forget. To not feel how warm and red it had all been. It was so clear...even though it had been so dark. It was everywhere...everywhere...

"Hope?" Lightning asked, breaking him from his thoughts. "Are you all right?"

Hope gave her a nervous grin, allowing the memories to fade away. It was getting easier to do that...but thinking about them without a trigger...he'd have to talk to Rygdea about it later. "I'm fine Light. Just a little tired I guess." She looked unconvinced but decided to let the answer slide for now, walking just a little closer to him than before. Hope watched her, feeling his face heat up again, and wondered if she was even aware of it. _Probably not..._ Hope smiled again, the last of the tension withering away as he went back to thoughts of her.

_She still seems the same...except...her eyes. They still look sad. She looks tired..._

_But still...so beautiful. _

The reached the hangar, Rygdea ordering a few more cycles as Hope, Lebreau, and Maqui prepared their own. Hope would glance back at Lightning, glad for the chance to see her, and determined to finish his analysis. Not ogling...oh no, Hope doesn't ogle.

_Even if they're sad, her eyes are still pretty...and when she smiled...just wow. Boy did I miss it._

_..._

_I really am acting like a school boy! _

Not ogling at all.

Tearing his eyes away from her, and noticing how Lebreau began to snicker, Hope secured his suitcase to the back of his cycle just as several arrived for Rygdea, Lightning, and Snow. Snow was shown how to operate his, Lightning smirking slightly when Maqui mentioned how Lightning had picked it up in a flash, and soon Rygdea was ordering the east tunnels open. Hope switched on the gears and revved the engine, several lights blinking on in response. Echoes of the same sound soon surrounded him, and at Rygdea's hand signal, they were all speeding toward the newly opened tunnel.

The darkness of the tunnels made it hard for Hope to see, the darkness pressing on his eyeballs on one side, and bright cycle lights on the other, so much so he had to squint. He was unsure of when they hit the dirt instead of the metal, eyes naturally focusing on the light of the vehicle ahead of him. He recognized it quickly as Lightning and felt himself blush again, although he had little reason to.

_Get a grip Estheim! Now is not the time to be thinking about that!_ His gaze lowered briefly on his chest, thinking of the white brand that was burned into his skin, marring it. A constant reminder of what he faced, that all was not well. And that it could stay that way...

_Now is definitely not the time..._

A sudden whoosh of air told him that they had finally broke to the surface, and he breathed in the fresh air with a hint of a smile. As he exhaled, he felt himself grow calmer, even though he knew that where they were heading would be filled with more stress. And crying and hugs probably. And shouting...he could already feel his ears pounding at the thought.

Then there was Rygdea. Things were getting serious if he really wanted to go to the military for aid. The thought made him excited and fearful. Taking a step like this could mean a much faster disposal of Saorise...but that would also mean a quick confrontation. And seeing her again...seeing her...

Hope had no idea what he'd do. But thoughts of the possibilities made him shiver to the core. Sure, Rygdea had told him plenty of times that it was _over, _and that she couldn't do that anymore. But he could tell from the look in the man's eyes whenever he said it that he didn't convince anyone. And in his gut, Hope _knew_ it wasn't over with her and him. That she was up to no good. That she had to be stopped before-

"Hope." Again Hope was interrupted, and he cursed himself for having such thoughts. Why was he dwelling on it? It was not as if she was out there now, waiting to get him if eh turned the corner. It was time for him to grow up already!

"Sorry Lightning," he said, giving her a smile, although it was getting difficult to see in the evening dark, "It's been a big day. Lots of stuff going on."

He saw her nod in the darkness and felt some of his own fear ease up. He was with Lightning now...and somehow he felt safer for it. She would probably always make him feel that way...and he'd always be thankful for that. "I understand how you feel, but you'll have to hang on for a few more hours. I know Serah will be all over you once everything is settled.

A light bulb switched on in Hope's head and he gave her a small smile, "The baby..." he said, so quietly that Lightning almost didn't hear him, "The baby would be...be two right now right?"

Lightning smiled slightly, reaching a hand out and giving Hope a comforting pat before returning it to the steering, "A girl," she said, happiness clear on her face, "Her name is Hazel...and she has Snow's hair...but Serah's eyes. And she's mature for her age...amazing from a two year old...but she still throws tantrums. And she won't stop calling me Aunt Claire. Well...Auntie Claire."

Hope, for all his attempts to beat the past back for the rest of the day, was brought back to the last calm moments he had with Lightning before...before the fall. He smiled, a touch of smugness that was impossible to see in the dark, "Told you so."

Lightning didn't respond, giving him a hard glare, but Hope took it in stride, proud to know his immunity to them had not waned. Only when Lightning was truly putting an effort into it would he cower under her glare. Like before...now that had been an angry Lightning.

"But it'll be better...when you see her yourself," Lightning said, no longer looking at Hope. His mouth opened slightly, but no words came out, only a startled sound. Eventually though, it became a small smile and he nodded, feeling something heavy lift off his chest. It had been there before...the weight...but it wasn't till it was gone that he realized how heavy it had really made him feel.

All he could do was smile.

* * *

Nerves...that was all those three were...nerves. It was one thing to be in New Bodhum on a mission, it was another to be facing all the friends that thought they were dead. With good reason of course, but it was daunting nonetheless. And when they had actually reached the door of the house, quite sizable they noted, it was like their legs were filled with cement. Or feet were nailed to the ground. Or some other way that made their legs refuse to move.

"It won't get any easier if you just stand out here," Lightning said, offering little sympathy. Snow grinned, only making the three feel worse, but still they didn't move.

"Come on now," Rygdea said, clearly annoyed, "I know you all are nervous, but dammit! I'm tired! Get this reunion over so that I can get some sleep, explanations can wait till tomorrow." Lightning glared at him, but the man was unaffected, merely shrugging his shoulders.

"You have such an eloquent way of putting it Rygdea," Hope snorted, rolling his eyes. For the briefest moment, the tension was gone, and the three finally made their way to the door, Lightning leading the troupe. However, once Lightning had rapped on the door, waited for a "come in", and said door was swinging open, the urge to run intensified. Maqui actually hook several steps back, ready for the escape, was pulled back by Rygdea.

"Jerk."

"It's for your own good."

"You just want to torture me."

"You say that as if it were a bad thing!"

"Guys..." Hope tried, giving nervous glances at the door. Why...why couldn't the ground just swallow him whole already? Or maybe a meteor could strike him? That sounded good...especially when they ignored him.

"It _is_ a bad thing you sadist! How can you do this to me? Do I mean so little!"

"You ask that question as if there's another answer."

"Wha-Wha- You!"

"You're so articulate."

"GUYS!" Hope shouted, stopping the fight in an instant, "In case you haven't noticed, the door is open, everyone's seen us-"

_THUD!_ "And Serah just fainted! Oh shit, Serah!"

Snow had already picked his wife up, worried lines on his face, and Lightning was inspecting her in the larger man's hands. She quickly took her pulse, determined it was fine, and laid a comforting hand on her forehead. Taking a deep breath, Lightning looked at Snow and gave him a nod, patting his shoulder to let him know she was okay. Snow didn't look convinced, cradling Serah even closer to him, and he looked over at the others.

While neither Yuj or Gadot fainted as Serah did, they looked as if they were about too. Hope took a few steps back this time, and Lebreau looked uncertain. No one said anything for far too long, just staring at one another, Gadot and Yuj looking much like Snow had when he had seen them. That is, until a little head suddenly appeared between their legs.

Hazel was eager to see what the adults were up to, especially since they weren't including her. Her mommy was there too...but now she was sleeping in daddy's arms. Thoughts of mommy being hers ran through her head, and she pushed between the other adults to try and get to them. But as her large eyes traveled around to the others outside, she changed direction to Auntie Claire. Then she stopped and stood staring at the new people. She giggled slightly from their faces and was determined to see what they were, changing direction to one of them.

The little blonde head quickly bobbed toward Lebreau, smile wide on her face, her feet somewhat unsteady as she moved fast to get to her. She hugged the girl's legs, looking up at her with wide, bright blues eyes, her grip loosening as she took in Lebreau. "Who you?" she asked, face scrunching up.

Lebreau was unable to hold in her smile as she looked down at the girl, quickly piecing together that it was Snow and Serah's child. She reached down at her and ruffled the young toddler's head, earning a pout from the girl who quickly went in to smooth it out. The toddler looked to the side, almost shivering at the older looking man that was holding another boy. Her eyes instead traveled to Hope, lighting up again, and she made her way over to him, attaching herself to his leg.

"Who you?" she repeated. She looked up at him with curious blue eyes, the same as her mother...and her aunt. Hope felt his breath hitch and a sad smile appeared.

"My name's Hope," he said, "And you must be Hazel."

Hazel's eyes bugged out, and she looked over at her father, pointing at Hope, "My name!" she said excitedly, "My name! Do you know evweetin! Huh? Huh?" Hope's smile grew and he looked at Snow, questioning him with his eyes. Snow smiled and nodded, and Hope scooped the young girl up in his arms. "'OPE! 'OPE! 'OPE!"

"I know a lot of things...but no, not everything."

"Oni Cwai know evweetin," Hazel said as if it were a fact, reaching up to pull on Hope's locks. Hope winced at the action, but didn't reprimand her, to busy taking in the similarities between her and her parents. But her words made him smile.

"Oni Claire?" Hope said, barely repressing a laugh.

"Mmhm." Hazel blinked her eyes, showing that her bed time had long since some and gone. Indeed, the only reason she had still been up was because of Serah's worry over Snow and Lightning's conditions. The girl nuzzled into Hope, ready for some sleep. "Scawee."

"Scawee?"

"Scawee."

_That's scary right? I mean...this is Lightning she's walking about. _But before Hope could clarify, the toddler was asleep in his arms, nuzzling even closer to him. Hope smiled again, feeling some more of his apprehension leave him, and tried not to blush too hard as Lebreau cooed at the scene. His eyes locked on Lightning, and she smiled at him as well. Hope's heart thudded even more and Hope had to look away before she saw the blush on his cheeks.

"She's really gotten attached to you. I think that was what, five minutes?" Snow asked, bringing Serah closer to him as he said it, "We'll talk some more once we're inside. She needs to lie down anyway." With that, Snow headed through the still open doorway, easily pushing past Gadot and Yuj. Rygdea shrugged, finally having released Maqui, and Lightning lead all of them inside. She pushed Gadot and Yuj to the side so she could close the door, and as it snapped shut, the room erupted into chaos.

"What the hell?" Gadot said, pointing at Maqui and Lebreau, "What the hell is this? Is this some kind of joke?" Gadot looked more than angry...and it scared the two former NORA members slightly, but they also saw that dim glimmer in his eyes. The one that was hoping that it was true and not just some fantasy. Lebreau stepped forward, determined to convince him, but Gadot shook his head. He opened him mouth to shout, but Lightning punched the man in the stomach, all the air leaving him.

"Hazel is asleep, and I will _not_ have you waking her up with this," she growled dangerously as Gadot panted, "And no, this is not a _joke_. _Never_ think I'd joke about something like this. _Never._" Gadot finally looked up at her, eyes still wary, but gave her a slight nod. Yuj still seemed a bit dazed, and he walked toward Maqui, his eyes disbelieving.

Maqui looked around uncomfortably, not daring to meet Yuj's eyes, but found his personal space invaded by said person's hand. "You're...alive..." Yuj muttered, making Maqui guilty and even more uncomfortable, "You're alive...and you...you're wearing these hideous goggles." With a sharp yank that Maqui was sure pulled up clumps of hair, both his pairs of goggle were ripped from his head. He looked at Yuj, blinking in confusion, as the man inspected them, "Either fix these or get a new pair," he said, holding up the pink goggles, "I got them for you for a reason you know." Maqui felt a smile stretch his face and hugged his best friend, snickering at the sudden fashion tip.

"Geez Yuj," Lebreau said, smiling herself, "Out of all the things wrong with Maqui and that's what you point out?" Maqui untangled himself from Yuj and glared at the dark haired woman, but not before he was pulled up by Gadot, having Lebreau join him not moments later.

"Hey!" Lebreau hissed quietly, remembering Hazel.

"Hey nothing," Gadot growled, hugging the two of them, "I thought you were dead. Hell, we all did." Lebreau stopped squirming after this, allowing Gadot to hug her and Maqui. She felt another pair of arms wrap around her and knew Yuj was there as well. She smiled and closed her eyes, taking in the warmth, the familiarity. She never thought she'd be able to feel this again.

Hope watched them with a sad but understanding look in his eyes. He gently laid Hazel onto a nearby couch, having to be extra careful as the girl clung to his cloak...and his hair. Once she was safely resting on the arm, he turned to Lightning and offered an apologetic smile, which she returned. She walked to stand next to him, watching the scene, and whispered to him.

"I think I can understand...how you felt about that. About thinking you were better off with us thinking you were dead. I mean..." She glanced at Snow and Serah, Serah beginning to mumble as she came to, "I mean...the last thing I would want for them...is to have me bringing a bunch of problems to them. They have each other...and it would have felt like I was only interfering with their lives." Lightning watched Hope out of the corner of her eyes, gauging his reaction. He was looking at Snow and Serah, a look on contemplation on his face. She continued, "I'm sure you were afraid...that if you brought this up...we would eventually feel bitter or something right?"

Hope looked at her, wide eyed, and Lightning smiled comfortingly at him, "You and I think alike. I would have thought that they would hate me over time, hate me for making my problems their problems. In fact...when Serah and I were younger...I almost didn't tell her what I planned to do...that I was joining the Corp. I was prepared to let her think that everything was all right and that I just had a night job, and I would have continued our routine as if it were nothing. Like there was nothing different. I didn't want her to worry...didn't want her life to change anymore than it had. Losing out parents was enough... But you know what...she hit me when she found out."

Hope's eyes bugged and Lightning smiled, nodding, "She said that I shouldn't have to do everything myself, and that she understood why I joined. Then she demanded to take some of the load off of my shoulders, and started to do more of the housework." Lightning sighed, lost in the memory, and Hope felt his breath quicken, "I acted so angry...but to tell you the truth, I was just scared. Scared she'd hate me, or leave me." She looked back at him, placing a hand on his shoulder, 'But she convinced me otherwise. And we'll do what we must to make sure you get it.

Hope nodded slowly, letting his eyes slip close. He was feeling so tired...so tired now. But Lightning's words made sense to him...but she had to understand why...at least a little, "That's not the only reason."

Lightning eyebrows rose slightly, "It's not?"

Hope sighed, forcing his tired eyes open, "It's a big part of it...but maybe more than that...I was scared. I'm still scared. I don't-" Hope clenched his fists as Saorise appeared in his mind, smiling at him, "I don't want anything to happen to you. And us being here...increases that risk. I couldn't...I wouldn't live with myself...if something happened to you because of this..." His words hung between them, making the air feel heavy and stiff. Lightning wanted to ask what he meant, once more yearning for answers as to what he did in the year before. But before she could even begin to form the words, Serah finally sat up on Snow's arms. And the moment between them was broken.

"Snow?" she asked, holding her head and swaying slightly, "Wha-What happened?" She blinked, trying to rid herself of the dizziness and the black that had crept into her vision, "Why am I so tired..." She looked around the room, her eyes slowly gaining focus, and the first one she zeroed in on was Hope.

Serah's eyes popped and she pushed herself out of Snow's arms, mouth open slightly, and she took a few unsteady steps towards Hope and Lightning, Snow reaching over to steady her. She nodded and mumbled thanks before straightening herself, holding still as the dizziness finally disappeared. Slowly she looked back up, eyes glancing at Gadot, who had released Maqui and Lebreau. Her eyes widened again and she felt dizzy, but forced herself to breath, focusing again on Hope.

Lightning watched Serah, ready to move in as she stepped away from Snow, but she made it over to them without too much trouble. Serah clasped Hope's shoulders, boring her eyes into his, tracing everything about his face. Hope gulped, unable to push down the lump that had grown in his throat, and watched her with frightened eyes. Eventually Serah looked at Light, her eyes questioning, and Lightning nodded. Serah shuddered, tears slipping out of her eyes, and she grabbed Hope's cloak and quietly sobbed into it. Hope was at a loss of what to do, looking down at Serah as she buried her head into his chest, soaking his cloak. He looked at Lightning for help, but she tilted her head at Serah and mumbled, 'comfort'.

Hope wrapped his arms around Serah which only seemed to renew her silent sobbing, her hands tightening around his cloak again. Hope bit his lip, trying to think of something to say, but nothing that truly helped came to mind. "I'm sorry..." he finally got out, still at a loss, "I'm sorry. I-I know...know you missed us. Things...things got complicated and we-we...I'm sorry." Serah shook her head, finally looking up at him. Her face was tear-stained, face a little red and puffy, but she managed a smile.

"You're alive..." she gasped, "You're alive..." Hope hugged her again, smiling himself. Serah eventually pulled herself away, returning to her husband as he wrapped his arms around her and whispered words of comfort in his ear. There was a light knocking on the door and Lightning went to answer it. Sazh and a sleepy Dajh walked in only moments later, and when their eyes met the scene in the living room, Sazh's jaw dropped.

"H-Hey Sazh." Hope said. Dajh was looking as if a zombie had just come to try and eat him and was hiding behind his father. He gave a little cry when Sazh pulled away, quickly covering it with a cough. Sazh strode over to Hope and poked the boy, swearing slightly under his breath. A few prods in, Sazh just let out a loud sigh and pulled Hope into a hug, chuckling slightly.

"Well I'll be damned," he mumbled, "Now I see why Snow wanted me here so bad." Sazh eventually pulled away, looking toward the others, then back at Hope. "Guess you've all had a bit of a reunion." He clapped the boy on the shoulder, blinking away the wetness, and made his way to the couch. He motioned Dajh over and the boy quickly made his way to his dad, sitting in his lap. Hope was amazed by how much Dajh had grown in so few years, and smiled at the boy. Dajh looked a little less afraid, and waved at Hope, although he quickly looked away.

"Wait-Rygdea-Rygdea is alive too!" Sazh said, eyes finally landing on the gruff man before reaching Lebreau and Maqui "And those two?" Another swear left him and he shook his head, running a hand through his afro. He leaned back into the chair, another heavy sigh escaping him, "I'm guessing that we're gonna get an explanation, right?"

Hope's tired muscles protested the thought, the thought of going through the explanation again and dodging several bullets along the way, draining him of his energy. But he knew he owed it to them, felt he owed it to them, and nodded at the request. Maqui and Lebreau seemed to understand, and even Rygdea nodded, taking a seat on a lounge chair.

"Just let me put Hazel in bed," Serah said, walking away from Snow. She scooped the girl up into her arms, smiling as she looked down at her daughter, and quietly left the room. They remained silent, not knowing what to say or to eager to find their answers. To overwhelmed that this was _real_ and _happening_. That there closest friends were very much alive. The feelings floated in the air, making it think and hard to breath, entering their lungs and coating them with its own strange heaviness. Serah reentered the room and took a seat beside Snow, who had occupied the seat that Hazel had left. He wrapped his arm around her waist and nodded at Hope.

So they began the discussion again, starting with their separate falls.

* * *

"Your house is so big Serah...I had no idea this was what you and Snow planned to do," Hope said as he looked around his guest room. Their tale had stretched far into the night, much farther than he had truly wanted, and his bones ached for the bed he saw in the room. But he was determined to stay awake and speak with her, if only for a few more moments.

"Well we have been doing pretty well. After NORA disbanded, Lt. Amodar managed to pull some strings and called in a few favors. The remnants of NORA had a whole new section of Guardian Corp. added so that they could continue their activities, fully legalized by the military. But they're still the most easygoing people around!" she added cheerfully.

"And Snow's leading them?"

"Yup. He loves it, but Lightning gets annoyed when he starts to refer to them as co-workers."

"We have so much to catch up on.," Hope mumbled, looking up at the ceiling. This day was so tiring...he had no idea his body could _ache_ so much.

"We do," Serah said fondly, placing a comforting hand on Hope's shoulder, "And now we have time, so don't worry about it. I know it's been rough on you, so just get some sleep." Getting the double meaning behind her words, Hope nodded gratefully and let her walk him to bed, sitting in the comfortably soft mattress.

"Thanks Serah," Hope said, forcing his eyes to stay open.

"It's no trouble Hope." And she pulled him into a hug, giving him a sisterly kiss on the cheek. "Sis missed you the most though." Hope's eyes widened at her whispered words, but Serah had her back to him before he could say anything. She said good night to him and looked at him again, as if to make sure he was really there, and shut the light off, closing the door gently behind her.

With a heavy sigh, Hope laid himself down on the bed, thankful to close his eyes. But the moment he did, thoughts of the conversation floated back into his mind. How concerned and shocked they all were. How Yuj had gotten as angry at Maqui for their way of thinking as Snow had gotten at Hope. All those tears...it was the most he had cried in a while. It was strange...to be back home.

And then there had been those promises. How they were going to help them through this. Gadot saying how it wouldn't be a problem, Rygdea's shocked face when the big man had said they were part of the Corp. now. The tremulous discussion they had about their brands. The theories about what Saorise had been up to. How Lightning had actually _seen _Saorise.

That thought alone made him shudder and his eyes opened. He turned to his side, his eyes now itching angrily from tiredness and his body refusing to let him sleep. He couldn't keep away that fear and guilt that was telling him he was putting them all in danger. He had only told them that Saorise was dangerous, but that didn't even begin to cover it. He had even said _that_. But they had just accepted it and said they would help.

He hated himself for bringing it up.

Hope's door opened, letting in a small sliver of dim light, and he looked up to see Lebreau peeking inside. She had an apprehensive look on her face, but when she saw Hope was awake, it melted into relief. She quietly closed the door behind her and fumbled er way over to his bed, tripping slightly and nearly falling over.

"Sorry," she whispered once she made it to the bed. Her eyes finally adjusted to the darkness and she pulled herself up onto the mattress, letting out a nervous breath.

"It's fine," he answered, "I couldn't sleep anyway."

She nodded in understanding, then realized he probably couldn't see it, "I figured. I tried to get Maqui to come to, but he was already out when I got to his room."

"He can sleep through anything."

"I know. The lazy bum." Lebreau bit her lip and glanced at Hope, trying to discern what he was feeling in the pitch blackness. Not even the window provided light...the sky was moonless. She reached for his right hand and pressed against the wrist, trying to feel the skin. But Hope knew what she was doing and pulled away from her, hand traveling to his chest.

"It's fine Lebreau," he muttered.

She hummed in disbelief, "Are you sure? I mean, you didn't even tell them about it...not saying you have to, but you can't-"

"It'll be fine," Hope said in a sharp whisper. He took a breath and shook his head, "Sorry...but really Lebreau, it's fine. It went away a few hours ago."

"If you say so."

They sat in comfortable silence after that, tired yawns sometimes coming forth from them. The night was present even in the house, the hooting of owls gently floating in from the outside. Lebreau sighed and focused on Hope's darkened figure.

"You're scared..."

Hope let out a small sigh, "Of course I am."

Silence again. Then Lebreau said in a soothing voice, "She can't hurt you Hope. And she can't hurt them. She can't hurt us."

"You don't know that." More silence...Lebreau took a deep breath.

"Could you...could you tell me what happen-"

"No!" Hope took a deep, calming breath and shook his head, "No Lebreau. M-Maybe some other time. Some other day...but not now. I-I can't talk about _that_. I can't even...I don't want to think about it right now." He hated how his voice trembled at his own words, hated how weak he sounded, but Lebreau paid it now mind.

"I understand..." she whispered, standing up. Hope closed his eyes, thoughts of his weakness clouding his head. He expected Lebreau gone and jumped when he felt her warm arms wrap around him. He buried her face into her shoulder and let out a shuddering breath.

"I'm scared..." he breathed.

"I know..." she mumbled, "But we're here now. And believe it or not, this place is _safe_. You're safe now Hope." Hope's chest tightened at her words, daring himself to believe them, wishing to believe them. And a small part of him, some very small part of him, dared to do it. But the doubt was still there, still obvious even in the darkness that surrounded them, that Hope was still afraid. And if Lebreau were honest...she was too. Scared of that woman who lurked beyond the house, who crept in the shadows, and who so haunted Hope's thoughts. Her intentions were unclear, even to him, and it made her all the more frightening. She knew little of what had happened, only that it had been terrible.

But she smiled at Hope anyway, trying to dispel his fears before whispering good night. But just before she left, she paused and gave Hope a comforting kiss on the forehead, promising that things would be better soon. She left but a moment later, but felt a strange breeze as she left the room, closing the door. She shrugged her shoulders and turned, heading for her room; she did not notice the strawberry blond hair that peek just around the corner.

Lightning had come to check up on Hope, to make sure that he was still there. That it wasn't some crazy dream, that he wouldn't vanish in thin air, but instead, she had heard them talking. And damn...her legs just wouldn't move when she heard the obvious fear in Hope's voice. She wanted to go in and comfort him, but at the same time, knew that Lebreau was there to do damage control. Besides...she would have no idea how to go about it.

But the kiss on the forehead had been a surprise...and the burning in her chest had been more than surprising. In fact...it felt like a giant ripping roaring rage that needed to be quelled before she did something drastic. Because she would not take away Hope's comfort...not even when she wanted to rip her away. But she had dodged Lebreau just in time as the girl came out...and headed to her room with her chaotic thoughts running their paces through her head. _Just being overprotective..._ She reasoned, _I mean, I thought he was dead this morning._

Hope, oblivious to the chaos that could now surround him, sighed again and laid back down, letting his eyes finally drift close. He took deep breaths, forcing the dark thoughts away, and fell into a restless sleep.

But the fear still lingered.

* * *

Two lonely people  
thrown into a difficult fate against their will  
find each other amongst the starlight  
hoping to find solace in each other  
if only for a moment

**This lovely poem is from Coldman9, a gift for the HopexLebreau moments I have included in this story. However you look at their relationship thus far (I will not tell, that would ruin some of the story for you), this poem spoke of their predicament to me, and I liked it very much. A special thanks to Coldman9!**


	7. Meeting

**Another update! Hoorah!**

**Puppy-Love: For now though, she just passes it off as her being over protective. Poor light! You could save yourself a lot of trouble...**

**Broken Hope: Indeed he does! Love sick Hope... I'm glad you liked their moment. For some reason, I think I'd enjoy a piece about the two to them.**

**Hope's Light: Yay! Not too much of her reaction in this chapter, but you'll see her reaction! :)**

**Wolfie: Poor Hope indeed! Oh Light, if only you knew. **

**Naoto07: Jealous Lightning can be scary! :)**

**I do hope you all like this chapter. I feel nervous for some reason, but maybe that's just me? Hm, well, we will see. **

**Also, a stupid little filter on here has decided that ! and ? can no longer be together, much to my never ceasing frustration. If anything is confusing because of this, I apologize now. I find the thing rather...stupid. From now on, I may have it as ! ? to keep the actual meaning there. Because that is a tad ridiculous.**

**Thanks to all my readers for being so supportive! I love hearing what you think, but I love my silent readers too! :) Makes me happy to know you're reading and enjoying this! I hope you all like this chapter as well!**

* * *

"_Look Hope...just like I said. There's Cocoon...you can even see the crystal shining from here..." _

"_It's important to know Hope. Later on it could save you. Maybe more than just you."_

"_I need you Hope. You have no idea how important you are."_

"_I'll always be near you Hope."_

"_Why Hope?"_

"_It doesn't matter...in the scheme of things, they make little difference. Why worry about them...they were doomed from the start."_

"_You shouldn't run Hope. Hic habitat felicitas...(1)"_

"_But...this is you. It was always you...deep down. Don't worry...you'll get used to it..."_

"_Hope...you can't run from this..."_

"_Hope...this _is _you. Part of you. Inseparable. The sooner you accept that...the better."_

"NO!" Hope shouted, shooting out of bed. Several deep and desperate breaths escaped him, trying to calm him as he worked to separate reality from the dream. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, mussing up the already unruly locks. He proceeded to rub the bridge of his nose and step onto the floor, taking in another deep breath before he would leave to start his day.

And then it all came rushing back to him, everything that had happened yesterday. The little energy he had managed to procure in waking up was gone in an instant and Hope wanted to crawl back into bed. The day had already been too long and he had barely made it three steps from that bed. _Ugh...what's going to happen now? I don't even want to think about it..._

_And Rygdea...who knows what he's planning. Better go face the music._

Hope sighed again and looked around the room, remembering that he, in fact, lacked clothes for the day. They had been left in his suitcase, which, in his panic, was left with his cycle. He groaned and went toward the door, resigned to retrieve it, when his foot bumped into something. He looked down and there, hidden by a pillow that had fallen off the bed during the night, was his suitcase.

Hope's face split into a warm smile and he silently thanked whoever brought it up. He slung the thing onto the bed and proceeded to pull out the few things he had from it. "I have less clothes than I thought..." Hope mumbled to himself, wondering if he should have brought the others after all. He shrugged and pushed the thought aside, pulling off his old cloak and the clothes underneath. His white, burned brand flashed slightly from the light pouring in from the windows and Hope reached a hand to scratch at it before pulling a long sleeved shirt over his head.

Once he had finished dressing and taming his hair, he went downstairs toward the kitchen, seeing Serah feeding Hazel. She looked over at him as he entered, and her eyes widened in surprise. Then the memories of yesterday seemed to catch up with her, for her eyes softened and she gave him a warm smile.

"Hey Hope," she said, handing Hazel the spoon so she could try to feed herself. The mess would be atrocious, but the smile on the girl's face as she was handed the spoon convinced Serah it would be all right. "What would you like for breakfast?"

Hope gave her a nervous smile and sat at the table, eying the kitchen as he answered, "Whatever is available Serah. Don't stress too much about it though..."

"Eggs then!" She started to prepare the pans and grab the ingredients she would need. Hope scanned the kitchen as she went. It was medium sized, white walls but wooden counters. The trim was slightly darker and the handles looked like old brass. Hope smiled as he looked at the details...

"It's old fashioned," he said to himself. Serah just hummed in agreement, already working on scrambled eggs. "Where is everyone?" he asked eventually.

"Well, Light and Snow had to go with Rygdea to talk to some of the military officials. Specifically, with Lt. Amodar. Rygdea said that it'd be fine," Serah mended when she saw Hope's eyes widen, "It's nothing big, just about what branch you'll be working in. He told me to tell you that he will only give them the details they need." Hope sighed in relief at this, letting himself lean back in the chair. Serah looked as if she wanted to ask what those details were, but thought better of it, and returned to cooking. Hazel began to slam her spoon down on her plate, making a loud clinking sound. Hope reached to stop her, only to have his hand beat back and eggs rubbed and spilled on his hand.

Hope rose to clean it off, Serah continuing, "Lebreau and Maqui are still sleeping...Yuj and Gadot said they'd be dropping by when they could to take you guys somewhere. And Sazh and Dajh had to check into a hotel," Serah ticked off, breaking apart the eggs and pushing them on a plate for Hope.

"Thanks Serah," he said, taking the fork she handed him and digging in. He smiled fondly on the as he ate, wondering when the last time he had a decent meal was. Not that he'd ever say it out loud...Lebreau might kill him if he did.

"No problem Hope," she said, sitting down in front of him and prying the spoon from Hazel. She started to cry at the removal of her tool, prompting Serah to pull her from the chair and rock her. Hope watched with mild interest, wondering how things could have escalated as much as they had within such a few short hours. It ran through his head over and over...it was almost incomprehensible.

"So...where did Rygdea say we'd be staying?" Hope asked as the silence stretched on.

Serah turned to him, Hazel slumped and sleepy looking on her shoulder, "I thought that was obvious Hope. You'll be staying with us," she whispered.

"B-But Serah. All of us?"

"Not Rygdea, he said he had another place to stay."

"But Serah, that's a little much. I don't want to be a-"

"Snow told me about why you decided to hide." Hope froze, wondering how Serah could sound so menacing when she was only whispering, "And I think it's _sweet_ how you thought you were helping us out. Living with Lightning, I can understand what you were trying to do." She sat down again, rubbing the back of Hazel's head, "But if you think for a second that I'm going to let you go again, you've got another thing coming. You will _all_ be staying here. It really is no trouble at all. Okay?"

"But-"

"_Okay?_"

"Yeah...no problem..." Hope finally managed, wanting to back away.

"Good! I better go put Hazel down for a nap. So much excitement last night has her all tired out. I'll be back in a second." She stood and was almost out of the room when she turned back to Hope, a dangerously sweet smile on her face, "Remember to finish your eggs Hope." The moment she left, Hope cleaned his plate.

_Are all the Farrons scary?_

* * *

"Thanks for coming with me you two. This would have been a lot harder without someone around to keep these guys from trying to kill me on sight," Rygdea joked as they walked down one of the halls of New Bodhum's military headquarters. Snow laughed as well, but Lightning seemed to disgruntled to care and stared straight ahead, walking quickly to get to Lt. Amodar. Sure, last night was bothering her a little..._or a lot..._but that wasn't the only reason. At least not anymore. Rygdea had kept them in the dark about what he was going to do, only saying that it was important for them to talk with whoever was in charge to try and set it straight. After that, it would be up to the military what happened to them.

But that was too vague for her.

They reached the doors that led to the office Amodar waited in and Snow wasted no time knocking, much to Lightning's disapproval. She may have been eager as well, but she knew when to wait. Not that it ever seemed to stop Snow, but in some cases, she found it to be a good thing. And since he was technically part of a special branch of the military, as was she as she would often forget, they could take certain liberties in case of an emergency.

And several people they had thought to be dead suddenly appearing out of nowhere and saying they knew about the person who had been behind the recent C'ieth attacks...definitely seemed like an emergency. At least, she hoped Amodar would see it that way.

"Come in," Amodar's voice called, deep and reassuring. When Snow stepped in, his face broke out into a smile, "Really Villiers? I thought you'd be happy with a little extra vacation time. Now if it was Lightning I'd understand but-" Amodar stopped the moment Lightning and Rygdea entered the room. His eyes briefly went to Light's before he brought them to the scruffy man next to her, hardly daring to believe his eyes. Several shocked seconds ticked by before Amodar cleared his throat, "What is the meaning of this."

"I know it seems hard to believe sir, but this is Rygdea, former leader of the Cavalry. He's come here to try and help us with our situation," Lightning supplied quickly, hearing the growl in Amodar's voice. Amodar's eyes narrowed on Rygdea, but for his part, the man did not falter.

"Rygdea? And how do we know this isn't some ruse. A spy or-"

"Trust me sir," Snow said this time. Adding the sir was enough to get Amodar's attention, and his eyes flickered toward Snow, "We have more than enough proof that this guy's the real deal."

"And what's that?"

"The return of several of our loved ones...who had been presumed dead after the accident three years ago," Lightning said, throat tightening at the thought. Amodar's eyes widened ever more, and he looked between Snow and Light, as if searching for any deception. Eventually he sunk back into his chair and stared at the ceiling, mumbling incoherent thoughts of what was happening around him. Lightning stayed still, watching her superior, while Rygdea and Snow exchanged glances. "Sit down you three," Amodar said after a long silence, "We need to talk."

They did so, pulling up the closest chairs near Amodar. Amodar's eyes never left Rygdea's form, half expecting him to vanish if he did. "So..." Rygdea started, feeling slightly awkward under his gaze, "I'm guessing you want an explanation?"

"Yes Rygdea. When you suddenly pop out of nowhere after people thought you were dead...or worse...people usually expect one."

"Yeah...that seems to be everyone's thing. Do you want to ask questions or should I just-start?"

"Just start."

"Right."

* * *

"And this Saorise..." Amodar said, glaring at the table, "She was the one behind the attacks on New Bodhum yesterday?" Rygdea nodded, Amodar catching it out of the corner of his eye, and his glare intensified, "But why? Why coordinate attacks on New Bodhum. Or any of these locations...there's no pattern. None at all."

Rygdea cleared his throat and all heads turned to him. Rygdea looked toward Snow and Lightning first, "You are not to tell the others, especially Hope, that I let you hear this, understand?" They gave quick nods and Rygdea sighed, continuing, "There is a pattern in it, but it's been breaking lately. She's been trying to track one of my men down, Hope Estheim."

"One of the l'Cie from before, correct?" Amodar said, the name still sounding too familiar. Then it hit him; he was one of the people Lightning and Snow had been grieving for after the incident. But they brought it up so little at work...it had slipped his mind. He gave the two an apologetic look, but they shook their heads in understanding.

Rygdea nodded, continuing, "Yes. She has been after him for the past few months, so I've been restricting the times he could go out and patrol." Amodar's eye twitched slightly at this, not liking the idea that his city was being patrolled by others, him none the wiser, but allowed Rygdea to continue, "However, the few areas he would patrol, several C'ieth would be sent out to try and detain him. None of the incidents have proven successful...but even then, I feel like she's just toying with us."

"If there had been so many attacks before, why didn't we notice it?"

"We don't always patrol the cities you know, I do have them running investigations on just what these brands mean. So more remote locations have been hit as well. However, within the past two weeks...she's been sending them straight to cities, whether I sent Estheim out or not. The largest we've seen was yesterday and the usually don't reach the city."

"That would explain the spike in activity, and why I suddenly have three dead men due to C'ieth strikes, but why the change? Was she trying to lure Hope out into the open?"

"I thought that at first as well, but when I sent him out as a sort of test, they didn't directly try to harm him. Or try to detain him for that matter. It was like...they were trying to pull him somewhere. But I can never let it go on too long, or he really will end up in her hands. It's too much of a risk to try and let them take him."

"What about just letting the C'ieth lead you all to the location?" Lightning offered, "Or do they try to attack civilians too often to try it."

"I did consider it, but like you said, with civilians it makes it hard. That's one of the reasons I came to you. If a C'ieth attack should happen again, the military could perform an evacuation of the area. Then we could follow the C'ieth uninhibited. Assuming they're going somewhere at all."

"Yes...I can see how that could work. But what if this Saorise catches on?"

"True...we'd need to give her incentive to continue...but doing that-"

"Would endanger Hope..." Lightning finished. She glared at Rygdea, daring him to even try and suggest it, but he shook his head.

"Don't worry about that one Lightning. I won't put him in that kind of danger."

Amodar gave a frustrated sigh, "Then that means we have to do the tracking ourselves. We need to find out more about this Saorise character...what she's planning, what she can do. The fact that she can force the C'ieth into submission and have them actually pick out targets is alarming enough, but now it seems she has business with Chou..."

Rygdea glared down at his hands, then glanced at Snow and Lightning before speaking, "I do have an idea of where we could start. The problem is, it will require a lot of air travel. Several teams will have to work on it at once."

"And what would that be?"

"Estheim had spent a year with Saorise before she revealed her true colors...and more likely than not there will be information there. It was...and hopefully still is, where she lived."

"Does Estheim know the location then?"

"No...when he got away from her..." Rygdea was looking increasingly uncomfortable, and Lightning felt her curiosity and concern for Hope increase, "When he got away from her, he had no way of tracking the location on a map. That's just how remote it is. However, there is one detail he was able to give me, and I think it'll be key in finding it."

"And?"

"The area, and it's small, is covered in snow. All year round. It's not on a mountain, not anywhere cold, but covered in snow. Hope said it was because of her-her magic."

"That does make it easier...but it will take a while to find," Amodar mumbled.

"Do you want us to get started on looking for it?"

"Well hold on Rygdea, you said you brought a couple of these people over, and that they're experts at fighting these C'ieth, right?"

"Yes..."

"We'll find the location first, then get you to investigate it. In the meantime, I want to keep you close by in case any more of these attacks happen."

"Sure it's not to keep an eye on me?"

"You can never be too careful. Besides...strange as it sounds, we could use some of that l'Cie magic, restricted or not. It really hammers down those C'ieth. And you said so yourself, you brought them here to get them home. What's the point in doing that of you have them on an airship, flying Maker knows where, for what could easily turn into weeks." Rygdea considered the man's words. Thoughts of Hope and his reaction to this whole plan quickly entered his mind and his decision was made.

"All right then."

Amodar nodded in satisfaction, then turned back toward Snow and Lightning, "As of now, your branches in the Guardian Corp. are temporarily disbanded." Snow opened his mouth at this and even Lightning was glaring, but Amodar quickly plowed on, "To form another, special branch during this investigation. Your teams and several other selected soldiers will be cooperating with the men brought in by Rygdea. Your teams will be responsible for the eradication of any C'ieth in future attacks, as well as investigating their behavior. You will also be sent to the locations where Saorise is believed to be hiding, and will be investigating her home when it is located. Is that understood?"

"Yes sir."

"No problem."

Amodar smiled slightly, glancing at Rygdea who only gave him a confused look, "And once the additional soldiers are selected, I think it would be fitting to give the others a warm welcome, don't you think Rygdea? A celebration of the new team, and a celebration of the dead's sudden return?"

It was Rygdea's turn to smile, although his was more of a full blown grin, "Hell yeah! That's exactly what we need! And _all_ members of this new branch in the military must attend!" Rygdea looked toward Lightning at this, and she felt her insides go cold and her eyes lighted with anger. But Rygdea only smiled through it, while Snow cheered beside her, her eyes almost burning holes into the table.

"Looks like you'll have to go shopping for some clothes. A nice dress Light?" Snow joked, sending her a smug smile.

He walked out with a limp.

* * *

Hope was playing with Hazel when the three returned, Maqui fiddling with a small gadget on the couch, and Lebreau lazily flipping through television channels. They all looked up upon their arrival, Hazel dislodging herself from her spot and running unsteadily toward Snow. "Daddy!" she squealed in happiness. He scooped her up and twirled her around, earning more delighted squeals.

"Missed me?" he asked her once he settled her in his arms. She nodded fervently and began to babble about her day, only some of the words coming out right and making sense. Lightning smiled fondly and seated herself next to Lebreau while Rygdea went to see what Maqui was working on.

"How'd it go?" Hope asked, looking over at Lightning with a curious expression. Her eyes softened when they landed on him, and while Hope wasn't sure if it was intentional, it made his cheeks color all the same. Telling his brain and his hormones to get it together, he straightened himself.

"It went well enough. Amodar was open to the explanation, and he says he'll help."

"Yeah," Rygdea chipped in, turning away from Maqui, "He's going to help us find out what she's up to and where she's hiding out." Light watched Hope stiffen at his words, and his smile seemed more forced.

"That's good. The sooner we find her, the better."

Rygdea saw his discomfort and quickly continued, "It doesn't stop there though. The man even made a separate branch for us to work in. Snow's little gang will be in it, and that includes Lightning." Rygdea gave Hope a knowing smirk, and the boy colored at it. But rather than let himself be frazzled, Hope turned to Light.

"You've been working with Snow?"

"Yes...I requested the transfer a while ago. Instead of just dealing with infractions and investigations, we travel to locations on Pulse. We determine if they're inhabitable, the wildlife surrounding it and what it'll mean for construction sites, and other things like that." Hope's eyebrows rose, but he smiled at her.

"That's awesome Light."

"Hey now, I haven't told ya the best part!" Rygdea interrupted, "They'll be throwing a little party in our honor here. In a week or so, after Amodar has picked out the other soldier being placed in this new division, we'll all be attending a celebration of it's birth! And our return, as an added bonus." Light scowled at this, but Lebreau jumped up, looking excited.

"Really? It's been ages since we've done anything fun!"

"Try acting your age Lebreau. It's not a high school party," Hope said.

"No way, I don't want to hear that talk from _you!_ If anyone should be excited, you should be. You're nineteen Hope, try acting like it."

"I'd rather not."

Lightning's frown deepened as she watched them, but she pushed it aside for now and she looked at Maqui, making the man jump, "Did Yuj and Gadot dropped by yet?"

"N-No..."

"Good. We'll go shopping when they get here. That's what they were going to drag you all into anyway."

"That's right!" Snow said, moving his hand away from Hazel's fingers, "I better let Serah know. And Sazh and Dajh too!"

"We don't all have to do our shopping at once," Lightning said, crossing her arms. But Snow ignored her as he hurried from the room. Hope turned to her, eyes concerned.

"Sorry Light. I know you're not much of a party person."

"It's fine Hope. At least it's over something I don't mind celebrating. And it's a serious matter, so it'll be formal." Hope smiled again at her. The mature, small smile that just seemed to develop over the years he had been away. But in his eyes she could see something darker...and it concerned her. She thought of what Rygdea had said earlier...of his reactions when they discussed Saorise...and again wondered what happened.

But that wasn't all she saw...and it made her nervous...it something else...something she couldn't quite get...couldn't quite understand yet.

She would have to talk to Serah soon about what Hope said to her three years ago...

...and why she felt so nervous about it to begin with.

* * *

1) Latin: Here dwells Happiness.


	8. Shopping

**Who's ready for an update and some serious announcements? I know I am!**

**Puppy-Love: And her brand of scary is the sweet kind! So...unsuspecting!**

**Broken Hope: Isn't it though? If I could go shopping every time I had to worry about something... *sigh***

**Wolfie: I love it when Lightning gets jealous! It's cute :) I hope you like this chapter too!**

**Hope's Light: *giggle* Poor Light. Even if she did, what could she say? What were you thinking, kissing Hope on the forehead in an effort to comfort him? ! Poor, poor Light. Hope you like this chapter!**

**So...this chapter is a little early. There is a reason for that! It may take me a little longer to post the next chapter. A friend is coming over that I haven't seen in a while, so this weekend will be about having fun! Which means I won't have much time to work on Chapter 9 and 10. I figured I'd post this for you guys now in exchange for a longer wait for Chapter 9. trust me though, I think you guys will love this chapter! So...longer wait okay?**

**Also, this is an IMPORTANT NOTE! This chapter will be moved to the M section when I post chapter 9. This is not because of the contents of chapter 9, but for the content of later chapters. It is NOT for Sexual Content. Remember, NOT for sexual content. It will be for some rather descriptive gore that will come into play much later, and for a few things dispersed here and there that may illicit the rating. This is after a careful review of where the story is going and the need for details for it to stay true. I hope you will all continue reading despite the upgrade to an M rating. And I hope I've given you ample time to read this rather important note. **

**So thank you an enjoy the next installment!**

* * *

"So you snooped through our things? !" Lebreau snapped, glaring at Yuj as they piled out of the transport vehicle. The blue-haired man simply shrugged, not looking the least bit bothered by the accusation.

"It's not as if there was much to rifle through. You barely have anything with you. But this party coming up is the perfect excuse to go shopping for you. And since it'll be funded by the Guardian Corps..." Yuj smiled at that, a strange glint in his eye, "We can have a little fun."

Lightning and Hope followed them shortly after, Snow and Serah, along with their daughter Hazel, coming as well. Maqui was rolling his eyes next to Yuj while Gadot had promised to meet up with them once he had found a suitable place to park. _And Rygdea? What about him?_

_Sneaky bastard... "Here! Just take my measurements, I'm sure you'll find something amazing for me!" He just didn't want to do this himself. Well, since he has so much confidence in my ability to choose for him, maybe a nice, yellow suit is in order. I'm sure they have those..._

Hope smiled at the thought and straightened up a little, his revenge on Rygdea already clear in his mind. Light glanced back at him, a confused look on her face, and he realized he must have laughed. Chuckling nervously, Hope waved it off, saying he was just excited about the party. A lie, of course, but she believed him.

He was more or less terrified of the party...he would be surrounded by people, there would be dancing, and he'd see Light in a dress. Not that he didn't like the thought, oh no, quite the opposite. But then, there was the whole confessing to her before he presumably fell to his death, only to come back three years later. Call him crazy, but he felt just a _tad_ bit awkward around Light.

He had no idea what to say to her about it...or even if he should say anything. He had been sixteen after all, and once he fell, he doubted she had really given much consideration to his words. It had just been blurted out; it was to let her know how he felt in what he had thought would be the last moments of his life. He had been sixteen...she would not have taken him seriously. Even with all those months of pining for her...trying to figure out what it meant...she'd say it was just a crush. And for a while...he had thought so too...but seeing her again, seeing her again just made him light on fire...he wanted to hold her and tell her that he was sorry. Tell her that he loved her.

He had been away from her for so long, he'd forgotten how light he felt when she was near. She made the memories fade into nothing but a sort of background noise...something no one else seemed to be able to do. Hell, he was more of himself around her...and that was just after one day. He _did_ feel safer, like Rygdea had said, but the reason was far more complicated than the man knew.

And he really wanted to tell her...but he knew it wasn't the time.

"Hope, you're zoning out again," Maqui mentioned from beside him. Hope jumped and looked around, blushing when he saw that everyone was staring at him. And that they were already inside the store. _Wait-when did we?_

"Sorry everyone," Hope murmured, scratching the back of his neck. Snow shrugged and clapped him on the shoulder.

"It's fine Hope. Let's just get started. We'll meet you girls in about two hours, all right?" Snow said, already steering Hope towards a suit warehouse. Serah stopped Snow for a quick goodbye kiss, who also got a hug from his daughter, before letting him go.

"Just remember, we're shopping for everyday clothes for Hope, Lebreau, and Maqui as well, so we will not be done in two hours," Lightning reminded as she, Serah, and Lebreau went farther down the store. Snow groaned at the realization before dragging his feet over to the suit shop, wondering how long this was _really _going to take. Hope was wondering the same thing and when Yuj had pulled them all aside, taking out a note pad with their measurements and muttering about what would look best, Hope knew they would be there for a while.

* * *

"Yuj, I really don't think it matters what kind of tie I wear with this thing..." Snow grumbled, finding that his frustration was getting harder and harder to keep in check. Yuj looked up at him, shaking his head.

"Of course it matters! You think Serah is going to go, 'Oh, it doesn't matter what hair accessory I pick'? Of course she will, and she will choose what best fits her figure and brings out her best attributes. And believe me, I actually want to make you look good next to her, as hard as it sounds," Yuj lectured, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"I do look good next to her! Does my wedding mean nothing!"

"And who was the one who organized your fitting, just what you would be wearing, how it looked best, and got everything just right? _Including_ your hair." Snow could only grumble at this, averting his eyes, and Yuj gave him a smug smile. "That's what I thought."

Hope watched with a smirk on his face, barely feeling any sympathy for the man after what he had went through with Yuj. Maqui was trying not to laugh aloud, biting down on his fist to keep from crying out. Gadot had arrived some time ago, and even he had managed to get everything done faster than Snow. To be fair, they had to wait for a custom fit for Snow. The man was just too tall to find anything he could just put on. Furthermore, Yuj's insistence on finding the "just right" with everything was wearing down on them all.

They just silently thanked Maker the man had already had a suit prepared for himself.

Seriously, Yuj made the man who usually does this...cry.

"I think...the pale blue tie will work best with this..." Yuj finally declared, throwing down all the other ties in varying shades of blue he had found. _Seriously, _who _needed that many shades of blue? For a tie no less?_

"Finally!" Snow sighed. Yuj rolled his eyes and went to the counter with the suits, including the measurements Snow would need for his custom. Gadot and Maqui were merciless in their teasing as Snow sat down with them, and even Hope had to smirk as Snow complained about how long it had taken to pick out his shoes. "Almost as long as it took him to pick out my tie!" He placed his beanie back on his head, grumbling about how it did not make him look stupid. Yuj had refused to work with him while he wore the thing, saying that he wasn't wearing it to the party anyway, and having it on would throw everything off.

And, that it was silly.

Yuj returned with several bags draped over his arms, smiling wide, "All taken care of!" he announced, "Snow's suit will be delivered in about three days, well before the party, so it should be fine. And I got a nice, _normal_ suit for Rygdea, so no problems there. Now how about we find the girls?"

"Finally! Only Serah can heal me after the horror I had witnessed!" Snow dramatized and stood up. Hope shook his head and stood as well, following them out. He offered to carry a few of the bags, but Yuj shook his head, saying there would be plenty to carry once they were shopping for clothes for him and Maqui. Groaning internally at the thought, Hope and the others followed Yuj to the store that Serah, Lightning, and Lebreau were located. No one dared to ask how Yuj knew where it was. Sure, it could have been a perfectly normal and understandable reason, like consulting one for the maps in the large mall.

But, better safe than sorry.

They entered the store, the walls white and unblemished, with racks and racks of dresses, skirts, and all manner of fancy wear. The sheer amount of colors almost made them faint. Hope blinked and blinked again as his eyes were assaulted with colors, feeling the urge to turn around, walk out, and never come back. However, a sharp prodding in his back kept him moving forwards, and a shout from one of the changing rooms had them all swerving around the corner to see what the problem was.

They were met with one very flustered Serah who had her hands covering her daughter's ears, a loud and swearing Light as she literally threw the dress in her hands at a howling Lebreau. Light proceeded to yank the dark-haired woman up and shake her, demanding what the hell was so funny about trying to make her wear a dress like that. Snow started to crack up, hand going towards his stomach, and Maqui appeared somewhere between laughing and cowering in the face of Lightning's wrath.

"You don't have to wear that one Light, she was only joking," Serah placated. Lightning seethed but the cursing had finally stopped, so Serah slowly removed her hands from her daughter's ears. "Now come on, I bet we can find a nice color for you!"

"Me dwess! Me dwess!"

Serah smiled at her daughter and nodded, "And then we'll get Hazel's dress!"

Lightning rolled her eyes and threw the dress that Lebreau had picked out at the woman. Hope had a chance to see that it was a dark color, low cut, and ended well above the knee. Pushing down the mental images it brought up, he tried to concentrate on what Yuj was saying instead.

"Since we'll be having partners, and neither Lebreau nor Lightning seems to have picked out a dress...in _two _hours-"

"Hey!" Lebreau interrupted, looking annoyed, "That's not our fault! Serah was being so picky! And she _had _to pick out her dress first."

"Regardless," Yuj plowed on before Serah could protest, "We still need to set up who will partner with Lebreau and Lightning. It will make picking their dresses easier, since their colors will be similar to what the boys are wearing. The ties and vests and such," Yuj added at their confused looks.

"Fine..." Serah said, not even noticing the tension that had appeared in the air after the mention of Lightning and the word partner in the same sentence, "Come on Snow, let's go find a dress for Hazel."

"ME!" Hazel shouted happily. Serah smiled again and glanced back briefly as Snow joined her, wrapping his arm around her waist. They both gave the group smiles and Hope was sure that they _did_ know about the tension. They were just getting away before the explosion.

"I don't need a partner," Light stated, crossing her arms.

"Of course you do," Yuj replied without even hesitating, even after Lightning had shot him a death glare. "This is a formal affair, which means the ladies will need escorts. Since there are more gentlemen than ladies, a few of us will be left out, but that is nothing that can't be mended with a quick call around our inner circle. However, you Light, will get the chance to take someone you know well and can stand, so I see no reason-"

Yuj promptly silenced at the look she was giving him now though. He swore he felt that as if he would die in some horrible, burning way from the glare she gave him. That was a new one.

Hope felt his heart racing but did not dare voice his thoughts out loud. Thoughts of maybe being the one to escort Lightning...even when his stomach did odd flips and something weird tightened in his chest. The way Light was looking, however, seemed like she was prepared to kill someone. Lebreau seemed unaffected though, and began to speak, "I know it's important that the girls get paired up, but shouldn't we make sure that Hope and Maqui get someone too? Preferably someone they know?" Lebreau stretched a little, waving at the cashier girl who glared at them for their noise and mischief, "I mean, it's kind of about us too, so maybe they should get a say? Who do they want to be paired with?"

Yuj seemed to consider her words and looked around the group, weighing their options. Lightning felt a strange rise of panic in her chest and she glanced at Lebreau, then towards Maqui and Hope. Before she could even think, she had spoken, "If that's the case, I'll partner up with Hope."

Silence followed her words, and while Lightning kept her mask in place, she did feel the heat of embarrassment trying to crawl its way to her cheeks. Pointedly ignoring it, she crossed her arms, "I'm not going to be spending time with gear-head over there if I can help it." Maqui glared at her but it did not do much to intimidate her, "Besides, I've known Hope longer. I'd prefer spending time with him." About a dozen other reasons started to fly through her mind but she squashed them down. Her reasons made sense. She doubted that Maqui had matured much in three years, and even if he had, that did not mean she wanted to spend time with him.

Besides...she still wanted to be with Hope. She still had that strange feeling in her stomach...a tightly coiled fear that she might still lose him; like she was trying to make up for lost time. There were so many emotions following it...they swirled inside her, confusing her more, and she half expected to wake up from this dream.

She was by the Phoenix Fal'Cie again and talking with Hope about nothing in particular. They glanced over at Lebreau and Maqui, nothing really wrong. Then, that feeling of foreboding was washing over them both. There was screaming, crying, and confessions. It was a swirl of panic, fear, and regret. His sweaty hand so loose in her grip, her arm flaring with pain...his hand slipping from hers...so steadily...so steadily...he was going to fall! She had to pull him up...up! Come on!

"Light? Light!" She blinked when she felt someone shaking her and raised her fist to strike, only to stop when she saw it was Hope. He looked pale and his eyes were filled with concern. Then it hit her...she had been having a flashback...she had panicked...she had actually gone _back_ to that time...in the middle of the store...in front of the others.

"Light, are you all right?" Hope asked, still holding her arm and looking at her with green, worried eyes, "Yuj was saying something but then...then your eyes went all dull and you started to shake." Lightning broke completely from her daze and looked at Hope in alarm. Sensing what she was going to ask, Hope cut her off with a shake of the head, "I took you away before they could really notice. Yuj looked mad, but I just said I'd help you pick out your dress and all." He gave her a comforting smile and led her to one of the other changing rooms. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, nodding towards one.

She smiled slightly at his rather unconventional talking spot but shook her head, "It's all right. I'm still just trying to take it in..." Lightning reassured.

Hope gave her a skeptical look, but when she showed no signs of talking, his eyes softened and he smiled. "I understand how you feel...I'm kind of nervous myself. I mean...this is the last place I thought I'd be..." His voice trailed off and he stared off into the store, not really seeing it, "The very last place..." he added in a whisper. His eyes darkened even further, and curiosity quickly gave way to concern. She touched his shoulder but he flinched, his head whipping around.

"It's okay Hope..."

His mouth opened slightly, angry that he allowed himself to fall into his memories, and quickly tried to mend it, "Sorry about that Light. Just thinking is all."

"About what?" she asked. Hope had to swallow when he saw the concern in her eyes, even though she still kept her expression guarded. He almost smiled to himself. He was supposed to be comforting her, not the other way around.

"I...it's really nothing Light." He could tell she knew otherwise, and that the matter was far from settled, but she seemed to accept it for now. "We should find you a dress," Hope mentioned after a few moments, "I mean, we might as well after taking you away to do that." He looked at her again, his concern returning, "Are you sure you're okay?"

She nodded, a ghost of a smile on her face, and turned towards the racks, "We should make this quick then. Who knows how long we'll be here after this..."

"Yeah, sorry about that. We'll force him to only get five outfits for us for now. Or maybe we can sneak away and do my shopping when we're done."

"I _do_ have the other military credit card."

Hope smiled at that, looking a little mischievous, and playfully thrust his arm out, as if he were to escort her, "Shall I take you to the dresses then?" Light raised an eyebrow and brushed past him, but not before Hope saw the smile on her face. Smiling slightly to himself, he followed her, barely holding back a snicker as she roughly pushed away several...shorter dresses.

"What do I need?" Light asked, pushing through a few dresses with a bored look.

"Well, Yuj went a little crazy. He had to find just the right shade of green for my eyes, but make it a simple enough green that it would be easy to pair with." Hope rolled his eyes, again wondering what normal clothes shopping would be like with Yuj. He silently hoped for his friends' safety. "But honestly, I don't think it'll matter. You'll look good in anything." Hope resisted the urge to smack himself at the blatantly obvious compliment. _Whatever happened to subtlety? To being smooth? To my pride?_

"Green huh?" For her part, Light had let Hope's dignity get away with just a limp after the obvious flattery. She pushed a few dresses down the rack, chewing her cheek slightly as she tried not to think about the compliment. For some reason she thought of Serah, but quickly remembered that she wanted to talk to her sister about this. About many things...

"It doesn't have to be green," Hope pointed out after a moment, fingering the dresses as his nerves returned, "I'm kind of tempted to pick something else, just to piss Yuj off."

Lightning snorted and walked towards another rack, feeling the dresses' material in her fingers. She refused to have some overly tight thing to wear, not when she would be at this party for hours. Nothing too short either...but not too modest also. She would never hear the end of it from Snow if she were too modest...besides, she was not that much of a prude!

Hope watched as Lightning mechanically moved the dresses around, eyes roving each one before hastily putting them on the reject side. Letting his eyes drift to the dress he held in his fingers, and realizing that it was a horrid shade of hot pink, he let it go as if he was burned. He was truly out of his element in this place...

"Done," Lightning stated.

"What? Already?" Hope asked, turning towards Light. She had a pale green dress in her hands, holding it up to herself to give Hope an idea of what it would look like. He blushed, mouth suddenly dry, and nodded. "It looks...good. B-But are you sure you don't want to try it on and make sure it-"

"It'll be fine. It is not as if I've never shopped for myself before." Hope gulped and nodded, following Lightning as she walked up to the cashier. "Make sure the others aren't watching." Hope nodded and carefully positioned himself in view of the others. They were laughing as Lebreau came out in a dark lilac dress, the girl playfully swaying her hips. Hope made sure none of them looked their way as he heard the bell from the cashier but he nearly jumped when Light tapped his shoulder.

"Jeez," he breathed, his heart thumping.

"Let's go," Lightning said, turning around and leading the way out of the store without another word. Was she angry? Hope hurried behind her, a little wary at her sudden irritation, but it dispelled as they entered another store. He breathed a sigh of relief as he followed Light into the store, noticing her looking through the racks of men's shirts. "What size do you wear?" she asked, toying with a dark green dress shirt.

"Oh! It's here." Hope dug through his pockets, pulling out a small paper with Yuj's handwriting all across it. "He even goes crazy with the measuring." Light smirked and glanced at the paper, pulling the shirt off as she read it. "Hold this," she said, thrusting the shirt at him. Hope smiled and draped the thing on his arm, watching as Lightning began to pull down a few more shirts in his size. He felt a little embarrassed that she was picking out his clothes, but her method was far more efficient than Yuj's...and he did like most of what she was getting anyways. And luckily for him, they were mostly long sleeves too.

Hope watched as the shirt count in Light's arms continued to grow. They were mostly green, red, black, and a few other neutral colors. His eyes widened when they reached the tenth, this time a dark sweater, and this time he stopped her. "I think that'll do." She turned to him and he quickly removed his arm, but she shrugged.

"All right. But since the Lieutenant seems to want to drag me to this party." She took another shirt from the rack despite Hope's interference. "And have all the others come," Another shirt, "As well as making us shop for this thing." Yet _another_ shirt, "I figured I'd take advantage of his offer to pay for it. I mean, he even said we could shop for civilian clothes for you. Why pass it up?"

Hope held back a snicker when thoughts of Light's earlier proposal shot through his head, "A-Are you sure you want to be my partner, Light?"

"I meant what I said." Hope's breath hitched when he thought of her words, _"I'd prefer spending time with him."_ Light held a shirt up to his chest before putting it in the pile. "You're slender..." she noted and Hope's cheeks colored. She shrugged again and asked him to get a cart, saying they would need it for all the pants he would need too. Hope nodded, head still buzzing, and rushed to get one as Light headed for the pants.

* * *

"I can't believe we just left them there," Serah repeated for the umpteenth time as Snow chuckled beside her. Lightning rolled her eyes and Hope chuckled, tearing his eyes away from the cab window.

"What? Did you really want to stay there and wait for Yuj to finish? They're gonna be there until the place closes," Lightning remarked, crossing her arms. Snow laughed even harder, although inside he was cheering his sister-in-law on. Yuj would get back to them soon, with a very annoyed Maqui, Gadot, and Lebreau, and it was not as if they left them without transportation. They just opted for a cab instead, once Lightning had found them and explained that Hope's shopping was finished.

"And they're old enough to handle themselves," Lightning repeated as Serah continued to look guilt-ridden, "It's not like Gadot will get lost. He's been to our house enough to know the way home."

"Ome..," Hazel said, snuggling into her mother. Serah's face immediately softened and she finally smiled at Light.

"I guess you're right." Serah looked at the numerous bags littering the cab and smiled, "What kind of dress did you get Light?"

"A pale green one."

"No, I mean, does it have any little accessories? What was the style? You know, things like that."

"Don't know. It's a dress, that's enough."

Snow rolled his eyes and Hope chuckled again as they pulled up to the Villiers/Farron residence. Snow helped Serah out of the car, Lightning following her with a few bags in her arms, and the boys continued to grab the remaining bags of clothes. Lightning went to the cab driver and paid the man, and the door slammed shut as the boys finished unloading the car. Hazel's eyes widened at the noise, the girl almost crying out, but Serah rubbed circles into her back before she could get started.

_She's calm for a two year old..._ Hope thought as he walked up to the door. Lightning unlocked the entrance and they poured inside, setting the bags down by the couch and on the small table.

"Do you think she'll still want to try on her dress?" Snow asked, patting Hazel's head affectionately.

"No...we should put her down for a nap instead." Hazel shook her head weakly at this statement, lazily looking up at her mother.

"Me dwess..." She lightly pulled on Serah's hair as if it would convince her, "Me dwess."

"Later sweetie." Hazel looked as if she wanted to argue more, but was simply too tired to do it. Serah smiled again, "I'll go put her down for a nap. Then maybe we can see you in that dress, huh Light?" Lightning rolled her eyes but the smile on her face gave her away.

"I guess..." She grabbed several of the bags that the boys had just put down and began to head upstairs, "But let's get these upstairs first." Snow groaned as he and Hope joined Lightning in gathering the bags, each grabbing as many as they could carry. Lightning followed Serah up the stairs, Snow and Hope not far behind, and kicked Hope's door open. Snow placed the bags on Hope's bed, ruffling Hope's hair before going to join Serah.

"Thanks Light," Hope said, smoothing his hair back down, "Wish he'd stop that."

"You know he won't." Lightning waved goodbye, going back downstairs and grabbing her own bag before heading back to her room. Snow and Serah met her on the way, Serah smiling at her sister.

"She's taking a nap now, but she made me promise that we'd let her try on her dress once she woke up. So...do you mind if we see you in your dress Light?" Snow gave her an encouraging nod, knowing Lightning would not even consider it once the others got back.

"Sure..."

"Thanks Claire!" Serah hugged her sister before hurrying down the stairs, smiling all the while. Once she and Snow were in the living room though, she froze, remembering what she had wanted to do. "I forgot my camera in Hazel's room! I don't think I can get it without Light knowing..."

"Get what?" Hope asked as he came down the stairs.

Serah's face lit up, "Hope, can you get my camera? It's in Hazel's room...but I need you to be really quiet."

"Why can't you get it?" Hope asked uncertainly, suddenly feeling very afraid, "What makes you think I'll be any quieter?"

"Are you kidding?" Serah proclaimed, smiling, "You move through this house like a ghost Hope. I don't even know you're in here half the time until you say something." Snow snorted but Serah immediately shushed him. Truth be told, Light would know why Serah was up there again and would try to stop her. After all, it was not the first time she had tried to get a shot of Lightning in formal wear. However, if it was _Hope_ getting the camera...then there'd be a chance.

"I-" Serah pouted, making her lip quiver despite Snow's barely restrained laughter, "I-I-fine!" Rolling his eyes, Hope turned around and began the trek upstairs again.

"Hazel's room is the one on the right!" Serah called, a triumphant smile plastered on her face.

Hope just nodded and climbed the stairs, glancing towards the right as he did so. He grimaced as two doors came into view and he cursed under his breath. _Two doors! Two doors! Serah, why didn't you say there were two doors!_ Hands shaking slightly, and knowing that knocking would give him away, he grabbed the knob on the first door and prayed that it was the right one before opening the door.

_Why didn't I knock? _He thought as the room came into view, _Screw Serah's camera...why didn't I knock? I must have a death wish...that's all there is to it. I wanted to die...and a painful, terrible death. Stealth...screw stealth...I shouldn't have agreed..._

Hope and Lightning stared at each other, frozen in shock and limbs refusing to move. Hope's eyes were wide...and Lightning was very naked. The dress she had in front of her...only did so much. He could still see her smooth skin, her long legs...her hips..._Maker_ he even saw her ches-

"HOPE!" Lightning roared.

He closed his eyes, stomach and chest coiling in fear, embarrassment, and the sense of imminent death. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He tried to stumble out, running into the doorframe but refusing to open his eyes. He hit the wall again, aware of the books and other objects pelting his back as he struggled to get out.

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

Hope jolted and risked opening his eyes, finally managing to get out now that he could see the door. He heard a thud on the floor but did not dare look back as he scrambled to his feet, rushing out as Hazel's cries filled the halls. He nearly cried when he felt Lightning's icy hand grab his collar and pull him back.

"You pervert! You letch! You peeping TOM!" she screeched and began shaking him. She had just managed to get some light clothes on, ripping the drawer out in the process, but that would not stop her from trying to kill him.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Hope pleaded for his life.

"What's going on?" Serah asked curiously as she hurried to her crying daughter only to be met with...Light trying to kill Hope.

Lightning was taken off guard and Hope took it as a chance to slip away, Lightning pursuing him as he flew down the stairs. "Get back here Estheim! I'll kill you! I'll gouge your eyes out!"

"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!" Hope chanted as he ran for the door, not pausing even as Snow tried to question him. He felt Lightning's death grip just ghost over his shirt, but managed to pull out before she could get a firm grasp on him. Lightning flung curse after curse at him, even as he ran down the streets where he would wait until she had cooled down. But the same thing ran over and over in his mind as he stopped in an alley to catch his breath.

_I-I saw Light...naked! I-I can't believe it! Wow...just...wow..._

_I'm such a dead man..._


	9. Resolution

**Another update. It's been a while hasn't it?**

**Anon: I couldn't stop laughing when I read your review. So true, so very true!**

**Puppy-Love: Hope has to do more than run, he has escape to Pulse! Lol.**

**Broken Hope: Isn't he though? *giggle***

**Crystal: Thanks! Glad you liked it! Poor Hope...this is going to be awkward.**

**Wolfram: But can he get away in time? :)**

**Hope's Light: You know? But instead he tries to ask what;s wrong. Then again, who'd want to get in the way of an angry Lightning?**

**Naoto07: Perhaps Hope will die from Lightning wrath? Poor Hope indeed.**

**I realize this update took a while, and I'm sorry. I have fallen under the weather and that was after the holiday came along. Needless to say, it's hard to write when your eyes keep dropping. But I managed to finish the chapter, and it is very long. I know you will be pleased with Chapter 10. But maybe a resolution is in order first? :)**

**And remember everyone, this story has now been bumped to M *NOT FOR SEXUAL CONTENT*. I hope that's okay, and that you know where to find it!**

**On another note, I'm really glad you all seemed to like the last chapter! *giggle* It was fun to write, and thanks for all the great reviews. And those reading silently, I hope you enjoyed it as well! This chapter is a little short, but next chapter will pack a wallop. But here's some funny*I think...I hope...* !**

* * *

Hope sighed and knocked the back of his head against the door, wondering when he would be let back inside. The others had gotten back two hours ago and he had to endure their anger after they were left alone at the store with Yuj. Well, everyone's anger _but_ Yuj who simply said it was his wardrobe's loss. But the others seemed pretty peeved about being left alone with him for several more hours...not that Hope cared much. He had more pressing things to worry about.

Like what would happen if he were ever allowed back inside. Because he was still pretty sure that Light was going to kill him if he so much as stepped foot in there, if her shouts through the door were any indication. And-And he had seen her naked! Naked! He had...even seen...her _chest..._

_Stop thinking about it...stop thinking about it...please let me stop thinking about..._

Very aware of how warm his body was, he bit his lip and looked up, trying to push thoughts of how little the dress had actually covered. How her muscles moved along-

So not working.

"I don't know...if I'm incredibly luck...or incredibly cursed..." Hope sighed to himself, closing his eyes. _I mean...this is really going to make things awkward now...as if it weren't awkward before. And I-I'm going to that party with her too...again, assuming if she doesn't kill me..._

_Oh no..._

_I-I saw her naked...I'm going to the party with her...as her escort...and she-she totally knows...how I feel about her. I mean...I flat out told her...no...no..._

Before he could brood over the matter any longer, the door cracked open, making Hope jump. Serah poked her head through, looking at Hope with a sad, understanding expression. "She went to bed..." Serah said, stepping back as Hope stood up and walked inside, "I thought we'd have to tie her down for a while there...I'm sorry, I didn't think she'd already be changing. And...I forgot to tell you which room," she trailed off, looking nervous.

She bit her lip as he stepped inside the vacant living room, wringing her hands together and casting him nervous glances. Hope smiled and opened his arms, noticing Snow in the doorway that led to the kitchen. Serah gave him a hug and Hope gave a strained laugh, "It's all right Serah. I should have knocked, being stealthy or not."

"Bet you saw more of sis then you ever expected," Snow said, walking in as Serah looked up. She swatted him on the arm and motioned for him to march his butt upstairs. He chuckled and kissed her on the cheek before complying, giving Hope a sly smile as he went.

Serah looked up at him, still looking a little guilty, and Hope shook his head, "Really Serah, it's more my fault than hers." She smiled and released him, joining him as he rested on the couch, "I'm just worried about what this'll mean. I mean, she wanted me to escort her, but now I'm wondering if she'll still want me too. Or if I'll even survive tomorrow."

"She _asked_ you to escort her?"

"Well, it was about as much of a question that Lightning can form. At least over something like that." Hope smiled at her before rubbing his face, exhaustion settling inside him. Two days, only two days of being back, but he felt bone tired. Maybe Rygdea was right when he said he'd been working too hard...a little relaxation couldn't hurt.

If only he wasn't dead...

"I'm sure she'll forgive you Hope. It was an accident after all," Serah said, seemingly reading his thoughts. He shrugged, unsure, but Serah continued, "I mean, if it was anyone else, maybe, but...she cares Hope. She really does."

"I know Serah..." Hope said, smiling slightly, "And I really appreciate her for that...without it..." _Without it...I'd have given up by now..._

"Hope?"

He blinked and looked at Serah, managing another smile, "Sorry about that, kind of zoned out there. But you're right Serah, I'm sure it'll be fine." Hope stood up and stretched, shaking his darker thoughts away, "But I'm not gonna lie, it's gonna be awkward the first few days."

Serah bit her lip, still concerned, but nodded, "I could talk to her, explain what happened."

"Thanks Serah." He cracked his neck before giving her a small wave, "I think I've had enough for today. I'm going to bed." Serah nodded and watched Hope retreat upstairs, worry still etched on her face.

* * *

Lightning grudgingly admitted that after the third day, she was no longer mad at Hope. Her sister had done a lot of explaining, apologizing, and saying that he really hadn't meant to look and that Hope was very, _very_ sorry as well. And looking back, he did genuinely try to get out of her room before he saw anything else.

It was also helped along by the constant battles to avoid each other the first two days. Well, avoidance on Hope's part. Light had been more than a little to willing to find him. But for all her looking, she had barely seen a hint of him. He always dove into another room, rolled behind the couch before zipping away, and even went out a window when she had finally cornered him in his room. The resounding crash was satisfying, but Serah had a problem with that too.

Easy for her to say...Hope hadn't seen _her_ naked.

But that did not stop the unbelievably awkward tension that floated between them once she showed Hope that she would not kill him. It was going on the fourth day since they had really said anything to one another...and it was made all the worse with that upcoming party.

She would be escorted...by Hope...by _Hope_...who had seen her _naked_...by Hope who had confessed his love to her several years ago...and had _seen her naked_. That was probably...just...she couldn't think about it. She might kill him out of instinct if she did.

And she still hadn't talked to Serah about the confession, not that her sister would let her. No, she wanted her and Hope to settle this stupid fight before even bringing up other problems unless they were an absolute emergency. But if Lightning were honest with herself, she'd recognize that she was more or less using it as an excuse. Because she wanted to avoid it, avoid the whole awkward conversation and those weird feelings that she didn't want to know about. And she knew that Serah would be more than willing to discuss them and how they impacted her life. How it could help her, what her feelings meant, what the confession meant, that weird anger toward Lebreau...all of it would be under Serah's magnifying glass.

And Lightning just didn't want to know what that would mean for her. Serah was just too good at reading her sometimes...she'd see something that Lightning didn't want to see. Lightning was happy with Hope being _alive_. Maybe not as well as she wanted, if his behavior was any indication, but alive. For all she knew, she still wasn't past that. That damned party..._tomorrow_ now that Amodar found the other soldiers he needed...would make it just over a week since Hope, Lebreau, and Maqui had arrived.

"Hey Light!" _Just what I didn't need. _"Still as grouchy as ever huh? Well, Serah's looking for you. Wanted to know if you had made up with Hope yet," Lebreau said, sitting next to Light on the couch. She had a pair of goggles in her hands and was toying with the strap, smirking slightly as she stretched it out, "You going with Hope huh?" she tried when Light gave no response, "He seemed happy about it. You know...until the _incident_."

_You have no idea how thin the ice you're skating on is,_ Lightning thought, her eye twitching.

"I have to go with Maqui...but I guess it's not so bad! I mean, at least I know him! But he's not as good of a dancer as Hope is. Maqui just couldn't pick up the steps," Lebreau continued, so oblivious that it almost made Light feel sorry for her. Almost. "But he didn't let Yuj pick out a bright pink suit for him, so it's fine. But I'd still like to go with Hope. He is a good dancer. I should know, I taught him!"

_Just inch a little closer. That's all I need...another inch..._

"So Light..." Lebreau said, seemingly getting to her point, "If you don't know how to dance, I'd be happy to show you. I'm sure I could teach you enough by tomorrow."

"No..." she ground out.

"Oh? Are you sure? You already know how? ...But I figured you wouldn't have bothered. Dancing doesn't seem like your thing," Lebreau said, smirking slightly but backing away from the look of death being sent at her. " Isn't that why you haven't made up with Hope yet? But then again...it didn't make much sense..."

"What?"

"Snow says that you haven't made up with Hope because you don't know how to dance. By not making up with him, neither of you will be obligated to dance with each other at that party..." This time her face was serious, but there was a glint in her eye. _And that Snow...is what happens when you make fun of me __going with Maqui, _Lebreau thought.

"Is that what he said?" Lightning stood, ready to find and destroy Snow, when Lebreau spoke again.

"Don't worry. I figured he was lying and promptly fed him some of my Soup Surprise! Turns out, I'm better at mixing drinks then cooking food. But you could always...get him later..." Lebreau said, smiling, "But you know...Hope is kind of freaking out. Do you think you could-"

"Of course," Lightning said, "It just better not be as awkward as any other time I've tried to talk to him." Considering that the last time they had been in the same room they wound up freezing up for a whole hour. Attempts at talking would crash and burn the moment they tried to look each other in the eye and Hope was usually as red as a tomato by the time the attempt was finished. And finished was just a series of odd choking sounds...

Needless to say, it was frustrating.

"Thanks Light!" Lebreau said, looking all the more cheerful, "It means a lot!"

Deciding that dealing with her unwarranted frustration and annoyance with the woman could wait, she silently headed for the stairs, climbing toward Hope's room. She knocked, the sound echoing back at her, and waited for Hope to respond. Several seconds passed before she knocked again, this time harder. But there was still no answer.

"Hope," she called, knocking again, "We need to talk." She pushed against the door and it slowly swung open, the room seemingly empty. Lightning narrowed her eyes and scanned the room, having seen no sign of Hope downstairs either. She took several tentative steps inside, her muscles stiffening as she looked around.

"Hope..." she said, voice carrying in the room.

Silence...then there was a slight shuffle. Lightning zeroed in on the bed and glared. Just over the edge she could see a few platinum locks, the bed hiding the rest of what could only be Hope. Taking a deep breath, Lightning walked over to the other side to find Hope leaning against the bed side. His knees were pressed against his chest, arms wrapped around his legs, and he lowered his head to rest on his knees as she came into view. He gave Lightning a disheartened look, but a melancholy smile was on his face.

"H-Hey Light..." he mumbled, not quite meeting her eyes.

"Hope...why are you on the floor? And why didn't you answer the door?" Hope didn't answer her, eyes going toward the floor, "Is it because of what happened earlier this week?" Lightning asked, beating a blush down.

Hope laughed, but it was small and hollow sounding, making Lightning wince, "I already forgive you for that Hope. It was just...awkward..."

"Thanks Light..." he finally looked up at her and Lightning's chest clenched at how sad his eyes looked, "I guess that was kind of part of it...kind of..."

She watched his shoulders slump again and her worry grew. She moved around the bed completely, sitting next to him even as he flinched. She raised her hand slowly, letting him see what she was doing, before placing it on his shoulder. "What's wrong Hope?"

He bit his lip, staring off into space, his muscles tensing, "It was nothing too bad Light. Guess I'm just nervous about tomorrow." He tried another fake laugh again, but it died before it reached his lips.

"Then get some rest. It'll help you feel better."

She watched his Adam's apple move up, then down, and felt his muscles tense even more underneath her fingers. She breathed in, then slowly let it out, "Is that it? Did you have a bad dream?"

"I-I...yeah..."

He closed his eyes...and she knew he wouldn't speak of it. Was even ashamed of it. "It's all right Hope..." She wasn't going to try forcing it either. He didn't need someone trying to get information from him...he needed some comfort. "I could get you some medicine...it'll help you sleep." She watched his eyes go to a bag and sighed, "Something stronger Hope. Just this once." _Did you always have this much trouble sleeping?_

"Really Light?" He looked at her again, some light back in his eyes. She could also sense the gratitude just beneath the surface, thanking her, telling her how much he appreciated it. She nodded and stood, holding a hand out for Hope. For a moment she was reminded of when he was sixteen...when he still had those nightmares of his mother's...and eventually his father's death. She would tell him to work it out on his own...but would get him something to help him sleep anyway. It happened so rarely then...but she remembered every time it happened.

She had a soft spot for him...and they both knew it.

But now, as she looked into his eyes, she could see a more bone deep tiredness. Someone who had seen the world, or at least, a far more harsh side of the world, and it had tainted what they had. What he had. And she cringed at the thought because as much as she told him to toughen up, she did not want him to turn out like she had. It was another sign of her failure...she couldn't protect him in the end.

"_I'm starting to think you have a failure complex! Not everything is your fault Light."_

And Hope had managed to see it in her back then. Maybe he could see it now. Maybe he knew how she felt. But she wouldn't ask him yet.

He took her hand...his a little cold. Their hands grasped one another tightly as Lightning pulled and Hope pushed, and then he was standing again.

"Lead the way," he said, smiling at her.

And for all her worry, for all her inadequacies, for all the...awkward between them, she couldn't help but feel they would be all right again. She had no idea what was wrong...but she knew that it was there and that it ran deep inside him. That he was unwilling to tell her...and that the issues surrounding them were still unresolved and looming over them. A shadow that pressed on them...robbing them of something. But he would smile at her...and somehow it seemed all right.

"So just how much of me did you see?" She felt Hope stiffen and smirked. He laughed when he realized her joke, this time sounding real, and his hand tightened around hers.

She did not fight back.

* * *

"No Hazel, don't get the red juice!" Serah cried, reaching over and snatching the cup away from Hazel before she could spill any of the sinful red juice on her white dress. Hazel pouted, lip trembling dangerously, and started to cry, flailing her limbs around as she went. Serah immediately tried to shush her, saying it was all right and that she could have some later. Hope walked downstairs, adjusting the sleeves of his suit, and saw Serah the chaos that was Hazel. Smiling softly, he took the girl from her hands.

"What's wrong Hazel?" Hope asked, winking at Serah. She smiled and watched as Hazel looked at him with adoring eyes, crying at an end. But the girl gave a dramatic sniffle as she looked pleadingly at Hope.

"Me ooce... Mommy ont le me!" she sniffled, reaching up and pulling on Hope's locks, "Ope le me?"

"Hm..." Hope said, tilting his head to the side as if in deep thought. _Sounded like juice...no juice...but maybe..._ "Maybe...I can give you some...when we get to the party!" He shook his head as of to confirm his decision, but Hazel's face scrunched up again.

"Wa-"

"After all, you'll get to show off your dress sooner right? Don't you want everyone to see Hazel's pretty dress?" Hazel giggled slightly, nibbling on her fingers before nodding.

"Ooce too?"

"Yes, I promise you'll get some juice."

"Inki!" she demanded, thrusting out her hand, pinky out. Hope gave her another warm smile and nodded, holding out his own pinky and locking it with hers, making the solemn promise that Hazel would receive her juice by the night's end. He handed the appeased Hazel back to Serah who was unable to hold back a smile.

"Thanks Hope."

"No problem..." he blushed slightly as he noticed that Serah was now looking him up and down, and he pulled at the sleeves of his suit jacket again. His vest, as Yuj was determined to make it, was a pale shade of green, but enough to bring out his eyes. Or some such nonsense that Hope just couldn't bring himself to be troubled with. Once the man had started arguing about what the trims would have to be and whether to go with a bow tie or not, he had simply accepted his fate. His hair was groomed, but some locks had managed to remain stubborn, and in all honesty, Hope had no idea what to make of himself.

Serah, who was dressed in a blue, sleeveless dress that stopped at her knees, smiled appreciatively, "You clean up nicely." Hope felt his cheeks heat up again and refused to look her in the eyes, only to be clapped in the back by Snow moments later.

"Hey now Serah, you know no one can look as good as me!" Snow fake pouted, hurrying to his wife's side and pulling her into a hug. He rubbed noses with his daughter as he did so, grinning as she giggled.

"Of course hunny. You clean up nicely too," Serah said, rolling her eyes. But the effect was lost when she smiled, kissing her husband on the cheek. "Sis coming down soon?"

"Yeah. Lebreau's another matter all together though. I feel pretty bad for Maqui having to deal with that spitfire!"

"I heard that Snow!"

"Oh no! Hide me Serah!" Snow tried to duck behind his rather petite wife, but Lebreau just snorted when she saw him. Maqui was right behind her, looking slightly nervous in his dark suit, the goggles gone from his head. Lebreau matched his vest with a dark blue dress, ending just above her knees. They smiled at Hope as they passed, but Lebreau aimed a kick at Snow's shin before crossing the threshold. Snow gave a dramatized whimper of pain, but Hope lost interest when he saw Lightning coming down.

She wore the pale green dress surprisingly well, although she kept fiddling with the sides, complaining under her breath that it was a little tight. It hugged her curves, ending at her ankles, and her feet lost boots in favor of black high heels. A black choker wrapped around her neck, looking slightly red from...finger scratches. Her eyes caught Hope's and she felt her cheeks heat up despite her best attempts to crush her nervousness.

Hope's eyes were wide though...he took in how she looked, noting every detail. The curves, they way she seemed to ...light up...and how mature she looked. To him...she was beautiful. Lightning felt her heart speed up a little under the gaze, wondering when he would say something. "Beautiful..." he managed to breath. Again with her cheeks! Hope seemed to have caught himself though and looked away, now feeling a little hot himself. Wishing the floor could swallow him, he tentatively held out his arm for Lightning to take. She did so, still not looking him in the eye, and allowed him to lead them out to the waiting car.

Serah and Snow exchanged looks of confusion, but Serah's gaze quickly found Lightning's back just before it disappeared through the doorway. She bit her lip, promising to question her sister later, and gave Snow a gentle pull. The tall man needed no further urging and followed his wife out the door, daughter now cradled in his arms.


	10. Party

**And so an update has come! **

**Puppy Love: How can Hope help himself? He survived what no other man could after all! :)**

**Hope's Light: Yeah, I seem to have this thing for causing Snow pain. Hm... But I liked putting Lightning in a dress!**

**Broken Hope: I know right? The last thing they need is to have a nice night ruined. **

**Naoto07: Yeah, they forgave each other! Kinda... And I was tempted to start a cat fight. *giggle* But I figured Lightning would have more self-control. **

**So yeah, this chapter is really long! I hope you all enjoy it! And thank you all for the support so far, it makes me really happy to hear! And thanks to the silent readers as well! I hope you all like this chapter. I am a little nervous. But I'll leave it up to you! Thank you. Now please enjoy!**

**P.S. I had to write a song. I have no idea why I think I can write songs, I sat there, agonizing. Forgive me.**

* * *

"They really went all out didn't they?" Snow said as they piled out of the cab, grinning at the large building that lit up the whole area. People were already heading inside, chatting happily amongst each other, hints of curiosity in their voices. Many were from different divisions of the military, although a few political figures were mixed among the suits and dresses. Hope and Light stepped out of the car and followed Snow and Serah, Maqui and Lebreau behind them.

"This'll be fun!" Lebreau said, hugging Maqui's arm. The blond blushed lightly at the contact and refused to look at Lebreau. Lightning smirked as she watched the two, but looked around at Hope as he tensed. Hope stared off into the crowds, jaw tight and muscles stiff, and Lightning shook him lightly.

"Wha-" he looked at Lightning as if just remembering she was there...or where he was, and gave her an apologetic smile. "Must have zoned out again..." he said weakly as he glanced around the crowds again. It was starting to thin as they went inside the building, but Hope stiffened every time someone happened to brush against him.

"Hope, what's wrong?"

He swallowed, not looking her in the eye, and shrugged, "It's nothing Light. I'm just worried about this whole...party thing. I mean, they're gonna talk about us...but Rygdea refused to tell me what he was gonna say. It'll probably be embarrassing." Lightning's eyebrows rose but Hope turned away from the look. Holding in a frustrated sigh, she allowed herself to be steered toward the rest of NORA who waited at the front doors. Sazh and Dajh were there as well, smiling at them.

"Bout time you got here. I was starting to worry I'd be stuck here with these oddballs."

"Hey!" Yuj said, whipping around. But Sazh only gave him a smile, his son chuckling beside him.

"It's good to have everyone here." Snow interrupted, seeing the fury in Yuj's face, "So let's try not to kill each other so soon."

Gadot snorted, "Wow, who knew you'd take this seriously."

"Of course I'm taking this seriously."

"What kind of music do you think they'll play? I hope it's not all slow stuff, I want to actually have some fun."

"Dajh, I thought I told you not to go by the Chocobo before we came here! You have feathers on your suit!"

"But dad! Come one! It was just to pet him, nothing serious!"

"Ooce! Ooce!"

Lightning closed her eyes, desperate to block out the stares they were now receiving as the group erupted into arguments and long winded theories of how the night would turn out. She spared a glance at Hope, but he seemed too far away to notice the others arguing, so she cleared her throat.

"As fun as it is to stand out here talking about the party, don't you think we should actually go inside?" It quieted down considerably at this and Snow's nervous laughter was feeble in the silence. Serah smiled, rolling her eyes as she walked inside.

"Way to be social Claire." she mumbled as she passed her sister. Lightning pulled on Hope's arm, jerking him out of his stupor as she led them inside. They were immediately met with an uncomfortable heat, the bodies in the one room creating more than enough heat to combat the air conditioning. Not that anyone else seemed bothered by it, much to Lightning's annoyance.

"Want to find a seat Light?" Hope asked, smiling slightly as he noticed her discomfort. If he didn't bring it up, she'd try and stick it out. Why she's want to escaped him...

_For you maybe...?_

Hope almost snorted. In his dreams maybe...but...that didn't stop him from...wishing.

"All right." she said simply, allowing him to lead her through the crowd. However, a hand came down on Hope's shoulder, making him jump. He took a sharp breath and slowly turned around, eying Rygdea with something close to fury.

The man straightened himself out, toying with the cuffs of his suit, "Sorry about that. The reserved tables are that way." The scruffy man pointed toward several tables on the left side of the room. Hope nodded but it was interrupted when Lightning jerked him forward, almost pushing people out of the way to get to the tables. People quickly gave her a wide berth, not wanting to cross paths with the determined soldier. Her temper seemed to carry beyond just work with some of the looks she got as they passed.

Holding back a snicker, Hope pulled out a chair for Lightning once they reached the simple, but elegantly decorated tables. It was covered by a plain white table cover, almost silk to the touch, and Hope already felt fear at the thought of having to eat there. It would be so easy to stain it...

Hope sat down as well, ignoring the look Lightning was giving him in favor of playing with the centerpiece; a simple arrangement of dark red and blue flowers. As he played with the petals he had a sneaking suspicion they were fake...and had to resist an eye roll. All out his ass.

The eyes boring into him quickly distracted him though, and he gave Light a sheepish smile, "What is it Light?"

She continued to stare at him, considering her words before she finally spoke, "You're nervous..." Hope forced himself to swallow and looked away from her, painfully aware of how hot his face was. And he knew he couldn't blame it on the room.

"Why?"

"I just...don't do well with crowds..." _Not entirely a lie..._

"Hope..." Hope took a shuddering breath, wanting to make this night better. The direction it was heading in would make that hard...and his thoughts not only drifted to that brief time he saw...well..._her_. It also went to the confession, the words he had so desperately spoken. The great... "I love you." And he knew he wasn't the only one thinking about it...but he couldn't help but feel he had to do something about it. He was the one who had confessed after all. But how was he...

No...he had to let her know...but for now-for now he'd like to have tonight. He glanced at her again, eyes softening as she looked around for her sister and her husband, and the words were out before he could stop them, "You look really...pretty Light."

Lightning slowly looked back at him, eyes wide, and Hope felt his throat tighten and cheeks flare up. He looked away, tapping his fingers on the table, and silence seemed to engulf them. Even with all the chatter in the room...they alone seemed to have succumbed to an embarrassing silence that Hope desperately wished would end...

"Thanks Hope..."

"S-Sure..."

And that wasn't what he had in mind when he thought that. His eyes scanned the crowds, begging Snow, Serah, Rygdea, Lebreau, Maqui, even _Yuj_ to show up and save him. His desperate pleas seemed to hit home, as Serah and Snow were making their way toward them, Hazel holding her mother's hand. So far, the white dress the little toddler wore was unstained.

But for how long?

"There you two are. Rygdea just showed us where our tables were. He said everyone will be seated soon, then he'll make the announcement." Serah said, sitting beside her sister and propping Hazel on her lap. Snow sat beside her, grinning as he began to fiddle with the plates.

"I hope we get some food soon." he commented, looking a little sadly at the clean white plate. He looked up when no one said anything, and saw that not only was Lightning stiff...but nervous as well. Stiff was one thing, sis would never loosen up, but nervous? And Hope didn't look much better...his face was all red. That didn't make sense...it was actually pretty cool where they were. "What's with you two?" he asked, unaware of the incredulous look Serah sent him.

Hope jumped, nearly knocking a glass cup over, and shook his head, "Nothing's wrong. J-Just thinking about-about the speech...is all..." he finished lamely. Snow shrugged, looking around and waving when he saw the NORA gang heading toward them. Glad for the distraction, Hope slumped into his chair, looking very sullen. _Way to go mouth...and what about you brain? Decided to go on a brief vacation just long enough to make talking to Light absolutely impossible!_

"Hope..." Light muttered, making his cheeks flare up again. He looked t her, mouth dry, but she wasn't looking him in the eye, "Thank you again...for the compliment." A shaky breath just barely made its way out of his mouth and he smiled. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes and Hope could have sworn he saw a light tinge of pink on her cheeks. Or was it his imagination? "You look nice as well..."

Mind suddenly going blank, he barely managed to get a word out, "Th-Thanks..."

Serah watched the exchange but had no chance to comment as the NORA gang finally sat with them, filling up their table. The noise level increased and Serah began to fight with the wriggling Hazel as she reached for anything and everything on the table. She nearly knocked over the centerpiece as her little hands fumbled with the tablecloth. Hazel gave a small tug, some of the glass wobbling slightly, and Serah searched desperately for something to distract her with.

Giggling drew her attention back to Hazel, but she was surprised to see a pair of goggles in her hands. She stretched the strap, clearly enjoying the new toy, which Serah realized Hope had handed to her. She smiled her thanks, even as Maqui began to protest, but it ceased when Hazel gave another giggle.

"Fine..." the blond mumbled, pouting slightly as he watched his goggles be toyed with, "Yuj wasn't going to let me wear them anyway." Lebreau rolled her eyes at her escort's attitude, fiddling with glass in front of her.

"You look nice without them anyway." she said, "I mean, goggles aren't something you wear to this sort of thing, techie or not." Maqui was too busy blushing to attack her for the insult, looking down at his lap. "I hope this isn't the only music they plan on playing, I want to be able to enjoy myself. Something fast you know?"

"Yuj, why didn't you get a date?" Snow asked, a hint of teasing in his voice. The blue haired man was undisturbed, only giving him a shrug.

"I was too busy. It is not as if I'm the only one here who doesn't have one."

"But I thought-"

"Gadot doesn't have one either. I talked with Rygdea about it, and he says it's fine. You will have to go do the first dance in our stead anyway."

"Wh-What?" Hope and Light looked at each other, clearly nervous again. They took a deep breath, and Lightning smoothed herself out. But she could not keep the edge out of her voice, "Why weren't we told?"

"I thought it'd be a given." Yuj said, shrugging again. But there was a hint of a smile on his face as he turned to Serah, "I'd be more than willing to watch Hazel for you when you and Snow go up."

Gadot chuckled beside him, shaking his head, "Yeah right, you'd be way too worried about her worrying your suit. I don't know why you went with white anyway Yuj, it's way easier to stain. I'll watch her Serah." Yuj didn't say anything, face dark but conceding that his friend had a point.

"H-hey, where'd Sazh and Dajh go?"

"Rygdea said he wasn't able to get them reserved seats with us. We were able to because we're part of the new branch, and you guys are family, but since Sazh is still in piloting, he can't...well..."

"Well I'll just have to find him." Snow nodded to himself and began to scan the people, looking for two familiar afros. "Ha! There they are!" he smiled and waved at them, standing up when he wasn't sure they saw. The others followed soon after, the exception being Lightning as she nodded in their direction. "Do you think Sazh got the feathers off of Dajh?" Snow snickered as he sat back down.

"How big is that thing anyway? Sazh was complaining about space the other day, and he even brought it here..."

"I know! I don't get why. It's be easier it just let him have a sitter."

"But you know Dajh, he loves that bird."

Their conversation continued, Hope and Lightning gradually contributing more as they got more comfortable, and the tables began to fill up. Soon the lights were dimmed, the chatter dying down with the exception of Snow and the NORA gang, but a quick elbow from Serah silenced him. The sound of a microphone's buzzing filled the room and their heads turned toward a small stage. Rygdea stood there, tapping into the microphone, along with Lt. Amodar and several other military officials.

"Kay...is it working...?" Rygdea mumbled into the microphone only to have it echo through the room. Chuckling came back at him and Rygdea smiled, "Guess so then. Well, good evening everyone. Glad you all could make it to this little celebration. But most of you are probably wondering what this is even about, right?" The lights gradually turned off, leaving only a spotlight on Rygdea.

"Well, to put it simply, you've all been having those C'ieth attacks right? A few close calls...lost a few men..." A small silence followed before Rygdea started again, "Needless to say, it's a problem. But that's where I come in. See, turns out, we've got problems like yours, and we know who's responsible. It's all a matter of finding this person and what they're up to. I figured the best way to do that is to go to you guys. Strength in numbers you see?"

"Leave it to Rygdea to just roll it all out like that..." Maqui mumbled, earning a snicker from Lebreau.

"Now we're working together, and this party is here to celebrate the new branch we've gone and put together for it. Which wouldn't have been put together so quickly if not for these guys!" Rygdea motioned behind him, the spotlight resting on Lt. Amodar and the others for several moments as clapping began.

"Now we've got a suitable force together, making the S. C. E. branch official." Rygdea continued, smiling wider.

"S. C. E.?" Yuj mumbled.

"Saorise C'ieth Eradication branch." Hope whispered.

"No one will remember that." Yuj grumbled.

"And the members, as some of you are aware, have already been chosen! If the people at the white tables wouldn't mind standing for their round of applause." The spotlight was now roaming over them and several other tables. They all stood, revealing fifty or so people, rather small for an eradication branch. Some people seemed to agree, the claps slow and quiet.

"Thanks guys, go ahead and sit down." Chairs scrapped together as they complied but Rygdea went on, "However folks, that's not the only reason we're here. Some of us were former members of the Cavalry, a name I'm sure most of you remember. And thought were wiped out. Some of you may heard, others may not, but we've gone ahead and come back. I would like to extend an apology to the families and friends who thought we were dead...and hope you are willing to celebrate our return to society." Rygdea finished, looking a little solemn. There was silence for a few moments before steady clapping began, causing the gruff man to smile, "But I bet some of you are wondering just who those people are right?"

"No..." Hope mumbled, burying his head in his hands.

"Let's have them stand up so you can give them a proper greeting." The spotlight rounded on them again and Hope cursed under his breath. His arm was yanked up by Lebreau and soon he was standing with them. Resisting the overwhelming urge to roll his eyes, he waited as the crowd clapped for them and twenty-two others. It was still clear that the guests were wondering why there were so few people for a branch like this, but Rygdea gave no sign that he was going to tell.

"Now I'm sure you're all tired of me talking. And all that happy briefing shit can wait until the actual meeting." Rygdea said, ignoring some glares he received from the officials. "So how about we get our little orchestra going and have us some dancing? And first dance will go to the members of the S. C. E.!" Rygdea laughed, motioning toward a small group of cellist and violinists, the spotlight falling on them as they began to play. "Nothing like a little fancy music right?" Rygdea joked before heading off the stage.

Still feeling as if they spotlight were on him, Hope turned to Lightning and tried to stop his heart's pounding as he held out his hand. She looked up at him, her expression unreadable, and for one frightening moment Hope thought she'd say no. But her hand slipped into his and she allowed him to pull her up, remaining silent as he led them to the center of the room. Serah and Snow were already dancing, Snow holding onto Serah as he let her guide him through the steps. Lebreau and Maqui were there as well, Lebreau snickering slightly as Maqui put a hand on her hip. But it turned into a real smile as he slowly but steadily began to lead her through the music.

Taking a deep breath, Hope shakily placed his hand on Lightning's own hip, his other still in her hand. He tried not to jump as she placed a hand on his shoulder, and steadily began to move through the music. The notes floated to them, slow and sure, the melody almost like a calming hum to him. He could lose himself in this music...and as he looked into Lightning's eyes...he knew he could lose himself there too.

Still nervous, he tried to keep his face as stoic as she did as they took their steps. One after the other, Lightning surprisingly elegant, and Hope swallowed as he prayed he wouldn't screw up.

"Hope..." her voice was like a whisper, but he jumped as if she shouted at him, "Just relax, you're doing fine."

He looked into her eyes, finding the truth in them, and gave her a slow nod as he finally allowed his muscles to relax. He took a deep breath and tightened his grip on her hand, giving her a small smile. "Thank you Light..." he whispered, leaning in slightly. He felt her grip tighten but forced himself to keep calm. He focused on the music, almost letting his eyes flutter shut, and managed to smile even wider.

"You're a good dancer Hope." Light said as he brought her out, then into his arms, then out again as they resumed position.

"Thanks Light...Lebreau taught me..." Lightning felt a twinge of annoyance but squashed it down. It was nothing new, the woman had even told her so herself. "It helped me with stress...whenever we had time at De Novo. It helped...more than I let on I think..." His eyes became sad, dropping slightly, and Lightning increased her grip.

"If it helped you...then good."

"But you surprised me Light." Hope said, smiling mischievously, "You never struck me as a dancer."

"Hmph."

"But I'm glad you surprised me." She felt his breath ghost her neck and had to fight back a shiver. He was leaning in now as they finished the dance. While it was part of the pattern, they both felt the others' heart speed up. As the final chords echoed, Hope slowly straightened them back out, blushing slightly.

"Quite the dance Hope." she said, "But I think I'm ready for some food."

"I hear ya." he said as he followed her back to their table, even as some other couples stood to dance. They heard Yuj complaining as they approached.

"They go to the trouble to set up these nice tables but decide to have the food on the other side of the room? What is wrong with them?" he growled and grabbed his plate, but Hope grabbed his shoulder before he could escape.

"Just give me a second. I need some too." He turned, prepared to offer grabbing Lightning some food, but the woman had already grabbed her plate and was heading toward the tables. Holding back a sigh but smiling despite himself, he reached back and grabbed Hazel's plate and glass instead. He did have a promise to fulfill after all. But the crowds he had to endure almost made him pull out.

His return was marked with a happy squeal from Hazel and she eyed the cup of juice in Hope's hand. Lightning watched as he carefully set her food and his own up, nibbling on the small steak in front of her. Hope smiled at her when he caught her eye before carefully holding the juice cup to Hazel's lips. He stopped though, making the girl start to sniffle, but he quickly reached around and tied a napkin around her neck. Then he gave her the cup again, slowly guiding some of the juice in her mouth, acting as if the world would implode if he made one mistake.

"If you don't want to spill any juice on her dress, don't give her any." Lightning said simply, taking a sip of her own bitter drink.

"I can't..." Hope mumbled, carefully taking the cup away and sighing in relief when he saw no stains, "I made a pinky promise." he smiled and nodded thanks as Gadot took over, preparing to feed the girl. Another perilous task in the face of the white dress she wore.

"Inki!" she said happily, thrusting her own pinky into the air. Gadot pulled his hand away just before any food could smear her dress, letting out a shaky breath.

"Why did they choose a white dress?" Gadot moaned, Hope nodding in agreement as he ate.

"They said it looked nice." Lightning said, "But she would have looked nice in a dark dress too...and it would be a lot harder to stain permanently. But you did a good job with the juice. She does get pretty cranky when she doesn't get it."

"Oni!" Hazel cried, sticking her tongue out at her, "Me no cw-ce-a-"

"Of course you don't Hazel." Lightning said before the girl could try again. Hope laughed, playing with his food as a new song started.

"Snow and Serah?" he asked as he took another bite. Things were calming down...it was turning out easier than he thought it would be.

Someone pushed into his chair and he stiffened. Maybe not that easy. He tried to concentrate on Lightning's voice, "They'll be here soon. They needed to get their food as well."

"R-Right." Another person bumped into his chair. He took a deep breath and focused himself to concentrate on his food now. He could handle the dance floor, he could handle this. _But then again...you nearly freaked out at the buffet table too...damn crowds..._

"Hey you guys! Enjoying yourselves?" Lebreau asked, plopping into her seat, "Maqui's getting us some food, he'll be here soon. See!" she said and Maqui sat down next to her.

"It's like a madhouse over there!" the blond shook his head, glancing at Hope. Lightning watched as Hope shook his head and Maqui's face seemed to relax. What was going on?

"Light?" she took a breath and looked at Hope, noting the slight concern in his eyes, "You okay?" she nodded, pushing her food away. She wasn't as hungry anymore...

"D-Do you want to dance again?" he asked, looking away.

She felt a smile tug at her lips before slipping her hand in his. "All right then." She looked away before she could see his surprised look, but Hope smiled as he let her lead him to the dance floor. The song was only slightly faster than the other they had danced to, but neither of them seemed to mind. Hope found breathing a little difficult...she seemed so relaxed now. He held on to her a little more tightly then he should, aware of the people that were all around them now, but Lightning seemed to sense his discomfort and steered them away.

"Thanks..." he breathed, feeling his blush intensify, "I'm not a big fan of crowds."

"I understand..." she said, swaying slightly with the music. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, and Hope felt the lump return to his throat again. He didn't want this night to end. He didn't want to talk to her about what he had said all those years ago. He didn't want to ruin this night...

But as he watched her...he knew he owed her that much.

Two more songs passed with them on the dance floor. They hardly moved in time with the music, more in their own world than anything. Lightning would watch him, almost asking if he was really still there. And each step felt to her that he was. _"Yes...I'm still here...I'm still here..."_ Their thoughts were filled with one another, whether they realized it or not, but the awkwardness between them was fading.

As the song ended, Hope felt his heart quicken again. He could barely take his eyes away from hers...they pierced him, dug into him. If he kept staring at them...he was sure she'd see everything about him. She'd see all that was good. But more than that...she would see what was wrong. The terrible things he had seen, the terrible things he had experienced, the terrible thing he had become. His insecurity washed over him, whispering in his ears, telling him that he was wrong. That he had no right to hold her like this. That he was a monster, tainted forever, and no amount of dancing with this women would fix it.

The sudden thought shook his to his core and he had to look away. Lightning's expression did not change, but on the inside her mind was whirring. Just what had gone wrong? Why was he looking away from her?

Why did he look so sad?

"Hope..."

"Light...can I talk to you? Somewhere...more private maybe?" Ignoring how her heart sped up and the foreboding feeling in her gut, she allowed Hope to take them to another room. They went down a darkened hallway, the music and chatting fading to the background as they stepped away. For a moment she thought they would enter a small closet, but Hope kept walking, almost desperate to get away. They turned and came upon another room, smaller than the other, with windows feeding the dark place moonlight. Hope's hand slipped out of hers and she watched as he went to one of the windows, gently pushing it open.

There was silence between them as they stared at anything but one another. Lightning waited for Hope to start, but he looked lost, uncertain. The moon made his pale skin glow...but Lightning could see the weariness there more than ever. Her breath caught at the sight, but concern quickly overrode her.

She was the first to break the silence, "What's wrong Hope?" The words were barely above a whisper, but the way they echoed in the room made it feel so much louder. "You've...been weird all night."

"Sorry..." his voice was a whisper but it carried to her.

"Is it about...Saorise?" Lightning tried, caution in her voice. Hope's head lowered slightly, but he did not answer right away. He studied the floor as if hoping the answer would come from there. But all it gave him was silence.

"Yeah..." he finally said, "It is...I guess. In a lot of ways it is..."

Silence...heavy silence...

"What did she do to you Hope?"

Was she the one asking that?

"A lot of things Light...I-I'll tell you...I hope I can tell you someday. But not now...I can't tell you now...I-I can't...not when she..." He closed his eyes and her voice came to him, mocking him, whispering the things he so hated. And what she said when he escaped...

_Quod incepimus conficiemus!_

_Quod incepimus conficiemus..._

"What we have begun we shall finish..." he whispered, hands tightening on the sill.

"Hope?"

Hope took a deep breath, pushing thoughts of Saorise from his mind as he turned to look at Lightning. His eyes softened as he watched her, feeling the fear from before ebb away into something much smaller. "Lightning...you remember don't you? What I said three years ago..."

Her heart was racing now...what was he thinking? Why was he even bringing it up? Why now?

"I know...I know I was young then...that I was d-dying..." She winced, his screams echoing in her head. But she focused on his voice now. The voice that was right in front of her. The voice that was still alive.

It sounded sad...

"I told you...that I loved you...and then-then I died..." _But you aren't dead Hope..._ But as she looked at him...the way he looked at her...she knew. _That_ Hope was dead. He was gone, lost in time, somewhere neither of them could reach. No matter how much they may have wanted to.

Hope was facing her now, head away from the window. He looked at her, green eyes shining with something that she couldn't understand. Couldn't read. And then he smiled...a heart-wrenching smile as his eyes shone, a shaky breath escaping him, "I told you I loved you...and I know...I know that you don't feel the same." Her mouth was so dry...so dry...

He looked so _sad_.

"And that's okay...I hardly expected you to...but I don't...I don't want it to mean that we can't-can't look at each other without feeling awkward. I don't-I don't want to give that up...I still...I still love you...and I don't think that...will ever change." His smile grew, his breaths shaky and sharp, "But I don't want you to feel...guilty for not feeling the way I do..."

_Why does this hurt?_

"I'm hoping Light...Claire..."

_Why does this hurt so much?_

"That you'll let me feel this way...from afar. Because...if you told me to, I'd let it go. I'd let it go if you'd smile..."

_Don't say that..._

"I didn't think...I'd ever see you again. And I have no right...to ask for anything else. But here I am, doing it anyway. I hope...you'll forgive me for that..." His smile was there again, his own thoughts racing even as he begged it to go numb.

_It's strange...that the only time I can admit my feelings is when I can't have you. I mean...look at me, I'm just going to cause you trouble...I'm a total wreck. I know that. It's so...obvious. It hurts knowing how much trouble I can cause you._

_Only trouble..._

_Asking for more than this...would be selfish._

"Hope..." She wanted to say something...anything...but all she could manage was a faint nod. And he looked so _relieved_...relieved that he could keep unrequited feelings alive. Happy that he'd get to love her from a distance. Never touching. Never knowing. Basking in its warmth, but knowing it is empty. No meaning on her end.

No one should be happy for that.

"I'm sorry...I didn't want to make it sound so sad...I just...I wanted you to be okay. Okay with this. But don't feel guilty...I'm doing this to myself...so don't feel guilty..." Hope was struggling now, trying to find the right words. But there were none. Nothing came to him. His mind was a mess, his emotions a jumble.

But he watched her and smiled. "Don't feel guilty..." he repeated, sounding pleading and walking toward her now, "Don't...don't worry about me. I do enough worrying...I just...I want you to be happy." He was right in front of her now, taking another shaky breath. He slowly raised his hand and caressed her cheek, the silence lost in light of the new and loud notes coming from the other room. Hope smiled now, small but true, and took her hand.

"How about another dance Light? One more..."

Lightning looked up at him, watching his eyes as they roved over her own face. She gripped his hand, wanting to say something. Her mouth parted as if she would, but no sound came out. Hope seemed to understand, squeezing her hand. She closed her mouth, not saying anything.

Hope hadn't expected her to.

"One more dance?" he asked again, trying to smile more. He tilted his head, eyes lightning up, "A fast one this time."

Her chest tightened up, words wanting to spill out and make everything clear again. To make it hurt less, to make Hope hurt less. But nothing came again. But she had to say something...

"Sure..." They both smiled this time and Hope led her back to the room, feet bouncing as they approached the music. It wasn't finished...the feelings still floated between them. Hope's words left them uncertain...Lightning more than him. But as Hope started to lead her again with the music, feet moving so fast that thoughts were lost. Even that moment faded for a time.

There was only them and the music.

* * *

Serah watched Hope and Lightning as they sat at the table, neither looking as happy as when the night had started. Hazel began to whine softly in her lap, pulling on her dress for attention, and she offered the girl her fingers, glancing as she began to suck them. Then her eyes returned to her sister, who glanced at Hope for what had to be the seventh time. Just what had happened? Before she had planned to ask about Hope because she had looked so happy dancing with him.

That had changed...but they still had to talk.

Hope didn't look much better. His eyes watched the party around him, but they seemed distant. His smile was forced. And the glances from Maqui and Lebreau only served to make her believe something was indeed wrong. And he was so...jumpy. Before she could understand...but whenever someone got too close...it was so much. He had even knocked over a glass of water. He looked wary of them now...eying the guests as if they would lash out at him.

"Serah, are you okay?" Snow asked, placing a gentle touch on her shoulder. She looked at him and smiled, but nodded toward Hope and Lightning. "What about them?" he whispered.

"They've been weird all night...I think something happened..."

"Ah..." Snow aid, leaning back so he could play with Hazel's hair, "Well...I'm sure you'll talk to sis about it. And I could try and get some answers from Hope later, if it'll help."

Serah smiled, her eyes lighting, and she gave Snow a kiss, "Thanks...I think they need it..."

The rest was interrupted as the lights dimmed yet again, the light focused on the stage. The chatter quieted as a woman stood up there, a bright smile on her face as she scanned the crowd.

"Who's that?" Maqui mumbled, watching the blond woman.

"Kayla Tinders. She's a great singer. I didn't know they'd get her though." Gadot whispered, smiling slightly, "So lucky!"

They quieted as they noticed the singer looking at them, her eyes lingered on all the S. C. E. tables, waving slightly at the newcomers. She stepped up to the microphone, clearing her throat.

"I would like to thank you all for this evening...it was great meeting everyone here. I've been watching you all night and I'm excited to see how you'll help us. And as a special goodbye, I'll be dedicating this new song to the S. C. E. I know you will all succeed and make us safe again. So without further adieu..."

She slowly stepped off the stage, breathing deeply before letting out the first few lines, the music starting as she walked.

"_I saw you walking down that street_

_Head held high as we did meet_

_I wondered why you would_

_There was nothing there to celebrate..._

_But you smiled and said, _

_I'm alive!"_

She began to walk toward the tables, hips swinging, and she leaned toward one of the soldiers,

"_I was amazed by your admittance_

_I didn't believe your countenance_

_How could someone be so happy_

_For something so terribly simple,"_

She moved on to the next few soldiers, singing in their ears. They smiled and laughed, some looking shy, others looking for more. She was coming up to Maqui and Hope's hands began to shake.

"_But you just laughed and smiled_

_Saying I'd get it in a while-"_

She was singing to Maqui now, but the blond was looking over at Hope. His breathing was coming on short, sharp gasps. Attention was steadily turning to him as the woman moved to him. He closed his eyes, feeling her breathing against his neck,

"_You left me there..._

_But I think I get it now..._

_The importance of your words_

_And I love you for that"_

_No...please stop..._

"_I'm waiting here_

_On that street where we met_

_I want to see you_

_And tell you that I understand..."_

The room was dim, illuminated only by the small flame in the corner. His breathing was harsh and loud, eyes roving, trying to find a way out. He had to escape...had to find a way out before...

"_And the sun will shine on us..._

_Breath the importance of life-_

"_**You have no idea...**_

_**How important you are..."**_

"_**The light that shines within me...**_

_**Is incomplete without you **_

_**So stay here forever**_

_**And we'll be together!"**_

He had to get away! She was right there! She'd send him back! Send him back! And the shouting...he could hear the shouting. But it was out there or back to that room!

"Hope!"

No...No! He would NOT go back! Not back in that room! He just got out! He had to get away. Please...please let him get away...

Someone grabbed his shoulder and he pushed them away, stumbling slightly. If he could just reach the door-

_No Hope...no...you know that it isn't that...the party...remember the party..._

The smell of burning flesh reached his nose and he held back the violent urge to vomit. It was thick...thick as the death that surrounded him. He bid the images of their faces to disappear...to leave them forgotten in the void that made it bearable. The void...let the void take him. He couldn't think about it And her singing...make it stop...please...

_You're not there..._

_You're at a party...with a singer...you're safe Hope..._

_Help...help!_

She grabbed his shoulder...her red eyes twinkling. She continued to sing, the words muddled by his panic. She dragged him toward the back of the cabin even as he struggled against her. Her magic was coiling around his arms...

_I'm not there!_

"Ah...Ah!" Hope cried, standing up and stumbling away from the tables. He could hear their cries, but when he opened his eyes, all he saw was the dimly lit cabin. He didn't want this...he didn't want this. He was safe...he was safe! But his body wouldn't quit shaking, his eyes were still glassed over. And no matter where he turned, all he saw was that cabin and the books. It was blurring...all of it was blurring...

He did the only thing he could think of, the last rope. The only person who knew...

"R-Rygdea..." he whispered, shaking off the threatening hands that came for him. First the performer backed the away, startled by his sudden reaction. Lightning was stepping toward him, wary of him as he slowly went to his knees. But Hope kept shaking his head...and her heart froze when she heard a dry sob, "Rygdea! RYGDEA! Please Rygdea! PLEASE!" His voice cracked as he called for him over and over, shaking all over. The man came rushing over, skidding to his knees in front of Hope and putting his arms on his shoulders.

"N-NO! GET OFF! OFF!"

"Hope!" Hope stopped screaming, but whines still escaped as he looked around, his gaze cloudy. "I'm right here Hope."

"R-Rygdea..." Hope cried softly, looking up, "Rygdea? You're here..."

"Yes Hope..."

"B-But I can't-can't see you-where? Where! I can't-"

"You're at the party Hope...Saorise isn't here...you're safe. Safe Hope." Rygdea soothed, not daring to touch Hope anymore until he got the okay. All eyes were on them, the entire room watching in horrific fascination as Hope struggled for control. Hope began to rock himself back and forth, whispering so only Rygdea could hear.

"I'm in that cabin Rygdea...she's gonna take-take me-to-to the room. I can't go back there...please don't let her. She'll do it again...she will."

"No Hope...no she won't..." Rygdea tried, trying to keep his own voice calm, "Do you want to leave Hope? I can get you out."

"R-Really?" His voice was in awe, as if taking him from this place would be a blessing. A true gift. Perhaps it was.

"Yes Hope...But you have to trust me..."

Hope looked up at him, eyes starting to clear. Rygdea could see some of Hope shining through...he was gaining control. But they still needed to get away. "I-I trust you...I trust you Rygdea...so please..." Hope stiffened slightly as Rygdea gave him a gruff hug, but allowed himself to helped up, his whole body wracked with shivers. He buried his face in the man's shoulder, willing the horror to disappear. But he kept his eyes open, refusing to allow himself to sink back into his mind. "Please take me home..."

Rygdea nodded, keeping a firm grip on Hope's arm as he looked at the stage. The lights had been restored and they continued to watch, no one daring to say a word. The silence was deafening. "Lt. Amodar, I'm hope you don't mind, but I have a friend here who needs to get home. I trust you to do some damage control."

Amodar looked shocked but slowly nodded his head as he recovered. "Of course Rygdea..." he said. Everyone at Hope's table was now standing, but none of them dared to approach, although Lebreau and Maqui were close. And Lightning had already taken a hesitant step.

"Rygdea..."

"I'm sorry everyone...we can talk about this later, but for now, I have to take him home." Rygdea said, looking down at Hope. "I'll see you in a few hours all right?" Lightning bit her lip and reluctantly nodded, clenching her hands in an attempt to keep calm. Rygdea gave her a silent thanks and patted Hope's shoulder, waiting for him to nod his head. As Hope gave him a shaky confirmation, Rygdea called forth his own magic. A soft glow of blue light engulfed them and the next second they were gone, little pulses of magic floating in the room.

Soon Hazel's crying at the commotion filled the room.


	11. Aftermath

**This chapter may seem a bit late, but to tell you the truth, it might have been a longer wait if I went through with my original plan. But first!**

**Puppy-Love: Yeah, Hope had a hard time. Lightning wanted to, but honestly, he would have freaked out more. Hopefully he'll be okay.**

**Wolfie: She has. She did a number on him. Let me tell you. And why? Well...that's part of the mystery. I would like to bring them in, but at the moment it's seem strange. But who knows. :)**

**Hope's Light: That would have been funny! But I liked having them dancing. And he is, isn't he? *giggle* I like the thought of Hope as a father, it sounds cute. **

**Naoto07: Lot of conspiracies about the singer. Who _was_ she. Only I know! For now... And I felt bad for Hope that chapter...**

**Unknown: Oh, but I can't tell you things like that! It spoils the story! Glad you're enthusiastic though!**

**Crystal: I know! But this is Light we're talking about. She'll need more than a talk. And Saorise always seems to cause problems without even showing herself. Also, thank you for your review for Never Gone. It made me happy to read.**

**So this note will be a tad long. Sorry about that in advance. First, this chapter is early (believe it or not), so twelve may (likely will) be late, because I want to catch up again. I was working on future chapters for this story, part of an important arc, and they are quite long. Twelve isn't finished yet, but it's getting there. I think it too will be long, and have some funny, so it's something to look forward to. Think of it as extra planning. **

**Also, some of you may have noticed the problems on FF lately. Well, I had the misfortune of releasing a one-shot (my best in my humble opinion) during this period of time when stories will magically disappear. So, I'm going to do the unthinkable, and shamelessly advertise! But to those who have read it, added it, and reviewed it (I know who you are, and I loved your reviews!) You're awesome, so feel free to miss this! **

**Anyway: Check out my story, if you can take a sad story, Never Gone! **

**There. And to feel better about advertising my own story:**

**Did you know that Pong of all thing has its own category? Yeah, I know. And you know what else? It has an M section. I KNOW! But it gets better. Check out: A Pong Lemon, by author Prince Janus.**

**I know. A PONG Lemon. I couldn't believe it either.**

**Sorry about all that. This chapter starts intense, so beware. I guess. I hope you all like it! Read, review, enjoy! I love you guys for being so awesome during this story, so I promise to work hard myself! Again, enjoy!**

* * *

When Rygdea and Hope opened their eyes, they were in the middle of the Villiers/Farron living room, the place swept in darkness and completely still. As Rygdea loosened his grip on Hope, the man himself ripped away from him, stumbling slightly on his feet. Hope offered no comment, continuing to stumble into the hallway, then down the right. Rygdea approached slowly, but closed his eyes when he heard Hope's retching.

Hope lifted his face away from the bowl, closing his eyes in an effort to calm himself. Sweat slicked his face and his skin was ghostly pale, his body still shuddering. His stomach seized up again, the pressure harsh and forceful, and he tightened his eyes as the vomit traveled up and out his mouth. It stung his mouth, leaving a nasty and bitter aftertaste, and the fumes mixed horribly with the smell of the toilet. He weakly pushed himself away, knowing that if he stayed there he'd throw up again. His hands continued to shake, but he prayed that his stomach would stop seizing and hurting. That it stop making him throw up.

That the images would stop.

That Rygdea would stop looking at him from the doorway.

Feeling ashamed, Hope grabbed the counter, hands slipping slightly from the sweat as he tried to pull himself up. He refused to look at Rygdea, his tattered mind finally calming down. And the more he began to realize that what he had experienced was a flashback, the angrier he became. His teeth chattered, his body shook, and he wanted to throw up again. Weak. WEAK! That was what he was. Weak. Maker, how could he be so-

"Hope..."

But Hope ignored him in favor of standing in front of the mirror, hands tight on the pristine white counter as he glared hatefully at his reflection before he pulled down a toothbrush and began to brush his teeth raw. The gums began to bleed as he continued furiously, desperate to get the taste out of his mouth, little bristles tearing into his mouth. What he wouldn't give to make it stop, to make this stop. To make it so that he didn't think of that-that witch! But _no_...he had to dwell on it. And all the fucked up things she did. Nothing was working anymore. He couldn't even get through one damn evening!

And what were the others going to think? Hope clutched his stomach at the thought, almost throwing up again, spitting, rinsing, and pulling himself away from the mirror before he could take his frustrations out on it. He stormed past Rygdea, not sparing him a glance, and marched toward his room. He could hear the man's footsteps, but he didn't turn back. No...he would sit and brood on this in his room. He could fall apart all he wanted there, at least until the others got home.

The others...what the hell was he going to tell them? 'Sorry, I had a freak out because some psycho happened to sing by me before she did some whacked up shit'? Oh yeah, _that_ would blow over well. And Lightning, he had fucked up so bad with that! Ugh...why? Why did he have to...

"Hope!" Hope tensed and turned to face Rygdea, barely registering that he was in his own room. The man was leaning on the door frame, watching him with almost feigned interest, but Hope could see it in the man's eyes. It was pity...pity and something else. But he didn't care. All he could feel was shame and anger and absolute terror. He was sick and no one knew. And he'd never _dare_ tell them. No...no the only reason Rygdea knew was because he had been there at the end. And if Hope didn't have someone...anyone...to tell, he'd go nuts.

It didn't make it easier though. Nothing would.

"What Rygdea?" Hope said, lowering his head. He would not look at him. Not until he was calm again. Until everything was fixed. But if he followed though with that, he'd never look up from the floor.

He heard the man sigh and tensed before cursing himself for his nervousness. The light was flipped on and Hope blinked, eyes trying to adjust to the sudden brightness. "Might as well talk with the light on. It'll help calm you down."

"I don't need-"

"Yes you do Hope. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Hope snorted but didn't argue, allowing his thoughts to drift back to his behavior. Of the evening he just ruined. He growled, clenching his hands, and sat on the bed. He glared at the floor, not bothering to look up even as the bed dipped beside him.

He had screwed up tonight...really screwed up. Not only in front of the people he had to work with, but in front of Lightning, Serah, Lebreau, Maqui...everyone! He must have looked like a mad man, screaming like that! And those visions, all from a bit of singing. Was he really that weak? So weak that he couldn't even get through one night-

"Hope." Rygdea commanded softly, "You need to stop thinking about it."

"Easy for you to say."

"Fair enough, but that doesn't mean you need to dwell on it. It's not as if you could have helped it." Hope's hands turned white as he tried to reign in his sudden and fierce anger. His arms started to shake again, his face heating up from shame and rage. He shot up from the bed, stepping away before he gave in to the strange urge to hit the man beside him.

"I should have been able to stop it." Hope said, taking deep breaths in an effort to calm himself. A small part of him realized that it wasn't just the anger talking...it was deeper and more crippling feeling. It was what drove him to this in the first place and it still swirled within him. He knew what it was, knew it wouldn't go away, and it only seemed to amplify his burning-

"You're doing it again." Rygdea said, interrupting Hope's attack on himself, "This needs to stop Hope."

Hope let out several angry breaths from his nose and turned to face the man, sneering, "Sorry, it's not an on and off switch."

"That's not what I meant and you know it." But Rygdea's face did not harden, his eyes did not flash with anger. There was a quiet acceptance in his eyes. Somehow, it only burned Hope more. Sensing his mounting frustration, Rygdea continued, "I understand Hope...but you can't let something like this keep you from-from having a positive tomorrow or something." Rygdea mumbled, wishing he had something less corny. He wasn't as good at this as he needed to be.

"What?" And he wished the kid didn't sound so bitter.

"I'm saying Hope...that I'm here for you. And Maqui and Lebreau are here for you. Lightning and Serah and Snow. The NORA gang, Sazh and his kid. You've got them so-"

"So what? So what, now I get to worry about you all too?"

"I told you we'd be safe."

"And we both know that's a load of bullshit!"

"Hope!"

"I keep screwing up Rygdea! I want to be done with this! I want to put it behind me and be fucking normal for once! I don't want to freak out when people touch me! I don't want to seem like a fucking lunatic when someone triggers me! I don't want to see all those burning buildings or how-" Hope stopped, his throat tightening. He struggled for a few moments before continuing, "I don't want to put the others in danger...I don't want that lunatic after me. I just want this to stop!" His anger soared again and he threw a fist at the wall, only to have Rygdea stop him.

"You'll feel bad for it later." he said simply, ignoring Hope's fierce glare.

"Shut up!" Hope shouted, throwing his fist at Rygdea instead. "How would you know! ? You don't know anything! You don't know how hard this is! How much she scares me!" He threw fist after fist at Rygdea, emotions bubbling over, but his anger made him sloppy against the skilled solider. Rygdea made no effort to retaliate, only moving to avoid his attacks, but Hope's anger only seemed to grow.

"You bastard! Bastard! You don't get what she did! You only heard it, you didn't _see _it, you didn't _feel _it! You don't get it! NO ONE GETS IT!" Hope was beside himself in his blind rage, knocking things off his dresser when hitting Rygdea proved fruitless. His bag and several clothes fell to the floor, and would have gone unnoticed by the two of them as Hope continued to destroy his neat dresser. But it was the sound of a bottle popping that made Hope and Rygdea freeze.

Hope's anger turned to ice, spreading to his limbs as he numbly looked toward the bag on the floor. A few photos had spilled out, but it wasn't what had Hope's, or Rygdea's, attention. No, it was the pill bottle on the floor, the cap a few inches away from it. The bottle was unlabeled and many of the small pills had escaped, scattered now on the floor. They both stared at them, neither saying a word, barely even breathing. Hope felt as if the floor was being swept from underneath him. His legs wanted to give out and he refused to look anywhere near Rygdea. He willed his body to do something, _anything_, other than stand there.

Mechanically, his legs moved toward the pills and he dropped to his knees. Without a word he began to scoop the little pills into his hand, picking up the bottle in the process. He could feel Rygdea's eyes burning into him, making his neck heat up, and couldn't will himself to look up at the man. He reached for the rest of the spilled contents when a hand snatched his arm.

"Ah!" Hope flinched away, trying to pull himself out of the grasp as a slight bit of panic came over him. The pressure lessened, but the bottle was wrestled out of his hand. Hope was yanked up by the same arm, the pills he had grabbed slipping between his fingers and onto the floor. Hope kept his head bowed, guilt and shame squeezing his heart again.

Rygdea said nothing, bringing the bottle up to his eyes so he could examine it. It was a blank, white bottle. The label was clean as well, giving no hint of its contents. Rygdea gritted his teeth and let out a growl. "What the hell is this Hope?" Hope remained silent, squeezing his eyes shut and wishing he was somewhere, _anywhere _but there. "How-How did you even get them!" Rygdea stopped when he felt Hope's arm begin to tremble under his grip. He took a deep breath and shook his head, not releasing Hope's wrist.

"Hope...first things first. Tell me what they are." Rygdea glanced at the pills still on the floor, narrowing his eyes, "And don't say sleeping pills." he added.

Hope didn't say anything, only allowing his breath to come in short gasps. He willed himself to calm down but still didn't look at Rygdea, "They-They're supposed to help."

"Help what?"

"Y-You know...my-my nightmares...and flashbacks. They're supposed to help with that."

"Hope..."

"Not that they-they were doing a good job. But-but I needed something. Anything." Hope hated how desperate his voice sounded. How weak he was. How he couldn't even look the man in the eye.

"These are dangerous Hope." Rygdea said, squeezing the bottle.

"I-I know."

"They way you are now...you could get addicted. I told you medication was a bad idea! That it'd do more harm than good."

Hope's eyes formed a glare and he tried to wrench himself out of Rygdea's grip, "I know that okay! I know! I just-I just needed it. I needed something to work! To make this less-less-Maker, I don't even know anymore!" Hope knew Rygdea wouldn't let him go, but that didn't stop him from stepping away in an attempt to distance himself from the man, "I need something...to make this go away. I can't-"

"Are you giving up?"

"NO!" Hope whipped around, staring at the man with wide green eyes. He shook his head frantically, unsure of who he was trying to convince, "I won't give up! I won't. I just-" Hope stopped, unsure of what to say next. He looked away again, feeling embarrassed and ashamed and guilty.

Rygdea kept himself calm, determined to get answers, "How did you get them?"

Hope took a deep breath, "I sneaked out...and bought them two weeks ago."

"And when did you start to actually take them?"

"Three days ago..." Hope fell silent, closing his eyes again when Rygdea didn't continue. He bit his lip, tapping his foot nervously on the floor, "Maqui...Maqui thought they were sleeping pills. So he just packed them. He didn't know." _And I'm not gonna let him take any heat._

Rygdea released Hope, leaving him feeling strangely cold and alone. The man crouched on the floor, scooping up the last of the pills and dropping them into the bottle. He grabbed the cap and snapped it back on, slipping the bottle in his pocket. Hope watched him with darkened eyes, wanting to shrink away. He bowed his head again when he saw Rygdea turning around. He could still make out the man's feet as they walked toward him, but couldn't bring himself to look up.

"I'm taking these. They're too dangerous for you to have. And you know that." Hope didn't dare argue. He knew the man was right. But the hand on his shoulder finally made him look up. Rygdea gave him a sad and knowing smile, looking far more relaxed than Hope could have imagined, "I'm sorry Hope. I hadn't realized...it had gotten this far." Hope's eyes widened and he shook his head, but Rygdea continued, "I won't let you take them whenever but...if it gets that bad, come to me, okay? But-but let's talk before that happens? I mean, I'm not the best with this sort of thing but...we need to talk about it. I mean-"

Rygdea stopped as Hope's eyes scrunched up, clearly watering. Hope let out several shuddering gasps, still shaking his head, "Don't say sorry. You didn't do this. Don't say sorry. Don't." Hope gritted his teeth, forcing himself to calm down, "And I promise. I promise I'll try to talk more. Okay?"

Rygdea's eyes softened and he took Hope's wrist again, leading him to his bed before sitting down himself. "All right Hope." Rygdea smiled slightly and ruffled the man's hair. Hope closed his eyes, allowing the action, and found himself brought back to days as a kid. When his father would ruffle his hair or when Snow would ruffle his hair. The memories were nice but his chest tightened. They reminded him of something he had lost...

They sat in silence for a long time, both watching the floor, lost in their own thoughts. Hope offered nothing, Rygdea knowing he wouldn't. He promised to try and talk, but they both knew it'd take some preparation. And Rygdea wouldn't force it, at least not yet. The light above them offered a little comfort, and the noise downstairs alerted them to the others arrival. Rygdea watched as Hope stiffened, then sighed.

"I know Hope. I could tell them about it if you want. Just enough to let them know..."

"How much?"

"I'll tell them you had a bad experience and that you couldn't help it. And that it's up to you whether you tell them about it or not. That they shouldn't take it personally..."

Hope remained silent for a few moments and Rygdea stood to do just that, but Hope grabbed his sleeve, "Not yet..." he said, sounding small, "Let's just...stay here for a while." Rygdea nodded and joined Hope back on the bed, watching the door as the noise grew. But it wasn't as loud as it normally was and Hope felt a pang in his chest. It was because of him, they were subdued because of him...and he knew it. He closed his eyes, wondering for the millionth time why things turned out this way.

There was a light knocking on the door and they both looked up as Serah peeked her head inside. "Are you two okay?" she asked, looking at Hope with deep concern in her eyes. Hope shifted uncomfortably and nodded, although he knew she wouldn't be convinced. "All right then..."

"Actually Serah, maybe something warm to eat? Like soup? Hope could use it." Hope snapped his head up in surprise, but Serah gave a sad smile.

"No problem. Feel better okay?" Hope nodded again as the door slowly clicked close.

"Thanks..." he said after a long silence.

"Don't mention it." They sat in silence again, no one coming to knock on the door again. It seemed Serah had known more than she let om, because they knew the others would have been knocking like crazy. They sat in comfortable silence until Serah came in, a bowl of hot soup in her hands.

"Here Hope." she said, offering him a smile as she handed it to him, "And...it's all right." she said, giving him a hug before turning to leave. Hope called out his thanks before the door closed again, leaving him alone with Rygdea once more.

There was silence between them again except for the slurping and clinking of a spoon as Hope slowly ate his soup. Rygdea watched him, eyes unfocused, and waited for him to finish. As Hope set the bowl on the end table, Rygdea cleared his throat, smirking slightly, "You know, we'll have to talk eventually."

Hope smiled slightly as well, slipping off his suit jacket and letting the thing fall to the floor. He rested his hands on the bed, leaning back so that he was facing the ceiling, and took a deep breath, "I know. It's just...I don't really want to talk about it."

"How about just telling me what you saw?"

Hope sighed and nodded, closing his eyes, "She was singing to me again. I guess it was to me, who knows how her head works. And I could smell it outside. All that fire...the bodies." Hope shuddered, his voice thick, "She was gonna."

"No Hope...that was a flashback. That's all over now." They were quiet, letting the words sink in. they both wondered how true those words were. "So, don't want to talk about anything else?"

"We both know how it made me feel. Why talk about it?"

"To make you feel better?"

"Hmph...I guess." But Hope smiled nonetheless, letting himself fall back on his bed. He was tired, the achy kind of tired, but he knew he wouldn't be getting much sleep tonight. If any at all, now that he thought about it. He'd try though, he couldn't afford to screw up once they were on the field.

On the field...another thing to worry about.

"Hey Rygdea, are you sure me helping out with the C'ieth attacks is a good idea? What if I freak out again?" Hope asked, rubbing his eyes.

Rygdea snorted, "Please Hope. I know you better than that. When you're out there, you have good control."

"But that doesn't mean there won't be an incident."

"And we'll deal with it when it comes. But you're more useful to us out there Hope. And you know it. I mean, would you really be willing to just sit here and watch as the others went out there?"

"Of course not!"

"Then it's pretty obvious what you'll have to do." Rygdea stretched, taking off his own suit jacket and vest, leaving on the white dress shirt. "Don't worry Hope, it will be fine. I know it." Hope gave a rueful smile, well aware that Rygdea didn't know how it would turn out. But the thought was a comforting one.

"But you know, I don't think this is the only thing bothering you. You looked a little bothered the whole night." Rygdea smiled, something knowing in his eye, "Want to talk about it?"

Hope felt his cheeks heat up and refused to look at the man. But...after tonight with Lightning, maybe the man could offer some advice? But this was Rygdea he was considering confiding too. It might blow up in is face if he wasn't too careful And he didn't want that either. Ugh...

"I'll take that as a yes." Rygdea smiled, standing up and grabbing Hope's bowl as he went. "Let me drip this off and explain to everyone what's going on. Then you can tell me all about what happened."

"Shut it." Hope said after him, throwing a pillow at his retreating back. It hit the door as it closed and fell to the ground, barely making a sound. Hope groaned and flopped back on the bed, rubbing his face in his hands.

Rygdea held back a chuckle as he went downstairs toward the kitchen, wondering just what had Hope so riled up. As he entered the kitchen, he felt many eyes boring into him and sighed. As he set the bowl into the sink, he turned to the group as they made their way into the kitchen. Sazh and Dajh were still there, as well as Gadot and Yuj. Rygdea nodded and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms.

"I'm going to tell you what he said I could tell. He had a rough past. Some of you are aware of that, others are not. Tonight, something happened that triggered him, and Hope had an emotional breakdown." Rygdea met Lightning's intense glare, knowing she wanted more details, "He had a flashback and was unable to tell what was real and what wasn't. He was desperate and felt trapped, so he called for help."

"But why you?"

Rygdea was surprised that it was Maqui who asked, but answered nonetheless, "I am the only one who knows the full extent of what happened to him. As a precaution, we have agreed that I will act as an anchor to bring him back to reality when he has a relapse. It only made sense."

"And he won't-"

"No..." Rygdea sighed, suddenly looking exhausted, "No, he won't tell anyone else. It's frustrating...I know. It's also part of the reason he gets so bad, but he refuses to listen to me. And I won't tell you the details unless it becomes absolutely necessary. Hope has to be the one to let you in. Not me." Rygdea shook his head, "I know it sounds bad...but Hope just can't take this right now. He went through a lot, so don't blame him for this. He'll tell you eventually, just give him time." Rygdea looked at all the worried faces, wishing he could do more for them.

"Will Hope be all right?" Lightning asked, stepping forward.

"He should be. He and I had a chance to talk. In fact, I'm going back there now." Rygdea shook his head, but grinned, suddenly looking mischievous, "But on a much lighter note. I think he may be having some girl trouble."

Lightning stiffened at this, face getting far too hot for her liking, and she could have sworn she felt Serah's eyes on her. Rygdea continued to chuckle as he walked away, sending them a brief wave as he went. "I better go help the guy out. But you all get some rest, got it? Good night all."

Lightning tried to keep her face straight as she said goodbye to the others. Sazh and Dajh still looked concerned, Sazh patting her on the back before they left. Yuj nodded to her and Gadot gave a wave before they left as well. Lightning toyed with her dress, ready to go to her room and try to figure out how to help Hope, but Serah's eyes told her she would be doing no such thing.

"Later guys..." Maqui said, following Lebreau up to their rooms, "Tomorrow will better huh?"

"You know it!" Snow said, trying to smile as he punched Maqui in the arm. The tall man looked toward his wife, "You coming Serah?"

"Yeah. I just wanna talk to sis for a second."

_Trapped..._

"Well...all right then. See you soon."

"Check on Hazel please?"

"Of course!" Snow rushed over to peck Serah on the cheek before hurrying upstairs. Lightning wanted to go up as well, not willing to talk to her sister yet. She glared at the floor, even when she saw her sister's feet head for the couch.

"Light!" Grumbling, Lightning forced her feet to move toward the couch as well, but she refused to sit. "Come on Light, tell me what happened."

"Is now really the time to talk about this?" Lightning growled, crossing her arms and looking at her sister. She was more worried about Hope and she wanted to see him, even if she couldn't speak with him yet. And she didn't want to deal with this. Serah averted her eyes, biting her lip slightly as she wrung her hands together. She took a deep breath before she spoke.

"I know it seems weird to talk about it now...but if I don't, you're just going to keep putting it off and putting it off. And-And I don't think we should. Besides, Rygdea is talking to Hope about his love problems!" She looked at Lightning, her eyes determined, "So tell me what happened between you and Hope."

"Serah, what makes you think this is a love problem? And there's nothing to put off!"

"Please Lightning. It's bothering him. I know it is. And it's bothering you too!" Lightning clenched her hands, looking at ceiling rather than Serah. Why was this happening to her? She hadn't done anything that terrible lately. At least she didn't think so. "Light!"

"He told me he loved me..."

"Wait-What?"

Lightning tried to force away her nervousness, hating the heat she could feel in her cheeks, and sat down on the couch. She remained silent for a long time, aware of Serah's gaze on her even as she stared at her hands. She took a deep breath, "When he, we, thought he was going to die...he told me he loved me. Before he let go. Before he let go...he told me he loved me." She shook her head, hardly daring to believe it herself even as the scene played again in her mind.

"_I love you..."_

_And then he was falling, falling down where she'd never see him..._

"He-He said that?" Lightning couldn't bring herself to look at Serah, unsure of what she would say. Hope's words were echoing even more so in her mind, but after tonight...he had looked so sad. So sad and accepting. And then he had broken down. He had sounded so scared and desperate. It still clawed at her as she remembered his voice. She had never heard Hope sound so frightened. _Never. _

"Claire." Lightning jumped when she felt her sister's arm wrap around her and had to resist the urge to pull away. "I'm sorry Claire. I'm sorry you had to live with that when we thought he was gone..." Lightning took a shuddering breath and nodded, letting her sister comfort her. She always seemed to know when she was slipping back. It was a weakness she hated, loathed that she had it. But Serah never asked, just let her sit in sad silence as she forced the thoughts away. And it was no different then with only the clock ticking giving away any sound.

"What about tonight Claire? What happened tonight?" Serah asked, pulling away slightly.

Lightning took another deep breath and explained Hope's confession. Explained that he said that he still loved her. Still loved her but said it was all right that she didn't feel the same way. But to just let him...let him love her.

But she couldn't mention that weird hurt she felt. And she had a feeling that she hadn't done Hope justice. It was hard to explain his defeated sadness. His sad hope that he could love from afar. Promising to love her even when she wouldn't love him back.

"Oh Claire..."

"He asked for a dance...and he kept saying how he understood. That he didn't want me to feel guilty."

"Hope..." Serah mumbled, looking at her own hands in her lap. "I had...no idea at all. No idea that he'd let himself just-just..." she trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Did you know?" Lightning asked.

Serah sighed and nodded, resting her chin on her hands, "I had an idea...when he came back. At least, of how he felt about you. He seemed so happy to see you. And you looked happy to see him. But I don't know..."

"Don't know what?"

Serah shook her head but Lightning knew it wasn't the case, "It's nothing Claire." She leaned back into the chair, "I don't know Light...I don't know what you should do. I'm sorry. I mean...how _do _you feel?"

Lightning bit her lip, trying to get her thoughts straight, "I'm not sure." Serah's eyebrows rose, But Lightning didn't notice, "I mean, I know I'm happy that he's back. I know I'm worried about how-how he's doing." She closed her eyes as his frightened shouts filled her ears again, "I know I want to help him. He's changed so much Serah." Lightning silently thanked herself for stopping before she revealed her strange anger toward Lebreau. She did _not_ want to know what that could mean.

"He has changed...and not all of it for the better." Serah shook her head and stood, offering her sister a warm smile as she held out her hand, "But it's been a long day. And I have a feeling tomorrow might be a bit of a handful too. But if you want to talk about this again, just ask. I'll be thinking about it a ton now!" Serah giggled slightly as Lightning took her hand, "It's nice to think that Hope likes you Claire."

Lightning looked away, aware that she was blushing, "I don't get you..."

"It's refreshing...that part of Hope hasn't changed." Serah added as she and Lightning began to walk upstairs, "Because I could tell he liked you back then too. But I didn't know he actually told you."

"Yeah..."

"You think...we'll be able to help him?" Serah asked once they were at the top of the stairs. Lightning clenched her hands again, looking toward Hope's door.

"Of course we will." _We have to._

Serah smiled and nodded, putting a hand on Lightning shoulder before going to her room, "We will definitely be talking about this more. Hear that Light?" Lightning nodded reluctantly and watched as her sister disappeared into her room. She looked at Hope's room one last time before going to her own room, Hope's shouts and a broken "I love you" still echoing in her head.


	12. Meatloaf

**Hey guys! Sorry about the maybe late update? I've been feeling out of sorts lately, and it was harder than I thought getting the energy to look through and edit this chapter. You'll notice that I haven't replied to your reviews. For that, I'm really, really sorry! I feel tired (and have all week really), but I will reply to them as soon as I'm awake (going to bed as soon as chapter is posted!). I wanted to get the chapter out very badly, so I hope you'll forgive late review replies. I'll only reply to Chapter 11 reviews for now, because I like to reply to all the chapter reviews at update time.**

**Again, I'm really sorry! I don't know why, but I am a little, well, sad. And there's no real reason for it, I just lost some momentum in general. But I think you'll like this chapter. You'll be surprised! I hope you all enjoy it, and I look forward to your reviews. They're a great pick me up and I love hearing what you think. Now on to the chapter!**

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"Hope...you didn't..."

"Don't say it like that Rygdea! Don't!"

"But you did! You really did! Boy, now I know why you two have been all weird around each other. It makes perfect sense now!" The man laughed, shaking his head slightly before glancing at Hope. He was burying his head into his pillow, trying to suffocate himself and prevent anymore humiliation. Rygdea only snickered, snatching the thing away and dangling it in front of Hope's face.

"Didn't know you had it in you Hope." he teased, pulling the pillow away as Hope lunged for it.

"Shut it!"

"Good thing you're older now. Otherwise Light would be a _cougar._" Rygdea gave a low, evil laugh, praying that Light never heard what he said. She could be a little...unreasonable. And Rygdea really didn't want to be on the bad end of that...unreasonability. If that was the word.

"Stop!" Hope demanded, but the effect was ruined from the bright red blush that covered his face and heading for his his ears. He finally wrestled the pillow away from the man and began to mercilessly beat him with it. But that did not stop Rygdea's laughter, even as Hope beat him down the bed.

"You're an ass!" Hope hissed, throwing the pillow back to its rightful place and glaring at Rygdea as the man calmed down. Rygdea shook his head again and sat up, a smile still on his face.

"You say that like you're surprised."

"Ugh. Remind me again why I bothered to tell you?"

"Because Hope, unlike you, I have plenty of experience with women And from this well of great knowledge, I can offer you proper advice and guidance." Hope snorted at this and Rygdea rolled his eyes, "Well, I know more than most of your friends anyway. Poor Maqui... And Snow seems a little too rash to be able to give you advice like this. Wasn't he the one that Lightning was always beating the shit out of? Somehow, I don't think that would help you much."

A small pause, "I hate it when you're right."

"I don't though, and that's all that matters."

Hope sighed, flopping back on the pillow.

"But I already told her that I didn't mind just loving her from afar." Hope wanted to smack himself now. If there was ever a time he wanted to sink into the earth, lost forever from the light of day, it would be now. What was he, a high school kid? Did he not go around defeating C'ieth? Did he not experience less...pleasant things in his life than most others? He needed to start being more-

"Hope." He looked up at Rygdea's stern tone, not quite meeting his eyes, "Stop going into your head like that. It's bad for your health."

"You know I can't..."

"Then I'll just have to distract you." Rygdea said, giving Hope a wicked smile, "Now, since you really did tell her that, you'll have to go in for the subtle approach. Slowly show her how much you've grown, how much you care. Believe it or not, you already earned points for asking her to let you love her from afar. Most girls love that."

"What is this? A game? There's nothing to keep score of!"

"Geez, bite my head off. Just trying to help." But Rygdea's smirk only made Hope groan. The man was not helping! He was trying to send Hope to an early grave!

"Oh yeah, I can tell you want to help."

"Just saying Hope, don't count yourself out just yet. You never know, it could work out quite well. Maybe go to the beach, holding hangs, giggling together as the sun sets. Then you confess your undying love to her, and she gazes into your eyes, saying she felt the same way-"

"Quit talking like that! It's embarrassing!" Hope moaned, grabbing his pillow and trying to smother himself with it. A light knock on the door stopped Rygdea from teasing him further, Hope peeking out from his pillows as they both looked toward the door. But inside Hope was screaming in victory. No more humiliation! He was free! Rygdea shrugged and slipped off the bed, unlocking the door with a small click and stepping back as he swung it open.

"Yeah?" he said, looking at Maqui as he peeked into the room. The blond bit his lip and tried to look past Rygdea, but the man blocked his view of the room. He scowled and glared at Rygdea, but the man only smirked, "You don't look all that threatening Maqui. Your "Death glare" looks more like a pout."

"Fine. But...I mean, can I see Hope? Is he...um...okay?"

Rygdea's look softened and he nodded, "He is. I'm still talking with him so he'll relax, but I don't know if it would be a good idea if-"

"It's okay Rygdea. He can come in." Hope said, standing up and opening the door more, letting Maqui get a look at him. Hope had since changed into more comfortable clothes and his hair looked rumpled after his brief smothering from the pillow. And, while he wouldn't admit to Rygdea, he did feel more relaxed than he had before, even with his constant teasing. And if he could show he was okay to Maqui, then maybe everyone else's fears would disappear. Or at least...they wouldn't be so poignant.

"Hey Maqui..." he said, giving him a nervous smile as the blond took a few steps inside. Maqui tried to return it, but the look on Hope's face before he cleared the party still haunted his mind, as well as his friend's screams. He had never heard Hope sound like before...never.

"Maqui." He looked up at Hope, face heating up, "I'm okay now, I promise. I just...didn't expect that tonight. Or yesterday night. Whatever it is now."

The blond nodded, swallowing a large lump in his throat. His heart beat faster as he asked the next question, knowing that it could mean his end by Rygdea's hand, "Was it...because of something with Saorise?" Sure enough, and more literally than he thought, Rygdea's hand snaked around his upper arm and began to squeeze painfully, making Maqui gasp.

"You know better than to-"

"Rygdea...it's okay. And yes Maqui, it's because of something that happened with Saorise." Rygdea slowly released his grip on Maqui's arm and the blond resisted the urge to cradle it. He didn't want to look any weaker than he might already. He had to look strong if Hope was to confide into him. He looked up at Hope, biting his lip again.

"I'm sorry Hope...I shouldn't have said anything. It's just, we want to know that you're all right. And-and if there's anything we can do or something. I mean..." Maqui trailed off, looking away from Hope.

"Thanks Maqui..." Hope said, smiling at him. Rygdea felt himself relax at the look. If Hope could smile like that, he would be okay after all. At least, he hoped so.

"Oh! And have those pills helped with your sleeping at all?" Maqui asked, still looking nervous but genuinely relieved. He didn't seem to notice the bit of tension that spread between Hope and Rygdea, but it was quickly covered.

"It turns out I didn't need them after all. But thanks Maqui."

"Oh...well okay then." Maqui took one last glance between the two of them, giving Hope a brief thumbs up before leaving the room, saying a soft good night as he went. The two relaxed after he left, but the tension didn't quite leave them as Hope moved toward his bed, flopping on it in a defeated sort of way. "I'm so tired...I doubt anyone got much sleep...and I feel bad."

"Well at least you all have a day to catch up on sleep. They won't be calling a meeting for S.C.E tomorrow, not with all of the soldiers having hangovers and whatnot."

"Ugh...I forgot about that! What are they going to think!"

"Since when do you care?"

"Shut up..." Rygdea snickered and sat back down on the bed, eying Hope's back as he did, eyes growing concerned. "What is it Rygdea?"

Rygdea sighed, "Well, it's been a while Hope. You haven't used magic right?" Hope nodded, understanding, and sat up. Hope proceeded to pull of his shirt, tucking it under his chin as he laid back down so Rygdea could look at his bare back.

Rygdea moved closer, scanning it for any abnormalities, before tracing over a small, barely noticeable line on the skin. "Barely anything left now. And I think even this is fading. But better safe and sorry I guess. Want me to heal it?" Rygdea said, already calling magic to make the line disappear before Hope could answer. Surprised by the lack of response, he looked down at Hope and smiled, shaking his head before ruffling Hope's hair. Hope had a serene look on his face. There was a small frown, but otherwise his expression was peaceful.

He stood from the bed, careful not to wake the sleeping Hope, and clicked the light off and leaving the room as quietly as he could. He nearly bumped into Serah as headed downstairs, the girl stumbling slightly to avoid him. She had a light blue robe on, her nightgown ghosting underneath the fabric, and she gave Rygdea a weary smile. "Sorry..."

"No, it was my fault." The two continued downstairs together, Rygdea blinking to stay awake. It had been a weary day...well, he supposed it was technically yesterday at this point. Did it really matter? He was still tired.

"Hope?" Serah asked, breaking him from his daze.

"Asleep..."

"That's good." Serah's smile grew as she walked into the kitchen, Rygdea following her. He was surprised when she handed him a cup of coffee, even as she began to nurse her own, looking very at peace with herself. Taking a sip from the mug, he followed Serah as she signaled for him to come to the living room.

"So, how's Hope really?" she asked once they sat down on the couch. Rygdea wondered for a moment why there was a pillow and blanket to the side of the couch, but pushed the thought away to answer Serah.

"He's...doing okay. Much better than he was before at least. But, if you don't mind, try not to mention it too much. Hope's kind of nervous about it at the moment, so he doesn't know what to do around you guys. Just, tell him to feel better or something."

Serah nodded, worry creasing her eyebrows, "I can tell Snow of course, and we can tell the others together. They'll get the point. But I'm worried that Lightning won't leave it like that. She'll want answers after what happened last night. When we left she was so...worried. It's been a while since I've seen her like that."

"I figured as much. I wish I had a way to stop her. She can be so hard headed. But poor Hope. Poor, poor Hope." Rygdea couldn't stop himself from sniggering as he remembered Hope's little confession. To the time he fell to his "death", to the point where he told Light she didn't have to love him back. The poor kid had it for her bad. And she was no easy...well, anything really.

"Hm?" Rygdea blinked, remembering where he was. He smiled at Serah, shaking his head.

"Well, we had a guy to guy talk about some..."

"Did he tell you about the confession?" Rygdea blinked, mouth opening in surprise. Serah gave him a soft smile before taking a sip of her coffee, "I got Lightning to tell me about it after we were back here for a while. I mean, I was going to talk to her anyway, and she needed a distraction. Two birds in one stone. But then...then I heard about that confession. It really surprised me I guess... And I don't know what to make of it. I mean, after seeing how Hope treated Lightning last night, and even before this I guess I could always tell that he seemed to like her. Even love her, when you consider the present. But I didn't say much, not back then when he was younger. But seeing them now...I know he's sincere."

"You can tell me. Poor kid even said she doesn't have to love him back."

"Yeah...that's devotion. Light's lucky, whether she knows it or not." Serah clenched her hands around her cup, biting her lip, "But...but now I have to wonder how _she_ feels about it. Before there was just now way she could feel that way. He was just a kid...well, a teenager. But now-now it seems like he's grown so much. Been through so much..." Her eyes became sad at that, but she pressed on, "I mean, he's really become something. And I think Lightning is starting to see that as he hangs around her. And sometimes, sometimes she seems to get angry for no reason at Lebreau."

Serah paused, lost in her thoughts, "I mean, I saw her glaring at her. For no reason. Except, now that I think about it, Lebreau was clinging to Hope that day. She was trying to get him to do her a favor and kept poking at him until he gave in. They had acted so friendly about it, but sis..." Serah smiled slightly, her sister's rather frightening scowl still in her mind.

"And then that mess when he saw her naked. She would have been mad, but not _that _mad. And last night. There are so many signals. But-but it _is_ Lightning, so I can't exactly tell with her. I want to tell her to-to-"

"Go for it?"

"Y-Yeah. Weird as it sounds."

"It's not weird. Not if she feels that way too. But you'll have a hell of a time to try and convince her of that."

Serah laughed at that, nodding, "Oh yeah. But for now, for now I'm just going to help with damage control. I wonder if I should tell Snow about it.?"

"Are you kidding? He'll tease them and wind up bruised. Your sister doesn't seem like the type to hold back when it comes to Snow."

"True." Serah stood, stretching slightly, "Thanks Rygdea. It felt good to be able to tell someone about it. Maybe you and I should work together, try and get them to at least acknowledge what's going on with them. Maybe..."But even as she said it, there was a feeling between them that it was going to be more than just maybe.

"Now that it's settled, I think you should get some sleep Rygdea. Almost everyone will be asleep for today, and I know you haven't gotten any shut eye either. Not that I blame you!" she added, worried she sounded accusing.

"But-"

"Just camp out on the couch. I'll wake you up if anything happens." Rygdea smiled as she left before grabbing the not so suspiciously placed pillow and blanket, laying them out for him to rest on. He hadn't even changed out of his fancy clothes except for the vest, but he didn't care much if they got wrinkled.

And he could always tune Yuj out.

* * *

Lightning sighed and bounced Hazel lightly on her knee, holding her securely toward her waist so the girl wouldn't slip off. Hazel snuggled closer to her, eyes drooping, and Light slowed her leg down, letting Hazel doze on her. Lightning watched as Serah finished up the dishes after having forced everyone to go to bed, saying they had a meeting tomorrow and she didn't want to hear them moaning when she got up. Snow had tried to argue with her, but a quick pinch of the ear stopped all of that. Her brother-in-law was such a kid sometimes though, to be reprimanded like that.

The first half of the day had been devoted to snoozing as nearly everyone had been worn out. Even Rygdea had stayed asleep for a while, but he later left to prepare for tomorrow. Lightning was relieved to be going back to work. It would give her something to distract her with, seeing as she couldn't talk to the cause. Hope had been resting all day, and as much as Lightning wanted answers, she didn't have the heart to wake him. And Serah had basically told them not to mention what happened, only to wish him well.

Yeah, like she could really be able to do that.

But when she had marched up there, ready to ask Hope about last night, or at least try to understand it, he had been curled up to the pillow. In fact, he had been _snuggling_ the pillow, a little smile on his face to boot. But Lightning had preserved and marched right up to him, ready to yank that pillow out from under him and demand. Even when he gave a little yawn and burrowed his head into the pillow, she was ready to confront him. Even when he giggled she marched up to him-

And wound up taking a trip back downstairs. Not because she had a soft spot for him. No. Because she needed him to rest up for tomorrow. That's why.

Not that it sounded very convincing in her head.

"Light?"

"Hm?" Lightning hummed absently, twirling Hazel's hair.

"Hope didn't come down for dinner. I know he's tired and all, but do you think you could wake him up and get him to eat some of the leftovers. I'm sure he's starving."

"All right." Lightning said as Serah came up to her and gently took Hazel from her lap.

"And don't go questioning him." she warned.

Lightning shrugged as Serah left, her daughter propped in her arms and head resting on her shoulder. Lightning pulled out some leftover meatloaf that was wrapped and resting on the plate. After she heated the small meal up, she headed for the stairs and went toward Hope's room. She knocked softly, not expecting an answer, and opened the door just enough so that she could slip through. Hope was still resting in his bed, but as Lightning came closer, she noticed that he was thrashing around.

Her eyebrows creased and she placed the plate on the bedside table, leaning over Hope as he continued to thrash in his sleep, the pillow falling to the floor from his movements. He let out a low moan and shook his head, hands gripping the sheets in a white knuckled grip. He let out a sharp, gasping breath, a whimper escaping his mouth, and Lightning felt her chest tighten.

"N-No...C'ie-away! I didn't! Please!"

Lightning gripped Hope's shoulders as he tensed again, letting out a small cry, and he thrashed even harder against her. "Don't hurt...No!"

"Hope, wake up." Lightning said softly, tightening her hands slightly and giving him a small shake, "Come on Hope, it's just a nightmare."

"L-Lie...Liar!" Hope coughed and thrashed some more, sending the sheets and blankets to the floor in his growing frenzy. Lightning shook him harder and nearly shouted his name as he let out a cry. Hope's eyes shot open, glazed and still lost in the throes of his nightmare. He sat up, pulling himself away from Lightning, his whole body shaking as he pushed himself away.

"You're a liar! I shouldn't have trusted you!" Hope cried, eyes watering, "You-You didn't have to! WHY!"

"Hope!"

But he continued to shake his head, eyes wide and fearful, sweat sticking to his face and breathing coming in short gasps. He pushed himself away from her on his legs, flinching when Lightning reached over to stop him, and he fell to the floor when he ran out of bed. He let out a yelp and Lightning rushed to the other side, Hope sitting up and rubbing his head. He blinked his eyes open, this time clear, and looked at Lightning with a confused expression. Lightning put her mask in place, trying not to betray what happened, but Hope's eyes widened as the memory sank in.

He had a nightmare...

...and Lightning had caught him.

Feeling his face heat up in new shame, he quickly stood and turned away from her, rubbing his arm and biting his lip. He glanced at the pillows, sheets, and blankets scattered on the floor and bent to pick them up, anything to give his hands something to do. He heard a small shuffle of feet and watched as the blankets on the other side began to pile on the bed as well. He almost wished Lightning would leave...anything to escape this...burning shame. It was embarrassing to be caught like that. He didn't want her to-

To what? Think less of him? Know what was wrong? Ask?

"Hope." he stopped, still only looking at his hands, and he jumped when he felt Lightning's hand on his shoulder. He cursed softly under his breath, tightening his grip on the blanket in his hands, but Lightning didn't seem to mind. She slowly tuned him to face her, even though he refused to look up, and raised her hand to trace his jaw line. It mirrored the events from years ago, another time when Hope had been lost, and they both felt as if they were on Gran Pulse for a moment, the fire crackling not far away. His Eidolon fast approaching... But then time caught up with the moment, and Lightning was not comforting a young Hope who felt he was a burden. This Hope was similar...but the pain ran deeper.

But she needed to help him. Even if her help was small. "Look at me Hope."

She saw his eyes flutter up, then quickly look down again, so she brought her fingers to his chin instead. He looked up at her, eyes still guarded but shining slightly. His eyes were searching her, but Lightning did not know what they were looking for, so she let herself relax. Her shoulders lowered slightly, her eyes softened, and she let a small smile tug at her lips. Hope gave her a strained smile of his own and let her guide him to the bed, watching as she picked up the plate of meatloaf from his table and began to unwrap it.

"Everyone's worried about you Hope." Lightning said, watching as he tensed out of the corner of her eye, "Rygdea said what he could, but we're still worried. We wish we could help you...that there was something we could say that would make you feel better or more comfortable." Lightning placed the wrapping neatly on the table and took the fork, cutting the meatloaf into smaller bits, "I want to know what happened to you so that I can help. I also want to know about Saorise so that when I see her, I can give her what for." She scooped some of the meatloaf up. Hope was watching her, eyes wary, "But I will be patient, for now at least, as long as you promise to work through this with us."

Hope's mouth opened slightly in surprise and Lightning took the opportunity to gently shove the fork in his mouth, forcing the meatloaf inside. Hope choked slightly, blinking, and gave her a halfhearted glare. She slipped the fork out of his mouth, smirking slightly, and watched as he chewed it.

"Not cool." he said once he swallowed.

"You missed dinner. I'm doing you a favor."

Hope rolled his eyes before taking the plate and fork from her. He took a few more bites, not really looking at her as he thought of everything that happened. As he took a fourth bite, he looked up at her, tensing.

"I'm sorry...for everything." Lightning's eyes widened at the apology but she soon shook her head, "But Light-"

"You have nothing to apologize for. What happened back there...whatever it was, it wasn't you. And I know you'll work through it."

"What I said-"

"You-you handled it maturely Hope. I know you did. You have _nothing_ to apologize for." He nodded, somewhat nervously, but they let it drift off. They could think about things like that later. No matter what Rygdea said, Hope had no intention of doing something that wasn't him in order to get closer to Light. He wanted her to love him for him, not something else. And even if he were to be so lucky as to have that happen...there was still the matter of Saorise. Would he really be willing to endanger her? Was he really doing the right thing? Rygdea seemed to think he was.

"Hope?"

Hope shook his head, breaking himself from the rather dark chain of thoughts, and looked at Light, "Do-Do you really think I can-" he trailed off, wanting to shrink away. He sounded so weak.

"Yes Hope." Lightning forced him to look at her again, "I think you'll be able to work through this. So stop selling yourself short."

His eyes widened again, but then they hardened and he nodded, "Right." He smiled at her and began to dig into the meatloaf again, but then he glanced back at Light, then down to his meatloaf. Lightning's eyes widened and she made to move, but Hope had already scooped some meatloaf in his fingers and mashed them against her face, secretly terrified by what he was doing.

She felt her face heat up and glared at Hope, who wasn't even bothering to hide his laughter. "Whoops, sorry Light. Must have slipped." She wrinkled her nose at him and vowed not to stoop down to his level, even as the meatloaf dripped off of her cheek. "I'm surprised that you didn't use your super soldier reflexes to take me down...but maybe this meatloaf is your weakness?" And then there was even more on her cheek.

Her eye twitched but she refused to give in. She would be the mature one. She would hold back, no matter how childish he was being. But then Hope just gave her a devilish smile and drew a meatloaf happy face on her cheek.

And it was on.

"AH! I'm sorry Light! I didn't mean it!" But Hope's laughter showed no sincerity as she lunged at him, grabbing the plate from his hands and lathering what was left on his head. "NO!" he cried dramatically, shivering as the stuff slid down his head and into his shirt. "Ew...it's so gross!"

"That'll teach you."

"You're right Lightning." Then he looked at her, evil grin still there, "I learned how important you are to me. In fact, I think I'll give you a hug."

"If you want to live Estheim, I suggest you-" But he just laughed and lunged after her, wrapping his arms around her waist and rubbing his meatloaf covered head on her stomach. "Aw, Light, don't you just _love_ meatloaf?" he snickered, barely blinking when she hit him on the head.

"Hope!" But then they both froze, looking at the door as it swung open. There was Snow, looking absolutely bewildered, mouth even hanging open. Hope immediately lifted himself up, cheeks painted red, and left Lightning feeling strangely cold. But it was soon replaced by anger and embarrassment as Snow continued to stare. She knew she was covered in meatloaf, and while Hope looked worst, it didn't make her feel much better.

"So..." Hope said after a long and awkward silence. He trailed off immediately, not knowing what else he should say. Snow continued to stare, Lighting continued to glare, and Hope really wished to disappear.

Finally, Snow seemed to have gathered himself, "I came by...to see if you were feeling any better. And I guess...you are."

"Y-Yeah..." Hope glanced at Lightning, unable to stop the small smile tugging at his lips, "I am feeling better."

"Well...that's...good. I'll go tell...Serah...that you need some new sheets."

"Thanks." Snow nodded numbly and moved away from the door, his heavy steps on the stairs echoing loudly into the room. Hope swallowed and glanced at Lightning again, feeling both happy and nervous. "Well, that could have gone better." Lightning just glared at him and Hope felt the smile slowly turn into a nervous frown, fear spreading through him as he felt as if he were about to die a most painful death. One that involved screaming and torture. "Let's...clean up!"

Lightning stood, snatching the plate away, and headed downstairs, Hope following behind her. She turned to the bathroom, stuffing the plate into Hope's hands before slamming the door shut, leaving him alone. "Well...at least I still have my life!" he reasoned, inching away from the door as he heard water running. He shook his head and left for the kitchen, placing the plate in the sink and turning the faucet on. He pulled off his shirt, the meatloaf still clinging to it, and grabbed a washcloth on the counter. He let the water run over it and washed the bits off his chest and face, moving slowly to his hair.

_Ugh...so gonna need a shower in the morning..._ He did his best to get the meat to slide off his hair, grimacing at how oily it felt. Once he was sure he had gotten off as much as he could, he turned the water off and grabbed his shirt, only to come face to face with Serah. She smiled at him, but for some reason, Hope didn't find it comforting. It looked almost...devilish.

"So...I heard you and my sister had some fun."

_No-no way. W-will she kill me? Was it that bad? _

Serah shook her head and laughed, "I wish I could have seen it!" Hope relaxed slightly under her gaze, but he couldn't get the weird feeling to go away. Serah looked...different to him. Like she wanted to ask him something...but couldn't get the words out.

"What's wrong Serah?" he asked, resisting the urge to shiver. It was cold in the kitchen and he still had no shirt.

Serah bit her lip, eyes searching his, but then she smiled, "No, it's nothing Hope. Just beware! You're messing with Lightning after all." She placed a hand on his shoulder, eyes a little more thoughtful than before, "Not that it's a bad thing. I'm glad that you can...get that out of her." For some reason, those words made his chest swell up and warmth tingled his stomach. He smiled at the feeling, winking at Serah.

"As long as I can take a glare...and maybe a punch, I should be okay!" Still feeling strangely happy, Hope bid good night to Serah and headed for his room, unaware of the thoughtful look she sent him. He glanced at the now silent bathroom and shrugged, guessing that Lightning had just taken a very quick shower, and headed upstairs for his room. But when he opened the door, his eyebrows shot up. Lightning was there removing all the blankets and sheets that had been covered in the dinner. He gulped and tip toed his way in, only to have Lightning shoot a glance at him.

"What are you doing?"

Blushing slightly, Serah's words still making him feel all tingly, he gave her a laugh, "Just...throwing this in the hamper. Then it's back to bed. I'm still tired believe it or not!" It was true. Even after a full day of sleeping, he still couldn't get rid of that weird tiredness that had been plaguing him. It ached his bones as always, but it had at least lessened. He glanced at his bed, glad that one pillow and blanket had survived. "Thanks Light."

"It was nothing."

However, Lightning did arch an eyebrow at him and Hope looked down, remembering that he was in front of _Light_ and had no shirt on. Blushing again, he quickly made his way to his dresser and pulled on a random shirt, trying to ignore her stare.

"Does the brand ever hurt?" Hope froze, but quickly forced himself to relax. It wasn't that difficult of a question. He could answer it.

"Sometimes it will burn."

"Will it?"

"Yeah. But it's not so bad, it's only when I use magic too much."

"Was that why Rygdea was worried before? When he told you not to use it for a week?"

"Uh-Yeah." _No..._

"Hmph, be careful then."

"I will!" _But I can't tell you the real reason._

"Get enough sleep. We're heading in early tomorrow and I don't want to have to fight you to get you to wake up."

"I will, I will." _If I did...I don't know what'd you think._

Hope turned back to his bed, throat going dry. He was tired enough sure, but as he watched Lightning step back and head for the door, and as he crawled into his covers, he couldn't help but feel nervous. What if he had another dream about _her_? He didn't want to wind up freaking out again. But he had no idea how to fix it. The pills hadn't been helpful, but at least it gave him a shot at sleeping peacefully. He didn't notice Lightning's eyes on him, and when she shut off the light, he tensed under the blanket. His eyes found the dark ceiling, and thoughts of fire and her smile invaded his thoughts.

She had smiled. Smiled and hummed and sang that song of hers. And all he had done was watch. And then that girl...that poor girl...

"No..." he whispered, shutting his eyes and shaking his head. He jumped up when he felt the bed shift and looked at Lightning as she sat on his bed, his eyes barely catching her figure as they tried to adjust to the darkness. "L-Light..."

"The nightmare?"

Hope's eyes traveled to his hands, throat tightening in shame, "Y-Yeah." He almost jumped again when he felt Light's hand on his shoulder, but he closed his eyes and forced himself to relax. He felt her pushing him toward the bed and allowed her to guide him down, feeling safe and warm when his head hit the pillow. The words repeated over and over in his head, _Light's here...not her. It's Light. It's Light..._

The warmth from her hand allowed his eyes to close and he wished the warmth would stay there. But then, as a few seconds trickled by, he felt the warmth leave him and he reached out desperately to grasp it. "Wait! Not yet...I mean...I..." he trailed off, feeling embarrassed again, but forced the words out before he lost his nerve. "Will you stay here with me? J-Just until I fall asleep..." The feeling of embarrassment intensified and he allowed his hand to lower by the side of the bed. He shouldn't have asked. It made him sound weak. It showed her how weak he really was! He couldn't handle-

The bed shifted again and he could feel her comforting warmth near him. She was still sitting on the bed, but he could make out her back in the darkness. He was confused, but at the same time, unbelievably relieved that she had stayed after all. Even if it wasn't like Lightning, even if he was sure she would eventually try to get answers from him, she was there now. His body instinctively moved closer to the warmth, close enough to feel it but not quite touching it, and his eyes began to slide shut.

"What happened to you Hope..." he blinked his heavy eyes once, wishing he could answer her whispered question. Give her some idea of the truth. But then his eyes were shut, his breathing began to deepen, and he was lost to a dreamless sleep, filled only with warmth.

* * *

Despite all of Lightning warnings, they were scrambling to get to their headquarters in time. Lightning had planned accordingly for this, but she had no idea that Maqui would be as difficult to wake as Snow was. In fact, if she hadn't kicked him off the bed on the third try, she was sure he'd have slept the morning away. And that only served to infuriate her, because that would be wasting a day. _And_ making them late.

Lebreau had been slightly easier, but Lightning had to resist the urge to dump some water on her. Especially when she thought that Lebreau had mumbled something about Hope. But she had fought the strange desire well enough, keeping herself in check. The woman was still dry after all.

By the time she got to Snow, she was already frustrated with one annoyingly difficult person to wake up, and another that she still felt angry at. So she wound up relying on Serah to wake Snow and it had taken fifteen whole minutes! Was her kick them out of bed method really that violent? Because all she really saw it as at the moment was efficient.

Hope, for his part, was the easiest to wake. He was still in the same position she had left him in before when he had asked her to stay, slightly curled up with one hand reaching out. She gave him a quick shake, ready to fight him to the death, but his eyes immediately snapped open and he looked at her through bleary eyes.

"Light?" he asked, voice thick with sleep, "Is it time to go already?" he mumbled, shaking his head and putting his feet on the floor. His head tilted slightly, his blinking off, and he stumbled up in an effort to get to his dresser. "How long?"

"Don't worry too much." Lightning said, having to fight the smile that was threatening her lips as he continued to yawn and scratch wherever as he struggled to pull out clothes, "The others took a lot longer to wake up then you. Chances are you'll be ready before them too."

"...Kay..." But he still barely seemed aware as he struggled to get ready, bumping into the dresser and letting out a low curse. Lightning had to actually shout at him when he started to undress in front of her.

"Breakfast will be done soon." Lightning said before going downstairs, cheeks warm as Hope made his way to the bathroom with his clothes picked out. He grunted something behind her and she rolled her eyes, wondering if he'd make it downstairs without injuring himself.

Today was going to be a long day.


	13. Confrontation

**Hello all! **

**Crystal: Thank you for the hug! I am feeling much better now, thank you! Anyway, I'm glad you're looking forward to their antics! Now they sort of have a common goal, so let's see where they go with it. And I loved writing that scene! He probably is one of the few who can, and even then, he was cutting it close. I'm really glad you liked it! Thank you! *hugs***

**So...another update! And it's early! I've been working on the story like crazy, so I figured I'd release this for you all! I hope you like it. I don't know if everyone is getting the alerts, but I'll preserve! Surely they cannot go haywire forever *If they still are* ! Anyway, please read, review, and enjoy this installment! Love you all!**

* * *

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually kind of glad to be back." Snow said as he stepped away from his storage locker, turning around so that he could talk to Light, "I mean, I loved our vacation, don't get me wrong, but now that we actually have some target, I want to get started. I want to...you know..." Lightning looked around at him and nodded, understanding completely. Now that they had a target, now that they knew about Saorise, there was no way in hell that they were going to let it slip through their fingers. She had done something to their Hope and they wouldn't rest until Hope was safe.

Lightning would make sure that person could never harm Hope again.

"It's about time that we got back to work anyway." Lightning said, closing her locker, "But to move us over to this little fort on the outskirts of the city?" She shook her head, "And Yuj is never allowed to give us directions again." she hissed, rubbing her head as the pounding in her temple returned at full force. Snow gave her a nervous smile and followed her out of the locker rooms.

The fort, or rather base, they had been directed to was a previously unfinished training facility for new recruits. Half of the place was underground, supported by steel beams that were hidden behind the walls. It stretched for miles underground, providing several training facilities, a mess hall, and a few offices. The darkness of the hallways was barely expelled by the few lights that hung from the walls, and navigating them was a chore at best. And Lightning could only silently grumble about it as they tried to find their way around.

They were going to what Rygdea had dubbed the meeting room, but in reality, it was a hangar that recently been installed to accommodate them. It was supposed to contain a few drop ships, as well as the vehicles Lightning had seen at De Novo. And it was there that they would be talking about what their procedures would be. But most of the soldiers would be eager to hear about their target, otherwise known as Saorise. While she was sure Lt. Amodar had explained as much as he could about her, she had a feeling they would want more than that.

Too bad there really wasn't. Not until Hope started talking.

They traveled down the hallways together, eventually finding the room's large and open doors, voices carrying out to them. There was laughter and shouts, giving away the lack of seriousness some of the soldiers had. Snow chuckled while Lightning's eyes simply hardened and they walked inside, some of the noise dying down at Lightning's appearance. It was painfully easy to see who Amodar had picked out and who belonged with Rygdea's group. While Guardian Corp. members generally wore the sign of their rank on their arms, followed by combat clothes of a variety of colors, Rygdea's people were all in black, light armor. The men and woman were chatting and laughing though, even with the obvious differences in apparel, and a lot of the noise was coming from Yuj and Gadot.

Lightning continued to scan the group, looking for a familiar head of platinum blond locks, and relaxed when she saw Hope among them. But he looked rather sullen in his black uniform, covered in head to toe with it as was every other. Even his hands were gloved. He was staring ahead, not really participating in the conversations around him, and his face was strangely blank. Lebreau and Maqui sat on either side of him, talking with the people nearby and occasionally turning to Hope for input or a quick conversation. As Lightning was dragged to Gadot and Yuj by Snow, she watched as these conversations ended with a quick and calm efficiency. She almost thought his lips didn't move, but then there would be an enthusiastic nod from Lebreau or a pat on the back from Maqui to indicate he had answered.

"What is it sis?"

Lightning didn't bother to answer him, only continuing to look at Hope, and Snow followed her line of vision. His lips tightened as he watched the others reactions, also noticing how Hope generally gave stiff nods or closed his eyes as he shook his head. "It'll be okay Light. He's probably just nervous." Snow said, hesitantly turning back to Gadot and Yuj. But Lightning knew better; if it was really just nerves, then Lebreau and Maqui wouldn't be treating it as an everyday thing. The others around him, which Lightning noted were all part of Rygdea's group, might have questioned the odd behavior. They did work with him after all. But they didn't seem bothered by it. Which meant the behavior was normal for Hope...

Before Lightning could consider what it meant, another two men entered the large room, the noise dying down completely. One was Rygdea, smiling slightly as he passed them, and the other Lightning quickly recognized as her old Captain for the Gran Pulse explorations teams. The man, Dale Crawford, offered her a smile when she caught his eye. There was a slight limp in his step, favoring his left leg, and his black hair was peppered with gray. His eyes, a dark black, surveyed the room as he followed Rygdea to the front of the group. He paused as he neared Lightning, an almost mischievous look in his eyes.

"Did you enjoy your vacation Farron?" he asked lightly, pausing as he neared.

Lightning felt a hint of a smile on her face, but she shrugged, "As much as one could."

"I heard it was full of surprises. Glad to hear some of them were good for you." Lightning's eyes widened but Crawford had already left to join Rygdea at the front. She watched as the two exchanged whispered words with one another before Crawford stepped forward.

"Hello soldiers." he said in his deep, somewhat scratchy voice, "I'm glad that you have all found this place. I know it's a little out of the way from what some of you are used to, but rest assured, the facility will work in our favor. The location allows us to swiftly respond to any C'ieth attacks, and gives us an opportunity to prevent them." Crawford paused, shifting slightly. "Most of you will recognize me from the Gran Pulse Exploration committee as acting Captain. However, Lt. Amodar felt that most of my soldiers would be better suited for this, and that I should have a hand in helping them. So here I am!" He smiled at them before taking a deep breath, face turning serious.

"Over the next few days, the men and women from Rygdea's group will have a chance to mingle with our own from the Guardian Corp. Use the time we have between any attacks to get to know one another, as it is key to fighting the C'ieth and any other foes we may come across. Train together, talk with one another, and learn one anothers strengths and weaknesses. It may seem old hat, maybe even the ramblings of the wistful, but believe me, I have been there and back. And nothing could be more vital for winning these oncoming battles."

"Our enemies obviously lie in the C'ieth, but there is another at work even there. The one named Saorise is responsible for the attacks against the new life we are trying to build. She threatens us and has committed terrible crimes against the innocent. She is by no means someone to take idle. You are working with l'Cie, something many are not used to, but only with their magic can we hope to defeat her. I have heard tales...and by no means is she one that can be defeated alone. She will attack you ruthlessly in order to gain her own ends, ends we do not even understand."

There was a deep silence among the soldiers, some looking at one another, others out into the distance. Lightning looked for Hope, watching as his whole body began to tense, his eyes dark and angry. Again she was filled with curiosity and anger over what this Saorise had done to Hope. But Crawford began to speak again.

"Now, let us get to the technical matters. Rygdea, if you would?"

"Course Crawford." Rygdea stepped up, giving them a smirk before beginning, "Now, as you can tell, New Bodhum has the misfortune of being the target of C'ieth attacks and most, if not all of them, were constructed by Saorise. We believe it has something to do with the crystal Cocoon that New Bodhum surrounds, but that doesn't give us much to go on. And talking with her has been deemed...rather unsafe. But we have some plans to investigate her and hopefully discover her exact plans. A location is being searched for even as we speak and it _should_ contain plenty of information on what she is up to now. By then, we'll have to be ready for a fight. And a big one."

Rygdea's eyes hardened and there was a definite shift in the air, "This is not someone we can take lightly. We cannot stress that enough. If you do not understand this, if you think you can take her on alone, if you try to be the hero, _you will die_. Understand?" Silence met his words, then he smiled, "Good."

"In the meantime, we are to do our best to try and stop the C'ieth attacks. There are few C'ieth that can't be taken down in groups, thus you will often be rotated in five man teams. These teams will be listed in the storage locker rooms, and in the changing rooms, as well as in the mess hall. So there's really now reason not to know what team of the week you'll be a part of. Anyway, when C'ieth are reported in the city, the area will be quarantined and the citizens will be evacuated. Two teams will be released in the case of a breach in the city, one to aid the evacuations, the other to eradicate the C'ieth. However, we'll also be going after the big baddies that hang around the city too. Only one team will be released for this and taken to the location by the drop ships. Got it?"

There were collective nods, some looking nervous, others bored, and some just plain eager. Lightning again glanced at Hope, but he remained unreadable. Some of the soldiers of Guardian Corp. were eying him now, even glaring, and Lightning felt her blood boil. _If they mess with him about the party...I'll take care of them myself._

"I'm glad that we have this all figured out! We'll let you know if there are any changes in how our little system here works. Till then, get yourself all nice and acquainted with the place, your new comrades, and the mess hall! But the moment you here those bells, don't get scared if you're grabbed up and hauled off on a drop ship. Till then, play nice! Oh, and try not to die, at least until we get some new recruits." Rygdea gave a hard glare to a few of the Corp. soldiers that were still looking at Hope, his smile looking strained. "Well what the hell are you all still doing here? Get out!"

The room seemed to jump at the sudden shout and the soldiers began to file out of the hangar, some talking and laughing with one another, others looking thoughtful. Some of Rygdea's soldiers and the members of Corp. began to converge, complaining about how they had skipped breakfast. Lightning lingered, intent on going to one of the training rooms they had been equipped with, but also wanting to see what Hope would do. Maqui and Lebreau were standing, the dark haired woman stretching as she went. Lightning watched as some of Corp. members that had been watching him earlier rose, glancing at Hope every now and again as they too lingered. Lightning caught Rygdea's eye as he and Crawford left, Lightning giving a small nod as he passed.

"Si-I mean Lightning? What is it?"

"Just a sec Snow..." He raised an eyebrow but didn't leave, waving off Yuj and Gadot as they called for him. His eyes traveled to the men as well as they walked up to Hope and he tensed.

"What do you think they'll..."

Before he could finish, there was a loud thump in the room and Maqui began to curse, rubbing his ankle and rolling a little dramatically on the ground. "No! Dammit, this smarts! Hope?" Hope looked over at Maqui, raising an eyebrow and titling his head, "It seems I have injured myself! Will you take me to the infirmary?" Lightning crossed her arms as she watched the scene unfold. Was he really trying to fake an injury?

"Maqui, you're capable-"

"I agree!" Lebreau called, cutting Hope off, dropping to her knees and pulling the "injured" Maqui to his feet, "Who knows how this could affect him? C'mon Hope, help me carry him."

"Lebreau..." Hope said, not batting an eyelash, "We don't-" he stopped, hissing slightly and reaching for his shin as it began to throb, glaring at Lebreau.

"C'mon Hope!" she said, smiling as if nothing had happened. Hope let out an explosive sigh and stood, grabbing Maqui's other arm and slinging it over his shoulder. He glared at the both of them, clearly thinking they were crazy, and allowed Lebreau to lead them away. Hope rolled his eyes at Lightning as they passed, unaware of the man that was now gripping his own shin where Lebreau had kicked him as they passed. But his supposed obliviousness was ruined by the glare he sent the men as he went out the door.

* * *

"Was he really like that Snow?" Serah whispered as they left their daughter's room, closing the door as quietly as she could behind her. They walked to their own room, Serah's hand finding Snow's, and they grasped tightly to each other.

"Yeah...it freaked me out." Snow said as they walked inside. They slowly let go as she closed the door and Snow began to undress, letting his coat and shirt fall to the floor. He scratched his stomach lazily, looking much like a lion about to take a nap. He slipped off his pants, kicking the clothes toward the hamper before crawling into bed. Serah rolled her eyes and picked up the clothes, throwing them in the hamper before changing into one of Snow's shirts. It hung just above her knees and she let out a small yawn of her own.

"I mean, he was so blank today. I don't think I've ever seen him that way before. I mean, that just makes me wonder, what _did_ happen to him? Serah...I'm worried."

Serah gave him a soft smile as she crawled into bed with him, pulling the covers up and snuggling into her pillow. She looked at him with clear blue eyes and said firmly, "Give him time."

"I know. I'm just worried. I mean...we know he's not really okay." Serah caressed his cheek, Snow leaning into the touch, eyes fluttering.

"I know you're worried. We all are. But if we push too much...well...he might not tell us anything." There was a pause, then Snow smiled.

"You're so good at understanding people Serah." Snow sighed, looking at her with lazy eyes. He inched closer to her and wrapped her in his arms, molding her against him.

"Hm...maybe..." Serah said, feeling more tired herself. It had been easy to get used to having them in the house. So easy that she had felt...strangely alone today. The thought of it made her push herself closer to Snow, "But there's something that I'm still not sure about..."

"You'll get it though...you always do..." Snow murmured, too tired to try and figure out what she was talking about.

She smiled against his bare chest, giggling when he felt him take a deep breath. She shivered herself as his hands moved down her sides, quickly reaching the hem of his shirt. "I knew you liked my shirts." he breathed, nuzzling closer as he slipped a hand in the shirt and began to stroke her sides. She shivered against him again, her hands going toward his back.

"Yeah, but you like them more..."

"Only cause they look so good on you." She smiled again, burying her face in his chest as his movements stopped at her back, draping themselves over her as if he were protecting her from some unseen danger. She almost giggled at the thought, glad to have him so close to her. He pressed his face into her hair, breathing in her scent. "You think we'll be okay?" he asked, not even able to open his eyes anymore.

Serah wove a hand through Snow's hair, twirling some of the blond strands in her fingers as she allowed her own eyes to close.

"Of course."

* * *

It had been a week. A whole week. And as Lightning watched Hope, it was now painfully clear that this expressionless behavior was normal for him. At first he didn't seem to talk to anyone that wasn't Maqui and Lebreau, only answering to a few of his own members. She, Snow, and the others had sat with him several times, and she had been relieved when he had talked with them as well, but that didn't do much for her worry.

The way he was acting was so...Lightning like, that she just wanted to smack some sense into him. Seeing another version of herself from before was more than unnerving.

And asking about it at home hadn't worked all to well. He had just shrugged and said he didn't know what she was talking about. She had snapped at him not to play dumb and kicked him under the table for good measure, but he still shrugged, even as his eyes had watered.

But at the moment, she was keeping an eye on the same men who had been eying Hope since the meeting with Rygdea and Crawford. There had been no attacks on New Bodhum, not even a stray beast or C'ieth around them, so some of the soldiers were restless from the lack of action. Most of the them took out their frustration in the training room, while others requested some work on Pulse in between attacks. But these men seemed to have made it their mission to try and intercept and interrogate Hope.

"You watching them again?" Snow asked, settling himself in the chair beside her in the mess hall. He glared at the brunette that seemed to be the leader, the man grinning at the others.

"Yes. I don't know how he'll get out of this one. The last few times he's been ducking out in the training rooms, but now..."

"And Lebreau and Maqui aren't there to get him to leave...should we let it happen? Let those idiots get it over with?" Snow asked, biting his lip. Lightning stood as the leader of the three men did, the brunette causally placing his hand in front of Hope, nudging the man's food aside.

"No..." Lightning mumbled.

But as she began to walk over, Hope looked around at her, eyes searching her face. He gave her the smallest shake of the head before looking back at the man who loomed over him. Lightning paused, cursing the soldiers in the mess room as it grew silent. They were acting as if it were some high school fight!

Hope slowly stood up, closing his eyes and straightening invisible creases in his uniform as the man continued to watch him. He gave Hope a smile but Lightning was pleased as the man's lackeys began to back up, eying Hope warily. She tightened the grip on her gunblade, ready to intercept...

"So Estheim...quite the party last week...did you have fun?" Hope said nothing as the man spoke, simply crossing his arms and glaring in front of him. Lightning tried to read his expression, taking another step forward. She couldn't let it go on, no matter what Hope wanted...

"I mean c'mon, I know being a l'Cie might make you a little fucked up, but really? Did we have to go all postal back there?" Hope remained silent and the man's fake smile fell. He sneered at Hope, grabbing his arm and yanking him toward him, forcing Hope to look at his face, "Don't you give me that attitude Estheim! I don't care if you _are_ a l'Cie, I want to know what the hell has you so messed up? Something to know on the field, right? Have to learn about our strengths and weaknesses? Right?"

The man tried smiling again, but it came out as a grimace. Hope gave the man a glance, slowly lifting his free arm and grasping the man's wrist, "I get what you want...is it really all that important to you though? Are we sure that's it's not because you just want a reason to mess with one of the l'Cie? Do you feel threatened by us?"

"Why would I feel threatened by someone like you?"

"It's really not so hard to figure out. Maybe it's because I'm capable of using magic. Or because I had a breakdown that I refuse to explain to you. Or just that I came from a group that you were told to simply trust and move on. You were told to trust a_ l'Cie_ with your life, with no question, and have been thrown into a fight you know almost nothing about. Those are very good reasons to feel threatened."

"You think you're so high and mighty Estheim? Hm? Think you have it all figured out? Well so what?"

"Hope!" Maqui called, entering the mess hall, echoing loudly in the silent room. But no one even glanced at him as they watched the scene unfold. His eyes widened and he started to push his way through the crowd, trying to keep an eye on Hope as he moved between the bodies. He had to get there before things got worse...

"I mean really Estheim, how unstable are you? And you won't even tell us about the kind of shit that caused it! Did you have nightmares when you were a kiddie? Is that it? Mommy not there to make the bad guys go away so now you freak out! ? I don't want you part of this if all it's gonna do is cause problems. Really-Ah!"

Hope's eyes narrowed and he tightened the grip he had on the man's wrist, but all the man did was chuckle in response, "What? Am I hitting nerves now? If you can't handle it, or whatever other fucked up things happened in your life, then you should high tail it out of here. We can handle this Saorise character fine on our own! I don't-"

Hope raised his fist to strike, the man reaching for a gun in his belt at the movement, but Maqui and Lightning jumped in before either could strike. Lightning held onto the man's wrist while Maqui restrained Hope's arm. Lightning turned to the man and glared.

"I will be reporting this incident. You should know better than to antagonize your fellow officers." Lightning hissed, slowly letting go of the man and silently berating herself for letting to go on for so long. She listened as Maqui tried to soothe Hope, whispering things like, "Was out of line" and, "Not worth it".

"Your name?" she demanded before the man could get away.

"Samuel." he said, gritting his teeth, "Samuel Anderson." Lightning nodded and turned away, inspecting Hope as he continued to glare after Samuel as he and his friends left. His eyes were dark, hands clenched at his sides, and he still looked ready to lunge at the man. She let out a huff of breath, preparing to help Maqui calm him down, when Hope called over to Samuel.

"Yes, you were hitting nerves you piece of shit. If you had kept it up, I would have decked you. You have no right to talk about my mother or the fucked up things in my life! And _you_ cannot handle Saorise. If anything, she would kill you. Crush you like an insect!Except you would mean even less to her. She doesn't care about how you die, how long it takes, whether you even exist! All you are to her is an obstacle. A tiny little speck of dirt that she can get rid of with the swipe of a finger. Do _not_ think that you are anything more than that, at least to her. It'll cost you your life."

Hope ripped himself away from Maqui as the silence stretched except for Samuel's swearing as he tried to go after Hope, his buddies holding on to him. Hope snorted and turned, stalking out of the room. Lightning glanced at Maqui, then at Snow, and the three nodded between each other before making their way out of the mess hall, the noise slowly beginning to return.

"What the hell was that guy thinking?" Maqui seethed as they trudged down the halls, "I almost, _almost_, let Hope hit him, but then there would be problems wouldn't there? Maker, if I ever get put on the same team as that guy-"

"I know Maqui." Snow said, "That guy had no right to be saying something like that!"

Lightning looked ahead, scanning the splitting halls for some sign of Hope. "Samuel was going for his gun...he was going to do more than just start a fist fight." she said lowly.

"Wh-What?" Snow took several large strides, catching up with Light. His eyes were wide and searching, "No way. Why would he want to take it that far?"

"I'm not sure. But it was close. Too close."

"Guys." They stopped and looked around at Maqui, Snow somewhat startled by the serious look on his friend's face. Lightning crossed her arms, trying to keep her frustration in check. She wanted to look for Hope now, not sit here and listen to some- "I think it's because we're l'Cie."

"What?" Lightning said, deflating in an instant, "But we were as well."

"I know that you guys were l'Cie before and all that. I mean, they obviously appreciate you for saving them from destruction and everything. We all are. But think about it! A bunch of weird l'Cie come in, C'ieth on their tail, telling this place that the reason they're being attacked is because of some psycho that's after our group. Sure, she wants something more than that...but no one knows what. I mean, do you get it? They want a-"

"Scapegoat." Lightning finished, "Of course."

Maqui nodded, looking sullen, "And it doesn't help that we have magic. I bet the other soldiers are worried about that too. I mean, if one of us isn't careful we go C'ieth. Even if we have a way to handle that, there's still a risk."

"I see..." Lightning said, trying to beat back the oncoming headache. It did make sense, even if there wasn't anything to worry about with them being l'Cie. It was hard to get rid of years of hatred and fear, even with the sudden uproot of their society and the Sanctum. There would always be reservations about them, no matter what they did. "We'll have to be more careful."

"And show them that we're not all that evil and dangerous!" Maqui said, trying to laugh it off. It quickly died, Maqui looking around the hallways as if some trace of Hope could be found on the walls, "We should really find him. He was pretty riled up." The sound of thuds, shouts, and metal began to echo down the halls and the three of them began to move toward the sound.

Lightning glanced at Maqui, then cleared her throat. She hated having to ask Maqui about it, but she needed as much information as she could get. Hope wasn't telling her, which meant she had to go to people who worked with him. Which meant starting the conversation...ugh...

"Why is Hope so reserved?" Lightning asked, ignoring Snow's surprised look, "He hardly ever talks, and whenever I try and get him to talk about it at home, he acts like it's nothing. What's wrong?" Lightning watched as Maqui's face darkened, the man biting his lip and running a hand through his blond hair, barely missing the goggles.

"Well, honestly, I know it has something to do with that past of his. And only Rygdea knows about that. But...I did get him to tell me once..." Maqui looked away, a light blush on his cheeks, "Anyway, it's because he has issues with fighting nowadays. It was hard when he first joined up with us, he never went out in the field or anything. But he was getting really frustrated with it and started trying a bunch of different ways to try and get used to battling again. But none of it was working. Well, something happened and he started to just...shut down his emotions. If he didn't feel anything, he'd have a clear head and he'd be able to figure out what to do."

Maqui trailed off as they approached the training room the sounds were coming from. There weren't many people inside, only Hope and two others who were leaving, towels draped over their shoulders. They gave the three a nod as they passed before going back to their discussion, the door sliding shut as they left. Maqui stared at the closed door, listening to the echoes of Hope's training.

"It took us forever to get him this far out of the habit. Trust me, he's way better now than he was before." Maqui placed his hand on the wall, looking down at the floor. He took a few deep breaths before he looked back at them, trying to smile, "I know it sounds strange, but I think you can help him. He responds to you...and he needs it."

Lightning looked from Maqui to Snow, then to the door. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath of her own, "Stay here." she said, stepping forward before the others could protest. The doors slid open and closed as she stepped inside, the others still trying to get her to come out. She watched Hope as he pounded on the training dummy in front of him, the standard issue gunblade laying forgotten on the floor. She continued to walk closer, never taking her eyes off him, and she caught his eye when he glanced at her. He made no move to stop, only hitting the training dummy harder and harder, his hand starting to bruise at the abuse.

One particularly nasty left hook made Hope yelp, recoiling his hand and letting it fall to his side. He didn't look up as he came to a stand still, glaring at the training dummy and breathing hard.

"I screwed up..." he panted, punching the dummy again with his good hand. The thud echoed through the room. Lightning made no move to comment. Hope growled when he got no response, punching the dummy again, "Aren't you going to yell at me? Tell me I shouldn't have lost my cool? Something?"

"You did screw up." Hope flinched, but Lightning gave him no chance to respond, "You were reckless and could easily have gotten hurt. While you were aiming to hit him with your fist, he was going for his gun. If we hadn't interfered, I don't know how it would have played out." Hope hung his head, giving the dummy another weak punch. "I also know that he was out of line when he said that, and that you had every right to be angry."

"But I shouldn't have done anything."

Lightning almost, _almost_, hesitated, "Y-Yes, you really shouldn't have. But anyone would have reacted the same way. Even I might have..." Hope turned around, staring at her with wide eyes, mouth slightly parted.

"Really?" he breathed.

"Of course." she shifted, feeling uncomfortable under his gaze, "I'm only human. It was normal Hope." she went back to her strict tone, Samuel's hand reaching for his gun still fresh in her memory, "But I want you to be careful. There will be tension around here the first few weeks, at least until we get a routine down. I want you to watch yourself."

"O-Of course!"

"Come here." He gave her a confused look before stepping forward. "Close your eyes" She commanded. He raised an eyebrow, but she narrowed her eyes and tapped her foot. He promptly closed his eyes, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Stop." Hope did so, but started biting his lip instead.

Smirking slightly, Lightning positioned her fingers just above Hope's forehead. She started to feel nostalgic, although now she had to raise her hand up to reach him, rather than down. She gave him a few moments of quiet and nervous contemplation and flicked, earning a yelp from him.

"Ow!" he opened his eyes, a childish pout on his face, and she couldn't hold back the smile anymore.

"Try and be more like yourself around here, even if it's just with Lebreau, Maqui, and Snow and his lot. And me." Lightning added as she felt her face heat up. Hope looking stunned didn't help, "Just try all right? I mean...just-" She was messing up! Why was she messing up! Ugh!

"Okay." Lightning blinked and focused on Hope, surprised by his determined face, "I'll try. For you. I promise. For you, and for Maqui and Lebreau and Snow. It's the least I could do. I mean." He looked away but Lightning could still see the blush on his face. "Just around you though. No one else. Not yet."

He still didn't look at her, but Lightning smiled again, placing a hand on his bowed head. She ruffled his hair, her own heart beating unusually fast. But she felt as if she had made it somewhere with him. It was a good feeling, one that made her heart feel strangely big and satisfied.

"All right."


	14. Consequences

**Update! Whoo!**

**Crystal: Yeah, I'm so quick to get back to serious. Argh, it's a curse sometimes! But I'm glad you're liking the plot! And I know how you feel, those two are just too cute when they're like that! And thank you! *hugs* I'm feeling way better!**

**So here we are with Chapter 14! Should I mention that I wound up adding more chapters than I thought. Seriously, the length of this story keeps getting longer. But anyway, I want to thank my readers and especially my reviewers! You guys always get me so pumped and excited for this story! Hearing what you love, seeing how many people are reading it, helping me improve! Makes me want to work harder! **

**I promise more chapters will be coming, even if they seem slow. You see, I have school fast approaching (the 17th) so I have been writing like crazy to prepare for time I will no longer have. Trust me, my schedule will be hectic, but the more I get done the better. I won't tell you how many chapters I have finished, but don't worry, I'm making good time. **

**Sorry for the long note! Thank you again so much, you guys are awesome! I dedicate this chapter, and the others to come, to my lovely readers and reviewers. You guys make this a lot more fun!**

* * *

"I can't believe we got stuck with night patrol. At the north sector. For the next _three weeks_!" Samuel gritted his teeth as he ran the situation through his mind again, watching the dark and ominous shadows of Pulse for any sign of movement. His anger pulsed inside him as he thought of that kid. And then there was Lightning, the one who couldn't keep her mouth shut! When Farron had said she would report him, he had figured she had said it just to diffuse the situation. That was, until he and the others had been called down to receive their punishment for instigating a confrontation and, as Crawford had put it, "threatening a fellow officer". And Estheim hadn't even been given a warning! He had gotten off scot-free!

"Damn l'Cie. And Farron goes and defends him. I don't get it." Samuel spat, anger boiling again.

"Oh, quit complaining Sam. You knew it was coming the moment you started that shit with the l'Cie. It could have been a lot worse than night patrols and you know it. Especially if you had gotten that gun out. I'm surprised that's all Crawford gave us." Fredrick said, relaxing the grip he had on his gun and turning to him. The fires touched on both their faces and Fredrick smirked at the look on Sam's face.

Sam rolled his eyes but nodded, knowing he was right. "That doesn't stop Greg from being a whiny bitch about it."

"You're surprised?" Fredrick shook his head before looking off into the dark distance. The figures and shapes looked indistinguishable from each other; rocks could easily be monsters, supposed monsters could easily be rocks. And the tiny flame they had started did little to illuminate the area around them. It was their fifth night on patrol, and Greg had decided to scout ahead to see if they could find a decent vantage point. Well, forced after he wouldn't shut up about the cold, but he had accepted readily enough. So far there had been no word from him, but neither of them were surprised. The man was known to take his time when he was pissed.

And three weeks of night patrol could definitely piss someone off.

But when a little more than a half hour had passed by, they knew that something was wrong. They packed their gear, being extra careful with the sound they made and neither saying a word, and began the trek through the uncertain darkness in search of their friend. Fredrick held up the small torch, debating its worth in the darkness and the enemies it could attract, but a nudge from Sam made the decision for him.

"We need it if we want to find him." he whispered before pushing Fredrick ahead. The man nodded and walked on, holding the light up to see farther into the darkness and wishing he could defend himself. All they saw was grass, stones, and the occasional lake. They tried their best to predict Greg's path, catching one of his footsteps every now and again in the ground, but it was hard to track in the darkness.

"We need to take a break." Sam mumbled, taking the torch from Fredrick and holding it out, "We'll held for that rock formation. We can try to send a flare, and with any luck, he'll see it."

"Him and any monster in the area."

"Do you have any other suggestions?"

"We could wait until morning..."

"Greg won't survive a night on Gran Pulse and you know it. All he took was his gun and what eh was carrying. Not enough to make it through." Sam shook his head as they reached the rocks, "I don't know where he could have gone. It was just to scout. He wouldn't have gone far. He _shouldn't_ have."

Fredrick shrugged and laid their supplies against the rock, rubbing his face and trying to stay calm. "We should call in then. Let the others know what's happened. They might be able to help us."

"Fine. Give me the thing and pass me some flares. I'm getting on this thing so I can shoot these off. With any luck he'll see them." Fredrick nodded and pulled out the radio along with several flares. Sam stabbed the torch into the ground and took them, shoving the flares in a bag before giving Fredrick a mock salute. He started to climb the mountain of a rock, cursing and swearing along the way. As he finally pulled himself up onto the top, he laid out the radio and started to fiddle with the dials, knowing from memory what dial did what. But all he received was static no matter where he turned the thing...

"Dammit, are we too far?" Sam said, shaking the radio. He cursed again and set the thing aside, pulling out one of the flares and a match to set it off. But as he pulled out a match, striking it against the rock, there was a loud and terrifying scream from below. Sam jumped, the lit match falling and snuffing itself out, and Sam scrambled to look over the edge.

"I think you're right..." there was a sharp tug on his ankle and he was pulled back, his armor scratching loudly on the rock. He twisted himself around and glared at his captor, kicking at them and reaching for his knife. There was a low roar below them and Sam froze, throat going dry. He glanced down, trying to see some sign of what was going on below, but the person came closer, still shrouded in darkness. There was the crackle of flame and the top of the rock was cast into an orange glow.

"What the he-"

He was cut off by another scream from below, loud and shrill, and he felt himself shiver despite himself. His breathing became quick but he made sure not to show his fear, kicking himself away again and pushing himself to his feet. He pulled out his gun and pointed it at his captor, snarling. "What the hell did you do?" He scanned the woman as he questioned her, looking for any weak points and trying to discover who she was.

She looked at him with bright red eyes, her hair long and neatly tied in a braid. She wore strange fur clothes, white and bulky, and her hands were on her hips. She gave him a small smile and held up her hand, waving the fire on her fingertips to show him where the light came from. Seeing that woman there made a chill settle in Sam's guts, his legs wobbling slightly. He steeled himself and stepped forward, growling at her.

"I asked you a question!"

"And I didn't answer. I'm glad that's been established." Her expression did not change, the smile still in place. She walked past him, toward the edge of the rock, and Samuel held up his gun. He had his suspicions, and for one moment, he thought he could end this woman and the problems she had created. He'd show Estheim that he was more than that annoying l'Cie had given him credit for.

With these thoughts in mind, he fired.

The woman looked over at the sound of the shot, the firing of the gun deafening in the silent night of Gran Pulse. For one moment, Samuel thought he had done it, and wished that his radio was working. Then he could report that it was over, that Fredrick was in trouble, and that Greg was missing. He'd get to home and-

"Is that all?"

Sam's eyes widened and before he knew it, he was being pushed off the rock, landing hard on the ground below. There was a crack, pain shooting through his arm, and he howled at the burning sensation. He glanced at his arm, finding it bent at an angle, and seeing it only seemed to amplify the pain. It ripped through him and he gave out a low moan, trying to blink away the tears of pain. The pain continued to flare and he looked around, desperate to find a way out.

"F-Fredrick...?" He almost had to look away. A C'ieth loomed over Fredrick, the man still alive and blinking slowly at Sam, but he was smeared in blood. His gun lay just out of his reach, the arm that had been reaching for it crushed. It was mangled, that much Sam could tell in the near darkness, and seemed about to fall off, the skin around it ripped to shreds. Fredrick opened his mouth, blood spewing out as the man attempted in vain to talk.

Sam felt himself quivering as he stared at his fallen friend and frantically shook his head, wondering what else had happened to him. His throat closed up at the thought, but he forced his words out of his mouth, "Don't talk you idiot. You need to shut up and rest. I'll think of a way out of this. Just wait." But Sam, as hardheaded as he was, had no real hope of getting out of this. There was no way in hell he could take on the C'ieth and that woman.

The woman...

Saorise...that's all she could be.

The C'ieth turned to him as his words trailed away and the fear bubbled inside his stomach. He felt like he was going to throw up, the way his stomach was pressing against itself, and he tried to push himself up on his good arm. The C'ieth rose it's own arm up and struck him, and suddenly he felt the air breezing his sides. He shivered, blinking and trying to register his surroundings, his eyes wide and heart pounding its way from his chest.

He was on the ground again, and there was still a weird breeze by his side. That much he could tell. He tried to lift his arm and see how much damage the C'ieth had done, but nothing came. There was no response...only a warm feeling slithering and sliding down his side.

The sensation...the weird breeze... He could feel it on his upper arm, the strange feeling of air. It didn't feel heavy...in fact, it felt lighter than he had ever remembered. Dread...dread and fear filled him, suffocated him, and he felt light headed and woozy. He gasped for breath as the possibilities flowed in his mind, so many that he thought he'd been struck dumb from the amount. He was tempted to look toward his side, especially once he felt something warm seeping down to his legs now. He wanted to look...so badly...but if he did! Maker if he did he'd know, he'd see it! And he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. He didn't want to know why he was feeling a breeze where his arm was supposed to be.

He blinked, looking back at Fredrick, or at least trying to see his friend. But the moment he tried to turn his head, he felt the world turn and shift around him. It was a blur of colors, mixing and meshing and making his head feel light. When would it stop spinning? When would the world stop spinning. He needed to...

What did he need to do? Why couldn't remember...all he felt was light headed...

"Well that was hardly worth it." Whose voice was that? The woman...Saorise? What? Her? Why? The thoughts slipped in and out of his head as quickly as they came, making no sense to him.

"Oh well...excuse...letter! He'll like...think?" What was she saying? It didn't make sense.

Why?

Sam blinked again, eyes feeling heavy. Why were they still open? He had no reason for them to be. He was tired after all. Tired. And it wasn't like he could see much. Everything was a haze of white, shadows moving around...

He closed his eyes. It was...much better.

"Pile em up." He felt something on his side, but he didn't bother opening his eyes. He didn't want to. He just wanted the pain to stop and the world to go back to normal. He wanted to sleep...maybe then his head would stop feeling so weird. But the ground was warm...it only reminded him of how tired he was.

Where was his wife? He was...going to sleep wasn't he? Why wasn't she in bed with him yet? He was so confused. Was he in bed? It was warm like it...

"Oh? This one...I can..." There was laughter. The Estheim kid flashed through his mind, his words loud and hurting his head. That didn't make sense, why think of that? And then something about him being an obstacle...about being an insect. But it was broken. Nothing made much sense...and that humming. The humming...where was it coming from? It sounded so...hypnotic. So soothing...so comfortingly familiar...

And he was tired.

Why was he here again? And why wasn't his wife in bed yet? He was going to go to sleep before she made it...

The humming turned into singing, but it sounded faded and distant. Was it her, was his wife finally coming? The words were unintelligible, but Samuel took comfort in them. He thought he heard a faint, whistling sound. There was a small pain, so small in the scheme of things, because he swore he heard his wife whisper, "Good night." He had made it, he could rest now...

He tried to smile, but the nothingness claimed him.

* * *

Maqui was once again fearing for his life. Nowadays, it seemed to be an everyday occurrence. He would have this horrible timing and wind up right in the middle of something terrible, wicked, and seemingly unavoidable. And right then and there, his ill fortune had cursed him yet again.

Just what had he done to deserve this?

Poor Maqui had decided he needed a pick-me-up, something to help perk him up while he was training and getting to know the others. Perhaps he would have volunteered for an expedition of Gran Pulse since there was so little activity. Really, there had been so few of the soldiers around lately. They all seemed to want to get out and do something. Not that he could blame them. But he needed to be here, at least three complete teams were needed at all times. But he still needed a pick-me-up.

So Maqui had done what any sensible adult would do and headed for the nearest coffee machine. He proceeded to pour himself some of the sweetly bitter nectar, adding just enough sugar mind you, and placed the now empty pot back into its rightful place. Of _course_ he had wanted to start a new batch, but when he had looked for the coffee, there was none left. So he had shrugged, made a mental note to inform someone later, and proceeded to finish his cup of perky coffee goodness.

But no, life couldn't be that simple for him. Not now, not ever.

There was shouting coming from the hallway, then someone whimpering, then more shouting. Maqui almost inched closer to try and hear what was being said, but then there was a loud cry and he began to back away. Who wanted to be caught in the crossfire after all? But the sounds were getting louder...closer...his heart was beating wildly in his chest and he had the sudden urge to fight or flight. So far, flight was winning.

The door to the lounge room slammed open and Maqui held back a whimper of his own. There was Lightning, scary, scary Lightning, glaring at him as if she wanted to rip him asunder. And that didn't make sense, because honestly, Maqui had done nothing wrong. He knew that! So why did it feel as if he was staring death in the eye?

"H-Hey Lightning." he squeaked. He cringed when he heard how his voice sounded. He had to pull it together!

"Maqui." She walked inside, scanning the room with cold and uncaring eyes, and Maqui felt the sweat dripping down his temple. Her eyes zeroed in on the coffee machine and the hairs on the back of Maqui's neck stood up. "Where is the coffee?" His throat went dry and he pressed himself against the wall, wishing it would swallow him whole and save him from impending doom. She continued, uncaring of his discomfort, "I heard from Hartz that this was the only lounge with coffee, at least until we restocked. And I _missed_ my usual cup at home because of a certain someone who couldn't keep her hands off of it. But I figured I'd have some once we got _here_." Maqui felt himself trembling as he cursed Lebreau for taking the last cup of coffee. He was going to die. He was really going to die. She had, after all, obviously scarred Hartz for life for that bit of information. Who knew what she would do to him!

Maker he was going to die.

Lightning paused, narrowing her eyes, "So Maqui, where is the coffee?"

And Maqui felt it descending, the great force of Armageddon suffocating as it crushed his very soul into nothing more than a tiny ball. He glanced down at his cup, feeling the chains that spoke of his doom wrap around his arms. His heart hammered in his chest, desperate for a few last beats before the harbinger of the end struck him down. He did the only thing he could think of, and told Lightning the truth.

"I-I just drank the last cup..."

Oh, what a fool he was!

He tried to press closer to the wall, cursing softly when he realized he was as close to it as he could be. And all his desperate begging to be able to slip through the wall went unheard as Lightning stepped closer.

"Did you now?" How could someone make a question like that sound so...so horrible? This Lightning...this Lightning he had never had the misfortune of experiencing. Oh yes, he had heard tales. But he had scoffed! Scoffed and said that he'd tread carefully; that he'd make sure never to land himself in such a situation. How terribly wrong he was.

"Well, as long as there's enough to make another pot, I suppose it shouldn't matter." And then the world was well for a brief few seconds. Maqui let his false relief wash over him, realizing only as the cupboards were opened that there was no coffee left. None at all. And the deafening silence that followed his, and apparently Lightning's realization, finally forced Maqui back into motion. He did what any sane man would do and ran. Ran as far and fast as his legs could carry him, not wanting to be caught up in the storm that was sure to come.

Before he noticed it himself, his feet had carried him to one of the training rooms, the usually thuds and grunts coming from within. He darted inside, feeling relieved when the doors slid shut behind him, and turned to see Hope and Snow going at it. He smiled, watching as Snow aimed a left hook at Hope, but the smaller one ducked before it could land. Snow had more force, but Hope was admittedly quicker. Hope tried to hook his foot around Snow's ankle to bring him down, but Snow realized his plan and grabbed his leg, yanking Hope toward him. Hope let out a curse and twisted his leg, ignoring the small stab of pain as he forced his leg free.

Hope stumbled back, raising his arms in front of him as Snow moved in to charge, but there was a loud crash outside the room. They both stopped and looked toward the door, only more confused as Maqui inched away from it, a look of absolute horror on his face.

"Oh no..."

"Maqui, what are you doing?" Hope asked, walking up to the man and putting a hand on his shoulder. Maqui jumped, turning to Hope with wide and fearful eyes.

"N-Nothing..." he said, trying to wriggle out of his grasp. He had to be able to make a speedy getaway after all.

"Somehow I doubt it's nothing." Snow said, walking up to them and grinning, "So what is the problem Maqui?"

"W-Well, Lightning didn't get her coffee this morning at home, right? Well, she planned on getting some here, but then it turns out we're all out. I-I might have had the last cup." Hope removed his hand as if it were burned and both Snow and Hope backed away from the doomed blond. It only disheartened him more and reached a hand out in desperation. "No! Don't leave me guys! It's not as if I meant to!"

"I'm sorry, do we know you?" Hope asked, taking another few steps back and putting his hands up.

"I think they let a dead man in the training room Hope."

"Seems so."

"Guys! Don't abandon me!"

Alarms began to sound, loud and screeching, and all three of them jumped. They heard scrambling outside, then a voice sounded over the intercom.

"Attention all available S.C.E. members, a C'ieth attack has been sounded near the northern sector of Gran Pulse. Team Four, please report to the docking area to respond. Repeat, Team Four, please report to the docking area to respond. You will receive your briefing upon your arrival."

The alarms began to buzz again when the voice went silent, all three of them still looking up. Hope was the first to act, and Maqui was a little annoyed that he had the blank look on his face again. "C'mon, that's us."

"W-Wait. Team Four?" Snow asked, hurrying to catch up to Hope as he began a brisk pace toward the docking area.

"Yes. Maqui, you, myself, Lebreau, and Reynold from the Guardian Corps."

"Oh..." Snow felt his face heat up and looked away.

"Did you even check which team you were on this week?" Hope said, eyes the only indication of his annoyance. Even his eyes were blank, and it annoyed the hell out of Maqui. But he supposed it was better than what it had been before Lightning had talked to him...

"Should we try to find them?" Maqui asked, looking around for Lightning. Not that he expected her to show up after that alarm, but one could never be too careful.

"No. If anything, they'll already be there. I'm sure they know which team they're on." Snow grumbled about it being an innocent mistake and Hope smirked. Maqui rolled his eyes but he felt strangely calm as well. Normally C'ieth attacks freaked Hope out, even if most of them were routine, ones that shouldn't really shake him up. Seeing him like this, more himself than he had been in months, was refreshing.

It wasn't long until they made their way to the docking area, Lebreau talking with Reynold, gun resting by her side. They both looked over at them as they arrived and Lebreau hid a snicker behind her hand, Reynold letting out a chuckle.

"Talking about us huh?" Maqui said, rolling his eyes. Reynold blushed and looked away, scratching his head. Lebreau patted him on the back, whispering in his ear before laughing again.

"What did you say about me?" Maqui demanded, puffing his cheeks out.

"Nothing too bad tech head."

"Are we done?" The voice made all of them jump and they turned to Crawford, the man looking annoyed. Lebreau, Maqui, and Hope saw nothing wrong with this, but Reynold and Snow knew better. Crawford rarely, if ever, snapped. If he was like this, what did that mean about this particular attack?

"All right." Crawford said, leading them to one of the drop ships, "We'll have you investigating the northern sector of Gran Pulse, just outside the limits of New Bodhum's outskirts."

This had them all confused, but Hope beat them to the punch, "I'm sorry sir, but if the C'ieth aren't within the outskirts of the city, then why are we taking care of them now? Is it a preemptive strike or is it inevitable that they'll hit New Bodhum?" Hope caught himself before he said anything more and looked down at the ground. "Sorry sir."

"It's all right Estheim, I understand why you're concerned. And normally, you'd be right. We would usually be aware of oncoming attacks if C'ieth were already at the outskirts, skulking around the Gran Pulse wildlife that surrounds the city. But we began to receive a stress signal from one of our radios not long ago. It's was fragmented, but we were able to get enough of it to trace it back to the location. You're all to go and investigate the problem and deal with any C'ieth you may come across."

They all nodded and saluted, but there was a growing dread in each of their stomachs at the orders. They were waiting for it, the reason behind the radio signal even coming from the area in the first place. Crawford gave them each a grave look, and Maqui felt his throat go dry.

"I don't know what you'll find there. But...we did have a few men out on patrol. I expect a report on their condition." There was a long pause, Maqui looking toward Hope, his own hands shaking slightly. Hope had a blank look on his face, all except for the eyes. They were narrowed, worry clouding them, and they looked ahead at the drop ship they were to file into.

"Who were the men on patrol sir?" Hope asked, not meeting the man's eyes. Crawford gave him a sympathetic look, motioning them to get on.

"It was Samuel..." Crawford said before Hope could get on. Maqui watched from the entryway, biting his lip as the man finished, "Samuel and his group. It was part of their punishment..."

"I-I see..."

Hope nodded and gave him a salute before entering the drop ship with the others. Maqui waited for him, making the others go on, and watched as Hope stood staring at the door as it closed up, plunging them into semi-darkness. The ship rumbled, the engines revving loudly as they prepared to enter the air. The sound of doors opening, metal sliding away, let them know they were about to take off, the ship lurching as they were lifted into the air.

"Hope..."

"Just a second Maqui."

Hope bowed his head, allowing himself a sharp gasp and shudder. He clenched his hands, shaking his head, taking a few deep breaths. It was the only display of emotion he would allow himself and they both knew it.

Hope turned back to Maqui, closing himself like a book, and Maqui inwardly winced. This Hope was back, the one who bottled everything up until it all exploded. The Hope who suffered alone and in silence until Rygdea forced him to talk. The Hope that blamed himself for this and might just break if what was waiting for them there...was really what it was. Maqui didn't know how to help this Hope. He'd spent years trying. Desperate to reach him before he slipped away. They all were trying. And for a while it had looked like it was working.

Maqui wondered just how far they had been sent back.


	15. Frost

**Reviews!**

**Crystal: I'm sorry to hear about your account situation. But I smiled when I heard about your secret radar! I didn't think I had one...until later when a favorite story of mine updated. I hear what you're saying about the Samuel thing. A lot of people thought it would go that route. Honestly...it's a lot darker. And I'm glad I was able to make it all...scary. *chill in the air* And Maqui, Maqui just can't catch a break! And thank you. This chapter may seem a little more...depressing, but there will be moments next chapter! Promise!**

**I hope you are all excited! I know I am! Even thought the website freaked out when I posted the last chapter, making it disappear for several hours. *annoyed* But I'm glad you all seemed to enjoy it! I loved the reviews, but I always do! You guys always help me, or just get me excited! *hugs***

**Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I know I liked making it, so I hope you all get the same feeling I did. You'll see! So please, enjoy!**

* * *

The sleek, metal ship traveled over the city of New Bodhum, the buildings becoming shorter and tinning out as they approached the border. A few thing roads could be seen beneath them, as well as the beginnings of construction. The projects were never ending in the new land they were now calling Chou, and they were hoping to have more stable cities built within a few years. But even with all the work going on below, none of the soldiers on the ship truly saw the work. Their minds were focused on other things...

"We're approaching the area..." the pilot said, reaching over and flipping several switches. They began to descend, Lebreau and Maqui looking over at the side as Gran Pulse came closer, the border soon disappearing behind them and being taken over by wildlife. Reynold was looking around nervously, not quite sure how the mission would turn out and worried for the others. Snow stood next to Hope, glancing at him worriedly. He had been fine a while ago when they were messing with Maqui, and he knew the guy was worried about the others, but it still made him nervous to see Hope like this. It was strange to see him so closed up and it really unnerved Snow.

"Hope?" he tried as the ship finally settled on a suitable stretch of land below them. Hope looked at him, eyes painfully empty.

"Yes?"

Snow winced at the expressionless tone, but plowed on, "I know it looks bad Hope, but I think-"

"Snow?" Hope said, not missing a beat.

"Uh-yeah?"

"Please don't try to make this sound better. We both know what we're gonna find there isn't going to be good." Snow snapped his mouth shut at the abrupt deflection and followed Hope out of the ship, only half listening to the pilot's instructions to report back in half an hour. They dropped down on the Gran Pulse, joining the others as they looked ahead.

It looked relatively peaceful. The sky was a bright blue with barely any clouds overhead, a few birds, or more likely, avian beasts, flew overhead. The faint chirping of birds and the occasional roar from a distant beast echoed around them. There was nothing to suggest that there was something terribly wrong. Hope, however, decided otherwise.

"Snow, do you have your grenades?" Hope asked, walking a little ahead of the group and watching the scenery with narrowed eyes.

"Yeah." Snow said, reaching for the things on his belt and letting his fingers ghost over them, "Why?"

"Just in case..." Hope mumbled, still keeping himself blank. Reynold glanced at Snow, confusion obvious, but the tall man could only shrug. Snow looked to Lebreau and Maqui for some answers, but they only shook their heads. Snow blinked and shuddered when he felt something wash over him, and looked around, thinking he was being targeted. It was a few seconds before he noticed it was Hope casting magic, sending waves of blue energy over all of them.

"What is-"

"It's a Protect spell." Snow shuddered when he felt the sensation again, then again, then again. A little too much really...

"Do we need so many?"

"Yes. Some of them were spells such as shell, bravery, and faith anyway. Don't complain." Snow blinked at the abrupt answer, but filed it under the growing list of "things to ask about later". Hope eventually turned back to them, glaring at each of them as their eyes met. "No mistakes. This is the real deal..."

"What?" Lebreau stepped forward, her eyes wide, "You mean she's here?"

Hope's mouth tightened and he nodded, "That or was. I can't tell which. But I can feel it..." Hope suppressed a shudder, "She was all over the place. So don't screw up, you could wind up dead." Hope seemed to direct this more at Reynold than the others, and the man gave a visible shiver. Hope turned away without a word and motioned for them to follow, taking several brisk strides ahead.

"What the hell?" Snow muttered, but the others simply shook their heads as they began to follow. Reynold took up his gun, as did Lebreau and Maqui, and Snow glared ahead, looking for the slightest movements. He had no weapon, but he felt his fists would be more than enough. And he _did_ have his grenades. Hope drew no weapon either, but his eyes darted every which way as they passed any rock formation or heard any sound. They walked past several rock formations without any sign of C'ieth or the lost soldiers, but the quiet was starting to get to them. And as they approached a particular collection of rough rocks, standing smaller than most of the tan colored columns, almost all noise seemed to cease. The beasts' calls were gone, there was no chirping from the birds, and not even the wind blew near them.

The quiet had them all jumpy, waiting for some sign of movement or life or attack. Hope repeated his spells as necessary, even when Lebreau told him that he would exhaust his magic and that he wasn't to push himself too hard. But whatever front Hope put out, they could tell that he was getting tired. By the fifth recast of the long set of spells, Snow wanted nothing more than to pull him aside and yell at him to stop.

Hope freezing prevented him from doing just that.

They had finally reached the rock formation, and the silence weighed more heavily on them than ever before. It was almost suffocating, and Reynold, Maqui, and Lebreau pointed their guns around them, waiting for the attack that was bound to come. Hope seemed reluctant to continue, but the group pressed forward, Snow giving Hope a silent and gentle nudge.

Snow felt his stomach lurch as they turned the corner. There was no way...just no way that-that this was what was left. Their-Their bodies...it was a mess. Dried blood clung to the rocks, staining them a deep black, and their were-were parts hanging on some of the rock. But the bodies, what was left of them, were all laid next to each other on the ground. Their radio was there as well, at the middle and resting at their feet, and was still displaying the signal they had caught earlier. A loud screech of static would sound occasionally, and the sound was the only thing to break the silence. Then there was a thud...Reynold had dropped his gun. But none of them seemed to register it.

Snow glanced at Hope, then at the bodies, unable to find his voice. It was just...too much...how...

Hope was the first to move, taking one hesitant step forward, then another, and another. They were small, slow steps, his legs shaking too much for him to manage much else. Hope opened his mouth as he got closer, trying to catch his breath, but all he could see was their bodies. And Samuel...the same man he had...he had...

No...

No!

Hope tried to breath again, it coming out as a choked gasp, and tried to block out the blood that stained the ground and the rocks and their bodies. And how Samuel-Samuel's arm was gone. Just gone. On how the others stomach was...was showing...Maker it was open and gaping at the world. The organs intact...the stomach with only a slight slash but dried blood, blood that had stopped flowing, clung to it...the other...his face was caved-

"Stop it..." Hope mumbled, turning away. He tried desperately to force the images away, shaking his head as if it would help. To force away the oncoming fire and wipe himself blank. Cursing his shaking hands, he leaned down to examine their faces. He had to identify one of them at least, to make sure. But as he looked at Sam's very dead face, with a slack jaw and slightly open eyes, he knew it was the man. He would always know. This would haunt him too now, for the rest of his life, just as Saorise wanted.

He wanted to throw up.

Still searching the bodies, he found a letter tacked onto Samuel's chest, and tried to raise a shaking hand to grab it. But it wouldn't listen, it just continued to tremble at his side. He was losing it...he knew it, he could feel it. The others could see it. He was spiraling back, only now there were new memories. New memories to burn with the fire! The ways-the methods these men could have ended up this way circled around his head and settled in his heart and stomach. And the blood, there was so much of it. He was sure it was coating his hands. It was all over him. Their blood was all over his hands! He had failed again, he was always failing, he would never be able to protect anyone from her so long as he-

"Hope." He jumped but didn't look away. But thankfully the bodies had vanished, he couldn't see their bodies anymore. In fact, he couldn't really see much. Someone must have moved him. He wanted to thank them, but he had no idea who had moved him. "We need to take the letter." Was that Snow's voice? He sounded strained, like he was trying to hold something back. Hope knew the feeling, but now that they were away from the bodies, it should have been a little easier. Just block it out, block it out.

"_You're fault."_

Just block it out.

"Hope, please, you have to stop staring." Hope froze, realizing he couldn't even see his own arms. Where was he? And why couldn't he see his arms anymore? His arms were rather important, but he was sure they were still there. Everything was still there, and there was something stiff as well. It was like a board under his fingers. What was it?

"Please Hope." Snow must have been at his fingers, he could feel them being pried apart. He wanted to see Snow, but he didn't at the same time... What would happen if he were to see Snow? He had a feeling it was something bad, but would it be worth it? He had no idea what was happening after all.

"_Take it in..." She smiled. That smile...He hated that smile._

_He hated her._

_And the fire._

"Hope!" And he was ripped from the blankness as suddenly as it came, finding his hands still hovering over Sam's body and shaking like no tomorrow. His whole body was trembling, trying to block it out. Trying to block out the voice and the blood. And he wished more than anything that he wasn't a part of this. Or that Saorise would leave these people alone and just come for him. That the people around him would stop trying to protect him and that Saorise would stop picking them off just for coming near him.

"Snow...get away now..." Hope said, voice strangely blank. But that was good. He wanted to be blank. He wanted this all to disappear for at least a few seconds so that he could think and try to pull himself together.

"No, not until you come with me." Snow sounded as determined as always, but Hope was skeptical. He knew that Snow wanted to help him, wanted to save him, but he doubted his body would move at this point. His whole body was shaking too much for him to move. Other than shake. That it knew how to do.

Maker...they were so mangled and dead and bloody. Why would she even take it this far? It didn't make any sense to him...

None of what she did ever made sense.

Before Hope could gather himself, Snow tried to pull him up by the arm, struggling with Hope's dead weight. Hope thrashed at the movement, letting out a low growl before allowing himself to be led up. He continued to try and wipe himself blank, to make the horrible images of his comrades go away, when he realized that the letter was in his hands.

"The letter..."

"We'll worry about that later Hope. We need to-to contact the others. Let them know what happened." Snow's voice shook as the words came out and Hope shivered again. If Snow wasn't okay, then he really needed to pull himself together. He had to stop being so weak and try to get them out of there. He had to try and read the letter Saorise must have left to try and find a clue.

He had to run away from those bodies, even if the images were burned into his mind. He had to run away so that no one else would get hurt.

He had to throw up.

His stomach lurched and he fell to his knees, his mouth burning as he threw up. The peach colored bile rose and spilled without mercy, pressing on his stomach and leaving him dizzy. He closed his eyes and forced himself up, trying to ignore the wave of nausea that hit him over and over. He was being weak again. He was letting his emotions get in the way when he needed to just pull it the fuck together!

"Hope, just a sec. I'll he-"

"The letter."

"What?"

"Take the letter." Hope ground out, standing on wobbly legs. He was going to do something right even if it killed him. He whipped his head around at the others, all of them staring wide eyed at him. He felt red hot anger wash over him, familiar and comforting, and he let it push the other thoughts away. "Don't just stand there, we need to radio in!" Yes, his voice was calm and in control, if a little angry. He could work with this. He _would_ work with this.

"H-Hope."

"Come on, we need to hurry. We have to make sure the others can find us and soon. If we're lucky-" Hope wavered, not sure what he should say. If he was lucky, then what? They would find Saorise? They wouldn't find Saorise? Just what did he want? What was _lucky_ about this?

And just like that his control was slipping away, like water in a net. It puddled and splashed away in one big gush, never having been there in the first place. His next mood swing made him feel even dizzier and Hope can feel the despair welling up inside of him. It was all slipping away again. He needed something, anything he could cling to!

"Hope!"

"Get away Snow!" he shouted in desperation. He did not need to deal with the man right now and his attempts to comfort him. He didn't want or need comfort, he wanted this to stop! He wanted the bodies to stop piling up! He wanted it to just stop thinking about it!

"_You know, if you hadn't come here, none of this would have been possible." _

_I hate you...I hate you...I hate you..._

_But I'm so scared..._

There was a low roar and they all whipped around, the C'ieth finally making their appearance as they lumbered toward them. But as they approached, Lebreau and Maqui aiming their guns, Hope felt his rage again. This time it had a target, not giving some fake semblance of control. It just wanted to _lash_ out, to lash out and make it all stop! He needed a chance to get his head on straight and make these stupid mood swings stop! He needed to get the hell away from those men she had killed.

_I-I as good as killed them._

But as he examined the two C'ieth, casting several more Protect and Shell spells on himself and the others as they fired their weapons, he couldn't help but notice something. The C'ieth were Saorise's...personal C'ieth. She hardly ever sent them out. He only really remembered them from...from that time...when there had been fire and death and so much pain. And he saw that their pure white crystal skin, with their bright red spiking crystals jutting out on the head and arms, their grotesque bodies were coated in blood. In blood and-and entrails...

Terror. So much terror. They had killed them! He was going to be hurt again! No. NO!

The world was going blank again, losing it's battle to Hope's vision of the eternal whiteness. But the C'ieth were coming with him this time, he could still see them in all their terrifying glory. They were Saorise's personal pets, the ones she had come out when she wanted to make a point. And she would have them reinforce the point. Over and over and over again.

And she had used them...on those men. His comrades.

No...

Pain flared in his chest and legs but Hope pushed the memories away and forced himself to move forward. His legs shook and stumbled with each step, shouts were aimed at him, but he didn't stop. He was terrified. Terrified because these things were with Saorise, because of what these things were so capable of doing to him. Of what they had done to him.

He wanted to run away...

But the rage. It was warm and comforting and it tingled his body. It burst threw his chest, sending waves of it down to his toes. It hurt and helped him and he wanted to lose himself in it and just stop _thinking_. He closed his eyes and dropped to his knees as the anger finally took its toll. It was so much all at once, so much, but if he didn't keep it up they would get him. He didn't want to go back!

Go back...

Back?

Wait, where was he again?

And the fear mixed with the anger. How could he not know anymore? It was so important to know! What was real, what wasn't real? Why wouldn't it come to him? He needed to know, he needed to know, he needed to know! And his back and chest hurt so much! It burned and stung and he started to scream but none of the noise would come out. He cradled his head in his hands as the C'ieth and the whiteness descended on him, and it ripped at his body and he could hear her laughter. The pain ripped at him, tore at his limbs, leaving the muscles stinging and throbbing, and he felt his stomach press. His body was on fire, skin to hot for his soul and making him sick again. And she was there, mocking him. Laughing. _Enjoying_ it.

But as suddenly as it started it stopped. The relief and the loss of the pain left Hope numb and blank, his eyes blinking open and staring ahead. The world came back into focus but instead of grass, Hope saw only snow. He yelped and tried to back away, the cold bleeding through his gloved hands. For one frightening moment, he thought he truly was back there with her. That she was going to drag him into that open field of Snow where he was going to be-

Hope choked on the bile rising in his throat and tried to get up from the ground, only to have him arms collapse under his weight. He struggled, the cold stinging his face and making him feel as if he had been burned. His whole body has a coat of frost on him and his face was lined with bits of snow. His lips were blue and trembling and the cold continued to burn him. He opened his eyes and tried to turn over, only to hold back a shout when he caught sight of the C'ieth from before. He brought his arms above his face, sure they would strike, but seconds ticked by with no action. Heart still hammering in his chest, he slowly lowered his shaking arms and looked at the C'ieth that hovered above him.

They were frozen...simply frozen solid. Their once white crystal skin was coated in ice, giving it a strange bluish sheen, and both had their large arms hung suspended above him. Hope let out a sharp gasp, trying again to push himself from the ground, when he felt someone grab his shoulder. He whipped around, throwing a fist, but it was easily caught by Snow. Hope's eyes only widened and he tried to get away, but the man kept a firm grip on him.

"Come on Hope...you got them..." Snow mumbled, trying to pull Hope to his feet. The man stumbled in his grip and Snow had to gold him steady or else he would fall to the ground again. "Come on Hope...come on..." Snow urged, not liking the way the man was shaking. Hope shook his head, glancing back at the C'ieth that he had frozen, the area surrounding them caked in snow. Hope let out another violent shiver but he was unsure if it came from his lingering fear, or the intense cold biting his skin. He leaned into Snow despite his better judgment, and let the man's astounding warmth fill him.

Teeth chattering, Hope barely recognized that Snow was leading him and the others back to the drop ship, away from both the C'ieth and the bodies. "D-D-Did you-you get the-the letter?" Hope asked, grinding his teeth to stop their chattering. He closed his eyes as the world swayed slightly, and he waited until the dizziness stopped before opening his eyes again.

"Yeah Hope, I have the letter. But I'm more worried about you at the moment. Come on, we need to get you back to the ship and warmed up."

Hope smiled, but it was empty, humorless, "I'm the last-last person anyone sho-should worry about." Hope let out a small, hollow chuckle, the mangled bodies flashing in his mind over and over again, "The very-very last..."

Snow tightened his grip on Hope, giving him a rare glare, "Don't you say something stupid like that Hope. You're trying to make it sound like it was your fault."

"It-It was..." he mumbled back.

Lebreau and Maqui watched on sadly as the two continued to talk. It had been a long time since either of them had seen Hope like this. It was bad...but there was one small comfort that they at least understood why this time. Last time...last time had been a large fumble in the dark for all of them. And it hurt now to see that they seemed to be going back rather than forward. Reynold, for his part, stayed silent, still thinking of the comrades he had just lost in such a brutal way. He looked at Estheim's back, easily recalling the fight from between them before, and felt conflicted. Samuel had started it after all...but there was still this anger at the man being led away. He tried to shake it away though. Hope was already beating himself up enough over it, he didn't need Reynold's anger to boot.

Snow growled and pulled Hope forward rather sharply, making the man stumble again. "Don't say shit like that Hope." They pulled ahead even further, Hope struggling on his weak legs to keep up, "I don't want to hear you trying to blame this on yourself. If it wasn't them it would have been-"

"Snow!"

"It's o-okay Lebreau...I-I know it would-would have been so-someone else Snow. And-and that would have been my fault too..." Hope smiled again, still sad and hollow, "She's aft-after me...going-going through all this because of me. Targ-Tar-Targeting the people who are around me. It'd be better-"

A sharp and throbbing pain in his head stopped Hope and he glared at Snow, eyes blurring. He had to blink when three Snows started to talk to him, and his stomach did odd flips as his sight wavered.

"Okay, so I said something stupid!" Snow snapped at him, making Hope's head ring, "But things like that...I don't want to hear you say things like that Hope, understand? I know it looks bad, but that doesn't mean it's your fault. You're not the one who did this, it was that psycho chick! She's the one to blame for this okay?"

"S-She came after me!"

"You think that matters! ?"

"Yes!" Hope blinked after his shout, closing his eyes tightly and trying to will the dizziness away. Snow eased his grip on Hope, but still stood firm.

"It wasn't your fault Hope. And I'm gonna do what I have to and make sure you know that." There was silence after that, the drop ship slowly but surely coming into view. Hope felt heavy and tired, his teeth still chattering, body still shaking. He held onto the blinding cold for as long as he could, letting it numb his thoughts and feelings. But one thing still nagged at him, aside from the boiling guilty and despair. He turned to Snow, biting his lips and trying to figure out the best way to word his question.

"S-Snow?" The man looked down at him to show that he was listening. They were within view of the drip shop now and the pilot had filed out, looking stressed at the sight of the group.

"Yeah?"

"Di-Did you feel like this? When my mo-" He shut his eyes and shook his head. He couldn't even get the question out. How could he ask Snow something like that? He should have just-

"Yeah Hope..." Snow eyes darkened and Hope felt guilt swirl in his stomach. He stumbled over himself to apologize, but a firm squeeze on his shoulder stopped him. "I did...and I still do. I know that-that you're still gonna feel guilty and all that. But I think-I think you're being too hard on yourself. It's not...well...yeah. It's just not your fault."

The pilot had reached them and was trying to pry Hope out of Snow's hands, but Hope yanked himself away from them both. He looked at Snow, lips quivering, but nodded, "I-I'll try." Not that he thought he could do it, but he would try. For Snow's sake. "A-And it's not your fault either Snow. It never was..." Hope mumbled the last part, exhaustion finally settling in, and Snow grabbed him before Hope could face plant into the ground. Snow stared down at him, eyes searching him, and he felt a large knot release in his heart.

"Thanks..." Snow whispered as lifted Hope into his arms. He followed the pilot onto the ship, listening as the others told him what happened. The pilot led them to the back and pulled out some medical supplies, saying they would have to wait until they got back to base before they could really treat him. Then he hurried back, starting the ship and filling the room with the dull roar of the engine before radioing in.

"Should we take off his armor now?" Snow asked, laying Hope as best as he could on the metal slab. Hope's eyes were closed but scrunched, obviously troubled, and he still shivered more than he should. Snow went to remove Hope's gloves, but Lebreau grabbed his wrist.

"No, we should wait."

"But they're cold and wet. We need to get them off! He might have hypothermia!"

Lebreau bit her lip, knowing he was right, and slowly released Snow's hand. She watched carefully as Hope's gloves were removed, then the top of his armor. She sighed in relief when she saw that his brand was still intact, then turned away when they started to remove his pants. She joined the pilot as the ship took off, glancing back every now and again and wishing that Hope would be okay.

Snow, for his part, was doing his best to try and get Hope to warm up, searching for any blankets the ship might have. He pulled some rather stiff blankets from the same compartment that the first aid kit had been pulled from and wrapped them around the shivering Hope. Hope nuzzled into the warmth, trying to bring the blanket closer to his body. He let out a moan when Reynold tried to prop his head up, Snow trying to feed him a potion. Hope sputtered at first, some of the cool liquid dribbling down his chin, and he shook his head.

"Too cold..." he said, curling in on himself, "Surrounded by it...too much snow." Hope shivered again, shaking his head and trying to inch away, but Maqui and Snow grabbed him before he could push himself off the slab. "Get away..." Hope pushed against them weakly before curling even more, forming a small ball. He shivered violently, eyes blinking open before shutting tightly closed again. "Are-Are we there yet?"

"No, but we will be soon Hope." Snow said, watching him carefully. He had no idea how coherent Hope really was, but then Hope spoke again.

"Did you get the letter?"

Snow blinked, "Yeah." He reached into his coat and pulled the dirty envelope out, inspecting it. Snow felt his stomach clench when he saw: _To Hope Estheim_ in clear, neat handwriting, but decided not to say a word. Hope glanced at him, looking at the envelope as well, but his eyes were cloudy and he didn't seem to see his name on the envelope.

"G-Good." Hope said, letting his eyes shut, "They'll n-ne-need to see it. And...and what about-" Hope didn't need to finish as his body shivered again, this time for a different reason. Snow glanced at Maqui and Reynold before answering.

"We have to go and report before they can retrieve them. They'll want someone else to do that. Normally we would have just called in, but..."

"Right..." Hope breathed, "I-I overdid it and all...sorry..."

"Don't be. You probably saved our asses. Although why you started walking in while Maqui and Lebreau were shooting is beyond me."

Hope struggled to open his eyes at that. He had done what now? "I w-w-walked in front of them...while the-they were shooting?" Hope managed to ask. Maker he was tired. But he had to hear this...

"Yeah, it freaked us out. We started yelling at you to move but you were out of it or something. Then you fell to your knees and started shouting, I thought they had hit you to be honest, but then there was this blast of cold air. There was this light too, then the second it cleared up, the whole place around you was covered in snow. And the C'ieth were-"

"Frozen..." Hope finished for him, voice tired and dull. But on the inside his mind was whirring. He didn't remember that. If anything, his body had felt red hot not cold. And he walked in front of bullets? Did he have a death wish or something? And all he remembered was seeing the C'ieth...and then all that pain. That whiteness...Saorise... Hope shivered again, trying to make his body relax as they traveled back. But no matter how tired he was, he wouldn't let himself sleep. Not yet.

Their bodies were still too fresh in his mind.


	16. The Letter

**All right, time to edit this sad note!**

**Crystal- I'll try not to reply your recent reviews as well, but first off, I must thank you now! T_T I really needed that, and thank you. Now to reply to your review of Chapter 15! I love your radar! Mine works occasionally, but your seems so right all the time. And that does have to be something for Hope right? Whatever improvement he can get right? **

**And I'm glad you remembered that detail! We will get to see, but we are a little ways off. His is a strange one. Tiny steps for Hope, slowly but surely he'll be able to get up and stand tall again! And I hope it's okay with Snow helping Hope. But when I saw the parallel, i had to use it. Don't worry. Light will help in other ways! And I'm really glad you still liked this chapter! *hugs tightly* You are awesome!**

**One more note. Generalyao has been gracious enough to go over my old chapters and help correct and improve them. I have the first two edited chapters up (1 and 2) , so if you don't mind a stroll down memory lane, you should check them out. I think they sound better overall. And thanks to Generalyao!**

**Again, I'm so sorry, but life is really kicking me in the can at the moment. So please excuse this long author's note, my whining, and delays. And to the people I'm talking with, please don't be too angry! I just need to calm down and sleep. Sleep is good. Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

When Rygdea had received the call to report to the hangar, both he and Lightning were more than a little worried. Lightning had caught him just before he could begin his trek there, and had demanded information about what mission Hope and the others had been sent on. Rygdea had told her what he could, but all he had gotten from the distressed pilot was that they would need a team of medics on the scene.

He and Lightning sat in the hangar, using several small, beat up wooden crates as chairs, and there were medics waiting beside them. They had several kits scattered around them, a stretcher being carried by two of them, and their red and white uniform stuck out sharply against the dark green walls of the hangar. Lightning kept her eyes on the doors leading outside, waiting for them to open and the drop ship to come through. Rygdea was overlooking the mission documents, several reports of the night patrols in his hands. He bit his lip, glaring at the papers in front of him as if they would suddenly scream the answer to his questions. It didn't sit well with him. The mission they had been sent on...it shouldn't have lasted this long to begin with. What had happened that had them delayed for so long?

Rygdea had to wait another half hour before he had a chance to find his answers. It was a long silence that infuriated him. The hangar even made less noise than usual, most of the personnel having cleared out to make room for the medics and drop ship. The doors slid open, the noise of sliding metal booming in the hangar, and the drop ship made a steady landing on the closest dock point. Both Rygdea and Lightning stood, waiting for the ship to completely shut down before approaching. The doors to the ship were sliding open before they had even reached it, and Snow and Lebreau piled out.

"What happened?" Lightning demanded, glaring between the two of them. Rygdea stepped forward as well, looking expectant.

"It was worse than we thought. Way worse." Lebreau said, constantly glancing back at the ship, eyes frantic.

"What?" Lightning asked, voice harsh. They needed to get to the point.

"There were C'ieth all right, but they were Saorise's personal ones. With the pure white crystal skin and those red crystal spikes."

Rygdea swore, shaking his head "What happened then?"

"W-Well Hope-Hope tried to stop them. And he did! But he used up way too much energy and got himself a mild case of hypothermia. At least we think so. He used a blizzard spell and froze the C'ieth solid. Nearly did it to himself too..." Lebreau glanced back as Reynold and Maqui jumped down from the ship, calling a stretcher.

"It's not too serious then?" Rygdea said, raising his eyebrow at her. Lebreau blinked and gave a slow, understanding nod. Lightning was confused by the exchange, but could only watch them closely. The medics pulled in, Maqui directing them to Hope, and Lightning felt her attention divided between both the ship's doors and Rygdea and Lebreau.

"Nothing too serious. I think he just needs to warm up and get some rest, but he's been thrashing around. He won't let himself sleep." Lebreau answered as the medics went in with a stretcher. Rygdea nodded, glancing at Snow. Snow's face was tight, hands clenched at his sides, and Rygdea felt the knot in his stomach grow and tighten. Snow glanced at him before looking at Lightning, eyes apologetic.

Before anyone could say anything more, Hope was being pulled out of the ship on the stretcher, eyes unfocused and body shivering. His teeth were chattering again, his lips a slight tinge of blue, but he refused to let his eyes shut. "Just a mild case of hypothermia. We'll get him to the infirmary." One of the medics reported. Maqui and Reynold filed out as well, the pilot not far behind. Rygdea turned to them after one last glance at Hope.

"You two report to Crawford, tell him everything that happened. You three come with me." Rygdea turned away without missing a beat and followed the medics out of the hangar, the others on his heels. Lightning kept glancing at Snow and the others as they went, wondering what had happened, but they arrived at the infirmary before she could voice her questions.

They watched in tense silence as the medics tried to calm Hope down, but the man continued to thrash and turn away, snapping at them that he would not sleep. Rygdea stepped forward, eyes locking with Hope's, "All right, you don't have to go to sleep yet. But you will have to calm down. Otherwise I'll have them sedate you." Hope's protests died at that but he glared at Rygdea as he thought about being knocked out. He glanced at Snow, then Rygdea again.

"Fine. But only if I can participate in this little discussion too." Hope said, looking at Snow again.

"Of course you will Hope. You were part of this mission after all, and I'll need what information you have. But after this, you _will_ be getting some rest, whether you want to or not." Rygdea turned away, shaking his head as he felt the burning glare Hope sent his back, and faced Lightning.

"This is a private matter that can only be discussed with the people who were a part of this mission, as well as with superior officers."

"If you really think that I'm-" Lightning started, stepping forward.

"However, considering the situation, I think your presence will be beneficial for Hope. Besides, I know they'll just tell you later, no point in delaying it." Rygdea turned toward the medics, tilting his head toward the door, "If you don't mind leaving this room. We'll call you if anything happens."

The medics looked from Rygdea to Hope, looking worried, but slowly turned around and left, closing the door behind them. Rygdea looked around the room, relieved that no one else was there, and pulled up a chair to Hope's bed. The others gathered around as well, Lightning standing near Hope's head and looking intently at his face. He was still shivering, although it wasn't as violent as before, but his eyes looked strained. And he refused to look at her...

Lebreau pulled up a chair as well, Snow standing behind her while Maqui stood by Rygdea. Rygdea looked at Snow, nodding his head, and Snow began, "Well, we got there quick enough and everything seemed normal. Hope was leading us around, trying to find some trace of those guys..."

"Guys?" Lightning interrupted, "Wasn't this to handle some C'ieth?"

"For the most part yes." Rygdea said, looking uncomfortable, "However, we received a distress signal from one of our radio's as well. Samuel and his small group were assigned to handle the night patrols for the next three weeks. They were supposed to alert us if monsters or C'ieth showed up, then go on the defense until a team arrived. However, the signal we received was full of static. And static like that on;y happens when they leave the patrol border, making the signal weaker." Rygdea looked back at Snow, nodding for him to continue.

"Yeah, well, we started with the border first I guess. Then we started moving our way around the rock formations to see if we could find the C'ieth or that group, but then Hope..." Snow glanced at him and Hope cleared his throat.

"I felt her..." Hope mumbled, looking at the blankets rather than at them, "I mean, I felt her nearby or something. Or..." Hope held his head, annoyed at the oncoming headache, "I mean...she had been there or something. She didn't show up or anything while we were there."

Rygdea nodded, stopping him before he could make himself worse, "All right. So did you all head toward this place that Hope had...felt Saorise?"

"Yeah." Lebreau was speaking now, looking nervous but determined, "We started toward it and all. But when we got there-I mean- when we got there...there was...was..." Lebreau took a deep breath, Snow squeezing her shoulder. Hope buried his face further in his hands, waiting for her words, "There was a bunch of blood everywhere..." Lebreau whispered, "And the team-" She stopped, her eyes widening as she remembered the details. She had tried her best to look away, but that didn't stop images that had stayed with her from emerging. Her hands started to shake and she felt her throat close up, unable to continue. Hope looked at her, finally lifting his face from his hands, before taking a deep breath.

"They were there...all three of them." Hope looked at his hands, still stiff and bitter from the cold, "They were dead..." Hope clenched his hands, seeing Sam's eyes staring empty and half lidded at the sky, "Their bodies were-were pretty mangled. I mean...she just...well, she had them just..." Hope paused, blinking his eyes, "She had those C'ieth of hers do most of it. But she killed them, all three of them."

There was a long silence after this, Hope staring at his hands, Lebreau closing her eyes, Snow's body standing stiff, and Maqui looking toward a corner in the room. Rygdea glared at the bed, feeling guilt and anger boil in his gut. They already had casualties, and it had been from patrol Not even an actual call yet! Patrol on the border, where they would have time to call in for reinforcements. But now they were dead!

_Dammit, dammit, dammit! _

Rygdea cursed under his breath and looked at Lightning. She had a dark expression on her face, glancing at Hope and looking toward the blankets. He couldn't tell what she was thinking, but he doubted it was anything good.

Rygdea tried to put a hand on Hope's shoulder but he flinched, turning his head away from him. Rygdea sighed and looked toward Snow, "Do you have the coordinates so that we can retrieve our fallen soldiers?"

"Yeah. The pilot has them." Snow said, not really listening to him.

"All right then. What happened after you...you found them."

Hope swallowed and started his tale again, "I-I remember staring for a second, but then I noticed that there was a letter tacked to Samuel. Snow has it." He added, glancing at him. "Well, anyway, after we got the letter, we were going to try and radio in. But...but then the C'ieth from the area attacked. I'm sure they were the ones responsible for what happened. They-well they had evidence on them and everything. And-And you know what I did."

"And they were Saorise's C'ieth." Rygdea said, needing to be sure.

"Yes."

Rygdea felt Lightning's questioning gaze and spoke before she could ask her question, "They're special kinds of C'ieth that Saorise has used in the past for special missions. They have red crystal spikes, white crystal skin, and they're powerful. At least that's the short story. What Hope did, by the sounds of it, was use a high powered Blizzaga spell. Wound up freezing them, and himself from what I heard."

"And got in the line of fire!" Lebreau added hotly.

Hope finally looked up at Lebreau and gave her one hell of a glare. "I did what I had to!"

"You could have gotten yourself shot!"

"You stopped firing!" Hope snapped, leaning forward in the bed.

"What were you thinking going in alone like that anyway! What would we have done if you had gotten-"

"Hurt? Killed? I know how to deal with them Lebreau!"

"That doesn't mean you pull some stupid bullshit like that!" Lebreau shouted, standing up.

"Both of you stop!" Maqui shouted, glaring at the both of them. "This isn't helping! And you know it isn't! We can-we can talk about that part later okay? Let's just...get it together." Maqui trailed off, cheeks red and mouth tight. Rygdea smiled and gave him a quick pat on the shoulder before turning to Snow.

"So you have the note?"

Snow bit his lip and glanced at Hope, fingering the pocket of his coat. He didn't meet Rygdea's eyes as he pulled it out, and very reluctantly handed it to him. Rygdea said nothing about the strange behavior and inspected the dirty and bloodstained envelope. His chest tightened when he saw Hope's name scrawled across it as well, and he grit his teeth. _What do I do?_

Holding back a groan, Rygdea glanced at Hope before carefully opening the envelope. Hope was finally looking at him, watching as the letter was pulled out, and Rygdea winced as Hope carefully took the envelope that had fallen on his bed.

Hope just stared at his name as it mocked him on the dingy envelope and he wanted nothing more than to rip it up into tiny, unrecognizable shreds. This...this was nothing more than some game to her. She just-just used them to try and talk to him...

The sudden wave of guilt made his stomach lurch.

Rygdea unfolded the small letter and began to read, eyes glaring at the paper and whole face tensing. They watched as his eyes moved down the page, Hope looking ready to snatch the thing out of Rygdea's hands if he didn't finish soon. Rygdea sighed as he reached the end, placing the letter on his lap only to have Hope snatch it away.

"Hope." He growled, reaching for the letter.

"It was addressed to me wasn't it?" Hope said, eyes narrowing at the paper, "I should read it."

"But you know why you shouldn't."

Hope sighed, his shoulders slumping. He looked more tired in that moment than any other time the others had seen him. His eyes were worn and dull, his whole demeanor sluggish and defeated. His face was blank, not pulled into a smile or a frown. He looked...finished.

"I know why I shouldn't. But does it really change anything? Those men are still dead because..."

"Don't you say it Hope!" Snow shouted, glaring at the man. It looked menacing coming from Snow, his size helping the threatening look, "You know that it wasn't your fault."

"Maybe not directly. But that doesn't change the fact that she used them to contact me. I do have some blame in this." Snow gave a frustrated growl at Hope's words and fatalistic tone and reached over to snatch the letter away. Hope dove to the pother side of the bed near Lightning in an attempt to escape, ignoring the way his muscles screamed at the action. Rygdea grabbed Hope before he could fall over and set him right, glaring at the both of them.

"Enough of this all right? Hope, just read the damn letter if it's so important. But out loud so I don't have to deal with this game of pass the fucking letter." Rygdea slowly released Hope as the tension diffused, almost wishing he had grabbed the letter away, but sat back in his chair so Hope could read. He knew that taking it from Hope would do about as much good as letting him read it. Hope knew it was about him and that alone was enough to make him miserable. Although that didn't make the glare Lightning sent him any easier to deal with.

Hope cleared his throat and scanned the first few lines, face tensing as he read before he wiped it blank again. He began to read it aloud in a monotone voice, refusing to look up at them:

_With every passing day I think of you more and more. I wonder how you are and when I can see you again. But sometimes things like that aren't possible are they? So I decided that if I can't see you and bring you where the crystal heart glitters in the sun, I would bring you some gifts to compensate our time apart. I know how much you enjoy music, so I had someone special write a song for you. I think you recognized a part of it though! Just a gift to let you know I care and remember the wonderful times we spent together. _

_The other gift is on its way! I know you'll love that one as much as the last. And I hope (It's your name! Sweet huh?) that you enjoyed the visit from your old friends. I'm sure you played for a while, but you always did manage to beat them, at least once you got some practice. I should have seen that coming, considering what you did to them once you learned all their tricks. But I cannot help but wonder what you'll have used. I know you're no longer of fan of fire magic, but does that go the same with Lightning/Thunder magic? Perhaps even Blizzard magic? _

_Those men I met were so crude and annoying, snooping around like that. I already had to take care of their friend, especially when he spotted me. I was busy around there and then they go and try to drive me out. That set me back a few weeks you know! I guess it's true, chivalry is dead! But I guess it's not the only thing huh? But let me tell you, it was hard fixing it so that you'd be the one to come. I had to do a lot of sneaking around, and called in a favor or too from a friend. Well, if you can call him that._

_I hope that soon we will be able to see each other again. You're the only one I really feel comfortable talking with. Well, aside from **him**, but you try to tune him out. I don't think you even know what I'm talking about anymore. But don't worry, I'll remind you soon. The gift might be a little late now, but you'll know it when it happens! You might want to make more of those soldier friends of yours, you might need them later. Just be careful who you ask! And tell me, just how are those friends of yours these days? I feel a little jealous of all the time they spend with you! Oh well. We'll get to speak eventually._

_Sincerely yours, _

_Saorise_

Hope finished reading the letter but continued to stare down at it, face as blank as when he began. The others were staring at him in turn, Lebreau's mouth slightly open and Maqui looking sick. Snow was watching Hope carefully, waiting for an explosion or something. Rygdea and Lightning exchanged glances before Rygdea slipped the letter out of Hope's limp fingers.

"I'll take this to Crawford and we'll have a look together. There are a few things this letter might explain. Hell, she may have given a few warnings, so we'll be looking at the details."

"Sure." Hope said, giving a shrug.

Rygdea hesitated as he stood, then patted Hope on the back, "I know what you're thinking Hope, and it's not true. I'll have you discharged in a few hours, once I'm sure you're better, and you'll be taking tomorrow off. That goes for all of you." Rygdea looked at Snow, Maqui, and Lebreau. "I'll let Reynold know when I get there as well. Lightning, would you mind still coming in tomorrow?"

"No..."

"All right." Rygdea looked at the rest of them, "Come on, I'm sure Crawford will want to speak with you. I'll speak for you Hope, you should try to rest for a while." The others hesitated for a moment, looking at Hope, but he just nodded at them. They began to file out, Lebreau throwing him a parting glance, and soon only Lightning, Hope, and Rygdea were left in the room.

"I'll come back to get you soon. We'll be going home after this I expect."

"And after Rygdea gets me discharged. That might take a while though. He's not that great of a speaker and these medics are pretty tough." Hope attempted a bit of humor, trying to smile. But the smile only made his whole face hurt, and his insides tightened.

"Hope." Hope easily heard the pity in Lightning's voice, something he didn't want. Refused to even hear. He shook his head, letting the smile fall but looking at her with determined eyes.

"Please don't Light. I-I'm trying."

"You don't always have to be strong Hope." They were both surprised by her words and Hope looked down at his hands again, unsure of how he should respond. Lightning continued to watch him, wondering if she said the right thing and worried about it at the same time. "You can-" She stopped, unsure of what she was trying to say. What could he do? Would anything really help?

"I-It's okay Light. We can...maybe talk about it later." Hope refused to look at her, the blankets on his bed far more interesting. Lightning could easily feel Rygdea's eyes as they bored into her back and knew she had to leave. She placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to give it a reassuring squeeze, but got no reaction from him. Her beating a little faster and giving herself no room for thought, she bent down and gave him a hug. His gasp traveled down her neck and she resisted the urge to shiver, trying instead to pour her concern and care into the hug. She was glad when she felt his arms around her as well, giving her a light squeeze back, and she felt strangely sad when she had to stand up.

She glanced at Rygdea, her eyes challenging, before leaving the room in quick steps. She gave Hope another glance before leaving, still wishing she could do more. It felt like...she could do nothing to help. And she hated feeling helpless.

Rygdea waited until he was sure Lightning was out of earshot before going back to Hope's bed. He didn't say anything, only stared at Hope as said man looked at his blankets. He watched as Hope grasped them, hands shaking slightly, and Rygdea was already going for his pocket.

"Are you sure Hope? They may not even work." He said, already pulling out the bottle.

Hope closed his eyes and took a quick breath, thinking of Lightning's words. She didn't realize how strong he really wasn't being. He-He needed so many things most people didn't. He didn't want to lose one of the few things that kept him from being completely weak.

But...their _bodies_.

Hope held out his hand even as it continued to shake, this time not from the cold. Rygdea sighed and placed the small pill in Hope's hand, watching as he seemed to study the pill. Hope made a small noise, almost a whimper, and popped the pill, swallowing without a word.

"_You don't always have to be strong."_

_I'm not Light. I'm not._

* * *

Serah always had this gut instinct about her family and loved ones. She could know when the calls were bad and when the calls were good, at least most of the time. She felt it was a good thing to have, a woman's intuition as she frequently claimed when Snow asked her with wide and disbelieving eyes how she knew certain things. And the feelings did make her just a bit more emotionally prepared when she had to face the bad things. But that didn't mean she liked to get the calls that told her something bad. Not at all. And when she had gotten that call from Lightning as the evening began to approach, she knew that things were far from all right. That feeling had only intensified when her sister said they would be coming home early, and that the others were going to stay home tomorrow.

But nothing could have prepared her for this.

Hope was, to put it lightly, utterly expressionless. He seemed dazed, blinking his eyes often, and was the first one sent upstairs for bed. The moment he walked in the door, Lightning had ordered him to go, and he had followed her orders without question. Maqui and Lebreau were withdrawn, Lebreau's eyes a little red and her tough front gone, replaced by a face that looked incredibly fragile and uncertain. And Snow. Her Snow...

He had tried to give her his usual grin, the one that told her that everything was all right and that they would work through this. But...it fell before it really got there. His eyes just weren't lighting up, he couldn't quite meet her eyes, and he seemed slumped over. Tired. She looked at him for all of five minutes before wrapping him in a hug, pulling him down toward her and whispering that he should go upstairs. She promised that she would be there soon, that she needed to talk to Lightning first, and he had agreed without so much as a word.

And when she had demanded Lightning's explanation, at least what she knew, she felt her heart break a little. Maqui and Lebreau filled in the holes, telling her not to ask either Snow or Hope as they were the closest to the scene and would remember the bodies the most. That they didn't need to relive it. Serah had wanted to tell them how silly it was that they would even think she'd try to get them to talk, but all she could do was nod her head.

Serah asked her sister to watch Hazel for a while, that she needed to talk to Snow, and she too had agreed without a word. No one seemed ready for any conflict, not even Lightning. Serah hugged her then, needing the strength her sister always carried and praying that she gave Lightning some as well. She needed it now, that strength. They both did.

Serah hugged Lebreau as well, but when she went for Maqui, he just smiled and shook his head. "I don't need it as much as the others do." he had said. She knew he was lying, and from the look on his face, he knew he was too. But that didn't stop him from backing away and giving her a sad smile. That didn't stop him from saying that she needed to get to that lug before he worried himself into a tizzy. That didn't stop him from collapsing on the couch and burying his face in his hands.

Serah glanced at Hope's room as she went, wondering what she could do for him, and quickly realized that there wasn't much. She knew so little, so very little about it. And Hope had seemed...affected in ways she couldn't quite guess.

Helpless. That's what she was.

She hated it.

She walked into her room, _their _room, and saw Snow sitting on the bed, ruffling the deep blue blankets, all of his clothes on. Down to his boots even. She walked up to him, silently, she may not of been breathing, and kissed his forehead. He said nothing but tried to smile again. It didn't work.

She took off his jacket, then his shoes, then his belts and gloves and hat. His blond hair fell all over the place, the bangs shielding his eyes and making it harder for him to see in the semi-darkness. But she could feel his eyes on her as she continued the process of undressing him, then fetching new clothes for him. He moved when prompted, nuzzling her neck sometimes, tensing at others. Finally he was in more comfortable clothes and they were both sitting on the bed together, holding hands, neither speaking. Serah watched him, Snow watched her, and the silence grew and grew until it was suffocating them both.

Serah valued how special she was to Snow. She loved the way he treated her, loved how he was so kind to her, and loved how she got to see the secret parts of him. Like the parts of him that would lean on her shoulder. The parts that would bury his face into the crook of her neck as something wet and warm leaked out of his eyes. Those were very secret parts that he trusted her with and she wouldn't trade it for the world. She wouldn't let anyone else hear his small whispers that spoke of how terrible it had been, how he felt he could have done more but hadn't. Only in front of her would he do this. He had to trust her immensely, unquestionably, and Serah, in exchange for this great, unshakable trust, gave the same trust to him. And then they would comfort one another as best as they could.

So that's what Serah did. She ran her delicate fingers through Snow's hair, whispering words that made no sense or were so simple they really couldn't grasp the situation, but hoped that it would comfort him all the same. Things like "It will be all right" and "No one blames you". She told him that there was nothing he could have done, even though she knew he wouldn't believe her. And she tucked him into bed when he was asleep, but only after assuring her that he would be fine. She sat with him for a while longer, tracing patterns onto his large hands as she listened to his heavy breathing.

She wanted it to be okay. She wanted to help him, even though it felt like she couldn't. She just hoped, hoped that what she did was enough. She promised to keep trying. That she would do what she could to make him feel better, to make him smile again. She knew he would, knew that now that his family was whole again Snow would not be easy to keep down. Knew that today was hard, but that he'd overcome it.

But that did not stop her from closing her eyes as a few tears slipped by.

* * *

"Hope?" Hope scrunched up his eyes, turning away from the voice and pulling the covers closer. But even as he did so, he could feel himself being dragged back up from the blissful darkness. It had worked this time, he had slept with no nightmares, even after everything that happened. His eyes scrunched further at the thought and he opened them, letting the covers be pulled from him. Now that he was thinking about it, the very last thing he wanted to do was sleep. "Hope?"

Lebreau...

"What?" he mumbled, sitting up and rubbing the tiredness from his eyes. His body felt heavy, but the thought of going to sleep again so soon daunted him. He would have nightmares this time, that much he knew, and he wasn't in the mood for them. He winced at thought, guilt washing over him. Why would he think that, when he was halfway responsible for those men's deaths?

"_Don't start with that!"_

_Fine Snow, like, a quarter of it is my fault._

"You need to eat something." Lebreau said, breaking him from his stupor, "Light has some food ready downstairs."

Food made his stomach growl, but his appetite was non-existent. He doubted he'd ever want food again, but he knew it would pass. He couldn't starve himself, Lightning would kill him. Assuming Lebreau didn't do it first of course. Or Maqui. Or anyone really.

But that didn't mean he had to eat now, "I'm not all that hungry."

Lebreau huffed, but her annoyance was halfhearted as she let her arms fall limply at her sides. "I know you're not, but could you just come. Snow already said that he didn't want anything, and everyone is worried enough as it is." Lebreau was really glaring at him now and Hope felt more guilt creep its way into his chest and stomach. He did not need this right now.

"Lebreau."

"No buts. Come on!" She grabbed him by the arm and yanked him up, Hope sputtering behind her as he tried to pat down his bedhead and pull away from her. Several escape attempts, one where held onto the railing for dear life, had ended in a dismal failure, so in the end he wound up walking with her anyway. But something uncoiled in his gut...and he felt a little relieved.

"Rygdea is really worried too. He called earlier."

"Wait, what?" Hope was confused. How long had he slept exactly?

Lebreau seemed to catch on, as she smiled and punched him lightly on the arm, "You slept all through the night and half the day away. So it really is about time you woke up!" Hope felt his own smile, even as he thought of how fragile this happiness was. He wanted to hold on just a little bit longer.

"Well, anyway, he said he'd be here later, but he was still talking with Crawford with what happened. They're dissecting the note, trying to find every little thing it could mean." She glanced at Hope, pulling them to stop before they could go into the kitchen.

"He says she even might have had something to do with that singer. At the party?" Hope's eyes widened and he tensed, "I mean, they aren't positive yet, but they say it's possible. And she really didn't seem to be hiding much in the note. She even told us she was going to act soon." Lebreau tried to smile, "At least we know she's going to do something." Lebreau pulled him into the kitchen when he didn't respond, and the all sent him concerned looks as he stared at them.

_So-So she was the one who did that._

_She knew._

_She KNEW!_

Somehow, knowing didn't make him feel better. In fact, if anything, he wanted to just crawl into some hole and die there. He wanted to hide away where she couldn't see him, maybe gouge her eyes out so that she couldn't look at his dear ones with her deceptive holes that were supposed to be eyes. He wanted her to just disappear!

And suddenly the room was swaying.

He blinked his eyes, trying to set the world right again, but he felt himself stumble and stomach lurch. Why did he feel like throwing up so soon? He hadn't even eaten anything yet...

Hope thought he heard someone calling him, but he was too concerned about the quickly approaching floor to notice. A sharp pain in his arm made the blurry room seem more focused and his face hovered a few inches above it. Before he could really collect himself, he was being pulled up again, the hands strong but surprisingly gentle. Moving only made his stomach worse though and he closed his eyes as a wave of nausea hit him. He heard a few voices but they were quiet and muffled to him, and soon he felt himself moving again.

He took a few deep breaths and opened his eyes which immediately locked with piercing blue ones. It only made him more confused, especially when she started to mutter under her breath.

"What was she thinking telling him that when he just woke up. Of course he'd freak out. That woman-"

"Light?" His voice came out thicker than he meant, and she seemed surprised that he seemed awake.

"Don't worry Hope. I'll bring up your food soon." Lightning said, pulling him a little closer to her. He nodded and tried to help her, not trusting his balance on his own two feet, but trying to help her by pulling more weight. "I said don't worry."

"I know..." he mumbled, leaning a little closer. Neither seemed to notice how close they had really become, Hope's head nearly resting on her shoulder and their hips bumping together. "I can't help it though..." He blinked, eyes unfocused again, "She just keeps finding me. And she'll find you too. And I don't-don't want her too. I just want you...to be safe..." he breathed the last part, barely able to keep his eyes open as they traversed the stairs.

"I know Hope. Don't-"

"I have to protect you Light..." He didn't seem to hear her anymore, choosing instead to nuzzle closer, eyes finally slipping shut as they made it past the last stair. "I hope you let me...I just-" He pressed harder into her neck and Lightning felt her pulse quicken, "I won't let you die Light..." Hope finally dozed off again, head still resting on her shoulder.

Lightning pulled him closer.


	17. Backlash

**So guys, school has started, and with it, my time is disappearing. School, coupled with some things at home that decided to screw up and be all complicated and such...making writing hard. I already intended this to go out however, so here we are! **

**However, I do have a somewhat important note. You may have noticed that I have not replied to your reviews yet. Do NOT fret. I shall, but rather than make you all wait until I have time, I figure I'll post for you all the new chapter and reply to the reviews when I get back home from school. I hope that's okay. It's just easier for me to post something already made and ready to go in the morning (takes me like ten minutes tops), and reply to your awesome reviews when I can give them their due attention. Again though, I hope it's okay. Please? *puppy eyes***

**Crystal!- You left me quite a few reviews, and I'm grateful for all of them! :) Thank you very much for the concern, I'm sure this will blow over once this week is over. And your radar does seem to be pretty accurate. I wish I knew where to start with all the nice things you said, there was so many, but for one, I'm glad you appreciated Snow's role in the chapter, and the story in general. And Lightning does seem to be slipping a little doesn't she? And I liked your comment about the parallel between his fall then and at the beginning of the story! :) And progress is progress right? Right Light? *nudge nudge* And a special thanks for checking out the awesome improved chapters! Yay! I hope there was a noticeable difference. And again, thank you for reassuring me I'm not being whiny, and I'll always reply to your reviews! You're always so nice, and I just love it when you take the time to do so anyway, I just love showing my appreciation. And thank you again for that comment! I'm happy to hear this one's your favorite! 3 I'll keep moving forward, and I hope all goes well for you too. Thank you again for your kind words, they meant a lot!  
**

** Btw, Chapter 3 edits should be up soon (tomorrow at the latest), so thanks again to Generalyao!  
**

**Anyway, please enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think! It makes my day brighter! And it's nice after a day of tortuous school... But yeah, enjoy! :)**

* * *

Lightning slowly entered the house, the others trailing along behind her as the door slowly swung open. They were dressed in dark colors, all looking rather somber and refusing to speak to one another. Even Hazel's babble had quieted down, as of she could sense something was wrong. Sazh and Dajh were with them as well, both having a knowing air around them, almost as if they were lost in the past by the way their eyes looked. Lightning could share the feeling.

Her parents. Her comrades. Hope...

She was really tired of going to funerals.

Serah carried Hazel to the kitchen, smiling slightly and letting the girl play with her hair. Her eyes were tired though, her cheeks a little red with the faintest dry stains on them. Snow watched her as she went, taking a half step toward them, but changing his mind and going toward the couch. Yuj and Gadot had reluctantly left the proceedings as soon as they had ended, unable to join the others at the Villiers/Farron home. Talking to the families had been placed on their shoulders, and they were going to do what they had to help them get through the difficult time. And Rygdea had to leave with Crawford as they finalized the last details of the letter, pressure from the higher ups making time scarce.

Lightning sighed, trying not to think too much about the funeral or the way everyone seemed tired as she made her way to the bathroom. But the thoughts still came to her, some new and old, some of all the theories they had come up with over the past few days.

One theory that she was particularly angry about was that supposed singer. She had gone missing two weeks prior to her concert at the party, but had reappeared just as suddenly without any knowledge of what had happened to her. The doctors' had examined her, but they could find nothing wrong with her at the time, and simply told her to watch herself. And now? She was on the run, nowhere to be found as the military worked endlessly to track her down and interrogate her.

It made Lightning want to charge in and find the woman for herself after what she and her song had done to Hope. The fact that she seemed to be working with Saorise was what burned Lightning the most. She was already angry that the singer had caused Hope to have a flashback of that magnitude, but if it was _intentional_. And Hope...after hearing that the singer may have been involved with Saorise, he had been terrified. Jumpy at the base whenever he was approached and back to his silent and expressionless self in any other setting. And if he wasn't at the base being as silent as a statue, he was here, silent and wearing a constant frown.

And now they had to figure out what Saorise's next move was. Lightning had no idea that the woman would actually work so fast. And the way she had communicated with Hope with that damned letter! There had been no need to decipher some parts of the text... Obviously the C'ieth were part of whatever Hope had gone through when he had stayed with her, and the singer was easy enough to figure out. But the woman's attitude after she taunted Hope with those images, the way she made him squirm. How she mocked them and told them they needed more recruits.

But if she was stressed, then Hope was on his last wire. It was frustrating to see him so-so _not_ himself. She knew he had changed, that much had been obvious, but that wasn't even the reason anymore. It wasn't just because of his flashbacks and past, now it was Saorise almost literally breathing down the military's neck. He always got jumpy whenever an alarm sounded, he refused to handle his magic for some reason, and he was being more and more reserved. She could hardly get a word out of him!

_Hope...come on! We're trying to help you but we can't do that if you don't open up! Everything keeps screwing up...and now he won't talk to us. Talk with anyone! Dammit. Dammit. _

She tapped her hand on her thigh as her frustration suddenly surge, the chaotic week taking its toll on her already frazzled mind. As she passed the hallway, she froze as she approached the bathroom door, Hope's voice drifting out from within the tiled room.

"My fault...I said I was sorry, but it-it wasn't enough..." Lightning leaned against the wall, the door to the bathroom cracked open, Hope's voice louder as she leaned closer. Another thing she was frustrated with... Hope, no matter how many times they reassured him, was convinced that he was guilty of what happened. No matter how much Snow talked to him, no matter how much Lightning talked to him. No matter how much Rygdea or Serah or Maqui and Lebreau talked to him he was sure it was his fault. And he was...was still blaming himself. Seeing him try and talk with the families had been heartbreaking... He had looked so-so _sorry_. And when they had said that they didn't blame him, that they knew who was really responsible, he had just broken down.

"_No-No you're wrong. It's my fault! I-I was the one who-who said those things. I got them-I got them put there. Because I couldn't shut up! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Hope cried, shaking his head over and over again._

"_No dear..." It was Samuel's wife, her face hidden by a black veil, but a small, sad smile was hidden behind it as she tried to comfort Hope. She placed a hand on his shoulder, shaking her head as she gave him a light squeeze, "I know you two had a fight, but really, he knew what he was getting into the moment he agreed to Lt. Amodar's request. Honestly, they all did." The woman gave a slight sniffle, pulling Hope into a tense hug, "I can't blame you for that. No one can." _

_Lightning watched as Hope gave a heave, then another, before he finally returned the hug. The other family members watched them, some looking sad and somber, others expressionless, and some mildly angry. But Hope continued to cry into the woman's shoulder, never once looking up at the crowd. _

_And when he did lift his face, it was blank once more, except for the sad frown and tear stains._

"I-I'm the one who..." Lightning cringed as his broken voice continued to carry toward her, tugging at her heart, and she burst into the room. _I-I have to stop this_. _I have to see that look disappear! He can't...can't keep looking so-so helpless! This needs to stop!_

But in the heat of the moment, in heat of her desperation; in the throes of a not so small twinge of guilt she felt knowing that _she_ had been the one to report them and get them stuck on night patrol, Lightning relied on her first instinct.

And lashed out.

_POW!_

Hope let out a loud yelp, his head snapping down and nearly hitting the counter's edge. His hand caught him just a few centimeters away, and he glared at Lightning, eyes suspiciously red. His eyes widened though when he saw it was her, and he opened his mouth to speak, only to have Lightning cut across him.

"You need to stop this attitude!" she snapped, stepping forward and pulling him up to face her. She felt something coil inside her when she saw the bruise already forming on his cheek, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. She was running on frustrated and pent up fumes, and there was no way in hell she was going to let them go. Not when his look of surprise replaced his despair not a moment ago.

"I know you feel guilty Hope! Hell, we all do, but you don't see us moping here now do you? At least not like this! I understand that you feel frustrated, and even if I don't know what the hell happened between you two, I know you're scared of this witch." She fisted his shirt and brought him closer, their breaths quick and angry as they hit the other, "Snow's still feeling down because of what happened. He's worried not only by what he saw, but about you! He, more than anyone, should know what you're going through right now! And Serah has been dealing with all of us! I _know_ she's feeling it. All this frustration and gloom. I heard her cry! My sister! And your friends, hell, _our_ friends, have been worried sick about you! They feel guilty! But you know what they're doing? They're moving forward! They're trying to do something!"

Hope's eyes continued to widen, mouth hanging open as he stared at her, and she felt that weird sensation in her chest again. But her mouth moved without her brain's permission, even as it yelled at her to stop, "I want you to get out of this Hope! Concentrate on Saorise, on stopping this! We're here aren't we? We've got your back. So stop with this-this guilt trip of yours and just start moving forward!" Lightning fumed.

Silence...long and heavy silence save their heavy breathing. Lightning slowly released her grip on Hope, the stunned man wobbling from the loss of support. Lightning took several deep breaths, already screaming at herself in her mind. _How could I-I have let myself lose control like that. I didn't need something like that. It wasn't what Hope needed. No one...no one needed that._ And knowing that, knowing her mistake, made breathing surprisingly difficult.

Hope blinked, his eyes still wide, and blinked, and blinked again. He searched Lightning's face for a long time, the intense gaze making Lightning feel all sorts of things she was not willing to sort out. Hope let out a shuddering breath, swallowing loudly, before he clenched his hands. His eyes became hard, but a new life sparked in them.

So why didn't Lightning feel better? She wanted that spark...didn't she?

"Y-You're right Light." Hope took a shaky breath, "I-I can't be moping like this. I-I mean, that psycho is after _me_. So I-I have to be the one to stop her, right?" For his tough look though, the shaky smile, Lightning could easily hear the fear in his voice as he said it, "I-It's just like last time. But I need to be stronger. I need to be able to-to-to just stop her! Figure out something. I just don't want anyone getting hurt..."

_No Hope..._

_That-That's not what I meant. _

"I have to pull it together already. I need to be stronger. _Stronger._ I need to just-just keep going. I promise Light, I'll get better. I promise, I just need to stop thinking about it." Hope gave her smile, so sincere and sad and _believing_ that it only made her chest hurt more. "I'll be stronger Light!"

He pulled her into a hug, and she was so lost in what she had done and what she had said, that she did nothing. Could do nothing. Her body acknowledged the warmth, welcomed it when compared to her own cold body, but there was something wrong with it. The way he hugged her, the reason for it. And why? Because she punched him and told him he had to stop grieving so that her heart would stop hurting so much? That...wasn't right. "I promise." he whispered next to her ear. He gave her a squeeze before leaving the bathroom and a stunned Lightning behind. Her shoulder felt strangely wet, and she mechanically shut the door and undressed.

She pushed her dark clothes away, uncaring that the dress may be ruined as it gathered all sorts of things on the bathroom floor, and stepped into the shower. She pulled the curtain over, shielding her from any prying eyes. She turned the nozzle, the water pumping fast, hard, and hot, and her skin turned red raw from the sudden abuse. She flinched at the pain, but made no move to turn it down or get out of the water. Her words continued to replay in her mind, her body just moving on its own as her brain tried to process everything she had spouted.

_What...have I done?_

She roughly ran her fingers through her hair, head swimming slightly. She gritted her teeth, knowing exactly what she had done. Knowing what he would do. All those emotions, all those weird thoughts, all of it. He was going to close it all up so that he could face the next few days. He was going to shut himself down so he could try and _be strong_.

It was everything she hadn't wanted him to be. Only now she had pushed him even further down that path. She cursed wondering what she would do. Wondering what she would say in order to make this right.

Because she _would _fix this. Even if it meant swallowing her pride...and asking her sister.

* * *

"You...said what?" Lightning did her best to remain unaffected by her sister's tone, but it was hard when she saw the look on her face as well. The guilt was growing, and she hated how easily she had been riled up. Again, why had she said that? Screw the fact that she had been frustrated, how the hell must Hope had been feeling? But she goes and tells him that he needs to stop dwelling on it?

"Light...you shouldn't have done that." Serah said, looking stunned.

"I know that! Now I need a way to fix it." Lightning glared at the wall ahead of her, trying not to snap again. She was sorry because Hope had taken it the wrong way, not that it was avoidable considering the way she had worded it, but she wasn't sorry for the spark of life she had seen in his eyes. She just wished that he didn't see her methods of dealing with grief, or really emotions in general, as the best kind. It was the farthest thing from the truth. And what Hope didn't seem to realize was that he was one of the people who had made her see that.

_Where did that come from?_

Serah was pacing in Lightning's bedroom, biting her lip and glancing at her sister every now and again. She finally sighed and joined her Lightning on her bed, collapsing on it, "I don't know Claire. He looks up to you. Loves you."

"Don't say it." Lightning said. And no, her face wasn't heating up. No way in hell was she blushing. Just...no.

"But it's true Claire. He thinks that your way is usually the right way of going about things. If you tell him he needs to stop moping and just concentrate on what's ahead, he's going to do that."

"But...?"

"But this is Hope we're talking about. There's no way that's going to work as well with him. For one, he doesn't have the years of practice you do. Which means he's just going to bottle up his emotions and try to play them off. Of course, that'll make him clam up, because any emotion is bad. And then there's the whole thing with Saorise. If he does start showing emotion because of her or something relating to her, then he's going to feel bad about it. It's a lose lose type of thing."

"But he looked...determined." Lightning tried, swallowing when she thought of the look on his face.

"He did huh?" Serah rubbed her face before sitting up, giving her sister a pat on the back, "You're going to have to talk to him again."

"Wh-What?"

"You heard me. You're going to have to think of what you want to say, apologize, and tell him what you really meant. You'll just have to be a little less...harsh about it. But again, make sure you plan it out. You might get frustrated again and we-"

"Don't want that to happen. I know." Lightning sighed, standing up and opening one of her drawers from the small, wooden desk near her bed. She pulled out a small journal, completely unused, and forced the stiff book to open. She grabbed a pen from the desk as well and scribbled on the first page, making sure that it still worked.

"Want me to stay and help?" Serah asked, smiling slightly as she watched her sister concentrate. She didn't dare comment on it though, afraid it might break her rhythm.

"No..." Lightning said absentmindedly. She wrote a few lines before sighing and crossing them out, setting to work on the next page. Serah felt another smile tug at her lips and silently left the room, closing the door as quietly as she could behind her. She had to admit, she was glad that Lightning had said something to Hope. It wasn't the right thing, but if anyone could get through to Hope, it was her. Now she had one other person she had to talk to.

She started to head for her and Snow's bedroom, but stopped just before she opened the door. She looked toward the next room over, allowing her gut to guide her, and allowed herself in her daughter's bedroom. Hazel was sleeping soundly on her small bed, the covers messed up around her, and Snow was sitting right next to her bed. He was softly petting his daughter's hair, a look of contentment on his face, but Serah could still see he was down.

"She's beautiful." he said, making Serah jump. She smiled and walked inside, sitting next to him and resting her head on his shoulder.

"She is isn't she?" she murmured. They stayed like that for a while, Snow petting his daughter's hair, Serah watching him. She was the first to break the silence, speaking in hushed whispers, "Lightning yelled at Hope." She felt him tense underneath her and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. "She's trying to fix it, don't worry."

"I-I know. I won't." Silence again, but this one was more contemplative. "I think I need to talk with him too." Snow eventually said, "I mean, I know what he's going through, maybe I can help?"

Serah hummed in agreement, nuzzling closer to him, "I think he's already thinking about it thanks to Light. It put things into perspective...kind of."

"I was hoping...that when that woman, Sam's wife, forgave him, he'd feel a bit better. I guess...that was wishing for too much though." Snow said, pulling away from Hazel.

"Did you feel any better when Hope forgave you? When his father forgave you?"

Snow smiled, but it was sad, and Serah felt a twinge of pain. She hugged him, rubbing his arm. "I guess you're right. But...but if that's the case, then he'll feel like that for a while. I-I don't want him to feel that way Serah. Not when it's not his fault. It _isn't._"

"We know that. The families knew that for the most part. And I think Hope knows that too, deep down." Serah sighed, feeling her heart clench, "But he's so worried about everyone. I mean, when I saw him, he seemed so lost. He's-"

"He's worried we'll get hurt. And this made it even more real." Snow finished, "Then we'll just have to be more careful. And maybe stop your sister from giving him more of her pep talks." His smile was genuine this time, and Serah felt relieved to see it. Things were maybe, just maybe, looking up.

"Oh, I don't know, it couldn't hurt to give her another try. She's actually planning ahead this time."

"Really?" Snow chuckled, pulling Serah closer.

Serah hit him playfully on the arm, both of them standing and kissing Hazel on the forehead. They left, not wanting to wake her with their antics, and Serah smiled at him, "Don't say it like that! She wants to fix it."

"I know. It's just...weird to hear sis wanting to do that."

"I don't think so. I mean it _is_ Hope after all."

Snow smiled again, letting out a low chuckle as they headed into their room. They changed into their night clothes, Snow into practically nothing, Serah in another one of his shirts. They crawled into bed together, holding as tight as they could to the other.

"It is Hope isn't it?" Snow said, "I wonder what's with that kid." Snow gave a tired yawn, snuggling closer, "He's always got us wanting to be nice to him. And protect him. Tease him. Especially tease him." Snow yawned again as Serah considered his words, smiling wider as she thought of how true they were, "Even sis. Sis really started to open up when he got around her. And it's not different now. Lightning seems, I don't know, happier? Scarier? Because your sis can be scary of someone messes with Hope." Snow yawned again, eyes closed this time. "He changed her."

Serah's eyes widened, but then she smiled, even letting out a small giggle, "You have no idea Snow."

"Hm?"

"Nothing." Serah said, shaking her head, "Just get some sleep. I love you."

"Love you too."

* * *

Saorise sighed and made a jump for the next tan building, the winds flowing beneath her fingertips propelling her to the ledge. She jumped to the next after that, then the other, the night sky giving her the cover she needed to move past the soldiers that littered the ground below. Even her braid was barely seen, despite its near glow in the dark appearance. The crystallized Cocoon was quickly coming into focus, the orb shining strangely in Saorise's red eyes, and the crystal only grew as she approached.

She shivered slightly, feeling the magic almost painfully pound in her body, the veins itching to get closer. She smiled, her words carried away by the wind.

"I know, I'm excited too."

She dove behind the last stretch of buildings, smiling again as the soldiers walked so close her location, yet never expected a thing. She rolled her eyes, smirking at them, and propelled herself forward again, only a bit of grass moving by her feet. She almost swore when several soldiers almost caught sight of her, but she slipped through them by sending air currents away. Several guns toppled over, some giving loud shots as they misfired, and she used the confusion to slip by.

She could see the small stem that held up the large orb of Cocoon, but rather than linger by the fragile, almost glass like stem, she began to run along it, supported by the unseen wind. She knelt closer to the crystal and skimmed her hands along the surface, chuckling lightly as she felt the smooth surface tickle her fingers.

One would hardly expect her to be a murderer at first glance.

She soon reached the top of the orb and felt the great power wash over her, shielding her from anyone's view. Well, almost anyone, but if _he _was there, she wouldn't be marveling the scene that would be the beginning of everything she had ever wanted. No...she would actually be doing it. And the thought brought on a new onslaught of shivers as she let herself lay on the crystal.

She laughed again and began to speak in the tongue she had taught Hope the few years before. _"I can't wait for him to get here. To believe that everything, everything, will come to fruition in this spot. It almost makes me want to rush this. But I have to be careful. It has to be done slowly, painfully, as it was before."_

She smiled and rolled on the great crystal, the shimmering blues reflecting off of her pale skin. _"I miss him though. It was fun while it lasted, but now he won't let me go near him." _

…

"_I don't blame him. I'd take what relief there was. We all know _you._"_

She laughed this time, standing up and twirling around, stretching her arms out, _"You are right of course. He allows himself the weakness, thinks he can indulge in it. But we have to be careful, so careful. But I'm worried."_

Another pause. She stopped, looking up at the sky that seemed to stretch forever ahead of her, the stars glittering brillaintly. She nodded, _"Exactly. Soon they will see the danger. But if they take him away, then it will be harder to get him here, and in the way we need him to be."_

Saorise doubled over, clutching her burning chest. She hissed and hissed, waiting for the pain to subside as her brand glowed. The colors continued to reflect on her as she smiled again, straightening herself out. _"I know, that's why I'm doing this. And they aren't expecting it. They think I will strike later. But it is a lie, all a lie. But perhaps Hope will have figured such out? He does not trust as well as he used to, and all affairs with me have made my words as trustworthy as the C'ieth that I send. At least to him. And that Rygdea..."_

She gasped, the idea hitting her and making her giggle and chuckle and twirl in excitement, _"Yes him, him! He does not even have to be dead, but I can do_ that_. Who knows? Who knows?" _She finally stopped, eyes still looking up at the sky, and she started to hum lightly. _"I know it'll help."_

There was another pause, and she tilted her head to the side, her eyes widening, _"You think? Hmph, yeah right_. _I'll just __remind him of what he is, where he is in all this. But like you said, be careful, be careful. He's no good to us if he can't fulfill his end of this great plan." _

Saorise sighed and fell against the crystal, still humming. She would have to leave soon unless she wanted to be late. She had to get there soon, or he'd leave without her finding anything out. And the others would only keep Rygdea busy for so long. Only so long.

She sighed again and stood, looking toward the houses she'd have to go toward.

"I'll be careful." she muttered, abandoning the language, "I've come too far to lose this now. I just wish I could see the look on his face when it happens. Both with this incident with his little _friend_, and that _Rygdea_. The only person he's told about what happened with him and me." She jumped, a malicious smile on her face. Her eyes were wide and searched the area relentlessly, taking a few breaths of excitement.

"I bet it's priceless."

* * *

**Just a quick note for the end. She was speaking in Latin, but it seemed silly to try and put it all there, just to have a big translation here. Hope that's okay! :)**


	18. Preemptive Strike

**Reviews!**

**Crystal- I totally agree with her not hitting him the game, and I did think he was safe. But all things considered, even Lightning has her limits. But Snow will probably always be her favorite punching bag huh? It could be taken that way, like you said, but it's certainly not the only way we want Lightning to accept Hope as an adult!**

**But I think the big difference is that she _is_ trying to fix it. And she does doesn't she? Come on Light, you know you want to admit it...**

**And I'm glad you enjoyed the look you got at Saorise! She's quite the confusing one, but that's part of it all. Can't have her just revealing her plans. Not yet anyway! *smirk* Quite the schedule you have too! But I'm sure it will work out. Thank you so much for the concern and the totally awesome review! **

**Anonymous- I'm glad you find the story interesting! Don't worry, all will be revealed in time... But I am excited that you'll keep reading! :) I shall do my best, and thank you for the review!**

**Yay! Got the reviews done! I always love hearing from you guys, gives me something to look forward to when I get home from a long day.  
**

**And I will now be getting the edit for Chapter 3 up (oops...) and Chapter 5. Weird that I skipped four? Yeah, but I felt like editing five more. Promise I'll get to it, and thanks to Generalyao! Anyway, please enjoy! **

* * *

"So you're worried about him huh?" Sazh said, leaning against the armchair of the couch. He was waiting for Dajh to get his things together before heading back to their home across town. They had spent a few nights at the Farron home to help any way they could, but Sazh had to get back to work, and Dajh needed to get back to school. He was talking with Snow, listening with his other ear for his son's footsteps and eventual shouts.

"Of course I am. I mean, who isn't? It's just, after all of this, he's still blaming himself for what happened. But yesterday when I saw him, he started to act different. Like he was trying to force himself to get over it. I know Lightning talked to him, but from what I got from Serah, it was more yelling than talking. And then he goes and takes what she says to heart." Snow shook his head, tugging at his hat and letting out a sigh.

"Well, what about you then?" Sazh asked, finally giving Snow his undivided attention as he heard his son's steps not too far away from them. "How are you holding up? I mean, you were pretty shaken up as well. Not that I'm blaming you, you just gotta let it out. Seems the only thing you all want to nowadays is keep all this bottled up, and I know you can't do that."

"Yeah... I know, I know. Trust me Sazh, I know that I can get through it. I mean, it was hard, don't get me wrong, but I'm just-just-" Snow waved his hand in the air, trying to find the right words.

"So focused on Hope that you can't really think about it?"

"Yeah, something like that." Snow chuckled, relaxing on couch, "It...reminds me of when...when his mom..." Snow stopped, eyes distant.

Sazh's face turned wistful and he smiled, although it tinged with sadness, "Yeah, it is kind of like that, as weird as it may seem. But you know, that might make it easier for you to help him. You have some experience with this, you can talk with him about it." Sazh said, stretching on the couch.

"I already tried talking to him, but I didn't exactly get through to him. I'm not the best with this...but I'll keep trying. Maybe if he hears it enough he'll get it through that thick head of his."

"I don't know...sometimes I wonder how we got it through yours."

Snow smiled again and closed his eyes, feeling tired at the very thought of going to base tomorrow. And that woman. Saorise. "They think she's going to do something though."

"She? You mean that Saorise chick?" Sazh scrunched his face as he tried to remember all the things the others had told him.

"Yeah..." Snow opened his eyes and gazed at the ceiling, "She's the one...who had Hope for a year. She...did this to him. And she murdered those men." Snow narrowed his eyes, "She won't get away with it. I won't let her." He clenched his eyes shut for good measure, breathing out of his nose until he calmed. He turned back to Sazh once he was sure he was calm. But it didn't seem to work as Sazh put his hands up in surrender.

"I agree with you, no question about that. But the kid is worried about you all. And by the looks of it, he has good reason to be. You're going to have to be careful, all of you, unless we want another reason to be worried. Hope...Hope seems to be on his last rope. He can't lose anyone else right now. If he does-"

"I know..." Snow said, leaning over and resting his chin on the top of his hands, "I don't want to see him that way. I don't want to see him getting worse." _I won't see him that way...I'll make sure he stays safe._ Snow vowed to himself, standing up with Sazh as Dajh finally entered the room.

"Ready!" the boy declared, holding up his small suitcase excitedly. Several shirts were poking out of the sides and Sazh let out a low chuckle at the messy job, patting his son's head before turning back to Snow, "Well hero, I know it looks bleak but you'll pull through. You always do."

"You mean _we_ always do."

Snow smiled and patted the man on the shoulder before seeing him out. They all grimaced as the door opened and pelted them, making Dajh yelp and almost curse. Until Sazh whacked him on the back of his head of course, "Where'd you hear that word!" he demanded, looking stunned.

"You..." Dajh said, looking away with a pout on his face. Sazh only sighed and rolled his eyes, giving Snow one last goodbye and wave before hurrying to his car. Snow watched as it pulled away, wondering just how he'd approach Hope again. He'd have to try and fix the new attitude he adopted, try show him that it really wasn't his fault. But how could he do that when he'd never really forgiven himself either?

Never really...he never really forgave himself.

_Maybe that's it...I just need to talk to him that way. Let him know that...that he might not feel better about it, but that it gets easier? But that sounds so corny! Ugh._

_Serah is way better at this..._

Snow shuddered as he finally closed the door, thinking it was from the cold air and rain. But the strange feeling continued even as he sat back down on the couch and the warmth of the room flooded into him. He shuddered again, wondering why he had a bad feeling, but shrugged it off. He headed upstairs, ready to rest for tomorrow.

* * *

Hope, for his part, thought he was doing a very good job at hiding how he felt. Consciously putting his emotions away wasn't something he had done in a very long time, or at least it seemed that way to him, so he feared he would be put out of practice. But everyone seemed to believe that he was okay for the most part. The others had openly expressed their sorrow over the incident with Samuel, well, at least the ones he had worked with previously. He hadn't felt he could handle anything from the Guardian Corps. Soldiers.

It made his stomach burn at the thought of facing them.

Those who asked how he was feeling were told, in the most blank tone he could muster, that he was very sorry and that he felt guilty for what had happened. He allowed the others eh had worked with in De Novo to believe that he was reassured by their words that he held no responsibility whatsoever in Samuel's death. That Samuel was the one who had started the fight in the first place. And that he had no way of knowing that it would escalate like that. _And_ that Samuel and his team knew the risks when they agreed to join the newly formed branch.

Somewhere inside of him, Hope could feel some of their words ringing true. It felt strange to consider himself anything other than guilty, the shame and anger and fear still swirling deep inside of him. But he shoved the thoughts away. Those type of feelings wouldn't help him when he faced Saorise and they wouldn't stop her from hurting anyone. No, thinking wouldn't do it. Hope actually had to act!

He sat with Lebreau and Maqui, wishing they were as perceptive about his moods as their co-workers seemed to be. They kept throwing him glances, Maqui looking worried and mouth pulled into a frown, Lebreau rather angry and sending him glare after glare, and Hope knew his cheeks were heating up under their looks. He wanted to tell him that he was okay, and had almost done so. But Lebreau had given him such a withering look when he opened his mouth that the words just died in his throat.

He looked away from them and stood, making a beeline for one of the training rooms instead, and tried not to let the eyes that followed his back get to him. He had to do this. He had to. He needed to pull it together and face up to Saorise. That was the only way any of this was going to stop._ Besides, look at what my bad attitude was causing!_

Lightning was frustrated and worried, Serah had cried, Snow was feeling guilty, and Maqui and Lebreau were trying to look after him. He didn't want that! He wanted to feel useful! He refused to be the burden!

He would not be the burden again...

Hope glanced at the team list pinned next to the training room entrance, noting that he was on Team Three this week and that only Maqui was with him. Hope shrugged though and carried on inside. He couldn't expect Rygdea to stick him with Both Maqui and Lebreau every time. The man's promise to always makes sure Hope was placed with at least one of them was more than enough for him, and far more than he would have asked. But Rygdea had just offered him the idea of keeping them together, promising that he would follow through with it as often as possible. Rygdea's excuse? That Hope worked better when at least one of them was with him on the battlefield. True or not, they both knew the real reason he was being given such treatment.

Hope closed his eyes and shook his head in an effort to stop the growing headache as he picked up a gunblade from the racks resting on the walls. He was thinking about it way too much, the very thing he said he wouldn't do. But then...what was he supposed to think about? How he would handle Saorise?

_Please, I couldn't even stay in the same room with her without having a panic attack. Look at what happened with just the C'ieth._ Hope tightened his grip on the gunblade and walked into the shooting range of the room, ignoring the glares he received from the other shooters. He placed the headphones over his ears, carefully setting the gunblade aside, and waited for the targets to appear. And as they slid inside and he began to fire, everything else was washed away by the sound of the gunshots. One by one he fired, the loud noise muffled by the headphones. Target after target, shot after show, hole after hole.

Hope jumped as the targets started to disappear. It had seemed like only a few minutes had gone by, but his targets were receding and the alarms were buzzing. Grumbling to himself, he lowered the gunblade and pulled off the headphones, heading for the racks to put his gunblade away. He was well aware of the stares that followed him, but refused to look back at them. His stomach clenched and he swallowed, blinking his eyes rapidly.

He would have to practice more...

"Bout time Hope!" He jumped again and swore, whipping his head around and glaring at Rygdea. The man only smiled at his, ruffling his hair, and Hope swatted the hands away. "Yeah, I get it, you're incredibly happy to see me. But we have other things to talk about other than how much you missed me. Now come on." Hope didn't even get the chance to protest as Rygdea slung an arm around his shoulder and led him out of the room, going toward one of the offices instead.

"What's this about Rygdea?" Hope asked, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. He had to be more careful when they were in uniform. He was already getting enough looks as it was.

"Now now, I can't tell you something like that in public." Rygdea looked behind him, smirking at the soldiers that were down the hall, "After all, you paying me to keep your little porn stash in my room isn't exactly something you want traveling around here! Rumors can spread like wildfire!" Hope's mouth widened in horror and turned around at the soldiers, shaking his head and waving his arms, mouthing "No, No!" over and over again. But Rygdea just smiled and nodded knowingly behind him, making the soldiers snicker.

"You ass!" Hope hissed, hitting the man on the shoulder.

Rygdea grabbed his shoulder as it gave a slight throb, but he was too busy laughing to care. He rolled his eyes and steered Hope into his office, but looked back at the soldiers to give them an exaggerated eye roll before going in himself. "Kids. You just can't keep them away from their dirty little magazines. Am I right?" he called after him before he shut the door. But the moment he turned to Hope, he was met with a book to the face...

"Fuck! What the hell Hope!" Rygdea shouted, grabbing his throbbing nose and glaring at the younger one. Hope just smiled and shrugged, wandering around the room and looking back at the small bookcase.

"Don't whine. Besides, after all the rumors you probably just started about me, I can't say I feel too bad about it."

"Smartmouth." But Rygdea grinned all the same.

"Like you didn't know." But Hope was too busy smiling to look all that serious. It was strange to feel that way after everything that happened. Should he be allowed to-gah! There he went again! He was really, _really_ out of practice then. But Rygdea bopped him lightly on the head with the book before putting it back on the shelf. He went over to his deck, sitting at the nice, red chair.

"So I heard you and Lightning had a talk." he said, leaning back in his chair and skimming over several notes.

Hope gave a nervous chuckle, "Yeah, something like that." _Where did he even hear about it?_

"I heard that she felt bad afterward too." Hope's eyes widened but he tried to wipe the look off his face before Rygdea could see it. The somewhat triumphant look in the man's eyes told Hope he had failed. "She's even trying to figure out a way to fix it." Rygdea added.

"Where did you hear that?" Hope couldn't help but ask, but Rygdea only rose an eyebrow.

"Like I'd really compromise my informant like that."

"Like it'll be really hard for me to figure out on my own. Besides, how do I know you're not lying?" Hope winced the moment the words left his mouth and made to apologize, but Rygdea held up his hand.

"It's all right Hope, I'll let it slide. It's just conversation, nothing life threatening and all that, so don't go all sappy on me. Anyway, I'm just saying, she didn't mean for you to take on this attitude. She was feeling the stress of the situation and made a mistake. It's not that uncommon." Rygdea said, shrugging. "But I am surprised she hit you..."

"It's not like I'm blaming her for it. Besides, it helped-"

"No, not in the way you think it helped Hope. Sure, you were all, I don't know, determined and ready and all that. But you aren't ready emotionally." Rygdea said firmly.

Hope stared at Rygdea as if the man had grown a second head, before looking away and letting out a snort, "If we're waiting for me to be emotionally ready then we'll never get anything done." Hope glared at the wall, his voice filled with bitterness, "Never."

Rygdea sighed and walked up to Hope, hitting him on the head again. Hope aimed a fist right back at him but Rygdea caught it, rolling his eyes, "Yeah, I get it. I know Hope, I know you won't be ready to face her like that. But you're missing one _big_ detail."

"If you're talking about you all being there, it doesn't help much." Hope said, sighing and letting his arm fall to the side, "If anything it makes it worse. You know what she can do."

"Yeah, actually I did mean that. And give us more credit Hope."

"That's not-" Hope tried, but Rygdea cut across him.

"I know it's not what you meant Hope, calm down. Geez." Hope sighed again and took Rygdea's chair, throwing his arm over his face. He said something, but it was muffled by his arm, making Rygdea snort, "Can't hear ya kid."

"Not a kid." Hope said automatically, removing his arm, "And I was just asking how you do that? I mean, I'm all wound up and worried and you make it go away. It doesn't make sense..."

"It comes with being your confidant for the past few years. Although I have to say, you and Lightning sure are going slow." Rygdea smirked when he saw Hope fall out of the chair, landing with a loud thud on the floor. When Hope reemerged his face was a bright red, the color reaching down his neck as well, and it only made Rygdea's smirk widen. "I mean, I think you guys have some chemistry. Fighting with meatloaf? Now that's a new one..."

"Snow..." Hope ground out, standing up and glaring at the door, trying to summon the tall man with his angry eyes. "Can't keep his mouth shut!" Rygdea blinked until he remembered the other detail of the story that had left his informant laughing, and smiled.

"Sure..." he said, resisting a laugh as he thought of all the trouble he had just plunged Snow into. "But anyway Hope, not thinking about it, not getting this out and talking with someone, is going to kill you. We have been through this, time and again, and I'm constantly telling you that I'm here to listen. And I know you haven't really opened up to the others Hope-"

"Rygdea! You know I can't do something like that!" Hope's eyes widened in panic, his breath coming in short gasps, and the man intervened before Hope could drive himself into a panic attack.

"I'm not saying you have to tell them everything!" Rygdea knew it would help, but he couldn't seem to convince Hope of that. Yet. "Just, start telling them little things, like maybe...I don't know..." Rygdea paused, cocking his head to the side and trying to find something that wouldn't make the kid spiral into panic, "Maybe...make it sound vague?" Rygdea's face brightened and he nodded at his own idea, "There we go. Just tell them a little bit at a time until you're more comfortable with it."

Hope raised an eyebrow but his eyes swiveled away, as if in thought. Rygdea cheered on the inside. He was actually considering it! Seriously considering it!

"I-I don't know..." Hope bit his lip and turned away, "M-Maybe I could try talking...a little...like to Maqui and Lebreau." Hope's face reddened and he looked anywhere but Rygdea, "I mean...yeah..."

"Why not Lightning?" But the moment the words left his mouth, Rygdea had to admit that he understood why Hope wouldn't exactly go to her for this sort of thing. She was anything But Miss Sensitive. But still, she did seem to like him, at least more than other people. If the stories he heard from the kid were true, then she had more than a bit of a soft spot for him. She'd hear him out for sure.

"I-I don't know. I mean, I could try to tell her." Hope looked at the ground, shame welling in his stomach, "But, I don't know. I just, I don't think she'd want to hear me complain about-AH!" Hope yelped and reached for the back of his head, feeling it throb under his fingers. He glared at Rygdea but the man glared right back. In fact, he looked angrier than Hope, something dangerous in his eyes. Hope felt his own anger disappear into nothing and he quickly looked away.

"Don't say that shit again." Rygdea growled, "It's not complaining you moron, it's letting it the hell out. I don't want you thinking some stupid shit like that. You went through hell, I know! You think you haven't changed because of it? You think it's just like getting some cold! ? Sure it sucks but you'll feel better? Hell no!"

"The hell I do!" Hope shouted, burning anger returning with full force, "Like hell do I feel that way!"

"Then stop treating it like it is!"

"I just don't want her thinking any less of me!" Rygdea opened his mouth, but slowly closed it, letting Hope continue, "I know, I know that what happened was serious and bad and just not-not...well... Anyway, Lightning is strong. She doesn't look well on weakness and I-I don't think I could stand looking weak in front of her again. I mean, I know that it seems stupid but I-I don't..."

Rygdea sighed, deflating under the sad look Hope had. He could easily see why Lightning had a soft spot for him, now that he thought about it. It was hard not to when the kid pulled a face like _that_. "Hope, believe it or not, Lightning does believe that some emotions need to be expressed."

"How would you know?" Hope said accusingly, glaring at him.

"Would I really steer you wrong? Anyway, I'm sure she wants to know what happened between you and Saorise. Maybe more than you think."

Hope closed his eyes and took a deep breath, and gave Rygdea a reluctant nod, "I-I'll think about it. But I don't-I don't know if I can really tell anyone else about it. _All_ of it."

"You just need time Hope. No one's trying to rush you. I'm just-"

"Trying to help me. I know." Hope gave Rygdea a smile and they both relaxed. It didn't seem like much, but Rygdea knew the kid was trying, and that was all that mattered. Hope would think about it, and that was more than he was willing to do before. Way more. "But porn won't help me." Rygdea snorted at the added comment and went to his desk, pulling out a small box. Hope's mouth dropped in surprise and he backed away from Rygdea, "I-I thought you were kidding."

"Hope, I never kid about something like this." Rygdea laughed and pushed the box at Hope, trying to get him to at least take a peek at the magazines, chasing him around the room as he did so. "C'mon Hope, they don't bite! Unless you're into that sort of thing I guess."

Alarms made them both jump, Rygdea cursing as he grabbed the edge of his desk, the box falling from his hands and landing softly on the floor. Hope looked up as the noise echoed in the room, then threw Rygdea a somewhat surprised look, eyes widening. "So-So soon?" Hope said, swallowing thickly, "But...the letter..." Hope's eyes narrowed, "But she is a lying little-"

"I know Hope." Rygdea said, trying to calm him.

"Attention all S.C.E. members, a C'ieth attack has started on the western sector borders of New Bodhum's outskirts. Team Seven, please report to the docking area to respond. Repeat, Team Seven please report to the docking area to respond. You will be briefed upon your arrival." The alarms sounded for several more seconds, deafening everyone within the base, and Rygdea looked at Hope before they filed out of the office.

"Team Seven..." Hope mumbled as they jogged toward the docking area. He squirmed, worried, but not quite sure why. Team Seven...who was on Team Seven...

Lightning...

Lightning was on Team Seven...

"Rygdea...Lightning!"

"She'll be fine Hope." Rygdea didn't look back though. He couldn't deny how worried he was, even if this was supposed to be a routine C'ieth attack. Routine just wasn't working, not where Saorise was concerned, and after that letter, there was little doubt that she would try something. But she had said that she wouldn't-

Who was he kidding? This was Saorise! Of course she had jumped the gun. But what was she up to? Was it worth calling two teams out instead, or would that just put everyone at a bigger risk?

"But Rygdea, it's Saorise."

"Hope..."

"I don't want her to get hurt! I don't want any of them getting hurt!" Hope cried, eyes wide and searching.

"It's not like we can exactly avoid that Hope!" He knew he was being harsh, but now was not the time to be panicking. They had to get to the docking area, see if there was something they could do to help the situation. Maybe Hope could go with them...

But metal doors were already sliding open by the time they got there, the blue sky a bright, blinding light in the barely lit docking area. For a brief moment they were bathed in sunlight, both of them squinting their eyes as the sound of the ship began to reverberate in the room. Rygdea began to look for Crawford, desperate to get to the man and tell him that they needed to call this off until they knew it was safer. However, the man he searched for was already walking to him.

Crawford came up to him, eyes heavy and dark, and Rygdea felt his insides coil uncomfortably. "Crawford, we've been looking at that letter like crazy. We know what this is, or at least, that it's gonna go wrong. Why aren't we..." Rygdea paused, trying to think of what they could do, "Why aren't we sending more in there? More teams to be safe?"

"I tried Rygdea, but they wouldn't hear of it. You know that man I told you about, Kael? It seems he's taking a more hostile stance on this group we've formed. Far more hostile. He's gone so far as to interfere with our deployment plans." Crawford's eyes narrowed and he shook his head.

"B-But he supported it's forming!" Rygdea took a deep breath, feeling the small bit of control he had felt before slip away.

"I know...that's what's got me more concerned. Something deeper is at work, and we can do nothing until it happens. And I feel it's about to. Kael's watching us, looking for the smallest slip up, and after that...it will be out of our hands."

Rygdea swore before glancing at Hope, knowing he had heard every word, and waited for his reaction. But Hope only offered him a quick and worried glance before looking back at the already closed the doors, the ship Lightning had been on already gone. "What do we do Rygdea?" Hope said, but he didn't look back at him. He wasn't expecting an answer...

Which was good. Rygdea didn't have one yet.

* * *

Lightning glared out the window, the grasslands of Gran Pulse rolling for miles underneath them. She knew the pilot was searching for the C'ieth and knew where to find them, but that didn't stop her from looking for the things herself. The others were quiet behind her, well aware of her reputation as one of the more...hostile soldiers. They knew she wanted things done calmly, efficiently, and without mistakes.

And they had seen her without her coffee.

But Lightning was also letting her mind wander to what she would say to Hope. Part of her felt ridiculous, approaching it in such a manner. She was writing in a journal for Maker's sake! How Serah had talked her into it was beyond her. But...it was helping her get her thoughts together. Maybe-Maybe it would help after all. And thinking that it would help Hope made her heart do little flips.

_Stop that!_ She commanded her heart quietly, reluctant to even try and explore the feeling.

"We're approaching the C'ieth." The pilot said, alerting them all, "You can see them already. Get ready." Lightning rolled her eyes at the unneeded comment and unsheathed her gunblade. Their mana drives had finally come and she was in charge of buffing, the other Corps. Soldiers in charge of offensive magic. Healing was being delegated to the strongest l'Cie member of their team, they being far more likely to have lucrative healing magic. And the other l'Cie member would handle deebuffs.

"Holy shit." Someone said from beside her, "Those are C'ieth? They're the worst kind I've seen yet!" Lightning looked around and squinted to the ground below to see just what they were talking about. She had just enough time to see red crystals before the ship gave a lurch, making them all stumble.

"Pilot!" Lightning shouted, both annoyed and worried.

"I'm sorry!" he called, trying to maneuver the ship away, "But there's more than before! The things are shooting at us!"

"Shooting?" Lightning cursed and hurried to the other window, trying to get another glimpse. She held her breath when she saw the C'ieth that had been in the pictures from Saorise's last attack. They were, from what she could tell, coated in white crystal skin, with red, shining spikes on their shoulders and arms. They were tall and bulky, without a face...and aiming right at them.

"Get ready!" Lightning shouted, grabbing a hold of the side of the control panel and ducking underneath the it. She watched as the others dropped down to the ground as the ship swerved in an attempt to get away. Screeching noises filled the room and a rush of wind blew by them. Glass shattered, the shards raining down on them with violent fury and Lightning hissed as several ripped into her shoulders. Ignoring the sudden burning pain, she slowly let go of the panels and began to crawl toward the others, swiping glass away with her hands. She was glad she had gloves on, but even with the small protection shards continued to sink into her hands, cutting into them when she didn't see the shards in time.

"Status?" She demanded, grateful when she heard the calls back to base the pilot was frantically making.

"Looks like you're the worst off Farron." One of l'Cie said, eying the others before glancing at her bloodstained shoulders. He had dark hair and eyes, but lines marred his face, many numerous scars and wrinkles, "Want me to take care of them?" he asked, already sliding over. She grunted her affirmation, waiting patiently as he began to pull out the shards, even though each one stung. A cooling sensation soon washed over her shoulders and she felt the pain ebb away, the blood around her shoulders already drying.

"The spikes...they actually ripped through the ship..." Someone from beside her muttered. Not moments after, the ship gave a low rumble, shaking violently, and they were lifted into the air as the ship began to drop. Lightning grabbed onto the others as they rose, huddling them together as they collided into a panel. Their ship skidded on the grass as it dove, sending grass and dirt dug up from the ground in all directions. Curses flew from their mouths but they were all intact, if bruised and sore. Lightning was the first to rise, pulling who she could with her, and she glanced at the red crystals that had pierced the ship. Several control panels were torn to shreds, the metal jutting out at odd angles where the crystals had landed, and small sparks would cry out pitifully.

"Those C'ieth are still out there..." Someone said.

Lightning looked out one of the new holes in their ship and nodded as she saw several of the hulking C'ieth making their way toward them. She turned to the pilot, "Keep sending those signals. I don't like the look of this one. Tell them to send reinforcements as soon as they can."

"Of-Of course!" The pilot called back.

Lightning turned to the others and nodded, each of them readying their guns or gunblades, while the two l'Cie members simply nodded, obviously relying on their magic. Lightning led the way out through one of the bigger holes in the ship, trying to void the jagged edges as much as possible. She stepped away as the others began to file out, pointing to their new positions before aiming her blade. Several shots rang through the air, deafening in the eerie silence that had overcome Gran Pulse, but Lightning felt little satisfaction when the bullets hit; the most the C'ieth had done was stumble back, and she wasn't too excited to have them coming closer.

One of the C'ieth began to raise its arm and Lightning's eyes widened, "DUCK!" she shouted before hitting the ground herself, pain blooming in her jaw as it connected painfully with the ground. But the whistling sounds above her, followed by the terrible screeching of metal, made the pain more than bearable. She called upon her mana drive, sending shells and protects her comrades' way, as well as some bravery and faith, but didn't dare move from the ground. She sat up on her elbows, still pressing as close to the ground as she could, and began to fire her gunblade. The other two Corps. soldiers followed suit, but Rygdea's soldiers were having trouble casting magic without having it backfire on them. _Too close to the ground!_

Lightning rolled over to the man she had spoken to before, her heart racing as more deadly spikes continued to fly by them. She could only hope that the pilot was okay.

Lightning glanced at the man as he looked at her before turning her attention back to the C'ieth, thinking fast, "How long can you keep an aero spell going? And how strong?"

"Strong like how?" The man asked, voice shaking slightly.

"Like able to lift us up."

The man pursed his lips as he glanced around, flinching as one spike came a little too close to his head, "Probably ten seconds. Maybe twenty." He managed.

"Good enough." Lightning said, turning to the other l'Cie But the man grabbed her shoulder before she could start her crawl there.

"Why do we want to be in the air? Those things are trying to shoot us and that will just make us easier to hit." His eyes were hard as he questioned her, but the fear was still there.

Lightning felt irritation bubble inside her at being questioned, especially with several C'ieth were coming slowly but surely toward them, the others guns doing little to keep them back. But she answered him nonetheless, "I want to use a quake spell. Not the best spell in our arsenal, but it'll stun them. But I don't want us on the ground when it happens."

The man bit his lip, considering the option, before letting her go, "All right. But I don't want to get shot while we're up there."

"Like I do?" She rolled way from him before he could respond, freezing as several more crystals came at them, leading to a pained shout from behind her. She glanced back but sighed in relief when she saw that it had already grazed a shoulder, and stared to make her way to the other l'Cie. She whispered her plan to her, and the woman nodded, looking a little nervous. Lightning turned to the man and nodded, waiting until the crystals had whizzed past them again before giving them a signal to start.

She gasped as she felt the cold air brush against her skin, making goosebumps erupt along her arm and her body shivered. She had a good look of the other C'ieth now but could already feel herself lowering to the ground. The C'ieth were struggling on their short limbs though, toppling over themselves and each other and landing into a heap on the ground. She could hear the ground quaking underneath them, all of the C'ieth losing their balance and landing harshly on the ground. The moment her body touched the ground, Lightning was standing and aiming her gunblade at them, shooting as she charged. The others followed behind her, even the l'Cie, and soon fire was being washed on the C'ieth.

The flames made it all the more irksome when they stood and tried to strike them with their jagged arms.

Lightning ducked before rolling away from a particularly nasty strike from a spiked arm, the flames leaving the air hot and heavy above her head, and she shot at the things legs to try and make it stop. She felt a surge of satisfaction when one of the legs collapsed on itself, throwing the C'ieth off balance and sending it painfully to the ground. She raised her blade against the creature and sliced at where she assumed the head would be, somewhere near the chest and below the jutting spikes on the top, and was relieved when the C'ieth stopped moving altogether.

"Miss Lightning!" Lightning whipped around at the voice, already switching back to her gun, and aimed a shot at the C'ieth that was looming over two of her comrades. The beast threw itself at her in response, striking down at her with another spiked arm, but Lightning moved away before the arm could cleave her in two. The C'ieth pulled away the arm from the earth, digging up the grass and dirt from the force it used, and swung at Lightning again, only to have the arm shot by the other two soldiers. The l'Cie who had healed her quickly swooped in and threw out his arm, fire erupting from his fingertips and consuming the C'ieth before him. Lightning wasted no time in shooting the beast, gunshots firing from the others as well, and the other l'Cie began to engulf it further in the flames. She almost told them to start using magic as they had been assigned, but was far too immersed in defeating the C'ieth to reprimand them.

"Shit!" Lightning's eyes traveled to the l'Cie that had helped her before and she aimed her gunblade at the C'ieth behind him, the shots deafening her ears; but once the barrage was over, the C'ieth still stood, pinning the l'Cie to the ground and leaning over him.

_He'll be crushed!_ Lightning turned to the others and they nodded before charging in, using the fine edges of the gunblades rather than the bullets, and attempted to push the C'ieth off. Aero magic began to swirl underneath them as the woman l'Cie tried to lift the C'ieth away, but the creature only thrashed under their onslaught, knocking them away with a powerful thrust of its arm, and Lightning landed painfully on her back. Her arm gave a painful throb but her groan quickly turned into a growl as she pushed herself back to her feet, but the moment her eyes were back on the C'ieth, her mouth went dry. The hulking C'ieth had skewered the l'Cie with its arm, and to make matters worse, he was still alive and struggling. Lightning tried in vain with the others to force the C'ieth to remove its arm, the man's face becoming deathly pale the longer the process took.

Lightning shivered as she felt the air shift, the hairs on the back of her neck standing up as energy swirled restlessly through the air. She glanced around as she dug her blade into the C'ieth, but a strong gust of wind from below her made her look at the trapped man. His eyes were glazed over and distant, not even seeing them anymore, and he did not move as the C'ieth struggled over him. Lightning gave the blade one last strained swing and the arm finally separated from the C'ieth, the monster falling to the ground with a loud and sickening thud, but Lightning paid it no mind. The man's hand began to move to the arm that held him pinned to the ground, and before anyone could stop him, he yanked as hard as he could on the thing, not making the slightest sound as the arm was ripped out of his stomach.

"Wh-What's wrong with him?" Lightning didn't bother to look toward the voice, or even answer him. She watched as the man sat up, the wound still bleeding fresh and clear, staining the blades of grass and dying them black. He struggled up and Lightning instinctively raised her gunblade, the man hunching over and clutching at his stomach. At first Lightning thought the man was finally feeling his wounds, ans she wondered what they would do now that their healer was the one injured, but then the man started to let out low howls. The others watched on with a strange fascination as the man's howls continued to grow, a gust of wind nearly blowing them off their feet. Lightning squinted her eyes as dust flew into them, making them water, and had to duck as a surge of fire came screaming at her. Her cape was singed as it flew to her back, Lightning patting the small flame out before it could spread, never taking her eyes off the man before her.

"Da-Dammit!" He shouted, his voice turning into a shrill scream. There was another powerful gust of wind and Lightning could have sworn she heard a slight beeping as ice and fire flew into the air.

"No!" She turned to the woman, the other l'Cie, and watched as a small bracelet around her wrist began to blink red, the beeping getting louder and louder with each passing second. But it was soon covered by the great wind that surrounded them. Lightning opened her mouth to ask what was wrong, but another terrible shout, more...animalistic...brought her eyes back to the l'Cie. She held back a shiver as the sound of skin ripping and more howling met her ears, her throat closing, and the man before her was on all fours. His hands grasped at the ground, back hunching again, and several crystals shot out of his arm, blurred slightly by the dirt he had kicked up in the wind. The crystals were a dark, ominous blue, the man's eyes watching them with horror as they continued to spread the length of his arm, the crystal skin climbing up his neck and face like a parasite.

He looked at them, eyes wide and frantic as another burst of magic spilled out of him, this time sending water pouring down on them all, as well as lightning. It joined his mini tornado, but disappeared in the strong winds. His mouth opened in a silent scream as his chest erupted in a blinding light, the beeping from the others bracelet filling the soundless void that had taken them. The winds were dying, the dirt was clearing...

And a new C'ieth stood before them.


	19. Coconut Skins

**I have returned my readers! Forgive me for not updating last week, but I wanted to get a few things in order and get a little ahead in my writing. This is my longest chapter by far, so I hope you will tell me what you think of it. I love hearing your comments! **

**Reviews:**

**Crystal: It most certainly isn't! But they'll make it through...right?**

**I'm glad you're excited for those parts too! :) And I'm glad you liked the other characters exploring their relationships. And naturally, Lightning is kick ass by nature! Lol. As for Rygdea, well, everyone needs on of him! Him and his porn stashes. But thank you! I loved your review as always, they always make me smile! *super hug***

**Anonymous: I know! They just can't win. great reference though, and actually kind of fitting. And thank you! *hugs* I'm glad you liked them! :) I shall do my very best, and thank you for the encouragement! It means a lot! *hugs again*  
**

**Btw, I have a favor to ask of you. You see the name of this chapter, yes? Well, it is the name of a lovely song by Damien Rice, who owns, sings, and is awesome with the song Coconut Skins (see my subtle little disclaimer). I have used this song several times during the story, but I think it will work best with this chapter. I may be wrong later as the story continues to unfold, but for now it feels right. You might get a different vibe, but still, perhaps give the song a listen. I'd love to spread the song around and see how you feel about it.**

**Sorry for the somewhat long note. Please read on and enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

"Shit!" Lightning glared at the other l'Cie as the woman shouted, but she had to dodge a wave of fire as it flew at the group. She felt the heat on her skin as she hit the ground, but paid it no mind as she tried to focus. She didn't want anyone freaking out. Not now. She and the others had more important things to deal with.

Lightning shoved all of her questions as to why and how this happened down and glared at the C'ieth, pressing her body as close to the ground as she could. A shiver ran up her spine as she heard a terrible scream, and she lifted herself from the ground as she felt the heat finally pass over. The l'Cie caught her eye as said woman skidded next to one of Lightning's fallen soldiers. Her face remained impassive, but her insides coiled at the strange bubbling on the soldier's arm. Lightning looked back at the C'ieth and aimed her gunblade at the C'ieth it, releasing several rounds; all it did was round on her, arms raised in attack. The dark blue crystals glowed brighter as the sun hit them, shining in Lightning's eyes, but Lightning jumped away as the arm hit the ground. The earth trembled violently under her feet on impact and she saw one of her other soldiers fall to the ground as he struggled for balance.

"We need a plan." Lightning mumbled, crouching toward the ground and casting buffing spells on herself again. She shivered as she felt the threads of her haste spell flow through her muscles, and she whipped around at the soldier struggling to get up. She charged toward him, keeping as low to the ground as she could, and switched gears on her gunblade. The C'ieth let out another roar before throwing its arm down, but Lightning lifted her gunblade to block the blow as she reached the man. She could hear her comrade's ragged breathing, but she shifted her focus to the C'ieth in front of her as she struggled to keep the blade up. It was the only thing keeping them between the C'ieth's lethal blows...

"M-Ma'am, we need to move." The soldier underneath her said. Lightning felt the overwhelming urge to smack him. _Think I don't know that?_ _It's not like I want to be in front of this thing bent on ripping me to shreds._ "I-I'll do what I can." The soldier said. She heard the click of a gunblade and had to resist the urge to move as several bullets whizzed past her, lodging themselves into the C'ieth. The beast let out a shudder, but the bullets were swallowed by the C'ieth's crystal skin, not leaving a single mark. Lightning felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up as the air seemed to shift, and she slowly, carefully, reached one hand over to grip the man's shoulder. Her arm trembled violently under the C'ieth's weight and her grip on the handle of her gunblade was stark white as she struggled to maintain it. She took a deep breath, counting in her head.

_One...Two...Three!_

Lightning grunted and threw herself at the ground, dragging the other man down with her as wind ripped by them. They both rolled along the grass from the force, Lightning's cape flying violently behind her as she struggled to keep both herself and the man grounded. She heard several more shots and looked up, squinting her eyes against the dirt that was being thrown up from the ground, leaving dust in its wake. The last soldier was desperately shooting at the C'ieth, trying to draw it away from Lightning and the other soldier.

And it worked.

Lightning lifted herself up as the wind finally died, glancing at the soldier beside her to make sure he was all right. He had a few cuts on his face, but was otherwise uninjured. His eyes widened as he continued to stare ahead, and he quickly pulled up his gunblade, aiming it ahead of him. Lightning's heart raced, the blood pounding in her head, and she looked back as well, swearing when she saw the C'ieth starting to descend on the other soldier. She pulled her own gunblade free from underneath her, noting idly that her side was cut from laying on the blade, before she switched gears again and began to shoot. The bullets continued to have no effect, and Lightning stood, pulling the soldier up with her. They both switched back to their blades and charged at the C'ieth, Lightning's legs thrumming from exhaustion and overuse.

Fireballs flew at the C'ieth from the l'Cie as she still hovered over the fallen soldier, acting as a sort of shield as her fireballs struck the C'ieth on its back and arms, but it only made the beast pause for a second. Lightning willed her legs to go faster, watching as the terrified soldier backed away from the C'ieth, still shooting desperately.

The C'ieth roared again, and Lightning felt her heart freeze just as the air did, water starting to bead and fall as little ice balls. There was a whoosh of air and the woman backing away from the C'ieth froze, gunblade still aimed at the C'ieth, but fingers frozen at the trigger. Lightning growled as she finally reached the beast and sliced into the C'ieth's neck, but even as the beast writhed underneath her pressure, it continued its spell, the air dropping in temperature. Lightning's breathing quickened and she shivered, but even as she and the other soldier hacked away at the C'ieth's back, the victim still looked on ahead. Was still frozen in place... Their skin turned a sickly blue, their eyes widened in shock, and icicles began to form along their mouth, eyes, and nose. Ice formed along his arms and chest, and Lightning cringed when she saw the eyes finally still and lose what life they had.

Lightning and the soldier both pulled away as the C'ieth started to move again, the man beside her shaking slightly as they watched its movements. Lightning lowered her gunblade and prepared to strike its side, but the C'ieth swung at them, forcing her to move back before she could strike. It let out another strange, loud roar before turning back to the frozen solider, still swinging its large arms. Lightning cringed as it smacked right into the frozen soldier, the arm and part of her side shattering in an instant, but Lightning had to dodge a fireball before she could dwell on it. Lightning turned to the l'Cie as she moved away, annoyed by the steady beeping that was still coming from her, but the woman was shaking her head and motioning for her to duck. Lightning cursed and threw herself at the ground again, reaching for the soldier beside her as another powerful gust of wind blew by. She felt herself sliding along the grass as she struggled to get a grip on a clump of grass, but the soldier grabbed her arm as she continued to slide down, impaling the ground with his gunblade to keep them grounded. Lightning shivered as she felt a soothing sensation course through her body and she silently thanked her comrade for the healing spell, pushing herself form the ground as the wind finally stopped.

"Airships!" The l'Cie called, pointing toward the sky. Lightning sighed in relief, hearing the familiar thrum and roar of the airships herself as they flew overhead. The grass beneath them started to blow around or press closer to the dirt in response, and the C'ieth seemed monetarily distracted. Lightning tightened the grip on her gunblade and charged in to strike, determined to take the C'ieth down before the situation got anymore out of hand.

"_Looks like you're worse off Farron." _

Lightning swore again, her gunblade pausing just a split second before barreling down on the C'ieth. But that second was all the C'ieth needed. Lightning managed to stab the C'ieth in the side, digging her blade deep into the monster, but the C'ieth in turn knocked her away, sending her to her knees. She lost her grip on her gunblade but jumped up to retrieve it, only to have the C'ieth aim its arm at her. She just barely managed to duck, air whizzing past her, but there was a sudden, painful throbbing in her head. She blinked, stars popping in her vision before her world started to go dark.

And she knew no more.

* * *

Everything was a mess at the hangar. People were scrambling by the ships, yelling at knocking into each other as they prepared the reinforcements that were needed. Chatter filled the room, snippets of conversation reaching Hope's ears before fading back into background noise. They had sent a ship fifteen minutes ago, but to Hope, it seemed like an eternity. Lightning was out there now, had been part of the team that had called in the reinforcements. That meant...that meant she was in trouble. But what kind of trouble? He wasn't sure, and it only made him more nervous, his legs jumping up and down restlessly as he waited for some semblance of news. His eyes roved anything that moved, wishing something could provide him with answers.

Rygdea stood next to him, surveying the area with a much calmer, cooler look. Rygdea's lips were drawn in a straight line as watched the soldiers and personnel moved, barking out an order every now and again when things were getting out of hand. Hope knew this Rygdea, he had spent more than enough time by the man's side to know it. This Rygdea knew how to keep it together, how to keep him together, but in Rygdea's eyes Hope could see just a spark of worry. He had watched as Rygdea and Crawford had talked, clearly concerned about the situation and what it could possible mean; they had done it several more times as they waited for news on the C'ieth attack. Rygdea had told Hope later that someone was supposed to be coming soon and had left it at that.

Hope was finding the lack of answers unbelievably infuriating.

But then he heard it...small...quiet...low...but the sound was still constant.

Beep...beep...beep...

His heart started to hammer with the noise, faster and faster and faster, and Hope felt his throat go dry. The whole room was going quiet, the Guardian Corps. soldiers looking around for the source of the strange noise, while the soldiers from De Novo looked at each other with horrified expression. But Hope was reaching a shaky hand to his wrist, pulling his gloves away and letting a small bracelet slip slightly on his wrist. It was a small, mechanical bracelet that had taken a few months to design, made from scrap metal with only one bulb on the small bracelet. The little bulb was flashing with a red light, going faster and faster with each passing second. The noise grew louder and louder with light as well, nearly deafening to Hope as so many started to do it at once. The hangar echoed the noise, coming not just from Hope's bracelet, but from Rygdea's as well. And the dark haired l'Cie that had been working on her gun, staring at the bracelet with wide eyes and a face drained of color. The noise also came from Maqui and Lebreau as they rushed inside the hangar, faces white and frightened and searching. Every last one of them were holding up their wrists, staring at their wrists, hearing the beeping noise that told them what was happening. It had always been this way before.

Beep...

Every time it went off.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Something terrible had happened.

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

Someone...had turned C'ieth.

"Shit!" Rygdea shouted into the silence filled only with the incessant beeping noises. Crawford jumped into action at the shout and made his way over to Rygdea and Hope, as fast as his limp would allow. Rygdea turned to him as he approached, "One of ours is going C'ieth. Maqui will be able to read this thing and determine what level, but I need to know who was sent on this mission." Rygdea said, voice rushed.

"There was Miss Farron, as well as Thistles and Delli. But then there was Homes and Rosrin as well." Crawford listed, glancing around the hangar as he spoke. The soldiers were beginning to move again, but most of them looked lost, talking with oen another as if the soldier next to them would know what to do.

"Homes and Rosrin?" Rygdea repeated, remembering them instantly. Hope watched as Rygdea ran a hand through his hair, obviously frazzled, and Hope felt his panic bloom anew. One of his comrades was about to die. One of his comrades was with Lightning and the others, possibly trying to kill them. One of his comrades might have _already_ killed them.

He choked on bile as it rose in his throat.

"What do we do Rygdea?" He had to ask. He just had to. But his voice sounded so weak, so terrified. It made him squirm in discomfort. He was supposed to be stronger than this! _Calm Hope, calm. You don't know yet. You don't know. They could still be okay. There might be a way-_

"We-We can't do anything Hope. We can only wait for the reinforcements to arrive and help them." Rygdea said, eyes scrunching in worry.

"But that won't be enough!" Hope shouted, eyes wide as his heart pounded more viciously in his chest.

"Hope, I know that you're worried, but sometimes you can't do anything! There are some things out of your control!"

"Don't you think I know that!" Crawford stepped between them and it was then that Hope noticed they had gotten closer, both looking ready to throw a punch. Hope took a deep breath and whipped away from Rygdea and Crawford, watching the hangar's doors and hoping that the others would be arriving soon. And intact...

He only half-listened to the conversation occurring behind him as the two leaders began to make calls to other military bases and calls began to come in. He thought he heard an arrival a few times, but they were attached to names he didn't recognize, so he tuned them out. Unless it was about the others safe return, about Lightning's arrival, he couldn't care less about who would be coming. But he did at least notice that Rygdea sounded worried.

Hope growled in frustration and started to step away from Rygdea and Crawford, only to be pulled back by Rygdea. Hope turned to the man and gave him a hard glare, trying to pull himself out of Rygdea's grasp, but the fingers only tightened around his arm. Rygdea gave him a dark look, but his eyes were still tinged with worry. Rygdea glanced at the door leading out of the hangar, then toward the metal doors that would allow the ships to fly in and out.

"Are you sure you want to wait here Hope?"

_Th-That's ridiculous! What a question!_

"Of course I want to! What makes you think-"

Rygdea held up his other hand before Hope could continue, only frustrating him further, and said in a low voice, "Then you will have to promise me to keep calm."

"What? Calm? Considering the situation, I think I'm already being reasonably calm don't you? I want to wait for Lightning and make sure she and the others are okay. There's no way in hell that I'm going-"

Rygdea held up his hand yet again and let out a growl, and Hope in turn struggled in his grip, narrowing his eyes, "That's not what I meant Hope. I mean later."

Hope stopped trying to pry Rygdea's fingers off his arm and glanced up at his eyes, biting his lip, "Why later?" His heart was beating faster and faster now. What did Rygdea know? What was going on?

"Just...just trust me Hope. Whatever happens, we'll get ourselves out of it." Rygdea was nervous, way to nervous for Rygdea. Hope could hear it in his voice...

Hope let out a shaky breath and shook his head. Rygdea was being vague, far too vague for his liking. "Why? Why would I have to-to worry about something like that. Get ourselves out of what?"

"Hope do you trust me?" Rygdea asked, boring his eyes into Hope's.

Hope's eyes widened and he tried to find some comfort in Rygdea's face, some hint of what was happening, but found only determination. Well...at least it was something. "I-I trust you. You know I do."

"Good." He finally released Hope's arm and Hope felt the blood rush back, the flow restored. Hope ignored the strange the tingling sensation as he searched not only the ships' entrance, but the way into the hangar as well. The uneasiness only seemed to grow in his chest as nothing new happened, and he wished he had answers for the umpteenth time He was getting antsy without them. Rygdea was throwing more and more looks his way, and toward the door out of the hangar, and it only served as fuel to Hope's own restlessness.

"Med unit on the way! Stand clear!" Someone called. There was a rush of bodies as the medics came into the hangar. The beeping only seemed to get louder upon their arrival until the bracelets gave out one final, deafening screech. Hope winced at the noise, and he narrowed his eyes, worry intensifying. The silence that followed was almost as loud as the beeping had been, and it was far more solemn than it had been before. At least to the soldiers who knew what it meant.

One of their own was lost now...

Hope jumped when the metal doors that led to the outside loudly slid open, one ship flying in and hovering as it was directed to a safe docking point. Hope sucked in his breath and began to head over, hands shaking in anticipation as he wondered what had happened. Was Lightning okay? What about the others? Who had turned into a C'ieth?

Before he could take another step forward, someone was grabbing him from behind, forcing him to turn around. He pushed down the panic that bubbled in his throat, forcing himself not to throw out a punch, and tried to pull away. He looked around at the person, his heart pounding harder when he saw it wasn't Rygdea. In fact, he hadn't seen them before. So why was he grabbing him? What was he doing?

"R-Rygdea!" Hope called, looking around for the man, "Get off. Get off! Rygdea!" He called again. His eyes roved the area, watching as the others were moving toward the ship, but some were watching him with fearful eyes. But they weren't who he was looking for. He needed to see Lightning. Or Rygdea.

Rygdea would know why this person just wouldn't let go!

"Rygdea!" Hope called again. The man finally appeared before Hope and his captor, but his arms yanked to his back, Rygdea being held as well. Hope yanked away from the man that held him as well, but his knees buckled and he dropped to the ground, his arms still shaking. Rygdea elbowed the man that held him, dropped in front of Hope and chuckled, but it sounded weak and hollow. Hope's stomach clenched and he held his breath.

"Seems we have more problems than I thought Hope." Rygdea said, giving Hope a small shrug.

"What?" Hope let out another breath, trying to calm himself down, but the moving bodies and the men that were trying to grab him again were too much. He wanted, no, _needed_, for it to stop.

Rygdea tried to give him a smile, ruffling his hair and sending it in all directions. "I need you to trust me Hope" He said, even as the man behind him took his arms again, snapping cuffs onto his wrists once they were behind his back. Hope's eyes widened and he took several quick gasps, trying to breath as panic overtook him.

"What are they-they doing?" Hope could hear Crawford's voice in the background, demanding to know what the meaning of this was. Hope could only agree with the man. There was another voice as well that rose above all the others, and Hope tried to concentrate on it. Tried to understand what was happening. But he only heard things like, "l'Cie" and "...all the same". That could mean anything!

"Hope!" Hope let out a small whimper, struggling more frantically as the man who had grabbed him before began to handcuff him too. He tried to breath, his attempts loud and pitiful as he gasped for breath. His vision was blurry, his eyes strangely wet, and Rygdea placed his forehead against Hope's. "Calm down. Crawford and even Lt. Amodar will be able to help you, so you just need to keep it together. Besides, everyone else will help you too."

Hope started shake his head, eyes getting impossibly wider and he tried to speak, "N-No. No! What are you-you saying Rygdea? No! We-We'll figure this out now! We don't-just-no!" Tremors hit his body violently as his panic spiked. He did not want this to happen! He didn't even understand what this was.

"They'll explain later. It might be a bit before we see each other again." Hope's stomach clenched again, more painfully this time, before it fell away again.

_No..._

_No..._

_No!_

Hope didn't even realize he was saying the word out loud, head shaking as the word spilled from his lips over and over again. The man that had him gave a violent tug, pulling him away from Rygdea, and Hope felt true terror strike him as he was separated from Rygdea. Terrible things were happening around him. People were yelling, someone was hurt! Lightning-Lightning might have been hurt. And now they were taking him away from Rygdea!

"No!" He howled the word and threw himself on the ground, doing everything in his power to force himself away from the man. The grip on his arms tightened, but Hope barely registered the throbbing in his arms. He couldn't deal with this, not alone! He needed Rygdea! If they took him away he'd be lost again. They were taking away his support, the only one who knew everything about Saorise and him! "No! No! NO!" He bit at the fingers that tried to pull him up, uncaring of the new voices around him. He couldn't tell who was friend or foe, only that Rygdea was being pulled up and taken away from him.

"Hope stop! You need to calm down!" Rygdea shouted at him, pulling slightly against the men that had him. The man that had sparked everything, Kael, walked forward, giving him a menacing and humorless smile. He wore light armor, a dark gray color, and had a slim but fit build. He had dark skin that and dark black hair, the bangs covering his right eye, but the dark beginnings of a scar could be seen just along his cheek. He had cold, uncaring gray eyes and Rygdea felt his anger spark anew. This was not the man he had dealt with weeks ago.

"And this was really the rabble we let in on this C'ieth situation? First you bring this psychopath along and now uncontrollable l'Cie? Really Rygdea, I know you're a little bitter after that business with the Sanctum and Raines, but that's no reason to try and destroy our military."

Rygdea snarled at the man, gritting his teeth as he thought of Cid. He wanted to tear the man apart, rend him asunder where he stood, but he knew he had to push aside his feelings for now. "That has nothing to do with this! You know that's not what we meant when we came to you to help. We told you the risks and you accepted them!" Rygdea shouted back, glancing at Hope and trying to catch his eye. Rygdea almost let out a sigh of relief when he saw that Hope was indeed watching and had calmed down somewhat. But Hope's eyes kept traveling to Kael as well, and Rygdea was shaken by the sheer _hate_ in Hope's eyes.

"That was the case _then, _but the situation has changed. A full blown C'ieth had to be taken down upon the reinforcements' arrival, as I was told as I was coming in. Not only that, but it seems that said C'ieth was one of your own." Kael paused, shaking his head, "We did not bring you here to add to our plate Rygdea."

"He was-"

"Regardless of the circumstances surrounding it, this military cannot afford to sit and watch as you bring men into our ranks that can endanger other, normal soldiers." Kael interrupted, glaring at Rygdea.

"And how will you handle Saorise then?" They both looked toward Hope, the man that held Hope forcing him up on wobbly legs. Hope glared at Kael, teeth bared and breathing quick and deep. "How will you handle her? After what happened-"

"If you are referring to that night patrol fiasco, that has been labeled as an isolated incident. It holds no bearing over our decisions." Kael said simply.

Hope blinked at the cold detachment in Kael's voice before he snarled, struggling in the man's grip as he tried to get closer to Kael, "You still haven't answered my question! How are you going to handle Saorise when she has magic of her own? When she's as powerful as she is?"

Kael rolled his eyes, stepping closer to Hope, "I've heard the stories, including what little was divulged of your past involvement with her Mr. Estheim. Quite honestly, I'm not impressed. The military may not have the magic you l'Cie have." He sneered at Hope, something glinting in his eye, "But rest assured that our mana drives should provide more than enough support for any magic we may need. They've been recently modified and have been well received-"

"Mana drives?" Hope whispered, tuning the rest out, "You plan on fighting her with mana drives? You-you can't. There's no way that it will-" Hope let out a strangled cry, his wrist turning painfully as he was forced away from Kael. The man loomed over Hope, sneer still in place.

"Our mana drives will be able to handle it just fine, no matter what your opinion on the matter may be Estheim. But as of now, all members of the S.C.E. that are known l'Cie are hereby expunged from the group until the formal inquiry has finished. Rygdea will be taken in for questioning..." His eyes narrowed as he looked at Rygdea and a smirk formed on his mouth, "Just be glad we don't take you in as well." Kael turned to the men who had Rygdea and cocked his head toward the door, a silent order to take him away.

"No!" Hope tried to yank himself away from his captor, wincing as his muscles pulled and throbbed at the punishment he inflicted on himself. "Don't! Don't take him! Why?" Hope slid to his knees as his captor held him in place, but Rygdea tried to give him a reassuring smile.

It turned into a grimace when the man knocked him on the head and steered him away.

"Watch it punk! I outrank you, even in cuffs!" Rygdea snapped, pulling a little away from the man for good measure. But a small whine from Hope made him turn his attention back to his distressed friend. Rygdea held back a gasp as Hope rocked himself, shaking his head pitifully. He hadn't seen him like this since he was seventeen, fresh from his time with Saorise. The utter terror in his face was overwhelming, but Rygdea had no idea what to do. What could he say that would make this better?

"I-I can't...I can't...I'll-I'll go nuts. He's been there from the beginning. He knows how to make it stop! I can't lose that! I won't! She did this..." Hope was mumbling to himself now, lost in a panicked haze of losing his rock. He had been holding on to Rygdea since he had returned from Saorise and even at his most irrational and cold, Rygdea had stayed with him. He knew how to make the images stop. He knew what to say to snap him out of it. He knew how to keep Hope together! And he knew, just _knew_ that he wouldn't be up to the task himself.

"_Give yourself more credit Hope. I think you've done well on your won so far." _The voice was low and deep, but Hope ignored it, still rocking himself as his panic continued to spiral out of control. _I'm losing Rygdea. I'm losing Rygdea. I'm losing Rygdea!_

The sheer emotion ripped at him, and all he could see was _her_ smiling and chuckling and mocking him. Even if it wasn't obvious, he knew Saorise was part of this. Part of all of it. She was why Rygdea was being taken away! And he was too weak to stop it! To weak!

"Hope!"

Weak!

"_You don't have to stay weak boy..."_

_Weak. Weak. Weak. Weak. Weak. _

"_Weak!_" Hope's chest flared as he screamed, the burning energy licking at his skin and making him cry out. He tried in vain to grab his head, the blood pounding all coherent thought into oblivion. The entire hangar grew quiet, watching as the scene took place, and many looking afraid. Maqui and Lebreau pushed their way over, only to be stopped by some of Kael's men, and they could only watch as Hope continued to thrash around. There was a collective intake of air as a strange sensation overtook the room. Pressure was pressing down on them, making people shudder and gasp, and the medic team made a final push to get out of the room and away from the growing tension.

Hope let out a low moan, doubling in on his stomach as the pressure intensified, and the lights that hung above them began to tremble. "Can't lose him...can't lose anyone else. No one else. Please, no one else." Hope mumbled, shivering and shaking his head.

"_It's not so bad Hope. You still have us. You always have us. We can save you from this."_

"No! Shut up! Shut up! I hate you!" He screamed, startling them all. But all he could picture was Saorise smiling at him, bearing down on him, hurting them all. And now she was taking Rygdea away. And these voices, these damn voices! Rygdea couldn't go, he couldn't go! This was new...he needed help with this! He needed it! But Rygdea was being taken away! They were taking him away...

_Taking him away..._

_Who else will leave me?_

He gave another enraged scream and the hanging lights gave a violent tremble, swinging back and forth dangerously before Hope gave another moan. His chest felt as if it was about to burst open, and the lights above them flew in different directions, the glass shattering and the chords snapping. Shouts filled the room as the soldiers moved away from the falling glass and chords, taking shelter by the ships and tables to escape the glittering, jagged shards. The man that held Hope moved away, holding his hands up and taking steps back before dodging some of the falling glass. The man that held Rygdea loosened his grip and Rygdea took the opportunity to go to Hope, crouching to the ground and hanging his arms low as he carefully maneuvered his legs behind the cuffs. A few grunts later, and his locked hands were resting in front of him.

"Hope." Rygdea said calmly, shaking his head to rid some of the small bits of glass that had tangled themselves in his hair, "Come on Hope, look at me." Hope shook his head, letting out another groan as his chest throbbed.

"She's taking you from me. And the voices..." Hope whispered, making Rygdea gasp. "The voices Rygdea. They're-They're in my head. I think I'm going crazy! I can't Rygdea. I'm not...I mean, when was the last time you weren't nearby?" Hope finally looked up at him, eyes desperate and lonely, and Rygdea felt a pang of guilt. He crouched down next to Hope, spotting a medic out of the corner of his eyes. He slowly looked from the medic toward Hope, and the medic in turn nodded his head in understanding.

"It's not like I'll be far Hope." Rygdea said to distract him, "Besides, it'll work out. Think of it as a learning experience."

"I-I don't know...if I should tell them..." His voice was small, scared. Like a child's.

"You should Hope, even if it's vague. I know it sounds bad Hope..." Rygdea closed his eyes as the medic moved unnoticed behind Hope, taking a needle in his hand and carefully inching it toward Hope's neck. "But I know you'll manage. As soon as I'm back, I'll help you. I promise."

"I just...I wish I wasn't so weak." Hope said, voice still quiet.

Rygdea snorted, but it died when Hope didn't look up, "You can wish all you want Hope, but you still have to make the first step."

Hope growled, but when he looked up at Rygdea, his face had relaxed, "I-I know. Just-Just what do we do now?" Hope's eyes widened, feeling a pinprick in his neck, and he gasped, swatting the offending needle away. "R-Rygdea!" Hope tried to shout the man's name, but it came out slightly slurred. He blinked his eyes, the room tilting in an odd direction, and opening his eyes felt more like a chore. Everything felt slower and nothing was coming into focus...

"I'm sorry Hope..."

_Sorry...? For what...?_

He tried to speak, to open his eyes, to do something, but his body slumped forward, his world going black.

* * *

_Black..._

_Black..._

_Black..._

_That's all that was around. _

_Hope twisted this way and that, unsure if his eyes were open or closed anymore, his head throbbing and swimming and making him nauseous. All around him there was a black void, no sign of life anywhere, his own hands impossible to see. He shivered although there was no breeze or really any cold. But this place...it was different. It seemed to go on forever. _

_But where was forever? Or even what _was_ forever?_

_Hope shook his head and made to step forward, or backward, or really in any direction as long as it got him away. But the moment his foot reached out, there was a blinding flash of light, and his shoes were being soaked through with something wet. He looked around, the world still a dull black, but when he looked below he saw that he was ankle deep in seemed to be water. He took a few hurried steps back, the water splashing loudly in the silence, and small reflections of light swimming over the edge. Hope glanced around the deep black horizon, searching for the light that would make the reflection, but the moment his eyes seemed to land upon it, he began to sink through the water more. _

_He gasped and looked down, trying to shout but finding his voice gone. Something had grabbed onto his ankles and was pulling him down, down, down, and he couldn't yank himself free. He grabbed at his ankle, trying to find his captor and pull himself free, only for his wrist to be caught as well. He lost his balance, falling into the water and soaking himself, but before he could act more of the invisible hands seemed to grab a hold of him. He sputtered, spitting some water out as he thrashed and struggled, trying to flail around enough to rip himself free, but he continued to sink into the splashing water. He closed his eyes and doubled his futile efforts, gasping as his face went under, hos nose filling with water._

…

…

_A hand brushed his cheek lightly, making him shiver, and Hope opened his eyes. He gasped, clutching his chest, eyes frantically searching for the thing that had grabbed him, but all that met him was a new room. It was small, and he was laying on a neat bed, the covers a pastel yellow. The room was bathed in a light orange glow, the light pouring in from the window. There was a table beside the bed, a lamp sitting idly there, and pictures with blurred and faceless images on the walls. He gasped again when the hand brushed his cheek and looked around. _

_Lightning was there... She sat on a small chair beside his bed, watching him intently._

_He blushed and looked away, heart beating faster as he imagined her hand on his cheek again. It had felt so warm though, and he wondered why she had done it in the first place. He slowly, shyly looked up at her and felt himself relax at her calm demeanor. Her blue eyes softened in turn and a ghost of a smile played on her face, making him smile. He opened his mouth to speak, but Lightning shook her head and placed a hand on his, taking a deep breath._

"_You have to fight this Hope."_

_He blinked, raising his eyebrows. Fight what? It was just him and her right? Just them..._

"_You have to." She tightened her grip on his hand, "Come on, you know you can talk to me." Dread filled him and he looked away, grasping at the blankets with his free hand. He shook his head, unable to meet her eyes._

"_Why not?" She sounded impatient and demanding. Concerned. Worried. _

_It made him sad and happy to hear that in her voice. _

"_I don't even like to think about it." He said, "And talking about it-it scares me. And I'm scared if what would happen Light. Scared that if I told you, you'd see how weak I really am. I'm scared that you'll look at me...look at me with shame or pity or as something less that-well, I don't really know. I guess I don't want you to look at me and feel disappointed. It's stupid...I know, but I still-"_

"_Is that the only reason?" Lightning asked before he could continue. _

_Hope sighed and let himself smile, looking at the blue eyes that filled him with love and warmth, "I'm ashamed of myself more than anything. I don't want that...that spilling out. I hate it...this weakness of mine."_

_Silence overcame them, but Hope found he didn't really mind this silence. It was safer than the one in the black void had been. He felt so naked at that moment, yet protected, even though he had hardly said anything at all. But what he had said..._

_It was a step..._

_And it felt good..._

"_Hope." He looked at Light, surprised she had not moved her hand, but glad at the warmth that settled on his fingers, "How much is really weakness. How much is fear?" _

_Hope blinked again, utterly confused. "Aren't they the same thing?"_

_Lightning smirked, shaking her head, "I used to think so. So I can't really blame you for thinking that."_

"_What?"_

"_But...I'm starting...no, I do think they're different." Hope cocked his head to the side, still not understanding, but Lightning had trailed off, looking away from him, eyes looking for an answer that may have been painted on the walls. Hope wasn't sure, and he felt too comfortable to search for an answer, at least for now.  
_

"_As long as you start talking."_

"_Hm?" Hope hummed, staring into her eyes. _

"_I'll be patient as long as you start talking." He swallowed thickly but refused to look away, determined to prove to her that he could do some of these things, could trust her. He loved her...now he had to trust her. Trust himself. _

_Even if it was only a little. _

"_I won't tell you much. Not at first." He tried to make himself sound firm and in control, but the way she rose her eyebrow at him told him he wasn't succeeding. "Well, you know..."_

"_Yeah, I get it. Just as long as you say something." He let out a laugh, feeling strangely lighthearted, and allowed himself to relax on the pillow. His eyes were feeling heavy again, and he wanted nothing more than to close them. _

"_I'm tired Light..." He mumbled, drooping eyes staring at the ceiling. _

"_I know Hope." She was silent again, not that Hope minded, and he could feel her move closer to him as his eyes began to close. He smiled at the motion, tentatively stroking her hand as he drifted off. "You have to keep fighting Hope..."_

_He was confused again by what she meant. There were a lot of things he was fighting and running from. Which one could she mean? But then again, as he thought of her startlingly blue eyes, her face when it had a rare smile gracing it, and her strength, he knew he'd do anything for her. She had taught him how to survive, she could stand up to an adversity, she was beautiful, she was tough, and she was sweet in her own way. She was a lot of things that Hope just couldn't describe. Only knowing that there was so much about her that made his heart swell. He welcomed the feeling, cherished it. _

_She was a lot of things. She was so hard for him to describe that he had to settle with calling her Lightning. With thinking of her as Claire. But it was enough. _

_So he answered her, making a promise to do what he could, "I will."_

* * *

A sharp, glaring light turned the inside of his eyelids red, making Hope wince and move his head to the side to escape the light. He let out a groan when the damned light only seemed to follow him, followed by the short whisper of, "Come on Hope. Time to get up." For a few brief seconds his heart hammered at the new voice, and he was annoyed when a beeping next to his head seemed to speed up too. Head still a bit groggy, Hope opened his eyes and forced himself to calm, just in time to see Maqui grab a flashlight from Lebreau's hand.

"Real nice."

"Hey, it worked didn't it!" Lebreau said, smirking. Hope rolled his eyes at them and sat up, several pops coming from his back as he stretched and looked around. He shivered and crossed his arms, an uncomfortable draft coming into the room, and as his head cleared, he was disappointed to find the white walls of a hospital room. The beeping beside him was quickly made out as a heart monitor, and the annoying pull and throbbing on his arm was the work of an IV. He resisted the overwhelming urge to roll his eyes again. They had overreacted putting him there. He was, after all, only knocked out...

"Shit." Hope mumbled, running a hand through his already unruly hair as the broken images came rushing back. "Rygdea." His heart clenched painfully at the thought of the man and he closed his eyes, trying not to think of the way the man had been taken away in cuffs. Hope remembered all that panic he had felt, first of Lightning, then of being grabbed. Rygdea being taken away. How he was unable to handle...but it started to get fuzzy there. He wasn't sure what happened then, only that he had felt so afraid. But Rygdea had tried to help him, to comfort him. He remembered listening to Rygdea's voice...

...then something on his neck.

"He drugged me!" Hope cried, almost pulling himself out of bed until Maqui and Lebreau forced him back down. They both looked sullen, neither really meeting Hope's eye, and Hope clenched his hands around the bedsheets. His mind whirred as he tried to pull himself together, but as he remembered Lightning in the dream, he felt a jolt of fear. "What about the others? What about Lightning and the incident with the C'ieth!" He tried to take a deep breath, but the heart monitor's sudden rapid beeping told Maqui and Lebreau the truth.

"Relax Hope. It-It wasn't as bad as it could have been." Lebreau said, putting a hand on his hand and rubbing soothing circles over it with her thumb. Hope narrowed his eyes and swallowed, nodding for her to continue, "Well, when they got back, they transferred everyone to the infirmary." Hope opened his mouth to ask where they were, but noticed that this was nothing like the infirmary. His shoulders drooped when he realized they had been removed from the premises, but concentrated on Lebreau's voice before he could think much of it, "Jace Rosrin was the one who wound up turning into a C'ieth. They found him dead on the scene."

Hope blinked, "H-How? I mean, he had a pretty good magical capacity and everything, Why did he suddenly-" He stopped when Lebreau held up her hand, giving him a small smile. He blushed and nodded, letting her continue uninterrupted.

"First, we did suffer one other casualty." Hope tensed underneath her hand and she hurried her words, "It wasn't Lightning Hope. Calm down." She waited until he relaxed before continuing, eyes a little sad, "It was a Guardian Corps. named Bijou. Hope...from what I've been able to gather, she was the one that tried to protect the others once Jace got out of control. She drew him away with gunfire and gave the others time. Th-They didn't tell us how she died though."

"I-I see..." Hope's shoulders slumped even further, but he couldn't help his next question, "And the others?"

"They're doing all right. Lightning had gotten a nasty bump on the head and some small cuts, but she should be all right now. It's just a small concussion. Someone else's arm was pretty messed up, but the other was uninjured. She was the other l'Cie I think, Mayelle, if I remember right. So all in all...it could have been worse." Lebreau trailed off, looking unsure. Hope didn't say anything, looking ahead to the door that led outside of his room. _It could have been worse...but that doesn't mean this is something to celebrate. Jace...Bijou._

_Rygdea..._

_Lightning._

Hope sighed and rested back on the pillows, letting his thoughts drift around where they willed, too tired to avoid thinking about certain things. Strangely, the dream, or at least what he remembered of the dream, came to his mind. But really, it was the latter part that had stuck with him. Lightning being there with him in that little room. All that warmth.

His promise.

He glanced at Maqui and Lebreau, still feeling a stab of pain as he thought of Rygdea. And he could see his grief reflected in their eyes. "What happened to Rygdea after-after I was out?"

Maqui was the one who answered, face pulled into a frown, "We don't know actually. Crawford actually said he'd come talk to us about it once everything was settled down, but who knows when that will be. I had to contact the others still down at De Novo and let them know what was going on. We don't know how the military will react, so I think they're packing in case they have to make a quick getaway."

Hope groaned and threw his arm over his face again. Everything was getting so complicated and now they were even in trouble with the military. They just couldn't win!

"I hate this..." He let his arm fall to his side and glanced at the door again, then at Lebreau and Maqui. He pushed himself up and stared at them, biting his lip and thinking of the dream and Rygdea's own words.

_Take it._

_Come on, you have to start. _

"_Be vague." I mean, he did give you permission right? Tell them, but be vague. _Hope's hand still shook though, _C-Can I really?_

Maqui was looking toward the corner of the room, unsure as to why Hope was staring at them in the first place, and Lebreau looked confused. Heaving a sigh and trying not to think about the sudden rampant butterflies in his stomach, or the scared voice that was shouting "No!" in his head, he tried to speak. But as soon as he opened his mouth, the door burst open, followed by some shouting. Hope jumped and went for the first thing that could be used as a weapon, disappointed when all he found was his hospital pillow. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his heartbeat, but the voices continued.

"Light, you can't just barge in like that! I know you're worried, but this is a hospital! There are other people! Light!" Pillow still hanging limply in his hand, Hope couldn't help the small smile on his face when he saw Lightning burst into the room, a worried Serah carrying a smiling Hazel, and a snickering Snow in her wake. Lebreau was barely able to take control of her giggle either, and when she glanced at Hope she burst into a new fit of chuckling when she saw him trying to use the pillow like some sort of club.

"Light!" Serah cried again, closing the door behind her after giving a few apologetic looks to the stunned people outside.

"They kept us waiting for an hour. I had enough." Lightning said simply, crossing her arms as her sister glared at her. Snow was biting his fist to stop from laughing, especially when Serah stomped on the ground.

"That's not the point! Do you know how many people are here? It's not fair to them if-"

"I'm sure they're used to all kinds of people. This is a hospital after all." Lightning shrugged.

"Quit trying to use my point against me!" But Lightning had already turned away, leaving Serah to roll her eyes as Snow tried to contain himself behind her. All four of them turned to Hope, Serah and Hazel smiling widely at him as Snow gave him a wave, whereas Lightning was studying him, arms still crossed and a stern look on his face. Hope was too busy studying Lightning in turn to notice her look though.

"H-Hope! Come on, stay in bed!" Maqui and Lebreau said together when Hope made to move, Hope swinging his legs over the bed. Lightning strode over to the bed and pushed him down without a word, shaking her head at him. Hope continued to stare up at her, taking note of the small bandage on her head, and the bandages that were wrapped around her arm and side. She looked tired, a few circles under her eyes and her posture a little too relaxed. Other than that...she looked all right...

"So...you _are _okay?" He asked, just to be sure. She raised her eyebrow and nodded, trying to hide a smile and letting out a surprised grunt when Hope wrapped his arms around her waist. Heat immediately made it's way up her cheeks and she looked everywhere but Hope and her sister, her lips still twitching. She could feel all their eyes on them, but Hope didn't seem to notice or care. "You're...okay Light. I was worried. So worried." He held on a little tighter as he said the words, but then let his arms relax and released her, a little dust of pink on his cheeks. "Sorry about that. I-I was worried after I heard what happened and all."

"Nothing to be worried about." She said, looking away from him. Why couldn't she just stop blushing! It was bad enough she wanted to smile about it.

"Nothing to be worried about! Sis, you had a concussion!" Serah and Snow said at the same time and Lightning had to stop herself from clicking her tongue. They acted as if it were the end of the world. She was far from hurt when she considered the others. They had lost two of their own, even if one of them had gone C'ieth.

Really...compared to that she was the picture of health.

When silence engulfed them Lightning glanced at Hope, a little surprised by the sullen look on his face. But, if what she heard was true, then Rygdea had been taken away by the military _and_ all the l'Cie had been removed from the group. The very thought of Rygdea being forced away made her blood boil and she clenched her hands, but Hope touched her arm, his fingers ghosting over the bandages on her arm. Lightning felt her face heat up again and she wondered briefly why it kept happening. She stared at Hope, his face was serious, lips drawn in a fine line, and he glanced at Maqui and Lebreau before looking at Snow and Serah.

Hope took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves, "Snow...Serah, if you don't mind, I-I want to talk with Lightning, Maqui, and Lebreau alone, all right?" He swallowed and looked down, twisting the blankets as heat started to creep up his neck, "It-It's nothing against you or anything. It's just-just that this is a little personal and I-I need to do it now before I-I lose my nerve, so-"

"Hope." Serah said, smiling softly.

"Yeah?" His head whipped up to fast and he let out a hiss, rubbing the now sore and throbbing area as he looked at Serah.

"Go ahead and talk to them. We don't mind. We'll be right outside." She gave him another soft smile before taking Snow's hand and pulling a somewhat reluctant Snow out the door. Serah gave them a small wave before she shut the door behind them, leaving them in a tense silence. But even then, as Hope took a deep breath to calm himself again, he took a little confidence from Serah's smile, silently thanking her.

"What is it Hope?" Lebreau asked. He looked from her to Maqui, both of whom looked nervous and worried. He felt a little guilty knowing he would be wouldn't be telling them everything. Then he looked at Lightning. She looked expectant and stiff, but he could see just that bit of concern in her eyes that gave her away, as well as some pink on her cheeks. She blinked at him before giving him a small, rare smile. Hope felt his breath catch before he ran a hand through his hair, voice shaking slightly.

"I-I want to tell you a-a _little_ bit about what happened to me. Back with-with Saorise I mean."


	20. Answers

**So ehre we are. I actually have some depressing stuff to tell you now, but first reviews:**

**Crystal: I'm so sorry to hear you've had it rough for a while. It makes me wish I could help. Especially hearing the last part, but maybe you're feeling better now? I hope so. If the update really was a sign, maybe I did help, if indirectly. Glad you're excited to see what happens! :) And a blushing Lightning is a happy, or at least frustrated Lightning. And you get that sleep, it sounds like you need it! Thanks for just taking the time to review! *hugs***

**Trevor X:Yup! Maybe now he can look on the bright side of things. :) Thank you. **

**Anonymous: Don't worry, it was supposed to be chaotic, reflect how Hope feel's on the inside. And thank you! :) Glad you're excited! *hugs* Thank you for the review! **

**So you might be wondering what's wrong now. Or skipping ahead to just read the chapter. Either way, here I go. Things are getting chaotic for me on both sides. I have test, projects, and reports do on one side (as well as my upcoming SAT). And at home, I have very personal and deep issues that are making me want to crawl into a corner and die. And I'm sick! Isn't that great? *sigh* And I love you guys, I really do, but a part of me does feel that I'm letting you down right now. I'm jumping to conclusions, having stupid thoughts, and weighing some things to heavily. Knowing that isn't stopping me though. Some of you are probably frustrated and want me to suck it up, but I don't want to. I'm sick of pretending that everything is okay and updating on somewhat of a schedule. I will not rant, or I'll try not to, but I don't want this beating me down either. **

**To put it simply, I may or may not update next Tuesday, or hey, even next week. I don't know, I might be out of this funk by then. I will still write, but I may not post, because I don't want the motivation for this story to be accidentally killed. It has happened before and it's far from pretty. So updating status might be up in the air. I'm sorry, but I feel so drained and like I'm not doing a good job. Thinking negative thoughts and the like. I don't need more of that. Gosh, I'm sorry, I must sound like such a damn baby right now. It's just, argh! Nothing is going right. **

**I'm sorry, I've annoyed you enough. Just please be patient with me, I really don't feel awesome right now. **

* * *

Silence. A long and unnerving silence. Lightning, Maqui, and Lebreau were all staring at him, unable to utter much of a sound. Hope's eyes traveled between all three of them, nervous and quick as he tried to stop the panic that was quickly taking over him. The monitor, in response to his rising panic, began to beep faster at his own heart's quick succession, making the other three finally react. Lightning was at his side in seconds, surprising them both, and she placed a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her, eyes searching hers, and felt himself calm as he stared into her eyes. His heart returned to its normal beat and he spoke.

"I mean, I can't just tell you everything. I-I know I'm not ready for that. But I-I figured that I...well, yeah." he trailed off, avoiding all of their gazes in favor of staring at the gray tiles of the hospital room. They were so delightfully dull and dreary he just couldn't look away. And it had to beat staring at them while they stared at him because he had offered something so incredibly personal. Plus he was so hot and uncomfortable now, and he could feel their eyes boring into him, making him feel worse. And he needed to stop thinking before-

"Hope." Hope jumped and looked at Lightning, blushing brightly before he quickly looked down at his hands. "Calm down. You can take your time you know." Lightning soothed, feeling a little awkward herself.

Hope tried to smile at her, but his lips did a strange twitch instead, and he opted for a sigh. Hope was quiet for a few moments, looking again at the boring hospital wall, "I guess the best way to do this is just to have you guys ask a question. I mean, I don't know where I'd start. B-Besides, I'm not going to tell you everything okay?" His voice grew stronger at this, but he quickly looked toward the corner of the room again, biting his lip, "So yeah, just ask a question I guess. But I-I might be vague..." Hope looked back at his hands, swallowing repeatedly to try and soothe his now dry throat. All it did was burn.

"All right Hope. That's fine." Lightning said. She was far too concerned with actually getting some answers to mind the details. Even if his answers were vague, it was better than nothing. Lebreau and Maqui seemed to share her thoughts, Lebreau scooting her chair closer and resting her arm on the bed rail. Maqui was about to plop into his seat, but a quick glare from Hope and a glance at Lightning had Maqui scurrying away from the chair. Instead Maqui pushed it toward her with a nervous push, offering her a smile, but he was quick to back away once she took her seat. Lightning rolled her eyes and looked back at Hope.

"Who should start?" Lightning asked, but Hope was still not looking at them. "Hope." Lightning tried, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"S-Sorry. I guess it doesn't really matter who starts. Ju-Just ask I guess." Hope glanced up at her, swallowing again. _Come on throat, don't dry up on me!_

Lebreau, Lightning, and Maqui looked between each other, trying to gauge what question to ask first and who should be the one to ask it. Maqui eventually dropped his gaze to Hope, thinking back to the incident with Rygdea, Hope, and the pills. Maqui hadn't thought much of it at the time, not after Hope's freak out, but now he had a chance to ask about it. Maqui's mouth had already gotten the question out before any of them could react.

"What were those pills really for Hope? When I caught you and Rygdea talking or whatever." Lebreau and Lightning looked at Maqui, eyes widening. Lightning snapped her head back to Hope, trying to wipe the emotion off her face, but Hope must have seen it. His face was heating up again, his cheeks turning red, and his eyes scrunched up as he avoided their eyes. Hope looked to the sides of the room, as if they could help him escape, but eventually let out a heavy sigh.

"Um, you don't have to say it Hope..." Maqui said, looking away as guilt churned in his stomach.

"N-No it's fine. You're just wondering right?" Hope asked, trying to smile. But again, he did not look them in the eye. Hope simply kept his eyes on his hands as he fiddled with the blanket, "I-I was taking them for my nightmares and flashbacks and everything. About what happened with her..." He trailed off, his hands stilling for a second, but he quickly shook his head and continued, "They were PTSD pills. They were supposed to treat the symptoms, make the dreams stop or at least slow them down, but they weren't really working. But I think it's because I wasn't taking them long enough. They're also supposed to help me sleep, but that's more because of the no dream thing than anything."

"Hope..." Maqui said, looking at Lightning, then Lebreau.

"But it's okay now!" Hope said, his voice painfully cheery, "I mean, Rygdea set me straight, and I could only take them when he thought I needed them. Besides, since he took them and he's-he's not here..." Hope trailed off again, eyes looking distant, and Lightning brought a hand to his shoulder without a second thought.

"Don't think about it too much Hope. Like we said, he'll be all right." Hope blinked at her, but he managed a smile this time.

"Thanks Lightning." Hope took a deep breath, "Next question?"

"Why do you hate fire?" Lebreau asked without missing a beat. Lebreau's face was tight and her eyes roved over Hope, as if the answer would suddenly appear on him. Hope stiffened at this, his eyes growing wide, and the heart monitor burst into renewed, rapid beeping. Hope swallowed and closed his eyes, forcing himself to calm down. Lebreau remained determined but patient, waiting the storm out. As if she had expected a response like that.

Lightning felt the familiar agitation spark inside of her, but she pushed it off. Her curiosity was winning over her sympathy, but she gave a Hope a look of comfort nonetheless. Curious or not, Lightning could still wait until he could breathe again.

Hope looked up at them, eyes frantic, but he took a few more deep breaths, nodding to himself. "I-I can't get into too deep with that..." _A scream...loud and shrill, and it echoed in the burning building. His own voice...how? It was so loud, his throat was burning from the smoke and fire and screaming. But it was everywhere, everywhere, as if the fire wanted to take it's time as it ate everything around it._ "I-I lost some important people in a fire..." _Eyes...empty eyes that would have the fire eating away at them. Then the skin, the flesh, would be consumed. Perhaps the bones themselves. At least what was left... _"A lot of people actually. It was-was pretty violent." Hope gasped out the last part and let out a small moan, "Just...not just the fire but-but it happened there and everything... Saorise she-she killed so many people. We were...we were supposed to protect them. That's what she said to me. That we were supposed to protect them together." He gritted his teeth and held his head in his hands, begging the memory to go away. But the more he tried to push it back, the more vivid it seemed to become. And there was a voice, laughing, mocking him. He could hear it's deep tenor as it rumbled in his head, painting the picture more clearly in his head.

_The brilliant orange hues as they devoured the homes, the bodies turning to ash and disfigured charred remains under the force of the fire. The remains would blow into the air like dust, lost in the wind. The walls of the building crumble with no support. The red...somehow he could still see the red. Just like she wanted... and that girl. The arm was-_

"Hope we can stop if you want." Hope opened his eyes, shocked to find them closed, and felt burning shame when he noticed he was crying. His cheeks were sticky from the tracks of some tears, some touching the corner of his mouth, leaving a salty taste. But he pushed the memory away, trying to concentrate on the voice that pushed the haunting images away. It wasn't Rygdea's, didn't have the same effect...but it was Lightning's. And her hand, he could feel it on his shoulder, squeezing gently.

He needed it...he needed to say it.

Even if it was only a little bit.

"No, it's okay." Hope said, letting the room come back into focus. The voices and the memories were starting to drift off as he concentrated on Lightning and the others, and he felt himself calming down again. "Well, you heard me. She lied obviously. Told me that we were going to protect this little town we found along Gran Pulse. It was filled with people who had actually survived being purged. Some of them had been from a few generations of purged Cocoon inhabitants. They were having problems with some of the C'ieth and we wound up helping them for a few months. It-It was before-before everything went downhill." Hope stopped and closed his eyes, concentrating on Lightning's hand on his shoulder.

"All right." Hope said after a few minutes of deep breathing, "I think I can handle another question." His eyes locked with Lightning's as the words left him, and Lightning gave him a slow, understanding nod. She heard the monitor quicken just a bit and could see Hope's nervousness in his eyes.

"Hope...I want to know what Saorise did to _you_. Not necessarily the people around you, but _you_." Lightning said, watching him carefully, her ears straining to hear the slightest change in the monitor. Hope's eyes widened slightly, and there was a small skip in the monitor, but it happened so fast that Lightning almost didn't catch it. Hope's eyes drooped, a small, hollow smile on his face, and his grip on the bed loosened. Lightning tried to say something about the sudden change, but Hope gave a small shake of his head, eyes distant.

"That's a good question too." Hope said, his voice toneless, "But I really...really don't want to go into details about that okay? So...I'll just see what I can tell you." Hope paused, looking back at his hands as his chest tightened. Hope cursed the heart monitor as it beeping grew louder and more consistent, but forced his breath to calm and for him to concentrate on the task he had ahead of him. He didn't lift his eyes to look at Lightning or the others, wishing he could just blurt the words out before his throat closed completely. He closed his eyes and scrunched them tight, ignoring the silence in the room that had only seemed to grow as the three watched and waited for him to calm down.

"I-I mean, I guess the first thing I should tell you is that she-she really didn't do anything for the first few months." Hope said, trying to keep his voice even, "I mean, I was-was out of it when she did finally make her move, so she was-was able to trap me. She locked me in the cabin we were staying at."

"Locked you in?" Lightning asked.

"Yeah. Not the-the normal way or anything. She used these bindings on the door so that they wouldn't release unless I used the right magic." Hope said, eyes skittish.

"I see." Lightning said, nodding. It would make sense if Hope had been trapped because he couldn't figure out how she sealed him in. At least it explained why Hope didn't get away at first. But with Hope's head bowed, she didn't notice the way he gritted his teeth or the way his cheeks lit up in new shame.

"Y-Yeah. Anyway, she would-would come in every now and again and start to hassle me." Hope rushed, but Lightning wouldn't have that.

"Hassle you? How-"

"N-No." Hope said, running trembling fingers through his hair.

"_Come on Hope, you love her don't you. Don't you want to make it back to her? It's all you have to do…" _

"P-Please Light…Please don't make me say it." Hope hated how his voice sounded. It was getting smaller and weaker by the second, and he forced himself to breath. He would not do this. He would not break down again! "L-Later. Maybe later." he said, voice a bit stronger this time. He finally looked up at her and felt as if the world had been lifted off his shoulders when she nodded.

"Thank you..." Hope breathed, "Anyway, after that, she would come in when I was sleeping." Hope swallowed again, trying to push the oncoming flashbacks away. "She would-would hold me down or have on of those C'ieth hold me down."

"_It'll only be for a second hope. Don't worry, only for a second."_

"And she would-would start to…"

"_It's for your own good. How else are you supposed to learn what to do when you refuse to use magic." The terrible spiked arm was raised just above his chest, one of the red tips tickling his chest, the cloth easily ripping away. He couldn't move, couldn't even scream. And the C'ieth raised its arm…_

"_It's for your own good."_

"Hope-"

"She-She would beat me." Hope forced out, his voice shaky, "Sometimes she'd have the C'ieth do it too."

_His chest was on fire, much worse than the pain from the brand. But it was close...so close to it._

"S-She'd sneak up on me sometimes too. Like, when I was asleep or something. And-And I'd wake up and-and she'd be there and-and-" Hope stuttered out, gasping.

_Blood, his own blood seeping through his torn clothes, and it was everywhere. It stained the sheets she would constantly replace, some of the blood already drying a dark black color on the bed. And she stood over him, smiling, whispering something to the C'ieth. Then she turned to him._

"_You can make this stop Hope. You just have to let him in. I know he's there. I know it...he told me so." But he was too far gone. He could only stare at her as she became a hazy blur of white, the world disappearing entirely. And even then it was too much and he closed his eyes._

_A snort was his only warning before the C'ieth struck again. So he started to whisper, "3520. 3521. 3522. 3523."_

"Hope!" Hope let out a shuddering gasp, taking in deep gulps of air as the hospital came back into focus. He let out a low whine and closed his eyes again, shaking his head and trying to rid himself of the memory. His stomach was screaming as if he had been struck, and he was afraid of the sharp pain. He knew there would be no blood, but the memory had been so _vivid_ it didn't even matter. _One. Two. Three. No! I won't go back to that!_

Someone continued to shake him and he peeked his eyes open, hands still trembling as he slowly raised his hand to grip Lightning's. Her eyes were wide and as he stared into them, let himself fall into a sea of endless blue, and felt the calm wash over him. Hope felt a pang in his chest when he noticed the slightest bit of guilt in her eyes.

"I-I'm sorry." Hope finally said, looking away from her, "I-well-what happened?"

Lightning pursed her lips and stood straighter, looking away from Hope as well, "You just stopped talking, then your eyes rolled back and you started counting. We were about to call a nurse." Lightning muttered.

"I didn't scream though?"

"No..."

Hope let his shoulders relax, but the feelings of shame rolled over him, easily replacing the panic he had felt only moments before. Exhaustion settled over him as well, and he blearily looked at the others, "I-I'm sorry about all that. I-I wanted to explain more but-"

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Lebreau and Maqui said at the same time, stepping forward. Hope nodded, feeling a small smile tug his lips.

"All right." There was a slight pause as Hope tried to bury the feelings of shame welling up inside him with renewed vigor. "By the way guys, do you know when I'll be able to get out of here? I'd-I'd rather be at home right now. It's not-not like we can really do anything at the moment." Hope finished with a small sneer, hands tightening on the sheets as he thought of the way the army had taken Rygdea away. And now he, Lebreau, Maqui, and everyone else in De Novo were suspended from the S.C.E. for who knew how long.

A hand on his shoulder made him jump and he looked up at Lightning, "You're ready to be discharged soon, we just have to wait until the paperwork gets through." she said, removing her hand at his flinch. Hope felt a strange twinge of guilt again and looked down, nodding his head.

"All right then." Hope said, "C-Can you get Snow and Serah then? So that they know or-or something..." Lightning gave a quick nod and turned, hair flipping as she went, and Hope felt the guilt in his gut and chest grow. He didn't understand what he had done wrong, but whatever it was must have been bad...

_It was probably me freaking out or something...I can't blame her though. I mean-I mean I keep screwing up. _

"Hope?" He looked up at Lebreau, trying to smile, but she placed a hand on his shoulder, ghosting where Lightning's hand had been, "It's all right Hope. We're just glad you talked to us at all. It's been a long day anyway, don't feel too down. Kay? We learned a lot and-thanks." She gave him a light punch on the arm as she finished, and Hope felt himself smile, even if it was only a little.

"K-Kay..." He let out a large yawn before he could finish, eyes closing and watering as he did so, and he shook his head to rid himself of the leftover sleep. It only seemed to make the tiredness settle in deeper.

"Who's ready to go?" Serah cheered as she came back inside, cradling Hazel in her arms. Hazel thrust her arms up in the air, waving them excitedly, and she started to make popping noises with her mouth.

"Om! Om! Om!" Hazel chanted, smiling and bouncing in her mother's arms. Hope's smile grew wider and his tension finally left him as he watched the little girl cheer on.

"Yeah." Hope said, swinging his legs over the bed, "Let's go home."

* * *

Lightning was at a loss. She was glad that Hope had started to talk, even if his answers were a little vague and he had broken down in the end. He was starting to tell them things that they had wanted to know, that she had wanted to know, and having him open up to her...it meant a lot. It made her feel a little warmer, a little happier. But at the same time, she felt guilty and frustrated. Hope had broken down again, something she had been hoping to prevent, and she knew it was wearing him out. She wanted to help him but she had no idea how to go about it, and he would only get worse until she figured it out.

Then stupid fluttering in her chest wouldn't stop! A part of her, a tiny, tiny part of her, had an idea of what it was. But the moment the little voice who knew and understood it started to speak she would try to squash it down. Lightning hated and loved how the feeling made her feel, and she wasn't sure what she wanted to do with that either. However, the little voice was getting louder and louder every time it popped up, and Lightning just wanted a chance to stop and collect her thoughts. Maybe figure out how to help Rygdea, help Hope, or just kill Saorise. But no, everything had to be confusing and complicated and piling on top of one another! And to make matters worse-

"Aw, he looks so cute!" Serah cooed.

Lightning let out a low growl and glanced down at the head that rested on her shoulder. Hope was cuddled in the crook of her neck, his platinum blond locks tickling her cheek, and his little breaths kept ghosting over her skin. Lightning would have woken him, truly she would have, but every time she tried it he would just snuggle with her tighter. And how did it end up this way? Because Hope was about to fall over the sidewalk before the taxi even arrived Lightning had to make a save. That or let Hope crash into the pavement. Which landed Hope right on her.

Right next to her in fact.

With his head tucked right by her neck.

"He's probably still tired from the day. I mean, after the sedative, and-and what happened to Rygdea, and all that, I'm sure he's exhausted. I mean, look at Snow and Hazel!" Serah continued, smiling and pointing to her husband and daughter. They were huddled together by the window, Hazel secured in Snow's strong grip, and Hazel's blond head resting on her father's chest. Serah let out a giggle and relaxed in her seat, but Lightning only rolled her eyes at her sister.

"He's not sleeping on your shoulder." Lightning murmured, glancing at Hope again.

"Please, you were going to let him stay the second you saw him smiling in his sleep." Serah said, shaking her head and giggling again. "I know you don't hate it either. He has a death grip on you sure, but I saw you smile." Lightning let the smallest of gulps happen and cursed as she felt her cheeks heat up. She refused to look at her sister and opted for the window instead, only to get a face full of hair as she turned wound up facing Hope. Lightning narrowed her eyes as Serah's hardly controlled giggles filled the taxi.

"Serah..." Lightning warned. Serah let out a small snort and opened her eyes, a smile still on her face. Before Lightning could say anything, Hope let out a long sigh and wrapped his arm around Light's stomach. Lightning shivered as his fingers brushed her piercing around her naval, arm resting on top of it, and she turned her glare to Hope instead. Serah watched as she bit her thumb to keep from making another noise, but Hope made no move after that. Lightning let out a small sigh herself, rolling her eyes again, but her hand rose and ruffled his hair before landing defeated on the car seat. Lightning could feel her sister's eyes on her but refused to look back Lightning felt nervous for some reason and quickly squashed that down as well.

Now was not the time to be thinking about it.

"_You're doing it again..." _She blinked at the voice, wondering if she was now going crazy, but decided to humor it.

_Doing what?_

"_How can you expect Hope to listen to that little speech of you have planned when you can't even put it into practice yourself?" _Lightning clenched her hands, knowing that the voice was right. But that wasn't the only thing. She had promised to give that apology/pep talk to Hope, but after everything that had happened today, she didn't know how appropriate it would be. Without noticing it herself, her hand reached toward Hope's, sitting just beyond his fingertips, and she watched the buildings blur by until the taxi started to slow down, coming to a stop at their home.

Lightning closed her eyes and listened as her sister started to shake Snow awake before Lightning turned to Hope. Her fingers briefly touched his head again before she reached for his shoulder instead, gently nudging him awake. She felt him shudder underneath her touch until his eyes blinked open, looking slightly bleary. He let out a small yawn, barely even noticing where they were, and silently followed her as she tugged on his hand, leading him out of the car.

Lightning helped him out, his footsteps a little unsteady as he stepped out of the taxi, and he nearly stumbled into her. Snow was already walking toward the door with a still sleeping Hazel cradled in his hands, Serah promising to pay before pulling out her purse. The other taxi pulled to a stop behind him, Lebreau and Maqui filing out and paying for their taxi as well before they turned to her and Hope. Maqui gave her a small smile, waving a little before going inside, and Lebreau gave her a blank glance before following him. Serah joined them as the taxis pulled away, leaving silence in the wake of the taxi's departing engines, and she smiled at Lightning and Hope before leading the way inside.

Lightning tugged on Hope's hand, the man slowly starting to wake, and he followed her inside of the house. Lebreau and Maqui were already lazing around on the couch, talking in whispers, and Snow was coming down the stairs. Lightning listened as she walked by him and Serah, Snow telling his wife that he had put Hazel down for the night, before their voices faded off as she and Hope climbed the stairs.

Lightning felt Hope's fingers wiggle slightly in her grasp and she blushed, quickly releasing his hand. They had reached the top of the stairs by now and stood at Hope's door. She turned toward him, watching as he looked at the floor, grabbing his arm and picking at his sweater. There was silence between them as they stood at his room, neither very sure of what to say. Hope finally looked up at her, his lips forming a nervous smile.

"I-I guess I should head in my room for a while...maybe take a nap or something since I fell asleep in the taxi..." He blushed a little at that and Lighting wondered how much Hope actually remembered. He looked her in the eyes, his own seemingly searching for something in hers, before letting a sadder smile cross his face. "Later Light...I'm sorry."

The last part was whispered and Lightning barely caught it, but the moment she did she grabbed Hope by the arm and yanked him back into the hall with her. Hope looked at her with wide eyes but Lightning was too angry to care.

"What the are you sorry about?" she demanded, tightening the grip she had on his arm and ignoring the way her own throbbed. She had grabbed him with her injured arm...but it was nothing to serious. At least, that's what she kept telling herself.

Truthfully, she just wanted to forget the whole thing and get some sleep. But she still had to go to the base...in four hours.

"I-I-" Hope looked anywhere but her, eyes flitting from his door, the corners of the hallway, and to his own feet. Lightning tightened her grip again before letting her hand fall to her side, letting out a sigh.

"I-I should be the one apologizing Hope." Hope looked up at her, eyes wide and confused, and she let out a deep breath. "Before...when I told you to get over your attitude...and punched you...and when we interrogated you when you just woke up." She narrowed her eyes at that, feeling even more guilty, "That wasn't right of us to do, even if you did offer."

"But Light...all of that-"

"Let me finish Hope!" Hope snapped his mouth shut and just stared at her, nervously bouncing on his feet as he waited for her to continue. Lightning closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose before taking a deep breath. She tried to think of all the variations she had tried for this apology, all the things she wrote in that damn notebook, but none of it was coming back to her. It was a giant blank...

_Just great..._

"What-What I'm trying to say Hope is that I'm sorry for punching you and being rather forceful with the situation. I was just frustrated." _That's an understatement. _

"Bu-"

"Hope..." He snapped his mouth shut again and waited, Lightning calming herself down again, "I wanted you to keep moving forward, I did mean that part. But I didn't want you to shut up like a book. I didn't want you to feel like you had to be stronger or something like that. I know...I know you're worried about us. And you have everyreason to be. But we're worried about you." Hope gave a quick nod of the head, but Lightning stopped him, making him look her in the eye.

"Hope...I didn't mean for you to think you had to try and do something like this either. If you don't want to open up to us..." She paused, biting her lip, "I-I guess..."

"N-No Light." Hope bit his own lip as he realized he had interrupted her, but relaxed when she didn't reprimand him for it. "I-I didn't do that because I felt obligated to or anything. I mean...I mean Rygdea's been trying to get me to talk to more people anyway, so it was just a matter of time. E-Especially now..." Hope looked down as he thought of Rygdea but Lightning snapped her fingers, bringing him from his dark thoughts, "B-But it's not like I don't _want_ to Light. I just...have a hard time with it. I get scared or worried...or I start to have flashbacks. But I _want_ to tell you and Lebreau and Maqui what happened. And Serah and Snow too. I just...I don't-I don't know how to explain it. I have to take baby steps or something."

Silence followed his words, both of them staring at one another, feeling strangely nervous and relaxed. Hope kept twirling his fingers, glancing at Light and the floor while Light crossed her arms, staring at Hope's sweater. She nodded to herself and stepped forward, pulling Hope into a hug.

"L-Light?" Hope asked into Lightning's shoulder.

"Hope...I'll try and help any way I can all right? You just have to let me know what to do... We'll figure out how to help Rygdea." She felt him tense under her fingers, but pressed on, "We'll put a stop to Saorise. We'll make you safe again. We'll do this together, all right?" She pulled herself away from him and looked him in the eye. He was tense, green eyes searching hers again. And then he smiled. A true smile, one that had shades of both the old Hope and this new Hope she was holding in her arms. The Hope who was grateful and determined. Kind and careful.

Her heart skipped a beat.

"All right Light. And I'll-I'll do my best. I mean..." he looked way from her, "I can't really help you on the field, but maybe I can figure something out until then. And I could-could help with Rygdea too. I could-could _try_. I have to try." He looked at her again, and Lightning smiled when she saw the spark in his eyes. "For you."

Lightning's voice stuck as Hope's smile widened and she felt warmer as she watched him smile. As his chest rose with new found confidence. She tried to say something, anything, but her mind was a total blank. She knew she should feel embarrassed or annoyed. Lightning Farron was never speechless. But that stupid fluttering she didn't want to think about had returned full force.

All she could so was smile.


	21. Babysitting

**EDIT: No guys, I didn't post Chapter 22 yet. I'm so sorry, I really screwed up. Please don't be mad, I didn't mean to. Ugh. I'm so sorry. **

**Hey all! Thank you for the wonderful support, Makes me feel a bit better, and things are starting to look up I think. And I found a few hobbies to keep me occupied, some of which I'm excited about. And expect something next week when I hopefully update. But let me thank you all for your reviews! As for the anonymous ones: **

**Crystal: Dear, let me tell you how much those reviews of your meant to me. Seriously, it's enough that you care, and that you read, but you still went beyond that. So thank you. I'm glad that I was able to help at all, if only a little, and you were so understanding. Thank you. *hugs* And thank you fro the kind words about this story. It means a lot to me, and, well, just thank you. It means a lot. **

**Anonymous: Don't feel bad at all! It's not as if you would know, but thank you for being understanding. Thank you for the offer as well, I'll see how it goes. And thank you for the compliment of the story. It means a lot. Thank you.  
**

**On a side note, with my SAT test date drawing near, as well as some other deadlines, updates may stay difficult. We'll see. Again though, thank you for your infinite patience. **

**One last side note, but it is shameless advertising, so feel free to disregard. However, I did release the prologue to a new story. It is...well, AU, HopexSerah, and will eventually lead to pirates. I've been wanting an excuse to write about pirates for a while now, so yeah. Anyway, I'm calling it Skimming Skies so um... well... shameless advertising over. *blush***

* * *

Snow watched as Hope disappeared behind the door, leaving Snow and his wife stunned in the wake of his tale. Snow's hand still hung in the air, having ruffled Hope's hair only seconds ago in an attempt to comfort him. But it had been mechanical, just as Serah's hug had been. They were still taking it in. The pills, the fire, and the obvious abuse. Snow had no idea that Hope would actually tell them anything about what happened to him, but now that he had heard some of it…

He wanted to rip Saorise limb from twitching limb.

Snow clenched his hands until they turned white and glared down at his knees, seething from what he had heard. It sounded like torture, like she had done everything in her power to make Hope miserable, and that was when he was being vague With all the details sketchy so no one could see him break down. So no one would s how…horrible it had been for him. Or maybe it was to keep Snow and Lightning from hunting her down with fangs bared and killing intent rolling off them in waves.

_Will I be able to keep it together if he ever tells us the whole thing?_ Snow shook his head and breathed heavily out of his nose. He knew he wouldn't. He knew he'd want to find that bitch and tear her asunder for what she did to Hope. He wanted to do it now, his legs twitched to get up and find Saorise. The only thing really stopping him was that he had no idea where she was.

Snow almost jumped when Serah's small, thin arms slid around his neck, tugging him closer to her. Snow's face softened at her gentle touch and the hard, cold look in his eyes were gone as he relaxed. Serah buried her face into his back, taking a deep breath of her own. Snow closed his eyes when he felt her shudder, her warm hot tears leaking into his shirt. Snow's heart clenched and he took a shaky breath as Serah started to rock them on their bed, burrowing herself deeper and deeper into Snow's back.

"Why. Why. _Why._" Serah repeated the word into his back, over and over again, but was met with silence. Her fingers clawed desperately at his shirt, grabbing chunks of the fabric in her trembling hands. Her words were muffled but she said them so loudly that they echoed around the room. Gave something to the silence.

"And Snow-Snow did you see him? He was so scared and helpless. He looked so sad! And-And then…then he just says there's nothing we could have done. That it was-was just a-a bad choice on his part. Maker Snow, it sounds like he blames himself!" Serah's nails dug through the shirt into Snow's back, leaving unseen marks on his skin. Snow gritted his teeth as Hope's sad face popped back into his mind.

_It's not right._

"What do we do Snow?" Serah asked, finally pulling away from her husband's back. Snow turned at her question, taking in her sad and trembling appearance. Her blue eyes were clear and bright, bluer than Snow could ever remember them. Her cheeks were puffy and her face red, some tears still trying to escape her eyes. She wiped them away, glaring angrily as she rubbed against her eyes, "What do we do?" she repeated.

Snow took a deep breath; feeling anger make its home in his veins, course through him as if to give him new strength. He understood, now, why sis had looked so angry when they had left the hospital. He knew why she looked ready to kill.

Because she was.

Lightning wouldn't stand by as Hope got hurt. Hell, he knew he wouldn't either. Whatever beast that had tried to take the kid out when they were on Gran Pulse, when they were fighting soldiers, hell, when they were fighting those killer plants, they all went down in seconds. No one hurt Hope. No one even thought about hurting Hope. Hope was part of Snow's family, he was part of Snow's promise, and dammit he loved the kid.

_And like hell will I let this stand._

Snow felt his resolution settle in his chest, right on his heart, and he knew he'd follow through. One way or another, he would take down the person who had hurt Hope so badly. And until then…

"Serah." Snow said, gently grabbing his wife's arms with his large hands. Serah sniffed and looked up at him with her big blue eyes, eyes that looked to his for answers. And he was going to do his best. For him. For him. For sis. And mostly…for Hope. "I know it seems bad for him and for all of us. I know that Hope's hurt and it seems like we can't do anything to help him. But we have to. We're going to have to wait and take Saorise down when we can. And until then, we're going to make sure we help Hope in any way we can. Even if we just embarrass the crap out of him until he smiles."

Snow paused, nuzzling his face in Serah's hair, "It's all we can do."

Serah stiffened against him for the briefest moment before her arms slowly wound around his waist. She rested against his shoulder, breathing slowly to calm her nerves. She smiled, feeling comfortably warm and safe in Snow's arms. She brought a hand to his head and ruffled his hair, giggling at the annoyed noise he made.

"All right." she whispered.

* * *

Hope was at a loss at what he should do with himself. As much as he wanted to help, as much as he felt the need to help, there was little he could do now that he and every other l'Cie had been expunged from the S.C.E. Branch. To make matters worse, Hope had to watch Lightning and Snow go back to base every day for the past two weeks to face the dangers of the C'ieth and Saorise. And what were they relying on? A few mana drives that were supposed to be more advanced than previous models. How were those supposed to keep the C'ieth at bay? How were they supposed to save themselves from Saorise.

Saorise...

Hope sighed and brought his hand to his face, trying to block out how forlorn Serah had looked when he had told her and Snow about what happened. It hadn't been much, but much with Saorise was still enough to make Serah cringe and worry. And Snow had looked ready to kill. As much as Hope had loved the feeling, the sudden burst of warmth that had made him feel strangely whole, he didn't want the dangerous that came with it. If things stayed the way they were, everyone would be in danger. Hell, Snow and Lightning were in enough danger as it was. _They don't need me to put them in even more. Gah…it's like going in circles. _

They hadn't heard from Crawford either, or anyone with rank in the S.C.E., so they had no news of Rygdea's condition. Hope and Maqui had already called De Novo, telling them they needed to pack up and leave the base for now. Hope felt jittery with the military, thinking there plans would hit there next going and Maqui couldn't help but agree. For now, De Novo would remain an empty underground base with the inhabitants scattered on the wilds of Gran Pulse. But as long as everyone in New Bodhum could communicate with them and the De Novo members stayed out of sight, Hope and Maqui were sure it would be all right. Well...almost. Neither Hope or Maqui were really accounting for beasts.

Hope rolled over in his bed, unable to get to sleep after seeing Snow and Lightning off to the base for the last day of that week. He could never get to sleep after they left, but he'd always try, if only to appease Serah. The worry was just too much for him. Hope had tried to apologize to her, saying he wished he could help Lightning and Snow, but she had only pushed him to the kitchen for some snacks. "No need to apologize!" she had claimed, "I understand! Besides, at least I have some company now."

And having Serah as constant company was like having a twenty-four hour and seven days a week mother hen. Hope was sure she had picked it up from taking care of Hazel, but now that motherly instinct was spilling over to him, Maqui, and Lebreau. As strange as it was to have someone tell him to go back to bed, or to make meals for him, or say that he needed to eat his vegetables, Hope smiled at the thought of it. It made him feel strangely young for a moment, even if he felt old the next.

_It's like…having a mom again. _His hand tightened around his pillow and he felt an old and familiar pain rise in his chest, tightening around his heart. His mother and father…it had been such a long time since he could really sit down and think about them. He sighed and smashed the pillow to his face, trying to smother himself. _I haven't been to their graves in years…_ Guilt bubbled in his stomach, his hand straying toward it and rubbing it carefully as if he could massage the feeling away. He missed them, he still missed them dearly, even though years had passed since their deaths. But what frightened him the most was that brief stint with Saorise that had almost made him forget…

_Forget what their faces looked like…_

Hope sat up and threw the pillow aside, the cushion hitting the floor with a soft thump. Knowing he'd get no more sleep for the morning, Hope slowly made his way out of bed, pulling off his sleepwear as he went. He casually pushed the clothes underneath the bed and stretched, his lean body moving smoothly with him as he made his way to his dresser. Once he was dressed in a simple t-shirt and jeans he made his way downstairs, following his nose to the kitchen. _Eggs? Well…I am kinda hungry._

"Hey Serah." He greeted once he entered the kitchen, ruffling Hazel's hair as he passed her on her high chair. Hazel grabbed his fingers before he could get away and started to smash them into her food, a now goopy mess from her unconventional way of eating. Hope grinned as his fingers were messily slid across the small, once white table, Hazel giggling madly before she brought his fingers to her mouth, sucking on them greedily. "Ow! Watch the teeth now!" Hope cried, still smiling.

Serah watched them, shutting the small oven off and moving the pan of eggs over to the other burner, leaning her hip against the white counter. She smiled to herself as Hope continued to play with Hazel, but she also took the time to study him. He was looking tired...there were bags under his eyes and he seemed paler than usual. She had tried to take care of him all that week, but his usual response was that Snow and Lightning were way worse off and that she should concentrate her efforts on them. Serah had almost beaten Hope to the ground with her commands for sleep and food and some fun, but all he had done was shake his head.

"_They'll need it way more than me Serah. It's not like I haven't gone without sleep before. Besides, they _are_ looking worse off..." _

She hadn't said anything at the time, wanting to at least get Hope to sleep more as they both worried in the early hours of the morning of what would happen to Snow and Lightning. She didn't want to admit it, but what he said had some truth. Snow had gone straight to bed after he got home the past few nights, Serah having to force him up for about ten minutes so he could actually get some food in him. He was always tired, his shoulders slumped, and she could see some bruises forming on his chest and arms. He had said they were training harder now that their numbers had been cut down by half, the new recruits not arriving until that weekend.

And Lightning...her _sister_, the Lightning who never runs out of 'I'll kick your ass' energy, actually looked tired too. She didn't show it on the same level that Snow did, but whenever Lightning thought someone wasn't looking, Serah would see her eyes droop or a small yawn escape her. And Lightning eyes looked tired as well, her movements sometimes strangely sluggish. It frustrated Serah to no end, and she strove to do what she could for them. Even if it was small things like giving them their meals a little earlier or preparing their baths, it was all she could do.

She was just happy that they had the weekend off.

"Serah?" She jumped and blinked, eyes widening when she saw Hope at the stove, pulling the pan off the burner and scooping the eggs onto two plates. She assumed that he had gotten them from the cupboard; she knew she hadn't gotten them down. "You kind of spaced out there." he said, reaching for the silverware drawer and taking out two forks. He shoved them into the eggs, smiling at his handiwork before handing a plate to Serah, "Not that it's a problem. But let's space out while we eat huh?"

Serah nodded and grabbed her plate, allowing him to steer her toward the table. Hazel watched idly, sucking on her food covered finger absentmindedly while her other hand smashed her food. Serah shook her head but smiled, knowing that brunch would have ended in a bath anyway. She glanced at Hope as he slowly chewed his food, gazing at the ceiling with each bite. She took a few bites herself, wondering what to say, when Hope broke the ice.

"Where'd Lebreau and Maqui go?"

"Oh! Well, they said they wanted to head for that park nearby, so I let them go." Hope smiled at the thought of them asking Serah for permission, but Serah continued to watch him. Her mind was whirring, plans of all shapes and sizes forming in her mind as she figured ways to get Hope to relax while letting Snow and even Lightning to have a little fun. Maybe not Lightning, but Serah could dream. Maybe Hope needed to spend…quality time with some of the family. She ran her thumb up and down the smooth handle of the fork, biting her lip as she glanced at Hazel, then back at Hope. Hope finally caught on to the attention but was far too nervous to look at Serah. He had seen her glance at Hazel too, and he didn't like what it meant.

_Why's she staring at me?_ He thought, gulping. He looked back down at his eggs and started to shovel them into his throat, thinking that maybe he'd be able to make a quick getaway. Serah's eyes widened at the abrupt act, but she soon narrowed her eyes and gave Hope a sweet smile.

Hope knew he was done for.

"Hope, would you say that you're…good with children?" Serah asked, calmly taking Hope's now empty plate as he choked on his food. He coughed several times, thumping his chest to make the food go down the right pipe, before glancing at Serah. He quickly looked away when she caught his eye, but Serah continued to smile, reaching for Hazel and gently pulling her from the chair. Serah grabbed a spare napkin from her pocket and began to wipe Hazel down, removing some of the goop the girl had managed to get on her face. "Hm?" she hummed, waiting for his answer.

Hope started and looked away, tapping his fingers on the table and glancing around him. He eventually gave her a half shrug, "I-I guess."

Serah gave a light chuckle and it only made Hope even more nervous, "Don't be silly Hope! You're selling yourself short. I've seen you handle Hazel, and honestly, you're doing a great job."

Hope swallowed, wanting to back away from her with each passing second, "I-I don't know Serah. I-I mean, Hazel's not a bad kid, so I don't really see-"

"Really? I was hoping you'd say that! Not a lot of people do you know, and I've always wondered why." Hope's eyes widened as he realized too late what he had said, and Serah was plowing over him before he could get a word in, "Anyway Hope, for a while now, I've been looking for someone to maybe babysit Hazel here so that I could take Snow out for the weekend. He's been stressed lately, what with everything going on and all, but for some reason, no one wants to babysit." Hope really wanted to leave the room at this point. There was a reason that no one wanted to babysit Hazel.

Sure, she was a delight. At least when her mom wasn't gone for more than three hours. But when Serah _was _gone...when she was Hazel took on this whole new demanding, crying, frightening form. Hope had only borne witness to it once so far, as Serah always seemed to be close by. Serah had even given up on bartending 7th Heaven for a while for her daughter, only going in when necessary. But when she was gone, Hazel became a different kind of beast. The kind that wailed and hit and bit at anyone unfortunate enough to cross her path.

"So Hope, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to babysit Hazel for me this weekend. Then I could take Snow out for a while, get him all nice and relaxed..." She gave him a pleading look, and Hope could already feel himself caving, even as he averted his gaze.

"I-I don't know...I mean, what about Lightning? Or Maqui and Lebreau." he asked, concentrating hard on the fridge.

"Well, she'll probably be resting that day. Don't tell her that yet though, she doesn't know." Serah said, smirking, "And those two told me they were going shopping. Or at least, Lebreau said they were going shopping whether Maqui wanted to or not." Hope looked back at her and groaned, rubbing his face.

"I-I-Fine I guess." Hope said, "I mean, it does seem like you need this day with Snow. And it's the least I could do."

Serah smiled and placed the napkin down on the table, knowing Hazel would need more than just a napkin to get her clean, and gave Hope a hug. "Thank you Hope." she said, ruffling his hair, "It means a lot. And I'm sure she'll be no problem with you. She adores you after all!"

As if on cue, Hazel gave a shriek and started to say Hope's name, "Ope. Ope. Ope! Ood?" Hope nodded at Serah, returning her hug. Hope watched when Serah pulled away and took Hazel out of her high chair.

"She really needs a bath huh? I'll be back Hope, don't worry about the dishes. And thank you so much!" Hope nodded again and gave her a little wave as she left, her step a little more bouncy and a smile still on her face.

_I think I've been duped..._

* * *

"I can't believe you're making Hope babysit." Lightning said, watching her sister as she lifted her purse off the couch and slipped it over her shoulder. Lightning resisted the urge to yawn, even as her whole body ached with the effort to keep her up and alert. It had gotten harder for everyone at the base, the drills they were doing almost never ending as they fought to keep up with the loss of so many members. That, and the new mana drives were something else. Every time Lightning used one, it felt as if she were wielding something twice as heavy as herself. Like her body was made of lead. It was unusual, especially when compared to other, older models of mana drives.

But Lightning and Snow had both agreed not to mention this to the others, at least for now. Everyone had enough to worry about without adding to the plate, and besides, both she and Snow were sure they would get used to the mana drives when given time.

Somehow, Lightning doubted that her sister, or Hope, would see that logic.

"I'm not _making_ him. I pleaded my case and asked nicely." Serah said, breaking Lightning's thoughts. "I mean, he isgood with kids. And Hazel does like him!" Serah paused and gave Lightning a long stare, making Lightning raise an eyebrow at her sister's odd behavior. Serah only smiled at her, shaking her head, "I'm sure he'll be fine Light. Besides, you'll be there on the off chance that he needs help."

Lightning blinked at this, slightly stunned, then shook her head, "I don't know where you're getting that idea. I have-"

"Oh, I already know about your plans on going on that little shopping excursion. I know you love having the proper tools for taking care of your gunblade Claire, but at the same time, I can't help but feel that you need a break yourself. So rather than have you go out and get the proper supplies yourself, I decided to humbly ask Maqui and Lebreau to pick up the supplies for you."

"They won't know what to buy!" Lightning complained, glaring at Serah.

"That's why I gave them a list!" Serah said, smile growing, "So now you can stay home and relax! Maybe take a nap, spend some time with Hope. Things like that." Serah only hummed in happiness, even as her sister gave her a hard glare. She even bounced on each foot, dancing to music only she could hear, and giggled at the look Lightning sent her, watching as it intensified with each passing second. But her sister suddenly deflated, and Serah stopped her motions.

"Lightning?" Serah asked, wondering what was wrong. Had she done the wrong thing after all? She only wanted to get her sister to relax and enjoy a day off, but if she had really wanted to go shopping...

Lightning stared ahead of her, eyes thoughtful as she considered her response. Her eyes eventually met Serah's again, searching for something that Serah hoped Lightning would find, "I have been thinking about Hope a lot lately." Serah's eyes widened at her sisters' admission, but she as too stunned to form much of a response. Serah had to know what way Lightning was thinking about Hope before she could give Lightning any advice. Or nudges forward...

"We've all been thinking about him lately. I mean, we're worried after all. But I think he's starting to feel a bit better, even with Rygdea gone. And I know you had something to do with it." Serah smiled as her sister's eyes widened in surprise, before Lightning's eyes softened and Lightning let a rare smile of her own on her face.

"I know. I'm glad about that too. But...I don't know if that's it." Lightning pursed her lips again, crossing her arms, "I don't know, it's been a bit confusing lately. I'm not sure if I even want to try and sort all these weird thoughts out yet anyway. I mean, there's a lot of other things we have to do and it's not like-"

"No Claire!" Serah shouted, startling Lightning. She shook her head and walked over to her sister, trying to peer into her eyes, "I mean, you can tell me. Maybe we could sort it out together or something. There's no harm in thinking about it or anything."

Lightning gave her sister a long look, wondering just how much she _would_ tell her, "I don't know Serah... I mean, I don't even have this figured out yet-"

"And I'll help you with that!" Serah pressed, boring her eyes into Lightning's.

"_But_," Lightning said, rolling her eyes at her sister's interruption, "I don't know if now is the time. Besides I'm..." Lightning trailed off, not wanting to admit to her sister that she was the tiniest bit nervous. Or scared. Or confused. That maybe she did sort of know what was happening, and was fighting it for all she was worth. Now was not the time for it. Hope didn't need it. She didn't need it.

Right?

"Lightning." Serah said, giving her sister a warm smile, "I know. And we'll take it slowly. But we'll never get anywhere if we don't talk about it!"

Lightning opened her mouth to reply, but a shriek from the kitchen had both the Farrons running over, recognizing Hazel's little voice at once. However, as they stepped into the kitchen, they were met with a very happy Hazel, and a sugar coated Snow, the tall man even licking some of the small grains of sugar from his lips. Sugar littered the floor as well, and Hazel was happily licking the stuff from her fingers.

Serah's mouth opened in silent horror as her husband gave a nervous laugh, clutching his daughter in a firm grip as he slowly steeped away from the mess on the floor. Hope skidded into the room before anyone could say a word, looking frenzied as he searched for the source of the scream. "Is everything al-What the hell happened?" Snow shot Hope a glare, but Serah was already stepping forward, an eerie smile on her face.

"Yes Snow. What happened?" Snow flinched at Serah's overly sweet tone, and was dismayed when his usually disarming smile did nothing to her own creepy smile.

"Well...you see...I was just trying to say goodbye to our little pride and joy, but I was also trying to sneak in one more cup of coffee." Snow started, glancing at his still sugarless cup of joe sitting innocently on the counter. "And you know how I am, I like some sugar in there. But Hazel seemed really interested in it too...so I thought maybe just a little sugar for her. I held out my finger, all ready for her little mouth, but she kind of grabbed the whole cup." He glanced at the thankfully intact glass cup on the floor, sugar spilled around it. "She likes it though...maybe a little too much?"

Hazel just giggled and started to bounce up and down in her father's arms, eventually reaching for Snow's hat and ripping it off his head. She started to hit the air with it, giggling madly as she made it swing this way and that, sticking her other sugar coated hand in her mouth. Snow glanced at his wife, blinking his eyes and trying to look as cute and innocent as possible, anything to convince his wife that it wasn't all bad. Of course, Lightning smirking in the background, Hope covering his face with his hand, and Serah developing a sudden and rather serious eye-twitch, told Snow that no one bought it.

"Snow...you just gave our daughter sugar. Not just that, you gave her a _lot_ of sugar. Do you know how bad that is? Do you know how-how _impossible_ she might be now?" Serah asked, eyes wide even as the twitch in her right eye continued with a vengeance. "What are we supposed to do now?"

Snow looked from Serah to his daughter, then to Hope before he swallowed hard, "Tell Hope good luck and leave?" He tried, batting his eyes. He ignored Hope's angry sputters and concentrated on winning over Serah, all the while hoping in his head that he'd make it out of the situation unscathed. Serah's eyes widened and she looked at Hope as Snow gently handed Hazel to Hope. "I'm sure he can manage it, right kid?" Hope glared at Snow, annoyed by the nickname, but Snow had already turned back to Serah. Hazel gave a delighted shriek and started to pull on Hope's hair, ignoring Hope's quiet noises of discomfort. Snow glanced back and smiled at him, giving him an _almost_ apologetic look before grabbing Serah's hand and pulling her toward the door.

"S-Snow! Don't, that's not fair!" Serah cried, even as they approached the door.

"I'm sure he can handle it! Right Hope?" Snow called, but still rushing out before Hope had a chance to answer. The door slammed shut barely two minutes later, and Hope stared blankly at the kitchen doorway, jaw slack even as Hazel continued to pull on him. Lightning rolled her eyes at Snow's antics, knowing that Serah would give him an earful, and turned toward Hope.

"I can help you if you want." Lightning offered. Hope blinked and looked back at Lightning, but he shook his head.

"No way Light. I appreciate it, I really do, but you and Snow are exhausted from all that work you're doing at base." He smiled slightly when Hazel grabbed his collar, trying to pull his shirt up and over him, "This is the least I can do. Besides, it's not like she really will be impossible." Hope bounced Hazel up slightly in his arms, the young girl giggling and starting to play with her own hair, pulling her blond hair into messy mock braids. "You just get some rest." Hope finished.

"But Hope, she's hopped up on sugar, you can't-"

"No way Light. Just go get some sleep." Hope froze slightly at the glare she sent him, and quickly moved to amend his mistake, "I mean, please go get some rest. I can handle it, and it's not like you'll be far away if I _do_ need help." Lightning hesitated, glancing between Hope and the still babbling Hazel before slowly nodding her head. But she knew better. Hope was in for quite the ride. If he insisted on it though...well, he'd find out the hard way.

"Whatever you say Hope."

* * *

At first, it really hadn't been so bad, babysitting Hazel. Sure, she pulled on his hair more than he liked, and she liked to bite on his clothes, and she was a little wriggly. But plenty of kids were that way so he couldn't complain. He had dealt with a lot worse, and was more than sure he had been more than a handful for his own mother.

Then lunchtime rolled around and the world decided that Hope had to be taught a lesson. That he had to learn that little toddlers with sugar in their systems was more dangerous than he thought. That in fact, they could become quite evil. And it took all of Hope's self restraint to keep from cursing every curse word he knew.

Living with Rygdea, he knew a lot. Many colorful, creative, and downright harmful curse words that would make a near three years olds head spin. And repeat them for days...

"H-Hazel, come on now! Sh-" Hope ducked and bit his lip before the curse word could escape, a piece of sliced peaches hitting the wall. The fruit hit the once clean wall with a squelch, sticking to the surface for a few brief moments before slowly sliding down to the floor. Hope groaned when another piece of peaches slammed against the wall and he nearly yelped when cold juice started to slide down his shirt in a surprise attack. Hope wiggled and shivered as he tried to make the fruit go down his shirt faster, the peach slice hitting the floor softly and making more of a sticky mess on the floor. Hope pushed himself off the floor and glared, but Hazel only giggled in obvious delight.

"Sowwe." she said, batting her eyelashes. She squealed and slammed her spoon into the bowl of fruit, sending more fruit juice over her high chair and onto the floor. Hope let out a small whine as he looked at the fruity mess on the floor, dreading the clean up, but Hazel started to wiggle in her chair. Hope raised his eyebrow, already wary of the girl.

"What is it Hazel?" Hope asked, slowly walking over in case she decided to throw more fruit at him.

"Potty!" Hazel cried, bouncing in her chair and trying to cover herself. Hope let out a small gasp before moving in, quickly getting her out of her chair. He set her gently on the floor and removed the bowl, but the patter of feet told him she was already leaving.

"Wait Hazel, I'll come with!" Hope called after her, already making his way to the bathroom. He just caught sight of her blond head before it disappeared into the bathroom down the hall, the white door closing with a loud thud. Hope hurried over and started to turn the knob, but a loud click on the other side filled him with dread and he felt the smallest trickling of panic. "Hazel? Hazel? Did you lock the door? Come on, you have to let me in!" _Little kids are evil... Know matter how __much they act like they love someone, that doesn't mean they aren't evil...Evil, evil children. _

Hazel's giggling was all that came from the bathroom, Hope letting out a low curse as he tried to figure out what to do. He glanced at the doorknob, seeing a small keyhole, but he didn't want to leave Hazel alone in the bathroom. He couldn't do much on the other side of a locked door, but it was better than actually leaving her alone in the bathroom. His key was on the second floor to boot; that was way too much time for something bad to happen.

There was a loud thud on the other side of the door and Hope's heart skipped a beat. All reason left his mind and he grabbed the doorknob and gave it a sharp tug, cursing slightly when it didn't open. He placed his finger on the keyhole, his fingers already cold from the magic he called to them as he thought of the coldest of places. He concentrated on the shape of the hole and his fingers went numb as he called a blizzard spell. After a few tense seconds, the door gave a small click and Hope felt a knot release. Hope swung the door open and stepped inside, eyes searching frantically for any sign of Hazel-

-only to be met with a throbbing pain in his shin as a shampoo bottle hit him. Biting his lips to hold back the great curse that would make Serah beat him into the ground, he glared down at Hazel. Hazel only giggled, quickly making her way out of the room. Hope sighed and went after her. He barely had enough time to turn the corner of the hallway into the living room when a small doll, made of the hardest plastic Hope's shin had ever felt, slammed into his new, throbbing bruise. He closed his eyes and hissed, Hazel's giggling dying down a bit, and Hope couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Holy fudge flying mother monkeys!" Hope bit out, reaching for the throbbing area. _At least I didn't actually swear...at least I didn't swear. But damn this hurts...doll making companies are evil too, creating hazardous, painful toys. _

"Ope kay?" Hazel asked, appearing by Hope's legs and looking up at him with wide, sad looking blue eyes. Hope bit his lip, feeling his anger boil down to nothing under her sad eyes. Hazel sniffled, lip quivering, and Hope's shoulders slumped.

"I'm okay Hazel." he mumbled, trying not to sound too annoyed. Hazel laughed and hugged Hope's throbbing shin, but Hope suppressed the gasp of pain. He waited until the searing pain went away before patting Hazel on the head, giving her a small smile. She seemed to be calming down and Hope took it as a sign that the sugar was wearing off. "What do you want to do now Hazel?" Hope asked, smiling when the girl's eyes lit up.

"Color!" she yelled, already leaving the room to find her crayons. Hope's smile widened and he followed her at a more leisurely pace, glad that the worst was over...

...until he saw her making happy red faces on the hallway walls.

"H-Hazel! NO!" Hope cried, diving after her. Hazel jumped and ran away, grabbing as many crayons as she could, and started to run them along the walls. Hope's eye twitched and he pushed himself up, running over and scooping her up in his arms before she could continue on her rampage. He ignored her annoyed whining and glared at her, taking on a scolding tone, "Hazel, why did you do that? You know better than to-OW!" Hope's hand flew to his eye and he glared at the purple crayon clenched in Hazel's fist. Hazel stopped, glancing up at Hope, before letting out another sniffle.

"Oh no you don't, that's not going to work again." Hope said, face hardening. Hazel shook her head and rubbed his cheek, shoulders slumping.

"Sowee." she said, lip quivering again.

Hope sighed and cursed his weak resistance against those darn blue eyes before he nodded, bringing her to the living room with one last glance at the growing number of messes that he would have to handle the moment he got the chance to. He set Hazel down on the couch, easily prying the crayons from her fingers, and fumbled around for the remote. "I hate resorting to this." he said as he found the clicker, "But if it keeps you from going nuts, then I'll do it." Hope smiled and flipped the television on, turning to the screen and flipping through the channels. There wasn't much on, projects for building New Bodhum easily overshadowing things like television, but Hope felt satisfied that a program he found about Chocobo chicks would be enough to satisfy Hazel. He turned around, ready to sit with the girl, but was shocked to find her gone.

He felt his temples start to throb and he covered his left eye as it started to twitch again. He groaned and started toward the stairs where he heard distant giggling. And only one thought ran through his head.

_How long can she keep this up?_


	22. Talking To Myself

**I hope you guys like this, the real chapter 22 (Ha ha ha...sorry again.) I'm a little nervous, but at the same time, excited about releasing it. Only time will tell right? Anyway, I had something else planned, but I found out some great news that makes me absolutely giddy! And it distracted me. Anyway, I was accepted to my college! And I got a scholarship too! I'm just so happy about it! I hope you don't mind me sharing it with you, but it's such a big thing and I'm so happy! **

**I'm even more happy now! I didn't think it was possible, but things keep turning themselves around! I hope you guys are doing okay too. Reviews!**

**Crystal: Thank you so much! *hugs back* I am feeling better, like tons better. And what has Snow done indeed! Poor Hope! Will he be saved? Regardless, we see Lightning this chapter, so yeah! I hope you enjoy it when you get the chance to read it. Thanks for all the support!  
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**Anonymous: I must tell you how much I loved your word. :) And I'm really glad you're liking the new mood. I figured a nice, easy break would be nice. And as you said, we get to see the characters in a new light. And no, nothings wrong. If this had been happy all the way through and I was just introducing some angst, I thin you'd feel the same. People aren't always sad, just as they aren't always happy. Now's just a chance for it to really shine through, and I'm glad you appreciate it *hugs!* Thank you so much! **

**Please enjoy this chapter, and if you'd like, leave a review. But mostly enjoy, I look forward to you reactions for this chapter, whether I hear of them or not.  
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* * *

"_Light..." _

_Lightning scrunched up her face and attempted to turn away. The voice...she had no idea where it was coming from and honestly, she didn't care. All she wanted to do was sleep. _

"_Light..."_

_The voice echoed above her, louder this time. When would it go away?_

"_Light!"_

_She sighed and opened her eyes, glaring ahead of her. It took her a few moments to realize she was lying in grass, the blades tickling her skin, almost making her itch. She stretched slightly where she lay, arms reaching out at her sides, and she pushed herself off the ground. The sky was a deep blue, stretching forever in front of her, without a cloud in the sky. The grass was all she could see as she looked around; that is, until she saw a small figure in the distance. She squinted, trying to get a better look, and the figure raised its arm in the air. _

"_What?" she mumbled, confused. She stood up and took a few steps forward, as if to meet the figure, but felt a wave of dizziness. She pressed her hand to her forehead, willing the feeling to go away, and when she looked up again she gasped. _

"_There you are Light," Hope said, smiling at her as he reached a hand to steady her._

How-How'd he get here so fast?

"_I was worried when I saw you laying in the grass, but I guess you were just relaxing. Why didn't you come get me first?" Hope laughed, shaking his head and looking around. "It is a nice day though. I guess it'd be easy to forget something like that." _

"_Hope...what?" Lightning managed, still a little out of it. She shook her head and hardened her face, "What's going on?"_

_Hope looked back at her and blinked, mouth opened slightly. "Wha-You mean you don't remember?" He leaned over her, reminding her yet again of their strange new height difference. He peered into her eyes, biting his lip, "You don't look like your sick. Maybe you're still just tired."_

"_Hope..." she said, her voice low and full of warning. _

_Hope smiled and shook his head. "I'll just have to remind you," he said, laughter in his voice. Lightning raised an eyebrow, almost rolling her eyes, but froze when Hope raised his hand and started to caress her cheek. His fingers touched lightly on her cheek, just barely there, and Lightning's body shivered under his touch. "Still so beautiful...so strong..." Hope breathed, leaning closer to her. His breath was hot and hypnotic and Lightning blinked, trying to get her thoughts together. But all her eyes did was lower, and she shivered again as Hope's other arm lightly touched her arm. _

"_Hope..." She swallowed as he buried his face into the crook of her neck and shivered again. Hope rubbed his face against her neck, breathing against it, and her hand rose and fisted his hair. "Hope," she said more forcefully, starting to push him away._

"_You want to stop?" Hope asked, voice still light. But she could feel the strain in his voice, even though he tried to hide it. As the words reached her ears, she found herself shaking her head. _What? No! I want to stop!_ "Are you sure?" _

"_Yes."_

NO!

_She felt him smile into her neck and her body seemed to light on fire, his lips tickling her skin. How could anyone's skin get so hot from one touch? How could Hope be doing this to her? She was supposed to be calm, cool, collected. She was-_

_Maker. Was that his tongue? _

_She bit back the moan that threatened to escape as she felt the hot, wet muscle run along her neck. Everything was so hot, so uncomfortable. She clawed at his back, grabbed his hair, and he smiled again. His hands traveled down her sides, hesitantly fingering the hem of her shirt. She growled and pulled him away from her neck, running her own hands down his neck and collarbone. Lightning pressed her face against his cheek, breathing heavily. Hope closed his eyes at the contact, and she touched the hand near her the hem of her shirt. She smiled when he gasped, her hand leading him up her shirt, but still a part of her was screaming at her. _

"Why are you doing this! Why are you doing this!"

"_Maker, Light I-" His fingers went under her shirt, gently stroking her sides and making her moan again. She tried desperately to bite the sounds back and buried herself into Hope's neck. She bit into his flesh, tightening her mouth's hold when she felt him gasp again, his hands grasping more firmly on her sides. She sucked greedily on his neck, trying to find the right spot, and smiled when she felt him arch and grab her sides. Hope let out a low moan before trailing his touch along her spine, brushing against her bra. She felt him finger the snap and released a breath when she felt it release. _

"_Light."Hope breathed, "Oh Light."_

"Stop!"

Shut up! _She shut the voice down and moved away from Hope's neck, only to have his hand leave her as well. She readied her glare, already missing his touch, but all anger ceased when Hope cradled her face in his hands. He ran his fingers through her hair and titled her face up with his free hand. Gentle, loving._

_So Hope._

"_I love you, Light. I love you, I love you, I love you." He kissed her lightly on the lips each time he said it, gentle and caring with every touch. She stopped him from pulling away the last time and stepped closer to him. Hope took his cue and together they molded against each other, relishing the contact and sheer _heat_ they felt with one another. Her hands begged to touch and feel and she was running them down his back, his arms, his face. Anywhere she could touch. Hope's hands seemed to love her sides and stomach, making her twitch and shiver and groan with each touch. And Hope was moaning too...each brush with the hem of his pants made him arch, every kiss on his neck, and every breath. _

"_Light, Light, Light. I'll never get tired of saying it. Maker I-"_

_They tentatively let their lips meet again, pressing gently against each other, and they cradled each other's faces. They pressed each other closer, tilting their heads up and against the others lips, slowly opening their mouths. And then they started to explore each other, explored the heat inside their mouths that seemed to match their passion. They felt as if they had been set on fire, each sound, each groan, each whimper only fanning the flames of this sudden need. _

How can he taste so good. How? How?

_Lightning could barely fathom it. This was Hope, her Hope no less, and he tasted so sweet, sweet with a touch of bitterness. She didn't even know a person could taste that way. Didn't know Hope could taste so different, so amazing. _

_And when he pressed her closer, her leg hitting his inner thigh, she found she didn't really care. _

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe!

_They pulled apart, each gasping for air, their faces flushed. "Light...I-" Hope paused, still panting, "Maker I-"_

"_Shut up." She growled, pulling him into a tight embrace. She felt another wave of heat run through her as he laughed, the vibration hitting her own chest. "You're such an idiot." she mumbled. _

"_I know." His voice was still happy though, and his arms circled around her waist. Hope pulled his face away from her shoulder, eyes boring into hers. His green eyes were full of so much light and-and love, and she felt a swell of pride knowing she was the cause of it. And at the same time, the look made her shiver, wondering what was going on behind eyes that were deeper, more knowing than they should have been. _

_He leaned in, wonderfully green eyes smoldering, and their lips almost touching for another series of passionate-_

"WARK!" Lightning jumped, eyes popping open at the sudden noise, and she rolled off the bed. She hissed as she landed on the floor with a loud thump, the covers flying after her. Lightning growled as she heard some more noises from downstairs, undoubtedly from the television. As she sat up, still rubbing her now aching shoulder, bits and pieces of her dream came floating back to her.

"O-Oh no..." she mumbled, running a hand through her messy hair. She squirmed uncomfortably, her whole body heating up as memories of his lips trailing along her neck flashed in her mind. She shivered as she remembered Hope's breath on her neck, his lips on her own, the way his hands would-

_So definitely not helping. _

"I can't believe this. I can't believe this. Why? _Why?_" She shook her head and pushed herself from the floor, closing her eyes tight as she tried and forget the dream. But all closing her eyes did was bring them back to her mind, full force, with unbelievably vivid imagery. His hands were at her shirt, stroking her sides, Hope smiling and asking her if they should stop-

_Why were we even in a field? Oh who cares..._ She groaned again, cursing herself for having such a dream. And enjoying it no less!

"Why that even happened. Ugh." She squirmed again and sighed. She yanked the covers up and stuffed them back on her bed, smashing them in with her fist and gritting her teeth. She crossed her room and opened the top two drawers of her white dresser, pulling out a simple tank top and loose sweat pants. She paused, wondering if she really wanted to wear such casual clothes with everyone around, but thoughts of her dream blew her reservations out the window. She didn't really give a damn about what she looked like at the moment, as long as she could stop thinking about that!

About how his fingers left fire on her skin. Of how gentle he had been with her, yet so-

"Stop...just stop. Maker, how can I even face him now?" she asked herself. Lightning groaned and pressed her face into her clothes, bumping the dresser drawers shut with her hip before hurrying to the upstairs bathroom. She paused as she heard the television grow in volume, the noise carrying upstairs, but Hope's voice chimed in as well. There was a small shout and then all was quiet. _Too bad it didn't stay-NO! NO! Bad thoughts._ Lightning's eyes lingered on the stairs for a few moments, but she shook her head, cheeks flaring up again.

"Stupid. That's all it is. Stupid. Can't believe I'm still thinking about it. I can't believe I even _dreamed_ of it." Lightning rolled her eyes again, trying to dispel the fragments of the dream from her mind. She did not need to be thinking something like that. Not right now. It might mean that she was-was-

"Feeling something for him." Lightning sighed and closed the bathroom door behind her. She set her clothes on the clean, white counter and slipped her old clothes off, pushing them aside with her bare foot. She stepped into the shower and turned the nozzle, beads of cold water beating down on her skin. She shivered violently, goosebumps erupting all along her skin, and she let out a gasp. She stepped away from the water and took a deep breath before diving back in, quickly turning the nozzle over to hot. Her face relaxed as the warmer bullets of water started to hit her legs, and she stepped back into the water, tilting her head up and letting out another sigh of relief.

"What was I even thinking?" She asked herself, swallowing some of the water that sneaked in as she spoke. _Probably those eyes-stop!_ The water burned on the way down, but she ignored it, stuck on her musings. _I doubt I can even tell Serah about it. I know what'd she say._

_Wait-what would she say?_

Lightning sighed and leaned again the shower wall, closing her eyes and going back over the dream. It was strange, to say the least, to have _that_ kind of dream. And it was about Hope no less! Not that...it really bothered her. Did it? _I'm confused... _She groaned again and lightly bumped her head against the wall, water seeping into her closed eyes. _Why did this have to happen. I can't even- Maker, I shouldn't even be thinking about it! Dammit! I'm getting frustrated!_

Lightning growled and yanked the shampoo off the small rack by the showerhead, pouring the green liquid into her hand and angrily rubbing it in her hands. Suds struck the walls and slid down with the water, but she paid it no mind as she started to run the soap through her hair. Her fingers raked at her scalp, her head throbbing.

_It's just Hope. It's just Hope. It's just Hope. I can't get frazzled right now. We have to be on our toes, we have to be watching out for Saorise. I will not let that little bitch get near Hope again just because I can't get a handle on myself. _

"_You sure care a lot about what happened with him. What was it you were thinking the other day? You wanted to rip her limb from limb before pouring her in gasoline and setting her fire?"_

Lightning growled at the annoying voice, one that sounded so very much like Serah, and only scrubbed harder, using the shampoo on her body as well. Her skin was turned red both from her rough fingers and the hot water beating on her.

_Everyone feels that way. She hurt our Hope, now she's going to pay. _

"_I'll give you that. But that doesn't explain the dream." _The voice sounded so sure, so right, just like Serah did whenever she argued with Lightning. Lightning felt her eyes twitch at the thought and wondered if she was spending too much time with her sister. _"Oh come on! Don't act like this is the only time! You need to talk to him! Or to Serah! Or even to you! I bet this talk is doing wonders!"_

_I must be overworking myself. I have annoying, nagging, sister like voices in my head trying to tell me how to deal with my love life. _

"_So you admit there's something there?" _

_Nothing of the sort. _

Lightning started to scrub her sides, the suds dripping down her legs and puddling on the shower floor. The voice persisted, _"All right, so what if you had the dream, even though I know it means something. What about before, and even now, when you get so mad at Lebreau for no real reason. But yo know what...you get really mad when she's near Hope."_

_This is why I don't do day offs and rest days. Voices start floating in my head, trying to sort out my life, when I already promised myself that-_

"_Oh come on! You're looking for an excuse now. Serah said that you should sort these things out and that there was nothing wrong with it."_

_Funny, I thought you were Serah and I just happened to be so stressed out that I'm hearing her in my head._

Lightning relaxed into the water, reaching over to turn the knob to a hotter setting. With any luck, she'd just drown the voice out. Or pass out. _I think I'm more concerned about _this_ actually. I'm hearing a voice in my head and I'm actually talking to it. That usually constitutes a reason to worry. _

"_Will you quit that! Why do you get so angry around Lebreau!"_

_There's nothing to be angry about. Hope already said he was in love with me, so what do I have-_

_I didn't just think that._

Lightning groaned and pressed her head to the slicked walls again, resisting the urge to bang her head as hard as she could against the wall. The water continued to hit her, her skin turning from a bright pink to red as it continued to suffer the abuse, but Lightning was too lost in her thoughts.

_What am I thinking? I must really be on the deep end..._

"_No! You're not on the deep end. Come on Lightning, sort it out, you're almost there." _The voice continued to urge her on, and Lightning massaged her head, a pounding in her temple starting. _"All right, so maybe Hope has professed his love for you. But Lebreau also seems to know something about him that you don't. That bothers you doesn't it?" _

_No. No it doesn't._ But Lightning didn't realize that she had clenched her hands, giving the wall ahead of her a fierce glare even as hot water poured into her eyes. The heat was making them sting. _It doesn't mean anything. _

"_Yes it does! Come on, you know you want to know more about what happened to him. And not just because you want to hear him out and be a good friend. You want to be there for him, comfort him." _

Lightning let out an angry huff and said the last bit out loud, "Of course I want to. He needs it. He can't be-be stressing so much about this. But I can't help him if he doesn't tell me what's wrong."

"_I'm not saying you're wrong. All I'm saying is that the old Lightning, or hell, even the current Lightning, wouldn't be going about it the way you are now. I mean, you're being considerate of his feelings rather than just barging in and demanding answers. You're giving him time, you're thinking things through. You even apologized to him. There's something about him that makes you want to-to-_

"Will you be quiet already." Lightning seethed, turning the nozzle to make the water even hotter. She hissed as the water hit her skin, waiting for her throbbing skin to adjust to the sudden temperature change even as she felt a little woozy on her feet.

_And that dream! The way he touched you...Maker! Don't act like that wasn't just the best dream you've had in a while. And do you really think it meant nothing? That it was just a stress dream? Not that I'm saying that _that's_ not a great way to relieve stress, but come on. The way he touched you, how hot he made you feel. That was sexy. Really, he was sexy. And you loved it."_

_Shut up._

Lightning turned the nozzle another time, steam billowing up the walls and seeping over into the rest of the bathroom. She sighed, closing her eyes as she felt a strange wave of nausea hit her, but shook her head to rid herself of the sensation. The voice didn't seem too concerned either.

"_No, I will not shut up. Why won't you even consider it? I mean, it's not like he's a bad guy or anything."_

_I never said he was a bad guy! He's anything but... I'm just-just worried. Something terrible happened to him, something he's not telling me, and he seems to be having other problems as well. Lebreau knows something, and Rygdea knows everything, so they can help him. But it feels like I'm being left in the dark. How am I supposed to help him when I don't even know what's wrong!_

"_But he's starting to open up to you right?" _

Lightning groaned again, leaning more and more on the wall as the hot water continued to pound on her. She was still so hot and the whole damn room was tilting. _Yes...he is isn't he? But I'm still worried..._

"_That's not a bad thing though..."_

_These damn feelings...they're clouding my judgment. I shouldn't even be considering this. The age difference is-is seven years._

"_Lightning...are you thinking what I think you're thinking?"_

_Besides, what can I do but make his life more difficult? He needs someone his own age, someone who knows how to make him feel better. What do I do to make him feel better? I punch him. Oh yeah, that will help him. _

"_But that's not all-"_

_He's kind...caring. Quiet and mature. And he knows how to make me smile- the little punk. But he's in so much pain and I have no idea how to help him. What am I supposed to do? Why does he even love me? Gah! I can't get my thoughts together. Idiot...I shouldn't even be thinking like this. Hearing voices. Talking back to said voices. Having weird dreams. I am so done for today..._

"_Light!"_

But the voice faded away, lost in her quickly fogging mind. Lightning let out a heavy sigh and turned the nozzle off, opening the door to the shower and stepping out. She let out a hiss as a wave of cold air hit her, making her shiver even though she still felt like she was on fire. She sluggishly grabbed a towel from the small rack on the wall and started to rub her face and hair dry, easing up when the skin started to throb. Why did it hurt so much? She shivered again, more violently this time, but she shut her eyes and shook her head.

"Stayed in too long..." she mumbled, wiping the towel over her face one last time, "That's what I get for thinking weird thoughts." She sighed and dried herself off as best she could, droplets still making their way to the floor. Her legs wobbled but she shook her head yet again, regretting the action as soon as the room started to sway. She slowly pulled her clothes on, feeling uncomfortable drafts of air seep into her clothes. She blinked, wondering why she chose to wear a tank top, but brushed it off as she sluggishly cleaned the bathroom. She hung the towel back on the rack and threw her clothes in the hamper, not even bothering to glance at herself in the mirror. The thing was covered in steam anyway.

Legs still a little too wobbly for her liking, her shoulders slumped and she made her way out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind her only to hiss again. It was even colder out there than in the damn bathroom. She blinked slowly and made her way to the stairs, cursing herself for getting so caught up in her thoughts. She wouldn't be so damn dazed if she had just gotten out in time. Lightning gripped the railing a little tightly as she made her way down the stairs, the sounds of the television quieter than before.

She reached the bottom without incident and walked toward the living room. Even in her dazed state, Lightning felt a smile tug at her lips. Hope and Hazel were on the couch, Hazel snuggled up right under Hope's arm. One of Hazel's little arms was curled around her stomach, while the other gripped Hope near the chest like a lifeline. As Lightning walked closer, she briefly caught Hope's eye before turning her attention back to Hazel. The young girl sighed and curled in on herself, nuzzling closer to Hope's side.

"I see she finally calmed down." Lightning said, voice raspy. She glanced at Hope, feeling embarrassed under his concerned gaze and quickly looked away. She sat on the other side of Hope, smiling as he snorted.

"Yeah, took her forever though. Sorry about waking you up though. I heard the shower." He added at her confused look, "She snatched the remote from me while we were surfing through channels. And she bit my finger when I tried to take the remote away." He gave her a pout and held up the finger, the tiniest of teeth marks just visible on his index finger.

"Sounds terrifying." Lightning said, rolling her eyes.

"You weren't there for half of it. I still have a kitchen to clean, a wall that has a masterpiece in need of washing away, and a bruise on my shin that won't be going away anytime soon." Hope said, counting each event off on his finger.

"I can help with that." Lightning said, standing up only for her legs to wobble. Hope grabbed her arm and pulled her down before she could stumble, and she found herself pressed against Hope's side. A different kind of heat erupted along her skin as fragments of her dream sprung to her mind. She groaned and brought a hand to her face, looking away from Hope.

"You're all red Light." Hope said, placing a hand on her shoulder. She wanted to shake it off, but she also wanted to run in her room and hide. She was tired, so tired, and the heat from the shower only made a light nap sound more and more appealing. But she was near Hope. Hope! And she had-had-

"Light, are you all right? I think you stayed in the shower too long." Lightning jumped when she felt his cool fingers lightly grip her chin, pulling her face toward him. She looked anywhere but him as his green eyes roved over her face, but Hope was too concerned with her far too red complexion to notice. "You're burning up..." He mumbled, gently pressing his hand on her forehead. Lightning closed her eyes at the touch, but quickly leaned away when she realized what she was doing.

"I'm sure it's nothing." she said, heart fluttering, "Just forget about it." She made to stand up but Hope grabbed her arm again, firmer this time. "Hope..."

Hope swallowed, shoulders slumping slightly at her tone, "I-I know you don't want help Light, but could you at least stay. I mean, you nearly fell over the first time, and it feels like you have a fever."

Lightning glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, biting her lip. But images of Hope brushing his lips against her neck made her try and pull away again. "No Hope, I'll be fine."

"No you won't. Just sit down for a second Light!" Hope gulped and lowered his voice, guiding her back down to the couch. Lightning cursed herself, even as her eyes started to droop. This was what she got for staying in the shower too long and talking to imaginary voices! "See? Besides, you're already starting to doze off." Hope said, rubbing her arm as she leaned against the couch. Lightning sent a halfhearted glare his way and moved away from him on the couch. Hope's arm was left in the air and he stared at Lightning, biting his lip and blushing lightly. "Sorry." he said, looking away.

Lightning sighed under her breath, still wanting to move away, but feeling guilty after his sad toned sorry. She couldn't be around Hope right now, not with her thoughts going every which way. But rather than push herself up and away like she wanted to, her eyes started to close, and she had to shake her head to keep alert. Hope was still watching her out of the corner of his eye, but looked away the moment she caught him. Lightning's shoulders slumped, the heat still making her drowsy, and she finally let her eyes close. She didn't even try to sort her thoughts out, she knew she was getting nowhere, even in her foggy mind.

Lightning felt herself sliding on the couch some, but soon hit something soft, a slight bump hitting her temple. She slowly opened one eye and looked beside her, almost mustering enough energy to actually leave the couch, but she shook her head and relaxed. "Idiot..." she mumbled, feeling Hope shift slightly beside her, "Hope...keep...messing me up." Lightning's eyes blinked a few more times, trying to fight the sleep long enough for her to move. _I shouldn't be doing this Hope...I really shouldn't._

…

_I'll have to talk with Serah..._

Lightning blinked one last time, the heat and exhaustion settling in her bones, and the she drifted off, still molded to Hope's side.

* * *

_How do I let myself get roped into these things? _Maqui sighed and shook his head, readjusting the bags he had draped on his arms. There was a shriek from behind him and he glanced back to see Lebreau running from an enraged Yuj, Yuj's hair dripping wet from her water bottle. The two ran along the paved sidewalks, leaving Gadot and Maqui to watch them, all of the old friends bathed in a light orange glow. _Oh yeah, that's how._ _They do tend to suck me up in their antics._

_Pfft...I say it like I mind._

Maqui shifted the bags that had Lightning's gunblade parts, the metal clinking against one another. Maqui smiled, wondering what other things those little parts could be used for. All the things that they could repair. _But they're Lightning's...and I like living, _Maqui thought, shoulders slumping_._ Maqui jumped when Gadot nudged him in the side, the large man giving him a warm smile.

"You seem out of it little guy." Gadot said, snickering when Yuj finally caught up with Lebreau and poured his own water down her shirt. Maqui smiled himself, but his eyes were distant.

"I am..." Maqui paused, eyes glancing at the ground, "Gadot...what do you do when-when someone important to you-"

"Hope huh?" Gadot said before Maqui could finish.

Maqui jolted but managed a smile all the same, "Yeah. He-He started to talk to us. I mean, we've been trying to get him to talk to us for the last few years, but now-now he is. But Rygdea's locked away, Saorise is still out there, and-and we can't help you." Maqui sighed, shoulders slumping slightly, "Hope's right to be worried about you guys being on the field. I don't doubt you guys, but it doesn't help much knowing what Saorise can do. I'm worried, worried that everything we've been working for...will just turn out to be nothing."

Gadot patted Maqui's shoulder, nearly sending the already shopping bag loaded man to the ground. "Sorry about that Maqui. But really, you've grown up." Gadot ignored the pout Maqui sent him, his eyes following Yuj and Lebreau as they carried on ahead of them. Lebreau was trying to grab Yuj by the hair, even as Yuj yelled at her for trying to harm a piece of art, "I guess everything really does change. If you had told me things were going to turn out like this a while back, I would have called you crazy. Or bought you another round of drinks and see what else you would spout off. But look at us." Gadot said, waving his hand.

Maqui blinked, mouth opening slightly as he watched Lebreau tackle Yuj to the ground. But they were gone from his eyes, Maqui looking at something different, something farther away. _When did everything change..._ 'Dying' may have been part if it, but he had never really been dead. The fall of the Sanctum? Cocoon? _Or was it really going to happen all along? _

"Anyway Maqui, I really don't think you can worry about things like that until they actually happen. I mean, look at us." Gadot raised his arms, chuckling, "We've all grown up. We've got the weight of the world on our shoulders, some more than others. And yet we can still act like ten-year-olds. So yeah, a bunch of bad shit might, and you know what, probably will happen. That's life, shit happens. That's no reason...not to enjoy this now. Trust me Maqui, after everything that's been thrown at us, I think we can make it."

"Gadot..." Maqui breathed.

"Even Hope. That kid is a lot tougher than he looks, I'll give him that. You said so yourself, you just have to give it time. And that Rygdea, well, I know he can hold his own. They won't be able to keep that guy locked up forever. So for now-" Gadot clapped a hand on Maqui's shoulder again, softer this time, "You all need to relax and let us handle it. It's all you can do. I promise we won't fuck it up too bad."

"I-I'm not suggesting-"

"I never said you were Maqui. But take this as a time to relax. You need it, Lebreau needs it, and I know Hope needs it. We'll all do that we can, we'll get your guy out, and we'll kick that crazy girl's ass. But really, for now..."

"Help me guys!" Yuj called, trying to escape Lebreau's clutches as the girl started to drag him to toward some dirt.

"Let's just enjoy this!" Gadot laughed, running after Yuj and grabbing the struggling man by the arm. Yuj's face lit up, only to have it turn to a look of horror as Gadot only helped Lebreau drag him closer to the dirt path of doom. Maqui stood stunned, watching the scene unfold before him. A small smile stretched across his face and he swallowed, gently setting the bags down on the ground.

"Just enjoy this..." Maqui repeated, nodding to himself, "All right. Just do what we can. And we'll figure it out from there." Maqui laughed and ran at his friends, grabbing Yuj by the feet even as the distressed man wailed for them to stop. The sun was still on them, casting the old friends in a bright orange glow.

The day was ending, but that wouldn't stop him from enjoying what was left of it. Or from making the best of tomorrow either.

_Just enjoy this. _


	23. A Little Frustration

**Hello all! As always, I will reply to reviews after school and such. Life is good, I have free time, and the SAT is done. **

**And...*breaks out drums***

**CONTEST! Crystal Hearts is the name, and I hope you all enjoy!~  
**

**Yup, I decided to do one of these. Details? Check out my profile. Maybe it will inspire someone! I hope so. I'm all excited for this now so I'm looking forward to a, hopefully, positive reaction.  
**

**Reviews: I'm sorry this took longer than I had planned. I got a tad distracted, but it did me some good! Anyway:**

**Anonymous: Yes! I'm glad I was able to surprise you with some funny! :) And thank you for the congratulations! *hugs* It's much appreciated!**

**Crystal: First off, thank you for the congratulations! Warms me up good it does! :) I hope you are doing well as well! And I'm glad you enjoyed the little action for those two, dream or not. I enjoyed writing it, let me tell you! *snicker* And very true. If she admits it, the voices will go away...or at least that's what the voice might say! But thank you as always! **

**Gosh guys, I don't know why, but I'm feeling so happy and excited and such. Seriously. I'm really...light I guess. Please enjoy the chapter! :)  
**

* * *

Hope groaned for the umpteenth time, slowly and carefully adjusting his leg so that some of the blood flow would return. His thigh tingled uncomfortably, but with Hazel pressed against him on one side, and Lightning at his other, there wasn't much that he could do. Not that he would have done much of anything...

_I keep forgetting...to relax like this._ Hope smiled and nestled himself closer to the couch, stroking Hazel's hair when she gave a small noise of protest against his shifting. Lightning's head dug more into the crook of his neck and Hope gasped, heat flooding his cheeks. He glanced down at her, still confused by her behavior earlier. He was still wondering why she had cooked herself raw in the first place, and then when she sees him, she acts distant. Even nervous. Then she started to wobble around and insisting she was fine. _And she obviously wasn't._ But what really got Hope was how she was now sleeping on him, actually _sleeping_, and there was no awkwardness. Not yet anyway. It made him feel warm...complete somehow.

Hope smiled and remembered the few times that he had seen Lightning asleep on Gran Pulse, or when they had lived together and she would pass out on the couch after a particularly difficult day in the Guardian Corps. She had seemed more peaceful then, no matter what she had gone through previously. It all seemed to melt when she slept, making her face the tiniest bit softer.

He glanced down at Lightning again, glad to see she still looked as peaceful as remembered. Hope loved to watch her sleep, as creepy as he knew it sounded, and loved it even more so because it was such a rare treat. Lightning rarely let her guard down, something Hope knew from experience. Hope's hand came to rest on her cheek, brushing a few stray strawberry strands out of her face before his fingers stopped at her chin. Warmth filled him as he watched her, the feeling almost painful, but Hope brought his hand back before he could do anything else. It didn't stop him from looking at her, watching the steady and soft rise and fall of her chest, or the way she would smile slightly in her sleep.

_...love..._

"Light..." Hope breathed her name, eyes never leaving her. Her face was no longer as flushed as it had been before, and her hand rested idly on his thigh. Hope felt a jolt as he realized it, wondering how he couldn't have-have noticed, but looked away before he could think too much of it. She was asleep after all, it wasn't as if she could help it. Hope relaxed more into the couch, letting his head fall near Lightning's head. He could smell the shampoo in her hair, the light fruity scent making him smile. He wanted to this to last for hours. After all, when would he be able to do this next?

_Like I don't already know the answer..._ Hope shook his head, dispelling thoughts of such a fairytale from his mind. With so much going on, he was lucky to even have moments like this with her. With anyone. But still...every time he looked at her, he couldn't help but feel that sudden swell of warmth. The kind that almost suffocated him with its sheer force and power. It made him want to gasp for air, yet he didn't, couldn't let it go. This intense feeling, this intense and complicated mix of love and fear and happiness and worry. It was all for her.

It was startling to realize, no matter how many times he went over it in his head.

And it wasn't just because she was beautiful. Not even because she was so strong, although that was certainly part of it. There was no way to describe someone like her. She was so much at once, so intense yet cool. Tough yet soft. Full of dry humor and with a look in her eyes that always made him wonder just what she was thinking. And at the same time, she was just Lightning, just Claire, and just Light.

And he loved her. Maybe since he was fourteen, young enough to know a crush, but not enough to separate it from love. Or it just happened over time, the evolution of seeing her not as a mother, but as someone he wanted to hold. Someone he wanted share his days with. Maybe, just maybe, be that person she shared her worries and fears with. The feeling then would become so intense, so uplifting and wrenching that Hope wondered how his heart stayed in his chest. How he managed to stay sane. How he wasn't grabbing her by the hand and pouring his heart out even though he knew he'd look like a fool.

But every time, _every time _he thought of it, he would feel the familiar pull of his past. Of Saorise and the year that seemed to have ruined him. What good was he to her if he couldn't even get past his own problems? If those cold hands continued to grab him by the ankles and wrist and chain him down to the bottom of his own pit. _But...but maybe it's not so impossible. Maybe I can..._

Hope's thoughts trailed off, and he couldn't help but question how good all this idle time really was for him. His mind kept going around in circles, and the worry over Lightning's well being was always there. Snow as well. Gadot and Yuj. Everyone involved there. How would they survive. Could they? Was he being unfaithful with his thoughts?

Hope shook his head, "Not this again." he whispered, his mind doing just what he wanted to avoid. Going around in circles, and endless flow of thoughts that added to his worry, but did not lead him to any solutions. Sitting and waiting. Maker how he hated it. Hope sighed, shoulders slumping slightly and Lightning giving a small stir beside him. Hope rested his neck against the couch and stared blankly at the ceiling.

It disappeared as his thoughts began another tread around the endless circle of his mind.

* * *

Maqui laughed as he dropped off his shopping bags by his small bed, and turned on the lamp to give the room some light as the sun had set not long ago. Lebreau watched him as he lost his light jacket, a distant look in her eyes, but Maqui was too busy chuckling to notice. "I'm so glad we got back when we did! Did you see Serah's face? I thought Hope was dead when she came in and saw all the drawings on the walls and that _mess._ Didn't think peaches could stick to a wall like that! But then she saw his leg and that giant bruise!" Maqui held his arms apart in the air, exaggerating the size, "And she starts to scold Hazel for giving Hope such a hard time." Maqui shook his head as he kicked his jacket under the bed.

"Yeah..." Lebreau said absentmindedly, glancing around the room.

"And then she starts yelling at Snow, giving him the run down on why two years olds hopped up on sugar is bad. Seriously, I thought the guy was gonna make a break for it. And she's got _poor_ Snow cleaning the mess now!" Maqui let out a snort, shaking his head at his friend's misfortune before flopping on his bed. Maqui frowned when he didn't get a response and propped his elbows on the mattress, tilting his head to the side and giving Lebreau a questioning look. Lebreau stared back at him, but she didn't seem to notice his gaze, to lost in her own thoughts.

Maqui's eyes hardened and he sat up on his bed, slowly slipping his goggles off his head and setting them on his bedside table. He slipped off his boots as well, kicking them under the bed and letting the covers hide them from view, before clearing his throat. Lebreau jumped at the noise and finally looked at him, a light blush on her cheeks. Maqui felt his own face heat up, but looked away and tried to squash the feeling down.

"Lebreau, could you close the door?" He asked softly, scratching his neck. He suddenly felt nervous, like a storm was brewing, and he wasn't sure if he was ready for one just yet. Not when today had been so...so relaxed for him. He hadn't been felt way in a long time, but he knew it had to end eventually. He just didn't think it had to be so soon.

Lebreau gave him a quick nod and shut the door quietly, the click still managing to echo loudly in the room. She leaned against the door for a moment, eyes on the floor, before slowly making her way to his bed and sinking onto it. Maqui's face creased in worry, and he sat cross legged on the bed, wobbling at the change in posture.

"What is it Lebreau?" Maqui asked, surprised by how calm and even...cheerful his voice sounded. She smiled at him, and Maqui felt this heart flutter, although it was dampened slightly by the almost lost look in her eyes. She took off her own jacket, the cuffs of it marred by dirt and grime, and she shook her dark hair away from her face.

"I-I don't really know Maqui. I mean, I really shouldn't be feeling this way." Lebreau sighed and brought her legs up to the bed, tucking her knees under her chin and watching the floor. "I should be happy right?"

"Aren't you?" Maqui asked, still unsure of where she was going with this, "I mean, I know that we're not having the best of times right now. Rygdea's still locked up and all." Maqui's voice lowered and he felt a wave of anger wash over him. Lebreau tensed beside him and he pressed on, "But, I mean, look at us. I think, I'm starting to think anyway, that we might actually have a chance. And did you see Hope Lebreau? He looked happy! I mean, sure it's a little hard to tell with him, but this time I know I saw it. Him there with Lightning and being able to relax for once. And all of this, it's _all _been getting better ever since we came back, and he even talked to us! About-About _her._" Maqui gave a shaky laugh, running a hand through his blond locks before staring back at Lebreau.

She nodded, a small smile on her face as well, but Maqui could see a strange sadness in her eyes. "Lebreau...what's really wrong?"

Lebreau sighed again and pulled her legs up to her chin, biting her lip. "I-I am happy Maqui. I mean, it's like you said. He was smiling and he looked so-so _alive_. And we almost never get to see that. Never. And you're right, he did tell us some things about his past. I-I knew we'd have to wait a while for that, I mean, think about it. After everything he went through, he seems to have gone through, I know I wouldn't be jumping up and down, waiting to tell people either. So we waited and we did what we could..." Lebreau's voice was sounding more and more lost, and Maqui felt his chest tighten. "But-But I didn't think we'd get any answers this soon. Only-Only Rygdea would hear when Hope was having a breakdown, and only Rygdea would get to hear what his latest nightmare was about."

Lebreau let out a frustrated huff and climbed off Maqui's bed, staring down at the floor, "I-I could handle that. I wanted to help, but I could handle being...support. But when we get here, I guess I sort of forgot how he felt about Lightning. Even if he didn't really tell us, it was always-always so obvious from the way he talked about her. And-And I knew that it was going this way, but still... I-I can't help but-but feel annoyed. I'm happy Maqui, but-but she's hearing all this from Hope too! She gets to hear this, even though she didn't help him when he was sitting, still and silent as a stone back in De Novo! She wasn't there when he started to have those terrible nightmares! She wasn't there when we had to work with him, help him get over his fear of using magic! Dammit, how can she-she-" Lebreau trailed off, and Maqui was startled to hear a small sniff.

Lebreau took a long, deep breath, "I'm so happy that he's talking Maqui, but I'm so sad and annoyed and frustrated that-that it just-I don't get it!" Lebreau shook her head again, her voice uncomfortably thick, "She didn't-She didn't see what I saw. She has _no_ idea, but-but he just goes and-and-ugh! I shouldn't even be thinking about this! He's happy and that's all it should take! But here I am, complaining about it, and it's pissing me off!" Lebreau sounded more like herself as she shouted, and Maqui was both relieved and frightened. His eyes were wide and push his words past the lump in his throat. _But dammit, she needs to hear something!_ "This-This shouldn't be what I'm worried about! But I am! I am! She still doesn't know, doesn't know what he's-"

Maqui swallowed, shoulders slumping as he stood and walked toward Lebreau. She watched him, her eyes wide now, and she opened and closed her mouth, trying to find something to say. "Ma-Maqui, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound-but it's just-dammit! It's not like I-"

Maqui only smiled at her, but it was sad and a little strained, "Lebreau, do you...I mean, do you like Hope?" Maqui felt his throat closing as the words left his lips, but he had to ask. Had to know. Even if he felt he already knew the answer.

What he didn't expect was a sad and bitter smile to form on her lips.

"No...Well, maybe. I don't think I like him that way, but maybe it's part of it. I guess I am a little jealous huh?" Lebreau shook her head and her smiled widned, but Maqui could see how forced it was, "But-I'm sorry Maqui, it's not fair to bring it up. Not when you don't know about it either. I'm just, I don't know. I feel overwhelmed. And jealous that Lightning got to hear this so much sooner than we did. And I just don't know!" Lebreau ran her fingers violently through her hair, stepping away from Maqui before he could comfort her. "I'm being selfish."

"Lebreau, I mean, maybe it's just-"

"No Maqui." Lebreau laughed a little, her voice getting higher, "I am being selfish. I'm worried about Hope and what's going to happen to him. But I'm annoyed that Lightning can get so close to him so easily. I'm angry because-because she can help him in ways we can't. I want to, we've both wanted to help him, but all we seem to do is get in the way." Lebreau's shoulders sagged and she slowly walked to Maqui's door, fingering the knob.

Maqui lowered his head and cleared his throat, swallowing to wet his parched throat. "Lebreau...I don't think we can ever really help Hope that way. I mean, it-it's really obvious, even if those two haven't figured things out yet. He-" Maqui smiled, looking away as his face turned pink, "He loves her you know? It's natural that he'd open up to her more." But even Maqui had to admit he didn't like feeling helpless when it came to his friend. Lebreau looked back at him, smiling again, although it was twinged with sadness.

"Yeah. I know. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to help more. I want to be able to help Hope. I..." Lebreau paused, mouth slowly closing, "But I guess I can't." Maqui blinked at the finality in her voice, but she had left the room before he could utter a sound. The confidence of the day was quickly disappearing into nothing, and he wondered why he had even felt confident in the first place. He sighed and closed the door, going back to his bed and flopping onto it. He buried his face into the pillow, feeling frustrated and annoyed and helpless. _What am I supposed to do?_

Maqui wouldn't admit it, but he knew, and could even understand, how Lebreau felt. At least a little. He wanted to help Hope as well, but it seemed like he just couldn't do it. But Lightning was able to offer him the comfort he seemed to need, even if Lightning seemed more...emotionally stumped than other people he'd met. Yet even that seemed to be tapering off.

Maqui growled and turned over, staring up at his off-white ceiling as if would suddenly start spouting off the words of wisdom he needed. If that happened...

Well, there was bound to be a nice loony bin for him somewhere.

Maqui sat up and ran a hand through his hair, blowing a few stray strands away from his face. What was he supposed to do now? It wasn't as if he could really help Lebreau with this. If it was good for Hope, he wasn't going to stop it, and Lebreau didn't seem to expect him to anyway. Maqui stomach coiled, no solution coming to him. The problems just seemed to be piling up. It was bad enough they had to wait for Crawford or some other military official that wasn't out to get them to come and help them out with Rygdea, but now this?

"What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?" Maqui asked out loud, shaking his head each time. "_Just enjoy this."_ Maqui blinked as Gadot's words hit him again, once more amazed by the simplicity of it. He slid off his bed and stared at the door, eyes clouded in thought. And the longer he thought, the bigger his smile grew. A plan was falling into place. And with the help of Serah, some water guns, and maybe some daring, he was sure he could pull it off.

Maqui smirked.

He couldn't wait to try it out.

* * *

Hope paced the length of his room for what had to be the millionth time. His legs were screaming and throbbing, shouting at him that it _had_ been a million times and that he needed to stop, but the pain barely registered. No, he had a lot of other issues to deal with at the moment.

For one, Hope was both very, very happy, and very, very worried about Rygdea. The man had managed to get a call to them that week and hearing his voice on the phone had nearly brought Hope to his knees. Not that he'd admit such a thing to anyone but it showed just how much he missed the man. A small and somewhat sad smile crossed his face as he thought of the conversation.

_Hope walked into the room, biting his lip as he watched Lightning slip into the kitchen. It was the fifth time it had happened, and it made his insides squirm every single time. Had he done something wrong? Said something offensive? Was it because of the whole shower incident? _

_It didn't make any sense. _

_He shook his head and listened as Serah talked on the phone, settling himself on the couch. But his head snapped up when he heard Rygdea's name spill from Serah's lips, and he felt several muscles crack from the sudden action. Wincing slightly from the pain, Hope hurriedly pushed himself off the couch and hurried to Serah's side, eyes wide as he looked from her to the small phone resting in her hand. She looked at him and offered him a shaky smile, giving him a few quick nods before speaking to the other end. _

"_Y-Yeah, he's right here. I'm sure he wants to talk. Yeah, hold on Rygdea." Serah nodded again and handed the phone to Hope, mumbling about getting the others before hurrying out of the room. Hope blinked, hands trembling, before pressing the phone to his ear. _

_Hope took a few deep breaths, steadying himself as someone's breathing drifted in from the other line. Hope felt his knees give a violent shake and he swallowed, wishing that it was real and that Rygdea was really on the other line.  
_

"_Hope? You there or what?" Hope let out a gasp and grabbed the table, letting out a heavy sigh of relief. _

"_H-Hey Rygdea." Hope said, voice a little shaky. He smirked and rolled his eyes as he heard the man chuckle on the other end of the line. "You ass, don't laugh at me. How are you? Did they say anything?" Hope swallowed again, wondering how his throat could get so dry so fast. _

"_Well, I'm as fine as I can be. I mean, I sleep on what could possibly be one of the most uncomfortable pieces of metal ever conceived by man. But you know the usual, the three square meals a day, a nice chat with Kael that always leads to nothing. The man won't quit." Hope heard Rygdea blow out an annoyed sigh and his chest tightened. _

"_I'm sorry." Hope mumbled, not sure what to say. _

"_Don't be sorry Hope. This isn't your fault." Rygdea said sternly, "I'm more worried about you. Did you tell anyone about that-" There was a pause and Hope tightened his grip on the phone. In the back of his mind, he had a feeling he knew what Rygdea was talking about. A wave of fear came over him, and he leaned his hip against the table, trying to calm his racing heart. "Forget it. What's been going on lately?"_

_Hope blinked at the sudden whiplash and didn't know whether to be glad for the change in subject or not, but he spoke anyway, "I don't really know. Everyone's been worried and all. We keep waiting for the military to contact us, but we haven't gotten any word yet."_

"_I know Hope. Don't worry, they'll figure this out. Stuff like this just takes time, you know? Crawford will be there to help in no time. Right now he's just trying to unravel what Saorise has done." _

_Hope grunted in response, not caring much for such an answer. All that meant was that he was stuck waiting, unable to do anything for his friend. If he lost Rygdea, if he was locked away forever- "You just have to keep up with the positive thinking Hope!" Hope snorted, rolling his eyes. _

"_I wish I could visit that fantasy world you live in Rygdea." Hope said, chuckling. _

"_I know. It _is_ pretty fantastic." Hope smiled as Rygdea's laughter traveled to him from the other line. Things couldn't be all that bad if he could laugh like that. "But enough about that stuff Hope, no need to be feeling more down than necessary. How about some of that juicy gossip people are always ranting and raving about." _

_Hope paused and bit his lip, clearing his throat to let Rygdea know he was still there. "I-I don't know Rygdea. I mean, there is one thing that's kind of bothering me right now but-" Hope paused, ignoring Rygdea's attempts to get him talk on the other end. He peeked around the corner of the living room, looking for some sign of Serah or the others. There was no sign of them though and he sighed in relief before going back to his phone call. "Lately, Lightning has been ignoring me. And I have _no_ idea why!" Hope wanted to slap himself the moment the words left his lips. _Rygdea's in a freaking jail cell and I'm here talking about my relationship problems! What the hell Estheim!

"_R-Rygdea wait, I mean, should we really be talking about this?" Hope asked, trying to make amends as guilt clawed its way through his stomach. "Let's...I don't know. Maybe talk about-"_

"_About what Hope?" Rygdea asked, his voice light, "I mean really, there's nothing interesting going on at my end. I'm in a cell, I'm waiting for Crawford and the others to get their shit together, and I deal with some shit from Kael. And that gets surprisingly repetitive after a while." Rygdea blew out a sigh, sending some static over the phone, "So yes Hope. As bleak and sad as it is, I am forced to ask you details about your love life." _

"_Thank you so much Rygdea." Hope deadpanned. But on the inside, Hope was snickering and feeling light. Rygdea knew how to keep going, knew how to stay bright even in bad situations. "Well," Hope glanced around again, making sure he was indeed alone, "Anyway, she's been ignoring me. I mean, I was babysitting Hazel before all this happened. That kid can be a disaster by the way. Anyway, Lightning was taking a shower and she wound up overheating herself. And when she came down, she started to talk to me, but then she started being all weird and distant. And sometimes, when she looked at me, she'd get all tense. But then she wound up passing out! Right by me!" Hope tensed and looked around again, his whole face heating up. _Don't let them find me, don't let them find me.

"_I'm sure you didn't mind much."_

_Hope rolled his eyes and took a deep breath, "But when she woke up, she looked at me all wide eyed and left. I tried to talk to her, but she just said idiot a lot and that she needed to be alone. I don't get it! And since then we've hardly been in the same room. I don't know what I did wrong and it's really starting to bug me." Hope finished with a sigh, banging his head against the wall. There was a long pause on the other line, and for one frightening second, Hope thought that Rygdea was gone. _

_Until he heard the man laughing on the other end. _

"_N-No way!" Rygdea laughed, and Hope was appalled when he heard the man starting to snort as well, "Oh Hope, you really can't catch a break can you? I wonder why she's being weird...hm...did you say something perverted?"_

"_N-No!" Hope shouted, biting his tongue when he snapped his mouth closed. He looked around the corner again, heart jumping when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs. "Come on Rygdea. Some help? I don't have a lot of time before the others get here." _

_Hope tapped his foot as Rygdea continued to laugh, waiting as it died down to a light chuckle before grunting for the man to answer, "I-I'm sorry Hope. Anyway, I think your best bet is to ask Serah about it. She's there to offer a more hands on approach to this sort of thing. And if anyone can deal with Lightning, it's her." _

_Hope swallowed, "I think she noticed too...but I don't know. I mean, how awkward would that be? Please interrogate your sister so I can know why she's ignoring me? And I think she figured _it_ out Rygdea, and if she did-"_

"_Of course she figured _it_ out. Trust me Hope, you're not as subtle as you'd like to think." _

_Hope swore, feeling a twitch starting to develop in his eye, "Then I shouldn't tell her!" Hope jumped when he heard chatter, easily recognizing Serah, Snow, Maqui, and Lebreau's voices. He didn't have much time. _

"_Sorry Hope, but it seems like it'll be your only chance. Trust me, Serah will help you out." Rygdea's tone caught Hope off guard and he raised an eyebrow. Rygdea sounded to cheery and happy. To...evilly smug. Like he had done something he shouldn't have and was enjoying every minute of it._

"_And why's that Rygdea? What did you do?" But before Hope could get his answer, the others burst in, all looking at the phone excitedly. Hope sighed and prepared to play a game of pass the phone, knowing he wouldn't get his answer now._

_Unless he wanted _everyone_ to know._

Hope finally pulled to a stop as he thought of Rygdea. They had gotten a call from Crawford not long after that, but the man had said he wouldn't be able to meet up with them until the end of the week. Hope sighed and walked over to his dresser, tapping the wood as he tried to get his thoughts straight. They were still going in circles, from why Lightning was ignoring him to when they would be able to free Rygdea. And Saorise...Saorise always managed to pop in too. But lately, Hope found that his fear was abating. It was amazing, something he never thought he'd feel. The slow and sure release from something dark.

Safe. He felt safe. He was talking to the others, he was trying to get past this. And he felt _safe_.

Hope smiled and walked out of his room, although his happiness dropped when he watched Lightning glance at him, only to snap her head around and hurry down the stairs. His shoulders slumped and he followed her down, but she went for the front door.

"I'm going to buy some milk!" Lightning called as Hope reached the bottom stair.

Serah brushed past Hope and tried to go after her sister, Hazel in her arms, "Wait Light! We don't need milk! Wait!" The door closed with a snap and Serah sighed, turning to the small couch and setting Hazel down. Serah turned to Hope as he slowly made his way inside and crossed her arms. "I don't get what's with her. I tried talking with her, but her face got all red and she refused to speak to me." She narrowed her eyes at Hope, "Did you do something?"

Hope's eyes widened and he shook his head, raising his hands in defense, "N-No! I mean, yes! I mean-I don't know Serah!" Hope deflated, his arms falling loosely at his sides, and Serah's face relaxed. She took a step toward Hope, but he turned away from her, "I mean, this whole mess started after I babysat Hazel. She came down after taking a shower and was all dizzy. We talked, kind of, but it wasn't that important. Then she passes out, but when she wakes up, she like that! And I don't know what I did wrong and it's really starting to bug me! I mean, the last thing I want is for-" Hope trailed off, panting and glancing over at Serah as his face flushed. _Way to go Estheim. Just way to go. Gonna write your own epitaph too? The grave his looking pretty deep already..._

"I-I mean..." Hope looked away, eyes roving the room for a means to escape.

Serah shook her head and sat down on the couch, pulling Hazel into her lap and handing the girl a stray doll on the floor. Serah looked back at Hope and tilted her head toward the seat next to her, patting the cushion for extra effect. Hope paused, bouncing on his feet as he debated whether to sit next to her or not. Serah clicked her tongue and Hope jumped, rushing over and collapsing on the couch. _Much better than enticing her wrath._ He made sure to avoid her eyes though, patting his legs and looking toward the floor instead. Serah rolled her eyes and smiled, but said nothing about it to avoid frazzling Hope's nerves further.

Besides, she had more important things to talk about.

"Hope, you love my sister right?" Hope jumped, arms raised up to his chest at her words, and started to scramble away. Words came flying out of his mouth, but they made no real sense. They were just an incoherent mess of gasping sounds and pitiful excuse to leave the room. But Serah could have sworn she heard the words sorry thrown in several times and felt her lips twitch.

"Hope! Hope! Calm down, I'm not going to kill you." Serah soothed, grabbing Hope's arm. He flinched and tried to pull away, feeling slightly panicked, but Serah gently pushed him down on the couch. "Hope, calm down." Serah said again. Hazel crawled her way over as well, her head popping out from under Serah's arm, and she poked Hope in the cheek.

"Own Ope." Hazel said, shaking her head and closing her eyes. She patted his head, giggling as she pulled some of his hair, "Own!" Hope blew out a sigh and let himself relax, knowing he couldn't win with Hazel right there. Somehow, it was hard for him to stay panicked when a little kid was pulling at his hair.

"Now Hope." Serah said, pulling Hazel away and handing her the doll again, "I'm going to say it again. You love my sister."

Hope opened and closed his mouth several times, his mind going blank. What was he supposed to do? His throat feeling tight, and knowing he wouldn't be able to form a single coherent sentence, he nodded. Hope closed his eyes and sighed, his shoulders slumping.

"Now that wasn't so hard was it?" Serah said, shaking her head and letting Hope's arm go, "And I know you guys kind of talked about it a while ago, but that didn't turn out all that well either. Now, I don't know why Lightning's being distant with you, but I will find out, I promise." Serah nodded her head and stood up, hand clenched into a fist. There was a fire in her eyes that made Hope want to shrink away again and his heart started to race.

"B-But Serah, you don't have to do that!" Hope managed to choke out, feeling his cheeks heat up again. "I-I mean, I don't want to be the reason that-"

"Hope Estheim, several years ago you admitted that you loved my sister before dying." Serah said quietly. Hope's mouth snapped shut and he looked away, feeling ashamed. "It...couldn't be helped, but I bet that Lightning thought about it for years. Then you come back and suddenly she starts smiling more. And I know you talked about your confession with her, told her that it didn't matter how you felt." Serah paused and shook her head, closing her eyes, "And Hope, that was very sweet of you. But it was stupid too."

Hope's jaw dropped open. "Wh-What?"

"But you know, that doesn't matter right now. What matters is this. The here and now!" Serah placed her hands on her hips and glared at Hope, "And just like you're recovering Hope, Light's starting to open up. Well, she's opening up more anyway. I'm not gonna have you two be all weird around each other because of some misunderstanding!" Hope raised his eyebrows and pressed himself deeper into the couch, thoroughly confused. "So I will talk to her! And then you two will make up, and there will be no problems! Just give me a little time okay?" Serah commanded, taking another step toward him.

"Wha-Wha-What?" Serah just smiled at him, putting a finger to her lips.

"Don't worry Hope, I'll talk to her and see what's up. You just worry about relaxing! I know you have a fun day ahead of you." Serah sang.

"What are you talking about?" Hope asked, shaking his head, "I don't have anything planned for today-"

"There you are Hope!" Hope jumped and whipped around, trying to scramble away as Maqui nearly flew into the living room. He was dressed in a casual clothes, a simple tank and shorts, but what got Hope was the overly stuffed backpack slung over Maqui's shoulder. The blond smiled at him, ruffling Hope's hair and chuckling at the annoyed noise Hope made.

"C'mon Hope, we've gotta go. We're burning daylight." Maqui said, grabbing Hope by the shoulder and yanking him off the couch. Alarmed, Hope looked toward Serah for help, but she brought a hand to her mouth to stop herself from laughing. A deep sense of foreboding came over Hope and he started to struggle in Maqui's hold, only to be pushed ahead of Maqui instead. Hope stumbled slightly and aimed at kick at Maqui, but the blond stepped back.

"Off we go!" Maqui said cheerfully, nearly slamming Hope into the wall as he opened the front door. Hope tried to slide away, using the wall as his support, but Maqui grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and threw him outside. Hope shouted as he landed in the grass and glared at Maqui, pushing himself off the ground.

"What the hell Maqui? Why are you man handling me you damn-" Hope let out a yelp as Maqui hurried over to him and grabbed him by the arm, yanking him forward. Hope's eyes caught the sleek black car sitting all too innocently in front of the house and he glanced at Maqui. His stomach clenched at the nearly devilish smile on Maqui's face, and Hope tried to pull himself away, yanking at Maqui's fingers. "Let me go you conniving tech head! I don't know what the hell you're planning, but I know that I'm-"

"Just relax Hope!" Maqui laughed, wincing as one of Hope's nails dug painfully into his hands. He struggled against Hope's thrashing and just barely managed to get the car door open, letting out a pained yell as Hope bit his hand instead. "Cheater!"

"You're the one dragging me to some freaky car!" Maqui paused and shook his head, pulling on Hope's arm as the man continued to fight him.

"I don't think I need to tell you how creepy that sounded." Maqui muttered, only to yell a second later as Hope yanked him down into the car with him. Maqui swore and pushed himself off the car floor, grabbing the door and slamming it closed before Hope could escape. Hope shot up and lunged at Maqui, only to jump when he heard Lebreau's voice at the front.

"Hope? Hope is that you?" She called. Hope looked over at the seat and saw Lebreau as she yanked on the car door handle. It was locked though, and while she was pressing the button, there was no click to let her know she was free.

"He got you too?" Hope asked before he turned back to Maqui, "What the hell are you planning Maqui?"

But Maqui ignored him, leaving his backpack in the back and climbing to the front of the car instead. Hope snarled and grabbed Maqui's ankle, trying to pull him back to the backseat. "Tell me what you're up to!" Maqui shook his head and yanked his ankle free, smirking at Hope as his face reddened. Maqui yelped when Lebreau hit him in the head, but he fished his keys out of his pockets and shoved them into the ignition, bringing the car to life before either Hope or Lebreau could attack him more. He pressed his foot on the pedal, surprising both Hope and Lebreau as they were thrown into their seats. They started shouting at him, but Maqui concentrated on the road, knowing they wouldn't attack him. Right? Unless they wanted to risk him crashing into something. Which they didn't.

_Right?_

Maqui hoped so.

"Just relax guys." Maqui said, but neither of them could hear him as they argued with one another about what he was doing. Maqui rolled his eyes and glared down the road, smirking again, "We're going to relax and have some fun whether you want to or not."


	24. Their Day

**Hey guys. I'm sorry this is a day late. I am rather ill right now (I hate being sick! Ugh) and I wound up passing out the day before this was supposed to be released. Not to mention that I overslept on Tuesday. Yay! *sigh* Hopefully I will feel better soon, because I can't write with a stuffed up head. I hope the editing wasn't too sloppy, but if there is anything glaring, feel free to let me know. The usual I am a tad nervous. But I'm always that way when I release a chapter. :)  
**

**Reviews after school (or later if I decide to take a nap) because life is cruel and I still have to go to school. Can't fall behind now can I?**

**And of course, remember Crystal Hearts! ^-^**

**Anyway, enough talking. On to the chapter!**

* * *

"Kay guys, we're here!" Maqui said, smiling and looking around at his friends. All he received was a dark, gloomy, and perhaps even intimidating silence. Lebreau and Hope had stopped pestering him some time ago and Lebreau had crawled into the back of the car with Hope, conversing quietly for a short time before starting the damn silence. And while Maqui tried to put up a tough front as he looked back at his friends, he couldn't help but feel that he needed to run very, very fast in the opposite direction. Lebreau's glare of death, doom, and destruction did nothing to help this, and Maqui had to wonder if she was taking lessons from Lightning in the art of glaring. Lightning seemed to make the whole act of glaring into an art form and Maqui was always amazed by the numerous and creative ways she promised death with just one look. And he did not need Lebreau taking pointers from her.

"Come on, it was all done in good spirits!" Maqui tried as Hope and Lebreau continued to glare at him, the silence stretching on. The car sat idly on the road, the sounds of construction drifting toward them despite the distance Maqui had put between them and one of the many construction sites. Maqui looked between Lebreau and Hope, annoyed when neither of them made a move to get out of the car. _I only have this damn car for a few hours, I don't have time for this!_

"All right then." Maqui said, shrugging, "I guess I can't force you two out of this stuffy, little car." Maqui reached a hand toward the car floor and snatched up his backpack, fingering the zipper. "I guess I'll go and enjoy the comforts of the park alone. By myself. Without a soul to talk to other than me. And we all know how _those _conversations tend to go. I still don't get how I manage to argue with myself." Maqui felt his heart soar as he caught their lips twitching up, but made sure they didn't see his look of triumph.

Maqui inched his way over to the passenger door, jutting out his lower lips and blinking rapidly to make his eyes water. _The perfect pout... _Maqui slowly pushed the door open and put one foot on the grass, watching Lebreau and Hope out of the corner of his eye. He let out a heavy sigh, "I wonder what it will be like to sit there _alone_. Without a soul to talk to. Except for me. And my food." He saw them perk up at the word food and had to hold back a snicker, "In a sad little park that only has one, single rock and some poor, pathetic grass."

Maqui made sure to blow out another heavy sigh before hauling himself out of the car. He slammed the door closed and slumped his shoulders as he walked away, being careful to move at a glacial pace. He nearly laughed when he heard the car door pop open as Lebreau and Hope scrambled out of the car.

"Then it's not a park Maqui!" Lebreau called after him as she grabbed Hope by the arm and dragged him toward Maqui. She smiled as she ran and even Hope looked more relaxed. "I think it's just the ground. Just a bit of dirt and such. Not your idea of a park." Lebreau finished, shaking her head and rolling her eyes once she and Hope caught up.

Maqui, not quite ready to let go of his act, jutted his lower lips out again, making them quiver for added effect, "B-But it's _my _park."

"Then your park's pretty sad Maqui." Hope deadpanned, smirking at him. Maqui and Lebreau stared at Hope before breaking out into chuckles, Lebreau shaking her head.

"I didn't know you had it in you to joke Hope." Lebreau said, patting Hope on the shoulder. Hope rolled his eyes at her, shrugging her hand off.

"I am perfectly capable of making a joke." Hope said, sniffing and holding his head high in the air.

"Yeah...and Maqui can get a date."

"Yeah! Wa-Wait!" Maqui rounded on Lebreau and Hope but they just started laughing. Maqui lunged for her but Lebreau just snorted and stepped away, sticking her foot out as Maqui passed her. Maqui yelped and lost his balance, tripping over his legs and smacking into Hope. They both crumpled to the ground, Lebreau laughing loudly as she placed her foot on Maqui's back.

"I have conquered you!" Lebreau declared, mashing her foot in Maqui's back. Maqui whined and tried to roll off, but Lebreau held him in place, despite Hope starting to shout at her. Maqui sighed and propped his elbow on Hope's chest, ignoring the pained look on Hope's face.

"Well this sucks." He said, shrugging a little, "Wouldn't you say Hope?"

"I'll kill you..." Hope seethed, trying to knee Maqui in the gut.

Maqui blinked, "Oh. Well...that doesn't sound healthy. We should really do something about your homicidal tendencies Hope." Maqui nodded his head, biting back a smirk.

Lebreau snorted and removed her foot from Maqui's back, chuckling when Hope shoved him to the ground. "Please," Lebreau said, "If anyone needs to calm down with the homicidal tendencies, it's Lightning. I swear, I think she's going to kill me every time I look at her."

"H-Hey now." Hope said, looking uncomfortable as a blush bloomed across his cheeks, "That's not true. She's just a little-"

"Please Hope." Lebreau scoffed, waving her hand in the air, "We all know how very much in love with her you are. _You_ can't make any judgments since you're a biased party." She had said it nonchalantly, but Maqui could still hear something in her voice that made her sound...off. Hope was looking intently at the ground, his entire face turning red, and Maqui quickly made his way to his backpack. He nearly yanked off the zipper and pulled out a plastic gun with a bright blue nozzle attached. He started to pump the small handle and aimed it at Lebreau, winking at Hope as he caught his eye.

"Anyway-AH!" Lebreau shouted as something cold and wet dribbled down her neck. She whipped around, glaring at Maqui, "What the hell was that!"

"Water." Maqui said, shrugging, "I wanted to see if you'd melt or not." Maqui smirked and raised the water gun again, giving it a few extra pumps before pulling the trigger. The water shot out and hit Lebreau square in the face, running down her face and onto her shirt. Lebreau shouted and shook her head, Hope laughing loudly behind her. Maqui started giggling as well, trying to shoot her in between his laughter, but he started to scramble away as Lebreau stalked toward him.

"I'll kill you!" She shouted, lunging for him and grabbing his ankle before he could escape. Maqui yelped and kicked, blinking back pain as his chin hit the ground. Lebreau ignored his pleas and grabbed at his pants, using them to crawl closer to Maqui even as they started slide down his legs. Panicked, Maqui looked toward Hope for assistance, but Hope fell to the ground, clutching his stomach as his laughter increased.

"Hope!" Maqui shouted, kicking harder at Lebreau as her nails, no, _claws_, dug into his legs.

"S-Sorry!" Hope gasped, shaking his head as Lebreau grinned and pounced, trying to twist the water gun out of Maqui's hands.

"No!" Maqui tried to wriggle out of her death grip and pumped the water gun, aiming at her and shooting as much as he could. She cried out when the water hit her in the eyes, her eyes going red, but she only tried harder to wrestle the water gun away. Maqui continued with his barrage, some shots of water only hitting the air, water dribbling down into her shirt once they hit. But with a roar of rage Lebreau grabbed the water gun and yanked it away from him, aiming it right between his eyes.

"H-Hey now Lebreau, maybe we can talk this out or something? I mean-UGH!" Maqui shook his head as water splashed on his face, spitting some out as it trickled into his mouth. Lebreau smiled and started shooting him even more, Hope's laughter echoing in the background. Lebreau glanced over at Hope, smile widening, and Maqui grunted as Lebreau's weight left him.

"What's so funny Hope?" Lebreau asked, pumping the water gun and giggling on the inside when Hope's laughter immediately died. "Me getting wet huh? Hilarious?"

Hope bit his lip as he looked at Lebreau, obviously fighting laughter, "It is when you're wearing a white shirt."

Lebreau blinked and looked down, her mouth widening in horror when she saw that she had worn her white shirt. And it was soaked, giving both boys a view of her bra. Her dark purple bra.

"A-A-A-" Lebreau stuttered, her eye twitching as she looked down. Her face turned bright red and she looked anywhere but Hope or Maqui, both boys laughing uncontrollably. Lebreau grit her teeth together and aimed the water gun at Hope. She charged over at him and jabbed the nozzle in his ear. Before Hope could react Lebreau began to shoot the water gun as Hope yelped and tried to scramble away. Hope shivered and whined, shouting when Lebreau took his head and brought it closer to the nozzle.

"S-Stop!"

"Never!" Lebreau chuckled and started to shoot more water at Hope, soaking his face and drowning his ear until the water gun finally ran out. Hope cupped his ear and rolled away from Lebreau, shivering and wiggling on the ground as he waited for the water to stop moving in his ear. "That will teach you two to mess with me!"

"We can still see your bra!" Hope cried in retaliation, sitting up and tilting his head to the side in an effort to get the water out. His hair had water dripping down the strands and his collar was stained with water. Lebreau tensed up at his words, her face blushing full force again, and she chucked the water gun at him. Hope shouted and ducked, letting the plastic toy hit the ground with a small thud.

"I think I have a shirt you can borrow Lebreau." Maqui said, standing up and glancing at his abounded bag.

"Really?"

"I wouldn't do that just yet Maqui." Hope said, standing up and crossing his arms. He had a strange smile on his face and there was a glint in his eye that made both Maqui and Lebreau nervous. "We're not done here yet."

"Hope..." Maqui said, holding his hands up in surrender as he inched his way toward his bag, "That was the only water gun I brought. We're not going to start any wars here okay? We're just gonna-HEY!" Maqui shivered and spluttered as water hit him square in the face. Blinking it away from his eyes, he glared at Hope who held his hand in the air. Water swirled above Hope's fingertips and his smile only widened.

"Who said we needed water guns?"

* * *

Serah watched her sister as Lightning sat on their couch in the living room having cornered her when she came home. Lightning was staring straight ahead, pointedly avoiding her sister's gaze, but Serah only shrugged and moved into her line of vision. They heard Snow and Hazel's laughter echo into the living room before disappearing upstairs, leaving the two sisters in an awkward silence. Serah crossed her arms and titled her hip up, raising an eyebrow at her sister. She did not waver under the harsh gaze Lightning directed at her. It felt strange to Serah to even try scolding Lightning, but just as she promised to help Maqui get Hope and Lebreau to have some fun, she also swore to confront her sister in what she dubbed, "The Hope Situation."_ And no, no pun intended, _she added to herself, trying not to smile._  
_

"What do you want Serah?" Lightning's tone was rough but Serah did not flinch. She knew why Lightning was acting this way. She could see past the usual hardness in Lightning's eyes. There was the anger of course, but Serah expected that much. But there was also this fear and understanding. Lightning knew what they were going to talk about and she wanted no part of it.

_Well that's too bad, _Serah thought, her eyes hardening.

"I wanted to talk to you Claire." Lightning did not flinch at the use of her given name, but Serah could see Lightning's eyes darken. Serah took a deep breath and plunged on, "I want to know what's going on between you and Hope."

Serah saw it for the briefest second. Lightning's face lit up, her mouth opening in understanding, eyes scrunching up in worry. Then Lightning snapped shut like a book, giving her a cold but polite stare. "There's nothing to talk about."

"I think there is." Serah pressed, allowing her arms to fall at her sides, "Why are you ignoring him?"

"I am not-"

"Yes you are! Don't tell me you aren't when you leave the room the second he comes in. Did he see you naked again or something? Do we need to bolt your door shut?"

Lightning's mouth widened and she shook her head, "Nothing like that!"

"Then what is it? You freak out whenever you two have to be in the same room together and you-you blush and run!" Serah said, eyes widening at her own statement. She shook her head and plowed on, "And then he starts looking more depressed! It's bad Light! He thinks he did something wrong, and by the sounds of it, he really didn't. So why are you ignoring him? He loves you and you-" Serah stopped when Lightning broke eye contact with her, Lightning's face turning bright pink. Serah's eyes widened and her hands flew to her mouth, stifling her gasp.

"You-You-Maker, you-" Serah's hands dropped again and she jumped up and down, a smile on her face, "It's true! You love Hope don't you sis!"

"No!" Lightning shouted, but Serah continued to jump up and down. Lightning snorted and stood up, "That's not it!" Serah froze at the tone of Lightning's voice, looking like she had been caught in the headlights, and Lightning felt her blush deepen. Her shoulders slumped and she looked away from Serah, "I mean...I-I had a-a-" Lightning snapped her mouth shut and sat back on the couch. She buried her face in her hands, the dream she had playing vividly in her mind. The couch shifted and she looked between her fingers to see Serah sitting beside her, a sheepish look on her face.

"I'm sorry about that Claire. I jumped the gun on that one." Serah placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed, "So what happened?" Serah tried, meeting her sister's eyes. Blue looked into blue before Lightning sighed.

"It's fine Serah." Lightning paused, swallowing, "I...it's really...I don't know." Lightning shook her head, "I-I had a weird dream."

"A dream?" Serah prompted, nodding.

"Yeah. But I-I don't want to say it out loud or anything..." Lightning leaned over and whispered the details of her dream in Serah's ear. Lightning's face started turning a nice, deep red, and Serah's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. Serah brought her hands to her mouth, bouncing slightly in her seat as Lightning went into details. Lightning glared at her but Serah only rolled her eyes and motioned for her to continue.

"What do you think?" Lightning asked when she finally pulled away, face still aflame. She hated how uncertain her voice sounded, but hid it well before her practiced mask. Her mouth was drawn in a thin line, her eyes alert but unreadable. Serah looked at her, then her hands, then back at Lightning.

"All right!" Serah said, standing up and walking away from the couch. Serah stood proudly for a few moments, working out the thoughts in her head with her hands on her hips, before she turned back to Lightning. "Lightning, what do you think of the dream?"

Lightning raised an eyebrow, "I think it is incredibly embarrassing that I had such a dream. And about Hope no less."

Serah rolled her eyes and waved her hand, dismissing the thought, "Well I figured that. But deep down, did you _like_ it?"

Lightning's mouth dropped and she stood as well, "Wh-What kind of question is that? I mean really Serah, I would think that-"

Serah shook her head and stepped toward Lightning, grabbing Lightning's hands and pulling them toward her, "Claire, all you're doing is working yourself up. Do you realize how red you are right now?" Serah asked, continuing before Lightning could answer, "You know, it's fine if you liked the dream. It's not like Hope is bad looking or anything, and it's perfectly normal. And no Claire," Serah said when Lightning opened her mouth to protest, "No matter what you say, you are at least a little bit normal."

Serah paused, still holding on to Lightning's hands, before she led the two of them back to the couch. "Claire...tell me honestly. Do you think that maybe, just maybe, you like Hope? Really deep down? Or not so deep down. And not the usual like. You know, the like like that people use to-"

"I know what you mean Serah!" Lightning snapped, face burning. Lightning pulled her hands away and held her head, blowing a few pink strands of hair away from her face. "I..." Lightning stopped and closed her eyes, an image of Hope popping into her mind. He was smiling at her...falling away from her into this endless black void, just beyond her touch. Then he was there again, telling her how much he loved her even though he was sad and alone and uncertain. And her heart was racing at the very thought that someone, that _Hope _loved her. That Hope had changed so much, was so mature and quiet and deep. That Hope seemed to be in so much _pain._ And she had no idea what to do but Maker she wanted to help him!

The more she thought about it, the more thoughts of Hope she had. How he still smiled around her, even though there was a ghost of something great and terrible behind it. How he would laugh and a part of her, some deep and cold part that she thought she had locked away forever, would curl up and break away. And she wouldn't realize it until later, when suddenly her burdens did not weigh so heavily on her and that she instead…light. That the childhood she had lost was not so great a pain. That maybe she really could look at the next day as something great rather than something to be dreaded. That things had changed for her. For _them._

The more and more she thought about it, the more she knew what it was. When he touched her, the smallest of brushes, she would blush and feel like some school girl. She wanted to dance with him again and have him say those words and maybe be able to say them back. A fantasy she knew, but that didn't stop the thought. In fact, she considered a lot of things with Hope that she wouldn't even dream of with anyone else.

And it scared her. Terrified her. Cut her deep in her bones and made her insides curl up.

"Claire?" Serah hesitantly put a hand on her sister's shoulder, trying to get a look of her face. Lightning had been quiet for so long that Serah was worried she might have pushed for too much. She should have just made Lightning promise to start talking with Hope again and dispel his fears of having done something wrong to Lightning. "Claire?" She tried again, shaking Lightning's shoulder.

"I'm sorry Serah." Lightning said, finally removing her hands from her face and looking at her sister. Serah held back a gasp as she looked at her sister. It seemed as if Lightning was...about to cry or scream or something. Her eyes were strained and sad looking, even a little wet. She was biting her lip, only intensifying her worried look even as she released her lips from her teeth. Lightning eventually looked away from Serah and stared at the wall. But Serah could tell from the look in Lightning's eyes that the wall wasn't even there. Lightning's eyes were distant, even wistful looking, and Serah doubted that Lightning was aware of the small sigh she released.

"Maker Serah..." Lightning said, taking a deep, shuddering breath. She closed her eyes again and swallowed, clenching her hands. Hope flitted through her mind, holding out a hand for her to take. Behind him though were shadows, great and deadly and evil, and they circled around his feet. They tried to touch him, to grab him, and behind Hope Lightning could also see that white haired witch who had hurt him so deeply. And suddenly Lightning wanted to rip the girl limb from limb, make her feel Hope's pain and then some. She wanted Saorise more than dead. But more than that, Lightning wanted to make sure Saorise could never lay a hand on Hope again.

The feelings scared her. All the feelings Hope brought absolutely terrified her.

"I-I think...Maybe I-I love him." Lightning's voice got quiet and she shook her head, refusing to look Serah in the eye.

Serah's breath hitched as she stared at her sister, hardly daring to believe the words that had left Lightning's lips. Lightning wasn't looking at Serah though, her eyes wandering to her hands instead, "I shouldn't though."

"Wha-Claire, why can't you-"

"I can't Serah." Lightning said, voice firmer than before, "It's not right-"

Serah shot up and loomed over her sister, scowling, "If this is about that age difference I will-"

"It's not about the age difference." Serah deflated, arms hanging loosely at her sides as she sat back down. Lightning shook her head, "It's not that. I mean, not just that." Lightning sighed, scowling at how…how weak she sounded. But she had to tell Serah, make her sister understand. "Serah, right now Hope needs someone who can help him and protect him. We need to bring down Saorise, stop all this l'Cie business, and just put this past us. I mean, look at him Serah." Lightning said, voice dropping to a whisper, "He's so...so different."

"That's not a bad thing." Serah said, shaking her head.

"I didn't say it was." Lightning said, locking her gaze with Serah's, "But he's hurt. He's hurt Serah, and I don't feel comfortable with these feelings when he needs me to be strong. I can't be strong if this is there to distract me."

"But Claire, that's not it at all! I mean he loves you-"

"That's just another reason not to tell him Serah!" Lightning shouted, slamming her fist into her thigh, "Think of how he'll react, how worried he'll be! Honestly Serah, I don't think now's the best time to be thinking about something like this! I mean I-I don't..." Lightning stopped, closing her eyes tightly. "Serah, I'm not even sure about this. If he loves me as much as he-he seems to, what if I can't measure up to that? I mean...I mean how do I know?" Lightning looked up at her, eyes both challenging and pleading. Serah was struck by her sister's eyes, wondering when her sister started to show so much emotion, curious as to when they started to show so much worry and fear and _love._

A part of Serah understood where Lightning was coming from; she understood her sister's fear. After all, something like this had never truly happened for Lightning before. It was not as if Lightning knew what to do from relationships that had, at most, been shallow and easily forgotten. And now her older sister was looking to her for guidance, something Serah had always secretly wanted from her older, stronger sister.

If only now she could give her something Lightning could use.

Serah took a deep breath and placed her hand on Lightning's shoulder, giving it a faint squeeze, "You know I can't really tell you that Claire. You know that it's something you have to figure out on your own."

"But how-" Serah shook her head, giving Lightning a weak smile.

"It will be...like this moment. This weird moment that it all suddenly makes sense, and you'll wonder why you didn't get it before. And-And it will be amazing Claire." Serah said, voice dropping to a whisper, "It will be an amazing feeling. But it will scare you too. It'll be...so much all at once. And you'll get it then. You'll know. Just this big feeling…which is really just a lot of feelings all mashed together and trying to get your attention. It's really…really simple, but really really complicated too."

Lightning looked at her sister, stared into her blue eyes that so mirrored her own. But Lightning knew her own eyes were hardened by war and violence, cold by the way she had shut down her emotions, whereas Serah's were full of life and energy and all the things that Lightning found she struggled to understand. Lightning closed her eyes and felt the great tidal wave of emotions wash over her, fighting for her attention. The distraction she feared that love would become, the thoughts swirling inside of her. And the uncertainty was still there. So many questions, all loud and bouncing off the walls of her head.

_What will it mean for Hope? For me? For everyone? Hoes does Hope feel now? How do I feel? Do I really love him the way he loves me? Should I wait? Should I keep it to myself and take it to my grave? What if I die early? What if I lose him? How can I protect him like this? How can I protect anyone? Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!_

"Claire." Serah shook Lightning's shoulder, drawing Lightning's eyes back to her, "I-I think I can understand what you mean. You want to be sure, and you want it to feel right. I think it's best to say that you're…confused. And that's fine." Serah took a deep breath and scowled, trying to make herself look as menacing as possible, "But I want you to talk with Hope when he gets home. You don't have to tell him out right what's wrong, but let him now that he doesn't need to freak out. He's a mess when you're not talking to him."

Serah giggled when Lightning's cheeks flushed and Lightning glared at her, rolling her eyes. "Whatever." Lightning mumbled, standing up and walking out of the room. Serah watched as her sister disappeared before slouching back on the couch, blowing out a loud sigh. Serah ran a hand over her face, mind reeling from her conversation with Lightning. _"I think I love him_._" _Serah shook her head as her sister's words echoed in her mind. She didn't think that this would happen to Lightning, at least not like this. And with Hope!

_But...I know it's more than that. I mean, the way Claire got, it was so unlike her. Or maybe it really is like her and I'm not used to seeing that side of her? I don't know... What do I do? Claire has to see for herself if this whole thing is real or not, but what if something goes wrong? Knowing her and Hope, it'd be easy for something to screw up when they're both dancing around things like this._

Serah muttered darkly under her breath before standing up, deciding to see Snow and Hazel to maybe take her mind off things. She'd have to worry about it later, even if she wanted Claire to see that what she felt for Hope was very real. She couldn't force her sister to admit her feelings anymore than she could force Hope to stop being nervous about the whole situation. She knew that it was up to the two of them, whether she wanted it to be or not. Still, she was bothered by the two of them and the way they danced around each other, neither quite ready to take the plunge and admit their thoughts to the other.

_Why do those two make things so complicated?_

* * *

"I-I can't believe we got kicked out of the park." Maqui mumbled, munching on his sandwich with a forlorn expression on his face. Some of the lettuce from the sandwich fell to the ground, but Maqui only glanced at it before looking out into the distance with sad eyes.

"I know! And it wasn't even a park! It was just grass. And a rock or two." Lebreau rolled her eyes before snatching Hope's water bottle from his hands, squirting it down her throat. "And why?" Lebreau continued, ignoring the water trickling out of her mouth, "Because we were disturbing_ the peace._" Lebreau rolled her eyes and swung the bottle around in frustration, some of the water squirting out.

"Well, we kind of were." Hope reasoned, yanking his bottle away from Lebreau and inspecting it with hard eyes._ She better not have contaminated my water_. "I mean, when you started shouting at Maqui to stop being a peeping tom, that kind of doomed us."

"Oh don't you go siding with them Hope. The last thing I need is you telling us what we did wrong." Lebreau said, trying to take his water again. Hope held it just out of her reach, smirking.

"Someone has to. Imagine the chaos you would cause if you were left on your own."

Lebreau snorted before letting her arm fall back to her side, scanning a few of the sparse shops around. She rolled up her new shirt sleeves, having borrowed one of Maqui's dark blue shirts, and glanced at her watch. She smiled at the time. Just after four. She looked back at the shops, smile only widening when she saw one of the brightly lit signs. It was done in bright pink neon colors, although it was hard to tell in the light, and she easily made out the word BAR. "You know what I think?"

"No, and thank goodness for that." Hope said, smirking when Lebreau glared at him.

"Quiet Estheim." Lebreau grabbed both Hope's and Maqui's hands and began to drag them to the bar, being careful not to let them see the sign. Hope started lecturing her when he dropped his water, and Maqui was desperately trying to get out of her grip, but she just grinned and pulled them inside.

They all had to blink hard and fast when they stepped inside. Where the sun had been shining only moments before the darkness now enveloped them, the bar barely lit at all. The bar was cast in a dark blue glow, mostly thanks to a sign hanging above the counter that read: _The Forgotten Moments_ in bright blue letters. There were a few patrons inside, set among some of the small tables in the bar. There were only two chairs to a table, tall and spindly, and the patrons had an almost sullen air about them. At the counter there were two others, mugs in their hands, and they seemed much more lively than the rest of the bunch, cracking a joke hear and there, but the bar was still hushed. The bartender was wiping down a glass, glancing up at them before reaching under the black counter and pulling out three more glasses.

Lebreau smiled and started for the counter, but two hands grabbed her by the arms.

"What the hell Lebreau! Why'd you bring us to a bar!" Hope hissed, looking around nervously. Maqui shook his head, letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Really Lebreau, isn't it a little early for this?" Maqui asked, glaring at her.

Lebreau shrugged, not at all bothered by their attitudes, "Think of it as checking out the competition."

"The 7th Heaven isn't even open right now! And I'm underage!" Hope growled, trying to lead her back to the entrance. Lebreau rolled her eyes and pulled her arm out of his grasp, reaching into her pockets and pulling out a slightly wet wallet. She unfolded it and pulled out her identification card, as well as a small card for Hope. She waved it in front of his face, a picture of him on the small blue card, as well as a birthday that certified he was twenty-one.

Which…he wasn't.

"You made a fake-" Hope's mouth snapped shut and he hissed, hand reaching down to his shin where Lebreau had kicked him. It throbbed painfully under his fingers and he gave her the dirtiest look he could muster.

"Shut it. If you're that much of a prude, don't order anything. But I for one want to see what this place is made of." Lebreau said, stuffing the I.D. in Hope's hands before stomping her way to the counter. Maqui and Hope looked at each other, Maqui covering his mouth to avoid laughing at the angry pout on Hope's face. Maqui reached for his pocket and slipped his own card out, shrugging.

"It could be worse?" Maqui tried as pushed Hope toward the counter.

"Doubt it." Hope muttered. They joined Lebreau on the black bar stools, Hope glaring at the different drinks advertised behind the bartender as Lebreau ordered. "An Ambassador(1), if you don't mind." Lebreau said, giving the bartender a winning smile. The woman nodded, already pulling out some glasses and adding the ice. Hope rolled his eyes as he heard the bottles hit the counter, scanning the list for something non-alcoholic. "Wanna try a Fairy from Hell(2) Maqui?" Hope heard Lebreau tease. Hope rolled his eyes again, wondering just how many drinks the Lebreau knew.

"A Cherry Buck a Roo(3)." Maqui said, ignoring Lebreau's jibe.

Hope felt the bartender's eyes on him and shrugged, "Just water." Hope felt his cheeks heat up when Lebreau snorted, but ignored it, taking a sip from his glass as it came rolling his way. "This is all we're doing." Hope said, glaring down at Lebreau as she took a swig from her mug, "Then we're out of here."

"Yeah, yeah, you spoil sport." Lebreau said, waving her hand. "This is pretty good!" She added, smiling as she took a long sip and laying the money for their drinks on the table. Maqui shrugged at Hope before taking a sip from his own mug, smiling slightly as the taste of bitterness and sweetness. Hope just continued to drink from his water, grinning when Lebreau chatted up with the bartender on various techniques they used behind the counter. His eyes scanned around him, looking for anything off or unnerving, but even without the booze to mess with his mind, he found himself relaxing. He even closed his eyes, listening to the increasing banter between Lebreau and the bartender, smirking when Maqui would try and get his two cents in.

Hope was so lost in the friendly and familiar chatter of his friends that he, despite all his precautions, did not notice the woman approaching the bar counter until she was behind him. Hope tensed and glanced behind his shoulder, watching as the woman took a seat next to him at the bar counter. Hope felt comforted when he felt Maqui shift beside him, knowing his friend was now watching as well, but the woman moved her stool closer to Hope. Hope took a deep breath, gripping his glass tighter.

Hope studied the woman out of the corner of his eyes, being careful to not seem rude as he studied her. She had a tall glass filled with pink liquid in her hand, resting it on the counter and wiping some of the fog away with her thumb. It had a lemon slice on the lips of the glass, and when the woman caught his eye, she daintily took the lemon slice and began to take small bites of the lemon. Hope felt his cheeks heat up, especially when the woman placed the lemon slice back and began to twirl her auburn hair between her fingers. She winked at him, batting her eyelashes and staring at him with dark gray eyes.

She leaned over to him and Hope tensed even further, swallowing hard when her fingers slowly made their way over to his hand. "Looking good." She whispered, leaning close enough for only Hope to hear. Hope gulped, taking a quick breath as his heart hammered painfully in his chest, sweat forming at his temples. Maqui's eyes were boring into the both of them, Maqui straightening up in case he needed to move, but Hope shook his head. He was determined not to make a scene. Not today, when things were going so well.

_Just calm down Hope. No harm in this. She's just a little drunk and happens to think you look good. No bother, no bother at all. Take it as a compliment and just politely decline what she-_

_What-_

_Is that..._

_Shit!_

Hope's breathing turned shallow as he felt the woman's hand rest on his thigh, slowly creeping up his leg. Her touch was light and sensual, and Hope started to bounce his leg up and down, praying it would discourage her. His whole body was tense as her fingers moved in light circles, working toward his inner thigh, and Hope let out a small yelp. He tried to cover it with his mouth, his whole face flush now, and he knew Maqui was watching his with curious eyes. He hadn't seen the woman trying and-and grope him.

"You look almost too good..." The woman gave him a somewhat dazed smile as she moved closer and closer to his crotch, and Hope just closed his eyes and jerked himself away from the chair. His eyes were wide and his whole face was burning red, the heat creeping down his neck as well. His whole body shook and he backed away from the woman, eyes skittering everywhere. "Sweetie," The woman said, about to get up herself, "What's wrong?"

Hope felt his eyes twitch and had to use all his self restraint not to turn tail and run out of the bar. He pointed a shaking finger at the woman and stuttered, "Y-You! You-You groped me!" Hope hadn't meant for it to come put as loudly as it did, his face turning all new shades of red as the woman's jaw dropped. Hope buried his head in his hands as Lebreau's laughter echoed in the bar, and he glanced at the door and back at the women. Swallowing again, he turned and walked out of the bar as fast as he could without breaking out into a jog, keeping his head bowed as his feet hit the sidewalk again.

"Maker..." Hope mumbled, shaking his head and wishing his face would cool down. He started walking away aimlessly, hardly noticing as Lebreau and Maqui rushed out of the bar after him. "I-I can't believe she actually-I mean, how can anyone be that? Gah!" Hope ran his hands roughly through his hair, bouncing a little as if it would remove the woman's touch. His hands wouldn't stop shaking and he looked around, waiting for something else to come out and grope him. He didn't hear the others and didn't even notice them until Lebreau had clapped him on the back.

Hope whipped around, meeting the somewhat nervous faces of Lebreau and Maqui, and he stared at them as he forced his heart to calm. He knew his face was still red, maybe even purple, and he took deep calming breaths as they stood on the sidewalk together. The sun was going down early, the first rays of pale orange light hitting the three of them. Hope took one final breath, closing his eyes, only to peek at his two friends as he fake exhaled. His lips twitched up and a small chuckle escaped, and right on cue, Maqui and Lebreau burst out laughing as well. Hope's chuckles soon turned to full blown laughter, even if he was still freaked out by having someone so close to him and feeling him up. He was laughing so much and so hard his chest began to hurt from the strain and tears started to prick his eyes, clinging to his eyelashes.

"I-I can't believe she was-was just groping you like that!" Lebreau gasped, holding a hand to her mouth in a futile effort to stop her giggling, "Just-Just no decency!"

"And she called you sweetie!" Maqui laughed, shaking his head.

"I know! I felt so violated!" Hope took a few, deep, calming breaths and looked up at the sky. Hope grinned and puffed out his chest and stuck his nose in the air, "That's what I get for being sexy!"

There was a long pause and the three looked at each other before bursting into another fit of laughter. They started down the sidewalk, walking as slowly as they could as they laughed and joked about what happened, calming down as the strolled. Maqui watched as Hope grabbed Lebreau and rubbed her head as hard as he could, making her dark hair go in all directions. Hope stuck out his tongue and started to run as fast as he could, Lebreau trailing behind him and yelling death threats. But Maqui saw the smiles on both their faces and grinned himself.

Until a water blob hit him square in the face.

"AGAIN?" Maqui shouted, face red and eyes flashing as he started chasing the two of them. Lebreau only waved her butt at him, slapping it for good measure before taking off. Hope smirked at Maqui and stuck his tongue out, dodging Lebreau as she lunged for him and running ahead as well, shooting water at her when she got to close.

"Yeah…again." Maqui muttered, smiling to himself before chasing after them, preparing his own water ball of death.

* * *

**Feel free to correct me if I'm horribly inaccurate with these. I am not schooled in the ways of alcoholic drinks (being underage myself) so if you need to correct me, feel free to correct me. I tried to do some research, but still, one never knows for certain.  
**

**An Ambassador is an alcoholic drink made from a slice of orange, orange juice, sugar syrup, and some tequila. You mix it with some crushed ice, add some mint leaves for garnish. A little high class sounding for a bar, but let me imagine. **

**Another rather strange drink made from absinthe (licorice, anise, lemon balm, wormwood, and other herbs), apple juice, ginger ale, lemonade, and some Red Bull. Scary…**

**Another drink. Much to my displeasure, I was unable to-locate the recipe for this one, so for a basic Buck a Roo, you need some root beer and rum (some prefer nice white rum). **


	25. Divide and Conquer

***gasp* She's alive! Alive do you hear me! Ahem, sorry about that. I've had (and am still having) a rather busy Halloween weekend. I've found out a few not so good things, but for some reason, with the way things look and the people who have helped me in real life, they don't seem so scary. I am...tranquil. And of course I've had other actually fun stuff and-**

**I'm blathering. Crap.**

**Reviews!**

**Crystal: Glad you though it was fun *wink* And she did admit it didn't she? Mwa ha ha! *smirk of evil smugness* Poor Lightning. Good luck with your studies *has paper to write but doesn't want to***

**Anonymous: Glad you enjoyed the chapter for the most part. I did seriously look at the scene and had a few others look at it with me, but in the end, we decided it boiled down to differences in how the scene could have gone and character interaction. It felt the most natural to me, so I suppose that's how it shall stay. but I did seriously look at it! :) And again, glad you like the rest!  
**

**Thank you to Coldman9 and Michi for putting up with me when I get a tad too down and pitiful and all that. *hugs and loves***

**Thank you to Seraphim Starlight for being the first to enter my contest! You should all check it out! Do _it._ Story is called: Elementary. *hugs and loves***

**And thank you to Varanus for recommending my stories for this fandom/pairing on tv tropes . org. Those who check it out (and have not been there before) may find that the site is very distracting and fun. And yes, you will sit and read for hours and hours. And hours. *hugs and loves***

**For now that will be all. Please enjoy the chapter my readers! **

* * *

"Glad those three had fun." Serah said as she walked into the living room, a cup of coffee in her hand. Maqui, Hope, and Lebreau were strewn on the couch and floor, sleeping heavily as sun shined in through the windows. Hope was resting on the arm of the couch, head propped on his elbow as he gave a light snore. Lebreau's foot was by his chest, the girl taking up the other end of the couch. Maqui laid between the three of them, halfway off the couch as his legs rested on the floor. Their clothes were rumpled and stained with grass marks and other dark spots, and their snoring was getting progressively louder the longer Serah watched them.

Serah sighed and rubbed her eyes, taking another sip of her coffee before pulling her light pink robe closer to her. She heard the shower upstairs turn off and knew that Lightning would be down soon for breakfast before heading down to the base with Snow. Snow had been waking up as Serah came down the stairs to start breakfast, and she smiled when she thought of the way Snow had almost tripped over all his dirty clothes. She _had_ warned him that she would stop picking them up. It wasn't her fault that he hadn't listened.

Hope let out a loud snore, rolling over in his sleep and kicking Lebreau. Lebreau grunted before rolling over as well, scratching her stomach as she rolled onto her back. Serah chuckled and turned around, yawning as she wondered what to cook for breakfast. She had barely gone three steps before there was a loud knocking on the door, echoing in the room. Serah muttered under her breath and whipped around, intent on stopping the noise before it woke Hazel up. Maqui had opened a bleary eye before he groaned and rolled over, pulling his legs up to the couch.

"Someone get that." Maqui grumbled, yawning and burying his head in his hands. Serah rolled her eyes and opened the door, wondering who would even be visiting them at this hour, when she stopped in her tracks.

Crawford and Lieutenant Amodar were at her doorstep.

Crawford was leaning slightly and gave Serah a strained smile, running a hand through his graying hair before shifting his gaze to Lt. Amodar. The man did not have the usual smile that he would give Serah on his rare visits, and as she looked between the two of them she saw how strained their eyes were. Amodar had dark circles under his eyes and Crawford seemed ready to fall over, leaning more and more on his good leg.

"Wh-Wha-" Serah stuttered, blinking as she looked between the two of them.

Lt. Amodar tried to give her a smile, shifting a bag near his side. It had papers sticking out of it, either rolled up or loose with frayed edges. He nodded toward the house, watching as Lebreau, Maqui, and Hope began to stir on the couch as the sun hit them full force but Serah just stared. Amodar cleared his throat, looking back at Serah as he spoke, "Do you mind if we come in Serah?" In the back of her still fuzzy mind, Serah realized that Amodar was using his kind voice. It did nothing to tell her what this was about, and for some reason, it made her chest tighten.

Numbly Serah stepped aside and let Crawford and Amodar inside the house, jumping when her sister's voice carried in from the kitchen, "Thanks for the coffee Serah!" Serah quickly closed the door and looked around, just in time to see Lightning step inside of the living room, already dressed for the day. Lightning froze when she saw Lt. Amodar and Crawford in the room, cup halfway to her mouth. Serah would have laughed if she wasn't about to scream. _Why are they here? Did they find something? Of course they found something Serah, gah! _

Lebreau was the first to rise from the couch, sluggishly rubbing sleep from her eyes as she looked around at the people gathered in the room. Lebreau blinked, then blinked again, blowing a few stray strands of hair out of her face as she stared around the room. She pushed Maqui off of the couch when he began to stir more, his elbow hitting her side when he stretched.

"Watch it Maqui. Crawford and the Lieutenant are here!" Lebreau snapped, leaning over and mashing Maqui's head into the carpet. Her hand froze before she could really dig his face in and her head snapped up, looking at them all with wide eyes. "Shit!" Lebreau pushed herself off the couch and tried to straighten herself up, tucking her hair behind her ears and flattening her shirt. Hope groaned and opened his eyes, groggy green looking around the room as he sat up. His eyes widened and he nearly threw himself off the couch, stumbling slightly as his feet hit the floor. His hair was pointing in all different directions, his shirt was halfway up his chest, and he looked as if he had been run over by a truck with all the dirt stains on his clothes. But the moment he straightened out, his face wiping itself of emotion and eyes hardening, he still looked like a man that was all business.

"What are you all doing here? Sirs." Hope added, bowing his head as an apology before facing Crawford and Amodar again. Maqui's head popped back up and he glanced at everyone before straightening up as well, eyes suddenly alert. All of them were staring at Crawford and Amodar, but heavy footsteps stopped anyone from speaking.

"Hey guys, sorry I took so long. Those pants Serah? I think they could stand up on their own. They're kind of freaking me out. I mean..." Snow stopped halfway through the room, staring at Crawford and Amodar as if Lightning had started laughing out loud.

He kind of wished she was.

"What are...you doing here?" Snow asked slowly, tilting his head to the side, "Do you-you have some answers for us or something?" Hope clenched his hands and stepped forward, motioning for Lebreau to get off the couch. She gave him a quick nod before scrambling off of the couch, waving at Crawford and Amodar to take a seat.

"I'll get you two some coffee." Serah said, snapping out of her daze and heading for the kitchen. Lightning stepped further into the room, setting her cup of coffee on one of the small end tables before crossing her arms and watching Amodar and Crawford. She gave them both small nods before her eyes wandered to Hope, watching as he looked between the two men with obvious apprehension. He did not look at anyone else, even when Lebreau laid a hand on his shoulder, but for now Lightning would let it go. She was nervous too…

She took in his rather rumpled appearance, down to his dirty clothes and strange stains. _Just what was he up to?_ Lightning shook her head and looked back at Amodar and Crawford, eyes zeroing in on Amodar's bag as he laid it on the small coffee table near the couch. A few papers spilled out of the bag, but Crawford grabbed them before they could roll off the table, and stuffed them back inside the bag. Lightning's eyes snapped to Hope as he reached for some of the papers himself, but Hope slowly stepped back, sitting on the floor and staring at the bag instead. Maqui and Lebreau took a seat on either side of him, and Serah returned with two cups of coffee in hand.

"Here you go." Serah said, voice sounding a little strained. Snow strode forward and pulled her against his chest, rubbing circles into her back before moving her toward one of the recliners. Serah smiled at him before sitting down, Snow standing beside her like some sort of bodyguard. Snow placed a large hand on Serah's shoulder and looked toward Crawford and Amodar, giving them a nod.

Amodar returned the nod before looking back at Hope, Lebreau, and Maqui. "I know that you three want me to tell you that Rygdea will be released soon." Amodar paused, taking a deep breath, "I think we've managed to do just that. The thing is, I don't think Rygdea will be released soon enough."

Hope narrowed his eyes at the coffee table, "But he will be released right. No harm done?" Hope's tone was low and cold, as if there would be consequences if that wasn't the case. Amodar and Crawford were about to reprimand him, but stopped, mouths snapping shut. There was little they could do when Hope was no longer a part of the military.

"Yes Hope." Crawford said slowly, giving Hope a reproachful look, "Rygdea will be released by the end of the week. The problem lies with what happens after. You see, the committee still hasn't made a decision about you and the other members of De Novo. They still think you might be a danger."

Hope gritted his teeth but Lightning beat him to the punch, "And what are we supposed to do without them? You've seen this sir, we haven't exactly mastered those new mana drives. They work differently then the ones we've used before, and they try to use too many different kinds of magic at once-" Crawford held up his hand and Lightning fell silent, although her annoyance was clear enough.

"I know Farron, I know. But that's where we start to hit problems." There was a long silence after that before Snow managed to ask, "What do you mean?"

Amodar leaned forward, locking his fingers together as he gazed at them, "I don't think even the military is free from Saorise's clutches. Kael is a member of the military, specifically the intelligence division, but he was temporarily removed to help with the organization of the other divisions and branches. He formerly supported the forming of the S.C.E., and even provided funding, but after his strange outburst and arrest the other day, Crawford and I started to do some digging."

"Dangerous digging mind you. Kael is looking for any reason to have me shafted off the S.C.E. It'd be better if we avoided that." Crawford chipped in.

"But..." Maqui lowered his voice when all heads turned to him, his face burning, but he ignored the odd feeling, "But if he's-he's really working for Saorise, I'm not saying he is either, but if he is, why would he take Hope off the S.C.E? Or any of us for that matter? If Hope is her target, she should have kept him on the team, but instead... I don't know, maybe Kael isn't just the bad guy?"

Amodar nodded, "I see where you're going with it Maqui, but I'm afraid to say that Kael _is_ working with Saorise. Although Crawford and I can't tell how much of it is voluntary, we did manage to find some evidence that points toward his involvement with Saorise. He took Hope and everyone else off on her orders." Amodar said, closing his eyes.

"B-But that doesn't make any sense..." Maqui mumbled, running a hand through his hair. "Why?"

"That's where things get ugly Maqui." Amodar said, taking a deep breath, "You see, Rygdea was an obvious target. It's clear that taking Rygdea into custody was meant to put Hope under a lot of strain. I'm glad to see though," Amodar said with the smallest of smiles, "that you've managed to keep yourself in good spirits Hope. But that wasn't all." Amodar reached for his bag and took out several papers. They were small, about the size of a small book, and had an untidy scrawl along the lined pages. Amodar slid it across the table and Hope, Lebreau, and Maqui looked at the pages before handing them off to the others. Dates were set at several points along the pages, detailing things like when the mana drives were to come or when Rygdea had been arrested. There were several dates written but with no details next to them, only circled with red ink.

"I'm guessing the circled dates have something to do with Saorise?" Lightning asked, handing the pages back to Amodar.

"Yes...Kael is no fool though, he didn't write what actually happened."

"But again..." Hope said, looking at his knees, "How can we _know._"

Amodar nodded and reached into the bag again, pulling out a small red book. There was strange lettering on the front cover and spine and Hope's eyes widened at the sight. His mouth dropped and he shook his head slowly, eyes searching Amodar's. Lightning's eyes zoned in on the book as well and she walked forward, giving it a closer look.

"What is it Hope?" Lightning asked, never taking her eyes off the book.

Hope blinked and shook his head, as if breaking from a trance, "I-It's-It looks like one of the books she would have me read." Hope closed his eyes and took a sharp breath, voice sounding hard, "Before she-she did what she did to me, she would have me read a bunch of these books. I never really understood it and she said that she didn't either. Only that she suspected it had something to do with our brands. So I read them. I just-"

"But did you understand it?" Amodar pressed, leaning forward and studying Hope. Hope felt uncomfortable under the gaze, but hardened his face, refusing to show it.

"No. I never really got what the books were trying to say, it was all in a different language. But...but afterward my head would feel really heavy sometimes." Hope shut his eyes and rubbed his temple. _For a brief moment he was sitting in a cabin at a desk, books splayed in front of him. There was an annoying buzz in his head and he was shutting the book, deciding he had read enough for the night. _"Sometimes I'd hear buzzing, then nothing."

Amodar nodded, but didn't stop, "And what about after Hope? After she betrayed you, did you read these books?"

Hope dug his nails into his legs and clutched his hair with his other hand, eyes scrunching tight. He felt a hand on his shoulder but didn't bother to look around.

"No...no, I didn't. She tried to make me, but I didn't want to. And that-that's all you need to know." Hope glared at Amodar as his temple gave a painful throb. The pressure on his shoulder increased and he looked around, surprised to find Lightning at his side. He smiled despite his unpleasant thoughts, relaxing slightly. _Maybe she's not mad at me anymore then? _

"All right then." Amodar said, nodding slightly. Amodar slid the book across the table as well, "Mind checking to make sure it really is one of hers? It will be proof that he's at least snooping on his own, even if the military won't believe that he's an accomplice for Saorise."

Hope nodded and brushed his fingers across the book, but the moment he touched the cover, he felt a jolt of pain shoot up his arm to his head. He yelped and pressed his hand to his chest, closing his eyes.

"_Whether you want it to happen or not, you're going to help me get to him."_

"_It doesn't matter! You'll end up like that singer!"_

"_He's there, I can feel it. But he can't feel us, not yet"_

"_A vessel? Really?"_

"_Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing._

"_I can't wait." _

"_Nothing."_

"_It's all pointless."_

"_You think he gets it?"_

"_Nothing." And the last word echoed…like the final note of a song. _

"Shut up!" Hope shouted, trying to push himself away from the voice as it floated in his head. The room came back into focus and Hope blinked at the ceiling, wondering how he got on floor before gasping and clawing at his chest. His brand gave seared, making his eyes water from the burn. "Dammit." Hope groaned and took several deep breaths, eyes locking on blue irises. He heard concerned voices above him and looked to see Serah and Snow standing over him while Lightning knelt next to him. "Wha-" There was a shift beside him and Hope looked around to see Lebreau pushing herself off the floor, Snow going to help her up. Hope whipped his head around on the other side and saw Maqui pushing himself up as well. "What happened?" Hope asked, eyes locking with Lightning's again.

"Just sit still." Serah said, but Hope was already pushing himself up. Lightning did not push him down, instead gripping his arm and yanking him up. Hope smiled, nodding his thanks until thoughts of the voices drifted back into his head. Hope looked at Maqui and Lebreau, their eyes wide as well.

"What happened with you two?" He asked, rubbing his chest where his brand still throbbed.

"Don't know." Lebreau said, patting Snow's hand before turning to Hope, "I mean, one second we were trying to figure out what was wrong with you, but then my brand started to burn like hell."

"Same here." Maqui added, shaking his head. Maqui's body was shaking slightly and Hope bit his lip, staring at the opposite wall.

"You didn't...hear anything?" Hope asked slowly, afraid of the answer. Lebreau and Maqui glanced at him but quickly looked away.

"No Hope." Maqui said, sounding nervous, "We didn't hear anything." But Maqui looked back at Hope and titled his head, signaling for Hope to continue. The others looked at him as well and Hope fidgeted, feeling more uncomfortable under everyone's gaze. Amodar was one thing, but Hope hated feeling as if he were in the spotlight.

"I-I don't know..." Hope mumbled, running a somewhat shaky hand through his hair, "First there was this weird jolt. Then my head hurt for a second. Then I just-just-I don't know, it sounded like Saorise was talking in my head." Hope shivered and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to make the feeling pass. "It was weird. It sounded like she was threatening someone at first, but then it went to-to-" Hope trailed off, eyes glazing over as he thought of the last bits of the voice.

_What did that mean? He'll feel us...was it about me? A vessel?_

"Hope."

_And then the word nothing. Over and over and over again. I don't get it._

"Hope." Hope jumped when someone squeezed his arm and whipped around, his neck snapping and making him wince. Lightning slowly pulled her arm back but leaned forward, studying his eyes, "You spaced out. What else Hope?" Lightning asked, blue eyes still roving his face. Hope felt his face heat up and looked away, trying to hide his heated cheeks.

"I-I-" Hope backed away slightly and sighed in relief when Lightning pulled away as well. But his stomach felt funny at the thought. He was relieved and disappointed... "It started to get weird around there. I think it talked about me for a second, but then it started going off on nothing. Literally." Hope rushed, still not looking at Lightning. He turned back to the coffee table and peered at the now open book, the old and yellowed pages staring back at him. It was covered in strange symbols written in small black ink and were as unintelligible to Hope as they had been when he had first seem them. Although his head was already starting to feel heavy just staring at them, they did not form a single coherent sentence to him.

"Are these the books then Hope?" Hope blinked at Amodar's question, the man's voice sounding far away. Hope nodded once before looking away from the book, rubbing his temple as it throbbed, the blood rush uncomfortable. Hope took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on what was being said, Maqui's voice coming through as if through a filter, although it steadily became clearer.

"...right, so maybe he is working with Saorise. That doesn't explain why Kael is doing all this. It doesn't make sense to take us off the team." Hope wanted to smile. At least they were moving on. He didn't want to look any closer at this than he had to.

"It does though. Just not right away." Amodar said, looking at Crawford. Hope raised an eyebrow and looked at Crawford as well, waiting for an explanation. _Maybe now I can figure out what the hell she's up to._

Crawford took a deep breath, eyes trained on Hope's as he spoke, "I don't know if you're aware of this Hope, but Rygdea and I had you placed, with the military's permission, on a list if individuals who would be removed from De Novo and possibly put in a safe facility if things with Saorise started to get too complicated. This is especially true for you Hope. Out of everyone involved in De Novo, you were and still stand as the most at risk target. There was s chance of you being...being kidnapped again, no matter the circumstances."

Hope lowered his eyes, swallowing hard, "I knew the risks." Hope shook his head, eyes narrowing, "But I-I didn't know about a list."

Crawford's eyes softened, but he continued nonetheless, "No, I suppose Rygdea would think it better to keep you in the dark about that. You would have refused to allow your name to be placed in there, am I right?" Crawford paused as Hope nodded his head; Hope feeling a strange churning in his stomach at the words. "Well, this list was made to make sure if Saorise made a move we could still, with the military's permission, remove you and everyone else on the list out of the S.C.E. and put you in protective custody. We were only able to do this with members of De Novo however, as military personnel such as Snow and Lightning fall under the military's jurisdiction, and as such, the military would be the ones to chose when to remove those particular members of the group."

Crawford paused, gaze shifting to Lebreau and Maqui. They both tensed, glancing at each other as Crawford continued, "Along with Hope, you and Maqui were placed on this list. Since you're close to Hope-" Hope narrowed his eyes and swallowed again, shoulders tensing, "-you were and are at a very high risk of danger. The rest of the list, which is rather short, is composed of members of the S.C.E. with high magic capability, which were believed to be other prime targets, and a small amount of people with low magic capability."

"Why low?" Serah asked, making the others jump at the new voice, "Sorry..." She mumbled, her face turning red.

"Don't be." Crawford said, shaking his head, "The l'Cie with low magical capability have a greater chance to be turned into C'ieth. And as we saw not too long ago, Saorise does intend to use that against us. Regardless, as long as this list and the situation stayed intact, most of you could have been put in some safety house until we could act accordingly. Kael changed all that by removing every member of the S.C.E. that was part of De Novo." Crawford sighed and rubbed his head, "You see, Amodar and I suspect that Kael has _knowingly_ removed you all and has begun a rigorous training regime with the remaining members to use mana drives he _knows_ will not work. And that is the whole point."

Crawford paused for a second as the knowledge sunk in. Kael was doing this, sabotaging the entire military, the protection of the city, and sending many troops to their deaths at the hands of Saorise. _And why? _Hope thought savagely,_ To protect himself! It doesn't matter if it's free will or not, you don't go to lengths like that to save your own damn skin!_

"_Like you can talk?"_

Hope ignored the voice, growling slightly, but Crawford raised a hand to stop his onslaught of anger. "I'm afraid things don't get much better from there. There's reasoning behind this, and it's more than just making our lives more difficult and our soldiers more vulnerable to Saorise. To be perfectly honest Hope, this was done to make you easier for Saorise to reach." Hope choked on his breath but Crawford went on, eyes growing darker, "When that list was in place, you were able to be removed from the S.C.E. without incident and afterward we wouldn't have to worry about what happened to you. At least within the walls of the base or whatever safehouse we chose. We would have you transferred to a secure location until we could figure out our next move. But now that Kael has removed you and everyone else, the military in turn is no loner obligated to abide by that list or offer you protection of any kind, considering your status as unaffiliated l'Cie. By removing all of you at once, we are put in a very vulnerable position, one we believe Saorise is more than willing to exploit."

Hope closed his eyes as he felt a hand return to his shoulder. At this point he was growing accustomed to it, and he could tell already from the soft yet firm pressure that it was Lightning's hand. Offering him comfort and maybe even trying to comfort herself. Hope wondered for a brief moment how things had seemed to change between them, how things seemed warmer but tense, but was thrown back into reality as Crawford spoke.

"Lt. Amodar and I have no doubt that Saorise will strike soon, and I have a feeling it will be centered in the city. She's going to want this one to cause an impact on the populace. She wants to shock them." Crawford paused and took a deep breath, narrowing his eyes, "More than that, she wants to show the city and all of its citizens how vulnerable the military can be against her. By relying only on mana drives, regardless of how advanced they are, we know that Saorise will be able to wipe out several of our teams. In front of the city's eyes, this will only show how we need a l'Cie's power in order to stand a chance against that threat."

"But then they'll just put us back on right?" Lebreau asked, leaning forward and putting her hands on the table, "I mean, that list thing will still work right?"

"No. I wish that were the case Lebreau, but think about it. Saorise-"

Hope sighed and opened his eyes, "She's going to want a show isn't she? Right?" Hope sneered and shook his head, clenching his hands, "She's going to make a real big game out of it. And she's going to just try and obliterate everything. Or worse...head toward Cocoon." Hope said, remembering the times Saorise had tried to lead them, _him, _there. "She'll make it so that we have to come out, a lot of members from De Novo. Or she'll-"

"She'll make it so that _you_ have to come Hope." Amodar finished, nodding slightly, "That's what we're guessing anyway. I've read the reports on you. No real known magical capacity. Free from most of the burdens of having your brand. Capable of holy magic. There are plenty of reasons to want you out on the field fighting her. To be honest, you give us a chance. And she knows that. And she also knows that we will remove you the moment she starts acting funny. And that's what she intends to stop." Hope took a sharp breath and felt his legs twitch, the urge to run making it hard to breath. Run and escape the dread that was growing in the pit of his stomach and reaching for his throat. The urge that made his lungs suddenly shrivel up, leaving him with no damn _air. _

"If the city witnesses you protecting them, actually fending off Saorise, then both the political figures and the military officials will be obligated to keep you on S.C.E. We won't be able to remove you without causing a giant uproar, and neither the military or the government are willing to deal with that kind of headache when they have a simple solution." Amodar said, shoulders slumping slightly.

Lightning scowled and squeezed Hope's shoulder, "Then why couldn't we do it secretly, have neither the citizens or even the political figures know. Just a-"

"I'm sorry Lightning." Amodar said, eyes looking old and sincere, "But we can't deny the facts. The moment we try something like that, Saorise will only attack us again. Hiding Hope when he serves as one of best defenses against her will not help us. Before...before we had time to come up with a strategy to work against her. We were, and still are, searching for her hideout. Then we would have kept Hope safe until we took the next step. But now, now he's going to be out in the open. She's got us backed into a corner."

But even as the words left Amodar's mouth, Hope was spirally as he silently realized what it meant. The real horror. Saorise was gunning for him. _I'm backed into a corner._ _She has me backed into a corner. I have no way out. No way..._

_No. No I can-can do this. Right? Right? She'll just-just destroy-and I'll-I'll have no way to get out. I mean I-I don't know, how can I face her. We're not prepared. I'm not prepared! What-What am I going to-_

"Hope, are you all right?" Lightning asked, shaking his shoulder as Hope continued to stare blankly ahead. Hope blinked and turned his eyes to her, still looking somewhat dazed. Hope gave her a slow nod before turning back to Amodar and Crawford.

"What do we do now?" Hope asked, surprised by how calm his voice was, considering how inside he was ripping himself apart. Piece by piece. Everyone in the room seemed to lean forward, waiting for a response, for something they could go on and trust in. Amodar sighed and leaned back into the couch, looking tired and worn. Amodar's face seemed more lined as he looked up at the ceiling and his movements were sluggish.

"I hate to say it Hope." Hope's stomach clenched, "But we-we have to wait."

"What?" Lightning snapped, squeezing Hope's shoulder a little too hard as she stepped fowrad, "We can't just wait."

"I know what you mean Lightning, but what are we supposed to do? We have no way of supporting our theory and there's only so much of Kael we can investigate until we wind up being investigated ourselves. It's not as if we can have everyone reinstated to avoid the problem." Amodar said, still looking grave.

"But-"

Hope sighed and stood up, the shoulder feeling cold where Lightning's hand had been, and he kept his head bowed. Hope tried to control his breathing, although his heart began to pound as he thought of what it would mean for him. He-He never said out loud that he wanted a way to escape from Saorise, but...but somehow it was comforting to know there was an out. _That's-That's what I always assumed. That there would be an out. That Rygdea could protect me, or that I would just...be strong enough. And I'm _not.

_What did I expect? I'm scared of her, terrified. But I expect to face her. Face _her.

_I have to though. There's no way out of it._

_I have to._

_I have to._

_I-I __**will**_**. **

"I-I'm sorry." Hope said, closing his eyes and shaking his head, "Just give me a second." Hope could feel everyone's eyes on him, feel them boring into him, studying his every move. They were waiting for an explosion or breakdown, not that he could blame them. He wasn't the calmest person when it came to Saorise. Hell, he doubted he'd last long when it came to the real thing.

But a part of him, deep down, was starting to think that maybe he had a chance. He had done things he hadn't done in a long time because of her. All these steps he was taking were so small, but they seemed like milestones to him. He had gone out, really gone out and enjoyed himself, without panicking. And now-now Saorise was out there, waiting for him. Waiting to find him and end all this happiness he had managed to get to. She threatened his friends and family and the love his life. And even though his heart was pounding and it felt like he could barely stand on his wobbling legs, he willed for the strength to stand up straight and face her.

_I-I'm still terrified. I-I don't know if I can face her. But I-I can't just-just stay here. I won't! I have to-_

"I have to do this." Hope said, finally opening his eyes. He cursed softly as his vision blurred, but he blinked away the stinging wetness. "I mean-I mean, I know that it'll...that I might. That we all might-" Hope couldn't finish, bowing his head again and taking a deep breath. "I'm trying not to think about it too much actually." Hope gasped, managing a watery smile. "I mean, if I do, I'll probably back out. I-I really hate...her." Hope choked on the last part and stomped his foot, rubbing vigorously at his eyes. "Sorry."

"Don't Hope." Hope smiled again at Maqui's voice, then felt a surge of warmth as two bodies came near him. Hope lowered his arm away from his face, smiling at Maqui and Lebreau as they stood beside him.

"I-I know." Hope said, "I just-" Hope stopped and bit his lip, not wanting to voice his insecurities in a room full of people, not all of whom were involved in his more private affairs. That and he was tired of feeling so damn weak in front of them. _And in front of Lightning. I mean, come on, this has got to be the millionth time I've screwed up in front of-_

"You can say it Hope. You have every reason to feel that way." Hope felt a strange bubbling in his chest and slowly looked around at Lightning, eyes wide. Lightning's eyes were lowered to the ground, but when she sensed him looking at her, she gave him a determined look. "I won't think any less of you."

And just like that Hope felt his shoulders drop and a wave of emotion flood through him. He nearly gasped from the relief that hit him, his knees shaking slightly and he smiled at himself. _Look at me, be all weak kneed. _Hope took several deep breaths, staring intently at the floor, "I'm scared." Hope said, feeling relieved and annoyed and angry and afraid and so many other things he felt like his heart might explode. He wasn't supposed to be breaking down like this. He had to be strong if he was going to face Saorise.

"Maker I'm scared." Hope gasped out, taking a shuddering breath. He let out a small gasp when he felt himself being pushed into something warm, but closed his eyes as he caught a glance of Lightning's familiar white shirt. He was so shocked, so surprised, and so _grateful_ that he didn't know what to do. Everything was a jumble but he felt such a strange warmth and pain as he buried himself in Lightning's shirt and told her he was scared to face Saorise. Hope felt both weak and strong. Uncertain and so damn hopeful, as much as he hated to use the word.

And Lightning.

Maker, he had no idea what to do. She was right here, right here and helping him, hugging him. And he felt so warm and comforted and he wanted to lose himself in her. He trembled just thinking about it. Thinking about holding her and being with her and losing her. His throat closed up and he felt his breathing quicken so much so that he nearly shook from it. All of this for Lightning. He wanted to tell her, tell her how much he loved her and cared for her. Wanted to tell her these things without being afraid and see if all of this emotion welled up inside of him would explode as he thought love like this would.

"_I won't think any less of you."_

_I don't think you know Light...how much that means to me._

"Maker Light I-" Hope couldn't finish, and vaguely he was aware of the door opening and closing, and the room slowly emptying. He felt how very alone in the room the two of them were, and how very much he needed to be close to Lightning at that moment. How he had to be sure that she was there and would not disappear. How he had to anchor himself to her to make sure he would not disappear. "I wish I knew what to say. I wish I knew, I wish I could say how I felt. I wish that this would just-" But he couldn't finish. Like always he couldn't finish. No matter how much he wanted to, he had to keep reminding himself that it just wasn't...happening. Hope felt her tense under his fingers for a second and he loosened his grip, preparing to let go.

_I know I can do that. I can just watch. I don't need to-_

Lightning relaxed though and slowly, slowly wrapped her arms around Hope once more. Hope almost choked as his heart jumped into his throat and he wanted to slap himself for the way he was feeling. The way he couldn't seem to handle himself.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Light. I promise I'll do what I can."

"I know Hope." Hope thought his ears were wrong, the way Lightning sounded. Worried? Choked up? "Just...watch yourself. We'll talk later. For now just...relax."

"Yeah." Hope felt drained...more drained than he had in a while. He smirked as he found himself being led to the couch, all remnants of Crawford and Amodar gone from the table and couch. He let his body fall limply on the couch, but he smiled in quiet surprise as Lightning sat down as well. "Relax. But I'm still sorry. I shouldn't have been all...emotional."

"It's part of who you are Hope." Lightning said simply. "And there's nothing wrong with that." Lightning said something afterward but all he heard was something that sounded strangely like "Sorry". He tried to say something, tried to ask Lightning why she was saying sorry, but his body was too tired. His fear and his love all hitting him at once in some strange and unexpected manner left him...exhausted. His thoughts were slow but insistent. The way he just wanted to hold on to Lightning. To feel secure and give that feeling back. To wake up to a day without Saorise. But it was all becoming hazy...his fear slowly, miraculously fading.

He was asleep before his head hit the cushions.


	26. Helter Skelter

**Hello all! This may seem a tad ahead of schedule. Well...it kind of is. But I want to get back on track and I'll still be ahead by about three of four chapters, so I figured, why not? As always, I'm hoping you're enjoying it. After all, it makes me heart swell knowing someone is reading and enjoying and well, I'm being a little talkative aren't I? Just a forewarning though, in a few weeks I will be in the process of moving my current bedroom to the nicer, bigger one in my home (the glories of being the eldest, responsible child). However, I may not be able to access for several days. I do not know when this is all definitely taking place, but hopefully I will be able to give you all proper waring. **

**As always, reviews sometime after school and thank you for reading so far. Oh, and Crystal Hearts (see profile) and I have a few more possible entries! *excitement***

**Anyway, on to the chapter! I'm really excited for this one actually. :D**

* * *

Hope was now, for lack of a better word, a bundle of nerves as he waited for the inevitable strike from Saorise. And this, he knew, would lead to a confrontation he was more than certain he was not ready for. Not in the slightest. If he were to face Saorise now, there was no telling what would happen. The voices he had heard only yesterday when he had touched the book still haunted him, and he had no idea what to make of it. He wasn't even concentrating on the part that very likely concerned him, the word _vessel_ being so heavily burned in his mind.

"_Nothing." She said the word over and over. But what did she mean? Nothing. Nothing. What's so great about it? _Hope shook his head and rolled over on his bed, burying his face into his pillow as he tried to sort through his jumbled thoughts. _Look at me, trying to understand a mad woman. Like such a thing is even possible. I never really got why-why she did everything she did. And now-now I'm more uncertain than ever. _Hope grasped his right arm, eyes scrunching up.

_Why? Why?_

But Hope did not let the memories come to him, instead locking them away into the deepest confines in his mind. He wasn't ready to learn from those memories yet. The pain was still so fresh, no matter the short years that had passed. It seared him as the flames had, licked at his skin, and he could not shake the empty eyes that stared at him. It was all his to behold, all a burden for him, for Saorise had thrown it at him with careless and sick abandon. She had the problem too, of knowing all the things she had done, and if Hope wasn't mistaken, Saorise had done a lot of terrible things before he had ever met. Seen a lot of terrible things. Yet she was able to shoulder the weight as if it was nothing, or worse yet, with a smile and laugh. It frightened Hope and made her impossible to understand. To be honest, a part of him wanted to stay in the dark, even when it came to why she tortured him. Understanding why might mean that he was starting to become her, and Hope felt his stomach lurch at the very thought.

_How does someone even get that way?_

He knew the answer was not buried in his pillow and crushing his face into it was doing little else than nearly suffocate him. Hope sighed before rolling over and looking at his ceiling with a dazed expression. His thoughts were quickly shifting in a different direction, but it was the same circle he had been leading himself on since Amodar and Crawford had explained everything. First he would think of Saorise and his impending confrontation. Then the thoughts would turn to worry about what those damn voices meant, only to go into worry about what would become of Snow and Lightning and everyone else that would cross Saorise's path. Then there was just Lightning...

Hope had no idea where stood with Lightning anymore. It was one thing to be ignored for peeping at her, then ignoring him for something he did that eh just didn't understand., only to ignore him after offering him comfort. Kind of. _Or was it? I mean, maybe she was just being supportive. _Hope groaned and slapped his forehead, wanting to kick his legs in frustration. _What the hell did I do? I just don't get it? Was it because I was being loud when I was babysitting Hazel? But that was hardly my fault! And why would she ignore over something like that? I just don't-_

A knock at his door forced Hope to pause his thoughts. Hope rolled his eyes and stood, heading for the door and mumbling a weary, "Just a second." Hope opened the door and blinked, staring at Lightning with a bemused expression. Hope choked and his eyes widened as it sunk in that _Lightning_ was standing at his door. Hope's mind went blank as he struggled for something, anything, to say, "Um-Uh-Hey Light." Hope cringed. _Oh yeah, real smooth Estheim. Real, real smooth. _

"Hello." Lightning said. Her body was rather stiff and she avoided looking Hope in the eye, and he felt his heart sink. If he knew what he had done wrong, he'd fix it. At least he'd have one weight off his mind. Instead he was left awkward and fumbling in front of the woman he lo-

"Hope." Lightning said, snapping her fingers in front of her face. She rolled her eyes and Hope smiled at her, looking toward the floor.

"Sorry." He mumbled, not quite sure what to say. He wished this awkwardness between them would go away already. He wanted to be able look Lightning in the eyes without feeling like he had done something wrong.

"Don't be." He heard Lightning sigh. He looked up slightly and watched as she crossed her arms, "If anyone is sorry, it's me." Hope snapped his head up and tilted it to the side.

"What? Why are you sorry, I thought-"

"No." Lightning snapped. She shook her head and her tone softened, "You're not the one that did anything wrong. Not this time. I've been thinking too much over the past few days and it interfered with my rational thoughts. I didn't mean to ignore you." Lightning said, her shoulders relaxing slightly. She finally looked Hope in the eye and Hope tried to smile at her, still a little confused.

"But...what were you thinking about that would-well-make you ignore me?" Hope asked, eyes moving skittishly from her eyes to the wall behind her. "I mean, I just, I don't know." Hope stuttered, taking a step back, "You don't have to answer. I was just-you know, was wondering." Hope fingered his doorknob, sighing slightly as he slowly started to close the door. Lightning's hand shot out and stopped the door in its tracks and she stepped inside his room.

"No. Don't worry about asking Hope, you have every right to." Hope glanced up at Lightning, surprised to see her...nervous? She kept glancing at the door and he could have sworn he saw a blush on her cheeks. It fell silent between them, neither knowing what to say or where to even start, and before they knew it they were just staring at each other. Hope could have sworn he saw the faint bit of pink on Lightning's cheeks darken and his heart started to pound. He swallowed, rubbing the doorknob as he tried to figure out just why she was blushing, even as his heart hammered away. His head was jammed, barely a coherent thought there as his mind went into overdrive. He felt his own cheeks flare up and snapped his eyes down at his feet, not knowing what to do.

"I-" Lightning said, swallowing herself, "I've had a lot on my mind lately. Been tired and all with the drills we've been doing with the mana drives. And I-I had a weird dream..." If it were any other situation, Hope would have smiled. He had never heard Lightning stutter so much before. It was strange. But all he could think of was how fast his heart was pounding and how close Lightning was. _What dream? What does that have to do with anything-_

Hope swallowed again and finally chanced a look at Lightning, jumping slightly as he stared into her blue eyes. He blinked, coherent thought vanishing completely from his mind as he lost himself in her beautifully blue eyes. The long lashes, the way her hair framed her face. He wanted to touch her cheek, maybe ask her what she was hiding behind those eyes. Hope was barely aware of his shallow breathing, far too lost in Lightning and those darn _eyes._

Lightning stared back at him, peering into Hope's green orbs, watching as they seemed to haze over. Her hand twitched and she moved a little closer, her heart trying to jump from her chest. There was the slightest shake in her hands as she reached for Hope and she ghosted her fingers over his arm. "I'm sorry." She said, her eyes never leaving his, "I'm still thinking about it, the dream, but that doesn't mean...I can't talk to you."

"N-No problem Light." Hope shuddered as Lightning gave his arm a squeeze. His whole body felt like it was on fire and he found himself leaning down. Lightning's face was so close to his...he could a stray lash on her cheek. His finger rose to swipe it away-

_CRASH!_

They both jumped and stepped away from each other, looking down toward the stairs as Snow started to shout sorry over and over again. Lightning and Hope glanced at each other, Hope managing an uneasy smile and Lightning give him a roll of the eyes. The moment between them was broken but Hope still felt how her touch had burned his arm, how close they had been.

_That was close Estheim. Way too close. You almost-almost ruined something._

_Right?_

_Right._

_But then..._

"I wonder what Snow broke? It sounded like something important." Hope said, trying to hide his nerves and how awkward he felt. His cheeks were still red, but Lightning seemed to be merciful, taking no mind to them.

"Something in the kitchen. Least that's what it sounded like." Hazel's shouts soon came up the stairs, as well as Serah as her voice boomed over the chaos. Hope found himself chuckling even as his hands shook with what almost happened, and again he wondered why he lost control like that. Or nearly lost control more like.

"Guess I need to run damage control." Lightning muttered, glancing at Hope. The pink in her cheeks was still present, but it was starting to fade, and Hope felt some of the tension release. But at the same time, there was a bit of disappointment as well. "Hope." Lightning said, Hope's eyes returning to her, "When I-I'm done thinking this over, I may need to talk to you all right?"

Hope's heart jumped and he let out a small, barely audible gasp. Unable to get past the newly formed and overly large lump in his throat, he nodded. She gave him a curt nod in return before going toward the stairs, but as Hope watched her, his thoughts drifted back to Saorise. His stomach clenched painfully and he reached out, grabbing her arm and stopping her in her tracks. Lightning slowly turned around, raising an eyebrow, and Hope felt his face heat up again. Yet thoughts of their impending confrontation with Saorise pushed his reservations away and he tightened his grip.

"Light...please be careful." Hope said, stepping closer and remaining locked on her eyes, "Please, _please,_ be careful. I don't know what I'll do if anything happens to you or to Snow. Anyone...I mean... So please-please, be careful. I know it-it's weird to ask something like that, especially with what you do and what we do and just-ugh, this isn't making sense!" Hope took a deep breath, "Just do what you can to stay safe, please? I couldn't-couldn't _stand_ losing someone else to her." _I couldn't stand losing you. _

Lightning's eyes softened and she relaxed in his grip, slowly but gently prying his fingers off her arm. "Hope...you know Snow and I will do our best."

Hope's shoulders slumped but he managed a smile, "I-I know. But that doesn't stop me from worrying."

Lightning nodded, sighing slightly, "I know Hope. I know I can't stop you from worrying and if we're all honest here, you have every reason to worry." Lightning took a step forward and grabbed Hope's hand, giving it a light squeeze, "I'm worried too." she admitted softly, "I'm worried about you. About what she could do to you." Lightning let out a heavy sigh and somehow Hope felt his body tense and relax at the same time. Only Lightning could make him do that, make him feel so many things at once.

His hands started to tremble.

"But I promise Hope, I will protect you. I will do what I can to shield you from her."

Hope blinked a few times and nodded, squeezing her hand back. Again he was thrust into his memories as a Pulse l'Cie, when they were all fighting for the sake of Cocoon. When they were still trying to understand what they were doing, trying to understand their focus. And Lightning had promised to protect him and Hope had said he'd do his best to protect _her_ too. He knew, even at fourteen, that there was little he could do for this woman that would make much of a difference for her, but damn he had _tried._ And now, now that he was older, like hell would he fail in protecting her. He'd lay down his life if he had to, he would not let her die. He wouldn't let _any_ of them die.

"And I'll protect you Light. I promise." Hope said forcefully, taking her hand in both of his. Her eyes widened but a smile slowly formed on her lips.

"I know."

* * *

"You know, I think it's time we actually made our move, don't you? He's so close...so close. I want to see how he reacts." Saorise chuckled, idly rubbing her fingers on the stem of crystal Cocoon. Several soldiers lay dead around her feet, some frozen solid, others burned to a charred black mass. Saorise glanced at them, her red eyes glinting as she gently tapped one of the soldiers with her black boot, "They're no fun in small groups. That's another thing I'm looking forward to."

Saorise shrugged before snapping her fingers. The air froze around her, even her fur clothes and coat cape seemed utterly still, and blue energy started to mass and form around her before three C'ieth formed beside her. They were flying, avian like C'ieth, and shared the white crystal skin of the more hulking beasts she used. They also had dark red crystals on their heads and wings, their heads swiveling around as Saorise inspected their condition. "That was much easier than I thought." Saorise said, pulling one of the three C'ieth toward her, "I thought there would be more deformities because of the distance. Guess I was wrong. But I'm sure you had something to with it." Saorise sighed and smiled in appreciation, smacking the C'ieth on the shoulder before pointing up at the sky.

"You know what to do." She said. The C'ieth seemed to stare at her for a moment before barreling at the sky, shrieking into the air. She watched them go, her braided white hair flying like a whip behind her. She adjusted the small fur coat cape, tightening the buttons of the white fur before sighing. "But..." She added, looking around, "They won't come, or let him come, if I'm right about this thing. Even they know better than to just send him in all willy nilly." Saorise took a deep breath and started to run toward the city, using aero spells to propel herself forward. She exited the restricted area of Cocoon and scanning the small encampment of buildings that housed the soldiers. She smirked as some of them spotted her and aimed their guns, but the bullets simply bounced off of her protect spell. They fell to the ground in pitiful heaps as she continued to head down the roads, eying one of the buildings with a manic grin.

"He already knows then? It might be more fun that way. I want to see him with that old spark in his eyes before I snuff it out completely." Saorise stopped, the winds she had called dying in an instant as she stared up at the sky. "I know, I know." She said, shrugging as she continued her one-sided conversation. The soldiers were gathering around her and calling in reinforcements, some panicking as they recognized who the figure was. Bullets continued to sail toward her, as well as some magic as the soldiers prepared their mana drives. Saorise rolled her eyes at their efforts and placed a shell spell around her as well, sufficiently halting their attempts to harm her. She looked back at the sky, kicking the ground and sighing.

"I think we'll get him soon to be honest with you. But we might have to be careful with those two in the center. They might try something if we get to close." Saorise hummed as she waited for her answer, sticking her tongue out at the soldiers as they passed her, "No, even if he did, he'd build himself back up. Or, it might just work in our favor if it doesn't wind up happening. If he doesn't reach his potential here, he definitely will later. We just have to leave the right clues." Saorise beamed and nodded her head, "I know, it took a lot of careful thought, but you've been busy so I figured I'd do my part. Besides...I'm practically shaking with anticipation."

Saorise laughed then, twirling as the soldiers tried to take down her barriers with their de-buff spells. "I can't _wait._ Think he missed me?" Saorise shivered and jumped into the air, forcing aero spells underneath her to propel her forward. Dirt was kicked up and flew at the soldiers, acting like tiny cannonballs as she increased the force of the aero spells but Saorise was too busy concentrating on one of the bases to care for the soldiers. With a smirk she called fire to her hand, the flames licking her fingers as she swirled the flames around her. "Bye bye." She sang before shooting the ball of fire at the base, watching as it exploded with a deafening bang. Tremors wracked the ground around her and debris flew from the base, landing in flaming heaps around the soldiers. She smirked and started firing more and more fireballs, giggling as fiery explosions blasted around her.

Saorise finally let the winds holding her up die down, feet touching the ground soundlessly. She closed her eyes and smiled at the screams and crackling flames, giggled at the calls for help and orders being barked out by the uninjured. And as alarms began to sound loudly throughout the entire city, blaring at her and reminding her that they were screaming and raising concern over _her_ chaos, she laughed. The C'ieth flew overhead and she called one of them down, grabbing its leg and ordering it to take her up. She watched the scene she had caused below erupt into chaos, airships desperately trying to launch and catch up with her. Her eyes searched for only one though, and until he appeared on the battlefield, she cared not who she took down in the resulting upheaval.

She knew Hope could come now. There was too much carnage for him to ignore.

* * *

Lebreau and Maqui watched as Hope made what had to be his fifteenth run around the living room. Lebreau growled and tilted her head to the side, trying to get a better view of the television as Hope's leg walked right in front of her vision. Two days of trying to get him to stop, which did include her wrestling Hope to the ground and threatening him with one of her less than stellar self made meals, had taught her it was better to just try and look around him. Both Maqui and Lebreau could understand why he was so nervous. Saorise seemed more present than ever, her shadow looming over them all. And of course they were worried about Snow and Lightning and everyone else that would be forced to face her thanks to Kael. But that did not mean that Hope had to obstruct her view of the damn television! Hope paced to calm his nerves while Lebreau looked at the pretty moving images. What was so hard about giving her that?

"Hope." Lebreau growled, eye twitching as she watched his legs move in front of the television again, "Just sit down. You'll feel better soon anyway. I mean, with Rygdea being back soon and all. So just sit down and try to relax." Maqui rolled his eyes and moved away from Lebreau, not wanting to be caught in the oncoming explosion.

"Relax? _Relax?_ How can you possibly expect me to relax! That psycho is out there this minute, planning some serious shit, and you want me to calm down and relax? I mean, I know Rygdea will be back today, but Saorise will still catch us off guard, no matter what we do from here. When she attacks, we're going to have a small window to try and stop her." Hope exclaimed, throwing his shaking hands up in the air. Maqui swallowed. This looked like it was going to be Hope's worse panic attack today.

"And-And you know what else?" Hope asked, bringing a shaking hand to his forehead and looking down at the floor, "I'm going to have to face her. Maker, I don't think I can do it. I mean, sure, I can _try_ but how far will that actually get me? I mean-I mean, picture it. She'll hurt so many people there and I'll have to-to find a way to stop her and Maker I don't know!" Hope tugged violently at his hair and Maqui rose from the couch, shooting Lebreau a glare. She looked down at her hands, a small, embarrassed blush on her face, and she mumbled out a small sorry. Maqui strode over to Hope and grabbed his wrist before Hope could do any more damage to his head. Hope flinched and looked up at Maqui, eyes wide as if he had been caught in the headlights. "Wh-What?"

Maqui took a deep breath, fumbling in his pockets, "Hope, I know. I know that you're under a lot of pressure. But you keep forgetting something really important." Maqui smiled when he found what he was searching for and pulled his pair of goggles out of his pocket. It wasn't the old pink pair that Yuj had gotten him, or the nice sleek orange ones Yuj insisted he wear. No, it was the old, simple brown ones he always worn at De Novo. He smiled wider and handed them to Hope, blushing slightly as he thought of how silly he might seem.

"We're here to help you Hope, whether you want us here or not." Maqui said, waving the goggles in front of Hope's wide and frightened eyes, "So don't think you're really facing her alone." Maqui forced Hope's head down and slipped the strap of the goggles on, snapping the lens to Hope's head and forcing Hope to look at him. The brown goggles rested idly on Hope's head, looking slightly scuffed from their years of use, but Maqui loved them all the same. Hope reached a trembling hand toward the goggles, fingering one of the lens. "You're gonna get them all finger-printy if you keep doing that. Not much good if you can't see through them." Maqui chuckled, shaking his head.

"But-"

"You're not the only one fighting Hope. But I know you've got a lot on your plate. So let us help you out. I mean-it's the least we can do." Maqui said, shrugging and looking away. Maqui's blush was firm on his cheeks now and he just couldn't look at Hope. Both Hope and Maqui jumped as Lebreau's arms wound around them, pulling them closer.

"Well isn't this special! You two are so cute and mushy!" Lebreau teased, sticking her tongue out at them. Both boys sputtered the opposite at her but looked away as she continued to tease them. Both of their faces were a nice, healthy shade of red, and Lebreau just kept laughing it up. But Maqui felt a swell of pride when he saw Hope reached for the goggles and smile, despite Lebreau's teasing.

That's when they heard it. It was low at first, easily covered up by Lebreau's laughing and the television, but then Hope's chuckles died. He stood stiff, staring down at the ground and closing his eyes, listening hard. Maqui noticed Hope's sudden silence and shushed Lebreau, watching Hope intently.

"What is it Hope?" Maqui asked, but he fell quiet as well, looking out toward the door of the house. They all heard it then, faint and growing the louder. The unmistakable blaring of the city alarms. The alarms whined, growing more desperate with each second that passed, even rumbling the walls. Serah's voice floated in from the kitchen, tinged with the slightest bit of fear as she headed for the silent living room, Hazel in her arms. Serah froze as she watched the three staring outside, the television acting as a background noise, unheard in the almost deafening alarms that haunted the house.

Until it cut to the news.

All eyes turned to the television, Serah slowly easing Hazel down to the floor. Hazel looked up at her mother with wide, questioning eyes before shrugging. She walked over to Hope, glancing at the television that they were all focused on, before grabbing Hope's jeans with her hand. Hazel began to watch the television as well, but wondered what was so special about it. There were no chocobos or special lights.

Nothing of interest.

"Attention all citizens of New Bodhum. Attention all citizens of New Bodhum." The newswoman said, tucking some of her brown hair behind her ear. She had a harried look on her face, eyes wide and glancing around as she tried to read the words in front of her. "There has been attack near the center of the city, near the Cocoon memorial. It is believed to be the work of a C'ieth group organized by a woman known only as Saorise. Repeat, a woman named Saorise." The woman took a deep breath and started to list off her characteristics while warning citizens to stand clear, while Hope and Maqui glanced at each other, before looking at Lebreau. Serah's hand rose to her mouth as she tried to bite back a gasp. Her legs began to wobble and she leaned against the doorframe as she felt weakness in her muscles.

"The branch of the military known as the S.C.E. has been deployed. All known teams have been sent to the area but, as you can see-" The woman paused again and the screen gave a violent shake before shifting to a different scene. The great sphere of Cocoon came into focus, shining brightly under the sun, but all around Cocoon was fire and smoke. The buildings were ablaze and soldiers could be seen roaming the ground. The camera jerked again and this time the screen was moving fast and blurred toward the northern section of town.

There was an explosion that jarred the camera, the sound deafening and causing static on the other side. Chunks of the buildings came flying off, plummeting toward the ground where people were scrambling as they tried to get out of the way. Shrill screams and shouts could be heard despite the static, and more explosions sounded in the distance.

"The city is now in a state of emergency. Every citizen must report to the nearest military post and be escorted to the emergency evacuation area within each respective sector. From there, airships will lift citizens to safer military outposts within Gran Pulse until the situation has been resolved. The North Sector-"

Hope looked away from the television, blocking the rest of the news reporter's instructions out. Maqui and Lebreau gave him a long stare, both looking nervous, eyes flitting toward one another before going back to Hope. Hope glanced at Serah as she made a small, scared noise, her blue eyes catching Hope's green ones. Hope tried to swallow, but the lump in his throat was just too big. It felt like he was about to choke.

_Everyone...is down there. Everyone is down there, with Saorise, as she tries to destroy the city. _

_All to draw me out. _

_Me. _

Hope took a shuddering breath and looked back at Maqui, trying not to scream in his panic, "M-Maqui, we-we're going down there all right? I need you to get those cycles of yours ready. O-Okay? But first we need to suit up. No mistakes...no mistakes." Hope trailed off for a moment, eyes distant before he shook his head, snapping himself out of it. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, white communicator, handing it to Lebreau. "I need you to-to contact everyone from De Novo. Let them know what's going on, what Saorise is doing."

"Even the ones hiding out in Gran Pulse?" Lebreau asked, taking the communicator and squeezing it in her fingers.

"Yes. We're going to need all the help we can get." Hope paused again, the sense of sickening, looming dread filling his lungs. He felt like he was slowly choking, suffocating, the smallest of breath making his chest ache with the effort. Saorise_ is there. There! Waiting for me. _

_But-But Lightning and Snow and Gadot and Yuj. Everyone is there._

_They're all in danger. I have to-_

"All right Hope. Come on, we need to get ready." Maqui said, shaking Hope's shoulder when he didn't respond. Hope nodded before whipping around and hurrying up the stairs, legs shaking with each step. He turned to his room as he reached the last step and snapped his door shut behind him, leaning against the door as he tried to catch his breath.

"Focus Estheim." Hope muttered, "You have to do this." Hope closed his eyes and took a few more deep breaths, wiping any trace of fear from his face. When he opened his eyes again he was the picture of a cold and collected fighter. His face was drawn closed, his mouth a thin line and his eyes hard. He mechanically moved to his closet and pulled out his familiar, black armor. Hope sighed and stripped himself of his clothes, putting on the vest and sleeves, the gloves and cups of armor padding. Soon he was dressed head to toe in the black armor, pulling on the last black boot before straightening himself out.

"Focus." Hope repeated as he finally left his room. He stepped out and glanced down the stairs, lost in the knowledge that he would be leaving soon to help fight Saorise. To stop her from hurting anyone else. Even as she tore everything a part around him, threatened to lock him away and cut hi-

Hope clutched his stomach and flew into the upstairs bathroom. He skidded to his knees and heaved into the toilet, what little he ate that day burning up his throat and spilling into the bowl. Hope closed his eyes at the pungent stench, the toilet smell doing little to ease his stomach's churning. He waited out the storm, giving small heaves as his stomach pressed, before pushing himself away from the toilet. He leaned against the opposite wall, breathing heavily as his throat and mouth burned. Sweat dripped down his face, his skin even paler than normal, but he eventually pushed himself up and off the floor. The bathroom door slowly opened and Maqui stepped inside, eyes darkening as he surveyed Hope.

"Are you all right?" Maqui asked, stepping inside. Hope shook his head and flushed the toilet before going to the cabinets and pulling out his toothbrush. Hope started to brush, neither looking at Maqui or his pale reflection in the mirror, and quickly put everything back even as he was finishing. He placed his rinsed toothbrush back in the cabinet before tuning to Maqui.

"No...no I'm not really okay. But I-I have to do this right?" Hope tried, his voice wavering just a little. Hope shook his head again and cleared his throat, "I have to do this. I have to..."

"It'll be okay Hope." But Maqui looked unsure as well, not quite meeting Hope's eye. In truth, he was scared as well. Not as much as Hope was, but still, he could not shake this growing dread inside of him. The two stood in silence for a few moments before Maqui was able to speak again, "C'mon Hope. Lebreau is waiting for us downstairs." Hope nodded and followed Maqui out of the bathroom, staying behind him as the two headed down the stairs. Serah was waiting on the last step as well, looking up at them as they came down.

"I should-should probably get Hazel and head for one of the posts shouldn't I?" Serah asked once they were on the same floor. She locked eyes with Hope and Hope nodded, stepping forward.

"It would be best, at least until we have everything sorted out. It will be safe there." Hope said, watching as Hazel came up to Serah, a doll in her hand.

"I figured. I told Hazel to get her favorite doll. She'll be more willing to come as long as she has it." Serah explained, her eyes moving quickly from her daughter to Hope and Maqui.

Hope bit his lip and looked at the floor, stomach still doing odd flips and making hism feel dizzy. His legs felt like jelly, jerking and shaking as they fought to hold him up. But he knew what he was going to go do. What he and Maqui and Lebreau were going to do, and what Lightning and Snow were already doing.

They were all fighting. Fighting. And he was...unwillingly...at the center of it. But he would fight for them.

He had to.

"Serah, I promise." Hope started, finally looking up at her and meeting her blue eyes, "I promise that we will come back. I promise we'll be safe. I promise." The last word came out almost desperately, but Hope knew that it was out of desperation that he was saying it to begin with. She needed to understand what he was willing to do, she needed to understand that they would be all right.

If anyone could believe that it was her. She'd know they would be all right.

"Yes Hope." Serah said after a brief moment of silence, "I know. Thank you." She gave them a tremulous smile before scooping him in a hug, squeezing tightly as Hope let out a surprised gasp. Serah turned to Maqui and repeated the motion, giving them a watery smile when she pulled away. "I tried to hug Lebreau too, but she said I should save it for the victory bash."

"You should." Maqui said, trying to grin, "It'll be great to see Lightning get a surprise hug from you too." Serah gave a strained laugh before looking out the window, watching as small groups of people began to move outside. Serah sighed and turned back to them, but Maqui placed a hand on her shoulder. "It'll be over soon."

"I know." She said, "Just get back here. Until then."

"Until then." Hope repeated, giving Serah one last look before both Maqui and Hope moved toward the back door. Lebreau was already on her ride in the backyard, lounging on the handles. She looked up at them as they arrived, scanning them to make sure they had every scrap of armor on before straightening herself out.

"Glad you're ready. I contacted everyone I could and they said they'd be at the locations soon. Some of them already arrived too. The problem.-"

"There's another problem?" Hope interrupted, eyes narrowing. Lebreau rolled her eyes, hand clenching the handles of her vehicle.

"Yes there is. It seems the members that are arriving aren't exactly receiving a warm welcome. We're gonna have trouble getting in too." Lebreau said, starting her cycle up. Hope scowled, the butterflies in his stomach fluttering, and he followed Maqui to the other vehicles. He slipped out his keys and started the ignition, revving the cycle as he began to hover over the ground. Hope took one last deep, shuddering breath as he glanced at Lebreau and Maqui. They both nodded and with one last glance at the house, took off into the air.

Hope squinted his eyes as the wind blew at him, his hair flying behind him. Hope blinked when he remembered the goggles that Maqui had just given him and smiled slightly as he slipped them over his eyes. He led them up into the air, flying over most of the buildings and heading toward the center of the city. Hope felt as if his heart had made a new home in his throat, every breath feeling heavy and strained as blood pounded there. His hands were still shaking as the three zoomed over the buildings and people.

Hope felt like throwing up again.

_She's here. She's really here somewhere, waiting for me. _

"I have to." Hope muttered, pressing closer to his cycle. All three shivered as they passed through the last non-restricted area of New Bodhum, bases and military posts now littering the area. They looked down, the bright flames popping out at them as the fires roared and consumed the buildings. Hope jolted when he saw that C'ieth were there as well, the kind with the familiar white skin and red crystals. Some were swooping down on soldiers, while other C'ieth that were earth bound hit the bases and people indiscriminately. Shots were ringing in the air, shooting at the C'ieth and almost anything that moved. Soldiers were scrambling around, helping those who had fallen or trying to reach safety areas of their own.

"It's a mad house down here!" Lebreau yelled into her cycle's communicator. Hope nodded and gulped, leading Lebreau and Maqui lower so that they could better survey the area. _Lightning and Snow are somehow in this..._ Hope shook his head when he saw the S.C.E. drop ships in the area, his eyes glancing in every direction as if he would suddenly see them in the chaos.

"DUCK!" Hope jumped when Maqui's desperate scream echoed through the communicator, but pressed himself down on the cycle and flew closer to the ground. Hope shuddered when fire blew by him, the heat warming his skin and reaching his core, and looked to the right where the blast had come from. Hope's eyes widened when he saw one of the S.C.E. soldiers aiming at him with one of the new, larger mana drives attached to his armor. He wanted right then and there to scream at him for being an idiot, but Maqui started talking through the communicator again. "No time for that Hope. We've got several C'ieth up ahead!"

Hope swore under his breath and nodded, pressing the button to his own communicator, "Which way?"

Some static... "North, toward Cocoon." Hope nodded and veered his cycle the other way, Lebreau and Maqui following suit. Hope pressed the button of the communicator again, eyes narrowing as he caught sight of the C'ieth. They were little specks from where they were, but they were approaching fast. He could make out their shapes...

"There are seven." Hope said through the communicator, "Two of them fly, the others are those hulking ones." Hope said, lifting the goggles up so he could get a clearer view. Hope swallowed, eyes roving the battlefield, "Maqui, I need you to be our center." Maqui glanced at him, eyebrows raised, before giving Hope a slow nod.

"U-Understood." Hope looked over at Maqui as he slowly came between him and Lebreau, all three of them slowing down so they wouldn't approach the area too quickly. Once Maqui was between them, Lebreau and Hope pressed their cycles close to Maqui's, the tech head's hands moving fast with the switches on his cycle. Hope held on tighter as his own vehicle shifted, connecting with Maqui's vehicle just as Lebreau's did on the other side. Hope winced at the sounds of metal scraping metal, another jolt rocking his vehicle as the last bits of the metal connected.

_I'll have to ask him how he did it._ Hope decided, feeling calmer than before now that he had a clear target. Still, the threat of Saorise loomed in his mind, eating away at his already frazzled nerves.

_Where are you Lightning? Snow? Gadot and Yuj? Be safe dammit._

"What's the plan Hope?" Maqui asked, letting Lebreau and Hope steer as he pulled a gun out of one of his vehicles compartments.

"Lebreau and I are gonna hit them with some water and thunder." Hope said, nodding at Lebreau. The dark haired woman smirked before hitting the gas and sending all three of them soaring in the air, eve as Maqui shouted at her for her charge.

"Then we're gonna have to go at them faster!" Lebreau called, glaring at the C'ieth below. Maqui rolled his eyes but nodded and aimed his now loaded gun, counting to three before releasing a heavy blast. The explosion on the blast's impact rocked the ground, the C'ieth falling over as well as any surrounding soldiers as the C'ieth in the center left a burn mark on the ground. The flying C'ieth seemed to roar and only double their efforts, but Lebreau only scoffed before looking at Hope.

"Let's take 'em out." She said, smiling at him. Hope nodded as his arms began to tingle. He felt the jolts of his thunder and lightning spells as he called the spells forth, making his muscles throb. He held out his fingertips and Maqui steered them back down, Hope and Lebreau calling forth more and more power as they approached the targets. Hope's arms were practically screaming at him, and in the back of his mind, he thought he heard a familiar voice shouting-

"_Be careful Hope!_"

Hope blinked and almost broke his concentration.

_Vanille?_

Hope shook his head and glared back the C'ieth, releasing his pent up magic just as Lebreau released her torrents of water. The two spells collided in a ferocious blast, the crackling of thunder and lightning as it hit the water drowning out any other noise Hope heard. The spells zoomed toward the C'ieth, hitting them square on, and Hope felt a surge of satisfaction as six of them hit the ground. Maqui smiled as well before aiming his gun at a stray C'ieth as it tried to fly away, several more deafening shots hitting the air before the C'ieth was blown to bits in a fiery explosion.

"Take that you bastards!" Lebreau shouted as they slowed down. She pumped her fist into the air for good measure, but stopped when she saw Hope and Maqui looking around them frantically. "What is it?" Maqui shook his head and pointed to a fallen and smoking airship. Lebreau's chest tightened as she saw the familiar letters of S.C.E.

"One of ours..." She muttered.

"It's not looking good." Hope said, head nearly cracking as he tried to sort out the chaos, praying to get a glimpse of Lightning. Even her red cape would do, so long as he knew where she was. Where was Snow and his hulking mass? Surely Snow would stand out in the crowd, no matter what?

But as Hope continued to look around, with no sign of his loved ones coming into view, he couldn't stop the shaking in his voice. "Unhook us Maqui." Hope said, closing his eyes briefly, "Dammit, where are they?" Hope shifted in his seat as his vehicle separated from Maqui's, but did not turn around. He tried to look through the surrounding smoke while not letting his eyes linger on the giant, glowing blue crystal nearby.

"We'll find them Hope. We'll just have to go higher up. We need to meet with them anyway, try and figure out what they're attack plan is." Maqui reasoned, revving up his cycle as he looked up at the sky.

"Right." Hope conceded, glancing up as well. The three started their flight up, glancing around for any oncoming C'ieth. "We'll just have to find them as soon as we-" Hope barely got the words out of his mouth before he was jolted, intense heat burning his side. He choked as panic bloomed in his chest, made only worst as he realized with sickening clarity that he was falling to the ground, his vehicle already flying away from him in bits and pieces. Hope whirled around, eyes widening as he watched Lebreau and Maqui falling as well, their vehicles falling apart in the air.

Hope shook his head, gasping for breath as the heat worsened on his right side. He scrunched his eyes closed but reached out a hand, wind slowly blowing up around them. Hope almost sighed in relief as he felt himself slow down, opening his eyes and watching as Maqui and Lebreau's falls slowed down as well. He opened his mouth to call out to them, but gasped as he was thrown forward. He closed his eyes and shouted as he hit the ground, his body skidding painfully as he landed.

"F-Fuck..." Hope mumbled, his face burning from the impact. He slowly pushed himself up, trying not to shiver or flinch as he felt part of his face peel and bleed. He put his trembling hand to his cheek, calling forward his healing magic. He sighed as he felt the cooling sensation on his cheek, but staggered up before he could be hit again. Hope's eyes widened when he realized he was alone. Maqui and Lebreau were no longer in his sight.

"Guys?" He whispered, stepping forward. "Where are you?" He called louder this time, "Come on, where are you! ? GUYS!" Hope shouted, starting to run. Hope whipped around, eyes roving the chaos around him, but he slowed down when the realized how...alone he was. There was no C'ieth, no soldiers. Even the fires seemed thinner where he was. "Wh-What?" Hope gulped, eyes scrunching up as he tried to gain his bearings. His breathing came out in quick, harsh gasps and his legs shook as he took a few more steps forward.

"Freeze." Hope stopped in his tracks, eyes widening evermore as several soldiers crept out from behind debris or fallen vehicles, their guns cocked and at the ready. And each an every one of them was pointing at Hope.

"Wh-Wh-What?" Hope couldn't think, he couldn't even breath. His mouth hung open, eyes searching each soldier as he tried to make sense of what was going on. The soldiers gave him no time to consider it though, the man that had yelled stepping forward, aiming his gun straight at Hope.

"You-You're the reason! And if you're gone..."

_Wh-What? This can't be-be happening. Why? WHY?_

"If you're gone, then she can't do anything! She'll have to stop this because you won't be around! It all leads back up to you!" Hope just stared back at the man, eyes burning as he shook his head. _Not happening. Not happening. _

_C'mon Hope, you need a protect spell! A spell dammit! A spell!_

_How could I have forgotten? I knew we were coming here, why didn't I buff myself? Dammit! No! _

Hope tried to move his arms, his legs, something, but all his eyes saw were the barrels of the solder's guns, his comrades, pointing their weapons at him. The people he was fighting to protect all trying to-to kill him. Hope blinked, whispering the words under his breath that would erect his protect spells. Hope tried to keep his calm as he felt his skin tingle, but the shield wasn't strong enough yet. Not to last against all those bullets. He cried out when he heard the multiple bangs from the guns, shutting his eyes and waiting for the pain to come. His mind was a complete blank, unable to comprehend that he was about to-

Hope jolted as something warm and sticky hit his face. He opened his eyes, hugging himself as his whole body shook, and he shivered as the liquid traveled down his cheeks. He winced when he saw that the warm liquid was red, undoubtedly blood, but the voice...the _voice_._.._

"Hello Hope." Hope whimpered as his head shot up, shaking his head as he looked at her. Her long white hair was loose in her braid, strands falling on her face. Her red eyes were narrowed, focused only on him even as bullets hit her shield. Her clothes were burned and frayed, her red undershirt torn, and fresh blood stained her shoulder where she had been shot. But Saorise still stood as calm, cool, and confident as ever.

Hope's heart froze.

"It's been a long time...since we could talk face to face." She took a step toward him, smile growing wider, "I missed you Hope." She laughed when he only stared, mouth hanging in silent horror, "What's the matter Hope? You look like your world just ended."


	27. Unlaced

**I want to thank everyone for their patience with me. I was having a rough night, but I took a day off and feel much better. However, I am sad, because people are disable the pm feature and I cannot reply to them. It's been happening a lot today. Is there an evil-doer on the loose? Am I paranoid? Did I drink too much cola? Perhaps all three? But enough of me and my crack-pot theories. **

**XienRue- I know, I was evil for ending it there. But here is an update! Fresh too! Kind of... But thank you for the review.  
**

**As always, enjoy, read it, burn my words onto your skin (no, not really. I'm just a little weird right now). Mostly enjoy it. I get a kick knowing what some of you may be thinking as you read it. Gets me excited and-and I'm blathering again.  
**

* * *

"_...like your world just ended."_

_I think it just did. Oh Maker...oh no... _

Hope stared and stared and stared, Saorise's dark red eyes never leaving him, twitching at the slightest movement he made, at the smallest breath. _Funny...because I'm not breathing. _The chaos around them was muffled, Saorise's enormous protect and shell spells buffeting the bullets and magic aimed at them. A large wave of flames washed over the spells, making it seems as if Hope and Saorise were in a hellish dome consumed by fire, but Saorise only glanced at it before her eyes returned to Hope. The shouting, the casting of spells, and the sounds of gunfire all seemed distant to Hope. There was only him and Saorise.

Alone.

Together.

Saorise shrugged, kicking away some debris with her foot before reaching for her arm, green magic spilling over her wound. The bleeding slowly ceased, the blood still trailing down her arm, and Hope's stomach dried up when he realized how close she had been to him. He had her blood on him. Her _blood_ on _him! No...no...no...no!_

"All better!" Saorise said, bouncing a little before showing off her pale arm. "See, it won't even leave a scar. Good thing, huh, Hope? Imagine if _all _of our wounds left _scars._" Saorise chuckled, eyes filling with light, "Get it Hope? Why imagine...for one second, if you really looked like you should. I mean, just really, _really_ looked like it. Or if we both did? Why, these people would have no problem then, huh? We'd be stumps! But they do, they do, they sure as hell do have problems to deal with!" She laughed.

Saorise tilted her head to the side and took the smallest step toward Hope. Hope's legs locked in place, his eyes fixed on her as she came closer and closer. His lungs were burning, screaming at him, and he didn't realize he wasn't breathing until his chest tightened and he choked. His eyes started to sting, his heart was pounding wildly in his chest, everything was in chaos, and she just kept coming. Every step, every small, miniscule step, reminded Hope that _Saorise_ was walking toward him.

"Why are you here, Hope?" Saorise asked. Her tone was hard now and her face no longer playful. But what had frightened Hope was her eyes. They were a dark, dark red, with not even the smallest hint of light. And he knew, right then and there, that his world really was crashing down. She stopped two feet away from him and crossed her arms. "Why are you _really_ here? To protect them?" Saorise's waved over at the soldiers outside as she summoned water, streams cascading down on her barrier and extinguishing the flames the soldiers had made. Each soldier in turn was revealed, each still pointing their guns and waiting for their moment to strike. "I mean, they were trying to kill you, Hope. And why? Because you happen to be my prize, my target. If anything...you should be protected, cared for, hidden away where I cannot find you."

Saorise paused and shook her head. Hope started to mumble under his breath, calling on every buff spell he had and casting them. The energies danced under his armor, tickled his skin, and each one was a desperate wave of much needed protection. Blood was rushing in his ears like a stream and he could hardly comprehend the noise of the battles anymore. Yet her voice cut through it all, like a well sharpened blade.

He did not move despite her presence. He knew what would happen if he moved.

"Yet you find it in the deepest kindness of your heart to come rushing to this spot, knowing I have been trying to drag you here for months. You came here, knowing I was waiting, _luring_ you here, and how do they repay you? They try and shoot you. For the greater good...of course." Saorise rolled her eyes and let out a bark of laughter. Her eyes revealed no light.

"But let's be serious Hope. There's no way in hell that you came here for these people. Well _sure_, you'd be all sad if they died, but like hell would you risk yourself for a few soldiers that would sooner shoot you than help you. No...you wouldn't serve yourself on a platter for their pathetic hides." She sneered at them, flicking her wrist at one group of soldiers. A winged C'ieth flew down and yanked one of the soldiers up, carrying him to unseen heights. Not a moment latter, droplets of blood rained down on the barrier, gliding down its unseen walls like rain.

"I could maybe-maybe have said that you're doing this for the city." Saorise continued despite Hope's horrified look, "But then I remembered something vital, something important, something so incredible that it laid out all my answers. And that, Hope...was your friends. Your family. Your _lover._" Saorise smiled at this, rolled the word lover out as if she were speaking to a lover herself.

Hope's breath came in short gasps, his head spinning slightly, and he shook his head. Saorise's smile turned into a full blown grin and she rolled her eyes, "Really Hope...you didn't _really_ think I'd fail draw that little conclusion? Or was it the whole lover thing that caught you off guard? Hm? It doesn't matter. You're still doing this to protect them. And you know what Hope? That's just fine. It makes my life easier." Saorise said, smile still there. Yet her eyes...Hope could recognize no spark that told him she would hold back, that she'd spare anyone.

"_Hope don't let her frazzle you. You need to get going. Hurry!" _

_What?_ Hope blinked, his mind wonderfully clear for one moment. He could have sworn that he had heard Vanille, her voice still familiar despite the years that had passed. She sounded worried and fearful though. Hope didn't know which was worse. Her tone, or the fact that he was hearing voices in his head.

Hope shook it off, finally breaking eye contact with Saorise as she gave him a bemused stare. Hope took a deep breath and lunged forward, casting spell after spell at the protects and shells surrounding him as he rushed forward. He felt a rush of heat next to him, but his shell deflected it. His eyes widened and he almost smiled when he saw a small hole in her defenses, and he quickly slipped through, nearly tripping as he stumbled near the hole.

"Get away. Get away. Get away!" Hope mumbled, skidding and nearly stumbling to the ground again as he turned and started running toward his and Lebreau and Maqui's crash site. _But what do I do? What do I do? She's just going to-_

"Where are you going Hope?" Hope gasped and ducked, half expecting a kick from Saorise, but saw nothing when he turned around. _B-But she sounded so close. _

"There he is! Go and secure him!" Hope whipped around and took a step back as several Guardian Corps soldiers started toward him, guns still raised and ready to fire. "Hope Estheim, we have been told to bring you to a secure location." The lead soldier said, coming to a full stop when the small group reached Hope. Hope blinked, wondering what had happened to the other soldiers that had tried to shoot him. He wondered about Saorise and why the _hell _he was still standing there, but the man continued, "There we will discuss our options. Until-"

Hope screamed as the soldier's body seemed to snap, bending at an odd forty-five degree angle before flying into a building. Hope whipped his head around but Saorise was on them before he could blink. She grinned at him before whipping behind her, kicking the closest soldier in the gut before pulling out a dagger and digging it into the next soldier's throat. Both soldiers fell to the ground, making not a single noise, and Saorise turned to Hope. Her chest heaved and blood was smeared on her once white clothes. A grin spread wide across her face as she tilted her head at Hope.

"You sure are slippery Hope. I remember this. It was so much fun back then, too. You know..." Saorise looked around as if checking for eavesdroppers, "This is like the last time we saw each other. And I don't mean when your friends were there. I mean, the last time we really had a one on one. You know-" She laughed, making his hair stand on end, "-just without all the screaming."

Hope didn't let her finish, already taking off on a run while casting spell after spell behind him. Torrents of water, waves of thunder and lightning, and breaths of ice flew behind him as his feet pounded on the ground. Saorise chased after him, almost going at a leisurely pace and dodging each spell as they came. But Hope wasn't aiming for her. He was trying to buy time. Time to think and to act and to just get the hell _away_!

"Hope, you know how much I missed this!" Saorise yelled after him, "I really though I had broken you last time you know. And you were so close! So close. And now, now you're even closer." Saorise kicked up, sending a small aero spell behind her to propel herself forward. She closed the gap between herself and Hope, reaching her hand out so she could touch his arm. "Just a little bit more and you'll be all-AH!"

Saorise tripped and plummeted to the ground with a great crash, skidding along the road and rocks until finally slowing to a painful stop. A bright flash of light had been her only warning before her whole body burned, her arm looking like it had been fried. Skin was flaking and peeling off of her right arm, the whole appendage a raw, alarming red. Saorise clutched her arm to her chest, casting healing spells as Hope's figure began to shrink.

Yet she laughed.

Hope heard it her laughter echo after him. It tunneled towards him, vibrated in his head, and told him of her terror and cruelty and all the things she promised him if he did not get away. It shook him to his heart and drilled into his bones, and he willed his legs faster. His eyes searched desperately, searching for a friendly face. Anyone or anything that could help him. Make him think. Make him slow down and figure out what to do!

He could still hear her laughing.

Hope shivered, his skin feeling ice cold, and his bones ached with each movement. He had to find them. Lightning, Snow, Maqui, Lebreau, Yuj, and Gadot. He had to find them and make sure they were safe. He had to protect them. He had to get them away. _He_ had to get away! _That's something. That's something right? But how-how-_

"Hope!" Hope turned, eyes filling with relief as Maqui started running toward him, a gun in hand. The chaos still roared around them, the sound of constant gunfire, the whoosh of spells, and the taste of soot and heavy air. Yet he was there. Hope studied Maqui, switching directions to meet his miraculously safe friend. Maqui's face was smeared in dirt and soot, and part of his uniform was torn, but otherwise he seemed all right. Watching his friend running towards him, all right and safe and free, made Hope feel like his heart would burst from the way his chest was hurting. _Safe. Safe. Safe. He's safe. Someone's safe._

"Maqui!" Hope called as he pumped his legs harder and faster, determined to get to his friend and keep him safe. To preserve this feeling of security, and dare he say it, hope. _If I can get to him, we can get to the others. We can figure this out. I can figure this out! It's all right…_ Hope's eyes scrunched up and burned, and he almost laughed at himself for wanting to cry. But there was Maqui, dirty self fighting through the crowd and letting off the occasional shot with his gun.

Maqui...did not see it. Hope did.

A flash of white and red. A single laugh. One that haunted Hope's dreams, his nightmares, his time alone as his mind became his prison, thoughts straying to a past he could not change.

These were his only warnings.

Hope tried to scream and shake his head, feeling the first burning tear trail down his cheek. Hope nearly tripped, but his eyes watched, wide and disbelieving as a hand made of ice wove its way to Maqui. It knocked soldiers out of the way, its glistening blue hue sparkling as the bright shots of guns fired in the air. It was almost like a claw, and Hope, for one brief moment, thought it would melt in the sun. And if not the sun, it would collapse under the heat of the flames, or the intense air, or anything.

Then the hand made of ice grabbed Maqui and lifted him by the throat.

Hope stopped in his tracks, well aware of the battles going on around him, and finding that he just couldn't care. C'ieth would fly by, their magic raining down on soldiers yet somehow missing Hope and Saorise. The soldiers would fire, occasionally glancing at Hope and Saorise, but the moment they tried to help, they found themselves knocked away. Even with the battles, even with the constant sound, Saorise had cornered Hope. The other battles meant nothing so long as she had him in her sights. The world could end and she'd still have him, would still find a way to get to him.

No…

Hope's throat burned and itched, and he snapped his mouth shut when he realized he was screaming. The noise seemed far away, his own harsh voice dying as if it had never been there at all. Saorise looked at him, tilting her head to the side before glancing up at Maqui. Hope's eyes were trained on his friend, shaking his head as the tips of Maqui's toes scrapped lightly on the ground. Maqui grasped onto the hand of ice, clawing at it and spitting obscenities at Saorise with what breath he could manage, Maqui's own wide eyes glancing at Hope.

"H-Hope. I-It's-f-fine-" Maqui gasped, coughing when the hand increased its grip. Saorise held her own hand out, directing the new appendage while fixing her gaze on Hope.

"I wouldn't listen to him if I were you, Hope. You know how sentimental friends can be when they think they're protecting one another." Saorise said, clenching her hand. Maqui let out another pained gasp, his whole body seizing up under the terrible grip. Hope shook his head and made an unintelligible shout, taking a step closer. Saorise nodded and relaxed her hand, letting Maqui dangle. "See what I mean Hope? So foolish to think that it's just fine. Right Hope? _Right?_"

Saorise squeezed again and Hope let out a low, pained moan as he watched Maqui writhe and struggle in her grip, his legs kicking and thrashing against the ground. "P-Please-Please stop." Hope begged, stepping closer and trying to wipe the tears in his eyes. Maqui gasped and shook his head, kicking harder and harder against the grip but to no avail. Hope tried to ignore the noise of Maqui's feet as they scraped the ground, of his friend's ragged gasps for breath, of his own breathing as he took another step toward Saorise. "P-P-Please just-just let him down." Hope's hands shook and he barely got the words out. Hope hugged himself, shrinking in on himself as he took another step forward.

"N-No Hope. No!" Maqui shouted, his voice harsh as he tried to take a gasping breath. "D-Don't do whatever-whatever you're trying! Do you-you hear me! I'll be f-" Maqui choked as his windpipe was squeezed, tears of pain sliding down his cheeks. Hope looked at Maqui through blurry eyes, biting his lips and trying not to heave a sob. Hope tried not to think. To breath. He just focused on Saorise, feeling his chest tighten.

"I wouldn't listen, Hope," Saorise taunted, her red eyes flashing. She smiled at him, licking her lips and clenching her hand again, giggling as Maqui gasped, "I mean, really, what would he know? The way it is now, I could easily snap his neck." Hope jumped when she flicked her wrist, choking back a sob when Maqui was gently moved to the side instead of just snapped in half. _She could have-have broken his neck._ "I could...let him suffocate." Saorise clenched her hand again, Maqui gasping with each move. "Or I could blast him away." Saorise raised her other hand, a ball of fire dancing on the tips of her fingers. She twirled it in her hand, the orange ball casting her face in a strange glow, "The possibilities are endless."

"No...No-Please-"

"And you know, I don't think you'll be quite fast enough to stop me. I mean, you make the tiniest move to save him, and I could just snuff him out now can't I? And I don't think you could handle another life on your conscience. Could you, Hope?" Saorise asked, narrowing her eyes and smirking, "Could you?"

"Maker-Maker please. I-I won't-"

"What happened to all that strength Hope?" Saorise asked, eyebrows shooting up and tone inquisitive. It was almost as if she was genuinely interested, but the smile she gave him only made Hope shudder with what was to come. Hope wanted to close his eyes as the voices of the past descended on him, some crackling like the flames before disappearing in loud and howling voices. Others were of her shrill laughter and constant taunts, of her terrible words that she tried to erase him with. And then there was his own voice, begging, pleading with her to stop.

The pain…

There was so much.

"How about a deal Hope?' Saorise asked, smirking when Hope jumped. Hope tried to blink back his tears, his heart pounding in his chest and fitting itself to burst. The sound of his pulse thudded constantly in his ears, telling him, screaming at him to run away. Yet his feet stayed planted on the ground, mind going blank except for the simple chant, _"Save Maqui. Save Maqui. Save Maqui." _Maqui was still struggling, but his efforts were weaker, his limbs moving slowly. He wasn't even clawing at the hand of ice that held him. But Maqui's eyes, still watering from the strain and…and something else, begged Hope to turn around. To run. To forget him and keep himself safe.

And Hope knew it then.

Hope stared into Saorise's eyes, feeling something cold grip his heart.

"I'll let your little friend go. Hell, I'll even stop the attack I called on this place. All you have to do is come with me." Hope closed his eyes and breathed, almost coughing as gunfire and stale air filled his lungs. His chest tightened and his shaking arms tightened around his middle, Hope hunching over as he tried to catch his breath. More hot tears slid down his cheek, his eyes turning a stark bloodshot, and Hope almost felt heartened when he heard Maqui start to struggle harder against her words. Hope let out a low, shaky breath and looked back up at Maqui, eyes scrunched up and in so much _pain_ that Maqui struggled harder, trying anything he could to release himself from Saorise's hold.

"D…on't Hope." Maqui tried, kicking harder. Saorise paid him no more mind, eyes wide with excitement as she watched Hope gaze at Maqui.

"I-I have to Maqui…" Hope said, smiling as his arms dropped to his sides. The smile was small and sad and so filled with hurt that Maqui tried to cry out at the face. Maqui shook his head and tried to scream, his voice catching in his throat as Saorise squeezed once more. Hope bit his lips as another sob threatened to rip itself from his throat, his heart beating wildly to combat the sudden deadness creeping up on him. "I won't-I won't let you die." Hope gasped, slamming his palm into his eye and rubbing away the tears that flowed. "I won't, I won't, I won't…" Hope chanted, taking another step toward Saorise. And Maqui knew Hope would keep walking, would sacrifice himself to save him. To save any of them.

No matter what.

Saorise was smiling and nodding, encouraging Hope as he took those steps toward her. Her eyes were bright with malice and she licked her lips again, chest heaving up and down. "Yes, Hope, that's it. I won't hurt him, just as soon as I have you. I promise. It will all be over soon." Saorise cooed, taking a step forward herself. Maqui glared at her, raising his weak and trembling hand and closing his eyes. Maqui shivered when he felt the familiar tingle of magic, his fingertips sparking as he opened his eyes again. Maqui glanced at Hope before glaring back at Saorise, raising his fingers just enough to reach her with his spell. Maqui closed his eyes briefly, whispering a small prayer under his breath and thanking fortune she no longer watched him.

Then he fired.

The magic made all of their hairs stand on end, the crackling energy Maqui released sending little jolts in their bodies. Saorise slowly turned to Maqui, eyes wide and flashing as her mouth turned into a sneer. Then her eyes dulled and she bared her teeth, and Hope saw, with frightening clarity, what she was about to do. The lightning magic struck Saorise in the arm, the appendage jolting and frying as it hung loosely at her side. Yet all she was focused on was Maqui as the hand of ice melted, falling into a puddle on the ground. Maqui gasped, gulping in air as he landed in a heap on the ground, Saorise snarling at him even as Hope darted toward his fallen friend. The air shifted, becoming heavy and damp, and Hope saw her daggers slide between her fingers. Hope jumped over Maqui, landing on his friend as if to shield him from her blow, but felt Maqui jolt underneath him. Hope shook his head and cried, holding Maqui to him and enveloping both of them in the same blue magic he had seen Rygdea use.

The last thing Hope heard was Saorise's feral snarl as she cursed and slammed magic on the spot.

The next thing Hope knew, he and Maqui were in a different part of the chaos, one that was calmer as soldiers sat amongst each other, tending to the others wounds. Fighting was still around them, but it was more controlled, the soldiers able to hold off the C'ieth with their guns and mana drives. Hope let out a low, pained moan and pushed himself off Maqui, inhaling sharply as he felt something warm and sticky on his stomach.

"M-Maqui? Maqui!" Hope grabbed his unnaturally still friend by the shoulders and shook him, shaking his own head when Maqui barely stirred. _Maqui's not gone. _Hope shivered as he felt blood, Maqui's blood, seep into the holes of his uniform. It burned him, stained him with its warm stickiness, and he never felt dirtier before. _Maqui's not dead. _Hope shook his head again, not even trying to stem his tears as he howled and placed his hands on Maqui's stomach, feeling the cool steel of the dagger. _Maker, please don't let him die. I won't-won't be able-_

_NO!_

"Hold on Maqui, just hold-hold on. Just hold on. Please." Hope whispered, whole body trembling as tears made their way down his face, his nose leaking as he rocked Maqui and himself. Hope gasped when Maqui snorted, eyes fluttering open.

"Well then…get to work." Maqui said, resting his head on the ground. Sweat made his blond hair plaster itself to his face and his eyes were dulled with pain, but he managed to smile at Hope nonetheless.

Hope inhaled and whispered sorry before grasping the dagger and yanking it out of Maqui, whimpering when he heard Maqui give a howl of pain. "I'm sorry Maqui. I'm so sorry." Hope said, pressing his hands into Maqui's stomach wound even as blood oozed between his fingers. The warm liquid made him shudder, the blood working its way under his nails and in every crease in Hope's hands. "I'm sorry." Hope said again, biting back a sob, "I'm so sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Just-just don't-don't die! Don't-I have to-to-I'm sorry!" Hope howled and pressed his hand closer, Maqui hissing at the contact before relaxing. Maqui listened as Hope began to whisper cure after cure under his breath, often accompanied by a sorry or a plead for him to live.

"He-Hey Hope, relax. I'm-I'm here…and you're safe. Just-Just relax. Concentrate Hope." Maqui said, breathing heavily through his nose before he rested his hand on Hope's. "I know-_know_ you can do this."

"I know, I know, I know, I know. Maker, I'm so sorry." Hope sniffed and whispered faster, the cool healing magic almost making his hands burn as he said them in fast succession. He felt the wound under his fingers slowly close, the blood flow coming to a stop and leaving only a drying stain of chipping red behind. Maqui's breathing strengthened and the blond opened his eyes, giving Hope a small smile.

"See? I knew…you could do it." Maqui said, winking at Hope. Hope only nodded and pressed again, casting more and more spells as his arms shook harder and harder. Soldiers were gathering around them, some radioing in for assistance, others whispering and asking the others what to do. But Hope only concentrated on Maqui.

"I'm sorry." Hope said, leaning closer to Maqui. Hope's heart beat madly in his chest, still covered in the blood of his friend that he had almost lost. Hope's breath froze; he had come so close to losing this person. Saorise…because of her…and because of _him_, Maqui almost died. Maqui would have died and Hope would never be able to ask how Maqui made all those weird gadgets of his. Or tease him about Lebreau. Or plot revenge behind Rygdea's back-

"Please forgive me Maqui!" Hope cried, grabbing Maqui's uniform and clutching it in his hands. Hope blinked and quickly released him, hands wrapping around his sides again as he tried to calm himself down. Maqui's voice drifted to him, but it sounded far away, and for a moment Hope thought Maqui was dying again. Hope tried to focus on Maqui, willing the image of Maqui in Saorise's clutches away. _Maqui is not gasping for breath, Maqui is not turning blue, Maqui is not dying in front of me! He's not, he's not, he's not!_

"You have nothing to…be sorry for. I got caught." But Hope shook his head, pushing Maqui down when the blond tried to get up. Hope glanced around and whispered shells and protects under his breath, the air shining as the spells took root.

"W-Where's Lebreau? And did-did you manage to find-" Hope stopped, whole body going slack. "The others…where-where are they?"

"Hope, I-I'm sure." But Hope clapped his hands over his ears, letting out a low moan. "Hope? Hope, what's wrong? Hope!" Maqui winced as his stomach tore, but tried to push himself up, eyes widening when Hope started to rock himself back and forth, faster and faster with each second.

"Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop." Hope muttered, eyes oddly blank. But in his head Hope could hear it. A deep voice that called to him, whispered to him. There was the mutterings of other voices, all collected together and making no sense in Hope's muddled mind. It sounded like pointless chatter, everyone trying to talk to him at once, and the sounds echoed mercilessly in his head. Only one voice managed to cut through the others.

"_Almost there Hope. You're almost there. Just keep going." _

"_Just wait Hope. Once this is over, you'll feel so much better."_

"_Come on Hope. Come on. I want to see the fruits of my labor." _

"_They'll all die, you know. Every last one of them. And who can we blame but you? You stayed, you sought their help, and now look. Sure, Maqui may be alive. But what of Lebreau? Perhaps Snow? I wonder how you'll tell Serah that her husband is dead because of you."_

"_What about Lightning?"_

"N-No. NO!" Hope squeezed his eyes shut and shuddered, but the voice continued.

"_But Hope, if you just let go, you'll feel it. That immense load being lifted off your shoulders. Imagine it. A world with no pain, no anguish and no fear. Only you. There are no feelings of loss and regret. There is nothing. Nothing. Nothing."_

"Hope! Hope look!" Maqui shouted, yanking Hope by the shoulder. Maqui winced as his stomach stretched, the wound healed but still aching, and forced Hope to look into his eyes. "Look Hope…" Maqui whispered, pointing to his right, "They're right there. They're safe." Hope's eyes bugged and he slowly turned his head, nearly crying out when he saw Lightning and Lebreau dispatching a C'ieth not far from them. Lightning was the first to turn toward them, her clothes torn and battle worn. Her gunblade was gripped tightly in her hand, a few bruises and cuts on her. But she was alive.

And Lebreau, Lebreau was all right. She had a worried crease in her forehead and started toward Hope and Maqui, Lightning falling into step with her. Hope felt more tears trail down his cheeks but couldn't bring himself to care. _Safe. Safe. Safe._

But Hope's eyes narrowed when he saw Lebreau and Lightning stop, Lebreau shaking her head and shouting as Lightning lifted her gun. Hope shuddered, feeling the air leave his lungs as his skin turned to ice, goosebumps erupting all over his body. Maqui was shouting beside him but Hope was knocked away before he could respond, slamming into the ground. Hope's head bounced and his jaw clenched, and he bit down on his tongue. Hope coughed, blood dribbling down his chin as it pooled in his mouth, and he tried to push himself back up. A shadow loomed behind him-

"A-AH!" Hope screamed when he felt the icy grip around his throat, his hands clawing at the smooth ice around his neck. Hope's eyes widened and he screamed again as he was dragged along the ground, choking and wheezing as the hand pressed on his throat. Hope felt more tears on his face as he was dragged ruthlessly along the ground, the others shouts and gunfire following behind. Hope screamed and choked and kicked, his body hitting or catching on debris or bodies, but the hand of ice did not release him from its grip. And all the while he could hear _her_, only this time Saorise was not laughing or smiling, just breathing deeply. There was no taunting smile. Instead there was this deep, dark seated look. One that was haunted and dead, yet at the same time determined. And when she did look back at Hope she smiled, only it was more of a crazed grimace that made her lips twitch and spasm.

Hope's voice broke and cracked and he took a great gasp of air, as much as he could with the coldness wrapping around his throat, but Saorise forced him forward before he could begin to scream again. Hope's head collided with the ground, his skull cracking against some broken part of a base, and bright lights popped into his vision. The hand pinned him to the ground and overhead, Hope could see the smoke rising in the sky. There was still shouting although it was farther away, and the air was still to heavy for his already struggling lungs. Ships were flying, zooming, across the sky. Bangs and shots echoed through the air. C'ieth were still flying around, but their number was far less than before.

It didn't matter. Saorise had Hope.

The hand around his throat squeezed again, the icy coldness making his throat numb and the pain seem distant. The burning in his lungs reminded Hope that he was very much in danger, and with Saorise gazing down at him with an almost calm expression on her haunted face, Hope knew he had to get out. Yet he saw none.

In the corner of his eye, Hope saw something blue shimmer. A reflection of some kind, bright and beautiful, but as Hope turned his head to look at it his stomach bottomed out. Cocoon, the original crystallized Cocoon, stood in all its glory. Hope couldn't believe how close he was. So close that the pale blue light, with some orange tints from the battle around them, was able to project itself on the ground. Hope's eyes widened at the sight of it, marveled for one moment at its beauty, and then he sobbed.

"N-No! NO! No. No. No. No." Hope mumbled it over and over, grasping the hand that held him down and trying to pry it off. Hope screamed when Saorise's furred boot touched his hand, pressing on his knuckles and pushing it against the burning cold. "NO! NO! NO!" Hope screamed, kicking and crying and trying so desperately to break free. Saorise only snarled and dug her foot deeper, shivering at the scream that ripped Hope's throat. Hope thrashed more, choking on the air and the terrible pain, and his mind he had to wonder, _Where are they?_

"_Not coming, Hope. Don't you get it? They come here and they die. It's really that easy."_

_NO! NO! You're lying! They won't-wont' die!_

"_And what's stopping them?"_

"Hope!" Hope snapped his eyes open and almost cried out, more tears sliding down his face as he caught a glimpse of Lightning's red cape. Saorise only pressed him closer to the ground and snarled, leaning down toward Hope.

"I'll kill her then." Saorise whispered, blowing air into Hope's ear and smiling as he shuddered.

"N-N-" Hope winced when Saorise punched him in the jaw, sending his head at the ground as another crack pounded into his head. Hope opened his eyes and blinked away the spots, the world a strange blur, but flinched when he felt a whoosh of air.

"Get off him you bitch!" Hope's eyes widened and he forced himself up, hand grasping at his throat as he realized there was no more pressure or coldness there. He let his shaking hands fall to his sides and looked up when he heard shots, the little explosions vibrating in his ears. Saorise was standing now, holding her hands up and mumbling under her breath, her arm dangling once more at her side. It was the most injured, still sporting burns from several magic attacks and now a fresh gunshot wound, but her protect spells were up again. Lightning shot at Saorise with her gunblade, jumping back as the shells began to fall toward the ground in little bits. Lightning glanced at Hope and their eyes locked, Hope's throat closing as he stood on his shaky legs. _Light…_

Hope swallowed and shuddered, watching as Lightning slowly maneuvered her way toward him while dodging some of Saorise's magic. Waves of fire flew in the air, the heat making sweat bead down all three of the fighters' bodies, and Hope clenched his aching jaw. _Do something Estheim. Fucking _do_ something! _Hope nodded to himself and brought shaking hands up, fingertips tingling as jolts went through his muscles. He waited until Saorise released one more blast of fire before releasing his own lightning magic, the hot and intense energy hitting Saorise full force. Saorise crumpled, landing on her knees and clutching her singed side, red eyes locking on Hope. Lightning skidded next to him and pulled Hope away from Saorise, firing a few shots as soldiers descended on the white haired woman.

"Come on, Hope. It's all right. Come on." Hope just nodded as Lightning started to lead him away, Lebreau supporting Maqui as she made her way over through the chaos. Lightning started to pass Hope along but Hope locked his legs, shaking his head.

"No…"

"Hope, now isn't the time for this." Lightning said, voice low as she tried to push him forward.

Hope shook his head again and turned back toward Saorise, "I have to see it. There's no way that she-" Hope barely had the words out of his mouth before his eyes snapped closed, hunching over as biting cold hit his skin. He tried to turn to Lightning, Lebreau, and Maqui, but his stiff legs refused to move. The violent and freezing gusts of wind filled Hope's ears with their shrill cry, and only distantly did sound reach Hope. At best it was the low sound of thuds. At worst it was the voice…taunting him, barely audible yet low voice a constant presence. Hope slowly started to lower himself to the ground, his hair whipping back as frost coated his body. He was soon shaking and shuddering, the wind finally dying down enough for Hope to open his eyes.

He wished he kept them closed.

Saorise stood tall among the chaos, several frozen bodies strewn at her feet, each soldier tinged blue. Saorise smiled at him, shaking her head as she stepped onto the bodies, strolling over to Hope. Hope's chest started heave and he whipped around, letting out a small cry when he saw Lightning, Lebreau, and Maqui in a heap on the ground. They were not as bad as the soldiers that had been close to the blast, but all Hope could see was how still they were. He yanked himself towards them, hands scraping at the cold ground, and brought trembling hands to Lightning's neck. He bit his lip as he felt her cold skin, and felt another tear slide down, hot and burning on his cheeks, when he felt her pulse. He moved toward Maqui and Lebreau then, feeling each of their pulses in turn, before he huddled himself closer to them.

"It's okay guys…" Hope whispered, a shadow looming over him, "It's okay. It's okay. It's okay." Hope brought his trembling hands just over Lightning's chest and brought the fire to his fingertips, trying to warm him as he brought another hand to cure her wounds. Saorise watched from behind him, a smile on her face, and she crossed her arms as he repeated the process for Maqui and Lebreau. Hope paused over Maqui's wound and sent even more green, soothing magic over his stomach, pressing his hands where the dagger had once been.

"Why even bother Hope?" Saorise asked, shaking her head, "I mean, all I have to is-" Hope growled and lightning magic sprung from him, cracking at Saorise and making her step back. But her smile only widened, her eyes darkening, "What's this, growing a backbone, Hope?" Saorise brought a hand to her chest though, fingers ghosting over her concealed brand. It was burning under her fingers and her body twitched in excitement. "Do you really want to-"

Hope rose before she could finish and water torrents bulled toward her, hitting her headfirst and sending her sprawling toward the ground. She sputtered and pushed herself up, her clothes and hair sopping wet and a bruise already forming on her jaw. She shuddered, "Oh, I _like_ this. You really going to fight me or-" Hope raised an arm and icicles came hurling toward her. Saorise barely had time to set up a shield, and her eyes widened when the icicles broke a part, small and sharp slivers penetrating her shells and slicing her skin. Saorise looked at her arms and legs where the small slits on her skin began to bleed, the red trailing down her arms.

So she laughed.

Hope did not flinch as she stood, but as he straightened himself out there was something…dead in his eyes. He looked at Saorise without so much as quivering and the air about him was still. Overhead, the roar of ships could be heard, and shouts from soldiers descended on the area. Yet Saorise and Hope had eyes only for each other, neither blinking as they waited for the other to move.

"Gonna come at me or what?" Saorise said, flipping her loose braid behind her, "Or are you really that much of a cowa-" Saorise choked Hope sent another torrent of water at her, straight into her mouth. Saorise gasped and sputtered, spitting the water out and fixing her gaze back on Hope. Her eyes flashed and she sneered, taking a step toward him. "Go ahead Hope, keep it up. You're just making it harder for yourself anyway! Think this will work-" She shouted when something zapped her arm, a new and smoking burn leaving her arm raw. A welt was already beginning to form and she inhaled sharply, charging at Hope. "Fine! We'll play your game!"

"_You must stop this! Now is not the time!" _The voice echoed in both their heads, the same low voice Hope had heard before, but neither paid it any mind. Saorise aimed a kick at Hope, the crackling of lightning magic making Hope's hairs stand on end, but he counted with a cool spell, using the small and icy gusts to slow her leg down. The kick came at his side and Hope released his breath, eyes widening at the contact. Saorise smirked at the sudden change and aimed another kick, Hope stepping backward.

"Losing your guts already Hope? Hmph, easy come, easy go I guess!" Saorise taunted, baring her teeth. Hope narrowed his eyes at her and whispered under his breath, small gusts of wind making parts of his uniform and his hair to fly up. Saorise ran at him again, a ball of fire clutched in her hand, but Hope raised the winds as she through it, the fireball merging and disappearing in the winds.

"Leave..." Hope said, voice strangely low. His eyes were a deep dark green and he mouth was drawn in a thin line, but his arms trembled slightly as he held them up. Saorise smiled and kicked again, her leg stopping short as it hit Hope's gusts. Saorise rolled as she hit the ground, but rather than charge at Hope again, she glanced sideways. Hope's eyes widened but Saorise was already springing toward Lightning, Lebreau, and Maqui, her daggers drawn. Hope's eyes lit up and he cried out, his chest erupting into a mountain of pain as several ships started to fly in and land in the area. Hope felt his brand sear his skin as he charged after Saorise, screaming until his throat went raw when she saw her release several daggers at his fallen friends. His head thrummed and he had to close his eyes, even as he willed his legs forward. The air shifted, turning cold, and Hope was whispering a counter spell to whatever Saorise was casting. _Let it be enough, let it be enough._

"_You both must stop!"_

"_Hope, don't listen to what they say! You can fight it, I know it! Come on Hope! Don't-" _But Hope shook his head of the voices as his body convulsed, sending Hope face first into the ground as white hot pain shot from every pore of his body. His mind wen numb, not a single real though coming through unless it was, _Maker, I _hurt. Hope tensed when he felt cold prick his skin, felt the last of the pain subside into nothingness, and opened his eyes to see Saorise clutching her middle.

"Little fuck..." She seethed, forcing herself up and aiming a dagger at Lightning, "Say goodbye to your little lover Hope. I said I'm taking you there. I didn't say you had to be emotionally stable." Hope's chest tightened and he shook his head, reaching a hand out and demanding his magic to come. Yet now tingle reached his fingertips. No cold. Not even the hot flames that he detested so much. All he had was an outstretched hand and-

Hope's eyes widened and he fumbled around the belt of his uniform, pulling out a small, last minute hand gun. His heart throbbed in his chest, his blood rushing in his head and heart. His lungs felt tight, each breath he took a small gasp as he clutched the gun in his hands, turning them pure white. "Saorise!" Hope screamed, pushing himself up just enough so that he was sitting up. "Don't you dare! Don't you dare hurt any of them!"

"And why no-" Saorise's voice died when she glanced back at Hope, watching as the man brought the pistol to his head and jammed the barrel toward his temple. Her eyes widened, the first spark of fear Hope could ever remembering seeing flashing through her eyes. His hand quivered but he pushed down harder on his temple, forcing his body to still. "You wouldn't dare..." She whispered, but she lowered her dagger to her side, never taking her eyes off the gun.

"W-Why not? I know you need me. I know it. And if I'm gone..." Hope slid his finger over the trigger, ignoring the way his body jerked at the motion. "If I'm gone this whole plan falls apart...right?"

"_Stop this both of you! This is too far too soon Saorise! Make him-" Hope_ closed his eyes and shook his head, ignoring the voice and concentrating only on the gun, himself, and Saorise. Saorise lowered her eyes and stood, bringing up a hand even as soldiers began to swarm on them.

"I'll stop you then." Saorise said, lowering herself and charging at Hope. Soldiers shouted and gunshots sounded loud in the air, mini explosions sounding hollow as they reached Hope's ears. He blinked and the next thing he knew he was staring up at the sky, the gun knocking clear away and skidding to halt near some debris. His whole body felt tired and his brand was burning more than ever, making Hope want to close his eyes.

He heard it then. Heard it and listened as his world shifted out of focus until it disappeared entirely. Listened as visions of Lightning and Snow and Lebreau and Maqui all hurt entered his mind. They were dying. They were bleeding. They were _hurt._ The voice was like a balm over his thoughts, even though its tone was full of malice. But it was the same voice...the one that had been yelling at the to stop.

"_Think about it Hope. Think about it. Right there, in that pretty blue crystal you called Cocoon, all of this will end. You'll never have to worry if your friends live or die. You'll be free, Free. Now doesn't that sound good? Away from all this pain and worry."_

_And if I don't?_

Hope knew that he shouldn't have answered, knew he should have kept his mouth shut, yet the thoughts slipped away from him anyway.

"_Then they'll die Hope."_

Hope choked and bit back a scream. This wasn't allowed to happen. Yet there, in his mind's eyes, was Maqui clutching his stomach as the life faded from his eyes. Hope choked again and grasped the goggles Maqui had given him that day. Was it really only that day though? It seemed like an eternity had passed. Like Hope had died and been born again in a fresh nightmare.

"_One by one, they'll die."_

Lebreau, gasping for breath, holding on to her throat as blood pooled around it. Gasping, she asked Hope how he could let this happen.

He had no answer.

"_And you'll have to bear the weight of it."_

Serah was screaming at him, clutching Snow's cold hand as blood dribbled down his chest. A fist sized hole had made its home where Snow's heart had been. The blood flowed from it, creating stains on the colorless floor. Serah screamed and screamed as she clutched her dead husband, the blood wrapping itself around her legs.

"_Could you really do that? Really? Knowing you were to blame..."_

Rygdea was holding a hand to his arm, but his whole side was slicked with blood. There were soldiers all around him, ye Rygdea had the same grin on his face he always wore when Hope was around. It was telling him it was okay. Telling Hope that it would be all right when things were so fucking not all right. It was a lie that held them both steady.

And Rygdea died with that damn grin on his face.

"_You will be just as much to blame as we are. We may be the hand that kills, but you are the signal. We follow you. And you have no means to protect them."_

Lightning was in his arms, her face stained red, her eyes dull and lifeless. Hope screamed and screamed as if doing so would bring back that spark of life. Lighting always came when he screamed, when he was in danger. She would come back if he screamed, but only if he screamed. But she wasn't moving. She was growing cold in his arms.

She was dead.

And Hope's own heart died. It burned and ripped through his chest before withering into something cold and black and dead. His whole mind was numb. There was nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

"_But you already know this Hope. You've known it from the very beginning. Yet you still came here. You still sought help. You still walked among them as if you were a part of them and fooled yourself with silly little lies. Now what Hope? Now what?" _

Bodies. Bodies. Bodies. Bodies. Bodies. Bodies.

A ship, briefly, held his vision. Then it disappeared in a puff of smoke and only dropping more bodies to the ground. They were numerous and faceless, yet Hope felt he knew them all. Had done them each some great and personal harm in existing. And at the top of the mound of death constructed were his loved ones. A tangled mass of limbs and blotchy redness that Hope could not force himself to look at. He was a coward. He knew he was a coward. A tired and pitiful coward who could not even face up to the wrongs he had committed, especially when they were shoved in front of him.

The vision of mass death did a strange thing then and blurred and suddenly Hope was staring up at the sky. There was no hand of ice pinning him down, the smoke was slower in rising, and there was talking around him.

"_Later Hope...we will come later. So close now. You may even be there. But all good thing can wait and we must all be ready."_

"_Don't forget Hope."_

"_Hope."_

"_Nothing."_

There was something else, another voice that sound warm and familiar, yet it was only a buzz. Mindless chatter that fell on deaf ears; on a deaf mind.

All there was, all Hope saw, was death. It was so clear and poignant, so painfully obvious what he did, what _he_ had caused. He wanted to laugh at the fact. He wanted to sob and bury himself into the ground where no one could ever find him. He wanted to close his eyes and never wake up.

Instead, he watched as the smoke floated into the sky. There were voices around him, many worried, some familiar, and Hope sensed something warm beside him. He couldn't feel it much, but there was someones else there.

Fingers lightly brushed his face.

Hope flinched.

"Hope. Hope I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there. Dammit, kid, you have to say something."

"I want to see him! Let me through now or I'll blow you halfway across Pulse!"

"Hope! Hope! Are you okay? Please, please tell me he's okay!"

"This-This can't be happening. Wh-Where the hell is Snow? Come on, where-"

Hope did not look away from the sky as the voices assaulted him. He stared into the sky, which was turning a faint orange, and listened to all the voices of the people he was killing. Slowly but surely they were dying and all he could do was listen.

He wanted to die. Anything to get away from them. The voices...all the voices.

"Hope. Hope, come on. Come on kid, you-you gotta-gotta look at me."

Hope opened his mouth, a jolt ripping through his chest. It was a great pain, one that was a bundled mass of everything he felt. Of the fear, of the anger. Of the great sorrow. And then it was all the other feelings he could not put into words but they left him breathless all the same. It started to crash down on him, promising nightmares of the past and the present and especially of the future. It forced images of those who would die or had died into his mind, each passing face like a searing stab into his body. Hope nearly choked from it, died from the sheer potency it possessed.

He tried in a small part of him to process it. To comprehend it. It was all...so much.

"Come on. Your eyes are open Hope, now _look_."

Instead he felt nothing. Nothing. It washed over him like a blanket, gave him a blissful sense of nonexistence. There were no faces of death. No worries or great feelings he could not comprehend.

Just nothing.

Rygdea shook Hope one more time but the green eyes continued to stare blankly into the sky. Rygdea was pushed aside by a medic who loaded Hope onto a stretcher, strapping the unmoving man on. Hope did not blink. He didn't even make a sound. Rygdea followed, a different kind of numbness in him as he watched Hope so still and silent.

And still Hope thought of nothing.


	28. Blank Clarity

**Another chapter. I thank you all for the encouragement, and mostly, for the way you follow the story. I don't know, it makes me happy to see you all enjoying this piece that sort of exploded more than I thought it would. 400+ reviews? Yeah, didn't see that coming. And so many people are reading it, faving, and alerting. Thank you.**

**Reviews:**

**Hitman-Technically, you were my 400th review. Amazing! So a big thank and hugs to you! *hugs* And thank you. *blush* I'm really glad you're enjoying it. **

**Anonymous: I'll be replying to both reviews if that's all right. In regards to Chapter 26, I'm glad you liked Saorise's style of doing things. That's the best I can describe it right now, but I'm glad she's a villain capable of giving the chills. And the stuttering I'll look over (and maybe edit after I read through again) when I have time. You may have a point and I best read it to be sure, but I hope it's all right if I push it back for now. **

**And I loved your review for 27. *blushes hard* Thank you for that. *giggle* And I know you don't think it useful, but I wish I could have heard your favorite parts! But a few hours worth...O_O I see why. *blush more* Thank you though, very much. **

**There is a somewhat important thing on my profile regarding updates to this, and any other stories. There is also a change to the Crystal Hearst Contest (an extension), so if you so please check my profile if you want more info.  
**

**This chapter is hard for me to put into words. It's a set up chapter but a cool down chapter? Both and neither? I don't know. Hopefully, you will enjoy it. Thank you everyone. Now onward with Daybreak.**

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Hospital rooms, no matter how they were designed, always left Rygdea feeling as if he were suffocating. The room perpetuated this sterile air, making the lungs constrict and ache with a different kind fervor. It was always still and quiet, with little noise to help with distraction, constantly reminding the people that their loved ones were ill and suffering with each beep of a machine or a wheezing breath. The hospital rooms were always bare and dead, no matter how many superficial decorations were pasted along the walls.

Rygdea hated hospitals.

He sat in a soft chair that still managed to make all of his muscles ache, the cushion sinking under the weight of his body and all the responsibilities and worries that were piling up at an alarming rate. There was a window to the side of the room, letting in sunshine that did not warm the small box, and the walls were covered in dull white paint. The borders of the walls had little ships carved along the top and bottom, but did nothing to take away the deadness in the room. The machines were placed carefully around the walls, some even pushed to the side, and were no longer beeping. They had been unhooked several hours ago, the patient ready to be discharged as soon as Rygdea could manage to remove himself from his chair.

Somehow, he couldn't manage it.

Instead he kept seasoned eyes on the patient still on the bed. Hope stared straight ahead, green eyes dull and bandages wrapped around his head and arms. Hope's hands sat in his lap, loose and relaxed, and Hope was strangely calm. Hope did not speak, did not move, and Rygdea almost thought he wasn't breathing. Hope's hair was going in every which direction, uncombed and unruly, and Rygdea wondered when the kid would brush it up.

But Rygdea already knew.

"I'll be staying with you for a few days, help you get better and all that. Besides, we need to talk about a few things." Rygdea whispered. The words carried through the room but Hope did not acknowledge him. Did not blink.

Did not breath.

Rygdea closed his eyes as he thought of flying down to the battle area. He had been so-so worried for Hope, knowing the kid would go to the battlefield. Right into Saorise's trap.

_And what a trap it was. _

Rygdea had demanded to be released, was surprised that he was and told to head straight there. But it did not prepare him for what he saw_. Saorise blasting the others, sending them in all directions even as Hope screamed at her. Of the way Hope had _fought_ against her, blasting her with magic I haven't seen him use with such ferocity in ages. The gusts of wind, the crackle of electricity. It rang through the air and had all my hairs standing on end. But then Saorise...Saorise started on the others again._

_Then Hope bringing a fucking _gun _to his head. Like that would solve anything. But she went after him, took the bait, and started all this shit. I can even imagine what she was saying to him. But whatever it was..._

_Hope._

And Rygdea ran the images through his head. Each one of Hope's face as he leaned over the kid after Saorise had disappeared, her flashing red eyes their only warning before she was gone in a haze of blue magic.

_Hope…Hope looking blankly into the sky._

_Hope not saying a word._

_Hope not even seeing him._

_Hope…a mere shadow of himself._

Rygdea gritted his teeth when he felt his eyes burn and stood up in the silent room. He walked over to Hope's bed and grabbed on to the plastic rails, glaring at Hope and shaking the plastic. "Hope."

No response.

"Hope, you need to snap out of it. I need to be able to talk to you to work this out." Rygdea said, voice hard.

Nothing. Empty green eyes. Rygdea seethed, his eyes narrowing as his heart gave a painful throb. His handle of the plastic railing left the dull material bent and his knuckles turned white from the grip. Rygdea bowed his head, easing the plastic out of his hands and letting his arms fall to his sides.

"The others will want to speak with you soon. They're pretty pissed off with me you know. I forced them out of your room earlier and said that you needed your rest. Told em to just go home and wait till I brought you there. " Rygdea blew out a sigh, the heaviness in his chest weighing him down, "Snow looked like he was about to deck me." Rygdea laughed, but the sound was hollow and dead as it echoed in the silent hospital room, "And Lighting, well, she really did. Sent me flying to the ground you know." Rygdea brought a hand to his cheek where a fresh bruise was already starting to form. It was a dark brown color and it throbbed as Rygdea's fingers ghosted over it, "Funny considering they were all in the hospital a while ago. But they sure bounce back when someone says you're hurt. Lucky dog."

True as it was, Rygdea didn't think it was good for them to be up and about so soon. Cold burns aside they were all pretty beat up. It was hard enough to get Lightning to get into a warm bath, telling her she had to stay there for an hour before she could do anything else. Then treating her for all her other wounds and saying she couldn't see Hope...

Rygdea's jaw throbbed again.

"I guess I can't really blame them though. I mean...look at what happened. I said things would be all right, yet here you are, like this. I wasn't there Hope, and I'm sorry." Rygdea looked at Hope, really tried to get to him, eyes roving Hope's empty ones. For one brief, heart warming moment Hope turned to him and Rygdea thought that maybe all was not lost. Rygdea's heart opened and he felt the warmth flood him, a smile tugging at his lips-

Until Hope blinked again. Still blank. Still absolutely expressionless. Hope was looking toward him like a person would look toward a wall or door. He was sitting in some form of thought and contemplation that left him separated from the world and its realities. He was closer to his nightmares than Rygdea and the others. He was closer to Saorise and her ramblings.

Rygdea swallowed hard, not knowing which one would be worse for Hope, and wished that the kid would just _look _at him. _See _him. He wanted there to be some form of recognition in the kid's eyes instead of this-this blankness. Hope's eyes had lost their spark, a spark Rygdea had to fight tooth and nail for back _then_.

_And I don't know if I can get it back! Dammit! Just dammit!_

"I'm being selfish Hope." Rygdea said, standing up straighter and grasping the rail once more, "Not letting them see you I mean. I could try and make it out as me wanting to protect them from this...but hell, that's just delaying the inevitable. And you know I don't do that kind of bullshit." Rygdea snorted and shook his head, "Truth be told, I just wanted some alone time with you. Maybe sort this shit out, figure out a way to help you. Not that it's going well mind you, but...damn, I just-just needed this." Rygdea squeezed his eyes shut and let out a low growl, "I'm sorry Hope. Shit. I'm just...how do I help? _How?_ I don't know."

Rygdea fell silent, his low breathing sounding loud against his ears as he tried to pull himself together. The feelings of helplessness and loss, of regret and uncertainty, of all the things he feared and wanted to change, all hit him at once. The feelings washed over him in waves, sinking into his veins and leaving his blood cold. He choked on it, his lungs filling with fear and desperation. He did not know how to help Hope. He did not know what to do. He was wandering in the dark, trying to find the kid when without his eyes to help him. He was stumbling in the darkness, listening hard for a cry of help that did not seem to be coming. Not this time.

And that scared him more than anything.

Rygdea shuddered and let out a heavy breath, the weight of all those problems settling on his chest and shoulders. He felt Hope's empty eyes on him and his own desperation to bring the kid back. He thought of Maqui and Lebreau, waiting for him. Of Snow and Serah and Hazel and how they needed Hope to come back. How Hope couldn't be gone when he had just returned to them. He thought of Lightning...of that strange and growing emotion that she and Hope seemed to share.

He thought of Cid...another moment where he had been backed into a corner and could do nothing for a friend. _Fuck..._he_ was family. Hope _is_ family too. And I'll gonna fucking save him this time._

Rygdea nodded to himself and squared his shoulders, steeled his eyes, and released the plastic railing he had been using as a lifeline. Rygdea turned to Hope and slowly, hesitantly, placed a hand on Hope's shoulder. Hope flinched and the blank eyes really did turn to Rygdea this time, although there was no sign of recognition. Rygdea brushed it off, even as his heart gave a violent tug, "Come on Hope. Let's get you out of this gown and into some actual clothes. Then we can head home. I'm sure the others are dying to see you." The smallest, faintest twitch happened under Hope's right eye. Rygdea grasped it for all he was worth, watched with almost bated breath as Hope slowly slid his legs down the bed.

"All...right." Rygdea had to stop himself from gasping. _Two words. Two whole words. _Rygdea watched Hope slide off the bed before reaching down and handing the kid a small red duffel bag with some clothes inside. Hope looked at the bag, blinking once...then again before taking it in his grasp. Rygdea placed a gentle hand on Hope's shoulder and pointed him toward the bathroom, even pushing him toward the right direction. Hope flinched and the smallest frown appeared on his face before disappearing behind the blank face, and Rygdea watched him go with the bag clutched in his hands. And the whole time he thought of those two words. Two words more than usual. Two words that told him there was something there.

It was sad. A sadness that ran deep and long and made Rygdea choke on the stale air in the hospital room. It left his heart cold and made something in him ache. Something that made the world seem just that bit darker with the truth that those two words did mean something. It was so small, almost insignificant, and yet it _meant_ something.

It had to.

All was lost if it didn't.

* * *

No one knew what to expect when Hope came walking back into the Farron/Villiers household. Everyone was sitting in the living room, waiting for Rygdea and Hope and wondering just what to do for Hope when he walked in. Lightning was pacing the room, occasionally going in the kitchen to get some coffee only to return with no cup in hand and a frown placed firmly on her face. She would mutter something about kicking Rygdea's ass before the pacing started again, the woman unable to hold still. There was a slight burn on her arm and a few scratches on her face, but she looked none the worse for wear after such a…trying battle. Cure spells did a lot, but the stress was showing with each tense movement.

Serah and Snow were sitting together on the couch, Serah sitting in Snow's lap and watching the door. Hazel had been put to bed, the darkness of night settling in as they waited for Hope and Rygdea. Serah's eyes seemed distant and sad, and only a gentle prodding from Snow would snap her out of it. Snow, for once, was silent. He just brought Serah closer to his chest and sighed, breathing in the scent of her hair, of her body, and tried to calm himself through her presence. He wanted to lose himself in her light strawberry scent, but also the need to wait for Hope, even in the painfully silent room. There was a rather large cut on his face, hidden by a bandage that stretched almost the whole cheek, and his hat no longer sat on his head.

Gadot and Yuj sat on the floor, occasionally talking to each other in low whispers. Their voices in the otherwise silent room seemed like shouting, so their bursts of conversation were quick and very hushed. Yuj's arm was in a small sling and he had refused help when Lebreau and Maqui had offered to heal him, saying he'd rather wait until _everyone_ was there. It was not as if his was a life-threatening injury, and he knew they'd need their energy for what was to come.

Maqui and Lebreau didn't need to tell him how grateful they were. It showed through their eyes, they way the dark in them seemed to brighten for just a moment before settling back into uncertainty.

Gadot was resting on the floor, glancing up at Maqui and Lebreau before staring at the ceiling. His eyes looked distant as well, and like the rest of them, there was dirt and soot and grime on his clothes and skin. He had refused to change or wash, hell bent on seeing Rygdea and Hope before cleansing himself of the residue of battle.

There was a pause in which Serah said, rather distantly, that they should call Sazh and see if he'd want to come later. There was a low murmur of agreement, saying the man would want to be there and that he may have some advice. Sazh was their friend, was Hope's friend, and he needed to be informed.

But all eyes remained trained on the door, only Lightning moving among them. She disappeared into the kitchen after a small pause and the click of a phone could be heard. There was a quiet sound, a rush of words too low to hear, and Lightning soon returned.

She said nothing.

Maqui and Lebreau were nestled together at the other end of the couch, away from Snow and Serah, and Maqui still favoring his stomach. He rested a hand right where the wound had been, shuddering as he imagined the blast of magic that had left him bleeding and weak and in _pain._ Then Hope right above him, green eyes wide with fear as he tried to stop the blood Maqui was losing. Hope had been shaking so much and had looked almost…feral in his desperation. And the apologies. They had been loud and insistent and so desperate that Maqui couldn't believe they had come from Hope. His friend had been screaming and crying, begging him not to die, and the sound still echoed in Maqui's ears.

And Saorise.

It was one thing when that damn hand of ice came at _him_, but targeting Hope was just-

_Just what?_ A voice sounded in his head, _Expected? You knew that he was her target. You knew, Lebreau knew, this whole room knew, and hell, _Hope _knew. _

Maqui gritted his teeth and shook his head, ignoring the worried glance Lebreau sent him. A chill ran down his back as he thought of the bitter cold that had grasped his neck and how hard it had been to _breath_. His lungs had been screaming and burning and fuck, Hope had been trying to trade his own safety for _his_. _And then…then she goes and catches him and…_

_I've never seen him so afraid. Not once. And that power…that magic he used against her. The magic they both used. They had so much of it and they didn't even seem phased. They just kept going. _

_It's unlike anything I've ever seen before. _

"Maqui, are you all right?" Maqui jumped and turned to Lebreau, surprised by the fear in her voice. He gave her a quick nod before resting his head in his hand, watching the door for any signs of movement. Lebreau's eyes stayed on him for a few moments before she lifted her hand and placed it on his stomach. Maqui shivered, her fingers shockingly cold despite his shirt, but he relaxed as a warm feeling spread around his gut.

"What was that for?" Maqui asked, keeping his eyes on the floor. He clenched his hands and blinked, feeling his skin burn and itch where she had touched him. He gently lifted his hand again and placed it on his stomach. The pain was gone, but the tight and coiling fear and guilt was still wrapped around him. It almost made Maqui wish for the dull pain to return to his stomach. Better that than this...uncertainty.

"You were in pain." Lebreau said, giving him a shrug, "And if he sees you still hurt, he'll freak out."

Maqui blinked again, surprised that his eyes were burning. "And that's it?" Maqui said, swallowing hard. His chest tightened and the anger choked him, the feeling spreading fast and hot through his body, "What about Yuj then? Think he won't still freak out when he sees Yuj in a sling? Think this isn't already a bunch of shit? You think that things aren't-aren't already-"

"That's not what I meant." Lebreau said, her tone flat. It was almost indifferent. "And you know it." She added before turning away from him.

Maqui deflated, his shoulders slumping and his jaw going slack. He blinked and gave her a quick nod, even though she couldn't see him, and stared down at the floor, "I know it wasn't." Maqui said, his voice small, "I know."

The door clicked and the room fell silent, every eye swiveling to the front door. Maqui choked on his breath and his legs twitched, wanting to stand up and either run toward the door or out of the room. The door gave another rattle and Serah pushed herself up, Snow steadying her when she wobbled on her feet. Lightning strode over to the door and wrenched the thing open, glaring outside.

There was a brief pause. Lightning stiffened, her shoulders squaring and her arms tensing so much that they seemed like boards. A low voice sounded, but no one but Lightning couldn't hear his words, and soon Lightning stepped aside to let them in.

Rygdea entered the house first…and Maqui felt like he'd been socked in the gut.

Rygdea had always struck Maqui as a man that could keep going no matter what circumstances arose. And even now, with his pale skin and tired eyes and slumped shoulders, Rygdea still managed to look like he'd take on the whole damn world. What frightened Maqui was not the look of tiredness. No. Rygdea looked…helpless. His eyes were determined, tired, and lost. Rygdea almost looked ashamed, like he'd been caught at something before he could do anything to stop the explosion. Energy with no direction.

Pointless effort.

Maqui shuddered. He didn't want to think of what it meant for Hope, for them, for anything. He didn't want to fathom the possibility that maybe Hope wasn't going to be okay this time, and that maybe there wouldn't be any fixing this.

He didn't want…want_ this_.

"Maqui? Maqui?" Lebreau had grabbed him by the arm when he stumbled, the room spinning strangely. "You have to calm down Maqui. I mean, I know it doesn't…" Lebreau trailed off and Maqui looked at her, his own dread growing when he saw her eyes widen. Maqui swallowed and followed her line of vision, Hope's silver head coming up behind Rygdea.

Maqui blinked. And blinked. Then he shook his head and took a step back, even as the others slowly formed a wide circle around Hope.

Hope looked…looked…

Like he had come back from that year with Saorise, blank and dead and impossible to reach. After he had spent time with Rygdea, but before he and Lebreau had managed to reach him. This was the silent Hope. This was the Hope that had nightmare and secrets and would look you in the eye and not see you. This Hope, was to Maqui, not Hope at all.

Maqui couldn't breath.

Not even at first glance could a person think that Hope was the same, that nothing at all had changed. The most striking difference, at least to Maqui, was the eyes. They were dulled, blank and absolutely unseeing. Even as the others talked to Hope in whispers, giving him false reassurances and asking questions he would not answer, Hope did not raise his head. There was no recognition, no nods to the others to let them know that he wasn't okay but he was trying for their sake. No tears to let them know that _no, _he was not fucking okay and that he needed some help. No roll of the eyes, no fearful gaze asking if it would be okay, no smirks before he'd thank Maqui for putting up with his crap.

This…this wasn't Hope. Not the one that Maqui was ready for. Not when they had just gotten the _real _Hope back. Not when Maqui had told him that things would be all right so long as they stuck together. Not when he had given Hope an old pair of goggles as some sort of…of symbol of what all this shit meant. Their inevitable triumphant so long as they worked together.

_No. No. No. NO!_

"Hope…" Maqui's whisper went unheard among the others. Lightning was talking with Hope now but Maqui could see the way her eyes scrunched up. Maqui almost mouthed his surprise, almost gasped at the worry and care and absolute terror he was suddenly able to see. And he looked deeper among all these people that were surrounding Hope and was shocked at the sudden clarity he saw in all of them.

The deep exhaustion in Rygdea and the fear as he tried, desperately behind his tired eyes, to think of something to help Hope. Lebreau's shock as she watched Hope before trying to force nonexistent cheer in her voice as she tried to talk with Hope, only for her eyes to scrunch with hurt when he did not respond. When Hope didn't so much as look at her. And Serah as she grasped Snow's own arm, even as it shook. Serah wore a fake smile, her eyes glittering as part of her world crashed around her. So many things were falling apart. And Snow was trying, _trying_ so hard to be strong and finding it almost impossible to do the longer he stared at Hope. The flashing in his eyes and the way he clenched his fists, as if to stop himself from striking out.

Then there was Gadot and Yuj as they looked at each other, unsure of what to do and stumbling over themselves with words. They were scared and concerned, but at the same time, tried to apply some detachment. Their eyes roved the others too, even landing on Maqui as he watched them and realized all these frightening and startling things. Gadot and Yuj were trying to keep them together, trying their hardest to speak with Hope while at the same time, knowing when to stop. But they were still at a lost. The same question. _What now?_

Maqui looked at Lightning again, still shocked by the emotion he saw in her eyes and face. The terror was there, a desperate one that had her holding Hope's arm, tugging slightly on the sleeve. Neither she nor Hope seemed to notice, Hope staring blankly around and his eyes somewhat following what was being said around him, while Lightning tried in vain to get a response. Maqui saw the care too. The worry. The need to hear Hope say something and know that part of this mess was still okay. That it wasn't all gone.

And Maqui realized, with yet another shock to his already quaking system as all these things became clear, that he saw love.

Love.

_Love._

It was there, so clear and poignant that Maqui thought he'd imagined it for a moment. Half expected it to be gone the next time he turned away or blinked, yet it was there even once he closed and reopened his eyes. It was there, so clear and directed at _Hope _that for one fleeting, idealistic moment Maqui thought Hope would wake up. That he would see this love from Lightning, see these feelings and absolute warmth and be overcome. That Hope would come back and smile for a while before breaking down. And then they would know what to do, for a crying Hope could be helped. They could grab a crying Hope and lift him up again and show him why things were going to be okay.

Maqui looked at Hope, praying, wishing that with this new clarity he had, he'd see something in Hope. He could see the terror, the fear, the worry, and the care in everyone. He could see _love._ He had to see something in Hope.

Hope's eyes locked with his and Maqui's naive thoughts were shattered.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

"Maqui?" It was Yuj. The man tugged on his arm and Maqui turned toward him, blinking to regain his focus. For a moment, he wanted to tell Yuj the startling realizations he had seen but cold bitterness washed over him. Maqui shook his head and Yuj nodded slowly, turning away and missing Maqui's scowl. He felt cheated. Wronged. What was the point in seeing those feelings, those emotions, if he couldn't see them in Hope?

Cheated. Cheated. That was all. He'd been cheated.

Maqui jumped when Rygdea's voice flooded the room, shattering the silent and solemn air with the deafening sound, "I'll be bunking with Hope if it's not too much trouble Serah. It'd be better overall I think, if I could keep an eye on him and maybe be there to help him. We'll be under fire soon from the news reports and military and…"

"It's no trouble at all Rygdea!" Serah's voice was high and strained. It cracked through the air like a whip, the fake cheer like nails scratching on boards. "I'll get you some blankets and things and we'll-we'll just set you up. Snow, do you want to help me out?" Serah smiled at Snow and grabbed him by the hand, leading him up the stairs. Snow's brow furrowed but he nodded, following her toward the stairs. Both threw one glance at Hope, Serah's face scrunching as she let out a small sob, and the two disappeared.

Maqui watched as Yuj and Gadot talked with Rygdea before taking their leave. Maqui only half listened, catching small phrases like "media" or "uproar", and even "institution" but he tuned them out. He felt Lebreau's eyes on him but said nothing, instead looking at Hope as he stared at the wall. Rygdea's shoulders slumped slightly when the door swung shut behind Gadot and Yuj, but he turned back to them despite his obvious weariness.

"I'm sorry." Rygdea said, looking from Lightning to Maqui to Lebreau. Lightning closed her eyes and nodded, and Maqui wondered what she was feeling now. _Helpless? Annoyed? Angry?_

_Sad?_

Rygdea took a step forward, patting Hope on the shoulder before turning to Maqui and Lebreau. Maqui watched Hope for a moment longer, blinking when he saw that Hope was shaking slightly.

_Afraid maybe? Does that mean something? Because of Rygdea? I don't...I don't know. _

"He said something before we left," Rygdea tried, noticing Maqui's stare, "So maybe…it's not as bad. I think…" Rygdea trailed off, not sure of what else to say. Maqui was glad. He didn't want to hear any bullshit. Not now.

He needed something real.

Rygdea opened his mouth, looking ready to say something to them. His eyes caught theirs and he seemed to falter, eyes lowering to the ground. "I'll take Hope up. We…have a lot to talk about tomorrow." The words were said slowly, as if to prepare them for the impact, and he paused for a moment before looking back at Hope and taking him by the hand. Maqui saw Hope flinch, but soon the two of them were going up the stairs, disappearing from sight.

"Maqui?" Lebreau was still next to him and Lightning's eyes were on them. Maqui's stomach lurched and tightened and he almost choked again. _I need to be alone. I need to be alone. I need to be alone._ "Come on, we'll go-"

"Lebreau." Maqui's head whipped around at Lightning, surprised to hear her speak to them. Surprised that she sounded…concerned. "I think we need to let Maqui stay here for a while. It sounds like we'll have a lot to deal with…so let's go to bed."

Lebreau stiffened, and for a moment, Maqui thought she would refuse. Instead Lebreau nodded and her hand left Maqui's arm, leaving it colder than before. Maqui locked eyes with Lightning, tried to show her the rush of gratitude he felt, but she had turned away before he could.

Maqui closed his eyes and listened as the two's footsteps disappeared upstairs. He was alone in the living room, one lamp on to give the room a little lighting. Maqui felt a rush of cold from his head to the bottom of his toes. His stomach pressed and his lungs burned and the whole room swayed.

Everything he saw was a watery blur. There was something hot trailing down his cheeks that he refused to acknowledge, and he hiccupped from a pressing pain. Slowly, unsteadily, he made his way to the couch and flopped onto the cushions. His hands shook as he buried his face into them, and he tried to bite back the lump climbing up his throat. He choked, Hope's dull green eyes flashing in his head. Then again as he thought of the goggles he had given Hope, of that damn pep talk he had given him. _And for what? For what?_ Maqui choked again, but this time he could not help it.

He sobbed.


	29. Many Promises

**Hello! Sorry it took me so long. This has been the busiest Thanksgiving weekend ever, let me tell you. But now I'm settled, and in light of my insomnia, managed to edit this chapter for you all. I hate updating on Mondays, but gosh darn it, you all deserve it after that wait! Thank you all so much for the support and please enjoy the chapter! **

**Reviews: **

**Hopeislove: Thank you! *hugs* I'm glad you're enjoying it so much1 It means a lot.  
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"I see you keep this room nice and spruced up." Rygdea said. The words sounded loud and out of the place, echoing in the room and making Rygdea wince. Hope didn't even glance at him, instead going toward his bed and sitting stiffly on it. Hope brought his legs up to the bed as well, curling them up and resting his chin on the hard bone of his knees. Hope wrapped his arms around his legs as well, curling into an even smaller ball.

Rygdea's heart clenched at the sight.

"I guess I should set up huh?" Again, another painful and vain attempt at conversation wound up dead in the air. Hope did not so much as blink as Rygdea's voice filled the room and Rygdea's shoulders sagged. A knock on the door made Rygdea jump, but the man shook his head only a moment later when Hope did not react. _Not right…not normal…dammit, Hope you have to…_

Rygdea opened the door and gave Serah a weary smile. Blue and black blankets were piled in her arms but she managed to pop her head out from the towering mass of covers. Her whole face was tense, the smile she wore twitching at the corners and her eyes moving around Hope's room once the door opened. "Here you are! The pillows are in here somewhere. Promise." Serah's voice was high and Rygdea almost winced at how forced it sounded. Serah's blue eyes had zeroed in on Hope and Rygdea's chest tightened when he saw her eyes start to water.

"Thanks Serah." Rygdea said quietly, gathering the blankets from her and setting them near the door. Serah did not seem to hear him, her eyes still focused on Hope even as she nodded. Rygdea placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled again when her eyes snapped to him. "We'll figure this out somehow Serah. Everything will be okay. I promise." Hope stiffened ever so slightly at Rygdea's words and Hope watched the man out of the corner of his eye. Neither Rygdea nor Serah noticed the movement, Serah giving Rygdea a brief hug before leaving the room.

The click that sounded as the door closed was deafening.

Rygdea glanced at Hope before gathering the blankets in his arms, unaware of Hope's eye following him from behind his silver bangs. Rygdea spread the blankets out on the floor, double folding several blankets to create more of a cushion, and placing the small pillow at what would be the head of his makeshift bed. Feeling satisfied, Rygdea grabbed his bag from the corner of the room, unzipping it and unloading a plain t-shirt and pants for sleepwear. Hope watched every move he made, not uttering a sound, and his eyes darkened the longer Rygdea took.

Rygdea rolled his shoulders before settling in his small bed on the floor, leaning against the pillow and staring at the dull ceiling in front of him. Hope took a quiet but deep breath, his words heavy and indifferent, the sudden sound making Rygdea's heart jump.

"You promise?" It was said blankly, a genuine question with no hint of curiosity. Just a question.

Rygdea's body went cold.

"Yes Hope." Rygdea's chest swelled, glad he was able to keep his voice steady even though it felt like his heart had just jumped and nestled in his throat. "I promise." _Don't be rattled. It's just Hope remember. Just Hope. You can handle him. You know you can. _

"I see…" Hope shifted, uncurling his legs and resting them on the floor. Rygdea curled his fingers and sat up himself, eyes trained on Hope as he stared at Rygdea with unblinking, blank green eyes. Rygdea's blood thrummed in his temples, the rush making his breathing sound muffled. "But maybe you…shouldn't make promises…" Hope's words were careful and slow, his eyes showing the first sign of emotion since Rygdea had found him staring at the sky as the smoke floated above them. They were narrowed and searching, roving over his own hands. Hope looked genuinely confused.

Rygdea's stomach lurched but he forced his muscles to tighten, pushing himself off the floor. Rygdea kept his eyes on Hope even though Hope kept looking at his hands, lost in thought. "Nothing's changed Hope. I promised to keep you safe and I'll do it. I'm-fuck-I'm slipping up. I'm man enough to admit it, but-"

"I made…promises too…" Hope muttered. Rygdea snapped his mouth shut and swallowed again, feeling suddenly lost. "Stupid ones. Like-like promising to protect you and Maqui and Lebreau." Hope did not look away from his hands but his back hunched and Rygdea's eyes darkened as Hope's body trembled. "I promised to protect this place. Serah and Snow and Hazel. Sazh and Dajh. The city. Lightning…I even promised her. Promised to protect them." Hope clenched his hands and Rygdea shook his head as he saw Hope's lips twitch up.

"I'm such a-" Hope paused and titled his head up to the ceiling, letting his hair fall over his eyes. The painful half grin was still there, twitching oddly and looking so strange and surreal on Hope's face as Hope took a deep, calming breath. "Idiot…that's the word for it. There's more though. Tons more. I shouldn't have promised that. I shouldn't have made that promise…I can't keep it. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't." Hope's chant filled the room but Hope did not raise or lower his voice. It was a simple monotone chant that made Rygdea's ears ring.

"Stop it." Rygdea growled, fisting his hands, "I said stop it!" Hope's voice died and Rygdea clenched his teeth; shaking his head as he took a step toward Hope's bed, "Don't say shit like that. You know better. I know it looks bad but dammit Hope! I know you can get past this. I know you're stronger than this-"

"What about you Rygdea? Your promises? Do you think you've kept them all?" Hope was shaking his head, his smile still there but twitching and falling even as he tried to keep it up. A strained smile, a mockery of joy as Hope's voice almost broke, "How many things did you promise? How many times did you fail?" Rygdea closed his eyes as images of Cid sitting idly by as the C'ieth and beast from Gran Pulse made their way into Eden flooded his mind. Of him lifting the gun to Cid's head and pulling the trigger, the resounding blast that told him he had just killed his friend with his own hands.

Pain.

So much pain.

Then when he met everyone that would one day be part of De Novo, of their faces as he told them he would protect them and try to find a way to fix what had happened. He promised Lebreau and Maqui that things would be okay. He had promised Hope that Saorise would not harm him so long as he had something to say about it. He had promised Hope a better future, one where his demons would not seem so monstrous and all the things Hope cared about would not fall and die and become part of a long list of broken promises. Rygdea had promised a lot of things, and it looked like none of them were getting done. He had made a fool's mistake, promising such things, even though from the bottom of his heart he ached to make them come true.

"Well Rygdea?" Rygdea opened his eyes and watched Hope; Hope's face no blank again, the smile gone. Rygdea felt a strange and bitter relief wash over him. He was no longer under scrutiny from Hope and no longer had to deal with the cold and lost look in his eyes, but the silence that followed the question unnerved Rygdea. Rygdea felt strange admitting that he was scared for what would happen to Hope and guilty for his own role in it. It hurt somehow…letting him down. A piercing pain in his gut.

"Hope…"

"Don't say anything." Hope clipped, standing up and looming over Rygdea. Rygdea pushed himself up as well, standing toe to toe with Hope and looking down at him. Hope did not flinch, did not even blink, instead staring into Rygdea's eyes. There was silence as Hope studied Rygdea, Hope's own face unreadable, his mouth pulled into a thin line. It was a long moment before Hope spoke again, "Just don't say anything Rygdea."

"Hope." But Rygdea froze when he felt the air give a strange lurch, suddenly feeling heavy and suffocating. Like it was coating his insides, his throat and lungs. Rygdea glanced around him before looking back at Hope, scowling, "Don't start this Hope. I'm trying to help-"

"Stop then. It's not working." Hope gradually turned pale, little beads of sweat going down his temple as he breathed heavily out his nose. But his eyes had returned to their strange blankness, the nothing that Rygdea hated so much. Hope took a step back from Rygdea and the air seemed to drop in temperature. Rygdea shuddered as goose bumps erupted on his arms and behind his neck, but he clenched his hands and stepped toward Hope.

"Hope, this has to stop. We need to sit down and talk this out before this situation gets out of control. Now-Ugh!" Rygdea grunted when he felt something hard and fast push into his gut, knocking the air out of him. Rygdea barely had time to blink before Hope was sending more air currents at him, knocking Rygdea's hands back and making the man step backwards toward the door. Rygdea gritted his teeth and began to call his own magic, but Hope's eyes widened when Rygdea lifted his hands, the barest bit of water forming in his fingers. Hope growled and sent a final gust at Rygdea, blowing back the curtains and several loose papers on the floor as a lamp clattered to the floor. The door flew open and Rygdea grunted as he was pushed out, landing hard on the floor of the upstairs hallway.

"Hope stop this!" Rygdea could hear footsteps, loud and rushed as they hurried up the stairs, but his eyes were trained on Hope as the man stepped forward.

"No." Hope mumbled, shaking his head, "You need to stop. Just leave me alone. Just leave me be." Rygdea's eyes widened and he shook his head, pushing himself off the floor. But Hope's shoulders slumped, the fight gone, and he simply sighed. "Just stay out." Hope stepped back from the door and it slammed shut, the sounded echoing off the walls.

"Hope. Hope? Dammit!" Rygdea swore under his breath and slammed his fist into the door, pounding against the wood and yanking on the knob, and trying to force it open. His hands tingled as he twisted and pulled the knob and the door didn't budge when Rygdea tried to knock it down. Rygdea shook his head and swore again, pounding his fist into the door before stepping away, resting against the wall opposite Hope's room. "Little fucker sealed the door shut. And with magic. Little-"

"Is everything all right?" Rygdea suppressed a groan and turned his head toward Lightning, face set in a scowl.

"Oh yeah, everything's peachy." He said, rolling his eyes.

Lightning's eyes narrowed and she stepped toward Rygdea, clenching her hands, "Want another bruise? It'll make your face look even."

"Watch it you-" Rygdea paused, mouth still slightly open as he looked away and up at the ceiling, lost in thought. Lightning blinked, surprised by the sudden silence, but shrugged and leaned against the wall as well. "Sorry." Rygdea said, closing his eyes, "I'm…frustrated."

"We all are."

"I know, I know. But before, before I was always able to help him. I was able to pull him out of these funks and get him back on track, and trust me, the kid really needed it back then. He still does, whether he knows it or not. When he was first like this it had been hard, but I plodded along and Lebreau and Maqui came in, and soon all of De Novo got involved, and it seemed like our project was to help Hope." Rygdea opened his eyes but kept them on the ceiling, "And that was fine. Somehow we managed to-to make him see that it wasn't for nothing. That we were doing something to stop her and that what happened was not the end of the world. That it would be okay." Rygdea shook his head, a sad smile making its way on his face.

"You know, I guess I knew he never really believed me about the things being okay part. Not at first at least. He just sort of went along with it because he had nowhere else to go and we would protect him from Saorise and the C'ieth and all the other problems that just kept cropping up." Lightning nodded, her eyes on Hope's door. "And for a while it was all right. Then we met up with you and things started changing even more. And damn I was proud of him. I still am. He managed to make it through a lot, even if the way he handled things wasn't the best. And he was talking and believing and he really seemed to want to have a hand in this. He wanted to help protect you, protect this place, protect all the people he loves. I think…I think he even believed that things were going to be okay. He believed me a little bit more, at least for a while."

Rygdea shut his eyes again, slowly shaking his head, "Hard to believe how easy it was to shatter. I-I had no idea that it could fall apart like this. Or…Or maybe I did and I just couldn't accept it. Maybe even swore to make sure it didn't happen." Rygdea swallowed and Lightning shifted, feeling strangely uncomfortable and at ease. She was conflicted. A part of her wanted to hear this; another part said she had no right to. "He was mad at me, just then. The first real sign of emotion since all this shit happened, and it's just to yell at me and tell me that what I'm doing isn't working. Like I didn't already know. And he told me to stay out. Just stay out. I don't know what that means there though. Stay out of his room? His _life_? His way? I don't know Lightning."

Silence crept between the two of them, Rygdea slowly lowering his head to look at Hope's door, Lightning looking toward the stairs. Lightning took a deep breath, trying to keep her voice steady. "I know…what you mean. At least, I think I do. With Hope it's complicated…" She shook her head, her own thoughts already starting to jumble, "When I saw him like that, after Saorise had just grabbed him and dragged him back toward Cocoon, I was afraid. Maybe…maybe even terrified. Losing Hope like that would be too much. It really…hurt." Rygdea nodded, eyes on her now, and Lightning almost felt embarrassed under his gaze, "I thought about a lot of things actually, and I'm still not sure on a lot of them. But I'm getting closer."

Lightning sighed slid down the wall, her hair clinging to the wall as it made static, "I'm trying to sort out all these things and Hope is still having problems. There's Saorise too. We can't have really move on from this until she's gone. But she's powerful. Very powerful."

"Yeah." Rygdea said, sliding down the wall as well, "Makes you wonder what happened with her almost. What made her that way."

"Maybe, but I want her dead more than anything." Rygdea snorted but Lightning plunged on, "I want to help Hope too. I want to show him…show him it's not so bad. I-I really don't know how to do it though. I'm not exactly good with communication."

Rygdea rubbed his chin, grinning ruefully, "Tell me about it."

"It's almost too much though, to see him like this. Maqui was…well…devastated. We had to have Lebreau get him up to his room, but I think you were with Hope at the time, so you probably don't know."

"It's not surprising." Rygdea said, sighing as he looked at Hope's door again, "Maqui and Lebreau, all of you actually, got to know Hope when he was happy again. And lets' face it. He's our kid. We feel like we have to protect him and save him from all the bad shit, but the bad shit just keeps on going."

"The kid huh…"

"Well…" Rygdea said, giving Lightning a sideways glance, "Maybe not to all of us. But still, we want to save him. But right now…right now we have to wait. He has to want our help before we can really do anything, and at the moment, he doesn't believe in it much." Rygdea snorted again, but it was bitter and cold, "Funny that."

Lightning didn't say anything. She didn't have to. Instead she just waited in front of Hope's door with Rygdea, her thoughts swirling and making a storm in her mind. Her chest was tight with fear and uncertainty, of this intense longing to go in there and pull Hope out of whatever darkness he was trapped in. She wanted to go in there and tell him it _would_ be all right, and prove it to him too. She wanted to see him walk out that door, smiling instead of withdrawn. She wanted to see his eyes light up instead of fall flat, a look of defeat and death in his face. She wanted to sit down with Hope and tell him the things she wouldn't tell anyone else, show him how important he was to her so that he'd come back.

She wanted Hope back. _Her _Hope.

So she would wait at his door until he came back. That and more.

* * *

"_They're right outside you know. They're waiting for you. Waiting. Just sitting there, waiting. That's all they can do. It's kind of sad really. Really, really sad. Why don't you go out there and say hello? Maybe throw a little pity at them? But I guess you being this little mass of depressing nothing constitutes a different kind of concern, right?"_

Hope did not respond, instead sinking onto his bed and snaking his arm under the pillow. His eyes were blank again, blind and deaf to the world around him, yet seemingly separate from his own thoughts as well. His eyes were fixed on the closed windows, the curtains drawn so no natural light poured in, and so the room was bathed in dim light from the repositioned lamp on his bedside table. Hope was unnaturally still, his lips barely moving as he mouthed the words he needed to keep the door sealed shut. He did not know how he managed to keep the door closed, did not even know he was capable of such a thing.

At the moment, he didn't care either.

"_Come on Hope, you have to be more interesting than this. You're not really broken are you? But if you are, then you wouldn't be hearing _me _now would you? Do you know who I am Hope? Do you want to know? Huh? I'm actually with the big guy in charge of this whole thing. He wants me to keep an eye on you, see how you progress. Even said I could be helpful! Amazing isn't it?" _The voice continued to prattle away and Hope curled in on himself, blinking once before letting his eyes shut. _"Going to sleep huh? Probably a good idea. You'll get to go to that place and I know you want to be there. A lot of us do. You're lucky you know. So lucky. Most of us have to work our way there, but he's letting you go, is giving you a taste of what can be. Can you imagine it, the feeling there? No pain, no warmth, no cold. Just nothing."_

The voice purred, the sound thrumming in Hope's head, _"But you have to suffer for it too. He won't just let you keep having it, otherwise you'd lose the _point. _And we can't have that no matter how special you are. Think of it as a learning experience. One that involves a lot of pain. But you're used to that, right?" _

Hope gave the smallest shake of the head, clenching his eyes. He tried to will himself awake but exhaustion was settling in on his bones and his eyes burned when he tried to open them. He didn't want to move. He _couldn't_ move. For a brief moment he thought of the dreams and nightmares he would have, of all the reasons to never fall asleep again, and then it all disappeared in haze of white noise.

* * *

"_Hope? Hope? Hope!" Hope was shaken and shoved aside, his eyes snapping open as his body jerked back. He blinked as he pushed himself up, shivering as his skin touched a smooth and white surface, goose bumps erupting on his skin. The voice was above him, loud and cheery and familiar, and he looked up, expecting to see Vanille. _

_Instead his head snapped to the side as something hit him in the neck and his head cracking on the ground as he fell. He blinked, stars popping in his mind, and his head felt light and heavy at the same time. Hope shook his head and tried to push himself back up, only for something to punch his gut. Hope gasped, the air blowing out of his lungs, and his arms shook and buckled, unable to keep his body up. _

"_Hope, get away!" The voice called. Hope shook his head again and tried to stand, stumbling on his shaky legs and bumping into walls he couldn't even see. _

"_V-Vanille? Where are you? Vanille!" Hope cried, taking deep and shaky breaths as he forced himself forward, unaware of the pricks and pins popping up on the pure white ground. One pin like shape lengthened, swirling and swishing like a piece of thread before it shot itself at Hope. It gouged his shoulder, a cry of pain escaping Hope before he crashed into the ground again. Hope pushed himself up and moved away, cupping his shoulder as the blood pooled in his hand, the red almost blinding in the painfully white room._

"_Hope, you need to fight! You here me? I don't think soldier girl would like it if you got your ass handed to you in your dreams." Hope blinked, looking up again and expecting Fang to swoop out of nowhere, her face set in a scowl or one of those smiles she wore when they had fought some dangerous beast on Gran Pulse._

_His eyes met only white._

"_Where are you?" He whispered to himself, stumbling when more of the pin threads shot at him, hitting his legs and knocking him off his balance. Hope shouted and raised an arm to break his fall, his wrist grinding painfully with the ground as he was pushed and pulled on impact. Hope closed his eyes and kicked, crying out as the threads continued to shoot him, each one piercing his flesh. The blood, so stark red and blinding that it made Hope's insides curl and tighten, seemed endless as it poured onto the floor. Hope shook his head as the blood stained him, slicking his skin and clothes and pooling under his fingernails. The pain even seemed distant with all the blood. The warm liquid stuck to him like a second skin and Hope wondered how he could even have so much blood. How anyone could have so much blood. How there was so much of his blood on the white floor but he was still breathing and hurting and _writhing_. _

"_Hope!" _

_Hope shook his head though, curling in on himself and digging his knees under his chin as hard as he could, making his jaw throb. "Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't say anything. You can't help me. You can't. Can't. No one-ugh!" Hope shuddered as the pins shot up from under him, leaving him gasping. He tried to breath. Desperately tried. Each breath shallow and wet. The pain stung, ached his core, tore his muscles, and he wanted it to just _end.

Hope's eyes shot open, but he did not gasp for air or cry out as he did before when he had nightmares or dreams that seemed just a little to…real. He breathed heavily through his nose for a moment, sweat beading at his temples and chest, but he did not move to wipe it off. Hope closed his eyes for a moment, a long moment that he stretched with a deep breath, and then looked at the ceiling again. He slowly pushed himself up on the bed, hands shaking but otherwise looking calm. He slipped off his shirt and threw it to the ground, then walked over to his dresser and looked at himself in the mirror fastened just above it.

Hope's hair was a mess, some strands still slicked to his forehead, and he looked paler than usual under the sweat and lingering traces of the dream. But his eyes did not waver, and with the exception of his hands, he did not tremble. He just stared into his reflection, long and hard, thinking of the pain that had stung him and the warm and sticky blood that pooled around his body. He thought of Fang and Vanille, of their voices calling out to him in the room made of white, pf how close they had seemed. How _far _they seemed too.

Hope shook his head and walked back to his bed, sitting down and staring at the window, despite the drawn curtains.

"Nothing ever changes."

And then he blinked, mind become blissfully blank as he stared at the curtains.

* * *

"How long has it been now?" Serah asked, sitting beside Lightning on the floor in front of Hope's room. Serah's eyes stayed on the door, but she tilted her head toward Lightning, letting her sister know she was listening.

"About to be fourteen hours. Rygdea had to get up and take a call though. It seemed important." Lightning shook her head and stood up, pulling Serah up with her. She stared at the ground for a few moments, unaware of Serah's eyes on her, and clenched her hands. "I'm going in." Lightning said, nodding to herself before approaching the door. Serah jumped and grabbed Lightning by the arm, pulling Lightning back before she could touch the door.

"I-I don't know Light. I mean, you heard Rygdea, Hope sealed the door shut. That's why he's not going in, right? Maybe it would be better…better if we…"

"No Serah. We can't just leave him alone like this. It's obvious he needs some help and we can't do anything if we're on the other side of his door!" Lightning shook her head and took a deep breath, pulling away from her sister. "Sorry." She mumbled quickly, "It's just…I need to _do _something. I can't just sit here and wait when I know he needs my help! You saw him Serah. I mean…when was he like that while he was here? When? I don't remember every seeing him that-that dead or empty or whatever the hell someone would call it. And I can't just sit here knowing he's thinking the worst. I need to go in there and try to make him see reason or see me or something! I mean…I mean Serah…" Lightning closed her eyes and bit her lip, shoulders slumping, "You saw it didn't you? The way he looked when he walked in? He-He didn't see us. He didn't' see any of us."

Serah blinked hard and fast, nodding to her sister while brushing away the wetness in her eyes, "I-I know. I know Claire. I'm-I'm just scared. I'm scared we're going to do something wrong and then things won't ever be right again. I mean-I mean Maqui's still in his room and he hasn't said a word or eaten since Hope came home. And Lebreau has even tried to convince him to come out, she just said that it would be a while before he'd consider it. And Snow's trying so hard to keep it together and I don't know what to do!" Serah almost swore when she felt a tear escape, the heat trailing down her cheek. "And I know we have to try and hide this from Hazel because I don't know what it'll mean for her and she-she asked me what was wrong and all I could say was-was "A lot of things" and it feels like everything-"

"Serah. Serah!" Lightning took her sister by the shoulders and gave her a slight shake, trying to snap her out of it. Serah hiccuped and nodded, wiping her eyes and gasping, choking slightly when she tried to hold the noise back.

"I'm sorry." Serah gasped, rubbing her eyes over and over, even as the skin turned raw, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just-I just-"

"Hey Serah." Both Farron sisters looked toward the stairs as Snow came up, a wide grin on his face and Hazel in his arms. Lightning almost gasped when she saw him, her shoulders slumping in relief as Snow came with his wide smile and scooped Serah in his free arm. Warm affection and gratitude burst in Lightning as he leaned down and whispered in Serah's ear, earning a watery chuckle from her. Lightning almost wanted to laugh herself, hands nearly shaking as she tried to beat down her own panic in light of her sister's near breakdown. But Snow had swooped in, take Serah by the arm, and managed to stop her from full blown crying. The smallest stab of envy hit Lightning's chest, twisting as she realized she really couldn't do much for her sister, before she looked back at Snow when she heard her name.

"I don't know if we should do that Serah. With Lightning right there and Hazel in my arms, that could turn out really, really bad. Or really, really kinky, but I'd still have to put Hazel in her room." Lightning's mouth fell open and she raised a hand to hit Snow, but Snow just grinned and stepped back, heading for Hazel's room. Serah sighed and managed to smile at Lightning before following her husband, but not before ghosting her hand over Lightning's own.

"Things will be all right. Right Claire?" Serah whispered. Lightning blinked and opened her mouth, but not a word came out of her. But Serah had already turned and disappeared into Hazel's room, and Lightning's heart clenched as she realized that Serah hadn't been expecting an answer. And that she, Lightning, just didn't have one.

Lightning shook her head and glanced at Hope's door, taking a step toward it, her hand hovering over the knob. Her fingertips grazed the cool metal before she pulled her hand back, bowing her head as a loud sigh escaped her lips. She closed her eyes, Hope's blank green eyes flashing in her mind, followed by a sharp pain in her chest that almost left her gasping.

She shook her head again and looked back at the door, but she could still see the way his eyes met hers as he walked through the living room, how they were so blank and unseeing. She breathed deep through her nose as she thought of how he just hadn't _seen_ her, and wondered what was going on through his head. _Are you really broken Hope? Is there-there nothing I can do for you?_

Lightning's eyes scrunched up and she let out a shaky breath, resting her forehead against the wood of the door. Her hand reached up and she clawed at the wood, leaving the barest of scratches. _I want to help you...I want to help you so much. Dammit Hope, what am I supposed to do? I just...I want you to be all right. I want you to look at me and _smile_ again. I want... _Lightning paused in her thoughts, her cheeks heating up as she thought of when-when they had come so close to actually-

_I think I even want to-to do _that_. Give it a try. But I want you to be okay first Hope! How am I supposed to do that? How? How dammit!_ But Lightning's thoughts were met with nothing but silence, and she buried her forehead into the door, giving it a few light knocks.

She was not surprised when it didn't open.

Lightning sighed and moved away, bumping her head against the door one more time only to jump when shouting came from downstairs. She glanced at Hazel's room where Serah and Snow had disappeared to, then at Maqui's room where Lebreau was holed up with Maqui. She briefly touched Hope's door before hurrying down the stairs, startled as Rygdea's voice rose in volume.

"Just shut the fuck up Crawford, just shut it! I don't know where you get off thinking you can-what? I don't care! We can handle this fine, we do _not_ need the military butting into-I don't care what I said! Let them have their inquisition, as long as Hope is left out of it! No I will not-You WHAT?" Lightning winced and stomped over to Rygdea as he raged on the phone, pacing the hallway. She grabbed the man by the shoulder and growled as he whipped around at her, jaw clenched and eyes flashing. "Back off right now Farron, I have something-"

"And we don't need your shouting match right here! Cool it or go somewhere else." Rygdea heaved a deep breath, face turning a dark shade of red as he struggled with his next few words. Lightning's eyes flickered to the door as the doorbell sent a light tune through the home, then again as Serah came down to answer. Her sister's eyes were wide as she passed Lightning and Rygdea during their stare-down before she swallowed hard, hurrying toward the door. The voice on the other line was still going, but Lightning did not dare break eye contact with Rygdea to try and get a better listen.

Rygdea snorted and thrust the phone back to his ear, breathing heavily through his nose as sent Lightning one of the _dirtiest_ looks he had ever seen on him.

"Cut the shit Crawford. If you're that interested in it come see for your fucking self, but stay out of how we handle it. No-I don't give a shit, how many times do I have to tell you that! The military can kiss my ass then, you need us now and you know that, so I don't get-Of course I'm personally involved in this Crawford! The hell? Someone in the higher ups has to be looking after the kid with the shit you're ready to pull. No-No! Fuck...just shut up Crawford. I'll talk to you when I'm not about to wring your little neck." Rygdea snarled, jamming the button with his finger before thrusting the phone at Lightning. "Happy now Princess? Quiet enough for you?" Lightning's eyes flashed and she snatched the phone away, slamming it on the end table and taking a step toward Rygdea.

"I don't know what crawled up your ass but you better cut the crap before I-"

"Well now." Rygdea and Lightning froze, eyes swiveling toward the other end of the hallway at the deep voice. Serah stood a little ways away, leading a bobbing ball of dark black fuzzy hair toward the stairs, leaving Sazh on his own. The man gave them a humorless smile and crossed his arms as he approached them. "Glad to see we're all getting along so well." Sazh said, shaking his head. He held up a hand when Rygdea opened his mouth to argue, and Rygdea snapped his mouth shut. Lightning would have commented on it if she wasn't seething herself. Instead she focused on the man in front of her, a part of her flooding with relief as someone, a voice of reason no doubt, was there to settle a few things. Or at least make them a bit clearer.

"Now before we decide to rough and tumble, how about we just have Rygdea explain what the hell he was raving about. Then we can get down to the rest of this business and I can try and help you all out." Sazh threw Lightning a small smile and she nodded, closing her eyes and feeling herself cool down. She glanced at Rygdea and nodded again, trying to keep herself together.

Rygdea looked between the two, anger still swirling behind his eyes, but then he broke eye contact, shaking his head and muttering something under his breath. Rygdea brought a shaking hand to his hair and ran his fingers through, tangling the already messy strands. "That was Crawford." Rygdea bit out, and Lightning had to resist an eye roll, "The fuck jumped the gun on us. He's gone and ordered a psychological evaluation for Hope through the military." Rygdea looked back at them and even though Lightning felt her stomach already bottoming out, she was not prepared for the lost look in Rygdea's eyes. "And damn...if things go wrong and they agree and evaluate him and he's deemed unfit..." Rygdea shook is head and swallowed hard, almost unable to say it.

"They might institutionalize him."


	30. Breaking Point

**I'm back again! I have to tell you guys, I'm really happy you're enjoying this. This chapter...is a doozy. I'm happy with how it turned out though. However, I do not know if I can update next week or not. I have a lot of things coming up before break, so we'll have to see. However, I'm hoping this chapter will suffice. Thank you for everything! **

**Reviews!**

**Mason: Why thank you!**

**RHTF: I know? took her long enough. But Hope's situation just doesn't look good. Thank you though!**

**person: *blush* I'm glad you like the story so much. *giggle* Perhaps. But I know I'd freak out if I were him. Lol. As for the M thing, it is mostly for swearing and violence, etc. I haven't truly decided on the thoughts of a lemon. If I did...it'd probably be more limey. I'm not sure yet. **

**And before I forget again, remember the Crystal hearts Contest! I thirst for more entries! *foams at mouth* And in case this doesn't get updated again until after the Holidays, a Happy Holidays to all of you!  
**

* * *

Maqui and Lebreau stopped at the bottom of the stairs, listening hard as Rygdea, Lightning, and Sazh talked in the hallway. Lebreau glanced at Maqui, noting the strain in his eyes, and as he peeked around the corner, he looked almost feverish. Lebreau opened her mouth to say something, anything to make Maqui less tense and worried, but he put a finger to his lips and leaned even closer to the wall. Lebreau huffed and leaned in as well, her eyes fluttering as she felt Maqui's breath near her neck, but they both inhaled when they heard Rygdea.

"They might institutionalize him."

Lebreau's eyes widened and she glanced at Maqui as he became still, his hands turning white from the grip he had on the corner of the wall. Maqui shook his head once and stepped away from the wall, his hands still clenched and his nails digging into his palms. "M-Maqui…" Lebreau tried reaching out to touch his shoulder, anything to comfort him, but she could barely think with the blood rushing to her head. Her head throbbed and she wanted to cry out or scream, something to get rid of this damn tearing in her chest, but she tried to reach him again, "Maqui."

"Not-Not now Lebreau. Just give me-damn! Why does this-this keep happening? Why can't we just-just have something. Something _normal_. Why can't they just leave him alone!" Maqui nearly shouted the words, even as Lebreau shook her head and put a finger to her lips, glancing around the corner. Maqui shook his head and started back up the stairs, shrugging off Lebreau's hand as she reached out to touch his shoulder.

"They aren't taking him." Maqui growled, almost stomping up the stairs in his fury, "They aren't gonna touch him. I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of people fucking with us and fucking with Hope and I am _so _sick of Saorise. I don't care what the hell it takes but we are not letting this happen." Maqui continued his tirade as he headed for his room, Lebreau trailing behind him. She nodded, feeling her nervousness being replaced by burning anger, the liquid rage leaking down to her gut.

"Aren't going to let what happen?" Both Maqui and Lebreau jumped at Snow's voice, their heads whipping toward him as he walked out of Hazel's room. He scratched the back of his neck, giving them a sheepish smile, "Sorry about that. Just wondering. And what was all that shouting before. I mean, I know that things are hectic and all, but I finally got Hazel to sleep so maybe..." Snow trailed off, eyes narrowing as he studied Lebreau and Maqui. "All right, what's wrong? What happened?"

"It's nothing." Maqui said, trying to sidestep Snow. Snow grabbed Maqui by the arm and pulled him forward, ignoring Maqui's snarl.

"Bullshit it's nothing. Come on, tell me Maqui, I might be able to help."

Maqui's eyes widened and for a second, Snow thought he had gotten through to him, but then Maqui just yanked his arm out of Snow's grip and walked away. "You can't help. I'm not even sure we can." Maqui muttered before calling over his shoulder, "Sazh is here if you really want to do something. Go talk to him." And then he disappeared in his room, the door clicking loudly behind him.

"Well…that wasn't good." Snow mumbled, turning to Lebreau, "You gonna rage out too? I don't mind, I just want a warning. You kick pretty hard, you know."

Lebreau smiled and shook her head, "No, I don't think I'll kick you today. Unless you do something to really deserve it."

"Well all right then! Come on, might as well go hear what they have to say down there. More productive than shooting the breeze here, right?" Snow asked, already walking toward the stairs. Lebreau hurried after him, wondering why he was in such a hurry to get down there in the first place, but then saw Snow glance at Hope's room. It was just for a moment, barely enough to really see it, but Lebreau's eyes darkened when she saw the look of pain that crossed Snow's face. She let out a silent sigh and followed him down the stairs, waving at Serah as she brought Dajh up, a few cookies in her hands.

"I'll be there in a second." Serah called back as they passed, trying to flash them a smile. Snow smiled and reached out for her, his fingers brushing her arm before she was out of his reach. Lebreau rolled her eyes and nudged Snow in the gut, but she was smiling all the same.

"Nice going, lover boy."

"What can I say?" Snow shrugged, a smirk forming on his face, "I love the girl. I can't help but want to-"

"I don't think I want to here this." Lebreau said, reaching to cover her ears. Snow snorted and followed the voices down the hall, catching a glimpse of Sazh's hair as it disappeared into the living room.

"Sazh?" Snow called, making the man halt at the doorway, "What are we about to talk about?" Lebreau looked away, her eyes focusing on the ground, and Sazh's eyes darkened when he turned around and noticed the gesture. Snow blinked at the sudden change and frowned, motioning for the man to continue before glancing at Lebreau. "Come on. We need to get started." Snow's eyes followed Lebreau as she moved toward the living room, letting out a small sigh before trailing behind her. His attention snapped toward Lightning as he entered the living room, watching as she stared down at her hands as she sat on the baby blue couch.

"Hey sis." Snow called, waving his hand at her. Lightning looked up at him, eyes still cloudy, and gave him a small nod. Snow bit down on his tongue, wanting to comment on the strange behavior but knowing it'd only make things more awkward. Instead he sat down beside her, Lebreau walking toward Rygdea and shaking the man's shoulder. Rygdea was staring blankly ahead, his lips drawn in a thin line, but he glanced at Lebreau when she shook his shoulder. Lebreau leaned down and whispered something in Rygdea's ear and the man nodded, his eyes darkening.

"So…" Snow said into the silence, "Just gotta wait for Serah I guess." Snow swallowed as the silence continued and he glanced at Sazh for some help, almost wincing when he saw how serious the man looked. _But…_ he reasoned, _Sazh did have this kind of gloomy air right? I mean, that doesn't mean anything really bad is going on right now. Things are already bad, so that can't really be getting worse. _

_Right?_

But Snow let his shoulders slump, even as Serah walked into the room, the cookies gone. Serah tilted her head at him and joined her husband and sister on the couch, and while she tried to keep her face smiling, with just an air of confusion, Snow could see how tense her muscles were. Serah was stiff, every movement was careful and worried, and she kept pulling at her black skirt. Her eyes didn't quite meet Snow's when she sat down, and Snow felt his heart sink once more.

_Why is everything getting worse?_

Snow watched everyone in the room, pausing at each of them as he waited for one of them to speak. His arm wound around Serah, pulling her closer to him, and he swallowed as no one spoke. His own heart was thudding uncomfortably in his chest and he wanted to scream or shout or something to fill the damn silence that seemed to overtake everyone. It seemed as if they had all gone mute, no one even bothering to try and speak. Snow clenched his hands and growled, fixing angry eyes on Rygdea.

"So, what's going on anyway? What are we doing here?" Snow demanded, holding Serah closer when he felt her tense beside him. Lightning's eyes snapped to Snow, but she didn't say anything, slowly turning toward Rygdea instead.

Rygdea ran a hand through his unruly brown hair, trying to tighten the muscles and stop them from shaking. Lebreau hovered close by, watching his with worry in her eyes, and almost opened her mouth to say something. Rygdea shook his head at her though, squaring his shoulders and meeting Snow's eyes.

"Crawford as asked the military to look over Hope's file and run a psychological assessment." Rygdea said, his voice flat and indifferent. But a pained look crossed his eyes and Snow felt his own chest tighten, grateful for Serah's warmth as she pressed closer to him. "He did it almost right after we got the hospital, but he has to run it by the military officials in charge of the medical department before it can go through."

"That shouldn't be a problem." Snow tried, although he stared searching his hands, his stomach clenching painfully, "Who knows, maybe they could help Hope?"

"Maybe." Sazh said, shrugging, "I mean, it's not like we're therapists, and none of what's been going down has been all that helpful."

"It's too soon." Lightning said, shaking her head, "If Hope won't respond to us, then what are the chances that's he'll respond to a stranger, certified psychologist or not."

Rygdea sighed, eyes hardening, "That's just it though. He won't. Are you kidding me? I mean, you saw didn't you? You know first hand how long it took him to tell you _anything_ about what happened. Weeks, and months of waiting and patience and understanding. Hope isn't just going to turn around and start spilling his secrets out just because a doctor asks him to." Rygdea shut his eyes and let out a heavy breath, fisting his hands, "Crawford means well, but the thing with Hope is that they really might lock him away in some mental institution."

Snow's body seized up and he laced his fingers with Serah's when he heard her give the smallest whimper. Snow gritted his teeth and glared at Rygdea, shaking his head, "No way. Just now way! They can't take him away. We can figure this out on our own, we can try to help him-"

"It's not our decision Snow." Rygdea said, looking at the floor, "If it was I'd say no a thousand times over. I don't trust them with Hope. I don't trust them with this. And I probably never will. They don't know how to deal with him, they don't know how to make him feel safe. Hell, I can't even manage it at the moment. And if Hope is deemed as a threat to himself or the military personnel, they may just do it. They might do it because he doesn't tell them anything. I just don't know."

Sazh slipped a hand into his pockets, "Now, I know it's bad, but if this place really can help Hope? If he is a danger to himself, are you sure you all can handle it if something happens to him? To one of you? I don't like playing Devil's advocate." Sazh said, holding his hands in surrender as everyone in the room save Serah sent him murderous glances, "But how can we know? It might be better-"

"I know Sazh!" All heads snapped to Rygdea but the man kept his eyes glued to the floor, eyes scrunched up and teeth bared, "I know that it might help him! I know it can make it worse! And I know that it's out of my hands now and that it all depends on how Hope does on this assessment if it goes fucking through!" Rygdea glared at Sazh, breathing heavily, "I'd be an idiot if I didn't fucking see that Hope is in trouble. That's he's moving away from us and that we have to do something soon. But dammit how is some fucking therapist going to know better than me? I've been with that kid since the beginning of this shit and now I'm just supposed to hand it off to some fucking stranger? Not likely!"

Rygdea shrugged off Lebreau's hand as she placed it on his shoulder and took a seething breath, "I want to help him. I want to. I don't want this happening, I don't want to see the kid fall apart like this, but I need more time to figure it out! And Crawford pulling this is not giving me time!"

"All right man, all right." Sazh said, holding up his hands again and slowly approaching Rygdea, "We'll figure this out. When do you find out?"

"Tomorrow." Rygdea said, turning away, "Tomorrow I find out if they're going to have the assessment."

"All right then, we'll just have to wait until then. No sense worrying about it when we can't do anything anyway." Sazh said, keeping his voice low and calm. He turned to Serah giving her a shrug and a slight smile, "Well, I guess I'll be staying for dinner before heading back to the hotel. We can try to talk more about this if you want, or we can just try and keep it cool." Serah bit her lip and nodded, standing up and pulling Snow up with her.

"Sure Sazh. I'm sorry you can't stay with us, but with things the way they are now and all of this-"

Sazh held up a hand and shook his head, "Don't worry about it girl, I know things are hectic for you right now. Just concentrate on getting things back together." Serah nodded and started to pull Snow out of the room, making a detour toward Lebreau and pulling her toward the kitchen with her. Rygdea sighed and muttered about checking on Hope and Maqui before disappearing by the stairs, leaving Sazh and Lightning alone in the living room.

"You've been awfully quiet, solider." Sazh said, shifting his feet, "Anything you want to talk about?"

Lightning glanced at Sazh and stood up, straightening her plain white blouse before glancing up away, "You think we can help him?" She asked, not meeting his eyes.

"Hard to say, soldier. But honestly…I think the kid might be better off here, just because of how he tends to act round strangers. And besides, you're here, aren't you?" Sazh said, a small smile reaching his lips.

Lightning nodded absently, her cheek burning slightly, "Yeah…"

Sazh watched her lost look, the way she kept looking toward the hall with the stairs, and shifted again. "Something going on?" Sazh asked, "Anything I should know about." Sazh's eyes widened when Lightning looked back at him in surprise, her cheeks turning the faintest shade of pink.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Lightning snapped, glaring at his. Sazh raised his eyebrows at her and Lightning almost, _almost, _let herself groan in frustration. Instead she made her way back to the couch and flopped onto it, running a hand through her hair. _Why is it that everyone seems to be prying into things that really aren't their business?_ But she sighed and looked back at Sazh, trying to force her heart to calm. "I-I think there is. There's something there at least."

"With Hope, right?" Sazh said, rubbing the back of his head, "Well…I can't say that I'm totally surprised, but I thought you'd take longer to even consider it. I mean, with everything going on."

"Yeah, well Serah didn't want to be patient. Says she gets sick of us always dancing around each other." Lightning rolled her eyes, leaning into the couch.

Sazh felt a smirk tugging at his lips but bit down before it could surface. The last thing he needed was Lightning trying to shoot bullets up his ass because he didn't know how to keep his mouth from smiling. Sazh watched her for a second, waiting for her to continue, but instead she stared up at the ceiling, not even acknowledging his presence. Sazh rolled his eyes and stepped forward, but still stayed out of her range. Didn't want any sudden attack now…

"So…do you love him then?" Sazh asked, tilting his head to the side and waiting for Lightning's answer, making sure to keep tabs on any and all possible exits. Of course, he'd have to make a run for Dajh first…

Lightning slowly looked back at him, her eyes narrowed, but eventually they softened and she leaned back into the couch. Sazh could have sworn Lightning had passed out from the way her body had slumped, but then her voice came floating over.

"I don't know Sazh…is that what it is? Just…love?" Lightning shook her head, giving a pained glance toward the hallway, "But now that he's like this, I know I can't even try to tell him how I feel. I mean, add more stress to him? I can't even get my own feelings sorted out, so how can I go dumping them on Hope? But I want to-"

"Hey now, soldier, follow your own advice." Sazh said, shrugging. Lightning glared at him and he shook his head, wondering how many times his life would be in danger today. "I'm not saying you have to go off and tell you're in love with him or something. I'm just saying you gotta show him you care, maybe try being a little-" Sazh paused and looked toward the floor, giving Lightning a nervous smile, "I don't know. Um…affectionate? I'd say flirty-" Sazh backed away when Lightning got up from the couch, "But you'd kill me!"

Lightning glared at him before whipping her head to the side, walking to the other side of the room. She glared at the floor, her shoulders slumping, and she sighed. "I have to help him with this first. I have to make him see that-that it's going to be okay. I have to show him that. _We _have to show him that. There's no point if he's…" Lightning trailed of and shut her eyes tight, dull green eyes staring at her in the blackness of her mind. She fisted her hands as a deep pain cut at her chest, as if there was a hole there.

"And we will. I've seen you pull off the impossible before." Lightning turned back to Sazh, eyes wide as he smiled at her, "And believe me, you helping Hope? That ain't impossible. Not for you. You've done it before, and you'll do it again. The kid, man, he loves ya. You're his hero and probably always will be." Lightning felt her throat close up and she looked away, her face warm. Sazh chuckled and continued, "He'll listen to you Light. Might take him a while, but he will. And who knows, maybe something can really start. The least you could do is give it a shot."

Lightning nodded, still looking at the floor, and she did not glance up until she head Sazh's footsteps trail out of the room. She smiled, her eyes a little dark, and nodded again. "Hmph…why not. Give it a shot, Farron."

* * *

Rygdea shifted his bag over his shoulder and glanced at Hope's door, still rolling his shoulder as he worked at his stiff muscles. Hope hadn't come out all night, even when dinner was being served, and almost nothing could be done while Hope had the door sealed. Rygdea shook his head, shuddering at the thought of having to use magic to break down the door and the effect it could have on Hope. He did _not_ want it to come to that.

Rygdea ran a hand through his hair and headed down the stairs, smiling at Serah as she stepped forward in the living room. She held out a cup of coffee and he took it, the warm cup feeling good in his cold fingers. "Thanks." He muttered, taking several gulps of the coffee, the cup empty in seconds. "I'll need it." He gasped, blinking as the liquid burned his throat.

"It's that early, then?" Serah asked, taking the cup from his hands and setting it on the table.

"Yeah, seems Crawford wants me there while they go through the whole process. It's unusual for them to look at a case so quickly but considering the circumstances…" Rygdea shook his head "I guess I should have seen it coming. I don't know if they have anything else planned, but we'll probably wind up talking with some of the higher ups about what happened with Kael and what to do with the other l'Cie. Then the whole thing with Saorise." Rygdea stopped and closed his eyes, letting out a small groan, "It will not be a fun day."

Serah nodded, sitting on the couch and watching as the sky slowly turned from a light blue to faint yellow orange. "I know what you mean. They've got to do those repairs now too. And the people who died will be needing funerals and there's just…just so much-" Serah shook her head and tugged at her hair, breathing through her mouth, "Sorry about that. I guess-I guess I'm just overwhelmed by the whole thing. And Hope-Hope is…"

"Hope will be fine." Rygdea said, squaring his shoulder, "I pro-I'll make sure of that. Whatever happens at this meeting, I'll make sure they have his best interests at heart. And while he's here…well, we're just going to have to work with him, a little bit at a time. Tell Lightning things will be fine." Rygdea added, shifting his bad again and heading for the door, "Lebreau, Maqui, and Snow too. They'll all ask, but Lightning might be a bit moody to actually say it. Whatever happens, this will work out." _It has to._

Serah nodded, standing up as well and watching as Rygdea opened the door, She shuddered as a gust of cold wind blew into the house, and then she spoke, just loud enough for Rygdea to her hear her, "They'll all have to fight again won't they." Rygdea paused, hand still around the doorknob, and Serah continued, "Even Hope. Even after everything that's happened this…this will just keep going. He might get hurt again. Snow and my sister." Serah shut her eyes, hunching her shoulders, "Everyone. When will this _end_."

Rygdea looked out the house for a few moments, door still open as a breeze came by. The sky was still turning from blue to pale yellow and orange, pink clouds trailing in the sky. Construction noises could be heard in the distance, of drill and loud machine noises, and the occasional thud of metal. Near the front by the street was his borrowed car, small and green. It was rather rundown, but it had been all the military could offer.

"See you later." Rygdea said, barely above a whisper.

"B-Bye."

Rygdea closed the door behind him and leaned against it, closing his eyes and letting out a small breath.

"I wish I knew."

* * *

"Hope, you have to come out." Lightning said, beating against the door before leaning her ear against the wood. She heard him shuffling inside and her chest tightened before she raised her voice, "I mean it, Hope! You haven't eaten in almost two days now! I know you're-you're worried, but at least come out for something to eat! Hope? Hope!" Lightning gritted her teeth and kicked the door, her leg throbbing from the act, "I'm going to break down this door if you don't get your ass out here, Hope! Come on! Hope!"

Lightning gasped and stepped away from the door when she felt the slightest sizzle on her skin and narrowed her eyes, ready to pound against it and get her gunblade if need be, when the door swung open. Lightning almost let out a sigh of relief but it caught in her throat when she looked at Hope. He looked dead on his feet, deep dark circles under his dull green eyes. He was hunched over, arms hanging loosely at his sides, and his breathing seemed to heavy. His skin was paler than normal too and Lightning's chest managed to tighten even more.

_Hope... _Without thinking Lightning brought a hand to his pale cheek, ignoring the way he flinched at her touch. Her heart fluttered when she saw his eyes flash, locking with hers, and she held her breath. He blinked slowly, almost as if he was fighting sleep, and slowly nodded.

"All right..." Hope said. Lightning was glad his tone was no longer monotone. Sure, it was exhausted and heavy, but it was better than nothing at all. Maybe-Maybe there was a way.

"Come on then." She felt her face heat up when she noticed her hand was still resting on his cheek, but she hardened her eyes and grabbed Hope by the hand instead, leading him down the stairs. Hope flinched again, and his fingers did not lock with hers, but Lightning took strength when he did not let go either. She pulled him down the stairs and into the kitchen, ignoring Serah as she gasped. There was a loud clatter as the pan Serah was washing crashed into the sink, but she quickly recovered and made her way to the fridge, pulling out a small plate.

"It's last night's dinner." Serah said, ripping off the saran wrap and placing the plate in a microwave and typing in the settings as fast as she could. "I'll heat it up for you-"

"Don't stress about it, Serah." Hope said, letting Lightning push him into a chair at the table, "Really, it isn't-"

"Don't be silly, Hope. It's not a problem. I want to help any way I can."

"I suppose." Hope muttered, looking down at the table. Lightning and Serah switched glances as Hope stared off into nothing. As worried as she was, Lightning was relieved to see this kind of improvement in Hope. He was talking. He was out of his room. Maybe there really was a way to help him.

"Hazel's about to pass out, Serah. Want me to take her to her room?" Lightning offered, nodding toward the little blonde as she dozed in her chair. Hazel's head bobbed up and down, a little smear of red on her face from her lunch, but her eyes snapped open at the new voices. Hazel glanced at Lightning, offering her a sleepy smile before looking at Hope. Hazel's eyes widened and she reached for him, holding out a small hand with outstretched fingers while mumbling to herself. Hope watched her out of the corner of his eye and slowly brought his own hand up. His face was unreadable, but he let the small girl touch his hand, even as his shoulder tensed from the contact.

_Good. This is good. _Lightning almost smiled as she watched Hazel grabbing at Hope's fingers. _Maybe later Hope... _

_Maybe later I can tell you._

* * *

Rygdea glared at his door, sitting in his office room for the first time in over a week. The cell hadn't bothered him much if at all. But knowing that the military was being corrupted again, and that people he cared for in the very midst of it, made his blood boil. It was something he always seemed to be fighting about, the corruption of those in high ranking and powerful positions that threatened the balance of power. It had cost him a large chunk of the Cavalry and Cid Raines.

The very thought burned him.

Now though, he had no idea what to do or what to think. Crawford was a man he trusted, and Rygdea knew nothing had changed between them. So asking for Hopes assessment was done in good will…but it still made Rygdea want to rip the man a new one. _But still, maybe he's just being the unbiased part in this, _a part of Rygdea reasoned,_ Think about it. Can you really make the right call when you're still so clouded_ _up with all the shit that's being thrown at you._ _Are you trying to keep Hope with you for him? For you? For the others? _

_What to do? _

Rygdea groaned and shoved a few papers to the side, some sliding to the floor as he rose from his chair and started to pace the room. He was expecting Crawford in a few minutes. There had been a delay in the decision for Hope, and it bothered Rygdea. Did that mean they were considering it? Would they really take Hope away? Or was it a lot less than he imagined…maybe it was just something small.

Hard knocks on the door brought Rygdea from his thoughts and hurried to the door, swinging it open and coming face to face with Crawford. The man had a few circles under his eyes and leaned against the door, the strap of a black bag sliding down his shoulder. Rygdea stepped back and ushered Crawford in, watching the man carefully as he sat in the chair opposite Rygdea's desk. Rygdea rubbed his brow and shook his head, sitting in his own lounge chair and eying Crawford. "So?" Rygdea said, raising an eyebrow.

Crawford blew out a sigh and nodded, "We'll be getting word in a while. I don't know what the decision will be though." There was silence between the two men as Crawford's voice trailed off. Rygdea glared at Crawford from across the desk and the man shifted in his seat, locking eyes with Rygdea. "I stand by my decision Rygdea. It's out of our hands now-"

"I don't think I need to tell you how much I want to punch the lights out of your eyes."

Crawford smiled slightly, "Yeah. I know." Crawford paused, letting the strap on his shoulder slide off and pulling the black bag onto the table, "But you know the ball just keeps on rolling."

"More wonderful news?" Rygdea asked through gritted teeth. He took a deep, silent breath, forcing himself to be calm around Crawford. Calm around the man that was trying to pull Hope away from him, from _everyone_ because he didn't understand the kid at all. Didn't understand the family at all. Just assumed that he could help and possibly ruining every-

"We got these as of yesterday. Remember that last ship that we never got an account of, the one that was radioed back during the investigation a few miles south of New Bodhum? Well, it didn't come in because of these." Crawford reached inside the bag and pulled out several old books, each with strange dark lettering. Rygdea's eyes widened and he took one of the books in his hands, fingers tingling at the contact. Rygdea stared at the black lettering, the lines curvy and almost careless, and he let out a long breath. _These books…these books are the ones that Hope was talking about. _

"They look the same as the ones we recovered from Kael a little bit ago. We know they're the real deal, we had Estheim confirm it himself, but the fact is, the group made a perimeter where the books were found."

Rygdea's mind buzzed with the news and questions were flying out of his mouth, each one demanded an answer, "Didn't they think it was a trap? And you saw Hope about these things? What did he do? What did he say? Did he do something strange? I-I remember feeling something a while back and wound up passing out for a second. He said these things were powerful so maybe they had something to do with it. But what happened? When they set the perimeter, what did they find? Come on Crawford, I need some answers, and I need them now!"

"Rygdea!" Crawford shouted, leaning forward in his chair, "I will answer you as soon as you give me the chance to. They knew it was a trap, but the books were just too much to ignore. As for Hope, yes, he said these were the same books, and when he reached out to touch them, he and his friends fainted. He said he had heard voices…"

"He didn't tell me about them…"

"He might not have remembered Rygdea." Crawford said, running a hand through his graying hair, "It seemed like a bunch of nonsense anyway, a weird dream or hallucination brought on from a flashback. And-" Crawford added, seeing Rygdea' eyes flash, "There wasn't much we could do at that point anyway. It's obvious that this stretches farther than we thought though, if you passed out as well. I may need to speak with some of your De Novo soldiers, see if they can recall a similar experience." Crawford shook his head and leaned back in the chair.

"And the investigation?" Rygdea asked, eyes fixed on Crawford.

"Well, they had to delay the report until Kael was arrested." Crawford said, not quite meeting Rygdea's eyes.

"And was he?" Rygdea growled, narrowing his eyes.

"Yes. We turned in our evidence against him and now it's up to the higher ups. He won't worm his way out, though, I promise."

"We'll see." Rygdea said slowly, "I know how this place can be when it comes to promises."

"I know Rygdea…" Crawford paused and took a deep breath, eyes hardening, "The soldiers found it, Rygdea."

"What?"

"They found that hideout of hers. They couldn't get through, there were several barriers over the place at the time, but they could see it. It's strange because they had checked the perimeter before with no luck but-but maybe that has to do with her attack. She couldn't keep it hidden? She wanted us to find it? I don't know…" Crawford shook his head, "But they found her little hidey hole. We know where she is Rygdea, her base of operations. I ordered the men out of there for now, but they marked on their maps where to find it. We can launch at any time now."

Rygdea blinked. He couldn't breath…couldn't think. His mind was a complete and utter blank. Crawford watched him, noting the rather blank stare, and sighed. "I know it's soon. Way too soon. I don't know Rygdea, it seems like she wanted us to find it. Think it's a trap?" Crawford paused, swallowing hard and rubbing his forehead, "Should we can-"

"No!" Rygdea snapped, breaking out of his daze, "No," he said more calmly, "No, we're going to have to go through with it. There's not point in delaying the inevitable. We'll raid the area, find out what we can, and if Saorise comes…" Rygdea looked toward the door, eyes clouding over, "If Saorise comes we will deal with her the best we can. We can't let this just blow by."

Crawford nodded and made to stand, leaning against the desk before straightening up as best as he could, "This leg will be the death of me." He mumbled, shaking his head. He glanced at Rygdea and shifted his feet, "We'll have to be prepared when we go there. More than prepared. What happened back there, at the crystallized Cocoon, that was an embarrassment."

Rygdea stood as well, fingering a few papers on his desk before stepping out away. "Yes. Of course. We'll take who we can. We can't stretch ourselves out too much, in case she tried to attack the city while we're gone. But really, the only one who has a shot of really defeating her-"

"Will do anything but face her again." Crawford finished eyes darkening. Rygdea looked at the man and gave him a slow nod, shoulders slumping.

"I can't force him." Rygdea said, looking back at the wall.

"No one's saying you have to."

"Maybe not yet Crawford but you know they will. There's only so much we can do. Only so much…" Rygdea trailed off, eyes looking distant as he stared at the wall, "You know, Crawford, I think Hope could do with a little extra help." Rygdea ignored the surprised look Crawford gave him, "Not in an institution, but maybe they could help me figure out how to deal with this." Rygdea's eyes hardened and he glared at Crawford, "But don't be sending a psychologist to do it. Not one sent by the higher ups. They're willing to let anyone through if they're leaned on enough."

Crawford gave him a small smile, "Gotcha, Rygdea. But I have to say, I never imagined you as the type to go about learning about psychology for the sake of-"

"I know." Rygdea said, looking away again and plopping back into his seat. He let out a sigh and looked up at the ceiling, "Damn kid got to me. He got to me good and now I can't leave it alone until it's settled."

"Seems he's gotten to a lot of people." Crawford said, smiling widening.

Rygdea continued to look up at the ceiling, silence overtaking the room. Crawford took back his seat after a few minutes, his leg give him a painful throb as he sat, but he sad nothing of it. Rygdea blinked up at the ceiling, his lips turning up, "You know…if we manage to survive this shit, I think I'll retire."

Crawford raised an eyebrow but nodded, "Sounds nice, although I don't think I could be away from the sense of…"

"Duty? Nah, it's not that I'll be missing. I'll want a little action, but on Gran Pulse, you can sure as hell get enough of that. And I don't need some pompous ass, corrupt official telling me when and where to get it." Rygdea said, smirking.

"It's not all that way, Rygdea."

"I know. I know…" Rygdea sighed, "But yeah. Think I'll retire, help the gang get their lives back in order, take a good rest. That kind of thing." Rygdea groaned and slammed his head on his desk, making Crawford jump, "Man! This means I'm getting old! You know how _little_ I want to get old. Ugh…"

"What can I say Rygdea? Our times a coming."

Rygdea lifted his head off the desk and glared, but then his eyes widened when he saw the doorknob jiggle. He rose from his chair, glaring at the door as it swung open, and opened his mouth to shout at the offending intruder.

Only to stop when he saw the form in the man's hand. The blond glanced at Rygdea and Crawford before slowly setting the file on Rygdea's desk, bowing his head to save himself from prying eyes. The man mumbled a quick sorry before hurrying out the door, slamming the door shut behind him.

Rygdea stared blankly after the man before turning to his deck where the envelope sat. He took the thick yellow envelope in his hands and slid the papers out, face remaining blank as his eyes traveled down the page. There was a brief moment that Rygdea' eyes widened, before lowering and darkening as they went farther down the page. Eventually Rygdea's chest heaved and he dropped the envelope and the papers on his desk, leaving the room without another word. Crawford watched, stunned, before picking up the top paper himself. At the very top of the paper read,

Request For Psychological Evaluation of Hope Estheim:

DENIED

Hope Estheim, being a now vital component of the war against known threat Saorise, is not to be removed from his position until the threat has neutralized. If there is concern over Estheim's psychological condition, a physician can be assigned to evaluate Estheim's condition and provide the necessary medication. A supervisor will be provided for field activities if requested should Estheim's psychological condition prove to impact other soldiers on the field in a negative manner, however he may not be removed at this time-

Crawford didn't read any further.

He didn't need to.

* * *

_It was dark. Pitch black. An empty sea of shadow, directionless and suffocating in its infinite size. Hope knew this place, had come to it many times before in his dreams and nightmares, yet his heart pounded frantically in his chest. The blood rushed through his body, his muscles almost spasmodic from the force as he floated in the endless void. He did not bother to open his eyes, simply holding his breath and waiting for the inevitable whoosh that would take him from the void and plant him in some other nightmare. He had tried, tried so desperately to avoid sleep, yet his traitorous eyes had closed and he was stuck in the darkness again. _

_Knowing this, knowing it was a dream, did nothing to lift the burden. Hope knew that once he started to sink into a ground he could never see or feel, the knowledge that it was just a horribly vivid dream would give way to terror. He knew the cycle, had forced himself to study it, and yet it never got any better. He could not muster the strength he needed to break free. _

_And now he wasn't even sure if he wanted to. _

"_What do you want?" A voice called from the darkness. There was curiosity in the tone, the sound fleeting as it traveled down the endless darkness. Hope raised his head at the voice, shivered as he thought of an answer. _But do I need one? Can I say nothing?

"_Tell me." The voice sounded like a child's almost. Even a young teenager with the high pitch. _

"_I don't know what I want." Hope answered. His skin burned as waited for an answer. _Not good enough huh? Well it's the truth. I don't know what I want.

I don't...

At least, I don't think I-

"_You want it to stop?" This time Hope opened his eyes, not even flinching when his vision did not change. Still, he had heard it. The voice had asked him...if he wanted it to stop. _But does it mean the pain? Saorise? All these stupid feelings that wind up making me trip up.

"_Just everything." Hope sighed as the voice seemingly read his thoughts, but his chest swelled a bit. Everything. Everything. Stop everything. _But what does it mean?

"_You know what it means Hope. You know. And it can be yours you know. In fact, we could give it to everyone if you really wanted. Take the first step Hope. That's all. Just step forward."_

_Hope shook his head, turned away from the place he thought the voice was coming from. "I-I don't. I don't know, I just, I'm still trying-trying to figure this all out. I don't-"_

_An image of a young girl, her arm disfigured, hitting the-_

"_Stop!"_

_Lightning laying a pool of her own blood, the thick liquid gliding down the painfully white floor and branching into strange and grotesque patterns. Her mouth was parted, her eyes wide and dull, the once beautiful blue irises now gray. _

"_I said stop!"_

He_ stood there, platinum blond hair plastered on his face as ribbons of blood slid down his face. His green eyes were empty, void, and stared blankly ahead. In front of him were several legs and arms, cut at different parts and leaving some appendages as nothing more than stumps. And blood. It was oozing from all of them, dripping and pooling, puddles and puddles of red. Then the pain, he could feel it. It flared violently, almost making him howl, and he felt every part of his body shift. As if he were being ripped apart, torn from the very seams and leaving him incoherent. His body was tearing, violent and rushed as if he was a piece of paper, and the _pain_ sent almost sent him over the edge. Whiteness clouded his vision and still it burned and stung and fucking _hurt_. It was agonizing, each burn, each sting, each tear sent jolts of pain to his disembodied self and he could barely scream. Tears streamed down his face, barely audible gulps and gasps escaping his mouth._

"_STOP!" Was all Hope managed to howl before he felt something spurt from his, a dull pop that made his wail before everything was blissfully lost._

…

…

_...Hope..._

…_on Hope..._

_A voice...or was it his thoughts this time? He couldn't tell. But the pain-the pain had stopped. That was all that mattered. His bones were no longer stabbing him, making his writhe, and he did not feel the stab of needles as they poked from within his body. _

_He was not hurting. _

"_Come on Hope, you need to wake up now. I have a surprise." Hope scrunched his closed eyes at the voice and tried to turn away, only to freeze when he felt something hot and thick ruin through his hair and smear on his face. Hope flinched and gagged when he felt a warm and coppery liquid pool in his mouth and dribble from his lips. He opened his eyes, wiping away the liquid and spitting it put of his mouth, only to freeze, his eyes going wide. _

_Blood. Blood. Blood. The blinding red liquid was everywhere, washed away the floor of this new white, and now red, room. Hope screamed, realizing he was laying in the vermilion waste, and pushed himself up. The blood swished and splashed around him, soaking his clothes and skin. He could feel it under his fingers, curdling and staining him. It was in his mouth, warm and fresh and burning the metallic taste in his mouth, turning his teeth pink. It was dripping from his hair, dying the strands a light red or faded pink, and it was everywhere._

_Hope shut his eyes and stumbled up, nearly falling again in the pool of blood as his knees locked in place. He smashed his hands to his ears and shut his eyes as tightly as he could, deep wrinkles forming near the corners of his eyes. "Get me out." He muttered to himself, shuddering as his fevered breath turned into a sob, "Please, oh please, just get me the hell out. Maker I'll do anything. Get me out. Get me out. Get me out. It's on me, it's on me, it's on me." _

_Hope continued to chant the words to himself, moving aimlessly through the blood as it seeped into his shoes. A hand rose from the pool of red, looking like strands of thin but chunky thread as it moved toward Hope, gripping his ankle. Hope's eyes snapped open and he screamed again, loud and almost shrill as he kicked at the hand to free himself. Several more hands popped from the blood, clawing at the air as if to grab something and pull themselves out. Hope kicked himself free but stumbled backward, falling on his haunches and splashing himself with blood. He barely had time to blink before hands were gripping him, pulling him down and trying to make him sink. _

"_No. No. NO! NO!" Hope wailed, ripping his arms away and trying to crawl away from the hands, only for more and more to pop in front of him. Hope shook his head and pushed himself to his feet just as more hands grabbed him, little heads starting to rise from the water. Hope's eyes were impossibly wide as one head resurfaced from the blood, eyes locking with his. The hair framed the face, hugging the cheek, and there was no mistaking the eerie black holes that made her eyes. _

_He was staring at Lightning._

_Hope shook his head and wailed, hands grabbing him and pulling him into the blood. They clawed at him, pulled him, and he found himself being drawn closer and closer to the blood-made Lightning as she continued to rise from the blood. She smiled at him, her mouth hollowed at mush like her eyes, and she her hollowed eyes were narrowed. "No! NO! This isn't real! Please!" Hope sobbed, shaking his head as he was pushed toward Lightning, blood splashing around her and making the blood Lightning wobble, "Oh please, _please, _tell this isn't real. Maker please. Please." Hope moaned, letting his chin drop to his chest as he let out a sob. _

_The blood-made Lightning only titled her head to the side before slowly, lovingly, bringing a bloody hand to his cheek. Hope flinched and let out a cry, thrashing as Lightning continued to stoke his cheek, let out a wet, gurgling coo. _

"_Stop..." Hope gasped, tears slipping form his eyes, "Please...I'm begging you. Just-Just stop-AH!" Hope screamed and thrashed, the blood splashing violently around him as Lightning grabbed by the neck. She only smiled at him, her eyes still hollow and black and dead, her smile a twisted fake. And she pulled Hope down into the blood, made him sink into the wet and warm horror. Hope screamed, eyes seeing nothing but red and the coldest of eyes. _

_Nothing but red and black, hollow eyes._

* * *

Hope's eyes snapped open and he found himself rolling to the floor, mouth still open as he shrieked and cried and sobbed. His heart thumped wildly in his chest and his throat seared from his screaming. He tore himself away from his blankets, tears sliding down his cheeks as he stood up and shuddered. He gasped when he felt it, the warmth and the stickiness. _It's still on me. It's still on me! It's fucking-_

Hope gasped and choked as bile rose in his throat, hit and acidic as he tried to beat it back. Then he felt the hand around his throat, Lightning's hand, warm and wet with blood, and dropped back to his unsteady knees and vomited on the carpet. Hope sobbed as he heaved, the knocking on the door not even reaching his fogged mind. All he could see, all he could feel, was the _blood._ It was all over him. On every inch of skin, it was leaking in his eyes, it was sliding down his fingers. It was _everywhere._

Hope choked again and stood up, stumbling as he fought for balance in his terror-filled mind. He looked this way and that, the world swaying as he tried to step away from the blood that coated his walls, his floor, his ceiling and _him._ His eyes were wide and frightened as he brought shaking hands to his upper arms, shuddering let out a small sob. It was still there. He could feel it oozing between his fingers. _No. No. NO! Get off me! Get off. Get off. Get OFF. _Hope screamed again and tore his shirt away front his chest, the buttons popping and whizzing in all directions. He tugged at his hair before running to his door, slamming into it in his rush and frantically pulling at the knob. "Please. Please! I need to get out. LET ME OUT!"

"Hope!" Hope did not stop at the voice though, letting out a cry of relief when the doorknob finally turned. He shoved the door open and sprinted toward the upstairs bathroom, unaware of the person behind him as he threw himself into the room. Hope yanked off his pants, but as he moved for his boxers his stomach tightened and he gagged. _My mouth..._ Hope shook his head and gagged again, the coppery, vile taste in his mouth. It coated his tongue, filled his nose, and he almost heaved again. Shuddering, tears still sliding down his face, he crawled into the bathtub and fumbled for the faucet. Hope growled when he didn't feel it at first, but let out a sigh when his fingers met the nozzle. He almost ripped at the knob, hot streams of water barreling down on him as he turned it on. He closed his eyes as the steaming water hit him, burning his skin and leaving it red raw. But Hope didn't even flinch, instead leaning closer as the water continued to plummet down on him.

Yet it wasn't enough. He could still feel it. It was still there, still _on_ him. And if he didn't do something soon, he'd never get the blood off, never forget the bloody Lightning reaching for him before pulling him down into a grave of nothing but filthy, warm red.

Hope choked and started to claw at his skin, small bits starting to peel as he furiously scratched at his skin, some even drooping like flaps when he got particularly violent.

This was the Hope Lightning managed to find.


	31. Helpless

**I was able to update after all! Why some may ask? Why, because I had a snow day! Kind of...it still counts anyway. Regardless, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Again, updates may still be shaky, but hopefully it'll get better with break coming around. Onward then!**

**Reviews!(actually timely for once!)  
**

**Anonymous: I understand completely! I'm about to be buried in finals, but then there will be break and I will be free again! Ahem... *blush* I'm glad chapter 29 is looking good, and I look forward to your thought son it! Thank you.  
**

* * *

"Hope..." Lightning took a small step into the bathroom, watching as the running water pelted the tub and Hope, the room in semi-darkness as Hope continued to rock himself back and forth in the bathtub. "Hope." Lightning tried again, her voice louder. She clenched her hands on the doorframe before pushing herself forward, knees dropping to the floor beside the tub. "Hope, look at me. You need to stop. You need to calm down." Lightning reached for him but Hope flinched away, shaking his head and muttering under his breath. Hope clawed at his shoulders and reached for his back, the muscles straining to reach the skin as he ripped and tore himself apart. Small streaks of blood were running down his back and arms as he scrubbed and peeled his skin, the thin trails mixing with the water before swirling down the drain. Lightning watched the blood for a moment, her heart hammering in her chest as her mouth parted, and she reached for Hope again.

"N-NO! No! Away. Get away! Off...OFF! I have to get it off! Please get it off..." Hope sobbed and buried his face in his hands, scratching at his face and whining to himself. Lightning swallowed, a small gasp escaping her as she reached for Hope once more. She touched his shoulder and he tensed, head snapping up and eyes meeting hers. Hope's mouth dropped open in a silent scream and he threw himself to the opposite wall, a low thud thundering in the room as he slid against the water-slicked tub. "No-No! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Just-Just don't take me there again. I'm-I'm begging you, don't take me there again! I don't-I don't-I can't! Please! Please!" Hope shook his head and inhaled, the sound desperate and voice choked.

"Hope-Hope, stop!" Lightning swallowed again and leaned forward, her grip loosening as water seeped through her fingers. She closed her eyes and dug her fingers into Hope's shoulder to get a better grip, but it only made him whine louder. Hope continued to shake his head and plead, hiccuping as he pressed himself against the wall.

"Claire? Claire what's going on?" Lightning's eyes widened and she glanced back at the door, the sound of footsteps already reaching her ears. Hope's eyes were fixed on the door but he was raising his hand, cupping it to his chest and muttering under his breath. Lightning gasped as bits of ice started to float from Hope's fingers, the cold wind making the water from the shower bitterly cold. Lightning thrust her leg out and kicked the door shut, ignoring Serah's cries from outside. "What's the matter? Claire? Claire! What's going on! Open up!"

Lightning turned to Hope again but he was still tense, no longer looking at her or the door, but at his hand as the ice continued to flow from his fingers. Lightning's eyes narrowed on his brand as it gave off a pale glow, but she quickly focused on Hope's face as his lips began to quiver.

"No one...no one can get me here. Away. Away. No more...no more please. Make it go away. No more. No more." Lightning bit back a choke, her eyes prickling as she hauled herself up and rested her arms on the side of the tub. Hope did not glance at her, didn't even acknowledge her now, only pressing his hand closer to his chest. His words were quick and low, and Lightning did not bother to try and hear them over the low roar f the water. Lightning swallowed and slowly raised her hand, briefly touching Hope's arm.

"Hope, please I-"

"NO!" Hope flinched and threw himself away from her, crying out as the faucet dug into his back. He lowered his head to his chest and rocked himself, hiccups bubbling from him as the water continued to run. Lightning sighed, her whole chest feeling heavy, and she allowed her arm to fall into the tub instead of reaching for Hope. The banging on the bathroom door started anew and Snow's voice drifted inside, a slight tremor to the man's voice.

But Lightning ignored his pleas.

"Hope..." Lightning started, eyes falling to the water as it hit the back of the tub before running toward the drain, "Was it-it a dream? Do you want to talk about it?" Hope's bangs covered his eyes and his lips continued to move, even as he said nothing she could hear. His lips quivered and Lightning thought she saw the smallest tinge of blue on them. Her hand twitched and she inched it forward, but Hope tensed again and she let her hand fall to the tub. "Come on Hope." Lightning tried, swallowing the lump in her throat. But no matter how many times she swallowed it was still hard to talk. The lump was like sponge, soaking up each bit of spit and ballooning inside her throat. Suffocating her as Hope cried and trembled before her.

"All gone...the blood...everywhere. On me. On me. On me. On me. Off. Off..." Hope leaned into the wall, his hair splayed the wet tiles. Lightning leaned forward, her whole front sopping wet and squelching as she moved.

"Say something to me Hope. Come on. Tell me what's wrong." Lightning bit back the lump again, shocked when her eyes started to well up. She gritted her teeth and tried to swallow, but all it did was make her cringe. She looked at Hope, her blue eyes wet as she released a breath. "Please Hope. Just let me-" Lightning took a deep breath and stood, carefully stepping into the tub and sitting on the opposite end. The water hit her harder and slipped beneath her clothes, soaking her completely as she watched Hope on the other end. His eyes were on hers now, flickering when she moved. Whenever she released a heavy breath his eyes would snap to her chest, when she slipped he'd zero in on her legs or back, and when she gulped or swallow he'd always watch her face. Lightning bit her lip as a shiver fought to run through and squared her shoulders, eyes meeting Hope's dead on.

"Tell me Hope. Tell me what's wrong." Lightning cough as the water filled her mouth and dribbled down her chin, speaking louder to combat the rushing water, "I want to help you Hope." His wide green eyes only stared at her, moving back and forth across her face as he curled around himself. His arms snapped around his legs and he tried to bury his feet beneath himself, making his feet bend at an odd angle. The voices outside remained distant, a strange and hollow echo compared to the noise of the water. To each of their breaths. To Hope's scared hiccups.

"Hope..." Lightning once more raised her hand toward him, her heart jumping to her throat. She tried to swallow as she leaned forward, but Hope's eyes remained firm on her hand, eyes moving as fast as her shaking fingers. "I just want to-" She stopped when she saw his eyes widening, mouth parting again in another silent scream. Lightning's own eyes stung as tears made their way down Hope's face, his face scrunching up as his whole body shook. _Afraid of me. Why Hope? Why are you afraid of me? _

"Please don't." Hope whispered. Lightning had to lean in to hear him, his voice was so soft and trembling, "Please don't-don't take me back there. I don't-I don't think I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean for you to-to d-ugh...aahhh...I'm-I'm so sorry!" He cried, eyes snapping shut as he pulled at his hair, "I-I know I deserve it but-uuuuhhhhnnn..." Hope shook his head and buried his head into under his arms, "Please..." His voice wavered and broke, a small cry escaping him again. He gulped it down and slammed his head against the wall, his hair smacking into the tiles and the thump vibrating against the wall. Lightning shook her head and reached without thinking, Hope tensing when she touched him. "No...No...NO! Uh-Uh..." Hope shook his head and moved away, hitting the faucet again and pressing himself against it. The water cascaded down his face and his whole body trembled as he struggled to find something he could hold on to. His hands slipped on the walls and on the edge of the tub, and his breaths became more ragged the more he searched.

"Hope!" Lightning shook her head and rested on her aching knees, looking at her hands as her mind went blank, _What am I supposed to do? What? How do I-How do I help him? Dammit, how? Hope-Hope come back. _Lightning shut her eyes and slammed her knee on the floor of the bathtub, the ache grabbing her and slamming her back beside Hope. Yet she could do nothing. Nothing that didn't seem to frighten him into a corner and make him cower for his life.

The banging on the door had stopped and a voice carried through, one that made Lightning's heart soar, "Lightning, you're there with Hope right? How is he? Light?" The voice was frantic and demanding, but Lightning almost cried when she heard Rygdea's gruff voice through the door.

Lightning grasped the side of the tub and pulled herself up, Hope's eyes following her as he huddled into himself and pressed into his corner. Lightning stumbled and almost slid on the floor, but stretched and grasped the doorknob at the last moment. She yanked herself up and shouted through the wood, "It's bad Rygdea. Very bad. I don't think he even recognizes me and he's bleeding from all these scratches." Lightning paused and took a shaky breath, closing her eyes, "He won't let me near him. He's _terrified_ of me Rygdea." Lightning held her breath and pressed her ear toward the door, cursing under her breath when she couldn't hear anything over the sound of running water. She glanced back at Hope, eyes locking on his as he slowly moved along the wall to where she had been moments before. Lightning leaned a hand against the door and pushed herself up, never taking her eyes off Hope. They stared at each other, Hope gasping and nearly naked as water pelted him, his hands clawing at his skin again. Lightning's shoulders sagged and water dripped from her to the floor, her whole demeanor one of exhaustion. The water was the only other noise in the room to accompany Hope's rapid breathing.

"I need you to step away from the door Lightning." Lightning jumped at Rygdea's voice and glanced back at the door. She nodded, forgetting that Rygdea couldn't see, and stepped away, gritting her teeth as a wave of burning shame washed over her. She glared at the floor, watching the clear water puddles as she felt her skin ignite. _I can't do anything to help him. Anything! How-How am I-No! Come on, you can do this. Just ask Rygdea for some tips or something. Ask him how he dealt with Hope before, and maybe next time you won't screw up._

_I shouldn't need tips. _

_...How did this happen?_

"Lightning are you away from the door?" Rygdea called.

"Yes." Lightning took another half step back, almost pressing herself to the counter as glared at the door. The knob gave a slight jiggle and Lightning held her breath, aware of Hope's eyes on the door. There was another jiggle, harder this time, before the door burst open, slamming into the opposite wall. Hope screamed and Lightning's only warning was a brief cold breeze before icicles were zooming toward the door, her, and Rygdea as he stepped through. Lightning gritted her teeth and ducked, ice shards shattering over her head and landing on the floor as jagged fragments. Rygdea slammed the door closed with his foot and held up an arm, muttering under his breath. Small ice shards fell to the floor around his feet as a shell stopped the barrage of magic in its tracks. Lightning held her breath and slowly pushed herself up to a crouch. Rygdea glanced down at her and offered her a hand, pulling her up and steering her toward the side as another icicle came at them. It smashed against the closed door, shards already melting into water and sliding down the wall, and Lightning felt her chest seize up when a sob came from the tub.

"Hope..." The man in question simply cowered beneath his arms, ice coating his hands and small breaths of cold coming from his lips. Rygdea tightened his grip on Lightning's shoulder and she glanced at him, swallowing hard.

"I'm guessing he had a nightmare." Rygdea did not wait for her answer, slowly releasing her and walking toward the tub. Hope's eyes peeked from behind his arms and he flinched, cowering again and shaking his head, but Rygdea crouched beside the tub. "Hello Hope."

Hope slowly lowered his arms and Lightning felt her chest twinge at the sight of Hope's relief. A part of her loosened and unknotted, so grateful that Hope had finally recognized someone. Yet another part of her still burned in shame and the smallest bit of jealously. Rygdea had reached him in a way she could not. If anything, she had frightened Hope further. _Why? Why can't I reach him? I want to...I want to be the one to..._

"Tell me Hope..." Rygdea said, resting his hands on the side of the tub, shivering slightly as the water hit him, "Why have you barricaded yourself in a bathtub of all places?" Rygdea tried to smile at him, but as Lightning drew closer she could see the strain in his face. There were deep, dark lines under his eyes and his mouth was twitching oddly. Her eyes snapped to Hope when he spoke.

"I-I'm scared Rygdea." Lightning closed her eyes as Hope's voice trembled, at how young he sounded, "I-I'm scared. She's mad at me. They're all mad at me. I don't-I don't know how to fix it." Hope's face sagged and he turned away, clawing at his skin once more. The wounds bled and the skin around his scratch marks was bright pink, flecks of red popping from the pores. "Get it off..."

"Hey now." Rygdea reached forward and grabbed Hope's hand, earning a yelp from the boy, "Don't go doing that. Now tell me, why are they mad at you-"

"I don't even know-know how! They-They were dead just a sec-second-Rygdea! Rygdea!" Hope shook his head and tugged at his hair, ripping some of the silver strands out between his fingers, "Rygdea, they're dead! They're dead! I saw them. They-There was all this blood and I-I was there. And they started to grab me and Light-Light-oh...uhhhnnn..." Hope sobbed and buried his face in his hands, scratching at his face, "The blood Rygdea! The blood is still there! Get if off! Why-"

"What-What is he-"

Lightning stopped when Rygdea looked at her, his eyes dark and tired, "It was a nightmare. A bad one...he hasn't had one like this in a long time. Just goes to show..." Rygdea trailed off, looking back to Hope as the man cringed, "Hey Hope." Lightning blinked. She had never heard Rygdea sound so gentle, and the way he was reaching for Hope, she'd have thought he was consoling a child, "Hope...no one's dead you know. It was all just a bad dream."

"Not a dream!" Hope shook his head and Rygdea glanced at Lightning, leading her eyes with his own to his belt. Rygdea ghosted his free hand over one of the small containers fastened to his belt before looking back at Hope, eyes soft again. Lightning swallowed and reached for Rygdea's waits with shaking hands, unfastening one the small metal containers attached to the belt and popping the lid off. Inside were several small needles wrapped in plastic, and slim tubes filled with clear liquid. Lightning felt her stomach drop as she pulled out on of the vials, her eyes wide as she examined the liquid.

"Hey now Hope." She heard Rygdea say as she slid one of the needles out of the box, "How can Light be dead when she was trying to talk to you-"

"But she is! Didn't you see her? Didn't you-you-" Hope wavered, his cloudy, fear filled eyes almost clearing, before he growled, "I saw her! She was-was covered in blood! I saw her! She was-was-" Hope let out a small sob and started rocking himself again. Lightning closed her eyes for a moment as she knelt down and slid the needle into the tube, her hands slowly moving the handle of the needle up to suck up the liquid. Hope started muttering again, voice rushed and frantic, "She can't be dead. No! It's-It's my fault. All my fault. They always-always die because-"

"No Hope." Rygdea glanced at Lightning as she slipped the needle between his outstretched fingers. Lightning felt her throat close up as the man stared at her, his eyes searching hers, before his lids lowered. "I'm sorry." He mumbled. Lightning bit back her words as Rygdea turned to Hope, the man giving Hope a smile again, "You're not hurting anyone Hope. Not at all."

"But _she_ said." Hope shook his head and sobbed, his tears leaving hot trails over his face. Lightning could see his tears, his crying,, even with the water running down Hope's face. His sobs left different marks on his face, deeper ones, and his eyes were bright and bloodshot. "But she said! _She _said."

"What Saorise thinks doesn't matter Hope." Rygdea said, settling the needle more firmly between his fingers. It was just hidden behind his digits and Rygdea raised his hand above the side of the tub, as if moving to grasp Hope's shoulder, "It never has." Rygdea finished, clapping his hand over Hope's shoulder and squeezing. Lightning watched as Hope's eyes widened just a bit before they relaxed, his eyes cloudier than before. Hope blinked, then blinked again, and his words came out slurred.

"Wrong...you're ...ong. She-she just..." Hope's head lolled to the side and he blinked, shaking his head, "I'm sorry." Hope said, unfocused eyes finding Lightning, "I'm s...sorry. M...srry. rry..." Lightning's heart clenched as Hope chanted the words to her, and she wanted to shut her eyes. Instead she shook her head, leaning forward.

"Don't be sorry Hope." Her hand shook as she reached for him, but he did not flinch away. His eyes were barely open as she touched his cheek, "You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all."

But Hope was already gone, lost to a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Hope groaned and turned over in his bed, pulling the covers up with him and burying his hands under his chin. _Ugh...tired, sleep more..._ But that one conscious thought was all it took to bring him back, and Hope gasped as the memories, broken and muddy, flew back to him. He shot up from his bed, glancing around when he felt a weight on the blankets, and Rygdea's mop of hair came into view. The man was resting his head on the side of Hope's bed, a small trail of drool staining the blankets, and small snores floated from him. Hope shook his head and leaned back onto the pillows, throwing his arm over his forehead.

"Shit." Hope closed his eyes and blew out a sigh, small threads of what happened earlier weaving into his thoughts. _The nightmare...it had been a bad one. _Hope shuddered and rubbed at his skin, surprised when he felt it as smooth as ever. _I thought I...never mind. _Sighing again, Hope rolled over and bit his lip, wincing as he thought of his behavior. Of the way he had thrown himself into the bathroom and started blubbering like a child. Of Lightning..._ She looked scared. Because of me. Shit...but after that...what happened after she came in? What did I..._ Hope growled and fisted the blankets in his hands but jumped when something shifted beside him.

"So you're up." Hope nodded and pushed himself back up, glancing at Rygdea as the man ran a hand through his hair. Rygdea let out a yawn, moving his jaw from side to side and stretching out his arms before fixing his eyes on Hope. "I'm glad."

Hope said nothing, instead bringing his knees to his chest and glaring at the foot of the bed. Rygdea lifted himself up and Hope shifted to the other side of the bed so Rygdea could fit. Rygdea blinked at him, but a small smile tugged at his lips. Hope glanced around his room, taking in the small bed that Rygdea had managed to make himself on the other side of his own, the bright red sheets poking up from the edge of his mattress. In the corner there were two new bags but otherwise little had changed. _Before though...before there had been so much blood. Of course, that was just me being a fucking idiot and thinking my dreams were real. I even _knew _they were going to happen and I had an episode anyway. I'm sick of this. I'm so sick of this-_

"You should really stop doing that Hope." Rygdea said, making Hope jump. Hope blinked and tried to wipe his face blank, but Rygdea snorted, "A little late for that, huh? Come on now, this is good. Better than before." Hope glared at Rygdea and the smile fell, Rygdea's eyes darkening. "I know Hope."

"Nothing's better. I'm still a fucking mess, we have no clue what to do next, the others almost-almost-"

"Hope..."

"They almost died! Don't try and play it off!" Hope choked and swallowed hard, looking away from Rygdea and taking several breaths. He wanted his mask back. He wanted to hide away with those blank eyes he had before. They had been his shield, his defense. He could have pretended that he was nothing, that he felt nothing. He could have carried on, maybe even figure something out on his own. If nothing else, he wanted to have the nothing back. He hadn't thought about these things before. He'd been in a haze, lost in someplace where he could feel nothing, and for a while it was all good. Now though...now...

"I was doing well Rygdea. I didn't freak out those first few hours. But then I have one bad dream, _one, _and it all falls apart. But Maker Rygdea there had been so much _blood_. Everyone...I knew everyone was dead because of me. Then Light-she-she just-" Hope clenched his eyes shut and shook his head, forcing himself to continue, "I just-I need to get it together. You don't need this, I don't need this, _no one _needs this. I'm being weak and stupid and I just need to stop fucking thinking about-" Hope gasped when fingers dug painfully into his shoulder and he started bouncing where he sat, trying to pull himself away. _Let go, let go, let go, let go, let go!_

"Don't be stupid Hope!" Rygdea's voice was hard and he forced Hope to look at him, shaking his shoulder until Hope's eyes popped open. Hope's eyes were wide with fright and searched Rygdea, his mouth opening and closing without a sound escaping him. Rygdea loosened his fingers but kept his eyes on Hope, forced Hope to look him in the eye, "We've been through this before Estheim but I am going to make this clear to you. What happened to you is not something that people just get the hell over. Got that? You're going to have relapses and nightmares and all that shit, and you know Hope, I don't know if things like that ever go away. I've had 'em and I still think about them."

Hope's face scrunched up and he tried to turn away from Rygdea, but the man tightened his grip. Hope reached for Rygdea's hand and dug his nails into his wrist, but Rygdea did not loosen his grip this time. "I know it isn't pretty. It isn't fun to be lost in-in some fucked up world where nothing's right. I may not have the scope you do Hope, I may not have Saorise on me, but dammit we've been through this before." Rygdea's voice softened and he relaxed his grip as Hope's own attempts to yank him off died, "I told you before that I would help you. Don't think for a second I'll be backing out of it now. None of us are."

_That's why I'm afraid! That's why! Don't you see that? Don't you see that if you all just left me _alone_ you'd be safer?_

Rygdea shook his head at Hope's gaze, even as the word 'no' almost escaped Hope's mouth. "I know I've been screwing up lately Hope. Don't think I'm backing out of that one." Hope wanted to cover his ears, his hands itched to muffle the noise, but Rygdea seemed to notice his twitching fingers and pressed Hope's hands to the bed. "We've all been screwing up. But I'm not gonna let you just...slip away like that. I've been with you through this before, and I'll do it again. And this time I'll have help."

"_No,_ Rygdea. Please...just-" Hope stopped, his eyes boring into Rygdea's unwavering look before he cast his stare to the side. _How am I...supposed to do this..._

_I just want to feel that again. Feel nothing. Just for a second. I need to think without all this-this_

_Lightning laying in a pool of blood..._

"No!" Hope bit his lip as his eyes began to sting, the burn of his shame making the covers seem inviting to hide under. To be lost in a world of darkness and warmth, where he could hide his failure and his weakness. Rygdea didn't seem to take notice, or if he did he remained silent, and instead the two watched the still room, neither saying a word. Hope would glance at Rygdea every now and again, his eyes always snapping back to the foot of the bed, and soon he closed his eyes. _I don't…don't know what to say anymore. I just-I just want this to-_

"Hope." Hope's shoulders dropped and he looked at Rygdea, his eyes weary, "I know you think that right now-right now there's no real way out of this. I don't think it's true, but to be fair, I'm doing a shitty job proving it to you." Hope started to shake his head again, but Rygdea smiled, "I'll just have to change that." Rygdea fell silent again, glancing at Hope and away. Hope felt his throat tighten and clenched his hands, watching out of the corner of his eye as Rygdea opened his mouth, only to close it again.

Finally, Rygdea too a deep breath, "Hope, Crawford called in a psychological evaluation for you." Hope froze, chest tightening as the air blew out of his lungs, and his heart hammered against his chest. _What?_

Rygdea hardened his eyes, but Hope could see the briefest bit of sadness, "I was angry Hope. I was angry that he did that. You could have been…maybe even would have been…" He didn't say it. He didn't have to. Hope could see it perfectly. Being led down a long, white hallway, trailing behind a nurse as her heels clicked along the sterile tiles. Being told when his appointments would be, visitations, and then he'd have to tell someone everything that happened to him or he'd never get out. They were supposed to _understand _him. They were supposed to get how screwed up he was and empathize with being a l'Cie doomed from the start. They were supposed to understand Hope's fear of Saorise, be able to show him how to get better, reassure him that life really wasn't all that bad.

What a load of-

"You were denied the evaluation though." Hope blinked, feeling the tight lump in his chest loosening, but his brow furrowed when he heard the…anger in Rygdea's voice. Rygdea took a deep breath, eyes never leaving Hope, "I know you don't think they'd be of any help Hope, not to you, but a part of me…a part of me wanted the help." Hope opened his mouth, already shoving himself off the bed to yell at Rygdea. To kick and scream and shout that there was no way in hell they could help, but Rygdea grabbed his wrist and yanked him back down to the bed. "I know Hope, I know! I know you wouldn't tell them. I know…" Rygdea looked toward the blankets, "But I-I don't know Hope. Am I helping you? Am I really doing enough to make sure you get better, when you wind up exposed to the very thing that-that…" Rygdea trailed off, but took a breath and started anew, "How can I know that what I'm doing is right? Hope, you're going through all of this and the most I can do is offer up some guidance and a shoulder to cry on or whatever the hell else I've been giving you, and it's not _enough_. I need someone who knows how to handle-"

"So I need to be handled now?" Hope seethed, trying to rip his hand away from Rygdea. The man tightened his grip and glared at Hope.

"That's not what I meant Hope. See…_this_. I should know what to do about this. I should be able to help you get these demons off your chest or just-just open up more or-"

"Isn't it enough?" Hope shook his head, searching the blankets for something, anything that made sense before pulling at his hand again, "Isn't it enough that I-I told you? Told a little bit to the others? Why can't that be enough! WHY? Why can't this just-"

"What Hope-"

"Go away!" Hope shouted, his chest heaving. _Why-can't-I-get-free!_ Hope yanked again but remained in Rygdea's grasp, and he could feel his eyes begin to sting, "I want this to stop! I want this to go away! I want everyone to be safe and for the pain to stop and for all of this to just-just-disappear! I don't want this. I never wanted this! But it just keeps happening and happening!"

"It's not just going to go away Hope!"

"I know!" Hope shouted back, biting his lip and finally, _thankfully_, ripping his hand free. The bone ached and the skin was red raw, but he was free. "I know that Rygdea! If anyone in the whole fucking world knows that it won't just _go away_, it's me." Hope swallowed the growing lump in his throat and stepped away from the bed as Rygdea moved to get off, "You can't help me Rygdea! Not all the time! No one can!"

"Hope-"

"Isn't it obvious? All this help is just going to hurt more! She'll find a way to-to kill-kill everyone. And all I'll be able to do is watch. That's all." Hope took another step away from Rygdea, shutting his eyes and running his trembling hands through his hair. He took another wobbly step, then another, getting closer to his dresser across the room, "That's all I'm able to do. Watch. Then everyone dies. I saw it. I _saw_ it. And no matter what I do, no matter how strong I'm supposed to be, I can't-can't seem to…protect you…" Hope choked, flinching when a warm arm wrapped itself around his neck and pulled him forward. Hope bit hard on his lips, wetness in his eyes, and his breaths were sharp. Rygdea's musky smell filled his nose as Rygdea buried Hope's face against his chest, his own shoulders drooping.

"See Hope? I…I want to know how to better handle this. I want to help is all. I can't do that if I'm always fumbling around, trying to figure out what is and isn't right. But I'll figure it out, all right?"

Hope took a deep breath, relaxing, "You'll ask a therapist, won't you?"

"Just for some tips." Rygdea paused, releasing Hope as the man turned away from him, wiping his eyes. "Do you want to know why they-"

"Something about me being their only chance right?" Hope took a shaky breath and turned back to Rygdea, shrugging despite his red eyes, "We knew that was coming right?" Hope blinked as the words left him and Rygdea's eyes darkened as a firm, straight line formed on Hope's face. Rygdea closed his eyes and took a deep breath, knowing that what he said next would not end well.

"That's not all Hope." Rygdea shifted when he felt Hope's eyes on him, and opened his eyes to look him head on. Rygdea jabbed a thumb at the two bags sitting on the floor in the room and tried to keep his voice even, "Today I-Crawford and I-" Rygdea paused, jerking his head from side to side, "They found her."

Silence…

Long and stifling…

"What?"

Rygdea swallowed and bored his eyes into Hope's, "The found her Hope. That team…I sent them out ages ago…but they found her hideout. They know where she is, and if it wasn't for the attack and the lack of equipment, they would have been able to get at her. They scheduled the investigation for sometime within the next two weeks but they haven't decided on the exact date yet."

"They found her?" Hope interrupted, his voice high.

"Yes Hope." Rygdea said, "They found her. They have you slated for a member of the investigation team being shipped out there too. I went down today, started chewing them out for it after I heard about all of this, and, well, I'm trying to sort it out. I don't know how it's going to go down Hope." Rygdea scratched the back of his head, "But I won't let them force you into this. We need to discuss it before they just go marching in there so-"

"They found her. They found that place…the-the place covered in snow." Hope turned away from Rygdea, his eyes trained on the floor as he blindly made his way to his bed, "Where I was. How long was I there? It seemed…like forever. And they want me to go back? They want me to…to go _there._" Hope shook his head, his legs bumping into the bed. "Wha-but-"

"Hope…snap out of it. Hope." Hope blinked before crawling back into bed, laying down and burying his head under his pillow. "Hope-"

"Get out Rygdea." Hope said, clenching his hands on the pillow, "Please I-I need to think for a second." Rygdea looked at the floor and shrugged, but his eyes kept glancing back at Hope.

"I won't be going far Hope. And we will be talking about this later. We need to so-"

"I know Rygdea." Hope interrupted, "I know."

Rygdea sighed and walked to the door, glancing at Hope one last time for leaving the room, closing the door behind him. He barely took three steps from the door before he noticed Lightning leaning against her doorframe, turning to the side to glare at him down the hall. Rygdea smirked, shrugging his shoulders as he strolled down to her room, and she rolled her eyes.

"What are we going to do?" Lightning asked when Rygdea was standing near her, leaning against the opposite wall. "This is turning into one big mess."

"Tell me about it. Every turn just seems to get something else thrown at us. But we'll make it. We always do."

Lightning stared at him, her eyes dark in the dim hall, "Do we know?"

Rygdea shrugged, his smile still in place although there was something...lost in it. "I'm banking on it. Not giving up without a fight. You know, all that nice sounding stuff. But you know," Rygdea glanced at her, eyes lighting up, "He could really use a talk from you."

Lightning shook her head, stepping away from her door, "Rygdea, I don't think I'm the person to really...handle it..." Lightning trailed off, glancing at Hope's door and biting her lip. Her heart clenched painfully and she fisted her hands as she thought of Hope's tear-stained, fear-stricken face. Her heart throbbed again and she closed her eyes, arms quivering as she dug her nails into the palms of her hands. Rygdea watched her, sighing slightly before he clapped her on the shoulder. She turned to him, her eyes cast toward the ground.

"Come on Light, after how far we've all come? Don't tell me you don't want to go in there and buck him up?" Rygdea asked, snickering.

Lightning blinked before she glared at him, her cheeks dusted pink, "It's been _you_ and Serah hasn't it? The ones who've been-"

"I'm sorry Light, but I have things I must plan for, people I must talk to, and a few lives to put back together, so sadly, this is where I take my leave." Rygdea said, hand shooting away from Lightning as he hurried down the hall. Lightning made to follow him, but stopped just short of Hope's door. She paused, staring at the dark wood.

"Think I can do it without screwing it up?" Lightning asked, her eyes never straying from the door.

Rygdea paused on the steps, facing forward as he answered, "Can't do any worse than me now can you? And trust me, I've been doing pretty bad." Lightning blinked at the self-derision, but Rygdea spoke before she could, "He's just scared Light. Well, okay, he's more than just scared. But I think-I think that now that we're all here, we can make it better."

"It seems to be making it worse. More people to care about, more people to-"

"I know Lightning." Rygdea said, voice fading as he continued down the stairs, "But you know, Hope has to learn that we're not gonna just up and die on him. And I have to show him that Saorise can't just take us down." Rygdea added to himself.

Lightning watched as Rygdea's head disappeared before turning back to Hope's door, closing the distance between herself and the room. She took a deep breath, shaking her head and silently berating herself for her nerves, and knocked on the door. The sound echoed in Lightning's ears and she closed her eyes, waiting for something, anything to happen. A part of her expected Hope's voice to float back to her, asking her to leave him alone. Another part of her, the one that was still trapped in the bathroom as Hope dug away at himself with his hands, saw only his eyes wide and frightened. Tears running down his face that made her chest tighten and her heart ache. The face that haunted her, the way his desperate pleads and sobs had.

Broken. That was what he was. And seeing him like that, seeing her Hope in with so much pain, filled Lightning with a burning rage and regret. She wanted to help him, needed to soothe some of this terror that welled inside him. She wanted him to smile, and a selfish part of her wanted him to smile for her, _because _of her. To feel that glow aimed at her again, the same warmth he had when he said he loved her. That clumsy but sincere affection, deep enough to confuse yet still leave her understanding.

It seemed like she'd never get it now. Like Hope would never get break free from his past. And it left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"I said who's there." Hope's voice snapped from the other side of the door. Lightning jumped, blinking as she tore herself away from her private musings as the doorknob turned. Hope appeared but a moment later, eyes groggy and dark, hair disheveled and body slouched. He screamed exhaustion and Lightning felt a part of her twinge. _Maybe I should have left him alone..._

"Light?" Their eyes met but they quickly looked away, neither knowing what to say to the other. Lightning closed her eyes and almost huffed, her chest rising with air, but she swallowed it and tried to look Hope in the eye.

"I'm sorry." Lightning blinked, mouth parting slightly, but Hope was already turning away from her. His hand trailed on the door's edge before falling loosely to his side. He trudged to the bed and let himself fall back onto the mattress, the springs creaking under his weight. Lightning followed him inside, closing the door behind her before looking at Hope.

"What are you sorry for?" She asked.

Hope shrugged from his place on the bed but Lightning saw his hands curl around the blankets, "I scared you back there didn't I? I mean...I mean you saw me like that and I just-I freaked out. There's no way around it. And I was so-so harsh. I just kept-I mean, I don't remember everything, but I know I was scared and when I saw you so soon I just-I'm sorry Light." Lightning closed her eyes and took a deep breath when she heard Hope's voice waver. She opened her eyes took small steps toward his bed, silently sorting her thoughts. Hope tensed when the bed dipped and turned his head to look at Lightning as she sat beside him.

"Hope, you should know that you have nothing to be sorry for." Lightning said softly, looking up at the ceiling.

Hope's eyes narrowed and he turned his attention back to the blankets, "Everyone says that-"

"Because it's true. Hope, I don't know what you're going through. I can't even pretend to know. But whatever it was-whatever it was seems to have hurt you. A lot. It's not an excuse." Lightning stretched her hand along the mattress, her fingers just inches away from Hope's. "But that doesn't mean that everything that happens is your fault. Like that dream. There was no way you could have helped that. You were scared. Frightened beyond belief really..." Lightning glanced down at Hope, her fingers twitching slightly as she brought her hand toward him, "And Hope, that's okay. I just-I wanted to know how I could help. I felt like I couldn't do anything to help you. It's not like combat where I can analyze the situation and figure out what to do on the spot. You were hurting and I was at a loss...I don't blame you for that."

Hope winced, his brow furrowing as he started to shake his head. "No. _No. _Everyone needs to stop-stop blaming themselves because they can't help me. I'm the one who-" Hope stopped, taking a shaky breath as he pushed himself to his knees, eyes quivering as he gazed at Lightning, "It's not anyone's fault but me and-and-"

"Hope."

"No! I don't want you thinking you have to do more for me. I don't. I just-"

"Hope." Lightning brought her hand to his cheek, resting her palm firmly against his face. Hope's voice died, his eyes wide as he stared at her. Lightning felt the heat creep into her cheeks but she squared her shoulders, keeping her eyes on Hope. "I'm going to do what I can okay? I promise you that much." _And more...I promise Hope._

_I promise._

Hope closed his eyes, throat too tight for him to utter a sound. Instead he sat there with Lightning's hand on his cheek, his heart hammering in his chest, threatening to burst out and splatter onto the floor. He inhaled when the warmth of her hand left his cheek, only to be replaced by a pat on the head but a second later. Her hand rested there for a moment, lost in his silver locks, before she slowly pulled away.

"Come down for dinner Hope. We'll figure this out." Hope did not open his eyes, instead listening to her muffled footsteps as she walked across his room. The door opened, squeaking slightly, then slid closed with a snap.

Even when he was sure he was alone, Hope did not open his eyes. Instead he brought a shaking hand to his chest, pressing it against his brand and his heart. His chest heaved, small gasps escaping him as he thought of her warmth. Of _her._ Of everyone trying to do their best for him.

_Yet-Yet I can't-_

_I can't protect them. Everyone just keeps...slipping from my fingers. _

Hope swallowed the fear rising in his throat, the feeling barreling back down his chest and settling like a giant stone in his stomach. The splash as it landed shook him to his core and the ripples would grow into giant waves, threatening to consume everything in its path.

Just like his fear.

_I can't-I can't seem to...protect them._


	32. Frenzy

**Hello everyone! I have finally returned with a new chapter. I apologize for taking so long, but thank you for being so patient with me. Some of you were so kind to me, and this chapter I dedicate to you. You know who you are, and from the bottom of my heart, I thank you.**

**Anyone else wondering why reviews took so long? *blush* Well, see, I have this game...called Maplestory. And I'm kind of...addicted to it.**

**Anonymous- Ah, but the story must progress slowly! Plot demands it, and has a gun to my head. I don't want to die...Just kidding! I'm really glad you liked the dream though. As scary as it was, I did have some fun writing it. *blush* Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story! :D**

**There! I hope my delay didn't get on all of your nerves. I hope you usher in the new year well, and who knows? Maybe I'll have a surprise...We'll have to see. For now, please enjoy the chapter! And, for those who are curious and can stand me advertising my own stories, I did release a one-shot called Testing the Couch. So...check it out.**

**...**

**Advertising over! On to the chapter!**

* * *

"Maqui..." Lebreau said, watching as the blond paced by her bed for what had to be the fifteenth time. Maqui didn't even look at her, muttering under his breath as he ran his hand through his hair. His goggles were resting on the floor, long ago abandoned as he paced the room, often shaking his head or running frustrated hands through his locks. "Maqui, all you're doing is wasting energy. Just sit down. It'll be better for your thinking anyway." Again she was ignored and Lebreau puffed out her chest and scowled, "Maqui, you're not helping anyone like this. Will you please sit down and just-"

"But that's just it Lebreau! We didn't help him! You heard him in there, but Snow just told us to go back to bed and let Lightning handle it. And we _did_. And afterward, I mean, did you see him?" Maqui stopped and looked at her, eyes wide as he searched her for an answer.

Lebreau bristled and nodded, "Yes I saw him Maqui. Believe it or not, I'm not blind. I didn't like it anymore than you did, but that doesn't mean we-"

"But what could we have done?" Maqui muttered, interrupting her. Lebreau gritted her teeth and stood up, stepping toward Maqui even as he continued, "I mean, really. Look at this mess. And now-now we have this damn trip that Hope's getting forced on and it's _there_. There of all places. I mean, that's where it all happened, right?" Lebreau had stopped in front of Maqui, but her hard gaze had softened as she looked at him. Maqui swallowed and glanced at her, eyes roving her face, "How are we supposed to help him, Lebreau? I-I'm lost. I mean, all that stuff we said before, and now this happens? Would he even listen to us?"

Lebreau sighed and shook her head, grasping Maqui's shoulder and steering him toward her bed. She shoved him onto the bright purple blankets before sitting down herself, ignoring his sputtering as he sat up. "Maqui, do you really think it will help if we just start panicking?" Lebreau asked, leaning back on the bed and looking up at the ceiling. She sighed, blinking slowly as she let herself fall completely on the mattress. "I know…I know we should have helped him. But we can't change that now. We just…we just have to help him now instead." Lebreau shrugged but her stomach clenched as she gazed at the ceiling. She felt Maqui shift beside her, eventually laying right next to her on the bed, and she sighed as she felt his arm brush against hers.

"I-I know, Lebreau. It's just-It's hard. I don't know, I'm angry, I'm freaked out, and I just want all of this to-to-"

"Be all right?" Lebreau offered, closing her eyes.

"Yeah." Neither said anything after that, opting to lay still and breath as their thoughts whirred. There was Saorise, there was Hope, the nightmares, the battles to come, and what it all meant for them. How to help Hope. How to stop Saorise. How to sort everything out. Of the screaming coming from the bathroom…

_Knock. _Lebreau's eyes snapped open and she sat up along with Maqui, both staring at her door as several loud knocks echoed into the room. Lebreau glanced at Maqui before standing up, hesitating for a moment before sighing and opening the door. She blinked and took a step back as Snow stepped inside, a smile on his face. Lebreau narrowed her eyes as she watched the smile twitch, fighting to stay on Snow's face, but didn't say anything.

Maqui glared at Snow from Lebreau's bed, never taking his eyes off the blond as he felt his anger surge. Anger that had no direction for the past few days and hours as he listened to his friend screaming just a few feet away. The same friend that had been knocked almost catatonic by some bitch who didn't now when to stop. And now the man that had stopped Maqui from helping his friend as he screamed and shouted and cried was standing in the same room. The fact that they had left out of terror and helplessness, Snow should have let him through.

Maqui stood up and stalked toward Snow, the tall man turning to him and his smile finally falling. His eyes lowered and he shook his head as Maqui stood in front of him, still several inches shorter than the impossibly tall man, but filled with fire and the desire to _hurt._

"I'm sorry I didn't let you go help him Maqui," Snow said, looking away, "But what was I suppose to do? I mean sis…sis barely knew how to handle it. We still needed to get Rygdea's help and everything! Besides, it didn't look like you-" Snow stopped, shaking his head again, "I know. I know you're mad at me. I'd be mad at me too. I mean, I shouldn't have stopped you, and I shouldn't be giving you a bunch of excuses."

"Snow," Lebreau said, stepping between the two, "It's not like we really blame you. Everything's just hectic right now so we're a little…frustrated, I guess. I mean with this and the Saorise thing. Do-Do you know what's going on with that? I mean, it's all up in the air right now and-"

"No Lebreau," Maqui said from beside her. His blood thrummed through his body, licking his insides and telling him to move. The boiling blood made his body itch and his fingertips heavy. He wanted to hurt something. Anything. And Snow was in the crossfire. "No, I want to hear this. I want to hear his shitty explanation. I want to know why I can't help Hope when he obviously needs it. I want to know!"

"Maqui!"

"Let him Lebreau," Snow said, holding up a hand. Lebreau glanced at him, her eyes searching Snow, before turning back to Maqui and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, Maqui, we just talked about this. We just need to calm down and sort it out. I know-"

"Why are you taking his side anyway!" Maqui demanded, rounding on Lebreau, "After everything that's happened, why are you so calm and collected! Aren't you angry! Don't you want to do something? Huh, Lebreau?"

"I'm calm because someone has to be!" Lebreau shouted, "And it's obviously not you!"

"Both of you stop," Snow said, stepping between the two of them and pulling them back by their shoulders. Maqui bared his teeth and turned to Snow, hands forming fists.

"Don't you go and try to play peacemaker! No. You're going to give me some damn answers, not try and cool things down! Got it, Snow!" Maqui yanked himself out of Snow's grasp, his eyes scrunching up as his rage tore at his insides. His heart surged and he raised his fist, slamming it into Snow's chest. Snow's eyes narrowed but he didn't make a sound, going as still as a statue as Maqui raised his fist to hit him again.

"Maqui stop!"

Maqui ignored her, barreling his fist into Snow again and letting out a low growl when the man hardly moved. "Answer me!" Another hit. Maqui's fist felt as if they'd been set aflame, "Why didn't you let me help him!" Snow grunted with the next hit, but it was too quiet for Maqui to hear over the rushing in his ears, "Why didn't _you_ help him!" Snow winced and Lebreau grabbed Maqui's arm, only for him to shake her off. "Why can't anyone seem to help him! Why can't we fix this! Why is this happening Snow! Why!" Maqui shouted the last part and a small spark lit from his knuckles as they collided with Snow's chest. Small holes ripped into the shirt and the skin underneath had turned a raw red, knuckle marks and small burns running along his chest.

Maqui blinked, eyes quivering, before he shook his head. Then, just as Maqui lifted his fist to strike again, all the fight died in him. The anger was dissipating, leaving an empty, barren hole in its place. Maqui's hand collided with Snow's chest again, only for his fingers to grip his shirt, pulling at the torn fabric. "Why can't we seem…to do anything? Why can't we make this right?" The last few words were small, barely audible over the sound of the cure spell Maqui sent along Snow's chest.

Snow rolled his eyes and ruffled Maqui's hair, rolling his eyes, "Who said we can't?"

"I'm sorry."

Snow snorted, shaking his head and pushing Maqui away from him, "For what? I don't know what you're talking about, Maqui." Maqui smirked and rolled his eyes as Snow continued with his tirade. Lebreau watched them out of the corner of her eye, smiling slightly as Maqui aimed a light punch at Snow, Snow holding Maqui back with one hand and yawning in the other. Her head perked up when she heard a small creak and she turned around, blinking when she saw a flash of silver near her door.

"H-Hope?" she whispered. She glanced at Maqui and Snow before hurrying toward her door, her heart hammering in her chest as she peeked round the corner. She blinked again when she saw Hope leaning against the wall right beside her door and asked in a quiet voice, "Hope?" He did not look up at her, his gaze remaining firmly on the ground, and he held his writ close to him. "Hope, what is it?"

Lebreau glanced one more time at Maqui and Snow, cursing softly when she saw them turn to look at her. She gave them a small wave and slipped completely from the room, snapping the door closed behind her before standing next to Hope. She opened her mouth but closed it just as fast, sighing when she couldn't think of anything to say. Hope refused to meet her eyes, intent on staring at the ground. Lebreau glanced at her door as the knob started to turn and threw herself on it, digging her heels into the ground as it started to swing open.

"What is it, Hope? Wanna talk or something?" Hope glanced at her and Lebreau's chest swelled up when she saw something in his eyes. They looked concerned and…afraid, but it was better than before. Lebreau's hand twitched and she reached out to touch him, only to let her hand fall back toward her side. Her eyes narrowed when she noticed his legs jerking strangely where he stood. The movements were jerky, the leg jumping as if in a spasm, and Lebreau looked back to see Hope holding his arms in a white-knuckle grip. "Hope?"

"Lebreau what is it?" They both jumped when Snow's voice carried over from the door and Hope stepped away, eyes moving from Lebreau to the floor as he walked away.

"Wait, Hope!" Lebreau grabbed his arm, fingers catching on the fabric of his dark sweater, and Hope seized up. Lebreau swallowed but pushed on, even as the door opened behind her. "Hope, what is it? It's all right, you know. I mean…it's not like-" Lebreau trailed off, glancing at Snow and Maqui as they stood on either side of her. Maqui's eyes were wide as they stared at Hope, but he quickly shook his head and tried to smile. Snow followed suit, striding forward and grasping Hope's shoulder, but jerked his hand away when Hope let out a small, almost inaudible whimper.

"I was actually coming to tell you all that dinner would be ready soon," Snow said, grin widening despite the rejection. He glanced at Maqui and Lebreau, nodding his head at Hope before stepping away. Lebreau released Hope's arm and walked around to face him, but Hope turned before she could. His eyes kept wavering from their faces to the floor and his leg still shook, even as he pressed it as close as he could to his other leg. Hope closed his eyes, pressing as hard as he could until he felt water leaking at the corners. Then he blinked them away, locking gazes with Lebreau and Maqui.

"I'm sorry." Hope's tone was firm, but otherwise, they could not tell what he was feeling. The grip on his arm had loosened and he finally relaxed his leg, the appendage no longer jerking at odd moments. But even if they couldn't read his face, Lebreau felt something stir in her gut. She tried to swallow it down as it clawed at her throat, and her for some reason, her heart only beat faster. Beside her she felt Maqui tense and Snow was reaching for Hope again, as if to steer him out of the hallways and toward the next room.

"You're sorry?" Lebreau shuddered as she glanced at Maqui, his voice hard and icy. His eyes were narrowed into slits and she was shocked at the way he was glaring at Hope. Maqui clenched his hands and stepped forward, leaning toward Hope, "What the hell do you have to be sorry for?"

Hope blinked, then blinked again, and his words came out slowly, "You-You were arguing, weren't you? Because of what happened earlier. I was...I just came to say sorry. I mean-I mean I know that must've freaked you out and all and I don't want you to-"

"No."

"Wh-"

"I don't want you to apologize for that Hope." Maqui took another step forward and Hope stumbled back, hitting Snow's chest. The big man steadied him, and as much as Hope started to shake at the contact, he preferred it over the look Maqui was giving him. Maqui's brow was furrowed and his eyes flashing, his face turning red. Maqui glared down at the floor, letting out a heavy breath, opening and closing his hands at his sides. Finally, his shoulders dropped and he whipped around, heading out without another word. Hope was still wound tight, the muscles impossibly tense and rigid, and Snow patted him on the shoulder before giving him a small prod in the back.

"Come on," he said when Hope looked at him, "I'm sure dinner is ready by now. Besides, Sazh is over! You know how often Sazh visits? Okay, a little often, but not lately!" Snow blinked at his own words before his eyes widened and he shook his head, holding his hands up to Hope, "But that doesn't mean-I'm not-Well, maybe we should go down to eat, huh?"

"Way to go Snow," Lebreau hissed as he past her. Snow slumped, his smile gone, and he kicked at imaginary dirt on the floor.

"Sorry."

"Just go." Lebreau rolled her eyes and aimed a kick at Snow, the man retreating before she could hit her mark. She turned back to Hope, her face softening. "Sorry about all that. And don't worry about Maqui. He's just stressed right now. We all are. But I'll straighten him out nice and quick all right?"

"I'm...I'm sorry..." Hope gazed ahead, his eyes distant and lost, "I didn't mean to-I just...nothing is going right...is it?" Hope sighed and closed his eyes, stepping away before Lebreau could reach him. Her eyes followed his back as he, too, disappeared into the next room, and her eyes dimmed.

"Oh, Hope. It's not like that at all." Lebreau sighed, closing her eyes for a brief moment before heading toward the kitchen, Hope's apology still echoing in her head.

* * *

Hope paused outside of the kitchen doorway, the smell of sizzled, cooked meat reaching his nose. The smell of spices mixed with tomato made his tongue tingle, and he could hear the smallest sound of noodles as they were placed on plates. But as much as Hope's stomach growled, he found that he did not have an appetite. He had no urge to eat, despite his stomach clenching, and he was more than a little hesitant of going into the kitchen. He teetered by the doorway, looking from the carpeted beige floor to the white tiles that helped to separate the two rooms, but before he could make up his mind, he was being poked in the leg.

Hope blinked and looked down, eyes meeting a large poof of curly black hair. The next second, Dajh was looking up at him, his brown eyes lighting up as he gave Hope a toothy smile. "Come on, Hope. Time to eat!" Hope swallowed, feeling bits of sweat on his forehead as the room suddenly shrank, and nodded. He trudged into the room with Dajh at his heels, the boy asking him question among question that Hope found himself grunting to. There was a scratchy sound and Hope glanced at Sazh as the man cleared his throat before raising an eyebrow at him. Hope tried to lean back, his face flaring up, and he looked down at Dajh as he spouted off another question. He could read Sazh perfectly clear, _"Pay attention to my son when he's talking to you."_

"Come on Hope, I haven't seen you in ages. I mean, after you being all gone and all." Dajh tilted his head to the side after he shoved Hope toward a seat, "I don't...oh well, don't matter!" Dajh chuckled and climbed into his own seat, right next to Hope. Hope swallowed when Dajh grabbed his shirt and pulled, signaling him to lower his head. Hope tensed his muscles, trying to stop their shaking. _I'm not in a bad place. I'm not in a bad place. Stop panicking. Stop panicking._

"Hey, Hope, you know the name of my Chocobo? Huh? Do you remember?" Dajh asked, giggling under his breath.

"Uh-Um...it was Captain Destructo right?" Hope tried, taking a quick breath.

Dajh shook his head, "Not anymore. He stopped destroying all the plants, so now's we're going to call him Comet! You shoulda seen him the other day. He was running so fast! We went up to Pulse just so he could run all he wanted. Dad wouldn't let me ride him though, said it was dangerous when they're going that fast. But I don't think so. I'm sure he'd be real careful with me on him, don't you think, Hope?"

Hope opened and closed his mouth, unsure what to do with the sudden onslaught of info other than nod. Dajh beamed, erupting into giggles before sticking his tongue out at his dad. "Just wait till I tell him you agree! He'll have to let me ride next time."

Hope suppressed a groan at that. _Great...I'll have Sazh on me too. _Yet Hope relaxed, albeit slowly, into his chair. The room was no longer closing in on him, and while he still had no appetite, his roaring stomach would more than devour the spaghetti set in front of him. "Thanks Serah," he muttered, taking a fork in his hands and staring down at the long, yellow noodles smothered in red, spicy sauce. Hope felt himself warm up and chanced a glance in between his bangs, feeling several eyes on him. His body slumped and he dug his fork into the noodles, twirling it inside until several long and red noddles were curled around his fork. Then he brought it to his mouth and clamped his mouth over the fork, slipping the noodles right off. He could almost hear the collective sigh among the group as he swallowed, but he did not look up to meet their faces.

Hope glanced to his right as someone else sat down and nearly bolted from the room when he realized that Lightning was sitting next to him. His eyes snapped up to her face and their eyes locked for a moment before Hope realized that he was staring. Face reddening, he looked back down at his plate. _No, no, no, no, no, no, no!_

"Hope..."

Hope squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, "Sorry." His grip on the fork tightened, the metal digging into his hands, and he bit back a yelp when he felt something hot sear his fingers. The fork plopped into the spaghetti, sauce splashing up and falling as droplets onto the table. Hope curled his fingers, inspecting the now red skin as panic bubbled anew in his stomach. _I...burned myself? But how-how I-_

"Hope, what's wrong?" Hope flinched when cold hands skimmed his fingers, grazing the new burn, and he held back a hiss as he glanced at Lightning. He swallowed, slowly pulling his hands from hers and looking down at his plate.

"It's nothing," he said, fishing his fork out of the spaghetti, "I guess I just got a bit carried away. Nothing serious." Hope refused to meet her eyes as he pulled several napkins from the small metal dispenser in the center of the table. He wiped his fork down as the back of his neck burned, but he did not dare meet Lightning's eyes. _She might see what's wrong..._

_I can't have her see what's wrong._

Silence followed their small exchange, aside from Dajh's chattering to Hope and everyone else at the table of things from school to the newly dubbed Comet, and Hazel's occasional babble as she made a mess of herself with the red sauce. Serah would wipe her face every now again, but she finally sighed when she could take the silence no longer. She glanced at her husband, nodding her head toward the table, and he gave her a cheeky smile and wink. But instead of following her gaze to the table, Snow leaned toward Hazel.

"Snow?" Serah whispered, bending lower so could get just under Snow's chest as he reached for their daughter. "What are you doing?"

"Lightening up the mood," he said, grinning at her as he slipped Hazel from her sleep. All eyes were on him as he sat Hazel in his lap. Even Dajh was quiet, giggling to his mouth when Hazel just smiled, her blue eyes impossibly wide.

"Dada?" she asked, giggling when she was settled in his lap. She grasped the table and peered over the edge toward everyone's faces and food, warmth bubbling up inside her as she realized she was sitting at the big people's table. She never got to sit there!

"Hey cutie!" Snow said, playing with his daughter's hair. He smirked and glanced up at the table before leaning toward his daughter. He whispered into her ear and Hope found himself inching away, his chair scraping the tiled floor as he slid back. Hazel started to bounce up and down on Snow's lap, her face absolutely glowing as she looked around the table.

Snow started to lean away from her but she grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him back to her, "He won't mind?" she asked him in a whisper, her eyes lighting up.

Snow looked around the table, sparing no one from his gaze, before he whispered rather loudly to her, "Not at all. In fact, he loves it that much!"

Hazel grinned, bouncing a little in Snow's lap again before she pulled Snow's plate to her. She stabbed the noodles, digging into the food and scooping up plenty of sauce, glancing around. Serah's eyes widened and she shot up from her chair, but Hazel had already lifted the fork and flung the food around the table. Hope closed his eyes, Serah's shouting ringing in his ears, but her shouts were quickly drowned out by a long string of colorful curses.

Hope snapped his eyes open and looked around at Sazh as the man let curse after curse fly from his mouth, Snow's roaring laughter soon booming in the room. Dajh erupted into a fit of giggles, not even bothering to hide it anymore, and Lightning smirked. Lebreau was full blown laughing as well and even Maqui managed a few chuckles. Hope watched as Sazh stood, running his hands through his fuzzy hair and coming up with globs of sauce and noodle in his hair. Hope felt his lips twitch at the sight, and the murderous look Sazh sent Snow did nothing to help his oncoming smile.

"Oh, you think this is funny, big man?" Sazh said, voice low as he shook his head. Sazh grinned, eyes flashing, and Hope gave a small smile. The smile Sazh wore was almost slasher-like, and the wide angry eyes made him wonder why Snow was still sitting there. Obviously the man was about to kill him. "I'll get you, big guy. And your little imp, too!"

Sazh lunged then and Snow snorted, nudging Hazel off his lap, "Run, Hazel, run! Before the crazy man can get you!" Hazel let out a shout of laughter and darted from the room, little legs flying as she disappeared through the doorway. Several spots of red dropped onto the floor and walls and Serah's jaw dropped.

"Snow! She is covered in spaghetti and you sent her into the living room! You know how _hard_ it is to clean spaghetti sauce out of carpets? Because you'll be finding out if I find one spot of it on my floor!" Snow gaped and turned toward the living room, chattering floating from within. "And it sounds like she found the remote! Anything she touches you'll wind up cleaning, you know-"

"Crap-"

"I'll get her," Hope said, scooting back in his chair and standing up. He caught Lightning's eye as he made to leave the room, smiling a little as Serah started screaming Sazh for all his swear words. He was already heading for the living room as Snow called for him, saying he'd come too. _If only to escape your wife's-_

Hope stopped, watching as Hazel played with the remote in her lap, the young girl plopped in front of the television. His eyes narrowed on the screen before he let out a choked gasp, shaking as he stepped all the way into the room.

"Here is another look of the footage caught only days ago after the attack on New Bodhum," A woman's voice said, playing over the audio of the clip. It was near the center of the city, close to the Crystallized Cocoon, the giant blue ball glowing. There was smoke and fire on the screen, as well as bodies of soldiers and C'ieth in every shot. The camera jerked and the screen had static running along the screen but Hope walked closer, peering into the screen. He sat down next to Hazel, the little girl smiling at him and crawling into his lap, smearing red cause over his jeans.

"Here we can see the driving force that managed to deflect this new threat to New Bodhum, and contrary to popular belief, it is not the Guardian Corps. Instead, it seems the fate of our city rests on the shoulders of a teenage boy." Hope's eyes grew wide as the clip changed, this time showing one of him, although in the distance. His chest tightened, his lungs freezing as he gasped, as he saw himself being yanked by the neck and dragged away. His stomach bottomed out, leaving him empty and cold, and he winced as Lightning jumped into the fray. It was still for a moment before he had snapped up, and suddenly everything was a whirlwind of magic. Hope's eyes remained glued to the screen and he did not notice when Snow walked in. Did not hear him when Snow called his name.

Instead he saw the way he fought, the maelstrom of magic, of lightning and wind, then the terrible gust of cold that had swept over them all. He watched, horrified, as he pulled a gun to his head. It was indiscernible in the clip, but he could see it, see him pushing the barrel against his temple, digging the metal into his head. Then Saorise was on top of him, whispering those words..._maker those words._

"Hope!" Hope's neck wobbled when Snow shook his shoulder, but he did not look away from the screen. Snow released him and scooped Hazel in his arms, "You're going to go see mommy, all right? I have to talk with Hope." Snow glanced at Hope as he spoke, eyes softening, "Just...give him a second, okay?"

"Wuz wung?" Snow shook his head before carrying Hazel out of the room, but her big blue eyes stayed on Hope until her dad took her out of the room.

Hope didn't hear a word.

"A spokesperson from the Guardian Corps. PR has released a statement, saying there was an investigation being held over the incident. The teen, Hope Estheim, was a former member of the military that specialized in dealing with this threat. However, he and major members of the group were removed for undisclosed reasons. The representative went on to say that the citizens of New Bodhum need not worry about Saorise, the woman responsible for the attack." A picture of Saorise flashed on the screen, a freeze frame of one of the shots from the clips of the attack. She was standing among a heap of bodies, blood spilled around her feet and fire roaring the background. Hope could practically feel the heat licking his skin...

"Hope?"

"Now that we have Mr. Estheim returning to our ranks, the military wishes to assure the public that there is no need for panic. He, as well as the other members of the S.C.E. of the military, will be more than capable of fighting Saorise back." Hope jerked at the announcer's words, unaware of the hand on his shoulder. The woman began to speak again, voice clear and crisp.

"Yet how can we be sure that Hope Estheim is really interested in preserving the people? After all, he is marked as a l'Cie, and despite the recent upturns in stigmas against l'Cie, the caution remains. Can Hope Estheim and his associates be trusted when it _is _a l'Cie terrorizing our city? Annalists Kalia Achves and Gharit Vesirod offer their side."

"Shit..." Hope almost jumped when he felt the slightest brush by his ear, finally pulling his eyes away from the screen, but Snow was already bustling out of the room. Hope turned back to the television just as two heads popped on the screen, one of a woman with dark, scraggly black hair tied in a bun, and the other of a man with graying brown hair, his face heavily lined.

"Well, honestly, I can see what the people mean in seeing this boy as a symbol for our city's salvation," the man said, blinking slowly, "Despite our own military's presence on the battlefield, it seems that there was no headway until this boy and his associates made it on the field. Whether or not this constitutes complete reliance on him remains to be seen, but I don't think the man is necessarily evil. Quite the contrary."

"Now, now Gharit, can't quite get all that just from one clip now can we?" the woman said, her red lips spreading into a smile, "Sure, he was able to defeat her at her own game, but that's the key here isn't it? At her _own_ game." The woman shook her head, shifting in her sit. Snow walked back into the room, talking in low whispers as Lightning and Sazh trailed behind him. Lebreau and Maqui poked their heads in as well and their eyes widened as they met the television.

"So what if Hope Estheim saved us? For all we know, he could be the reason that this woman is here in the first place! Now doesn't that make for grounds of an investigation? Yet the military is being rather quiet about the whole thing. I don't know about you, but the events from almost six years ago make me question any kind of secretiveness on the military and government's account. But believe me, this whole thing seems to be linked to Mr. Estheim one way or the other."

Kalia took a deep breath, her eyes flashing, "All he did was bring this woman to our side of the field and now the citizens of New Bodhum are paying the price. To me, this seems to be nothing more than a bunch of l'Cie business that should be kept to the confines of the wilds of Pulse. I mean, look at the footage!" The woman waved her hand, "If one of them hadn't decided to stop, they could have taken out a lot more than a few bases near the center of our dear city, not to mention the loss of life. With the cost of damages, there's no telling how long this incident alone will cost the city, and then there's the grieving families. These people, these _monsters_, have the nerve to come into our city with their shiny new powers and suddenly we're expected to just listen to them? Does no one remember what happened? If this is some war between gods, I'd like it if the citizens were kept out of it, not brought into the fray-"

Hope blinked as the television suddenly blanked out, the screen going black. He was barely able to breathe as he turned around, eyes wide and searching. Lightning had the remote in her hand, the piece of plastic squeezed tight in her hands until her fingers turned white, and she glared at the dark screen.

"I think that's enough of that," Lightning said, her voice strained. Hope could only nod, trying to stand but finding his legs to stiff. Or were they jelly? He couldn't tell, all he knew was that he couldn't move them. He swallowed, his throat painfully dry, and placed his shaking hands on the floor to push himself up. He stumbled slightly and closed his eyes, the woman's words still ringing in his ears. _No...no don't think about it, please stop thinking about it. I-I can't-_

"Hope." Hope flinched when he felt warmth on his cheek, realizing his own teeth were chattering, "You're freezing," Lightning said, peering into his eyes. Hope swallowed again, trying to hold down the shudder that wished to wrack through his body, and Lightning narrowed her eyes. "I'll take you upstairs. I'll talk to Rygdea about this when he gets back." Hope opened his mouth to protest, but not a sound escaped him, and Lightning had already grabbed his wrist. Hope watched as Sazh shook his head, muttering darkly, and Snow was glaring at the television.

_I'm doing this..._

"_...all he did was bring this woman to our side of the field."_

"_...these _monsters, _have the nerve to come into our city with their shiny new powers-"_

_It's...because I just can't-can't-_

_Maker, what's the point?_

Hope blinked, eyes focusing on the stairs as Lightning led him up one at a time. She glanced at her, feeling his skin warm as she held his wrist, but he looked down just as quickly. He swallowed the lump growing in his throat, stomach churning and twisting painfully, and he was grateful when they made it to his room. Lightning clasped his shoulder, pulling him back as he reached for the door, and Hope glanced at her. "Hope, later on…later on we'll-" Lightning paused, her eyes dropping to the floor. She took a deep breath, her hand trailed from his shoulder down his arm, and Hope felt his heart throb in his chest. In the back of his mind, where he was not lost and clouded and wandering in the dark, he heard the whisper of what it meant. Of what Lightning was saying without saying. It made his stomach twist and his heart ache, his hands itch, his body burst at the seams with this impossible hope and fear, and the whole time he could only stare at her. He couldn't…she couldn't… _No…no, I can't-I can't be-no-no…NO!_

"I'll be in to check on you soon," Lightning said, squeezing his arm. Her eyes hardened but Hope had never seen her face so soft. He didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to say. All he could do was stare as Lightning watched him, her hard eyes searching him as her soft face told him not to run. "They don't know what they're talking about," Lightning said, eyes imploring, "They weren't there. They weren't there with you with that-that witch, and they weren't there with us when we saved their asses. They don't know anything, Hope. They don't." Hope could only nod, throat tightening even as he tried to draw breath, and he felt himself release it when Lightning finally let go of his arm. His eyes followed her as she walked down the stairs, catching her gaze when she looked back at him, and he waited until he was sure she was down the stairs before slowly walking into his room.

The moment he closed the door, the conversation downstairs assailed him, the people's voices whispering in his ears. The clip replayed, over and over. He could see the gusts, the fire, the giant waves of cold and the gun pressing into his head. He could feel his heart beat in his mouth, see their bodies piled on one another_, see the deformed, young girl in a home that was crumbling to the ground!_

Hope groaned and brought his hands to his face, digging into his eyes with his palms and sliding to the floor. "Stop it."

"_It's true, you know. If you weren't there, I wouldn't be either. If you had just stayed, this wouldn't be a problem." _Saorise's voice echoed in the room, hitting his ears and drilling into his mind. His eyes snapped open, half expecting to see the white-haired woman holding a knife in her hand, a small smile on her face. Instead, all he saw was his bed.

"Just your imagination, Hope…Rygdea told you about this. Just-Just do what you did then. You're overreacting. You're overreacting." Hope nodded to himself and stood, his legs shaking as he made his way to his bed. "Close your eyes and forget the fire. And-And his stupid porn magazines."

Hope tried to smile, tried to laugh, as Rygdea had told him to do. _"Just do something funny and it'll go away. And if it doesn't, come get me so I can slap some happy into you or some shit like that." _Hope tried to smile at the memory, but flinched when he felt the cold fingers on his back, pointed nails running down his skin.

"_You should have listened. Now look at you." _Hope choked on his scream when he felt the sting of the knife, the burning pain as she slid it across his skin. He opened his eyes, sweat sliding down his face, and he whipped around the room. But there was no white-haired woman holding a knife. There was no fire. Only him, alone in his room.

"_They all died because of you." _Hope turned at her voice, eyes dilated as he searched for her. She was there, she was there somewhere, _"But I guess it doesn't matter. I have you now, don't I?"_

"Shut up," Hope called into the empty room, backing himself into a wall. _This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening._

"_But you're still so…I don't know, I guess defiant is the word. I can change that though. Don't worry." Then he was pushed down into the bed, the pointed crystal digging into his skin as he was pinned the sheets. He thrashed and writhed under the pressure, like a butterfly with a wing pinned, but all she did was laugh. She was on top of him, hair tickling his chest, and her knife raised over her head. She caressed it, fingertips ghosting over the edge of the blade, and she placed a hand on Hope's shoulder._

_He froze. He always froze when she touched him. No matter how much he wanted to scream and shout and kick, he always just _froze_. She whispered in his ear, the warm breath making him shudder, and he clenched his eyes shut._

Hope sat huddled against the walls, knees drawn towards his chest. He hugged them, cradling himself as he rocked back and forth against the wall. He started muttering under his breath, closing his eyes and opening them again. He wanted out. He wanted to get away. He wanted Saorise to stop hurting him.

He wanted everything to stop.

Instead he shut his eyes tighter and buried his face in his knees, choking on his gasp as pain flared along his chest. He did not notice the slight frost gathering around him, too lost in the heat of old pain. The knife trailing up and down his skin, the searing pain. Constant, constant pain. And she was always smiling. Always humming.

He was afraid. Scared witless. So he grasped this familiar thing, something he knew how to do, the perfect distraction when all else failed.

"Five thousand thirty three. Five thousand thirty four. Five thousand thirty five. Five thousand thirty six…" The knocks on the door did not interrupt Hope's mantra. If anything he only counted louder. The knocks grew more rapid until the knob finally turned and Lightning stepped into the room, Maqui and Lebreau in tow.

"Hope!" Lightning's eyes widened and she rushed into the room, falling to her knees beside Hope and placing a hand on his shoulder. Hope tensed, pressing his head even more into his knees, and gave out a small cry. Lightning swallowed, her heart thrumming in her chest as Hope tried to shy away from her, still counting under his breath. She narrowed her eyes when Hope let out a small sob, anger and helplessness pricking her mind, but she shook her head. She straightened herself out, still keeping herself leveled with Hope, and turned to Maqui and Lebreau.

"What's wrong with him?" They both stared at her, eyes wide as Hope continued to rock himself and count under his breath. Lightning growled and stood up, eyes hardening, "Don't just stand there, tell me what's going on!"

They both jumped and Maqui started speaking, voice rushed and panicked, "I-I think he's relapsing or something. Maybe-Maybe caught in a flashback and-and he's trying to work himself out of it." Maqui looked at Hope, breaths short and quick. His eyes caught the slight frost on the carpet but he ignored it in favor of heading toward Hope, eyes clouded with concern. "Hope? _Hope_. Come on, we're right here." Hope just shook his head, mumbling to himself as he tried to press into the wall. Maqui's swallowed, body tensing as he glanced at Lightning. Their eyes met and a fierce protectiveness washed over them both, asking each other the same thing and denying it at the same time.

"_Do we need to get Rygdea?" _And, _"No, we can help him on our own."_

Lebreau watched the two of them, her own eyes focused on the frost by Hope, and she sat by Hope as well. She glared at his chest as discreetly as she could, trying to see between his legs, and somewhat glad as Lightning Maqui tried to coax a response out of Hope. She sighed and turned her gaze to Hope's head as he counted, Maqui and Lightning both saying soothing words to him. A lot of it was nonsense, normal things to say to a person mildly upset. They were out of their element. They had no idea what to do or what to say and it made it all the more helpless. They wanted to help Hope but seemed unable to do so, could not get him out of his shell now that Saorise had shoved him back inside and reinforced the cover.

"I want it to stop," Hope said, finally looking up at them. His eyes were bloodshot, his lips trembling, and they all winced. Lightning's insides squirmed, her concern grappling with her own understanding of the need of solitude. She wanted to grab Hope and hold him close, run her fingers through his hair and tell him she would fix this. She wanted to make his sobs stop and his heart heal, she wanted to make sure he could get up again without bearing a weight already to great for him.

Yet she felt like an intruder. Hope was exposing himself to him in one of the most human, and most feral, ways possible. His grief and weakness brought him to tears and his mind was falling apart no matter how hard he held on to the torn shreds. He was slipping from his own fingers, and as much as he needed them to catch the blowing pieces and help him stitch himself back up, this naked form of expressions seemed _too_ naked, too _real_ to do in the open. His cries and sobs, his moans and wishes for what was, and pleading to stop what is. His tears and his screams, his inner most nightmares and memories that clawed him back into a pit that was growing; a chasm that would suck him in and never let him go. The greatest show of weakness, and somehow, his _strength_, that made Lightning tremble with its ferocity.

And she could only watch.

She gritted her teeth at the notion, knowing it was true and that her meager attempts and stumbling bits of comfort were not and could not be enough. She did not know how to help Hope, and as he continued to slip past them, past _her,_ and down, further and further beyond her reach, her heart jumped. She could no longer consider her every action. She had to follow her own words and reach down and lift Hope up.

Lightning grasped Hope's shoulders again, ignoring his flinching and mild yelp, and pulled him to his feet. He swayed slightly, hands splaying out, and she let him grab her shoulder. She glanced at Maqui and the blond seemed struck for a second before nodding and hurrying to Hope's other side. They guided him to the bed, Lebreau close on their heels, and the dark haired woman proceeded to pull the covers over Hope.

"No. No, no, no, no, no-" Lightning sat on the bed, laying her hand over Hope's arm as she waited for him to stop his protest. Lebreau and Maqui hovered over the bed, but eventually Maqui trued away and started to shuffle around the room, opening a few drawers and pulling out a few clothes. Lightning started to rise, anger bubbling in her chest, but Maqui turned back to them, a pair of beat up goggles in his hands. He marched toward the bed and planted them on Hope's head, Hope's eyes widening.

"I'm sick of not being able to do anything for you," Maqui said, his voice hard, "So…so I'll just try this and see how it goes. I don't know, I'm just-we'll figure it out! Kay?"

Lightning relaxed and looked back at Hope, watching as the stress lines eventually faded into a troubled, but quiet, demeanor. Hope gazed at the ceiling, his eyes puffy, but he was no longer counting or lost in a nightmare. To Lightning, this alone was an accomplishment. Before she had been helpless, forced to watch as Hope suffered. This was little different, and Lightning could feel the hollow victory churn uncomfortably in her stomach, yet she held on to it.

"We'll stay with you," Lightning said, glancing at Maqui and Lebreau, "Until you fall asleep."

Hope blinked once, mouth parted slightly as he let his eyes slip close. He took a deep breath and whispered the words he felt he'd always have to say,

"I'm sorry."


	33. Coming Short

**So, yeah, anyone else notice how the stats are very, very broken? That really annoys me actually...**

**Poo.**

**So here we are for an early update anyway, even though I hate it when this thing is on the fritz. But that's beside the point. I'm here to tell you my surprise will also take a little longer, because it morphed into something more and spawned a new idea at the same time. But I hope you can all be patient with me.**

**Another thing, Crystal Hearts will be ending soon. Unless I get a few responses with fics soon, there will not be another extension. However, if you simply need more time, and if enough people request it, I will extend it until the end of January. Remember to pm me about it.**

**I can't believe I forgot! I really did. I just looked back one day and thought, huh, I don't remember replying to this review, and that's because I hadn't! I am SO sorry I did that, I just let time get away from me.**

**Anonymous- Yay! I was really glad when I read you liked the news report. I had been worried about it, but it seems to have been received well! I hope (stupid, gosh dang puns!) that the rest of the story continues on in such a manner! Thank you for your review!**

**And again, I am so sorry everyone.**

* * *

Rygdea's strides were quick and long down dark hallway, his eyes hard and mean as he glared at anyone he happened to pass by. He was heading for Lt. Amodar's office, but he'd be meeting with more than just an old colleague. Soon he would be arguing with some of the most infuriating men ever set on Cocoon, and now, Gran Pulse. They were a constant and firm reminder of why he had quit the military in the first place, and indeed, they made his blood boil in a way that no one else, save Saorise, could.

He hated dealing with politicians turned soldier.

Rygdea was so focused on his trek forward, his steps forceful and brisk, that he almost did not hear Crawford calling his name. It was not until the man clapped a hand on his shoulder, leaning a little more on his good leg with just a bit of sweat running down his head, that Rygdea took notice of Crawford's presence.

"Damn, Rygdea, thought I'd never catch up with you." Crawford shook his head and reached into a light brown satchel at his waist, pulling out several folds of paper and handing them to Rygdea. "Just managed to get these reports. Everything about Kael and his involvement with Saorise, although I don't know how useful some of it is. The man was stubborn." Crawford shrugged, but his eyes lingered on the documents.

Rygdea slipped the papers into his hands, unfolding a few of the reports and giving them a quick once over before he nodded at Crawford, "I can't say I blame Kael considering who it is we're _all_ dealing with. I may be able to use it though." Rygdea started walking again, but his pace was a bit softer, and Crawford fell into step beside him.

"Still not budging on the trip?" Crawford asked, eyes growing dim as they continued down the hall.

"No. They're even trying to move up the date and I don't know how long I can stop them on it. Next fucking week Crawford! Next fucking week they want to ship Hope off and have him deal with Saorise again. He hasn't even recovered from this last incident. A few days ago I found the others trying to help him out with another episode, but dammit, he's losing this fight. He needs rest and he ain't getting it with these assholes breathing down his neck!" Rygdea breathed hard through his nose, scaring a few women walking past with papers in their hands. They scurried away, throwing worried glances toward him as their heels clicked down the hallway. Crawford sent them a passing glance before focusing back on Rygdea.

"I know you're frustrated, Rygdea, but you have to keep a level head with these guys. They're just looking for a reason to say that you're too biased to be speaking on Hope's behalf. If that happens, there will be no helping him," Crawford said.

Rygdea closed his eyes for a moment, nodding slowly and easing his steps. "I know that Crawford. Believe me. And it's more than just this trip, it's about what we're going to do with him now. They're still denying that request for a psychologist, even for the barest amount of an analysis, someone leaked that story so the media is in a frenzy, and I have to fight to keep Hope on proper off-duty. It's ridiculous!" Rygdea's eyes flashed and he glared at the approaching door, body itching to just barge inside and throttle nearly every man in there.

He and Crawford stopped at the large, dark door and Rygdea closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Crawford watched as the man's face went from angry, with harsh lines glaring on his face, to smooth and calm. Rygdea was still rigid when he opened his eyes, but there was an icy edge to him that made him seem bigger and more powerful. Rygdea was going in cold despite his hot and boiling blood, and with one last, calming breath, he walked through the doors. Crawford watched his back until the door slid shut, barring everyone within from view.

Rygdea's eyes traveled to each man in the room. There were only twelve, each seated around the table at the center of the room Rygdea had sat at when first discussing what to do with Hope and his little team at De Novo.

It all seemed like an eternity ago.

Each man, in turn, met his gaze. Some would continue to stare even after he had looked away from them, their eyes boring into Rygdea's figure, narrowed as if to challenge him. Others would avoid his look altogether, a strange sense of burning shame flaring through their bodies. Their eyes would skitter across the table or their hands, unlike the fierce gazes of the more confident men. And Lt. Amodar, the only real ally that Rygdea felt he had in the room, met his gaze with his own steady stare. Rygdea met them all in turn, whether they looked at him or not, and nodded at Amodar before taking his place at the table.

Silence reigned over the men for a few moments, Rygdea keeping his air of calm and frigid indifference, even as the others started to glance at him more and more. Only Amodar seemed composed under Rygdea's demeanor, offering the whispering men in the room a blank stare. "Now that everyone has arrived, I suggest we begin. Depending on how this goes we can be here for quite a while...and I now have soldiers to get together for a very risky undertaking. I'd rather have my resources on that as soon as possible." There was no harsh tone or biting anger in Amodar's voice as he called the men to attention. Again, there was a calm air about Amodar that left the room chilled, as if Rygdea;s own icy stare wasn't enough. Finally, one of the men cleared his throat, glancing at Rygdea.

"All right then. Well Rygdea, you've come here to argue your case for the boy, right? Say why he's not quite ready to go out hunting for Saorise?" the man asked, his dark blue eyes narrowed on Rygdea. "So what do you propose we do then? Just sit here and wait for that woman to make another move on us? Have her try another attack on the crystallized Cocoon while you stay at home and play nursemaid with this-"

"Watch yourself," Amodar said, eyes focused on Rygdea. He could see Rygdea's jaw tighten and his hands clench on the table. Starting a fight too soon would ruin any leeway Hope could get...even if it was one of the other men who instigated it.

"Excuse me, Lieutenant. I just don't see the logic in waiting on the boy when this problem can be solved now," the man said, shrugging. Yet his blue eyes lingered on Rygdea, and he had not missed the angry flare in Rygdea's eyes.

A few heads began to nod, and a man with thinning hair piped up, "We saw the work he did at the last attack, and he performed well. While I admit that taking him off the team had been a bit of a blunder on our parts-"

"A bit of a blunder?" Rygdea said, mustering just enough disbelief in his tone to make the men flinch, "Sirs, you allowed a man working, albeit reluctantly, with Saorise to come in, strip away every De Novo member that had knowledge of her attack methods and history with her in battle, arrest the man that could actually help you lead a defense against her," Rygdea paused, smirking for a moment, "and then set up a regime for the remaining soldiers that _would not work_," Rygdea's eyes narrowed and his legs twitched, itching to stand up, "Not to mention that all of this led to the giant catastrophe at the Crystal Cocoon in the first place. You're punishing people for your mistakes and-"

"We're punishing no one Rygdea. This is how things are meant to be. His performance in the field that day-"

"Has led him to his current depression! You're giving me no means to help him sort through his psychological problems, yet you expect him to be able to perform top notch for this trip!" Rygdea did stand this time, hands finding the papers and crinkling them in his fingers, "You want him to do well, to fight her and beat her back, and want him to charge into what we all know is a trap. You don't think she really left those books by accident do you? Given her history-"

"We are well aware of this Rygdea," the blue-eyed man said, glaring at Rygdea, "But all this means to me is that we need to work faster. This woman is setting traps for our troops, terrorizing the city, and threatening the balance of everything we worked these last few years to establish! Forgive us if we want this problem good and settled."

"With no regard to the people you could be crushing along the way? Maker, and people wondered why I quit," Rygdea said, a humorless smirk on his face as he rolled his eyes. The blue-eyed man's face turned red and he glared harder at Rygdea.

"The greater good takes precedence over a single soldier," he countered.

"Not when that single soldier seems to be your ace against this woman," Rygdea seethed, "How can you expect him to perform well when he can't even get a shred of fucking sleep thinking about all this shit!" Rygdea's calm was leaving him, and his composed words fell apart I wake of his anger, "Whether you like it or not, your hopes are literally hanging off this kid, and if he can't perform up to your standards, it is game fucking over!"

Rygdea ignored Amodar's flashing eyes as he spat the words out, focused entirely on the man before him. Each face was turned to him, watching his every move, listening to his every word, and Rygdea blazed ahead, "You want Estheim to stop Saorise? Well you have to make sure this whole mess ain't killing him first. Else all you're gonna get is one dead boy and a screaming bitch trying to tear this city apart. I'm done trying to reason with you. Get your head out of your ass before I start making some moves of my own."

"Rygdea!" Amodar shouted, standing from his chair.

"I can have you arrested for that. I suggest you watch what you say," the blue-eyed man said, his tone cold, "You've done more than give me the grounds to do so."

"But you won't, will you? Now when you need me to look over Hope and the rest of my troops. You lose me, and you lose them." Rygdea looked as if he would continue, opening his mouth with a sneer and preparing to unleash all the other plans he had in store for his team if these people didn't compromise, but he caught himself. He didn't need to make the threat. He didn't need to tell this man or anyone else in the room that he would pack up his shit and hightail it out of there, Hope and the others with him, if things didn't shape up. They knew he would. They could see it in his eyes, they way the irises flashed and burned with each word and movement. The plains of Gran Pulse reflecting off his eyes, his allies behind and before him, and a heavy-loaded teen turned man marching in front of him, safe and whole. Yet just as they knew what Rygdea intended, those men too had plans. They could not let him have free roam. Not when they had plans to make, a city and its citizens to protect. And both seemed tragically, almost cruelly, at odds with the other.

It was a long while before anyone spoke again, each eye boring into the others around them, until the blue-eyed man stood straighter and glared down at Rygdea, "The trip stays on its schedule. We cannot not, nor will we, bend this for your pupil's psyche. However-" the man held his hand up when Rygdea seethed and bared his teeth, "That does not mean we will not do something. I believe there will be no objection if we allow Mr. Estheim the luxury of staying home and fighting his personal demons there, rather than at the base everyone will be returning to tomorrow."

"But-"

"I'm afraid that is the only thing we can give you Rygdea." It was Amodar who spoke this time, sitting down and leaning back in the chair, "You made this personal for you but we must remain objective. I can see what you mean, now why can't you see our way? The longer this sits here, the longer we allow her to have free roam, the more danger we place our citizens in. Estheim will have time to recover, but even he has to face this eventually." Amodar's eyes darkened, "And if he needs it he has our backup. He doesn't have to be...one hundred percent. So long as he can-"

Rygdea raised his hand to silence him, turning away from the men. Inside his chest roared, threatened to swell until his heart popped out its cage, but Rygdea held his surging anger at bay. He wanted to snarl at these men, rip them apart for what they were doing to Hope, but he knew that part of it was true. He didn't know which part was right, too bogged down by the fact that he failed Hope yet again, but no one could see the storm behind his eyes. The only hint of his weariness was the slow blink and the snapping jaw, before everything was business again.

He had something for Hope at least. Time...he had gotten him time.

But Rygdea knew Hope needed much more than that.

"Then I suppose we should begin discussion...on how to handle this excursion."

* * *

"_...Mom?"_

_The word was fragile, glass shimmering in the sun, reflecting blinding rays of light in all directions. It was warm and glorious, wonderful on his lips. It was everything he had ever wanted. It was love. The word represented love to him. Kind and patient love, one that only a mother could give. Fierce in it's protection, but so comforting to rest against._

_Yet there is something wrong. The heat is too much, yet on the inside, there is coldness. Bitter coils wrapping around the head and heart._

_An explosion...a scream. Heat. Heat. Fire was everywhere. A rush of air roaring in his ears, then agony, pure agony, ripping at his chest. Thousands of fragments raining down in the emptiness, all born from a sharp crack and surging heat. Her eyes. Her green eyes, so much like his own, in each and every jagged shard._

_He was screaming. Screaming and shouting to get away, and all he could hear, all he could see, was _her _falling. Falling._

_He was on his knees now, looking down at her form as he tried to reach her. Tried to touch her without falling himself. No matter how far he reached out he couldn't seem to grab her. Her hand was right there, waiting for someone to come and save her._

_He had to save her!_

_He gritted his teeth, nudged his feet just a little bit farther, but then there was a jerk and _he _was falling. His hair blew up and his clothes whipped around him as he fell. Dropped away from the hanging edge. He whipped around and stared up at the twisted metal above him, yet all he saw was infinite nothing. No metal, no explosions, no mom._

_Nothing,_

_Falling._

_He jerked around, expecting to see the same thing. The infinite blankness, the soothing balm of his dreams and nightmares._

_Instead he saw Saorise. Her head a thousand times too big, disembodied from from the rest of her and so large that it was all Hope could see. And he was falling toward it, plummeting at unstoppable speed with nothing to grab onto. It grinned, pointed teeth bared as he approached, the wind still roaring in Hope's ears. He clenched his eyes shut as the mouth opened, her laugh ringing in his ears, jolting his arm, and ripping at his chest. Burned. He _burned.

_He felt the warmth of her breath, the whoosh of air, and he screamed. He screamed and screamed as he landed on rough padding, the wetness already seeping through his clothes. He screamed until his voice caught in his throat, till it stung from the effort. He choked on his breath, opened his mouth to scream again-_

_And she swallowed._

…

…

"_...When will it stop?"_

_Hope blinked open his eyes and felt himself relax. His body, tense from the nightmarish sequence, fell lazily against the nothing that surrounded him. He leaned against it, like he would lean against a soothing breeze, and he took a large breath. His chest released as he blew out a sigh and he blinked, eyes roving the emptiness. It was odd...that these were the parts of the dreams he loved the most. There was nothing there, nothing at all, and he could feel the emptiness flow into him. It would slide up his veins, make him shiver as it coasted his blood, and blissful blankness would fill him. There was nothing. No fear, no anger, no pain._

_It was refreshing._

"_I should be scared...scared that I like this," Hope said, his voice quickly lost to the endless stretch before him. "But...I'm not." He closed his eyes and breathed again, "I'm not. I like this."_

I-I think I want this.

"_No Hope." Hope's eyes snapped open and he sat up, staring out into the nothing. The world rumbled, the surface quaking under his hands and shaking his core, and before him the nothingness shattered. It cracked, the sound snapping like ice, before dropping down in shards. Fragments of the nothing world blew into dust, entering a void Hope didn't see,and a familiar bright red head bobbed toward him. The girl smiled at him, although there was a slight downturn on her lips, and she ran up to him her arms outstretched. Hope's breath caught when she slammed herself against him, arms wrapping around him and pulling her toward her chest, flooding him with warmth._

_Vanille._

"_Hope! Hope, I've missed you so much!" Vanille cried, hugging him closer. Hope swallowed as he felt himself press closer to her chest, dangerously near her bosom, but wrapped his arms around her nonetheless. He gave a heavy sigh and closed his eyes, her cheerful tone filling him with warmth. He etched it to his memory again, the slight upturn in her words, the way she always seemed to speak with a smile. He wanted to laugh when he felt the sting in his eyes, wetness threatening to leak out, but he just buried his face into her neck._

"_I missed you too, Vanille," Hope said, almost choking on his words, "I missed you too!"_

_Vanille nodded and grasped his shoulders, pushing him to arm's length and staring him up and down, "You've changed so much Hope. So much! You got tall!" Her eyes watered as she said it although her smile never faltered. Hope's chest clenched and all he could do was nod. Shame burned him and he had to resist the impulse to look way from her. He had changed...that much was painfully clear._

"_I can't stay long..." Vanille whispered, leaning in again, "He might find me if I do, and that'll mean big trouble for everyone okay? Fang wanted to come, but it was safer if only one of us went." Hope blinked, shaking his head._

"_Vanille...Vanille what do you-"_

"_The voice," she said, voice dropping even more._

_Hope snapped his mouth shut, eyes darkening. The same voice. The voice that haunted his dreams, shouted at when he had fought Saorise._

_The same voice he had heard years ago. Always echoing in his mind, whispering in his ear, sometimes nonsense...other times..._

_Blood. Screaming._

_Bodies._

_Vanille swallowed and kept his gaze, her own eyes lighting up as she stared at him, "You need to let this go Hope. You need to let this place go. Don't think about. Don't think you might want something from this place. Don't think it's good for you. It's not, it's not, it's not." She shook her head and hugged him again. Hope gasped, blinking as he tried to clear his mind. And all she did was shake her head, her body trembling against his. "I know this place seems better, Hope, but it's not. You can't-you can't-"_

"_But it stops it..." Hope finally whispered. His eyes grew large and he swallowed hard, shaking his head and letting out a gasping breath, "I don't-I don't feel it here, Vanille. I don't feel scared! She can't-she can't ruin this. This stays the same, no matter what!"_

"_And what about the others, Hope?" Hope heaved, trying to choke back his desperate breath, but Vanille did not scold him. Her eyes dug into his, searched his face for something Hope didn't know, and she tried to smile. "I know you want to protect them, Hope...I know you do-"_

"_How, Vanille?" Hope gasped, burying his face in her shoulder, "How do I protect them? How can I? How can I? I can't...I'm not strong enough! She gets to me. I need to be strong but I keep letting her get to me! Vanille-Vanille I _saw _them. They were all dead! They were all dead Vanille-"_

SLAP!

_Hope blinked, hand gripping his cheek as it stung anew, the skin already turning red. Nostalgia washed over him like an old calm wave, but it was soon overcome by his growing terror. It clawed through his heart, making it jump to his throat to escape, and Hope almost choked on his words._

"_Vanille."_

"_It'll be okay Hope. We'll help you. Fang and I, we'll help you somehow. I don't get it yet either, but I promise It will be okay."_

"_Why?" Hope said, hands clamping on his head as he ripped at his hair, "Why does everyone say it will be okay? Why? It's not, it's not going to be okay-"_

"_It will Hope," Vanille said, pressing closer to him, "It will be okay because you'll make it okay. For them. For her." Hope shook his head, even as affection burst through his chest and something wet and strangely warm dripped onto his cheeks. There was a strange pull on him and Vanille, and the red head grasped his hand for a second and gave it a tight squeeze. Before Hope could grasp it, she was fading into little bits of dust, merging into a giant colorful cloud before being blown away, exploding into nothing._

* * *

Hope groaned as awareness crept into his head, his temples throbbing as he shifted in his bed. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at the wall, blinking the sleep crust out of his eyes. His body felt heavy, almost indented in the bed, yet Hope felt like he had gotten no rest at all. His skin prickled and itched, so Hope drew a deep breath and sat up, stretching out his arms.

"Sometimes, I wonder if I ever got a good night's sleep," Hope muttered as he swung his legs over the bed. He closed his eyes a moment and felt the ring of Vanille's cheery voice sound in his head. _"It'll be okay." _Hope opened his eyes again and looked toward the side of his bed, not even blinking when he saw Rygdea's makeshift bed empty. _He's been gone a lot lately. Probably getting ready for the trip..._

_No..._

Hope clenched his eyes shut and stood, hands trembling as he thought of going back _there_. Back where she had dragged him across snow, the cold biting his skin, _her laugh hanging in the air even as he wailed for her to stop. The bones...there were bones..._

"No," Hope said, pacing his room, "I'm not going back there. Not now. Not now." Hope reached the far right corner of his room and leaned his head against the wall, banging it lightly against the hard surface. "What do I do? What the fuck do I do?" Hope moaned and slammed his forehead harder against the wall, his head rattling with every strike. He blinked and glanced down at the floor, eyes focusing on the bags Rygdea had thrown into the corner days ago. Hope squinted his eyes and leaned down, catching a flash of bright red.

"What-" Hope's hand froze over the bag, eyes bugging as the corner of a book came into view. He clenched his hands and recoiled, landing with a thump on the floor and staring wide eyes at the bag. _Why? Why would that be-_

_The investigation...this must be what they found._

"_Hope." _Hope jumped and looked around, heart hammering in his chest as he heaved several deep breaths. He swallowed and grabbed at his hair, eyes swiveling back to the bag. _"Hope...you have to open it. Hope, I think you-"_

_No-No Vanille, I can't. I can't look. I don't want to. _Hope shook his head and brought his hand to his face, several rattling breaths escaping him. His body tensed and he could feel the sweat on his chest, his underarms, his head, anywhere it could go as his body flared. _If I look in there-I don't know, something bad. Something bad. I don't want to. Please, Vanille, please tell me I don't have to look. I can't look. I can't. Please..._

Silence.

Hope choked, his heart thrumming harder and harder in his chest as he reached for the bag, fingers brushing against the book. Hope bit back a small gasp as he felt a jolt rack his body, his arm tingling as it shot up its length up to his neck. It ended with a throb in his temple, the blood pounding and rushing in his ears, and he slid the book out of the bag. "Rygdea will get mad..." Hope mumbled, already inching away from the bags with the book clutched in his hand. He stumbled up and away from the corner, his body burning, and little bits of soot went unnoticed as he walked to his bed. Hope let his shaky legs give out as he reached the mattress, the book falling from his hands to his lap as he sat down.

"Just...just look inside, see that you still don't know what it says, put it back, and pretend it didn't happen. That's right. Nothing's changed. Nothing more can change. There's already-already so much shit going on. There has to be a cap on this sort of thing right? Right?" Only silence answered him. Hope swallowed, his throat impossibly dry and itchy, and he rubbed his fingers against the yellowing pages of the book. He dug his nail underneath some of the pages and flipped the book open, letting the pages fall in place, the strange lettering standing stark again the old faded paper.

Hope waited until the pages stopped turning before he glanced at the book, hands shaking as he pinched the books corner and stared at the lettering.

And stared.

And stared.

"No...no, no, no, no, no!" Hope shook his head and shut his eyes, crinkling the pages before he looked again. Yet the loopy black lines, while they seemed no different from before, read themselves to Hope. He could not grasp how to say the words they represented but their meaning was not lost to him. He could read the book.

He could _read_ it. Understand it.

And he didn't want to.

"This can't be happening...no. No, just no!" Hope clutched the book, felt the urge to rip out the damned pages and fling them around the room. He wanted to drench them in water until they were unreadable. Wanted to coat them in ice and break them off like some frozen icicle.

Instead his shoulders slumped and he released the death grip he had on the pages, letting the book relax in his lap. He took several deep breaths and looked back at the book, swallowing in vain to keep his mouth from going dry. He flipped back to the front of the book, glancing at the first few pages. _An-An index?_

Hope blinked before leaning toward the book, squinting at the words.

_Maker's Dawn_

_Volume A-Au_

_Adrammelech_

_Allum_

_Anima_

_Apelios_

_Athena_

Hope's eyes widened as he read the names, and his shaking fingers turned the page,

_A Preface_

_And so do we, l'Cie of burden, take unto us our master's load. In hope that we, with all our might, may call a stop to endless night. A single breath, call to arms, and trials we face to be set with charge. In each Fal'Cie, a set of hardships to prove our merit. Know the laws and bide by them, for these be saving grace in days without Maker. Take now the burden on your back and advance further to new dawn._

_Maker calls and light shines forth._

Hope turned the page again, face set with wide eyes and disbelieving breath.

_The history and laws._

_L'Cie would do well to know their fate._

_-C'ieth are the result of l'Cie failure. A Focus unfinished burns upon the soul if left undone by Master's orders._

_-C'ieth be made to trudge on, through night and light, till Focus be done or their bodies turn to dust._

_-Crystal sleep for l'Cie who know glory until called upon by Master's voice again. Go at their call and receive a new Focus. Test your mettle, resolve, and soul._

_-The first Focus done rids worries of C'ieth. Proven is worth and no need to turn beast, unless Master so wishes._

_-A brand may be removed, the dark lines cast off. Yet only by Fal'Cie may this be done._

_**(Chaos says this is rare. Investigate later.)**_

_-Know that l'Cie turned C'ieth will seek great magic. Be wary on travels for fallen foes and comrades alike._

_-One may grow stronger if they keep drinking from the well. Keep with each Focus for your magic shall drink from the well of great power, and you shall know greater strength._

_-Only through hardship are we stronger. The greater we suffer, the stronger we are. New limits tested, we shall grow ever greater. Yet only certain tasks prove right, the Fal'Cie master the deciding hand. Only through they may trial prove true._

_-Know that Fal'Cie knows all. Through they does Maker speak._

_-Even we have our limits. Know your place lest you bear transformation. The greater the pool, more likely are you to drown._

_-Even enemies may make you stronger despite their foul power. Take from them their magic, mix it with your own, and watch as you grow while they shrink._

_-Through Maker we see, through Maker we do, and for Maker we breath._

Hope blinked at the old pages, eyes burning as he read and reread what he saw. The words were jumbled in his mind, colliding into one another and leaving strange echoes in his head, but he could not comprehend it. Hope's hands began to shake and he snapped the book shut. He stood from the bed and marched over to the bags in the corner, his trembling hand hovering the book just above them.

"_Good call, I say. The Fal'Cie have gotten so...wordy over the centuries, myself included. Besides, you won't find me in those pages. Not in this volume. She wants you to figure it out on your own, says it'll be fun." _Hope froze, eyes dilating as the voice boomed in his head. _"What's the matter? It's not as if you've never heard my voice before. Now we just get a more...personal talk."_

"No..." Hope mumbled, swallowing hard. He dropped the book, shutting his eyes and grabbing at his hair, "You're not here, you're not here, you're not here. Please...please, you can't be here."

"_You remember. I know you do. And not just with that fight with Saorise, not even when you touched the book from before. You know who I am. I coaxed you out of the room and lead you to freedom-"_

"Lies!" Hope backed away from the corner, shaking his head, "All you've done it fuck with me. Don't talk some shit like you know what's going on!" Hope screeched to a stop when a flame bloomed before his eyes, letting out a small burst of orange light before disappearing without a trace. Hope shook his head and pulled down his shirt, trying to see his brand, but the voice laughed in his head. The sound rattled his brain, making it throb and bounce off the walls of his head.

"_Now Hope, see what happened there? To believe that you would have so much power, yet you still resist me so much. Do you even know what I'm trying to accomplish?"_

"I don't care. I don't. Just get out of my head-" Hope stopped himself before his voice got any louder, and the voice boomed again.

"_It's the same thing you want Hope. A way out. A way to escape all of this pain. It would be easier with your cooperation...you're so very close. Soon, you'll be ready. Both you and Saorise."_

"Shut up."

"_Then, before you know it, I will come and grant both your wishes."_

"Leave me alone!"

"_Everything will disappear Hope." _Hope inhaled, covering his ears as he sank to his knees. Yet the voice only seemed to get louder, covering Hope like a shadow. Down his head, through his neck, his chest, his abdomen, and through his legs to his toes. His arms were heavy with his voice, his words, this unknown voice that just oozed venom and malice. And with the voice Hope could start to hear the others, their screams, the splash of blood.

"_You, Saorise...the girl I've seen in your dreams. Lightning I believe. Not just her though. Everyone. Your friends, your family, your life. All gone in a wonderful void, a blanket of nothingness as we all usher in a new life. A new _dawn_. All of your pain will just disappear Hope...all of it."_

"No..."

"_And even if you fight it. Even if you try to stop this, it won't matter. Kill Saorise if you wish...it won't disrupt a thing. So long as you exist it shall continue...this I can promise." _The voice paused for a moment, as if to take breath.

Hope yearned for its silence instead.

"_It will all end Hope. Both of you shall be the darkest night...that calls forth the new dawn."_

Hope said nothing. His arms had fallen to his sides, eyes painfully blank as he the words etched into his head. Burned into the frame of his mind, glowing red with the sheer truth in them. Because Hope knew it was true, deep down in his gut as it twisted and churned with the need to throw up all the horrendous truth it had been forced to digest.

He couldn't stop him, the voice or whatever it was. Not even with Saorise. Not even is she was dead.

_I-I never even...stood a chance._ _The others...ugh...the others..._

Hope blinked and stood, his legs surprisingly steady, and he made his way to the bed. He sat without a word or whisper, and stared at the wall, blinking hard. As much as he tried to think, he couldn't get past it. That the others were bound for death, for nothingness, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Hollowness filled his once twisting stomach and his eyes glazed over, a haunted look about them.

_I-I'm sorry..._


	34. I Know

**This chapter...how to describe this chapter...**

**It means a lot to me, in a lot of ways. But I can see where some may not get it, or others are unsure of what it means and such. I don't know...if by the end you will see it or not. There are pros and cons to both, I guess. But I did my best with this chapter, tried to find the flaws, and make it what it is meant to be. I look forward to you, the readers' thoughts, should you care to share them.**

**Anonymous: Excellent. The book is confusing isn't it? Don't worry, it'll be clearer later (hopefully). I'm glad you enjoyed Rygdea's part, I missed writing him. And really? Cool! Well, you can usually find me under the name closedrose in the world of Windia. Maybe drop me a line? But thank you, I enjoyed your review.**

**plummy-kins: *blush* Thank you, I'm really glad you're enjoying it. *hugs***

**On to the chapter. I hope you can all enjoy, and I look forward ti your speculation.**

* * *

Lightning glared at the wet shower walls, water dripping down her chest and onto the floor as she wrapped a towel around herself. Today, she was going back to the base with the others, with the exception of Hope and Maqui. When Rygdea had come home with the less than welcome news, especially after hearing the attitudes several of the men had, she had wanted to tear something apart. With the way the rage had bubbled in her stomach, she considered stuffing something down a garbage disposal and watching as the tiny parts were ripped to shreds. Instead she simply had to get ready for the day, even as Hope sat holed up in his room, unwilling to talk to her or anyone else about what was going on in his head. And to top it all off, they would be traveling to a death trap with Hope in a few days, all because the military wanted to get the problem dealt with and swept under the rug as fast as possible.

_Hope._

Lightning tightened her grip on the white towel and stepped out of the shower, rubbing down her chest and arms and proceeding downward as her thoughts drifted to the silver haired man. _He's not the same right now. He's so...so lost. And I don't know how to help him. _She narrowed her eyes and scrubbed harder, ignoring the redness on her skin. _How? How am I supposed to help him? I can't-I can't stand this! I can't stand seeing him like this but all I can do is try and hold him down and soothe him through it. I can't beat these damn demons back and-_

_And I want him to be okay again. _Lightning let the towel drop around her legs and she grabbed a bra off the counter, snapping it around her breasts. She swiped a black tank off the bathroom counter, slipping it over her head. _I want him to-to _smile _again. I want this over and done with so that I-I-_

Lightning's eyes fluttered closed as the top fell over her head, and she took a shuddering breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. _Hope...dammit, you little..._ She almost smiled, her chest roaring as warmth and biting cold gripped her all at once. Her hand strayed over her chest, resting just where her brand had once been, and she sighed. _Who knew...that you'd get to me. _She opened her eyes and glanced at the ceiling, face softening as Hope's face flashed in her mind. One that was smiling, eyes not quite meeting hers, a boy turned man. Then another, this Hope haunted, muttering out how he loved her with that tinge of resigned sadness still there.

Then of this broken Hope, whose eyes seemed almost dead.

Lightning clenched her hands and grabbed her white, sleeveless coat off the counter, sliding it over her shoulders. She shook her head as she grabbed her undergarments, then her battle shorts and every other article she had brought with her. Then she stood still, glaring hard at the floor as Hope's sad eyes turned to her in her mind. She fisted her hands and let out a growl, slamming her fist into the counter. Her hand screamed at the abuse, the very bone throbbing as it connected with the solid counter, but Lightning closed her eyes and relished the pain. _I will fix this. Somehow…somehow this will be right again._

_Hope…I will make you see._

Lightning sighed and slowly opened the door, heading for her room and grabbing her boots near the door before going down the stairs. She paused to pull on her boots and straightened up in time to see Hope, Snow, and Maqui leaving the kitchen. Maqui glanced at her before heading up the stairs, his face drawn tight and body tense, while Snow just grinned. "I'll be waiting outside sis. Just had to say goodbye to the misses." Snow mock saluted her before striding toward the door, leaving Lightning alone with Hope.

Lightning stared at Hope, noting the way his shoulders sagged and how he was leaning against the doorway. The bags under his eyes seemed even darker than before, the red and purple circles like alarms in his pale skin, and his body was hunched over. Even his hair seemed limp and when he met her eyes, there was this resignation there that Lightning wasn't used to seeing. "You haven't been sleeping well," she said, crossing her arms.

"No," Hope said, shrugging. Lightning narrowed her eyes and nodded, stepping toward Hope. His leg twitched and his body pressed just slightly closer to the doorway, but otherwise he didn't move.

"Nightmares then?" Lightning asked. She didn't wait for an answer, they both knew that was the cause, even if Hope wouldn't say it, "You look dead on your feet."

"I'll try to do better," Hope said, looking away from her. She could hear the slight waver in his voice and his eyes skittered, landing anywhere but her. Lightning took a step closer, then another, until she was right in front of Hope. Hope's body tensed at the proximity, his arm twitching when Lightning raised her hand, but she moved slowly, carefully. She gently pressed her hand against his arm, wrapping her fingers around it and rubbing circles on the skin with her thumb. She gazed at him, gauging his reaction.

"I know you will," she mumbled, her words barely above a whisper. Hope turned his head toward her, his breath managing to tickle its way down her neck. _When did I get this close to him?_ She could feel the blood moving under his skin, the sudden rush of heat, and the way his muscles tightened. His breath was shaky and nervous and Lightning knew that he was scared. She pressed her hand closer to his skin, felt him stiffen even more, but she closed her eyes and just breathed. "Hope...I know you don't believe me, but we will fix this."

Hope was silent, even his breathing had gone quiet, and Lightning slowly pulled away from him. She did not look him in the eye at first, studying the floor as she tried to get her thoughts together. Finally, when she was sure she was not an incoherent mess trying to sort itself out, she looked at him. Hope was staring ahead of her, his eyes lost and distant, as if he saw something that she didn't. He blinked once, mouth parting with a little air flying in, before he focused on her again. His dull green eyes flashed once and a small blush made its way to his cheeks. He smiled at her, but it was small and sad, tinged with something Lightning couldn't name. Yet as she stared at it, Hope's small smile, she couldn't stop this feeling in her gut. It swelled and swelled, filling her stomach and chest until she was sure that whatever was there would fly out of her lungs, but was gone in the next instant.

"Light..." Hope's voice was soft and slow, "I know...that you want to fix this situation." Hope paused a moment, his eyes widening slightly. She saw the unnamed emotion flash on his face again, the way the lines would form on his forehead and near his eyes, small scrunches that told her he was worried and tired.

Tired of a lot of things.

Maybe...even tired of everything.

"But even if we managed that, do you think we could fix me?" Hope tilted his head to the side, lost in his own thoughts. The distant look was still there. He was looking beyond her, was floating away where she could not reach him, and she almost grabbed him by the arms again. She beat back the thought, a surge of embarrassed anger jolting her. _Get a grip. You're just talking. There's nothing to worry about. You're making something out of nothing. _Yet she couldn't shake the feeling. Instead she clenched her hands and narrowed her eyes, fixing Hope with a glare.

"Like you need fixing? We'll work through it Hope, but that doesn't mean-"

"I don't need fixing?" He blinked again, as if genuinely confused. His eyes narrowed and shook his head, "Lightning, I don't think you get what I'm trying to say-"

Lightning gritted her teeth, holding back the growl that was clawing its way out of her throat. "I know what you meant Hope. But this...this isn't a problem that can be fixed. It's something we need to talk about and work out amongst ourselves." Lightning felt the heat in her face again, the warmth almost comforting if not for her words, "And you act like it is an actually problem. As if it's a burden, something that has to be dealt with as soon as possible," Lightning swallowed, "And it's not. You are not a problem Hope. Don't even think it. What happened to you is far from simple. It will take time-"

"Maybe we don't have time," Hope said, looking away from her as his eyes became distant again, "Maybe we just don't have enough time for that. If I can't get sorted out…" Hope trailed off, his eyes darkening at his unspoken thoughts. Lightning wrapped her hand around his arm again, shaking her head, but Hope was lost to his thoughts. "I guess you should get going. Sorry for keeping you so long." Lightning opened her mouth to protest, to say no she wanted to stay with him first, to do _something _to get Hope back to her, but she knew he was right. She unwrapped her fingers and stepped away from him, watching as he left her where she stood to walk up the stairs. Her hands felt cold now, almost icy as they were exposed to the empty air, and she turned away once his feet had gone from her sight.

"_Maybe we don't have time."_

Lightning narrowed her eyes as she walked out the door, something angry and hot and _desperate_ grabbing her heart.

_I'll show you Hope. There's time. There's more than enough time._

_I'll make you see it._

_I will. _Lightning glanced toward the stairs one last time before heading out the door, Hope's words and her thoughts still ringing in her ears.

* * *

_He wants to destroy everything. He or she or it, wants it all...just gone... _Hope sat in his room, chin digging into his knees and wrapped in his own little ball. The room was dead silent, thick with quiet, and Hope had the book in front of him once more, looking at the black curly lettering with blank eyes. He did not know how long he had been in his room, and honestly, he didn't care.

The book in front of him...and the conversation with the Fal'Cie seemed far more pressing to him.

_He wants to kill me and Saorise...plans to use us for this big scheme of his. To bring back Maker... And-And he needs the crystallized Cocoon for this too. And once he gets what he wants, he'll crush us into nothing. Me. Saorise._

_Lightning. Snow and Serah and Hazel. Rygdea...Maqui and Lebreau. Sazh and Dajh...everyone. They'll all be gone. Gone in..._

_...in nothing..._

_What do I do? What can I possibly do to stop this?_ Hope shook his head and unclenched his hands from around his legs, bringing his hand, the palm up, to inspect. The pale fingers slowly uncurled and Hope studied the lines along his palm and fingers and the circles around his wrist. His hands...pale and limp and _weak._ _How can I protect anyone? How can I-I even hope to..._

Hope clenched his eyes shut and shook his head again, running his hand through his hair and burying his face in his knees. _How do I stop this? Even-Even if we stop Saorise he said-he said as long as he had me-_

Hope's head snapped up when he heard Hazel crying, the small wails drifting into his room. The door was cracked and Hope pushed himself from the bed and peered outside, expecting to see Maqui and Serah jump up to help her. Hope swallowed, eyes swiveling from the crying down the hall to the bedroom doors, tapping his foot on the carpet as no one showed up. Hope stepped out of his room, ignoring his heart as it thumped painfully in his chest, and stepped toward the end of the hall where Hazel's room lay waiting. Hope glanced at Serah and Snow's room once, half expecting, half wanting, Serah to pop out and ask him what was wrong with Hazel before rushing into Hazel's room to see for herself. All Hope heard were Hazel's soft wails, the noise grating his ears and making his hands twitch and jerk at his sides.

Hope sighed and pressed his hand on the door, slowly pushing the door open and peering inside. Hope's eyes centered on Hazel, the little blond girl crying on her bed, hand to her mouth as she stared ahead. Hope's eyes traveled down to Serah, the woman's head resting on Hazel's bed, small snores floating from her. Hazel hiccuped and Hope's eyes snapped back to her, and he took a deep breath and went in, putting a finger to his lips as Hazel's big blue eyes found him. Hazel nodded at him and pressed both hands to her mouth, teary eyes scrunching up as she held in her cries. Hope walked to the bed and knelt beside Serah, brushing her hair back and trying to get a good look of her face. She was paler than usual and deep red circles lined her eyes as she slept. Hope felt for the pulse around her neck, ignoring the furious beat of his own heart as he tried to focus on the steady rhythm.

_Did she faint?_ Hope swallowed, a new panic blossoming in his chest as he glanced at Hazel, "Did your mom just...fall asleep?" Hope asked, keeping his voice as low as possible.

Hazel nodded, shaking hands moving from her mouth, "Mommy...mommy was telling a stowee, but-but she seeping. _Seeping. _Why mommy seeping?" Hazel shook her head, eyes watering as she looked at her mother. Hope felt his chest tighten and he ran a hand through Hazel's hair, smiling at her as she hiccuped again.

"She's just tired Hazel. Don't worry." Hope glanced at Serah again before scooping Hazel in his arms, the little girl clinging to him the moment he had her. Guilt clawed at him as he watched the woman doze, a voice close to Saorise's whispering in his ear, _"This is your fault you know. All your fault. Tiring them out, causing them stress. When will you learn Hope? When will you learn that you aren't wanted. That the only person who needs you...is me?"_

He blinked, shaking his head as if to rid himself of the thoughts, and cradled Hazel close to his chest. "Let's go find Maqui, okay?" Hazel nodded into his shoulder before burying her face in his neck, her soft, hot breath warming him. Hope's eyes softened but he blinked rapidly when he thought he saw a flash of brown. Banishing the thought, and the sudden jump start it had caused his heart, Hope made his way out of the room and down the stairs.

"Where'd you go Maqui?" Hope asked, looking around as he entered the living room. He patted Hazel on the back when the girl let out a low moan, then closed his eyes and listened hard for Maqui. His voice, a small crash, any-

Hope's eyes opened as he heard the faint, hushed sound of drilling coming from the backyard. He pressed Hazel closer to him and headed for the noise, brow furrowing as Hazel started to whine, saying it was too loud. Hope rubbed her back and hushed her as he went down the hallway and toward the back door, fumbling with Hazel and the small knob before managing to lock it between his fingers. He twisted and turned, the progress slow with the girl in his hands, but eventually he managed to pull the door open. He hooked his foot to the other side of the white door and swung it open, the barreling sound of the drill slamming his head. Hazel started to moan louder but Hope's eyes searched for Maqui.

The blond was working in the backyard, the sun hitting and reflecting of what looked like one of their cycles. It was old looking, a lot of the frame a rusted green color, and rusty red where parts of the paint had completely peeled away. The vehicle was missing part of its back, the bumper sticking out in an odd place, and Maqui's legs were sticking out from the front of the vehicle. "Maqui!" Hope called, his voice quickly drowned out by the sound of the drill. Small orange sparks began to fly from the front, landing in the grass where small black patches had already been burned. "Maqui!" Hope tried again, heaving an annoyed sigh when Maqui kept working.

"Ope!" Hazel cried, tugging at his shirt, "Stop!" Hope winced and nodded, eyes lowering to Hazel as she shook her head and reached to cover her ears, only to grip Hope's shirt when it seemed like she was loosing her balance. Hope started toward the vehicle, walking in a wide circle as he got closer to the sparks flying off, and glared at Maqui as he continued to work. The blond had his goggles covering his eyes, making him look like a bug as the big, black lenses gleamed from his work.

Hope sighed as he and Hazel went unnoticed and peeked a finger out of his grip on Hazel. A small icicle began to form at his fingertip, the small and lumpy shard of ice shooting at Maqui's cheek as Hope flicked it from his finger.

"Ow!" Maqui cried, shooting up only to cry out again when he slammed into the vehicle. Swearing enough to make Hope press Hazel's ears to his chest, Maqui switched off the drill and the yard fell into an eerie silence. Maqui yanked his goggles off his head and glared around until his eyes came upon Hope and Hazel. His eyes widened and he shoved himself out from under the vehicle, clawing at the grass as he struggled to push himself up without falling over himself. "Um...sorry about that," Maqui mumbled when he finally stood, rubbing his cheek. There was a small red mark where he had been hit, but Hope found he couldn't feel bad about it.

Maqui looked anywhere but Hope and Hazel, eyes swiveling between his vehicle and the grass beneath his feet. Hope cleared his throat and Maqui stilled, refusing to look up, "I think Serah may have passed out."

"What?" Maqui's head shot up, mouth dropping open.

"I checked her pulse and everything and she seems fine." Hope resisted his hands sudden and overwhelming urge to smack himself, the guilt returning full force, "I think it was from exhaustion or something, but she was reading to Hazel at the time and she...she freaked out..." Hope mumbled the last part, glancing at the blonde bundle in his arms before he spoke again, "And, well, I can't exactly help Serah and Hazel at the same time, so you think you can help with-"

"Of course," Maqui said, already heading toward the house. Maqui paused to look at Hope for a second, eyes drawn to him and Hazel, and Hope looked away as he felt his whole body heat up. Maqui opened his mouth to say something, but the words seemed to die before they even reached his throat, and his mouth was left slightly parted. Hope glanced at his friend, both of them feeling miles and miles from each other, and they both walked in without a word between them. Hazel complained in Hope's arms, saying she was tired and wanted to get her story. Hope rubbed her back again and looked at Maqui as the three headed up the stairs, but slowly Hope's gaze moved to Hazel's room.

Maqui nodded and headed in, Hope and Hazel at his heels, and Maqui started to inspect Serah himself, shaking his head and telling her that she needed some rest anyway. Hope looked at the carpet as Maqui spoke, feeling hot flames climbing up the back of his neck and leave throbbing welts. Hope's eyes snapped up when Maqui began to grunt a little, scooping Serah under his arms and lifting her from the bed. Her head lolled for a moment, face scrunching up as she mumbled out a 'shhh' and Maqui almost grinned at her. Hope watched as Maqui left with Serah resting in his arms, waiting until he heard the click of a door before whispering to Hazel.

"Now how about we get you in bed too?" Hope asked. Hazel nodded, her eyes barely staying up as she blinked and yawned, and Hope placed the young girl on her small, clean bed. Hazel curled up, knees to her chest and arms laying lazily near her face. Hope's chest tightened at the sight and a small, sad smile made its way to his face as he pulled the light blue covers over her body. He leaned by the bed and ran his fingers through her hair, glancing around the room before spotting a small, stuffed brown bear sitting on the floor. He scooped it up and handed it to the girl, Hazel clutching it to her chest the moment it hit her fingertips.

"Sleep tight Hazel," Hope said, smiling at her as he stood and left the room. He did not notice the large blue eyes as they followed him out of the room, but Hope left the door open a crack in case Hazel needed him again. Hope peered through Serah and Snow's door, watching as Maqui settled Serah in her bed only for the woman's eyes to flutter open. Hope blinked as Serah's hands flew to her mouth, but left when he heard Maqui's voice floating through, giving Serah a quick explanation. Hope could still hear the Maqui's nervous chuckles as he went for his own room, and was unaware of the small steps that followed him.

Hope gave his door a halfhearted push as he went in his room, the door hanging open and letting in a small draft, but Hope was too tired to care. Watching Hazel, helping her and Serah, and talking with Maqui just seemed to take all of his energy. He was too warm and too tired, his eyes itching and burning for sleep, and a yawn fought to escape his mouth. He flopped onto his bed and shoved the book to the floor, kicking it under with his foot before settling in the bed. _Can't have anyone looking at that…_

_Why though?_

Hope's brow furrowed at his own question and he rolled over, eyes popping open when Hazel poked her head inside. "Hazel?" Hope asked sitting up from his bed, "What are you doing in here?"

"Stowee," she said softly, sliding into the room and holding her bear to her side. Hope flinched at the movement, looked toward his bed to escape it. _Please don't._ "Pweese Ope? Pweety pweese!" Hope shut his eyes at her voice, as if to shut out the insistent begging. The girl as she clutched her teddy to her side-

"_Come on! Have some drinks with us! Please?" A head of brown hair bobbed its way toward him and Hope was suddenly being grabbed at the legs, bright brown eyes looking up at him. The girl wore her best pout, the bottom lip jutting out and quivering like an earthquake. Her eyes watered for added effect and Hope knew he would cave before he had formed his first protest._

_The girl was smiling at him, toothy grin as she waved her stuffed animal. But what it was escaped him. Blurred out…he didn't want to know. He didn't want to remember it…_

_The flames. So hot…burning…everywhere. It was so hot everywhere. Everyone was-_

_The girl. A house crumbling, yet so sturdy inside. The beginning._

_It had begun before that._

_Long before that._

_Arm._

_Arm._

_There was an arm…_

_What else, what else, what else?_

"_No!"_

_Gone. It was gone. All of it was gone._

_Humming. Note after note. Light and happy. She was humming._

_Fear. Hate. Fear. Hate._

"_You don't' mean that."_

_It was all gone. All gone. Why wasn't he gone too? Why? Where was he? Pain…both outside and inside. His insides! What was wrong with his insides? Why did they burn? It hurt, it hurt, _Maker _it just hurt._

"_Stop!"_

"Ope?" Hope's eyes opened, wide and frightened, the pupils too large before they shrank at the rush of light. He gasped, his breath caught in his chest. _But-but I was…in a fire. How-_ His mind was whirring, desperate to call him back to reality or his memories or the things he just wanted to stay buried deep down inside and never come out again. It was crushing him, the weight of it all. It was so sudden, like all things he hated tended to happen, and he felt the guilt creep up on him. It choked him, grabbed his heart and _squeezed_ until he could feel the blood it was pumping burst from the tiny little seams. It was everywhere, leaking in his chest, and it was black and filthy with his guilt and anger and hatred and fear. When had it happened? He was bleeding all over the place and he didn't know why!

"Ope…?" The sound, the sound, it was familiar. _Where am I? _Hope blinked again, flinching at the tugging he felt on his arm. The hands were warm and small, but it didn't matter. The hands had him and they were going to drag him _there_ and there was nothing he could do about it. He was going to die. She was finally going to kill him right? _No…no, she wanted me out of the room She did! Why would she-why would she kill me now?_

Then blue eyes came into focus, wet and quivering like the other girl's lip, and Hope was rocketed forward. His stomach clenched at the upheaval, the whirring of sound and color and hot, hot fire. He was in a bedroom with a girl named Hazel, whose eyes were blue like her mother's and her father's and like her aunt's eyes. He was safe. He was safe and they weren't and there was nothing-

"Why sad? Hm? Why?" Hazel asked, pressing closer to his bed. She tugged on his arm before grabbing the sheets, trying to lift herself up to his bed. Hope inhaled, eyes fluttering closed as he breathed as deep as he could, the memories still calling to him as he tried to banish them away. His hands shook in his lap and he looked at Hazel as the girl struggled to get a good grip on the bed. _Why sad? Why? I-I can't-_

Hope reached down and grabbed Hazel by the wait, hoisting her up and settling the girl in his lap. Hazel hummed and snuggled into Hope's chest, closing her eyes and letting out a small sigh. But her eyes scrunched up and she tilted her head up, "Why sad?" she asked again.

Hope shook his head and lowered his chin to his chest, feeling the warmth and very much alive girl sitting in front of him. He could see so much of his loved ones in her eyes, and so much of the dead. Haunting him, bringing the darkness even closer to him, and yet he could not stop walking toward it. And Hope wrapped his arms around the girl and gave her a small, gentle squeeze, trying to blink away the burning in his eyes. _Don't-Don't please._

_Don't disappear. I can't..I can't let you, or anyone else, disappear. Ever...again. ._

"Why?" Hazel demanded. Her voice was still soft though, as she reached for Hope's sleeve. Her big eyes were understanding, even though she had no idea what was wrong with Hope. "Why sad?"

"Be-Because," Hope choked and jerked his head, breaths heavy and moist as he fought the stinging in his eyes, "Because I can't. I just-I just can't. Oh-Oh, I just don't want you to die. Please...please don't." Hope's voice caught in his throat and he tried to swallow, "I can't lose you. Oh Maker I can't lose you. I can't, I can't, please don't make me." Hope bit his lip, pressed down until he was sure he felt the skin break, but the stinging still wouldn't stop. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I can't-I can't seem to protect you. I can't. I can't no matter how-how much I _try_. I keep-I keep hitting these dang dead ends!"

"No sad!" Hazel said, her own eyes shimmering, "Ope no sad. No sowee!" She shook her head and tugged harder, crying a little as Hope fell apart in front of her.

Hope hiccuped and his skin burning, his cheeks strangely hot and wet, and he wanted to hit himself and laugh and crawl into a hole and just fucking die. Instead he brought Hazel closer to his chest and rocked them back and forth on his bed, his face wet and his cheeks red. _I'm falling apart in front of her. I can't even manage...to hold myself together so I can-_

_What is wrong with me?_

"I just want to protect you..." Hope muttered, over and over under his breath, "That's all. But-But I couldn't even save that little _girl._ I-I couldn't. I don't wanna lose you. I can't lose you. Please don't go away." And Hazel shook her head and said she was sowee for making Hope cry. Hope shook his head patted her hair, "Don't be sorry. Don't be sorry Hazel. Nothing's your fault. It's mine. It's mine, I know, it's all mine. She told me you just do, but I don't think it can happen this time. And it's all my fault. _All _of it."

Hope kept crying, silent crying, crying for the things he couldn't change and the people who had died. Crying for the people who were going to die, all the death that was coming, and he cried when he realized he couldn't save them all. Couldn't even save _one_ _little girl. _He cried about being backed into a corner, he cried for the little life in front of him that he was convinced he couldn't save, and he cried for his weakness and for forgiveness.

Maqui stood still against the wall beside Hope's room, face slacked in disbelief as his own eyes began to water.

* * *

_Black. Inky black. Shadows. Darkness. It didn't matter. All he knew was that he couldn't see._

"_You've been trying to so hard haven't you?" Hope turned away from the voice, felt his head move along a hard surface, the feeling strangely comforting. His chest was still heavy though, as if someone were sitting on him, and his arms were chilled to the bone. His wrists were about to crack and snap of and then his hand would be floating away from him._

Floating where?

"_And you're more than a little out of it. Do you remember...before?"_

Before? _Hope yanked his arms up, felt as if he were trying to pull them from water, the liquid dragging his arms down and making his clothes stick to his skin. _There are so many befores though. _He curled in on himself and breathed air through his cupped hands. But the chill did not subside. _I don't know where to start.

_The word came to him in the darkness. A faint whisper traveling on the thinnest of air, yet he could hear it whistling in his ears._

"_Protection."_

_The faces came, assaulted him, flashed through his mind over and over and over again. Lightning, Snow, Serah, Hazel, Rygdea, Maqui, Lebreau, Gadot, Yuj, Sazh, Dajh. Lebreau, Snow, Serah, Hazel, Rygdea-_

Stop.

-_Maqui, Lebreau, Gadot-_

I said stop it.

_-Yuj, Sazh, Dajh. Lightning-_

I said I know!I know! I know I have to-I have to-

How? How can I? He-They, everything...

How can I protect them?

_Like a switch the lights came. Giant white spotlights beaming down into the darkness, burning Hope's eyelids, then his eyes as he blinked them open. Hope pressed against the ground and sat up, watching through squinted eyes as more and more of the beams of light came crashing into the darkness._

"_Weak."_

_Hope pushed himself off the ground and stood, throwing his hands at his sides as he wobbled before looking ahead of him. He blinked once, hairs standing on end when he saw something, a figure, shift. His chest tightened and he found himself walking forward, his steps hesitant as they tapped against the hard black surface. He paused a moment as the light that shone above him followed, the circle of pure white never once shifting or deforming, but shook his head and looked back at the figure. He narrowed his eyes as the figure shifted again, hunching over as the light shone on it, and Hope shuddered as a small cry came from ahead. He picked up his pace, the steps small and quick, and the figure grew as he approached._

"_Scared and weak."_

_Hope blinked as he finally reached the figure, his shoulders slumping as his light mingled with the other. Two large circles of light hung over him and the other figure, but Hope had eyes only for the quivering form below him._

_He did not expect his fourteen year old self._

_The sniffling and jumble of incoherent words started the moment Hope stepped forward to look at his younger self, the sound a surprise in the previous silence. The quiet crying flew up and around them and Hope's eyes hardened as he watched his younger self cry and rock himself back and forth. This small, weaker version of himself. A tiny body amidst a mass of darkness. As the younger Hope moved to sit up his own light moved with him and the older Hope was sure it was the moving lights that caused his eyes to sting._

"_Mom..." the younger Hope muttered, sobbing and shaking his head when his eyes did not find Nora anywhere in the darkness or bright lights. "Mommy...Mom!" The older Hope's chest tightened and he gritted his teeth, but his younger self continued. "Where'd you go! Mom! Mom! Please...please don't leave me alone here. Mommy...mommy, come back! Mom!" He kept shouting it into the darkness, looking for someone who wasn't there and would never be there again. And the word only burned Hope, stung him in all the wrong places until he finally snapped at another cry of, "Mom!"_

"_Shut up!" Hope shouted, punching his younger self. He felt his knuckles meet with the soft cheek and then the bone as his younger self went careening to the ground. The older Hope brought his hand to his chest and looked down, ignoring his younger self as the sobs began anew, "Just shut up. She's gone. Just shut up," he mumbled. But the cries only grew louder and with each pathetic cry, Hope could feel his insides twist and burn. "I said shut up!" Hope winced as his voice was thrown back at him before bowing his head, his bangs blocking his younger self from view. Yet his head shot up when the crying stopped and instead, found himself face to face with his sixteen year old self._

_This one was taller and perhaps a little thinner, and wore the dark fur clothes from years ago. His green eyes bore in Hope's own and his face contorted in desperation, "Help me." His younger self reached for him and Hope found himself frozen as his arm was grabbed. His younger double moved closer and Hope could see the dirt and grime on the other's face, the blood smeared into the hair, and the tears and rips in the nearly black fur shirt. Little red stains were everywhere but there was still blood leaking from his head and chest. His neck was practically coated in it..._

"_Please help me. Please. Please."_

"_Stop it," Hope ground out, clenching his jaw as he tried to pull away._

"_She's coming!" the younger Hope cried as if he hadn't spoken, "She's coming soon! Please, please, you have to help me!" There was a loud bang, startling the older Hope as the younger flew to the ground. Hope stared wide eyed and open mouthed as blood stared to pool around the younger Hope's body. But his younger self still moved and he turned his blood stained face toward the older Hope. The younger reached for him, arms shaking violently as he struggled to move, and tears started streaming down the little double's face._

"_Please. Please. Please. Oh please, she has me. Please," the younger Hope sobbed over and over again, "Please help me." More blood began to leak from the sixteen year old's body as Hope stared in shock, "Help me! Help! Someone please!" the younger Hope shouted before curling in on himself. Blood began to dribble from his mouth as he cried and sobbed and begged, and the older Hope felt his stomach burn. He choked at the sensation as bile bubbled in his throat, and his head throbbed and pulsed as the image stamped itself into his mind. Yet he couldn't look away even as the younger one's breathing became ragged._

_Then the injured Hope began to cry out names._

"_Mom! Mom! Mommy please! Please make her stop! Make her stop!" The last few words became a strangled wail, blood gushing from his mouth in seemingly limitless amounts. As Hope watched his knees buckled and splashed into the blood,yet he did nothing even as the crying intensified._

"_Mom! Dad? Help! Help!"_

_Hope let out a small cry of his own and covered his ears, squeezing his eyes shut, but both their head snapped up as Saorise's voice rang through the air, "Shut up!" The younger Hope shook his head and cried harder, thrashing on the black ground lit by light and banging his head on the floor._

"_Help! Mom! Dad! Lightning!" The younger Hope's arm shot out from underneath him and stretched until it popped. The younger Hope started banging his head harder and harder on the black surface, repeating her name over and over as his arm was pulled from its socket, "Lightning! Lightning! Lightning! Lightning! Lightning!"_

Please no.

_The blood began to pool around the arm and the laughter came back, louder than ever as if to drown out the crying. Yet Lightning's name rose above the cries and laughter, one shrill scream that begged for her to swoop in and save him. Hope grabbed his head as the blood washed over his knees and he began to scream as well, his voice one wail. He shook his head and yanked at his hair, felt the locks wrap around his fingers as they ripped from his scalp._

I'm scared. I'm scared and I don't know what to do now. Someone...someone please...

"_Hope..." Hope looked up when he felt a warm pressure on his shoulder, and his eyes widened when he caught sight of Rygdea. The man's scruffy hair was hiding his eyes but he turned to Hope and grinned, patting his shoulder, "You thinking about this again? Well damn it, why didn't you say anything?" Hope opened his mouth but all that came out were small, unintelligible sounds. Rygdea smirked at him before walking toward the other Hope, pressing a hand against the outstretched arm. The figure immediately stilled and Hope felt something unknot in his chest, the pieces falling away without his notice._

"_It'll be okay Hope!"_

"_Come on, we'll be there." Hope looked again as Lebreau and Maqui came running at him, their own lights shining over their figures and adding to the giant circle of light around them. They smiled at him, their faces warm, and Lebreau laughed, "You didn't really think we'd leave you alone now did you?"_

"_Hope, geez, look at you!" Snow was there, grinning like an idiot as he wound an arm around Serah. The petite woman waved at him as she cradled Hazel in her arms, the little girl fast asleep in her warm spot with her mother. "Get it together! We're here aren't we?"_

"_Quiet down Hero." Sazh shook his head, letting out a long sigh, "Man Dajh, tell me you won't be as loud as him," he said, patting his son's head before looking at Hope, "I'm sure you can make it through this kid."_

"_NORA's got your back after all!" Yuj and Gadot were running at him, Hope's neck throbbing as he tried to watch each one, but he froze when he heard _her _voice._

"_Hope." He started to turn, ready to look for her, to see her, but stopped when he felt two warm arms wrap around his neck. He closed his eyes and breathed in as his heart thumped almost painfully in his chest. The crying had died down as had the screaming. Hope leaned back into Lightning touch and shivered as her hair brushed his neck. "Hope, believe me, we're right with you."_

_Hope gasped and Lightning tightened her grip as he spoke, "I know. I know that. But what about-what about you?" Hope shook his head, grabbed Lightning's hand and held it closer to him, "After everything you've-you've done for me, all of you, it seems like I can't..." Hope's voice shook but he plowed on, "It seems like I can't even protect you. And I want to. I want to so badly." Hope let his fingers slip away from Lightning's arm as the warmth started to fade from him, and when he opened his eyes, he was not surprised to see that the others were gone as well. Instead Vanille was in front of him, her hands clasped in front of her and her eyes suspiciously wet._

A dream within a dream then?

"_Hope." She knelt beside him and took his hands in hers, smiling at him, "We'll find a way, you'll see, everything will-"_

"_Vanille." Vanille silenced herself and watched as Hope bowed his head, his eyes hidden by his bangs. He was silent for a long time, or a short time, in the darkness. His light was the only one now, shining brightly over the two of them, completely empty except for them. "Vanille," Hope said again, his voice stronger this time. He looked up at her, his eyes quivering for a moment before hardening, "I-I've been through a lot." Vanille nodded, getting to her knees and boring her eyes into Hope, "And Vanille...I'm so tired. It felt like I was always running in circles. Sometimes it sill does." Hope let out a small laugh, but it died as quickly as it came, "I want it to stop. But that wouldn't be fair to the people who have helped me."_

_Hope paused again and closed his eyes, tilting his face up to the light shining above him. The light gave off a warmth of its own, now that Hope had a chance to feel it, and he tried to lean closer to it, "I want to protect them Vanille. More than anything. I'm willing to give up...so _much _for them. I mean, after they've helped me get this far, it's the very least I could do, you know?"_

_Hope took a deep breath, his chest swelling as he felt the warmth, the burning passion to protect, flare through him. He smiled, a small and true chuckle escaping him, and he looked back at Vanille, "I'm willing to give up anything." Vanille nodded, her eyes darkening._

"_You-You're sure then?" Her voice was quiet, so unlike Vanille, and it held just a bit of a plea. Hope slowly brought his head down, his smile never leaving, and Vanille was struck by how content it was. How ready._

_Peaceful._

_Hope stood up, grabbing Vanille and pulling her with him, and chuckled as he saw the height difference, "I just realized Vanille. I'm finally taller than you."_

"_Hope-"_

"_I'm sure." Hope blinked, laughing softly as a few tears managed to escape, "I-I hate to say it...but I feel so _sure _about it. Vanille...it could work...right? This insane, crazy idea, that came to a desperate man in a dream?"_

_Vanille didn't answer him right away, looking at the floor even as Hope squeezed her hands. She let out a low breath as her eyes stung, "Yes...I think it could." Then the smile was back as she hugged him, wrapped her arms around his neck like he was fourteen again. Even though he wasn't fourteen. Even though things would never be like that again._

_Even though this Hope was ready for things he shouldn't be ready for._

_She whispered something to him as Hope was jerked up, his dream fading into nothing. He almost didn't catch it as the wind rushed in his ears, but he smiled again and nodded, his eyes dark but face serene._

"_I know."_


	35. His Peace

**So when this chapter was originally written, it was much longer. Too long actually, even without edits, and there was no good place to stop afterward. So I did the only thing I could do and found another place to stop, moving the rest of this chapter to the unedited Chapter 36. Honestly, that one is pushing the length as well, but not nearly as bad as this one was. This chapter, in many ways, turned into a transition chapter. I hope it is still interesting, as I always like to keep you all entertained, and maybe you'll see the sprouts of my tiny little seeds. Regardless, sharing my doubts about this chapter gives me some peace of mind, so I hope you'll excuse my nonsense.**

**Reviews:**

**plummy-kins: Thank you. I mean it, thank you for telling me how it made you feel. As for Hope's decision, it's a little hard to say right now, but I think it'll become clear later. But again, thank you, and I'm glad you understood the chapter. *hugs* It means a lot.**

**Anonymous: Your review made me smile. A lot of what you saw was there, don't worry. A lot is open to interpretation, but love and sadness and gratitude. It was all there. And I'm glad you caught on to Hazel and her significance. She became rather important there, and I'm glad you appreciated it. And I'm glad I still have it with those messy little scenes. *hugs* Thank you.**

**Lazy Luzuli: *hugs* I'm glad you think so! And I bet it is! I'm so coy with their story! :) But thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it.**

**I got to read through your reviews again, and I must say, reading them all made me feel warm and happy. I thank you all for your kind words, and for those who are reading silently, for staying with me and this story for so long. Maybe I'm sentimental because of how long this project has gone, maybe i'm giddy from the 500 review count, maybe I'm just glad to know you're enjoying the story. But for whatever reason, I thank you all.**

**Well, I should stop rambling and let you all enjoy! Again, thank you readers.**

* * *

"And there's no way around it?" Snow asked, following Rygdea up the stairs. Rygdea shook his head, glaring ahead at the stairs and then down the hallway as they reached the top. Rygdea glanced at Hope's door before leaning against the wall, running a hand through his hair. _I think I'm getting too old for this. Never a good sign, is it?_

"No….they refuse to budge on it. I mean, I've tried every angle, but they _insist_ he has to be there." Rygdea sighed and bumped his head against the wall, "Which means I've gotta tell him that in three days, we have to ship him off with us to-to that place, and who knows what that will do to him." Rygdea shrugged, but the worry lines on his face remained.

Snow stared at him for a moment before he nodded, stepping away from the stairs. His eyes lingered on Hope's door, chest tightening at the thought of what was to come, and what they would all be going through. "And we're all going right?' Snow asked, not looking at Rygdea, "We'll all be going to this place, her hideout or whatever, and trying to…" Snow trailed off, eyes finally meeting Rygdea. The man shrugged again, pushing himself off the wall.

"I guess we'll be looking for a means to stop her, or trying to find out just what she's planning to do with Hope. So yes, bringing her target there makes _so_ much sense," Rygdea spat, clenching his hands. _I swear, if I had just a few minutes alone with one of those guys._ He took a deep breath and looked back at Snow, trying to reign in his anger, "I have a feeling that if push came to shove, they'd be sending us there to try and get rid of her once and for all. Don't know if we can actually do it, but that's definitely what they want us to do."

Snow's brow furrowed and he shook his head, "I just don't get it man. I mean, after everything he's been through, and after that battle back at…" Snow trailed off again, his eyes going to Hope's door once more, "It just doesn't make sense."

"I know what you mean Hero, I know what you mean." Rygdea shrugged again, looking up at the ceiling, "But what can we do? They've got us backed into a corner. They've got us all backed into a corner." _I should have seen it coming too. Damn this whole mess._

"Hmph." Snow grinned when Rygdea glanced back at him, giving the man a thumb's up, "Like we really need to worry though, right? I mean, come on, we can't lose." Rygdea blinked when Snow paused, watching as Snow's chest swelled a moment before he continued, "We're the good guys…so we can't lose right?" It had come out more of a question than Snow had intended, and the tall man seemed to realize it as the words left his lips. His grin slipped for a moment before it broadened and he shrugged, trying to cover it up, "We've come this far right? Can't trip at the finish line now."

Rygdea smirked and nodded, almost rolling his eyes and clapping Snow on the shoulder. Snow huffed and shrugged his hand off, but Rygdea just snorted, "Whatever you say big guy. Just don't go getting reckless out there." Rygdea stopped when he heard a moan coming from Hope's room, his hand falling to his side as he glanced back at the door. Snow glared at the door as well before glancing at Rygdea, taking a step toward Hope's room.

"We should check on hi-"

"No!" Rygdea grabbed Snow's wrist and shook his head, dropping Snow's wrist and walking toward the door himself, "Let me handle it. The last thing he needs is to worry about you seeing him in one of his nightmares. Having Lightning there was…" Rygdea didn't finish. He shuddered, thinking of how distraught and desperate Hope had been. _We really don't need another one of those._

Snow gritted his teeth but nodded, trying to keep his voice even, "Yeah. I guess that makes sense. But come get me once he's okay. I wanna see him and have a talk with him about the next few days before this whole trip." Rygdea nodded before turning away, disappearing into the room and slamming the door shut before Snow could look inside. His gaze snapped to Hope as he thrashed in bed, breathing shallow and loud in the room.

"Hope?" Rygdea was at Hope's bed in seconds, eyes roving Hope's face as it scrunched up, another moan escaping him. Rygdea placed a hand on Hope's shoulder and shut his eyes, waiting for the flinch or hit or scream, but none came. Instead Hope stilled underneath his touch, a small breath escaping him as his face relaxed. Rygdea blinked in surprise, tightening his hold on Hope's shoulder and shaking the man, but Hope did not stir again.

"Hope, come on, you gotta wake up now." Rygdea raised an eyebrow when Hope leaned in to his touch, but his heart clenched when he saw something wet pooling in Hope's eyes. _Come on kid. _"Come on Hope, wake up. I need to talk with you. Come-"

Rygdea stopped when a smile made its way to Hope's face. It was small and serene, Hope's face going soft as it formed, and Hope opened his mouth.

"I know." The words were quiet, barely above a whisper, and Rygdea narrowed his eyes as the smile widened briefly. Hope's whole body relaxed on the bed, the muscles unknotting themselves and falling loosely at his sides. Hope blinked his eyes open, green eyes clouded over with sleep, but the peacefulness was still there. Quiet tranquility, and the more Rygdea looked at this silent content on Hope's face, the more his gut began to clench.

"Hope?" Rygdea asked, taking a step back from the bed as Hope sat up, rubbing at his eyes and letting out a yawn. Hope tilted his head to the side before glancing at Rygdea, his eyes narrowed and still clouded.

"Rygdea?" Hope asked, running his hands over his face, "What are you doing in my…" Hope trailed off, eyes widening as his thoughts kicked back up, and he looked away from Rygdea as his face grew warm. His cheeks were bright pink, and the back of his neck had a steady rise of color as well, but Rygdea ignored it. He steeled himself, eyes hardening as he studied Hope's movements. The slow and careful way he moved on the bed, the way he did not sweat or flinch or worry. _And that smile. Was that normal? Was it?_

_I should know._

"What was your dream about Hope?" Rygdea asked, tilting his head away from Hope but watching him out of the corner of his eye. _Maybe it has something to do with that._ Hope twitched, eyes dropping to the floor, and Rygdea pressed on, "You were moaning in your sleep before. What happened? Another nightmare?" Rygdea paused, then added with a bit more conviction, "We can talk about it if you want."

"R-Rygdea I-" Hope's mouth hung open, the words gone before they had even formed, and he looked away. "I don't know…" Hope gripped the sheet wrapped around him, swallowing hard. "I don't know."

"Really?" Hope winced at the hard tone, knowing he was found out before even asking. But that didn't mean he had to tell Rygdea. He didn't have to tell anyone.

No one had to know.

"Because if you really don't remember anything-" Rygdea stopped when he caught a glimpse of Hope's bed, eyes widening when he saw the sheets were torn, frayed, and covered with dark, greasy soot. Several large, frayed patches littered the bed, almost forming Hope's body outline, and Rygdea sniffed the air, blinking as a wave of smoke hit his nose. He shut his eyes as they watered from the smell and looked at Hope again, "Then why did you wind up burning your bed?"

"Wh-What?" Hope whipped around, hands plunging into the sheets as he worked to cover the burns. His hands shook as he moved them over the holes in the fabric, pressing the edges together as if he could seal them shut, "I don't know-I don't know how this-" Hope shook his head, crumpling the fabric in his hands. "I mean, I don't know, I just, I was trying to-"

Rygdea's eyes softened and he leaned toward the bed, placing a hand on Hope's shoulder to stop his fevered movements. "Hope," Rygdea said, "I need you to calm down Don't worry too much about it-"

"But it's been…been happening so much lately and I-" Hope's eyes widened and he shook his head, refusing to look at Rygdea, but the man was already grabbing Hope by the shoulder and forcing him to look at him.

"It's been happening a lot? What do you mean?" _What, what? Come on Hope, you have to tell me. You have to tell me so I can fix it._

_I need to fix at least something for you._

Hope opened his mouth a bit, face pointed toward Rygdea but eyes searching the bed, and Rygdea tightened his hands around his shoulders. Hope winced, biting his lip before nodding his head, "I-I don't…I mean, I've been having more nightmares lately and all that. And I guess I've been-been losing control again." Hope watched as his hands began to shake harder, and he clenched his fingers and dug his nails into his palms until the muscles finally calmed themselves. "It's usually really small after a nightmare, just a tiny burst of magic or something. This was probably the worst one…" Hope mumbled, eyes straying to the burn holes in the blankets, "I'm sorry."

Rygdea was silent a moment, slowly releasing Hope from his grasp, "Don't…worry too much about it Hope. Not now at least." Rygdea tried to smile at Hope, but it was crooked and looked more like a lopsided smirk, and Hope just stared at him. Rygdea sighed, allowing the smile to fall, and sat by Hope on the bed. Hope wobbled slightly, hand grasping the blankets to keep his balance, and he rolled his eyes at Rygdea. Rygdea almost smiled then, and would have, were it not for the sudden change in Hope's behavior. _He was barely able to talk to anyone without having a neat breakdown. Now he's rolling his eyes at me. I don't like it..._

_At all._

Rygdea glanced at him and sighed, shaking his head. "Turn around for me Hope."

"What?"

"Turn around and take off your shirt." Hope raised an eyebrow at him, but comprehension shone on his face and he nodded, grabbing the hem of his plain white shirt and peeling it off. Rygdea glanced at the brand as it flashed before his eyes, but Hope turned before he could get a decent look, showing his back instead. Rygdea leaned closer and studied Hope's pale skin, running his fingers along Hope's shoulder blades.

"No pain here? Now weird aches or anything?" Rygdea asked, lifting his fingers when Hope shuddered.

"No-No. Nothing lately. Do you think I'm all right or-" Hope stopped, fumbling with his shirt and looking down at his lap. Rygdea shook his head again, biting his lip. _It seems normal._

"Let me see your brand Hope," Rygdea said, leaning back again. Hope jumped but nodded, pressing his hands on the bed and turning his body to face Rygdea. Hope looked down at his lap, eyes staring determinately at his legs, and his cheeks still had a pink tinge. Rygdea just leaned in, glaring at Hope's bright white brand and studying the small arrows that sprung from it. _It looks the same as it always did. No special crystal, no weird marks or advancements. Just his brand._

_But why is having trouble with magic in his sleep. It's not adding up. Nothing is wrong on the outside, so it has to be something inside. But what? What?_

"Rygdea?" Rygdea shook his head, snapping out of his stupor to meet Hope's worried eyes. "Is everything okay then?"

Rygdea swallowed, leaning back and giving Hope a small nod, "As far as I can tell it is. But-But just be careful. We can never be too safe with these things." Rygdea ran his hands through his hair, yanking on the strands as he breathed in and out. _I have to figure this out for him._

"Kay." Hope shrugged, pulling his shirt over his head.

Rygdea watched Hope out of the corner of his eyes, watching how Hope jumped when he noticed his stare. Hope slowly looked away from him and began to survey the room, pulling the hem of his shirt. Hope's eyes were softer than before, and the fear that had made them quiver and nail themselves to the floor when faced with someone was gone, replaced with quiet curiosity. Hope scanned his own room, mouth parted as if in quiet awe, and Rygdea felt something stir in his stomach again. Whatever it was left his insides cold, and each time Rygdea glanced at Hope, it would shoot up his stomach and into his chest, freezing his ribs. He wanted to ask Hope what was wrong, or if Rygdea was lucky and things weren't so bad, what was right with Hope, but stopped himself. As much as he wanted to know, _needed_ to know, he had something to tell Hope.

"In a few days we'll be going back there." Straight to the point. There was reason to beat around the bush. _Just make it worse, now that I think about it. Might just get angry, yell at me, or…_

_It's just better._

Rygdea waited, turning his head slightly when he received no immediate response or whimper. Hope was staring at his lap, hands still outstretched on the bed, and his forehead had lines running along the skin. His eyes were dark and Hope bit his lip, lost in thought. Rygdea felt the cold pool in his stomach widen, but pressed on, "In about three days actually. And there's no way around having you go. The military insisted so-"

"I know Rygdea." Hope's voice was calm and cool. There wasn't a single tremor in his voice, no waver to signify the poignant terror he should have felt, and probably _did_ feel. Rygdea was expecting a breakdown. He was expecting screams and future nightmares before this trip had a chance to take off. He was expecting Hope to beg him not to go or for Hope to go into his head, beyond his reach. To dwell on what couldn't be avoided, to worry for everyone's safety.

He did not expect Hope to say he knows.

"Hope, did you hear me right?" Rygdea asked, voice harder than he meant it to be.

Hope's eyes shifted to Rygdea and he nodded, blinking slightly, "I know Rygdea. I mean..." Hope swallowed and Rygdea saw it then. Uncertainty. Fear. Hope questioning himself and the world around him.

He didn't feel better about it. If anything, his stomach only clenched tighter.

"We knew this was going to happen right? The moment Saorise launched that whole attack, even when she tried to get rid of you-" Hope's eyes scrunched up and Rygdea felt his heart twist, "So we knew I'd have to go," Hope continued, voice growing stronger. "But you've all...all tried so hard for me. And as much as I-as _scared _as I am, I have to go. I have to be there to protect everyone and maybe-maybe help you guys stop her once and for all." Rygdea nodded, but the cold feeling was growing. Dread. Fear.

Unknowing.

_I should be happy. The kid is pulling it together. He's trying his best for us, is even willing to go into that bitch's hole again._

_But..._

_But why am I so freaking scared? What the hell is he going to do? I need to know. I need to-damn, I just don't know anymore. Is this really how it has to be?_

"I'm sorry Rygdea...for taking so long," Hope said, breaking Rygdea from his thoughts. Rygdea shook his head, meeting Hope's green eyes and finding himself put off by what he found. The quietness was still in Hope's eyes, as if Hope had really accepted that he was going back to that hellhole where Saorise was waiting for him. Where she wanted him to come, so she could try to take away everything Hope cared for. So she could try to take Hope again, back into that cabin. He was accepting it.

_It's like he knows something...understands something. Why else would he be all calm like this? Is he really just getting over it, just willing to go forward and face the whole thing without looking back? I should be proud of him if he is. I should be glad._

_Why can't I be happy about this?_

Rygdea shook his head, realizing Hope was still waiting for a response. "Don't be sorry Hope," Rygdea said, "You don't have anything to be sorry for. Anyone would be-well..."

"Isolating themselves from the people who have helped him because of some psycho bent on destroying everything?" Hope added, a small smile on his face. He shrugged, blowing out a sigh and resting his hands in his lap, "Still...I guess...I just wanted to let you know." Hope sighed again and looked back at the burned blankets, his face scrunched up in guilt, "I'm worried about _this_ though. It keeps happening, and I don't know what it means..."

"We'll figure it out Hope, don't worry. You should just rest up. The next few days will be hard and you'll already be having some trouble sleeping," Rygdea said, standing to go. He looked at Hope, watching as he looked around the room again, lost in his thoughts, and Rygdea waved a hand in front of his face, "Come on Hope, resting up also means joining us for dinner. We should get going."

Hope blinked, shaking his head and looking at Rygdea as if just realizing the man was still there. He nodded, pushing himself off his bed and following Rygdea out of his room. Rygdea held the door open for Hope, smirking as some comment about ladies first began to pop into his mind, but he halted as Hope glanced back at his room. Hope was slow, almost careful, as he walked away from his bed, and he stopped at the doorway and looked back at his room. Rygdea shuddered as he watched Hope finally turn around, his eyes still glazed over, the strange peace around him.

_I should ask him...I should ask him what's up. This isn't normal. He's gotta be thinking too hard on something or some other shit and that's why he's like this. Before it took him forever to snap out of it. Why should it be different now? I don't think it's something he'd get used to after all..._

Hope smiled at Rygdea, shaking his head, "You're right. We'll figure it out eventually. But first, dinner!" Hope nodded to himself and walked past Rygdea, leaving the man with his mouth open and his mind whirring. He wanted to ask, down to the very pits of his stomach, but a part of him was wary now. _Ask Hope and ruin his confidence if I'm wrong? Ask Hope and prevent some disaster?_

_I think I'd rather prevent the disaster...but...dammit! I don't know!_

"Hope!" Rygdea called, deciding before he could work himself up any further, "What's wrong with you? You seem different. Did something happen or are you just..."

Hope turned back at Rygdea, his smile falling slightly before retuning full force. He shook his head, giving Rygdea a small wave, "I'm fine Rygdea. I just decided...to stop running is all."

Rygdea glared as Hope turned back around, disappearing down the stairs before Rygdea could think of a response. He sighed and looked back at Hope's door, swinging it shut before following Hope downstairs. He knew he hadn't gotten a real answer.

And he was worried what the real one was.

* * *

Lightning stared at the front of Hope's door, her eyes glazed over as she fingered the doorknob, and she swallowed. _This is completely idiotic. I am not some love sick high school girl. I'm not a twelve year old. I should be able to knock on Hope's door without a second damn thought._

Lightning blinked as the door came back into focus, taking a deep breath and knocking on the wood before she could stop herself. She nodded and stepped back, waiting for a response, but her mind began to wonder even as Hope's voice called on the other side. _What should I say to him? I mean, with that assignment coming up so fast..._

_Where do I even start?_

_I can't just say something stupid like, "Everything will be all right." He won't believe. Hell, I don't believe me. But I can't say nothing about it. He needs...well, I think he needs a pep talk. And what about that-_

"Light?"

_He was so different at dinner yesterday. I just don't get it. He was smiling more and seemed peaceful, but how? After everything that happened, after all those dreams he had and the relapses, how can he suddenly just pop back to normal. He even joked with Snow after he tried to give him a pep talk of his own! Just smiled and hit Snow. Rygdea seems worried about it but he didn't say anything. But I know it's not normal._

"Light!"

_That's another thing then. I'll have to ask him about that, and then see if he's just putting on an act. But...should I bring up-up the _other _thing. Ugh...why am I even thinking about it? I shouldn't be worried about that right now. You know better than that Farron, you're supposed to be focused on the upcoming mission, not thinking about your feelings or Hope or something like that. And when _is _he going to-_

Lightning jumped when she felt a warm hand grab her upper arm, blinking as she was shaken. Hope's face came into focus and she felt her face warm up, her cheeks burning. She glared at him, but the way his eyes lit up told her he had seen the red on her cheeks. Scowling, she pushed her way inside of his room and sat herself on his bed, crossing her legs and glaring at him to come in. Hope rolled his eyes and shut the door, heading for the bed and sitting beside her.

"Took you long enough," she said, folding her arms over her chest.

"I said your name a few times before. But seriously, I was worried. You looked like you were worried about something." Lightning's shoulders slumped and she glanced at him, her face softening. Hope's eyes were searching hers, head tilted to the side as if he was still trying to name her worry.

"Of course I am Hope. You know why."

"Yeah." Hope sighed and looked at his door, twisting his hands in his lap, "We're all...worried about that huh?"

"Are you scared?" Lightning asked, looking at the floor, "It's fine if you are," she added, looking back at him, "I just want to know."

Hope's hand tightened in his lap and he nodded, "I'm terrified actually. I don't-I really don't want to go back there. I really...I just wish I didn't. But we all know how that turns out right?" Hope shook his head, a bitter smile forming, "The last place I want to go is _there. _I'm scared. I'm scared that somehow she'd get me again and I'd be stuck there, alone, with her coming every single day to-to-" Hope shuddered, pulling his knees up and burying his head in them.

Lightning slowly lifted her hand, hovering it over Hope's shoulder before gently pressing it down. Hope jumped at the contact and Lightning almost pulled away, but she relaxed as she felt his shoulder droop under her grip.

"You know we'd never let her do that to you Hope," Lightning said, "_Never_ again." Her voice dripped with anger and hate, and Hope smiled, glancing at Lightning from between his bangs.

"I know Light. Thank you," Hope breathed out a sigh and lifted his head from his knees, letting his legs stretch out onto the floor again. "I know," he repeated, looking up at the ceiling, "It's why...it's why I'm going tomorrow. Without any fighting or whining, or just being scared." Hope turned to her, his smile soft and sure, "I want to be there for you."

"Hope," Lightning mumbled, her face feeling warm. She looked away, swallowing hard, and slowly lowered her hand from his shoulder to his hand. Her fingers wrapped around his slender wrist, and Lightning almost smiled at the way his pulse beat underneath her hand. _Like a drum. Is he panicking?_ She glanced back at him, her own heart racing, and she watched as his eyes widened. His hand began to shake and he glanced at her, eyes roving her face, asking question after question without saying a word.

"Thank you," she said, slowly releasing him, "But you don't have to pretend to be brave. Not if you don't want to." Lightning did not see the look pf pain on Hope's face, the way his eyes scrunched up or the way he looked away from her. She did not see him grab his wrist or whisper a few words under his breath before forcing his smile back on his face. She did not see him pretend. But when she looked back, she could see that the unease was creeping back into his eyes. "Hope, when we go off to her hideout, I want you to know that I'll do everything I can to protect you, all right?"

Hope's head snapped up but Lightning plowed on, "I don't want you to think that I'll get myself killed either. I won't. I'm stronger than that and you know it." Lightning looked away, running a hand through her hair. _This isn't coming out right..._ "What I'm saying Hope is that we just have to try, because-"

"There are some things in life you just do," Hope said, his eyes dark and smile sad, "Right?"

"Yes," Lightning said, nodding at him, "Sometimes there are things in life you just do."

Hope's smile widened and he nodded, standing up from his bed. He stretched his arms out and looked up at his ceiling again, eyes alight with something Lightning just wasn't sure of. It made his eyes almost too bright, too certain. "I want to protect you too," he said letting his arms drop to his sides. He turned to her, his smile in place and his eyes imploring, "I want to protect all of you. Even...even if it seems impossible. You'll let me...won't you?"

Lightning's mouth fell open and she found herself nodding, but somehow, her insides were starting to twist. It was odd...the way Hope was acting. _Or is it odd? Why is he asking if he can protect us? He should know._

_He should know..._

"Hope, what's-"

"And when it's over," Hope said, cutting across her, his eyes hardening, "I'm going to tell you."

Lightning's breath froze in her chest, the icicles formed on her ribcage and clinked together as she tried to breathe. Hope was looking at her, his eyes dark and face set in a frown. He took a step toward her, nodding to himself, "I'll tell you Light. I promise I'll tell you. You deserve to know." His voice was almost shaking and Lightning felt her hands itch at her sides. She wanted to cover her ears, play deaf to Hope's words, but she couldn't look away. _Why though? Why? Why now Hope?_

"You deserve to know," Hope repeated, fisting his hand before nodding again, as if trying to convince himself more than her, "Everything that happened between me and Saorise. The whole fucking year." Hope kept nodding, as if he could hardly believe his own words as they escaped his mouth, "You'll know it. I promise. I promise."

_Why? Why?_

"Why?" her voice was barely above a whisper, her eyes never wavering from his.

Hope paused, blinking once before shaking his head. His smile returned, lopsided and bound to collapse, the tips twitching like beams about to give way from a heavy weight. Lightning's heart stuttered and seemed to thrum with each of Hope's movements, every small twitch, every time he glanced away. Hope swallowed, his smile slowly falling, easing into a frown as he took another step toward her.

"I just-" Hope stopped, his mouth opening and closing, eyes clenching shut before snapping open again. The words escaped him, fluttered just above his head before disappearing into the air. "I just want you to know. I think-I think it's been long enough." Hope's shoulders dropped, "It's all I can do..."

Lightning stared at him, stared and stared, but Hope did not shake his head and say he changed his mind. He did not stammer out an apology before saying he couldn't really tell her. Did not crumple under her gaze and say he couldn't do it after all, that he was weak. He was going to tell her. But the elation, the burning curiosity, had evaporated with his nervous words and movements. His forced smile had stolen her need to know, his desperate eyes made her hate herself for ever wanting to know. There was only this inkling of fear, the constant drip of uncertainty as his words nestled into her brain. She knew she had to say something, anything.

Her mouth stayed closed. Her voice was trapped in her throat.

"Light...whatever happens, I'm sure it'll turn out all right." Hope smiled again, running his fingers through his hair before rubbing the back of his neck. Lightning narrowed her eyes. _Liar. _"We'll figure this out."_You fucking liar. _"I know it." He nodded, his chest swelling, and Lightning's protest died on her lips.

When she left the room, Hope giving her another smile, his hands ghosting over hers, the word was still burning in her head, just like the small prick of fear.

_He was lying..._


	36. Landing

**This chapter had a bit more cutting than I thought it would, but still wound up being a monster of a chapter. I hope it's an all right read though. Some of the things I was sad to cut, but it would have made things a little too long and difficult to proceed with. It's hard to explain. Again though, this is just me voicing my insecurities. Ignore my ramblings.**

**Thank you though, for everything my readers. You've made writing this a lot of fun, and I hope it continue to entertain.**

**Plummy-kins: *giggles* Evil aren't I? But I am glad you like it! :D Thank you!**

**Anonymous- Hey! Sorry I haven't said anything on MPS, I just haven't been going on lately. There's just not a lot of time, but I'll try! And a big hug! *hug* I look forward to seeing that story, and thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means a lot, hearing that you value my writing as an actual way to learn, and, well, thank you. And I'm really glad you liked the connotations. Lol with Rygdea's questioning, but I'm glad it helped. The confusion and doubt sum it up nicely. And I'm glad you caught that. The odd thing is, I didn't notice while I was writing, I was so engrossed in it. It feels like it really did just come to Hope's tongue, Maybe he is a good liar! 0-0**

**Thank you all for sticking with me. On with the chapter.**

* * *

_The marble colored room was brightly lit, the ceiling stretching high above the heads of the people, and bright chandeliers were fastened to the ceiling. The light illuminated the large, wide room, and on the wooden floor were white tables. The tables were pushed toward high windows resting against the walls, the glass tinted so no one could look out or in. People were dancing on the floor, dressed in elegant pastel dresses and suits, and each person wore a mask, some with feathers, others with brightly colored beads. The music was quiet, almost hushed, but the sound of a cello could still be heard weaving through the crowd. The notes were slow and careful, low pitched in their execution, and the dancers were slow in each twirl and step._

"_What an odd place to talk."_

_Hope shrugged as he pulled his masked partner along with him, feet moving mechanically with the hushed music. Hope had no mask, and he looked behind his partner where the voice had come from. There was Saorise, her hair bunched up, strands popping out of the bun, and she had a small smile on her face as she moved with her own masked partner. Her red eyes softened as she took in Hope's dark blue suit, and she bowed her head._

"_But you do look lovely tonight. And tell me, what do you think of my dress? Red is my favorite color...but I'm worried it might be a little too much for this party," Saorise said, looking down at her frilled red dress. She shrugged and released her partner's hands, not even flinching when he wobbled before turning o a puddle of blue at her feet. She lifted her dress slightly, the ruffles moving in waves._

_Hope didn't answer her, instead turning back to his white masked partner. He nodded to her and she nodded back, releasing his hands and turning to the next dancer. Hope followed suit, turning away from both the woman and Saorise, joining hands with another masked dancer. This one was dressed in light yellow, and her mask was a deep black._

"_No answer? Then I must look positively hideous," Saorise said, raising an eyebrow. She puffed up when Hope did not turn to look at her, but took a deep breath as another masked man reached for her hand. She smiled at him and allowed him to grasp her, but her eyes flashed as the man touched her waist._

"_Is this all we're going to do then? This is our big how do we do before you come barging into my home?" Saorise asked. Hope looked away as she appeared near him, but did not flinch when she appeared at his side not a moment later. Saorise glared at him and his unruffled demeanor, but her face melted into a calm smile._

"_I get it...you're trying to be the big man right? I mean, think about it. Soon you'll be right where I want you, and all because your military is afraid of me. Hmph. Figures. They always fear people, countries, and higher beings more powerful than they could ever hope to be," Saorise pressed. She jumped when the man in front of her moved away, but smiled again as another took his place. Hope glanced at her before releasing his partner and taking another, his face still oddly blank as he moved with the music, steps soft but sure. It was as if Saorise was not in the room, talking to him. As if she wasn't there at all._

_It frustrated her to no end._

_She looked at the man she was dancing with, noticed the tufts of hair sticking in all directions, and she smiled, her look smug. "But I suppose it could have been avoided if that oaf of a man had managed to protect you, right? What was his name? Rygdea? Yes...he did manage to fuck things up for you. I know you resented it to," she said, shaking her head, "Quite clear. Not that I can blame you for the anger. I mean, he should have-"_

_Saorise stopped as the man in front of her burst, the bright blue puddle sloshing over her feet as droplets fell on her dress. She fisted her hands, but her smile was back in place as she looked at how stiff Hope's back was. She held up her hands and another man came as the dance continued._

"_Hit a nerve did I?" Saorise said, using the rhythm of the cello to dance her way toward Hope, her and her partner's feet easing through the bodies. She same up to Hope and his dance partner, leaning in close, "What did you want me to do Hope? Sugarcoat it?" Saorise stopped, her eyes widening when Hope stopped and turned to her. Hope held out a hand, his face blank as he looked her in the eye._

"_Would you like to dance?"_

_Saorise narrowed her eyes and released her partner, another puddle splashing on the floor with a violent crash. "Certainly," she said, taking his offered hand as she was pulled in to the next dance._

_She glanced around at the countless nameless and faceless people before turning back to Hope, her eyebrows raised. Her smile slowly returned, corners twitching as if she could barely contain her laughter, "Is this your way with coping with the inevitable? Are you accepting what you can't escape? What you couldn't escape since that day you fell from the sky, right into my lap? Is that what this is?" Saorise asked, a few more strands of white hair falling in front of her face._

_She did not give him a chance to answer, looking around at the people dancing. She released Hope's hand for a moment and ripped away the mask of a fellow dancer, then another, then another and another. Soon they were facing Lightning, Rygdea, Snow, Lebreau, Maqui, Serah and Sazh. Saorise's smiled widened and she looked at Hope, shaking her head._

"_Or is it that you have some wild, deluded notion that you can still save them Hope?"_

_Hope remained silent as she reamed him, glancing instead at the faces she had unmasked. Each expression was blank but real, the faces of his loved ones, and he took in their empty stares. Hope's eyes lingered on Lightning, her blue eyes never lifting form his own, before he turned back to Saorise, "I thought you were trying to show me...the value of nothingness?"_

_Saorise blinked, leaning her head away from Hope as he stared at her his eyes searching her face. He took a deep breath and continued, "I won't...quake in a dream Saorise. Even if you're really talking to me, I have no reason to flinch away here."_

_Saorise's chest swelled and she growled, "I can give you a reason."_

"_I know you can," Hope said, "But that's not what we're talking about."_

_Saorise sneered at him, "Yes, I am to show you just how...wonderful it can be." Her eyes glazed over and she looked away and out the tinted windows where no one could see, "To make you understand the value of nothing. Don't you realize yet, how pointless this all is? All he's trying to do for us is give us peace of mind."_

"_Is that what it is?" Hope asked softly._

_Saorise went on as if Hope had not spoken, her gaze still lost, "Think of it Hope. If there was a way to make it...so that you'd never feel any pain again would you take it? Would you stop the monotonous day to day life that only cycles your pain. Would you allow it to steal your strength, make your bones wither to dust as time does to all things." Saorise turned back to him, her eyes holding more emotion than Hope could ever remember._

_He wished it was gone._

"_Wouldn't you stop feeling the way you feel? If you could have nothing over the pain...would you take it?" Saorise asked, her eyes boring into his. They had stopped dancing, standing in the middle of the ballroom floor. The dancers continued to twirl, step, and move around them, each group seemingly obvious to the still bodies among them. "I mean it Hope...if you could end this, would you?"_

_Hope released Saorise's hands and stepped away from her, bowing his head. The music around them died down completely, and the dancers all stopped their movements. They stood in rows, the faces of Hope's loved ones melting into puddles on the floor, and each body was still and stiff. Saorise watched as Hope took a small step back, her face unchanging as she waited for a response._

_Hope took a deep breath and slowly raised his head, face shining as the chandeliers' light hit him where he stood. His shoulders slumped at his sides and his face became serene for but a moment._

"_If I were honest with myself," Hope said, closing his eyes, "I would say yes...I would like all of this to stop." Saorise's face lit up and she took a step forward, but Hope spoke again, "But there are so many problems with your _plan _that I will always say no." Hope smiled as Saorise shrieked, opening his eyes and stepping away as she lunged at him. Her hands were lit with orange flames and she sunk her fingers into the nearest of the now still dancers, screaming as they melted and whipping around to face Hope._

"_And just because I don't want to do things your way, doesn't mean I can't end this," Hope said, dodging again as Saorise lunged at him. Several more bodies exploded into liquid and Hope turned away, running from the scene as Saorise began to chase him. "In fact," he called, "I have a way to do it. I promise it'll be soon too, you just gotta wait for me...me to-"_

_Hope wavered, closing his eyes as his heart jumped, the organ thrashing in his chest and then his throat. Saorise slowed in her pursuit of Hope, slowing to a small walk as the ballroom gave a violent jerk. She blinked and looked up at the ceiling, narrowing her eyes as the chandeliers shook, the glass clinking together. Her eyes widened as small shards of glass broke off of the chandeliers and fell to the room below, the shattering noise ringing in the room._

_Hope had stopped running and was looking as well, swallowing hard and grasping his chest as his heart started to slow. Saorise looked back at him and smiled, tilting her head to the side. "Oh? Is little Hope afraid of his own plan? Hm? Losing your backbone before we even start?" she asked, walking closer to him. Hope looked back at her, his eyes roving her face as he took a small step backward. "How are you going to end it Hope? Really? I'm very curious. I mean, last time we were _there _together, all you managed to do was scream. But I won't lie." Saorise placed a hand over her left eye and laughed, the sound cold and bitter, "You did get me good when you left. But what will you do now?"_

_Hope glanced around him, taking in each and every unmoving figure that surrounded him, but his eyes froze a moment when he caught a flash of black moving among the bodies, followed closely by a flair of red. His chest swelled and he could almost hear them then, and Fang was almost there smiling at him._

"_Come on kid, at least show her you mean it huh?" A voice he hadn't heard in so long made him jolt, but Hope could feel his chest swell at the deep and comforting voice. Brazen and hard, but not without playfulness. Thirst for a battle and to protect._

_It all screamed Fang._

_Hope blinked and took the voice, memorized the words and looked back at Saorise. She smiled at him, seemingly unaware of the small flash of movement, her eyes eager as she prepared to move in on her prey. Hope looked down at the floor and swallowed again, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He placed a hand over his chest, pressing his fingers past his suit and digging his nails into his brand, "Please, I need this. Just this once, I need to be stronger," he whispered._

_Saorise rolled her eyes, "Yes, because asking for strength always worked so well. Tell me Hope, is it nice in your little dream world? Oh, that's right-" Saorise smiled, lifting her hand as it erupted into flames, "Of course it's not. As long as I'm here, you'll never be-"_

"_Enough," Hope said, voice firm, "I've had enough of you and enough of this place." Saorise glared at him, opening her mouth to retort, but stopped as the walls began to tremble. The flames coating her hand went out with a puff and her arm dropped to her side as she looked at the shaking ground. She held out her arms to keep her balance as a violent tremor made her wobble, and looked back at Hope, snarling when he stood perfectly still, staring at her with blank eyes._

_Hope blinked before turning around, watching as part of the wall broke out-of-place, the pieces crumbling away from their places as if they were puzzle pieces. A gaping black hole was left in the wall's place, and soon more slabs of wall began to break away. The long stretch of white walls cracked, dust was shaken from its place as the room quaked, and the masked people began to fall where they stood. Saorise snarled as several bumped into her and she shoved them to the ground, the bodies exploding into puddles. The floor began to shake more and more, cracking open like a canyon, and the puddles began to wash over the sides._

_Saorise stepped over the floor as it cracked and split, charging at Hope, her fire reigniting in her hands. "Think you can play with me Estheim?" she shrieked, "I'll show you who gets fucking played with!"_

_Hope looked back at her, face never changing as she lunged for him, "No Saorise. For once...for once I'm not going to just give in." Hope stepped toward her, not even flinching when she stopped just inches from his face, the tips of her fingers aimed at his eyes. She grunted and roared, yanking at her arm as she realized she was caught in an unforeseen trap, muscles locked in place by something she could not see. Hope narrowed his eyes and took another step forward, sliding to her side and out of her deadly fingers reach._

"_This time you will lose."_

_Saorise barely had time to blink as the room was lost to bright, blinding light. She shut her eyes, feeling them tingle and burn where the light had touched them, water pooling behind her lids. Finally she opened her eyes, taking a step back as she felt the ground sink under her feet. The ballroom was gone, replaced instead by a room made of white mush. Her feet sank underneath the goop and she looked around until Hope's figure caught her eye. A clock was sitting behind him, fastened to an invisible wall. The large black hands had stopped but the light sound of ticking could still be heard._

_Hope looked right back at her, his dress suit gone and replaced with a simple black sweater and jeans. He dug his hands into his pockets and leaned back, closing his eyes a moment and breathing in. The clock behind him chimed loudly, the sound echoing in their ears before dying into the nothingness around them. Saorise gritted her teeth and took a step toward him, growling as her feet stuck to the white goop. Hope watched her as she struggled moved, eyes unchanging, his face wiped of any emotion._

_Saorise snarled when several strands of her hair flew over her face and she glared back at Hope, "Oh yeah Estheim? And how will you do that? How will _I _lose. How will I lose when I have a Fal'cie behind me? Huh? How will I lose when it's geared to let me win? When what I want will happen regardless of your fucking feelings? Huh?" Saorise grinned, her eyes manic as she searched him, her voice still ringing in the air._

_She fought to take a few steps closer, snarling and crying out when she barely moved an inch forward. She gave an incoherent scream when she nearly fell forward and whipped her head toward Hope as she regained her balance. "Tell me Hope! Tell me how this happens, how I _lose_, when I win as long as..." Saorise took a few deep breaths, eyes widening as she took several gasps of air, "As long as..." She trailed off, her eyes widening more as she looked at Hope._

_Hope blinked at her, taking a breath as she shook her head. "You've already answered your question," Hope said, voice flat, "I see no reason to explain it to you."_

_Saorise's eyes twitched and she growled, hands lighting up once more with bright orange flames. The fire cracked in her hands and she shot the flames at the ground, white goop flying away from her feet even as her boots burned. She jumped off the ground, switching elements in her hands, and gusts of wind propelled her up._

"_You bastard," she muttered, glaring at him. He met her eyes with nothing, not even blinking as she glared at him, "You fucking bastard! You think I'll let you get away with this! You think I'll just_let _you?" she roared again, shoving her hands behind her and shooting herself toward him, "After everything I've worked for, you think I'll let you take the coward's way out!"_

_Hope flinched at her words but the look of surprise was gone a second later. He turned to face her as she barreled toward him, and he shook his head. The room seemed to shift, lifting itself for a moment, the air digging into their bodies and making them float. The clock behind Hope unfastened and lifted itself from the wall, sitting on the air as Hope closed his eyes._

"_Saorise..." Hope whispered._

_The spell was broken and the endless room seemed to fall. The clock behind Hope smashed into the ground, the face cracking as the hands disintegrated, little black specks floating into the air. The glass shards seemed to glide away from Hope and as Saorise aimed her strike, her arm turned to dust. Her eyes widened and she screamed, throwing a fist at Hope. That arm too was lost to the nothingness, and Hope stared as she began to fade into nothing._

"_You know, I'm still scared of you," Hope said, watching as her body began to fade away. Saorise stared at him, eyes filled with hatred, "I don't think that will ever change. But I think...I think I've finally found a way to stop you and protect everyone and everything that I love."_

_Hope smiled, taking a deep breath as he closed his eyes. He did not hear Saorise shriek at him, did not hear her scream obscenities at him before her being faded into his dream world. He stretched out of his arms and felt a great warmth encompass him, sprinkled with fear, but totally swallowed in light of his acceptance. He did not even notice as his body began to fade away, like the room and clock had. Like Saorise had._

_All he felt was his resolve. All he saw were his loved ones, safe and free and happy. All he heard was their laughter; _her _voice whispering words of comfort._

_All he knew was his next step._

"_I'm sorry...and I love you. I love you all."_

_And he faded into nothing._

* * *

Saorise whipped her head back, biting back a hiss as her head connected with the wood wall behind her. The cabin room she sat in was silent except for her ragged breathing, and she reached behind her head and rubbed the now sore spot. She swung her legs over the simple bed she sat on, eyes going to the fire that cracked in the fireplace in the corner of the room. Her eyes were lit strangely by the luminous orange glow, and she stood from the bed, teeth bared.

"The little fucker," Saorise muttered, clenching her hands. She shook her head, glaring down at the floor, "That little motherfucker! I'll get him, I'll get him for this! I don't care what it takes!"

"_Calm down."_

Saorise's head shot up and she stomped her foot, pacing to the fireplace, then back to the bed. She kicked several books out of her way, even blasted some of them into the walls. Pages fell from the bindings and were strewn along the floor, and Saorise seethed with anger.

"Calm down? Calm down?" She shook her head and punched the wall as she walked toward it, "Fuck you. How can we calm down! You saw it! You saw it! I know you did! The little fucker was making a mockery of me! He's forgotten his place. This won't stand. I'll show him what it means to mess with me. He'll relearn what he is, where he stands with _me,"_ Saorise muttered, slamming the wall again.

"_And you are forgetting what else was there. You saw them didn't you? The red headed girl and the dark haired woman. They are at the center...they are what we need and you disregard their presence in his dreams," _the voice boomed. Saorise shook her head but the voice continued, undaunted by her frustration, _"If they are there, he is far closer than we realized. All we need now is an opportunity, and they are handing us one tomorrow."_

"No..." Saorise mumbled, "The military, even us, we are handing _him_ one." She gritted her teeth again and flopped onto her bed, grabbing the pillow and ripping the seams.

"_You act as if he will have the ability to utilize this opportunity. As long as you remain clear in your path, what we wish to see will come to pass."_

"The fucker thinks he can get away with this...well he won't! Mock me. Please. He'll be the one on his knees, begging for mercy, groveling at my feet while I laugh at his face. And at the end of it, he'll lay broken. A doll. That's all he'll be when I'm through with him." Saorise nodded into her pillow, smiling into the fabric, "He won't know what hit him. I'll take him out first thing. Boom and then down. I'll take him away from his little friends and his..._lover._ His sweetheart. His _wonder _Lightning. She makes me sick. That _Lightning_ he was always fawning over." Saorise sat up in her bed, pulling the pillow into her lap. She dug her nails into the broken seams and began to pull out feathers, lighting them on fire and watching as the light slivers of the feathers curled and blackened.

"_Saorise, you must not lose focus. He is trying to-"_

"I'll kill him...I'll kill him if I have to," Saorise mumbled, ripping away shreds of the pillow. Feathers began to fall to the floor, catching on fire as her fevered mumblings grew. "I'll make him pay. People like him, people who think they might actually be _better, _they don't learn. No, if I couldn't stamp it into his little pea sized head there's no way I'll do it again. I'll make him suffer a little, then I'll kill him."

"_Saorise!"_

"He'll pay for this! I won't stand for it!" Saorise cried. She shot up from her bed and threw the pillow into the fire, grinning as the thing burst into flames. She stepped back and looked at all the feathers on the floor, before commanding her flames to devour them. Each feather went up in heated fire, the destructive heat eating away as the delicate tips, each sliver blackening and curling until it was burned away.

"_Saorise!"_

But the voice, for once, could not reach her.

* * *

Lightning watched as everyone gathered in the living room, clenching her own hands as her chest seized up. Never before, on any mission, had she felt this nervous. She tried to close her eyes and feel that familiar detachment that would wash over her on a normal mission, but each time Hope's face would flash in her eyes. Her heart would jump and her nerves would frazzle all over again, and she quickly gave up.

The others were faring no better. Lebreau and Maqui were suited in their dark armor, glancing at each other and sitting rather closely on the couch. Lebreau would throw a glance at Maqui every now and again, raising an eyebrow when he twitched or jolted. Maqui's gaze was distant, looking through anything his eyes happened to fall upon, and he jumped at the slightest of noises. He always seemed surprised when he looked and saw Lebreau next to him, no matter closely their legs were pressed.

Snow was holding onto Serah, the couple standing near the door. Snow rested his cheek on top of his wife's head, whispering a few words only they could hear. He seemed like a bodyguard for the door that would lead them to their mission. Whether it was to bar the way, or force them through, Lightning wasn't sure.

Lightning glanced at the stairs, shoulders slumping as the group waited for Rygdea and Hope. Sazh would be meeting them at the base, having volunteered his services to the group for this mission in particular. The thought made Lightning grateful, but at the same time, afraid. They were walking into a trap against one of the most deadly people they had ever met. There was a great chance that they would die or be injured. The thought of leaving Dajh alone in the world...

_But it must be even harder for Sazh. After everything he's been through, the last thing he wants to do is leave his son. Yet here he is, standing with us. If...no. No, there's no room for doubt right now. Just focus. Focus on the mission ahead and you should be fine. You will protect them, you'll protect Hope, and this will be the end of this. We're all risking the same thing, so we have to do what we can to protect it._

Lightning nodded to herself, standing more firmly in her place as she examined the room once more. Her eyes widened when she heard the door crack and she snapped her attention toward the stairs. Rygdea was the first to come down, dressed in the same black armor as Lebreau and Maqui. His face was grave, his eyes dark as he looked ahead. Rygdea met Lightning's gaze and nodded once before looking behind him. Lightning followed Rygdea's lead, eyes focusing on Hope as he followed behind Rygdea.

Hope was dressed in his armor, his head almost bowed as he headed down the stairs. His arms were held tightly at his sides, and as he got closer, Lightning could see how white his hands were from his grip. Despite his efforts, his arms were shaking and he couldn't seem to calm them down. Lightning watched his as he headed for the living room and could see the worry lines on both Rygdea's and Hope's faces. But one thing still bothered Lightning.

Hope still looked...peaceful. His eyes were worn with bags, dark and purple, and his hair was flat, but his face was still calm. Even though every inch of him screamed otherwise.

Rygdea stopped in the middle of the room and all eyes turned toward him as he stood a little straighter. He nodded to Lightning again, then Snow, before cracking his knuckles and taking a deep breath, "Ain't gonna lie. We're heading into one serious trap. There's no lying about it, and there's no avoiding it. All we can do is suck it up and go in," Rygdea said, turning to each face in the room. Maqui and Lebreau nodded, standing up from the couch and joining Hope on either side. Snow turned toward Serah and kissed her on the nose, much like he had done for Hazel without the girl even awake.

Lightning glanced at Hope, their eyes locking as he looked up, and she held her breath. Hope blinked at her, slowly tilting his head up as if to get a better look at her. He glanced down for a moment, but his eyes almost immediately traveled back to hers, and he slowly raised his hand. Lightning nodded, feeling her chest swell and nearly burst when Hope managed a small smile. But as serene as it was, as glad as Lightning was to see it, it did little to alleviate her growing fear.

"I guess it's time to go everyone. We'll be meeting with the other groups at the base, then heading over Gran Pulse. The whole ride is supposed to be a two hour trip, to and back, but that's not taking into account the excursion we're taking. All right?" Several heads nodded and Lebreau muttered a small yes as they turned to the door.

Lightning glanced back at her sister and Snow as Serah grabbed her husband by the arm and pulled him back to her. "Come back," Serah said, leaning up to give Snow a small kiss before pulling away. Snow grabbed Serah by the arm and pulled her close, tilting her head up for one more kiss before pulling away. He gave her a toothy smile, running his fingers down her cheek.

"I'm the hero Serah. I'm supposed to come back," Snow said. Serah giggled, the sound turning into a hiccup before it had even finished, and she nodded before throwing her arms around her husband. Lightning turned away from the display, only to see Hope staring at them with rapt attention.

"Hope," Lightning said, coming up next to him, "What are you-"

"He'll come back," Hope cut across her, looking back at her with fierce eyes, "Everyone will come back. I'll make sure."

Lightning's stomach coiled but she said nothing, only nodding as Hope turned away from her. She touched him on the shoulder and tilted her head toward the door, signaling that they should give Snow and Serah some time alone. Hope opened his mouth, but slowly closed it, giving her a small nod and following her out the door.

Serah just cried into Snow's shoulder.

* * *

Inside of the airship was painfully quiet. There was, of course, the rumblings of the engines and the loud sounds from the machines. The drilling or the clinking as parts rubbed together, or the roar of the very airship itself as it sped across Gran Pulse. There was the feeble attempts at conversation within the airship itself, several members of De Novo trying to liven things up before slipping back into the quiet.

Three men and three women would tug at the black armor and look at each other, smiling a little or immediately trying to say something. It was often pointless, such as, "Did you get your gun ready?" or, "This will be one tough mission." Pointless things to say that would result in a half nod or shrug, or even the occasional yes. Of course they're guns were loaded, each person's hand resting on the trigger. There was no need to say it would be a tough mission; that much could be seen without the need for words. But they said it anyway.

Anything to stop the silence.

The silence was evil. It sapped away much needed energy. It allowed a person's thoughts to be sucked into a void, warped and twisted, spouting off all their fears and worries and the terror of death. It ate them alive without actually biting them, and left each and every person feeling as if they had just lost a chunk of themselves. No amount of chatter or engine sounds could fill the silence, or beat it back. It could not be staved.

So they sat in it.

Lightning watched as each man and woman fumbled with themselves or with their weapon, sometimes standing from their chair and walking around, other times sitting so still she would think they had been glued there. But her eyes would always, without fail, stray to Hope. The way he slouched over his own chair, his elbow resting almost lazily on the sleek metal arm of the airship chair. He seemed relaxed and composed, but Lightning didn't focus on just his body.

His eyes told much more.

They traveled to each and every person in the airship. To the few soldiers that had boarded on their own group's arrival to base, to Rygdea as the man would ask questions to the pilot and co-pilot. His green orbs would linger on each solider that spoke, each and every time they voiced their nervousness or fake confidence of the mission. And sometimes those same eyes would fall on her and she would have to look away.

_Hope._

_What are you thinking? Are you worried that this will be the last time you get to see any of these people? Are you worried we'll all die? Are you just afraid of going back there?_

_But...earlier. Earlier you were acting differently. You still are I guess, and I still don't know what ti is you're trying to do. But I'm worried Hope._

_How am I supposed to help you?_

Lightning sighed and brushed her hand against her forehead, pressing the edge of her palm against the skin and glancing through the window. The lush green fields of Pulse were rolling underneath them, and just below Lightning could make out a pack of monsters as they charged through the fields. The rock masses were still large and looming, even from the distance, and the sun reflected off their now hot and rough surface. Lightning had to squint whenever her eyes caught them, and she wondered when they would reach Saorise's hideout.

And more importantly, what they would find once they did.

She looked back and could just make out the edge of another airship as it flew behind them, and she glanced to the other side of her own airship as if she could get a glance of the other. Her eyes met Hope's again, but he looked away from her before she could react. She sighed and looked back out at Pulse, but her eyes kept straying back to him. Her chest was seizing and she clenched her hands, swallowing her breath.

"Hope..." she said after a few moments of silence. The entire cabin had gone quiet and she shut her eyes, wishing that someone else would talk. She didn't like the idea of others hearing her speaking so...intimately with Hope, even for a pep talk.

Rygdea looked back at her and managed a smirk, easily sensing her discomfort. He rounded on one of his nearby officers, slinging an arm over her shoulder and whispering loudly into her ear, "Why, I do believe she's trying to have a conversation with Hope! Funny thing those two, for you see, they are madly in love with each other, but are so socially inept that neither is able to admit it." Lightning and Hope's heads whipped around at Rygdea but the man's grin only widened, "Why yes, I do believe they are annoyed right now. Perhaps this was the moment that Miss Lightning would finally make her deceleration of love?"

Rygdea snickered as both Hope's and Lightning's face burned bright red, Lightning even standing from her chair. Rygdea smiled and continued on, " I mean, it _is_ about time isn't it?" Rygdea started to chuckle when the woman covered her mouth, a few giggles escaping, "In one of those trashy romance novels, not that I _read_ those by the way, it's usually around this time that either the male or female protagonist reveals their undying love for the other. And since Hope already declared his undying love, I think it's fair to assume that Lightning was going to make her move on Hope, you know, since it's before this big battle and everything." Rygdea nodded almost sagely to himself, beaming as several giggles erupted from the girl. The pilots at the front had their shoulders hunched, trying not to laugh as they flew the ship. There was a smile on each face with the exception of Lightning and Hope.

Lightning looked ready to punch Rygdea, and had already balled her fist to strike, whereas Hope just looked stunned. His jaw had gone slack, and the redness in his face was more prominent than ever. He blinked as Lightning marched toward Rygdea, and the girl next the scruffy man squeaked before scurrying away. Rygdea grinned and held up his hands, already thinking of an excuse.

"Come on now, it was all in good fun after all! Besides, it helps relieve some of the tension. Can't have my men and women going in nervous as a pack of rats now can I?" Rygdea tried, his eyes landing on Lightning's fist. "Now how about we just calm down and be happy that it actually worked? I mean, come on, look at this crew! They're all shits and giggles now."

"That would be fine if we had time for shits and giggles," Lightning seethed, "But considering what we're about to do-"

"Hey now, I was just going for a bit of fun." Rygdea smiled, his eyes flashing and becoming almost devilish as he leered at her, "Besides, it's not like I was completely lying now was I? I see you two, giving each other the eye and all that." Rygdea shook his head when Lightning sputtered, waving his hand off to the crew so that they knew to butt out. Hope was still staring into space, either still stunned or lost in contemplation, no one knew. Rygdea wrapped an arm around Lightning's shoulder, only for his arm to jolt in pain as she punched, pinched the skin, and twisted.

"Ah! Ah...touchy, touchy I see. But your face is red, so I know you're just embarrassed."

"Soon your face will be red too. A nice broken nose so that-"

Rygdea held up his arms again, shaking his head as he led her away, "Always so violent aren't we? You know Farron, you catch more flies with honey-" Rygdea snapped his mouth shut when she raised her fist again, but smiled once she dropped her arm, "But seriously, are you going to tell him something? Because I've seen you looking, and after I saw you sneak into his room, I'm really wondering."

Rygdea flinched, half expecting a fist to come flying at him, but he peeked his eyes open when he found himself uninjured. Lightning was looking away from him and over to Hope's chair, his fluffy silver locks just visible over the top of the seat. Rygdea blinked, his eyebrows disappearing into his mop of hair, and he turned back to Lightning. "Come on then, we'll have a while before they manage to find anything."

"I'm not coming with you," she snapped. Rygdea raised an eyebrow before nudging her toward the back, a small door waiting for them at the end. Lightning growled and punched Rygdea in the arm, smirking as he winced before going toward the door. Rygdea glanced behind him, catching Hope's eyes and giving the man a thumbs up before following Lightning toward the door.

Lightning grabbed the door by the rusty handle and pulled it open, disappearing into a room of machinery, Rygdea following behind her. Her eyes roved the different parts of the engine as they bobbed up and down, swung from side to side, and busted out in scratching metal noise. She could already feel her head begin to pound with each second she spent there, and she turned to Rygdea as he closed the door.

"Hurry up Rygdea," she shouted, her voice thinned out as it fought with the noise of the engine, "Now's not really the time to be talking about this."

"Then when is it the time!" Rygdea shouted back. Lightning bit her cheek and turned away, her face growing uncomfortably warm. Rygdea's sigh went unheard as he walked up to her, placing a hand on her shoulder, "Do you really plan on telling him anything? Because I need to know."

Lightning stared at Rygdea, her eyes searching his, before she turned away again. She shrugged, still biting her cheek, and Rygdea glared. "Lightning, I need to know-"

"I was!" Lightning shouted, refusing to look at him, "I was planning on telling him! I'm not sure..." Lightning's voice died in the room but Rygdea kept his ears peeled, listening hard for her voice. Lightning swallowed, her face absolutely burning, "I'm not even sure what I want to say. I just-I need to tell him this before he does something stupid and I-" Lightning shook her head, bringing her hand to her forehead, but Rygdea nodded.

"Before he does something stupid right? Before he does something stupid and you can't." Rygdea shrugged at her surprised look, looking toward the machines as they chugged away. "You've seen it haven't you? The way he's been acting?" Rygdea shook his head, putting a hand on his hip, "I don't know what he's thinking but it ain't good, I can tell you that much. He was up late, I could tell because he was up before I was. And I was up damn early. And he wouldn't be sitting there all calm about where we're going. He wouldn't be-I mean, I'm glad that he smiled but it still-" Rygdea stopped, shaking his head.

Lightning watched as the frustration played on Rygdea's face, her own heart clenching as she recalled Hope's strange and calm behavior. She looked back at the door, eyes lingering on the handle, and she clenched her hands.

"What do we do?" Lightning asked. She looked down though, the answer already playing in her head.

"We'll just have to watch him as carefully as we can. Make sure he doesn't try something stupid, or go off somewhere," Rygdea said, "Really all we can do."

"Right," Lightning mumbled, letting out a sigh and leading the way out of the engine room. Rygdea held up his hand, reaching for her, but he stopped himself and let his arm drop. He shook his head, almost grinning to himself.

"Guess I just have to let it play out," he mumbled, following Lightning out of the room, "It's up to her anyway." He blinked as the bright lights of the cabin in the airship flooded his eyes, the retinas burning with the sudden flash. He glanced at Lightning as she made her way over to Hope, but his eyes locked with Hope's as the man glanced over. Rygdea raised his hand and waved at Hope, and the silveret slowly nodded, giving him a two-fingered salute.

"Sir!" the pilot up front called, "Sir, come look at this!" Rygdea's eyes strayed from Hope to the cockpit, and he nodded at Hope one more before hurrying to the front. All heads turned to him, but Rygdea closed the door behind him, barring any noise from escaping the room.

Lightning's eyes lingered on the door, her chest seizing up as she thought of what the pilots could have found. She clenched her hands and looked out the window, expecting to see some trace of Saorise's hideout already waiting for them below. Hope watched her, still glued to his chair, and while his face was calm, his hands clung to the arms of the chair.

"We'll probably get there soon," Hope said, his voice raspy. He swallowed and looked away as Lightning glanced at him, and he tightened the grip he had around the chair. His heart jumped when Lightning knelt next to him, and the organ catapulted to his throat when he felt her hands ghost over his arm.

"Probably. We'll have to stay on our toes. Just focus on what's ahead of you and you'll be fine Hope," Lightning said, her fingers wrapping around his wrist. She could feel his rapid pulse, the way his blood rushed through his body just under the skin, and she tightened her hold. "And remember, you can rely on us. You don't have to do this alone, not anymore."

"Light…" Hope released his breath and looked away, his cheeks burning brightly. Lightning kept her eyes on his arm, her own face warming as they sat so close together. Hope glanced at her, his eyes betraying his conflict and turmoil, the swirl of terror hiding so much more than he wanted to say. He slowly reached over and laid his hand on top of hers, forcing his body to tighten so as not to shake. Lightning glanced up at him when she felt his warm hand over hers, blue eyes boring into green. Hope swallowed, breath catching, but he didn't look away, "Thank you Light. For everything."

"Hope…"

"When this is over," he said, barreling over her own voice, "I promised to tell you everything. From...from what I remember when I first met Saorise, to the very end, when it all sort of blew up. The incidents I remember or the ones that stick out the most in my mind, the things that made me-" Hope paused, shutting his eyes and shaking his head. His face tightened and he released several short breaths, grasping Lightning's hand, "Everything that made me what I am now." Hope looked back at her, his eyes shining. His eyes quivered but kept her gaze, and she could see the pain hiding behind their depths.

"I want you to know…I wrote it all down." Lightning nodded, eyes narrowing as she tried to think of why this, of all things, was worth mentioning. Something in her chest went cold, making her shudder. "It was hard…really hard. I wanted to-to just rip up the paper sometimes and forget it all. But it was so-" Hope looked up, searching above Lightning for his answer, "I don't know how to describe it. It was painful and everything but-but I can't tell if it helped me or not. It's supposed to be like catharsis right?" Hope mumbled to himself, "So maybe that's what it is."

"Wait Hope, I-"

"Trust me Lightning. You'll understand why." Hope squeezed her hand again, eyes imploring as she hesitated.

Lightning's eyes hardened, but she didn't pull away, instead placing her other hand over Hope's. She opened her mouth but paused for a moment, eyes roving over Hope's face. Her heart seemed to be trying it rip itself from her chest, tearing at the skin with each beat, as it to break free from its cage. She swallowed and nodded to herself, locking her eyes with Hope.

"Then when this is over Hope, I'm going to tell you something." Lightning squeezed Hope's hand, swallowing, "It's really important, and I think we'll need to talk for a while. Where we'll go from there and all that." Hope's eyes widened and he tried to speak, but Lightning shook her head, "I'm going to do this Hope. We're going to talk and then…then I can…" Lightning sighed, shaking her head, "I can't make it come out right, can I?"

"Light-Lightning I-"

"Hope, just promise me that we'll talk when this is over. I have to do this, I have to tell you this, before I do something stupid or you do something stupid and-" Lightning trailed off, looking into Hope's eyes and trying, _desperately_, to tell Hope what she was trying to say with her eyes. _He has to understand. He has to know. I have to tell him…_ _I _want _to tell him._

"Lightning…"

The door to the cockpit reopened, the metal door creaking and landing softly on the wall. Rygdea stepped through, the man running a hand through his hair. All heads turned to him as he blew out a sigh, his weary eyes surveying the ship and all the soldiers within. Rygdea's eyes lingered on Hope and Lightning for a moment, and he cleared his throat.

"After this next rock formation, we'll be approaching her hideout. I have Lebreau and Maqui each taking their stations near the airship door. When we get over the area, we'll need them and Vitan," Rygdea looked at a young woman with sandy blond hair, her eye bright gray eyes hardening as she nodded, "to get themselves ready at the doors and pump as much magic as you can over this barrier. I don't know what it is or how she put it up, but I expect it to be there like it was before." Rygdea's eyes swept over the group, each face hardening and every body tensing, "Hope, you and Tiaw will position yourselves behind Vitan and provide back up. This thing will probably be fighting back, and I don't want to lose anyone before we even hit the ground."

"Yes sir." resounded in the room and Lightning stood up and away from Hope as he made to stand, but Rygdea held up his hand.

"I don't know what we're going to find down there. I've heard only one account, and I have no way of knowing how this psycho may have changed things since he left." Hope tensed beside Lightning and she stepped just a bit closer to him, "But this will not be easy. As many precautions as we take, however many men we bring, there is a risk. We all know this. But we all know who we're dealing with, we all know that she won't hold back, and we all know what will happen to us if we let out guard down for a second."

Rygdea took a deep breath, his grin returning, "We know all that, and you know what else? It ain't gonna matter. Some of us will go down, that's the way of things, but I know I'm in command of some of the toughest soldiers I've ever had the honor of coming across. You all know how to get things done, and even when you get knocked back down, you keep getting the fuck back up." Rygdea raised his fist, grinning wider, "You can have that black eye, hell, a broken leg, and you'll still drag your body off the ground and give em hell! You'll be spitting blood, you'll be wishing you were dead, but you're still doing it!" The soldiers began to smile and nod, some even flexing as tentative smiles flashed on their faces, "And that's how I know this bitch is going down! You'll be dragging yourself from the grave just to get back at her. We're going to win this fight, whether she likes it or not, and we'll take back that security that she took from us!"

Rygdea shouted the last part and let out a heavy breath, nodding to himself. One of the men smiled at Rygdea, cocking his gun next to him, "And you said you don't know how to give public speeches captain."

"What can I say? Guess even old guys can learn something new." Rygdea shrugged, looking around at his soldiers. "Well? What the hell you waiting for, an invitation? Get in your positions! Vitan, Tiaw, Hope, by the door! Everyone else, I want your guns ready and your eyes peeled. Be ready to drop in the moment this ship lands. If something tries to get in through the windows, shoot it down. If something tries to get in through the bottom of this thing-" Rygdea stomped on the floor, the metallic sound ringing through the room, "-shoot it down. If something is trying to eat you…well, you're one unlucky bastard. Shoot the fucker down!"

Bodies were up and moving before Rygdea had even finished. Hope reached for Lightning, his fingers ghosting over her arm before he joined Vitan and Tiaw at the door. Vitan pulled the door open and the wind rushed in, whipping her hair backward as the currents rushed her. Hope and Tiaw remained near the door, just out of Vitan's reach but close enough to grab her if need be. Around them the soldiers were cocking their weapons, stuffing barrels into their belts or cases before laying their hands on the gun.

Lightning pulled her gunblade from its satchel, inspecting the fine edge before holding it at her side. She watched Hope as the man leaned toward the open door, his eyes narrowing as the wind rushed his face. Rygdea walked up behind them, glaring at the ground below. All he could see were the rolling fields of grass, and as the airships came to a stop, the grass was all that was seen below. "Hold her steady up there!" Rygdea called. He waited until he heard the "Yes sir!" before looking back below. Rygdea reached into his pocket and pulled out a communicator, "Everyone in position?" he called.

"Affirmative!"

"Affirmative!"

Rygdea nodded before locking eyes with Vitan, "You know what to do." He held up the mouthpiece and shouted, "Start!"

Vitan whipped around before Rygdea had even finished his sentence and threw her arms out in front of her. Her hands took on a light blue glow and she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before icicles shot out from her hands and torpedoed below. A rush of flames and bolts of lightning joined the ice as they shot toward Pulse, but instead of hitting the ground, the spells seemed to hit a wall of water. The flimsy surface rippled as the spells hit, and heads leaned forward to try and get a closer look. The spells continued from each ship, Vitan biting her lip and shifting her feet to keep up the spell. Rygdea walked forward. Clasping Hope's shoulder before leaning over Vitan to look at the barrier below.

"Of course…" he mumbled, glancing at Vitan. Increase the pressure. If you start to feel strange, switch with Hope or Tiaw." Rygdea waited until the woman nodded before stepping back, pulling the communicator to his ear, "You all get that then?"

"All ready on it sir."

Rygdea nodded, lowering the communicator and watching as the fire and lightning from the other ships increased in size. The cracking flames seemed to roar over the engines of the ships, and coupled with the constant crack of lightning, the occupants could feel the ringing in their ears. Icicles and frost increased, the rapidity of their impact causing them to burst into shards as they hit the barrier. Rygdea motioned again, relaying an increase to Vitan before commanding the same of the other ships, and Vitan took a heavy breath. Sweat poured down her temple and she nodded toward Hope, stepping aside to give him room.

Hope swallowed and nodded, his pulse thrumming wildly as he planted his feet in the wide open doorway. He held out his hands and closed his eyes, sifting through his head for an element to use. He sighed and felt the rush of water at his fingers tips, taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly. Then his eyes snapped open and he pushed forward, toes touching the edge of the ship as torrents of water streamed below. Like the other spells they hit the barrier and caused ripples, the water sliding down the walls of the blockade. Hope puffed his chest and heaved, the water torrents barreling down below and mixing with the other spells.

Rygdea watched the group with careful eyes, waiting for the slightest limp or off breath, any indication that something was wrong. His eyes would stray to Hope as well, thoughts flickering to the odd incidents with his magic just days ago.

"Duck!" Vitan and Hope shouted, throwing themselves backward and landing hard on the floor of the ship. Rygdea swore and dropped to his knees, soldiers around him helping as well to grab Hope and Vitan and pull them away as a wall of fire flew by the doorway.

"What the hell was that?" Rygdea shouted, leaning forward as the flames died.

"That was the barrier fighting back," Hope muttered, pushing himself to his feet. He walked toward the doorway, biting his lip as he studied the barrier below. It no longer disappeared, leaving the group with only the innocent appearance of grass, but now cast a milky white glow over the ground. Hope's chest swelled and he shook his head, turning back to Vitan, "Did it look like it was just…shaking our spells off to you?"

Vitan pushed herself up and nodded, joining Hope at the doorway, "Kind of…like it wasn't doing anything."

"And when it tried to hit us, it was a water spell that hit it right?" Hope asked.

Vitan's eyes widened and Rygdea brought his communicator up to his mouth, "Maqui, step away from the door, but try casting a lightning spell that way." Rygdea looked toward the barrier as the lightning cracked through the air and snapped the barrier. There was an odd rumble below, one that made the barrier shake, and then more flames shot up, this time toward the ship. "Fuck," Rygdea mumbled, pulling the communicator back to his mouth, "All right, Lebreau, send a fire spell that way."

Rygdea watched as the flames danced out of the last ship and shot toward the barrier below, but this time there was no recoil. Vitan and Hope looked over the doorway and Hope shook his head, "It's fire. She geared so that it'd go down with fire."

"Well then that's what we'll shoot at it," Rygdea said. But he did not miss the tremor in Hope's voice or they way he stepped back, holding his hands to his chest. Hope's brow was furrowed and he glanced at Rygdea. Rygdea could only nod at him, watching as Hope turned away and sent several fire spells below, substantially weaker than his water spells from before. _Damn…_ Rygdea shook his head, _The bitch knows we're here, that much is sure. But is she waiting? Or was this just a trap knowing we'd come? She knows…she knows how Hope would react, how this whole thing relates to fire with him, but does that mean she's _in _there?_

"Rygdea! Rygdea!" Vitan shouted, looking over her shoulder, "The barrier it-" Vitan and Hope stepped back as Rygdea charged ahead, glaring at the ground below. Hope's expression was except for his eyes, searching below as well. They were dark, haunted, and already lost in his past. Of the screams…of the pain, and of cold and bitter snow.

And below the ships sat a lone cabin, made of dark wood and seemingly abandoned. There was snow around the small building, the white fluff caked every crevice it could reach on the cabin, and the snow was packed several feet on the ground. Numbing wind blew up the ships as each person looked at the painfully lonely looking sight below. There was nothing but the snow and the cabin, nothing but a few broken planks of wood and a small circle that resembled a fire pit.

But they knew there was more. There was an evil woman, intent on killing them all. There were screams and books that held more riddles than clues. There was blood and taint. There was in inborn darkness, reeking of something putrid and bitter.

There was a broken boy.

And so they began to land.


	37. Holy Chaos

**Hello all! I have been hard to get a hold of lately, but I have been feeling a little off lately. I don't think it will last though, but in case the next update is late, don't get to mad. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and reviews shall be done later. This chapter is a tad more actiony, I think. But I hope you all enjoy it!**

**Gosh, I am sorry it took me so long. Stuff happened, I was unhappy, but I am here now! Reviews!**

**plummy-kins: Thank you! I'm glad you liked their interactions, I had fun writing it. :D And you liked my fight scene! *hugs* I'll do my best, and thank you for the luck!**

* * *

Hope had thought he was prepared.

He had it all planned out in his head, and still did, but important details were slipping by him as the snow on the ground grew larger and larger, the packed blankets of white sucking the air from his lungs. The cabin was in view, as was the small pit of fire, and his eyes strayed over the land that had once been so familiar and so alien to him. He traced the path he had taken, the path he had been dragged down, beaten and forced into. He saw the blood that had stained the white snow, stark against the beautiful flakes, even though the pure whiteness had long since been restored. There was no blood there now.

Yet he could still see the ghosts of red.

"Hope..." Hope did not move as Rygdea touched his shoulder, did not flinch when he was jostled. He stared down at the approaching ground, his hair whipping back as they finally touched the snow, and the bitter wind washed over him. His skin froze, bumps popping on his back and arms, while his face became tight from the wind. "Hope, listen, if you need to go back-"

"N-No." Hope shut his eyes and shook his head, sucking in the cold air as it barreled into the airship. The frigid cold cased his lungs and made his chest burn, but he refused to let the pain show. Refused to let anything show. He snapped his eyes open and stared ahead, clenching his jaw until the bone began to throb. "No," he said, voice stronger, "No, I have to do this. I have to keep going." _After everything that's happened...I can't just leave it like this. I have to do this._

_I need to._

Yet as the airships landed and the engines slowly switched off, leaving the air still, Hope still felt the fear pulsing through him. Even as he stepped off with the others, Lightning hugging close to him as if to offer silent comfort, he could feel the choking hold the terror had on his throat. His stomach churned and bubbled, and his eyes roved the soldiers in an effort to escape the nausea that was hitting him in waves. He spotted their faces easily in the small crowd. Sazh, Lebreau coming off one ship, Maqui and Snow off the other, and each pair of eyes found him in return. Hope looked away almost as quickly as their eyes met, a burning shame making the cold seem even more intense.

"Hope," Lightning said from behind him, "Just keep going, I'm right behind you." Hope barely managed a nod as the groups began to trudge toward the small cabin, several small scout teams jogging ahead to inspect the area, their boots crunching in the snow. Hope swallowed hard and glanced at the small cabin, eyes widening as he took in the splintered wood.

Here. It had been here. He had been taken there. Trapped _there._ It was all inside that cabin, all inside that room, waiting for him-

_Not now...don't remember now. Shut it out, shut it out. Remember why you're here. Remember Lightning and Snow and Serah and Lebreau. Remember everyone. You're fighting for them_. _You're doing this all for them._ Hope glanced behind him, his eyes meeting Lightning's. _You're fighting for _her.

"Thank you," he mumbled, reaching out and brushing his hand against hers. Lightning blinked, her eyebrows raising as Hope turned away. The silveret just nodded to himself, his hands trembling at his sides, but a calm began to soothe him. _This will all be over soon._

_I'll make sure of it._

And it began to fall back into place. His calm, his confidence, and his self-reassurance that he was doing the right thing. It had to be the right thing, even if his body burned at the thought of it. Even if every scenario of what would happen after ran through his mind, relentless in guilt and anger. His feelings were jumbled, scattered in his mind as he tried to reach some consensus within himself. Yet it was a mantra inside of him, a lifeline he could not let go. _It's the right thing. I have to do this._

He could feel Lightning and Rygdea's eyes on him and could sense the occasional glances from the others. More than that though, he could feel _her_. She was waiting, watching, praying he would crack and be hers again. Wanting him to slip up so she could snag him again, only this time take something even more precious from him.

And he would wait for her to try.

"It's all clear sir!" one of the scouts called, giving Rygdea a salute as he approached, "At least for now, I think we can safely begin to inspect the area."

Rygdea nodded, half glancing at Hope before he spoke again, "All right then, but I'm taking no chances. I want half of you to spread out and around the perimeter. I want it secured as quickly as possible. Two groups will be guarding the direct entrances to the cabin. Communicators are essential here, so I want them turned on, and now!" Several soldiers began to dig into their pockets, flipping their communicators on as Rygdea turned to the others. "All right everyone, it'll be a bit cramped, but if we time this right-"

"Protectega. Shellga," Hope muttered. A sheen of blue and green passed over every member of the group, all eyes widening at the sudden lights, but Rygdea went on as if there had been no interruption.

"-we can get out of here before we're detected. Now, the first group to head in-" Rygdea's eyes snapped to Lightning as she began to move away from the group, a look of surprise on her face, and he followed her line of vision to Hope as the man began to head for the front cabin door. Rygdea's eyes popped and he whipped himself around, pushing past several soldiers to get to Hope before her reached the door, relieved when Snow, Sazh, Lebreau, and Maqui began to make their way toward him too. However, the other soldiers seemed to take it as their cue to head inside, and began to file out, some spreading around the cabin with their guns cocked at their sides, while others formed small groups to wait to go in.

"Faith," Hope whispered as he pressed his hand to the door, hands shaking for just a moment before he shoved the old wood away, "Bravery." The spells washed over him, a warm bubble in his gut that seemed to rise to his chest. He took a deep breath, swallowing the feeling.

"Hope, what are you doing!" Lightning called, grabbing him on the shoulder before he could go inside. Hope flinched at her touch and slowly turned toward her, his eyes wide; stress circles forming deep creases under them. His eyes locked with hers a moment before trailing back to the door, and underneath her fingers Hope began to tremble. He shook his head and pushed the door the rest of the way open, breathing in as old smells flew to him. Musty books…the smoke from the fireplace.

Coppery, dried, dead blood.

"Hope, you need to-"

"Please Lightning," Hope said, turning to look at her once more. He grabbed her hand as it rubbed his shoulder, bringing it to his chest and pressing it to his heart, the organ rapid under her fingers, "Please...I have to do this. I have to do this now, or else...just-" Hope jumped as the others began to appear at the door and dropped Lightning's hand. He turned away before she could respond and started inside, looking over every inch of the cabin.

If Hope didn't know any better, he would have said things hadn't changed. From the moment that he had first woken inside the cabin, to his reluctant and final return, it looked the same as ever. At least on the surface. The old wood walls were cracked in some places, the boards letting in a small draft. The fireplace was alight, the same orange glow burning bright and strong in the corner of the room. There was a small bed shoved to the side, the blankets rumpled and half on the floor, suggesting someone had just fled from there. There were shelves and shelves and more shelves on the walls, each stuffed with books with strange lettering, some papers even falling out of their bindings.

And the door to the other small room was still closed tight.

It looked no different to Hope at first glance, but as the soldiers began to walk inside, their eyes filled with silent wonder as they finally entered the house they had exchanged rumors of, Hope squinted his eyes as he searched. He could see the small details that told him that things were not the same. The floor was covered in small bits of soot, the deep staining black burned into the old wood, and strange little lumps seemed engraved on the floor.

Letters and pens had fallen from a table tucked against a wall, and books were scattered around, their words dancing before Hope's eyes. He would let his gaze linger on them for a moment, searching for what he needed before turning away when nothing caught his eye. In the back of his mind, he could feel the other force pulling him, tugging his hand down a long and narrow pathway, the rest of the land shadowed by darkness. The touch was light, pushing and pulling him in the direction he wanted, the direction they both wanted but for different reasons, with the simple promise that he would know what it was when he saw it.

As Hope glanced at the small door that led to what was once his room, his stomach churned, letting him know that he wouldn't see until he went in there. There was a faint whisper and nudge in the back of his mind, as well as the fine trickling of terror.

"Hope, you doing okay?" Hope jumped as Snow appeared beside him, the tall and muscled man glancing around the room with a strangely solemn awe. Snow looked at Hope once he was sure he had his attention, and placed a large hand on his shoulder. "You've been staring at those shelves for the past five minutes. I was worried you might have actually decided reading was a worthwhile venture!" Snow grinned at his own joke and was unfazed when Hope didn't even crack a smile, instead pressing closer to his side.

"Everyone's worried you'd be tight as a bow, but you seem as cool as a cucumber Hope." Snow's grin widened and he shook his head, "Always wanted an excuse to use that."

"Please stop Snow," Hope muttered, stepping away from him.

Snow's smile melted away but instead of stepping off, he got closer to Hope and grabbed him by the arm, "I don't know-well, okay, that's bull. I think I know what's going on here Hope, and whatever shit it is you're planning, don't go through with it all right?" Snow lowered his voice and glanced around, "I know you think it's bad, but come on, we'll think of something all right? Everyone's worried enough as it is, so don't go-"

"Am I really that see through?" Hope whispered, looking away from Snow, "I never thought I was that easy to read, but maybe I'm wrong." A smile flitted on Hope's face, but it crumbled as he shook his head.

"Hope," Snow growled, tightening his grip, "I need you to listen." Snow glanced where Hope was staring, eyes narrowing as he looked at the door. He pulled Hope toward him and away from the door, "Hope, pay attention. I need you to promise me that you're not going to do something stupid, all right? Hope?"

"Snow...do you know what that room is?" Hope asked, hands clenching at his sides as his blood roared in his ears, "Do you know...what's on the other side." Snow swallowed, his chest swelling as his skin grew cold. Hope went on, his voice low and quiet, eyes still on the door, "I used to stay there. She kept me there for a while, and she'd have me study those books." Hope blinked hard, his chest aching as he shook his head, "And then she'd-"

"Hope."

Hope inhaled, closing his eyes as his body shook, and he grabbed Snow's hand and pulled it from his shoulder. "We have to go inside," he said, running his hand through his hair, "We have to go inside and get those books. One book, but-"

"Hope, what are you talking about? Come on, just-just-"

"Please Snow. Please, I need you or someone to come-come with me I-I can't going in there alone."

"_Just hold still."_

"I can't-I just-please. I'm almost ready but-"

"_It won't hurt long, I swear."_

"All right Hope," Snow said, grabbing his arms and shaking him slightly, "Just snap it of it. I'll get the others and we'll go in together and get whatever it is you're looking for, all right? No need to freak out now. I thought you were as cool as a cucumber." Snow smiled, eyes light but worried before he released him.

"Thank you Snow," Hope said as the man turned away. Snow paused at Hope's voice, hearing the gratitude and affection, and felt his stomach tighten. Hope shut his eyes again and took a deep breath, forcing his breathing to slow before looking at the door again. His eyes darkened for a moment before he forced the thoughts away, sweeping the haunting memories before they could consume them. Yet as the thoughts drifted to the back of his mind, barely even ghosting him, he wondered how he did it so easily. _Maybe it's because of what I'm going to do. I mean, that could be a reason…to have a clear head. I should be scared. I should be scared and terrified and I think I am. But I can't seem to...to let it bother me. I don't get it. I don't get it at all. Is that sort of thing normal? That I can just forget it like that, push it away and keep going?_

_I guess it doesn't matter._

"Hope." Hope turned at Lightning's voice, a small, relieved smile forming when he caught sight of her, Lebreau, Maqui, Sazh, and Snow. "Rygdea wanted to come as well, but he has to make sure the others are at the right posts and watch for anything suspicious. He sent all of us though," Lightning paused, her mouth parted slightly as she searched his face, "What's wrong?" she asked, glancing around, "Is the enemy around, or did you feel strange or-"

"N-No!" Hope stepped forward, feeling his eyes sting, and he smiled at her, "No, that's not it. But thank you Lightning. It's just...this room." Hope glanced behind him again, clenching his jaw. "I need to go inside but I-" _I'm too much of a coward to do it on my own. Even after all of this I can't manage to suck it up and keep going._

Lightning placed a hand on Hope's shoulder and nodded, turning to the door and running her hand along the wood. She grabbed the knob and slowly turned, pushing the door open and lifting up her gunblade, narrowing her eyes as a sliver of the room came into view. She released a breath when nothing sprung out and attacked her, but she kept her blade drawn and pushed the door all the way open, squinting when dusty air flew into her face.

Hope peeked inside of the room, eyes going to the bed, and he shuddered as the others followed in after Lightning. He was the last to step inside, still staring at the bed as he walked in. The covers were thrown to the floor and as Hope stepped closer, he could see faded red stains on the off white blankets. _Those will never fade away..._ Hope sighed and tore his eyes away from the sheets, nearly bumping his head on one of the shelves nailed to the wall.

"What's with all of these books?" Lebreau asked, her hand on her hip, "I mean, I know they're supposed to be important and all, but what's with all of the weird writing." She shrugged and moved away, but Hope still stared at the books, his body feeling hollow as he looked at the shelves. _There…somewhere…it's there._

Snow was busy looking at the splintered wood around the door, his head titled to the side as he kicked some of the splinters away, "Not much for cleaning up is she?" Sazh nodded, running a hand through his hair and pulling out his guns.

"No," Lightning mumbled, her eyes zeroing in on several dark blood spots on the floor, "She really isn't." She gritted her teeth and looked away, but her eyes seemed dead set on finding each and every blood spot in the room. There were several dark splatters on the floor, some small drops, others large puddles that no one had bothered to mop up. There was blood on the spines of the books, on the sheets, on discarded fur clothes thrown in the corner, and just about anywhere else Lightning looked. Splashes of red or dried black were everywhere.

Her eyes found Hope and she felt her throat start to close up, mind searching for an answer she didn't have. _How did this happen? All of it...is it all Hope's blood? What happened to him that this could have-_ Lightning shook her head and looked around, trying to see past the dark stains that spoke of Hope's confinement, and tried to see something that could be of use to them. _The only thing I'm seeing are books. And what good are those when we don't know what they say? I just don't get it. _Lightning walked along the shelves, her eyes on the books but her mind far above them. _Were we really only sent here to fight? Bait Saorise here and beat her once and for all? How? How can we do that though? Damn...none of this seems right._

Hope watched as his friends paced along the shelves, his eyes flickering back to the door as a few more soldiers found their way inside. He took a deep breath and returned his attention to the books, looking at their spines and watching as the strange black markings danced in front of him. As before, he could read the words and receive a picture of what they meant, but as he looked through each volume, he did not feel the strange spark or jolt that told him he had found it. The truth he needed, was so bent on finding before _she_ arrived, eluded him.

_There's Zalera. But then Helios is right next to it. They aren't in any kind of order at all! _Hope almost growled as he brought a hand to one of the shelves, pulling some of the books down and dropping them to the floor, revealing more books crammed behind them. _I bet she did this before we came here, just to make things more difficult or..._

_Or to buy herself time._

Hope swore under his breath and started to tear the books down, the spines hitting the wooden floor with soft thumps as Hope skimmed their covers. The others all glanced back at him, some of the soldiers looking perplexed. Maqui glanced at Lebreau and made to step toward Hope, but Lightning beat him to the punch, walking up to him and touching his shoulder. Hope jumped and whipped around at her, his eyes wide as a few strands of hair fell in front of his face.

"Light-Light what-"

"What are you doing Hope?" Lightning asked, glancing at the books before fixing Hope with a stern stare, "What is it? What are you looking for?"

"A-A-" Hope barely had a moment of panic and indecision before an answer spilled from his lips, "I'm looking for a certain book."

"Why?" Lightning asked, "Did something-" She stopped at Hope's desperate look, the man shaking his head before looking back at the shelves. Lightning growled but nodded, "What does it look like? Do you remember it from before?"

Hope swallowed, hands shaking as he panicked on what to say, when a voice rang in his head. _"It's purple."_

"Purple," Hope gasped, eyes returning to the shelves, "It's purple and it-" _A brand. A little like yours but more of a shape. Think of horns when you search for it and it should spring right up. There are also diamonds near the bottom, two with empty centers. Four swords will be around it."_

"And it has a brand on the cover and a smaller version of it on the spine. The brand has horns on it, and some diamonds. And there are four swords on the cover," Hope relayed. Lightning looked taken aback for a moment but Hope returned to looking at the shelves, eyes wider than before as he looked for the purple book. Lightning watched him for a moment, eyes wide, before slowly turning to the others and giving them the information.

The voice hummed in Hope's head, clearly satisfied with how things were going, "_Way to think on your feet boy. And a good call too. Saorise has been more than a little rambunctious lately, and she'll be coming here soon."_

Hope paused for a moment, holding back a growl. _I won't let you frighten me._

"_That's good. You'll find that I'm really not scary at all once you let me in. I'm one of those Fal'Cie that just loves a good time. Or something to that effect. It's hard to tell with me sometimes, I can be quite...unpredictable. Both in my actions and my thoughts."_

_If Saorise is such a bother,_ Hope thought back, turning away from the shelf and moving to a new one once he was sure there were no purple books, _Why do you have her around?_

"_The same reason I have you around Hope. You're both quite the unpredictable anomalies, and being who I am, I just couldn't resist. One of those things I'm just drawn to. But don't get me wrong, as much as I enjoy the way you two fight, I will make you cooperate with me."_

_Fat chance._

"_Then why do you search for my book?" _Hope didn't respond right away, throwing several more books down on the floor, _"What, that little plot of yours? Think I'll really let you go through with that?"_

_You don't have to. As long as Saorise wants to hunt me down more than she wants to listen to you, I know it will work. I just have to keep it together. _Hope shook his head when he came up with nothing and moved to the next shelf. The others were glancing back at him, looks concerned and dark, but he paid them no notice.

"_That's what I like about you humans. Always willing to go that extra step, making strange move after strange move. The unpredictable truths of life and death. Your species, more than any other, embodies this. A harbinger of destruction or salvation, a breath of life or the silencing hand. You can take life even from a god, and call forth the Maker, one who knows all things," _The voice hummed again, a small laughter that echoed in Hope's head, _"You may fight one moment, then shake hands the next. You crowd around one, to save or annihilate. But tell me Hope..." _The voice became serious then, a dark tone, _"Do you not grow weary? Does your body not wear out. Does your soul not ache for rest as we all do? We who walk the wheel of eternity, l'Cie and Fal'Cie, more than anyone, should be able to understand one another. We who taint the other, a constant struggle. Would it not be fitting to bring it forth to nothing and silence the raging voice that commands you to move?"_

"Is that all you want?" Hope whispered, not even looking at the books anymore.

"_I, like my brethren, have struggled. The chaos grows dim and the need to be reborn comes anew, only now it must be done right, and only through Maker's hands can this be done. I yearn only to bring the world to nothing, so that it may rest."_

Hope shook his head, lifting his eyes toward the books, _Then I guess...you'll be disappointed._

_You speak as if you can stop me..._

"Hope!" Hope jerked his head around at Lightning's voice, eyes going to the book in her hands, "I think I found it." The others crowded around her until she snapped at them to step away, and Hope took several heavy steps toward her. He ignored the voice as it raged in his head, even as the constant thrum of words caused his temples to ache. He glanced at Lightning as she passed the book to his hands, muttering a small thank you as he looked at the rich purple cover.

The book was older than the others, the cover frayed and worn, but the deep purple managed to shine through the age. On the cover was a brand as the voice had described, two black, painted horns blazing on the top of the head, a body sitting upon a pedestal, diamonds dripping below it. Four swords surrounded the creature, as if to shield it from the world, and at the top of the book the title read: _Chaos. Walker of the Wheel._

_So that's what you are..._ Hope thought, glaring at the cover, _Chaos. _Hope jumped though, his chest splitting open and nearly making him double over in pain. Heat erupted along his back, stinging his skin as the pain licked along the edge of his body, tingling down his spine, and he inhaled through his nose. He closed his eyes as he felt a hand on his shoulder and dug his hands into the book.

_She's here._

The words reverberated in Hope's head as the voice...as Chaos, spoke them too, and Hope brought the book to his chest. For a moment, a spark of fear washed over him, nearly choking him in its potency. Images flashed through his mind, some of Saorise as she held him down in the bed, a knife over him. But her voice was silenced, even as her lips moved in the memory. He thought of Lightning and the others, imagined their faces, their voices, and felt the fear and longing. It almost crippled him where he stood, told him to run away to the airship and escape to the skies where she would never find him. His stomach rebelled along with his thoughts, and he choked again on the burning acid that threatened to rise. _This is it. this is it. This is it. This is it. Are you sure though? Are you ready? This is it, this is where it ends. Can you handle that-_

_Stop doubting yourself. Charge forward._

The moment passed and the plan came down on him as it had before. He breathed in, felt his brand almost move along his skin, and the fear was beaten back with a slew of calm thoughts. _I have to do this. This will save them. She will finally die._

_You'll be free._

Hope tightened his grip on the book a moment and opened his eyes, meeting bright azure orbs as they peered into him. Lightning waved a hand in front of his face before running a hand over his forehead, asking him if he was all right. Hope could only nod, glancing at the book in his hands. He could feel Saorise charging toward the cabin, could almost hear her swearing at him as a hot rush of flame flew at him, but he came back to Lightning.

"Take this," he said, pushing the book into her hands, "You'll need it."

Lightning's eyes widened and she glanced at the book before looking at him. The others were watching them, Maqui and Lebreau slowly walking away from Hope and hurrying toward the door, but Hope kept his eyes on Lightning as she looked back at the book. "Why are you giving this to me?" she asked. Hope almost flinched when he saw a brief flash of fear in her eyes, but steeled himself as he felt the pain in his chest worsen. He covered her hands with his own, boring is eyes into hers.

"Trust me Lightning, you'll need it." Hope closed his eyes and leaned toward her, resting his forehead on her shoulder. Lightning switched to holding the book in one hand and ran a free hand over Hope's back, her eyes still wide.

"Hope, why would I need this?" she asked, her throat closing up.

"I...am so sorry Light. I-I love you. I love you and that's-that's why I-" Hope stopped and Lightning felt something wet drip onto her shoulder. Hope brought his head up, his warm breath brushing past Lightning's cheek. He was so close to her, and both their hearts raced, an unspoken fear, terror, and love sparking through them as Hope leaned close.

Hope fumbled with his words for a moment before taking a deep breath and pressing closer to her. A small smile formed on his face and he pressed his lips to her cheek, then leaned away and brought them to her lips. Hope swallowed her gasp and pressed closer for a moment, feeling her warmth underneath his lips, taking in Lightning's smell, the sweet scent of strawberries and a hint of daffodils. Her warmth. Her surprise. And he prayed that she felt what he had. That great spark, the consuming want and passion, the need to protect that raged inside of him.

He took it all in, savored the moment, brushing his hands along her cheek and pressed himself closer to her, before pulling away from their short kiss. He could already feel the burning on his face, but forced himself to meet her stunned blue eyes, his one watering.

"This is the only kiss...I will ever steal from you." Hope swallowed, a tear managing to escape, rolling down his cheek, "I promise."

The explosion sounded before another word could pass between them. Wood shot away from the wall, a gaping hole now threatening the structure of the cabin, and the cold drafts invaded, freezing the yelling, panicked soldiers. Lightning leaned down at the sudden gust of wind, but Hope stepped away from her, his face wiped blank as he looked forward.

"Saorise," he mumbled.

The white-haired woman grinned at him giving him a mock bow. She sat on top of a large C'ieth, the hulking crystal beast's arms dragging in the snow. More C'ieth were shuffling from behind her, and Hope swore as several began to fly around the cabin, like hawks circling prey. Her eyes were wide and shaking, but the smile on her face showed not fear, only excitement. The way her head quirked up as she eyed Hope, eyes alight and hungry, revealed her eagerness. "Why Hope…it's so pleasant for you to drop by. I was starting to worry that I'd have to come get you myself." She shrugged, but her smile widened, "Good to know that you'll always come back."

Hope opened his mouth to speak, but shouting from his side made him whip around. Several of the soldiers raised their guns and fired, the bullets and bright shots flying at Saorise. She tilted her head as they approached, but each bullet fell to the ground, and a shimmering Protect spell rippled in front of her.

"So close," Saorise said, leaping from the C'ieth and landing on one of the soldiers. Saorise raised her hand, her fingers coated in fire, and made to jab the man's neck, smiling all the while. Hope shouted, charging forward and knocking her away, digging his elbow into her side as she fell to the ground. Saorise's eyes widened as she fell to her hand and knees, her arms shaking as she stared at the floor.

Lightning gritted her teeth, glancing at Hope before shifting her gunblade and dropping the book on the floor, firing several rounds at Saorise that once more, bounced off the barrier. Lightning wasted no time though, leaning down and shifting her gunblade again, bringing the blade near her as she charged at Saorise. She could hear Snow distantly, his voice a small roar in her ears before she brought her gunblade down on the unmoving Saorise.

"Light!"

Lightning swore as her gunblade met the Protect spell, stepping back and raising the blade again, but Saorise looked up at her, the corner of her eye widening at the sight. "Whore," Saorise mumbled as she stood up. She glanced at Hope, then back at Lightning, her eyes flashing with hate and rage. "You did this. You did it. I know that's why he's even doing this. I know it! I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you for taking him away from me!" Little sparks began to erupt at Saorise's feet, catching the wood and burning it black. The sparks died at her feet but reignited as Saorise took a step forward, her eyes focused on Lightning. Shouts were coming from the other room, but Lightning and Saorise only had eyes for each other, both glaring at one another with malice and dripping with hate.

"You took him from me," Saorise breathed, her chest heaving, "You took him!"

"He was never yours!" Lightning shouted, swinging her blade again. She barely even flinched when she met the barrier again, and as she jumped back from Saorise's kick, shots were fired at the white-haired woman. Rygdea voice roared in the background, but Lightning could barely hear him over the rushing of her own blood. Saorise ran at her, aiming another kick to her side before punching at her face as Lightning stepped away. Lightning clenched her jaw and crouched down, lashing at Saorise as she made for another kick, the edge of blade managing to nick her on the thigh before a torrent of fire forced Lightning away.

"I'll kill you! You bitch, I'll kill you!" Saorise started to scream, her hands raking through her hair as small droplets of blood dribbled down her leg. Saorise breathed through her clenched mouth, leaning into herself and glancing at Lightning, her eyes darkening, "I'll fucking kill you!"

Fire exploded in the room, the wood splintering above them and falling as dust at their feet. The cold, numbing wind rushed inside of the cabin, sending chills through Lightning's skin, but a quick brush from the fire told her she had no time for hesitation. Lightning stepped back from the flames and made to charge low again, mind whirring as she scrambled for a defense, but Saorise made the decision for her. With a feral, high-pitched scream Saorise grabbed at her and her gunblade, grasping her wrist and grinning as she sent fire to her hands. Lightning bit back a scream as the flames licked her skin, turning it red and making it peel. She fisted her hand and punched Saorise in the jaw, the bone cracking under her knuckles even as they bruised and cracked from her own attack. Her burned hand fell to her side and the gunblade was held in a loose grip, and Lightning jumped back ass more fire flew at her.

"Enough!" Saorise blinked, her mouth dropping as she was yanked from behind and shoved to the ground. Lightning sighed as a cool healing spell washed over her arm, glancing at a C'ieth that had fallen to the ground. Hope was by her side now, his face still blank except for the fire in his eyes as he glared at Saorise. He turned to Lightning for a moment, his eyes softening as they met hers, "Sorry."

Lightning barely had a moment for the words to register before Hope was gone, charging at Saorise with blank determination. "Hope?" Lightning whispered as Hope barreled his fist into Saorise's stomach, the woman doubling over. "Hope!" She shook her head and switched her gunblade to her other hand, charging at them as Hope pushed himself away from Saorise.

"You won't hurt them…ever again," Hope mumbled, grasping Saorise shoulder. He felt the effect of his Bravery spell surge through him, his blood hot as it ran through his body, and the strange pulsations of strength made him swell. He threw Saorise, whispering spells under his breath and sending trails of wind at her, the gusts catching her and propelling her outside. Lightning just reached him and made to grab his arm, her face shining with sweat and eyes wide, but Hope could only glance at her before following Saorise outside the ruined cabin. Lightning shouted after him, but had to raise her gunblade as a C'ieth made to bear down on her. She snarled and sliced at the beast, eyes constantly going to Hope and Saorise.

Saorise pushed herself from the snowy ground, groaning as her muscles ached with the movement, like they would turn to jelly should she move. But then she remembered his face as he attacked her, actually charged at her and threw her outside, and she felt the weakness drain away. Hatred bubbled in her gut, churned and sloshed in her stomach until she almost felt sick from the sensation, and his _face_ kept flashing in her mind. The blank one, with no fear of her deeds. Of even death.

It pissed her off to no end.

"You fucker…" she mumbled, pushing herself up further, "You annoying, cocky little bastard." She stood, her legs shaking as she planted her feet on the ground, and she glared at the snow as she steadied herself, "I'll make you pay. I'll make you pay. Make you _suffer, _you hear me?"

"Loud and clear." Saorise jumped as his shadow loomed over him, but jumped away as lightning cracked by her ear. She glared at him, but paused as she noticed his legs. They jerked underneath his weight, as if they would buckle any moment, and her smile returned full force.

_An act then?_

She smiled at the thought, narrowing her eyes, but a voice boomed in her head. _"It is no act. Do not take his fear lightly. You must calm yourself, or everything we've worked for will be over."_

_I thought you were all about this…_But Saorise did not wait for a response, tilting her head to the side and watching as Hope shook. More bullets came, and Rygdea's voice carried loud over the sounds of popping gunfire.

"Hope, whatever the hell you're up to you better stop. We've been through this!" Rygdea shouted, running at the two even as C'ieth charged at him. Rygdea growled and whipped around, aiming his gun and sending a barrage of bright bullets into the C'ieth's bodies, stunning them. Yet more came, over and over, C'ieth after C'ieth on the battlefield as it spilled into the snowy field.

"Yeah Hope, we've been through this!" Saorise mocked, her voice turning sing-song as she sneered at Rygdea, smiling as the man disappeared into the fights again.

"Then come at me," Hope said, swallowing when his voice began to shake as well. "Take me then, and force me back. If you can." Saorise narrowed her eyes, hands staring to clench, "Can you though? I mean, it's been so long-"

"You're still afraid of me!"

"But no so terrified that I won't fight you." Soldiers began to run at them as they broke free of the C'ieth, some hurrying toward Hope, and Saorise started to whisper a spell to keep them at bay. She stopped though when the soldiers met a barrier, a blue shine coming from the air as they were beat back, and she looked back at Hope. Hope continued, ignoring the calling soldiers and the look of surprise on Saorise's face after he had kept his own allies out. "Not so afraid that I won't fight you to stop you. Not so afraid that I'll let you drag me back there."

His voice was beginning to rise and Saorise's face darkened at his words, her foot tapping on the snow as the soldiers struggled for a way to get around the barrier. Rygdea was still shouting in the distance, and Hope's communicator began to beep at his side.

"I bet you can't even kill me." Saorise's movements stopped and her gaze slowly fixed on his eyes, her expression blank and unreadable, "I bet that you can't. I mean, why else would Chaos, Walker of the Wheel, the one to bring it all to nothing, seek my help when he has you?" Something clicked inside Saorise, angry and hateful, and she screamed in her head, _Shut up. Shut up. Shut up._

Hope continued though, his eyes shaking and thoughts a mess as he pulled his words from the air, his mouth spitting them out before he could refute them. "It's because you're not strong enough. He can handle this without you so long as he has me. He doesn't care if he tosses you aside so long as I'm alive. And he's not worried about you killing me either. You couldn't do it, even if you tried. I know, I was there. That whole time and you didn't kill me!"

"He told me not to kill you!" Saorise shouted, stomping the ground with her foot. Fire was igniting again, little bursts of flame that made the snow melt at her feet, but Saorise did not charge at Hope yet. "That was why you were spared! He told me not to! He told me! If I had my way you'd be dead! Dead like your mother and father and all those people and your little friends. You'd be fucking dead, do you hear me!" Saorise shouted and screamed, kicking the ground as more and more flames shot around her, "Dead!"

"_Stop this Saorise! You're letting him get inside your head! You're giving him the upper hand!"_

Saorise did not hear Chaos, did not even acknowledge he had spoken, her eyes fixed on Hope. Her lip trembled but she stared at him, at his cool face and the eyes that held nothing. No fear, no worry. Nothing as he looked at her. _Nothing. Nothing. Nothing! I'll show you nothing! You'll wish you had it! You'll wish you were still with me!_

"_No! Enough of this!"_

Saorise roared, her voice cracking under the burning strain, but she paid it no mind as she crouched down and charged at Hope. She did not acknowledge the way her brand burned on her chest, or the prickling that seemed to be spreading on her skin. Only the man in front of her.

"I'll show you! I'll show you! I'll kill you!" she screamed, taking a running start. Her feet beat against the hard snow, a blur on the ground until she leapt at Hope, fist raised in the air. Hope breathed out and stepped back, leaning to the side and back as Saorise aimed a kick and punch in quick succession, the air whizzing in Hope's ears.

"Is that all?" Hope blinked as fire came rushing past him, the heat making him sweat, and the air left his lungs. His heart started to race as fire began to fly at him, over and over, flame after flame, the fire trying to wrap around him and tug him back to his mind. Hope shook the thoughts away and washed himself with what was ahead of him, focused on Saorise's face, but he would still look at the flames with fear when they got near him.

"What's the matter Hope? Scared? Scared of a little fire? I could take you back into the cabin and try something else." Saorise smiled and leaned down, throwing a wave of fire at Hope and pouncing as he made to move away. She caught him by the collar and dragged him down to the ground, barely glancing at the soldiers as they finally broke the barrier. Hope squirmed underneath her, snapping at her, but his eyes widened as he caught a glimpse of the others. Rygdea's voice was more clear not that the barrier was gone, but the distraction cost him.

"Pay attention!" Saorise shouted, punching his jaw. Hope cringed as his skull bounced on the stiff, icy snow, blood pooling in his mouth as he bit his tongue. Saorise smirked, soldiers circling her only to be lit up by an inferno as she shrieked at the intrusion. Hope shouted, blood flying from his mouth as the soldiers' screams filled the air, their bodies nothing but black blobs in the wall of flames. Sweat pooled in Hope's eyes as he squinted, hands shaking as she tried to block out their shrieks. Saorise blinked as the fire finally died in a single breath of smoke, and several smoldering, blackened corpses thudded to the ground. Hope moaned, shaking his head.

"Now, now, don't look like that. Don't worry, it will only be for a second," Saorise said, running her hand along his armor. Hope held his breath, all his plans and intentions flying from him as her finger trailed along the socket of his right arm. She grasped his upper arm and dug her nails into his skin, little wisps of wind on her fingers as she cut the armor away and exposed the skin. "Just like before right? Expect no one will stop me…and I can do a lot worse than you think."

Saorise grasped his bare arm to make her point, chuckling as Hope arched up, his mouth open in a silent scream, and he started to thrash under her grip. The smell of burning skin filled his nose, the pungent odor making him gag, and acid joined his blood in his frenzy. Saorise only smiled more, trailing her nails along his skin, digging deeper and deeper until she started to draw blood, the breaks in the skin jagged from her fingers. "And when I'm done with you…I'll send them all to hell. We don't need you. We never did. Don't think so highly of yourself." Hope winced when she dug deeper, her fingertips disappearing into his skin, "You're not that important!"

_Do something Hope. Do something. Maker, get up. You can't let her. Not after all this, you can't let her do this. Get up! Get up! Stop her, stop her, stop her!_

_Please! Please, she'll do it! She'll do it, she swears she will!_

Hope swallowed the shout, his own brand starting to prickle as he forced his eyes open. Saorise came into focus, her eyes still on his bleeding arm, and he raised a weak hand and grasped her wrist. He took a deep breath, ignoring her annoyed look as she started to tug in his grip, and he pictured the great gusts of tornadoes. In an instant the bodies around them were swept away as a great breath of wind was born beneath Saorise and Hope, bubbling up like water, higher and higher from the ground. Saorise increased her grip on Hope's arm, her legs staring to slip as she lost her grounding, but Hope barely gave her time to adjust. The bubble of wind popped beneath them, sending them flying into the air as the gusts shot up and around them.

The dark winds lifted them higher and higher, well above the cabin and the others below. Saorise gritted her teeth, small cuts starting to appear on her skin as the blade like wind began to cut her body, the rapid cuts sizzling like meat on a fire. She started to curl around herself, Hope having flown away from her in his own chaos, and she prepared for the landing as the winds began to sputter and die. She stretched her arms out and started call on gusts of her own but shouted as her wrist was yanked, and her red eyes met Hope as he pulled her towards him, his eyes fiery with determination.

"This ends here," Hope whispered, "With me…and you."

Saorise's eyes widened at the statement, comprehension dawning as they began to fall to the earth below. Hope grasped her close to him, even as she began to beat her hands against his chest in a frenzy. She kicked at his body, placing bruise after bruise as she dug into his skin with her heel, and burns left his skin peeling as she coated him with fire, but Hope did not let go. Saorise swore and tried to call on gusts, still burning Hope as they plummeted, but Hope muttered under his breath and fought against her spells with his own. His own rapid winds fought hers, making gusts hit their sides, but never slow their fall.

Hope closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as the wind rushed his ears, telling him of their inevitable impact. His hair whipped around his face, his ripped and broken armor loosening and trailing up as they fell, but Hope closed his eyes and focused only on the pain in his chest and the warmth pooling in his gut. Flashing light, brighter than anything he had ever witnessed or felt, bloomed in his mind.

_Holy._

He thought, for a moment, that he could hear whispering in the light, but was too blinded by it to see into the whiteness and find the speaker. Warmth and pain jolted his body, Saorise stilling as she felt the heat pouring out of Hope in waves. Her eyes sparked wide in fear and she tried to free herself from his grasp, even as Hope held tighter. The others watched from below, Lightning, Snow, Rygdea, Sazh, Lebreau, and Maqui all staring wide eyed as the two plummeted toward the earth.

Hope opened his eyes, his gaze distant as he tried to quell the pain in his heart that seemed to spread throughout his body. He was vaguely aware of the light that was bursting from him now, the brilliant whiteness that was causing him so much pain that it left him breathless. But then he closed his eyes and reached out, looking for the others in the whiteness that encased him. There was a spark, a small flit of fear, and then it calmed, soothing him as his body roared.

_Let me find them…let me find them before it ends._

He thought he could see a flash of blue, a small smile, before the pain wiped it from his mind. A single moment, a brief flash of something precious, before it was gone again. He took a breath; found the act harder than it should have been, and almost gasped when he couldn't draw air again. The ground. The light. The absolute pain in his chest that was ripping him asunder.

The _light_.

But it was fading. He could not see the approaching ground or the shrieking woman in his arms. He didn't even see himself, couldn't imagine what was coming even though he knew it was. Even though he knew what would happen, the idea still escaped him. As if it were a dream, even though now, which were parts were real and which were fake were beyond him.

There was a breath from his chest, as if something had been dislodged. He saw her eyes, light and blue, looking at him in stunned surprise. He wanted to ask her why. Wanted to reach out and touch her, and tell her that he loved her again. He reached out, stretched his fingers so he could just brush her cheek.

Then the pain wrenched his heart and even she disappeared in the whiteness.


	38. Feint

**Hello! This was not late, much to my surprise, and thanks in part to my three day weekend (which I forgot I was having). I want to thank you all though. You were kind and understanding throughout this, and gave me a lot of encouraging words, and a person to talk to if I need it. Thank you. It means a lot that you're all there for me and so patient. So...thank you. *hugs***

**Reviews:**

**Anonymous: :) That's all right. I know how busy life can be. Thank you for reading Daybreak despite how hectic it is. *hugs* Lol, that was what I was thinking for Chapter 36 too. I couldn't resist. It very well could have been. But if you want to elaborate feel free. I want to understand it better. And sweet. I'm glad you liked 37's battle. And appreciated the mini explanation. :D It means a lot. And YES! He IS a reference to FF12! :) *hugs* Thank you.**

**I would also like to bring to attention some wonderful artwork of Saorise, done by Alpha T. Sigma. The link has been provided in my profile, and down here, for those who do not skip author's notes (which seems to be a lot of you, and thank you for that). I had to add spaces so it wouldn't kill it, so remove those and you should be all right.**

**http : / / a-t-sigma . deviantart . com/art/Saorise-OC-198204051?q=boost:popular%20saorise&qo=5**

**Go on, view it now! NOW! :) But again, thank you so much. This chapter I dedicate to all of you who are so willing to help me, and to Alpha, for her wonderful artwork.**

* * *

When she first saw it, she thought they looked like a bird.

It was an odd thought; Lightning knew that, but the way Hope clung to Saorise as they plummeted toward the earth, a trail of white light blasting behind them and curling at the edges, it was all she could think of. A bird as it flew toward the earth, perhaps on some prey that had been unlucky enough to catch the attention of the predator, and was about to pay for the mistake with its life. The bright light flowed behind the two of them, a tail bursting and swirling behind their bodies, and time seemed to slow down. For one, fleeting moment, Lightning could almost see Hope in the mass of white, catch of a glimpse of Saorise's bright red eyes as she fought for escape. She could almost touch them and reached her hand out as if to do just that. The wind was biting her, the cold air freezing her breath as she watched, mesmerized by the sight in front of her.

The impact shook the ground.

The instant Hope and Saorise touched the earth, the light exploded in a violent fury, snow going up in chunks and falling with loud thuds. White luminous lights erupted from the strike, splashing around the two like water. The light wound around itself; up and up into the air as it to fly away again. But try as she might, Lightning could not see past the brightness. She could not find Hope. All the worry, the fear, the suspicion, was bearing down on her as she watched Hope disappear in a flurry of white waves. _Why didn't you do anything? Why didn't you save him! He was right there! You knew, you knew and you did nothing about it! You bitch! He saved you! He saved and kissed you and now-_

_Hope…_

Lightning was unaware of her hand clutching her chest, did not realize her breath was short to the point of nonexistence. Did not acknowledge the C'ieth that were still around them, or the look of fury and terror on Rygdea's face as he charged forward. She was blind to Snow as he stared ahead, a look of utter disbelief on his face, his jaw slacked and eyes glazed. She did not hear Lebreau shout and scream, or see Maqui grab Lebreau and pull her forward toward the impact. She was unaware of them shouting at her or Sazh as he mumbled to himself, shaking his head as his eyes surveyed the ground.

But she could feel her eyes strain as they searched for Hope. She scanned for a spark of silver as the dust cleared and the light dimmed. A bit of green as Hope looked at her, letting her know he was okay and that she could smack him for pulling such a dangerous stunt. Stuttering about kissing her earlier and asking her if she was mad, in which she could say that no. No, she wasn't-

_Hope…Hope, no, no. Don't you do this. Don't you dare do this to me. _Her legs began to move on their own, and the C'ieth around them came to a standstill, as if they had been struck dumb. The hulking beasts hunched over, while the flying abominations stopped flight, crashing into the ground and giving loud, piercing shrieks as they landed.

Lightning pushed past Maqui and Lebreau, the two having stopped after Rygdea had snarled for them not to come any closer. Lightning however, ignored Rygdea as he yelled at her, focusing only on the clearing field and the giant hole in the earth. The blast had eaten away the snow, grass and dirt, a crater now standing in its midst, scratch like tracks scraped along the surface. Lightning's heart jumped in her mouth, making her gulp, small noises escaping her as she tried to swallow the lump back down. She nearly stumbled as she came along the sharp edge of the crater, several bits of dirt tumbling away from her foot, but her eyes were trained on the bright light in the center of the crater.

She forgot how to breath.

"H-Ho-" She couldn't get the words out, couldn't get past the choking feeling in her chest that had crawled its way into her throat. Rygdea's eyes snapped to her and Lebreau and Maqui both looked up. Lebreau tore herself away from Maqui, stumbling before taking off at a run, while Maqui turned around and shouted at the others. Snow snapped out of his stupor, eyes wide and pinned on Maqui, and Lightning was joined by Lebreau and Rygdea.

Is he-is he really? After that? After all of that is her really-

"Ah…AH!" Lebreau shouted, grasping her arm, "My-My brand…ugh…uh…" she moaned and fell to her knees, making Lightning jump beside her. Rygdea groaned put as well, hunching over and reach behind him. Lightning's eyes widened and she looked around, more and more soldiers dropping to their knees and reaching for their brands. Maqui was held in Snow's arms, reaching for his arm with a shaking hand. Lightning shook her head and looked back down at the crater, the air rushing from her lungs as the light evaporated, revealing two bodies in the crater. Only one thing was on her mind. Everything else was blasted away, lost in the sounds of the explosion and the dead, chilly air that surrounded her.

"They're-" Lightning was cut off when Saorise, a small bundle on the ground, began to move. Her arm, stained with black soot, began to twitch, and she slowly pushed her upper body up. Blood was trailing down her forehead and into her eye, the liquid stark against her pale skin. Saorise bared her teeth and snarled, staring at Hope's body before her.

Lightning grasped her gunblade, her heart pounding in her chest and drowning all other sound out. Hope laid prone on the ground, unmoving, his armor plating broken away and parts of his uniform completely gone. Lightning thought she could see blood on his exposed arm and shoulders.

Hope twitched and Lightning felt her heart soar for a moment, watching as Hope started to move more and more. His motions were slow and jerky, giving out as he grasped the ground, but so _alive_ that she could hardly take it and she was going to kill him later for doing this to her.

Then he screamed.

Loud and shrill, breaking her eardrums and making her flinch from the sudden sound. He screamed and screamed, writhing on the ground until he finally pushed himself on his hands and knees. And he just kept _screaming_. Constant screaming and crying and the sound was loud and high and it ached inside of her. Lightning found herself over the crater in moments, skidding down the dirt toward Hope and Saorise, ignoring the woman even as she began to moan herself. Lightning's eyes were on Hope and Hope alone, and she knelt down, her legs coated in dirt and bits of snow from her trek, and she leaned forward to try and look him in the eye.

"Hope. Hope! Hope, what's wrong? I can't know if you-you don't-"

"No!" Hope seethed, his voice a shaky rattle as he struggled with the pain. His hands dug into the earth until clumps of dirt were crushed into an even finer powder in his hands and his nails were digging into his palms. "No! No, you have to go! All of you-all of you have to go!" Hope screeched, slamming his head into the ground and letting out a shrill howl. "Not now, not now, not now…" he breathed out, blood falling form his mouth. "Ugh…brand…away…now!" he ordered, shuddering and arching his back.

Lightning shook her head, even as screaming began behind her and Saorise began to twitch and jerk around, the white haired woman shrieking and slamming herself into the earth. "No, I'm not leaving you here. I'm taking you home so I can kick your ass for that stunt you just pulled and then you and I are going to have a talk," Lightning seethed, trying to grab his shoulders.

"Yo-You don't understand. Not at all!" Hope shouted, "L-Lebreau. Rygdea. I-I need one of them to-" Hope gasped, more blood spewing from his mouth.

Lightning looked up, trying to catch a glimpse of them, only to have Lebreau's head pop over the edge of the crater. Her eyes were clouded with pain, but she took one look at Hope and reached around, pulling Rygdea with her. The man looked at Hope and nodded, slowly standing up as Hope let out another scream. Lightning flinched at the sound and grasped Hope's hand, his fingers wounding over her own and crushing them in a white fingered grip.

Lightning listened as the dirt crumbled again and soon Rygdea and Lebreau were beside her and Hope, Lebreau placing a soothing hand on Hope's shoulder as Rygdea pulled Hope's face up and looked him in the eye. Hope's eyes were bright and scrunched in pain, sweat beading down his face as he bit his lip, a trail of blood running down his chin as he tried not to scream.

"I don't know what the hell you were planning, but I know I'll kick your ass for it later," Rygdea ground out, jerking Hope's chin. Lightning couldn't help but agree with him. "Now where does it hurt-"

"Brand…" Hope gasped out, gasping for air like a fish out of water, "Brand. Brand, brand, brand! I can feel it!"

"Hope-"

"Get everyone out," Hope groaned, gritting his teeth, "He did it. At the last minute he forced us to use…but it was too much-ugh! I can feel it!" Rygdea swore and tore at Hope's uniform, ripping back the last few shreds to reveal his brand. Hope continued to groan, kneeing the ground and hissing to contain his growing pain.

Lightning's eyes widened as she looked at the brand. No longer was the little white brand plastered to Hope's chest, but instead several long, thick arrows were creeping up his chest and curling around his neck. Small green crystals were popping on the white film of the brand, and as Lightning watched, she saw the brand make its way up Hope's neck and jaw.

"What's-What's wrong with him?" Lightning asked, her hand still grasped in his. _It looks like-_

"He's changing," Rygdea answered shortly, cursing under his breath as the brand continued to move. He glanced at Saorise as she flopped on the ground, finally on her knees as her breath came out in wheezes, "It sounds like both of them are."

"But how?" Lightning's mind was a total blank as she watched Hope arch. The white brand reached around his neck to his back in great white splotches, like he had been splashed with paint. "How did this-"

"I'll explain later but we need to get him away from here!" Rygdea shouted, yanking Hope up. Lightning narrowed her eyes and grabbed Hope on the other side as Lebreau began to whisper a few spells, small bits of wind washing over them and propelling them forward. Rygdea shook his head as Saorise let out a pained gasp, her own back arching, and Lightning's head snapped around as a large lump began to bulge from Saorise's back, ripping her top apart.

"Ah…AH…uhhhh…" Saorise moaned, grasping the ground as she tried to breath. Several more lumps appeared on her back, her skin coated in the same white film as Hope, and little jagged red crystals jutting from her skin. Lightning's eyes were glued to Saorise as something ripped, the sound harsh in the air as white, almost spider-like legs erupted from Saorise's back.

"We don't have time," Rygdea growled, taking out his communicator, "Everyone fall back! Get to the airships immediately. Tell Vitan to report to the medbay, we have a situation. NOW!" Rygdea screamed into the communicator before snapping it shut. "I'll have to take us there," Rygdea mumbled as he turned to them. Hope let out another low moan, arching his back again and bringing clouded eyes to Lightning's face.

"The…book…" Hope whispered, "The book…"

Lightning blinked but Rygdea shook his head, grabbing Lebreau and reaching for Hope, "I saw it, I saw it. I'll get that too, just focus on breathing." Lightning felt her confusion only deepen, but Rygdea grabbed her arm and pressed her closer to the group. "Just hold on tight and get ready for me to kick your ass when we get back you little-"

Lightning's eyes shot open as blue light enveloped her body, Rygdea's words cut off by a whoosh of air. She had only a second to blink the cabin, snow, and a raging Saorise blended into one and disappeared completely, a distant pop in her mind. Mechanical panels and a metal table formed before her the next moment as she dropped to her knees, kneecaps rattling as she dropped to the ground. There was a faint thump behind her and she knew the book was there, but her eyes went to Rygdea as he slumped beside her, his breathing heavy.

"Rygdea! What-"

"Just look after Hope. I just need to catch my breath but Hope-Lebreau, she can-" Lightning nodded and turned away, eyes flickering behind her as footsteps echoed back to her, but her eyes went back to Hope as he writhed on the ground. Lebreau grabbed his shoulders and tried to hold him still, Hope bucking underneath her touch as she pressed him down. The brand kept advancing, crossing Hope's eyes and reaching down his stomach. It was growing anywhere and everywhere it could, sending prickling panic through Lightning's body. Lightning pulled herself toward them and hoisted Hope from the shoulders, nodding at Lebreau to grab his feet. Lebreau slid across the floor and gripped his ankles, and Lightning breathed in once before heaving, Lebreau letting out a small gasp before lifting with her.

"We're going to want to place him face down," Lebreau huffed as the walked toward the table. Hope moaned and gave a violent shake of his legs, nearly dislodging himself from Lebreau's grip, "Ugh! Otherwise this will get worse."

"Agh...ah! AH!"

"Just hold on Hope!" Lebreau and Lightning slid him over the table, Lightning wincing as she felt his skin stick to the metal, and Hope gripped the corners of the table, kicking at the metal and sending metallic echoes through the room.

"It won't stop, it won't stop, it won't stop!" Hope shouted. Lightning glanced at Rygdea but the man was breathing heavy and gasping into a communicator. She bit her lip and turned to Lebreau, her own heart hammering in her chest as she waited for instructions, for an explanation. Anything.

Lebreau shook her head and went to Hope's side, resting her hand on his writhing shoulder and giving Lightning a sad look, "I-I don't really know what we should do. We-He's had so few episodes and-and-it seemed like he was getting better. We'd just let him ride them out-I mean-I didn't-he asked me not to tell anyone." Lightning felt something drop into her stomach as she leaned closer to Hope, her eyes traveling to his back where even more of the brand had crawled. _Why? Why is this...it doesn't even-_

"Get ready!" Rygdea shouted, his breath still wheezy, "We're about to take off before _she_ goes off too!" The words had barely left his mouth before the ship lurched, Lightning grabbed the table as she was nearly thrown back, and Lebreau grunted as she was jabbed in the stomach by the table. Hope barely moved as the ship took off, face twisted up as he bit back a scream. He arched again and slammed his knee into the table, moaning as it bounced back and throbbed.

"F...uck," Hope grunted, pressing his sweaty head against the metal, "Ah- Fu-Just...come on, stop! STOP!" Hope snarled the last part and slammed his head against the table, then again, then again, trying to drown out the pain in his chest that was slowly marking his body. He hissed and shot down again, flinching away as Lightning's cool fingers pressed against his neck. He rested the side of his head on the table, sighing as Lightning's fingers carded his hair.

"Hope stop," she mumbled, glancing over at Rygdea as he made his way toward them, "It'll...be over soon."

"I didn't-I didn't want you to see," Hope managed, breathing out his nose. He froze, body convulsing as he made to curl in on himself, only to be stopped by the metal table he laid on. He let out a low groan, tapping his head against the table as he arched his back. "Ah-ohh...ghh..." Hope tried to swallow, his mouth a parched, cracked desert ground, but the scream still managed to rip through his throat. Lightning stepped away as two small lumps formed on Hope's back, right on top of his shoulders blades where the while film had covered. Rygdea swore and Lebreau brought her hands to her mouth, even as the ship lurched again and nearly sent them all to the ground.

Lightning gripped the table's edge and watched as the two lumps began to grow, the white film spreading over Hope's entire back. His screaming filled the room, but the sound was oddly distant to Lightning, her eyes focused on Hope's sudden transformation.

_They're...they're wings..._ Two long, white crystal wings tore themselves from Hope's back, the sound a cracking and whipping noise that left Hope screeching and gasping for air. The wings looked thin, a pale milky white spreading open, with green crystals embedded in the skin. The jagged crystal wings slammed against the table, flapping helplessly as the green crystals jutting from the wings scratched the metal of the table.

"Hope, just breath." Lebreau's voice was distant, but Lightning focused on it. Tried to use it to bring herself back and think. _What do I do? What do we do? Hope is turning into a C'ieth and there're wings growing and-and-_

"Let me out! Let me out now! I'll get her! I'll get her!" Lightning jolted from her reverie to find Hope thrashing in Lebreau's arms and Rygdea thrusting Hope's torso down to try and keep him still. Lightning tried to get a hold of Hope as well, arms jerking as Hope gave a violent thrash, trying to escape their combined grip.

"I'm sorry Rygdea! The others were hurt and I had to make sure they would be okay before-oh Maker." Lightning glanced behind her to see Vitan finally stepping into the medbay. Her jaw had dropped and her eyes were focused on Hope as he continued to struggle, hissing and spitting at them the longer they held on. Lightning gritted her teeth as a particularly violent tug sent her back, and she growled and threw herself back on Hope.

"Calm down," she hissed into his ear, pressing on his arms. Hope's eyes found her, his eyes swirling with anger and hatred and something else Lightning wasn't sure of, but he looked away before she could speak again.

"She's there! She's there! I have to get her, I have to get her now, while I can!" Hope shouted, the white film of his brand continuing to spread. Half of his jaw was completely covered in the crystal skin, and sharp crystals began to jut out and over his lower jaw. Lightning's heart stuttered and she held him tighter, even as her arms turned red from the strain. Hope thrashed in her grip, hissing and snapping at her.

"Vitan, we're going to have to try-try-I don't know, maybe a fucking transfer? We have to get his magic under control or he's just gonna keep going!" Rygdea shouted to the stunned woman. Vitan jumped and hurried over, but Hope continued to buck in their grip until he had finally jerked a hand free. Like the rest of his body it was coated in white crystal, and over his fingers sharp claws began to form. He dug them into the table and yanked himself free, spilling to the floor but flying up almost as soon as he touched the ground. Rygdea shouted and made to grab him, but Hope used his fluttering wings to propel himself out of Rygdea's reach, toppling to the floor again.

"Stay away!" Hope shouted, trying to stand as he stared at them, eyes frenzied. His wings refused to still and knocked against the floor and walls of the cramped room, knocking Hope every which way. The teeth like crystal continued to form over his lower jaw, giving him the look of a demented dog. "Just stay away and I will finish this!" he screeched.

"No! I am going to get you back in your right mind, get your stupid ass looked at, and kick your little ass! You hear me!" Rygdea screamed back at him. Lightning growled herself and ran at Hope, grabbing him by one of the wings and trying to drag him back to the table, even as the green crystals dug into her skin. Small droplets of blood started leaking from her hands and onto Hope, but she didn't notice as she leaned forward and tried to talk with him.

"I know you're angry and I know you want to get her. I do too, believe me!" Lightning tried, rubbing circles on the wing and wondering if he could even feel it. It was an odd sensation. The wings were smooth except for the green crystals, and the wings seems soft and malleable. "But now is not the time! We have too many people injured and you're in no shape to be fighting yourself. We'll get her later, but we need to take care of us now!"

"No!" Hope screeched, his voice loud and hoarse, "No, she's there! She's there and I'll kill her! I will! I'll do it myself, release me! Let go! Let go so I can kill her! Let go!" Hope's voice cracked and died and Lightning let go of Hope's wings as they stretched above him, hitting the ceiling and making him wobble. "Let. Me. GO!" Lightning's eyes widened as small, sharp crystals poked out of the wings, and barely had a second to breath before they came shooting down at her and the others. She shut her eyes and raised her arms, and she could hear someone shout behind her before the voice was drowned by the rain of crystals.

_Nothing? _Lightning slowly lowered her arms as no pain arrived and let out a gasp as the crystals needles seemed to bounce on air. She looked behind her and felt her chest release; Lebreau had her hands held up and was muttering under her breath, casting Protect after Protect to keep them safe. Lightning glanced at the ground where small, thing green needles had started to pile, hitting the ground and tinkling like glass. She looked back at Hope as the wave of needles eventually died, watching as what little she could see of his face slowly drained of color. His eyes were dull and hazy and he slumped against the wall, still shaking his head and trying to move his legs even as they gave out from underneath him. Lightning grabbed him before he could topple over, looking at Rygdea and the others as they came forward.

"Now what do we do?" Lightning demanded, fingers absently combing through Hope's hair. She glanced down at him, taking in the crystal skin and all the green crystal teeth that had formed over his mouth, as well as the shining white his skin had become. "What do we do now? Can we fix this?" _Can we fix him? Please tell me we can fix him. Please._

"I-I have to admit, it's been a long time since he got this bad. Almost...three years now, I think," Rygdea muttered, dropping to his knees and brushing Hope's hair out of his face. "It's going to hurt, but I think we can, maybe, force the magic out of him."

"And how's that?"

"Well, honestly, I'm just gonna do what we did last time." _Last time? Last time? And you didn't tell us? None of you told us! Why? Why would you keep something like this-_

_But-But he never said Hope couldn't become a C'ieth. Only that it was harder, almost impossible. Why though? Why? _Lightning could barely keep her thoughts straight as Lebreau and Vitan walked up to them.

"Last time Lebreau and I wound up just taking him and-and...well...his arm. We kind of had to-I mean, we were trying to bring the magic out, but if it goes to fast we need to-"

Lightning closed her eyes and breathed through her nose, trying to keep herself calm. Trying not to shout and rage and kick some ass. She didn't know who she wanted to kill at the moment but she wanted to kill something. Instead she opened her eyes and looked at Rygdea, "And why is that?"

"Right now he has excess magic with nowhere to put it. It's different with him. His changing is slow, like he's trying to give us time to respond. This is the closest call I can remember." Rygdea scooted closer to Hope as Lebreau and Vitan hovered nearby, "I may have to have them heal after this. I don't know how much I'm going to have to-" Rygdea kept starting and stopping, looking away from Lightning as her face grew darker and darker, a sneer on her face.

"I see. So we have to injure him, and the magic goes to heal him, and hopefully that calms him down."

"That's the theory. It's the only way I could really-" Lightning shook her head and Rygdea stopped, his own weary eyes darkening. The airships had since calmed, and although Lightning had no idea how far away they were, she didn't feel like it was enough. She glanced around her, easily spotting the book. The purple cover was as marked and torn as before, small needles laying around it, but it looked none the worse for wear. So far, that book. Hope's state, and all of their own injuries were the testament to their excursion.

Lightning swallowed as something bitter and acidic rose in her mouth, and looked back at Hope. She tightened her hands around him as best as she could, and sighed, trying not to let her aching chest bother her. As if it had been protected as well. "How much do we have to..." she trailed off, but Rygdea understood.

"Not too much," Rygdea said softly, "Not too much. Just until...until those wings recede. After that he can do it on his own."

Lightning nodded, letting her hair fall over her face as she brought Hope closer to her, ignoring the way his cold skin felt or the small pains the crystals caused as they ran along her skin. "I-I want to-" She couldn't finish, only running her fingers through Hope's hair and breathing as slowly, quietly, and calmly as she could. _In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Just keep going. In and out._

It was all she could do. Her hands started to shake as Rygdea's own trembling hands reached for Hope. She flinched as Rygdea ran his hands on Hope's arm, sending small shocks of lightning through the appendage, only to have green magic swoop down and heal the wound. The arm would give a small jerk, then still. Jerk, still, heal. Jerk, still, heal.

And Lightning could only hold him as each wound was given and healed, watching the wings until they receded. Not once could she bring herself to look at Rygdea, or Lebreau, or Vitan as they took turns using what little energy they had on Hope. Her stomach lurched and the room gave a violent sway while she held Hope's head to her chest, whispering under her breath and wondering if Hope could hear her.

Even once the wings were gone, she did not let go.

* * *

Hope groaned, his back stretching up before he curled back on himself, wrapping his arms around his middle and burying himself into the pillow. Pain jolted his arms as he moved them though and his eyes shot open. He squinted as his eyes opened against the pillow, then turned in bed, his head feeling as if it had been stuffed with cotton, heavy, warm, and ready to burst.

_Ah...ow. What happened?_

The thought had barely sounded in his mind before Hope shot up in the bed, running his fingers through his hair before wincing and pulling them down. He blinked, surprised to see his hands were covered with small red welts, and his eyes traveled up his arm to find an IV sticking out of the skin. _What the hell?_

He winced and closed his eyes as his head gave a violent pound, sending his brain bouncing off the walls. He swallowed and opened his eyes again, glancing around the room. The walls were a familiar white, the same dull color he had seen before, but he was relieved to see it was a different room than last time. Along the top of the walls were little ships carved into the wood, and Hope let his eyes linger on them for a moment before looking back down at his hands. His heart was pounding hard and fast, and he swallowed the lump clogging his throat.

_I screwed up, I screwed up, shit I screwed up. _Hope clenched his hands and let out a sigh, running his hands through his hair again and ignoring the slight sting it caused. _The fact that I'm even _here _means I screwed up and that-that the others _saw _what I was trying to do and they're gonna kill me and-and-it-_

Hope shook his head and glared down at the sheets, _No. No, I'm not going to just have a freak out. I know better than that. I can do better than that. I just need to think about-about-_

Hope's chest tightened and he brought a shaking hand to his chest, pressing his hand against his shirt right where the brand was resting. He pulled down his white shirt and stared at the brand, dread and fear bubbling in his gut and throat. The brand looked innocent enough, but as Hope glared down, he saw several green crystals just poking out of his skin. His mind flitted to other times when he has seen the crystals, and burning shame rushed his body, Hope swaying at the sudden heat.

_No. No. They saw, they saw, they saw, they saw! No! _Hope tried to breath, his heart fluttering in his chest, and he looked around the room, expecting the others to swoop down on him the instant he looked up. When not a soul came he looked back down, shaking his head and cradling it in his hands, rocking himself back and forth.

_They saw! I can't believe they actually saw me turn into-into a C'ieth! That means-Maker, Lightning must have seen! Lightning saw! No, no, no, no, no! She couldn't have seen me. Please, please no. No, no, how could things have screwed up so much. I was just supposed to stop her. I was going to stop her and the others were going to be okay but now everything is ruined and I don't know what to do and-_

The door clicked and Hope jumped, eyes bugging out of his head as he looked toward the door. The breath froze in his chest as Rygdea walked in, his face tight, and Hope's hands began to quake. Lightning followed in soon after, followed by Lebreau, Maqui, and Snow. With each body that made its way into the room, Hope felt his heart practically jump out of his chest, the incessant beating thrumming through his head and making thinking even harder. His eyes flew to each of their faces and he tried to swallow, mouth and throat impossibly dry as each pair of eyes found him.

_No, I can't do this. I can't. Please go away! Please don't look at me, please don't be mad at me. Oh please, just leave. I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I just, I wanted to protect all of you and I didn't think I could do it without doing something stupid and I was so scared and-and please-_

But even as Hope's mind whirled around, his thoughts chaotic and scared like his own heart, not a sound left his mouth. He stared down at his sheets and blankets, unable to take their stares and knowing looks. _There's stupid, cowardly Hope. Thanks to him nearly everyone got killed and we got to see him lose control and practically go C'ieth, just in time for the horrible escape. And that's after shoving all that we've done for him right back at us and I can't do this!_

"Hope! Hope!" Hope gasped, eyes flying open. He stared at Lightning, the woman leaning down and peering into his eyes, her own looking worried and tired. Hope felt he guilt creep into his stomach all over again, a sick and dark sludge that coated the walls of his insides. He looked back at his lap, unable to look her in the eye. His voice caught in his throat, the sorry he was so desperate to say stuck in his mouth. His consuming dread only intensified when she said nothing, and Hope grasped the sheets tighter, ignoring the sting in his eyes.

_I just...I just wanted to-_

"You're lucky." Hope didn't look up at Rygdea's voice, did not even blink as it carried through the room. "I don't know exactly what happened, but whatever it was saved you. And her, but you was what mattered." _Don't say that. _"And when you turned back there, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Bad yes, but not irreversible." _Liar. Liar. You're mad at me. I can tell. Just say it._

Hope flinched as the bed sunk and a hand pressed on top his head, squeezing until his head throbbed. "Just look at me Hope." His voice was soothing, but Hope didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear Rygdea try to be gentle with him when it was obvious the man wanted to be anything but. If Rygdea wanted to yell at him he should. Anger started to flood through him, a welcome and accepted relief to the guilt that had clogged him only moments before.

"Not until you say what you're thinking," Hope said, curling his fingers even tighter around the sheets, "Not until you start yelling at me like you want to."

"I don't want to-"

"Don't lie to me!" Pain throbbed in his cheek, sharp and fresh in his mind, and he opened his stinging eyes to see Rygdea's fist clenched at his side. Snow shook his head, stepping forward.

"Come on, now isn't the time for this."

"Yeah!" Lebreau chimed in, her eyes darting around, "I mean, we have to have _Snow _step in and act as the sane man? That's never a good sign." She jumped as the door opened behind her and Sazh walked in, the man looking confused when her eyes lit up, "Thank goodness the real sane man showed up," she cheered, clasping her hands together.

"Hey now, I don't like the sound of that," Sazh said, holding up his hands. He glanced at Snow and gave him a small smile, "Serah's doing a lot better now hero. Whatever you said worked. Good thing too, I hate to see a woman cry." Sazh shook his head and strolled inside the room, acting as if nothing was wrong and that Hope had not just tried and failed to complete a suicide mission. That things were all right. Things were okay.

Hope wasn't sure if he loved it or hated it.

"I know we're all a little salty with what happened, but believe it or not, beating the snot out of each other isn't going to solve anything." Sazh shrugged, "Unless you're going for a longer stay at the hospital I guess, but really, I hate this place."

Rygdea stood from the bed, his mouth twisted in a snarl, "Trying to get yourself killed isn't going to solve anything either, but that didn't stop him." Rygdea glanced at Hope, his eyes a glare and tired look at the same time. Hope felt his chest constrict but did not look away, refusing to let go of his anger and let the guilt back in.

"And what will work? Huh? Tell me Rygdea, what brilliant strategy have you come up with? I'd love to hear it!" Hope shouted, throwing the blankets off the bed and making to get off the mattress. Lightning growled and grabbed him by the shoulder, trying to press him back into bed.

"Believe it or not we're trying to help you. Just calm down for a second so we can talk," Lightning said, pressing her fingers against Hope's shoulder and rubbing the skin. Their eyes met for a moment and both of their cheeks started to turn pink. The kiss in the cabin flashed in their minds, the brief touch of warm lips before Hope has whisked himself away suddenly fresh. Hope looked away, feeling another odd and twisted pang in his chest.

"I know that. I know, but-but-" Hope shook his head and glared back at Rygdea, "I'm sorry, I really am, but I wanted to protect you. That's all! I wanted to finally end this and it seemed like the best way to do it!"

"Killing yourself seemed like the best fucking option? What the hell Hope?" Rygdea threw his hands in the air, the anger and frustration and sheer _helplessness _pouring from each of them in their exchange, "We would have figured something out, thought of something else! Why didn't you talk with us? Why didn't you tell anyone you were this worried? This scared?"

"And what good would that have done? Huh? Would you have magically fixed it like before?" Hope shook his head, fighting against Lightning's grip as she pushed against his shoulder, "I just wanted to do what I could! Nothing is working anymore, nothing at all! And the longer we wait, the more people die! That's why we were sent there in the first place wasn't it? So we could deal with her!"

"So we could _try_ Hope!" Rygdea shouted back, "So we could try! That was not an open invitation to get yourself killed!"

"You think I don't know that!"

"You sure as hell ain't showing it! Fuck Hope, I thought you were dead! I thought, _we_ thought you were dead when you hit the ground like that! What the fuck do you think would have happened? We would have celebrated?" Rygdea asked, voice rough as he took a step toward Hope.

"No!" Hope shouted, shaking his head. "No, that's not it-"

"That we would have had this big ole shebang because you were dead, but hell, so's Saorise so there ain't no fucking issue?" Rygdea screamed.

"No! No, that's not what I thought! That's not it!"

"Both of you stop it! Stop it now!" But they didn't even flinch, didn't look to see who had spoken. They were too focused on each other and the anger the _fear._

"Well the hell Hope, what _were_ you thinking? Huh?" Rygdea shook his head, "What made you think we'd want this?"

"Shut up!" Hope shouted, covering his ears with his hands, "Just shut up and let me think!" Hope's nails dug at his temple as he curled in on himself. But Rygdea wasn't finished.

"You can't just shut it out! You have to face it!" Rygdea stepped toward the bed, throwing his hands in the air, "You can't do this Hope! Talk to us, tell us. But don't think that you have to go and get yourself killed just to prove something!"

"I didn't want you to die!" Hope screamed. The room fell silent except for a wrenching sob from Hope, "I didn't want you to die! I didn't! I was so scared, and I-I knew but I-I didn't want-I just-" Hope hiccuped and buried his face in his hands, "And-And I thought..." Hope's voice was barely above a whisper now, "I thought that maybe it would stop. I knew...I knew you'd be mad at me, and sad and all those things. But I thought it'd be enough. I just-I don't know what I was thinking. I just wanted this to be okay. I wanted this to be okay again, and it just didn't seem to work." Hope's shaking hands loosened and he dropped them by his sides.

"I...I wanted this to be over." Hope sighed, his shoulders slumping, "I thought maybe it would be better." An awful silence reigned after Hope stopped speaking, and no one could look the other in the eye. Sazh jumped as the door burst open and a harried nurse rushed inside, her eyes wide and searching the room. She shook her head, pointing at them as her face turned red.

"I don't know what you're all thinking, making such a racket in a patient's room. You're exceeding the visitor limit to boot. Out, out all of you. I need to check on him and he needs his rest," the nurse quipped, brushing a few strands of hair from her face.

Hope kept his eyes down as the others began to shuffle out, but he reached for Lightning as she made to stand. His fingers brushed against her bandages, eyes flickering when he saw how many there were wrapped around her hands, the tips of her fingers barely peeking out. "I'm sorry..." he mumbled, letting his hand drop back to the bed. Lightning paused for a moment, taking a step toward him, but then the nurse sidled up to her and waved her hand for her to leave. Lightning's jaw tightened and she fixed the nurse with a glare so fierce the woman nearly fled on the spot, but she turned away before the woman could faint.

"Later Hope...you and I will talk. We're long over due for one," Lightning said, glancing back at Hope. Hope's mouth opened for a moment, his eyes wide, but he slowly nodded his head, dropping his attention to the sheets. Lightning left him a moment later, her heart aching as she closed the door.

* * *

"You were too hard on him." Lightning's attention turned to Serah as her sister shook her head, glaring at Rygdea. The man slumped in the chair, blowing out a sigh.

"Yeah, I think I'm aware of that."

"You didn't have to yell at him the moment he woke up. Why did you all pile in there in the first place?" Serah glowered, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I know Serah. I am well aware that it was not the brightest move I've made today," Rygdea said, running a hand through his hair before letting it drop in his lap. He leaned against the chair and let out another heavy sigh, glancing at the ceiling, "I wasn't thinking."

"None of us were," Lightning muttered, "We were angry and relieved. And we wanted some answers." She shrugged but on the inside she was seething at herself. _I shouldn't have let it go so far. I knew something was wrong. I knew it. And all of this happens..._

"_What would you have done? How would you have stopped him?"_

_I would have found a way._ Lightning gritted her teeth, but relaxed as she disappeared in her head, _I'll talk to him later though, and set this straight. I- _Lightning swallowed as her cheeks started to warm,_I'll tell him how I feel. I owe him that much. I...I just hope this-I don't know. _And she didn't. Lightning's thoughts kept swirling around in her head, but more often than not they led her to Hope. And as she saw in her mind, the way he flew toward the earth like a great white bird, the terror would strike her chest again and leave her breathless.

_I almost lost him. I almost lost him..._

_Never again. I will not lose him again. I swear it. I _won't_._

Lightning looked at Snow as the man began to speak, his brow furrowed and a lost look in his eye, "Thing is, how are we supposed to fix this? I mean, it's not like I'm an expert on this sort of thing, but everything is one big mess right now."

"And we can't exactly move forward until we settle it, now can we?" Sazh said, running his hands through his son's hair. Dajh was snoozing away in his father's lap, but Hazel was still awake, playing with some keys she had managed to swipe from her father. She walked along the floor, pacing between the adults as they spoke across the room, none the wiser to the seriousness of the conversation.

"There's not a lot we can do until he says something," Rygdea said, hitting his leg with his fist, "or we figure out a way to get him to talk without giving him some sort of panic attack."

"Maybe we just need to give him some space?" Lebreau suggested, pulling Maqui with her as she stood from the chair. She shoved him forward and Maqui's face turned red, the blond looking at the floor.

"Y-Yeah. I mean, it's not like he'll really say anything if he feels pushed into it." His face hardened and he stood straighter, "We just have to show him."

"Show him what?" Rygdea said, rubbing his face, "That we have this foolproof strategy for taking down Saorise that _won't_ end up with people dying? Sorry, I don't think we can. And even if we could, he wouldn't believe it."

"Rygdea!" Lebreau spat, stomping her foot, "Will you-"

"I know what you meant." Rygdea sighed, "I know what you meant. I just-I need time to think, and it doesn't seem like I'm getting it. I need, _we_ need a new way to approach this, and we can't seem to find it."

Lightning closed her eyes, letting out a small breath and feeling her cheeks heat up again, "Then we'll just talk to him." All eyes turned to her and her cheek turned a bright shade of pink, but she went on regardless, "We won't talk about this. About this Saorise business, or what happened in the cabin. We won't talk about her at all. And if Hope tries to say sorry or something, then we'll bowl him over with something else." Lightning nodded, standing up, "He'll tell us what was going through his head, and what _is _going on with him now, when he's ready. We can't force it."

Her voice died and Lightning felt like sitting back down, but her sister piped up, a wide smile on her face, "Well said Light. I think that'd be best. We'll figure out the rest later. For now, operation 'Help Hope' is in effect!" Serah cheered, punching the air. Hazel watched her mother and smiled, giggling and punching the air as well. Lightning smiled, feeling something unknot in her chest. She perked up when she head footstep's down the hall, and before she could utter a word, the nurse from before was skidding in front of them, doctor in tow.

The woman pressed a hand to her chest and shook her head, eyes boring into Lightning's. Lightning felt something inside her break away and drop from her reach.

"Hope Estheim! He's gone!"


	39. Rain and Sun

**All right guys. Here we are. A big one. Want to know why? Because I have a music recommendation. Either after you read this, during, or whatever's best for you the reader, I urge you to listen to 'The Lightning Strike' by Snow Patrol, particularly the third part of the song.**

**Reviews:**

**plummy-kins: Excellent...an unexpected cliffhanger. :) But thank you! *hugs* I'll do my best, no doubt.**

**Anonymous: Oh! I hope it wasn't too big a disappointment! :) But I didn't want to kill either of them...yet. But now that you mention it, that does remind me of Naruto a bit. And it's been a while since I heard Cirque du Freak... And I'm glad Rygdea's anger made sense. *hugs* I see what you mean. And yes, more drama! And I love the cat faces, so thank you! *hugs again***

**Anyway, this chapter is very, very dear to me. I think you'll see why when you read it. And guys, you've been so great to me. I know I seem to say it every time, but you always support me and all I can do is say thank you so much for helping this story along and helping me grow as a writer. It means a lot. And I thank you for that. Onto the chapter...I hope you all enjoy.**

* * *

Lightning's mind was wiped blank as the words hit her. A sort of suspended nothing, where no coherent thought could even try to sneak through. Just those words, those words alone, rang through her. Then there was a clenching in her chest, a roar that rattled inside her, and she felt the need to hit something as hard as she could. Hope. Snow. Rygdea. It didn't matter, she wanted to hit something.

Then it sank in.

Hope was _gone_. Not dead. He'd just up and went. Ran away. And the anger flared in her chest and crawled into her mind, shouting at him calling him a coward. Another part of her, warmer, and dare she admit it, _softer_, was worried and afraid. Hope was gone. Hope had left them and was currently alone in the streets doing who knew what and _she had to find him_.

"What do you mean he's gone!" Lightning was thrown back to the hospital hallway where the nurse was shaking her head and the doctor was disappearing, telling another nurse to call for security. Her eyes snapped to Maqui, then to Rygdea, and finally to the nurse as she started to blubber out an explanation.

"He said he needed to change, that he expected to be home soon anyway! I-He said he could handle it himself and he really didn't want to bother me with it and he got up on his own to show me he could! I left the room and then-then I cane back in to check on him and the window was open!" The nurse kept shaking her head and wringing her hands, as if they would pounce on her any second. _Good call, because I might just do that. _"I-I ran over, because it's quite the drop, but he was running past the building by the time I caught a glance of him! And it was so hard to see through the rain, I don't know which way he-" The nurse sent a frightened look at Lightning and whimpered, hurrying away when she saw the look of cold fury on her face.

Lightning turned away as the nurse went hurrying down the hall, meeting the others' faces. Rygdea stood still, eyes glazed as he stared down the hallway, and Lightning narrowed her eyes. "Now's not the time to be staring into the distance. We need to start looking," Lightning snapped, ignoring Serah's glare.

"Come on Light, that's not-"

"She's right," Rygdea said, shaking his head and looking at Serah, "I can worry later. Right now we need to start our own search."

Snow nodded, scooping Hazel up and passing her to Serah, "Don't worry Serah, we'll find him. We just need to get it together is all! Right kiddo?" Snow chuckled, leaning his face toward Hazel. The little girl giggled and pulled on her father's hat before snuggling into Serah's arms. Serah bit her lip but nodded, standing up.

"Looks like we'll be searching for a while though. And through the rain no less. My poor old bones are screaming at me already," Sazh said, shaking his head.

"You aren't that old daddy," Dajh mumbled, lifting his sleepy head from his father's lap and looking around. Sazh placed a hand on his son's shoulder, giving him a wide smile.

"Now you're gonna go off with Serah for a while. Daddy has to go looking for a fool and bring him back for the others to give him a good ear chewing. All right?" Sazh said, running a hand through his son's hair.

Dajh nodded, slipping off his father and hurrying toward Serah, "As long as it isn't me," he mumbled, slipping his hand into Serah's free one.

"But where do we start looking?" Lebreau asked, looking at Rygdea, "I mean, do you think he would have gone far or stuck nearby? You know how he is about being alone in the open but-"

"But these are completely different circumstances," Rygdea said, "Honestly, it could be either or at this point. We'll just have to split up and look." Lightning wanted to punch him. _Yes, we get it, now come on-_

_No, I need to calm down. I know better than that. What's the point of rushing into battle without a strategy?_

"All right, Snow, Sazh, and Maqui will be searching around the hospital and the few nearest buildings. It won't take long, but we need to do it. Better if we find him there than a few miles away." _Could he have gotten that far already? _Lightning glanced at a clock in the room and nearly growled, _Maybe. He can be fast when he wants to be. _"Lightning, Lebreau and I will be going farther into the city. Lightning north, Lebreau south, and I'll handle east. When anyone from the other group finishes searching, start going west. Remember, he's not going to be all that cooperative, so if you see him, there will be some running involved. Serah, I hope you don't mind holding the fort. In case he came back or the kids…"

Serah shook her head, "I understand Rygdea."

Rygdea nodded, waving at Serah before leading the way down the hall and to the stairs. Lightning hurried after him, the others' footsteps thundering behind her as they ran down the white halls, ignoring the calls from the doctors and nurses to stop running. She caught up to Rygdea and the man threw her a sideways glance, his eyes flickering ahead as a bitter smile crossed his face, "Not exactly the best way to start this plan of yours huh?"

"We'll just have to work harder. We'll find him and bring him home."

"I don't doubt that. I don't doubt that for a second Lightning." He glanced at her as they reached the bottom step, stepping away and pulling her with him as the others made to go past. Lebreau and Snow paused, Lebreau tilting her head to the side.

"You guys coming?" she asked, shaking her head.

"Go on ahead. We'll be there in a second," Rygdea said, waving her off. He turned back to Lightning, his face dark, "I think it'd do us all some good if you find him first."

"What?" Lightning's eyes widened and Rygdea shook his head.

"Trust me, I think you know why. Right now he's freaking out about a lot of things, and I bet he's far from happy about you seeing him like before. Couple that with everything that just happened back at the cabin and what I said… I can't blame the guy for running. If you find him, I'm sure you can calm him down. And he'll need it. If he's gotten far, he'll start panicking."

"If he sees me, he'll panic."

"You're a soldier Farron." Rygdea gave her a grin, eyes twinkling, "I'm sure you can keep up with him." Rygdea turned and ran before Lightning could respond, and she was running out after him as the doors whooshed open. The rain pelted her and she shivered once before snapping her eyes to the roads in front of her. _I can calm him down huh?_

_I hope you're right Rygdea._

* * *

Hope sighed, leaning against a cream colored building as the rain poured from above, pelting the roads and buildings with heavy vigor. He shivered, bringing his thin shirt closer to himself before peeking around the corner. He half expected to see Snow, Rygdea, or worse yet, _Lightning, _running down the street to catch him. But even when he didn't see their forms in the mist from the rain, his heart didn't stop its rapid beat. He shivered as he slid down the building, landing with a plop in a puddle and shivering harder as the rain seeped through his clothes.

He jumped as something fell, the tumbling and crash of a garbage can as it was toppled over by a powerful gust sending shudders up Hope's spine. He swallowed hard and looked around, bringing his knees to his chest and pressing himself as close as he could to his legs. _What was I thinking? What was I thinking coming out here by myself? Do I want to get killed or something? That must be it. I just want to go-_

_No. No, stop that, stop thinking like that._

Hope jumped as another, more powerful gust of wind sent rain cascading down from the buildings, washing over him and soaking him through. His heart had jumped almost out of his mouth and he forced himself up on shaking legs, trying not to think of how very, very stupid he was being. Or of all the things he had said, or what Rygdea had said, or anything at all.

_Why did I even run? It's not like they _won't _find me._

Hope wrapped his arms around his middle and started a shaky and cold trek out of the small alley he had holed himself in. He already knew the answer, even if running out in the open with no one with him filled his gut with almost crippling terror. He shouldn't have been out there and he knew it. His heart nearly ripping out of his chest at every noise was proof enough of that. He bit his lip and shuddered, wondering if the shaking in his arms and cold skin was worth the time to think. To escape. To just be on his own without looking at their stares.

"_They have every right to stare at you. After what you did, after what you almost did to them. You said you cared. You said you'd do what you had to keep them safe."_

_But I was! I was! I was!_ Hope shouted in his head, covering his ears as if to drown out the voice. He flinched as a car pulled by, sending more water running down his soaked jeans, and he whimpered. His heart refused to slow down, and the longer Hope wandered aimlessly, the more his panic started to churn. His stomach was already clenching and knotting, and he started to look and glance behind him constantly. His eyes zeroed in on the smallest movements, and he tried to keep track of anything and everything around him. The gusts of wind that were blowing the rain around, the people hurrying into buildings and homes, and any car that happened to be rumbling by.

His grip around himself increased as yet another car drove by, the vehicle moving painfully slow to Hope. _It's because of the weather. They're just driving slow because of the weather. They're not here to get you Estheim. Not everyone in the world is out to get you. Just calm down and wait. They'll pass, they'll pass._

_This was not a good idea. _Even once the car was gone Hope didn't feel at ease, his shivering becoming more violent the longer he stayed in the rain. He looked around him, noting the odd gray light the city was cast in with the rainy day. The usually bright buildings were dull, and the crystal centered in the city seemed unnaturally dark to Hope. The streets were covered in puddles, some flooding holes in the ground, others coating the roads and making the trek dangerous on some of the smoother, paved surfaces.

_I just need to keep my mind off of it is all. Think of something else. Not Saorise. Not my stupid, idiotic plan that almost got me killed- _Hope pressed a hand to his heart at that, shuddering as something else, darker and more terrible, crashed his body. The nothingness. The thought of death that made him feel hollow and empty. It filled him with choking dread and made his heart tighten. He stopped walking and closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath even as water raced up his nose and made his eyes sting. _Think of something-someone-_

_Blue eyes, soft pink hair. Warm fingers and lips._

_A stern expression. A gentle smile._

_Lightning._

Hope stopped completely, his hand moving to his mouth. He brushed his fingers against his bottom lip, cheeks flaring as he remembered the kiss. Of how soft her lips had been and how sad and _happy_ he'd been at the time. He had been protecting her, saving her, and in some small ways, it meant more to him than anything. To see it all in shambles was enough to make his eyes clench shut and his mind scream. He took a deep breath, _After everything I did, how can she possibly-_

Hope's body flushed more and he ran his hand through his hair, almost doubling over in embarrassment. _Lately we've just been-been...I don't know! I think, I mean, maybe she's has-but then after what I did! And what will happen how can she possibly-Ugh! It doesn't matter, that's not-_

Hope shook his head and started down the road again, trying to block Lightning from his thoughts, and succeeding in only lodging her further into his mind. _She'd been worried back there. I'm surprised she didn't hit me, but I guess I should count myself lucky. _Hope didn't look around as he turned a corner, wading through deep puddles as he wandered aimlessly through the streets. The water seeped into his shoes and numbed him to the bone, but it barely registered in his mind. His pulse was still quick, but do less to his fear, and more because of Lightning. _She was right with me in the hospital. Right there, even after what I did. And when I looked at her and started-started thinking about _that _she didn't exactly look away did she? But-But what does that _mean_?_

Hope shuddered, rubbing his hands up and down his arms in a futile effort to draw up warmth. He glanced around, slowling his pace as he noticed he was alone in the area. There were no cars, no stranded people rushing to buildings, and not even a stray animal. Hope stopped and felt his chest tighten, eyes moving back and forth along the area. The buildings were sparse, and it seemed more like an extended walkway than anything; the wide, rain-drenched road stretched in front of him and Hope shook his head and started walking again.

_Do I want-do I really want to-for her to really-actually- _Hope's face was burning at the very thought and he promptly tried to push it away, but the sense of warmth and all heart rending terror it filled him with did not vanish. He hugged himself tighter as he thought about the previous conversations, their _almost _lip lock, and their actual, albeit brief and stolen, kiss. He shuddered as more strange warmth and affection flooded his body before it was sapped away by the cold rainwater, and he glanced up at the sky. _What do I do? I don't-I don't want her to get hurt, but everything I do...everything I do seems to fall to pieces before I can really even-_

Hope sighed, tilting his head toward the sky and letting the rain run down his face. The chilled water sent new shivers through his body, and he lost himself in the odd quiet. The constant patter of the rain as it hit the ground, forming ripple in the puddles, and the slight gusts of wind that seemed to lift him, were soothing. A respite from the constant chaos, and a chance to forget everything that was happening around him, even as the world bottomed out underneath him. The swirl of confusing thoughts, the ever-present danger, and Lightning were still there, raging and demanding his attention. All his loved ones. But they were swept away by the rain and Hope let out an easy breath.

_I almost wish...I could just stay here._

Hope took several deep breaths, his normally light silver hair now a deep gray, and he opened his green eyes to take in the darkened sky. He winced a raindrop hit him in the eye, but managed to smile. _Guess I had that one coming to me then. _He stood in the rain for several more minutes, breathing in the dampened air, and relishing the sounds.

_Splash!_

Hope jerked, eyes impossibly wide as he whipped around to see where the noise had come from. His mouth dropped open and body clenched as Lightning came into view. She was drenched, her bright hair dark under the rain, and Hope could see her chest heaving as if she had been running. Hope shuddered once, his leg jerking oddly, and he took a step back. _No! No, I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready for this yet. _Hope kept his eyes on Lightning, his eyes locking with hers, and Hope almost ran on the spot. The way she was looking at him, even though she was several feet away, was enough to make him want to scream. Her lips were parted and her eyes searched his. She looked angry and sad, and there was something else that Hope wasn't sure of. It was warm though, warm and frightening at the same time, and as Lightning took a step toward him, Hope did the only thing he could think of.

And ran.

He turned and ran, his feet making the water around him splash, the droplets soaking him further. He didn't pause when she shouted after him, did not even blink as he nearly slipped as he turned the corner. He could hear her running behind him, trying to catch up with him as he made for buildings and alleys, anywhere where he might lose her. _I can't-I can't see her yet. I'm not ready! I'm not! Not after what I did, not after what she _saw. _Maker I just-I can't even think about it._

Hope gasped as he nearly tripped again, but threw his arms out to regain his balance before sprinting off again. And the words kept running through his mind, over and over. _I can't face her. I can't. I don't-I don't deserve to even-_

* * *

"Hope!" Lightning almost swore as her words were drowned by the rain. Hope took off, sprinting into the rain and almost disappearing into the mist. Lightning felt her heart jump at the look of fear she had seen on his face and she ordered her legs to move faster, eyes trained on Hope's back as he moved further from her. "Hope wait!" Hope jumped at her voice, ankle twisting as his body and mind fought to decide which direction to take.

She winced as he stumbled again but Hope regained his balance and started running faster, water exploding at his feet. Lightning swore and pumped her legs harder, the adrenaline starting to rush through her ears and deafen the torrent of rain. She felt sticky and sweaty, her body how from the rushing blood licking her skin. The rain poured over her and socked her through, her bangs sticking to her face unless she wiped them away. Her footing was dangerously slippery on the smooth, wet road and she felt her muscles tighten to compensate the lack of grip, but she kept going, her breaths heavy as she breathed through her mouth.

_What do I do? What do I say? How can I help you Hope?_

"_This is the only kiss I will ever steal from you." _Lightning started, her face feeling hot from his words, and she could almost feel the ghost of his lips on hers. She shook her head and ran faster, ignoring the rush of air leaving her lungs. _I need to catch him, not get distracted._

They turned a corner, Lightning swaying slightly as her boots skidded on the wet ground, and she gritted her teeth. Hope didn't miss a beat, already heading down the new road, and Lightning started to charge after him.

"Hope!" she gasped, chest aching, "Hope, just wait!"

"Stay away!" Lightning blinked at his answer before frowning, narrowing her eyes on his back and leaning closer to the ground. Hope glanced back at her, his eyes widening before he whipped back around and started for the next corner. He disappeared but Lightning was quick to turn as well, and Hope shouted, nearly tripping as he slipped. He paused for a split second before taking another turn, this time heading to the left of the road. Lightning was on his heels and she reached a hand out as she approached his back, nearly grabbing his rain drenched shirt-

-only to feel the world vanish beneath her feet.

Her eyes snapped down as a set of stairs appeared below her. Her eyes widened as she missed the step in her leap for Hope, and she grabbed nothing but air. She swore and tucked her arms around her, preparing to roll into a ball, but her ankle connected with the step, twisting before she fell away again.

"Lightning!"

She closed her eyes as the sound rushed in her ears, and for a moment she could hear everything. The rain as it pelted the world, her and Hope included, and Hope's voice as it shook with fear and cold and love and worry. Her body as it scraped along the ground before falling into something warm, and Hope's grunt as she hit him in the chest. The world was tilting and she could do nothing but grab on to Hope and wait until they landed. Her head snapped back before pressing against Hope's chest, his body heat radiating from his body despite his cold shirt, and she felt her body jiggle as they rolled down the stairs. Pain was shooting up her leg, but she didn't dare release Hope until they stopped. And finally they hit the ground with a thud.

They were silent for a moment, letting the rain hit them as they caught their breath. Her hand clutched his shirt, right where his chest was rising and falling in great heaves. Hope laid face up, his torso on the small road below him, the rest of his body raised awkwardly on the stairs. His arms were wrapped around Lightning, holding her close to keep her from hitting the stairs. She rested on top of him, her wet hair falling over her face, and she shuddered in the cold. She slowly loosened her grip on Hope's shirt and lifted her right ankle, letting out a small groan as the muscles pulled.

Like that, the small, quiet spell was broken and Hope was propping himself up, not even wincing as he looked at Lightning, "Are you all right? What happened-" He glanced at her ankle and his eyes widened before scrunching with worry and guilt. "Ho-Hold on a sec Lightning. I'll help you up."

She almost refused, said no he could forget it, that she had something to say and needed to say it _now_, but the look on Hope's face stopped her. She stared into his eyes as they bore into hers, the rain still trailing down their faces and chilling their bodies, but Lightning didn't notice the cold while pressed against Hope. She let out a small sigh and nodded, wincing again as her ankle brushed against the ground. Hope jumped and grabbed her shoulders, whispering to her before gently propping her up.

"Just give me a second Lightning. Just give me a sec." He paused and glanced at her, swallowing, "Do you want me to fix your ankle, or get you out of the rain first?"

_Ankle- _"Get me out of the rain." Hope's eyes widened and if Lightning were honest, she'd say her answer surprised her too. Hope stared at her for a few moments before nodding, swallowing again before pressing one hand against her lower back. "A-Are you sure? I mean-"

_No, I'm not. I don't think I am- _"Yes Hope." She was surprised by the conviction in her voice but she swelled with it and nodded, "I trust you." Hope jumped again, his face flushing despite the cold rain, and he nodded, slipping his arm underneath her legs. The red on his face was spreading and Lightning could hardly blame him, her own face heating up despite how numb her body should have felt. And she almost shouted when his hand ghosted over her backside.

"There's an alley over there," Lightning said, nodding her head to some buildings a few feet away, "We could try ducking out over there."

"S-Sure," Hope stuttered, lifting her higher as he got to his feet. She felt his arms wobble before steadying themselves, and she glanced at his still red face. His eyes were kept down and away from her, and she almost rolled her eyes. Instead she leaned in closer, brushing her head against his chest, and Hope jumped again. Lightning felt her own face burning and simply pointed, and Hope took the signal and started to carry her toward the alley.

"Are you all right?" Lightning asked, glancing up at Hope's face and scanning him for injuries, "You did take most of the fall."

Hope shrugged, glancing at her and looking away again, "It's really nothing. I mean, I can heal really fast so-so I guess." Hope fell silent, shoulders slumping slightly, but Lightning stayed quiet. She waited until Hope had carried her to the alley, gently setting her down on what looked to be the driest piece of ground. She leaned against the dark green wall, watching as he nervously lifted his hands away from her and placed them in his lap. She wondered why her body felt colder than before.

Lightning sighed, and Hope flinched before looking at her ankles. "The right one," Lightning said, and Hope was on her in an instant. He nodded his apology before he slipped off her boot and set it aside, pulling down her sock and her pulling her pant-leg up. He winced, the ankle already swelling a deep purple, and he placed his hands over her skin. Lightning winced at his touch, hissing slightly, but Hope shook his head and whispered a few nonsense words. Lightning nodded when Hope glanced back at her, and he pressed a bit more on her skin, the green magic cool and soothing despite the light jolts of pain shooting up her leg.

Lightning let her shoulders relax as the swelling began to go down and the pain became a dull and distant thrum. She looked at Hope as he worked on her ankle, hands pressed gently on her skin. She cleared her throat, keeping her eyes on his hands, "Why did you run away?" Hope's hand stilled over hers, shoulders hunching, but she pressed on, "Come on Hope."

He shook his head but Lightning didn't leave it there. She reached over and grabbed his hand, pulling him forward until he looked at her, "Did you run away because you were scared?" she asked, the words rolling off her tongue, "Did you run because you thought we were all angry with you? Was it because of what happened with Saorise?" Hope started shaking his head, but Lightning went on, voice growing louder, "Because Rygdea yelled at you? Because you almost killed yourself and you felt guilty?"

"Please stop," Hope muttered, eyes lowering to the ground. Lightning's face tightened and she sucked in her cheek, before forcing her question out.

"Was it because of me?"

Hope flinched before burying his chin into his chest, weakly yanking on his hands while Lightning went on, "Was it because of what happened back there? Because of what I saw?" Lightning moved her hand away from Hope's hand to his chest and dug her fingers into his shirt, pushing his chin away until she could pull the collar down. She ran her fingers over the brand, feeling his heart beating underneath the mark. "Was it because of what I saw?" she repeated.

Hope was silent for a few moments, shaking his head and mumbling to himself. Lightning watched as he looked at her, mouth open but no sound escaping. He looked lost until his expression collapsed, "I-I don't-I don't know why I ran. I don't know. Is it all those things? None of them? I can't-I can't tell Lightning. I just felt like, like I had to run away and think and escape and there seemed to be nowhere I could go and-and-" Hope's chest heaved and wiped at his eyes, trying to rid himself of his pooling tears, "I don't know! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I did that but I was so scared and I didn't want you to die! I didn't want anyone to die! I just didn't know what to do! I wanted to save you and then it blew up and people died anyway, and then you saw me turn into that monster and then you had-had me-and all I could do-"

Lightning's eyes softened as Hope dissolved before her, shaking his head as his words became an incoherent mess of gasping sounds and broken words. She trailed her hand along his chin, Hope shivering before leaning into her touch, and she smiled at him. "L-Light I-"

His head snapped back as she punched him in the jaw, and he turned to her, looking horrified, but Lightning pressed her hand against his red cheek, running soothing circles on the skin. Hope's eyes widened and his breath was lost as he stared at her, feeling her miraculously warm fingers rub his skin. She had no healing magic, but the pain had already become a distant call in his mind.

"Don't you ever, _ever_ do something like that again Hope. I was scared, _terrified_, when I saw you take that evil little person and try and kill her like that. I saw you falling there, and all I could think was...was that it looked beautiful. But you were about to die, you were about to die so she would die, like your life is somehow worth hers." Lightning shook her head, blinking back a raindrop as it fell against her, surprisingly warm on her cheek, "Your life could never be worth hers. It's too much, you're worth far too much for that."

"Light." Hope's voice broke but Lightning refused to stop, eyes lighting up.

"And don't you just kiss me and expect to get away with that. Don't kiss and run. It's not romantic, it's rude. Got it?" Lightning said, far more sternly than she meant. A small, broken smile appeared on Hope's face, and a watery chuckle escaped him. "Got it?" she muttered, her voice softer.

Hope's smile widened and he nodded, "Got it," he whispered. His hands were still shaking when he made to stand, but Lightning held him there, hand trailing down his arm until it rested on his hand. "Light?"

"Hope...whatever happens, I promise to be there. For you, and for everyone. I know...I know this whole thing seems up in the air. We don't know what will happen." Lightning sighed, squeezing his hand, "But we can do this if we're together," she almost said it to herself, the way she looked down at her hands as they grasped his.

"Lightning," Hope mumbled.

"I need you to know. I need you to know that Hope. You won't be fighting her alone. I swear it. I won't let you fight her alone. She's done terrible things to you. It's clear she has. And I'll make her pay for them. With you intact." Lightning clenched her hands, squeezing Hope's fingers. _You're here. You're here and you aren't going anywhere again. Not like that. Not like this._

"Lightning." Hope closed his eyes and shuddered, twining his fingers with hers. They sat silently in the rain, letting the small droplets still falling from above pour on them. He took a few deep breaths before he looked her in the eye, eyes scrunched and worried, face filled with sadness and sorrow.

Warmth and loved.

Lightning wondered how he did that. If her face looked that way when she watched Hope.

"When we went there," Hope said, running his thumb along her hand, "I was sure I'd die. I expected it, really. So before, I wrote down everything that happened to me. Everything that happened with Saorise, to the last detail. I left it for you to find when you got home. After the battle you'd find it looking through my room. I said was sorry, and that-that the least I could do is give you the truth." Hope stopped, closing her eyes and squeezing her hand, letting out a few heavy breaths as hot tears managed to escape him. Lightning grasped his hand harder, hands shaking as her throat closed up, thinking of what almost was.

"It-It was hard. It was hard writing it all down, and I almost stopped. I didn't want anyone to know it, other than those few who had caught me. It's my biggest shame. The reason this happened, the reason this is all happening, and I hated myself for it. Even-Even if it isn't my fault, it still _feels_ like I should have been able to do something. I hated it, I hated it, and it still-still scares me Light. She still scares me. I thought-I saw and heard and felt so much, and I just-I don't know!"

Hope choked for breath and Lightning pulled him toward him, hearing him gasp as she hugged him. She let him hiccup into her shoulders, Hope pressing against her shoulder and heaving. She waited until he pulled away from her before running her fingers along his swelled, red cheeks. His eyes were red but he kept her gaze, looking so lost and broken, and so _determined, _that Lightning felt herself swell as he managed a smile. "I think I owe you an explanation Lightning," Hope said, voice shaking, "So...so I'll tell you. Face to face, everything that happened."

Lightning's eyes widened and she shook her head, but Hope only nodded, "I'm going to tell you. I'm going to. I _have _to. I have to do this Light."

She locked eyes with him, watched as his gaze did not waver from hers, even as his voice shook and his body trembled. Even as hot tears ran down his face from the memories, even though he almost died. And she tightened her grip on his hand and gritted her teeth.

_I think it's time you told him Farron. I think you need to show him how much he means to you. He almost slipped away, right through these fingers._

_But how? How?_

The answer came on its own.

"Hope," Lightning said softly, her heart thumping so loudly that she could barely hear her voice over her pulse, "Hope, I need to tell you something." Hope nodded, attention on her, face soft as the tears dried, washed away by the rain. Lightning felt her heart skip as he looked at her with those eyes, soft and loving, and aimed at her. She took a deep breath and squeezed his hand again, trying to figure out where to start.

"That party...seems like forever ago doesn't it?" Lightning felt her cheek heat up, but refused to stop, even as Hope tilted his head in obvious confusion. Lightning smiled, "You danced with me. You took me out and showed me that you can dance. I was impressed, believe me." And like that the color was draining from Hope's face, but Lightning pressed on, "Then later that night, you took me away from all the music and the dancing. You looked sad and determined, and I think I was happy and sad then. Secretly proud of the man you had become." Lightning closed her eyes and could almost feel Hope shaking his head; the rustling of his hair, "You told me you loved me. You said you loved me then and that you still do, but that I didn't have to love you back."

"Light." Hope's voice was strained as he choked on his words, blinking hard.

"I was a little relieved, I think. Sad but relieved. I didn't know why though. But I think I do know. I think I get it." Lightning felt a smile on her lips and almost chuckled, looking back at Hope as terror and relief filled his eyes, "I understand a lot of things now. Better than I thought I would. And you know what? You're not a kid anymore. Far from it." F_ar, _far _from it. _"You've proven that, no matter what you think."

"Lightning-"

"Hope," she cut across him, her eyes soft and imploring, "How about saying it again?" Hope started shaking his head more and more, asking her no, saying she couldn't really mean it; that it was impossible for her to feel that way. That he wasn't worth it. But Lightning smiled more and pulled his hand up to her heart and pressed it there, leaning in so her breath caught on his wet bangs. Her own body felt hot near his. Was burning with fire and shaking with fear and determination. She took in his scared, wet, loving face. His parted lips and his shining eyes. She felt his hands, now bigger than her own, clasped in her fingers.

_So this is it._

She was embarrassed but felt so oddly warm despite the cold; warm next to him. She could feel the heat bubbling under her skin and pooling at the tips of her fingers, the emotion threatening to lift her away and drown her all at once. And she held his hand closer to her and looked into his eyes, bright from crying and filled with love.

"Try again Hope."

"Lightning-Lightning how? Before I was-but how can you-"

"Use my full name too. I want to hear how it sounds when you say it." _Just keep going Farron. _"I want to hear you say it again." _You know it's true. You know it. You feel it don't you, that odd, flipping thing your heart is doing. You want this._

She smiled.

Yes, she did.

"Please Hope."

Hope swallowed hard, his own eyes starting to shimmer again, disbelief still on his face before it melted to acceptance. He clasped his eyes shut and swallowed, hand shaking in hers, "Lightning-Lightning-" Hope shook his head and sat straighter, eyes boring into hers, shining as she lost herself in them, "Lightning Claire Farron, I've been in love with you since-"

Lightning pressed he lips against Hope's before he could finish, swallowing his surprise and smiling at how warm her felt. Hope was shaking against her, unresponsive at first, but Lightning felt his arms slowly wrap around her middle, and he tilted his head. She ran her fingers through his hair as he pressed closer to her, his warmth against her, skin soft and wet from the rain. They were so close, mouths parted to touch and explore the other, kiss light but filled with something they could never put into words. Could never even try. All they could call it, with their bodies close and hot, their lips moving against the other; their hearts ready to burst...was love.

When they pulled away their faces were red and hot and Hope was crying. Lightning brought her fingers to her own eyes and was wiping away her tears, eyes stinging. And she was smiling and felt so warm that she thought she'd burst from it, and she looked at Hope; could almost feel her body unhook and the weight fall away, her heart still racing and her mind wondering what the hell was going on with her.

But she didn't care. Not yet. Not with Hope right in front of her, crying his eyes out and shaking his head. "I don't-I don't get how-"

Lightning shook her head and brought her hand to Hope's chin, pulling his head up to look at her. Their bodies were still close, their lips tingling from the other's touch, and Lightning basked in his heat, allowed it to shield her from the rain. "It's not something you get Hope." _I know that now._

"But Light-"

"I love you." Her voice was smaller than his, far more embarrassed, but Hope's eyes widened and his smile was small and sad and happy and so many things that Lightning just couldn't keep up with him. He shuddered once and hiccuped, and then he was scooping her in his arms and pressing her closer to him as he buried his face into her shoulder.

"Light I-" Hope stopped and shivered and she could feel his tears going through her blouse, feel him shaking and crying. Feel the lips she kissed form a smile."I just love you."

Lightning nodded, closing her eyes as she pressed her head onto his, running her hands through his hair and whispering to him. She didn't know what she was saying, but it didn't seem to matter. He pressed a hand to her back, repeating the words over and over, and Lightning closed her eyes and took it all in. Felt it filling her chest, the words, the feelings, the _love,_ and almost shook with it.

"I know Hope. I know." _And I feel the same...I feel the same. _Her hands tightened around him and the thought roared in her head, _Don't leave me again._

"Thank you Lightning. For everything." She nodded and they sat together for a little longer, getting used to the other, sitting together as they realized that they were _loved _by this person in front of them. And they loved them in turn. And the feelings seemed almost too large and impossible, and yet they were there. Intangible but impossible to ignore. A great cascade of feeling washing down on them, crushing them, and all they could do was hold each other and bask in it.

"We should get going and let the others know where you are," Lightning said eventually, voice soft. Hope didn't flinch as the spell was broken, because in truth it hadn't been, and stood with her as she pulled them up. The rain was steadily lifting, and what remained was dripping off the buildings and landing in the puddles, sending ripples through the bodies of water. The clouds were breaking in the sky, and slivers of light started to flood the world, almost transparent gold.

"All right," Hope said, nodding once. He made to pull away but Lightning held him fast and pulled him back to her. Hope's eyes widened again, but he eventually smiled, eyes still bloodshot, body still shaking, and he followed her unsaid request.

They began the walk back, their steps small and tentative, and their hands locked together.


	40. Home

**I was gone a little bit longer than I had meant to be, and for that, I apologize. People have had a tough time getting a hold of me, and it was because I needed a break. I was a little unwell, and I took the opportunity to branch of and try a few new things, and get into old habits again. So I am sorry for both the delay in posting and the delay in messaging. **

**I wish I could say things will be absolutely perfect from now on, but that'd be a lie. This Wednesday (tomorrow actually) I will be celebrating my eighteenth birthday. I will also be receiving the all new, perfectly awesome Pokemon Black. And you know, I can't help but think I said something similar before when Pokemon Soulsilver came out, but time will most definitely be devoted to that. **

**Sorry for the rather long author's note, but I also want to thank you all for the way the last chapter was received. The comments were wonderful and I was glad that it left a nice feeling in your hearts, guts, whatever bodily parts felt warm and fuzzy at the time. And many of you checked out the music and enjoyed it! (while others were able to detect my subtle mind control to listen to Snow Patrol). It meant a lot to me, so read it and see so many of you enjoying it. It's hard to believe how far this has come, and I hope you'll stick with me to the very end. **

**Reviews: **

**Anonymous- Yes! Right? I knew you'd like it though. :) And I'm glad you liked the detail in the rain. Rain was a little hard to write about. O-O It too me a sec to figure out how I wanted to say certain things, but they came out all right. But thanks! *hugs***

**Wulf- *blinks…then tackle hugs* I mean…wow, just-just thank you. It means a lot, to hear you feel that way. And the way you see Lightning I cannot help but agree with. She does so much for her loved ones, whether she realizes it or not. And finally, she can grasp hold of love. And protect it with all she has. Thank you, *hugs* I'm glad you like it.**

**Connor- Thank you! I'm glad you've liked. And don't worry, we'll get there soon. :D**

**Iheartsnow-YAY! SO true! :D *blush* Thank you though, I'm really glad you think so. *blushes more as she reads on* Wow…Th-Thank you! And I'm glad you enjoyed the music as well. Just-wow, thank you! Seriously…it means a lot that Daybreak has been able to shine to you. Thank you. :)**

**Also, the winners for the Crystal Hearts contest have been chosen, Check out my profile to see who! :D And again, thank you all for everything. And the birthday wishes. :)**

* * *

Lightning could feel Hope trembling as they walked closer to the house, the cream colored home coming into view as they turned a street corner. She had called Rygdea, the communicator jostling in her pocket, and she knew the others would be at home, waiting for them. At first she had suggested going back to the hospital, but Hope just shook his head, eyes wide and imploring, and she had shrugged, asking if they could just go home.

Rygdea's response?

"Well if he can run in the rain, he can run his ass back home. Besides, hospital bills are expensive."

Now Hope was pressing closer against her; his body shaking even as his muscles tightened to stop him from trembling. Lightning felt her body heat up, warmth and…affection tingling on her skin, but she still couldn't look him in the eye as he leaned against her. He was as nervous as she was, more so in fact, glancing at her with skittering eyes before they flickered back to the road again. The rain had stopped a while ago, but their bodies still shivered, chilled by the cold damp air, and their hair was still slicked with rainwater.

"I'm sorry." His voice was soft and he squeezed her hand, fingers trembling before they locked between hers, "I-I didn't mean to-"

"We'll talk about it Hope. We'll figure this out," Lightning said, even as her own heart started to clench. Her fingers pressed harder against Hope's and Lightning glared at the dark, wet road. _I say that…but how are we going to do this? How are we going to help Hope now? I mean, sure, I have him with me now, but that doesn't mean this can't happen again. _Lightning glanced back at Hope, watching as wet bangs fell in front of his eyes, his cheeks tinted pink. _Even now, I'm scared. I can't-can't lose him now. I won't let him just._

"Light-"

Lightning jumped and loosened her hand, looking away, "Sorry, I was just-"

"It's not that." Hope looked back at her, shaking his head and squeezing her hand again, "That's-That's not it. I like it, I do, I'm just…" Hope trailed off, slowing to a stop as they reached the front of the house. His hand slipped from Lightning's and he looked at the door, eyes scrunched up, filling with fear and worry.

"I'm scared."

Lightning almost asked, "Of what?" The words were on the tip of her tongue, but she choked them back and looked at Hope's face. He was covered in dirt stains that had been rubbed in by running and the rain. His hands were still covered in cuts, the small red marks disappearing up his sleeve. Dark bags lined his eyes, purple and red, face a little bright from crying. Lightning looked at Hope, saw the way his lip quivered and his eyes flickered to the door and then her, his fear clear.

_He's scared of a lot of things…of going back in there and facing everyone after what happened. Of having to tell me what happened to him. Of Saorise. Of what will happen to him. To us. He's just…scared. _

_I'll help you Hope. _

Lightning closed her eyes and took a deep breath, pressing a hand over her heart before walking toward Hope and grabbing his hand again, "I know Hope. I know you're scared." She squeezed his hand once and snapped her eyes to his, watching as his lids drooped as he stared at her, "But I'm here. And I won't leave you." _Not now…_

"Light." Her name came out as a whisper before a light chuckle passed over his lips and she found herself smiling, turning around and pulling him toward the door. She could feel the trembling in his hands but said nothing, glancing back only to see Hope staring intently at the door. She walked up the steps and rapped the door, tightening her hold as Hope jolted and watching the door swing open. She didn't wait to see who had answered, pulling Hope inside before anyone could say anything.

"Hope, Light!" The door snapped shut behind her and she felt Hope's hand being rent from hers. She pulled him back, holding in a grunt as he slammed against her side, and glared at the people in the room. That didn't stop her sister from pouncing though, Serah setting a sleeping Hazel in Snow's arms and marching up to Hope. Her face was burning bright red as she sidled up to Hope, her hands on her hips and her chest swelled with anger.

"I don't know what you were thinking, worrying everyone like that! We were all looking for you, you know! I was worried sick that you had gone and done something stupid again! We all were!" Serah shouted, waving her hand at Snow to move Hazel out of the room. Snow's eyes were wide as he nodded, hurrying toward the stairs as Serah unleashed her fury. Hope was cowering beside Lightning, hand still gripped in hers as he quivered, "What did you think we were going to do? Throw you out after what happened? Do we really strike as people who would-"

"No! No, Serah, that's not it at all!" Hope cried, shaking his head.

"Then tell me what it is because I want to know why you would run away from us and make us worry even more when all we wanted to do was make sure-sure you were safe again!" Serah stomped her foot as a few tears managed to spill from her eyes and she wiped them away with her arm before rounding on Hope again. Snow slinked back into the room, eyes sad and sympathetic as he looked between Serah and Hope, "I was scared that you were going to leave Hope! We all were! And I had to wait for someone to find you and I'm just so glad it was Lightning because-because who knew what would have happened otherwise and I just-" Serah growled as more tears started to fall and she started wiping them again, a small hiccup escaping her.

"Serah-Serah I'm sorry. " Hope choked, grabbing his hair with his free hand and pulling, "I'm sorry I ran. I am so, so sorry. I was just-I was scared! I was scared of what was going to happen and I didn't know what to do or what to say and I knew-knew you were disappointed with me and I-I just wanted-I don't know what I wanted anymore but-"

"Just shut up and hug me you idiot!" Serah shouted, throwing her arms around Hope before she could hiccup again. Serah buried her face into Hope's shoulder and bawled, shaking her head and digging her fingers into his back. Hope hugged her back, only then releasing Lightning's hand as he squeezed his eyes shut and held in a sob. He pressed his eyes into Serah's hair, taking deep breaths and muttering sorry when he could, and Lightning's eyes softened.

"Serah," Lightning said, "I know you were worried, but I think Hope-"

"That's right!" Serah patted Hope's back and slowly pulled away from him, her eyes a bright red and her face blotchy, "That's right! Don't think I didn't see you two holding hands when you walked in! I saw it Lightning!" Serah rounded on her sister, wiping away a few stray tears and jabbing her sister in the ribs. Lightning's eyes widened and her turned red. She looked away from her sister as Serah smiled, her eyes glittering. Serah turned back to Hope, leaning toward him as he looked at the ground, "Did you guys kiss too?" Hope jumped, face and neck burning, and Lightning put a hand to her forehead.

"Serah," Lightning groaned, "Why do you have to do that?"

"Because you guys took forever!" she squealed, throwing her arms around Hope again, "I'm so proud of you. I wish I could have seen it."

"Why does everyone in this house seem to be involved in my personal life?" Lightning asked, hands dropping to her sides.

"Because we _are_ you're personal life sis! You should feel special." Snow grinned at her and it took all of Lightning's self restraint not to waltz up to the man and smack the smirk off his face. Her intent must have shown in her eyes because Snow stepped back behind the couch. "I was just kidding of course."

"Hero sure is asking for it. I wouldn't mind if you knocked him around a few times Light," Sazh said, grinning as Snow spluttered. The afro haired man stretched on the couch, one hand reaching over the length of the couch, the other on his leg. "But I guess you can go have fun with Hope first."

Lightning rolled her eyes and looked back at Hope, tilting her head to the side as the small smile slowly dropped from his face. She followed his line of vision and saw Rygdea, Maqui, and Lebreau in the kitchen doorway, none of them straying from the kitchen as Hope stared at them. Lightning started to glare at them, opening her mouth to give her a piece of her mind, when Hope stepped forward. He glanced at her for just a moment before focusing on the three in the doorway, noting their rain soaked clothes and the dark weary looks on their faces.

"I-I am sorry for what I did. For everything that I did," Hope said, fumbling with the hem of his shirt, "I-I wasn't really thinking and I guess-I guess I just wanted to be able to-" Hope didn't get another word out as Lebreau and Maqui threw themselves at him, making Hope grunt as they huddled closer to him. Hope's eyes widened and he looked at Rygdea, but the man just smiled.

"You were gone a while Hope. Had us all kinds of worried. But you know…I'm glad you're back." Rygdea closed his eyes a moment and Lebreau nodded into Hope's chest, tightening her hold on him. Maqui slowly lifted his arms away and smiled at Hope, his goggles hanging around his neck.

"We all are," Maqui said, Lebreau peeling herself from Hope and punching him in the arm, "Just-Maybe next time..." Maqui trailed off, shrugging his shoulders as he stepped away, "Just talk to us next time." Hope nodded, wiping his eyes before anymore tears could slip away, and he looked back at Rygdea.

"And we will be talking about what happened eventually…I guess." Rygdea sighed and ran a hand over his face, "I mean, we'll be talking later, but we can talk about _this_ when you're ready. We can wait. Yeah. I mean, I want to talk about it with you, but before we talked about having to-"

"Rygdea," Hope said, a small smile on his face. "Thank you."

Rygdea blinked before a grin flashed across his face, eyes flashing, "No problem Hope. But I am afraid we _will_ be talking about your little rendezvous with Lightning." Hope jolted and backed away, Maqui snickering as Rygdea started toward him, "All alone with her in the rain huh? You know, I hear rainwater can wash away practically anything if the storm is strong enough." Rygdea stroked his chin, either unaware or uncaring of Lightning's growing anger, her fists clenched at her sides, "And you guys were gone for a _long_ time. I wonder…"

"Rygdea stop!" Hope snapped, face shining like a freshly washed cherry, his cheeks more than bright red. He brought a hand to his cheeks and shook his head, "I can't believe you would just-after what happened! Ugh!"

Hope threw his hands in the air and Rygdea smirked, shrugging, "You'll give the details later I guess. I can wait."

Hope rolled his eyes, but he couldn't hide the smile making its way to his face. He let out a low breath, feeling something lift and break away in his chest. But it didn't hurt like he had feared it would. Whatever had fallen away did not make him feel lost and alone, did not make him feel more vulnerable than before.

He closed his eyes, chest swelling with the strange, unnamable emotion that made his heart clench oddly, and forced small bits of his fear to fall away. It was light and free. A breath of fresh, clear air, filling his lungs and threatening to make him burst. He grasped the feeling, held it close to his heart as it washed over him.

It was quite the opposite.

"Hope?" He opened his eyes, surprise flitting across his face as Lightning came into view, "Are you all right?"

Hope smiled again, small and genuine, eyes sparking as he took Lightning's hands in his, "Thank you," he whispered, pressing his forehead to hers, "For everything."

His smile widened as her forehead heated up under his and the others cheered and Serah giggled at them while Lightning huffed. He laughed when Lightning broke away from him to shout at Rygdea when some perverted comment came floating toward them. And as Snow came up and clapped him on the back, saying 'Welcome to the Farron family, prepare yourself for doom,' he snorted.

_Thank you all for what you've done for me. _

* * *

"So, we're all up at this horrible hour, and I started to think, what can we do to really just welcome ourselves home?" Serah said, pushing Lightning into the kitchen, "I mean, Rygdea will be back soon from reporting in what happened, and no one can sleep, and Hope's here and nothing too…horrible happened." Serah paused, lifting her hands away from Lightning's back and considering the ceiling, "Well, maybe that's not the best way to say it, but you get what I mean. And we need to have a bit of a celebration to usher in your new relationship."

"Will you stop with that?" Lightning growled, face turning pink, "You act like it's some-"

"Big deal?" Serah sang, smiling as she shoved Lightning into the kitchen, "Probably because it is. You two are actually together!" Lightning winced when her sister started to squeal again, twirling where she stood and bringing her hands to her mouth, "My big sis has a boyfriend! AH! And I know Hope will treat you well and all of that! He's such a gentleman and he's always got this dewy look in his eyes when he looks at you!" Serah gushed, jumping a little, "Gah! I can't believe it! You two will be perfect together and I helped it happen and-"

"Serah, as happy as I am that you're happy for us, this constant sugary gush about our relationship makes me want to take your head and-"

"You don't mean that! Just wait, the warm and fuzzy feelings will set in and you'll be all smiles too!" Serah slowed when Lightning raised an eyebrow at her, but Serah just shrugged, "Fine, you'll be as happy as _you_ can be when it sets in. I'm still right, I still helped, and you two are still so cute together!" She jumped, bobbing toward the fridge and pulling out some milk.

"Serah."

"I mean, the way he looked at you when you checked to see what was wrong? And then he pressed his forehead to yours! So, _so _romantic. And you two keep holding hands, and I don't know if you noticed it, but he always has a little bit of pink in his cheeks when he's holding hands with you! Oh, I wish I knew what you said, I bet it was so romantic and inspirational and all that!"

"Serah!"

Serah giggled more and shook her head, pulling out some cheese and eggs from the fridge and kicking it closed with her foot, "And then _you_ blushed and I hardly get to see you blush! Tell me, was he a good kisser Claire? I bet he was. And was it raining when you kissed? Oh. My. Goodness. If it was, then you and I will have to sit down and you can give me a play by play of what happened! Gosh this is exciting!"

"Serah!" Lightning shouted, making her sister flinch. Serah's shoulders tensed and she peeked over at Lightning, trying not to let the glare Lightning was sending her bother her. Living with her for years helped, but the glare Lightning was beaming at Serah made her think her head would explode if Lightning concentrated hard enough.

"Come on Light! I just want to have some fun," Serah mumbled before smiling to herself, going toward the silverware and taking out a few spoons, "But it is sweet, the way you two got together. And I have to say Claire," Lightning's eyes widened as her sister looked back at her, blue eyes soft, "I'm really glad that you told him how you felt."

Lightning blinked as Serah turned away, taking out a few bowls and cracking some eggs, pouring the rich yellow into the bowl. Lightning looked down at the floor and slowly walked to her sister's side, reaching for the cabinets above their heads and pulling down a loaf of bread. She was silent as she started to take out the slices, but a small smile was on her face. "I am too," she whispered. Serah didn't even pause in her work, but her smile widened as she reached for another egg.

Lightning grabbed a few plates as well and set them on the counter, then reached for the pans hanging above the stove, "So I'm guessing you have a feast in mind?" she asked, setting the pans on the stove and looking back at Serah.

"Something like that! Breakfast for dinner and all that jazz! I think it will be nice though. It seems like forever ago since we were all able to sit like this and just enjoy hanging out. We can worry about that other stuff later. For now, we pig out and have fun!" Serah grabbed the whisk and thrust it above her like a sword, waving it in the air before jabbing it into the yolk.

Lightning smiled and rolled her eyes, taking the cheese her sister had laid out, "And you wanted me to help?" she asked, going back to the fridge to grab some butter.

"Of course! It's hard to gossip with you about your new relationship if you're in the next room!" Serah shook her head, "Really Claire, you should know that by now."

"Serah, Hope and I haven't exactly been in a relationship long enough for you to gossip about it. Maybe an hour at the most, and most of that has been here," Lightning said, bringing the butter back and grabbing a butter knife from one of the drawers. She opened the small tub of butter and started to lather it on the bread slices, eying her sister as she worked, "So I don't know what you're expecting."

"I'll give you that," Serah said, taking her bowl and moving toward the spice rack by the fridge. She took a few of the bottles down, adding a few spices here and there before making her way to the salt, "But that doesn't mean we can't talk about what you're expecting from this relationship."

Lightning paused, fingers tightening around the butter knife, and she glared at the bread. "What do you mean?"

Serah closed her eyes and set the bowl by the counter, "So you thought about it? You know what this means for him right? That he-"

"Yes Serah." Lightning stopped, swallowing. Her voice came out softer when she spoke again, "Yes, I did think about it. Long and hard. And I know that I'm doing the right thing. The way he-he-" Lightning stopped, biting her lip as her body flared, and she wanted to be anywhere but there, talking to her sister about her relationship with Hope. The one she was still terrified of, the one that might break if they weren't too careful, "I know it'll be hard, but he makes me-after everything."

Lightning jumped when Serah's hands wrapped around her neck, her sister talking near her ear, "I'm sorry. I just wanted to be sure, for the both of you." Serah leaned against her sister and hugged her tighter, "I'm glad though, that you found someone that means so much to you. Really, really glad."

Lightning relaxed, her shoulders dropping, "Me too."

* * *

Hope relaxed against the couch, closing his eyes and letting the sounds of the house wash over him. The clock ticking away on the wall, the sound of Lebreau's footsteps as she walked up the stairs to grab Maqui, the hum of the appliances of the house. There was the soft talking floating n from the kitchen which was soon joined by the smells of cooking, of spices and eggs and grilled cheese, and eventually bacon. He could almost hear the sizzle as the meat touched the pan, and as he opened his eyes, a sense of relief and terror washed over him. His stomach clenched at the conflicting sensations, and his body flared in response, nauseating heat rushing him.

_I almost missed all of this. _

_I made it back to this. _

_I almost died. Almost let myself die and never walk through here again. Never hear this again. Never see them again. _

_I'm here with them. I'm sitting with them. I can still touch them. I am still _here_._

_Soon I'll talk to Lightning too. I promised her, and I'll keep that promise. _

"Hope?" Hope opened his eyes and met blue orbs, Snow towering over him and looking at Hope with concern etched on his face. Hope smiled, moving over on the couch, and Snow grinned, plopping next to him. They were silent for a few minutes, Snow stretching in the seat as if he had to get the perfect position while Hope looked on with a raised eyebrow. Snow just shrugged, grinning as Hope rolled his eyes before finally settling into the cushions.

"So what's eating you Hope?" Snow asked, glancing at him.

Hope smiled, shrugging, but his eyes started to grow distant, "Just thinking I guess."

"Bout what?"

Hope almost snorted at Snow's forwardness, but answered, "About what happened and what almost happened." Hope didn't look at Snow as silence spread between them, instead staring at the television, "Did Lightning tell you what happened after we got me back to the ship? Did anyone?"

Snow blinked, eyes fixed on Hope, but he continued before Snow could answer, "I had started turning C'ieth. Back on the ship I mean. I remember being so scared and angry…and then I was hurting all over too. It was bad, I think. I don't remember a whole lot of it, but I know it's how I got these." Hope held up his sliced hands and Snow's eyes were drawn to them. The cuts were already fading though, looking nothing like they had when Hope had first ran from the hospital. They were no longer deep and red, but light pink streaks running up and down his arms.

"I bet it was hard for her though. Lightning was there when it happened. She saw it all. She didn't know either, the way I would change. She thought I was safe. You all did…but I wasn't. I wound up using too much power and suddenly I was-was lost or something." Hope curled his arms around his legs, bringing them up to his chin, "It's scary. I didn't-didn't remember much when it first happened to us, you know. I mean, we were back so fast."

Snow nodded, shuddering as he remembered their brief stint as C'ieth years ago. There had been rage and sorrow, regret and infinite pain. Endless, endless-

"It's a lot different from then though. It's not like when you just lose control and just-just turn into one. This was gradual. It was slow and easy to see, and I still-I didn't even notice when I was getting angry. I was just-just so _mad_ about having screwed up again and I wanted to get back to her. I wanted to back and fight Saorise. I wanted to tear her apart. And-And when I think of what they had to do to bring me back." Hope curled even closer to himself, banging his head on his knees and wondering why he was even talking about it in the first place.

_I'm supposed to be letting this go aren't I? I'm supposed to just let this go and leave it alone, so why am I even-_

He jumped when he felt a hand come down on his shoulder and looked up to see Snow giving him a wide smile, "Don't worry about it Hope. It's old news. You're here with us now and that's all that matters." Hope didn't even get a chance to blink before he was being hugged by the big man, his musky smell against his nose while Snow pressed Hope into his shoulder. "But keep talking, it's fun to hear you whine."

Hope's eyes widened and he yanked himself away, hitting Snow on the head, "Jerk!"

"It's what I do!" Snow grinned and Hope deflated, rolling his eyes and flopping back on the couch. Snow relaxed as well, slowly reaching his foot out and snatching the remote from the floor with his toes. Smiling in triumph, he pulled the remote up with his feet and clicked the television on.

"Thanks Snow," Hope said as the picture flashed on the screen.

"No problem kid."

"I'm nineteen," Hope said, brow furrowing.

"I know." Snow smiled, humming a little to himself.

"And I kissed Lightning."

"No need to scar me there."

Hope glared at until Snow stuck his tongue out at him, Hope's face breaking into a smile. Hope's eyes drifted back to the television, but he tilted his head in confusion, "Snow, where's Hazel?"

Snow smiled, "I gave her some cookies, she's fine."

"But where is she?" Hope pressed, eying him up and down.

Snow's grin only widened, "With Sazh."

Hope blinked, eyes bugging before he snorted, laughter ringing in the room. He pressed his hand on his stomach, shaking his head as he looked at Snow.

"He is so going to kick your ass when she passes out."

"Who's kicking ass now?" Lebreau said, pulling Maqui by the arm and shoving him on the floor before sitting down as well.

"Sazh will once he's done with Hazel. Snow gave her to him after feeding her some sugary sweets," Hope said, grinning. Lebreau smiled as well before grabbing Maqui as he stood, looping her arm around his neck and thrusting him to the floor. Maqui spluttered, eyes widening as Lebreau came down on him with an elbow, knocking him in the chest.

"Great! And in the meantime, I'll kick Maqui's ass." She proceeded to grab Maqui's arm and twist, making the blond writhe in her grip before he aimed a kick at her shin. Lebreau simply lifted her leg from his hreach, grabbing Maqui around the neck and tugging up, smiling as his face started to turn red. Snow shouted and pumped his fist.

"Get him Lebreau! Go on, show him whose got it!" Snow cheered, "Besides, he said you're cooking sucks!"

"I did not!" Maqui gasped as Lebreau's grip tightened. Hope bit his hand to keep from laughing as Maqui's eyes started to pop from his head, looking as if he would explode. Maqui's hands were locked on Lebreau's arms as he kicked his feet on the floor, trying to head-butt his way out while Lebreau cackled above him. Maqui started going limp until his eyes zeroed in on Hope, and he cried in a raspy voice, "Tag! Tag Hope in!"

Hope blinked as a ball of dark hair came flying at him and he was shoved to the floor, Lebreau kneeing him in the chest before grabbing his sides. For a swirling, panicked moment, Hope lost his breath and the world had become a cabin. He shut his eyes tight and kicked at the ground, the pain in his ankle as he slammed his feet on the ground making the real world rush back. _I won't let you ruin this. _

"You better be a bigger challenge Hope!" Lebreau cried before digging her nails into his sides and pinching the skin, "But I doubt it." She grinned at him, twisting the skin a little more as blood rushed to Hope's face.

Hope thrashed underneath her, biting the inside of his cheeks as his skin tingled, the laughter fighting to escape his chest. "Ch-Cheater!" he managed to gasp, kicking again as a chuckle escaped.

"All's fair in love and war."

"Oh really?" Lebreau froze, head slowly turning around as Lightning stood in the doorway, her eyebrow raised, "If that's the case-"

"No! Hope, save me! Your crazy girlfriend is about to kill me!" Lebreau shouted, leaping over Hope and trying to use him as a shield. Hope grunted as Lebreau dug her nails into his back and thrust him up as Lightning approached, but Serah's voice screeched into the room.

"No! No one is killing anyone! You are all going to get your butts in here and have some breakfast for dinner, and then you can kill each other all you like! But not until I see some clear plates!"

They all stopped as her voice died, but Sazh's voice came in a moment later, strained and hoarse, "Does that include your husband? Because I kind of want to kill him now."

Hope grinned as Snow's face paled, and Serah shouted but a second later, "Snow!"

* * *

Hope sighed and looked down at his hands, bringing his legs onto the mattress of his bed. He looked around the room, noting the closed curtains and the dresser, Rygdea's makeshift bed still pressed against his own. _He's not back yet. I wonder what's taking him so long. _He looked away from the bed and toward the door, biting his lip as his heart jumped. Dinner had come and gone, no one dead save Snow's pride once Sazh was through with him, and Hope smiled as he thought of the way he had chewed Snow out. But guilt was sliding through his body, creeping inside and whispering of how he had almost ruined it all. Ruined this peace they had with his selfishness.

_You were going to let this go. You were going to die and for what? Do you really think they would have just taken this lying down? Did you think they'd be able to just forget? Selfish, rotten, stubborn-_

Hope shut his eyes in an effort to block out the voice that sounded far too close to his own, and pushed himself off the bed, going toward the dresser. His eyes landed on the purple book they had managed to grab from the cabin, his head throbbing as he passed it over, and instead he opened one of the drawers. He pulled out several shirts, laying them on top of the dresser until he reached a few papers and a book, pulling them out and laying them on the dresser as well.

He lifted several more shirts and pulled out one last pile of papers, his handwriting all across the wrinkled pages. His eyes dusted over them before he crumpled them in his hands and placed them with the others. Hope grabbed the shirts on the dresser and stuffed them into the drawer, slamming it shut before he snatched the papers and book up and walked out of his room.

As he stepped out into the dark hallway, Hope let out a sigh of relief when no one came running out of their rooms or up the stairs. Taking a deep breath, his pulse beating in his temples, he stepped toward Lightning's room and knocked on the door, closing his eyes and expecting the others to open their doors and see what was wrong. _Or worse, see me going into her room and making all those horrible jokes again. I couldn't even get Snow to shut up in the end, he just kept on going and going. If he saw me here it'd never be the end of it. _

"Hope." Hope jumped as Lightning's door opened, the papers crumpling the papers in his hands as his eyes snapped to her. Lightning's hair was ruffled, small strands sticking up at the top of her head, and her eyes were half lidded. Hope swallowed as Lightning cleared the sleep from her eyes, feeling both guilty and incredibly blessed to see a sleepy Lightning and live. "What are you doing? I thought you'd be in bed by now."

"I-I couldn't sleep." Hope held out the papers in his hands, almost dropping the book he brought in his shaking grip, "I-I mean, I promised you didn't I? To-To tell you what happened and I-" Hope shut his eyes, a few papers managing to fall from his quaking fingers and flutter to the floor. Hope jumped as Lightning's fingers slid over his wrist, her eyes boring into his as she leaned down and picked the papers up. Her eyes narrowed on the words and Hope's heart jumped and slammed against his throat, the world starting to spin as he realized she had picked up one of his 'goodbye' letters.

"Wa-Wait Lightning, I wanted to talk to you about those before-"

"Was there one for me to?" Lightning asked, her fingers crushing the letter she had in her hands. Hope's insides went cold and he threw his eyes to the ground, shutting them and giving her a nod. Lightning shook her head and tightened her grip on his wrist.

"Yes. Yes, there was one for you too. There was one for each of you. You were supposed to find them after I went and-after I did what I was going to do. After I _died._" Hope shook his head and slammed his mouth shut, feeling the sob starting to wrench itself from his lungs and up his throat, and his eyes were starting to sting, "I-I told you how much I-" Hope stopped, lips parting slightly as Lightning pulled him into a hug, the papers smashed between them.

"I want you to get rid of them then. I want you to get rid of every single one of them. Because you're not going to go away Hope." Lightning tightened her hold on him, fingers almost scratching his back, "Not this time."

"O-Okay," Hope stuttered, closing his eyes as he pressed himself into her shoulder. _How could I have thought...to miss this? I don't understand-I mean, how can she even feel this way about me? After everything I've done... _The thoughts raced in his mind, one after the other, each in awe that this stunning woman before him could even give him a second glance, let alone _love _him. When he finally stepped away though, he voiced none of his thoughts, only holding out the papers in his hands, "I still-still want to talk though. About _that. _About all of this." Hope walked closer to her, their foreheads nearly touching, "I promised."

Lightning's eyes widened as she looked at Hope, trying to find his eyes through wisps of silver, and her hand reached for his again. She almost smiled, wondering how her hand could get used to holding his so fast as her fingers locked with his, a few more papers falling to the floor. "Hope," she paused, taking a deep breath, "Hope, I know you want to keep this promise. And I thank you for that. But if it's hard, if this is too much-"

"No!" Hope nearly shouted, pulling himself away. He jumped, startled by himself as a faint pink flashed on his cheeks, "I mean...if I don't do this now Light, I don't know if I'll ever do it. I mean-I'm already scared shitless just thinking about telling you. I have to do it now before I lose the nerve."

"You wouldn't-"

"I would, Lightning. I _would_." Hope leaned toward her, a small and bitter smile on his face, "I know I would. If I could find a way out of this, I know I'd take it. That's why I promised you, so I'd look like a jerk if I didn't. So you'd have a reason to yell at me or call me names or whatever until I did tell you. Because I _want_ to tell you this. I have to. I-I just-I don't want you to think any less of me-but how can I expect that after what happened and after what I did. Anyone in their right mind would be disgusted and I just-I just want to get rid of that." Hope was so lost in his self critical musing that he did not notice when Lightning pulled him into her bedroom and shut the door after kicking the papers inside, or even when she shoved him on her soft, light purple bed.

"I mean-I mean what happened was so sick, and I just know that once you hear it, you can never look at me the same way again-"

"Hope," Lightning said, voice rough. His eyes snapped to her and he swallowed, rubbing his arm over his eyes. She sat next to him on the bed, mattress dipping with her, and put a hand on Hope's head until it rested on her shoulder. "I know...that I can't magically make you stop thinking this way. But please..." Her hand reached for his and she pulled it into her lap, rubbing her fingers over his. "Just tell me, and then we'll go from there. And only if you think you're ready."

Hope was silent for a few moments, his eyes fluttering shut as he felt her body move with her breathing, her side brushing against his own as she breathed in and out. He focused on the light, flowery around her, and the way she was tracing his hand. A small smile formed on his lips, "How do you do that?" he asked her, voice light.

"Do what?"

"This." Hope felt her fingers pause and pushed on, his body firing up and heat pooling in his belly, "I mean-I knew that deep down, you were a loving person. I wouldn't have survived...at all, if I didn't. I wouldn't be here. And I wouldn't have made it all those years ago, when I was fourteen. I knew...knew you could be loving." Hope lifted his head from her shoulder, looking into her wide, blue eyes, "I mean, look at us. Look at how fucked up I am and how all of this happened, and how we-we kissed and all of it. I look back at it and I wonder, 'How does she know how to do this already? How can she, when I don't have the slightest clue?' And I can't come up with an answer. Except that you're you, and that maybe you've always known how to do this."

Hope blinked hard, feeling wave after wave of heat crash against him, but took comfort in seeing Lightning's flushed cheeks. Her mouth was open and her eyes searched him while he continued, "You-Somehow you make this all-I don't know-possible? Is that it? You just make this easier for me, and I wish-I wish I could do that..." Hope trailed off, half lidded eyes boring into hers.

Lightning blinked out of her stupor, hands still on Hope's as she found her voice, "I-I don't really know, Hope. I guess, I mean, is this even something you can explain? And you do make me calmer, I thought you would have...realized..."

Lightning's own eyes started to droop as Hope leaned in, closing her eyes as his lips brushed against hers. He was hesitant at first, light brushing and sucking, hands trailing on her sides as he pulled her closer. Lightning tilted her head to the side, skin tingling and jolting as Hope's fingers trailed over her light blouse. Lightning smiled and Hope pressed closer, smooth, hot lips moving against her own almost desperately. She let out a silent sigh when Hope gasped, moving away from her, a heated "I love you" escaping him.

Lightning closed her eyes and took a deep breath, mouth forming a thin line as her face burned a bright red. Then she smiled, shaking her head, "Definitely not what I thought we'd be doing."

Hope's jaw dropped and he shook his head, face still warm and bright "I'm sorry Light, I didn't mean to-it's just-I wanted to-"

"Hope, it's fine," Lightning said, "I'm not saying that it's wrong or anything." Lightning glanced at the wall, her heart thumping oddly in her chest. Some of the papers caught her eye and she scooped them up, Hope leaning over to look as she separated the letters from the pile. _Lebreau, Maqui, Serah, me. He really did get everyone, _Lightning thought as she set the letters aside, noticing a few dark spots on the paper. Her eyes lingered on the papers for a moment before she turned to the ones in her hands. It was a fairly large stack, but there was one on top that looked odd. Lightning brought it up to her face and started to scan the paper, eyes widening at the ancient sounding words.

"Hope...where did you-" Lightning stopped as Hope held the book up to her, the old red cover almost sliding off as she took it from him and placed it in her lap. She flipped it open, the yellowed pages revealing smooth but unreadable black figures, and she looked at Hope.

"I-I was able to read it," Hope said, looking at his lap, "It was just a little while ago. I read it and I-I found out-" Hope paused, shutting his eyes tight and clenching his hands, "Back when we found that other book...in the cabin, I found out who it was. But there was-has been a voice. I've been hearing it off an on." Lightning could remember, at least some instances, when Hope had screamed. When he had told someone to shut up when there was no one there, and she found herself shifting closer to him. "I don't-I didn't want to understand it. It happened after a dream. A really bad one. And it just started. I was drawn to this book and I picked it up and I could read it." Hope started to gasp, hands raking through his hair as his eyes bored into the carpet.

"I wanted it to be wrong Light, but the way it spoke, I knew there was no way I could save you all. I knew because it said it needed only one of us. Only one!" Hope's legs jerked up and he brought his shaking arms to his middle, fighting to keep still, "I knew. I knew and that's why I did it. I thought-I thought that maybe if both she and I disappeared, that then you wouldn't have to worry about this anymore! Maybe then you could all live the way you were supposed to before I came along and fucked everything up!" Hope's voice continued to rise and he finally pushed himself from the bed, swiping at the air before grabbing his head again. Lightning stood, the book dropping to the floor.

"Hope, stay with me. We're here, not wherever-" _Wherever you're going._

"But I couldn't. I couldn't and I'm glad I didn't because then I wouldn't be here with you now!" Hope gasped, Lightning's words unheard, "But I am so scared and stupid and weak! I don't know if I can save you. I don't know if I can save anyone! How am I supposed to stop him when it sounds like he'll use me to get to you! To get to everyone!" Hope was almost screaming and he dropped to the floor, hands pulling out threads of the carpet. Lightning dropped to her knees next to him, placing a hand on his back and shaking her head, but Hope went on, "How am I supposed to fight this Lightning? How? I can't seem to do anything right and I know that if I don't-"

_CRACK! _

Hope's head whipped back, jaw tilted oddly as the skin blared red from where Lightning had hit him. Her hand was still in the air, her chest heaving, and she shook her head. She grabbed Hope's chin and turned him to face her, shaking him as his glazed green eyes stared through her, "No! You quit this! You come back here now!"

"How do I fight a Fal'Cie?" Hope whispered, eyes meeting hers, "How can I fight a Fal'Cie?"

"Together Hope. We'll do it together, like before. But I need you _here_ with me. All right?" Her hands slid down to his cheek, and she wished she could muster the familiar green cool of curative magic. Hope still leaned into her touch, chest heaving, his hand gripping her wrist.

"Okay," he managed, standing up on shaky legs, "Okay." He closed his eyes as Lightning led him to the bed, his chest rising and falling like a hummingbird, and he flopped over the bed. "I'm sorry," Hope gulped once, eyes opening. He glanced toward the floor and imagined the other book, although all he could see was the mattress' edge. "But-But before I had my little freak out there, I basically translated the first few paragraphs, telling you guys that you could translate the other books you found with it. I tried to do as much as I could, but didn't do any actual connections between the writing and translation. I figured you'd guys...would handle that..."

Hope trailed off again, eyes drifting to the ceiling. His body relaxed on the bed but his heart was still racing in his chest, hammering away at him and making his blood rush. It made him want to get up and move, the tingle itching at his already aching body. Lightning was silent, watching him before glancing at the papers before her. She bit her lip and scooted closer to him, scooping up the other papers as she went. Hope turned his head to look at her, watching as she set them down on her lap before he looked up into her eyes.

"I bet you're wondering what the rest of those are," Hope said, closing his eyes again.

"Yes," Lightning said, even as she picked them up and set them away. Her heart thumped rapidly as she stared at Hope, bits and pieces of their conversation in the airship drifting back to her. "_I wrote it all down."_

Hope took a deep breath and sat up, pulling his legs up unto the bed and boring his eyes into hers. His face was tight, his jaw working as his eyes flickered, and Lightning pulled her legs to her chest, laying her cheek on her knees. Hope sighed, bringing a shaking hand to his face, rubbing until his pressed the bridge of his nose. He then pulled himself onto his hand and knees and headed for the top of Lightning's bed, leaning against the headboard and bringing one of the pillows into his lap.

"I guess the best place to start...would be when I first woke up. You have to understand why I trusted her, why I stayed with her. Maybe-Maybe then..." Hope trailed off, eyes on the ceiling again, and Lightning moved next to him, grabbing his hand. Hope shut his eyes and breathed hard through his nose, his shaking hands making Lightning's tremble. She stared at him, her blood rushing through her ears, and she squeezed Hope's hand.

_I'm here._

_I know._ And Hope squeezed back.

"Honestly, when I woke up, I thought I was dead..."


	41. Deception

**This is the first in what will be three chapters. It details, for the most part, the events that took place during Hope's absence with Saorise. You will notice a change in style but I hope it is all right. It seemed appropriate, given the circumstances. But all of your reviews have been inspiring, so I hope you'll forgive me for that.**

**Also note that until these chapters are finished, there will be no anonymous review replies. I apologize for this, but I wish to persevere these chapters as best as possible. This will be the only note within the three chapters, unless there are translations. Updates will hopefully be within three days of each other, but we will see how this goes.**

**Edit: And I made a lot of errors it seems. I'm sorry. It brought the quality down, didn't it? I've hopefully caught more glaring ones, but if they are there, point them out to me (It would be helpful if you have the sentence where the error is at, so I can find it more quickly and nip it in its butt). Hopefully you can forgive me for the lower quality of this chapter, to those who had read it before the corrections. **

**Anyway, at times these chapters may be too much, or they may make you uncomfortable. I leave it up to you, the readers, to decide whether to continue or not. Perhaps I am wrong or overplaying it though. But to me, these were...out there, I suppose. I hope, however, that it will leave the impact it must.**

**Without further delay, let us begin the first Saorise chapter.**

* * *

"What does the truth matter? Haven't we mothers all given our sons a taste for lies, lies which from the cradle upwards lull them, reassure them, send them to sleep: lies as soft and warm as a breast!" –George Bernanos

* * *

When I woke up, the first thing I remembered seeing was whiteness. It was everywhere, with no distinguishable shapes or shadows around, and it burned my eyes, making me wish I could close them. Yet, as quickly as it came the whiteness disappeared and I realized my eyes had been closed. My chest was burning as well and when I tried to move it felt as if my muscles had stopped working. But even though I could hardly move, and even though I had no idea where I was, I knew one thing.

I was alive.

I took several deep breaths as the realization sunk in. I had fallen for Maker knows how long...and survived. It was too much...almost too much to imagine. _How? How am I even… _I scrunched my eyes up and willed them to open properly. I didn't know your eyelids could feel like lead weights on your eyes and they itched from the ache. After what seemed like an eternity, they finally opened.

The first thing I saw was a dark, wooden ceiling. There was a faint orange glow to it and although I couldn't turn my head I knew there was a fire going somewhere. It didn't make sense...none of it did. I tried to turn my head to get a feel for my surroundings. Something moved and I strained myself to see what it was, but a hand came up and brushed my forehead. I tried to move away but all I felt was throbbing pain in my head, pulsing against any movement and making my whole face feel hot.

"Quit that." The voice was soft, but high-pitched. _A woman? _"You were looking pretty bad back there so you shouldn't move for a while." Her fingers brushed against my head again and I tried to move away.

"S-Stop." _Was that really my voice? When did I sound so weak?_

"Don't worry. The medicine should be working soon and you won't even need that eventually. Just get some rest." I wanted to tell this woman "no". That I had no intention of resting until I figured out where the hell I was. Until I knew what happened.

Until I saw Lightning...

However, my eyes were closing before I knew it. She chuckled...and said something but I couldn't hear it well. And I was tired...so tired.

_Tired._

* * *

"Hey. Hey now. Come on, you need to wake up." I groaned, trying to swat away the source of the voice, but all I felt was air. I opened my eyes, the orange light gone, and instead saw the dark wood of the cabin. It came rushing back, making my head pound as the thoughts came crashing back to me. _Explosions. Light. Falling. Orange light...fire...I was-_

"Wha-" I shot up, vision swimming as my head throbbed. My stomach gave an odd lurch and I let out a gasp, closing my eyes and waiting for my head to stop pounding. There was a chuckle beside me and I opened my eyes, glaring at the woman next to me. She had long white hair, which trailed behind her back ina tightly wound in a braid. Her skin was pale...maybe even paler than mine. And when she opened her eyes...they were red. Her face was hard and jaw sharp, the only soft place really in her eyes, and her body seemed stiff. She stared at me, her laughter dying, and smiled. It was soft and almost questioning, and as she leaned in closer to me, something…flashed in her eyes.

I felt my throat go dry as I watched her, but she shook her head and stood. I took a breath and glared at her, waiting for something. _For what though...maybe for her to attack me? To kill me?_

I did not expect her to turn back around and take off my shirt.

"What the hell are you doing!" I shoved her off and pushed myself away from her, only for my head to connect with the wall. Closing my eyes at the new pain, I glared at her and fisted my hands. All she did was shrug and move in again, ripping my shirt away even as I shoved her away. Again and again, her eyes lighting up whenever I shoved her away. By the fifth time she was smiling. _Annoying little-_

"Who are you...and why are you trying to take off my shirt?" I tried to ignore how weird the sentence was and only glared at her, trying to keep what little of my shirt was left on my chest. She smirked and sat on the bed, resting her hands on the sheets. I shivered, wondering why the hell it was so cold in the room.

"That's a weird question for someone who fell out of the sky. I'd imagine it be something like, 'How did I survive falling from the sky?' or maybe, 'I'll kill you if you don't get away!' Although your question is completely valid." She rolled her eyes and pressed against my chest, rubbing against some of the white bandages wrapped around my torso. "You've got a lot of bruises you know, you should be more careful." Her hand reached for my cheek but I leaned back, narrowing my eyes at her.

"Who. Are. You."

"My name...doesn't really matter right now. And I'm trying to take off your shirt-" She pounced on me, ripping the last bit away before standing up again, "-so that you can see that." She pointed at my chest and I looked down. There, burned against my skin, was a white brand. The markings were unmistakable...it was a l'Cie brand. The bright white lines were stark against the dark bruises on my chest, reaching upward toward my neck with little arrows at the end of each new line. They were like vines climbing up my skin and in the center was a circle, as if that was where the eye would have been. _But...why? Why did I have another? I was done with that! Done with that shit!_

"Glaring at it won't make it go away." I looked back at her, feeling the rage bubble inside my stomach and up my throat.

"Where the hell am I? And why is there-there a brand on me!" I stepped forward, baring my teeth at her. I wanted an explanation and I wanted it _now_.

Not once did her smile fall. It was...disturbing to see her like that. She just smiled at me, shaking her head slightly as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. As if it was strange that I didn't get it. And I wanted to get the hell away. She wasn't any help, so-

"You are at my cabin, which is located somewhere on Gran Pulse. I'm not entirely sure where it is since we have no maps to give this place a location. As for the brand...it's...well...I don't know." She shrugged again, leaving the room. I swallowed as she left, annoyed that she could be so nonchalant about it, and looked around. The room was small, a fireplace in the corner. But there were shelves among shelves of books wherever they could fit, the books all different sizes and colors. Blue, red, gray, just a few loose pages, and they were all crammed against each other. I could barely make out some of the writing on the spines and even from what I saw I could only see some faint and curly lines. The books littered the walls, leaving hardly any space in the room. There were even shelves of books above the fireplace. _Fire hazard much? _Yet all the books made the room seem...full.

"Hey, put these on." I whipped my head around as she threw some clothes at me. The room disappeared behind a thick wall of warm, dark fur and I sputtered as I ripped the clothes away from my face. She had given me a heavy, black fur top with long sleeves, as well as dark fur bottoms. The clothes were smooth and warm and since the woman had successfully ripped off my shirt in what had to be the coldest room ever, I wasn't too against wearing the shirt. Except I was getting them from a complete stranger. I fingered with the top, eying her as she watched me and snorted. "Really don't trust me do you? Guess I can't blame you though. I'll leave and let you dress."

I rolled my eyes as she disappeared, trying to get everything straight. _Why is this even happening to me? I thought...I thought for sure I was-_

I closed my eyes before I could think on it much more. I wasn't dead. No, instead I had a brand. I reached up to touch the thing, feeling the way it stuck up from my skin. My fingers started to scratch at the thing, my skin burning. But that stupid brand...it had-had-well it had done something! Or it was going to do something! _Dammit!_

Growling, I stood, shivering from the loss of warmth. I pulled the top over my head as quickly as I could, part of me wanting to hide the brand the other wanting to feel the fur. Still shivering, I pulled down my tattered pants and threw them away, grabbing the fur bottoms she had given me and pulling them on instead. I sat back on the bed, curling my naked feet up, and glared at the door she had left through just a minute ago.

_If I make a break for it...what will happen? _She seemed to know a little about my brand, but not enough to actually convince me to stay. _But how did she even find me? Again, how am I not dead? Was it the brand that did that?_

"I wouldn't leave, if that's what you're thinking." The woman walked back inside, shedding some of the fur she wore. I looked away, feeling my cheeks heat up. _What's with her, just taking her top off in front of me? Leave it to me to get stuck with the crazy person. _

"Oh just look." I flinched when she grabbed my face, her fingers bitterly cold, and closed my eyes as she steered my face toward her. Whatever weird perverted thing she was thinking was not going to get to me. _No matter what!_

"Just look! I still have an under top on." She pulled open one of my eyelids, causing me to hiss as the skin parted with a sticky snap. She forced my head down, and made me look at her chest. Again heat flared along my skin, making me burn. Yet peeking just under the red shirt was a white brand almost identical to mine. "See? I have a brand like that one too!" She smiled at me, eyes almost glowing.

"So?" I tried to pull away. I knew better than just to trust this woman off the bat. No way was I going to let her convince me just because she had the same brand.

"How did I survive?" I asked, taking a few steps away from her. I glanced around the room, looking for a way out. _Maybe I can overpower her and make a break for it? I mean, it is Gran Pulse. I've been here before. With...the others..._

"Your brand of course," the girl answered, shrugging again. I glanced back at her, a growl vibrating in my throat.

"And how did I get it?" I demanded, gritting my teeth.

The woman paused for a second, head down. She sighed and shook her head, "I'm not exactly sure. When I found you, you were by some of the rocks a few miles away from here. I checked everything, found out you were indeed alive and brought you back here." She shrugged, "Seemed like the right thing to do. The brand was just...well...odd."

_Oh...well...maybe she didn't mean to do anything too bad to me then._

"All I know is that the brand does what it should for a l'Cie. Besides the fact that it never advances." She smiled at that part, rubbing her chest with her fingers. I swallowed and looked away, although my own heart was jumping at her words. _Really? It doesn't-_

"It-It doesn't advance?"

"No...but have you tried to use magic yet?" I raised my eyebrow and crossed my arms. _You know, because I've had so much time to try it. _"Sorry," She said, letting out a small chuckle, "Well, there are some setbacks to it. I guess it goes with not turning into C'ieth immediately."

"What kind of-" I trailed off, looking toward the side of the room when I felt something weird in my gut. Like...we were being watched or something. The woman seemed to notice it too. She reached toward her sides, several small dagger holsters fashioned at her waist, and she pulled out several small daggers, slowly stepping forward. She lifted the daggers toward her face and glared at the opposite wall. I took a few steps back, feeling vulnerable without any kind of weapon. Neither of us seemed to be breathing and my chest started to ache before I let in a few small breaths from my nose. I watched the wall, heart beating uncomfortably fast and wishing I had something to act as a sort of shield. There was the magic I was supposed to have, but it had been two whole years since I had it. Would it come as naturally as before?

"It's coming..." she muttered, bending low. I nodded and followed suit, pressing against the wall, but before I could react, she was grabbing me and pushing me back toward the bed. There was a loud crashing sound, and then heavy thuds as planks of wood started to fall around us. The wood splintered and the slivers shot in several directions, some scattering toward the floor or into the books. I scrambled up only to be pushed back again by the girl. _Annoying, but I guess I can't be much help_.

The beast turned toward us and I narrowed my eyes. The skin on the C'ieth was dark, and shimmered green when the sun hit the crystal skin. The beast was huge, towering over the strange woman and myself; the large arm at its side was encrusted with large, jagged crystals. At what looked like its chest was a mask but it was cracked in two, part of mask gone and leaving a strange, gaping hole.

_But that thing...is that a C'ieth? I didn't know they got that big! And ugly. Shit! _I ducked as it swung its large arm at us, but then was jerked away by that woman's arm again. She threw me over to the fireplace and I slammed into it, the greasy soot smearing my skin, and then she stood up to fight the thing. She dodged several more of its strikes before going in herself, daggers between her fingers. She hit it from the side with her daggers, but the C'ieth reached for her and threw her to the side.

_Shit..._

I growled and stood up, my legs wobbling slightly as I blinked some weird spots out of my eyes. This was so not good. _No weapons...no weapons...and a freaking C'ieth is about to attack me. Shit!_

I rolled over as it tried to hit me, my stomach lurching as the world tilted, and the C'ieth made the floor tremble with its missed strike. More splinters flew and I felt some of the wood shavings dig into my arm, making the skin sting. I blinked the spots out of my eyes again, trying to clear up my blurry vision, and swore when I hit a bookcase. Hard. My whole left side started to sting and I was still scrambling to get away.

_Damn...I better get this magic going_. But before I could even try to call it up, several fireballs hit the thing at its side. I blinked to clear my vision, the world still at an odd angle, and saw that the woman was up again. She snarled and aimed a kick at the C'ieth, releasing several more of the fireballs as her leg hit the C'ieth dead center, the beast not moving an inch. She planted her foot against the C'ieth and pushed herself away, landing hard on the ground before rushing in again, daggers between her fingers.

Fire lined the smooth metal, a faint orange glow floating from them, and she rolled to the side of the C'ieth and jammed one of the daggers in its leg. The beast roared and slammed its hulking arm, the girl rolling away as the crystals dug into the ground. The C'ieth roared again and caught her foot, dragging her on the ground even as she pulled out another dagger and jammed it into its skin. Yet the beast kept moving, swinging her away and making her crash into the wall. I needed to help...no matter how little I could do. _There has to be something!_

I gulped and closed my eyes, praying that the C'ieth wouldn't suddenly change targets, and tried to call up the magic. I searched for it, not entirely sure where I was searching, and felt an odd stirring in my stomach. My chest started to burn too and I had to hold back a cough as a lump lodged itself in my throat. I thought of fire...of the sun. My hands started to itch and I took a deep breath, opening my eyes to find my hands cloaked in fire. Smiling slightly, I aimed at the C'ieth and started to shoot the fire at it, ground crunching as I stepped into...snow? I looked around the open air, feeling the gust of wind as I stepped away from the hole in the cabin into the wide area of Pulse. But even as I marveled at the blanket of white around me the C'ieth swung its arm, trying to swat me away. I ducked and called on more of the flames.

The woman had gotten up as well and was sending lightning at it, shocking the beast and causing it to twist and writhe. It let out a shriek, making me jump, but I shook it off and called forth even stronger fire. I felt it burning my hands now, licking at the skin, but I released it at the C'ieth, even as my chest began to burn again. The woman looked at me and nodded, jumping away from another attack before sending a flurry of lightning bolts at it. The C'ieth almost seemed to roar, throwing what could only be its head in the air before falling to the snow-covered ground with a thud. It smoked slightly, some of the parts curling up into itself, and I let out a sigh. _That was too close..._

_But my chest won't stop burning! Damn...why? _I brought my hand up to my chest but my skin felt odd under my fingers. It was harder, rougher, and it seemed to stick out in weird places. _But...why? _I lifted my shirt up and looked down, choking on my gasp. My skin...my skin was white! Stark white! And there were small green crystals reaching from my chest to my arm.

It...looked like C'ieth skin or something. _What-How-_

I looked toward the woman, hearing her footsteps as they crunched on the snow. She looked at me, her odd red eyes almost understanding. She held out her own hand, pulling the sleeves of her top up to show me her own arm. It too was covered in weird white skin and crystals. I noticed her crystals were red...mine were green.

She slowly covered them back up, looking back at me. It made me feel uncomfortable...but at the same time safe. Like she knew what was going on. Knew that I was freaked out. Knew more about this then I could ever hope to know on my own.

"Am I-I turning into a C'ieth?" I swallowed, my throat dry and throbbing.

She shook her head, pointing back to my chest. I looked down and saw that the white skin and crystals were receding back toward the brand. But somehow...it didn't make me feel better. I heard the woman clear her throat and looked up. She held out a hand, face strangely calm, "My name is Saorise. If you want, we can work together and try to figure this out."

I looked at her, then at her hand, and then back into her eyes. _I could...could try it. But there was Lightning, Snow, Serah and her baby. What about them? Could I really just leave them?_

"I can try and help you find your way back to wherever you came from too." she said, hand still hanging in the air.

That sounded promising. _But...can I really trust her? She did just help save my ass from that C'ieth. And I could get away if I really had to. And this brand...could I really go back to them with this brand on me? With more l'Cie troubles?_

_Lightning...what should I do?_

_Lightning...I told you that I loved you. And I do. I can't just...show up and make your life hard again. But I promise...I'll figure this out. I'll figure this out and come back to you. You'll be mad at me, I know you will. But-but I can get to you. I will! I just...I have to figure this out. But I will Light...I promise._

_I hope I'm doing the right thing._

I reached my hand out and grasped hers, shaking it lightly. She smiled at me, nodding, and I said the only thing I could think of.

"My name is Hope Estheim."

* * *

It was a little while later that everything really began to sink in. I had fallen away from everyone I knew and loved, they all believed me to be dead, and I had virtually no way to get back. Not one that I knew of anyway.

I was stuck somewhere on Gran Pulse, alone, with no idea of which direction to go. Even if I did, I had no idea how I would do it. Saorise had said so herself…she had no idea where on Pulse we were. _Lebreau and Maqui fell too...and I don't know what happened to them. But-but they're probably dead._

_Why did things turn out this way?_

I groaned and buried my face into my pillow, trying to ignore the sudden stinging in my eyes. I had to be stronger than this, at least until I was able to get back to Chou. Back to everyone. _But it's all so fucked up...no safe way back, no direction to go…what am I supposed to do?_

I felt the bed dip and had to stop myself from jumping, peeking out from behind my pillow to see her familiar white fur skirt. Saorise said nothing as she sat there and I refused to unbury my head and talk to her. I didn't want to see her. Not when I felt overwhelmed. I needed to calm down and suck it up already. _I will not be weak. I will not be weak!_

"Hope..." Her voice came out light but I didn't care. I didn't need her pity.

"What?" I ground out, still not looking at her.

"I-I am sorry. I'm sure we can figure something out. We'll get you home." She sounded sincere.

I didn't care.

"Why are you helping? Why are you bothering?" I sat up, glaring at her. She just watched me, her eyes expressionless. "I didn't ask you to. You could be lying after all, trying to trick me or-" I stopped when she placed a hand on my cheek and I wanted to hit myself when I realized I was crying. _What happened to staying strong?_

She didn't say anything as she wiped my tear away; she just looked at me, putting a hand on my shoulder. She squeezed and sat there for a few more moments, eyes resting on my shoulder. Neither of us said a word. I couldn't...even if I wanted to. It didn't make sense...it just didn't make sense. Why was she doing this? _Why?_

_The brand maybe? She wants the company? I mean, it does seem lonely here, so that could be it._

She squeezed my shoulder one more time before she left me there, the bed creaking as she stood. I watched her back as she walked out until the door closed softly behind her. I could feel it though...the warmth in my chest.

I was starting to trust her.

* * *

_Living with Saorise wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Sure, she was a little strange, but a lot of people are a little strange. I've met stranger people, or at least, I think I have. Fang was definitely something after all. But still...I want to get to the others. Lightning...I wonder just what's happening...now that I'm gone. I hope she's okay. I hope Serah and Snow aren't too...depressed._

_I hope staying here wasn't a mistake._

I groaned and got back to the book in front of me, flipping some of the old and yellowed pages. The place from which it had been taken was obvious, the shelves looking odd with one of the spots empty. It had already been two weeks and it had only been a week since Saorise let me start moving on my own. I thought it was pretty obvious when I helped take that C'ieth down that I was fine but she was determined to make sure I was one hundred percent. Said something about not being too careful, even if that meant mother henning me and making sure I did absolutely _nothing _on my own. _"Stay in bed," "Be careful when you get up," "Make sure you tell me if your wounds start to hurt."_

_Hmph. Whatever._

_But these books of hers are so weird. She tells me I should read them, but they're in some other language. And not that weird one that she talks in every now and again, but something totally unreadable. I mean the writing looks more like pictures than anything. They look like squiggles. But all she told me to do was keep reading them and then I'd get it._

_The weird thing is...I've been looking at these weird books for a while. And even though I don't get it...I know my head feels heavier. It even felt like I had a headache from all the reading I've been doing. And it shouldn't. Maybe I just gave myself a headache from trying to understand all this babble._

I sighed and looked around the small room I had been given. I still didn't get why she was being so nice to me but maybe it really did have to do with the brands we were wearing. She didn't seem to understand it much either. She was probably just happy to have company to try and figure it out.

It made sense after all.

_Still, that C'ieth thing she talked about, about some being nearby, that kind of freaks me out. _I shook my head and stepped away from the desk she had put in the room, pulling the fur clothes she kept giving me tighter around me before going to my bed. I still had to ask her why there was snow here of all places. It was on my list of things to ask about. The other was when I was going to get an actual chance to go out in the field. _Seriously, way too cautious._

_And my magic has been getting a little stronger too. Like...I have more access faster than I had before. But maybe that just went with the whole "already been a l'Cie thing". Ugh...I just don't get it._

"Hope." I looked up at the sound of my name, as Saorise came in and sat at the abandoned desk. I sat cross-legged and looked at her, raising my eyebrow, "I've finished hunting if that's what you're wondering. I was just thinking...would you tell me more? About what happened I mean?" She blinked and gave me a smile, moving a bit closer to me and pressing a hand on my chest. Most of the bruises were gone now, and the biggest one had faded into a light brown but I smiled when I felt her send a small rush of soothing magic over the bruise.

I stretched a little, raising an eyebrow again, "I don't know...I mean..." _I hardly know you..._

She seemed to catch on and smiled, "I get it...Audi et alteram partem..." Saorise shook her head, smiling slightly, "You want to hear my side as well. Make it fair, right?" She tilted her head to the side, waiting for an answer. I swallowed.

"Well, yeah."

"Understandable." She stood up and stretched, smiling slightly. "I'll tell you later then."

I nodded, feeling somewhat disappointed and fell back on the bed. She watched me for a while before getting the books I had taken out and putting them back on their shelves. She kept glancing back at me though...it was starting to make me feel uncomfortable.

"If you want...I'll teach you the language I speak," she said, thrusting one of the books in when it refused to go easily into the shelves. I blinked, looking over at her, but her face was blank. "It shouldn't take long. I think you'll catch on quickly enough."

I blinked again before nodding, slowly looking back at the ceiling. _I mean, it couldn't hurt. Not like she'll let me do much else. And I don't know if I'm ready to leave just yet_. "And in three days...we can start going out and exploring more of Gran Pulse. I think you'll be all right then. With your magic I mean."

"My magic?" I asked, sitting up. _That's why she's been keeping me here? Didn't the other day prove I was-_

"You've been adjusting to it. I mean, you've been in control, but if you had gone out too early, it would have been easy for it to just-well-destroy you." She waved her hands in the air, making a small exploding noise. "Then poof. Like a little flame." She twirled her fingers and a small puff of fire escaped her digits, before disappearing into the air.

I raised an eyebrow at her...demonstration, and my stomach lurched at the thought of going poof. I cleared my throat, "But I'll be able to go out soon."

She snorted, "Yes, you'll be able to go out soon. By the way, does your head still hurt?"

"Yeah...I don't get those books much. How can my head be hurting-"

"When you can't even read them. I know." She walked over to me and placed a hand on my temple. I felt the pounding lessen, not even leaving a dull ache, and I smiled at her.

"Thanks," I said, letting myself fall back on the bed.

"No problem."

* * *

"You are kidding right?" I shook my head as she smiled at me, going toward the great beast known as a Behemoth. The fields of Gran Pulse stretched all around us, the bright green clashing with the bright blue sky, and rocks stood tall in the distance. And where were we? With a behemoth. The purple monster snarled at us, its giant fangs gleaming under the bright sun, and it snapped as Saorise approached it. The face was mean and rabid looking, like an angry dog, and I shuddered. The woman seriously wanted to get herself killed. _Really, who else but a death seeker would go _looking _for a Behemoth?_

"You just have to know how to settle it down," She stated simply, pulling a few daggers from her holsters and crouching low, "Besides, it'll be much faster if we travel with this thing."

"And it would be a lot safer if we just use a Chocobo," I pointed out, shaking my head. A breeze blew by and I swiped my wayward hair out of my face as my chest tightened. I clenched and unclenched my hands, knowing I'd have to be ready to save this idiot from herself.

"Please, I don't care about that. They may be fast but they can be cowards too. Besides, with this guy, we can scare a lot of those beasts away." She began to approach the Behemoth again, raising her daggers as a small smirk made its way to her face. _I suppose it doesn't matter. Far be it from me to step between a crazy person and their...prey I guess._

I took a few steps back as the Behemoth roared at Saorise's last step, its little eyes narrowing at her feet as the smallest crunch sounded from the grass. Its jaws snapped at Saorise as she crouched even lower and approached the thing, and again I was reminded of the terrible violence Behemoths were capable of. With the nice pointy fangs and claws, terrible temper, and love of all things blood and gory, she should have known better. It didn't help that once a Behemoth stood they seemed practically invincible. It had always frustrated me to no end when I had to fight them with the others a few years ago, and being on the bad end of those huge fangs just reinforced that.

_I really hope that I won't have to try and save her._

Saorise shook her head when the beast snapped at her, slowly raising her daggers above her head before charging. She jumped as the beast lunged its head at her and grabbed the thing by the leg, using her momentum to try and climb up its back. I readied my hands, thinking of freezing winters and numbing icicles, and began to shoot at the beast with the cold that erupted on my fingers. It howled at the assault and turned its attention toward me. My mouth went dry and my legs began to wobble as it leered at me. It was different when you were the only one the beast was focused on. No Snow and Fang to keep the beast entertained as everyone else slowly began to hack away at it.

_Today's just not my day._

I dropped to the ground as the beast lunged at me, the wind whistling by my ears from the blow that hit the ground just feet away. I let out a shaky breath but had to roll again as the beast made for another bite. I glanced at Saorise as she climbed the beast's head but all she did was mock-salute me. _Damn her sometimes._

There was another loud rumble as the beast began to stand and I gulped. A standing Behemoth was way worse than it seemed, but Saorise just kept smiling.

"Hurry up-"

I stopped as she stabbed the thing behind the neck, stopping the beast's movements at once. It seemed...shocked. _But how? _The Behemoth seemed almost frozen and Saorise began to dig even deeper in the Behemoth's neck. But was she going to kill it? It would defeat the whole purpose of us coming here if she did something like that.

"You see Hope?" Saorise said, smiling as she dug her dagger a little deeper into the neck, "It's all about where you hit these things. I've been in these lands long enough to know just where to get em."

"Really?" I asked, folding my arms, "Cause somehow, I think you're just full of-"

Saorise rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah. I got a little lucky knowing where this one's little weak spot was." She shrugged, smiling to herself. Her eyes were lighting up again and I had to resist an eye roll.

"So it won't just change its mind and attack me then?" I asked, narrowing my eyes on the beast. Its eyes were still angry looking, and I shuddered as it studied me. Saorise chuckled from above.

"It shouldn't! I mean, unless it gets used to this." I watched as she dug the dagger into its neck again, and the beast shuddered under the pressure.

I tensed as the beast finally lowered its head and readied myself for another strike, this time with my fingers tingling with electricity. But before the spell was even done, the thing lowered its head completely, laying down with Saorise still on it, almost as if it was going to take a nap.

_So the behemoth won't kill me. That's great. I have a feeling Saorise will take care of that for me. Seriously, going for a behemoth? On _luck?

"Come on Hope! Hop on, this thing won't bother us now," Saorise said, patting the Behemoth on its head as she slid down its back. I rolled my eyes and took a few steps forward, watching the Behemoth for any sign of movement. "Quit being such a worry wart and come on." She held out a hand this time as I drew nearer, her smile still there. It was the only real indication she gave me to what she was feeling. If she was smiling, she was feeling happy or mischievous. If not...then it was really hard to tell.

I sighed, rolling my eyes again to show her how annoyed I was, but took her hand regardless. She hoisted me up as I kicked my legs, but it stopped the moment I felt the Behemoth shift. She chuckled and lifted me the rest of the way up, jabbing a thumb behind her. "Just grab my waist and hold on. I don't want to have to do any backtracking because you couldn't keep a firm grip."

"Whatever." Still trying to get the thought of riding on one of the most powerful, deadly, and easily irritated beasts I had encountered out of my head, I wrapped my arms around her waist and she kicked the beast with her legs. There was a lurch and my hands tightened around her, holding on tight as I felt the beast move underneath us. The beast's body dug into my skin with each movement, leaving me feeling that I could easily slip off at any moment. For a second, once I had gotten as used to the uncomfortable sensation as I could, I wanted to ask her how she had managed to get the thing to listen. But when I looked at her, she was far too engrossed with riding the Behemoth, her hair whipping behind her as if it were a weapon. She had a small smile in her face and she was leaning toward the beast as it galloped forward, a small sigh escaping her. So I just lowered my head to wait out the storm.

We rode for what seemed like hours, none of the usual beasts that would attack actually attacking. The only rather large exceptions were avoided. _After all, who goes looking for an Adamantoise? _For once I could actually enjoy what Gran Pulse looked like without avoiding every animal and plant that wanted to eat me. Green fields seemed to stretch off into eternity, stopped only by the occasional rocks, and everything beyond the horizon seemed covered in a hazy mist. The rocks were colossal figures, all jagged and rough at first glance, yet pale under the sun. The skies were a rich blue, clouds few and far between, and the sun was bright as it beat down on us.

One of the little lakes came into view, ripple traveling across the water as one of the Pulse sheep took a few sips, glancing up at us and shaking as we passed. I waved at the little creature, smiling as a picture of Vanille yanking out a poor sheep's wool came to mind. The sheep seemed to glare at me and I leaned away, looking away from the sheep. _Can they read minds or something? Creepy. It's not like I was going to do that to you. _I sighed as a gust of wind sent shivers through my body, and I titled my head up to get a good feel of the breeze. I wrinkled my nose as I caught a whiff of something heavy and pungent. _Like shit. What the hell smells like-_

"Look Hope! Looks like there are more Behemoths around after all." Saorise chuckled, pointing a few yards ahead. I glanced at where she pointed and almost immediately turned away when I spotted a big pile of Behemoth...droppings.

"Thank you so much. I needed that," I said, rubbing my forehead.

"Anytime Hope. It's why I'm here."

When we had to stop and let the Behemoth drink from a small body of water, several little sheep even began to scramble away. The sun beat down on us, my sweat slowly beading and sliding uncomfortably down my back. The furs just wouldn't do it in this weather. I slipped mine off, glad that I had on an undershirt, but Saorise kept hers on.

"Aren't you dying under there?" I asked incredulously, tucking my fur shirt under my arm.

She shrugged, not even glancing at me when the Behemoth lifted its head, signaling for us to continue, "The heat doesn't bother me so much."

And we started riding again. But this time, I had to ask, "Where are we going exactly?"

"Well, you see, there's supposed to be a village nearby. I did some scouting to see what that was all about, and they seem to be some people from your home. ChouChou, right? At least, that's what I heard..." I nodded, my throat too tight for me to say anything. _People from ChouChou? Then maybe...?_

"I know. There might be a way to get you home now. I figured you want to at least see it," Saorise continued. I shivered. It was as if she could read my thoughts sometimes.

"Th-Thanks."

As we went over yet another grassy plain, we saw odd shapes in the distance. As we got closer they began to look more like buildings and my heart started racing. _Buildings? Real buildings? _From a distance they looked small, and even a little worn by the way some of them seemed to slope, but it didn't matter. There were buildings, and as we got closer, I thought I could hear voices drifting back to us too. I clenched my hands and tried to lean, as if to catch what they were saying, but we were still too far away. I was close...so close...

I felt the Behemoth start to slow down and looked toward Saorise for an explanation. She shrugged again, "Not like we can ride in there on this thing. Not a lot of people like Behemoths."

_I can't imagine why._

We dismounted when we were several yards away, Saorise nicking the thing in the leg and pointing toward some rock crags. The beast was obviously meant to be our ride back as well. _Great, you know, because I love riding things that can kill me. _We started walking toward the village, neither of us saying much. Not that I minded much. It gave me time to think about things. That was another thing with Saorise. She didn't make silences too uncomfortable, like it was okay to be quiet every now and again.

As weird as it sounds, it reminded me of Lightning.

As we approached the small village, there was smoke coming from some of the buildings. Every building was a cross between wood and old Pulsian machinery, rusted metal of different colors often acting as the support for the buildings. It was loud as well, people giving us strange looks as we walked within the border. There were children and their mothers and fathers, carrying small, woven bags filled with fruit and bread. My stomach growled as some of the freshly baked bread past by, and I pressed my hand against my stomach. _We'll eat later. _

Even though it was a town, the road that lead straight through was made of dirt, little patches of grass sprouting in the ground. I smiled as I looked around. As misshapen as some of the buildings were, sometimes slanting at an odd angle, some with no roofs at all, the people made it seem alive. And as fun as it was talking with Saorise, seeing people, real people living on Pulse, was more than enough to make me smile.

Until there was a loud crash in the distance.

Saorise glanced at me and nodded, taking off at once with me at her heels. I was never much of an athlete, even as an l'Cie, so she easily got ahead of me, but once we deeper in the village, I saw her skidding along the ground and winced as she fell. I reached out a hand once I caught up to her and she grabbed my hand, pulling herself up, glancing ahead. We both glared at the attacker even as the C'ieth began to target the people again. It was a large and hulking beast, and one of the large, drooping arms was covered in dark crystals. There were gunshots and screaming, the sounds making my ears ring, but the C'ieth didn't look as if it was going to fall anytime soon. Their weapons barely seemed to phase it, and it just kept lumbering around, swinging at whatever came in its path. By themselves, the townspeople didn't seem able to handle it. I glanced at Saorise and nodded, feeling the magic in my hands again.

The thing barely lasted five minutes.

* * *

_So...maybe it's not so impossible for people to survive on Gran Pulse. I mean, I knew that from the start, but when I was here last, I had help from my l'Cie powers. But these people...they had been purged. Purged when Cocoon still hung from the sky. But they-they had stuck together, fought against the obstacles of Gran Pulse to reach this safe haven. They thrived here, and built a whole village. And they functioned well for the most part. They had escaped most attacks on their village. The C'ieth attack had just been...a fluke._

As awe-inspiring as it was, I was still disappointed when I found out that they couldn't help me get back to Chou. They didn't have a means for safe transportation anymore.

_"I'm sorry boy, but when we were brought here, it was the Sanctum that transported us. They even went out of their way to blind us to make sure we didn't know which direction to go. I mean, we could try and find the supplies, but I don't know how long it will take us, and we can't even point you in the right direction. But you're more than welcome to stay here and wait. I'm sorry we couldn't be more help to you. And after everything you and that woman did for us, it seems awful."_

Saorise had looked at me with such sad eyes, and she even looked like she was going to say sorry. But I stopped her. It wasn't as if she did it on purpose. It wasn't like she knew they couldn't help me. Not right away at least.

_But still...it's a lost chance._

After the C'ieth attack, we wound up coming by a lot. The people seemed grateful to us for saving them from the C'ieth, and it was nice to see someone other than Saorise. I could only take so much of her...weirdness. _Teasing __me one second, dead serious the next. Pretty much sums her up. _

It only took a few hours at a time to get to and from the village, and the people seemed to like us enough, even with the brands. They wanted to ask me all kinds of questions, like how Cocoon was. It took me seven whole visits before I had told them everything there was to know. _They had seemed so shocked...but I can imagine that. I mean, the same place that had purged them was now sitting in the same place. Some of them even wanted to go and see the new Cocoon._

That day though I was in my room reading those weird books she was always trying to get me to understand. I was starting to see a pattern though. For some reason, whenever I tried to read the same symbols, the same word came to mind: C'ieth. Over and over. A_nd I think I'm starting to see the word over and over in the books. Like, the same group of symbols. And on some of the covers, the same set of symbols appears again. Yet, this could all just be nonsense._

I shut the book, stretched my arms out groggily, and headed toward my bed. I just let myself flop down on the soft surface, too tired to try to understand any more of it. Between this, the village, and learning that language with Saorise, I always seemed tired. _But...I want to get back soon. I hope I can. I think about the others...and I get homesick. Heh. Lightning would tell me to just suck it up and push through. Can't say I blame her._

I heard the familiar roar of the Behemoth outside and barely lifted my head. I wasn't in the mood for it. In fact, I was far more in the mood for a nap. But even as I turned my head and closed my eyes, my door slammed open, and the noise echoed loudly in my ears. I looked up and shook my head slightly, and Saorise tumbled in, her clothes slightly singed. I raised an eyebrow at her but she shook her head, and sat down at my desk. She brushed some hair from her face and I looked to see that almost half of her white fur cover had been blown off. Her cheeks were red too, and she rubbed the space between her eyes.

I watched her take a few deep breaths. As strange as she was, she wasn't as hard to read as I thought she would be originally. Her face was almost always expressionless, but when she was leaning to her right side, something was on her mind. If she was smiling, she was feeling happy or mischievous. If her mouth was in a thin line, she was angry or impatient, like when she was trying to teach me that language. However, every now and again, she'd have this weird look. Her eyes would light up, her mouth parting slightly, like she had realized something important, and then this small smile would appear on her face. But her eyes would be dark...excited. I don't know. It was only when I performed magic, but it was there.

I had no idea what it meant.

At least right now she was flustered, so I had to wait for her to talk. Finally, after a few deep breaths, she spoke, "That village...was attacked." She let out another breath, pressing her hand to her chest and growling as she moved loose strand of hair from her face.

I sat up, fear and anger suddenly swelling in my gut, "Again? Wait, and you went there _alone? _Are you nuts?"

"I didn't have time to get you. Relax Hope." I nodded, taking a few deep breaths myself as I leaned against the headboard. "It was another one of those C'ieth attacks. I don't get why they're collecting there though. It's not as if there's a lot of magic, and none of the people there have been there long enough for the C'ieth to actually have a focus with them."

I shook my head, running a hand through my hair, "It doesn't make any sense..." I looked around the room, trying to get myself together. It had been a while since I had been back at the village... My magic had been getting stronger, so I had been practicing with it instead. But now...now with this. It was the eleventh attack in the last two weeks. It couldn't be good for them.

I looked at Saorise, noticing her watching me with the same strange look she gave me when I used my magic. Her eyes light then dark, focused on me. It felt like I was being scanned, that she was seeing right through me. Her eyes boring into my body and sometimes into my face. I held back a shiver and her eyes snapped to mine. I nodded slightly and she seemed to understand.

"Are you sure you want to stay there? If we do, it could sidetrack us trying to find out why they're being attacked. It may take you longer to get back to ChouChou, if you get back at all."

"I-I know..." My throat tightened at the thought of not seeing _them _again. Of not getting to meet Snow and Serah's kid. Of never messing with the NORA gang again. Of never seeing Lightning.

_Lightning._

"But if I don't help these people, I could never forgive myself. It's not how I was brought up. It's not what I was taught. And it's not what I believe." My voice hardened and I nodded to myself, clenching my hands.

She smiled then, giving me a nod before standing up, "We better pack then." I stood to join her, eying the books that I knew she'd want me to take. She left the door open for me to follow, and I glanced back at my room, whispering under my breath, "I know you'd want me to help Light."


	42. Snare

"The fox when it sees a flock of herons or magpies or birds of that kind, suddenly flings himself on the ground with his mouth open to look as he were dead; and these birds want to peck at his tongue, and he bites off their heads." –Leonardo DaVinci

* * *

I never thought I'd see a village like this. All of these people from what had been Cocoon were so welcoming, not at all what I had experienced when I had first been branded a l'Cie. They did not shy away from us, and they did not seem intimidated by our brands. It could have been because we had saved them a few times, but really, I was amazed that they could bury their hate and fear over the years they had been on Gran Pulse. They only explained that they were the generations of Cocoon citizens that were successfully Purged from Cocoon. The beasts had been wary of them, and they counted their blessings.

It was odd, but they way the welcomed us more than made up for that. The idea of a successfully Purge though, made me wonder what ti would have been like if mom and I had been Purged successfully.

_Did it come from moving to Gran Pulse and being forced to work with the wild nature in order to survive? Did it just naturally happen once they were cast off from the society they had once called home?_ _I know that when I was branded...I gradually started to see things differently. But still...something about it is refreshing. _

"Hope!" I turned around, looking down at the girl who had called my name. She was grinning ear to ear and was holding a teddy bear in her hand. Her brown pig tails bobbed up and down as she jogged toward me, her green slacks catching on some rocks before she pried herself free and came running at me. I crouched down as she reached me and smiled, ruffling her hair.

"What is it Layla?"

"Daddy's all better now! He wants to thank you." She smiled at me as her brown eyes brightened. My lips twitched and I grabbed her up, laughing as she giggled.

"Does he now? Well I'm glad he's better but he doesn't have to thank me. Just doing what I know how to do." I started to walk toward her home anyway, nodding to some of the people who were out and about. They each nodded in turn, wrapping small furs coats around themselves, or adjusting some bags in their arms. The buildings were small and pushed together, making me think that the villagers thought the structures being closer and smaller would be safer. A shield wall that would somehow stop the constant threats.

Layla started chatting at me, waving her teddy bear and shouting that we should stop for some fruit, but I kept walking. Some people waved at us while others just locked eyes with me, and I would nod in their direction. We quickly approached one of the buildings that was Layla's home, which was made out of the same burnt wood and scrap metal that all the buildings had. I knocked on the door as Layla started to push her teddy at me, saying she had a secret to tell me later.

The door swung open and an old, wrinkled man walked forward smiling, "It's good to see you Hope. Enale is just upstairs resting." He gave me a hunched bow and stepped aside, letting me in.

"Hey Irano! I'm glad to hear he's feeling better though. Did those potions work after all?" I shifted Layla in my arms and stepped inside; taking the seat that had been offered to me. I glanced around, noting some pictures on the walls. Layla smiled and started pointing out each one.

"I made most of them you know. Enale says I'm a good artist!" she cried, shoving the bear in my face and making him nod.

"Well he's right about that." I said before turning back to Irano, giving him a shrug, "Sorry about that."

"Not at all." Irano gave a crooked smile while he ran a hand through his small tuft of gray hair, "And yes, thank goodness. They worked like a charm. The man had been having quite some trouble and we just didn't have enough supplies at the time. But then you and that woman swoop in and suddenly everything is bustling again! Even giving us the ingredients we need to start making the potions again. It's quite a feat to be collecting all those things out on Gran Pulse at such a pace. It'd normally take us weeks!" Irano shook his head and glanced at the ceiling, "Guess having those powers works for something huh? Much better than our meager guns."

I felt my face heat up and looked down, fiddling with my pant pocket, "It's really nothing, you know? I mean, Saorise does a lot more of it. She knows so much about Gran Pulse; it's hard to keep track of it sometimes." _She does know a lot too. I wonder how long she's been here. _

Irano smiled and nodded, "So boy, are you her apprentice or some such? That magic of yours is rather powerful after all. And she has you reading all the time. I've even seen you do it by the torches when on patrol."

"Well...I don't know about that. I guess...I kind of am." _I am aren't I? It still sounds weird though._ "I mean, she's even trying to teach me that language. I don't know how far along I'm getting though. She gets frustrated when it seems like I'm not catching on." I swallowed, looking away. _I should really shut up already. _

The man gave me a weird look and I felt myself panic, thinking I had said something wrong. Then he was shaking his head and laughing, "Just between you and me, when she last got here to check on Enale, she was very excited to talk about your progress. Suddenly it was about your magic and how powerful it was. 'May even surpass mine!' she said. She didn't say anything about those books, but she did say that you surprised her when you started to talk in that language. A few things were off, but she could understand you."

I felt my cheeks heat up again and hoped that it wasn't too noticeable. _I mean, it wasn't like I was overly concerned with it or anything. Why should I care that I was doing it right?_

_Still..._

"By the way Hope, have either of you figured out why the C'ieth have been attacking us so much? It's rather unusual for them to be hammering away at us so viciously, and so many at a time. Normally we'd only see one a year, but now we're going on thirty of the things." I closed my eyes as my head gave a weird throb. I resisted the urge to cup my temple, even as a weird buzzing sound started, and shook my head.

"No, it doesn't look like we have any leads yet. But we'll keep looking, that's for sure." I tried to give them an encouraging smile, not wanting them to worry. It was the last thing they needed. Besides, Saorise and I still had it under control. There was no need to worry just yet.

"All right then. Just don't work too hard. Can't have our champions falling out on us now can we?" I smiled at the compliment as Layla hugged me again. I was about to get up and ask for Enale when Saorise's voice came through the door.

"Come on Hope! I don't want you slacking on your studies. No C'ieth activity means you can brush up on the language!" I rolled my eyes and gave them a smile, mumbling a sorry as I got up to leave. Layla puffed up her cheeks but slid off my lap, walking to Irano as I made for the door. I was glad to be studying the language instead of those weird books actually. The headaches had been getting worse but Saorise seemed to be cutting down on making me read them anyway. _As long as I don't read 'em, I'm sure the headaches will stop. _

"Hey, sorry about that Saorise, I was just-" I wrinkled my nose as I came out. The aroma around her was horrible: Like she had taken some bath in old cheese and some of those giant Behemoth droppings. "Quod foetet (1)?"

She turned around to glare at me, rolling her eyes, "I had a run in with a few beasts. It got a tad...messy. And just for that, the second practice, third paragraph. And I want it memorized by sundown." She threw a small, leather book at me and I barely caught it, catching it by the spine.

"Aw!" _That's the hard one! Ugh, I can't even get past the first line yet!_

"Don't 'aw' at me Estheim."

* * *

"So you love this woman?" Saorise asked me from the chair. I fiddled with the blanket on my bed, looking anywhere but at her and trying not to let how hot my face felt bother me. I don't know why I started talking to her about my life back on Cocoon and eventually at Chou...it just started to spill out. One second I was staring at the sky thinking about-about home...and the next I'm throwing myself in here and spewing my guts out to Saorise_. And why? She was worried when she heard me yelling. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut? When will I learn?_ After all that talking my throat was dry, my face was so embarrassingly hot, and I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. _I shouldn't have mentioned Lightning. That was just a bad idea. Ugh, stupid, stupid! _

"Hope!"

"Wha-"

"I asked you if you loved this woman," Saorise said as her eyes narrowed at me. She folded her arms over the back of the chair and stared, and I shifted my legs.

I didn't look up at her, letting myself picture Lightning's face instead, and tried to will my blush away. Lightning was giving me a scowl, but her eyes were soft and warm. She hardly looked at anyone that way. But when she did, and when it was at me, I knew it meant something. My heart started to thud painfully at the thought and I had to swallow. _I miss you. _

"Y-Yes..." I didn't let Saorise talk though...I just wanted to think about Lightning... "I mean...she can be really harsh and cold, sure. And she could beat anyone to a bloody pulp if she really wanted to. And she can have a short temper..." I laughed a little, still not looking up, "But she has this soft side to her...and when she looks at me and she doesn't realize it, her eyes are so..." I shook my head, trying to sound less like another high school kid in love, "And she's strong. Stronger than anyone I know. She helped me when I needed it, got me to actually grow up. And she-" I stopped. _What is she to me?_ It was harder to describe than I thought it would be. There were meant to be words that I could just string and string along and make it mean something...

_But I can't. _

_All I know...is that my heart is...just bursting. _

"That's love all right." I looked up at Saorise, her arms still crossed over the chair, and she smiled, "And it doesn't help that you look like some love sick puppy. But yeah...I can tell." I knew I was blushing again and looked away, but she clicked her tongue, shaking her head. _She's never patient is she?_ "It's nothing to be ashamed of Hope. Feeling love is very important. I don't know if I ever felt it, but the way you described it is definitely how someone seems to feel when they are."

"How would you know?" I asked. _And when will I stop blushing? Please stop blushing. This is bad enough! _

"You think you're the only one who talks to the people around here? I know you're more...sociable...but I talk," she said, leaning forward. I rolled my eyes but smiled nonetheless. _At least she meant well_. "Well, since you _do_ seem to love her, I'm just going to have to find a way to get you home sooner." She nodded, giving me a thumbs up. I jumped though, shaking my head.

"But-but she's older than me. To her-to her I'm a kid. I don't know...if I can change that. I know she doesn't-"

"So what? You're not going to stay a kid forever, believe it or not." Her smile got even bigger; it was probably the most I had ever seen her lips turn up, "Trust me Hope. Things will work themselves out."

I smiled again, feeling strangely heartened by her words, and fell back on the bed. I took a deep breath and reached for the pillow, tucking it under my bed. I jumped, however, when I felt the bed shift.

"S-Saorise! What?" I pushed myself away, grasping the sheets and gasping.

"You basically told me about yourself right? I mean, that was a lot of emotions and stories." She looked at me with the blankest expression ever. Her eyes seemed...so dead. It freaked me out but she was talking before I could say anything, "I guess I should tell you about my own past huh?" I sat up at this, pulling the pillow with me, and raised an eyebrow.

"You sure?" I asked, tilting my head to the side. _I mean, before she had seemed so...I don't know, not willing? _

"Of course I am." She straightened herself out so that she was directly facing me but her eyes still had that weird blank look, "How old do you think I am Hope?"

_No! NO! Don't ask me that question! I know how this works; this is all a scheme to-_

"Relax, it's not a trick. I am twenty-three Hope." Her expression did not change and I took a breath. _So we were getting to the real stuff after all_. "Anyway, the first ten years of my life are a blur. I do not recall who my parents were, what my life had previously been, and the only reason I know my name was because I had been told while I was in my cell."

"Cell?" _Why was she-_

"I had the misfortune of being in an area of Cocoon meant to be purged. It is likely my parents were killed and that I had been kept in an effort by the government to experiment and find leads on the l'Cie. I already had the brand then. For three years, I was kept in this tiny little cell until I was actually dropped off on Gran Pulse. They didn't need me anymore. I don't know exactly what caused them to change their mind, but I was shipped to Pulse pretty fast." She shrugged, her eyes still blank, but something in my stomach clenched and coiled.

"But-but then you were just thirteen."

"Tell me Hope, from your experiences, has the Sanctum ever been known for their kindness? For their mercy? Just what did it take for that to come crashing down, from what you told me?" _Good point. "_A whole world had to come down, and that's after a bunch of Purges. And it's not like they had a problem sending you here either, from what you told me." _Lots of good points._

"Anyways, I had been dropped off on Gran Pulse, but not before doing a couple sneaky things of my own. One of the guards for my cell during my final days on Cocoon had the misfortune of getting in front of one of my spells. A very well placed one. Gave me a scar though. They had my magic sealed, so it wasn't exactly a pleasant experience."

"So you escaped and came here?" I asked, leaning forward.

"It's not that easy. If I were to attempt an escape, the others would know immediately and stop me before I even got to the next floor. No, it was safer to have him sneak things to me under the pretense of feeding me. I still wanted to live, so I refused to risk getting killed for an escape attempt." I was a little dizzy with all of that info._ I would have tried maybe, but she does have a point. If she couldn't use her magic well, then they would have killed her or just put her back in her cell. And she wouldn't have that guard anymore either..._

"So I had that guard do whatever he could to collect things from the Sanctum and drop them off at my designated area. The books you read and saw? Those were all collected illegally from Cocoon, some place in Eden, which I believe had been held there for centuries. It makes me believe they had been collected from Gran Pulse at some point, from your stories of the Fal-Cie." Saorise smiled, looking around at the books. "There must have been thousands for them not to notice all these." She blinked when she realized she was drifting off, and turned back to me.

"I had still been dropped off on Gran Pulse nonetheless, and imagine my surprise when I found the place mostly inhabited by bloodthirsty monsters with the occasional C'ieth here and there. Sure, there are Chocobos and the sheep, but how does that compare to the amount of dangerous wildlife? Naturally, I was shaken. I had magic, but it wasn't developed enough to combat the wilds. So I did the only thing I could think of and barricaded myself in the shelter you and I are in now."

I had to interrupt, "Had-Had it always been there?"

"Yes. Again, this is only speculation, but again I believe they had intended to come and get me eventually, if only for research purposes. But then...well things on their end did get out of hand in the end, huh?" It seemed like she had tried to make a joke, but her face didn't change at all. It only made me more nervous.

"So I began to try and live off the place, doing what I had to so I could survive. I practiced my magic, coming out only when necessary to get food or water, until I was confident enough to start going out on my own. Then I started to learn tricks of the beasts that lived here, how to control or quickly defeat them. Gran Pulse, as long as I stayed near my little cabin, quickly became less of a bother and more of a quiet study."

"The books?" I asked, looking around at them.

"Yes. As you can imagine, I've had spare time on my hands that was not devoted to figuring out how Gran Pulse worked. I tried to read the books, but as you yourself said, they were written in symbols of some language I did not understand. I was frustrated and angry at the time, thinking the guard had given me false books." She shook her head, eyes narrowing, "But as I stared at the books, more out of frustration than actually reading, I noticed that I was getting headaches. That somehow, my head seemed heavier than before. Like it knew something without knowing it."

"Like me..." I said, clenching my hands in my lap.

"Yes. I still haven't figured it out, and no amount of rereading those books has done me any good. Then I started to check up Latin, then hone my skills as a magic wielder, and then you came falling into my lap. And that about sums up my life story," she finished with a shrug.

I nodded, lying back down as she left the room without a word. She did that a lot, talked and left before getting a response from me. Like she was lost in her own head or something, and just voice her thoughts out loud. _But I guess it's kind of understandable. It's weird though, I had expected this big thing to have happened, and it actually sounded pretty cut and dry. It may have been the way she told it, but still...so bland. It just showed how big of an ass the Sanctum had really been back then, and there's nothing new. But she did survive this long on Gran Pulse all by herself. And that's definitely something. But she didn't tell me if she explored any of the ruins..._

There was a soft humming now coming in through the door, a tune that Saorise often seemed to be singing or humming. _I haven't asked her about it yet either. I should. She might tell me what it's from._

_But it always makes me sleepy when she sings it..._

* * *

"Hope, what is it? You're not concentrating at all! I've asked you to try this line three times and you start and just stop." I winced and looked up at her, trying to hide myself behind a book. But then, I remembered my problem with the headaches and quickly cast the thing away. It had been happening more and more frequently when I was reading the books, and while that one was of the language she was teaching me, it didn't make me feel any better about it.

"S-Saorise...lately, there's been something weird going on with me. In my dreams...I think. But sometimes when we're fighting too." Her eyebrows rose and her eyes had a glint in them. I knew I had her attention now, "It's...a voice. It's really weird, and when it talks, it's deep and loud but still...I don't know. It doesn't sound human to me." _And I don't think it's a good thing when you hear voices in your head. _

"A voice that..."

"It-It's been talking to me. Well, I don't know; it will say something random, but I won't understand or I'll forget really fast. It mostly happens when we fight, so maybe that's why I can't really remember or anything. I mean, it's not like I'll concentrate on some disembodied voice or something when I'm fighting but-"

"Hope."

"Wha-"

Saorise rolled her eyes, "What is the voice saying exactly? From what you remember."

I felt my face heat up and looked away, "I-I don't know. I heard...heard the word chaos a few times. And maybe C'ieth. But then...then the words don't seem to make much sense after that. I always get really bad headaches afterward. It's really annoying, especially when we're fighting, and I don't want to endanger you or any of the villagers..." I took a deep breath, trying to make my heartbeat calm itself before I asked the dreaded question, "Do you think I'm going insane Saorise?" It sounded stupid to me, but my hands were shaking and sweaty and I was so, so scared that it was true. I didn't want to be going crazy. I didn't want this to happen. Voices though. Voices were a sign of something bad.

I was sure of it.

She stared at me for a long time after that, her expression completely blank. I hated it when she was like that. At least Lightning let on what she was thinking. If only a little. It was still hard to decipher what Light was thinking back then, but I never met someone who could shut down as much as Saorise could. It only made me more nervous too. Maybe she was thinking along the same lines I was. That I was insane. That she had made a mistake in taking me in. That now she was going to have to kill me in order to set things right-

"No Hope, I don't think you're insane." Her voice was so calm and cool, and my chest unclenched.

I sighed, barely able to contain the sudden elation. _Good, I'm not nuts. Then what's the problem? _

"I think I've been overworking you with those books Hope. We'll cut back on those for a while and let you calm down. And the next time you hear that voice, let me know, and I'll see what I can do. I'm sure I can figure it out." I was feeling more and more relieved as she continued, and let her slip the book out of my hands. Although it wasn't connected to the others, it made me feel lighter to have it away from me. "I should be more careful with you." Her tone sounded surprisingly teasing, and I opened to retort, but then I noticed something weird. Her face was still stiff except for a slight smirk. Yet her eyes...for a second they looked a little too...happy? _Maybe it's my imagination?_

The look disappeared a second later and I shook my head._ Definitely my imagination then. _I stood up as she did, listening to her footsteps on the floor as she left and said to get some rest and let my tired brain get back to normal again. Or something like that. I was too tired to care much. I listened to her and moved away from the desk, heading for my bed and sliding under the covers. _I hope she's right. I hope all I have to do is take a break and that voice will go away. _

_I'm sure she's right though. She knows what she's doing. _I closed my eyes and snuggled closer to the pillow.

I heard no voice that night.

* * *

I never could get used to the cheers the villagers gave us whenever we defeated a particularly nasty C'ieth. Or any C'ieth for that matter. After the first incident of being hated and feared once I was marked as a l'Cie, I could never be used to hearing praise for my magic. I didn't know if Saorise could handle it either, her face was blank as always, but I liked to think she also had a hard time with it.

She looked at me and shrugged as the villagers cheered and came in to clear up the parts of the C'ieth that had just threatened them. Saorise yanked her daggers out of the body, ripping out crystal skin that made a strange squelching sound, before wiping the daggers off on her skirt. The husk of the beast rolled around, a large arm dangling at an odd angle at its side.

"That's gross you know," I said, turning away and scrunching up my nose. _Really, really gross. _

"Tch. Whatever. Better a replaceable skirt than my daggers."

"You're so dramatic." I was cut off when arms wrapped around my waist and I looked down to see Layla, teddy bear in hand, hugging me. There were two other girls standing just a bit away from us and I waved at them. They gave me shy looking smiles and started to come forward, closing their eyes slightly as the C'ieth was moved away. They pressed against me when the C'ieth's body made another odd squelch, and I closed my eyes as well. _I can't blame them._

I waited until I heard the telltale thump as the people shoved the C'ieth onto a cart before I opened my eyes again. The two girls jumped away from me, their faces bright red as they mumbled out apologies, but Layla held on to me. She giggled a little when I put my hand on her head and tried to shove her off before she pressed her forehead harder to my leg. I rolled my eyes and dug my hands under her arms, prying her arms away from me. I crouched down and smiled, "How are you? You all safe?"

"You bet! Thanks Hope!" Layla said, laughing and hugging me again. The girls nodded and took a few steps closer, but none of them got as bold as Layla did. Their faces were still red as cherries, and they refused to look me in the eye. _Guess that makes Layla the little leader. _

"Wanna come hang with us Hope?" Layla asked, holding her teddy bear up to hide her nose and mouth, "We can have some juice and tell everyone how you saved us again." I blinked, the heat already pooling in my cheeks. I looked away, rubbing the back of my neck. _Embarrassed by a little girl. Smooth as always Hope. Smooth as always. _

"Well, I don't know...I do have studies..." I gave Saorise a sideways glance and she rolled her eyes and shrugged, smiling slightly. I mouthed a thank you and turned back to the girls, "Then again, I'm sure it can wait a few hours. Come on." The girls cheered, Layla going in for another hug before stepping away and twirling her teddy bear.

I stood and started to lead the girls towards one of the stands, but Layla grabbed my pant leg and pulled. I looked down and rolled my eyes before letting Layla climb up and hang onto my shoulders and the other two to hold my hands. _I'm such a sucker for kids. And they know it too the sneaky little-_

"You're gonna treat us, right Hope?"

_Figures. _

We stood in front of the small wooden stand, the man giving me a toothy smile as _I_ paid for all the drinks; I started to watch not only them, but also all the people passing us. I traced the rim of my glass, which was filled to the brim with golden juice, and let my eyes wander as the girls started to talk. Some of the people would either look at me and smile, or they would go about their business and buy the things they needed, or they would just stop and look around Gran Pulse. I watched how content they looked and how happy they seemed, and I started to feel something weird. Like leaving this place...would make me sad.

But it also made me homesick. I wanted to see everyone again. I wanted to see Serah and Snow's baby. I wanted to tease Sazh when he came to visit. I wanted to tell Lightning why I loved her instead of just saying it. I wanted us to be together again and to show them that I was okay.

This village was both a blessing and a curse. It trapped me. It gave me new friends. It stopped me from going forward. From seeing Lightning, Snow, Serah, and everyone else. Sometimes, when I dwelt on that, it was a curse.

"Hey Hope!" Layla called, waving her tiny hand in front of my face, "You there? Wanna come with us and get some food now?"

I grinned and shook my head, "Am I gonna pay for that too?"

"Of course silly!"

But the village was mostly a blessing.

* * *

_This looks bad. Way, way bad_.

It was supposed to be a routine C'ieth attack, nothing out of the ordinary. Simple. Protect the village and kill the C'ieth. Except it wasn't. Instead, we got something that rivals one of the Undying swooping in, along with some flunkies. It was a large C'ieth, towering over almost all the buildings in the village, and it had the strangest skin. It was pure white, with large, spiked crystals jutting from its head and over sized arms that dragged on the ground. The thing had no face; instead, there was just a cave in where one might have gone, a dark and strangely smooth shadow filling the empty space. There were several flying C'ieth as well, all sporting the same red crystals, but this time on their wings and clawed feet. They kept swooping down on us whenever we tried to get closer to the bigger one, screeching up a storm before sending fireballs our way.

I heard Saorise curse a few feet away from me before I was dodging an attack to my head and blasting the offender away with a fiery explosion. The earth beneath us rumbled and my knees connected painfully with the ground from the quake. Blinking stars out of my eyes, I struggled up, legs wobbling dangerously, and cast several cures on myself before taking out another few C'ieth. Yet the flying fiends just kept coming, wave after wave, and I looked around, trying to figure out where they could be coming from in droves. I swore as yet another quake sent me toppling over and hurried to my feet as one of the larger C'ieth's arms came flying down, the crystals on its arms tearing the ground apart. I gritted my teeth and shoved myself away, something warm trickling down my leg.

_It wouldn't be so much of a problem if it wasn't for the damn Undying like C'ieth!_

"We're getting nowhere!" Saorise growled, suddenly next to me and blocking off another attack with a protect spell. I sighed in relief and pulled myself up, my hands shaking as I glanced at the ground torn to ribbons not far from me. There were screams in the distance and I tried to block it out, instead trying to concentrate on Saorise as she spoke, "But that thing _does _have a weakness! Holy magic!" Saorise looked at me, her face hard, and I felt my chest tighten.

"H-Holy?"

"I know it's your specialty Hope. I know you can do it." I shook my head, but she nodded and grabbed my shoulders, "I know you can! Nothing else is working on this thing, but if we tried Holy, we might stand a chance."

"I-I know I can but-" I glanced back at the village. We had been steadily driven back for the past hour and my muscles were really feeling it. Everything ached from the constant dodges and rolls, my body burned from all the magic it had used, and I could feel the strange C'ieth skin creeping not only down my arm but toward my back as well. _We have to keep the village safe. It's hard enough trying to hold it down with all these stupid, flying things. But if we keep being pushed back..._ I looked around the village, eyes scanning it, and I clenched my hands until the nails dug into my palms. _I can't-I can't perform it so close though. It might take out more than just the C'ieth._

I looked back at Saorise, shaking my head again and she growled, grabbing me by the shoulder and yanking me towards her.

"I get it... I get why you're worried! Then...you'd have to...lead it away! So do it!" The last part came out as a grunt as she pushed us both down to escape several C'ieth swooping in on us. We both met the dirt, skin ripping as we skidded, and I pushed myself up as the C'ieth started to fly off. I growled and unleashed thunderbolts, watching with satisfaction as they fell to the ground with loud thuds.

"And leave you fighting all these things? Besides..."

"Hope!" I looked at her again, startled at her tone, but she aimed above my head and fire flew from her hands. There was another thud and my mouth fell open, "I can handle these! And you know what? I know you can handle that!" She cocked her head to the large C'ieth and I followed it. It was moving more slowly now, but getting closer and closer to the inner parts of the village, where everyone was trying to keep safe. _If we don't do something soon, even those buildings won't be safe anymore. _

"Fine..." I mumbled, "But how do I draw it away?"

"Just use magic, and tons of it! Remember those little pulses I showed you? Start doing that!" And before I could question her further, she ran off to take down another C'ieth with ice, the air freezing around me as she sent icicles to the many flying creatures. I growled and took a deep breath, concentrating my magic in my chest, even as it started to burn and my skin started to crawl with the strange film from the brand. _It's all about keeping balanced and just...breathing it out. Like she said. Just breath the magic in, then out and it'll work. In...and out...in...out..._

I felt my skin tingle, the feeling spreading from my chest to my stomach and crawling up my neck, as if it was being pricked at with needles. Then I took another deep breath, thinking only of the magic as it burned my skin, and felt it rip out of my pores. I shook my head at the feeling, my skin igniting, and released another blast, trying to lure the thing away. My brain rattled as the fire blast above me rang in the air, the heat making my hairs curl. I could feel the earth rumbling again and lifted my hands to steady myself, but several of the flying C'ieth started to dive at me. I started to call my magic only for the C'ieth to freeze and fall around me; Saorise's shouting reaching my ears. Then the biggest and most lethal one turned to me, its caved in face eerie in the fires, and I felt as if its nonexistent eyes had turned to slits.

The lumbering mass of pure white C'ieth turned to me, its overlarge arms swinging this way and that, splitting the wood of several buildings and making them collapse. The ground shook as it moved towards me, its stout legs making the ground tremble. It almost brought its caved in face up before its arms came crashing to the ground again, nearly knocking me off balance. I looked at the large valley of its face and could almost feel it glaring at me. I breathed out, sending one more pulse of magic toward the ground before taking off at a sprint. I sent more and more pulses under my feet as I ran, the buildings becoming blurs.

My legs felt wobbly from the constant release of magic, almost making me fall as I scrambled away, still releasing magic as I struggled to stay upright. But I didn't dare stop it. I didn't know what would happen if I did. _Would it still chase me? Or would it just turn around and start trying to destroy the village again?_ However, even as the C'ieth and I got further and further away from the village, the ground trembling underneath my feet as I tried to lure it away and it struggled to keep up with me, I could feel myself getting tired. There was sweat sticking to every inch of my body, my arms were starting to shake, and I was not even close to killing this thing. It was now or never. I wouldn't last much longer if I just kept running.

Ignoring the way I stumbled as I came to a halt, I eyed the creature as it also stopped. I had no idea what it was thinking, but as one of its arms came down on me, I was fairly confident it just wanted me dead. I threw myself toward the ground, my jaw connecting painfully on the dirt. I blinked away the stars in my eyes and sat up, only to roll away from another arm as it crashed beside me, making my body bounce. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I shivered, looking up as the thing tried to hit me with a blizzard spell. _Oh great, it uses magic too. Because I don't have enough problems, right? _

Growling, I kicked myself away from the ground and stepped back, just avoiding another strike. I took another breath and felt my hands tingle with something light and warm. I could never tell exactly what it was; only that it came from somewhere I had never been. Somewhere full of light. It made my whole body tighten and shiver like something more was there and waiting for me, but as I held out my hands, all I could do was release the new and painful magic. Light erupted around me and I almost panicked, falling to the ground as everything was lost to the white light. But somewhere, even though I couldn't see it, I could feel the thing still moving. I lifted my hands higher, calling on the power of Holy even as my muscles screamed. They throbbed every time they shifted and when the magic was released, which blinded me again, it was as if they were being ripped apart. I gritted my teeth to keep from calling out, praying that the C'ieth had as much trouble seeing me as I did seeing it, and I tried to focus. Yet as much as I wanted to keep going, to really kill it, my muscles refused to move, instead falling uselessly to my sides as the spell ended.

I fell back against the ground, the sky wide and open above me, and I tried to will my limbs to work. They only throbbed painfully by my sides, making me grit my teeth, and the ground rumbled making my whole body shake. I closed my eyes, breathing out my nose, and tried to make some form of magic come. All I felt was a tingle before my whole arm went numb.

_Am I really going to die? After-After everything? I got so far..._

But then, there was a great thud, the sound making my ears ring and it shook my head. I closed my eyes against it, letting out a low moan as my body continued to ache. The burning sensation was growing on my chest and my back felt as if it was being stabbed. I took several deep breaths, trying to calm my growing panic, and concentrated on the stars above. I wanted to get up and help Saorise. I wanted to help the village. But no part of me wanted to work. I didn't know how far I would have to run, and even if I did, I couldn't even sit up.

All I could do was sleep.

* * *

The first thing I smelled was smoke. It was thick in the air, tainting it, and I held back a cough as it stung my throat and chest. I slowly opened my eyes, the sky bathed in orange and dark smoke, and I gasped. I coughed as more smoke entered my lungs and I sat up, suddenly panicking. _What happened? Where-Where am I? The C'ieth! The C'ieth...I had killed it. But then where-how did I even get here? I should be-be in a field, not here. What-_

I choked back another gasp as I looked around me. I shook my head, heart thrumming in my chest and sweat beading down my back as I tried to breathe. _This-this can't be right. There's no way...no way at all that this is the village we had been protecting. _All the buildings were up in flames, several already crumbling into dust and ash on the ground, blackened by the heat and fire. The flames roared around me, the path littered with soot, debris, and-

...bodies.

_No...no..._

I pushed myself off the ground, stumbling slightly as I looked around. _There's...no way this was right. No way. This can't be-just can't be the village! It's in ruins. It can't be, it's isn't! The-The juice stand that Layla and I went to the other day...with her friends. It's all charred and black and dead. And by it...by it that little old man-he was just-I had-_

_NO! _

I turned my head away, only to be met with more bodies. All small and curled, burned beyond recognition. I couldn't connect a person to any of the bodies around me, and I shuddered at the very thought. It made it anyone and everyone, all at once.

_This-This can't be...no. I need to get to the bottom of this. Don't think about it Hope, don't think about it. It's okay, you'll figure this out. Just start doing something. Just go! Go!_

I looked for some sign of Saorise, or C'ieth, or someone just _alive_. The village was eerily silent except for the crackling flames, the fires building up around the dead and dying buildings, their loud pops sounding like mini explosions in the silence. There was no wind nor any sounds from any beasts. There wasn't even any screaming to let me know that someone, anyone was alive. I closed my eyes against the images, shaking my head harder and holding it in my hands. I felt my eyes start to water and burn, but I couldn't let them fall. I had to do something. Anything.

I started to run.

My legs shook violently, making it hard to jog, let alone sprint, and they screamed at me. I ran faster though, even as they throbbed, and I refused to look down as I passed more bodies. But I didn't have to look to know that there were a lot of them. I didn't need to look to know that almost everyone was dead. I didn't need to see them to know that they were there. I could smell them. The death, pungent and rotten, burned flesh mixing with the suffocating smoke. The sky was darkened by thick black clouds, and everything I could see was cast in orange light from the fires. I tried not to think of what I was stepping on as things crunched under my feet, and my stomach clenched and churned, bile rising in my throat. _This is too much, too much! Please make it stop! I don't care how, just please-this can't be happening. It just can't!_

"I love-how you move. I love-to watch you laugh. And I'll always-wait for-you-" I slowed to a stop as the voice carried over to me. It was loud, smooth, and so frighteningly familiar. My stomach tightened and I felt the urge to throw up again, the burning bile already making its way up my throat. I choked, coughing as it rose and burned, but looked toward the building the singing was coming from, choking the bile back down. I tried to calm my rapid breathing, the smoke filling my lungs and making me cough harder, and I pressed my hand to my mouth. My whole body shook as I forced my legs toward the building, briefly touching the wooden door but pulling my hand back, expecting a burn. But nothing happened. I placed my hand on the wood again and held it there, taking a small comfort that it didn't burn despite the flames that surrounded it. _Please, please let this be all right. _

I took a deep, shaky breath, only to cough again as more smoke filled my lungs. Eyes stinging, I pushed the door open and slowly walked into the building and glanced around searching for any signs of life. Wood clattered to the floor, sending embers and small sparks farther into the doomed home, and all I could see were the bright flames. There was a doorway, still miraculously clear, and I started towards it, even as the flames licked my body. I hissed at the pain that started at my arms and legs, whispering curing spells as I went through the doorway only to be met with a set of stairs. There was only the wood of the dying building and the flames. No sign of bodies. No sign of C'ieth. No sign of anything.

_This just can't be happening. _

I kept denying it, as if somehow that was all it took to make it true. If I don't want it, I can just pretend it isn't there. That could make it go away. Then it would be fine again, and the village would not be dying, and I would find someone alive. I was hoping I was dreaming too, that I would wake up in a bed and Layla would pounce on me, saying that she had been scared because I had been asleep for so long. Saorise would shake her head and mumble about how she had been worried before walking out of the room. The village would be there, all in one piece.

But that didn't happen. It couldn't.

I looked at the stairs, biting my lip as I wondered whether they would still support my weight. I really didn't feel like falling to my death. _Besides, do I really, really want to know what's there? _That should have been my first warning, those doubts. But my legs started to move without me, despite their earlier protests, and I placed a shaking hand on the rail. Again, there was no burning sensation, but that didn't stop me from casting some water spells around my arms just to be safe. _Why hadn't I done that earlier?_

_Oh yeah. I was panicking. _

I covered my mouth with my hand as I went up the stairs, legs wobbling more and more the closer I got to the top. As soon as I reached the last stair, I swung around, expecting to be attacked. Knocked to the ground and pummeled to death, or set aflame by whatever had caused this. My shoulders were still tensed, even though I found nothing there, and I looked ahead to see several doors on the second floor. One was wide open and I started toward it, raising my hand to attack with a water spell as soon as something tried to attack me. _I will not go out like this. I have too much to do. I have to find everyone again, let them know I'm okay. Maybe they can help me with this brand and this place-_

I started to look around the corner, stepping into the room as my thoughts turned to home.

_Maybe this can still be okay. It could get better. It will get better. It will-_

_Maker no..._

There was blood on the walls, so much of it, and all the flames seemed to do was make the stains more obvious. I shook my head and stepped away, bumping into the wall and shuddering as I felt the warm wetness mash against my clothing. _The blood is...the blood is rolling down the walls. How can there be so much of it? It-It doesn't make any-no! Just make it stop! Make it stop!_

I looked down as the blood trickled down the walls and I cringed, my stomach trying to heave again. There was something on the floor, a mass of something, but I didn't look. I couldn't. I-I couldn't even recognize them. All I saw was-was this mass of ripped flesh and I saw all the blood and messed up parts. I didn't-I couldn't-_No! Maker no!_

My knees buckled and I heaved, the vomit burning my throat and spilling out onto the floor. Every part of me was shaking and sweat was sticking to me, but all I could do was vomit. I took several deep breaths, trying to make it stop, but my stomach continued to press and do flips as the images flashed through my head over and over again. It just-just wasn't right.

The blood. The smell. The fire.

I took a deep breath again as the flood of thoughts finally wrenched to a stop, coughing as I pushed myself off the floor. I had to lean against the wall, and I stared dazedly ahead, making a point to avoid looking at the bodies. I didn't even try to walk yet, not when I knew I'd just fall over myself. _This just can't be happening. It isn't right, it just isn't!_ I blinked, the room suddenly swaying, but I could have sworn I saw something white move in front of me.

"There you are." The voice was familiar too. _Why though? Why would-_

Cold. My mind and body went cold, frigid, as if I had fallen in snow.

_No. No. No. No! It can't be true. There's no way it's true! She was the one who-who helped me. We promised to protect these people together! We promised that we'd help each other. This-this can't be happening. No! No! She promised! Promised. _

"You look pale. Come on Hope, you haven't even seen it all yet." I tried to speak, I tried to move, but the moment I moved away from the wall, I started to fall. I saw the floor and her boots made of pure white fur, with just a bit of black peeking through the fuzz.

Then, darkness.

* * *

I was warm...so warm...but it felt wrong. Like if I stayed much longer, the warmth would just eat me alive. It would sear my skin and flay me alive. I curled in on myself, grabbing my head as it gave a painful throb. Slowly, I opened my eyes, jumping when I saw the orange flames nearby. My heart jumped and I pushed myself away, only to be met with the wall. The fire was still far away, but that didn't mean much if I was still close enough to see it. _But what happened? Why am I here in the first-_

_Oh. Oh...no..._

I cringed and pushed myself off the floor, my stomach clenching uncomfortably as I sat up. I remembered the blood and bodies from before and choked, covering my mouth as it burned. Even now, there was the smell of death and burning flesh... I blinked and looked around, noticing I was no longer in the same room splashed with blood and bodies, before I started to hear the humming. I stood up shakily, putting an arm on the wall to steady myself, and walked toward the room across from me. I didn't dare look around me, terrified I would meet more bodies and more blood. The soft humming was growing louder, and my tired legs stopped, hands shaking as I grabbed the doorframe.

_Do I really want to look inside? I could turn around right now and go back the way I came. I could ignore this. I could-_

_No. I'm stronger than that. I have to go and see. I have to._

_I have to._

I nodded to myself and stepped forward, slowly entering the next room. My hands continued to shake as I took in the small room. It seemed untouched by the fire that surrounded it, but it was painfully bare except for a small table. I recognized Saorise, her long, neatly braided hair resting on her back. Her clothes were clean, contrasting mine that were covered in soot and dirt from the battle before and all the running I had done earlier. She was humming softly, her tune filling the room, and I thought of all the times she had hummed it before.

Dread washed over me, hit me in waves as it washed over my head and dripped to my toes. It was a sudden, nauseating heat that made the world shake and sway, and breathing hard. My hands only shook harder and I gripped the doorframe of the room, my breath coming out short and quick. Saorise's humming paused for a moment, and her head tilted just a little bit toward me before she shrugged and looked back to what was in front of her. My throat itched and burned, but I forced myself to speak, despite the pain and terror, "S-Saorise? Saorise, what...why-"

My legs trembled more and I backed away. I couldn't stay here. No. If I did, if I did she would take me back to the cabin._ And she-she had to be the one who-who- If I go back there with her...if I go back...if she really did this-_

"Good Hope. I was worried for a second there. You must have pushed yourself too hard." I blinked. She had greeted me so simply, as if we weren't surrounded by bodies, fire, and death. _Death that-that she was a part of._

I don't think it really...sunk in yet. Not then. I was still staring at her, hoping that this was all some sort of trick or joke. Like she would turn around and things would be all right. I wanted to be wrong, even though in my gut I could feel I wasn't.

_Maker why?_

"H-How? How can you say that when you're-you're-"

"A what, Hope?" She asked, turning to me. Her smile was soft and looked sincere. Her eyes were bright and happy, but she still seemed off, and her face was still as strangely clean as the rest of her. "What am I?" She tilted her head to the side, sighing softly.

I clenched my shaking hands and bowed my head. It was falling apart, shattering in front of me. The calm, the peace I had, was quickly evaporating. The fragile calm had started to disappear the moment I woke up surrounded by flames and death. _This-This bitch! How could she? How could she do this! I trusted her!_

"Anguis in herba!" I shouted, taking a step towards her. I thought I saw something drip from the table, but as Saorise turned to me, my focus went to her.

"Is that really necessary Hope? After how well I treated you, you would curse me in the language I taught you?" Saorise shook her head, throwing her hands in the air. She looked into my eyes before smiling, and she stepped away from the table, as if she wanted to give me a full view.

I wished she hadn't.

I-I wasn't sure, I couldn't be sure, but I swore it was little Layla lying on the table. The brown hair was there, still framing her young face. And she wore one of her many dresses, except this one was blue. _And covered in blood. And ripped and torn and so very much not-_

She was so-so deformed. Her tiny body was covered in blood, but what really got me was that half of her seemed to be covered in crystals as well. The same kind of crystal skin I would see on a C'ieth. It coated the girl's face and her arm, which stuck out at an odd angle as it lay on her stomach, her fingers reaching toward her feet. Her legs were coated in dark crystal skin as well, but where I could see her skin, there was blood as well. Several knives sat beside her body and I could make out several cuts on her crystal arms.

I blinked and gasped, realizing I wasn't breathing as I stepped closer to her little body, and I dropped to my knees by the table. _Little...little Layla_. I rose my hand up and stroked her face, her human skin cold and her crystal skin hard to the touch. She was very, very still, and I felt something wet on my cheeks. I wiped my tears away with my free hand, still watching Layla, even though I could feel Saorise standing right behind me. I ignored her, focusing all my attention on Layla as the blood roared in my ears. _This-This isn't right. It's not. It's not, it's not! Layla...Layla needed to stay alive. Why isn't she-why isn't she breathing? Why is she part C'ieth?_

_Why is she dead?_

"You know hovering over her will do nothing." I gritted my teeth and rounded on Saorise, tears still burning down my cheeks. Saorise smiled at me though, grasping my hand and pulling me toward her. I started to pull away from her as I stumbled, but gasped as I felt something hot and burning circle my wrist.

"F-Fuck!" I hissed and closed my eyes, feeling them water more from the pain. She started to laugh and I shivered as her breath went down my neck. I opened my eyes only to meet her white hair, and I tried to pull away again. The pain intensified and I whined, my breath raspy. "Stop it you bitch!"

"No Hope...I'm not going to stop." I shivered again and she slowly leaned away, smile getting wider. "Not now that I have you." She lifted her hand and aimed it behind me, and I turned my head as she blasted out fire from her pale hands; except as it whooshed past me, it felt different from fire. There was the intense heat, but it wasn't orange like the flames. It was just a ball of light. More like a ball of energy, ready to explode and hurt, and it made my hairs stand on end. My heart hammered as I turned, and a part of me deep down told me to stop while strange dread filled me.

There was a great explosion, the heat blasting me and eating my skin away, and I threw my arms up as it happened. My skin burned, my legs burned, every part of me seemed to burn. Behind me, I could feel her breathing, a little too quick and ragged and close, and I wanted to step away. I felt it then. Something wet splashed on me, clung to me, clung to every part it could reach. It was strangely warm and sticky, and it smashed itself onto my skin. My arms were still thrown in front of me, as if the blast was still happening.

But I knew it wasn't.

Maybe I was trying to protect myself from what I knew was there. Or at least what my body knew was there. It knew that something terrible had happened and this was its last ditch effort to protect me from the terrible truth that I didn't want to face. And just like before, I fought this instinct and lowered my arms, which were covered in something red and sticky. And it was still warm strangely enough.

It didn't matter though. All that mattered was my scream. That my knees buckled and I fell to the hard wood floor that was covered in black soot and bright red blood.

Blood. Blood. Blood. Over and over. It was everywhere. Absolutely everywhere.

_H-How-How could a little girl have so much blood inside her?_

I let out another howl as I scanned the walls that were coated in her blood, in little Layla's blood, and my stomach lurched. Again, I felt like vomiting as I stared at the walls that had parts sticking to them, hanging limply or simply falling to the ground with sickening squelches. I tried to block it out, to look away, and to make it all stop. However, my eyes kept focusing on what little I could make out. Of her little arm that she had used to grab the juice from the old man that now lay dead. He was charred, burned to a crisp while his juice stand was nothing but a pile of ashes. Now there was Layla, her arm dangling from the wall, sliding down the wood until it fell to the floor with another sickening squelch. The same arm, I'm sure, that had grabbed my hand to lead me to whatever it was she wanted to show me.

Now it was on the floor. In pieces.

Layla was in pieces. Tiny...tiny pieces.

I howled and howled again and let myself fall to the floor, her blood slicking my hair. The bile was gurgling in my mouth, my stomach lurching again and squeezing. I heaved, my throat burning, and I cried into my vomit, sounding ragged and pained. My chest tightened more and more until I could barely breathe, and I curled into myself. It was so warm. So warm. And Layla's blood was covering my hair and face, and I couldn't bring myself to move.

"Wh-Why..." My words came out as moans and I shivered and cried again. My cheeks were burning, my eyes were burning, and I knew I was crying. I was crying, sobbing, and screaming, as if somehow voicing my pain would make it go away. It felt so large, so insurmountable, and I felt the great need to die. To die and end all the pain that surrounded me as I lay in the blood of a little girl who had taken me to the juice stand. As I sat in the ashes and the remains of the town whose citizens praised me for protecting them. As Saorise watched me with her frighteningly impassive face.

Saorise loomed over me then and try as I might, no matter how much I screamed at my limbs, I could not move. That familiar, bone-deep tiredness overtook me, and forced my muscles into an unwanted rest. My eyes were drooping; I was losing sight of the woman above me who had promised to help me. Whom I confided my thoughts into and told her of my love. Of my family. Who said she would protect this tiny little town with me as we both searched for answers.

And who had killed a whole town. Who set it ablaze and killed the old man who lay charred by his juice stand, black and gnarled and unrecognizable. Who had collapsed homes with little kids I had seen running down the streets. Who had twisted a little girl into a C'ieth before blasting her away. Who watched me with no expression as I lay in the girl's blood, my voice ragged from crying and howling and vomiting.

_Did she-was this what she wanted? From the beginning? _

I knew I had to move away but my muscles wouldn't obey. Instead, they would only let me lay there in Layla's blood as Saorise hovered over me. I gave a few desperate ragged breaths, still begging them to move, and still trying to inch away.

Then...blackness.

* * *

Translation:

1) What's that smell?


	43. Oblivion

"But what is all this fear of and opposition to Oblivion? What is the matter with the soft Darkness, the Dreamless Sleep?" -James Thurber

* * *

"...wa...oon."

"...ow. Still..."

I scrunched my eyes at the voice and turned my head to the side, trying to concentrate on the warmth that surrounded me instead. I leaned into the soft covers, the fuzz from what had to be a blanket tickling my chin, and I almost smiled. But as I tried to turn to my right side, a pain shot up my back and I hissed, blinking my eyes open.

I squinted at the orange light that hit my eyes and tried to turn away from it, burying my head under the covers once more. But it hit me even when I hid under the blankets. The voice. The woman. The fire and the people and all the smoke and death and blood. The girl...the girl, dead on the floor and disfigured and-

"No!" I grabbed my head and tried to shove myself away, only to feel the rough wood of the wall dig into my back. I threw the blankets off and leapt over the side of the bed, eyes on the door. I ran for the door the moment it was in my sight, but I felt something cold ghost over my arm before I was suddenly yanked backwards. The rush of wind and the ceiling sliding in front of my eyes made my head spin as I was pulled down. I groaned when my head snapped against the wood of the floor and I slowly opened my eyes while the floor creaked nearby. Boots came into view and I looked up, and Saorise's smiling face hovered over me.

"Get away from me!" I shouted, digging my hands into the floor and trying to push myself away. Pain jolted in my right arm and I snapped my head to look at Saorise as she dug the heel of her foot into my arm. I bit back a yelp, the pain tingling and burning up my arm as she pressed down, and her smile grew wider.

"No, Hope, you have it all wrong," she said, jabbing her foot deeper into the skin. I moaned this time, turning on my side to try to curl around the arm as she pressed and _pressed._ "I won't be 'getting away' from anyone. It's your job to try and get away from me." She stepped away from me and I sighed as the blood flow returned to my arm, the rushing blood making my arm tingle. I glared at her and sat up but my arm gave out and slammed into the floor again, my side screaming. I grasped my stomach as she sneered at me while walking around and placing her foot on my side. I growled and grabbed her ankle, but she smirked and leaned down, snaring my wrist with her fingers.

"Bad move." My eyes popped as she sent flames on my skin, my hand trying to snap back from her grip. The pain flared, rubbing and burning my skin, and I could feel it slowly peel away. Tears started to pool in my eyes and I slammed my teeth on my lips to keep from screaming. Finally, thankfully, she released my wrist and I let it fall to my side.

"As I was saying, Hope, it's not me that will be trying to leave this place." She stepped away from me, heading for the exit, and I shot up. _I can't let her-no! She won't! She won't!_

I stood, stumbling slightly and clutching my hand to my chest, and started to run for the door. She glanced back at me, her red eyes alight and a soft smile on her face, before she threw the door open and stepped through. I lunged at the door, reaching my hand over to try to stop it from closing, to wrench the door open, to do _something, _but the door slammed in my face as I skidded on the floor. My skin burned and stung where I had landed on the floor, and I sat up, banging my hands on the door.

"Let me out! Let me out, you bitch!" I screamed. I heard the door click and growled. I brought my hands into my lap and closed my eyes, images of thundering clouds and bright streaks of lightning bursting in my mind. I felt my hands begin to tingle, the deadness in my arm completely fading as it jolted back to life, and I slammed my hands into the door. A burst of white light filled the room, and I squinted my eyes as the sudden flash burned. The door creaked underneath my fingers and the wood began to bend. I smiled, already thinking of the sprint I would have to make to get out the next door, but then I opened my eyes when the door did not crack open. The wood was burned where my hands had been placed, fine bits of soot smeared on the planks, but otherwise the door had not moved.

"What the hell?" I shook my head and called forth the bitter and biting coldness of ice, coating my hands with the magic before flinging the icicles at the door. Each slick icicle thumped against the door, small bits of wood drifted to the floor, but it did not move. I glared and tried fire, eyes bulging when it was extinguished the moment the flames touched the wood. I growled and tried water, sloshing it over the door and slamming my fists into the soggy mess but it refused to budge. I tried air, bringing up gusts of wind that had loosened papers in the room. I brought the rushing currents up and slammed them into the door, but only a few scratches appeared.

_No...no, no, no, no, no! This can't be happening, this can't be happening. I need to get out of here. I need to get away. Please, please, please tell me I'm not trapped here. I need an out. _I took a deep breath and slammed my fist into the wall, coating my hand in flames again that only went out the moment it touched the door's surface. I shook my head and slammed my hand into the door again and again, calling each type of magic with each successive punch, but the door refused to budge. Ice shards littered the floor, soot covered the door and the ground, but not one bit of it had made the door move or open or even crack. My hands started to shake and I stood up and away from the door, running my hands through my hair.

"What am I going to do? What? I can't stay here. Not after-" I closed my eyes and moaned as the village burst to life. With people laughing and smiling. Layla giggling when I treated her friends to some juice from the sweet old man and-

_-his charred corpse. The blood and the fire. Everywhere. Layla, dead...dead, her arm blasted off. Her body, curled and disfigured, a misshapen mass of flesh. The humming, the fire, the girl, the blood-_

_STOP._

"Oh please tell me this isn't happening. Please, please, please-"

"Fine, it isn't happening." My head snapped to the door as Saorise's voice drifted through the wood and I ran to the door, slamming myself against it and shouting through the other side.

"Let me out! Let me out now!"

"Not gonna happen." I shuddered at the cheer in her voice as she said it, backing away as I heard her scratch at the door. The noise pierced my ears, her nails scraping against the wood.

"Please! Please let me out then!" I tried, placing my shaking hands on the door. I closed my eyes and waited, only for her laughter to ring through the door.

"I don't think so," she replied nonchalantly. I could practically see her shaking her head, as if I had just asked her another stupid question. Her rolling her eyes when I poured over those books, my tongue trying to wrap around the language she was teaching me. Like I had only made a small mistake, nothing too big and nothing she would punish me for.

_I wish that was all it was. Maker...Maker, why? Why is she-_

"Why are you doing this!" I shouted, leaning my head against the door. My head slid along the wood, and I shook my head when Layla's big brown eyes flashed in my mind. Then her glassy eyes staring up into a ceiling on fire, her body a mess, crystals coating half of her face. "WHY?" I screamed, slamming my head on the door, "Why did you kill them! Why did you hurt them and Layla-why did you-I don't understand! After everything that's happened why did you just-just-tell me! Tell me why! Why would you do this after everything! I trusted you!"

My knees started to shake until I let them buckle, dragging my fingers on the door as I slid down, "I trusted you and you-you went and killed everyone! I fucking hate you! I hate you! You bitch, when I get out of here-" I stopped, breathing hard as my hands dropped to my sides. I growled and rubbed the tears away, but couldn't stop the hiccups from escaping me. My shoulders slumped and I sniffed, head resting on the door again, "Why? Why?"

The door clicked and I jumped, shoving myself away as it swung open. For one blissful, relieving moment, I thought she was going to let me go. That she had a perfectly good explanation or that I was having a dream and that I needed to shut up before she smacked the shit out of me. I thought it was nothing. Then she kicked the door close and smiled at me, a knife with a blade as large as her hand clutched in her fingers. I opened my mouth to shout but she was faster, magic hitting me in my chest and my mouth sealing shut.

"A good silence to keep you quiet. I don't care much for the noises unless you're really screaming, so please, do shut up." I tried to move away but my joints locked with a flick of her hand and I was limp on the floor, Saorise towering over me with the knife shining in the orange glow of the fire. My heart was racing in my chest, making me want to gag as it seemed to beat in my throat, and my stomach clenched in reflex. The tears were slipping out and I didn't try to fight them anymore, not with Saorise towering over me, the worst kind of smile on her face. The smallest upturn of her lips, the way she leered at me as she tapped the edge of the knife against her mouth. That smile...promised horror.

I did not know how much though. Not then at least.

She leaned down, setting the knife on the floor before scooping me up in her arms and carrying me to the bed in the corner of the room. She laid me on the bed, brushing some hair out of my face and winked at me before turning around to retrieve the knife. I shut my eyes and tried to whisper under my breath. To think of the magic. To make it come and blast her away before she could hurt me.

_Come on, come on! I need you now, please!_

"Don't even bother Hope." I opened my eyes at her voice as she loomed over me, the tip of the knife resting on her bottom lip. She tapped it there, her eyes roving my body, and I felt the need to shrink away. Anything to escape that...look. The hunger, the want; I needed to get away from it.

But I was trapped.

"You're nowhere near powerful enough for that kind of magic yet. Don't worry, we'll get there eventually. It just takes some time." She ghosted the blade on my arm, not quite slicing, just tracing the cool metal over my skin. Over my veins, the arteries, things I couldn't name but I was sure they were important. Her eyes were dancing over me, showing how eager she was to start yet determined to be precise.

_This can't be happening. This can't be happening. It just-no! Maker, please, someone, anyone help me! An Ei-Eidolon! I need one! Alexander? Someone? I don't care who, just-_

Saorise snorted, "An Eidolon? You poor, naïve child. But you'll find out. They always do..." She paused, trailing the knife to my chest and cutting the shirt at the hem. She grabbed the cloth and started to hack away at the fabric, smiling at me as she did so, "Don't worry. I'm much better on the subject than their clothes. I just hate them. They always-get-in-the-way! But all better now, huh?" She ripped the last of the fabric away and placed the knife on the bed, sitting me up to remove the shirt.

"I'll use my daggers later, but I need to get you used to it before I start just using those. You'll see why, don't worry." _Don't worry. Don't worry. That's right, Hope, don't worry._

It was stupid...to hang on to her words. But it was better than nothing. I needed it. I needed something that wasn't-wasn't _that_.

She laid me back down and picked up the knife again, her smile still in place, "Oh, Hope," she said, shaking her head as her eyes grew soft, "If you only knew how important you were. There's so much potential in you. More than you know...but I'll help you along. We both will. And when it's over, you'll see why we needed to do it. You'll understand everything. I promise."

_I'll understand? What is there to understand? You're nuts, you're about to cut me open, you trapped me here, you-you killed-killed all of-_

My eyes swiveled to her as she pressed the tip of the knife into my skin, digging through until it pierced my flesh. I could feel the pain biting at me, the burning sensation licking along my skin as she dug the knife in deeper. It burned where the cool metal dug, and the scream fighting to escape me as she slid the knife into my arm was beat back by the silence spell. I closed my eyes, the pain beginning to roar as she dug and dug and _dug,_ and I couldn't help but wonder why the knife just hadn't gone through me yet.

_Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop. Please, please, OH! PLEASE! AH-Ah-no...mom...mom, help me. Dad...Lightning. Someone, someone please help me. Oh maker, AH! STOP! Please stop! Stop, stop, stop it! STOP!_

Saorise snorted above me, her voice ringing through the pain, "Please, Hope, like any of those people can actually help you now." I tried to snap and arch as she slipped the blade out of my skin. Sweat was beading down my head and slicked my chest. I looked down to see my arm covered in blood, the red liquid spilling over the sheets and onto Saorise. I could see where she sliced me. The skin was parted clean, the meat just visible as my stomach began to churn. It...looked like some canyon...stretching out onto my skin.

"Let's move on Hope. We have a lot of ground to cover-"

She lifted the blade again and the process began all over, silent except for my running thoughts and pleas and silent screams, and her own occasional humming.

* * *

"What's the matter today, Hope? You look tired." I opened my eyes and glared at her, slowly moving myself up and along the bed sheets before resting my head on the pillow. The sheets were all stained red, the smell thick and metallic, always seeping in no matter how long and hard I stuffed my face into the pillow. It was the third day...I think it was only the third day of what had to be non-stop torture.

She was almost mechanical when she did it. First, she'd bind me so that I couldn't move, although it became less necessary as we got to the second day. Then she would silence me if I talked too much, otherwise she let me keep my voice. Then she would pin me to the bed and raise that knife over my arm or my chest and-and-

_I need to stop thinking about it. Just-Just think of a happy place. Think of-of being at home. And mom is still alive and dad. The Purge never happened and you and dad made up and now you're all sitting in the living room, watching TV._

"Whatever, just hold still. Almost done, and then you'll get to know what happens."

_Not good enough...not good enough! I can still hear her! Um...um..._

_Lightning!_

_What isn't there to like about Lightning?_

"Thinking about _her_ again? I don't see what's so appealing about her, I mean, it's not like she can just swoop in and save you or anything. She thinks you're dead, Hope. Dead. D-E-A-D. Dead."

_Shut up, shut, up, shut up, shut up! How does she even know! Get out of my head and leave me be, you annoying little bitch-_

"That's not nice Hope. I think you need to be taught a small lesson in respect."

"MM!" I tried to arch, my voice muffled through another of her silence spells, and she giggled as she pulled the blade back out. I could feel the edge slide out of my body, slow but smooth and slicked with my blood. I didn't know how I was even still conscious. The blood just kept dripping on the floor, volumes and volumes of it.

_I don't get it, I just don't get it. I should be asleep or knocked out or dead or something! Anything is better than this. The pain...won't stop...please just make it stop. Make it stop. I don't-I don't want to be in pain anymore..._

_Lightning. Think of Lightning. _

_Strong, stands tall. Charges in. Protector. Soft smile...rare soft smile. Making her breakfast...gosh that had been a fiasco. But she didn't seem to mind. I even got a smile out of her that day. I wish I could see it now. I wish-_

"Someone is getting awfully distracted!" _Pain! Pain! Ah-Ah-make it stop, make it stop-_

_...stop..._

…_.black...stop...dark..._

"No you don't." I flinched as something cool swiped across my head, the sensation tingling down to my neck before exploding in my chest. I gasped as my heart jumped, the cold sending shivers through my body. I looked down at my chest, several of her marks clearly visible, the red slashes like gasping crevices on my body. But they were shrinking, the blood was being stemmed as the skin stitched itself back together. I groaned and shook at the tingling and sewing, the coolness from Saorise's spell not enough to stop the odd pain. Like pine needles stabbing into my skin, over and over before the little flaps were dragged next to each other...again and again until each cut was closed.

"He says it's bad if you pass out in the first few days. I have to heal you before that happens." Saorise's voice came in through the pain, but it was muffled. It sounded more like...a dying echo...

"So...about three days then. Not too bad, but I think you can do better Hope." I shook my head and let my eyes slip close. All I saw were odd and blurry shapes...

"...wait and see. You'll be able to do whole weeks soon with barely any breaks. And then..."

I didn't want to listen to her. I didn't want to do this. All I wanted was for her to go away. I wanted to be back with Lightning and the others. I wanted to be back home where it was warm and I didn't feel like I was being torn apart every few seconds.

I wanted my mom too...

"...promise Hope..."

* * *

"Stop! Stop! Stop! Please, please, please!" _Pain. Pain, pain, pain._ That was all there was. Hot, burning pain. It ripped up my chest and my arms and everywhere else she could reach. But it wasn't just her anymore. It _wasn't_. There was this monster, a C'ieth there.

It was a large one, hulking I'm sure, but all I saw was the arm and the crystal spikes that shot from it. It was pure white though, the skin shining in the dim glow from the fire in the room, and it had no face. Only bright red spikes jutting from its center, the same it had on its arms. The arms were as large as my body, but every time it hit me, the beast didn't crush me.

_Maybe she has something to do with that. Mercy?_

_Is that her idea of mercy then?_

The C'ieth's red spikes would dig into my skin and rip along my body, tearing it apart like some kind of fabric, little flaps hanging off when it didn't get a clear cut. And every time, she would just laugh at me and tell me to be quiet or scream louder.

Even as she ripped at my skin, even as she dug a knife across my body or forced a C'ieth to dig into me, it wasn't at its worse. Not yet. She hadn't started talking yet. Hadn't started trying to drill into my head with all her bullshit. _Because it has to be bullshit. It can't be true. What she says can't be true. I don't know what I'll do if it is. Please don't let it be true, please don't let it be true, oh please just don't let it be true. _

"What's wrong Hope? You're looking a little pale." The blade was lifted from my skin and a rush of cool air hit me, making me hiss. The C'ieth above had finally stopped as well. I could hear its feet moving on the floor of the cabin, making everything rumble. Saorise let out a small laugh and I slowly opened my eyes, blinking them as fast as I could as sweat poured into my eyes and stung. "Did you see what I did there Hope? I made a little joke. The least you could do is laugh."

I shut my eyes just as the knife was plunged into my side, a cry ripping from my lips before I could stop it. Blood began to run down my side as I lay on the bed, the pain prickling on my skin as it burned and drilled its way inside my body. I choked, biting down on my mouth as she jerked the blade out, and opened my eyes again as she sighed. She stared at the knife, but all I could concentrate on was the pain in my side and my chest and just _everywhere_.

"Hope, I wish you could understand. I wish you could see things the way we do and just come along with it. But things have to go a certain way, I suppose." She shrugged and turned away, setting the knife on the deck tucked neatly in the right corner of the room. She tilted her head toward the C'ieth and the large beast lumbered toward the desk, towering in front of it like some bodyguard. Saorise looked back at me, a small smile on her face.

"How about I do you a favor, Hope, and heal those wounds for you now?" I started to shake my head, pleading with my body to push itself back and away from her. _But where though? Where can you go that she won't follow? You can't run away. You can't even magic yourself out of the room. How are you going to get out of this, Hope? _

I shut my eyes as she came to the bed, kneeling in front of it and brushing my cheek with her cold fingers. I sucked in breath as she leaned in, her breath blowing against my ear, "Relax now. It will only take a second." I shuddered as she laid her hands against my skin, wincing and writhing as she dug her nails into the wounds, ripping them apart and making me scream. She giggled at the sound as it ripped through the room, my voice sounding harsh and hoarse while I screamed. Louder and louder until my voice cracked and died.

"Hush." she said, "I'm really going to do it now." She slithered her nails out of the wound and laid her fingertips on them, the cool green magic washing over the bleeding marks. They sealed in seconds, sizzling from the quick heal, and she proceeded all along my body, healing the largest wounds as she deemed them. I breathed through my nose as she went through her ministrations, staring at the planked ceiling as the pain began to clear.

I almost sighed in relief as the burning was slowly lifted away from my chest, but then my heart clenched as she stood and leaned over me. Her white hair brushed against my face and she bored her eyes into mine, her red eyes drooping as she leaned into and brushed the side of my cheek, "See? I made it all better, didn't I?" she whispered and smiled, "Now how about you do me a favor and sit yourself up. I want you to read a few things."

I blinked at the odd request but she moved before I could react, reaching under my back and pushing me up. "Come on, Hope. I don't want to-"

I flinched and pushed my hand into the mattress, pushing my body up despite my trembling arms. Saorise blinked once, eyes widening, before a small smile flitted across her face. "Why thank you, Hope, for being so prompt. That wasn't so bad, was it? Now come on, I'll even help you with this part. We're going to head for the desk, okay?"

I wanted to say, _"No, I'm getting the fuck out of here you bitch!" _but all that came out was, "But-But the C'ieth. My wounds..."

I stopped as she rested a hand against my forehead, "I won't let him do anything to you, Hope. I promise." She sighed and lifted me up, sliding her arms under my armpit, and hoisted me from the bed. I hissed as my legs dragged along the floor, and I fought to lift my feet up, but Saorise moved before I could. "We'll just do a little studying. See if you're farther along with those books, huh? Who knows, maybe you'll start to feel something."

I didn't say anything as she led me to the desk and sat me at the chair. I couldn't get my voice to work. Not with her right behind me, leaning her arms on the chair's back, and most definitely not with a C'ieth right next to the desk, it's faceless front glaring at me, despite its lack of eyes. Saorise jabbed my shoulder and I tried to glance back, the pain in my shoulder flaring. _Am I just injured everywhere?_

"Hope, I want you to take your pick. Any book you think you might be able to picture something, or maybe feel something the most. Think of anything. Anything at all, and ask me to pull it down." _Why is she being nice to me? After everything why would she-_

_Trap. It's a trap. Just pick something though...pick something or she'll hurt you. You don't want that. Come on, pick! _

"The-The red." _Is that my voice? When-_ "And the blue one, with the weird sword. And that purple, in the far right on that shelf." _When did I get so..._

_...weak?_

"Sure then." Saorise patted my shoulder and leaned over me, reaching for the shelf hanging above the desk, her hair brushing against me as she moved. Two books thumped onto the desk, then Saorise dug her fingers into my shoulder and pushed herself up, reaching the last one while making the pain flare again. She opened the last book, the deep purple one, and laid it out in front of me, pointing to the first few pages.

"Now just look and tell me if you feel anything," she knelt beside me as she said it, raising her arms to rest her elbows on the table and look up at me. Her eyes were soft and she blinked slowly as she stared at me, "I'll be right here if you need anything." Her fingers ghosted over my arm, squeezing me once as if to reassure me she was there. Her eyes were light but calm, and every time I glanced at her, she would nod and point to the book, "You can do it Hope, I know you can. Just take a deep breath and read. That's all," she cooed, smile growing.

I shook my head, feeling a wave of sickening, world-spinning nausea rush me that nearly sent me colliding with the desk. I blinked and tried to focus on the book in front of me, noting the frayed pages and the way the paper almost seemed to unweave under age. I shifted my focus to the lettering, the same strange squiggles I could never understand. The same loops and smooth curves, with dots and straight lines that ran down the middle. They looked liked pictures sometimes, and others just a zigzagged mess.

_How am I supposed to read it?_ But the moment I saw the words my head began to pound. I groaned and pressed the palm of my hand to my eye, feeling it spasm under my touch as the world shifted oddly.

"_...you...n...r"_

_What?_

I looked over a few more lines, the black ink starting to run together. I was surprised it was not running off the page and spilling on the floor.

Like the blood.

The blood had spilled all over the floor.

"_A...st."_

_Stop. I-I don't want to hear the voices...go away._

_Why are there voices?_ _I don't-why?_

I didn't understand it.

_Voices. _

_Voices. _

_NO!_

But I knew I was scared.

"Relax, Hope." I shuddered as arms wrapped around me from behind, but no warmth flooded into my body. Only more coldness that left me feeling heavy, dragging me down to who knows where. I wanted it to stop, but Saorise leaned by my ear. I looked toward the C'ieth that stood like a guard and almost flinched; I was expecting it to hit me but it stood still. The cooling sensation of a cure spell flowed over me again and Saorise leaned against me, until the only thing stopping her from spooning herself against me was the chair.

"You're safe, Hope. I won't set you on fire, I promise." _No..._

_No..._

_Don't-Don't talk about that. Please don't. _

"I have to, Hope. I have to do this. You'll understand later, and then you'll thank me. You'll see. Besides, isn't it nice to just be able to spend time together like this, alone, with no voices for a moment and no annoying villagers? I only kept them around for someone like you. For someone with your kind of power. But they were wearing me down. I had to watch over them constantly, keep the beasts away...they were like a damn child hiding behind me. But we don't have to worry about them now...it's just us."

_What is she talking about? _

She leaned in closer, resting her chin in the crook of my shoulder, and started to sing in my ear,

"_I bet you wonder how it came to be_

_The way you became my important one_

_I want to show you this great world_

_That I've made for you and me_

"_Don't worry 'bout a thing_

_I'll show you the way_

_And maybe while we're there_

_You'll see it my way_

"_You have no idea..._

_How important you are..._

_"The light that shines within me..._

_Is incomplete without you _

_So stay here forever_

_And we'll be together!_

"_I'll show you the way. Yes, I'll show you the way_

_Where we have got no worries. _

_Regrets and rageful flurries_

_That steal our breath away._

"_And by the time it's over_

_And the world is naught but ash_

_By then you'll understand_

_Why it's you and no other."_

I shuddered again as she finished her song, the same one she hummed and the lyrics she always sung under her breath. The same song, the same strangely upbeat melody she used as she took Layla and just-

_Please no. Please just stop this._

"It'll be our song Hope. Doesn't it sound pretty?" she whispered in my ear. I shook my head and tried to lean away from her, but the C'ieth flinched and Saorise tightened her grip. She pressed her face into my neck and I could feel her lips as she smiled on my skin. "Now, now Hope. We were doing so good too! But oh well, all good things must come to an end right?"

I barely got a word out before a knife found its way into my back.

* * *

"You call yourself a man, Hope? Would a man be screaming like a little bitch just because he got beat by a girl?" I opened my mouth and screamed again, the awful, harsh sound tearing into the air and bouncing back at me. Saorise just plunged the knife in deeper as the C'ieth gathered around, holding me to the bed as she giggled and twisted the knife.

"Oh no, oh no, whatever will I do? Little Hope has gone and screamed his head off! However will I reattach it?" She giggled again and yanked the knife out, splashing my face with red droplets as she looked at the stained edge, "Well...I'll need some thread, that's for certain. You can't sew anything on without some thread right, Hope?"

My eyes popped and I shook my head, twisting in my captor's grip, as I shouted, "No No! I don't want it! Stop it! STOP! I said stop!"

"And when has _that_ ever stopped anybody?" Saorise deadpanned, rolling her eyes as she leaned into me, pressing me back into the bed, 'I mean really Hope, what can you expect me to do?"

"Wha-I don't understand! I don't! Why? Why are you-AGH!" I choked on my scream as I arched, the pain flaring just below my ribs as she sliced my side. I felt it gurgling in my mouth before the sob ripped out of me, "Please! Oh please, please stop! I'll do whatever you want, just stop! Stop! Please, please, please! I can't take it! I can't take it-"

"You think mommy could take it when she was thrown off the Hanging edge? Huh?" Saorise sneered. "Think her little fleshy body made it as it tumbled all the way down to the bottom where there was nothing but jagged metal, flaming trains, and a growing pile of corpses?"

_No. No. Oh Maker no, stop. Stop. I don't want to see it! Anything but her. No! Mommy, mommy no. No, I don't want to._

"And why? Because our little Hope here can't stop sniveling for a few seconds to pick up a damn weapon of his own and actually fight for himself!" Her voice, so high pitched and singsong before it dropped to low tones as she slid the knife along my side. "You can't do things like that, can you Hope? That's why you're here, with me, getting the living shit beat out of you. Why I'm slicing you open and letting you bleed a while before sewing you up and doing it all again! Sure, it's all in great fun, but there's a purpose in it! You just don't see it yet!"

"STOP!"

But she didn't stop. She just kept digging the knife in and there were little black spots in my vision and I could barely even breathe. My chest felt so tight and hot, but the rest of me felt cold. _Mom...mom, make her stop. Please make her stop. Dad? Dad, come on. Someone make her stop. Lighting, come on. Please make her stop. I don't want this anymore. I don't want it. Please make it stop. I'll do anything if you'll make it stop. I'm sorry if I did something wrong, just please help me. Why won't you help me? Why? WHY?_

_Mommy!_

* * *

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. _

_Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. _

_Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. _

_Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty._

_Twenty-one. Twenty-two. Twenty-three. Twenty-fou-_

* * *

There was blood everywhere. I didn't know what day it was, or when she would be back for another round, or when it would stop and I would just die and be done with it. But it didn't matter. I was safe now. She wasn't there. She wasn't there. There was blood on the sheet though, bright and red and all mine. All mine.

She was right.

_Weak, weak, weak, weak, weak. _

_That's all. _

_That's all I am._

_I couldn't save anyone. I can't even save me. _

_What a waste._

I moved my eyes from the sheet that would always be red to the door that would always be closed. I didn't even try to get up. What was the point? The door was sealed, never opening and trapping me in the cabin with her until she finally killed me. No one would find me, even after I was dead. _Where would they look? Would they really go this far into Gran Pulse?_

_No... They wouldn't. _

Therefore, I stared at the door that wouldn't open and relaxed against the bed. Maybe, for a second, I thought about escaping, but I crushed it. I tried to think of the others. Not of the village, of the bodies, or of the way Saorise would hold me down and stick the knife into my sid-

_Fifty-three. Fifty-four. Fifty-five. Fifty-six..._

_Better. _

_Snow lumbering around, hovering over Serah and watching every move she made, desperate to make sure she was all right_. _Serah smacking his worried hands away before telling him she was just fine, then running off to the bathroom to fight off morning sickness. Lightning rolling her eyes before giving me a knowing look, one of her soft smiles on her face._

_What a morning._

Things weren't so bad when I thought of them. They couldn't be.

As I closed my eyes and waited for Saorise...I tried to picture their faces.

But all I saw were eyes. Hundreds of blue eyes staring at me, never blinking. Just staring.

Nothing but eyes.

* * *

_Do you remember me?_

…

_Do you?_

Blurs. Blurs of color.

But all I see is red…

* * *

"_You want freedom don't you?" _The voice was always there. Always. At least, I think it was. I'm not so sure anymore. _Was it always there? Or was it the faces. Pain…_

_Pain…_

"_You have to accept it, and in turn, accept me. I can give you the freedom you seek. Take my power; take it unto you, and use your own strength to make it grow. Break free from her and her bonds, and you shall know release. Nothingness...there you will the peace you crave."_

"_Where there is nothing."_

_Nothing?_

_Nothing? _

_Can I really have that…?_

_But I don't-don't know. There's someone. Several. _

_I don't. I don't want to yet. I want to see them. That's all. If I see them, I'll be okay. _

_Please let me see them. The woman…the woman with the strawberry hair. The blue eyes. The toughness. The gentleness. I want to feel that again. Take me to her. Do that. Can you? Do that instead!_

_The woman. Please, I need to see her. _

_The name._

_The name. _

_Lightning! I want to see her! Please. I want to see her. _

The voice never answered me.

* * *

"What's the matter, Hope? Still not man enough to sit up and face me?" Another cut, her blade slicing through my skin again. However, I ignored her, ignored her words, and focused on my breathing. That was important nowadays, breathing. I couldn't forget how to do that. If I did, I'd be finished.

Would that be so bad?

I could still feel the sticky blood as it clung to my skin, joining the darkened bits of red and black from the old blood that had yet to be washed away. Saorise didn't give baths as often as she should have…

But I guess it doesn't really matter.

_Breathe. Breathe Hope. _

_Should I stop, though?_

_Should I?_

"Come on Hope, you can do better than that! Pay attention; wriggle a little, and let out a nice scream!" I grunted as she dug the knife into my side, wincing as the blade dug deeper into my skin. Then I jolted, could feel the scream wrenching from my lips before I was lost in hot, blinding pain. The room disappeared, Saorise disappeared, and all that remained was whiteness and pain.

Stop! Stop! Stop!

_Please!_

The whiteness sent shudders up my spine, made my whole body feel like it was on fire. I could feel the intense flames eat away at me, the sudden lurching of my world as it all went up in flames and eventually ash. I tried to breathe but all that came out were rattling gasps of soot. My voice was gone. I was gone. There was only burning pain.

It stopped though, as quickly as it started, but my body shivered and ached as I tried to blink back the whiteness and see the room again. The cold hit me so fast though my stomach clenched, and I threw myself over the bed. I winced as I threw up, the acid burning my throat and leaving it dry and itchy, and I could feel the sweat running down my face. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe, tried to ignore the sensation of my stomach clawing its way out of my body, the way my head pounded, and the odd feeling that I was being burned alive.

I felt something cool touch my head and tried to look up, but the world shifted again and the ceiling was doing odd circles. Or was it the floor? I closed my eyes and tried to breathe, in and out, in and out, and waited for the horrible hotness to go away.

_Calm down, Hope…it's over, it's over. Just start over. Start over. _

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six…_

"That was close." The voice dug into my head, shattered the counting like glass, but I scrunched my face and tried to turn away. My body did nothing but twitch, and I groaned, both from the aching rattling my bones and the frustration that was storming inside of me. "For a second, I really thought you were going to die. That was far too close, don't you think Hope?" _I was going to die? When? When did that happen?_

Is that what dying feels like?

"How about I be more careful where I put this dagger, huh? Can't have it against the bone anymore, okay?" _I'm so tired. I just want to sleep. Please be quiet and let me sleep. It's all I want. _"Unless you decide to get a little too bad. You know, bad attitude and whatnot. But I think you know better, huh, you useless little boy?"

_I want to sleep._

* * *

_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to make you mad. _

_I didn't mean to._

_I didn't. _

_Please just stop. _

_Please!_

* * *

"He's not going to last this much longer. He can't last _me_. I can tell. He's bleeding all over the place, but his mentality isn't showing any signs of improving. What's the point in wasting our time with him if he can't even stand up to this?" Her voice… Her voice. It was all I ever heard nowadays. That and the other voice in my head. _But I think that just means I'm going crazy._

"Yes, I know these things take time." _I don't want to open my eyes. _"But he's taking far longer than any of the others. His wounds are healing, yes. But he's unresponsive to everything else." _I don't want to face this anymore. I want it to stop._

…_die?_

"I don't care. He's not proving to be worth much of anything. Our time is better spent finding someone who can handle it. I'm taking care of this now." _Please. Anything to get away. I don't want to hurt anymore._

_Mommy…_

_Daddy._

_Lightning. _

_I wish…I could…_

_I don't know-I don't know anymore! What am I supposed to do! I want it to stop, that's all-_

I grunted and shut my eyes tighter, and felt something leave me. It was warm, almost too hot for my skin, and I could feel it leaking along my sides and burning everything it touched. The bed creaked and I felt her brush against me, the coldness of her skin almost biting against my own flesh. Her hand rested on my forehead and her hair brushed against me, "As great as this has been, it's time for it to stop." I didn't inch away from her, didn't even move as I felt something chapped and rough against my cheek.

"You were the most fun, I admit, if only for these parts." _Please by quiet…_

_Quiet…_

There was no pain in my side. There was only the warmth. I loved it too. I loved the way it felt. Like I was finally done, as if I finally was leaving. Like it would not hurt anymore after this. The pain was lifting, floating above me and disappearing into little puffs of clouds. And in those clouds, I could see blue eyes, all staring at me, waiting for who knew what. It didn't matter. Those blue eyes could stare all they wanted. I was done.

I was finally done.

"Hope…will you really let it all go? Just like that?"

_Why not? Why not? That nothing you were talking about, I'll finally have it! I'll have it all to myself. I won't feel anything. Nothing!_

"_Is that really what you want?"_

_Who? Who know? I thought this was what you wanted! I'm trying to understand but nothing is making any fucking sense anymore!_

Saorise shifted above me and said something I couldn't understand. Not with all the other voice screaming at me. _I can't even sort it out anymore! Just stop! Stop! Shut up and leave me alone! Please…please just…_

_Let go?_

_Let go?_

_Should I? Shouldn't I?_

"_Not like this. Think now...you don't want this."_

_What? But I-_

_One. Two. Three. _

"What's the matter Hope?" _Why was she talking? Why? She said she was finished with me. Go away! Go away! I want to be done! Done! Go away! _ "Give up, just like that? What about all your little friends? Lightning, right? The woman you told me about. But, I guess I can understand. We all know they're not coming for you." _Stop telling me things I know. _"Why would they? Why _should_ they?" _Stop. Stop. Just fucking stop already! _

"What's wrong? Can't take it? Can't take the truth? You were a thorn in their sides from the very beginning. A nuisance and a bother, always holding them back, both as l'Cie and as a mere child. Another mouth to feed. Another bothersome trouble that couldn't be forced into an orphanage." _Wait...wait..._ "Just an annoying tag along, bent upon ruining everything they had set forth. A bother with your weakness and cowardice." _But they-_

"All along you tried, but your failure is evident, and they paid the price for it. The least you could do is die for them, let them know that they will never have to deal with you again. And they won't. They won't because you _will_ die. And not because of me Hope. Not because of me at all." She was leaning so close to me I could feel her breath whistling through my ear. Her cool hands were pressing against my shoulder, and I could almost hear blood squelch out from another of many wounds, the blood pooling around her hands.

"It is because of you. Because of your weakness and worthlessness. You couldn't pick up a sword without hiding behind a skirt, having her shield you from most of the danger. And now? Now you cannot fight for yourself, as a woman pins you down and tortures you into submission. No human could bear to walk the same path with you, let alone a woman such as Lightning. She humored you then because you were young. Now? Now, you aren't even worth her time, let alone a fight."

I felt her lean away, the wounds still bleeding and leaving me empty. A strange hollowness was creeping in where all my blood had been. It almost felt like I was floating only more painful and uncertain. I imagined floating to be far calmer and far nicer. And her words stung. Stung, as she turned away from me, and left me to bleed to death with all of my wounds.

Yet her words.

They rung in my head planting doubts, and yet I could not swallow them. It was harder to think that way, when I was sure it wasn't true. Like there was a giant lump in my throat and clogged with the unending blood that was always pouring from me. _I am weak. I am weak, and maybe worthless, and all of those things. I'll own up to that. _

My eyes did not have to fight to stay shut. I was simply waiting to pass out.

_But Lightning. Lightning and the others. I know that they-they are better people than that. Better people than me. They didn't just take me because they had to. They didn't. I know they didn't I know! Lightning, Lightning, she didn't have to save me after my father was gone. She could have easily given me away to the soldiers, to an orphanage, to Serah and Snow. She could have done all of that if she had wanted! _

Something odd was happening in my chest though, as I drifted to sleep with my thoughts. It was hot and pressing, but not the unbearable heat of pain. It was a prickle...an odd prickle that almost made me shiver.

_It's not true. It's not. This one thread, this one thread of lies I can take and know it's just that. Even if I'm weak, even if I'm worthless, that does not mean Lightning is. It doesn't mean the others are. I know! I know because they have been so kind to me. I know because they cried for me when I fell and landed here. I know because I said I loved her and I wouldn't have said it-wouldn't have said it for someone who didn't care. _

_I know she's lying to me! I know!_

"He'll be dead by morning."

I heard her say those words before the door was closed, a soft thump behind her. I just curled in closer and didn't really feel the blood as it pooled around me. I just wrapped my arms around my legs, and my eyes closed to block out the gore and the pain, and all the other things I didn't want to face anymore.

However, the pain and the words were still buzzing in my head even as I drifted to a dreamless sleep where the flames still managed to creep inside.

_Lies. _

* * *

"_I can't believe you're nearly there. Is that really all it takes with you humans? A few encouraging words, an attack on what is precious, even after such harm to the body? But I suppose I should be happy. It means, after all, that things will go much better than I could have hoped."_

The voice was what woke me up and I uncurled myself, slowly blinking my eyes open. I took a deep breath, waiting for my wounds to shock me awake.

They didn't.

I stretched my arms out wide, expecting pain and wincing to follow, but there was no terrible pull on my arms that told me I had reopened a wound. There was no great ache in my bones that left me feeling pulverized or as if I was ground in a blender. I didn't even have a headache.

I choked a bit and sat up, pressing my hand to my mouth and bringing my other arm forward. My pale skin shone in the never-ending fire from the fireplace in the room, but it was smooth and clean. No open and bleeding wounds, no deep cuts that looking like cracks or canyons, not even scars. Just my skin. It would have been impossible to tell I had still been covered in gore, blood caking every patch of skin.

_But now…_

I took my hand from my mouth and felt along my chest, digging my finger at the old blood and watching as it chipped away, revealing only skin and a brand underneath. No deep cuts there. None of the bruises. No horrible grievous harm. For an odd moment, I was excited and spiteful. There would be no marks of my unending torture, no scars of shame. And...There would be _no_ marks.

My stomach clenched and I swallowed, feeling oddly cheated.

But then, I looked up and around the room that had been my prison for too long. I stared at the shelves of books that I didn't understand, but would send me into slews of headaches whenever I opened them. I stared at the wood that had been stained black and at the fire that always burned.

Then my eyes found the door.

I don't know how long I stared and stared, only that I did. My heart was thrumming in my chest and in my ears, clenching and making it hard to breathe. I stared at the door, the door that was sealed and had kept me here under her watchful eye and sharpened knife. I clenched the sheets, their old color long gone, and swung my legs over the bed. _Do-Do I? Do I really? _I tried to stand, and thrashed and flailed for the bedpost when my legs almost gave out. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself before letting go and taking a few cautious steps forward.

_Is she there, waiting on the other side? Will she kill me, if I try to run? _

_What do I do? What do I do? _

"_Go." _

I reached for the door, and pressed my hands against the wood but didn't push it open. I shut my eyes and took another deep breath. I ignored the shouting in my head, one voice telling me to go, and the other voice telling me to get back in bed. I didn't think of the way my heart was racing, even though it was making me shudder. I didn't think of how Saorise was likely to be on the other side, waiting for me to come out even though I was supposed to be dead by morning.

I just pressed the door open.

I didn't have time to think of how it just swung open, even though earlier not even my most powerful spells could blast it away. How suddenly it was just opening and I was walking through, even though it had kept me jailed for so long. I opened it, looked out, and stepped out of the room. I paused for a moment, looking at the next room, which was bigger than the other one but still riddled with books. I took a breath, short but deep.

And ran.

I just ran. I ran for the door, everything a great brown blur. I reached the door and threw it open. I hissed as the wind hit me, my feet crunching in the snow, but I just continued to run. I did not care that I had no shirt on or that I was barefoot and running through the snow. I just needed to run and get away from this place before she found me. _Almost, almost, almost-_

Then, as I turned, ready to run without stopping, I saw her. She was standing in her snowfield, three feet away from me with her arms crossed over her chest. The wind still blew around us, I could feel the goose bumps along my skin, and her hair flew out like needles behind her. Her eyes were dancing, lighted by the sight of me, and she waved her hand at me. I tried to move, tried to force my legs to do anything except lock in place, but all I could do was stare at her. The snow stretched around us, looking almost endless as blankets of snow piled high and long around the cabin. The skies looked gray compared to the bright white snow, and she stood tall and stark among the flat white. Her arms were folded over her chest, her white shawl wrapped tightly around her, skirt whipping in the harsh wind.

She smiled.

The ice flew from the ground and shot at me, as if it had always been waiting for me to step out of the cabin. I shouted and turned, my legs finally working as I made to run as fast and as hard as I could. Yet I felt the icy grip on my arms and legs, my world shifting up as I was thrown to the ground, my whole body going hot with burning from the cold, the pain not quick enough to numb my body. The snow filled my nose and mouth and I sputtered, chest tightening as I tried to breathe. The icy hands brushed the back of my neck and pressed me into the snow, and my body thrashed underneath it.

Saorise's muffled chuckle pierced the snow and I stopped, waiting for the icy hands to lift as her boots crunched on the snow. The hand slowly lifted the pressure from my neck and I lifted my head away, waiting for the snow to melt away from my face before taking as many breaths as I could. I watched out of the corner of my eyes as Saorise's black boots came into view, a stark contrast to the bright white snow. With each step, the snow cracked underneath her, shattering like a mirror and the shards clinging to each other.

"Well, this is definitely a surprise." she said, her voice low and soft, "But I guess he was right in the end after all. Aren't you special Hope?" She laughed but it sounded off, even for her, the sound odd in the air, "Special enough for us to go through all of this trouble for you. He was so _sure_ you'd make it, and here you are. Your wounds have healed, your magic continues to grow, and now you've managed to break out of the room. So. Super. Fucking. _Special_." She leaned next to me in the snow and caught my chin in her hands, forcing me to look at her even as my neck protested her twist, "If not for what I wanted, you'd be dead. Know this Hope." She stood up again, and for a fleeting, hopeful, heart-soaring moment, I thought she would let me go. I don't know why...only...maybe it was what I wanted most.

Of course she didn't.

Instead, those same icy hands yanked me from the ground and set me upright. I made to run again, even though I knew it was futile and knew that I would not get away. I still tried to run. But then, the icy hands came again and I was tripping toward the snow. I heard her scoff behind me, a small chuckle escaping her, "Just drag him then. He'll heal on his own."

_No. NO! I'm not doing this! Not now. I'm almost there! I'm outside! I've never been this close, could never dream of it. I can't go now, not when I'm almost there! Please, please let me go! _ I yanked my arms and legs as I was dragged through the snow, the cold biting my skin and feeling like burns, and my body soon turning pink and red from the constant chill. The bones and muscles popped when I moved too hard or fast, and no matter how much I tugged and struggled, pulled or dug into the snow with my knee, I couldn't break away.

"You'll like where we're going Hope. You may have the might and you may have the power, but you're still not quite there. We still have work to do," Saorise called to me. Her voice was floating again. As if she knew of this great secret and just couldn't wait to tell me, but only if I asked first. Only if I made it clear I wanted to know what the hell she was going to do to me.

And I didn't.

"You see, Hope, you're just not getting it." she continued, "We have to make you see, with your own eyes, the justness of our cause. The great need it has. Without it, there is no chance of this world's redemption, or our own peace. To think...that all the suffering could be gone in an instant, if we just did this right." I shook my head and pulled again. _I don't want this. I don't want this. Let me go, let me go. Magic! _And I almost cursed myself for not thinking of it earlier, laughing at my own stupidity. There was the answer! Magic! The end all! So I closed my eyes and felt the prickle in my fingertips, this time assured by this new power I seemed to have found or borrowed to get out of the room, but hands gripped my own.

"Now, now Hope. No need to do that. We're already there anyway." I tried to scream before the spell was over me and I was silenced, my throat closing even before I could utter a sound or spell. As I opened my eyes and looked around, I felt my heart jump into my stomach, making it clench as I tried not to throw up.

There was far less snow here than around the cabin. I had no idea how long she had been dragging me or how far, but this place was a far cry from the bitter isolation the cabin had been. Small patches of browned, dead grass hid among the snow, not blooming until my eyes reached the very center of the field. The sky mocked me, the gray giving way to bright blues even as the cold wind rushed over me. The air, besides the wind, felt dead, but it carried something rotten with it. Pungent and acidic, and the longer I had to breathe the aroma in, the more my stomach churned.

Dead grass rose to a gray stone slab, the stone looking lumpy around the edges. It was large enough to fit a body several feet taller than myself. It wasn't this that made me want to turn away though. It wasn't what made me throw up in my mouth and tried to shy away from her. It was the bones. The skeletons. The bits of ash that told of how many people had been here and died. Some arms were even hanging off the slab, as if they had tried to escape at the last moment, and the arms looked lonely and so very, very dead as they swayed in the wind. The stone slab was covered with deep black stains, some of them large puddles while others appeared to just be little droplets, and before I could blink, I was hoisted up and set upon it.

"You know Hope..." Saorise started, stepping toward the slab and grabbing my face as the icy hands set me down, "I know I seemed a bit harsh, but it was all for the greater good. For both you and me." Her eyes were almost pleading, almost kind, but the twisted smile on her face gave her away. She pushed me onto the slab and sent a wave of ice over my wrist and ankles. I could feel the blood freezing in my body, the heaviness setting in, but she continued, "I did it for me, of course, and for him, but also for you too." Her smile grew and I shut my eyes, as if it could make her go away. As if shutting my eyes would ever be enough to make her and this long-stretching nightmare vanish.

"Saving you when you fell from the sky, like some sort of angel sent to make my dreams come true. Becoming your confidante and teaching you how to use your magic with this new, improved brand. Swearing to help you go to a home where everything thinks you're dead." She let out a low laugh and I shuddered, leaning away. _Shut up, shut up! Please. Please, I want it to be done! _I did not open my eyes, did not try to feel her there watching me. I tried to focus on the sky, the cold, on Lightning's face, but her voice rang through, closer this time. "I said we'd help out a sad little town of Purge victims. I helped you get stronger. And I killed them. I killed those people, that annoying old man and that sad little girl. All for you. For you and I Hope. All of it. Think of it as my gift. I knew you'd like it. When I took that girl and disfigured her, spread C'ieth skin on her like a disease and blew her apart-

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Sev-_

_Blood. Everywhere. There's blood everywhere. Make it stop, make it stop! Enough! Lightning! Lightning please! Please!_

"Then I took you away and made you what you are now. Sort of. Your weakness is your own, but I tried to toughen you up a bit, tried to make you understand what was going on. Not that you did, but I sure as hell tried. And you did get more powerful. You hear him, don't you? In your head? And your wounds healed didn't they? They'll continue to heal even the most painful of wounds, so long as they are not deathblows. Sometimes you won't even feel it."

"I promise."

I opened my eyes at her last few words, and the world came rushing back like a torrent. However, it was not her words that really disturbed me. Not in a way I thought they would at least. It was a draft by my right arm: a strange, unnatural chill that crept almost to my shoulder. I made to turn my head and look, only to shudder as something warm pooled underneath me, and her cold fingers wrapped around my chin.

"Don't look, Hope. Not yet." I turned my eyes on her, watched the way her lids lowered, her hair tickling my face. Her smile was calm and sure, eyes almost loving, and I felt the need to throw up again. To twist away and run, but she held me in place. And the draft...

_Wha-_

_Wha-_

_How-_

I couldn't think. I didn't think. All I saw as she forced my head around again was this odd thing in her hand, grasped in her fingers like some sort of doll. Except it was red, pale, and frayed at the edge, and even though I kept looking and looking, it didn't sink in. It just didn't. I wasn't looking at my arm. No. No, I was not looking at my arm that was in her hands and it did not explain the unusual draft I felt on my right side or the blood that was pooling underneath me. It couldn't explain that.

It just couldn't.

"What's the matter Hope? Still not there? I can't think of a better way unless you have one-"

I screamed. I screamed and screamed and screamed until my voice was gone, and even then, I kept screaming and thrashing. My chest exploded and my whole body was on fire, burning away into the air as I realized it _was_ my arm that she held in her hands. _My arm. My arm. How-how did she? I didn't even feel it-it how did she-how-how-_

"Stop this at once, you little-" _Stop? Stop? After everything, you want me to stop? _It was a blur after that. I heard her screaming, loud and shrill, and I felt something warm on my face. My chest had exploded and my heart had just pumped itself out of my chest and I was dying.

_Please. Please, I just want to get away. I don't care what happens, I don't care if I die, I just need to go! Go! Please! Please, I need to get away! I need to!_

A cold sensation stopped the horrible heat. It was a small tingle, light as it coursed through my blood and pumped into my heart.

_Anywhere but here! Anywhere but here! I need help! I need to get away! Anywhere but here! Oh Maker, get me out! I need help!_

Blood. Seeping into my clothes. Everywhere. Everywhere.

A scream. Loud and harsh, followed by faint cursing. A rush of wind.

And I fell onto my back, pain blazing through my body as I landed.

My eyes shot open and I inhaled, gritting my teeth and scrunching my eyes as my body twitched on the ground. The sky was clear, the screaming was gone, and there was a chill. No cold, winter wind that chilled my bones. And the pool of warmth under me had gone away, but I could feel some of it leaking on my back. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying so _hard_ not to think of the draft by my side, or the warmth growing underneath me. I waited for a scream, a shout, or something to fly at me, yet there was nothing but the warmth of my blood and the sound-

_Voices?_ I opened my eyes and tried to sit up, moaning as my body ached and blood dripped from the stump near my shoulder. I closed my eyes at the sight, trying not to see the horrible red and pinkness, or the odd way-

_Stop. Stop, just listen. Listen. She's gone, isn't she? She's gone. She's gone, oh thank you, she's gone! And the voices...whose? But are they? I don't-I don't know...I don't get it..._

_I don't..._

"Did you hear that, or am I just going crazy?"

"No sir, I think I heard it too. From the clearing up ahead! Maybe there's a beast there?"

"Didn't sound like a beast, but you know, this place _is _always looking for new ways to kill us. Who knows? Best check it out though, can't have it wandering around if it wants to attack us." A voice. Cautious but relaxed…

_Who though? _My vision was swimming. I tried to look toward the voices, but it was all a giant, swirling mess of color. I saw blues and greens mix, shift, and swirl around my eyes, and my stomach protested against the dancing colors. I breathed in and fell back on the ground, releasing a breath and trying not to think. The odd buzzing in my head seemed to help though...and everything seemed muddy.

_I'm so tired. So very, very tired. Just for a sec. Just for a sec I'll close my eyes. They're heading here anyway aren't they? So they'll find me..._

_They'll find me."_

"...that up ahead?"

"...think...shit!"

_Be quiet. Please be quiet. _

"...ey! Hey! You all right?"

"Does he look all right? The guy's missing a fucking arm!"

"Will you shitheads shut the fuck up and go back to the airship? Tell those idiots to get their asses over here, we're picking this kid up."

"Sir!"

Hands. Cold hands. Fingers were resting on my forehead, my chest, pressing against my neck, and poking me in all my sore spots. Then the voice came back. Only it was shrill and demanding, taunting and promising, painful in all the wrong ways. It wasn't even the other voice, the deeper one that told me things I didn't understand. It was gruff and hoarse, yet...strangely comforting.

But that could have been because it was the first voice that didn't come from my head or _her_.

"Hey kid, you still with me? Kid?"

He poked me again, rougher this time, and something bit my face for a moment. I tried to inch my head away, then stopped as the effort left my chest hurting. The voice blew out a sigh, and then something pressed against me. The draft was gone and my eyes shot open.

"AGH!"

"Sh..." The man's face was blurry, almost too blurry. I could barely make out his hair, a messy blob of brown on his head, but his voice kept coming, even as he pressed against the hole in my side. "I know it hurts but I have to stop the bleeding. You're already halfway through hell's gate, and I don't want you going all the way in. And I'm sure you don't either."

_Shut up. Shut up. You don't know that. You don't know that at all..._

_...no..._

"Hey! Hey now, don't go blacking out on me kid! Fuck me, where the hell are they?"

…

_...quiet..._

There were small, light breezes of air. Cool on me, but I could still feel the pain on my side. The man was shouting again, but I tried to turn away. I didn't want to hear him anymore. I didn't want to hear anything. All I wanted to do was sleep this whole thing away.

_You won't wake up..._

_You just won't. _

I did not really mind that either though. It would be better, I was sure, than trying to get up and fight. It would be better than worrying about the arm I didn't have or the woman that had captured me or all the people that were dead. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to be a part of it anymore.

The world shifted and I rose into the air, rough hands on my back, then more hands and more fingers dug into me, and the pressure on my arm refused to let up. _Just go the hell away already. You can't save me. None of you can. I'm going...ugh...just stop. Just stop already._

It started then. A pain in my chest that made my eyes shoot open. I looked around, vision swimming but objects still coming into focus, and I narrowed my eyes as the dark brown ceiling of an airship came into view. I looked down at my chest, at my bright white brand, and jolted again. The pain was fresher, and left my skin crawling up and down.

"Looks like he's awake again. Come on, we're going to have to stop that bleeding till we can get back to base. We'll have the medics look at him there."

"But sir, look!"

I closed my eyes and tried to look away. I didn't want this, so why was it happening? But the pain flared again, this time a sharp and piercing jolt from my chest to my right side where my arm used to rest. I turned my head and opened my eyes, ignoring the voices and the bodies around me, and stared at my empty side.

The jolting pain though; it traveled through my chest and heart, up and down my arms and legs. I could feel it prickling in my skin, swelling and making my body bloat.

_Ah...ah...oww..._

"Hey kid, watch it! Don't go dying-what the hell is wrong with him!"

"I think that'd be obvious! Maybe his-"

"You know what I meant!" the gruff voice snapped.

_Ow...agh...no...stop! STOP! _

I let out a moan, low and agonized, and my breath rattled. I tried to breathe, to think, to do anything but feel the pain that was sprouting from my side. _Anything but the pain, anything but the pain-_

_Pop._

I screamed. All I could do was scream. I looked at my shoulder and watched as something white but stained sprouted from me. It grew and grew, and my upper arm jerked and yanked with it, the pain screaming in my head. White hot, burning pain that scraped inside my head before setting me aflame. I was dying, that was all there was to it. I was dying and there was nothing I could do.

"Fuck! Kid, kid, come on, don't go whiting out on me! Holy shit, what the hell is going on-"

"His brand! But why-why isn't he-I don't understand!"

_Shut up! Shut up and go away! AGH-huh-huh-hugh..._

"Please...please stop..." I mumbled, voice barely above a whisper. It hurt, it hurt, and it hurt. It hurt to talk, it hurt to move, and it hurt to fucking _breathe._

Small pops were repeatedly sounding at my side. My vision was swimming, a giant swirl of colors that careened all over the place, yet my arm was strangely in focus. Tiny, pink-looking threads began to pop out and away from my arm. They twirled together, linked and wrapped around each other, the pain jolting and burning, rioting through my arm, then my chest, and finally shooting up to my head.

_No, no, no, no! Stop it! AH. AGH! No more! Stop it! Stop it!_

My body was too hot, wave after wave of sickening heat washing over me, and the threads were still wrapping around each other and shooting down my arm. Then, there was the _pain. _ I glanced back, the world jolting and falling away like broken mirrors. White was coming, speeding at me, but I could still see the red and pink threads, the strings as they began to clump together and form around the grown bone.

_St...p...re...n..._

_White..._

That was all there was. White. I couldn't see the arm anymore. I couldn't see the faces or hear the voices. I couldn't even scream. All I could see was white. All I felt was white and the burning that came with it-

-before the world was sucked into nothing.


	44. Pride

**Another chapter at last. I hope the last three were informative for everyone, and that you enjoyed them as much as they could be enjoyed. We're heading back to the present now though. I admit, I may be very slow with reviews of any nature. Spring Break has started for me this week, ad I really feel like taking a load off and having some fun (but Daybreak is still being written during vacation, don't worry). I hope everyone is all right with that.**

**As for this chapter...well, best let you all see for yourself, huh? I liked writing it, but I have a thing for emotional scenes. Regardless, thank you to all my readers, reviewers or otherwise. Your support has helped me grow as a writer, and I hope you'll all enjoy.**

* * *

Hope's sobs tore through the room, the sound loud and harsh as he buried himself into Lightning's shoulder, tears leaking from his eyes and staining her shirt. Lightning's eyes were wide as she held on to him, his shaking body wracking her frame as he writhed under her, breaths coming up as short gasps, body shuddering and trembling. She tightened her arms around him, her mouth opening and closing as her mind scrambled for the words that would not come.

"I-I just-I didn't know-what-what-ugh! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" Hope wept, hands grasping her shirt as he heaved, "I just-I don't know anymore! Please don't-please don't hate me! I didn't know, and it was so-so-I really almost-but I knew. I _knew_." He choked on his sobs and shook his head as he blubbered, breaths broken as he tried to contain himself.

"Sh…" Lightning soothed, closing her eyes as they stung, running her fingers through Hope's hair and rocking him back and forth, "Sh…it's all right. You're not there anymore. You're not. You're here, with me Hope. You're okay now. Sh…" Lightning pressed him closer to her, shifting on the bed so he was easier to rock and tangling his silver locks between her fingers. Hope sobbed again, hands almost clawing her back as he held on for dear life.

Her own head was pounding, her heart tearing with each gasp or howl, making her shudder and her stomachclench. Her throat closed as she choked on her words, Hope's cries still filling the room as he struggled to control himself. He swallowed his tears, only for the wrenching sound to rip from his throat a second later, far more hoarse and desperate than before. His left hand was inching to his right arm, the phantom pain and whiteness still plaguing him, and Lightning was the only hold he had on reality. "Please. Please. Please."

"Hope, I'm here. I'm here. I'm not leaving I don't hate you. I swear I don't hate you. I could never hate you. Never think that. Don't you think that. Don't you ever think that," Lightning said, pulling him from her shoulder and running her hands over his reddened cheeks. His face was horribly pale, the color drained from his skin expect for his inflamed cheeks and puffy eyes, the tears tracks leaving smears on his face. Snot was running from his nose and his lips quivered as he tried to hold in his next cry, chin wrinkling from the effort. The tears clung to his lashes for a few moments before falling and he tried to wipe them away, to no avail. "Don't hold it in Hope. Don't. I'm right here, I'm right here. Let it out. Just let it out."

Hope nodded, movements jerky as he pressed his face back into her shoulder. He took a deep, shuddering breath and grasped her waist, fingers digging into her skin as he clung to her, as if to remind himself that she was there and that he was not back in the cabin with Saorise. Lightning just kept one hand on his head and the other on his back, whispering a constant litany of words that sounded so empty, but at the same time, felt so needed that they spilled from her mouth without consideration. All that mattered was comforting Hope, and her mind was stuck, refusing to budge from him. She had to comfort Hope. She had to whisper to him, as if her words would banish his own horror. She couldn't think about his story yet. But she could still feel the weight of his words pressing down on her, threatening to engulf her the moment Hope moved away from her and she was given a moment to think.

"-ared! I was so-so scared and I know that you..." Lightning shook her head as Hope went on, his breaths painful and raspy as he struggled to talk and cry at the same time. His words started to run together until they were nothing but mumblings in her shirt, and his grip on her hand loosened as he relaxed against her body. Lightning felt the way his head was starting to slip from her shoulder and gently pulled him away from her, tilting her head to get a better look of him.

Hope's eyes lazily went to hers, the green startling when it was placed against the red of his eyes, and he blinked slowly, letting out a loud sniffle. His hand reached to his face, the appendage trembling as he wiped away the mucus and tears, his fingers tracing the tear tracks down his face. Hope shuddered under her grip, eyes drooping, and Lightning moved over to set him on the pillows. Hope watched her wearily as he was moved, his hand ghosting over hers as she set him on the pillow and brought the blankets over his body. He did not struggle against her, allowing her to move his limp and heavy body.

"Hope..." Lightning whispered, pressing her free hand on his side. Hope's eyes drifted to her hand before returning to her face.

"Thank you." His voice was tired and weak, and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Lightning watched as his chest slowly rose and fell, his hand still around hers, the grip loose. "Just...thank you, for listening. I-I think we...should talk more later...but I'm so..." Hope could barely finish, a yawn starting to creep into his voice before he had even finished the last sentence. His eyes stayed close and his head pressed harder against the pillows, his grip on her loosening.

"...tired..." he finally managed, not even peeking an eye open. Lightning nodded, brushing his forehead as he let out another yawn. She blinked as his breathing started to deepen, his breathing slowing as he fell into a doze. She watched him even after he fell asleep, her thoughts lost as she gazed at his face. His eyes were heavily lined, the deep red bags given him an exhausted look, and his shoulders were still tense as he slept. She bit her lip, wondering how he could sleep after his story, but she glanced at the clock and bit back a small gasp.

_It's been three whole hours...of course he's tired. After that story-after all of this, how could he not be? But Hope, how could you-_

She shut her eyes as the thoughts swallowed her, her heart clenching as she shuddered. His screaming was still in her ears, still scratching against the walls of her head and making _her_want to scream. The way he had started bawling after he talked about the little girl. How dead his eyes were when he spoke of his torture, of the way Saorise would hold him down with that knife above his head, taunting him relentlessly. And in that one moment of triumph, when he thought he had finally managed to break away, only for it to be snatched away from him at the very last-minute.

_It must have seemed so pointless. Over and over again she hurt you Hope. She hurt you and I wasn't-wasn't there to protect you. You thought-Hope, all those things... Did you really believe what she said. That you were weak? That you'd never..._

Lightning clenched her hands as her heart roared then tightened, sorrow overwhelming her and threatening to bowl her over. Her hands shook and there was the consuming need to hold Hope in her arms and tell him he was with her now and that everything would be okay.

But there was also a rage. It was sick and hot in her belly, bubbling at the injustice he suffered and thirsting for battle. She wanted to find Saorise, grab her by the hair and do what she did to Hope, only a thousand times worse. To take that woman's throat between her hands and crush it in her fingers. Watching while the life drained away from her face, dark red eyes dulling as the as she gasped for a single, desperate breath.

_Stop that. Stop thinking like that. It's not healthy. It's not healthy...stop._

But she couldn't. She wanted that bitch to _suffer_ for what she did to Hope, regardless of how little she could really do against Saorise. Against a woman who had a Fal'Cie to back her up in battle, who was fed magic and power from a seemingly boundless reservoir of energy, while Lightning's own powers were limited to training and the faith she had in her own body.

Lightning scrunched her eyes tight and tried to breathe, grasping for Hope with shaking hands as her body rattled and shook with fury and hollow sadness. Her hands felt for his right arm, squeezed it as if to assure herself that he was really there, and Hope groaned and leaned into her touch while his face flinched at the contact. Lightning blinked and released him, balling her hands as she swung her legs over the bed. _What-What do I do now? What do I say to him when he wakes up? And the others...what about the others? Should they know? Does Hope even want them to?_

"_He had been alone with her for so long. Alone and out of your reach. Look at what happened to him. Look at what happened because you couldn't protect him," _a voice screeched in her head.

_What could I have done? What- _Lightning shook her head, the thoughts streaming to her relentlessly.

"_You know what you could have done instead of wallowing in your misery? You could have gone and searched Gran Pulse! You could have found him!"_

_And done what? What could I have done that would have changed this? _Her hands shook in her lap and she brought them to her forehead, breathing hard through her nose.

"_You could have saved him! You could have! You could have saved him but you failed. Like you failed to save yoursister-"_

_She's here now!_

"_Like you failed to save Fang and Vanille-"_

_I didn't-_

"_Like you failed to save Hope! Look at him! Look at what's happened. You might as well have taken him to that cabin yourself!"_

_NO! _The word rang in her ears and through her body, making her head ache.

"No..." Lightning mumbled, burying her face in her hands. "That's not...that's not what I would have done. I know. I know it's not. We all thought he was dead. He even knew, he even knew we thought that. He didn't expect us to come for him. He knew-" The words sounded hollow in her ears and did nothing but settle the heavy lead weight in her chest. She pulled at her hair, rocking herself on the bed as she lost herself in Hope's tale, vanish in the screams and the blood and the deadness. And she looked at him, her eyes strained and desperate, shaking her head as she reached for him and ran her fingers through his hair. "How could this have happened to you Hope? How? I knew...I knew it was bad, but I had no idea."

She stopped, shuddering again as she brought her hand to her chest, _Stop moping. What are you going toaccomplish by moping? Nothing. Go get some coffee and calm down, you're in for a rough few hours before the others wake up._ Lightning nodded to herself, already satisfied with this new plan of action, but as she stood from the bed her eyes strayed to Hope again. His face was twitching in his sleep but he did not moan or cry out. Yet the thought of leaving him alone after everything he said made her feel sick in her stomach. It flipped around inside of her and she could feel the contents swishing around.

_Will you be okay...if I step out for a minute? _Lightning closed her eyes and started for the door, only to stop and look back at Hope three times before hurrying back and brushing a kiss against his forehead.

"Just for a few minutes," she whispered to him before turning and hurrying out the door before her guilt changed her mind. She held her breath as she trotted down the hall and stairs, eyes glancing around and waiting for someone to come out of their room, asking her what was wrong or why they had heard crying. She clenched her hands at the thought of such a confrontation, especially when she had no answers she was willing to give.

Lightning turned on her heel the moment she reached the last step and walked into the kitchen, grabbing the coffee grinds and filter, only to jump as someone cleared their throat.

"You're up pretty early, if I may say so. Just what's got you up at four in the morning?" Lightning dug her nails into her palms and breathed out, forcing her face into something she hoped looked calm before turning toward the doorway. Rygdea was leaning against the frame, his arms crossed over his chest and a small smile on his face that made Lightning want to punch him. But behind the smile there were tired lines running along his eyes and mouth, and his scruffy hair seemed to have far less life than when he had left. His shoulders were slumpedas well, and as he pushed himself from the wall, he was slow and sluggish. "So, what's eating you?"

_Keep it together, keep it together. _"Why were you gone so long?" Lightning asked, glaring at him.

Rygdea rolled his eyes. "Because people up there don't know how to do their job sometimes. Had a lot of injuries that had to be accounted for, see who could go back to base work and who couldn't. Then I had to go find the higher-ups and tell them what a fiasco the mission was, then about the weird book, _and _about Hope fighting Saorise." Lightning didn't miss the way Rygdea's eyes narrowed, or the way his gaze strayed toward her after her deflection. "It wasn't pleasant mind you, but when are they ever?"

Rygdea made his way to the table and plopped himself into the chair, arms landing hard on the wooden surface. "And so _now _they want me to bring Hope and the rest of you in, with the book, so we can try to figure out our next move against her. I tried to tell them we need time recover, but do they listen? No, of course not. That would make sense, and since when do they do what makes sense?" Rygdea spat, slamming his head on the table.

He turned to Lightning, his hair falling in front of his eyes. "And that about sums it up for now. I have no idea what they're planning, and honestly, I don't care. I need some coffee or some sleep. The end of the world or whatever happens next can come later."

Lightning gritted her teeth and joined him at the table, her attempts to make coffee forgotten on the counter. Rygdea turned his head to the coffee mugs sitting on the counter and whimpered softly, "Why'd you stop making some? I want coffee...I need it now. I have to go and see Hope in a few hours and let him know what's going on. Ugh. This sucks." Rygdea's head hit the table and he blinked his eyes at her, making her sneer.

"Quit whining," she snapped, crossing her arms. Rygdea snorted, lifting his face from the table to face her, but his eyes grew dark as he stared at her. Lightning felt her body heat up under his gaze but she kept his stare, narrowing her eyes as if to challenge him even as her heart began to thrum harder and faster.

Rygdea leaned back in the chair, resting his elbow on the table. "Okay, I don't get what's wrong with you. You're eyes are all red and you look like you're about to-to-well, I don't want to say it!" Rygdea said, throwing his hands in the air. "You'll punch me!"

"I will not punch you!" Lightning said, standing and slamming her hands on the table. Her chest was roaring, her body itching for something, anything, to distract her even though she didn't know what. She was daring him to continue yet loathing the moment he would, the prickle of fear of what she would do next evident in every breath. Rygdea glared at her and stood as well, grasping the edge of the table.

"You want me to tell you then? Because it looks like you're about to burst out crying or some shit, and you know, after the day I've had, I don't think I can handle one more person's problems without some coffee-" Rygdea's head cracked down on the table as Lightning hit him, her fist shaking as it connected with his head. Her knuckles were already turning red and Rygdea shoved himself up, eyes livid. "What the hell was that about Farron I don't know what's wrong-"

Rygdea stopped, mouth hanging open as Lightning curled in on herself, hand grasping her chest. She shut her eyes and choked, splashes of blood and silver hair, and Hope was_screaming._ She swore as something wet and hot fell down her cheeks.

"Lightning..." Rygdea's voice was soft and Lightning's eyes snapped open, her mouth twisted into a snarl.

"Shut up! Just shut up to me about this!" Lightning snapped, almost stomping her foot as she rubbed the tears away. "Just shut up and quit staring at me like that!"

"What happened-"

"I said shut up!" Lightning grabbed the table and threw it to the floor, wincing at the clatter it made before sidestepping the table and making for the doorway. Rygdea shook his head and grabbed her by the arm, yanking her back and turning her around, trying to look her in the eye.

"No! Tell me what happened! I need to know! Is it something about Hope? Did he do something, or say something? Come on, what happened?" Rygdea demanded, face inching closer to Lightning's as she shook her head, her eyes bright and flashing.

"Get the hell off of me!" She started to shove him in the chest, punching and kicking when his grip only tightened until a well-aimed kick to the shin set her free. She turned and started for the door again, but Rygdea caught her by the blouse, only to have a fist slam into his cheek.

"Dammit!" he snarled, shaking his head while his hand reached for his cheek.

"I said leave me alone!"

"What's going on down there?" Lightning froze, heart stuttering to a halt as the light at the stairs flickered on.

Serah's voice floated from above. "I keep hearing all this-who's down there?" Lightning shook her head, icy cold frosting over her body as her eyes stared ahead. Rygdea had grabbed her arm again and was studying her face, but Lightning was too stunned to notice, eyes going from the stairs to the kitchen.

"Tell me what happened," Rygdea whispered, but Lightning didn't hear him. Her eyes were glued to the stairs now, her hands clenched.

_I-I can't tell them yet. I don't know if Hope even wants them to know. What do I-_

Lightning looked back at Rygdea and swallowed, slipping out of his hands and trying to fix him with a glare, but she shook her head and ran a trembling hand over her face.

"He told me." Lightning kept her eyes on the floor, wincing at Rygdea's small gasp. She looked up when footsteps started down the stairs, Serah and Snow hand in hand when they reached them.

"Wh-Lightning? What's going on-the kitchen-I mean, what happened?" Serah looked between Rygdea and Lightning as she and Snow stepped into the kitchen. Her eyes widened as she took in the table on the floor and the swelling on Rygdea's red cheek, but said man stepped in front of her, holding his hand up in surrender. He gave her a small smile, although it looked smooshed with the rapid swelling in his cheek.

"Sorry about this mess Serah," Rygdea tried. "I just got home and had a bit of a fit after dealing with those idiots back at base. They just don't know what the hell they're doing. Lightning came in and smacked some sense into me though. I'll clean up this mess, you all go back to bed. How does that sound?"

Snow narrowed his eyes and Rygdea, tilting his head to the side, but Rygdea only smirked. "Come on big guy, you know how she can be. Smack first, ask question later."

A small smile flitted across Snow's face but his glare on Rygdea didn't lessen as he reached for Serah'sshoulder, steering her from the room. "Come on Serah, we can deal with their weirdness later. For now let's just get to bed. You know, like normal people." Snow glanced back at them though, his eyes traveling to Lightning. Her eyes widened, and for one frightening moment, she thought he knew.

"But first it was earlier with all those noises...and now this!" Serah shook her head, her eyes going to her sister before she allowed Snow to lead her back upstairs.

Lightning's feared slowly ebbed away and her shoulders dropped, feeling drained. She looked back at Rygdea, watching as the man strolled back into the kitchen and picked up the fallen table. He grunted and set it on the edge, tabletop facing Lightning. She winced as it rubbed against the floor until he set it upright with a dull thud. Lightning rubbed the space between her eyes, feeling her temples throb.

"Thank you," she said, leaning her hip against the wall. "For the save back there. I didn't want to have to tell them what were we really doing here."

Rygdea looked back up at her, rubbing his cheek. "Tell that to my stinging cheek. For what's it's worth though I can't say I blame you. Now, how about I get started on that coffee and we head to your room so we can talk."

"No," Lightning said as Rygdea made for the counter. "We can't go there."

Rygdea groaned, rolling his eyes. "And why-"

"Hope's there," Lightning said, closing her eyes again. "He fell asleep after he told me and...well, broke down. I was just coming for some coffee and I was-was trying not to think too much about it and then you came and I just really wanted to-"

"Punch me in the mouth?" Rygdea said, grinning and tilting his swelling cheek up. "Gotcha there Lightning. Don't worry, you're not the first or the last. Go up to Hope's room then. I'll be there with our much neededcoffee soon," Lightning paused, raising an eyebrow at the man, but he just smirked at her and nodded out the room. Lightning felt a small smile tugging at her lips as she turned and headed for the stairs, but as she started for the hall, she found her feet leading her back to her room. She peeked her head inside and spotted Hope on the bed, in the same position she had left him in, only his arm was reaching across the blankets.

"Hope..." Lightning walked inside and sat on the bed, watching Hope's face twitch while the bed dipped before settling back to peace. His skin was still pale, red only where his cheeks had swelled and around his eyes. Lightning pressed her fingers against his cheek, eyes searching his face.

Hope let out a light sigh and leaned into her touch, his hand curling toward her arm and hugging it like a doll. Lightning let out a light chuckle, shaking her head as she tried to slide her arm out of Hope's grip without rustling him too much. Hope only curled her arm closer to his chest, and Lightning had to lean to stop herself from simply falling over him. She grunted, blowing a loose strand of hair from her eye.

"Great,"she muttered, arm flaring as she tried to move her body away from Hope.

"Not quite what I had in mind." Lightning jumped at Rygdea's whisper, whipping her head at the door and narrowing her eyes as he stood at the doorway with two mugs in his hands. "Not the best coffee in the world, but hey, you work with what you got," Rygdea said, shrugging. "Now you find a way to dislodge yourself and we can have our little talk."

Lightning rolled her eyes and looked back at Hope, whispering a small good night before twisting and turning her hand free. She followed Rygdea out of the room and into Hope's, glancing around at a few of the clothes sitting on the dresser, as well as the purple book, before turning to Rygdea.

He held out the coffee mug for her and sat on Hope's bed, holding his own in his hand. Lightning brought the steaming cup to her lips and took a few sips, feeling her body relax as she joined Rygdea on the bed. Yet when she pulled the cup from her lips and allowed herself to lean into the air, a flash of red and white popped in her mind and her hands fingers pressed harder on the cup.

"I want to kill her Rygdea," she muttered. Her eyes were glued to her feet and she took a deep breath, shaking her head. "Even now, even though I know she can kill me, I want to take a swing at her. More than before." Her fingers turned white around the mug, chest heaving as she nearly snarled.

"I know…" Rygdea said, closing his eyes. He shuddered, feeling the stale air of Hope's old hospital room, the sixteen year old staring at his hands with a blank look on his face. Dead green eyes that stared right through him, nervous habits, nightmares, and the constant screaming and shouting and _begging._ The poignant fear in his every move…Hope had been more than broken. Seeing him now though was what made Rygdea's chest swell. The kid had been to hell and back and he was still charging forward.

"It wasn't easy…in the first few months. When he came to after...after we found him, he told me his story, down to the last detail. Like if he-he didn't tell someone." Rygdea shook his head, opening his eyes and glancing at the ceiling. "Like he'd just die if someone didn't know. Maybe that's what he thought. I never asked him about. I didn't feel I had the right too. But after he told me, he went silent. Unless he was having a nightmare or panic attack, his mouth was shut and he never uttered a sound. Half of De Novo thought he was mute when he showed up."

Rygdea smiled though, looking at Lightning with soft eyes. "But you know, he's come a long way since then."

"He has…" _And I'm proud of him for it. More than that even…_ "But that still doesn't make this easier."

"No, I guess it doesn't. So we'll just have to take care of _her_ as soon as possible, so that we can really get started on making Hope feel better again."

Lightning nodded and stood from the bed, bringing the cup to her lips and taking several large gulps. The coffee burned as it slid down her throat, and she welcomed the abrupt alertness that followed the pain. Rygdea continued, "There's no way he'll ever feel safe with her around. And I can't blame him. I doubt he is."

Lightning nodded, glancing around Hope's room, and she started toward the dresser where she spotted the purple book on the dresser. Rygdea's eyes followed her, and he took a step forward as she lifted the book.

"He…left us letters," Lightning said, running her fingers along the cover. Rygdea raised an eyebrow but Lightning went on. "He wrote down his last thoughts. When he thought he was going to die." Rygdea's face darkened at the memory and he nodded, blinking. "And he wrote down what happened to him with Saorise. Everything."

Lightning sighed, grabbing the book from the dresser and walking to Rygdea, holding the book out to him. "And he said…he could read them now. He left a translation for us, for after the incident, and said you could probably crack it. But now...with his notes-" Lightning didn't finish, just closed her eyes and waited as the book was slipped from her hands into Rygdea's.

Rygdea's mouth dropped open as he stared at Lightning and then the book, shaking his head slightly as his eyes went to the design on the cover. "You mean…you mean he can read this?"

"Yes," Lightning sighed, rubbing her forehead. "He can read it. So you should probably let the others know, back at base, and we can read this thing and figure out what it says." But Lightning glared at him, almost as if to blame him for Hope having to read it all. Rygdea couldn't blame her. He wasn't sure how Hope would react to it, even if wasn't as bad as he feared it would be. _There's just no break for this kid, _he thought.

"We'll worry about it when we all have to go to base later. We'll save it for the end of the meeting, so that Hope can get out as soon as he's done. The last thing we want is them trying to interrogate him the wholemeeting after he reads the damn thing," Rygdea said, taking the book and heading for his bag in the corner of the room. He unzipped the small duffel and shoved the book inside, kicking it back into the corner and looking back at Lightning. "Amazing though…that he can read it. We still have to talk to him about that."

"We have to talk to him about a lot of things," Lightning said, turning toward the door. "I should check on him and see how he's doing. I don't know-" Lightning jumped when Hope's voice drifted from her room, and was out of the door before Rygdea could blink.

"Hmph," Rygdea grunted as he moved to his bed, ignoring his coffee cup on the bedside table. "Whatever. I wanted to get some sleep anyway."

Lightning let out a sigh when she reached her room, striding toward the bed as Hope sat up, rubbing his eyes a little harder than necessary. He was breathing hard and gasping slightly. Lightning sat on the bed and moved his hands away, eyes flickering toward the bright red across his face before she relaxed.

"Nightmare?" she asked, grabbing his hand and pulling him up. She had heard him shout from the next room, but she was relieved to see that he had woken on his own.

_I can't imagine the nightmares he would have been trapped in...has been trapped in, since this happened._

"S-Something like that," Hope said, allowing Lightning to lead him from the bed and out of the room. "Sorry about that. I was worried because-well, after everything I though for a sec-second that I was-ah!" Hope slammed the palm of his hand against his forehead, glaring at the floor. "I'm sorry Light. I was just trying to-"

"Don't worry about it Hope." Lightning led him down the stairs and into the kitchen, forcing him to the table. "I don't expect you to be all right."

"But I-"

"No buts. Sit down, shut up, and I'll make you some breakfast." Hope blinked at her words, pressing closer to his chair and giving her a quick nod. As she huffed and turned around a smile formed on his face and he rested his elbows on the table, his head resting in his arms.

_Thank you._

* * *

Hope sighed as he pulled the green sweater over his head, his hair poofing out when he finally poked his head out of the sweater. His eyes darkened as he scanned his bed, hand reaching to flatten his hair. _I wonder…how Rygdea handled those soldiers' deaths. I mean, it was brutal, but I think they were the only…only real…_

Hope gritted his teeth, wringing the hem of the sweater.

_I should stop thinking about it. I really need to stop thinking about it. But what else? I mean, after the cabin...running away... and I-I told Lightning._

Hope's hand tightened around the hem of his sweater and he glared down at the bed as his heat swept through his body. _I still can't believe I told her everything that happened. I wonder what she thought? Did she hate me for being so stupid? Was she annoyed? I wouldn't blame her if she was. But then she wouldn't have done all of this for me, would she? She wouldn't just…throw me aside like that. She _hasn't_ thrown me aside like that. I need to stop thinking about it. I do. I just-I wonder what she thought. I mean, does she-is she mad at me at all? I don't know what to think._

Hope sighed, fiddling with his sweater a bit more as he settled on the bed. He ran his free hand through his hair and laid back on the bed, shutting his eyes. _I can almost feel the heat of the fire. And telling her about-about what happened with my arm-_

Hope gasped as and grabbed his right arm, feeling phantom air breezing through his skin and into his body. The fiery threads of his muscles as they regrew, twined and locked, forming muscle. He squirmed and rolled on his side, puffing his cheeks and swallowing as burning vomit traveled up his throat. He remained still on the bed as he waited for the moment to pass, shutting his eyes tight and breathing through his nose as the heat prickled his spine and washed over his head. He felt heavy and nauseous, watching the room spin when he opened his eyes. He started to puff under his breath, swimming through a haze of fog and imaginary pain.

"Just…count…"

"Hope?" Hope's eyes shot open as knocking echoed from the door, and he cursed as he struggled to sit up, still holding his arm as the room swayed. The door clicked and Rygdea walked inside, eyebrows raised before he hurried to Hope's side as placed a hand on his shoulder. Hope wobbled, shaking his head while Rygdea held him steady.

"What's wrong Hope? Your face is going green," Rygdea said, bushing Hope's bangs from his face and tilting Hope's chin up. Hope shook his head and shut his eyes again, groaning as the room gave a violent tug in the right direction. His stomach did an odd leap in his chest that almost made Hope double over, and he grasped Rygdea.

"Ju-Just give me a second. I'll be okay," Hope managed, fingers turning white as he tightened his hold on Rygdea's shoulder. The man blinked but nodded, placing a hand on Hope's head before he let it slip to his side, looking to the side of the room as Hope let out several low wheezes. Hope shuddered a few times before slowly releasing Rygdea, pushing himself away and running a shaking, sweaty hand through his hair. "Sorry about that. I was-I had been thinking and one thing led to another-"

"No need to explain Hope, I understand," Rygdea said, stretching his arms out and rubbing his shoulder where Hope had grabbed him. "But…we do need to talk." Hope blinked, a sense of foreboding wrapping around him and chilling him to his core, but he nodded for Rygdea to continue. "That book we grabbed…it's important for a reason, right?"

Hope's eyes widened and he nodded, looking toward the dresser, but Rygdea shook his head. "I already put it in my bag. We…you, have to go to base soon and translate it for us. Hopefully it'll give us some answers and an idea of what we're really fighting. And calm the higher-ups who thought the mission was nothing but a waste of time." Rygdea didn't finish but Hope scowled, already filling in the blanks.

_Because Saorise isn't dead._

"We'll be going in two days. I said we needed some time for you to recover after your ordeal and weren't up for anything. I didn't think you'd mind," Rygdea paused, noting when Hope looked down at his lap and he crossed his legs. "Mind telling me…when this happened Hope?"

"When what happened?" Hope asked, refusing to meet Rygdea's eye.

"When you could read those books."

Hope's shoulders tensed and his hands tightened at his sides. He didn't look up at Rygdea, speaking to his legs. "It-It happened after this dream I had. It was a while ago, before I decided…decided to…"

"I see," Rygdea whispered.

Hope winced at Rygdea's voice and shook his head, raising his hands to pull his hair. "I know what I did was stupid Rygdea. I know it was. But I just-after I read that book and the dreams and everything, I just-I just thought that it would be easier for everyone if I just-just-" Hope gasped, closing his eyes and waiting for Rygdea to say something, but the words never came.

Something inside him clenched and Hope almost screamed, something in his chest wounding tighter and tighter, and he threw his hands into the air. "What do you want me to say Rygdea! I mean, I know that you're not okay with what I did! I know that! I know you're mad, even if you pretend that everything is fine, and I know I messed up! I should have told you! I should have told_ s__omeone_! But I didn't! I didn't want to!"

Hope finally looked up at Rygdea, eyes narrowed as the man refused to respond. "I know! I know I messed up! Just-Just say something! Say something so I know you're mad at me! Say something so I know that I screwed up and that I'm stupid and that I should have done something but I didn't!"

_Why am I shouting? Why am I so angry?_

_I don't want this. I don't want this anymore. I should be okay now. I should be all right. I told Lightning what happened. I'm alive. We're together again and we might have something on Saorise; something that can stop her and Chaos. I should be okay. I should be all right._

_Why aren't I better yet?_

"Why won't you say anything!" Hope screeched, shaking his head and grabbing Rygdea's arm. "Why won't you tell me what I did wrong! Why won't you tell me things will be all right! Why won't you say anything to me!" Hope screamed, tears slipping from his eyes as he bowed his head. He gasped and shook Rygdea, demanding answers with frenzied eyes and incoherent shouts.

_I should stop. I'm overreacting. I should stop. I need to stop._

_Why does this hurt so much?_

_Why is it so hard...to be better again?_

"I'm proud of you." Hope's heart stuttered and he looked up at Rygdea, blinking rapidly as the man bore his eyes into his. "I'm proud of how far you've come, even though you can be an idiot sometimes. When Lightning said you told her what happened…you have no idea how proud and scared I was for you. You've made it so far from that boy in that little room who refused to say a word after pouring his story out to me. You idiot. You make an old man like me sentimental and it makes me want to kick your head in."

Rygdea smirked as he said it, reaching up and ruffling Hope's hair. "But we still have a way to go. I think you need to rest before we try anything else. And we have the time to do it, even if it's just a bit." Rygdea's smile dropped slightly, but he kept his voice calm. "I don't…think you're there yet Hope. And Lightning…isn't sure either. We're worried about you. We're worried about everyone. But…when this is over, we'll find a way to…"

Rygdea trailed off, rolling his eyes and shoving Hope off of him. He stepped away from the bed, ignoring Hope's sputters as he stretched and headed for the door. "When this is over we'll talk. And that'll be after I kick your ass."

Hope smiled and nodded; felt some other dark part of him break off and fall away inside him. Found he didn't miss it as some small weight was lifted from him. He watched as Rygdea headed for the door, but his eyes widened and he called out. "Wait Rygdea."

Rygdea stopped and turned around, raising an eyebrow at Hope and tilting his head. "What is it kid?"

Hope frowned. "I'm not a kid."

Rygdea smirked. "I know."

Hope just glared at him before taking deep breath, swinging his legs over the bed. "Sh-Should I tell the others too?" Hope muttered the question before bringing his hands to his lap, opening and closing them.

Rygdea blinked, mouth dropping open as he stared at Hope. Hope's face tinged pink when he caught Rygdea's eye. "I-I mean-"

Rygdea shook his head, cutting across him. "Hope…of course you can. But only if you want to. Only if youthink-"

"They deserve to know," Hope said, nodding to himself. "They deserve to know. I want them-them to know." Hope continued to nod, wringing his hands and glancing at Rygdea, 'I want them to know Rygdea."

"Then we'll tell them Hope," Rygdea said. "We'll tell them and then you can-"

"But I'm scared." Hope held his head in his hands, shutting his eyes. "I'm scared of how they'll react. I'm already terrified of what Lightning's thinking. If I tell them, I'll have to worry about everyone else too! What will happen once they know Rygdea!" Hope looked at him, eyes searching. "What will happen once I tell them? Will they-they be mad at me or-or will, I mean, what will they think?" Hope's face scrunched up, mouth opening and closing as he struggled for an answer.

Rygdea shook his head. "Hope, it's not as bad as you're making it out to be," he tried, walking toward the bed. "They're not going to just throw you out or something like that. They won't think any less of you." Rygdea's face hardened. "They never would. And have more faith in your girl. Trust me, the only one she wants to hurt isSaorise."

Hope's eyes scrunched up and he shook his head, voice hurried despite his burning blush. "You can't know that Rygdea! You can't know something like that! Maybe they'll think I should have known better, or that I should have gotten away when I can, or that-that-"

"Stop it Hope!" Rygdea knelt by the bed and grabbed Hope by the shoulders, shaking him and forcing Hope to look him in the eye. "No one will think that Hope. No one. I don't know why you think it's your fault or that-"

"But it was!" Hope flinched and shut his eyes, throwing his head down when Rygdea raised a fist. The man breathed hard through his nose and let his arm fall to his side, taking a deep breath. Hope was shaking underneath him and mumbling under his breath. Rygdea shook his head and sat down, leaning his back against the bed and listening to Hope as he sniffled and hiccuped. "I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry Rygdea, I shouldn't have said that. I know it's not-not my fault but I just-"

"I know Hope." Rygdea was silent for a moment, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath as he tilted his head toward the ceiling. He waited until Hope's breathing evened out before speaking again. "Do you want me to tell them instead Hope? Would that make it easier for you to handle?" Rygdea asked, resting his hand on his knee as he waited for Hope's answer. Hope jerked and lifted his head to look at him, narrowing his eyes in confusion.

"You-You'd tell them?"

"Yes." Rygdea nodded, smiling at Hope. "I'd tell them. I could have Lightning help to if she was up to it, but if you really want them to know, but aren't up for telling it, I'll do it." Rygdea watched as Hope looked away from him, the silveret's eyes hidden by his bangs. Hope brought his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them, biting his lip as he considered Rygdea's offer.

"You'd tell them…" he mumbled.

Rygdea waited as Hope mulled it over, watching his face carefully, and wondering what was going on inside of him. He blinked when Hope shook his head, brushing his hair out of his face to see him. "I-I can't-I can't Rygdea. I can't have you do it for me." Rygdea opened his mouth to ask why but Hope went on, his body trembling. "I mean…I mean, I _want _to. I part of me really, really wants to just-just have someone else do it for me. But I can't-I can't get past it of I don't keep telling it and talking about it and all of that." Hope shut his eyes a moment and breathed in. "I have…I have to tell them. I have to tell them and let them know what happened. They've all stuck by me, to the end, and if I can't even do this one thing for them then I don't deserve.-"

Hope stopped at Rygdea's warning look but smiled, running a shaking hand over his face. "So-So I'll tell them Rygdea. And soon. As long as you and Light are nearby I think I can do it. I just….I _have_ to do this for them." Hope nodded to himself again, although his body was still shaking and his eyes were starting to water.

Rygdea smiled and stood up, stretching his arms out once more and smirking at Hope. "I have to say…I'm proud of you Estheim. You've come far." Rygdea's smirk widened and he grabbed Hope, pulling him into a hug before pushing him back to the bed and leaving the room before Hope could get a word out.

The door shut with a soft snap and Hope was left alone again. Hope smiled as he shoved himself back up, wiping his eyes hard as he looked at the door, Rygdea's words still ringing in his ears.

"_I'm proud of you."_


	45. Picking Up Pieces

**How overdue is this? Extremely...very much so. In fact, I have been AWOL since spring break. And why? Well...to be hones with you all...**

**I wanted to play the Sims 3. Like...**_**really**_** bad. So...I did. And before I knew it, not only had time flown by (aided by school, no less, but still) but I had a lot of reviews (all lovely, all great, all appreciated), and a lot of others things that needed doing. And when I'm under pressure or feel overwhelmed, I do a bad thing.**

**I procrastinate. But as you can guess, this foolproof method of mine didn't help, but rather, made things much worse. And so, I must extend an apology to all my readers, reviewers, anyone who happened by alike for not only taking so long, but having to say that I must opt out of replying to reviews this time. I know that I will only continue to delay this otherwise, but I hope you won't all be too disappointed in me. I feel bad...I really do, and those with questions will be getting replies soon (the very least I can do). I am truly sorry for this...I hope you all aren't mad at me.**

**Aside from that, I can tell you that Daybreak itself is going well (I did keep working on it during my absence). For this chapter, I would recommend 'Picking Up Pieces' by Blue October, and I would recommend Blue October in general because they are awesome. Just awesome. A big inspiration too. I look forward to hearing what you think, and hopefully, you'll enjoy the chapter despite the weird update and extended delay. Please forgive me.**

**Edit: I am confused. When I checked my personal spellchecker, none of the words were stuck together on my word processor. But when I put it here, they were. What happened? I am very confused how they went from not stuck to stuck, but thank you for catching it everyone! Hopefully I found most of them. But I am still confused as to how it happened. **

* * *

"Hope...are you sure?" Lightning glanced at him, watching as he laid himself over his bed and sighed, raising a hand in the air. Hope stretched out his fingers, his torso hanging off the edge of the bed as he inspected his hand, his hair falling away from his face. His eyes were narrowed, and when he looked at Lightning, they were clouded with confusion.

"I…yes. Yes, I want to tell them what happened. I think it's-it's the right thing to..." Hope trailed off, eyes slowly drifting to the ceiling. "It just seems surreal Light," he said, breathing out a sigh. "All of it. What I told you. What happened back there. You and me actually being...being..." Hope's voice died and Lightning raised an eyebrow, pushing herself from her crossed-legged position on the floor and walking toward the bed. She sat down again, leaning against the mattress and looking down at Hope. His eyes strained to focus on her in his upside down position and there was a light tinge of pink on his cheeks.

"What Hope?" Lightning asked, although her own heart started to swell a bit. "What aren't you sure of?"

Hope swallowed, pushing himself up before he swung his legs over the bed and slid to the floor next to Lightning. He glanced at her but Lightning stared ahead at the door, so Hope's eyes fell to her hand. His eyelids were half mast as he brushed his fingers against hers, smiling a little when their fingers laced together and his palm on top of her hand. His heart did an odd sort of flutter and he smiled, but he tightened his grip when something cold started to wash over him. He closed his eyes and shook his head, shuddering as the cold feeling spread from his chest to his head and stomach.

"Hope?"

"I'm sorry." Hope opened his eyes and met Lightning's gaze. "I mean-I guess I'm just waiting for this to end. For me to wake up and this dream or nightmare or whatever you would call it to stop. I-I'm half expecting to open my eyes and see the cabin and Saorise standing over me and-" Hope stopped, shaking his head as he choked on his words. His hands began to shake and he buried his free hand in his lap. "I couldn't do that Light. I couldn't go back to that. Not now. Not now, not now." Hope brought his knees up and pressed his forehead against his knees, rubbing hard against his jeans. "Please tell me this isn't a dream. I can't have this be a dream."

Lightning closed her eyes and squeezed Hope's hand, shoulders slumping as she rubbed circles into his skin, "This isn't a dream, Hope. Trust me." Lightning swallowed, scooting closer to Hope even as her body heated up at the contact of his legs against hers. "None of this is a dream. I promise. I promise I'll protect you too, and that this will end soon, and that you'll be-"

Lightning stopped as Hope dropped his head on her shoulder, Hope letting out a shuddering gasp as he shook his head. "You don't have to promise me that, Lightning. I just-I had to know. I had to know that this was real. It seems so...I mean, someone like you actually-" _Loving someone like me...seems impossible. I still don't know. I still have no idea what to think. How? How, after everything, can you really-_

"Don't think that way Hope," Lightning muttered. "I'm staying by you. And believe it or not, you are worth something to me. More than you think." Hope smiled at that, pressing his head a little more into her shoulder and just staring ahead into the bedroom. Sometimes, his mind would flicker to the next few hours ahead of him. The ones that he was dreading. The hours where he would be in front of more than just Lightning orRygdea, pouring out his story so that the others could finally understand what was wrong with him. Maybe see him for what he was, even though the thought made the air rush out of his lungs.

_Weak._

_Weak._

_If you had been stronger, this wouldn't have happened. If you had fought harder-ran sooner. Seen through her lies and her words and had been less naïve._

_Because of you._

_Everything because of you._

_"-but it's not your fault."_

Then he would go off to the base and try to figure out that book, translate it for the others before trying to fit the pieces together. With weak and shaking hands he'd try to piece together the truth. Maybe a solution. _Please, please let there be a solution._

And all on just three hours of sleep.

Hope didn't know how long he stayed in his room with Lightning, just staring ahead, neither of them really saying anything. He would just feel the rise and fall of her chest; hear the occasional sigh or yawn. He would close his eyes when her body shifted, and chuckle when her hair brushed against his face. He would squeeze her hand when he got too lost in his thoughts, and then he would wonder how he had never done this before; sit and stay with someone. Hold them close and weather the storm while fighting not to fall apart. And just as quickly, he'd wonder how he was doing this now.

"We can...still wait, Hope." Hope blinked, the quiet broken by Lightning's voice. "You don't have to tell them just yet. You won't really get a chance to rest afterward and-" Hope shook his head and lifted himself from Lightning, giving her a small but genuine smile.

"I know Lightning." Hope nodded to himself and Lightning stood up, pulling Hope up with her. The two stared at each other a moment, almost sizing the other up, and the same thoughts were racing through their heads.

_How did this happen? How did this happen so soon? Why did this take so long? Thank goodness I have you next to me._

_I am not used to having someone next to me. I am not used to 'together'. I am not used to not alone. I don't know if I am truly ready for not alone. I want to be ready. I want to stay beside you. I want to be near you._

_What will happen if I lose this? This is new. This is precious. This is something I cannot lose._

_This is love._

"We should go." They squeezed hands once before Hope led them out of the room. His eyes were already stinging as he walked through the door, Lightning's hand locked with his.

It had been a long time since he acknowledged, fully and completely, he was not alone.

* * *

"_You're lucky I bothered to save you at all."_

Saorise cringed and buried her face into her pillow, taking several deep breaths and shuddering as the copper, bitter smell of old blood and soot filled her lungs. Her back arched, the pain sharp as it jolted along her spine, rattling her bones before she sighed and relaxed back into the bed.

"I know," she said, bringing a hand to her face and rubbing her eyes. "I know." _You did not have to save me. You could have saved Hope and all would have been well. I know what I am worth to you. I know where I stand and where I have always stood._

Saorise blinked as Chaos' voice boomed through her head, echoing of the walls of her skull and pounding against her eyes. _"You would believe his words then? I did not know the boy could plant ill seeds of his own. I thought only you were the master of such an art."_

Saorise narrowed her eyes and pushed herself from the bed, sitting against the wall the bed sat against and glaring at several of the shelves. She glanced down at her hands while they stung and throbbed, glaring when she saw bright pink skin, some peeling off as white and scaly flaps of flesh. Her eyes traveled to her arm and she gritted her teeth, pressing a finger to the white, filmy skin covering her arm. It was rough in some places and smooth in others, and small, red crystals were imbedded in the skin.

_It's true isn't it? What need do you have of me, when you have Hope? Why deny me what I want…when I am no longer…._ Saorise shook her head, her eyes hard as she brought her legs to her chest. "I still want to kill him," she said aloud, her voice booming in the silence of the cabin. The hole was still in the wall, the cold drafts of constant winter air blowing in, but the cold seemed to do nothing to her. Instead she snorted, shaking her head. "I want to kill him and put him in his place. Make him understand that I am not one to be trifled with. That I am the one who determines how his life should go before the final moment." Saorise sneered, kicking several stained blankets from the bed. "But it seems I cannot."

"_It has been a long time since I heard you hold yourself in such contempt. Where did that confidence go? With that boy's words?" _Chaos' voice boomed again, and even though she didn't notice, Saorise's heart swelled at his almost laughter. _"You have no need to fear of your place with me. Power the boy has, but he lacks the things I value in you. That boy would not have sought out the people to test. He would not have dragged them here, lured them to the truth. You have done for me what no one else could."_

Saorise was smiling at his point, her eyes alight before she buried face in her knees, as if to hide her pride. "I guess."

"_Do not guess. Know."_

Saorise nodded and she lifted her face from her kneecaps, looking up at the ceiling and catching a glimpse of blue sky from where the ceiling had broken away. "He was starting to transform back there as well. Like me. Does that mean he's close?"

"_We are all close enough that we may proceed. We do not even need to lure him to us anymore. At least not here. I think we can nestle ourselves in Cocoon and wait until the moment is right. Strike when they least expect it," _Chaos said.

"_In fact, our next step is why your skin peels now. A new weapon, made from the heat of fire, the weapons of our enemies, and your own hands. I could not, after all, move the tools myself. I think you'll be pleased...regardless of the disfigurement of your arm. You own fault, mind you."_

Saorise titled her head at his words but nodded, bringing her legs to the floor and running a hand through her hair. She grabbed the loose strands and pulled them forward, slowly working the hair until she had three thick strands of hair. She braided them together, looking up at the ceiling.

"But if we go there, we need to be ready," she said, pointedly avoiding the mention of the weapon, although a small smile flashed on her face. "We need all of them there right? Even with Hope and myself, there's no guarantee. It'll be safer this way..." Saorise said, yanking on her hair and pulling it more forward. When she reached the end she leaned toward the floor and pried out one of the feather chunks she had embedded to the wood. Small bits of fire leaked from her fingers and wound around the thin, black plastic like tip and she twisted it around the end of her braid.

"_It will work…far better than you think. In the center lies the other two. Over time he has grown stronger, and in turn, so has his connection with them, whether he realizes it or not. As for the others…they will come. Trust me. Where Hope goes they are sure to follow." _Saorise raised an eyebrow but stood, grabbing a white fur shawl and draping it over her shoulders before stepping toward the gaping hole in the cabin.

She glanced around and saw what looked like a clawed glove, with various metals melted together and giving it a rusted look. She took the glove and inspected it, reaching inside one of the holes in the knuckles and smiling when she felt metal, pulling it one as a string. She reached down and slipped on her black boots, red eyes shining as they focused on the snow that stretched in front of her.

"Do you want me to make a scene?" she asked, standing straight when she slipped the other boot slipped on. "Or just sneak in?"

"_I think you know the answer this time. Stealth is our weapon. Let them think they have something on us, a way to bring us down. Let them try to form a last-ditch strategy. I want them to understand what will happen to them. I want them all to understand the great reckoning that approaches this world, long overdue considering its state."_

Saorise nodded, cracking her neck from side to side before she leaned toward the ground. She muttered a few words under her breath, several gusts of wind blowing at her sides. As the winds kicked up her hair she took a deep breath and started to run. The winds grew behind her, and each time one of her legs came up to take the next step, she would be propelled further and further by the strong, cold winds. She narrowed her eyes as her speed continued to increase, glancing at the beasts she passed by and smirking as some of them laid eyes on her. In the distance her snow cabin was fading, and rolling greens and blurred rock formations were at her sides. She could hear howling in the distance, long and low.

"Come on then," she muttered, making herself go faster with each burst of wind, sending dirt and grass flying behind her. "Come and catch me."

"_This world is about to be reformed Saorise. Our patience will pay off and we shall all come together in oblivion. And then shall come Maker, to right all wrongs." _Saorise nodded, reaching for the holster around her waist and pulling out several daggers. She still held the clawed glove in her other hand, eyes watching when several gray, snarling dogs began to circle around her, snapping their jaws and paws pounding on the ground. She slipped the glove over her right hand and pulled out several long, gray sheets of thread from the holed knuckles.

Chaos continued in her head, _"Soon there will be nothing Saorise. Are infinite abyss."_

Saorise brought the handles of her daggers to the tips of the metal threads and wrapped them around the handles, fire briefly flashing under her fingers as she tried to melt them together. The orange flame briefly lit her face before the light died in the night. She eyed the wolves while they continued to circle her, her free hand moving along the side of the glove and then the palm until she heard a faint click. With the sound the metal threads sang back to the glove, the daggers locking with the holes.

She smiled as one of the Pulsian wolves made to pounce, only to be knocked away with a keening howl, its body bouncing off the ground. Blood flew in the air, the body already skidding behind her with rapid thuds. She smirked as she looked at the shined metal, pressing her fingers against it to be sure it was secure, before turning around and leaping oddly in a backwards step. She raised the gloved hand in the air, pressing her fingers toward her palm and smiling as the daggers flew out, the thin sheets of metal scratching as they left the glove. The daggers fell on the wolves, piercing their backs before Saorise pressed her fingers down one the palm again, making the daggers snap back. The wolves rolled along the ground, dead and dying, and the recoil made the last of the wolves fall back, dark spots appearing on the ground. Saorise began to slow down, taking great gulps of air as went.

"_Nothing."_

Saorise smiled as the last dagger snapped back into place, the sharp edge shining. She looked up and saw lights fading in and out of her vision on the horizon, and her eyes darkened at the thought of what lay there. She had a distance yet to travel, but her chest swelled as two pairs of eyes flashed in her mind; one pair blue and the other pair green.

"I'm looking forward to it."

* * *

Hope couldn't say what he felt. He didn't know whether he was happy or sad. Angry or defeated.

But the way his stomach was churning, sick was definitely making its place known. Not that he could say it. He couldn't say much of anything after his words had finally died and he was left to stew in the silence that followed. He was sitting on the couch, in the middle of Rygdea and Lightning, Rygdea's hand painfully tight on his shoulder, and Lightning's just as harsh on his hand. The room was silent. Hope was proud of himself for that, because even though his face felt very, very wet and he was pretty sure he'd be flinging himself toward the toilet soon, he wasn't sobbing like he had with Lightning. And that had to be an improvement.

He prayed it was an improvement.

"H-H-" Hope shut his eyes, hands shaking hard and fast even with one grasped so tightly in Lightning's. His whole body felt hot and sickly, like the heat was trying to rise out of his body and was in the process of bloating, pulling his skin up and away from his bones.

There was a flash of red and Hope choked, swallowing the acid that had flown into his mouth.

He refused to look at them, at any of them, bowing his head and opening his eyes so that he would only see his legs. And he tried not to remember where they were sitting. That Lebreau and Maqui had insisted on staying close by, settling for hovering over Rygdea while Hope started to pour his heart out. Serah and Snow huddled together on the floor, Sazh was standing near the door, and Hazel and Dajh were in Hazel's room while the adults talked about horrible, big scary things that Snow would read to Hazel about sometimes.

Except these were real big scary things, not the light stuff of witches poisoning apples, or giant dragons that would gobble up bad children. These were thing that wouldn't go away with a flashlight or kiss from mommy and daddy. These big and scary things stayed. In fact, they infested every corner they happened upon. Haunted things they shouldn't touch and drenched a boy turned man in blood.

_Will someone please say something? Anything. I don't care what it is, just say something. _Hope pleaded in his head, rocking himself in his seat as the silence continued on. It pressed down on him, squeezed on his chest and stomach until he was sure that something was going to pop, and he had to grab his stomach when it lurched again. He kept closing his eyes, as if he could make it all stop by shutting himself away from it, but all that did was bring him inside the wooden cabin and he'd feel everything start to fall away again. Hope gasped, finally looking up so he could scream and run or do something that wasn't in that room, surrounded by the people he loved and now thought less of him because he had been so weak and stupid.

"P-"

He flinched and grunted when something slammed into his chest, squinting his eyes as he caught a flash of nearly pink hair. He glanced down at Serah as she wrapped her arms around his middle, shaking her head as small, almost silent sobs started from her. She choked and gasped, biting down on her lips and tensing her shoulders to hold in the quaking of her body. Hope just stared at her shaking frame, before he closed his eyes and shook his head again, feeling the tears in his eyes, the hot pools making his eyes itch.

"Serah-"

She shook her head again and held on tighter, and as she squeezed Hope around the middle, her tears leaking through his shirt, he started to hunch over himself. He closed his eyes as Lightning and Rygdea's hands tightened on him, the pressure so painful but so comfortable, and Hope knew that if they let go he'd fall apart on the spot.

Hope pressed his forehead against the back of Serah's head, unaware of the others circling around him until he felt their presence, felt their hands or heard their own quiet words or sobs or some sound that was broken and uncertain. And soon he lost track of them. He lost track of his own sobbing, muffled in the bodies of the others. He briefly left the cabin to join them in the living room while they cried or tried to think straight when it seemed impossible to do so. He didn't acknowledge that soon he would be pulling himself together to translate a book that could be what saved them, even though it was from the very people who had made such vital parts of him die and break away.

All Hope knew was that he was surrounded by loved ones and drowning in warmth. In acceptance and fear. It was another one of those things that flew above him yet he could still reach it. Brush against this something and have some primal, instinctive understanding of what it meant as he held on to the others for all that he was worth. Felt a soft love and passion, a terrible fear that was choking in its potency, yet shaking in the wake of the other, impossible feelings. A world with no cabins and no fire. No Saorise.

Instead there was warmth. Instead he was surrounded by these precious people who had refused to let him go when he was more than willing to do so. These people who were determined to have him stick around no matter what happened. Who wanted him to stay. Who did not hate him despite his numerous and horrible mistakes. Despite all the things about him that were broken.

For a moment, there was no great and terrible horror. There was no screaming. No villages in flames or his own blood all over him. No little girls he could not save. Only love. Only warmth.

Only them.

Only they were there.

* * *

Hope didn't realize he was being led to his room until he was already there. He blinked slowly at his bed, tilting his head to the side when he saw clothes had been laid out on the mattress for him as well. He felt a hand on his back and on his shoulder, and a bit behind him he heard someone's voice, but his mind just couldn't work out who it was or what they were saying.

All he knew was that he was tired. Not just tired though...but one deep exhaustion. They kind that always came after being emotionally drained. Any energy he had before had dropped away, and in its place he could feel the heaviest metals being poured. The liquid weight dropped into his veins, pulling his fingers down and making his back hunch. He felt his body leaning heavily one way, but a small sigh of relief escaped him when he landed on something soft that kept him upright.

_Good...because there was no way I was stopping that one._

"You stress him out and I kill you," a voice said. His eyes flickered to the source but he shut them tight when he felt how dry they were. His eyes were stinging again, but this time it was to relieve the pain in his eyes, and he wondered why he was even standing anymore.

"We know Light, calm down. We just wanna talk to him and hang out for a while before we go to base. There's no harm in that is there?"

_I almost forgot about the base._

"-er. Just be careful."

"Yeah, yeah. You act like we're gonna break him or something."

Hope blinked his eyes open only to clench them shut again when the room began to move. Someone was tugging on his arm and he was being pushed to the bed, body bouncing as it landed while the door clicked close.

Hope sighed, not bothering to lift his face from the bed even when it began to dip. He just waited for whoever it was to say their piece so he could get a nap in before going to the base.

_I really need one. This bed is so warm and soft. If only my eyes would stop itching already...but even that won't stop me-_

"Hope."

Hope scrunched his eyes at the voice and tired to lean away, but pressure on his back stopped him. He felt the bed dip again, this time on his other side, and he sighed and sat up. His arms fought him as he made them push his body up, and all he could do was roll over and face the ceiling. Two faces popped in front of him and he held back a groan.

"Guys...I really want to take a nap," he mumbled, throwing his arm in front of his face so that Maqui and Lebreau would disappear. Lebreau sighed and grabbed his arm, pulling it away from his face.

"Yes, Hope. We get that you're tired. Now please get up so we can talk with you."

"Guys..." Hope growled.

"Please, Hope."

Hope closed his eyes at her voice, but that didn't make the plea he heard in it go away. He opened his eyes again and nodded, sitting up completely even as his body rebelled against him. He groaned at the aches in his back but eventually he was hunched over on the bed, Lebreau and Maqui on either side of him.

It was silent between the three of them, each looking at their laps rather than each other. Hope started to fiddle with the hem of his shirt again, his neck starting to heat up in the quiet room. He peeked at the two of them but quickly looked back down when he thought they saw him. He swallowed hard, awareness starting to come back.

"So...now you guys know."

Hope knew it was a stupid thing to say. Knew it the moment it came out of his mouth. But it was all that came to mind while he sat in the silence of the room. His heart started to beat a little harder and Hope wondered when one of them would say something. In the back of his mind he thought he could hear a high-pitched voice, telling him that they were thinking all the wrong things about him. Or the right things... That he was weak and brought on himself. That he should have been faster and stronger or better or something.

_Say something. Someone say something._

"Yeah...we know." Hope looked up at Maqui at his voice, watching as the blond shifted on the bed so that he was facing the door. "I guess...I guess we should have figured it was something bad like that." Hope nodded, not sure what else he was supposed to do, but Maqui didn't glance at him. "I mean...if Rygdea was keeping a secret, it had to be a big deal. But we wanted to know. We thought...well, we thought we could help you If you did."

Lebreau started to nod at Maqui, glancing at Hope as well, but Maqui didn't stop.

"But Hope...I had no idea that it was something like that. And there we were, telling you to tell us, or hinting at it."

"Maqui," Hope mumbled, reaching a hand out. "Don't think that-"

"Were you ever mad at us when we asked you?" Maqui asked, turning back to Hope and staring hard at him. "Were you mad because we asked...and then you'd know the answer but then think...think...well, I know we can't do much for you." Hope shook his head, but Maqui ran a hand over his face, eyes scrunching up. "But damn Hope...after hearing it and knowing about it-" Maqui stopped, biting his lip and tensing, and Lebreau put a hand on Hope's shoulder, making him glance at her.

"We're sorry...we're sorry that we couldn't-couldn't really do that much for you." Lebreau's eyes were dark but she tried to smile at Hope, even though it came out broken.

"We wanted to though. We still do...we still do..." Maqui repeated. Hope shook his head, looking between the two of them. He glanced at Lebreau and shoved her from him, pushing himself from the bed so that he was facing them instead. Maqui started to stand, asking Hope what was wrong, but Hope snarled and punched Maqui on the cheek. Maqui's eyes shot open as he landed in the bed, hand pressing on his flaming cheek while Hope loomed over them.

"You guys are being a bunch of fucking idiots!" Hope tried to raise his voice, tired to force some anger into his voice, but all eh managed to do was make his voice crack. "You-You really think you haven't done anything for me? Really? You are _never_ allowed to get on my ass for saying stupid shit again!"

"Hope-" Lebreau said, raising her hands and shaking her head.

"No! No, you guys are going to shut and listen!"

_Stop shouting. Stop yelling._

But Hope's chest was roaring and he was tired and his eyes kept stinging and stinging and stinging. He had to share his story twice, he had to watch everyone break down because of him.

_But like _hell_ am I going to let the people who've...who've taken care of me thinking something-_

"I didn't tell you because I didn't think you could help me! You know it! I know you know it! I didn't tell you because I was scared, but now you go and start saying this!" Hope ran his hands through his hair, missing Lebreau and Maqui exchange frightened stares. "You were with me at De Novo. Even at the parts I don't remember...even then! You with me now, like everyone else. You're with me even though I do stupid things and I'm depressing to be around and I'm weak, and-and you think you haven't done anything for me! Dammit!"

Hope pushed his hand to his eyes when tears managed to escape, but before he knew it he was being wrapped into a hug and staring through black hair.

"We're sorry Hope. We're sorry this happened. We're sorry, we're sorry, we're sorry."

"St-stop..." Hope mumbled. "I'm the only...only one who needs..." Hope couldn't finish, just letting them hold him tighter. He shuddered and gasped out a sob before letting himself slump against the two of them. He smiled when they pulled away, Maqui taking him by the arm and leading him back to the bed. Waves of exhaustion began to hit him again and he let himself be lowered to the bed, body already limp against the mattress.

"I think Lightning's going to kill you two..." Hope said, his eyes already closing. He missed their looks again. He didn't see Lebreau's eyes darken or Maqui as he bit his lip. Only darkness when he closed his eyes.

"Only cause you yelled, jerk," Lebreau said, forcing a smile on her face. Hope didn't respond though, his mind already shutting down in a blank haze of peace. Lebreau and Maqui glanced at each other before sitting down by Hope's bed, staring at the door to wait for Lightning.

And even once she came they didn't move.

* * *

"He's still asleep," Lightning said, brushing the bangs out of Hope's face as they were driven along the roads of New Bodhum. The taxi driver glanced back at them before turning his eyes back to the road, but the others paid him no mind. It was Hope, Snow, and Lightning in the car, with Rygdea and the others in the other. Lightning continued to card her fingers through Hope's hair, eyes clouded.

"Sis…" Snow muttered, his own eyes searching the blurring roads and buildings outside. "What…do you think of all that stuff that happened to him?" Lightning's eyes drifted to Snow, watching as his eyes went from the window to his lap, his mouth twisted into a frown. His hands were clenched at his sides and his normally bright blue eyes were dark, searching his lap as if the answer would fall into it. "I mean, after what happened, I can see why he didn't want to tell us. I just-I mean." Snow finally looked up at her, brow furrowed in confusion, unable to say the words. He swallowed, spitting out the sentences before he could lose them again, "What are we supposed to do with this?"

Lightning kept her eyes on Snow's, watching as the man's legs shifted and his eyes drifted to the corner of the car, as if to escape her look. Lightning crossed her legs, keeping a hand on Hope while she shifted, and she considered her next words. "Honestly Snow, I didn't know what to do either."

Snow snorted and Lightning glared at him, but a smile made its way to her face.

"I didn't though…" she said, her voice quiet, "When he told me he was an utter mess, so I did the only thing I could think of. I comforted him. Or tried to at least. He didn't stay awake long after that either. I can't blame him for that."

Lightning sighed, closing her eyes and curling several of Hope's hairs around her fingers. Snow smiled as he watched his sister-in-law, doubting she was even aware of what she was doing anymore. Her hands just seemed to seek Hope out without her permission, running her fingers through his locks or holding hands with him. _Soon you'll be wondering how you ever went without doing that sis. Trust me._

"After he told me, and he went to sleep, I tried really hard not to think about it." Lightning leaned her free shoulder against the window, the cold glass make her shiver slightly. "I didn't want to think of all the horrible things Hope had gone through, especially at the end. The thought of that bitch touching him that way almost made me-" Snow's eyes flickered to Lightning's hand as she pulled on Hope's hair, making him whimper in his sleep. Lightning jolted, patting his hair down and mumbling a sorry before sending a glare at Snow when he chuckled. The man smirked, forcing a cough up his throat before nodding for her to continue.

"I-I wanted to hit something. And I wanted to cry. I wanted to do a lot of things I couldn't really do," she mumbled.

Snow shook his head. "You could have cried sis. I mean…I mean, I know you don't like to, but you still could have." Snow's voice died as Lightning raised an eyebrow at him, rolling her eyes.

"That's not the point Snow. It felt like I _couldn't_ do those things. And what he said…what he said just kept running through my mind, over and over, and it hadn't even been an hour yet and I thought I'd go crazy if I didn't so something soon. I wanted to make it right somehow. I blamed myself for had happened to Hope." Lightning gave Snow a small smile, but that didn't stop the man from shaking his head and nearly jumping out of his seat as he reached for her.

"No sis! No! There's no way that could have been your fault. None of it was your fault it was-"

"Stop right there." Snow's jaw snapped shut at the command in Lightning's voice and he brought his hand back to his side, waiting for her glare to soften. She closed her eyes, her shoulders dropping. "We…all need to stop that."

"What-"

"How can we expect Hope to stop blaming himself for things that were never and could _never_ be his fault, if we can't do the same thing?" Lightning shook her head, pressing her back against the seat and letting out a low sigh. "I-I mean, I did the same thing. And it got me thinking of how we always tell him that he needs to stop blaming himself. Stop saying sorry. But how?" Lightning's eyes bore into Snow's, watching as he worked out her words, "How can he do something like that, with what he's surrounded by? When we say sorry for thinking he was dead, for saying sorry or that it's our fault that he was taken. Saying we should have saved him. Saying things we know we wouldn't have been able to do because we just didn't_know_."

Lightning's eyes went back to Hope when he moaned in his sleep, curling closer to Lightning's side. "I know it's…it's hard to do, but if we could manage it, maybe we can show Hope too. Show him how to better…better accept what's happened to him." The words came out slowly, as if Lightning had just realized something incredibly important. She thought she had at least; she could feel the importance of it swell in her chest.

It was silent after that, Lightning looking down at Hope, Snow looking at the two of them, his eyes occasionally traveling to the window.

"Maybe," Snow finally said, giving her a shrug. He kept his eyes on her and Hope, and eventually he smiled. "But you know, I think you'll be doing most of his _healing_ Light."

Lightning jerked, then scowled at him. "I'm not afraid to punch you."

"I know you're not," Snow said, rubbing his jaw as dull, phantom pain rocked his mouth. "And you're not afraid to hit Rygdea either."

"Didn't I tell you?" Lightning tilted her head to the side, but a smirk was playing on her face. "That's my _other_ other solution. When all else fails, go punch Rygdea. All your problems can be solved that way."

"Wait, so he's the new punching bag? I don't know whether to feel happy or sad about that. I won't miss it…I don't think." Snow looked toward the ceiling of the car, raising an eyebrow. "Well, okay, I might miss it a bit. It was a great bonding experience. You hit me, I fall to the ground in pain, everyone stares... But now-"

"I can fix that." They both jumped as Hope opened his bleary eyes, fixing a glare on Snow as he pushed himself from Lightning. "I don't know if you're aware Snow, but you're big mouth makes sleeping hard."

"What, and Lightning's is the voice of the angels-OW!" Snow shouted, grabbing his throbbing ankle as Hope smiled at him. Snow stuck his tongue out at him, giving him a smug grin. "You just kicked me because you _were_ thinking it. Don't even try to lie Hope-AH! Will you quit kicking me already!" Snow snapped, bringing his leg to his seat.

"Quit giving me a reason to," Hope muttered, pouting as he turned his head to stare out the window. Snow rolled his eyes, his smile returning when he saw the tinge of pink on Hope's cheeks. Hope sighed though and looked back at the, running a hand over his face. "What-What do you think will be in that book?" Hope asked, looking up at them and then down at his feet.

Lightning placed a hand on his shoulder, but Hope didn't look up. "It's nothing we can't handle Hope."

"But...but in my head." Hope closed his eyes and shook his head, taking a deep breath. "Before, this Fal'Cietold me that he was going to reduce everything to nothing. He kept offering it up to me, hoping I'd take it. Because-Because of what he put me through..." Hope trailed off, his eyes distant, "I'm sure he thought I'd take it. And-And I almost-"

"Enough Hope." Lightning and Hope both looked at Snow, eyes wide. "I know that you went through some-some serious shit." Snow's brow furrowed and he almost looked away, shaking his head instead, "It's not right either, what happened. And we all know it. But that's behind us. And who cares what's in that book? It's not going to stop us. If anything, it'll help us understand what the hell is going on. You've been through worse than this book so-"

Snow stopped at the look Lightning gave him, her eyes narrowed into slits and her fist raised as if to punch him, but Hope's voice made both of their eyes snap to him, "I-You're right Snow. I've been through worse. It's just a book right?" Hope tried to smile, but it came out crooked. He groaned and shook his head, leaning back in his seat, "I just need to calm down. I mean, everything that's happened lately, my stupid stuff, Sa-Saorise-"

"You and Lightning hitting it off," Snow picked up when Hope's voice began to falter. "I mean, I'm sure you guys must be going like rabbits after all that sexual tension." Snow grinned but it was wiped from his face when Lightning sent a kick to his shin. He grabbed his leg and moaned, but his lips kept twitching up. "It's not like I'm lying. If _I _could sense it, that's your first clue. So, did-UGH!" Snow shouted and curled in on himself, rocking back and forth on the seat while Lightning just glared at him, fist raised and aimed at his jaw.

"Keep talking and I'll knock your teeth out," Lightning warned, although the effect was somewhat lost from the red staining her cheeks. Hope snickered at Snow, then chuckled as the driver gave them a strange look, his eyebrows raised before his nervous eyes snapped back to the road.

"Thank you," Hope said, leaning back in the chair and closing his eyes. "I needed that."

* * *

Hope swallowed as the group approached the doors that led to what would normally be a friendly office. The dark doors of the base hadn't changed in his long absence, and the soldiers walking about were as alive as ever, talking and the clanging of metal echoing through the heavy walls. He had Rygdea carrying a duffel bag on his right, Lightning on his left, and the others in such a tight-knit circle around the three of them that Hope could hardly be seen in the center of them all. And as he passed some of the soldiers, unable to see anything but the tops of their heads, he didn't know whether he liked it or not.

_But I guess it makes things easier for everyone... If I can't be seen then we can finish this quicker. I wonder...when I'll be able to come back here again though, and not have to hide behind someone._

_I wonder when I'll be able to never come back here._

"Here we are," Rygdea said, leaving Hope's side and breaking through the group to reach the door. He pushed it open and stepped back, returning to Hope almost instantly while Lebreau and Snow led the way and Sazh were at Hope's flank, and Hope almost smiled at they way they were escorting him through the base.

_I wonder if they planned this all out beforehand._

Yet as Hope walked inside Rygdea's office, coming face to face with Crawford and two other men that he did not recognize, he could feel the small smile fall from his face. He nodded at Crawford, wondering if the man could even see him in the group, before straining to see the men he didn't know. One was balding and had sharp blue eyes that zeroed in on him, making Hope's insides squirm.

The other was a brunet, slim in stature with a small pair of glasses fitted on his face, and an old scar running along his chin. He looked friendlier than the balding man, and when he looked at Hope, there was this odd change in his eyes. They looked almost softer, and Hope felt his chest swell at the thought.

_Maybe they're not all against me then._

"I'm glad you could finally join us Rygdea. I was beginning to worry that you and your protegé wouldn't show."

Hope's eyes snapped back to the balding man, but he glanced at Lightning when she stiffened. He jolted when her fingers found his and his cheeks flushed when he heard her mutter, "He's my protegé."

"Well you know me," Rygdea said. "I love taking my sweet old-time in everything I do. Besides, it's kind of funny seeing you get all red-faced."

"Rygdea you stubborn idiot, don't you see that-"

"Yeah, kind of like that." Rygdea smirked, pointing at the man as his wrinkled face went from red to a light shade of purple. The brunet beside him took a step forward, placing a hand on the other's shoulder.

"Relax Sultur. We don't want to be at each others' throats before we even start." Sultur gave the other a sharp look before nodding, turning his attention from Rygdea to Hope. He raised an eyebrow when he saw the others were shielding him, but Hope blinked when they seemed to press closer to them at Sultur's gaze.

"What's this? Trying to hide the boy? There's hardly any need. Go on now, come on, I doubt we need all of these people here. It's not as if we're trying to lock him away. We need to talk about what happened at the mission." Sultur waved his hand at the others, motioning for the door, but Rygdea stepped forward.

"Think of them as Hope's support group. Things will go more smoothly if they're around. Besides, they'll be hearing this all later anyway." Rygdea smiled when Sultur turned back to him, his lips pursing together."Unless you don't want to talk with Hope at all. Considering how our talks have gone in the past, perhaps that's in everyone's best interest here."

"Now, now," the brunet said, stepping forward again and glancing at Sultur and Crawford. "There's hardly any need for that. That's why we brought you here after all, so that we could have a discussion of what is to come. Not make rash decisions and make our jobs even harder. " He looked between the others, his smile growing. "I see no reason why they cannot stay. But it would be better if we could see Hope more clearly. If what I heard is true, he's going to be needing room."

Hope's stomach tightened as the others began to walk away from him. He felt their hands press on his shoulders and back, and while all they did was walk toward the walls in the room, sending him glances all the way, he could not help but feel naked as he was left in the middle of the room. He almost took a step back asSultur's eyes found him, his body stiffening at the glare, but his hand brushed against something warm and he looked around. Lightning smiled at him, rubbing his wrist as she mouthed, 'I'm staying here.'

"Excuse me miss," Sultur said. "I am sure you-"

"Yes, I heard you. Now back off," Lightning growled, eyes turning cold as she narrowed her eyes on Sultur. "I'm staying here."

Sultur leaned back slightly, turning his nose up at her. "Very well. I suppose one person will not matter for now." He turned back to Rygdea, raising an eyebrow. "As much fun as it was hearing Crawford's chopped up version of events, I feel the need to ask _you_ Rygdea. What exactly happened during the mission that you woefully forgot to write a report of."

Rygdea crossed his arms, glancing at the ceiling with a faint smile on his face. Hope watched as he mouthed a few things under his breath before looking back at Sultur. "Whatever. If it will move this thing forward already." Hope sighed under his breath and looked down, closing his eyes while Rygdea's voice filled the room, interrupted every now and again by Crawford's voice, or Sultur's when he asked a question.

He kept his eyes glued to the floor, heat pooling in his head as he imagined the stares of Sultur and the other man, but Lightning's hand came into view under his bangs and he smiled as she brushed her fingers against his. He reached his fingers out and tapped her fingertips, smiling when their hands locked together. He closed his eyes and kept his face toward the floor though, waiting for Rygdea to stop explaining what 's voice was just a hum to him, Hope trying his best to ignore the story. He did not want to relive it in front of these people. He did not want to hear all of his failures again.

Hope shut his eyes tighter when they got to him trying to kill Saorise, his own body meshed to hers as he called up his Holy magic. The pain that had flared in his body, and the infinite whiteness that seemed to follow. _Lightning had been there. I saw her, even tried to reach for her, I think. But I almost-I almost threw it all away. I almost threw everything away! And now-now I have to stand here and listen while Rygdea tells these people. But I shouldn't care what they think of me. I shouldn't. I should just-just look up. Come on, you can do it Hope, just look up at them and show them you're not as weak as they think you are. Come on, look. Look!_

Hope's hand twitched and he swallowed, but he could not look up. His body felt too hot and too heavy and he could feel the sweat on his hands.

_I shouldn't care. Just look. Come on, just look. _Hope swallowed as his insides clenched, his stomach a tight ball as he shuddered. He tightened his grip on Lightning's fingers and finally forced his head up, taking a deep breath before opening his eyes and looking ahead. The room looked dark for a moment, black creeping in and floating around his vision until his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting in the room. Hope's eyes found Rygdea as he continued to explained what had happened afterward, but then Hope found himself meeting the gaze of Sultur.

The man's eyes were on him for a moment, a frown on his face as he gave Hope a quick survey before turning his attention back to Rygdea. Hope's eyes lowered to the ground again and he almost shook his head, until a voice came booming in the room.

"Estheim. Estheim! Please rejoin us here." Hope jumped, his fingers slipping from Lightning's as he looked at Sultur, the man shaking his head before stepped toward Rygdea, holding his hand out. "I don't know why I bother with dealing with your troops sometimes Rygdea."

"Maybe because we're the only chance you have at the moment? I mean, I could be wrong but that could have something-"

"Rygdea, I know you and my colleague are on less than friendly terms, but let's try to keep that out of this. Allright?" the brunet said. Rygdea rolled his eyes and reached toward the floor, pulling up the small duffel back and unzipping the top, reaching inside and pulling out the purple book. Hope's eyes snapped to the cover, studying the odd black lines that formed the swords and horns of the beast it depicted.

_I wonder...if that's Chaos then..._ _I mean, who else could it be?_

Hope followed the book as it was given to Sultur, hardly aware of the man as he turned to him.

_Everything...might be in that book. Maybe not-not about Saorise. But this voice. The voice that's been in my head for-forever. I mean, I think I know what he wants, but just how many details does it give? What am I supposed to with it? They want me to read it right? Translate it and all of that. But what if there's really nothing inside there? If that happens we'll be right back to square one and then what?_

"Hope," Lightning muttered, shaking his arm slightly. "Snap out of it."

Hope jolted, turning to Lightning as she nodded at him, tilting her head toward the book. Hope's face warmed while he looked back at the book, slipping it out of Sultur's hands and gazing at the cover. He looked toward the top, eyes focusing on the swirling letters. And while the lettering across the top could be connected to no sound in Hope's mind, the name of the book popped in his mind: _Chaos, Walker of the Wheel. All to Nothing, as it Began._

"So that's the name?" Hope's attention went to Sultur as he took a step back, and Hope brought a hand to his mouth.

_I said it out loud?_

Sultur ignored the look on his Hope's face, his tone brisk. "I think you understand what we want you to do boy. We need you to translate this book as soon as possible. With any luck, we can glean something useful from this mishap after all, and use the information we have to take this menace down. I want you to stay here for the translation. Meals will be provided for you of course, but we need you here and working on this." Hope blinked, just nodding his head as the instructions were relayed to him.

Rygdea shook his head and stepped forward, grabbing Hope by the shoulder. "I'm not having you work him to death."

"I think you understand why this has to be done in the first place. We don't have tome to be idle," Sultur said, glaring at Rygdea.

"I never said I didn't get it. I'm saying that overworking Hope after everything that happened won't make him very useful to you. Or am I just assuming you want this done correctly?"

"You're coddling him."

"I'm looking out for him!" Rygdea seethed. Hope blinked and shook his head, pressing his hand on Rygdea'sshoulder.

"Rygdea, I'll be all right. He's right, we have to get this done. After I messed up, it's the least I can do," Hope soothed, bringing the book closer to his chest and moving for the desk in the middle of the room.

"But Hope-" Rygdea mumbled.

"I kind of need it right now anyway," Hope muttered, hiding his eyes with his bangs. "I just need something I can work on without worrying about everyone and everything around me." Hope looked back at them all, eyes trailing on Lightning before he sat down at the desk. "At least this way I can be useful." Hope set the book down on the desk and smiled as the brunet grabbed some paper and pens from around the room, setting them next to Hope. He missed the others when they exchanged glances before turning back to him. Lebreau sighed, pacing a hand on her hip.

"Fine then." Hope looked over at Lebreau as she pushed herself from her place on the wall, smirking at him. "I guess we'll just have to stick around too."

"Wha-"

"I agree," Lightning said, crossing her arms. "I have to make sure they treat you correctly here. Make sure they actually feed you and all that. And that you go to sleep when you need to." Lightning glared at Hope when he started to shake his head, her eyes flashing. "I'm staying and that's final."

"But I-"

"No buts Hope." Snow said, grinning as he hooked his arm around Maqui's neck and pulled him forward. "We're staying and that's that."

"Sorry kid, can't get rid of us that easily," Sazh said, smiling as Hope turned to him, eyes alight when he thought Sazh would be the voice of reason, only to moan when Sazh said otherwise. Rygdea smirked as the others made themselves comfortable around the room, glancing around when he realized he'd have to pick a new seat with Hope at his desk.

"Well that sucks..." he mumbled.

Lebreau grabbed Maqui out of Snow's clutches, pulling him toward the door. "Your office sucks Rygdea. You need more chairs. We'll be back! Maybe!"

"I don't see why I have to be along for the ride!" Maqui groaned, only to shriek when Lebreau yanked on his arm and shoved him out the door. Hope shook his head when the two disappeared from sight, running a hand through his hair before leaning back in the chair. Sultur was shaking his head as well, glaring at Rygdea.

"I hardly see the need to have all of these people here. They will do nothing but distract him."

"Either he translates with us here, or you can see him later when he does it at home," Rygdea said, crossing his arms and glaring right back. Hope tilted his head to the side, taken aback at Rygdea's constant biting at Sultur.

_Wow...it's weird to see Rygdea out right disliking this guy._

"And trust me Sultur, if you think us here is distracting, you should see as back home. There we've got a doting wife and mother who is just dying to get Hope back so she can force him to relax, a little toddler who is enamored with Hope and loves to torture him with crayons, and a little ten-year-old who will not hesitate to-"

"Enough!" Sultur threw his hands in the air, nodding to the brunet and Crawford and heading out the door. "Whatever keeps you all here and doing what I asked. Just make sure it gets done!" Hope snickered as the man stomped out of the room, the others two following closing behind him. Crawford turned and gave Hope a small wink before disappearing through the door. Hope's shoulders slumped when they left and he turned his eyes back to the book.

_I guess it's now or never._


	46. The Tension Between Us

**I am slowly...very slowly, getting back on track of things. I wanted to update Tuesday, but I got distracted. So...yeah. But I am here with a new and shiny chapter, so I hope you'll all forgive me. I have been chugging away on chapters though, so don't worry. And I hope you all enjoy the story as we continue!**

* * *

"How long has it been?" Lebreau asked, sitting on the cold, hard floor of one of the training rooms. Maqui and Gadot glanced back at her, and Yuj shrugged from the wall. The distant scratching of metal against metal could be heard further in the training room, the loud clangs making the walls vibrate. Snow came up behind Gadot and Maqui, slinging his arms around their shoulders and giving Lebreau a grin.

"I think it's been five hours," Snow said, wrenching Maqui's neck down and rubbing the top of his head. Maqui kicked in protest and tried to rip out of Snow's grip, his goggles falling to the floor as he fought to free his head.

"It feels longer," Lebreau groaned, sliding down the wall and banging her head against the metal. "I just don't get why he has to do it _all_ now. I think if he gets most of it translated we should be all right."

Snow blinked, releasing Maqui and tilting his head toward the ceiling. Maqui gasped for air, clutching his neck and glaring at Snow through bleary eyes, his cheeks bright red from the near suffocation. "You think?" Snow shook his head, turning back to the others. "I mean, I don't like him working with that book. Not after what happened."

"That makes two of us." The NORA gang jumped at the new voice that joined with the grunts and singing of blades and Snow smiled at Rygdea as he came walking in the room. The man rubbed the space between his eyes and grinned back at Snow, his face lined and weary.

"Hey Rygdea! How's our champ doing?" Snow asked. Yuj rolled his eyes and pushed himself off the wall, walking toward the group as well.

"As good as he can be. I'm supposed to be getting him some coffee right now, but I needed to get out of that room before the sheer amount of their nauseating-"

"Lightning still holding his hand then?" Lebreau asked. Maqui glanced at her, blinking at the darkness in her eyes, but otherwise Lebreau looked all right. Her muscles weren't tense and her tone held no bite, only curiosity.

"Holding his hands, leaning toward him. And every now and again Hope will look up and their eyes will meet and they get all googly eyed and it makes me want to throw up." Rygdea snorted, leaning against the wall. "They're not even making out all hot and heavy. Where's the fun in that?"

"I don't know if you're aware of this Rygdea, but you're quite the voyeur," Yuj said, smirking at him. Rygdea just shrugged, breathing out a sigh.

"How much progress has he made?" Lebreau asked, standing and stepping from the wall to face Rygdea.

Rygdea closed his eyes and breathed in before peeking an eye open to see Lebreau. "It's hard to tell. The only way to really know is ask Hope, because he's the one that will know when to stop and how far along he really is. But if you ask Hope when he's working, Lightning might kill you. And I like living thank you very much."

Lebreau huffed and turned away, but Rygdea was not swayed. "It's not as if I can make him go any faster-"

"That's not it!" Lebreau shouted, crossing her arms over her chest. Rygdea narrowed his eyes at her and glanced at Maqui, tilting his head to the side, but Lebreau went on, "That's not it at all. I'm worried, okay? I mean, look at what happened in the cabin. He was turning into a C'ieth! A C'ieth, Rygdea! And then-then he goes and tells us what happened to him and I really don't-don't know what will-" Lebreau shook her head and stomped her foot on the ground, wincing as her muscles throbbed on contact.

"Lebreau-"

"How could no one, _nothing_, help him? I don't get it! I mean, you hear about l'Cie having these Eidolons and all that special shit, but nothing came to help Hope! Nothing came to help us either! I don't get it!"

Lebreau threw her hands in the air, pacing in front of the boys as they stared at her in frozen fright. "I want to know why it is that no matter what we seem to do, we get backed into all of these corners. We almost lost him! Again! It was so close Rygdea. Way closer than it was last time and you know it! And all of this shit just keeps piling on and on."

Lebreau kept waving her hands in the air, unaware of the small bits of flame that were puffing in the air around her. "If this keeps up I don't know what will happen! I can't lose him, Rygdea! I can't! I can't lose any of you and-" Lebreau's mouth snapped shut when Maqui came up to her and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her slightly as the flames flying around her head died. She glared at him, moving to shove him off when Rygdea appeared beside the two, placing his hands on both of their shoulders.

"I know…that you're feeling tense Lebreau," Rygdea soothed, keeping his eyes on her. "I know we've had some close calls but we've come back every time. Hope's come back every time. All we can do is keep going, all right?"

"But-but Hope-Hope he-" Lebreau shook her head, shutting her eyes as they began to sting.

Rygdea's eyes softened and he made to comfort her, but Maqui beat him to the punch. "It'll be all right Lebreau. I mean…I mean, it's not all right, what happened to him. But at least we know now. Right?" Maqui tried, lowering his hands.

"I think we can help him more, now that we know how it happened. We just-we have to deal with this first." Maqui swallowed, eyes nailed to the floor. "Just-Just try not to-"

"Oh, quit you softy," Lebreau said faintly, flicking Maqui in the forehead. "I'm over it. I just need to calm down." But the lie was in her eyes, even as she smiled at them. She was not _over _it. None of them were. But they had to pretend, if only for a moment, that things were all right between all of them.

They couldn't afford to be overwhelmed again.

"But…" Snow said, eyes searching the floor as silence fell between them. "She does have a good point. The Eidolons…what about them?"

Rygdea sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "It's hard to say. I mean, we'd have to take Saorise's word on it." Snow furrowed his brow and Rygdea nodded, elaborating, "She said there was no way an Eidolon would come for him. I think…well, it's likely she was referring to Chaos holding them back. I mean, if that's the case, a l'Cie may only be granted an Eidolon at the discretion of the Fal'Cie. Take…" Rygdea trailed off, swallowing as he turned his eyes to the wall.

"Take Cid for example. I mean…he had no Eidolon, and from what I've heard, he didn't need one either. Serah and Sazh's kid, Dajh, didn't receive them. And not one person in De Novo has been granted such either."

Rygdea nodded to himself, turning back to them. "So it's safe to say that if the Fal'Cie doesn't think you need one, you don't get one."

"And…if Hope was really there because of this Chaos Fal'Cie, then I think he wouldn't be granted one. He could have gotten away then, if he did," Yuj said. He looked around at the others as they all raised their eyebrows at him, and he muttered, "Well, it's not like I can't follow what's going on with you all."

"Enough," Rygdea said, shaking his head. "We'll worry about this after Hope has translated that book and the military starts forming its strategies. We don't want to get distracted."

Rygdea sighed, turning to leave. "I should get that coffee. Lightning promised castration if I was late…" Rygdea shuddered. "I hope she was kidding about that."

"It's Lightning. I have a feeling she wasn't," Snow said, smirking at Rygdea's back. Maqui shook his head, trembling while he stepped behind Lebreau to use her as a shield.

"She really, really wasn't, you know. She-She's scary when you mess up her coffee. Just trust me on this." Maqui shuddered and Lebreau snorted at him, shaking her head before she stepped away from him.

"Whatever Maqui. I don't think she's so scary," Lebreau said as the door closed behind Rygdea. "Especially when she's being all lovey-dovey with Hope."

Lebreau rolled her eyes at the last part, crossing her arms again and walking away. Maqui raised an eyebrow at her before glancing at the others. Snow looked just as dumbfounded, his eyebrows raised and body slumped. Yuj shook his head and waved his hand in the air before turning away from them, acting as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world, while Gadot shrugged and mouthed, 'I have no idea.'

Maqui let out a silent groan, banging his head on an imaginary wall before following Lebreau as she moved down the training room. She stopped when they came across two uniformed soldiers training, one from Guardian Corps. and the other from De Novo. Their gunblades clashed, the sound ringing in the air and bouncing off the walls. Lebreau narrowed her eyes when Maqui walked up behind her, his hands twitching nervously at his sides. He kept his eyes on the ground, kicking his feet as he waited for her to speak.

"What do you want, Maqui?" Lebreau snapped, glancing back at him.

Maqui jumped and glanced up at her, eyes wide as he searched her face. "I-I wanted to make sure you were okay," he muttered, swallowing. "I mean…are you?"

Lebreau rolled her eyes and sighed, turning away from him and throwing her hands in the air. "I'm fine! I don't get why you're not seeing it. Just because I'm not being all happy go lucky and pretending everything is the shit when it's not, doesn't mean that I have something horrible happening with me."

Lebreau snorted, turning around and pointing at Maqui. "And I don't get why you're even asking me. Get back with the others, I just need a second alone, all right? So just go."

Lebreau sighed and looked back at the two fighters as their blades clashed again, both struggling to stay upright as they put pressure on the other. Each time one would begin to slide backward they would shift their stance and start pushing harder, beating their opponent back.

A stalemate.

"Are you mad?" Maqui asked, holding his head a little higher. "Are you mad at us?"

"What makes you think I'm mad at you?" Lebreau shook her head. "What gives you that idea-"

"Are you mad at Hope?" Maqui tried, walking in front of her.

"No-"

"Lightning?" Maqui tried again, shaking his head and boring his eyes into hers. "Are you mad at her then? Are you mad about how it all turned out between her and Hope, and you and-"

Lebreau's face twisted into a snarl and she stepped toward him. "_That's _what you think this is about? Some stupid crush on Hope?"

"Well, what is it then?" Maqui pressed, meeting her steps. They were standing toe to toe, glaring at the other as the fighters continued in the background, neither budging in their attempt to make the other fold.

"I don't owe you any answers," Lebreau mumbled, her eyes slits. "I don't owe you anything."

"Why are you so angry with us then? Why are you so angry with _all_ of us? What's wrong?"

Behind them, one of the blades finally slipped.

"What the hell Maqui? What the fuck do you care if I'm mad or not? As long as I keep it in check it doesn't even matter!" Lebreau shouted, sidestepping him and heading for the group. Maqui grabbed her by the arm and yanked her around, gritting his teeth.

"I care because I'm your friend and I want to know what's wrong! We all care, but you're being all anti-social and refuse to say anything to us! This isn't Lebreau. Lebreau doesn't act this way. Lebreau talks with us-let's us know when we've done something wrong or stupid! Knows we're here for her even when she's-"

"And Maqui doesn't have a backbone, yet here you are." Maqui flinched at that and dropped her arm, watching as she whipped around and stomped back to the group. He blinked, hand falling loosely at his side as he watched her, before he bowed his own head and ran a hand through his hair.

_What's wrong with us?_

He shook his head and started to walk back himself, swallowing once before quickening his steps.

_What's wrong with her?_

When he reached the others he hardly glanced at Lebreau, and she, in turn, didn't look at him. Yuj was glancing between the two, a solemn look on his face before he turned and left the training room without a word. Snow was shaking his head and looking between them as well, eyes lost and searching as he tried to find a solution to a problem he had no knowledge of. Maqui glanced at Snow and tried to smile, but Lebreau's words were still running through his already racing mind.

_Something's wrong. _

Gadot clapped a hand on Snow's shoulder and nudged him toward the door, saying they needed to find some food in this rat-hole before they starved to death. Snow looked uncertainly between Lebreau and Maqui, biting his lip before he nodded and let himself be led out of the room. Maqui watched them for a few seconds before following suit, giving Lebreau one last look before leaving. She was staring opposite him, defiance on her face, her eyes narrowed into a glare. Maqui didn't even say goodbye. He just turned and left, his thoughts racing.

_How do we fix it? _

* * *

"How's he doing?" Hope's eyes flickered at the voice but turned back to the pages almost immediately. He started to scratch a few more words along the pages, eyes already scanning the next passage of the book.

"As well as he can. And what the hell took you so long? If my coffee's cold, I'm kicking your ass."

"Trust me, I know." Hope's eyes went to the desk again as a steaming coffee cup was set nearby, and he almost flinched at the sudden change in colors. His vision swam with off-white paper and black ink, and he blinked and pulled away to try and making the burning in his eyes stop. His head gave a violent throb and he grimaced at the new pounding in his temple. _Ow…don't do that one again. Close eyes-then look away from dusty, evil book. _

"Easy there, Hope. Don't want you passing out on us." _Oh, that's so hilarious. I forgot to laugh. _Hope opened his eyes and glared at Rygdea, snorting at the man before he turned back to the book.

…only to have it taken away.

Hope raised an eyebrow and looked up, tilting his head at Lightning as she placed a stray, blank page in the book and snapped it shut. Lightning only glanced at him before setting it down and grabbing several loose books, stacks of paper, and pens on the desk, piling them all on the book. Hope lifted his hand and started to reach for it, only for Lightning's hand to come down like her namesake and swat him away. Hope brought his hand to his chest and glanced at Rygdea, blinking at the man, but he just smirked and shrugged. Hope resisted the urge to sigh, glancing at the book.

"Light…" Hope began, slowly turning his head to her.

"Yes Hope?" Lightning asked, grabbing the coffee cup and shoving it in Hope's hands. Hope smiled as the warmth touched his fingers but looked back at Lightning, still confused. She simply grabbed her own coffee cup and started to drink, closing her eyes as the hot, steaming liquid hit her mouth.

"Um…why did you just shove the book under a bunch of crap?" Hope turned back to the stack and leaned his head to the side, trying to look at some of the things that had been piled on top of it. He saw that some of the books were actually thin, shiny spines of magazines, and as he squinted his eyes, he saw that the name was-

"Bikini Babes, the Crystal Vision…? Oh Ma-Rygdea, you keep your porn in your office?" Lightning's eyes popped and coffee came spluttering out of her mouth while Hope shuddered, burying his head in his hands. "Oh my-I mean, come _on_. It's your _office_. Really Rygdea? There _are_ other places for that!"

Lightning wiped the coffee from her mouth and glared at Rygdea, forming a fist and marching up to him. Rygdea held his hands up in surrender, backing away from Lightning as she stomped toward him. "No-NO! It's not _porn_. I have more decency than that! It's exactly what it says on the cover! The bikini issue!"

"I don't care," Lightning muttered, eyes flashing, "You-You-" Lightning let out an explosive sigh as her hand fell to her side. She turned back to Hope and walked to the desk, setting her coffee on the surface before giving the magazines a sneer.

"Come on, Hope. You're getting some food in you," she said, folding her arms over her chest. Hope looked up at her, running a hand over his face.

"But Lightning, it's only been a few hours. If I keep going the way I am now, I think I can get this done before-"

"No buts. Get your ass out of this chair and march it to the door." Lightning reached over the desk and started to yank Hope's arm up, narrowing her eyes when he resisted, holding on to the arm of the chair. Rygdea smiled from the safety of the doorway, snickering when Hope yelped.

"Better do what she says Hope. It'll be great training for later on in your life when you wind up getting married to-OW!" Rygdea doubled over when a large, leather-bound book hit him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Lightning smiled, her glare lighting with new-found power, and she turned back to Hope.

"Up. Now." Hope groaned and stood from the desk, legs wobbling as he stepped away. He pressed his hand to the edge of the desk for support and sighed, taking a deep breath. He stopped when his stomach let out a large gurgle. He blinked before looking up at her, biting his lip.

"Maybe a little food couldn't hurt." Lightning smiled before grabbing his arm and leading him out of the room, glaring at Rygdea one last time before she left. Rygdea managed a grin as he straightened himself up, pressing a hand to his stomach.

"Have fun you two!" he called down the hallway. Lightning tightened her grip around Hope's wrist and snarled, making Hope grin.

"I'm going to kill him when I get back there. I will. It will be horrible and painful and I'll enjoy every second of it," Lightning muttered, pulling Hope around a corner and toward the mess hall.

Voices were already starting to echo back to them, although it was far more hushed than Lightning expected. The usual shouting and laughter was limited at best, tiny shades of sound floating back to them as they approached. She shrugged and pulled Hope into the mess hall, ignoring the small smile on his face as she lifted an eyebrow at him, pushing him toward the small bar counter. For a moment, her eyes landed on Lebreau, and her eyes widened, wondering what the girl was doing there alone.

"Go get yourself some food. I'll find us a table," Lightning said, already scanning the large room and trying to keep her eyes off Lebreau. Hope's eyes found Lebreau too, and he tilted his head up. _Lebreau? But where are the others? She's not normally by herself-she usually has Maqui with her at least._

Lightning tugged at his arm and pushed him forward, but Hope's eyes went around the cafeteria. It wasn't hard to find a table; more than half of them were empty. Only a few soldiers were in the room, seated either alone or in pairs, and it was irking to see so few of them at a time.

"Light, do you want me to get you anything?" Hope asked her. Lightning glanced back at him and shook her head, pushing him forward again before he could protest and watching as he headed for the food bar. She went for the nearest, dark metal table, sliding down the small bench until she was on the other end.

Hope watched her out of the corner of his eye before letting out a small sigh, eying the man behind the counter. He had a somewhat sour look, his large mouth twisted into a frown, and there was fuzz lining his chin up to his ears. The man looked Hope up and down before setting out a tray and piling food in the little sections. Hope winced as some mashed potatoes splattered on the tray, but said nothing. The man's eyes were slowly moving from Hope to Lightning as she sat alone at the table, and the man let out a sigh before putting some peas on Hope's plate and waving him away.

"Boy," he said, making Hope pause, "I don't think you realize how lucky you are." Hope blinked and furrowed his brow, but the man looked away before he could say anything.

_That...was weird. _

Hope looked back at the table and opened his mouth in surprise when Lebreau started to walk toward it and Lightning. Hope looked back at Lightning and started toward the table himself, watching as Lightning glanced at Lebreau and started to glare at her. _Oh Lightning, please don't get mad. Don't get mad. Why are you getting mad? Why?_

"_Maybe because of-"_

_No! Stupid voice, stupid voice. Wrong. Wrong. That's not why.  
_

"_Fighting over..."_

_No! No!_

"_Every man's dream..."_

_Not when they could kill each other. The last thing I want is them mad at each other. And no-not the reason, not the reason. _

Hope swallowed and made it to the table just as Lebreau did, the dark-haired woman crossing her arms and taking a seat at the bench beside Lightning. Hope looked between the two of them before setting his tray down beside Lightning and joining her on her free side. It was silent for a few moments, Hope staring at his tray, Lightning staring ahead, and Lebreau looking at both Hope and Lightning. Hope slowly reached for the fork on his tray and speared his peas, moving them around the tray and glancing up, only to immediately look back down.

_This is very, very awkward. _

"How are you Hope?" Lebreau asked, making Hope jolt. "Does everything feel all right? And what about all those translations?"

Hope glanced at Lightning before answering, "Um...I think I'm doing all right. Needed to take...a lunch break."

"Eat your food Hope," Lightning said, shifting her arm to rest her elbow on the table.

"Yes ma'am." Hope dug his fork into the peas and started to shovel them down his throat, barely pausing for air before he moved to the mashed potatoes. The food barely registered in his mind, and he kept the corner of his eye on the girls the whole time he ate, secretly wondering to himself why he was so worried in the first place.

But as he looked at the glares the girls were sending each other, he had to admit that he was scared for his life. Lightning glaring at anyone was scary, pointed at a friend turned it from a storm to a hurricane in seconds flat. And Lebreau just seemed to be taking more leaves out of Lightning's book with her own five star glare.

_I don't want to know, I don't want to know, I don't want to know. _

Hope jumped when his fork scratched against the metal, the sound jolting him from his thoughts and making him look down at his tray. It was close enough to empty with only a few stray peas and a single gob of mashed potatoes left; he was not brave enough to try the brown goop that he supposed was guessed was pudding, so he shoved it aside and stood up.

"Um...Lightning, I think we should help back now...I mean, I finished and all but-"

"Actually Hope," Lebreau interrupted, not taking her eyes off of Lightning. "I really want to talk to Lightning alone for a second. Do you think that'd be all right?"

"Actually-Actually Lebreau-" Hope tried, wringing his hands together.

"It's all right Hope, I'll be right behind you. I don't think this will take long," Lightning said, making Hope's eyes snap to her. He shook his head, reaching for her shoulder, but then both girls' glared at him and Hope felt his insides clench.

"Um...all right then. I'll just...go ahead and leave..." Hope mumbled, hands dropping at his sides. He shook his head again and left the mess hall, running a hand through his hair as he went. _I have no idea what the hell just happened. Seriously, what is wrong with those two now? Should I ask Rygdea about-_

_No...no way in hell will I ask him. He'd never shut up about it. Better to just play dumb and pretend it never happened. That'll work. It has to work. If it doesn't work I'll just-I don't know! Please don't kill each other. Please, please don't. _

_Ugh...I'll never understand girls._

* * *

Lightning watched until Hope turned a corner and disappeared before turning her attention back to Lebreau. "Now what do you want? I don't know...what's wrong with you, but you look like-" Lightning stopped and studied Lebreau's face. Her eyes were dark and worried, and she kept biting her lower lip. There were a few lines under her eyes that looked rather red as well. Lightning's earlier irritation began to fade and she let out a sigh.

"What happened?"

"It's...nothing." Lebreau shook her head and let out a small, bitter chuckle, resting her elbows on the table and cradling her head in her hands. "Yeah, that's a load. I don't know. It just-all of this seems overwhelming." This made Lightning lean back. In all the time that Lightning had gotten to know Lebreau, she did not seem like the type of person to really acknowledge the pressure of being a l'Cie.

Maybe she had been wrong.

"What's wrong?" Lightning tried, resting her arms on the table. While she and Lebreau were on...somewhat weird terms, that didn't mean she couldn't try and make her feel better. _Besides, all of that business should be finished. She didn't-well-I was jealous at first but now-ugh, stop thinking about it Lightning. _

"I guess it's everything. I mean, hearing what happened to Hope, and before that there was all the fighting and the thing with Saorise. Hope almost turning into a C'ieth."

"That's right," Lightning interrupted. "You said...you knew about that right?"

Lebreau looked down at the table, avoiding Lightning's eyes. "Yes...it had happened once before. Something really similar to that actually. He hadn't gotten that far though. We only got to see the wings."

"And who's we?" Lightning pressed, leaning forward.

"Rygdea and I, for the most part. There might of have been one other person, but I think Rygdea made them swear not to tell anyone else what they saw." Lebreau's hands moved to her lap and she shut her eyes, curling in on herself.

"Why would he make someone-"

"Hope," Lebreau said before Lightning could finish. "Hope begged Rygdea not to tell anyone. He was mad that _I_ knew about it. And when he asked Rygdea not to tell anyone, Rygdea was about to say no. That it would endanger the others and all of that." Lebreau took a deep, shaky breath.

"But then Hope just got down on his hands and knees and started begging him. He said that-that he just couldn't stand it if anyone knew. I didn't understand why he was so afraid. I didn't ask him either. He was just-so desperate and I was afraid of bringing it up with him."

Lebreau paused, wiping her hand over her eyes. "I don't know. Maybe it was a bunch of reasons. But Hope just kept begging him. Begging and begging, saying that he just couldn't live with himself if someone knew, and then he said that if it happened again that we could kill him-"

"No!" Lightning shook her head, about to stand, but Lebreau put a hand on her arm and waited for Lightning to sit down. A few of the soldiers turned back to look at them, but neither woman paid them any heed.

"That's pretty much what Rygdea did with Hope, along with a nice shot on the cheek." Lebreau smiled a little at that, but it was small and sad. "After that, we kind of decided that since Rygdea and I knew about it, that maybe Hope could just have us two know about his C'ieth side. We made him promise to never use too much magic again, and then...it sort of worked for a while."

"Until now," Lightning said, pressing a hand to her forehead.

"Until now," Lebreau repeated, nodding. She sighed, glancing up at the ceiling, "And I guess...when I saw him turn into a C'ieth, it reminded me...of how close we really came to losing him. He had survived the fall with Saorise...but then, if he had turned into a C'ieth, we _really_ would have had to kill him. And I just-I don't think I could do that."

_I don't think I could either. _The thought surprised her at first and Lightning scowled at how true it seemed to ring in her head. She could not kill Hope. If she had to, if there was no other way, maybe.

_But then what would I do? Would I be able to live with myself if it really came down to that? Lose Hope, after everything we've done to get him back? Would I really...just accept that?_

Lightning had a feeling that she already knew that answer.

"And then," Lebreau said. "There's this translation crap going on. And it makes me wonder what this Fal'Cie is really after. I guess we have to wait for the translation, but then, what do we do after that? Do we fight Saorise? Will that really stop all of this from happening? W-Will we lose Hope in all of this, even though we've come this far?" Lebreau locked her own hands together, clenching them in her lap. "I guess that's what's been eating at me lately. I'm scared of what will happen."

Lightning nodded, closing her eyes a moment before looking back at Lebreau. "I know how you feel. I can't imagine...what it would be like to not have Hope around." Lightning's eyes glazed over and she looked past Lebreau, her heart clenching as she remembered the shadows of empty pain that had haunted her the first time Hope had died. The sense of loss; the surge of pure, pulsating pain, almost made her shake where she sat. She had already lost Hope once.

And now...after everything that had happened between them, she couldn't imagine how it would feel a second time around. Couldn't fathom the idea of turning around and not seeing Hope by her side.

It was impossible.

"I think...we'll have to deal with this soon though, no matter what happens," Lightning said eventually, the mess hall finally coming back into focus. "Saorise isn't someone we can ignore. Not anymore. Not after what she did. I couldn't live with myself if we did nothing about her either."

"I know," Lebreau said. "I know that. I want her to pay, too. I want to show her what happens when you mess with people I care about, but I just-I don't know. It feels wrong to me. Like something bad is about to happen, or is happening and we don't realize it yet." Lebreau paused, bringing up the question Lightning had no solid answer to. "How do we fight a Fal'Cie...when it seems to have all the cards?"

Lightning shook her head, clenching her hands. _I wish I had an answer. But...what do we do? It's like we're going around in circles or-_

_Barthandelus all over again. _

Lightning told Lebreau the only thing she knew, "I don't know. I don't know how we're going to fight it yet. But we have Saorise, and that's better than no target at all. All we can do is fight her, and when the time comes, even if it's during the fight with Saorise, or a long time after, we have to give it everything we have. We don't have all the facts yet. We just need to be patient." Lightning trailed off, hoping it didn't sound to weak. Lebreau eyed her for a moment before a small smile spread on her face.

"I...I guess you're right. Besides, heroes don't need plans do they?" Lightning's almost snorted and stood from the bench, glancing back and wondering if she'd been gone too long. She stopped though, when Lebreau spoke again, "You'll...take care of him...right?"

Lightning's eyes widened and she looked back at Lebreau, meeting her steady gaze. Lightning's chest swelled and she nodded. "I'll do everything in my power to keep him safe. I-"

"I know." Lebreau smiled again, her eyes bright. "I know. Thank you, Lightning." Lightning's mouth parted but no words left her. Instead she only nodded at Lebreau, wondering why something in her chest released at her words. She turned away from the girl, nodding in her direction before leaving the mess hall.

Lebreau watched her go, her eyes soft. She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Thank you. I know you will," Lebreau repeated under her breath. She blinked a few times, her eyes feeling warm and wet, before she stood from her seat.

"I guess...that's all I can hope for now." She nodded to herself and smiled, "I think it's time I moved on." She brought a hand to her chest, smile growing.

"I better find Maqui and apologize."

* * *

"_You're almost there." _

_He was running. He didn't know where or why, but he was running. Branches were hitting him every which way, smacking against his body and causing cuts on his face, but he didn't dare stop. His heart was racing, pounding in his ribcage and making breathing a heavy task. His chest was on fire as the blood rushed everywhere in his skin, and the sweat he could feel beading and sticking to his body did little to cool him down. _

"_Just a little farther." _

_His feet were loosing their grip on the ground. The once solid dirt was turning into mud and he was soon trudging through the goopy mess. The sludge surged, bloomed like a flower before leaking into his boots and between his toes. He tripped, fell into the mud and had to fight to resurface. _

"_Come on." _

_He lifted his head above the ooze and tried to breathe, yet the mud already seemed to be filling his lungs, pushing out the air that he struggled for breath. Inky black spots were popping in his vision, and the trees began to disappear. Only the mud was left and it crawled on him, smothered him like a heavy blanket and tried to drag him under. He knew that once he went down he wouldn't be coming back up, not with the way the mud just dragged him down. He would never taste air again. _

_The thought made him kick his legs and flail arms faster and harder, yet his thrashing only seemed to hasten death. He could feel his body sink lower and lower into the sludge, the goop almost worm-like as it sneaked its way into his clothing and dragged him into the suffocating grave. _

"_Hope!"_

_He tried to break away, tried to lift his head one more time. His lungs screamed at him before they tried to inflate, yet shriveling at the attempt. The lack of air making them crinkle like paper and break away, falling into his body as a loose mass of organ. _

_He was dying. _

"_Hope!" _

_He snapped his eyes open and took in a sharp breath, the sound like a whistle to his own ears. He looked around, eyes frantic, but his body started to relax as he realized he was no longer drowning in sludge. His chest heaved up and down rapidly, and he glanced up, wondering where he was. _

_The room itself was blank. There were four while walls but there were picture frames hanging on the surfaces. The frames were golden in color, but as Hope sat up and looked at them, he saw only a blank white canvas. The rest of the room was empty, and if not for the hollow pictures, he'd think the walls stretched on forever. _

"_What's going on?" _

"_Hope!" He turned in time to see a flash of red before the wind was knocked out of his lungs. He winced as Vanille wrapped him in one of her bone crushing hugs, blushing when he felt her sob. She buried her face into his shoulder. Digging her fingers through his shirt._

"_Vanille?" Hope gasped, blinking in confusion. Another voice joined the fray, snorting and shouting Hope's name, and he jumped in surprise as Fang walked in from nothingness. Her wild black hair was still tied behind her, several loose strands hanging on front of her face, and she had a small smirk on her smooth face, dark shadowed eyes looking him up and down._

"_Best let him go love. I don't think he can breathe," Fang said, her smirk still in place. "Still, have to admit, you grew up nicely Hope. And pretty normal...for...well, all of that stuff." Fang shrugged and when Vanille released him, wiping her eyes, he almost laughed. Fang shook her head, her blue jewelery letting out small tinkles, and she pressed a hand to her hip. _

"_As pleasant as this is, we're on borrowed time. We need to explain this and quick,s" she said, glancing around the white room. _

_Hope tilted his head to the side, but Vanille was already nodding, turning her eyes on Hope. "He knows about us now. They both do. Or maybe they always knew and were just waiting..." _

"_What?" _

_Vanille shook her head, placing her hands on Hope's shoulders. "Chaos knows about us. He knows and he told Saorise to wait for you at the Cocoon crystal." Hope blinked, shaking his head and trying to shove himself away from Vanille._

"_W-Wait, I don't-"  
_

"_Listen Hope," Fang said, her voice hard."That big galoot knows about your connection to us now. Not just the one from before, but he knows that we've been talking to you in your dreams. He knows we're here, he knows we can talk to you, and that ain't a good thing." Fang knelt next to him and grabbed him by the arm, forcing him toward her. _

"_But why should that matt-" Hope stopped, thoughts returning to the book, and his body warmed over and froze all at once. _

"_But then-"_

"_That's right. He wants to make his move," Fang said, nodding her head. But Hope started to shake, running his hands through his hair while his heart started to race. _

"_No-No! But then-then what am I supposed to do-I don't-" _

"_It'll be okay, Hope," Vanille said, standing up and grabbing Hope's hands in her own "I know you can do this-"_

"_Fight him? Fight this Fal'Cie? How am I supposed to-to-how do I even-" Hope kept falling over his words, shaking his head as the panic started to settle in. He had no idea how he was going to fight Chaos, how they were going to stop him. He hadn't even managed to fend off Saorise, and the very confrontation sent shivers through his body. "I-I still have to fight Saorise, how am I supposed to kill Chaos?" _

_Vanille was shaking her head, trying to get a good grip on Hope's arm as he began to pace in the small room. Fang rolled her eyes and grabbed Hope by his collar, forcing him to face her. "Have your breakdown later, I need to talk to you now." Hope's eyes widened and he started muttering under his breath some more, the panic flashing in his eyes. Fang plowed over his mumblings, shaking him. "You don't kill him. You can't. This guy is something else entirely, and you know it. You translated that book didn't you? Then you know he's a hard son of a bitch to kill."_

"_T-Then how?" _

_Fang smiled, but it looked more smug and bloodthirsty than Hope thought was healthy for a person. "That's where we come in, now isn't it? Too bad we won't get to do some _actual _ fighting." _

"_Fang, I have no idea what you're-" Hope stopped as the room shuddered. The walls were starting to shake, the frames bouncing on the walls, one even falling to the ground and landing with a crash. Fang and Vanille glanced at each other before Fang pulled Hope closer, shaking him again. _

"_You just shut up and listen." The walls shook harder and harder and Vanille hurried to Fang's side, grabbing her free arm as one of the walls started to crack. It stretched the length of the wall, the dark crack spreading even farther as the room shook more. "I need you to head your ass over to the crystal and soon."_

"_What!"_

"_I said shut up and listen! If you go there, we might be able to help you with this, but you have to swallow some of your damn fear and get your ass over there!"_

"_Easy for you to say!" Hope spat back, jerking himself out of her grip."You don't have that crazy bitch after you!" _

"_You need to do this Hope-" _

_Hope opened his mouth to argue but stopped as dust from the white ceiling sprinkled on his head. He glanced up, swallowing when he saw the large, black cracks spreading on the wall, looking much like a web. Hope tried to breath but his lungs seemed to freeze in his chest, and he looked back at Fang and Vanille._

"_How? How can I-I just-"_

"_Remember what Lightning said, Hope? There are some things you just do!" Fang shouted at him. Hope blinked as white light started to flood the room, the brightness burning his eyes and making him wince. He could barely make out the forms of Fang and Vanille as they were shadowed in the light, only hazy shapes moving in front of him._

"_Trust yourself Hope!" _

_Hope didn't get a chance to reply before the room shuddered again. The floor underneath him creaked and he looked down as the ground split, his foot falling through. He shut his eyes as he fell, the wind rushing in his ears and their words still chasing him as he dropped from the room..._


	47. Volunteer Work

**Hey guys. As I write this...I am not feeling well. I went very, very slow when I was looking over this so I wouldn't miss anything, but I don't know if I caught everything. I hope you will enjoy the chapter nonetheless, and forgive the less than enthusiastic note. When I feel better, this will be better. Promise. Onward!**

* * *

"-ope! Hope, come on, get up!" Hope jolted up, hitting his head on something hard and wincing at the resounding crack. A groan escaped him as he shut his eyes and rubbed his forehead, a bright red mark already blaring on the skin. He peeked an eye open and met blue eyes, narrowed in pain. His own opened completely and he put a hand on Lightning's shoulder, shaking his head and stuttering.

"I am so sorry Lightning! I didn't mean to-I was just-" Hope stopped, his dream coming back to him full force, and he looked back at the desk. His eyes searched the surface and he started scooping up papers that had spread during his nap, picking up the loose sheets and bunching them together, trying to put them in order as he went. Lightning shook her head as she watched, glancing at Rygdea and Sazh as they looked on behind her. Sazh raised an eyebrow at the scene while Rygdea's forehead creased in clear worry

She turned back to Hope, suppressing a sigh. "Hope, you were having a bad dream or something. You're tired, you should take a break-"

"Vanille and Fang were in my dream," Hope said, pushing the papers together before holding them up. "And they talked about Chaos and Saorise and what we need to do. I don't know though-I mean, what they said to do, it's scary! I guess-I don't know, is it really the only way? They said that they could help, but really, how can they when they're stuck in the center of the crystallized Cocoon?" Lightning's eyes widened when Hope mentioned Fang and Vanille, and she looked back at the other two worriedly. Rygdea was looking stunned himself, but Sazh stepped forward, nodding slowly toward Hope.

"I get that you miss them Hope, but they're-well, I don't know if they're dead, but they sure as hell ain't in anyone's dreams telling them what to do next. I think you need to take a breather and just relax. I have no idea how long you've been working, but it's gotta be too long if you're saying things like that. Sides, you have a ton of circles under your eyes. Time to get home and get some rest," Sazh soothed, placing a hand on Hope's shoulder. Hope growled and jerked himself away, looking back at Lightning. His eyes pleaded with hers and she bit her lip.

"Hope," Lightning started, reaching for him. "I know you've been working hard, but Fang and Vanille? I mean...I _know_-"

"No! You have to believe me!" Hope shook his head, but shut his eyes when his temples throbbed, letting out a low moan. He swayed for a moment, his fevered mutterings catching up with his sleepiness. "You-You have to!" Hope said, opening his eyes again and focusing on Lightning. "This isn't the first time they've been there. Vanille was there before, when I was thinking about-about killing my-" Hope didn't finish, shaking his head and bringing the papers closer to his body. "And there were other times too! I know it! I know that they were really there! But that's not the point-"

"Hope..." Lightning trailed off at the look Hope gave her, his eyes wide and searching hers, silently begging her to believe him. She paused, biting her lip.

"It's not that unusual Lightning...stranger things have happened, haven't they?" Hope slowly lowered the papers on the desk, his voice quiet. "Haven't they?"

Lightning groaned, rubbing the space between her eyes. "Hope, I just don't like the idea of actually relying on...on two crystallized people for help. I mean, even if they're alive inside of Cocoon, we can't-" Hope shook his head when Lightning's voice caught and he reached out for her, touching her cheek.

_No...No, don't be sad. I didn't-_

"I-I-Lightning, I didn't-"

Hope stopped and looked down at the papers in his hands, swallowing. "All right. I'll-I'll drop it for now. But we need to get the others here. I think I finished what we need for the most part, I just need them here so we can actually go over it. Things started to blur after a while. I don't think I remember some of this stuff. Or most of it..." Hope mumbled, his face starting to burn.

"All right," Rygdea said. "Sazh and I will go round up the others. You two stay here and catch a breath." He paused at the door, stepping aside to let Sazh through, and he glanced back at Hope and Lightning. He opened his mouth, then closed it, before shaking his head and leaving. Hope tilted his head and watched him go, wondering what was wrong.

_Does he believe me? Or was that him actually...I don't know. Is he worried I'm off my rocker? _

_Not that it would be a shocker or anything. _

Hope sighed and sat back down at the desk, setting the papers down and running a hand over his face. _Why does it always come to this? Every time-every time we wind up backed into some corner and I have no freaking idea what to do. From what I remember, this guy sounds fucking immortal. Crap. _

He jumped when something warm pressed against his arm, and he looked up at Lightning. Her eyes were worried and he felt guilt claw up his chest and settle in his throat._ I shouldn't have brought them up. Or I should have waited or something. Ugh, freaking idiot. _

"Lightning, listen I-"

Lightning pressed a finger to her lips and waved her hand at Hope and the chair. He raised an eyebrow but blinked and nodded, mashing himself to the side of the chair. Lightning nodded and squeezed next to him, and Hope's heart stuttered. His body flared as Lightning's side pressed against him, and he swallowed, throat drying like a sandy beach. He tensed as her hair fluttered on his cheek, Lightning still adjusting to the uncomfortable space, and Hope tilted his head to the side. Lightning said nothing, only pushed herself deeper into the chair. She rested her head on Hope's shoulder and Hope swallowed again, taking a deep breath.

"So you saw them?" Her voice was monotone, but Hope felt her tense beside him. He closed his eyes and leaned back into the chair as best as he could. The cushion behind him was soft, but the rest of the chair was made of wood, and the arm was digging into his side. He tried to concentrate on Lightning instead, but realizing said woman was right up against him: legs touching, sides touching, and every part just..._touching, _proved to be anything but helpful. He shook his head, forcing an answer from his throat.

"Yeah...I saw them," Hope muttered. He waited a moment, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to collect his thoughts. He nodded and started to pull at his hand, blushing harder when he realized that it had been pressed between their bodies. He pushed it to the back of his mind, instead reaching for her hand and lacing his fingers between hers. "I saw Vanille more than Fang though."

"She did seem to like you best," Lightning said, her voice a little lighter.

Hope grinned, almost snorting. "You really think so?"

"Are you kidding? You two and your constant flirting was nauseating. In a really cute way. I guess." Lightning shrugged, then rolled her eyes. "Not really. Snow made fun of you behind your back for it though. And Fang said that she'd kill you twice over if you wound up hurting her. Said that I better watch out for you, otherwise she'd chop 'em off in your sleep." Hope nodded, blinking rapidly as his eyes swelled and burned despite the chuckle that bubbled up his chest... _Stupid, dry air. _

"I guess I never really thought about it that way," Hope mumbled. _And it doesn't matter either. _Yet he couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if Fang and Vanille were still around. _Would this even be happening right now? Would any of this be happening at all? _

"Hope...why are you sure it's really them?"

Hope looked back down at Lightning, meeting her eyes as she sat up straighter. He bit his lip, eyes lowering for a moment. "Because...they talked about Chaos. And not just now, but before. Before Vanille kept telling me-me to hang on I think, and sometimes she would say weird things like she couldn't stay long or he'd know, or something weird like that. After a while, I just thought she was talking to me through my dreams." Hope's shoulders slumped and he looked completely at his lap. "I know-I know it sounds crazy, but you're talking to the guy who's had some weirdo Fal'Cie in his head for who knows how long, secretly trying to make me-well-bend to his will or something. So, it didn't seem that weird to me." Hope shrugged, but his eyes were clouded. "I don't know. I guess I never really thought it wasn't them."

Lightning shifted beside him until she was able to face Hope, and pulled his chin up to look at her. "Maybe...maybe it is them Hope. I mean, before, when we had turned into crystal after saving Cocoon...I heard them." Hope's eyes widened but Lightning had already turned away, looking at the desk. "It seems weird to think about though. That they're in those crystals, just letting time pass by."

Hope shook his head, a small smile on his face. "I don't know Lightning. I don't think it's as bad as it's made out to be. Maybe they're not just stuck in those crystals." Lightning looked back at him and Hope nodded, smile twitching slightly. "I know it sounds, I don't know, naive I guess. But it just seems like they're doing something else, or are somewhere else or something."

"Hope-"

They stared at one another, eyes searching each other. Hope's eyes were brighter than Lightning had seen them in a long time, and her chest started to swell with pride. Hope smiled and brought a hand up to her cheek, starting to lean in-

"No lovies on my desk!" They both jumped and ripped away from each other, eyes snapping to the door as Rygdea walked in, a grin on his face. Hope's face warmed and he looked down at the desk, ignoring the fire that had started on his neck and back. He lowered his head when he heard snickering and his hands twitched with the desire to murder the man. Hope took a deep breath, groaning when Lightning pushed herself from the chair, and looked up to glare at Rygdea. The man only shrugged, a smirk on his face, and Hope rolled his eyes. _Figures. Jerk. _

Hope watched as the others filed in, ignoring Snow as he pointed and giggled at him. His eyebrows shot up when he saw Gadot and Yuj walk inside, but the two only waved at him. Maqui was soon behind them, but he had a sharp frown on his face, and was looking at the floor. Lebreau was quick to enter after Maqui, eyes lighting when she saw the blond, huffing as if she had sprinted, but she glanced at Hope and smiled. Then her eyes shifted to Lightning next to him, and she..._waved_? Hope looked at Lightning, jaw dropping when she waved back.

_What...just happened? I thought they were mad at each other but now-_

_Forget it. I don't understand women, and I never will. Better to just get that now. _

Sazh walked in soon after with Sultur, the brunet, and Crawford. Hope tensed when Sultur looked at him, and dropped his eyes to the papers on his desk. He took a deep breath and grabbed them, holding the sheets to his chest as the others tried to get comfortable. Most of them stood by the walls to avoid crowding the place, but Lebreau dragged one of the chairs she had snagged before with her to the wall. Sultur and Rygdea remained in the middle, eying each other before Sultur spoke.

"I heard that you were able to get most of it translated," Sultur said, raising an eyebrow. "Good work, I suppose, but are you sure it's accurate? That _was_ a large book."

"I-I didn't...I didn't have to do all of it," Hope said, looking down at his papers again.

"And why's that?" Sultur asked, his tone low.

Hope crinkled the corners of the paper before setting them down, lifting only a few sheets away from the stack. "Some of the book had blank pages, or half of some of the pages were torn out, " Hope said, swallowing once. "So-so I did what I could."

Sultur nodded, considering Hope a moment. He looked him up and down, eyes narrowed and dark, and Hope had to resist the urge to squirm away. _Please stop looking at me like I did something wrong. Please, please stop doing that. _

"All right then. We'll get nowhere if we just stand around here," Sultur said eventually. He glanced at Rygdea, shaking his head as the man glared at him, and looked back at Hope. "I would like you to read aloud what it is we're looking at. No point in passing the papers around. We'll be taking the translations we need so we can form a strategy after this, so I need this to be clear, here and now. All of you listen up," Sultur ordered, eyes going back and forth in the room.

Hope shuddered and nodded, looking back down at the paper. He took a deep breath, checking the corner and seeing his own handwriting, the number one etched quickly in the bottom right. He jumped a little when he felt a hand on his shoulder, but smiled when he glanced at Lightning. He took a deep breathe, trying to clear his mind.

"_Neshrim, the Word-Weaver, does impart the knowledge of the great Fal'Cie to you, champion, so that you may understand your gift and duty. Bear the title of champion, great tool of greater Fal'Cie, and with the wondrous and unshackled borne of the human spirit, learn the story of the Truth. My words hold wisdom and your souls now lies before me, a waiting slate."_

Hope paused, narrowing his eyes a the words before continuing.

"_Chaos, Walker of the Wheel. Described as the Nothing Fal'Cie, he has known death and rebirth, over and over, a constant cycle of new beginnings and endings. Also called the Eternal Circle, it is said that this constant cycle drove the Fal'Cie to madness, and so, when the time came to call forth the Maker, he was the first to grab hold of Orphan's wish to bring all to nothing." _

Hope swallowed and took another breath, wishing his mouth was not so dry. _"Chaos brings the world to nothing, so that the cycle shall cease. For only in nothing is there peace and order, only then is there rest, and only then will Maker come and set the world right again." _Hope set the paper down and picked up the next sheet, eyes already moving across the page.

"_Chaos holds special a place to the wretched l'Cie, for it is he that bears the mark so similar to the l'Cie. Like they, he has been made to be reborn again countless times, and in this, he has used to garner sympathy in centuries past. 'Who better to understand a l'Cie then one who shares its fate.' And so did those who were branded by Chaos hail him, and thus were they crushed to nothing." _

"_And yet, even as the plans were made with the human instruments who knew no bounds, Chaos found unrest in all of the plans laid before him. Too soft was Orphan, in how he chose l'Cie and trained. Only through true hardship is a weapon born. And so did Chaos eventually break away, biding time to find the right weapons, with which he would break and shape in his image. Orphan, enraged by his betrayal, sealed him to watch from afar. His power which would stretch to any and all who showed promise, casting off those who had failed as rejects themselves. Yet, Chaos was merciful to those who worshiped him, and so those branded but deemed unworthy were froze in time. A brand non-advancing, a monster not, so long as it knew its limits and failure and bore the stigma of being cast off. Also, too, were they to be ready, to sacrifice as needed to the true chosen." _

Hope shook his head, rubbing his eyes and reaching for the next paper, _" But how was Chaos to choose the champions worthy of his mark? He delved into them, sought out their souls and magic. Through potential were champions to be born, and trials were to be set, to see who was worthy-" _

Hope stopped and shook his head again, blinking his eyes. _"-to see who was worthy. He cast them off int anguish and pain, pushing their limits-limits to test who was ready for the title of champion. For these are-are the beings-" _

Hope gasped and pressed a hand to his brand. _"-these are the beings that shall crush the world to nothing, and bring order to chaos at last. Pandemonium ends with their anguish and rage, and so engulfed do they reach the heart, pull for the string, and cut. Chaos comes with their birth of magic, the great flower to bloom on the battlefield and usher in the new dawn. A dawn of nothingness and peace." _

Hope shut his eyes, crinkling the pages in his hands, but jumped when Sultur spoke up.

"How much do you think is covered by the trials? Anything important?" Hope blinked, mind rushing to catch up with him. "We need only relevant information Mr. Estheim. As interesting as it is to hear how the great Fal'Cie worked, I need something important. A weakness? We have his purpose now, that much is clear, but what else? What else is there?"

Hope shook his head, looking down at the papers and sifting through. He could feel Lightning squeezing his shoulders and the others' eyes on him, but he didn't dare look up. His heart was racing, and it stuttered when his eyes caught the word 'Trials' on top of one of the pages. He counted them out and separated it into a different pile, his heart hammering away and his hands trembling.

"You better watch your mouth Sultur," Rygdea's voice boomed, making Hope wince.

"I am sorry Rygdea, but we have to coordinate this properly. I don't need to be bogged down by unnecessary details. And that includes how the Fal'Cie made his champion. Unless there is something useful-"

Hope heard the whoosh of air Rygdea took, and spoke up before anything could get out of hand. "It's all right Rygdea. We'll just look at them later. If Sultur doesn't need them, I doubt he'll care if we take them." Hope didn't look up though to see how the others reacted. He just kept shuffling through the papers, looking for something, anything, that matched what Sultur wanted. He started tossing some of the papers away, scowling when all he saw was more of Chaos' backstory. _What if there's nothing? What if there's really nothing? Then what do we do? What do we do then, if there's no way to beat this guy-_

Hope stopped, reaching the last few pages. He felt Lightning lean in closer to him, looking at his handwriting: _Of His Birth_

_Birth..._

_He was sealed though...eventually. Orphan did that-_

"_-you don't kill him." _Fang's words echoed in Hope's head and he clutched the papers tighter. His heart thrummed and he shook, praying this was it.

"Hope, is that-" He nodded at Lightning before she could finish, holding the papers up and taking a deep breath.

"_Chaos is set apart from others. His power was scattered, weakened by his prison set by Orphan. So it was at the call of his champions that he brought them forth and told them of the secrets of l'Cie. 'Hold yourself high champions, for you may wield the power of both C'ieth and l'Cie. Know raw power. Know great magic. Feel the symbiosis and bring us all to the close with your power as it blooms eternal. Hold hands with me so we shall bring forth the nothing we seek. Give me the power you have allowed to sprout and grow within you. Let it be toward the sun that you rise, the new dawn we seek. Relinquish unto me your power my champions. Seek a place of greatness, of holiness and light and darkness. There, take final root and spread, bloom and wilt and with dying breath watch me come. Oh rejects, come to us then, and release from yourself your sorrow. Your power gone, and unto me, and so is the dawn spread. And so do we begin again, in Maker's great and everlasting embrace.' As spoken by Chaos, the end he seeks is near, and so he reaches with heavy hands." _

Hope swallowed and set the papers on the desk again, looking around at the others. His face started to burn and he couldn't keep still, his leg bouncing where he stood. He kept clenching his hands at his sides, eyes darting around, but eventually he steeled his eyes and set them on Sultur, letting them stay there.

"What does that mean, Estheim?" Sultur said slowly, rolling the words off his tongue. "Just what does that mean to us?"

Hope nodded, wringing his hands together. "I-I think it has something to do with how Chaos is supposed to get here. I mean, I guess some parts are more obvious than others but-"

"But what?"

Rygdea stepped forward this time, his eyes on Hope. "You and Saorise..." Rygdea said. "You and her are...supposed to be his champions or something?"

Hope nodded, ignoring the flash in Sultur's eyes.

"That would make sense," Lightning said. Her eyes were dark as she glanced at Hope, and she locked her hand with his. "You've heard him before, talking about all of this...and that would be more than enough to explain why Saorise had brought you to the cabin in the first place. To see your brand. Or maybe, if Chaos had already told her..."

"And the dreams..." Hope interrupted, looking at his hands. "Can't forget the dreams. I wonder...how many of them were from Chaos? And all of this-all of this so he could have his next champion. Or whatever you want to call me." Hope shut his eyes, bowing his head. "Guess I should have figured by now though. I mean, that's why-why I thought-"

"So you're telling me that it's because of you two that-"

Hope shook his head, making Rygdea's eyes widen as he raised his voice against Sultur. "Don't say it! Don't say that! If it wasn't me it'd be someone else. I-I know it would be...it just-if he didn't choose me he would have-would have found someone else!"

Sultur bit his lip and glanced around the room, avoiding Hope's stare. When all he saw were the others' glaring right back at him he sighed. "All right, then what the hell else does it refer to?"

"I think _we're_ in there," Lebreau said. All heads snapped to her and she took a step back. She puffed out her chest and nodded, speaking again, "Yeah, it sounds like it. I mean, look at our brands." She pulled down the sleeve of her purple blouse, revealing her odd, arrowed, shining brand. "What else is it supposed to mean? Ours don't look like Hope's, but they don't look like normal brands either. And that whole reject thing...I mean, how did we survive the falls and deaths we were supposed to have?"

Rygdea nodded, looking around at Maqui. "It makes sense doesn't it?" he said. "That it would be the case. We wondered...we wondered how we had survived at all. When Cocoon was destroyed and we...well, we were turned into C'ieth or killed. But if it _was_ this Chaos character pulling the strings, branding us so he could-could use us later..." Rygdea trailed off at that, shaking his head. "That kind of sucks actually."

"Do-" Maqui jolted when all eyes turned to him, but cleared his throat. "Do you think-think we'd be okay though, after the brands were removed? If they were the real reason we survived the fall or being a C'ieth or whatever..." Maqui didn't need to finish, instead looking at his hands. Hope's eyes widened in silent horror and looked down at his own hands before pressing his free one to his chest. His heart thrummed under his fingers, but just underneath was the brand.

_Could that be the case?_ _Would-would we really-really die? What if-_

Hope tried to breathe, chest heaving with the effort of keeping calm. He looked back up, swallowing hard and staring at Rygdea. Rygdea's face was calm but tight, and when he looked at Hope, he nodded. Hope wasn't sure what it meant, but despite it, something in him loosened and he felt calmer for it. He felt pressure on his hand and glanced at Lightning, watching her eyes as they looked him up and down. And again, the question flashed in his mind.

_Will we die if we do this? _

"I-" Hope stopped, still staring at Lightning. Her eyes were locked on his, searching, strong but worried. Something in Hope swelled, the same feeling that made him want to hold Lightning closer to him, the same feeling that made him tell her he loved her letting go of her hand, and the same emotion that made him confess at the party.

The same feeling he wanted to protect.

"I don't...I don't know. I don't think it will happen. Brand removal...doesn't mean you die." Hope nodded, smiling at Lightning. "We've been through this before...kind of. I don't know though. I don't. But I don't-" Hope closed his eyes a moment, opened them again, and smiled wider at Lightning. "I don't think we need to worry. No matter what happens, we need to do this." Lightning smiled back, nodding her head, and Hope's heart almost exploded at the way her eyes softened.

_Thank you, Lightning. Thank you. _

"So..." Lebreau said uncertainly, blushing when Hope and Lightning looked away from each other, their eyes darting around the room. "So, does that mean he's trying to use us, too?"

"I think it would explain the pains we've been having," Rygdea muttered. "Back when Hope tried to kill Saorise, everyone with a brand wound up falling over themselves in pain." Rygdea stared hard at Hope. "And it may have something to do with Chaos, if nothing else."

Hope nodded, but his attention turned to Snow when he spoke up, "Wa-wait. Then the place...the place is the crystal Cocoon isn't it?" Hope leaned back, blinking in surprise. Snow's brows were furrowed and eyes narrowed in concentration and he shook his head, looking at Rygdea. "I mean, you said that-way back when, Saorise would try to bring Hope to the crystal or something, when you were trying to keep yourselves under cover. She'd try to bring him back to the city."

"Y-yeah," Rygdea said, looking just as dumbfounded as Hope felt, jaw slacked and eyes wide. "Yeah, that's pretty much it."

"Thinking too hard there Snow?" Gadot asked, clapping Snow on the back, a big grin on his face. "I was sure we'd see some smoke coming out of your ears."

"Oh ha, ha. I can keep up, too, believe it or not," he snapped, grinning all the same.

"Could have fooled me," Lightning mumbled, rolling her eyes.

Hope snorted, bringing a hand to his mouth, but he sobered when he saw the dirty glare that Sultur gave him. He opened his mouth to speak, but Sazh cut across him. "All right, all right. So we got the people and we got the place he's trying to do this at. And we know he's just gonna try and kill us all or crush us or whatever he's doing. But how do we kill him? I mean, he's a Fal'Cie, and by the sounds of it, he can just come right back to life." Silence followed Sazh, and everyone glanced around as if to find the answer on the walls.

"Well-" Hope started, picking at the hem of his shirt.

"I think it would depend though. Sure he can come back, but maybe that's not what we've got to do. He's got to have been silent for centuries, so there's a reason for that, isn't there?" Rygdea said, interrupting Hope.

"Actually-" Hope tried again, narrowing his eyes.

"Maybe that was because he didn't have the right people," Crawford said, rubbing his chin. "It would make sense if that was the case. It sounds as if he needed just the right kind of l'Cie to get enough power to do this. Saorise was one of them, but he needed another champion or whatever. I'd imagine it'd take a lot of power to bring this guy back."

"Not to mention," Lebreau added, biting her lip, "the whole incident with Cocoon falling and all that. I mean, look at Rygdea and the others. They were all victims of the battle beforehand, so maybe he needed more little rejects too. It sounds like he's trying to gather up a ton of magic."

"And-" Hope groaned as Sazh spoke again.

"Can't forget all the C'ieth we have crawling on Gran Pulse. They keep heading for New Bodhum, and they've stopped almost all construction at the new city sites for Chou. Saorise is sending them in, but this Chaos is the guy behind it." Sazh nodded, clucking his tongue. "We just can't catch a break."

"Then how are we supposed to defeat this thing!" Sultur shouted, "How, when it seems unkillable? Do we have to get rid of the two causing most of our problems in order for this to be set right?"

Hope shuddered when he felt Lightning tighten her hand around his, and she stepped forward. Rygdea glanced at her, eyes already narrowed into slits, but he gave her a smile.

It only made him look demented.

"Well Sultur," Lightning said, her voice calm and even. "I'm all for getting rid of Saorise. But if you try to hurt one hair on Hope's head you'll be answering to the edge of my gunblade." Lightning sneered, eyes flashing. "And I'll be nice and slow about it too."

"And when she's done with you, I'm sure she wouldn't mind us taking a swing or two at you. And trust me, we won't play nice," Rygdea said, smirk widening, "Good and slow. They say that's the best way to do anything."

"G-guys really," Hope said, stepping forward as Sultur's face started to turn purple again. "I don't think we need to concentrate on that part. You heard it in the text right? Chaos was sealed..."

"By Orphan," Lightning said, looking back at him, her face calm again. "For trying to break away from the actual plan."

Hope nodded, looking back at the group. "So, he was _sealed_. He hasn't died or been reborn for a while now. And if he was sealed once..." Hope paused, tapping his foot. "I-I don't know, maybe we can seal him more? Deeper in or something, make it so he can't even touch us. If he's trying to break free from his current seal...maybe we just need a stronger one."

"Can we do that?" Crawford asked. "Do you think so?"

Hope swallowed, eyes roving the room as he spoke, "I-I think it's possible."

"_-we might be able to help you with this." _

"I think we can seal him," Hope said, voice stronger while he clenched his hands. "We just-I think if we use our magic, we could pull it off. That's the key. I mean, if he has to use it to get out of wherever he's at, then why can't we use it against him too?" Hope's eyes found Sultur and he squared his shoulder. "I think this could work. If we could find the way to seal him, reinforce him somehow."

Sultur watched him, eyes flickering to Lightning before returning to Hope's face. His eyes were unreadable, and as he continued to stare, Hope wondered what he would if the man said no. _If he does...if he does, what will he do? What other options...well, I guess he does have other options, but would he really go through with them? Kill me? _

"I suppose it _is_ our best bet, isn't it?" Sultur said, breaking Hope from his thoughts. Hope's chest swelled and he smiled, unable and unwilling to stem the relief that flowed into his body, calming his fluttering heart. Sultur narrowed his eyes at him but Hope just smiled, tightening his hold on Lightning's hand and turning back to her. Sultur just rolled his eyes, running a hand over his face. "Regardless, we'll have to take the time to come up with a strategy. In the meantime, you may return home, Hope. We will alert you when we have settled on something," Sultur said, already heading for the door. Hope nodded, only sparing the man a brief glance before turning back to Lightning.

"I'm proud of you, Hope. You stuck to your guns," Lightning said. She jumped when Hope wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug.

"I've had a few great mentors," Hope muttered into her neck. She smiled at him, resting her hand on his hair and running her fingers through the locks. Hope buried his face further into Lightning's shoulder and yawned, smiling when he felt her chuckle.

"We should get you home. We can worry about this later," Lightning mumbled, pulling him away from her. "Besides, I bet Serah is just waiting to baby you when we get home." Hope grinned, but it faded when he looked back at the papers. The brunet was collecting some of them, but he cast Hope a look and smiled, nodding. He set aside several of the papers he was gathering and scooped the rest up, heading for the pair.

"The name is Asuth," he said, smiling wider as he handed the papers to Hope. "I hope you can excuse Sultur. He's been under a lot of pressure lately with this crisis, and he's never been known to be a patient man."

"We noticed," Lightning said, crossing her arms.

Asuth swallowed, throwing a nervous glance her way before looking back at Hope. "Well young man, I want to thank you for what you've done for us. All of you really. I hope the next time we meet will be in better circumstances." Asuth shoved the last of the papers into Hope's hands before taking the ones Hope had read aloud out of the room. Crawford rolled his eyes at Asuth before smiling at Rygdea, giving him a small salute.

"I best be off myself. Things are about to get hectic here." Rygdea nodded, smiling as the man left, and then turned to Hope. The others were already gathering around him as well, but Rygdea managed to push through the throng, ruffling Hope's hair.

"You ready Hope?" Rygdea asked. Snow grinned from behind Rygdea and punched his hands, nodding at Hope.

Hope took a deep breath and smiled, saying the only thing that came to mind. "As I'll ever be."

* * *

"But sir, you can't be serious!" Asuth said, hurrying to catch up with Sultur as the other nearly trotted down the corridors of the base. His blue eyes were going every which way, searching out several of the familiar black uniforms of Rygdea's soldiers. He glanced at Asuth as he caught up, sneering at him.

"Of course I'm serious. Do you really think we can afford to make mistakes now? We need something, a distraction, to draw her out." Sultur paused when he saw a flash of blond disappear into the locker rooms and narrowed his eyes at the door. "It's not as if I don't think the sealing will work, but the way it is now is too risky. Think about it. You've seen this woman in action." He stepped into the locker room, eyes already finding the head he had seen earlier. The man was young and seemed fit, if a little smaller than the other soldiers he had seen. He had a strange pair of goggles around his neck as well, and had started to turn the knob in the locker.

Sultur worked his jaw, taking a deep breath. "I mean, think of it Asuth. If that woman is given reign on the battlefield while Estheim tries to seal Chaos away, we'll be playing right into her hands. _Their_ hands at this point. Even with our strongest soldiers and Rygdea's to boot, I don't think they can withstand her attacks for long. And if she manages to start this little ritual, then we're all finished."

"But sir..." Sultur blocked out Asuth listening to him give a small groan, knowing the man was already caving. He was concentrating instead on the man at the locker. He had seen him with Estheim...a soldier of Rygdea's and a close friend. And if he could just get one on board...he could get more. He almost swelled in triumph when he saw the man was merely standing at his locker, arm raised but not moving.

"No buts, Asuth. If we can send a small squad in, a magic squad to act as bait, we might be able to buy Estheim enough time to do this. Our chances look better if Saorise is distracted. Doing so allows us to now only send Estheim in, but we have time to give him a stronger barricade."

"But we don't even know how Estheim would seal away Chaos!" Asuth tried, eyes pleading and desperate.

"I think his brand will suffice, don't you?" Sultur said. "It's the way those l'Cie are connected to him in the first place isn't it? And how they get their magic? And doesn't time play a more important role if Mr. Estheim truly doesn't know how he must approach it? We can buy him that time; let him figure it out and save us from this."

Sultur waited, knowing what would come next from Asuth. "How would you even do this? You'd need strong soldiers. Rygdea's soldiers. The ones that can use magic. And you'd have to get past Rygdea to even authorize it, and we both know he won't let you touch his men for an operation like this," Asuth said, shaking his head.

Sultur smiled. "I do not need his authority if it approved by our majority of generals and captains. Besides, we won't even need to resort to a vote if I can manage to find volunteers."

"And how will you-"

"Excuse me." Sultur had to squash the smile threatening his face when the blond man poked his head over, carrying a spare black uniform in his hands. He closed the locker with a loud, metallic bang and headed for the two men, his blue eyes worried. "Um...all of this. Do you-you really think-"

"You're one of Rygdea's men aren't you? The one with Estheim?" Sultur asked before he could finish. He ignored the small squeak of surprise that came from Asuth, watching the blond as he glanced at the ground before nodding.

"Yes. Yes, I'm one of them."

"So you heard that did you?" Sultur said. "You weren't supposed to-"

"Can I help?" the man asked before Sultur could finish. The blond's eyes widened, a small blush forming on his face before he tried again. "I mean...I want to help my friend in any way I can. And if you think-if you think this can really help him, help everyone, then maybe I could be one of the volunteers."

Sultur's heart jumped and he almost smiled. Instead he tilted his head at the man before reaching a hand out, nodding when he took it. "I suppose you could. If, of course, you were still interested after hearing all the details. I won't blame you if you back out."

Sultur knew he wouldn't though. He saw the spark in the boy's eyes, the light of determination. He was going in to save anyone and everyone he could, including-no-especially Estheim and his friends. His jaw was set, his eyes hard, and when he took Sultur's hand, he seemed to guess something was coming his way. Sultur, at least, thought he could see it.

And that was enough.

"I'm sure I can handle it."

Sultur nodded, eyes darkening when they released each other's hands. "What's your name then young man? I don't think I caught it in the other room."

The man gave him a hesitant smile, rubbing the back of his neck. "Maqui."


	48. What's Left Behind

**Hello! Sorry for the slight delay of this chapter. To tell you the truth, I am rather busy at the moment (but I am trying to do a few more things on here as well). I have exams and projects coming up soon, and then... Commencement. I'm going to graduate soon-it's less than a month away, and I think it may finally be sinking in. Maybe. I don't know, it all seems overwhelming.**

**Reviews!**

**Wulf: :D Lol, Rygdea has the worst timing ever, doesn't he? And he knows it too. And thank you-I'm glad you're enjoying the story! It means a lot that you're willing to drop me a line as well! *hugs* Thank you for that. And I'm glad you like Lightning's brand of sarcasm. :) And I'm really glad you liked the translations. I admit, I really liked writing them. I said them out loud too, in this deep voice to try and find the right way to word things. I feel much better btw, so thank you. *more hugs* **

**Anyway, I thank you all for going this far with me, and I hope you enjoy the chapter. **

* * *

"So how did it really go?" Serah asked as Snow walked into the room, shrugging his shirt off and flopping on the bed. He grinned at her, giving her a thumbs up, but Serah shook her head and headed for the dresser, pulling out a small, pink dressing gown.

"Come on Snow. I saw the others when they walked in, and they didn't look all that happy," Serah said, shaking off her shirt and jeans before pulling the nightgown over her head. Snow watched her, eyes glazed as the dress flowed around her legs, resting just above her knees. "Snow!"

He jumped, shaking his head and rubbing the back of his head. "Sorry about that Serah. I mean…I don't know if you've realized, but you're really pretty, so-"

"Oh, shut up Snow," Serah said, looking away so he wouldn't see the blush flaring across her cheeks. She pretended to flatten her hair, waiting until her blush had evaporated before turning back to Snow. "But really. I mean, Maqui looked really…I don't know, depressed or something. And Lebreau was really quiet when you all came back too. I mean, did something happen between them or something?"

Snow sighed, running a hand over his face and falling onto the pillows. "I really don't know with those two anymore. I mean, today Lebreau was actually really depressed and all that, until before we had to go see Hope about the translation. After that she was all right. But _before_, I guess Maqui went to go talk to her." Snow shrugged, resting his hands behind his head, but his face was scrunched with worry.

"I guess she said something to him," Snow finally mumbled.

Serah bit her lip and headed for the bed, crawling her way to the pillows and resting her head on them a moment before scooting closer to Snow. His arm wrapped around her middle and he pulled her closer until she was spooned against him.

"Do you know what she said?" Serah asked, her voice soft.

Snow shook his head, narrowing his eyes. "No idea actually. But whatever it was hit a nerve. He was really quiet after that." They fell silent then, looking up at the ceiling. Serah locked her hand with Snow's, resting them both on top of his chest as they stared at the ceiling. She closed her eyes and smiled as Snow's chest went up and down, listening for the gentle thumping of his heart as it beat against his ear.

"They'll be okay Snow," Serah said eventually. "They'll get over whatever it was. And if not, you can go in and show em how it's done." She grinned at the chuckle she felt pass through Snow's chest, glancing up at him.

"I'm sure they will."

Serah nodded, pulling herself closer to him face. "Light said that Hope was amazing back there," Serah mumbled. "I wanted to talk to him but he as already passing out when you guys got home, so…"

Snow nodded, running his hands through her hair. "He was amazing. I mean, he and the others were able to figure out a ton of stuff and now-now I think we're really going to be able to do this. Have a strategy and take Saorise down, and this Fal'Cie that's been messing with Hope for who knows how long. I really think we can." Snow's eyes clouded over as he stared at the ceiling. "But…they said some things that got me worried now."

Serah's hands tightened but she said nothing, only nodding for him to continue. Snow shook his head. "I mean, they said they doubted it, but they said it like-like it didn't matter."

"Said what Snow?" Serah pressed, her heart hammering as she strained to look up at him.

"They might die." Serah choked back a gasp, eyes on Snow as he continued, "I mean, we didn't die when we got our brands taken off…but-but we weren't dead Serah. We weren't dead or going to die when we got our brands added or removed or anything. So I don't know." Snow shook his head and blinked hard, swallowing. "You don't think that-"

"No," Serah said firmly, shaking her had and pushing herself up so she could face Snow. "No, they're not going to die. Not after everything that's happened. No. I know they won't Snow. I know they won't." Serah narrowed her eyes, glaring at her lap. _Not after everything. Not after sis finally confessed to Hope. Not after we finally got NORA back together. Not after this family became whole again. No, just no!_

"You're right, Serah. I was…just being paranoid or something." Snow shrugged, smiling when he pulled her back down. "But he did great. We're just waiting on that Sultur guy to come up with a strategy, and then we'll be able to do something. Hope's gonna try and seal this Fal'Cie away, make it so that he can't do anything anymore. Then it's just Saorise and we'll be all right again." Serah nodded, letting herself be led back down to Snow's chest. She snuggled closer to him, closing her eyes at his breathing again.

"Things might really go back to normal soon then," Serah said, smiling. She didn't think about the dangers that would surround the mission, or the fact that she could lose Hope, Lebreau, Maqui, and Rygdea even if they did succeed. That she might lose them anyway, as well as her husband and sister. That she might lose everyone she cared about in this final fight. That she might die. That her daughter might die.

The weight was crushing her chest and she pushed her face into Snow's chest. She shut her eyes as tightly as she could and shook her head, trying hard not to think of blood or of a dead Hope. Or of her husband gasping for air. Of her sister standing over Hope's corpse, her eyes blank, or her own sister dead on the ground-

"Serah." She just shook her head when she sobbed into Snow's chest, her face hot and sweaty, her heart racing as each image flashed in her mind.

She could not lose them.

* * *

"You're up?" Hope jumped when Lightning's voice carried to him, and he looked around from his spot on the couch, catching sight of her just as she entered the living room. He smiled when she walked to the couch and sat next to him, and before he could think about it his hand was reaching for hers. He glanced at the windows for a moment, noting the sun as it began to rise. The rays were bleeding through the curtains, casting light into the otherwise dark room. He could feel Lightning's eyes drilling holes into the back of his head and looked back at her, his eyes clouded.

"I…was thinking is all." Hope shrugged, running his free hand through his hair. "I mean, of what we're going to be doing soon. I'm-I'm scared shitless, to be honest with you." Lightning nodded, staring ahead at the television.

"I can imagine why," she said. "Looking back at everything you've been through, I can see why you're scared." Lightning looked back at him, tilting her head to the side as Hope nodded, his eyes still troubled. Her eyes softened and she mumbled, "What else Hope?"

"I'm worried about you too. I'm worried about you and Rygdea and Snow. Lebreau and Maqui…I mean, they've done so much for me. All of you have. All of you…" Hope sighed, shoulders slumping as he looked ahead. His eyes were lost, searching the walls for answers. "And I want to protect you. I want to save you. But even-even if I figure out how to seal Chaos-" Hope pressed his hand to his chest, closing his eyes. "There's no guarantee. All I can do is get close and call on all the magic I know." _And maybe Fang and Vanille will come. Maybe they _will_ help me. And if not…_

…_I _will_ do it on my own. _

"I guess I'm scared that I'll fail. If I fail…" Hope's hands started to shake and he closed his eyes. "If I fail then everyone-not just you or this house of people, but _everyone _will-"

"Don't think about it," Lightning said, squeezing his hand. "Don't think about it that way. We'll stop her. We'll stop him. But you can't think about that. Not now, not if it distracts you like this." Lightning's eyes softened when Hope looked at her, eyes quivering. "You already know what and who you're fighting for, Hope," she said softly. "So just fight for it."

Hope nodded, taking a deep breath and looking away again. Lightning watched as his body gradually relaxed, his hand soon no longer clutching hers as if she was his only lifeline. Instead, he simply laced his fingers between hers, back pressing against the couch and shoulders dropping more.

His face softened as well, mouth forming a small smile, but his eyes were still distant and worried. Lightning brushed her hand against his forehead, swiping his bangs from his eyes. Hope's eyes drifted to her and he raised a hand to cup her face.

"Lightning…" he mumbled. "I've been thinking about a few other things." Lightning lifted an eyebrow but Hope leaned in before she could say anything, brushing his lips against hers. He was hesitant at first, a light, feather touch, but Lightning smiled into the kiss and pressed against him. Hope smiled back at her before pushing his mouth harder, breathing through his nose as he brought his hands to her sides. Lightning jolted and Hope's smile widened. Lightning almost growled, bringing her hands to the back of his neck and breaking for air before diving back in.

Hope gasped in surprise and Lightning felt her chest swell as she dipped her tongue into his mouth, feeling the wet insides of his cheeks before his tongue came to wrestle with hers. His wet muscle swiped at hers, a small chuckle turning into a moan when Lightning pressed against him harder, running a hand over his chest.

"Light-" he gasped when they broke for air. "Light I-"

"Sh…" she whispered, shuddering when his hands raked her sides. She felt him lift the hem of her shirt just enough for his hands to cup the skin at her sides, and she pressed one hand on his leg and the other around neck to keep balance. She kissed him on the lips again before latching to his neck, smirking when she sucked and he let out a low groan.

"Lightning…" he moaned. "Lightning I-" He gasped when she moved down his neck, placing kiss after kiss before reaching his pulse. His whole body was hot under hers, and as she sucked on his pulse, she felt it race. Her body was hot as well, on _fire_, and she jolted again when Hope moved his hands a little higher up her shirt. She shudder, briefly releasing him.

"Hope what-"

She didn't get to finish before Hope pulled her from his shoulder and kissed her on the lips again before moving down to her neck and collarbone, pulling her shirt down so he could reach her skin. His hands gripped her hips and he pressed her against him, Lightning sighing as his legs wrapped around her to keep her balance.

"I love you Lightning," he mumbled, kissing her again on the neck and then on the lips. "I love you."

"Love…you…too…" Lightning gasped, her voice breaking as he sucked on her lips. She shuddered and ran her fingers through his hair, kissing, moving her lips against his before they finally broke away. Both gasped for air as they collapsed together on the couch, Lightning on top of Hope. Hope blinked when he looked down, realizing that at some point they had wound up falling against the cushions. He wiggled, his pants feeling tight, but he shut his eyes at the heat in his groin and prickling his body. Lightning was gasping a little above him, her head resting on his chest, her own face red and shining. Hope tried not to linger too long on her face, squirming a little when she pressed closer to his groin.

"That…was nice," she said eventually, pushing off him only to grab him by the shoulder and setting him right on the couch. She rested her head on his shoulder, looking up at him. "But I don't think that's what we meant to do." She glanced at him, her cheeks warming when she glanced at his pants. She bit her lip, eyes darting from him to her hands.

"Sorry…" she mumbled.

"I don't mind-" Hope said, face heating up as he looked at her swollen, pink lips, "-if our serious conversations always start that way." Lightning rolled her eyes and shoved him, smiling when Hope chuckled. "You're right though. I guess you're just irresistible."

"Bad pick up line day?" Lightning snorted.

"Not when I think it's true," Hope said, voice low. Lightning blinked, looking away when her face started to heat up anew, like a fire had been lit across her cheeks. Hope smiled, resting on the couch again. He closed his eyes, and they both took several deep breaths. Hope bit his lip, trying to clear his mind and his arousal. Finally, after he was sure he'd be able to keep himself under control-_think of the creepy old lady you saw in that bikini when you were-and it's gone-_he opened his eyes and locked gazes with her.

"But we do need to talk. Or at least…I don't know, I do." Hope's eyes clouded over again, and he tilted his head to the side. "When this over…if things go back to normal, or something like normal-"

"They will," Lightning said, grabbing his hand and squeezing. "They will Hope."

He smiled at her, squeezing back and nodding. "All right...all right, _when _they go back. But...I don't know. I mean, Lightning, what am I supposed to do when this is all over?"

Lightning blinked, watching as Hope slumped into the couch and ran a hand over his face. "I mean-I mean, I never really thought about a world where Saorise was gone and I...wasn't. I don't know what I'm supposed to do after that." Hope took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "I just-it feels like I have no direction anymore Light. It feels like everything-everything was taken and now I don't-" Hope groaned and stomped his foot a little pressing the palm of his hand to his forehead. "Forget it. I'm sorry, Lightning. I'm not making any sense at all. I just-I guess I just-"

"It's all right Hope," Lightning said, running circles on his hand. "You don't have to feel bad for feeling the way you do. I think...I think it's normal." Hope tilted his head at her but Lightning nodded, biting her lip as she continued, "Think about it Hope. What did you really think was going to happen to you?" Hope looked down, his eyes dark, but Lightning pressed on. "You didn't really think you'd make it this far, and even if you did, she did derail your life. It's something I will never forgive her for." She hissed the last part, her eyes flashing.

"Light-"

"I won't, Hope. All the things she's done to you-all those horrible fucking things. All of them. I'll get back at her. I'll bring her down. I don't care what it takes. I will make her pay for what she did to you, and I'll help end this once and for all." Lightning's voice was hard but her eyes softened when she focused on Hope again. "But what were you supposed to think? It makes sense..."

Hope nodded, looking away from her to stare at the wall ahead. His eyes glazed over again and he started to rub her hand as well, mouth parted slightly. "I guess so...I just-I wish I knew what to do now. I wish I knew what I wanted."

Lightning's face lit up and she moved closer to him, but looked away from his face. "You have me, don't you?"

Hope's eyes widened and his shoulders fell before a wide smile crossed his face and he looked down at Lightning pressed against him. His eyes were soft as he brought a hand to her hair and stroked it, smiling when he caught sight of her red cheeks.

"I do," he mumbled. "I have you." Hope wrapped his arms around her middle and brought her closer to him, ignoring his body as it flared and his head as it started to overload with heat. He snuggled into her hair and smiled, eyes warm. "Thank you."

Lightning's face was turning deeper shades of red as his breath brushed against her, but she nodded. "You act like it's a bother sometimes, Hope." She felt him chuckle into her hair and smiled herself, closing her eyes.

They stayed like that for a time, simply pressed against one another, listening as the other breathed. Their bodies went from terribly flushed to comfortably warm as they sat together, and Hope smiled.

"Lightning...you know, I was always really nervous when I had to fight back then. Back when we were all first branded. And this-this thing with Saorise kind of made it worse for me. So...so maybe..." Hope kept trailing off. He had opened his eyes and was looking around the room, trying to find a focus so he could get his thoughts together.

_Does-Does she want to hear this? I mean, it's not what she'll be expecting but I can't-I mean, I think I want to. It'd be a start anyway, and I don't know what else I want to do. I just-I don't know, it sounds right to me, but I could be wrong. Maybe I should just ask her for advice, see what she says about it. But is it too early to even be thinking like that? I mean-_

"Hope!" He jumped at Lightning's voice, eyes brought back to her face as she looked up at him, eyes narrowed. "Hope, what is it-"

"I-Maybe I can go back to school." The words came out rushed and he looked away from her, his face lighting up as he glanced at the floor. He closed his eyes and waited for her response, mind buzzing as the words echoed in his head. _Oh come on, Estheim, really? That's how you're gonna do it? At least give her some explanation instead of just spouting it off and shutting down. _

As the silence stretched on Hope's heart gave an uncomfortable thud and he peeked his eyes open, glancing at Lightning and biting his lip. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. It was stupid and I was just-I was trying too hard and I don't know what I was trying to do but-"

"Hope," Lightning said, shaking her head and adjusting her position. She lifted her legs unto the couch and sat on her knees, facing Hope and grabbing his chin, forcing him to look at her. "There's nothing wrong with that. I guess I'm just surprised. That doesn't mean that I don't think it's a good idea. Quit thinking like that," she growled.

Hope nodded, but his eyes were still roving her face, and he bit his lip, "I guess-I don't know, maybe if I go back to school I can figure out what it is I want to do. It's not like-like I didn't like being your apprentice...sort of your apprentice, and fighting the C'ieth when we were younger, but now-now I'm just tired and I don't think-I don't know if I really want to do all of this again, or go into a fighting lifestyle." Hope ran his hands through his hair, his voice going faster and higher. "But if I go back to school, I might be able to figure things out. I just don't want you to think of me as-as weaker than I already-"

Lightning rolled her eyes and pressed a finger to his lips, glaring at him until his constant flow of words finally ceased. "Hope, why would I think less of you because you decided to go to school? There's nothing wrong with that." Lightning shook her head. "So don't thinking less of yourself for it. I'm proud of you Hope, and nothing will change that. If anyone deserves to go ahead and relax and get away from this, it's you. And school? Even better."

Hope's eyes scrunched up and he nodded, smiling slightly before nodding again, pressing his face into her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her. "Thank you, Light. Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you."

Lightning blushed, returning Hope's hug while looking up at the ceiling. "No problem, Hope." She blinked when she felt something wet on her shoulder and started to pry Hope away from her, but he only tightened his hold, shaking his head and letting out a hot, heavy breath. "Hope? Hope, what's wrong?"

Hope didn't answer her at first, just burying himself deeper into her shoulder and breathing hard. Lightning could see his back trembling and she rubbed his back, biting her lip. "I-I just..." Hope started, trailing off before trying again, "I don't know. I think-I want this to happen, Lightning." He shook his head again, voice strained. "I want this to happen. I want to be able to-to go to school. I want to be able to hold you like this and just-just not worry about what's going to happen. I don't want to lose this." He pulled away from her, his eyes lined with tears, but he rubbed them away so he could face her. "I don't know what I'll do if I lose this."

Lightning nodded, closing her eyes briefly before opening them and brushing her fingers against Hope's cheek. "I know Hope," she muttered. "I know. I know, I know. So we won't lose this. We won't. I won't let that happen."

Hope bowed his head and Lightning expected him to look up at her and shake his head, say that there was no way she could say things like that. That there was no way that she could know.

"Then I will too," he said, rubbing his eyes before looking back at her. "I'll do what I can and I'll help protect this. I have to. I have to do this, Lightning. I have to do this." He buried his face into her shoulder again, saying it over and over. Lightning brought a hand to his head and stroked his hair, pressing her cheek against his head. Hope closed his eyes and almost hummed at her motions, his shoulders slumping as he finally relaxed again.

"Thank you, Light," he whispered. Her only response was to hold him against her. He smiled, a surge of love and determination bursting in his checks like water.

_When this is over...I'll start again. _

* * *

Sultur led the five recruits he had managed to gain through the narrow, soldier lined paths that led to the restricted zones of New Bodhum. Maqui was in front of the recruits, as well as a blonde woman named Vitan, another man named Tiaw, a brunet with a hard square jaw known as Dart, and another woman with short, black hair and a long face named Salusa. They all wore the familiar black uniforms of De Novo, and each were looking toward him as he led them closer to the giant crystal orb. Night had fallen, and Sultur had made a special request for the others to come so they could go over what they were to do.

Sultur had avoided mentioning his plans to either Asuth or Crawford, knowing one of them would tell Rygdea, but he knew it wasn't long until they found out anyway. Soldiers could only keep quiet for so long. The giant crystal orb hung above them, the lights bright blue as the moon's light was filtered through the crystal like glass, making the path shimmer.

"As you can tell, we had to beef up security after the last incident. We're waiting for a report now, to see where it would be best to place you five, as well as try to figure out which direction Saorise will try to take when she arrives," Sultur said, waving his hand toward the crystal.

Maqui shook his head, raising an eyebrow. "But we couldn't stop her if she tried to do something like that." Maqui almost rolled his eyes when Sultur glared back at him. "I mean, come on, this is Saorise we're talking about here."

"That is not what I meant. We are to stall her until Estheim arrives and is able to handle her himself," Sultur said, turning away from Maqui to look up at the crystal. The lights shined in his eyes, glittered like bright spots around them, and Sultur shook his head. "A lot is riding on how he performs. It's important that we are able to clear the way for him, no matter the cost."

Maqui nodded, looking up as well. His mouth was pulled into a frown, and as he spoke, his voice sounded faraway, "I know. I know we need to do this to make sure...to make sure that everything comes out all right." Maqui sighed, and Sultur turned to him and the others.

"Are you ready then?" Sultur didn't give them a chance to answer before speaking, "We will need you to line up around the stem. Draw her attention. I'm assuming that when she arrives, she'll be the one waiting for Estheim to come." Sultur shook his head, pressing his fingers on the bridge of his nose. "She's been three steps ahead of us every time we've faced her, but this time we may have the advantage. From your report, it sounds as if this woman has a problem with her anger."

Maqui nodded, eyes darkening. "Yes. Back at the cabin she went nuts, saying she basically lost Hope to Lightning. For a second she seemed to lose her focus on Hope, going straight for Lightning instead. Then later...later when Hope was pissing her off, she started to lose her focus then too."

Sultur hummed, turning back to the crystal. "Then that's what we'll be playing on. Your role becomes more crucial Maqui. Since you know more of the situation between Hope and Saorise than the other members of your team, you'll have to be the one to draw most of her attention to you. I don't know what you'll have to say, but whatever it takes to make it so she's running after you."

Maqui was still and quiet, looking not at Sultur or the crystal, or the others as they gave him worried looks, but at the ground. He clenched his hands and nodded, swallowing before he looked up at Sultur. "What happens if we fail though? Or if she kills us before we can lead her too far away?"

"As bad as it may sound...I do have backup on the scene to try and draw her away as well. They will not be as effective though. This is a hit or miss plan. Either it works now, or it doesn't work at all."

Maqui nodded, looking back at the ground. "What happens if the others find out though, or if they try to do something-"

"Sirs!" Maqui and Sultur jumped when a uniformed Guardian Corps. solider came running toward them, his gun at his side as he pulled his helmet down with his free hand. "Sirs, we have a serious situation."

"What do you-"

"That woman!" the man gasped, running a hand through brown hair. His eyes were wide as he looked at the others before turning his attention back to Sultur. "Saorise! She was spotted at the base of the stem!"

"What!" Sultur shouted, eyes wide.

"Yes! She was spotted near the stem, encased in ice. We tried to get closer to her, but then magic started pouring out of the area. We lost two units already." Sultur was shaking his head but the man continued, frenzied, "Several bodies were dug up around the area as well sir, all recent."

"The guards that had been patrolling the area...but how could we have missed that! When they weren't relieved of duty, we should have been notified immediately!" Sultur was shouting, shaking his head and glancing around. "How could she have slipped through our defense so easily?"

Sultur stopped, doubling over as the ground gave a violent shake. He gritted his teeth, steeling himself as the world rumbled before straightening up and looking the soldier in the eye. "Go prepare all units then. I want a perimeter set up immediately. Let no one in or out." The man nodded, cocking his gun before hurrying away.

Sultur looked back at Maqui and the others before waving his hand and leading them back. Sultur nodded at several soldiers, motioning them over as the ground shook again. Maqui followed him as he stalked toward the soldiers, looking around as several squads started to pour from the buildings set around the crystal.

"Sir!" one of the men said, drawing Maqui's attention to the new soldier.

"I need you to round up three more men and start the evacuations. Get all the civilians to shelters and prepare airships for them. Send them to the rendezvous points established by the Exploration Sector, and from there start giving out rations. Now," Sultur ordered, face tight.

"But sir!" one of the men called as Sultur turned away. "Those points are still heavily populated by beasts!"

"Do as you're ordered!" Sultur shouted. "They'll be better off there, then here," he mumbled under his breath.

"Maqui!" The blond was beside him in an instant, biting his lip but nodding. "You understand what you're about to do, yes?" He waited until Maqui nodded before continuing, "All right then, contact me when you five get into position and from there I will contact Rygdea. We have to make sure you're already there, or else he will make our lives very difficult."

Maqui nodded, eyes wide as he looked at the crystal. He reached for his own pocket, patting his side but sucking in his breath he realized his communicator was not there. He looked back at Sultur, eyes darting around. "Just in case...you know, will you tell them I'm sorry." ?

Sultur watched blue eyes like his own stare at him, search him, before he nodded. "Of course I will." And without another word, Maqui nodded and waved his hand at the others. The blonde woman jumped, swallowing hard before running after him, the others hurrying behind. Sultur watched their bodies start to disappear, his heart hammering in his chest.

_Let this be enough. Let them be enough to give us the time we need. _

_Without them, this fails. _

* * *

Maqui could feel his heart thumping in his chest, beating against the ribs before it started hitting his lungs. His mind felt heavy and light all at once, and as he passed the soldiers that were scrambling around him, shouting orders and moving into formations, he could almost feel his stomach turn over. His blood was roaring in his ears and he knew that each step he was taking could be his last.

Was probably his last.

He heard the steps of the others behind him, could almost hear their own gasping breaths even as soldiers started to scream and shots were fired into the sky. Maqui glanced up and watched as the once dark night was suddenly bright with orange and red, and how C'ieth roamed the skies before starting to swoop in. Only the flying, disfigured avians from before, but as the monsters dived on the soldiers, plucking them from the ground and soaring high above the world, Maqui could only imagine what it meant.

_Did Saorise call them or something? Or is this something else? I don't see how it could be. But they got here so fast-were they waiting then? Why didn't we spot them if they were?_

"Maqui!" He jumped, almost tripping over his feet as he came to a stop, and he looked behind him as Vitan shook her head. "Something feels wrong. Something isn't right, not at all." Maqui blinked, glancing at the others. He watched as each of them started to feel for their brands. Tiaw was reaching behind him, desperately clawing at his back to reach his brand.

Maqui closed his eyes and pulled down the sleeve of his uniform, wincing as it pulled on something hard and rough. His eyes widened when he saw his brand, the once small, shimmering mark, was now a hard and growing crystal running up his arm, disappearing into his uniform. He swallowed his heart and pressed his hand against his upper arm, shuddering as he felt something burst inside of him and splash in the walls of his body.

_I don't understand. I don't-don't get it. How is this happening? It doesn't make any sense. We're not even using magic-_

_Magic..._

"Shit." Maqui whipped around. "I think it has to do with Saorise and the crystal!" he shouted, eyes flickering to each of them as more gunfire shot around them. "It has-has to be gathering magic or something, to be able to do this. I think Saorise is starting this fucked up plan of hers." Maqui watched the faces of his comrades begin to pale, and guilt began to gnaw at him. _I shouldn't have brought them here. What was I thinking? I told them-them what would happen-what might happen to everyone, but they still don't deserve-_

"Then we'll just have to work around it. Come on, this isn't the time to be thinking about it. All we'll do is get ourselves killed." Maqui blinked as the tall, muscular brunet ran past him, followed by the others. Vitan's ponytail was the last thing that whipped by his face before Maqui was turning around and running after them. He blinked hard and fast when his eyes began to sting, and wished he could tell them how grateful he was. Yet as he pushed on and through the soldiers, and eventually the falling bodies of the C'ieth and men alike, he pushed it from his mind.

He couldn't think about what he was doing, only do it. He couldn't think about the people he was leaving behind, only about their well being. He wouldn't think of Lebreau, only fight for her.

He would not think about dying. He would push on.

"I think I see something! We're approaching the stem!" It was almost unnecessary for Dart to say. As they crossed some threshold and the tiny stem made of blue crystal came into view, Maqui was almost bowled over by the power that was crashing against him. His body almost broke as the power, the magic, smashed against him, and he could feel his legs start to wobble. He opened his eyes, swearing when he realized he had closed them at all, and shook his head when he saw two of the others fall to their knees. He winced when another wave came, gasping and coughing as the power pressed against his chest, and his eyes widened when water started to form around him, splashing to the ground. He brought up his arm and pressed a hand against the crystallized skin, shuddering when he felt something crawl up his arm.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit. What do we do? We're already changing and-_

"This just doesn't seem very fair to me." Maqui's breath stopped, barely a whisper of air escaping him as the voice reached him. He looked up, eyes wide and quivering as Saorise appeared from behind the stem.

_I thought she was supposed to be encased in ice or something? What the hell is she doing out already? _

Saorise smiled at him, rubbing her arms, one of them strangely white, and shaking her head, tiny shards of ice dislodging themselves from her hair. "I mean, here you are, getting all the nice benefits of having this oversized crystal ball going into overdrive, and I have to have my powers sealed just so I don't go C'ieth on contact." She shrugged, smirking at him. "But who said I needed that to take care of any of you?"

Maqui took a step back, eyes going to his comrades before landing back on Saorise. She moved closer to him, ignoring the other four as she moved the braid behind her back, eyes glinting oddly in the pale blue light and the orange fire of the gunshots.

_Why-Why would she tell us that...I don't get it. I don't-don't-_

Maqui jumped when Saorise chuckled, whipping her hand up and thrusting it forward. He brought his hands up, eyes widening as more water rose from the air around him, shielding him as a floating wall. No spell came to hit him, instead several sharp, shined edges came boring down on him, slowed only by the water. He jumped back as the daggers started to break through the water, watching as they straightened themselves out and flew back to Saorise. Maqui narrowed his eyes as she raised her arm, watching the daggers snap into a metal casing over her arm, almost like sharp knuckles on her hand.

"What the hell-"

"I think my new toy will more than compensate for the disadvantage. Besides..." Saorise smiled, tilting her head to the side to face one of the others. She raised her hand and sent her daggers at Dart, giggling as fire erupted around the large brunet. She pulled her hand back, the wires scratching against the metal, but Maqui bit his lip as Dart fell to his knees again, grasping for his brand. Saorise looked back at Maqui, her smirk widening. "You're all on borrowed time anyway, the longer you stay here."

Maqui tried to breathe, begged his lungs to just expand so he could take in a few gulps of air as Saorise set her gaze on him. Hope's words, his story, all came rushing back to him and he felt waves of fury and terror all at once. He wanted to tear this woman apart and flee from her all at once, and his stomach continued to rebel. He could feel the brand crawling up his skin, making it prickle. And Saorise just kept staring at him, her eyes narrowed, her smirk in place, eying him like a new toy.

Fresh bait.

She started to walk towards him and still Maqui couldn't move, couldn't force his legs to just listen and dodge or roll or do something other than stay there and let himself die.

"I know why you're here," she said, shaking her head. "And it isn't going to work, Maqui. You can try and lure me away. You can even manage it. You can lead me as far away from this place as you want, and it still won't work. And you want to know why?"

She was in front of him now, somehow towering over him, her eyes boring into his. His arms were shaking at his sides and she just smiled, watching him. "Because Hope still has to come here. He still has to try and stop Chaos with some fool of a plan he's managed to get inside of his head. And it still won't work. Not for you, not for him, not for the annoying bitch of a woman Lightning," Saorise practically spat the name, raising her metal encased hand and striking him across the face. Maqui fell to the ground, teeth coming down on his tongue and blood pooling in his mouth. His cheek was throbbing and bleeding as well, hot from the wound and cold from the air as it struck him.

"Chaos will win. He will save this wretched place and he will save me. And it doesn't matter what any of you try to do. Not you, not Lightning, and not Hope and his ragtag group of dead friends!" Maqui pushed himself from the ground, eyes going to the others as they all struggled with their brands. His shaking arms and hands were aching, and the brand was still reaching up his arm and his heart hammering away. Saorise grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her, but Maqui stilled himself, tried to lock out the turmoil that was raging in his own mind.

_I can't-I can't think about it. I can't think about her being right. She's not right. She's _not. _If she's right, then it doesn't matter. But Hope-Hope of all people said he would try it, that he would make it work. That he could do this, and that we could stand a chance. _

_Isn't that worth something? _

_Isn't it?_

Maqui closed his eyes for a moment, flashes of the others flying through his mind. Of Lebreau as she tackled him, and of Hope as he ran from the woman groping him in the bar. Gadot giving him advice and Yuj saying his goggles were out of style before getting him new ones. Of Snow grabbing him and hugging him, even though the big man had thought he was dead the past few years.

He thought of NORA. He thought of all his friends and family, these precious people he was supposed to be fighting for, and he opened his eyes and looked Saorise in hers. The fear was lifting from him, bursting like a flimsy bubble and leaving no traces behind. Death and fear and the absolute terror of failing were becoming whispers in his mind as he looked into glinting red eyes, steeling himself for what was to come.

He smiled.

"She kissed him you know." Maqui felt her flinch and the pressure around his chin tightened, but he just smirked and pushed on, "After what you did to us, what you did to _him_, he was scared. He was scared and alone and he tried to run from us. But she ran after him, told him about how much he meant to her. Trust me, Serah gives good play by plays." Maqui winced when the metal hand came down again and his head bounced on the ground, only for Saorise to grab his collar and lift him up again.

"Say that again, you little fucker, say it again!" she screamed, white strands of hair falling in front of her face.

Maqui's smile widened. "Why are you so mad? Don't you like it?. It's not like it isn't true. And you know what else? After she told him, they confessed to each other and kissed in the rain. Like something from a movie."

"Shut up!" Maqui's head slammed against the ground again and black spots leaked into his vision. The pain in his arm was receding, dulled by the ache in his temple.

"And then...then he came home, and we hugged him. And he smiled. He was so ...happy to be with her, and not near you. Was convinced he would be free." Another bounce against the ground, and he felt something crack and move in his head, only for searing pain to come and cool it down. "He told her about what you did to him-and she still loves him."

"Shut-" Saorise screamed as fire came rushing at her back, igniting her clothes and forcing her away from Maqui. The blond reached for his head and pressed his fingers on the throbbing skin, pulling them back as something was wiped along his head. A hand reached for him and he took it, ignoring the way the world swayed as he was pulled to his feet.

"Are you all right, Maqui?" He was already nodding, unsure of who was speaking, and he tried to get his eyes to focus ahead of him. He saw something white stand up, assuming it was Saorise. A hand came and held his arm and he smiled, nodding.

"Get ready..." he whispered. There was a pressure on his arm before he blinked away the blur and focused on Saorise, the woman snarling at him. Maqui straightened himself and glared at her, swallowing hard.

"And after that-he told us too. And then, later, we got him thinking about how we should defeat you. That's why he's coming, you know. Not to fulfill some convoluted, crap prophecy made by some Fal'Cie. No, he's gonna stop you!" Maqui shut his eyes as he was pulled forward and to the side, the whistling of metal flying by his ear before he was hoisted onto someone's back and carried forward.

Maqui opened his eyes on the black uniform, smiling slightly when he noticed they were leading her away from the bright, shimmering lights on the ground, the blues almost hypnotic in the way they danced in front of him. Maqui felt his eyes droop but shook his head, grasping Dart's thick neck from behind and glancing at Saorise. She was running after them, Tiaw limping from behind and sending several thunder spells to keep her at bay. Vitan was running beside them, her blonde hair trailing behind, and Maqui felt his stomach sink when he saw Sisula was no longer with them.

He took a deep breath, eyes going back to Saorise.

"And no matter what you do, you can't have him," Maqui called back to her, swaying slightly as he almost lost his already loose grip. "Even after all those things you did, even after you tried to break him and make him yours, he isn't! But Lightning did it. Lightning was able to get close to him. She was able to hold him and kiss him and all those things you can't do!" he nearly screeched.

Maqui didn't even know the words he was saying before they spilled out of him, but the way Saorise's face reddened with rage, the way she snarled and aimed those new daggers at him, stabbing him in the chest before ripping them out and making blood pour down his front, told him they had done their job. He blinked slowly, resting his head on the man's back for a moment and taking a deep breath. He could feel dart slowing, even as his wounds took hold and make everything seem slow and still. "Are-Are we almost far enough?"

"Almost...almost..."

Maqui nodded, smiling again. _I-I guess...I guess it turned out all right in the end then. I hope so...I really do..._

And he turned back to Saorise, wearing a small smile, "You don't get it do you? The way you've lost to her. The way you've lost to Hope. No matter what happens, they'll find a way to beat you because you just can't win against what they have." Maqui nodded his head forward, blinking back as the blackness continued to creep into his vision.

_I can't believe I left the communicator. But Sultur...he said he would-would-_

"You fucker!" The world collapsed and Maqui fell to the ground, face skidding on the pavement before he could open his eyes. Someone was over him, shouting and screaming, and then he was being pulled up. He blinked once, then again, then once more before the white blob in front of him became Saorise. Her hair was loose, some falling in front of her face, and he almost chuckled at her singed white fur shawl. Her eyes were wide and frenzied, roving his face as if searching for some answer. She snarled after a moment, and Maqui mentally shrugged.

_Guess she didn't find it then._

"You don't know anything, you got that! _He_ knows everything, he will fix it!"

_He knows everything? What? I don't get it-it doesn't make sense-_

"He will make Hope see reason! He will make things right again, and we shall all have our reprieve! I am not wrong, _He_ is not wrong! And that woman-it doesn't matter if she has Hope! She cannot keep him, you're wrong-you're wrong!"

And just as suddenly as the shouting started it stopped. Maqui's chest loosened in relief, and he closed his eyes, breathing hard as he tried to make the throbbing in his head go away. It wasn't even holding back the pain in his arm or his chest. Instead there was a constant, dull ache, and in the back of his mind, the fear was trickling back. He shook his head and opened his eyes again, watching as Saorise's once angry, frantic eyes calmed. Her smile returned and she placed Maqui on the ground again, standing up and towering over him. Her eyes were no longer bright, instead a deep, dark red. Her face was blank except for her smile, and as she spoke, her voice had lost the anger and desperation.

"Desperate men do desperate things," she mumbled, no tone in her voice. "I should have known. But he said this would happen. I need to get back though, things are already hard enough." Maqui shuddered and closed his eyes as his chest roared, fire erupting in his heart and spreading down in his muscles before seeping into his skin. He tried to open his eyes, tried to cry out, but the pain was flashing and screaming all around him. It tore at him, ripped his muscles into tiny shreds and his head was staring to split open.

_What-No-Stop! What's going on-what's happening? Stop! Ah-ugh...no..._

"A shame, really. You had been doing so well." Maqui felt something cold on his arm, a brief respite as she spoke. "But maybe you can be _my_ bait now?"

Maqui screamed as she removed her hand, tried to shout that she wouldn't be his bait but all that came out was a pained howl. Something inside exploded and collapsed, rushed him with power and made his muscles tightened and twist inside of him. He could not open his eyes, could not even think as everything twisted up and screamed and throbbed. An intense heat that made him want to curl up and die as it ravaged his body. Ate at him. Began to swallow him whole.

_Am I dying?_

_Is...this dying?_

A fleeting moment of clarity gave him a picture of Lebreau,_ smiling at him. She was quickly joined by Hope, then the others all filing in. Yuj shaking his head, rolling his eyes before reaching for Maqui- is he reaching for me?- Gadot and Snow laughing their heads off. Lightning glaring at him while Serah reached for her arm-did I take the last cup of coffee again?_

_But then they stopped. Their bodies relaxed and they stared at him, smiling slightly, Lightning still glaring while the others waved. Lebreau walked in front of them and reached her hand out, the others shouting behind her._

_"You don't want to be left, behind do you?" Lebreau said, smiling at him, her eyes warm as her hand reached for him. _

He was gone before he could ask her what she meant.


	49. In Pursuit

**Hello! I...am having trouble getting motivated right now. The end of the year is near for me, and Daybreak has the misfortune of being done on my computer. The problem is finding the want to edit it. I'm trying to thread my inspiration back together, so I will be burying myself in two of my favorite books, as well as listening to the songs that helped this fic come to be. And I will update on Tuesday if it kills me. I will try guys. I will get this up. Both for you and for me. I want to see this finished-I am not tripping at the finish line. I will also be getting back into replying in a more timely fashion as well. **

**Also, some of you may have noticed the wacky behavior of the pm system. And the new one that won't let you reply to old pms. Yes...it is very annoying when you have several conversations. And when you try to reply to reviewers and such, but you know some of them don't know you are because for the past few weeks the system has been broken and wouldn't tell you when you got a new pm. I am annoyed...extremely...with this. But hopefully, things will be better now. **

**Edit: Scratch updating Tuesday. Scratch updating next week. I need a break, I need a break, I need a break. I'm burning out-I can feel myself burning out. I need to stop for a while, not worry about this. I'm sorry but I'm starting to cringe when I think about this story. I promise I will update, but I need some time away before-I don't know. Before I let it sit here.  
**

**Sorry for my rambling. Here is a late release of the new chapter. **

* * *

"Ugh!" Hope jumped when Lebreau's shout reached the living room, glancing at Lightning as she tightened her arms around his waist before rolling her eyes and releasing him. Hope smiled at her and made to stand, only to be shoved back down as Lebreau burst into the room.

"Stay there Hope, there's no point in both of us looking," Lebreau snapped, glancing around the room. Hope sighed, brushing his hair out of his face as Lightning grabbed him around the waist again and set him against her, resting her head on the cushions.

"Then be quiet. I need a power nap," Lightning mumbled, closing her eyes.

Hope smiled, shaking his head. "And just what are you looking for, Lebreau?"

"That good for nothing Maqui! How am I supposed to apologize to him if he's nowhere to be found? He's been gone for hours now, and it's the third time I've looked through the house."

"Trust me, we know," Lightning muttered. "We heard you swearing every time you didn't find him."

Lebreau opened her mouth to shout at her, only to stop as a loud thump sounded above their heads. The sound echoed through the ceiling and all their eyes traveled with it, the noise stretching along the ceiling, waiting until it had died down. Hope looked at Lebreau, seizing the chance to speak, "Did you check outside? He might be working on the bikes or something."

Lebreau nodded, throwing her hands in the air. "I checked, trust me. But there was no sign of him. And I'm starting to get a headache or something." She shook her head, reaching for her wrist and scratching at the sleeve. Hope watched her, narrowing his eyes when her brand started to peek through the purple sleeve. Lightning was starting to get up as well, and he scooted over so she could sit up, still watching Lebreau as she scratched at her brand.

"Lebreau-"

"Why. Won't. It. Stop. Itching!" she snarled, rolling her sleeve up so she could look at the brand. Lightning leaned next to Hope, narrowing her eyes as Lebreau revealed her brand, but Hope stood and walked toward her, pulling her wrist toward him.

"What?" Hope breathed, pulling her wrist closer to his eyes. He felt Lebreau tense in his grip and more thumping started to sound from upstairs, as well a loud curse word, muffled only by the ceiling. Yet Hope's eyes were glued to the edges of Lebreau's shimmering brand, and he breathed sharply when he saw the corner start to inch up.

"Hope? Hope, what's wrong with it?" Lebreau couldn't keep the quiver from her voice, but then she steeled her eyes and ripped her arm out of Hope's hand, shaking her head. "Forget this. I have to find Maqui. The idiot probably decided to do something stupid again." But she lingered after she stepped away from Hope, looking between him and Lightning and holding her wrist to her chest.

_Thump, thump. _

"What is it, Hope?" Lightning asked, coming up next to him and reaching for Lebreau's wrist. Lebreau stepped away from Lightning, shaking her head before looking at Hope's wide eyes.

"Her-her brand. It started to move-"

_THUMP!_

Hope jumped at the loud, hollow noise, but the sound that followed made his heart clench, then freeze in his chest. He closed his eyes and fisted his hands, brushing his fingers against Lightning's shoulder and feeling her tense underneath his fingers. But it was there.

The distant ringing of sirens.

Lebreau fell silent and closed her eyes as well, only for them to shoot open as the loud, piercing siren started to grow louder and louder. The thumping started down the stairs, and Serah's voice reached the hall. "Guys? Guys? What's going on, those sirens-"

"Dammit. Damn them, damn this place, damn Maqui and his stupid ideas!" Rygdea snarled, throwing himself down the stairs. Hope and Lebreau barely had a chance to blink before their uniforms came flying at them, Rygdea disappearing into the kitchen. "Get those on, now! Get ready to go out!"

Hope inhaled, taking a step back and glancing at his uniform, mind still buzzing from the sirens. He wasn't even sure if his heart had started up again or not.

"Hope, come on, I think we need to-"

Hope glanced at Lightning, his eyes widening further as his hands started to shake, gripping the uniform so tightly that his hands turned white. Blood was rushing in his ears, but Lebreau's voice broke through as she called after Rygdea, "What do you mean Rygdea? Do-do you know where Maqui is or something? Come on, you have to tell me if you do-"

Rygdea walked back into the room, Snow behind him, the taller man's brow furrowed as he looked between Lebreau, Hope, and Lightning, then outside toward the windows. Rygdea ran a hand over his face, shaking his head.

"Maqui's done something incredibly stupid at the worst possible time. And right now we have a code red and have to get our asses over to that damned crystal to try and fix things and-" Rygdea stopped, closing his eyes and swallowing hard.

"And this is it." He looked at Hope, nodding. "It will be all right Hope. Go on and get suited up. I already called Sazh, and he and Dajh are heading for one of the evacuation areas. We're going to have Serah take Hazel and do the same."

Lebreau's chest was heaving as Rygdea turned away from her, his eyes instead on Snow. "I wouldn't blame you if you decided to stay with your wife, Snow. This might-well, we all have…" Rygdea trailed off, blinking hard before he hardened his eyes and nodded at Snow. "So the option is open for you, if you really need it."

Snow's mouth parted, the man looking toward the windows again before he looked back at the kitchen. It fell silent between all of them and Snow clenched his hands as Serah's sobs floated into the room from the doorway. He looked down, shutting his eyes tight as he shook his head. "No-no I need to go. It wouldn't be right-I can't protect her-I can't protect anyone if I stay at some shelter and-"

Rygdea nodded, clapping him on the shoulder before turning to the others again. "We really need to get going everyone. Grab your weapons; whatever's left in the shed in the back or what Maqui's left out. Go get changed first, though."

Lightning nodded, placing a hand on Hope's shoulder as he remained still, staring at Rygdea with wide eyes with his uniform held tightly in his hands. Lebreau was shaking her head, cutting across Rygdea as he made to go upstairs. "But what about Maqui? What stupid plan, Rygdea? Tell us!"

Lightning glanced at Hope when his shoulders tensed, but her eyes went back to Rygdea as he groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "He went to Sultur for some idiotic plan to act-act as decoys or something to give us more time. He wound up bringing Tiaw, Vitan, Dart, and Silusa, and now they're in the center of this mess."

"Decoys…" Hope mumbled, clenching the uniform. "Why would we need-but we were going to-" Lightning took a deep breath, squeezing Hope's shoulder and wrapping her arms around him for a quick hug, before grabbing him by the arm and leading him toward the stairs.

"But-but what about them, then? Maqui and the others…they're okay aren't they? Or they'll be okay once we get there, right Rygdea?" Lebreau's questions floated to Hope and Lightning, even once Lebreau and Rygdea started to climb the stairs, her voice rising higher and higher. "Right Rygdea? They'll be okay! We'll get there and things will be okay, won't they? He's fine! They're all fine."

Lightning pushed Hope into his room, kissing him on the forehead and taking in his blank eyes. She shook her head as she turned away, listening as his door closed with a quiet thud before heading for her own room. She paused at the door, listening as Lebreau continued to ask Rygdea if the others would be okay, looking for some reassurance. Lightning nearly jumped when Lebreau started to shriek, her eyes going to the head of the stairs as Rygdea appeared, face drawn tight. She met his gaze briefly before hurrying into her room, Lebreau's voice still echoing in the house.

Rygdea never answered.

* * *

"_When he comes, you must be ready."_

"_No mistakes." _

"_I don't care how mad you are at that woman, I will not have your moods bring to ruin all we have worked for."_

"_Peace will come to us, come to all. The great Maker will come and set right what we have wronged. Your freedom will be yours, take pleasure in this." _

"_They are inconsequential."_

"_No, Saorise. Now is not the time for that. You must be patient and wait until I intervene before trying anything. The moment must be perfect. The crystal must strike you before I may come." _

"_Do not get sidetracked." _

"_I do not care what the other human said, you will listen! You have worked hard for this, you have striven for it since you were young and in my care, shown the truth by the ever forgiving Fal'Cie. Do not forsake it now for some grudge! You will have it all, but you must be willing to wait. Patience Saorise. Patience is the key." _

Saorise watched as the blond from before writhed on the ground, convulsing and gasping for air as more crystal skin started to overtake his body. Her eyes were still blank, mind racing, and her body was stock still despite the chaos around her. Soldiers began to point at the area, aiming their guns, but walls of water and fire rose over her, and several of the flying C'ieth flew to shield her. The C'ieth fell to the ground with loud, cracking thuds when the gunshots finally ceased, but Saorise did not flinch. Not even as more screeching C'ieth flew in, grabbing the soldiers and carrying them high above the ground, more cracks and howls piercing the air, blood dropping to the ground in droplets or gushing pools.

"_Listen to him, Saorise. We are close to the end that we have all sought, the ultimate beginning. Today, we break the cycle, the eternal wheel of suffering we have all had to endure. Just bear it a while longer, and you shall know not only freedom, but also the truth. And the boy…the boy will be near you, in the infinite nothing. The endless rest that you seek. Just wait. Just wait and do as Chaos says."_

The voice seemed to stroke her soul, some part of her that she could not see or touch. But she could feel it. The way this unseen part of her writhed inside of her body, question after question spilling from its mouth. The thirst to know-but her mouth was gagged, her voice silenced. She knew her questions would yield no answers.

She narrowed her eyes at Maqui, the first action she took since he had fallen and the crystal started to claim his body. Water was pooling around him, splashing as it dropped from the air. The other three were no better, little shocks of lightning, followed by low claps of thunder filling the area around their bodies. Their brands had advanced far more than Maqui's-their faces quickly disappearing, only to be replaced with black crystal masks embedded in their chests.

"But I hate them Neshrim…I truly do." Saorise took a step forward, tilting her head as the blond looked up at her.

"Maqui…" she mumbled, bringing her foot to his side. He shuddered and looked up at her, half of his face covered in white crystal, sealing his left eye shut and the other nothing but a slit as it looked up at her. Spikes were starting to pop out of his neck, ripping his uniform, and he let out a howl, thrashing from side to side.

"I hate them all…" she repeated, shaking her head. "I'm sure-I'm sure if I was careful, I could do it. And then it'd be easier. I doubt he'd offer any resistance after that. He's not the type. This-_this_ will hurt him." She pressed her boot on Maqui's side, forcing his face to the ground again. "But losing _her_ will break him. I won't have to worry anymore and that will be one less annoyance."

"_Saorise." _

"All I have to do is wait…and then, I can have it all. Salvation and Hope."

"_Saorise!"_

But she did not hear the voice. Maqui's words ran in her head, the words she hated and _detested. _The words that made her chest roar and her hands clench and some, small trickle of fear drop inside her heart. This unseen and unknowable thing...twisted and wrong and she did not understand it. Did not want to. And all from his words.

She hated him for that.

"I'll have it all."

* * *

Hope closed his stinging eyes when Serah hugged him, Hazel cradled in her arms. He almost couldn't look her in the eye as she pulled away, bringing Hazel up to his face. The young girl was shivering in the cold night air despite the blanket Serah had wrapped around her, but she raised a little fist and grabbed Hope's cheek, pinching it hard.

"Be back soon," Hazel said, eyes drooping as she snuggled back with her mother. Hope nodded, opening his mouth to speak, but all that came out was an odd, choked noise. Serah smiled, a tear falling down her cheek before she nodded and turned to her sister, then to her husband. She glanced back at Lightning, her lip quivering before she sobbed, burying her face in her daughter's hair. Snow shook his head, bringing Serah to his chest and pressing her against him, their daughter sandwiched between them.

"I'll come back Serah. I promise. We all will," Snow muttered, closing his eyes and Serah let out a shuddering breath, trying to rein her tears in. "We'll all come back."

"I know," she muttered. "I know you will." Hope almost had to turn away as the airship started to hover above them, wind whipping around while Serah broke away from Snow, her face bright with tears. She gulped, shaking her head before giving Snow a small, heartbreaking smile. "You always do," she whispered, blinking hard as she held up her daughter's hand, making it wave as Snow kissed Hazel, then Serah, on the forehead.

"You always do."

She nodded, turning away and joining the growing mob of people in the streets being led down a different path, toward several shelters. She kept glancing back at them before she and Hazel disappeared into the crowd. Hope's chest tightened and he looked away, eyes straying to Lightning and Snow as they watched her vanish. His voice caught as he watched their eyes follow her, even though she could no longer be seen, and he reached for Lightning's arm.

"We-we'll come back," he managed, blinking once when he felt something wet in the corners of his eyes. "We'll come back." Lightning turned to him, eyes shining and oddly bright, and Snow tried to give him a smile from behind her.

"We will." Snow nodded, breathing deep before his voice returned to its usually loud and boisterous tone. "We'll come home."

Snow nodded once more before leading them to the airship that was at rest on the other side of the street, small burst of wind released by the airship blowing their hair back, as well as dirt, leaves, and stray trash that had found its way to the streets. Rygdea was already waiting in front of the door to the airship, as well as Lebreau and two other soldiers. Rygdea nodded as they approached, stepping away from the door and pressing a button near the edge of the metal door. It slid open, a small ramp reaching the ground, and he tilted his head for them to enter.

"I called Sazh," Rygdea said as they stepped inside. "And he's staying with Dajh."

"Good," Snow mumbled, eyes unnaturally dark. "Someone has to stay with their family."

"You know it isn't like that, Snow," Lightning muttered as she stepped in after him. Hope sighed, waving his hand for Lebreau to go in. She shook her head, and Hope closed his eyes, letting out a silent sigh before nodding and heading in himself. He didn't comment on her red cheeks and eyes, only brushed his hand on her wrist before following Lightning into the airship.

Rygdea nodded at Hope as he walked in. "We can do this, Hope."

"I know." The words came out on their own, but once they left his mouth, Hope wondered whether it was a good thing that he had started saying things like that. Saying things would work out and that they would succeed when he had no solid proof that they would. Or when it seemed like they had proof that it wouldn't.

_Is it all right...to be so optimistic?_

He disappeared into the ship, then the two soldiers from before, one from De Novo, the other from the Guardian Corps. They both waved at him before heading for the pilot and co-pilot's area, chatting with the pilots to relieve some of their own tension. Lebreau was next, but she didn't even glance at Hope, heading for the nearest corner of the airship and leaning against the wall. Rygdea was last, looking at Hope as the door closed behind him.

Hope bit his lip, clenching and unclenching his hand before stepping toward him. "I-I think we can save Maqui."

Rygdea leaned back, eyes widening. "What?"

"I think we can save him." Hope looked down, his face feeling hot and his heart hammering hard in his chest. _I can't be wrong about this. This is the one thing I can't be wrong about. _

_I can't be wrong._

"Even-even if it's worst case scenario, I might be able to do something." Hope jumped when Rygdea grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to look into his eyes. "Rygdea? What-"

"I don't know what that is Hope, but as bad as it sounds-as bad as it sounds-"

Hope shook his head, trying to ignore the stares from the others as the airship went silent, or the way Lightning was glaring at Rygdea.

"I can't lose you too, Hope," Rygdea finally said, eyes scrunching up. Hope was stricken, mouth falling open as Rygdea's weariness finally showed. His eyes were lined and irises dulled, and Hope grabbed the man's arm, easily feeling the tired muscles as the grip loosened.

_I'm so sorry, Rygdea. _

_I-I forgot…how hard this must be for you. _

_Like-like if mom-if mom had let me-and dad-_

"It'll be okay, Rygdea," Hope said, hardening his eyes and grabbing Rygdea's arm in a tough hold, "I'll make sure everything is okay." Hope swallowed, boring his eyes into Rygdea's.

Rygdea blinked, arms falling to his sides before a small smirk made its way to his face. The man shook his head clapping Hope on the shoulder. "You know Hope, I have to be feeling down if I need you to cheer me up."

Hope sputtered a bit, glaring at him, but Rygdea began again. "You know Hope, I think you're right. Everything will be okay. But whatever it is you're planning to do, save it for the ground, okay? Where we can actually help you."Hope blinked, a small smile tugging on his face.

"Sir! We need your help up here, we're starting to experience interference." Rygdea glanced back at the pilots before shaking his head, heaving a sigh. He turned back to Hope, eyes hard.

"We will be talking about this, so don't do anything rash." Rygdea looked away from Hope, eyes focusing on Lebreau. She still hung by the back of the ship, near the door that lead to the engine and supply room. She narrowed her eyes at him, face otherwise blank.

"Any of you," he muttered, releasing Hope's shoulder and walking to the cockpit.

Hope sighed, running a hand through his hair before turning to Lightning, Snow, and Lebreau; the two soldiers walking back in. "That…could have been worse, huh?"

Lightning nodded but Lebreau pushed herself off the wall, stepping toward Hope. "What do you mean you might be able to save him?" she asked, eyes glued to his. "Save Maqui…and the others… But how? How can you do that, Hope?"

"Hey now, Lebreau," Snow said. "I don't think-"

"Yes," Lightning said, folding her arms over her chest. The ship wobbled slightly, creaking coming from above. All eyes traveled the ship's ceiling before Lightning's gaze was fixed on Hope once more. "How are you going to do this?"

Hope read between the lines though, _Just how dangerous is this plan of yours? _He glanced at Snow, but the man crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, nodding at him to continue.

"It-it's not _too_ bad. It's just, I'm taking what I learned from before and applying it here. That's all, no big deal or anything." Hope shrank though when both Lightning and Lebreau glared at him, and he fisted his hands. "It has to do with the first book that I read, before we got the book about Chaos. It…it talked about all these different things about being a l'Cie, what it meant and all that, but it mentioned a few other things too."

"Like?" Lightning pressed, taking a step toward him as well. The soldiers looked between each other before pressing themselves against the wall. Snow watched them carefully, eyes slowly drifting between Hope and Lightning.

"Well…I think one of the things I read talked about taking power from another l'Cie. Something like that anyway. So I-"

"What was it, Hope?" Lightning glared at him and Hope had to hold back a sigh. He tilted his head to the side, trying to bring the words back from the bottom of his conscious. "Um… 'Even enemies…stronger despite power…' " Hope shook his head, pressing his fingers to his head, "'Take from their magic…watch as you grow while they shrink.'" Hope shook his head again. "Something like that."

Snow snorted, "Not gonna lie, that not very help-"

Snow's jaw snapped shut as the ship gave a violent tug, sending Hope crashing into Lebreau, who in turn crashed into Lightning, all of them crashing into the wall. Snow slid against the wall, his hands groping around for a grip. Lightning winced when her head cracked against the metal wall, hissing as something hot dribbled down the back of her neck, and Hope's voice came floating in.

"Light? Light? Are you all right? Just a sec-Lebreau, help me get off her."

"Yes, because I enjoy this so much. I just love to sit my fat ass on Lightning so I can suffocate her and-"

Snow blinked and pushed himself over as the pressure left Lightning, and soon his face joined Hope's as they hovered over her.

Lightning almost rolled her eyes but Hope was grabbing her hand and pulling her up. She nodded, pushing his hands away before reaching for the back of her head. Hope's hands came through though, pulling her hands away and pressing his own fingers to her head.

"Let me," he mumbled.

Lightning nodded, shutting her eyes when the room swayed slightly. "So...you think that you'll be able to help Maqui…by taking his power from him?" she asked, waiting for the relief to come and the pounding to stop in her head.

She looked at Hope when she got no answer, eyes widened when she saw that he had pulled his hands away and was staring at them with frightened, quivering eyes. She straightened herself up, pain becoming distant when she took his hands in her own and examined them palms up, looking for the problem. Lebreau watched, leaning in close to Hope and Lightning, but her eyes traveled to Lightning's neck, spotting the small dribble of blood.

"You're bleeding," she mumbled, raising her hand and pressing her fingers to her skull until she could feel the small wound. Lebreau jumped when healing magic immediately flew from her fingers, the bright green spell glowing as it went from her fingertips to Lightning's broken skin. Hope watched while the wound sealed before looking back at his own hands, slowly pulling them from Lightning.

"I just tried to heal it," Hope said, a slight tremor in his voice. "I tried to heal her, but nothing happened. No magic…nothing." Lebreau and Lightning both snapped their attention to him while Snow swore under his breath. Even the two soldiers were leaning in now. Hope shook his head, bringing one hand up and closing his eyes.

"Come on," he muttered, flexing his fingers. All eyes went to his hand, expecting something to burst out, but nothing came. "Come on, come on, come on!" Hope ground out, stretching his fingers until they started thrumming from the strain.

"Hope-" Lightning started, but he stepped away from her.

"What's going on?" Hope whispered, hands shaking as they fell to his sides. "What happened to my magic? My spells…I don't-Lightning!" Hope shouted, jumping when she grabbed his uniform, searching for the zipper near the side. Red leaked into Hope's face and he tried to get away, body flaring up as eyes focused on him and Lightning.

"What are you-"

"Your brand. I'm checking your brand," Lightning muttered, eyes lighting up when she found the zipper before she pulled it down his side. Hope shuddered as the air of the airship hit his skin, goosebumps forming on his exposed arm and chest. He looked down, trying to hide his red cheeks from the others, but his eyes focused went to the brand on his chest. He narrowed his eyes, trying to find some sign that there was something wrong, but it looked the same as ever.

"Nothing's wrong with it." Hope shook his head, looking back at Lightning as he pulled his uniform back up and zipped the side. "There's nothing wrong with the brand."

"Then why is it-"

Lightning was cut off as the ship shook again, but this time she was ready, grabbing onto Hope's arm and shoving them both to the wall. Hope grunted underneath her, but managed to avoid a hard collision with the wall when Lightning dug her fingers into his sides and pulled him up, softening the blow to the wall. Snow and Lebreau pressed against the wall as well, sliding to the ground so they wouldn't be thrown around, and the soldiers held on to each other until the moment passed.

"What the hell are they doing up there," Lightning seethed, stepping away from Hope and heading for the cockpit's door. "Hope doesn't have his magic, Lebreau's brand was advancing just a little bit ago, and now we have a few incapable pilots trying to crash land us or-"

"Lebreau!" Lightning froze, insides clenching when she heard Hope's shout before a thud echoed in the room. She whipped around, eyes widened when she spotted Lebreau on the floor, the woman curling in on herself and gasping for breath. Hope and Snow were already at her side and Hope rolled her over so she was facing up. Her face was scrunched in pain, mouth parted to let out small, raspy gasps, and she held her arm to her chest.

Lightning knelt beside her and pulled Lebreau's wrist away, rolling up the sleeve and narrowing her eyes. The shimmering brand had advanced again, this time glowing a deep purple as the strange film covered her hand, all the way down to her fingers. Lightning shook her head as she turned her attention to Lebreau's face, and then to Hope as he pressed his hand to her forehead and closed his eyes, calling for spells that wouldn't come.

"Why isn't this working?" Hope muttered, gritting his teeth and he strained his fingers to release something, _anything_.

"Why can't I call my magic? Why? If I can't do this-how am I going to-" He jumped when there was a thump from behind him and his eyes shot to the other two soldiers. The one from the Guardian Corps. was holding the other up and slowly helping him slide to the floor, the one in their arms groaning and reaching for their upper arm.

"Rygdea's collapsed on the front of the controls!" one of the pilots called, voice breaking.

Lightning swore, jumping up and bursting into the cockpit to find Rygdea slumped over, letting out small groans. She wasted no time and rushing forward and grabbing the man underneath the arms, huffing as she pulled him up and away as the ship started to lean toward the side. Her eyes caught a brief glimpse of the crystal as they flew toward it, as well as several ships already reaching the airspace of the crystal orb. But as she turned away she was jolted by a loud boom that she her too her, the sound reverberating in her body and making her insides bounce. She glanced back at the window, eyes lighting with the fire from several of the ships around the crystal as they exploded in the air, dropping like a dead birds and crashing into the buildings below.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" one of the pilots shouted, reaching for the controls and veering them away. "We can't go in if we're just going to blow the fuck up!"

Lightning shook her head and dragged Rygdea into the other room, grunting at Snow when he hurried inside and grabbed Rygdea's legs. Lightning's stare met Hope's scared eyes as he looked at her, then Rygdea. "Light-Light is he-"

"It has to be his brand too," she muttered, relaxing a little when she and Snow set him next to Lebreau. She shook her head when she released Rygdea, pressing the palm of her hand to her forehead. "It has to be the crystal or something. That's the only explanation. What else has changed since we got here?"

"What-"

"Several ships tried to approach the area the crystal was in, but wound up exploding before they could touch down." Lightning looked to the side, catching sight of one of the small windows near the top of the ship and watching as more ships steered away from the crystal to a safer landing sight. "The crystal…the crystal… Think about it. What do these ships run on?"

"Specially enhanced mana drives…" Hope muttered. "Fake magic in a way. But then-then they're reacting to the crystal?"

Lightning nodded, chest loosening when Lebreau and Rygdea stopped moaning, their faces relaxing as they moved away from the crystal. "It has to be. If the crystal is releasing magic or energy or whatever you want to call it, it would make sense. It's probably why they're reacting too." Lightning looked down at Rygdea and Lebreau, shaking her head. "And it makes this more complicated."

"Bu-but," Hope groaned, running a hand through his hair. "Why am I not reacting that way too? All that's happened is that I can't use my magic and-" Hope stopped, eyes widening before they glazed over. Lightning's chest tightened again and she leaned forward, snapping her fingers in front of his face.

"Hope? Hope, come on, what's wrong? Hope-"

"It's because…of before," Hope mumbled, bringing his hands up to his face. "Before, when I turned into a C'ieth...because I used too much power. It would-it would mean-"

"Chaos must have sealed your magic so that you wouldn't turn into a C'ieth before you got there," Lightning finished, shaking her head and making to stand. "That would make sense then. He doesn't want you to transform before you got there, not if he really needs you alive for this. And human for it to work…"

"But Lebreau…Rygdea, and everyone else. _She _doesn't need them Lightning. She and Chaos don't need them at all." Hope voice shook and ran a hand over his face, breathing hard out his nose. "What are we going to do now?" Lightning opened her mouth to answer but the airship gave a low groan before air rushed out in a great, whooshing gust. The sound was deafening, as if a kettle were releasing its steam, and she hurried to the cockpit.

"What're you doing?" she demanded, glaring at the pilots. One of them whipped around in their chair to face her, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry Miss Lightning, but if we fly anywhere near there right now, we're going to get our asses blown up. I don't know if you saw it just now, but those ships _did_ explode."

"Watch your tone," Lightning growled, stepping into the cockpit and looming over the soldier. "I know what happened. But I need to know how the hell we're going to get there now? We can't just sit here when the only person that can stop this from happening is riding this very airship!"

Lightning snarled, not even waiting for the man to respond before going back to Hope and the others. Hope was leaning over Rygdea now, trying to shake the man awake, while Snow hovered over Lebreau. Hope's eyes were stuck on the older man's face, waiting for his eyes to blink open and for him to make a wise crack about him worrying.

Lightning wished he would too.

Lightning knelt beside Hope and placed a hand on his shoulder, nodding when he turned to look at her. Hope sighed and lifted his hands from Rygdea, watching as Lightning raised a hand and slapped him across the face. The sound of skin slapping skin screeched through the room and Rygdea shot up, hand cupping his cheek.

"What the hell was that-oh," Rygdea moaned, moving his hand from his cheek to his head. The man swayed on the spot, his free hand inching toward his back. "I feel like shit and I don't like it. What the hell is going on?" His eyes bugged open and he lunged for Hope. "Did something happen? Where's Lebreau and the others? Were we shot down or something?"

Hope shook his head, pointing toward the cockpit. "It was-was from the crystal. Lightning and I think it might have something to do with why you collapsed too-" Hope flinched when a deafening boom sounded nearby, his hands almost reaching to cover his ears. "B-because of your brands."

"Then why aren't you affected?"

"He would probably turn into a C'ieth if he was allowed to feel all the magic pouring from that place. Or at least, that's what we're guessing it is. I could be wrong." Lightning said, "But now we have a problem. Some of the ships imploded when they got too close to that damn crystal. We think it's because of the mana drives, but that means we need a new way to get to the crystal."

Rygdea nodded, pushing himself from the ground and shaking his head at Hope when he offered him a hand. "I'm all right Hope, just a little winded."

Rygdea closed his eyes when he was able to stand, heat flooding his head and making everything heavy and hot. He took a deep breath. "All right, so we have quite a few problems then. It's going to be hard to get a lot of De Novo soldiers inside if they start dropping from too much exposure to that crystal. Transportation may not be impossible though."

"Sirs?" All of them jumped and looked at the Guardian Corps. soldier hovering over the other. He nodded at them, eyes dancing between them before nodding toward the engine room. "We did store several vehicles in case we had to do some land traveling. They have mana drives as well, but maybe they'll last longer than the airships, since they're smaller."

Rygdea's face lit up and he nodded, already heading for the back room, only to freeze when he noticed the door was open. His eyes widened and he looked around the room, then tried to peer into the cockpit, before turning to Hope and Lightning. "Where's Lebreau?"

Lightning and Hope jumped before glancing at Snow, but he threw his hands in the air. "I was trying to keep up with you guys. She was out like a light-"

Lightning ground her teeth and they all bolted for the engine room, ears perking up when they heard the revving of an engine.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" Rygdea snarled as he threw the door open. Lebreau jolted, eyes snapping to him before she kicked down on the cycle, the engine roaring to life. She swallowed, nodding at Rygdea once before throwing her hand on a panel near the wall. The airship shuddered before the metal wall screeched open, landing with a thud on the ground and serving as a small slope.

"Lebreau wait!" Hope shouted after her, taking a step forward as she turned and rode out of the airship. He started screaming after her shrinking form, "We have to go together! Maqui will be fine but we-" Hope stopped when Lebreau disappeared from his sight, heading toward the crystal that was glowing over the city. Hope jumped when a C'ieth shrieked overhead, only for it to plummet to the ground a few moments later, several bullet holes in its skin. Hope gritted his teeth and shouted, punching the wall next to him before turning to Lightning, Snow, and Rygdea.

"What do we do?" Hope asked, but his eyes went from them to the last few cycles in the room. There were four left, and as his eyes focused on them, he took a step toward the vehicles. Two hands reached out and pulled him back and he looked back at Lightning and Rygdea, trying not to scream.

"We have to go after her! There's no way she's going to be able to do this by herself." Hope looked behind them to Snow, the taller man's eyes glancing from him to the outside, biting his lower lip.

"Lebreau..." Snow mumbled.

"I know you're worried about her Hope, but that doesn't mean you get to go off too!" Rygdea said, drawing Hope's attention. "We need you here so we can formulate some plan and try to-"

Hope chest roared and he stepped away from Rygdea, glaring at the man. "I know! I know we need to do that! But there's no time! We don't have time to think of a plan because it's happening right now! What difference does it make if I go now or later, when we had no idea what we were going to do in the first place?"

Hope lowered his voice, face reddening as he continued to speak. His stomach was tightening and the air was leaving his lungs but he couldn't stop. "We-I knew the risks the moment we came up with this plan. It's not even foolproof and we don't even know if it will work or not!"

Hope shook his head, eyes shifting to Lightning as he gave her an imploring look. "Please. Please let me do this. I have to. I have to do what I can to save them-to save all of them. They've done so much for me-everyone has done so much for me, and just this once I want to do something for you, too. And I need to help them. You know-" Hope's gaze drifted to Rygdea again, and Hope raised his voice, making Snow look back at him. "You all know what you've done for me and what they've done for me. Please…"

Rygdea looked away, running a hand through his hair as more explosions sounded in the distance. Lightning kept her eyes on Hope, watching as his eyes went from hers to Rygdea's waiting for an answer from either of them. Snow worked his jaw, looking between Hope and the vehicles, and Hope wondered if Snow would jump on one and go after Lebreau himself if this went badly.

"I think we need to let him go," Snow muttered. Hope's eyes snapped to his and the rush of gratitude nearly sent him crashing into Snow for a hug, Lightning still stared at the vehicles, clenching and unclenching his hands.

Lightning swallowed, looking over at the vehicles as well. The paint was rusted and chipped, but she could see the faint glow coming from what had to be the mana drives, already responding to the magic nearby. Then she looked back at Hope, stepping toward him and giving him a small hug.

"If this doesn't work and you die-" Lightning closed her eyes at that, shaking her head. "If you die, I'm going to kick your ass so hard you won't be able to sit for weeks. You understand me?"

Lightning almost smiled as Hope's body relaxed underneath and a sigh of relief escaped his lips. She shoved herself away from him and turned around, eyes scanning the room and her eyes lighting up when she saw several gunblades resting on the wall. Her hand went to her own around her waist before she walked over and slid one from the wall, resting it in both of her hands before shoving it at Hope.

"Ugh-what?" Hope gasped, clutching his stomach before struggling with the blade.

"You don't have your magic right now," Lightning said. "The last thing you want is to be unarmed."

"She's got a point, Hope," Snow said, glancing at him before his eyes went back to the vehicles.

"But I can't use these as well as you can," Hope said, shaking his head while his finger traced the edge of the gunblade. Rygdea sighed, rolling his eyes. He walked over to Hope, slinging an arm around his shoulder.

"Hope, I've seen you handle one before. You're not the best but you can handle it. You need it. You have no magic and Saorise will come after you-"

"I _know _that," Hope growled. "But even with this, that's not going to stop her."

"It might," Lightning said, walking toward on of the cycles and climbing on top of it. Her hands rested on the handles and she looked at Hope and Rygdea, eyes hard. She ignored Rygdea's wide eyes, but she watched as Snow's attention flickered to her for a moment. Lightning narrowed her eyes before glancing at Hope. "After all, if you can't use magic, who says she can? As far as I can tell, she's in the same boat as you." Hope's mouth dropped open but he barely had a chance to think it over before Rygdea was pulling him aside.

"I don't want you doing this Hope, but I don't want them dead either," he said, shaking his head as he pressed a hand to Hope's chest. Hope shuddered when he felt magic wash over him, watching as the bright blue shimmer of a protect spell, and then the green of a shell, passed before his eyes.

"I'm not going to stop you," Rygdea continued, going to Lightning and doing the same with her, "But that doesn't mean you can do whatever the hell you all want either. You _will_ be coming back here, and in one piece."

"But Rygdea, what about-"

"As much as I want to get in on the action, I do need to make sure the others are aware of our position. That's the downside to being in command. You don't get to kill stuff anywhere near as often." Rygdea grinned at Hope and Lightning before leaning against the door of the engine room, nodding his head while Hope went to the next cycle.

"So get back here. And when it's over, we can finally relax. After we kick both Maqui's and Lebreau's asses, of course."

Hope smiled, nodding at Rygdea as he mounted the bike before looking around for a helmet. His eyes kept glancing at Snow and he had to resist the urge to apologize while he watched him. Snow caught his eye and gave him a small smile, shaking his head. "Don't start worrying about me, kid. I'll wait with Rygdea for a while and try to see where I can help out the most."

"Don't tell me you're trying to form a plan of attack, Snow. I'm shocked." Rygdea smirked at him and Snow rolled his eyes.

"Absolutely hilarious," Snow muttered, his lips twitching up.

Hope's shook his head at the two, sighing when he found no helmet around. He glanced at Lightning, then at Rygdea and Snow, blinking hard. "I promise we'll come back."

"I'm holding you to that Hope," Rygdea said, his eyes soft and sad. "Bring em back."

Hope nodded, reaching for the keys set in the ignition and revving the cycle up, just as Lightning's roared to life next to him. He glanced at her, nodding as she gave him a small smirk before he looked back at Rygdea. The man's eyes were tired, the same kind of exhaustion that he had seen when they had first entered the airship. Weary lines that spoke of how worn he was, watching his men and women and precious people die.

Hope's chest swelled before he steeled himself and nodded at Rygdea, mouthing at him, 'We're all coming home.' Then he turned back to the slope, catching Lightning's eye before she shot ahead of him, the ship vibrating as she left.

Hope sighed, taking a great gulp of air before zooming forward as well, bouncing on the cycle as it hit the ramp and then the ground. He swerved to avoid the fallen C'ieth that was only a few feet away, wind whipping behind him as he caught sight of Lightning's cape blowing behind her. He leaned toward the handles as if to will himself to move faster, putting more pressure on the pedals. The cycle hummed underneath him, the vibrations pulsing through his body, and the cold air rushed him.

He waited until he was beside Lightning again, looking toward her while glancing at the road. "Think she'd just go straight to the crystal?" Hope asked, shouting to be heard over the vehicles.

"It's the only place for her to go!" Lightning called, swerving as gunfire started behind them. Hope glanced back only to grasp the handles for dear life as the cycle wobbled dangerously on the road. His eyes went back to the road, unable to find the direction the gunfire was coming from. However, C'ieth flew from a set of buildings seconds later, two dropping dead and skidding on the ground in front of them. Lightning swerved to avoid them and Hope followed her trail, watching as several soldiers burst out from between the alleys before looking forward.

The crystal still loomed overhead, the bright, shimmering blues stained with orange from the gunfire and explosions. Hope's gaze lingered on the crystal a moment before he caught sight of sharp chunks of metal on the ground, sheets as large as his bike sticking from the pavement like disfigured spikes. Smaller bits of metal and debris were there as well, making Hope's vehicle bounce or shift oddly as he rode over them, and he prayed that the vehicle wasn't about to go out on him.

"Do you see anything?" he called to Lightning, pushing the cycle forward so he was level with her again. She shook her head, eyes scanning the area while Hope looked up and around, as if expecting something to swoop in. His eyes widened when several soldiers started to run from one another, until he saw the familiar black uniforms of De Novo. One of the soldiers was bent over, grasping their stomach as something started to sprout from their hunched back. Hope looked away before he could see the transformation, guts clenching at the thought of Maqui or Lebreau ending up like the soldier.

_But I'm going to save them. I'm going to save them. I have to! That's all there is to it. I can't lose anyone else. _

_I'm not going to lose anyone else. _

"Hope! Lebreau, up ahead!" Hope jumped at Lightning's voice but his eyes were already darting ahead of him, looking for another cycle. He spotted Lebreau as she turned the corner, black hair disappearing with a snap as she turned. Hope tilted his head as he followed, wondering why she was turning in the first place, before a small sound reached his ears. It was quiet at first, barely able to penetrate the sound of gunfire and screeching from monster and men alike, but then it pierced his chest.

Screaming.

Screaming, screaming, and more screaming. It filled the air, went on and on with one syllable of pain before being choked off completely. Hope looked at Lightning and saw her eyes widen as she stared ahead before increasing the speed her bike, Hope hot on her heels. Sweat was beading down Hope's temple as he stared ahead, buildings and soldiers meshing together as he tried to find the flash of blond or black that would tell him that Lebreau and Maqui were nearby.

As they got closer and closer to the crystal, the paved road underneath them now bathed in a blue glow, the soldiers and the C'ieth dwindled in number. Instead there were more bodies and broken, and torn pieces of scrap. Hope could feel vibrating in his chest, as if something were humming in his heart, and he bit his lip as he followed Lightning around another corner. His eyes bugged when he caught sight of Lebreau again, only this time his friend and teammate was slumped over on her cycle, the vehicle already starting to swerve to the right now that she was no longer in control.

"Lebreau!" Hope screamed, stepping harder on the pedal and nearly swearing as Lebreau pulled farther and farther from him.

Lightning narrowed her eyes and reached a hand out as she reached Lebreau's vehicle, wobbling as her own cycle started to jerk underneath her. Lightning gritted her teeth and Hope watched in silent awe as Lightning grabbed hold of Lebreau's uniform. Instead of bringing Lebreau to her own vehicle, Lightning pulled herself off, body momentarily suspended as the air plowed around her. Her body tightened when the momentum around her died and her cycle skidded and crashed behind her.

Hope jumped and swerved out of the way, parts of Lightning's cycle flying into the air and bouncing off the road with loud, metallic crashes. Hope sighed and looked back at Lightning, heart soaring when he saw she was on Lebreau's vehicle and reaching over for the handles. Lightning started to slow down and Hope followed suit, the two vehicles eventually slowing to a stop near one of the buildings.

Hope's blood thrummed through him as he dismounted, hands sweating and shaking as he walked up to Lightning and Lebreau. He glanced at the building they were resting at, eyes widening when he saw rubble falling from the structure, collecting at the bottom. Fire was crackling at the top, the orange flames waving and fluttering, and Hope could see some broken windows as well. He shook his head and reached Lightning, grabbing hold of Lebreau's ankles while Lightning lifted Lebreau from underneath her arms.

"When she wakes up, I'm giving her a good slap in the-" Lightning stopped when she caught sight of Lebreau's brand, helping Hope set her down near a calmer, relatively intact building, before reaching for her wrist. Hope swallowed and leaned next to Lightning to get a better look, stomach dropping when he saw the brand was crawling up her skin, a shimmering, film-like substance reaching up her arm.

"Why is this even happening?" Lightning muttered, shaking her head. "Is it really because of the crystal? But I don't…I don't get it."

Hope shook his head and rested against the wall, taking a few deep breaths before standing up. "What do we do, Lightning? Do we take Lebreau back or do we go look for Maqui? Or-or do we split up or something, so that I can make sure that-that the crystal and everything-"

"We are _not_ splitting up," Lightning hissed, letting go of Lebreau and glaring at Hope. She stood up, folding her arms over her chest and hardening her eyes. "I've come this far with you, there's no way in hell I'm going to let you face that bitch alone."

"But Lebreau-"

"I'm…not going back." Hope and Lightning jumped at Lebreau's voice, both kneeling down next to her as she groaned, pushing herself off the ground. Lightning rolled her eyes and Hope pressed a hand to Lebreau's shoulder.

"Lebreau, I know you want to help Maqui, but if this is affecting you already then-"

"Then what's it like for him?" Lebreau shot back, eyes narrowed. Hope took his hand away and Lebreau's face softened, shaking her head when Lightning glared at her before addressing Hope. "It's not that…that I don't know the risk Hope, but isn't that why we're all here? To take a risk and see if we can pull this off? You said you'd be there for us, but we have to be there for you, too." Lebreau pushed herself all the way up, then tried to get off the ground, slapping away Hope's hands when he went to help her.

"Besides, I think I'm getting used to it anyway," she tried, brushing her hands on the uniform once she was upright. "And if Maqui is nearby, we have to find him. I have a feeling he's in a lot more trouble than we are."

Hope nodded, blinking in surprised when Lightning slipped her hand into his and squeezed before pulling away. Lebreau smiled at the two of them before looking at the crystal, eyes shining blue under its glow, "We're almost there. You ready Hope?"

Hope looked at the crystal as well, heart thudding painfully in his chest as sweat started to pour down his temples and chest. _Am I ready? I mean-I said I was. I said I was ready, but so much of it is relying on chance. Do I-_

"_There are some things you just do." _Hope blinked at the voice, familiar and soothing, before tightening his jaw.

"I think so," Hope mumbled. "But we should find Maqui first. Right?" He turned to Lightning and Lebreau, eyes searching them. Lebreau nodded at him while Lightning only stared before ghosting her hand over his arm.

"You are ready," Lightning mumbled. "Don't doubt that."

Hope smiled, glancing back at the cycles. "Think we should leave them behind? I don't want to risk blowing up because of the mana drives. I think we're already looking at a close call," Hope added, tilting his head to see that the mana drive installed underneath his cycle was burning bright blue and shaking in its place.

"Good call. We need to get moving though," Lightning said, pulling out her gunblade. "There may not be much movement now, but that will change once everyone is able to get through. And once she finds out we're here." Lightning's eyes narrowed at this and Hope watched as her grip on the gunblade tightened, her fingers growing white. Hope swallowed, reaching a hand up to stroke hers.

"Lightning…"

"I promise you Hope, she's not going to get away with this," Lightning said, eyes hardening. She gritted her teeth, looking at Hope with bright, burning eyes, "I won't let her get away with everything she's done to you. With what's she's done to this family."

"None of us will," Lebreau added, nodding.

Hope's mouth parted, chest swelling with warmth and love at their words. But Lightning was pulling on his shoulder, forcing him to look at her. "Draw your gunblade. Lebreau has magic, you and I don't."

Hope nodded, glancing back at the vehicle before hurrying over and pulled his gunblade from a small latch on the vehicle. Once the gunblade's handle was secured in his hands, Lightning nodded and started to walk ahead, glancing at Lebreau when the woman wobbled on her feet. Lightning raised an eyebrow at her as Lebreau's cheek burned red.

"I'm fine," Lebreau growled, walking ahead of Lightning as if to prove her point. Hope shook his head at the two and hurried after them, heart starting to pick up again. Lightning crouched beside one of the building and looked ahead, waving her hands at Hope and Lebreau before sprinting ahead of them. Hope ran after her, glancing at Lebreau to make sure she didn't collapse beside him, but his eyes caught something white as they reached the next building. It was much nearer to the crystal than the small alcove of building they were at, and as Hope leaned out to see more, he thought he could see the buildings ahead drop off to give a view of the crystal.

"There's something over there," Hope muttered.

Lightning nodded and pulled her gunblade up, eyes narrowed to where Hope was looking. Lebreau took a deep breath, holding her hands out in front of her where a small icicle started to form in her hands. Hope shuddered and brought his own gunblade up, eyes darting around and waiting for Lightning to give the signal-

-only to be shoved to the ground as she barreled into him.

"Lightning!" he shouted, arm crashing painfully on the pavement. She said nothing, lifting her gunblade and shooting at a C'eith as it came down on them, its giant white arms raised and bright red spikes gleaming in the glow of the crystal. Hope's eyes widened as it thrust its arms down on them, breath catching as Lightning grabbed and rolled with him. The arms slammed against the ground and Hope scrambled underneath Lightning, pulling out the gunblade and firing several rounds at the beast.

"Where the hell did it come from!" Hope shouted when Lightning was off of him and shooting at the C'ieth as well, the small explosions almost blinding at such close range. The lumbering beast was slow on its short legs, but it kept slamming the ground with its arms and making the earth tremble underneath them. The C'ieth turned to face them, a small mask dead center of the torso, and Hope felt something shake inside of him. Lebreau was blasting the C'ieth with thunder and lightning. Lightning continued to fire at the beast, but it hardly seemed bothered by the barrage of bullets.

The C'ieth turned toward Lebreau and threw its arms into the air, slamming them to the ground again before charging away from them and into a building. The building shook from the impact, dust and small bits of rubble falling from the new hole, and Hope stood with Lightning. He glanced around while keeping his gunblade raised, waiting for the C'ieth to come charging at them.

"You'll have to excuse them." Hope's heart froze, eyes snapping up at the sound of the woman's voice. Lightning pressed next to him and Lebreau struggled to her feet, eyes up at the building the C'ieth had slammed into. Saorise stood there, proud and tall, the crystal light caste on her body making her glow almost blue. Hope narrowed his eyes, watching her hair fall over her face from the loose braid, and her shawl and patches of her clothes were burned. One arm was covered in something milky-white and bumpy, and in the other hand was a limp body.

Hope's mouth dropped open when he caught sight of blond hair on the right side of the body, before his eyes were drawn to the smooth white skin covering half the head and reaching down the torso and legs. The half covered in the white skin also had bumps and spikes running along the arms and legs, and a small horn at the top of the head. It was hard to catch a good look, but Saorise smiled, lifting up the body as if to give them a better look. "Truly, you'd think he could at least get a transformation right. He was taking so long that I had to drag him away to meet you in time. But he's almost there, so I'll let it slide for now."

"How-how-"

"Oh, Hope! I think you know this boy, too! Name's Maqui, thought he could make a good decoy but wound up getting himself caught? I'm sure you're aware of all that, but still, it's nice to point out these things. Otherwise…" Saorise shrugged, smirking as she threw Maqui's body down. "Oh well."

Hope shook his head when Maqui's body crashed down, he, Lightning, and Lebreau rushing toward his still body. They crouched beside him and blood roared in Hope's ears, head throbbing from the sudden rush. Lebreau brought shaking hands to Maqui and rolled him face up, letting out a small, low scream when she saw that his body was covered in the milky white film from his brand.

"Maqui…Maqui!" Lebreau shook her head, hands on her mouth as she said his name over and over again. Hope shuddered, not even feeling Lightning's hand when she grabbed his shoulder, or hearing her when she said his name. He could only stare at Maqui. There were burns and bruises on what they could see of his body and the skin sweaty and pale. Maqui's one visible eye was closed. Around his chest, where the thick white skin was lumping over and hardening, something black and round had started to form, almost mask-like in its shape. Maqui's abdomen and right leg were consumed in the white skin, as was half of his face and back, the red crystals starting to jut out of his skin. The horn on his head was growing and more spikes were popping on his leg.

_Maqui?_

…_is that really you there?_

"What's the matter, Hope?" A cackle, loud and shrill, sounded above him. "You at a loss?"

_I mean…why? Why'd you come all this way? You must have known…you must have known what was going to happen to you. Why'd you do it?_

"Shut up you filthy bitch!" Lightning screamed, gunblade raised. Her eyes were flashing as she seethed, but Maqui's image was still burned into her mind.

"Maqui!" Lebreau shouted, hands clenching what little there was of his uniform. She shook him, watching his eye and waiting for it to open. "Maqui, you idiot, you have to wake the fuck up!"

_To protect us? Even though you'd knew you'd die…or that you'd turn into a C'ieth? _

_Do we really mean that much to you?_

…

_Even I know that's a stupid question._

"He's gone you know. Staring at him isn't going to bring him back."

"I said shut it!"

But Hope wasn't listening to Saorise or Lightning as they argued. Instead he pressed his hands to Maqui's chest, eyes burning as a few tears slipped down his cheeks. He blinked hard, trying to clear away the liquid and get a good look at his friend. To really _see_ Maqui, and not the monstrous skin that was trying to consume him.

_But you know…you're important to me too._

_And…I promised to bring you home._

"Hope?" Lebreau asked, her voice quiet. She stared at him with wide eyes, unaware of the tears rolling down her face.

"Just give me a sec Lebreau," Hope muttered, trying to steel his voice. "I think I can do this."


	50. Approach

**This is obviously terribly, terribly late. I had some problems before, then, when summer started, and with the combination of stress, bad things I would rather not talk about, and good things and obsessions best kept to myself, I put off editing this. Still I am wavering, but I want to push forward and try getting back into the groove. Or something. **

**So I hope you can forgive me for how late this is. For how things have been going. I needed the break though. Very much. **

**But in truth, this chapter would not have come about today if not for a few special people, who I wish to thank. **

**Generalyao- My confidant, who told me yes, I could use a break and no, don't feel guilty for it. You listened to my rants about online problems and real life problems, and have been extremely helpful in Daybreak's continuance. Thank you. **

**H-Thar- My other confidant, with who I ranted often about whatever was under my skin. You understand me the way only a writer could, told me funny stories, gave me inspiration, and yes I will reply to the pm soon. :) I'm halfway through...but I got a little distracted. ^^;**

**Teravu- The gift of inspiration, as well as the gift of art. I am truly grateful for what you've done and will do. Our talks have been very enjoyable and sparked something I thought was lost. Thank you.**

**This chapter is dedicated to them, and everything they have done for this project, and for me the person. **

**And thank you all as well. Enjoy. **

* * *

Lightning glanced at Hope, keeping one eye on Saorise as she hovered nearby, but the red-eyed woman's glare remained on Hope. Lightning swallowed, raising her gunblade and narrowing her eyes at the woman in front of her. "Hope, I need to know that I can leave you alone for a second. Can you really help him? And will you need my help? Anything before I…" She trailed off, waiting for an answer.

Saorise glanced back at her, sneering and shaking her head. "What's this? The prey is coming to me? That's a nice change of pace, but do you really think you can keep up?"

Lightning ignored her words, eyes flickering between Saorise and Hope. Hope looked up from Maqui, eyes briefly meeting Lightning's before he nodded. "I'm sure I can, Lightning. If anything goes wrong though-"

"I'll be at your side in a second," Lightning said, voice hard while she tightened her grip around the handle of the blade.

Hope gave her a small, brief smile. "You'll be there in a second." He and Lebreau jumped when an explosion sounded near them and debris from above began to sprinkle down. Hope glanced up, eyes searching for the source while Lebreau looked back at Maqui, shaking him and telling him to move or grunt or _something_.

Lightning could only listen for a few more moments, catching Hope's voice as he said, "Lebreau, come on, I need room to work. I have to be careful when I try this out." She gritted her teeth, focusing back on Saorise and standing straighter, gunblade in hand.

_Be Safe._

"Are you trying to scare me, Farron?" Saorise shook her head, smile growing wider. "Trying to intimidate me?"

"No," Lightning growled, lowering the blade to her side and entering a crouch. "I'm trying to kill you." The words barely left her lips before Lightning charged at her, boots beating hard against the ground before she jumped to the side and swung at Saorise. She caught a glimpse of white hair as Saorise stepped aside, the woman throwing her arms in the air for balance. Lightning's eyes flashed and she swung the blade again, but Saorise's arm disappeared before the edge could slice through.

"You bitch!" Lightning jumped back, leaning away when Saorise threw a punch at her face, kicking at Saorise's feet when she tried to step away. Saorise wobbled again but straightened herself up and jumped backward before she turned and ran. Lightning blinked in surprise before snarling and charging after her, narrowing her eyes as the bright lights shimmering on the ground strained her eyes. Lightning focused on the tip of Saorise's loosening braid, lifting her gunblade up and switching the gears as she sprinted after Saorise.

"Die," she mumbled, fingers on the trigger before a shot rang out. Lightning's arm vibrated as the bullet left the gun, her fingers tightening around the handle as the light burst in front of her and ignited the air. Lightning blinked her eyes clear and slowed to a stop, eyes glancing around. There was no heavy thud to signal the fall of her target, and she wasn't catching the flash of white that would let her know Saorise was nearby.

_Where did she go? _Lightning took a small step forward, sweat beading down her temples. She took a deep, silent breath, heart hammering in her chest as she waited. But she wasn't sure if she'd spot Saorise or if the woman would just swoop in and attack her. _Where did she go? Where? Would she have gone back to Hope and Lebreau, or is she really trailing me? And why didn't I hit her? I was close enough in range and everything. Maybe even too close…I need to be more careful. _

Lightning jumped as another loud, booming explosion erupted in the air, and her eyes went to the right, an orange bloom of fire from the explosion erupting in another one of the buildings. She titled her head to look up and caught sight of a shadow on the ground, illuminated by the booming of fire.

_There you are…_

Lightning kept her head up though, pretending to watch the fire as her eyes traveled to the side, watching the shadow slink along the pavement below. The shadow shimmered as if reflected off a body of water, distorted and misshapen, until the explosion of fire began to stutter and the shadow was lost in the dimmed light and the buildings' shadows.

_Wait for her to come at you…wait for her…_

_Wait…_

Lightning raised her gunblade, chest tightening as she took a deep breath, and she could almost feel the air move with Saorise. Her head was buzzing, her heart leaping into her mouth. Beads of sweat trickled down her temples and she flexed her fingers around the handle of the gunblade. The air rushed by her ears and Lightning crouched down and rolled, springing back up several feet away a thud sounded from beside her. Lightning saw a flash of white before she charged at Saorise again, swinging her blade and feeling it dig into something soft.

There was a loud screech and Lightning's chest swelled in silent triumph, before she yanked her gunblade away and stepped back. Lightning ignored the soft squelch that followed and narrowed her eyes when she felt something warm and wet wash over her body, glancing down at her legs as blood sloshed over her. The crimson liquid pooled at her feet, dripping off her legs and staining her shirt and shorts before trickling into her boots, and Lightning looked up at Saorise.

Saorise was hunched over, clutching her side with her whitened, deformed arm and gasping for breath. Blood gushed between her shaking fingers and her legs jerked and trembled with the effort it took to keep her body up. Lightning's face was blank as she watched Saorise's leg start to buckle; Saorise was barely able to save herself by thrusting a hand out to catch her fall, her knee colliding with the ground. Lightning's eyes turned to slits and she clenched the gunblade harder, sneering at the sweat leaking into her fingers.

"It's not that easy without your magic, is it?" Lightning muttered, shaking her head as she raised her gunblade. The edge was coated in blood, droplets falling to the ground as she brought it toward her side, grabbing it with both hands. Lightning entered a crouch, eyes meeting Saorise's before she charged. _This is it!  
_

"No…it isn't easy," Saorise mumbled, clutching her side. "Which is why I am not alone in this. At all." Lightning narrowed her eyes before she swung at the woman, the stained edge moving toward her neck, but Saorise smiled and ducked, rolling away from Lightning and bringing her hand from her side. Blood splattered on the ground, but Saorise grinned despite her paling, trembling body. "I will kill you though. I will kill you for what you've done to Hope."

Lightning's eyes flashed and her body tensed, her hand tightening around the handle of the gunblade as she gritted her teeth. "What I've done to him?" Her words barely rose above her breath, her heart hammering wildly in her chest as she struggled to control the rage that was building and bubbling in her gut. "What _I've_ done to Hope?"

Saorise chuckled, wobbling to her feet. "Yes, what _you've _done to Hope. It's not as shocking as you're trying to make it out. He was perfect before. Absolutely perfect." Lightning's eyes were trained on Saorise, widening when she saw the wounds starting to heal at her side, the gaping tears to her flesh gradually sewing themselves together, leaving no hint of a scar beside.

_Ho-how? She shouldn't be able to heal herself at all. Hope can't because his magic is sealed, and she hasn't thrown one spell at me either. So how? How? Why now-_

"When I had him, I was able to beat into him what he really was. I showed him that even with that little troupe he joined after he fled from me that he was only delaying the inevitable. I saw it. I saw the way he trembled before me and screamed whenever I made my way to the battlefield. You didn't though. You didn't see his companions try in vain to convince that it would all turn out okay. That he was really something more than just a tool for me to use! That's _all_! That's _all_! He knew his place!"

Saorise spat the words out, spitting at the ground as her bleeding on her side stopped. Her eyes were wide and frenzied, her body twitching. She lifted her blood-drenched hand, examining the red that had made its way into the creases of her fingers and under her fingernails. She shook her head, her smile growing. "It was wonderful. It seemed almost certain that I would have my way, that Hope would be there no matter what and all I had to do was push him over the edge. Just that last bit. He had been so _close_. And then you came and ruined it all!" Lightning gritted her teeth, eyes on the clean skin.

"Confused Lightning?" Saorise smirked, chest rising as her eyes scanned Lightning. Saorise chuckled, glancing down at her healing wounds. "Hope and I _are_ Chaos' champions. We have his favor, bask in his blessing. Better than what you have. What you are. We are more than you could ever hope to achieve. Worthless compared to him. Worthless compared to _me._"

Saorise's face twisted as the words flew from her and she raised her hand, pulling something out of her shawl before a small click sounded. Lightning took a step back, raising her gunblade and gritting her teeth as she charged at the woman again. She narrowed her eyes, but they flickered to the side when she heard a strange noise, like metal scraping against something.

_What is that? What is she doing…what am I missing?_ Lightning looked back at Saorise and swung the blade, swearing when the woman ducked and aimed a kick at her side, her right hand lifted high into the air. Lightning's eyes followed Saorise's arm, widening when she saw the metal, claw like glove that was wrapped around her other hand. _What is that?_

Lightning knocked back Saorise's leg with her blade, watching as more blood gushed from the wound in her calf before leaping away. She crouched and ran at Saorise again, eyes still darting around, searching for whatever it was Saorise was trying to do. Saorise smiled when Lightning looked back at her, showing her teeth as she tilted her head up.

Lightning didn't dare look up, only changed direction, approaching Saorise at the right side. Saorise snorted and jumped away, jogging back as she waved her arm in the air before yanking her hand down, almost gracefully. Lightning gritted her teeth and forced her legs to change direction, only to wince and arch when pain erupted in her back.

_What-What was that?_ Lightning closed her eyes as the pain flared, hot and itching as it pierced her skin and dug inside of her. Gasping for air, Lightning reached behind her and felt something thin but strong, the casing of metal bumping her fingers before pain thrummed through her anew. She barely got a breath out before something was yanked out of her, the scraping of metal ringing in her ears as blood dribbled down her back.

Lightning groaned, shaking her head while she looked up at Saorise, watching thin metal wires return to her metal glove, several daggers popping into place. Lightning glared at the smiling woman, ignoring the small wave Saorise sent her.

"Do you like my new toy? It was present, just for this battle. I've been looking forward to trying it out, but…that's just so I can see what it can do to you," Saorise said, eyes flashing as she fisted the gloved hand and charged at Lightning, daggers protruding from her knuckles. Lightning's eyes widened and she swore, ducking as the daggers came flying at her face. Saorise's fist stopped though and came flying back around, making Lightning take several steps back to avoid the flurry of punches Saorise sent her way.

"Just. Hold. Still!" Saorise screamed, voice ringing in the air before she aimed a kick at Lightning's legs. Lightning blinked and jumped away from the kick, stumbling slightly when Saorise's boot grazed her hip before tightening her grip on the gunblade with both hands and charging at her. Saorise's gloved fist sent a clang through the air when it met the gunblade, and Lightning glared at her from the other side, seething.

"I don't know where you got it in your fucked up little head that Hope was yours to mess with," Lightning growled, pushing harder and harder against Saorise even as her arm erupted in pain and heat. "But you messed with the _wrong_ family!"

"Prove it then, you bitch!" Saorise sneered at Lightning and jumped away as Lightning pressed harder and harder against her. Lightning narrowed her eyes, shuddering slightly when something cool hit her back, spreading through the skin before melting into her body.

_What is this? Magic? Is that how? But the magic is just…leaking out of the crystal or something? There's so much of it around…_

"I was hoping you wouldn't get to enjoy the effects of this…but I guess I was asking for too much," Saorise said before running at Lightning, her feet pounding against the ground. "I guess I'll just keep hitting you until the healing stops!"

"Go ahead and try!" Lightning shouted, bringing her blade up and meeting Saorise's fist again. The metal sang in the air, Lightning's arm vibrating with the motion before she forced Saorise's arm away and went in for another swing. Saorise's eyes widened when blade came by her head, just barely leaning away before it sliced through the air. Saorise growled and aimed a punch at Lightning's side, only for the woman to step away again.

"I hate you," Saorise said, her voice so soft that Lightning almost didn't catch it. "I hate you. I hate all of you. You ruin everything. You keep ruining everything! Absolutely everything! Just die. Just die! Just die!" Lightning tensed, readying her blade to block another onslaught, only for Saorise to stop and clutch her middle, eyes popping.

_What-_

"Ah-ah…no...stop, stop it!" Saorise gasped, shuddering and dropping to her knees, "You have to stop it now! I'm almost done! You have to stop-you have to stop-I have to this. Please let me do this." Saorise shook her head, hunching over herself until her forehead was resting on her knees. Lightning took a step back, gunblade at her side as the woman doubled over, her back arching high into the air. Her body was trembling and sweat was dribbling down her neck.

"Saorise-"

"What do you mean?" she said, ignoring Lightning and shaking her head. "You-you mean he's-but how? How would he even-" Lightning swallowed as Saorise's words traveled to her, her insides freezing and leaving her gasping for breath.

_There are onl_y _so many people she can be referring to_. _Hope, you better be all right you idiot. I need to see-_

"That fucker! That fucker! I'll kill him for this. I will!" Lightning jumped when Saorise began to shriek and her eyes widened when she saw that bumps were starting to appear on Saorise's back. _Is it like before…before at the cabin?_

_Is Hope changing too?_

"It shouldn't be like this! He shouldn't be doing these stupid things! He shouldn't! I'll fucking kill him!" Saorise continued to thrash on the ground, the bumps in her back starting to break through her clothes. Lightning took a step back, looking down the path she had run down and trying to recognize some of the buildings that surrounded her.

_How far am I from Hope? I swear if he did anything stupid-_

"Don't you fucking ignore me, you bitch!" Saorise screamed, struggling to stand up. Lightning turned back to her, narrowing her eyes. Saorise wobbled to her feet, still hunched over even once she was standing. Lightning's eyes widened when she saw the white film creeping up Saorise's face, red crystals staring to protrude from her neck. "Don't you dare ignore me when I'm fighting you! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, do you hear me!"

Lightning gritted her teeth, raising her gunblade and looking around, holding her breath as she tried to figure out what way she could go. _I need to get away from here if I want to get to Hope. If she's changing…what does that mean for him and Lebreau? Does it have something to do with Maqui and the others? Did he-please tell me he didn't actually turn into a C'ieth. _

_What would I do then? What _could_ I do? _

"Pay attention!" Lightning blinked before Saorise came rushing at her, the woman not even bothering with the daggers. Instead, Saorise slammed herself into Lightning's stomach, knocking the wind from her lungs. Lightning gasped as she was knocked to the ground, cold hands grabbing her shoulders and digging into her skin. Lightning kicked and writhed, kneeing Saorise in the stomach before wrenching one arm free, the skin scraping on the ground.

"Get off!" Lightning grabbed Saorise around the head and tried to pull her away, eyes snapping to her trapped arm as Saorise's grip loosened. Lightning dug her nails into Saorise's head, feeling warm liquid seep into her fingers before she rolled herself out of the woman's grip. She gasped for breath only for Saorise to tackle her from behind and knock her back to the ground, her jaw bouncing when she hit. Her head thrummed with pain and her jaw throbbed, but Lightning pushed her arms underneath her body and lifted up in a deformed push up, shaking Saorise off and pulling herself to her feet. Her gunblade laid a few feet away from her, knocked away from the small scuffle, and she ran for it.

"No!" Saorise screeched, pushing herself off the ground and stumbling before charging at Lightning. Saorise lifted her gloved hand as Lightning pulled her gunblade from the ground, and she swore before she lunged at Lightning. Saorise grinned when she felt at one last dagger dig into skin as Lightning let out a grunt of pain. Saorise's chest swelled and she tried to dig the dagger in more. White film was creeping still over her, the crawling skin reaching the corners of her lips.

"You're not getting away from me, even if I change. I won't let you-"

"Sis!" Both Lightning and Saorise looked up, eyes wide as soldiers started to come from both sides. The uniformed mass formed a circle around them as Snow came charging in, fists blazing and eyes wide. Lightning took her chance and grabbed Saorise by the wrist, hands reaching up the woman's arm before she grunted and threw Saorise over her. Saorise landed on the ground with a thud and shrill shriek and Snow came bounding to Lightning, arms dropping to his sides before he reached into his pocket and handed Lightning a potion.

"Take this, it's going to help. We need to take care of her." Lightning nodded as she took the potion from Snow and gulped it down, the cool liquid making her shiver before she nodded her thanks. She watched as Saorise thrashed around, her body twitching oddly as more and more of the crystal film started to spread around her body. The ungloved arm was the worst, the white film that had first formed now crusted over with jagged white and red crystals. Saorise's body was thumping against the ground and trembling all over, as if she were going into shock. Lightning shook her head, blinking the clouds from her eyes and turning back to Snow.

"Sis, you okay?" Snow peered at her, eyes worried. Lightning nodded while the soldiers formed around Saorise, talking amongst themselves and pointing their guns at her jerking form. Lightning bit her lip, shuddering as she looked back at the crystal, then at Snow. Her mind was buzzing and distantly she could hear a voice telling her that Snow shouldn't have left, but a pair of green eyes flashed in her mind and everything else fled from the forefront of her mind.

"I need to get back to Hope," she muttered. "But I need to watch her too. Something's wrong. Saorise-before she started to change she said that it shouldn't be happening. That it had something to do with Hope."

Snow's eyes widened and he looked around, half expecting Hope to come sweeping in. He turned back to Lightning, squeezing her shoulder. "You go back then and we'll watch her. We'll hold her back and make sure you have time to get to him."

"But Snow-" _It's dangerous. Why aren't you with Rygdea? What if she gets back up? What if you get hurt?_

"If things get bad we'll call for back-up. Go on Light, no one else is going to check for him, and the others are still having trouble getting to this place. It's-I don't know-"

"Saturated with magic," Lightning said, nodding and taking a step back from Snow, sheathing her gunblade. "Don't get yourself killed. If you leave my sister alone, I'll castrate you."

Snow grinned as she turned around and started to run back, calling after her, "I'll keep that in mind." Lightning strained her ears as she started to sprint back to where she had left Hope, barely catching Snow's voice as he started to order the soldiers. She swallowed, forcing her legs to run faster despite the burning and throbbing, forcing her forward before she could change her mind.

_I need to get there, check on Hope, and get back to Snow. Dammit…can I make it in time? I don't know how long they'll be able to hold Saorise down, and even then…will they just kill her? Can they? How long will she stay down?_

Lightning barely turned the corner, glancing at something that flashed at her side, before screams and strained shouts reached her from behind. Her heart clenched and she whipped around, taking a step back toward the area. "You idiot, you idiot, you idiot. You better not have gotten yourself killed, you better not. I'll kill you if you did, you idiot!" Lightning took another step back, but stopped when a clap of thunder boomed through the area. The sound thrummed in her chest and she turned around, taking the last few steps around the corner of a crumbling building. Her eyes widened and her breath blew out of her lungs, her legs moving toward the scene.

Hope was still hunched over Maqui, but as Lightning squinted her eyes, she could see that the blond was relatively normal again. There was still a few patches of foreign skin and his eyes were clenched shut as if in pain, but he was no longer half-monster from what she could see.

Her eyes flickered to Hope and she shook her head, gasping for breath. White film was crawling over his face and arms, the sleeves of the uniform burned away and his arms either white with the brand or red raw, little charges of energy shooting and dancing on both arms. Lightning glanced around, trying to spot Lebreau, only to see her laying on the ground, splayed as if she had been blown back.

"What happened…" Lightning muttered, looking back at Hope and stepping toward him. Her ears were ringing and her heart ached-_and this was not happening. _

"Hope!" she shouted, eyes starting to burn and water. Light was shining around him, a blinding white light that would sputter and die one moment, and burst to life the next. Hope didn't look up at her as she called his name and a chill set into Lightning's body at the blank look on his face.

_Hope, don't be gone. Don't be gone, you idiot. Don't you _dare-

Lightning shook her head and ran toward him, but Hope looked up at her footsteps, eyes wide and bright.

"Stay away!" His voice was rough and raspy and Lightning narrowed her eyes. Hope looked away from her and pressed his hands on Maqui's chest, more charges of energy shooting his arms. He groaned when a whip of lightning shot through him and up in the air. Lightning threw her arms in front of her, seething when a cold burst of air blasted from Hope.

The crackling of electricity left burn marks on the pavement, and Lightning shivered as frost coated her skin. The frost around Hope quickly melted into small droplets of water and Hope groaned, pressing harder against Maqui's chest while another burst of magic escaped him. Gusts flew into the air, whipping around Hope before escaping an invisible confine and nearly sending Lightning off her feet.

"Hope!" she screamed. "You need to stop! You have to!" Lightning shook her head as Hope hunched over, his hands clenching at what remained of Maqui's uniform. Small bumps were appearing along his back, just by the shoulder blades, and Lightning felt fear crawl up her throat.

"Hope stop! You'll change! You'll change!" Lightning swore and ran at him, grabbing him by the shoulder and forcing him around. His eyes were still wide but the pupils were blown, the black almost consuming the green of his eyes.

"Are you even there?" she asked, gasping when lightning shot from him again, tingling through her body and leaving her arms numb. Lightning gritted her teeth and raised her free hand, slapping Hope across the cheek. The sound was loud and harsh, Hope's cheek already blaring red from the strike, but he just shrugged her hand off and turned back to Maqui. Lightning hissed and pulled at his shoulder again, glancing at Maqui's calm, sleeping face. Maqui's left arm was still twitching and the upper arm was sizzling, but the skin had stopped advancing. Lightning could see some shreds of energy still on the arm, but pushed it from her mind.

"Hope, it stopped! It stopped! He's safe now! Now get off of him before you wind up-"

"I know Lightning…" Lightning stopped shouting when Hope's voice reached hers, small and quiet. He looked up, eyes scanning the small area, and Lightning watched with him. The C'ieth from before were lying in heaps around them, limbs burned and torn, while others were completely missing appendages. Hope tensed under her touch and she looked back at him, gasping when she saw the film starting to creep up to his eyes. "I could only save _him_, Lightning. The others…they kept coming. Lebreau was defending me and then I was trying to help Maqui-but-but it wouldn't stop hurting. It hurt so much, Lightning…it hurt to pull all that-that magic out of him, and I thought about doing it for them too…and I was scared…and I don't know-I don't know what happened," Hope gasped, voice faint.

Hope's words ran together as he tried to explain himself to her, shaking his head while another burst of magic sent icicles flying in all directions. Lightning winced when some hit Lebreau, watching small slits of blood leaking from her arms and sides, but Hope spoke louder, "I couldn't do it. I couldn't. And-and when I thought that it all just exploded. It's because I'm weak, Lightning. It's because I had a weak thought and I screwed it up. I could have saved them but it was so bright and then I was burning all over and Maqui still wasn't okay and I didn't know what to do anymore!" Hope gasped and arched, crying out when white light shot from his body and soared into the air.

"Hope, hush. It's all right. Just take a deep breath and calm down and I'm sure it will…" Lightning trailed off when Hope shook his head, the man struggling to peel his hands of Maqui. He brought his hands to his face, the white spreading over the fingertips as Hope breathed out.

"It won't stop…it won't. I can feel it, Lightning. I need-I need to get to the crystal before it can-can take control and all that. I don't know, Lightning, I don't think-" Lightning shook her head and grabbed Hope under the armpit, hoisting him up. She glanced at Maqui, biting her lip as she struggled with Hope's weight.

"Don't talk like that. We'll figure this out. Just tell me where to take you and I'll do my best." Hope shook his head, trying to shove himself away from her.

"No-no you need to get-get awa-agh…" Hope let his arms fall from her and collapsed to his knees, hands clawing the ground while he hunched his back and bit back a howl. Lightning was at his side again, running soothing circles on his arm and glancing around. She could feel the sweat pouring down her temples and pooling in her chest, and her mind kept coming up blank.

_How do I stop this? How? Hope is just-what do I do? _

"It's…the magic…it's-it's pouring from the crystal, and when I-when I tried to help Maqui…it just-" Hope grunted, biting his lips before arching again. "Get…Get away!" he screamed, clenching his eyes shut. "Get away before-"

Hope stopped, eyes dilating before a scream tore from his body. Lightning winced and squeezed his arm, watching in silent horror as the first wing sprouted from Hope's back. The white, crystal wing grew from his back like a plant, spreading and opening as Hope just screamed into the ground, his voice shrill and loud, cracking as the wing spread. The wing stood tall on his back before collapsing to the ground, flapping helplessly as Hope writhed in pain.

"Dammit Hope, what am I supposed to do?" Lightning stood away from him, glancing around the area. She could hear more explosions sounding in the background, drowning out any other noise. Her eyes drifted to Lebreau and Maqui and the bodies of the other C'ieth. Then to the buildings burning around her, crumbling and falling into other structures when the support beams finally gave way. The crystal was the only calm thing around them, bright and shining above the carnage.

_I don't know what happened to Snow, all I have to work with is bodies, and Hope's turning into a C'ieth right in front of me. I need something, anything, to help me. I-I could take him to the crystal, but will he able to do anything the way he is now? I need to-_

"Run Lightning! Just run!"

Lightning growled, almost snarling when she turned back to Hope and punched him across the jaw. "Hell no you idiot!" Lightning grabbed him by the shoulder before he could respond, pulling him by the arm as he continued to thrash around in her grip.

Lightning looked around, eyes lighting up when she saw more soldiers finally entering the area. _Finally! About time something went right. _

Lightning nodded at them and pulled on Hope again, trying to hoist him into a more comfortable position. She looked back at the crystal to decide how to approach it, studying the area around it. Hope wriggled and tensed in her grip before he started to scream again, and Lightning almost dropped him as the second wing began to sprout. It scraped against the ground, fluttering and jerking around as Hope opened his mouth in a silent scream. The white film was spreading all over him, his arms bright white and the film starting to cover his eyes.

_No! No, Hope stay with me! You aren't doing this! I'm not letting you do this to me!_

Lightning jolted when gunfire started around her, the soldiers sending a barrage of bullets behind her. She turned and her eyes widened at the sight before her.

Saorise was making her way toward them, but several white, spindly legs attached to her back supported her. Saorise's head lulled as the legs moved slowly, shaking when they touched down, each step sending tremors through the ground. Saorise was a loose center to the spider-like legs, her eyes dulled as the legs brought her forward. She was several feet above them and Lightning shook her head as the bullets seemed to bounce off of her, the shells and casing falling uselessly to the ground.

Hope tensed under her grip and Lightning clenched her hands around him, shaking her head when he pressed his hands to her side and tried to push away.

"Stop Hope," Lightning mumbled, putting her hand on his head and flinched when electricity jolted up her arm. "You need to calm down. If we can just get to the crystal, we can end this. But you need to stay calm and come with me. All right? All right?" Lightning brought her hand away as more magic blasted from him and through her, her arm going dead as Hope shuddered, grabbing his chest. Lightning could hardly breathe as more white skin came over him, and green crystals were sprouting from his lower jaw, acting as deformed, pointed teeth. Hope's hands started to sharpen and green crystal spikes jutted from his right arm as he clenched his hands.

"Hope…" Lightning jumped when a body soared past her and Hope. The soldier slammed into one of the buildings and fell limply to the ground, unnaturally still. Lightning looked to see the other soldiers were scrambling, still firing at Saorise even as they tried to retreat, and Lightning's chest tightened when Saorise's new legs almost impaled Lebreau's body. Lightning leaned forward when Lebreau twitched, wondering if it would be a good or bad thing if Lebreau woke up with Saorise towering over her.

Hope jerked in her grip and the next thing she knew, Lightning was being thrown to the ground. Her skin tore as she landed hard on the pavement, her eyes fluttering closed before she was able to blink back the pain and see Hope.

He stood straight but his head was bowed, the wings that had grown spreading farther and farther, opening to the greatest extent they could and casting dark shadows on the ground. Saorise had stopped, her head still lulling to the side until she was directly in front of Hope. The legs that held her began to quake more and Saorise's hands twitched.

"Hope…" Lightning muttered, glancing between them.

Lebreau shook her head, groaning when she sat up. A gasp escaped her when she opened her eyes and saw the two, and Lightning glanced at her before snapping her eyes back to Hope and Saorise. Lightning swallowed and raised her voice, calling after Hope, "You need…to stop. That's all. Hope, just go for the crystal, don't-"

"I…her…" Hope groaned and shuddered, looking up at last, and Lightning shook her head when she saw that Hope's face was covered in the white film. Green crystals lined his lower jaw and reached toward his eyes as the white skin continued to spread up his neck. Green crystals jutted from his neck and his hands were elongated and sharp. His eyes narrowed and almost glowed as they looked at her.

"Die…" Hope mumbled, his voice oddly distant. Saorise, her own body completely coated in the white skin, jerked up at his voice. A small, sly smile crossed her face and Lightning shuddered as a low chuckle escaped her.

"Almost Hope. You almost ruined it. But he said…said it doesn't matter, so long as we get there." Hope growled, starting to crouch, and Lightning pushed herself from the ground. She reached for her sheathed gunblade, pulling it out and propping the blade at her side. Saorise didn't even glance at her though, even as Lightning slowly switched from the blade to the gun. Saorise was too focused on Hope, eyes dancing and smile growing.

"I have to admit, I'm surprised you let yourself go this far. And for what? The sake of a little boy," Saorise spat. Lightning shuddered as Saorise's voice started to deepen and almost echo, as if there were many people speaking with her. "And in the end it doesn't even matter. We shall all meet the same end. The eternal sleep. The world's one mercy to us. And yet you try to spurn it off!"

"Your mercy is nothing," Hope said, his own voice low. There was almost a growl to it now and Lightning winced when several crystals started to jut from his other arm and his knuckles. "You take and take from me, and now I will take from you. You will have nothing! I will seal you away and there will be nothing left for you to try!"

"You think you can you worthless l'Cie? Do you thirst for more blood than I? Do you wish to kill us more than we wish to end this world? Somehow I doubt that," Saorise said, her grin widening, cracking her face from the strain.

"I will show you bloodthirsty!" Hope snarled. Lightning swore and took aim at Saorise, the barrel directed at her head, but as the shots fired from her gun they did nothing but bounce off an invisible wall. The shells fell to the ground with almost silent clinks and Lightning gritted her teeth, switching back to her blade and crouching down to strike.

"Stay away from my kill!" Hope screeched, lowering himself and spreading his wings above him, his eyes teeming. Lightning could only glance at him before he charged at Saorise, his clawed hands raised to strike. Saorise chuckled, her spider legs lifting her up and away from his deadly hands. The legs thudded and the feet dug into the ground, cracking and splitting the ground with each step. Lightning shook her head, eyes flickering to Maqui's still form before she sprinted at him. She skidded beside him and grabbed his body, using her momentum to hoist and throw him to the alley of several buildings, glancing up to make sure the structures were sound.

"I need to make him stop. Or get to the crystal or something!" Lightning whipped around and spotted Lebreau as she struggled to stand, the woman clutching her left arm and limping away as Hope and Saorise began to fight. Lightning watched as Hope reached for Saorise's head, his clawed hands out again, and a shrill screech told her Hope was at least close to his mark. Shaking her head Lightning ran for Lebreau, skidding to the woman's side and letting Lebreau lean against her.

"What do we do, Lightning?" Lebreau started, her voice strained and scared and quivering. "What are we supposed to do now? Hope is-Hope is a C'ieth or is almost a C'ieth and Saorise is changing and nothing is going right. All those soldiers…she killed them or they ran off and now-now we're alone again. Dammit, we need to do something before this can get any worse. But what?"

Lightning almost sighed, knowing Lebreau was looking to her for an answer she did not have. Instead Lightning looked Lebreau in the eye, pointing her in the direction she had thrown Maqui. "Grab Maqui and get out of here. I have no idea how this is going to go now and if you're caught in the line of fire-"

"No! I am not leaving you _or_ Hope alone. I'd rather be-"

"Finish that sentence and I drop you." Lightning glanced behind her when another loud screech sounded. Both women watched as Hope bobbed in and out of Saorise's range, more and more of his body covered in the white skin. Parts of his arms were starting to grow, large and jagged, much like the deformed crystal muscles Lightning had seen on some of the larger C'ieth. Saorise was changing as well, her face lengthening and smoothing out, reminding Lightning of a serpent, while her skin was nothing but white crystal.

"Both of them…both of them are going over the edge…" Lebreau muttered.

"Which is why we need to end this now. I have a feeling it's not supposed to end with either of them being a C'ieth," Lightning said. She glanced behind her when she heard voices, but when she saw more soldiers charging in, she did not feel the same joy as before. _This is getting way too complicated, way too fast. What do we need to-_

"They're leaving!" Lightning jumped, breathing hard as she looked back around and saw Hope and Saorise were moving away from them. Lightning loosened her grip on Lebreau, the woman grabbing onto the side of the building to steady herself, both of their eyes glued to the pair as they started to move away from them and into the deeper parts of the center of the town. Saorise was leading the charge, her legs slamming into buildings and glass breaking around her. Whole walls would fall when she leaned to heavily on one building and Hope was flying after her, dipping toward her every now and again and causing another small shriek when he struck. Saorise's crystal skin was ripped in several places-her legs, her face- but she never moved too fast or too far from Hope.

Lightning shook her head, narrowing her eyes as she watched the two. "She's leading him to the crystal." Lightning's eyes went to the hovering ball above them, the stem disappearing from sight as it was lost in the small structures around it. "She's leading him there so she can finish this."

"We can't let her!" Lebreau shook her head, pressing a hand to her forehead when a wave of nausea hit her.

"No…we can't." Lightning didn't wait for Lebreau to respond. "I need you to take Maqui-"

"I said I'm not-"

"-and get to Rygdea. We need to make sure Snow and the others are all right as well and we need to let them know we're going to need cover fire. Someone needs to keep tabs on Hope and make sure that he doesn't do anything stupid, and honestly, you can't be too good at that if you're limping!"

Lebreau looked as if she had been slapped, mouth dropping open and her cheeks turning red as Lightning looked away from her and toward Hope. She crouched down and started to follow them, ignoring Lebreau's muttered protests as she ran after the destruction the two had left in their small battle. Lightning could hear Saorise shrieking, the sound shrill and harsh, and she wondered just what Hope was doing to her. What he was tearing into with those claws and if his eyes were still flashing with a hatred she had never seen before.

_Hope…_

_You idiot, when I get a hold of you, you're going to know a new kind of pain. You better not die. You better not do something stupid and make me have to-to-_

_I don't know if I can do that Hope. I can't even run when you tell me to, so how am I supposed to do something like that? Not after I finally found you again. Not when I finally got a chance to be with you. Not when we are all here, together and whole. This will not be the end. _

_I will not let this break our family. _

_Never again. _

Lightning skidded to a halt, breathing hard as she tried to catch her breath. Her chest was on fire, the pain licking her insides as she looked up and spotted Hope as he dove for Saorise again. This time a leg came flying up, swatting him away, and Lightning winced when he struck the ground with a loud crash. She bit her lip and ran after him, glancing up at Saorise as she moved in between crumbling debris and flames, as well as the occasional still body.

"Hope!" Lightning called, watching as his body twitched and jerked on the ground. She dropped to her knees, leaning away from the wings as they fluttered and tried to push against the ground. She dug her fingers into Hope's shoulder and pulled him up to face her, her eyes darkening when she saw the crystals all over his body. She could barely see his face amidst all of the bright, hard skin, and she shook and called to him, trying to keep her voice even. "Come on, Hope, you need to get up. We need to get away from her now before she does-"

"Why are you here?" Hope groaned, eyes peeking out of the thick crystal he was coated in. "Why? You'll get hurt if you're here." Lightning blinked when he tried to raise his hand, his body shaking as more and more crystal seemed to pile onto his body, making him thick and slow. "I…don't be hurt. I can't…not if you-"

Lightning shook her head, looking up at Saorise and then the crystal that stood behind her. They were directly below it now, the great orb casting a dark shadow over them all. Despite all the gunfire and explosions outside, the orb was as blue and bright as it was before the fighting had started. Lightning watched it in silent awe for a moment. Saorise turning to it as well, Lightning and Hope seemingly forgotten.

"The…magic…" Hope muttered, making Lightning turn to him. "It was all over the place. Inside of me and her…and _he_ did it."

"Chaos?"

"His voice," Hope continued, as if she hadn't spoken. "Always there, always in our heads. He told us-told her that he had to do it to her, or else I would come to kill her. That I would tear her to ribbons before magic could take hold. He was right too…I would have. I would have charged after her and killed her. I still...still want to. But it hurts-burns all over Light. I wish...wish it would stop..."

"Hope," Lightning mumbled. "Stop, you just need to rest and we'll-"

"But-but he says we can't do anything-anything as C'ieth. Nothing at all." Hope groaned, his forehead moving oddly, the creases in the crystal looking unnatural on him. "He won't shut up. He won't."

"Hope."

"They-they need to run Lightning. They need to run because he doesn't care. He'll use them so that the-the magic has a place to go." Hope shook his head and grunted, body arching and waves folding under him. Lightning jumped when something thudded around them and the ground rumbled, her eyes going to Saorise as the woman collapsed on the ground. The spider legs flew into the air, spreading far apart before falling limply at her sides, almost curling like dead leaves.

"Hope-what's-"

Lightning jolted when the world shuddered again and a distant, low whine started above them. She gazed at the crystal, almost feeling the air lift and change while the crystal orb began to glow. Inside the crystal seemed to be moving, as if waves were crashing within it and the orb was ready to burst open, releasing the torrents of water.

"Hope…is it-I mean, is it about to-"

"The others!" Hope gasped, arching again and grasping his chest. "It'll go for the others!"

The words didn't even escape his mouth before the orb shuddered and glowed with blinding blue light.


	51. What if this Storm Ends

**Hello! Sorry for the lack of an A/N before, but I wanted to have a clear head, and life has been a bit of a roller coaster the last few days. I'm going to be back in the swing to things though, having worked out some of the problems. I am also working out the others**. **They are deep and personal so I hope you don't mind that I don't go to in depth with them. **

**Odd as it may seem, I do have a bit of a request. I would like to hear from more of you, hear more of your thoughts. I hope it doesn't seem silly or something, but may I ask you all for reviews? I'm concerned as of late-review count has dropped significantly, and I wonder if something is wrong? And I do like to hear your thoughts on the story-what parts you liked and even the parts you didn't. So I hope I may ask for these reviews. Sorry if it's a bothersome request though! It is entirely up to you. I just thought I would ask. I hope that's all right.**

**Well, on with the chapter right? Sorry about all of that. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Lightning could only watch as the crystal orb began fall apart, like a soggy bag holding too much water.

The bottom of the orb gave way, parts of melted crystal oozing and gushing onto the ground. Lightning's eyes traveled up the crystal as something screeched in the air and small, thin tendrils sprouted from the crystal. She stared while the tentacles grew, dancing around like snakes and coiling around each other. The orb shuddered again and in a violent burst of light the new crystal tendrils flew out and away, soaring above her and streaking across the sky like some backwards meteor shower.

Lightning shook her head and stood up, eyes wide and body shaking as the tentacles began to stutter to a halt before falling into buildings and streets, disappearing behind walls and creeping into alleys. She couldn't see where they were landing once they were lost in the city, but she looked back to Hope when he started to moan more and more. She fell beside him again and pressed a hand to his chest.

"I'm here, Hope. It's okay. It's going to be okay," she soothed, eyes searching his face.

"I'm sorry, Light. I shouldn't have-I just-"

"Don't apologize. You can make it up to me later but don't you dare say sorry now." Lightning looked away from him, eyes on Saorise as her body began to move again. Dulled, half-lidded red eyes gazed back at her, but Lightning could not stop her desire to grab Hope's head and bring it closer to her lap. She narrowed her eyes at Saorise, gritting her teeth, but her eyes snapped back at Hope when he spoke.

"But the others-this-what if we-"

"No doubts." Lightning shook her head, her eyes back on Hope. "I won't have that from you. You came into this strong and you're going to finish this strong."

"The other-" Hope stopped, his eyes going wide and pupils blowing wide once more. Lightning's heart jumped and she looked around, eyes squinting at the glowing, collapsing orb before she spotted one of the tentacles in the air.

_Is it-coming back or something? _

Lightning watched as the tendril zoomed back to the orb, the string almost never ending as it wriggled and eased itself back in, but her body froze when she heard gasping and screaming.

_Oh no. Oh please, no!_

But as she turned and looked she could see a familiar black uniform. Lightning did not know the person attached to it, but as the young man looked back at her with wide brown eyes and a scared young face, she felt something lodge in her throat. The man kicked at the grip that was around him and Lightning saw that the end of the tentacle had wrapped around the young man's chest, glowing brightly and burning through the uniform into what could only be his brand.

The man caught Lightning's eye again and started to call for help, his voice ragged and gasping, but they both turned back the crystal when it shuddered and glowed more brightly. Lightning's eyes burned from the light and she squinted her eyes as two more small tentacles dripped out of the orb and onto the ground, one slithering toward Saorise while the other flew toward Hope. Lightning shouted and threw her body over his, ignoring the small grunt and the small sound of protest from Hope, but the tentacle just slipped into the hem of Hope's uniform and slithered inside his shirt. Lightning shot up and started to rip the uniform open, spotting the small sliver of crystal as it wriggled around before piercing the skin. Lightning made to reach for it but Hope gasped and clutched at the thing before she could grab it.

"No! Hope, let me-"

Hope's eyes widened and Lightning watched as several layers of crystal cracked and broke away from Hope's body, falling like shavings around him. Lightning sat stunned for a moment before remembering the captured soldier, but her heart fell when she heard no more shouts or pleas. She turned around and saw the man was still in the grip of the crystal, his body strung like a bow, the tips of his toes pointing toward the ground.

Lightning shook her head when the man's face started to lose its color and crystal started to form around his face, but the tentacle threw him away before Lightning could see the flash of light that told her had become a C'ieth.

"Is that what this is?" she muttered. "A way for Chaos to bring you back to the way you were?"

"Not just us…" Lightning glared at Saorise when she spoke, chest bubbling with frustrated rage. The woman's head was back to its original shape but her face was still covered in white skin and her head lulled lazily on the ground. Saorise gave her a smile, letting out a low moan when she rested her head on the ground. "It is a way to awaken the crystal. It is trying…trying to preserve us and is forced to awaken because of it."

"Why…why would it-"

"Around it now is a precious person. And in the core of this crystal are two people who wish to see that boy preserved. Saved. _Human._ While those two at the center do not know it…it is their desire to protect him that drives this crystal now." Saorise giggled, her eyes flashing. Lightning her stomach bubbling and a wave of nausea hit her, but Saorise continued. "But the crystal has no eyes. It knows only the magic. Feels only the magic. So it saves us both rather than one. It is the only way, after all. How does it know? How does it know who is Hope and who is not-aside from this power? Tell me..." Saorise mumbled the last part, her smile still etched on her face.

"How-how did Chaos know about-"

"Really?" Saorise asked, her voice high and mocking. "Chaos and I have had a peek into that boys mind, Chaos far more than I. Do you really think we learned nothing of those two?"

Lightning said nothing as she looked back down at Hope, his breathing hot and labored, but the crystal skin slowly peeling away from his body. She did not turn toward Saorise, even when she began to speak again.

"But where to put all of that magic? It needs-needs a place to go. There are so many though-so many with brands. But they-they can only hold so much power. So it grabs them all, and will not stop till we are whole again. It will just keep giving away all this extra magic-some of it ours, some of it we took just by stepping into this place. And how can these bodies-so weak and frail-hold up to it?"

The words had barely left her lips before three more bodies showed up, two of them still kicking and screaming. But the woman's hands were limp at her sides and her neck was at an odd angle, the tentacle still holding on tight to her as her head swayed like a leaf on a tree branch. Lightning watched as even the dead one shuddered before there were three blinding flashes of light. Then the three disfigured bodies were cast into the rubble and Hope shuddered underneath Lightning's fingers. She looked back at him, brushing the sweat slicked bangs from his forehead and forcing the flashes of light from her mind.

The white skin that had been so prominent on him was receding and the green crystals around his jaw were disappearing into little bumps. His hands were no longer clawed and slowly, steadily, his body was returning to normal size and color. Saorise was starting to groan and Lightning glanced and saw that one of the legs was starting to reenter her body, the process slow and smooth. Saorise clenched her eyes shut and screeched, fingers digging into her palms as she kicked at the ground.

_I don't know-I don't know if this... Hope... Hope wouldn't want it this way. Hope wouldn't want to see all his comrades dying to save him, especially like this. Not becoming C'ieth, not being tossed aside like they were nothing. _

But Lightning couldn't deny that some small part of her was happy…or at least relieved. Hope was not lost. Hope would not leave her yet. Hope would not be transformed into a monster, far beyond her reach. Yet the thought made white hot guilt slither into her mind and burn her to the core. The idea that she was happy he was being saved this way made her hate herself. Want to tear this side of her apart. She should not be happy for the deaths and transformation of others. Not at all. Even if it meant that Hope could stay with her.

But she was so-_so_ happy that Hope _would_ stay with her, if only for a moment. Happy that he was not gone.

"What's the matter, soldier girl?" Lightning turned as Saorise spoke, her voice high and mocking as she stretched her arm outward. Sweat made her face shine and her eyes were bright. A smile made its way to her face and Lightning's chest roared anew. "You look ready to fall apart."

"You're not looking so good yourself," Lightning snapped. She pressed her hand to Hope's head once more before standing up, grabbing her gunblade as she did so. She walked over to Saorise, towering over the woman with her gunblade held close to Saorise's neck. Lightning tried not to glance at the tentacles as they brought more people in, more soldiers of De Novo who screamed and thrashed before they went eerily silent and were tossed aside like trash. She leered at the woman before her and felt rage, undiluted, pure and hot, bubble in her chest. It threatened to spew out of her as vulgar words and threats and violence that made her arms ache from the wait. Yet, when she spoke she was nothing but calm.

"I am sick of hearing your voice." Lightning did not wait for a response, shifting her gunblade and pointing the barrel at Saorise. The woman's eyes did not widen. There was no shriek of protest. In fact, she watched Lightning with almost feigned interest, her eyes dancing, taunting her.

"Too bad I'm not," Saorise mumbled. "I guess no one wins."

Lightning said nothing more, her finger on the trigger. Her blood thrummed through her head and pounded in her fingers, pulsing against the trigger. All she saw was red and white and that annoying, mocking smile. She heard, distantly, a screech that clawed from the back of her head to her eyes, and she could have sworn her brain had exploded from the way her head was ringing.

Then she saw Hope. Hope, bleeding and bruised and gasping. Hope crying. Hope wishing he was dead and running away from her.

Hope broken because of this woman.

A blast went off, loud and deafening, and there was a puff of smoke and a small burst of light. But once it cleared Lightning could hear the shell clattering to the ground and Saorise was still there, the barrel between her eyes and soot on her cheeks. The whiteness of the crystal was almost completely gone and Saorise arched, gasping as two more legs receded into her back, leaving only one. The pavement around them was broken from the action, cracked like baked earth under a hot sun, but Saorise blinked up at Lightning, her smile clear.

"I guess I'm just nigh unkillable." Saorise's smile widened and Lightning's eyes flashed, snapping toward the slight shimmer around Saorise's head. The light blue made Lightning's chest tighten and the rage mounted in her chest.

_Protect spell. _

"Like a cockroach," Lightning mumbled, eyes narrowed. "They even live once their heads are cut off. Like the filthy, disgusting things they are. You have to go about killing them right or they won't die at all."

"Guess you didn't though. Is that what we're comparing me to now? I should feel offend-ed..." Saorise gasped and arched again as the last leg entered her body. She moaned and clenched her hands a jaw, glancing at Hope. "He's not quite done I suppose. Maybe he did go farther than me this time. I'm surprised...that he let himself be pushed so far." Saorise tilted her head and smiled, breathing hard through her nose and clenched teeth.

_Shut up you evil little-_

But Lightning could feel Hope's presence behind her and was reminded again that all the flashes of light in in the corners of her vision were Hope's comrades-her comrades, dying for Hope's sake. Captured and pumped with magic until they were turned into monsters.

_Hope..._

_Hope, did you see what happened to them? You were in pain-the skin was just peeling off, but were you able to see what happened? _

_I hope not. If you see what's happening-if you figure out it's helping you, you'd never forgive yourself. _

_I know that. _

_But what _did_ you see?_

Lightning turned away from Saorise and ran back to Hope, kneeling next to him and resting his head on her lap again. His face was clearing, much of the crystal skin gone, but only one wing had started to recede into his back. His eyes were closed and Lightning's chest loosened. She sighed, eyes drifting to the wings, and she turned him to his side so that the wings could go in without having to fight the pavement as well. Hope groaned but did not wake, and Lightning shook her head.

_Dead ends and more dead ends. This isn't what was supposed to happen. Why is it that this-this is spiraling out of control the way it-_

Lightning stopped when she heard more screams, her eyes shooting up when she heard the shrill calls and swears that were nearing her. Her eyes widened when she saw two...three more bodies being dragged forward, only two struggling in their grip, and her face drained of color.

_No-no...this can't be happening. Not them. It can't use them! It can't!_

"Lightning!" Lebreau shouted, her arms around her wrist as she was brought forward by the tentacle coiled around her arm. Her face was scared, lined with worry and sweating so much her face shined in the glow from the crystal orb. Her eyes searched Lightning before drifting to a limp Maqui, the blond held tightly by several of the crystal tendrils. Rygdea was gasping for air, swearing as he pulled on the tentacle that was around his neck. Lightning shook her head, marveled that the man hadn't broken his neck until her eyes caught Lebreau's hands and the currents that were being flown under his feet to keep him from strangling himself.

"Lightning, what's going on! I thought we were supposed to-ah! AH!" Lebreau shook her head, writhing in the grip as the coils began to glow and burn her skin. Lightning saw vein-like lines starting to inch up her arm and her neck and Rygdea gasped and shouted as they started to appear on him as well. Only Maqui was silent during the process, even as small bursts of magic started to appear around him, his partially crystallized left arm jerking wildly at his side. From tiny puffs of flame to the crackle of electricity, Lightning watched as the others were slowly pumped with magic, the magic pouring out of them in turn as spells.

"No...No!" Lightning shot up and ran to them, grabbing onto the crystal tentacles and feeling the surprisingly jagged edges slice into her hands. Lebreau gasped, tears pooling in her eyes as she struggled to help Lightning, her hands trying to dig into the coils around her wrist and pry them away from her. Lightning turned to Rygdea as well, grabbing the crystal threads and trying to pull them away from his neck without hurting him. Rygdea gave her the smallest of nods before trying to breathe through his nose, eyes starting to dim. Lebreau was growing limp as well and Lightning could see her brand was starting to glow.

And panic surged through her chest, kick-starting her heart and throwing her mind in a dizzying maze of thoughts.

_No! No! I can't lose them, I can't lose them to this of all things. I'd never forgive myself-Hope would never forgive himself! I have to save them! There has to be something-something I can do to make this stop! She-Saorise said that Vanille and Fang were-but how do I even-I don't know how to-_

_Stop it Lightning. Just think. Just think and keep trying to pry these things off of them._

And Lightning did try. She dug her nails under Lebreau's skin and grabbed the coils and pulled, even as her and Lebreau's blood started to pool in her hands, but the things would not let go. Desperation wrapped around her throat and squeezed Lightning when she saw Lebreau sagging and the brand advancing further on her skin. More of the veins were creeping along Lebreau's skin, twining together before weaving across her elbow, reaching upward. Crystal was forming in thin layers around the veins and Lightning's heart quickened.

_How! How do I even-_

"Light..." Lightning stopped, hands fumbling over the tentacle as she looked back at Hope on the ground, his hands splayed on the pavement. He pushed himself from the ground, head lolling slightly before he glanced at Saorise. The woman remained on the ground, watching him silently as he moved to stand. Lightning almost pulled herself away to help him when he stumbled on his feet, nearly falling over when the last wing straightened out, adding extra weight to his side. He threw his arms out to his sides to regain his balance, blinking slowly and wincing as the last wing receded and the tentacle burst from his chest. There was a small hole in his uniform and a burn mark on his chest, the only testament that it had been there in the first place.

"You're watching us, thinking you've won," Hope muttered, turning to Saorise as the crystal shavings were brushed away by his feet. "But you haven't."

"You're here, aren't you?" Saorise asked, her eyes half-lidded and a small smile on her face. "That is all I am needed to do. The rest will play out on its own."

Hope ignored her and made his way to Lightning, eyes going over to Lebreau, Rygdea, and Maqui as he went. He shook his head when he got to Lightning, collapsing against her shoulder and pressing his forehead into the crook of her neck.

"I'm tired, Lightning...but we're almost there, right?" Lightning blinked at his question but slowly nodded, her hand reaching for the tentacles again. Hope moved his head on her shoulder and reached for the same tentacle, brushing it with the tips of his fingers and watching as it shrank away from his touch.

"I guess it's true what she said...about it just trying to help me. About _them_ trying to help me. But does it-I mean, does it have to be this way?" Hope shook his head again, not even waiting for an answer before he grabbed the coils in his hands, clenching them before he pulled them away from Lebreau. Lightning watched, shocked as the crystal tendrils turned to dust in his hands, the grains of sand disappearing into the air before he moved to Rygdea and then to Maqui. Maqui and Rygdea dropped to the ground once the coils were burned away, but Lebreau fell against Lightning.

Hope moaned and pressed a hand to his head, glancing at Lightning. "Sorry," he said. "I'm just-I'm really tired right now is all."

"Hope-"

"But we're almost there. We're really almost there," Hope mumbled. Lightning nodded, glancing at Lebreau when the woman groaned and her eyes fluttered open. She looked at Lightning, her cheeks turning pink before she pushed herself away and straightened herself out, glancing at her brand and then to Rygdea and Maqui.

"Are they okay or what-Hope!" Lebreau gasped, reaching for him as he stumbled and fell, but Lightning was already grabbing him by the arm and pulling him back up. Hope sighed and leaned against her, blinking his eyes open and squinting at the light still pouring from the crystal.

"Sorry...I guess that took...a lot out of me after all."

Hope groaned and pushed himself away from Lightning, rubbing his eyes and trying to walk again. Lightning shook her head and reached for his shoulder, pulling him back with ease. "Hope, what are you trying to do-"

"I need to get the crystal. If this is true-if it is, then this should work after all. But I need to get closer, I need to be able to touch it to seal it. Then it'll stop." Hope shut his eyes, letting his breath out through his nose. "It has to stop then. It just has to."

Lightning watched as Hope groaned again, his body loose and limp in her hands, and she could almost feel the waves of exhaustion pouring out of him. Her own body was starting to feel warm and heavy, the blood that had once been hot and rushing in her body cooling, leaving her weakened and winded. Lightning nodded and dipped under Hope, pulling his arm over her shoulder and leading him toward the stem of the crystal.

"Wait," she said, turning back to Lebreau at the sound of her small footsteps. "Please Lebreau, look after the others. We can't just leave them like that for anyone-"

"No," Lebreau said, stepping toward Lightning. She almost backed away when Lightning glared at her, a growl escaping her mouth, but Lebreau swallowed and hardened her eyes. "I'm coming with you. Saorise is still there you know, and even if she's being all creepy and just kind of staring at us..." Lebreau glanced at Saorise at this, the woman still watching them with bright eyes. Lightning almost shuddered herself, glancing at the crystal and wondering if what they were about to do was the best course of action.

_Is it the only way...or some kind of trap?_

"I need to come with you and make sure you're safe!" Lebreau said firmly, breaking Lightning from the thought. Lightning shook her head and was ready with a retort when Hope spoke up.

"Lightning, we need to go. Let her come. It's...It's important right? And she could-I mean, you do have to help...me..." Hope voice died and Lightning nodded, her worry growing in her chest and spreading through her limbs. She tilted her head at Lebreau and started to lead the way again, closer and closer to the glowing sphere until they were at the base of the stem. Lebreau shuddered, hand clasping over her wrist. Saorise watched them out of the corner of her eye, not moving once, and Lightning noticed that a tentacle was still attached to her skin.

_Hope broke away before it could finish-but Saorise..._

"Hope," Lightning said as he started to push away from her. "Maybe there's another way we can do this. She wouldn't just sit there and let this happen. She'd be fighting to make sure we couldn't do anything to stop it." Lightning whipped around when she heard more deafening explosions and all three of them jumped when one sounded nearby.

"Did they reach this place already?" Lebreau asked, turning to the others. "I thought they'd be a while since-since so many of them-"

"You and the others were all dragged here. I doubt they would have done nothing-not when soldiers are being plucked from out of nowhere."

"But to come here-Hope!"

Lightning jolted at Lebreau's shout and shot around, grabbing Hope and pulling him away when he pressed his hands against the smooth looking crystal. Hope shrugged her off and placed his hands back on the surface, eyes narrowed in concentration and almost shutting completely.

"Hope, I said it might be too-"

"I know it's risky, Light. But there are some things in life you just...do. And this is one of them." Hope's voice hardened and Lightning could hear the quiet desperation in it. "This is something we just have to. We don't have any other options and even though we all might die here-it's just the way it has to be. I'm still...I'm still trying to figure out why..." Hope's body shook and he pressed his head to the crystal, taking a gasp of air. "I'm still trying to figure out why these things happen and why people die when they-they don't really-but right now, I know that if I didn't try this because I was scared or some shit, that a lot of people will still die. A lot of them I don't know...but that doesn't make it right."

Hope looked at her, eyes incredibly soft and loving, the warmth shining through the obvious exhaustion and the dirt and blood that covered him. "And if I lost anyone else that _was_ precious to me, I know I'd have no one to blame but myself...for not doing what I needed to at this very moment."

Lightning blinked, watching his eyes become clear and more focused, his face tight with emotion. She felt a small smile tugging on her lips before she nodded and squeezed his shoulder. "All right, Hope," she said, kneading her fingers into his skin. "But we're doing this together, do you understand me?"

Hope smiled and nodded, turning to Lebreau and trying to give her a reassuring look. Lebreau rolled her eyes, but her hands were fisted at her sides and she kept looking at the crystal like it would jump out and kill them.

Considering what it had done to her, Lightning couldn't blame her. But Lebreau did not pull away.

"I'm pulling you away if anything happens," Lightning said as Hope closed his eyes, fingers pressed hard against the crystal's stem. "I don't want this-"

"I know, Lightning...thank you." Hope smiled at her again and Lightning felt warmth fill her chest as she stared at this man.

_You've come so far, Hope. If we can do this-if you can really do this then things will turn out okay._

Lightning squinted her eyes when light started to glow from Hope's hands, the same blue glow the crystal released. Hope shuddered, eyes clenching more tightly as he mumbled incoherent words under his breath, lone wing twitching behind him, and Lightning wrapped her arms around him. Lebreau started to look away, a faint blush on her cheeks as her eyes searched for Rygdea and Maqui. Hope leaned against Lightning, body relaxing with her touch, and he put more pressure onto the crystal. The glow intensified and Lightning could catch some of his words.

"Fang...Vanille, if you're there you'll have to help me. Come on...I'm searching for him. Is he here...is he here, waiting for this magic. Do I just latch on and find him...seal him away when I do?" Hope shuddered and Lightning could feel heat radiating from him in waves, sweat dribbling down his neck. Lightning glanced at Saorise and saw the woman staring at the crystal with wide eyes, shaking her head and trying to sit up.

"Is-is _he_ finding you?" Saorise screeched, reaching her hand up to the crystal as if to feel for herself.

Hope shivered again and Lightning watched in silent awe as blue veins started to etch themselves on his face. Gusts were starting near their feet, blowing back dust and small chunks of debris. Lightning squinted as strands of hair hit her, closing her eyes when fire bloomed around them as well. They were nothing but tiny puffs of flame that would die the moment they hit the winds around them, but Lightning hissed when some scraped her arm, leaving hot red skin in their wake. Icicles came too, tinkling before they crashed into the ground, and Hope's body was getting hotter and hotter.

"I feel him..." Hope muttered. "I can feel him there. If I could just...I need to put my magic into it." And Lightning felt him press his body closer to the stem and more heat coming off him. She wondered how he hadn't set himself ablaze with the way he was flaring up, and more bits of magic were coming, lasting longer each time a new wave of magic came. The fires were brighter, the icicles would shoot past them like projectiles, and Lightning heard Lebreau hiss.

_One must of hit her. Is she okay or-_

The thought stopped when she heard a sharp grunt and thud, followed by heavy gasping. She started to turn around, expecting, fearing, to find Lebreau there, gasping for breath and clutching an icicle in her stomach or arm or head.

But then Saorise caught her eye.

Saorise, who was holding onto to a large chunk of crystal imbedded in her stomach. The same blue crystal as the giant orb above them, and it was glowing brightly as it lodged itself in her body. And Saorise was holding this chunk that was attached to the crystal and now to her stomach, holding on to it even as blood gushed from the side of the wound and stained the ground around her a deep, rich red. She smiled as she held it and gasped and gurgled, even as her body shuddered and writhed, jerking oddly to dislodge itself. Saorise caught Lightning's eye...

...and her smile grew.

Lightning felt the nauseous wave of heat and fear hit her, body almost crumbling as she turned to Hope and started to pull him away. Hope was shaking his head, had not yet noticed what had happened. But then he stilled and Lightning stopped, her eyes widening just as Hope's did. Hope glanced back at her, grabbed her by the arm and shoved her off, letting her hit the ground with a hard thud just before another chunk of crystal came shooting out of the stem.

Lightning screamed. Or...she thought she had screamed at least. Or maybe her mouth was open and no sound was coming out as Hope hit the ground, the pavement scraping his back, his wing bursting into flame before it fell apart as ash behind him. Maybe she screamed when the blood started to ooze from the wound or when Lebreau was shouting and screaming too, running back to the others to try and wake them, even though several icicles were sticking out of her stomach and blood was oozing from the wound. For help, for solace; Lightning didn't know why.

She wasn't even sure what she was seeing.

Hope groaned and his legs kicked at the ground, his hands wrapping around the chunk of crystal that was now going through his stomach and imbedding itself into the pavement. Slowly...it moved so slowly and Hope opened his mouth but no sound came out. But she could hear him scream. Feel him scream.

The veins were still on Hope's face, now a dark blue, and Hope closed his eyes and gasped. His eyes were wide and shaking and his hand, his bloodied hand, reached for Lightning. And Lightning found herself reaching for him and grabbing his hand and shaking her head.

"Hope...Hope, this can't be happening. Tell me this isn't happening. This can't-not after-not after what we did. This isn't, this can't be." Lightning couldn't get the words out of her mouth. She could only twine her and Hope's fingers together and watch as the blood drained from his face. The orb was still glowing, brighter and brighter, and Lightning was aware of something shooting from the sky. She could hear the telltale whoosh, saw the bright white flash in the sky, but all on the ground, from the shadows and brief flashes of light. Hope shook his head and tried to pry his hand away, was trying to point or wave her off. His mouth was moving, blood was dribbling from his mouth and down his cheeks and chin.

"No...no, I won't leave you, Hope. No!" And Lightning could hear her own desperation, almost winced when her voice cracked. She pressed another hand to Hope's forehead, almost cursed herself when her hands shook with every movement.

"Pl...se...Light...hurt...no..."

"Shut up," she said, leaning forward and pressing her forehead to his. "Just shut up, you idiot. Just shut up and let me do this."

Hope's breath kept hitting her, even though it was broken and ragged, and Lightning was thankful for something. She could feel how hot parts of him were and how cold other parts were, and the gusts of wind were still blowing around them. There was magic-she could feel it pouring around them, but her eyes were focused on Hope.

"Light...lo...sky..." Lightning nodded and moved away from Hope, head tilting to the sky. There was a giant cloud hovering above them all, above the crystal and the buildings and above the world itself. A dark, consuming cloud, and thunder started in the distance. The crystal seemed to shudder and Lightning winced when the blue light started to whiten, watched while the crystal started to boil itself. Bubbles were rising at the top and bottom. Smelted crystal was oozing out of it, the glowing liquid consuming Saorise and inching toward them.

"Run..." But Lightning shook her head at Hope's request, grabbing his head and placing it on her lap. Hope shook all over, but as Lightning examined him a sigh of relief blew through her.

_No more bleeding...no more dying Hope. _

"Light..."

"I won't leave you." Lightning was surprised by how steady her voice was. Hope's eyes fluttered and he reached for her hand and squeezed. His grip was weak, but the action meant more to Lightning than she would ever tell him. She looked up again, blinking slowly as the world rumbled, making her body vibrate. Her eyes darted to the buildings as the trembling intensified. The structures started to shake and crumble, and her eyes widened when one of them collapsed from the bottom and crashed into the others.

Gusts were coming from all sides now and C'ieth started to fall to the ground, landing with hard thuds, their bodies cracking and breaking with the impacts. Fire was rampant in the crumbling buildings and overhead thunder roared. Light was radiating from the crystal orb, blinding them all, and Lightning felt Hope squeeze her hand again.

"I...sorry..."

"Don't be, Hope." Lightning shook her head and leaned down, giving Hope a small kiss on the forehead. "Don't be."

"But-" Hope stopped and groaned again, his eyes going to the crystal. He had to narrow his eyes at the light, but Lightning felt him sag as he watched several large swords form around the crystal. Hope shuddered, his body curling in on itself as he moaned. Sweat leaked into his eyes and his body throbbed with each breath.

"Hope!" Lightning grabbed his face and tried to shake him, and Hope opened his eyes, unsure of when he closed them. His body felt strangely light, parts of him breaking off and -falling away from him, and when he tried to lift his arms he was shocked when nothing came to him. He looked at Lightning, but his body was heavy...everything hurt, and he was unable to convey his surprise or shock. It was all too heavy and slow-the whole place seemed blurry and his jaw was rusted shut.

He was so tired.

"Hope-stop-just-just let me figure this out and I'll-" Lightning shook her head, watching as parts of Hope were just-fading away. He seemed transparent; his arms, his chest, moving toward his neck and down his legs. Disappearing right in front of her.

_Into nothing? Is this...this what Chaos was talking about? What it's been about from the beginning? Fading away? But Hope-No. No, no, no, no, no, no. He has to stay with me. We've come so far-not now. Not now!_

Lightning almost sobbed when she saw that Hope was paling and fading and no matter what part of him she grabbed couldn't stop it. His hands were gone and his chest was slipping through her fingers. She didn't notice when Hope tried to point, taking his violent jerk as distress and trying to soothe him, running a hand over his forehead as she tried to work out a solution. Her eyes only narrowed at the flash of light and she glanced at Hope's eyes, seeing the fear.

And when the chunk of crystal came and imbedded itself in her gut, all she heard was a rush of wind. She did not hear Hope's voice after that, but she could have sworn he has said something. Whispered something. She did not feel the pain. There was only the light and Hope's body fading beneath her, and her own body feeling weightless. Light. Free.

_What...but I need...to help Hope..._

Lightning closed her eyes, shuddering once. Something flashed in her mind-a great being with swords and a weight so heavy it almost crushed her chest. She saw her family-Snow and Serah and NORA and all those people who had muscled in and made her part of this, regardless of what she wanted. She saw Saorise, smiling and reaching out to her, eyes light.

She saw Hope too and reached for him just as he reached for her.

Something, a whistle and a scream, sounded in the distance. Saorise was behind Hope in her mind's eye, was grabbing him from behind and Lightning's hand fell short of them. There was red and green and shouting and silence and words and cold and warmth.

And without even realizing it, Lightning fell into nothing.


	52. The Sunlight Through the Flags

**This is so long, this chapter. It was even longer before, but I had to divide the chapters. And it was hard, because finding a good place to stop was difficult. Oh well, hopefully, it'll work. I'm excited for this chapter and hearing what you think-and if part of it seems out there, it is. Some of you may know why as well. But I don't know. We'll see. And if I may, once more, ask you kind readers for reviews? I want to know what you think, what you've enjoyed, and what made you cringe. It will only take a few minutes. So please, review? :)  
**

**Onward then, to this next chapter. Enjoy.  
**

* * *

_The start._

_Or is it the end? Does it matter? Is it death? Birth? Need...a need to know. _

Where am I-

_A need to know. A need, desperate, aching demand. Want as well. There was want as well. _

Where is it?

_Start._

_It's the start…of everything. Of nothing. Of the world's birth and death._

But is it really?

"_Who are you?" _

_Love you. Hate you. Love you hate you love you hate you love you hate you love you hate you-_

_Open doors! Bursting like suns and leading to white ways, which lead nowhere as well. Cracking glass. Broken shards. All a dream and all a mirror. Fog. Misty, misty fog. Constantly pouring in and out; the fog was endless. It was all constant. A pull into nothing from something. _

Death or birth?

_Does it matter?_

_It is-_

_-everything._

_White. White. White._

"_What's your name?"_

_Red. Red. Red. Warm and red. The very color clawed at him. A great hand drenched in red pulled at him and tried to bring him down or up. He wasn't sure. Was there a direction? Did it matter? The voice-so many voices. All there-all consumed. And always being tugged, never knowing where to go next. Lost on the roads, the paths before him. _

Who am I?

"_Can you see the truth?"_

It's-

"_It's all here in your head."_

"_Do you-you even-"_

"_Do you?"_

"_Huh?"_

"_Who are you?"_

My name? I don't know…do I? Do I know?

Mother. Mother and father. All these voices-who do they belong to? I need to know-they're everywhere. Please be quiet! I'm trying-trying to listen for it. Who-who are the voices-

_Matter. Doesn't. Both._

"_Are you lost? Lost in this great world of ours?"_

_Swirling, swirling all around. Colors. They're everywhere and nowhere. In front of him and behind him and up and down and all around and he can feel it between his legs and under his arms and leaking into his eyes and just everywhere. An explosion of everlasting colors that mixed and swirled around and around him. He and the colors were separate yet the same. None of it made sense, but that was all right. It was ending-it wasn't supposed to make sense. There was color-so much color. So many colorful hands and eyes and voices; a world of color, a stream of it. He could feel them staring, pulling, the colors, the people, himself._

_Then they slipped inside of him and died._

…

_..._dead?

"_I came for you." _

_Disjointed. A voice...familiar, but he didn't know who it was. _

"_I think you're missing some limbs there." _

"_But where will you go? Is there anywhere?"_

_Whiteness and redness were all around. Cracked. Cracked. The world was cracked and the red was seeping through the whiteness and there was nothing but those colors and they were mixing. Mixing and becoming something horrible and wonderful. _

"_It was the world you saw. The world we saw. Will you help me? Will you make it happen? I want you to help me and I know you will."_

There is Light! Light! Lightning! Gone. Light? Light. Light…light…light…darkness.

_Pathetic. _

_Pathetic. _

_So many voices and he knew none of them. Or did he know all of them? Or was it some? The answer was lost but the voice went on. The voice was a constant in the void-was it a void? He didn't know. There were no answers and somehow that was his answer in the senselessness of it all._

"_Why don't you just give up already!" Shrill. Shrill. Shrill. Shrill. _

"_I wish you were dead." _

"_I wish I was dead."_

_Finality._

_Crystals… _

"_I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you-"_

"_Shut up!"_

"_I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you-"_

"_Don't lie to me!" _

"_I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you-"_

"_How can anyone love someone like me!"_

"_I love you."_

_Bright light. Blinding. Beautiful. _

_Jerked forward and lost. There was nothing and there would always be nothing._

_Water. Water except it was white and shiny. He placed his hand inside, wondered how he got that hand. There was nothing. Then there was water and it shined-glowed-in his hands, like liquid white-gold. Then there was someone next to him and she was bare and naked and he wanted to run but she shook her head. Her eyes were red and tired and her hair was white and loose. New. She was like new and was soaked in the same white-gold. Pretty white-gold._

_Nothing. _

_Pretty white-gold. Shining brightly and his hands were dipping inside. _

_Nothing. _

"_But I don't want you here." It was his voice but it echoed around him. It was loud and pressing-desperate. _

Do I really sound like that?

"_We'll go together," she ignored him when she said it and he hated her more for it. Would always hate her. Deep and poignant, with a tinge of fear. There she was and he hated her. Loathed her existence. It almost suffocated him when he realized it, and he felt the hatred start to bubble. A new something to hold onto in the strange new realm of nothing. There was something in nothing. Something in nothing. _

Is it nothing?

"_I hate you." The word spilled from him before he could stop it and she snarled at him, raised a hand and made to reach him but she already dissolved into sand before she could touch him. _

_And he's gone too. _

_Blue. Blue. Blue. Pretty blue, with scented flowers. And strawberries. _

_Hands. Warm, comforting._

_He wanted to feel her next to him. _

"_Who-"_

_He wanted to see her._

"_Who-"_

_He wanted to reach her._

"_Who-"_

I will reach her. _It sounded in his mind as he reached up with his hands, still wondering how he got them. His fingers stretched and stretched beyond him. He breathed her name..._

"_Lightning." _

_The world broke in his hands, shattered, shards dropping by his head as he reached for the nothing above. And it all came flying at him, every voice and memory, and as it came all he could think of was the rush. There was nothing and then there was him. And he was going back to something which his body craved and he knew he would be stepping out of the nothing. Out into something. Something. _

_Something! _

_He knew nothing at all. Voices or emotions. Himself or her. Only need. A need that stemmed from nowhere. It pushed him on, made him move. _

_Instinct. _

_It drove him. _

_It _was_ him._

_He simply reached up and was pulled from this broken world as a result. _

* * *

There was a door; a single solid wood door floating amidst the black nothingness that surrounded Lightning. The black was deep and endless, so unfathomable and consuming that it sucked the air away. A rich darkness that wrapped around the door and Lightning, but with no warmth or coldness. Just nothing.

Lightning wondered how the door, such a simple object, was not swallowed by the infinite nothing. How _she_ was not swallowed by the abyss that licked her body, edged her vision constantly, and left her almost dizzy when she could find nothing but herself and the door in the darkness.

_Where am I? How did I-_

_Hope._

_Where is he? What happened? There was a light and-and he was...then I was gone too. He was bleeding, bleeding everywhere, and I was trying to-to comfort him and-and then it just came and took us. But what was it? The magic from the orb? Chaos?_

_Where is Hope now? Where? I need to find him, I need to find him so we can get the hell out of here. Hope-_

"The door."

Lightning blinked and turned around, trying to find the source of the voice. Her eyes felt the strain of the darkness as it pressed against her, her eyes constantly drawn to the door for her focus. Even when she managed to make her eyes drift away she saw nothing but the stretching fields of black. She sighed, turning back to the door.

_Whose voice is that? It sounds familiar...but it's been so long since I've heard it. And how would it be possible-_

"He's there. He's there with her, beyond the door. But you have to hurry! She's trying to take him; make him slip and fall with her. I don't know how long you'll have, but you'll need to find him in there."

Lightning's mouth parted slightly.

"Vanille?" Her words were hardly a whisper and her hand reached for the door, fingers ghosting over the smooth, golden knob. She closed her eyes and let the voice wash over her. Lightning missed the cheer she would have normally heard in the voice, but she shook her head and swallowed the growing lump in her throat, opening her eyes again. She tightened her hand around the knob. "Is he really there?"

"Of course." Lightning almost smiled at the soothing, gentle tone, but Vanille continued, "It'll be hard to get through it all. I'm not sure where he is anymore, I couldn't keep track of him; his thoughts and feelings were going all over the place. I don't even think _he _knows what's happening."

"Then how were you able to find me?" Lightning asked, looking up. "If you couldn't find Hope..."

"Chaos and Saorise are so focused on him...it was easy to get to you. They were ready to just throw you away into-well-"

"Right," Lightning said. "Okay. So I just go in and find him then."

"You only get one chance, Lightning."

Lightning's face tightened and she nodded. "I know Vanille..." _I won't fail._

Lightning took a deep breath and closed her eyes, the darkness pressing harder against her. She could feel, or at least thought she felt, Vanille disappear to wherever she came from, from wherever she was. The world swirled around her, inside her and then out again, and her legs almost buckled and she threw the door open. She saw a flash of silver and a pair of darkened green eyes before the air was blown out of her lungs. Hope's voice filtered in through the air and into her ears, a constant hum of words she didn't understand, yet managed to warm her all the same. She could almost feel his fingers lace with hers again, familiar and warm.

_I will find you._

The phantom sensations disappeared with a pop and Lightning felt her hair whip back before her body was lifted in the air and sent forward. She didn't open her eyes as the world rushed around her, concentrating on her racing heart and a pair of green eyes. She reached her hand out as if to grab him and pull her with him, and her heart jumped when she felt something touch the tips of her fingers. Her eyes snapped open and she gasped, meeting Hope's eyes as they fell through nothing.

"Hope! Hope, how did you-" Lightning stopped, shaking her head when Hope's face scrunched up, and her eyes darted behind him when something white flitted into her vision. She gritted her teeth and pulled on Hope's hand, only for his fingers to slip through hers. She shook her head and grasped for anything she could; his clothes, his hands, Saorise if only to pull her away. The air rushed in her ears, blew through her eyes, and seemed to fill every part of her. She tried to scream and lunged for Hope again, only for the world to shift. Hope's eyes widened and Lightning opened her mouth, trying to shout, but no sound escaped her.

Blackness infiltrated the nothing and wrapped itself around Hope, hugged him close like blankets and sheets and dragged him away from her. Lightning reached for him, begged her fingers to stretch just enough to touch him, but the air gusted and she was blown away as Hope's face disappeared in the growing sea of black.

"H-Hope! Hope!" Her voice was hoarse and broken, cracking as she tried to kick her way toward him, nothing under her feet to help propel herself to him. She was free falling, a single lost soul as Hope was whisked to who knew where, and Lightning felt her insides twist at the very thought. _I can't lose him now! I came so far-we came so far! I won't lose him! I won't lose him!_

The world opened up, the same blackness that had swallowed Hope and took him away, opened a great chasm beneath her. Lightning shut her eyes and tried to breathe as the darkness in turn swallowed her.

_I will find you in here. I will not leave without you. _

Lightning grunted when she landed front first on something smooth and hard. She opened her eyes, squinting them when she was met with only darkness. An endless stretch of black lay in front of her and she sighed, pressing her hands to the hard floor and pushing herself up.

_Where am I now? Where's Hope?_

Lightning shook her head and stood, wobbling slightly before her muscles tensed and she was ready again. She whipped around in the darkness, eyes darting everywhere they could to try and catch a glimpse of silver, green; even white or red if it led to Hope.

All she saw was black.

"Come on, come on!" Lightning muttered to herself, heart racing as her eyes yielded nothing. She stopped when something-_Thank you!-_finally pricked the corner of her eye, but just as she caught it, a light switched on above her. There was a dull thud above her and she looked up, searching for the sound with narrowed eyes. The light was pure white in the darkness, revealing a black and white tiled floor below her. Lightning glanced back down when she saw nothing above her, glancing at her large, disfigured shadow on the floor. The shade was long and unnaturally thin, the black curves stretching far on the floor, and when Lightning's eyes reached the head, the shadow's head tilted and a white smile appeared on what had to be its face.

"The hell-" Lightning stepped back from the shadow as it brought a hand to its mouth, giggling before reaching black hands onto the surface. It clasped some unseen edge and began to pull itself out, the floor rippling like water as the shadow kicked and dragged itself over. Lightning stepped back, reaching to her side only to feel air instead of the metal of her gunblade.

_Not good. Not good. Just freaking not good._

Lightning looked back at her shadow as it grunted, the smile still on its face as it straightened itself out and stretched its hands out at the sides. It kept its face toward Lightning, the small smile stretching wider across its face.

Lightning swallowed, narrowing her eyes. "What are you? Where are we?"

The shadow shook its head and raised its hands higher; the light moved with it, moving higher and higher and revealing more of the tiled floor. As the light spread to the corners-or what Lightning thought were the corners of the room, doors began to appear. They were plain doors except for single gold plates on the face of each one; even the gold plated rectangles lacked engravings. The shadow's smile widened even more, the tips stretching past its cheeks.

Lightning gritted her teeth, worry and fear bubbling in her gut. "Where's Hope!" she shouted, stepping toward the shade.

The shadow shook its head again and Lightning watched as two eyes appeared on its face, white and empty and horrifyingly hollow. The smile was still in place, the hands were stretching farther and farther, about to touch the doors, and the shadow opened its mouth for the first time.

"Pick a door," the shadow said, almost singsong. The voice echoed and disappeared into the air.

"I'm not here to play games you-"

The doors cracked open, all at the same time. The sounds hit the air like gunshots and the shadow opened its mouth, letting out a single scream before evaporating, hissing like smoke. Air rushed out of the doors and hit Lightning like a truck, almost bowling her over as her body seemingly hit walls, aching and throbbing with each hit. The doors were almost flying off their hinges as the wood flapped around, splitting and shattering when they finally hit the floor. Lightning tried to bring her arms up to protect herself from the broken wood, but masses of dark sludge started to pour from what was left of the doors that led nowhere. The black mud surged over the floor, bubbling higher and higher as it moved, and gusts still bellowed from the doors.

Lightning took a step back but lost her balance as more wind hit her, and before she could blink the sludge was over her body. Suffocating her, filling her mouth and seeping into her clothes. She reached her hands out and tried to grasp onto something, anything that she could use to pull herself up and out. But all she saw was darkness, all she felt was the hot and sticky sludge, and her lungs screamed at her when she tried to breathe. Her mouth opened, gasped for a gulp of air that was not to be found. Spots were floating in her vision…and she thought she could see a pair of green eyes.

Hope…Hope…

_Hope…_

_I-_

_-not yet._

Her eyes shot open and her body twisted as she threw up, black gunk splattering the now white floor below her. She closed her eyes as she heaved, the lurches in her stomach sending more nauseating waves of heat through her body, licking her skin with fire. She clutched her eyes and heaved once more, sweat beading down her temples, but when the last bit of sludge was gone and she took a gulp of air, all she could think was how sweet it was. She took in as much air as she could, until her lungs were practically bursting with each breath, and she slowly let exhaled. She savored the air, closed her eyes tighter when her ears began to ring.

"But I-"

Lightning's eyes snapped open and she looked around, heart jumping when she was realized she was knee deep in snow. The cold leaked through her clothes and froze her skin on contact, making her legs feel numb. Wind howled around her and in the distance she saw a dark wooden building.

A cabin.

The wind was harsh and biting, the air hurting her lungs rather than helping, and she folded her arms over her chest when she made to stand. She looked around for the voice, eyes scanning the fields of white, and she froze when she spotted Hope standing alone in the snow.

This Hope was younger; he was a few inches shorter than her Hope now, with a rather slender frame and more obvious baby fat still around his cheeks. His eyes were wide and body shaking as he stared at her but there was red all over him. Dark crimson liquid dripped off his face and down his side, and his left hand was reaching up and over his chest. There was no right arm attached…only a small stump at his side, bleeding out and all over the snow. The flakes were stained red, splotched with his blood, and Lightning scrunched her eyes at the sight. Hope's lips were slightly parted, tinted blue and quivering.

"Light…Light…" His words were quiet, barely a whisper, but the sound still had her brain rattling in her skull. He took a step toward her, hunching over when the wind blew harder, blood droplets flying in response. He pressed his hand closer to the stump on his arm, the blood seeping through his fingers, and Lightning could practically hear the squelch. Hope wobbled and looked up at her, removing his hand from the wound and running it through his hair. The silver locks were red, his face was red, _so much red_. Hope was covered head to toe in his own blood, and Lightning had to bring a hand to her mouth. Her stomach tightened and lurched and she could feel her body shaking, but Hope didn't seem to notice. He only stepped closer to her, his quaking body almost crumpling under the wind and the blood-_and_ _everything. _

"Hope-Hope sto-"

There was a rush of wind and suddenly he was there, burying his face into her shoulder. She was getting soaked; she could feel the warm blood staining her clothes and body. She felt his lips move on her skin and his hand grip her arm as he sobbed.

"I want to die..."

Hope crumpled then. Died in front of her. His body liquefied, turned red and splashed her with a soft explosion. She was soaked in blood. Drenched in it. Felt the blood seeping through her skin and staining her bones. And she didn't know it, but she was screaming. Screaming and shaking, running her hands over her face and through her hair and smearing the blood all over. Her heart was screaming, she was screaming, and something died inside of her. She could feel it curl up and gasp its last breath before rotting inside of her. It was putrid; a pungent smell that poured through every opening of her body and made her body bloat and nausea consume her stomach.

All she saw was _red_.

Then the red was gone and she was alone again. Her eyes were wide and even though her body was clean she could still feel his blood all over her. It was under her fingers and had caked itself in the creases of her skin. It was still dribbling over her, pooling between her breasts and toes and fingers and she heaved. The vomit was hot and putrid, acidic in smell and taste, and her body shook with the effort to breathe. There was sweat shining on her face and her arms and she didn't know where she was. It didn't matter where she was. Hope had just died-had exploded. Turned to blood and showered all over her. She hadn't saved him. She had failed all over again-

No…no…ugh…Hope. Hope. No. NO. I said I'd save you. I said I-but you…all over me. Blood…all over me.  
Where-how-

_Why?_

_Gone. Gone. He's gone…dead. Dead in my hands. All over me. All my fault. How? He was-was right in front of me-_

_He was younger…younger though-_

_Blood…everywhere. But he was younger-younger-_

_Lies? But-but I saw him. Oh-oh please. No…no… Dead. Died in my hands. _

_Ugh…uh…_

_NO!_

_Hope! Hope! Hope! Hope! Hope!_

_I needed-needed to-_

_Don't be gone…don't be gone. Please-please don't be gone. Please don't. Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay. I need you here. Where'd you go? Don't leave me-don't leave me alone. No. No. No. No. _

_Hope. Hope. _Hope.

_Hope…_

Lightning shook her head and brought her hands up in front of her, expecting to see his blood all over her hands. She blinked in surprise when she realized she was moving, stumbling in the darkness…the same darkness as before. Stretching in front of her always.

_Is it the same place?_

The nothing.

In the nothing…

No sadness. No pain. Not even existence.

It seemed…too good to be true.

Lightning looked around, her eyes flat. Dead. Unseeing. The blood was gone; she couldn't feel it anymore. She just wobbled in the darkness and let the flood of nothing consume her thoughts. In the nothing she did not have to lose Hope. She would lose no one.

If I'm gone…I can't lose anyone. I can't…

_But then…do they lose me? Does it matter? Hope…Hope wouldn't-_

"_You're stronger than this."_

_Hope…but you're gone. Gone. I saw. I saw you-but-_

"_You know how to handle this better than I do." _

_Hope._

"_You're stronger than me." _

_Am I? It seems like all I do-_

"_I need you." _

Need? But what if I need-

Lightning stopped when her foot hit something soft. She looked down, eyes widening at the figure at her feet. She leaned down and tried to squint to see the figure in front of her, and her eyes started to sting when she recognized the small flash of silver. She shook her head and ran her fingers over the face; felt his nose and mouth slightly parted. Her fingers ghosted over his eyelids and she could feel the small puffs of his breath. And her heart was breaking and filling up with warmth and love and fear and she couldn't choke back a sob.

"H-Hope…Hope…"

Her body began to shake while she grasped his head in her hands, pulling his head to her lap and leaning over him. She blinked when she felt something wet and hot on her arms and backed away, seeing the slight sheen in his cheeks. Her eyes softened and she pressed her fingers to his cheek, wiping away some of the wetness.

"Hope…" _I found you, I found you, I found you. You're not gone. No red-no blood. You're right here-here with me. I found you. _

"I need you," he gasped, voice soft. "Don't-I don't want to be left alone. But here-you and I-sorry. Sorry. Scared-so scared. I don't know what to do. I'm just-I don't."

Lightning shook her head and ran her fingers through his locks. He trembled under her touch and more gasps escaped him. He started speaking, trying to string the words together while fighting back sobs, "I-I didn't know where I was-whiteness…she was there too. And these voices-there were all these voices but then-then I thought I saw you-or-or maybe I wanted to see you, but _she_ was there too…" Hope stopped and gasped again, turning his face and burying his eyes into her legs. "But-I wanted to see you, Lightning. I wanted to see you so badly. So alone…alone…all this darkness…"

"I know, Hope." Lightning closed her eyes and made him hold still on her lap. She grabbed his face and forced his eyes up and toward her before moving her hands down to his chest. She pressed her hands to his heart and waited, shaking her head and shushing him when he started to speak again. It was not until she felt his heart thumping rapidly under her fingers that she opened her eyes and imagined him staring at her in the darkness.

"I was looking for you, too," she said, unable to keep the strain from her voice. "I was looking for you…trying to find you. But when I did-when I did I thought you had-you just-"

"Lightning."

"But it doesn't matter. Because it wasn't true. I found you." _Stumbling through the dark, I was able to find you. I __just-I'm so-_

"Lightning."

"Whatever happens, we're getting out of this. Do you hear me? We'll make it back together." She brought her hands back to his face; felt his cheeks move up with a small smile. He let out a small breath and Lightning smiled when the warm air hit her.

"You're right. We'll make it…somehow."

"It's nice to hear an optimistic thought from you."

"Hmph…funny." She smirked, leaning back when she felt him move under her and try to sit up. She put a hand to his back and followed his movements. She grabbed him by the arms and pulled, feeling the trembling in his body. Two locked hands when Hope was upright and they stood together, hands laced in the endless darkness.

Hope asked what she was thinking, "But how do we do it?"

"Hope-"

"I'm serious, Lightning. We're stuck…well, I really don't know where we are, but I know it's not Pulse. Not New Bodhum. Is it-I mean, is it nothing or-or what?"

"I don't know." Lightning felt Hope tense beside her, his fingers squeezing hers. "We'll figure it out, Hope. I think-I think Vanille might be able to help us-I heard her."

"You did?" Hope sounded happier, more cheerful at this. "You really heard her then? Maybe-maybe we can then. She said-earlier-that she would be able to help. But after we talked, I was scared that maybe-maybe I was just imagining them with me the whole time. Like…a defense mechanism or something." Hope's voice started to lower and Lightning squeezed his hand.

"Well, I heard them. So we know you're not crazy."

"Not more than usual anyway."

"But still-how…" Lightning stopped, shuddering when she felt something in the dark abyss shift around them. Hope shivered as well, body pressing closer against her. "You felt it too?" she asked, biting her lip as she looked pointlessly into the darkness.

"Yes...but-" Hope stuttered to a stop and Lightning shut her eyes when a bright flash of light shined in the darkness. She held up her free arm and held more tightly to Hope, watching as the light seemed to sprout and bloom before them. Petals grew from the center of the bulb, curling near the top before opening with flash. Small vines started to sprout from the center as well, winding together and digging into the darkness. Lightning and Hope had to narrow their eyes as a figure formed in the center.

I can't even see what it looks like-

"_As it should be, former l'Cie." _Lightning's eyes shot open from behind her arm and she glanced at Hope, his eyes mirroring her own surprise. But Hope was shaking his head, eye starting to quiver and body trembling.

"You-but you-"

"_Neshrim…the Word Weaver. The Poisoned Pen. Holder of the Tainted Truth. List them off; I am them all. And you, boy, are a champion." _

Lightning's chest tightened and she gritted her teeth, taking a step toward the light even as Hope tried to pull her back. "He's not your champion. He's here to stop this."

"_Yes…and look where it has gotten him. In the very nothing you have tried to prevent him from reaching. In here the door to the truth waits. Our great purpose almost realized…the mercy, the privilege that is death and nothing."_

"Shut up!" Lightning shouted, trying to pry her hand out of Hope's so she could face Neshrim. "What do you know of the truth! All you do is cling to some Maker! All you do is hope he saves you, destroying everything in the process!"

"_It is the only way to save man, l'Cie, and Fal'Cie from the great sorrow and burden that is life. Great Maker gave us this world, and we have done nothing but abuse it. The only course now is to destroy it and end the suffering of the current life we face! Then Maker shall come, and with his great glory and power, begin anew the perfect world we, his children, have failed to create!" _Neshrim's voice rose with each word, a high-pitched shriek that somehow echoed in the darkness.

"_The boy and the girl are the keys…already Chaos goes to press into nothing the world and all humans and Fal'Cie that remain. Into his realm-the realm of nothing, shall we go, and there shall we know the peace of non-existence!" _Lightning felt Hope tense beside her and looked back at him. His eyes were wide and he was shaking his head, reaching a free hand to run through his hair.

"No…no. You were-only there sometimes. But-but why-shut up. Not true. Not true-"

"Hope-"

"_But it is true!" _Neshrim called, screeching as the light spread, shining brightly in the darkness before it sputtered and died.

Lightning swore, whipping around as the light dimmed, trying to spot Neshrim. But Neshrim was hidden, lost in the petals of the flower she had brought, her voice coming as a deep thrum from within.

"_You and the girl…the harbingers of the new world. A great service, and as such, a great reward. The first to enter nothing-the first to know peace-even before Chaos and myself. Give to Chaos your power-and in turn, may the world share in your fortune." _

"No!" The word came from both Hope and Lightning, but the light flashed again, tendrils of wispy gold exploding from the flower and shooting toward Lightning and Hope. Lightning moved in front of Hope, chest swelling at the oncoming light, her eyes hardening, but he let out a low whine and grabbed her, pulling her against him.

"You said together!"

Lightning's eyes widened, her heart wrenching and hurting even as the tendrils wrapped around them and pulled them into nothing. Hope was holding onto her as tightly as he could and her ribs almost cracked under the pressure. Lightning held on just as much, her nails digging into his back as they flew endlessly into nothing. They closed their eyes, and Lightning could hear Hope mumbling under his breath, even if she could not understand his words. She felt magic, love, and warmth, wash over with each pause in his breath, and she held him closer for it.

_A Protect spell. Shell. Faith and Bravery._

She and Hope jerked to a stop and the world turned light from behind their eyes, casting their lids orange. They opened their eyes and just like that they were falling again, hair whipping behind them as the world blurred at their sides. They were no longer in the world of darkness, and Neshrim had disappeared into whatever depths she had come from. Instead the world was bathed in pale gold and splotches of white, and as Lightning watched, glaring to catch a clearer look, the presumed walls of the world seemed to be moving. The white was slithering in the gold like thin snakes, sometimes moving in swirls before shuddering and disappearing into the gold.

Hope tensed beside her and she looked down, eyes widening when she saw one of the buildings from New Bodhum in front of her. The walls were crumbling and several windows were broken, but the tanned, hard walls were still intimidating. Her heart was swelling, beating madly in her chest, and clear thought flew from her. She closed her eyes and held onto Hope as they collided with the structure, but she gasped when air blasted around them, as if a balloon had popped in front of her face. Hope panted beside her and they thudded onto the side of the building, Hope's body splaying out as he gasped for air and reached for his chest.

"That-that hurt my brand a lot more than I thought it would," Hope groaned, shutting his eyes tight. Lightning's throat tightened and she pushed herself up and moved closer to him, ignoring the aches in her back from the fall. "But it beats getting smashed on the side of a building." Hope tried to smile, peeking his eyes open.

"No kidding." Lightning rested her hand on his chest, her shoulders sagging in small relief. She looked around, eyes darting to several flashes of dark, crackling light, biting her lip at some of the charges of energy. Buildings floated into the realm, broken in half and crumbling away, debris sometimes dislodging itself and smashing into more buildings. The structures would ease out of dark, purple orbs, almost acting like airships in their flight.

_So she wasn't kidding about Chaos…_

"This place…" Hope said, making Lightning's eyes go to him. "I've been here…I was here before. Liquid gold…but it's messed up now. None of it-these buildings weren't here before. It was-"

"You were here?"

"Maybe. Or…I thought I was here. But-but Saorise was there too…I don't know. It doesn't-I don't want to be here. That's all I know," Hope muttered, shaking his head and glancing between Lightning and the buildings.

"That's all you need to know," Lightning said, making to stand. She reached a hand down, pulling Hope up as well. As her hand returned to her side, her heart lifted when the edge of her palm brushed against the hilt of her gunblade. Her eyes lit up and she unsheathed her weapon, grip tightening around the handle. _I've got you back too._

"We have to figure out-"

"Lightning…" Hope mumbled, voice distant.

"What Hope-"

She looked to where he was staring, raising her gunblade in case of attack, but her eyes widened when she saw what he meant. Even though there was nothing solid expect for the buildings that were coming in as parts, four swords were floating in the air. The air crackled around them and icicles were spinning near the bottom of the swords while puffs of fire would weave between the blades. In the center of the swords was a great black mass; it looked like ooze as parts dripped from it and fell into the infinite world below it. Lightning shook her head, but Hope walked closer to the edge of the building, glaring at the swords.

"They look like the ones on the cover of the book," Hope muttered, crouching down and biting his lip. "Do-do you think it could be Chaos-"

"It has to be." Lightning looked down at him, nodding her head. "So now that we have an idea of where he's coming from, we might be able to do something to stop it. Before...before you said you'd try to seal him. Do you think you can try something like that now? I don't know what you'd have to do in order-"

"Lightning!" Her head snapped up but Hope was already lunging at her, colliding with her collarbone and sending them in them slamming into the building. Lightning hissed when her shoulder blade skidded on the rough cement and metal of the building, but she saw more metal flash above her and Hope's heads. She gritted her teeth and tried to push herself up when white peeked into the corner of her vision, but Hope grunted and pushed her away, rolling along the building himself while a dagger flew through the air. The pointed tip landed in the building with a dull thud where they had just been, and both of their hearts raced.

A scream ripped from Lightning's throat and she was on her feet before Hope could scramble up, scooping her gunblade and charging in one swift motion. Hope was shouting at her, but his voice was a distant roar to her ears. All Lightning could see was the white hair and the flashing red eyes as they stared her down. She saw all the blood that stained this woman's hands, the same woman that had caused her loved ones to suffer...Hope to suffer. The same woman that had helped this nightmare along, had tortured Hope mentally and physically-who had almost broken all of them.

She would not let Saorise get away. Never. Again.

Saorise stood tall in front of her, reaching for the metal gauntlet around her hand and ripping it off, the metal fingers bent and the mechanical wrist torn. Only two daggers remain with Saorise as she threw the metal hand away, the scraps crashing through the glass of a window and sending shards inside the hollowed structure. Hope pushed himself up and looked between the two women, his arms shaking at his sides. He swallowed a growing lump in his throat and walked to Lightning's side, steeling his eyes and glaring at Saorise as well.

Saorise straightened her shoulders and Lightning looked the woman up and down, searching for any signs of weakness. All of the white C'ieth skin that had coated her body had since disappeared, and none of the old wounds were on her. Not even the blood was there, and her hair was back in its tight braid. Her eyes held a spark in them, flickering between Lightning and Hope and studying each of their faces as she moved a dagger into each hand. She smirked at them, shaking her head.

"So I guess it comes to this," she said, tilting her head to the side. Her eyes went to Hope once more before fixing on Lightning. Something cold washed over Lightning at the dead look Saorise gave her, the woman's hands tightening around her daggers. Saorise's smile was still in place, but there was no humor. Not even the usual, twisted glee that she had. In fact, if Lightning had to the name it, Saorise looked bitter. And when she spoke, her resentment was laced in every word, a gruffness to her voice.

"_You_ weren't supposed to be here though," she spat. "Only Hope. Only Hope and myself. That's all. That's all that's supposed to be here right now!" Saorise seethed. Hope took a step back and muttered several words under his breath. The air around Lightning cooled and a blue and green sheen shined in front of her before fading into the air. _At least he's got his magic back. But that means she probably has it too..._

Lightning nodded at Hope, mouthing the words, 'Cover me,' before crouching down and charging at Saorise. Hope's eyes widened briefly with fear but he tensed himself and brought his hands in front of him, eyes flickering to Saorise when something orange puffed around her, smoke floating around her head. Hope swallowed, fingers tingling with magic as he thought of rushing oceans and seas, the rolling blue waves transmitting to his fingers. Torrents of water formed and barreled toward Saorise just as fire bloomed and shot toward Lightning. Hope felt a surge of satisfaction when the hiss of dying flames hit his ears, but the clang of metal made him jump.

Saorise raised her daggers as Lightning brought her gunblade down on her head, making the metal sing on impact. Saorise sneered, her arms starting to shake under the weight, and before Lightning could even move Saorise jumped away. Lightning glared at her and swung again, but Saorise ducked and rolled, springing up and running at a crouch toward the edge of the building. Lightning shook her head and followed after her, sliding through the narrow paths between the windows of the structure. Saorise was more agile, easily maneuvering the building with only daggers at her sides, and Lightning glanced behind her to see Hope trying to follow behind her as well. Her eyes narrowed when she saw his hand go to his chest, rubbing the skin-and the brand-underneath it.

_Damn...we don't have time to toy with her right now. We need to get this done!_

Lightning gritted her teeth and turned around, eyes widening when she saw the woman take a leap from the crumbling edge of the building, disappearing from her sight. Lightning skidded to a stop at the edge, holding her hand out to stop Hope when he caught up to her, but Hope grabbed her hand and nodded, pulling her down with him while he jumped. Lightning's chest swelled but her feet landed hard on another surface before she could even consider the action.

_Another building? _Lightning looked up as three more buildings, two nothing but crumbling, broken structures but the other as whole as if it had simply been plucked from the world, flowed seamlessly into the realm. Lightning looked down when Hope tugged at her arm, and she swallowed when she saw that they were even closer to the four swords, as well as the giant mass of black ooze. But her eyes shifted to Saorise, the woman already on the other side of the building.

"Why are you here?" Saorise sneered. Lightning watched as her eyes flashed again, Saorise tapping her right foot and baring her teeth. Saorise's eyes followed Lightning's every move; whenever she shifted to the side or when she tightened the grip around her gunblade, her eyes would flicker with it.

"You ruin everything, you know that? Disrupting us, making this harder. If it was just Hope, it'd be fine. But no. No, you have to come and ruin everything!" The last few words came out as a shrill scream and Lightning almost winced at the piercing sound. Saorise stomped her foot into one of the glass windows, shattering it instantly with a surge of fire and force and sending glass shards clinking inside the building. Her leg came up bloodied, dribbling down her calf and disappearing into her boot, but Saorise didn't notice or didn't care.

"No Saorise." Lightning jumped and looked over at Hope when he stepped in front of her. His body was shaking, his legs in particular making odd and jerky movements, but his voice was steady. "Lightning...Lightning hasn't ruined anything. No...I'm the one-I'm the one who decided to go against you."

"She helped you! You wouldn't have done it if she hadn't-"

"Yes. Yes, she helped me get better. She helped me get better-to look at myself and not...not hate what I saw. Not as much at least." Hope lifted his hands up, his eyes scrunching as he curled his fingers above his head. Hope closed his eyes and shook his head.

"But I still had to do this. I still had to say yes. I still had to move my ass over here and decide to face you. Even if-even if I'm scared shitless-I-" Hope shut his eyes again when his throat tightened, almost closing, and Lightning stepped toward him and slipped her hand in his, bringing his arm back down. Hope almost smiled, the corner of his lips twitching when he squeezed her hand.

"If...I let you take anything else precious to me, I will never forgive myself. This ends...now."

Lightning felt her chest swell, blinking her eyes hard while she slowly released his hand and lifted her gunblade, pointing the tip at Saorise. The white-haired woman's face was red, her eyes wide as she seethed, and Saorise began to shake her head.

"No! It's her fault! It's her fault! I know it! She took you away from me! She did! She took you away! No one else-no one else is supposed to be able to get near you. No one else is supposed to be here but you and me! We have to disappear-we have to disappear! All of us! She's not supposed to be here!" Saorise shook her head harder and ran her hands through her hair, the daggers loose in her hands and hair falling out of the braid and over her face. Lightning bit her lip and crouched, charging at her and raising her gunblade. _I need to end this now-I need to-_

Saorise's eyes snapped to Lightning and her hands tightened around the daggers, fire erupting from the tips of her fingers and coating the metal. Saorise snarled, not even bothering to move as Lightning brought the edge of the gunblade down on her shoulder. Lightning grunted when her blade sunk into Saorise's shoulder blade, a low whine escaping Saorise as blood started to gush from the wound. Saorise wobbled and leaned back from the gunblade, but the dagger remained firm in her hand, hot and searing in fire. Lightning started to pull her gunblade away, preparing to jump back as she caught sight of the bright orange flame. Hope's voice was roaring in her ears, yet it sounded distant at the same time. But urgency took her; her heart pounded harder and her head started to buzz.

_Get away, get away, get away-_

And when the pain erupted on her side, she could have sworn she heard more voices in the slew of searing pain. Or maybe it was just her screaming as the fire burned her skin, even as she pulled away. Warm blood drenched her front and her side, and she started to lean over as blackness crept into her vision. Her head felt light and as the air hit her, she welcome the coolness. She was hot, hot, hot, hot-too hot. She closed her eyes for a second, letting out a small, quiet breath-_I just-just need to catch my breath-_

But there were more voices and screams, even though all she could feel was the burning, _burning_, pain in her side. When she opened her eyes again she was facing an endless sky that was an off, creamy gold except for the white blotches running across it. Her head was resting on something warm and when she blinked again, Hope's face slowly formed in front of her. She felt pressure on her side and winced when the sensation caught up with her mind, making her grunt and moan in pain. She tried to twist to her side and curl in on herself, but Hope's fingers brushed through her hair and lightly touched her ears and then trailed down to her jaw, the light pressure from his hand bringing her face up again.

"I know. I know, Lightning. Just give me a second-just-I need to heal the wound. That's all. Give me a sec."

Lightning was nodding even though her head was screaming, throbbing painfully and making her feel hot and sweaty. She tried to grab something, anything, and squeeze. The need to communicate her pain was instinctively overwhelming, and when she finally caught hold of something she squeezed and squeezed and _squeezed _until she thought her own fingers were bruised. Her nails dug into something and warmth seeped under her nails, and some small part of her felt relieved. Coolness began to wrap around her side, tingling her body before making it numb, and she sighed in relief.

"Just a little longer, Light." She nodded, opening her eyes again and watching Hope's eyes as they moved from her face to her side.

_I-I must have been hit there. I'm getting careless._

Hope's eyes were dark and focused as he pressed his fingers back on the wound, stars popping in Lightning's vision. She arched her back in an effort to escape the escalating pain, even as more cooling magic began to wash over her skin. Hope pressed two fingers to her forehead and leaned in to whisper to her, but she could hardly hear him over the roar of the pain. All she could do was take comfort in his voice, letting it wrap around her until the pain subsided. She opened her eyes and tried to look toward her side, heart starting to race when she realized she had no memory after the pain.

"What-what happened-"

"You almost got killed!" Hope shouted. Her chest tightened but Hope was already talking again. "That shit is so fucking scary. I thought you were going to-I mean-you just started to fall and-and I don't think I could handle it if you-" Hope stuttered to a stop and shook his head. "I had to run and stop her before she could get you again. I got to you though. Got to you. She was bleeding-but she's-" Lightning nodded, looking over Hope's shoulder and spotting Saorise. Her face was twisted in a snarl and when she caught Lightning's eye she thrashed and stomped her foot, but Lightning switched her focus back to Hope.

"A...barrier then?"

"Large Protect spell," Hope answered shortly. He hovered over her and brushed a few locks of hair from her face. Lightning nodded and shuddered when Hope pressed his hands to her side again, sending a final wave of magic through her that made her vision go white. Her body thrummed with energy, the sensation almost as painful as the wound as it filled her body, almost lifting her from her bones. But as it faded and cleared, Lightning was able to breathe without wincing. She looked over when a blue sheen shined above them, watching as the bleeding Saorise started to stab the barrier repeatedly, her mouth open in silent scream and her thrusts quick.

"I see she's not happy."

"No, but I couldn't exactly heal you with her trying to stab you every chance she got." Hope's answer was again short and Lightning would have laughed had she been anywhere else. Instead she tried to sit up, waving Hope's hands away when he tried to push her back down. Hope just shook his head, mumbling about messing with her injuries, and that even with spells she should be careful.

"We don't have time to be careful Hope-" Lightning stopped when she saw something long and dark shoot out of the corner of her eye, and she turned to Saorise, expecting some explosion to sound from the woman as she broke down the barrier. Lightning gasped and stood up, pushing Hope behind her while Saorise was struck from behind by the same black shadow she had seen flash by. It was a black tendril, oozing like the mass that was around the swords and dripping down Saorise's front like a liquid.

"Ho-but we-" Hope muttered beside her, getting on shaky legs and looking at Saorise. His eyes were as wide as Lightning's and the color drained from his face, his skin a pale, almost translucent, white.

Saorise just stared at them, her own red eyes wide and quivering. She slowly raised a hand to her chest where the tendril's point stuck out, pointed from its entry but slowly stating to melt over her skin. Saorise grabbed the tendril but it seeped through her fingers, squelching when she tried to grasp harder and rip it away from her body. Blood started to mix with the ooze, but Saorise remained standing, just trying to dig into the gunk and throw it away from her. Drops of the sludge would fall from her and into the infinite nothing below or splatter over the building. Saorise started to back away, gasping for breath as the sludge started not only to melt, but grow in size. It bubbled on her chest and inched toward her pelvis, creeping along her body like a snake.

"No-no, not yet! Not yet! Not ready-not ready yet. Perfect. Make it perfect! We have to make it perfect! You're ruining it! Ruining it! No ruin…don't ruin it. Don't ruin it. Perfect. We have to make it perfect!" Saorise screeched, throwing her head side to side. Lightning whipped toward Hope when he started to raise his hands and she grabbed his wrists, pulling them toward her and ignoring the glare he sent her.

"Lightning, we can-"

"It came after her didn't it?" Lightning seethed, eyes flickering to Saorise and the mass of black ooze around the swords. "It came for her. And I think if you take down the barrier, it will come for you too." Lightning swallowed hard, trying to keep the rising panic out of her voice. Every turn, every battle, seemed to be leading them nowhere, and in the back of the mind she couldn't help but wonder when it was finally going to _end_.

Hope shook his head, closing his eyes and letting out a small puff of breath. "But what are we supposed to do then?" Hope looked back at her, eyes shaking and starting to shimmer. "We need to do something, Light! We need to!"

"I know…I know we do. I just-just need to figure out what it is-" Lightning trailed off when she saw Saorise thrash in the grip of the tendril, kicking at the ground and letting out a harsh, shrill scream. The woman's legs locked and buckled and her voice began to crack.

"You said! You said it'd be perfect! This isn't-what! I don't know! I want this to be perfect! Perfect! Ruining it-she's not supposed to be here-Hope is wrong. Wrong! What do I do! I want this to be perfect-I want this-"

Lightning shook her head, completely lost, but Hope tensed beside her. "I think…the one from before is talking to her…" Lightning glanced at Hope as he spoke, his eyes distant while he stared at Saorise. "Neshrim…I guess it was Neshrim."

"Neshrim?" Lightning asked, tilting her head to the side. "The one from before?"

"The other voice…there was another voice, sometimes. There were always a lot of voices, but I guess she was there too. Always there. She'd…talk to me sometimes, I guess. Or maybe Chaos would tell her to. I don't know." Hope bit his lip, his breath catching. "So she must be talking with Saorise too. Trying to make her calm down before-"

_Before she dies…before she dies without having what she wants done. Me dead. Hope hers. And both of them gone before the world dies._

Saorise stopped screaming for a moment, her body going unnaturally still. She slowly turned her head toward Lightning, her eyes dead when Lightning locked gazes with her. The sludge was spreading over to her neck, creeping up her body, looking like both a giant leech and a snake, and there was a small flash of light from the center of her chest. Saorise stared at her, shaking her head after a brief moment.

"You'll come…and I'll kill you then." Lightning blinked, but Saorise continued, her voice raspy, "All of you will come…and I'll get one shot. One shot to make it all right again. Just once more…once more before we go back. Back to where it started. Back to where I started. Where everyone and everything started…" Saorise's voice died and she tilted her head up to a world that stretched forever above and below her. The ooze was spreading over her body, consuming her being, and the tendril's line followed all the way back to the mass of black and the four swords that seemed to pierce the very world itself. Magic swirled around the great swords, the dark blades looking rusted; bits chipping away and the hilt of each sword crumbling.

Saorise looked at Lightning and Hope once more, her mouth slightly parted. Lightning thought she was trying to say something, whisper something. Pull one last trick before she was swallowed by the thing she had tried to create for so long.

Saorise smiled though. Not a harsh, toothy smile. Not a strained or crazed one. Just smiled.

"Just once more…is enough…"

Lightning felt it before she heard it. As Saorise's body was raised and reeled into the mass of black that awaited her, a deep, biting cold encased Lightning's insides. Her heart slowed and eventually froze and her breathing stilled. There was no sound-no gasp of pain or scream-and the world even filtered out into a brief sea of black unknowing.

She crashed back to reality; into the world of pale gold just as the sound of his screaming raged behind her, Lightning's heart kicked back up and started pumping double. The sudden rush of blood almost made her dizzy and her body was whipping around before she could gain her bearings or any semblance of coherent thought. The air was rushing at her and she gulped it up, desperate to fill her seemingly flattened lungs. The world flashed around her, bits of silver and green and a hand that refused to let go of hers.

"Light…"

And then Hope was crashing against her. He fell on her body as she turned, ready to catch him or hurt whatever had caused that scream. The howl that came from nowhere-she wasn't sure who had screamed though. Because it couldn't have been Hope.

Not Hope, who was lying on her, gasping for breath. Not Hope as he grasped her shirt and tried to pull himself up, his breathing ragged and labored. Not Hope as a black tendril pierced through his back and chest, a black, gooping ooze traveling down his and her front. Not Hope when he looked up at her, eyes starting to dim; a small smile on his face as he let himself slide off her body. Not Hope as his brand began to flash a bit before the tendril started to reel him in; not Hope when Lightning started to scream and reach for his hand as it slipped out of her own, his body rolling away from her.

_Not Hope. _

_It can't be Hope. _

_Not Hope. Not Hope. Not Hope. Not Hope. You can't take him from me. You can't take him. You can't take him. You can't take him away from me!_

Lightning blinked as the world filtered in and out. She no longer saw the strange skies above her, or the swords, or the magic that was swirling around her, or even the buildings as they began to crumble and disappear into even more nothing.

All she saw was Hope's face while his eyes closed and his body relaxed, even as blood and black sludge pooled around his body. The paleness in his face and the bubbling muck that dripped from his body. The lull of his head when his eyes finally fluttered closed.

She reached for him and grasped his arm, trying to pry him away from the black tendril that had lodged itself into his back. Hope grunted when Lightning began to pull and a new spark of panic erupted inside of her. _I can't do it like this-I can't. It'll just hurt him more. But I have to get him away from this thing! Come on, come on. What do I do, what do I do-_

"_You'll come…and I'll kill you…" _

Lightning's eyes widened and she shook her head, running shaking hands over Hope's back. Her mind searched for anything that could help her, any idea, any thought, but all that came up was a blank slate and a slew of intense, heart rending panic. Hope moaned and tried to lift his head, only to let it bounce on the building as the tendril pulled again. The black ooze was creeping along his body just as it had with Saorise, wrapping around him like vines and starting to pull and reel him away. Lightning shook her head and threw herself on top of him, gasping while her eyes searched for her gunblade. She almost sobbed when she saw that it was several feet away from her, and as she looked back at Hope when he inched just a little farther away, she wondered if she'd get back to him on time.

_If-if I can just cut away the tendril…I might be able to do something. But I have to-to let go of him then. If I let go…_

Lightning swallowed hard and ignored her racing heart, slowly lifting herself off of Hope's back and making to sprint to her gunblade, grabbing it in her hand and tightening her hold, only to whip around when Hope cried out and slipped completely off the building. Lightning screamed and lunged after him, only managing to wrap her arms around his middle before she and Hope were yanked forward. Lightning kicked her feet when she was dragged away from the building, eyes glancing at the crumbling structure. The floating structure was cracking and breaking into small pieces, but Lightning shook her head, tightening her hold on her gunblade before slowly, carefully, sheathing it.

She looked up at Hope, flinching when they were yanked forward. His breathing was heavy and Lightning could feel the strain of his muscles under her arms. She shuddered when the ooze began to travel farther down his body, covering her arms and making goosebumps erupt on her skin. Lightning narrowed her eyes at the thing, realizing how big the orb really was and how far away they had really been. She got a flash of black as a large and towering black dome formed, and the swords stretched for at least a mile at each supposed corner of the mass. The swords were as dark and blackened as the dome they surrounded, but before Lightning could so much as blink her world was enshrouded in darkness.

Lightning held tighter to Hope, only to cry out when she felt his body slip from her fingers. She shook her head and tried to reach for him, seeing nothing in the darkness and managing to grasp nothing but air.

_Hope!_

The air rushed in her ear and she closed her unseeing eyes, gasping for breath when her back thudded against the ground. She groaned and opened her eyes, only to growl when all she saw was more endless black. She swallowed and took a deep breath, calling into the darkness, "Hope! Hope, where are you?"

_Please answer me._ _Answer me, Hope. Come on!_

Lightning jumped when something brushed against her side and she started to kick against the floor in the darkness to get away. She stopped when something swiped against her back instead, and she turned around, looking in vain for whatever was there. She started when it brushed her side again, then her arms, then her back, then her cheek. It was carding her hair and brushing constantly against her skin, and no matter how she twisted, Lightning could not get away from it. Like little fingers, the pads just smoothing against her skin before flitting away into the unknown, and Lightning curled around herself.

_Come on…not now. I don't need this now. Hope-where's Hope? Show me where Hope is. I want to see Hope! I need to make sure he's all right-_

Lightning stopped, hands slowly going to her head as she opened her mouth in a silent scream. Her head began to ring, the walls of her skull vibrating with a single, long, low sound. She shook her head and tried to close her eyes, but there was no escape from the noise, almost like a bell, as it rang in her head. Voices came soon after it, each speaking at once and each trying to gain her attention.

"_I'm going to kill you-"_

"_You're in the way!"_

"_I'm strong enough to do this." _

"_You've ruined everything! You're not supposed to be here! Go! Just go!" _

"_I love you. I love. I love you. Don't ever leave me." _

"_Is this how it ends?" _

"_Do you want to see him?"_

Lightning's eyes shot open at the last question and she reached her hand out, nodding fervently as she spoke.

"Yes! Yes! I want to see him! See Hope! Take me-take me to him! Take me to Hope! Take me-" Lightning froze when she felt someone's hands slip into her own, and for one brief moment, thought that Hope had found her in the darkness and had come to help her up. She tried to lock fingers with the other hand and pull it towards her, but instead it wrapped around her wrist and yanked her up, leaving her stumbling in the darkness.

"Who-" Lightning stopped when something bright shined in the darkness; a white light that was both distant and close. She stared at the light until her eyes burned, running towards it, watching the walls of the black ooze around her. The sludge dripped off the walls, more tendrils waving around, and Lightning shuddered at the idea that those had been what was touching her and were what had lifted her up.

Her eyes snapped back to the light as it gave another bright flash and her eyes lit up when she saw a bit of silver.

"Hope!"

She shook her head and ran forward, spotting the silver head. He was pinned to wall, the ooze still wrapped around him like a blanket and holding him up against the wall. _It's...too dangerous to try to get him down with the gunblade. Damn..._ Lightning bit her lip and started to dig her nails into the ooze, the black sludge seeping and wrapping around her fingers. Lightning swore when she managed to get some of the muck off of Hope's waist only for more to creep in and take its place. She flinched and squinted her eyes when another burst of light came from the center of the floor-or what she thought was the floor-and she looked to see that Saorise was propped against the wall as well. Lightning shook her head and turned back to Hope, gritting her teeth. But her eyes caught something on the floor and she looked back down, eyes narrowed at the bright flood of light.

"What is…" Lightning trailed off, glancing at Hope and muttering sorry before kneeling next to the source of light. The floor was muck in her hands, trying to swallow her fingers whole as she moved them around to examine the floor, but she jumped back when a hand started to rise from the floor. She landed hard in the sludge, her body sinking slightly, and the hand struck the air. The hand was long and the fingers spindly and curved, almost like claws as they closed over the palm of the hand. The skin was a ghastly green, tainting the bright white light and turning it to the same deathly shade. The hand itself had armor running near the wrist and covering the fingers, and more of the hand sprouted from the ground.

"The hell-"

Lightning jumped when the hand slammed down on the gunk, sending globs of it flying into the air before the muck disappeared into the darkness. Lightning swallowed hard and scrambled up, reaching for her gunblade, only to swallow a scream when she saw tendrils wrapping around the hilt and grabbing it from its sheath. She bit back a swear , trying to reach for it, but it had disappeared inside the gunk. Shaking her head, she turned back to Hope and started to dig at the black, dripping vines again, eyes flickering back to the hand. She swore when another hand started to sprout from the ground, her legs shaking as she ripped and pulled on the muck that trapped Hope. She glanced at his face, silently begging for him to wake up and help her- _Or just tell me you're okay. Tell me you're okay and maybe I can-_

She jumped when something brushed against her leg. She looked down and held back the small shout when the finger of one of the hands swiped her leg. She jumped when it grabbed her ankle but she lifted her foot and stomped on the hand, shaking her hair from her face and yanking again on Hope.

"Come on!" Lightning shouted. "I need to get you out of here!" Lightning looked back at the hand when it slid away from her, eyes widening. More and more of the creature was coming from the ground, and as Lightning looked around, she noticed that Saorise was farther away than before. Lightning glanced at the ground and then at the hands, which were quickly becoming two hands and an arm, and her body shivered from a sudden chill.

_Is this place getting bigger?_

"_Why are you here, child?" _Lightning jumped at the voice, wincing as the deep sound echoed through her head. Behind her a sword began to rise from the muck, the rusted tip reaching higher and higher to the rising ceiling.

"_I am here to stop you," _Lightning answered in her head, biting her lip at the odd sensation. Like a small buzzing sound in the back of her mind.

"_Then your effort is pointless. I am almost here-and in turn, I shall arrive in your world and bring end to all things. All things…gone in an instant. We shall know death in its truest, most basic form. Non-existence. It is the only path for a Fal'Cie, and the only path left for my champions…the only way for humans. For all life." _

Lightning shook her head, pausing to look at Hope. She felt her heart jolt when his eyes began to flutter, and her hand instinctively reached for his, fighting through the muck to grasp his fingers.

"You're wrong."

"_How am I wrong? I have my champions…I have already begun the destruction of your world with the aid of your former comrades. You are trapped here, unable to get away and bound to disappear into nothing. What hope do you have? To seal me…a great Fal'Cie. The Walker of the Wheel, the one who's known a thousand deaths!"_

Lightning shook her head again. "And you'll know one more." Her body warmed when fingers squeezed her hand and her eyes went to Hope's. She could just barely see his eyelids ease open and soon she was staring into his eyes. Hope tried to smile at her, body tensing as his eyes traveled to the muck that was around him and still piercing his chest.

"Light-Light I-" Hope stopped, shutting his eyes and trying to arch. Lightning's eyes widened and she tried to step closer to him, grabbing hold of his hand and rubbing circles on the skin. She glanced behind her when more light flashed, then turned to stare at Hope's chest, just barely catching a glimpse of a dull glow.

"Hope- your magic. Is he-"

"I think so…I feel…tired and everything…" Hope shook his head, blinking his eyes back open and trying to focus them on Lightning. "I don't…his voice…I don't…"

"Just give me a second, Hope-"

"Vanille and Fang," Hope muttered, nodding when Lightning's attention snapped back to his face. "They-they just need me to-to get closer to it."

"What?" Lightning shook her head, eyes starting to scrunch up. "_Closer?_" She looked back at the arms that were forming behind her, watched as they started to reach for Saorise. Hope looked up as well, watching as the unconscious woman was pried from the wall of muck with ease and slowly placed on the floor. Hope swallowed hard as the darkness washed over her body, the sludge pooling into her chest. Saorise's eyes shot open and she gasped, arching where she laid and slamming the ground with her hands. There was a small flash of white light from her chest, the many arrows of her brand just visible in the darkness, before the light dimmed and died completely. Hope let out a low breath, almost closing his eyes at the sight. Saorise's eyes slipped closed, her head lolling to the side, and Lightning turned back to him, peeling at the muck with renewed vigor.

"_That_ is why we can't do that, Hope. In case you haven't noticed, that thing-Chaos, whatever, is trying to kill you. And I think having the magic sucked out of you would be a good start."

"Lightning." She looked at him, and Hope felt a pang when he saw the tears that were lining her eyes. He tried to swallow the growing lump in his throat; tried to make his words come out right and make sense because they _had_ to this time. "He's trying to kill everyone Light…not just me. Not just you. Everyone. And we-we can't let him-"

Lightning closed her eyes and nodded, but she did not back away from Hope. She let out a small breath and leaned against his body, even as the sludge started to wrap around her in response. Hope started to shake his head, but Lightning cut across him, "We do this together. Never forget that."

Hope blinked in surprise before nodding slowly, a small and sad smile forming on his face. He closed his eyes when Lightning's hand wrapped around his own again. He memorized the moment. The slight curve in her fingers and how warm her hand was in his. How soft her skin felt and how far she had come with him. He etched the way she felt and what her smile looked like into his mind; he made sure that every last detail was burned into his memory as they joined hands.

"Together," he whispered.


	53. Daybreak

**-_This is the only note for now. It's important for you guys (and I mean all Daybreak readers) to go to my profile. There is a poll there that I need you to look at, because I've hit a snag in a decision. I figured it'd be best if you all had some input, since it affects you guys as well. Please check it out, I would deeply appreciate it.-_**

**Updated note 2! So, my laptop is all fixed up, which is great! However, my dad's computer is no longer working. Thing is, he does his work from his computer, so until he can replace/fix his computer, he'll be working from mine, as I offered. So I will be on sparingly. This might affect the schedule of a few things, but keep reading and voting in the meantime. And reviewing. I can't tell you guys enough how much this boosts me up, constructive criticism and all. It gets me excited to write for you guys and makes me excited to come back here. So, if I may ask, review!_  
_**

* * *

_Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. _

_~Anne Lamott_

* * *

They could hear him; both he and Lightning heard Chaos mocking them, whispering in their ears, but the words didn't make sense. They were just a jumble of sound, unnecessary and unwanted in their moment. Lightning tried to be closer to Hope and he tried to say that he loved her without choking up, struggling against the binds that held him against the wall. Then the ghostly hands came and grabbed him around the waist and yanked on him. He felt Lightning gasp and he shook his head, bucking in a vain attempt to knock her away. One hand pressed against his chest and searing pain bloomed in his chest before traveling to his head. He writhed and hissed, but then there was another yank against his waist and he was thrown to the ground.

Then the pain erupted again, exploding in his chest before bubbling up and burning his skin.

It was intense and hot, and even though he knew Lightning was beside him, had heard the soft thud beside him, he could no longer feel her hand in his. _But-but she was right here. She was right here-is right here-why can't I-_

But the pain surged again, hot and scorching, licked through his head, wiping all coherent thought away. Something was being sucked from him, ripped from his body and bones, and he tried to cry out. He writhed in the grip of the pain and tried to speak, to scream, but all that came out was a strangled gasp. His eyes were closed and he tried to turn away from the pain, but it just kept burning and burning. White was creeping into his vision and he could feel himself fading out-but the pain just kept _going._

"_Hope!" _

"_Hope!"_

"_Just reach out! Reach out and we'll grab you!" _

Hope shook his head, leaning away from the warm fingers that brushed his face. He tried to escape whatever was near him until those same hands cupped his face and made him face forward.

"..pe!"

_Hope! Just reach out-"_

He didn't wait for the voices to stop; he did not want to feel the pain anymore. It burned him. It pushed against his body and he was sure he was leaking blood and guts and other things because there was no other way it could hurt this much. He was screaming, he was sure, but his voice was distant. Gone.

Once more, he reached his hands out in an effort to escape. And this time hands came down and grasped him, one small and gentle, the other rough and demanding. Those hands pulled at him as a set of fingers ran along his face, and he opened his eyes and screamed once more, his throat burning from the action. He saw a flash of blue and pink, heard an old familiar chime that he thought had long since vanished, and the pain reached the pinnacle and exploded in a flurry of screams and color and love and pain and fear. It all hit his body at once and suddenly he was gone-for one fleeting moment he was gone. Non-existent. A respite from the world where he could forget who he was and what he stood for; all the memories and the pain and the love and the security. He lost so many things in that one moment and when it came crashing back down on his body but another second later he cried out from the crushing weight of it all. His body twisted and he threw up, felt the hot acid gurgle up his throat before burning his lips and chin as it dribbled down.

Then it was calm again.

His head was pounding but the weakness was gone again. Gone-dispersed…and his body laid limp and tired from the effort it had taken to survive...whatever had happened to him. He blinked once and realized that he was alone, wherever he was.

_Alone…_

He shot up and looked around, but the world of muck was gone. The hands of Chaos and Saorise had vanished as well. Lightning was gone and so was the chime that had rung in his ears and blue and pink colors. There was only him, floating in a sea of white and pale gold. The world seemed infinite and empty, but below his was solid ground. He shook his head, running a shaking hand over the strangely smooth surface that went on forever below him, and his chest tightened and burned. There were no buildings, no hands, no swords, Lightning to hold his hand. Just him.

Only him.

"N-no…I can't be the only-I didn't-I-I-" Hope shook his head and buried his face in his hands, body shaking as he tried not to think of anything. Of how alone he was. He looked at his hands, pale but whole, and then his eyes slowly traveled to his chest, surprisingly bare. He shuddered, goosebumps popping along his skin when he realized he was naked, but his eyes went back to his chest. His expression fell flat when he spotted the white brand still burned to his chest, the sharp white arrows stretching on his skin.

_This...because of this, I've lost-and-and it's still here! Still here, even after all this work! It's still fucking here!_

Hope shook his head and roared, raising a hand to beat against his chest and tear at the skin; to do something-_anything-_that would exact some form of revenge against Chaos and Saorise for everything they'd done. His eyes burned and he scraped his nails against his skin, hissing as droplets of blood started dribbling down his skin. But before he could run his hands over the brand again, a familiar, girlish voice whispered in his head.

"_Just close your eyes…concentrate. We can help…just press your hand to the floor." _

"_Yeah, don't go freaking out on us now. Do you know how hard it was trying to get to you in all of this mess?" _

Hope blinked at the new, rough voice, but warmth was spreading over his chest, at their presence. He closed his eyes and pressed his hand to his brand, taking a deep breath and leaning toward the floor. His head was throbbing and making him nauseous, but he thought he could feel them nearby. And as the warmth came to him, he thought back to the hands that had first grabbed him, and knew it had been them as well.

"So close," Hope mumbled, body starting to shake. "We're so close to being done. So close, so close, so close." Hope sighed, shuddering a bit as his breath bounced back to him from the floor. _So close…almost there. _

_Lightning…_

"You're both there, aren't you?" Hope asked, his voice echoing around him. He jumped a bit when he heard the soft chime again, his heart swelling at the gentle sound. He nodded and brought Lightning to his mind again. He could almost feel her fingers on his own again, and curled his digits, as if to hold her hands. _And you're here too. Somehow..._

He smiled a bit at the thought, silently wishing he could see her. He wondered where she was in all of this, where she had gone, and as he pressed his hands to the floor and took a deep breath, he prayed she'd be all right.

_Please…let me do this…_

His arms began to tingle, causing a shudder as strange, white curved lines started slithering along the floor. Theses delicate lines first circled around Hope's body before spreading farther and farther away from him. More lines would branch from the old ones, weaving themselves together and around the room, forming shapes and symbols that Hope did not recognize. And the farther the lines spread, the more light began to shine from the new symbols. Hope gasped when something hot and sharp tore through his body; blood began to pool in his fingertips and roared in his head, and he closed his eyes as magic started to burst from his fingertips in small blasts. Each shot of magic rang in his head, pounding and echoing, his head throbbing harder for it.

_I want to save them. _

He felt the same gentle hands from before slowly cover one of his hands, then a pair of rougher hands cover the other. He heard Vanille whispering in his ear and telling him things would be okay and Fang saying he needed to hurry up already. He could have sworn they were on either side of him and almost reached for them, but sharp pain shot from his lower back to his head, his brain nearly exploding from the impact as the throbbing pain washed over him. He took a harsh, rattling breath, trying to focus again. Sweat started to leak into his eyes and the magic sent waves of heat up his arms, making them tingle anew.

_I want to get through this._

Two familiar voices began to shout at him. The deep tenor of Chaos rumbled through his body and shook his insides, while Neshrim whispered chilling words into his ears. Told him no. Said they could have the perfect world envisioned by the Great Maker if they could just take the final step toward death and make way for the perfect beings that were bound to come.

"_Far greater than we could ever hope to be...far greater than the life you live now. What of worth is waiting for you, if only more pain like this must precede it?" _

The pain crescendoed; filled every pore of his body and exploded with fire and pain. His skin ignited into a flurry of searing agony; the energy burst from him and splattered onto the floor and symbols. All Hope saw was white, bright and shining until it burned his eyes and skin, then his insides and very bones. He was gone, lost within the endless power that had torn through the flimsy seams of his body. The voices were gone, Chaos and Neshrim, Vanille and Fang, had vanished into the air. Hope curled around what was left of himself as the power drained from him, even while a presence above or below or somewhere around him began to press upon him. Closer and closer, a pair of desperate, withered hands tried to claw their way through the ball of light that encompassed Hope. Hope shuddered and curled even more, becoming an even tighter ball of shaking pain.

_I want...to get back to my friends and family. _

_I want to find Maqui and hit him for making me worry so much, and tell him he was stupid, but that I forgive him because we're all stupid at some point. I want to get to Lebreau and make sure she's all right before I tell her where Maqui is so she can kick his ass too. I want to find Rygdea and tell him he was right and that we're all a bunch of idiots sometimes. I want to thank him for stopping us and for saving me and never leaving even though all I did was cause trouble. _

The hands tried to reach down; horns began to pierce through the wall of white light, black and ugly as the tips ripped through. A snarling face baring large teeth appeared, the red eyes slits as it looked into the room of white. It was a body enshrouded in black armor and a faded, deathly green glow. The face a hollowed, gaunt one. A beast or man-the cheek bones pronounced and each breath a harsh rattle, roared and pressed its horned head against the light, thrashing and raging as it met resistance.

_I want to bring Snow back to Serah and Hazel and say he's a doofus but in a good way. I want Serah to worry over everyone at home before smacking me upside the head or giving me a death glare. I want Hazel to grow-grow up with both her parents. I want Dajh and Sazh to be happy and have that peaceful life they've been craving. _

_I want the world to wake up tomorrow. _

"My champion..." an old, raspy voice called, "...should know his place."

_I want to hold Lightning in my arms and kiss her over and over again. I want to show her much I love her_ _and need her. I want to say 'I love you' every day to this woman. I want to fall over myself trying my best to make her happy and I want to be teased because I get all starry-eyed and slack jawed when she's around. _

_I want to spend my life with her. _

"Only in nothingness will we achieve salvation. Freedom from this world and its constant war and death and horror. You've seen it! You're drenched in blood because of it! Why deny yourself that very peace you claim to crave!"

_I want to live again!_

Hope was unaware of the hands and the snarling face once they disappeared into the haze of white. His own body crumpled under the weight of the power and the light and all the things that did and did not surround him. In a final, deafening explosion that only he seemed to hear, the magic tore from his chest-tore from his bones, and reached above him. He screamed because of it, thrashed and howled as blinding whiteness took over his vision. There was pain, only pain, in that moment, and Hope couldn't even hear his voice in the midst of it. The power just poured from him-ripped itself from him before exploding above, leaving his body in nothing but shreds.

Silence descended on him, wormed its way through his body and made everything still, and he went limp from the surge of quiet. He could not even muster the energy to open his eyes, though he felt that something must have happened. Something must have happened because he had been in so much pain...and it meant he'd done something. That was why he was nothing but a mass of agony. Whether it was good or bad...he knew he had done something. But the world around him was quiet, and he did not want to open his eyes yet.

"_Hope...he's gone. I think you did it. I think he's really gone..."_

"_He better have done it. You know how hard it is to seal a Fal'Cie? He looked like he was gonna keel over-then we'd all be screwed. But if _we_ had bodies, maybe we could have tried-"_

"_Fang, please be quiet."_

Hope smiled, letting their voices fill the void and sink in with his exhaustion. Something brushed against his cheek; a chime sounded, but he was already fading into sleep.

…

…_  
_

_Ti...red..._

_So...tired..._

_Sleep. Sleep..._

_But...but...something else. There's something else-_

"-ope! Hope! Don't you do this! I'll hit you-punch you right in the jaw! You've seen Snow and Rygdea when that happens, so wake up! Wake up!"

_Lightning..._

_I found-_

"-you," Hope gasped, groaning when his throat throbbed from the effort. He stretched his back and slowly opened his eyes to the world around him, squinting a little at the slight pain it caused. He felt a slight breeze, heart jumping once, but relaxed when he realized it was coming from a tear in his clothes-now back on his form. His body felt heavy and drained, and tears were starting to sting his eyes when he swallowed a yawn that bubbled in his chest. A dark ceiling formed above his head but he caught sight of deep blue eyes and all other thoughts flew from his mind.

"Light," he whispered, only to gasp and reach for his throbbing chest. He smiled slightly when Lightning's fingers started to pull at his hands so she could inspect him instead, prying his own fingers away. Hope watched her worried eyes, letting out a few short breaths as he weakly reached for her wrist. "You're okay," he whispered, closing his eyes, "You're okay."

"But you aren't." Hope jolted, his eyes snapping open as Lightning shook his chest.

_When did I close my eyes?_

She pursed her lips, trying to harden her eyes. "Stay awake. I-I need to make sure you-" Lightning paused, shaking her head and pressing her fingers to spots on his head and neck. Hope noticed her hands were shaking and that her face was pale, eyes still darting around his body, looking for more injuries. Hope swallowed, licking the inside of his mouth and swallowing again when his throat remained dry. He reached for her hand, making her stutter to a stop with her ministrations. Her eyes traveled to his face and Hope let out a short, shaky breath.

"We're okay," Hope muttered. He grasped her fingers and brought them to his cheek, blinking hard when his eyes began to sting, his vision strangely blurry. He moved the pads of her fingertips along his cheeks, feeling rough callouses mixed with smooth bits of skin. He tried to smile, but his chest was hurting, and all he really wanted to do was sleep. "We're both okay."

"I know..." Lightning said, squeezing his fingers. "I know we are but-"

Hope's eyes widened when Lightning's words were cut short, her face paling and eyes wide in surprise as a fist came and struck the back of her head. Lightning's eyes rolled and her head collided with the ground with a dull thud, and she laid unmoving next to Hope. He screamed, already twisting to reach for her when a weight pressed his pelvis, a knee digging into his groin. He grunted at the sharp pain, eyes widening in further panic when something wrapped around and squeezed his throat.

"Wha-ugh...uh-" Hope scrunched his eyes in pain and fear, panic dropping down into his stomach like a rock when he saw red eyes. Saorise leaned over him, pressing her knee harder and snarling, even when he shouted from the pain. Her hair fell over her face and she was whispering quickly under her breath, pressing her thumbs harder and harder against Hope's windpipe. Hope tried to gasp for air, kicking his legs even when Saorise jabbed her knee into his groin again, pain shooting and throbbing up his body. His eyes watered as his shaking hands clasped her own hands and he tried to pry her fingers away from his throat. Saorise's eyes flashed and she leaned closer to Hope, lifting his head and neck and slamming it down. The once mucky and oozing floor had hardened and as Hope's skull collided with the ground, parts of the floor chipped off with high-pitched cracks. The pain erupted-shot from the back of his head and pooled in the front of his skull; black spots popped into his vision as a dull ache settled in the back of his head.

Hope gulped for air but none came to his lungs. His heart bounced in his chest at the realization and he kicked harder against her, shaking his head and gasping, choking for air. His lungs were screaming at him, burning and _burning_ while the black spread across his vision.. His shaking, sweating hands could not manage to grab hold of her fingers and his body was flaring from the effort to _breathe. _He closed his eyes, trying in vain to gasp for air, choking and gurgling, and his mind searched for something he could do to break free.

_Magic...magic!_

_Wind...water...please. Please. Even-even fire. I don't care! Anything. Anything-please!_

Hope opened his eyes, half expecting and half praying that some form of magic would come down and blast Saorise off of him. But no miracle torrent of water shot her away from him. No inferno came and burned her to a crisp. She was still there-still had her hands wrapped around his throat. Was still squeezing out precious air and making everything grow dim.

Saorise paused for a moment though, relaxed her unforgiving fingers and Hope took the chance to breathe again. He almost cried when he gasped in oxygen, felt it inflate his lungs and make the world a little brighter again, but Saorise smiled and began to squeeze his throat once more, making Hope gag mid-inhale. His throat burned and everything was tingling. His head was getting lighter, thoughts were slipping through his fingers, broken before he could string them together.

"Thought the magic was just going to come and save you, right? Thought you'd be all right? Thought I couldn't _kill_ you for ruining _everything?_" Saorise's voice cracked and Hope kicked again, a tear escaping his eye and rolling down his cheek before the skin started to tingle and deaden.

"You ruined that, Hope. Don't you remember? All that power-I could feel it from here, whatever it was. I heard them screaming at you to stop-I heard Chaos speak to you! Call you a champion. A champion! But then it was silent. Nothing but silence!" Her last word came out as a high-pitched whisper and Hope's hands finally fell from her wrists. He could barely even see Saorise anymore, couldn't hear her, but his mouth opened and closed for air that would not come. All he got for the effort were strangled, half choked words, garbled nonsense to his own ears as he just tried to _breathe_.

"Silence," Saorise repeated, a quiet awe in her voice. "For the first time since...no... There have always been-always been voices! But you took them-took them from me. How-how did you take everything? How? Took it all! All of it! You took everything from me!" Saorise put more pressure on Hope's throat, watched his eyes widen and his neck arch to relieve the pressure. She sneered at him and squeezed, watched her fingers press indent the skin as Hope's noises to fade.

"Just die...die. Die for everything you took and everything you didn't give to me. This one act-this one thing, I can take not only from you, but from them." Hope shut his eyes, his body going limp but still jerking out of instinct. Saorise continued to roar above him, her words still lost to him. "You liar. Destroyer. Back stabber! Took it all! Took it al-AH!"

_...ing...still...?_

_How..._

_...k..._

_...Breathe!_

Hope's eyes shot open and he gasped for air, taking great gulps as his lungs inflated once again. His head gave a painful throb but he didn't care; all that mattered was that he could breathe again. His breathing was heavy and wet, as if he'd just climbed out of a pool, and his hands grabbed his chest as his body began to burn. He twisted to his side and closed his eyes, taking as many breaths as he could while his blood roared in his ears.

_In...out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. _

His heart was racing, beating madly in his chest and making his ribs hurt. His whole body ached but he was breathing. _Breathing._ He opened his eyes again, the world still a little dim, but he did not miss the brief flash of white before him. His heart jumped and he tried to push himself away, but his tired arms could not lift his body up, no matter how much he struggled. His arms were burning with the rest of his body, throbbing painfully when he tried to move. He almost shut his eyes again to wait for her to get him-would have, if he hadn't seen the flash of strawberry pink as well.

"Wha...ugh...ight..." Hope muttered, trying to sit up. He blinked hard, trying to clear his vision and his head. _...s...speak..._ "Ugh..." Hope groaned, shutting his eyes. _Come on. Please...please..._

Hope didn't notice Lightning glance at him when he spoke, her eyes softening slightly before they turned back to the woman in front of her. Lightning balled her hand into a fist and slammed it into Saorise's cheek, heart clenching at the crack. Lightning grasped Saorise's front and slammed the woman onto the ground, the sharp thud that followed making her blood hotter than before. Lightning gritted her teeth, ignoring the woman's feeble attempts to pry her fingers away from her shoulders, and her own swimming vision. She slammed Saorise again and again, blood beginning to pool around Saorise's head and on the floor, but Saorise scratched at Lightning's fingers, blood dribbling down each new wound. And Lightning kept seeing that one color-over and over-red, red, red, and more red.

"You think-I'll just let you-kill him!" Lightning screamed, banging Saorise with each break for breath. Saorise opened her eyes but they were cloudy and distant, trying to focus on Lightning but unable to. Saorise opened her mouth to speak, only to cough instead, spittle dripping down her chin. Saorise's eyes rolled and flickered, snapping toward a crack in the floor before fluttering again. There was blood staining her once white hair, and some of her locks were caught in Lightning's fingers. The blood was dripping down her head and the world was dimming, and no matter how much she told them to, her arms would not move again.

But what got Saorise was the silence. The ever pressing quiet. Chaos was not there to whisper in her ear-Neshrim's words no longer attempting to soothe. She was alone-alone with her head leaking blood and strange fluid. Alone in a dark, slow, and now breaking world. And she tried to focus on the face above her faces, one of the faces that had caused her world to end.

"Ruin...er..." Saorise managed, weakly grabbing hold of Lightning's wrists. "That's all...you are-"

"Shut up!" Lightning threw her fist into Saorise's cheek, letting go of the woman's shoulder so she would fall to the ground. Lightning loomed over her, watching as Saorise shook her head, hand pressed to her forehead. Lightning's eyes darkened and she raised her fist again, ramming it over and over into the woman. In her gut, on her cheek, her head, anywhere she could reach, and not even noticing when Saorise stilled.

"After everything-after everything you tried to take from me! You tried to take Hope! You tried to take my family and my home and my friends! You tried to destroy everything! Everything! And you call _me_ the ruiner? You say I screwed everything up!" Lightning screeched, her voice cracking as she struck Saorise again. The blood was still pooling on the ground and starting to leak toward Lightning's legs, staining her clothes.

"You're the only one-the only one fucking things up here! You tried to take him away from me again! You keep trying to ruin things! You took my Hope and you hurt him! You broke him! You broke so many things and now-now _I_ ruined everything?" Lightning shut her eyes, fist falling short before falling to her side. "Just shut up...just shut up already... Be quiet. Quiet..."

Lightning shuddered, scrunching her eyes closed and mumbling to herself. Saorise laid unmoving beneath her, but Lightning didn't try to check her pulse. The blood was gushing from the wounds now, from the back of her head and onto the floor, and her pale body was covered in bruises that were already starting to darken. Bones were jutting out of their place in her ribcage and the woman's red eyes, once so bright, were dark as they stared unseeing above her. And when Lightning opened her eyes and truly got a glimpse of Saorise, battered, bloody, and broken below her, she didn't know what she was supposed to feel.

_Elated? Sad? Relieved? ...nothing? What now-_

Lightning shook her head and realized as her arms began to deaden with exhaustion and fading adrenaline. All she felt was this sort of numbness. It seeped into her, taking her strength with it and leaving her feeling limp. Her eyes, blank as they checked the floor, flickered to the cracking ground and back to Saorise.

_Is...that it then? Is that really it? _

_Dead? Just like that...she's dead? She doesn't feel dead...it doesn't feel like anything's changed yet. Do I have to wait for it? Maybe it just-hasn't sunk in yet. _

_I mean...can she really be dead?_

Lightning jumped when a pair of arms wrapped around her, weak and trembling on her collarbone, but she shut her eyes and leaned backward into Hope's chest. She could feel him trembling against her, or maybe she was shaking, or maybe they were both so scared and tired and they just couldn't stop themselves from quaking against one another. Hope was mumbling, gasping into Lightning hair, and she knew she should turn around and make sure he was all right. He had, after all, nearly been suffocated by Saorise.

Saorise, who was dead underneath her. At least, Lightning thought so.

_I...should check...to be sure..._

And even though Hope gasped and shook his head when she started to lean toward Saorise, Lightning pressed her fingers against the woman's pulse on her neck and waited for her hands to stop shaking. She waited for the faint beat, a thrum or twitch or any other sign of life. Waited. Waited. Waited.

Waited.

"Light-Light-I think, maybe she's-but-but if she was-"

Lightning ignored him and moved down to her wrist, felt for the pulse and found nothing. Then pressed her hand to Saorise's chest, moving the shirt aside and blinking when she saw no brand stamped across her pale chest. But even there, there was nothing. No heartbeat. No breath. Lightning sighed, but anger flared when she stared at the slacked, pale face. At the dead eyes that had once been flashing as they squeezed the life from Hope. Lightning fisted her hand and prepared to strike, but her arm fell with a soft sigh and she shook her throbbing head.

She leaned back against Hope, watching as the cracks in the floors became greater. Light was shining into the dark dome they were trapped in, the pale gold mixed with creamy white, but Lightning found she couldn't care much. Hope was still there, leaning into her and whispering in her ear and telling her things like, "It'll be all right now, right?" and, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." And maybe some other things, but she wasn't really sure. Her head was buzzing, her eyes locked on some blood that dripped down into one of the many cracks in the floor.

"Hope..." she mumbled, closing her eyes at the sight. She felt her legs starting to sink through the floor, her foot already dangling out of one of the cracks. The sound was loud-like splitting ice, and it was echoing all around them. "I think we're going to..."

"I know," Hope mumbled, holding tighter. "I know."

"You did it." Lightning smiled a bit, shoulders slumping against him. "You stopped him."

"And you stopped her." Lightning blinked, but closed her eyes again. She shrugged a bit, letting out a deep breath.

"I guess." She felt Hope hold her tighter, her ribs aching in response, but she brought her hands up and held onto his arms. The ground underneath them finally gave way, cracked like glass before shattering, and suddenly they were falling through the world. Lightning opened her eyes and watched as she and Hope flew down, saw the buildings as they began to crumble and wither away into nothing. Saw Saorise's body body drop away, arms above her head, her body limp. Lightning shook her head.

_Will that happen to us? What will we do-what can we do? What about-ugh...I'm so tired..._

Lightning's body began to lift from the force of their fall and her heart jumped when she realized Hope's grip was loosening. She turned to grab a hold of him but Hope just grabbed her hands and squeezed. He tried to smile at her as their bodies started to lift and spread more against the rushing wind, and suddenly Lightning was thinking of when they had defeated Orphan and had been falling from the sky, just as she and Hope were falling now. Except Hope was older...and they were both a little broken, and a little stronger, even if they couldn't see it. And she blinked when her eyes started to sting, and something wet and bright flew out of Hope's eyes.

"I will not let you go," Hope whispered, breath a short huff. "Never again."

Lightning smiled and closed her eyes, shuddering when the air shifted, but Hope squeezed her hands and mumbled that she had to look and see for herself. And when she opened her eyes she gasped because the world of pale gold was fading away and the sky was peeking through. It was not the same blackness of the other places she had been; it was not pitch dark and endless, but littered with stars and lights. As more of the night sky swallowed the gold and creamy whiteness, sirens and airships started to blare, and more wind blew in her ears.

"Light..." Hope shouted, his voice deafened by the wind. She turned to him again, eyes wide. "We're-we're home."

Lightning smiled and nodded, opening her mouth to speak but her words were gone when the wind rushed them and she realized, looking down into the mess below her, where there were broken buildings and fires and soldiers running through the streets, that they were going to smack into the ground. Her hands tightened around Hope's, her heart jumping and clenching at the same time, but Hope squeezed back and tried to move closer to her.

"Hope, what are we-"

"When this is over..." Hope said, and Lightning had to strain her ears to hear him. "We'll have to visit Fang and Vanille more often, and thank them for everything, and tell them about what we're doing."

"Hope-"

"We'll have to tell them all about Hazel and how Snow and Serah are doing. What happened to me and to you and to everyone." Hope was smiling and Lightning wanted to smack him because they were plummeting toward the earth and there was nothing that was going to stop them from going splat. _And after everything that's happened, that was not the way I expected to go. Just to fall and go-_

"We''ll have to do a lot of things for them now...because that's two we owe them. Three, technically."

"Hope, if you don't explain-" But she stopped when bright blue light started to shine from below. Lightning jolted and looked down, her eyes widening when she saw the top of the crystal blue orb opening up, almost like a flower would. The crystal sheets spread open, acting as an umbrella for whatever was below them, and blue tendrils shot from the center of the crystal and up toward them. Lightning couldn't keep the surprise from her voice when the tendrils wrapped around their waists as they dropped closer, but she grunted at the sudden stop and the rattling it caused in her ribs and head. Her hands were still tightly wound around Hope's, and her body was screaming at her and telling her to rest.

"Hope...did they really?" Lightning couldn't finish the question as they were placed inside the blue crystal, the tendrils slithering back. Lightning sighed as the coolness of the shining orb hit her flaring skin, and she rested her head against it. She tried to peer at the ground, clicking her tongue when she noticed how far up they still were, but stopped when Hope's arms wrapped around her. She rolled her eyes when he spooned himself against her, his breath hitting the back of her neck.

"They really did save us," Hope whispered. She closed her eyes, feeling his chest move up and down against her back. "I owe them a lot."

"We all do." Lightning let out a sigh, blinking her eyes closed. She tried to open them again, knew she should be keeping an eye out for help or whatever, but her body was too comfortable the way it was now. Her head was heavy and Hope was warm. "They always seem...to be giving us second chances."

Hope nodded against her and they were silent after that. Lightning's mind was still buzzing from everything that happened, and she was sure that Hope's was as well, but at the same time, the overwhelming exhaustion was making it hard to concentrate on anything. Her thoughts were jumping: from Hope, to Saorise, to Fang and Vanille, and then to her family.

"Do you think they're okay?" Hope asked after a while. "Do you think they're...I don't know, just watching over us? Are they really okay, wherever they are?"

Lightning bit her lip, ready with something that sounded good, but was not necessary truthful. She worked her tongue, trying to make something that would make sense despite her fogged mind. "They are watching over us Hope..." she said eventually. "I don't know everything but... I think we can hope that things are all right with them."

"_Got that right, sunshine." _

Lightning jerked and blinked her eyes open, turning toward the sky and looking around as the Pulsian's woman's voice echoed in her head. She felt Hope tense next to her and knew he had heard it too, but nothing else came. Lightning slowly turned to Hope, watching his face while his eyes darkened and focused on her.

"I guess they really were with me the whole time." Hope shook his head, a wry smile forming on his face. "I just-I don't know what to-"

"Don't think about it for now," Lightning said. "I doubt they want you worry about it now, when you just got finished with this."

"_You tell him Light!" _Lightning blinked at the sudden cheerful voice, looking back down at the crystal they were sitting on.

_This keeps getting weirder. Are we always going to hear these two now or something? _

"_You just said not to worry about it! But there you go and-" _

"Light," Hope whispered, a slight chuckle in his voice.

"My point is," Lightning continued, "is that we can't go around...worrying about everything all at once. Or something like that. I don't know anymore. I'm too tired to think about it."

"We should go to the hospital soon," Hope mumbled while Lightning closed her eyes. "I bet we have a ton of stuff wrong with us." Lightning nodded but didn't move. Even if her body was aching and she felt like she'd been hit over and over with a sledgehammer, she just couldn't muster the energy to move.

_Just need...to rest for a second..._

_Just a second..._

…

"Light? Light, wake up for a sec-"

"Wha-" Lightning opened her eyes again and groaned. She had barely even gotten to sleep and there Hope was, already waking her up.

"Hope, if we haven't been found yet, I'm going to-"

"Look Light," Hope said, cutting across her and pointing a limp arm toward the sky. "Just look for a sec." Lightning saw the spark in his eyes and nodded, slowly turning over so she could face the sky again. She blinked when her eyes were met with orange, pink, and even bright yellow hues stretching across the sky. The sun was rising and bathing everything in a deep orange glow, while purple and pink clouds floated across the sky. Lightning squinted her eyes against the rays of the sun, blinking when she saw how they were being reflected on the crystal as well. She turned to Hope when his chest rumbled, tilting her head at the sheen in his eyes.

"Hope...?"

Hope's eyes started to close as the rays of light hit his face. His face was shining from the sun, and the lines of weariness were clear, but the way he smiled seemed to make the exhaustion fade away. Lightning wrapped her arms around him and pressed her ear to his chest, listening to the steady beat within. His last few words came out as a whisper, before they both finally gave way to sleep.

"Daybreak."


	54. Invincible

**I apologize so much for the lateness! That's why it's being released now, at this odd day and time. I got my baby back-Dahlia, my wonderful laptop, and immediately started to work on the editing of this chapter. I will finally be getting back to things-replying to reviews (which have been an on and off thing, I admit). It will take a moment, but I will get caught up with everything. I just really wanted to get this out there for you all. **

**This chapter was, originally, going to be the last. But it just got longer and longer, so it had to be split. I did not want to wham you guys with an 18-20,000 word epilogue. Better to just split it. Also, keep voting! The next chapter will be released sooner than this one (Not sure what day though) and after that, you'll only have three days before polls are closed! **

**Enough of my rambling though! I promise to get back to everyone soon, but for now, please enjoy the chapter! We've all made it this far, and I thank you for that. The speed that we're approaching the end-it's almost mind boggling. A part of me is like-"YES! Almost done, almost done, almost done" Then another is like, "No...I don't want it to end." I have enjoyed it though and many of you seem to have as well, and that makes me happy. You guys really gave me the drive to keep going when I was ready to give up on it-and that means so much to me. It's odd, but I feel like we've all been on this journey together. And now that I see the end of it fast approaching, I am sad and happy. But I just rambled a ton, and I'm sorry about that.**

**Onward, for real, to the next chapter.  
**

* * *

The first thing Hope realized was that he was laying on something soft, and his side felt cold. As he scrunched his eyes and slowly opened them, squinting at the open blinds by his bed that allowed bright sunlight to flow from the window, a sharp pain shot down his back. He groaned but swallowed back the pain, shuddering at the throbbing in his throat, shaking his head, and pressing his palm to his eye. As his entire body ached, his second thought came to him.

_I feel like I just got run over by a truck. _

Sighing and wincing again, Hope leaned into the starch white pillows, pulling the off-white blankets up to his chin and shutting his eyes, shifting himself and pressing into the bed so he could remain in the drowsy warmth. His head and throat was throbbing and burning far too much and the light was way too bright for him. While he moved he could feel the exhaustion in his body, slowing his muscles and making everything seem heavy. _I am so ready for a nap-_

Hope's eyes shot open and his body jerked up, making him hiss when burning pain shot through this back again. He moaned, curling his knees up to his chest and resting his forehead against them, his mind was already racing.

_How did I get here? I-I was talking to Lightning and we had just-just…_

_Oh shit. _

Hope's hands started to shake as he lifted himself from his knees and reached for his white hospital shirt, pulling down the collar until he could see his chest. He narrowed his eyes, his breath catching in his chest and heart pounding until it hurt, but all he saw was his own skin. There was no brand, stark white and threatening, stretching across his skin. No arrows winding up and down, consuming his chest.

Only his skin.

He reached into his shirt and felt his chest himself, testing for any odd bumps or odd smoothness or roughness to contradict what he saw, but there was still only his skin. He let his hand rest on his heart for a second, breathing in and out and letting the beats calm before moving his hand back to the bed.

_I-my brand-my brand is gone…gone…_

_It's really gone._

Hope shook his head, the throbbing getting worse with the motion, and swung his legs over the plastic rail of his bed. He looked around, biting his lip as he surveyed the room. There was a small bedside table littered with syringes and Hope's eyes widened when he spotted several tubes leading to him and the bed. He looked at his arm and saw flaps of tape surrounding a now red and bruised arm, as well as a small prick that was bleeding. Hope shut his eyes and turned away, looking around the room again, but the throbbing of the newly discovered injury was already starting.

Aside from the window letting in light, and the fluorescent bulbs above him, there was nothing to illuminate the room. There were no decorations, just plain gray walls, and Hope didn't know whether he should feel relieved or not.

_I mean…this doesn't seem like a room that they'd stick some critical patient in. So I guess that means I'm okay for the most part. But I wonder when I pulled out the IV…was that what woke me up? And what about Lightning and the others? Where are they? If they're not here-_

"Something must have happened," Hope mumbled out loud, his heart clenching. His hands shaking anew, Hope pushed himself up, wobbling when he stood. He gasped when his legs almost gave out from under him and he clawed the bedside table, wincing when his hands slammed against the edge before he could get a good grip. He shut his eyes and breathed, letting his racing heart calm before opening his eyes and trying to reach the white door.

_I need to see them then. I need to see them and make sure they're all right. What happened to the others? Lebreau and Maqui and Rygdea…they were all there weren't they? Right at the center…but did they get hurt? Maybe there were more explosions while Lightning and I were gone. And Maqui-Maqui was already looking bad when we left._

_And Snow! What happened to that idiot? I mean-I mean…I don't remember a whole lot but I thought…_

_What happened to him? And Serah, Hazel-Sazh and Dajh! The evacuees! What happened after we got back!_

_Lightning…where's Lightning? Saorise-Saorise hit her pretty hard! What if something's wrong…what if I can't-what if they-_

Hope shut his eyes when his vision swayed, forcing him to slam his hand on the wall beside the door before he fell over. His legs were shaking again and he moaned, biting his lip. His free hand absently went for his neck, rubbing the bruised skin as Hope willed himself to calm down.

_No. No, stop. Don't think like that. Just don't. You won't even be able to get out of this freaking room if you keep thinking that, Estheim. Just get out there and go see for yourself. That's all you can do. I mean…I mean, it's not like the doctors could put you all together. That would be ridiculous, everyone in the same room, just so you can feel better. I'm sure they've had tons of people come in, tons of people to treat. _

_So it makes sense doesn't it? _

Hope nodded to himself and opened his eyes again, staring at his bare feet. Swallowing hard, he turned to the door and turned the knob, slowly letting himself out of his room. He tried to keep his jelly legs as still and in control as possible glancing around to make sure that none of the doctors saw him.

But as a group of doctors zoomed by him without so much as a backwards glance, Hope had a feeling that he didn't need to worry about being spotted so much. He looked up and down the halls, throat growing drier with each second he stared and found no one. All along the hallways there were rushing doctors and nurses, some hurrying to other rooms or turning the corners, others trying to beat back civilians as they demanded to see loved ones. Hope winced when he saw one doctor pull a short, stout woman aside and whisper something to her,the woman bursting to tears before the doctor could finish, The doctor's eyes widened and he grabbed the woman's shoulder, whispering more to her, but it only made her sobs grow louder and more shrill in the already noisy halls.

_This can't be happening._

There was more noise coming from all sides of him now. Another group of doctors and nursing could be seen just down the hall, pushing a stretcher and tons of equipment with them. One nurse was screaming above the noise, trying to tell the doctors what was happening on the flashing monitors.

"-ashing! We need three more doctors, His heart is stopping. BP at-"

_This can't be happening._

More people on all sides, talking and talking.

"No-no miss, I'm sorry. We can't-you'll have to ask a member of the Guardian Corps. if he's been dropped off here. We can't start a search-no ma'am, we have our hands full trying to treat everyone. We can't find him-"

_This can't be happening. _

"Hope!"

_This can't be happening. This can't be-_

"Hope! Hope, look at me! Are you all right?" Hope blinked, shaking his head and sucking in breath. The hospital swam back to his eyes and he was staring into blue eyes that reminded him of Lightning. Except these were softer, bigger, and lined with tears.

"Oh thank goodness!" Serah cried, wrapping her arms around him, crushing his already tender ribs. Hope winced at the action but said nothing. He only returned her hug, burying his face into her shoulder and nodding, trying not to let his own stinging eyes get the better of him or reveal how close he had just come to hyperventilating. He jumped when another pair of arms wound around him, these larger and stronger than Serah's, and looked down when he felt something grab his waist. He peeked through the fray of arms and bodies and saw two pairs of eyes staring up at him, one blue, the other brown, and both shimmering with tears.

"Oh Dajh…Hazel…" Hope mumbled, voice cracking as his chest loosened with relief. "What are you doing crying like that? We're all okay, right?" Hope hated how his voice sounded. Small and weak and scared. He looked to Serah and Sazh, all three of them lifting from their hug. Dajh gave Hope one last squeeze before grabbing his father's hand and looking up at the adults. Dajh nodded as Hazel when she let go of Hope's leg, holding his free hand out for her to take. She nodded and wordlessly grabbed the other's hand, and Hope's heart swelled.

_I'm such a sucker for these kids sometimes. Gosh…stupid, burning eyes! _

Hope sighed and looked back at Sazh and Serah, biting his lip. He nodded to them, waiting for one them to speak. To say something. To tell him that the others were just resting in separate rooms and that things were pretty okay.

He really, really wanted it to be that.

Deep down, in the swirling pits of his nauseous stomach, he knew it wasn't.

Sazh was the one to speak, "Well…the good news is, as hectic as it is here, things are actually pretty calm on the outside. A good portion of the civilians are at the safety posts outside of the city, and the Guardian Corps. has only just begun to allow those people in-"

"Wait Sazh," Serah said, placing a hand on the man's arm. "Maybe now isn't the best time to be talking-talking about this. I mean-Hope! Look at you." Serah turned to Hope and started to poke and prod at him, lifting his bruised arm as if to shake it in front of his face. Her eyes then drifted to his neck and Hope had to resist the urge to cover it up, wondering briefly how bad the bruises were. "You even took out your IV and I doubt you're in any condition to-to…"

Serah trailed off when Hope stared at her, his eyes still wet but otherwise expressionless. Hope took her hand and squeezed for a second before releasing her hand and letting it drop to her side. "I need to hear this, Serah. The sooner the better. If I don't, I'll just keeping thinking about what could be happening and what did happen and I have a feeling it'll be a lot worse than what _is_ happening."

Serah nodded, wiping at her eyes. "I-I know that. I know. But-I was so scared! I mean-even after they told us that things were all right and the world wasn't imploding or something like that-I kept thinking, what about Snow? What about Lightning? And then, before, Snow said you thought there was a chance that if you did this you all might die. But he said it was just speculation and I know that but it still scared me because it hadn't been ruled _out_ either and now-now everything and everyone, but it seems like things just keep spiraling out of control and I need to-to-"

Serah stopped and both Sazh and Hope reached for her when she pressed a hand to her reddening face. She shook her head and stepped away from their hands, breathing a few moments before trying to smile at them. "I'm sorry…I shouldn't be…be doing this. I was just-"

"I know, Serah." Hope swallowed, nodding to her and to himself. His mind was starting to whir again, possibilities running through his mind. _Maybe things are bad. Maybe Lebreau is hurt. Maybe Maqui is dead. Maybe Rygdea-_

_No…no…no! Stop-_

"Anyway," Sazh said, and Hope felt a surge of gratitude toward the man when Sazh spoke. Anything to dispel some of the unknowing. Anything to fill in the gaps so he could just stop imagining all the horrible things that could be happening to everyone he loved and even the people he didn't know and just-just-

_I need it to stop. _

"Everyone sent to this hospital are soldiers, both from De Novo and the Guardian Corps. Seemed easier to divide the hospitals in the area up, and there are fewer civilian injuries than soldiers so they were sent to the smaller hospital. A lot of the soldiers just have a few minor injuries but some have broken bones or got hit by debris and need extra care. There were some casualties from them and civilians though. People who couldn't get out of the area in time for the evacuation order." Hope nodded, but his body shuddered at the thought that he had been fighting outside while people were holed up in buildings, waiting for a rescuer or an all clear.

_And it never came…_

"But I have to tell you, Hope, on our side things are…" Sazh trailed off, running a hand through his poofy hair. His face was lined around the eyes, dark bags making him look exhausted, but his face was still pale. Hope's chest tightened and he began to steel himself, although he wasn't sure for what.

"Lightning's all right," Serah said, breaking the sudden and tense silence and placing a hand over Hope's. "She has a concussion and some cuts and scratches, but the doctors say as long as they monitor her for the nest few hours, she'll be all right. I mean, wake her up every few hours, change her bandages, and so long as she takes her medicine, she'll be fine."

Hope gasped, a giant weight lifting from his chest, and Serah continued, "And Snow…Snow had a concussion too. And some real nasty…nasty wounds on his abdomen." Hope shook his head when Serah's eyes started to shine again, but she straightened herself and gave Hope a smile, fisting her free hand. "He's tough though. The doctors were able to stitch him up, so he's resting now."

"Daddy's tough!" Hazel chirped, closing her eyes and nodding. She looked so serious, her blonde head bobbing up and down, but Dajh puffed his cheeks and glared at her.

"Not as tough as my dad!"

"Uh-huh."

"Nu-uh."

"Uh-huh."

"Nu-"

"Dajh, come on boy! You're older than her, try to act it," Sazh snapped, shaking his head. Dajh bit his cheek and looked away from them, letting go of Hazel's hand to fold his arms over his chest. Hazel shrugged and went to her mother, slipping her hand in Serah's.

"Anyway…" Sazh growled, eying his son, "we're still waiting to hear about Rygdea. He had to be taken to get these tests done on his head-"

"What-" Hope started to tear away from them, looking around the hospital as if he could suddenly spot Rygdea, but Sazh grabbed him and held him back. Hope snarled and turned back to him, but Sazh was shaking his head.

"Don't go trying to tear my arm off boy. Let me finish. The man was talking when they were taking him in. It's just precautionary after what happened-which we need to talk about later. I want to hear the whole thing-start to finish-when you feel up to it." Hope's eyes scrunched up and his heart had started pounding again but he slowly nodded, closing his eyes. Sazh sighed before continuing, "He's got a broken arm to boot, but he was joking about how he'd had worse before talking about some moogle he met in the Calvary."

"M-Moogle?"

"People say strange things when they're on pain meds, Hope. Remember that." Sazh shook his head, eyes darkening. "It's the last two we have to worry about."

Hope nodded, but something in his stomach clenched before bottoming out. The hollowness hit him like a crushing wave and he didn't know what to do but concentrate on Sazh's voice. The tone of it was as emotionless as possible and Hope clenched his hands, wondering what'd he say. Hope tried to clear his eyes and stop the painful fluttering is his heart-the tapping of his foot against the floor, and ignore the sweat that started to bead on his neck.

"Lebreau was impaled-"

But the words still hit him like a ton of bricks.

"They have a feeling it happened when you and Lightning disappeared. You all weren't gone real long, I'll tell you that, and the med crews and soldiers went toward your location first. In fact, she, Maqui, and Rygdea were some of the first ones lifted out of there. But…but it doesn't take long to bleed out."

"Then-then is she-" Hope couldn't finish, didn't dare finish. Lebreau being dead was not something he was ready for. He could not imagine…even if he knew that there was a chance, the idea never struck him as real until it happened. And the thought-it was squeezing his heart. Everything started to hurt and his eyes just wouldn't stop burning.

_You would think…I would be used to this by now. Used to-_

"Now, I didn't say anything like that, did I?" Sazh shook his head, grabbing Hope's shoulder and shaking him. Hope blinked, gasping for air when he realized he had stopped breathing. He blinked at Sazh and the man continued, voice low and comforting. Hope took it, relished it, and didn't dare look at Serah or Hazel or anyone else. He'd collapse if he did. He could already feel his legs shaking and his resolve slipping through his fingers.

He was about to crumple.

"They've been doing a bunch of surgeries on her to make sure nothing like that happens, you hear? I don't know much else about it though. They had to take her to a separate ward to do it at all. We're just going to have to wait on that one, all right? So no panic attacks, and no thinking the worse."

Hope nodded, pressing a hand to his forehead and taking several deep breaths. His heart refused to calm down, still racing hard and fast, and he stood away from Sazh before Sazh had a chance to realize he _was _starting to panic again. Hope swallowed hard, then bit his lip.

"What-what about Maqui? What happened to..." Hope trailed off when he saw Sazh's eyes get darker, and his heart kicked up again. _Is it possible to have a heart attack before you're twenty? Because it really feels like I'm having one. _

"We-we really ain't sure about Maqui, Hope." Sazh ran his hands through his hair again and Dajh reached for his father's hand, looking up at him with worried eyes.

Serah moved beside Hope, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, but Hope barely registered her touch. His head was starting to spin, or the room was, or he was about to pass out. Hope blinked, hand reaching up and fiddling with his hospital gown while he tried to say something. Say anything. And in his mind, all he could see was Maqui-still on the ground and unresponsive, even as Hope forced the skin to recede. Maqui unmoving as those tendrils grabbed his and tried to force all that magic into them.

_What-what could have-I had cured him, didn't I?_

"But...but I thought I was able to...what happened?" Hope shook his head, clenching his eyes shut. "Tell me what happened." Hope murmured when Sazh didn't say anything.

Hope didn't open his eyes, even when he heard the soft inhale coming from Sazh. He just waited, his fingers gripping his gown tighter and tighter, until Sazh finally spoke, "It has something to do with his brand."

"But-"

"Well, not his brand, but at the same time, it is his brand." This time Hope looked up, head tilted in confusion. Sazh nodded, brows knitted together. "You see, that whole crystal orb thing that happened...when they were explaining it to us-Hope, I don't know if I should be the one telling you all of this-"

"Tell me, Sazh." Hope's eyes darkened and he blinked hard when they started to sting. "You have to tell me."

Sazh let out a heavy sigh. "Well, the doctors and soldiers were telling us about how he had been becoming a C'ieth and all that. That part we understood. And they said someone had tried to undo what happened, because none of the others in Maqui's group survived with themselves intact." Hope's stomach clenched at that but he tried not to let it show on his face. He tried not to let anything show on his face, forcing his eyes to remain clear and open, and his body stiff rather than trembling.

_Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it together. _

"The thing is, whatever happened wasn't able to stop it completely. It reduced that...C'ieth skin's spread, but once they stopped, it still spread. Just a lot slower. And he said it was aggravated by something too... I don't know. And by the time the brand was gone, it spread all the way up his arm. Serah could explain it better, but-"

Hope's heart was beating in his throat now, and he was trying hard not to just lean over and throw it up. _I don't think they'd appreciate it if you just threw your heart and other organs up. Not here. They already have a lot of other things going on, so try not to make it any harder for them. Just keep it together, okay? Just...keep calm. Keep calm. Keep calm. _

"So...so what does that mean for Maqui?" Hope asked, his voice amazingly even, if a little strained. He tried to focus on Sazh, but some reason, all Hope could see were the white walls of the hospital and doctors and nurses rushing back and forth behind the man. And for some reason...he just couldn't picture one of them going into Maqui's room, trying to fix what had happened.

"Hope...they-they don't know how they can stop the skin from spreading all over his body. They've never had a case like this-they've hardly, if ever, dealt with brands and this C'ieth thing at all. But they're trying-they're trying to find a way."

_I don't...I don't either. It could be anything. Maybe the magic didn't go away when we got rid of Chaos. Or maybe because the brands are gone, there's no way to get rid of it now. Or maybe it was Chaos' idea of a joke before he got sealed again. Or maybe-_

"-if they don't do something, Maqui becomes a C'ieth. That's about as cut and dry as I can make it." Sazh shook his head, his eyes tired and lined while he looked every which way. "Hope...they don't have magic to help them. We don't have it either. We don't even know if it _could_ help him. And they don't know what's causing it-they don't even think they'd figure it out in time."

_Why is it..._

_Why is it that this..._

"The only thing they can do is amputate the arm. If they do that, there's won't be anywhere else for the skin to spread and Maqui will be all right. Or at least, that's what they're hoping. So-so we didn't-I mean, Hope. What were we supposed to do? He was dying-turning C'ieth, whatever you want to call it. And there was no real solution around and the skin-I saw it spreading-"

"Not your fault." Hope's voice was monotone and his eyes were dead, but his body gave him away. He started to lean against the wall and Serah was shaking her head, looking around and calling for a nurse. Her eyes were wide and shining with tears, and at the sight, Hazel's lips started to tremble, and she began to sniffle.

"Not your fault," Hope repeated, eyes slowly closing. He tried to breathe, to gasp, to do something. His head was getting lighter and lighter and his body was starting to ache all over again. And his neck...for some reason, when he moved his neck to rest his head on the wall, it throbbed. He tried to focus on Sazh or Serah or anything, but all he could picture was an arm. And Maqui. And the strange pain in his own right arm.

But really-all he could see was Maqui.

Maqui, who loved to tinker with things. Maqui, who was great with machines. Maqui, who loved to drive and shove him around and do all sorts of things.

Maqui, who wouldn't have an arm to do it anymore.

_Why is it...that everyone I care about-_

_-seems to get hurt more than me?_

Hope closed his eyes, a sob escaping him while he slid down the wall, his mind quickly going into a haze. Voices were sounding around him and someone grabbed his shoulder, trying to pull him up, but Hope's body just went limp in their hands.

_...tired..._

"Hope! Hope!"

_I don't know...what to do anymore._

Someone was holding him, calling for someone.

_Why can't this ever be right? _

Hope rested his head on something soft and pictured Lebreau and Maqui in his room, saying stupid things like they had somehow done nothing for them. And he pictured them taking care of him on De Novo, even though he was out of it for so much of that time. And he pictured them at the party, dancing around and Lebreau being bossy and Maqui huffing and puffing as he was dragged around. And then wrestling each other, before Lebreau tackled him to the ground and grappled him.

He thought of what it would be like to lose that, to not have them around anymore, and it made his chest seize up and his heart to clench and clench and clench until he thought it would implode. But then the world gave him mercy of a blurring room and short, incoherent thoughts and he was soon lost in the dizzy, lightheaded sensation that followed.

* * *

_If there's one thing these kids know how to do, it's make a mess. Hope better be all right after what he did-dropping like that. Gave Serah and me a heart attack. And this guy-sitting here sleeping while his wife is worried at his bedside._

But even as Sazh thought it, it didn't ring true to his ears. He rolled his shoulders, glancing at Hazel and Dajh as they snuggled together on one of the red chairs around the hospital bed. His eyes drifted to Serah, watching as she leaned over the rail and brushed the stray strands of hair from Snow's face.

Snow was pale-far paler than Sazh had ever seen him before. His strong frame was diminished by the white, scratchy hospital gown just visible underneath the blanket that covered him. One of Snow's arm was around his stomach, and Sazh blinked when Serah's slim hands gently lifted Snow's arm up and to his side instead.

_That's where she got him-right in the stomach... Never seen a man bleed so much and still try stand and shoot at some freaky spider woman. But I guess that's Snow for you._

The large and normally loud man did not belong in the quiet hospital room. Even if he was there, he would normally go out of his way to fill the room with laughter or shouting or some nonsense talk. Anything that would fill the unbearable and painful silence that hospitals had a tendency to breed.

_Need you to wake up soon, Snow. I don't know how long I can take this all by myself. Besides, you have some of your own you'll need to take care of soon. Maqui...Maqui is-_

Sazh shook his head at the thought of the blond and Serah's eyes flickered to Sazh. Her eyes, once more swollen and red, softened as she rose from her chair and walked in front of him. Her hand light brushed his shoulder and he locked eyes with her, trying and failing to muster a smile for her. Serah shook her head, glancing at Snow and swallowing before she spoke.

"It's all right, Sazh. The stress is getting to everyone, don't you think? I mean, we're the only ones right now that can really sit around with everyone. And we had to answer all those questions for the doctors, and that was hard. And then we-we had to tell Hope-" Serah's voice cracked and Sazh jumped, already pushing himself up and shaking his head.

"No, no, no, no, no. Don't you go crying on me, girl. You know I can't handle you when you do that-I might have to do something stupid so that you crack a smile or something,"

Serah let out a low, watery chuckle, running a hand over her face. "Sorry. Sorry-I just...I didn't know what to do, what to say-I mean-I mean, when the doctor came up to us and told us that Maqui would really have to-" Serah's eyes scrunched up and she brought a shaking hand to her mouth, a soft, choked sound escaping her.

The doctor's voice floated back to Sazh's mind, his stomach clenching as the words rang through his head.

"_Why do we have to sign this?" Serah asked, looking at the clipboard in her hands, narrowing her eyes at the small print on each page. _

"_We have to perform a procedure on your friend, Maqui. From what we have of his medical records, he has deferred any medical decisions to you and your husband in the event that he is unable to give his consent."_

_Sazh's heart tightened and he opened his mouth to speak, but Serah beat him to the punch. _

"_But-but _why_?" _

_The doctor closed his eyes, his shoulders sagging, and Sazh started to tap his foot. "Your friend is still undergoing what we can only call the C'iethification process. It's centered on his left arm and if we leave it alone, it will continue to spread. _

"_What do you mean, spread?" Sazh grit out. "He should be fine! Everyone else was fine when their brands were gone-"_

"_This is a unique case," the doctor said, raising a hand and nodding his head. "So it's not that easy. Your friend was already about to become a C'ieth. From what I hear, he has technically been undergoing the process for hours. From the reports I've received, when he came in contact with Saorise, the transformation process began. However, later, it was stopped."_

_The doctor paused, pinching the bridge of his nose and letting out a sigh. "However, it was aggravated again, from what I can see of his skin. Near the top of his left shoulder there are still fragments of the first transformation process, as well as burns from magic pulses. The new C'ieth skin is following the same paths, so it's a new-"_

"_But how! How? They don't have their brands anymore-this shouldn't be happening! It shouldn't!" Serah shook her head, brushing her hair from her face and gasping. Hazel glanced at her mouth, her wide eyes shimmering. Hazel reached for her mother's hand, pulling on Serah's fingers until she could force her own hand in Serah's grasp. Serah glanced at her daughter and her expression softened as she squeezed Hazel's hand, but her eyes went back to the doctor for an answer. _

"_That's what we thought as well. But we fear-and this is nothing but speculation I'm afraid, that the brand is simply inactive-crystallized on his skin. It could be that it couldn't be removed because it was covered by the crystal skin, but in either case, we know the skin is advancing. Because of this, we will have to..." The doctor paused and swallowed, his eyes fluttering for a moment. _

"_We are asking for permission to amputate his arm." _

_Sazh blinked once and Serah let out a pained cry. Sazh jumped when his son's hand found its way into his own, but he did not resist it. He held on to the younger boy's, both to comfort and be comforted. _

"_No-why? Why do you need to-"_

"_The skin will continue to spread. That is a fact. If we do not remove-remove the source of the skin, then it will it move to the rest of his body. More likely than not, he will become a C'ieth. But even if he doesn't, there are a ton of other medical problems. The skin is like a parasite, but the thing its missing from the host here is the brand and the power that comes with it. Without that power, there is no way for the body to support the new skin. He will likely die of complications-"_

"_I get it. I-we get it..." Serah shook her head and let herself fall into a chair leaning against the wall. The clipboard fell into her lap and Hazel snuggled close to her mother's legs. Serah squeezed Hazel's hand again and the doctor handed her a pen._

"_Serah..."_

"_Just-just give me a second." Serah leaned over the clipboard, hiding her face from them. Sazh blinked hard, and he did not miss the dark spots appearing on the paper, making some of the words run. _

Sazh shook his head as the memory left him, Serah's soft cries growing louder.

"Hey now..." But Sazh trailed off, glancing over her shoulder to make sure Dajh and Hazel were sound asleep before wrapping his arms around Serah and pressing her face into his chest. Serah shook her head and tried to push away, but Sazh shook his head again.

"I-I can't do this right now. I need to be strong for them-I need to be strong for all of them." Serah let out a shuddering breath and Sazh nodded, letting her peel herself away from him. "It's just-everyone is so injured. All of them..." Serah looked back at the bed, tilting her head as she watched Snow. The man's chest rose and fell with each soft, easy breath, but the worry would not disappear from Serah's face.

"I-I just kept thinking of all the things that could have happened to him. To my sister. To Hope. To Lebreau and Maqui and everyone-it's so hard to believe that it's really..."

"Over?" Sazh tried when Serah didn't finish. He waited until he saw her nod her head before grasping her shoulder. His body sagged and he took a deep breath, tilting his head back. "I think I know what you mean. One second we're freaking out, wondering what the hell is going on-the next we're told we can return to our homes. Soldiers going this way and that-and the scene at the crystal."

"Did you see her?" Serah's voice had dropped to a whisper, but the words were like a gunshot in the stuffy room. Sazh tensed, swallowing hard.

"Yeah...yeah, I saw her. She was a mess though. She didn't get caught like our two did. Parts of her were broken and smashed. There was a lot of blood...on her, and the ground." Sazh felt Serah tense under his fingers and he slowly released her, leaning down and trying to get a look at her face.

"I think we should stop talking about it, Serah. Let it be for a while, let everyone recover-"

"I...I really hate her, Sazh. I hate her for what she did to Hope and Lightning and Maqui and just-just to all of us. I hate her. And-and I never thought-I-I mean, I shouldn't be glad about someone dying but I-"

"Serah-"

"She almost killed my husband. I should be allowed to hate her, right?" Serah tried, her voice getting higher. Sazh blinked, his mouth dropping open, but Serah kept going. "She's hurt Hope-and now, because of her, Maqui is losing an arm. She killed so many people and she-she's just-I don't-"

"Serah." Both of them jumped at the rasping voice from the bed and Serah flew to Snow's side, her knees bumping against the floor and making her hiss. Snow's eyes fluttered open and a crooked grin crossed his face. "Hey now, don't want you hurting yourself to see me." Snow stopped and hissed himself, his hand traveling to his stomach. He pressed his fingers down but Serah slapped his hand away, brushing his stomach before looking back at his pale face.

"You should be resting," Serah said, her voice low. She blinked hard and fast, running her fingers through his hair and letting her head fall on his shoulder. "You should be asleep, letting yourself-"

"How can I sleep, knowing my damsel needs me?" Serah gave him a shaky laugh, but her eyes started to water.

"You can be so-so-"

"Handsome? Amazing? Smooth and classy-"

"Not what I had in mind, but sure." Sazh rubbed the back of his neck, feeling completely out of place in their conversation, but Snow seemed to notice.

"Sorry Sazh. I just can't help but flirt with the most beautiful woman in the world."

Serah shot up, her cheeks burning red. "Snow!"

"No problem, lover boy. What else should I expect from a self-proclaimed Casanova?" Sazh shrugged, smiling at Snow. Snow grinned at that, shaking his head and slowly reaching to grab Serah's hand. He tried to use his other arm to push himself up in the bed, but as the wound in his stomach and back began to burn and throb, he gave it up as a bad job. He sighed, letting himself back onto the bed, while Serah shook her head at him.

"Snow, you know you shouldn't be moving yet-"

"What happened to Lightning and Hope?" Snow asked, cutting across her. He ignored the glare she sent him, but rubbed circles into her hand to let her know that he was sorry. Serah relaxed, leaning closer against the rail.

"Well, sis is all right, and so is Hope!" Serah added quickly, seeing the alarm in Snow's face. Snow had half-pushed himself up and she gently pressed him back to the bed, squeezing his hand. "Sis has a bit of a concussion, and she had a few scratches on her, but she'll be all right. Hope has a few cuts-but the main thing is his neck. The doctors want to keep him for a few days-but-but they want to keep everyone for a few days after what happened. But-" She continued, Pushing Snow down again when he began to rise, "But they don't think it's anything to bad-about Hope, I mean. The bruising-well...they think someone-Saorise-had tried to strangle him, and there are bruises, and they want to make sure nothing bad actually happens and-and-"

"All right, all right. I get it..." Snow sighed, closing his eyes a second and squeezing her hand again. "I take it, that since we're all here, that the world isn't ending or anything."

Serah snorted and Sazh rolled his eyes, a grin flashing on his face. Serah cleared her throat, "Yes Snow, that means the world is not ending."

Snow hummed, nodding, but he opened his eyes again. "And the others?"

Serah blinked, her eyes flashing once and her free hand tightening, but she nodded. "Lebreau had to be looked at-she was impaled-" Serah closed her eyes, using both hands to grab and push down Snow when he rose from the bed, a snarl on his face. His face was tight and his already pale face drained of whatever color it had left. "It'll be all right, Snow," Serah soothed, easing him down. "She went in for surgery-she came out a little while ago too. Like, fifteen minutes ago actually," Serah wiped her eyes at that, her voice wavering, "She'll have to stay for a few days but the doctors think she'll make a full recovery..."

Serah trailed off when Snow started to rub her arm, his eyes on hers, dark and probing. She glanced at Sazh, feeling her cheeks warm again. "Well," Serah started, "Gadot and Yuj are all right-sort of. Yuj sprained his wrist and a gash on his chest, and Gadot's right arm was dislocated, but they'll...they'll be okay. Rygdea had to get some x-rays on his head and he's resting his wounds now, but he'll recover."

Serah stopped, closing her eyes as her voice wavered again. She felt Snow grab both her hands and squeeze, but she didn't open her eyes again, waiting until the intense fluttering in her chest stopped. Her hands started to shake, even clasped in Snow's, and she almost wished she would let go so she could cover her eyes and just take a breath. She shuddered when she felt a shadow behind her and she knew that Sazh was there, and soon his shoulder was on hers and her whole body was shaking.

"I-I'll be okay. I just-I need a second. A lot has happened-but-I don't want to wake the kids. They haven't been able to sleep since-since the sirens-I-I need to go-go or..."

Serah stopped when both Sazh and Snow hummed-Snow rubbed more of those soothing circles into her hands and Sazh rubbed her shoulder, and she bit her lip to keep from crying out. When Sazh's voice hit her, she nearly jumped from her seat, and his next few words both saved and shamed her. "I'll tell him, Serah. Just rest now. You've been up for hours-longer than me-longer than anyone. Just...I'll do it."

Serah shook her head, opened her mouth to say no, but all that came out was a strangled little sound, and she slammed her jaw shut to keep the sounds from growing louder.

"What do you mean you'll tell me?"

Serah's shuddered, her heart shrinking and her hands-they would not stop trembling. The blood was roaring in her ears and drowning out the sound, blocking it, doing anything to escape it for that one moment. But she could still hear Sazh's words, felt the faint whisper of them even as her mind screamed to keep them out. Sazh's hands disappeared and she could picture him fumbling with his hands, trying to find a way to make it sound easier.

But it was impossible.

When Snow's hands began to shake, Serah flung them from her hands to wrap her arms around him. She buried her face into his shoulder and felt him press into his face into her own. Tears were slipping from her eyes and she thought she could feel something wet on her shoulder.

* * *

Lightning closed her eyes and took a deep breath, pressing her bandaged hand to the white door in front of her. She sighed and looked around, eyes flickering whenever someone moved around. A few doctors walked by her, one even glancing her way while he spoke to his colleagues, but Lightning glared at him and shook her head. The man blinked before turning away from her, brown eyes wide while one of the other doctors snapped their fingers in front of his face.

Lightning continued to glare at the small group of doctors until they turned the corner, and then she went back at staring at the door. Her legs were cold, an uncomfortable draft sending chills through her thin hospital gown, and her head was throbbing, but she pushed it to the back of her mind.

Without a word she grabbed the handle of the door and pushed it open, her eyes snapping to the bed the moment she walked inside. The room was brightly lit, but the lighting made her eyes burn, fighting to adjust after the darkness of the hallway. She closed the door behind her, never taking her eyes off Hope as she went. There was an IV in his arm, fluids dripping through the tubes and needles, but otherwise there was nothing hooked up to him. Lightning took that knowledge and let it warm her chest, nodding to herself.

_At least he seems okay...Serah had made it sound way worse than it was. But then again, there's so much going on. He can't be one hundred percent, not after what they told him, and what we've been through._

_None of us are. _

Lightning's eyes softened and she brushed her bangs out of her face, pressing her fingers on her bruised cheek before walking to Hope's bed. She watched his chest rise and fall, and the way his arms curled around his head while he slept. Lightning knelt next to the bed, ignoring the cold hard floor in favor of watching Hope. She leaned her elbows on the plastic rail, eyes studying his face.

_Serah said he took a fall…but at least there's no more bruises. But if he knows about Maqui and Lebreau…what will he do when he wakes up? I don't want him freaking out again, but there's no way to exactly know if he will or not. And Maqui…that surgery. I wonder how that will turn out. Lebreau will be all right-but we don't know about him._

Lightning held back a sigh and stood up again, walking closer to Hope's head and trying to relax her tensing shoulders. She gently brushed his hair from his face, eyes on the bags around his eyes and the soft scratches-too small for bandages, but still just noticeable, fine red lines. Eventually her gaze dropped to his neck, and her chest flared when she saw the exposed skin. His neck was covered in two long, red spots; parts of the skin purpling around the edges, and Lightning had to resist the urge to hit something. She gripped the rail again, gritting her teeth and closing her eyes, breathing out as slowly as she could.

_Keep calm, Lightning. Keep calm. You don't want to wake Hope up, do you?_

But the anger did not die away in her chest, and when she opened her eyes, Lightning was drawn to the bruises again. And while she stared at the bruises, the sounds started to replay in her head. The gasping, choking sounds of Hope as he tried to breathe. Strangled cries that sent her hairs on end, and she could see Hope's eyes darkening and the wheezing was stopping-

_And then I killed her. I grabbed her and threw her to the ground-and I just hit her. Over and over. I slammed her into the ground and I punched her and punched her until she stopped moving. Because-because she was taking Hope from me. She was killing him-murdering him right in front of me. I couldn't-couldn't let her…she tried to-I saw you. When I was trying to get up, I saw you trying to fight her off. I saw your eyes widen and your legs kick, trying to get away from her. I saw you dying, Hope. _

_I saw you dying. _

Lightning shook her head, hunching over the rail and letting out a small, gasping breath. _But you're not dead. I didn't let you die. I kept you safe. I kept you safe. And Snow and Serah ad Sazh-everyone-we're so close to all safe. You-_ She bit her lip, her eyes wet and warm, and she kept shaking her head. Her fingers loosened around the rail and she slowly started to lower herself to the floor, clenching her eyes shut and trying to stop the noises that were playing in her head.

_Hope gasping for air. Saorise-Saorise trying to kill him. Her voice-the way she sounded-_

_-then I hit her. The thud…it was so loud but so-so final somehow. Just thud. And she tried to talk to me, but it was all so-_

_I just kept hitting her. Blood was everywhere and-_

"L-Light?"

Lightning jumped, her hand going to her chest while she pushed herself back up. She looked back at Hope while he slowly blinked his eyes open, looking weary and clouded. He narrowed his eyes at her, blinking more, before a small smile flitted across his face.

_Hope…_

Lightning took a deep breath, feeling something in her chest release, and she pressed herself closer to the bed. She reached a bandaged hand over and stroked Hope's cheek, watching as his eyes went from her face to her fingers. Hope raised a hand and cupped her hand in place, looking back at her. She could see the sleep and peace draining from his eyes; his shoulders began to tense up and he grunted, trying to push himself up from the bed.

Lightning shook her head, putting a hand to his chest and pressing him back into the pillows. "I don't want you overdoing yourself," Lightning mumbled, choosing to ignore the way Hope rolled his eyes. Hope let himself be placed back on the pillows, but he grabbed Lightning's hand before she could move it away. Lightning slowly looked back at his face and their eyes locked.

Neither said a word as they stared at each other, but every now and then Hope would squeeze her hand, and Lightning would reach over and brush his hair from his face or just stroke a few strands. Lightning's tension started to ebb away into nothing, and she stared into Hope's face and started to burn it into her memory.

_I want to remember this…_

_I want to remember you like this, Hope. Not kicking and thrashing and trying to breathe. I don't want to see your eyes popping out of your head and your body go limp before I finally got there. _

_I don't._

_I want to see you like this. Calm and peaceful…and happy, too. _

_Happy._

"Lightning," Hope said, finally breaking the silence between them. Lightning blinked, Hope coming back into focus while she swam back from her thoughts. His eyes were soft but she could see the way they would look at her and then away, and she could feel his hand clench around hers.

"Light, I-" He shook his head, giving her a weary smile. "I just can't make it come out right."

"It's over," Lightning said, voice stronger than she thought it would be. Her chest swelled and she was happy, relieved that she was still able to keep it together. "It's over," she repeated, looking hard into his eyes. "There's nothing she can do now. Nothing Chaos can do. Nothing Neshrim can do."

Lightning gritted her teeth again and leaned closer to Hope, a swell of protectiveness shooting through her. "Saorise will never be able to hurt you again."

Hope nodded, closing his eyes and tilting his head toward the ceiling. He didn't say anything about her words, but Lightning couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. She watched him breathe out a sigh, his hand loosening around hers.

"I…guess not…"

_He doesn't believe me._

Lightning breathed in, trying not to let her temper flare, but Hope saw the way she closed her eyes and smiled at her.

"Sorry," he mumbled, blinking slowly. "I know…I know that she can't hurt me anymore. Not that way. And nothing will be made worse. In fact-I'd like to think it'll get better." Hope sighed, reaching with his free hand for the IV in his arm. Lightning shook her head and reached for him, but he smiled and just brushed his fingers against the tubes.

"It's just…how, Lightning? Nothing…will ever be the same. I'll never be the same."

"Hope-"

"I didn't think I'd make it here. But now-the other things don't go away, do they?" Hope shook his head and pushed himself from the pillows before Lightning could stop him. He still held her hand, but the free one he brought to his lap. He watched as he moved his fingers, stretching them palms up before snapping it shut, digging his nails into his palms.

"I wish it would," Hope muttered, a faraway look in his eyes. "I wish I could…could just…" He stopped, but Lightning understood.

_So that's it. _

"Hope," Lightning said, moving her hand out of his, only to grab it back a second later. "I'm not saying that what happened to you will be better overnight. That's not possible. And we both know it." Lightning's eyes softened when his eyes darkened and she continued, "But that doesn't mean you can't move forward. It doesn't mean that it'll be the only thing you ever experience. We'll help you. Me, Serah, Snow…"

Hope smiled, shaking his head. He looked away from Lightning but she saw him raise his arm and swipe it over his face before looking back at her. Even with his feeble attempt, his eyes were still bright and wet, and Lightning only squeezed his hand harder.

"I-I know you will. I know…" Hope closed his eyes and shuddered, his arm starting to shake. He closed his eyes and waited for the moment to pass, biting his lip until the trembling stopped. "I know. And-and I'm so _happy_ because I know that soon-soon I'll be able to start over. Start over, Lightning." There was an awe in his voice that was impossible to miss, and Lightning nodded, blinking hard.

"I never thought I'd get to start over," Hope mumbled, blinking. He was quiet after that, not looking at her but staring at his lap. His eyes were lost and searching, and Lightning felt close and faraway from him. She watched as his shoulders tensed and felt his hand tighten underneath hers. He bowed his head, shielding his eyes from her.

"I-I don't know what to do, Lightning. She-she-" Hope stopped when his voice began to tremble, not speaking again until he had it under control. "She's taken so much from me. All…all of this has. Even now-even now I have to wait to hear about my friends-my family. Our family, Lightning. Lebreau-Lebreau is supposed to be in surgery and then-then there's Snow. Snow got hurt, too. And-and Maqui-"

Lightning held his hand in place when he tried to yank it free, and Hope growled and pressed his free hand to his eyes, taking deep breaths. But it didn't stop his voice from cracking or wobbling-it didn't stop his silent crying, no matter how much he wanted it to.

"She-even now, she still-Maqui-Maqui…I'm so sorry…an arm. An arm…" Hope's voice lowered to a whisper and Lightning shut her eyes.

Her body began to move on its own, and she was crawling over the rail and seating herself on the bed with Hope. Hope scooted over to the side so she could fit and she was wrapping her arms around him and pressing him to her side. She tucked his head by her collarbone and held him there, feeling his body trembling against her; shaking with the effort to keep in the fear and the relief and all the other things he was feeling.

"Hope, Lebreau came out of surgery a few hours ago. Serah told me that...and she's okay. Tired and hopped up on pain meds, but okay." Hope tensed at that and a heavy sigh hit her, but she squeezed him and went on, "And Maqui? He'll be okay. They'll all be okay. We'll all be okay."

"I-I know," Hope whispered. "I just…"

"I know."

Hope fell silent after that and Lightning only hugged him closer and waited for the trembling to stop and the water dripping on her hands dry up. Hope didn't make a sound, didn't ask her to stop or to go, and did not start to apologize. And as horrible and wonderful as it was, Lightning found that she was happy. Because Hope was next to her and they were all there-even if not whole, they were all there.

They were _there_.

There was so string of apologies. There was no Hope collapsing into himself. There was no crying out or shouting or fights. Hope did not try to place the blame on himself or Saorise-he did not speak at all, even though Lightning knew he wanted to.

There was only Hope's silent grief and awe, his relief and uncertainty, and the blanket of warmth that would always surround him and his precious, broken family.


	55. Beautiful Day

**Who feels completely guilty for how long this took? *raises hand* Me... I'm sorry. I was gone, enjoying the world of-of The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, after reading about Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (not till November!), and I just-just-lost track of time... But it's here now, and that's what counts, right? Right? **

**I'm so sorry. **

**But here is the last chapter! :D Ready for your perusal. The end is here, and whether Daybreak ends here for you or not, it's been an amazing journey with all of you. I have been late and forgetful and you've managed to read on despite that! Huzzah! But in all seriousness, Hope's journey, and our own, has come to it's own conclusion here. But in a way, nothing really ends. It keeps going, whether we walk with it or not. I may edit this note later, but for now, this is enough I think.  
**

**Without further delay, the last chapter pf Daybreak. Omake may be there for some of you, but for others, this is the close. **

**Enjoy.  
**

* * *

_"In three words I caevn sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." _  
_ — Robert Frost_

* * *

"Hope…for the last time, you don't have to help me do anything. I'm fine. I just…I need to get used to it as all." Maqui brushed Hope's hands away, trying to smile at him while rolling away in the wheelchair. He settled only when he was out of Hope's reach, and tried to broaden his smile, even as his hand reached for the sleeve of his left arm, his fingers pinching the loose end of the sleeve. His touch lingered on the very edge of the sleeve, feeling the bandages around what was left of his arm. Hope watched Maqui, the blond having forgotten about Hope as he stared at his missing limb with clouded eyes.

Hope squinted his eyes when the light from the hospital window started to shine through the blinds, casting pillars of light on the floor. The door was ajar and voices were floating in and out of the room, doctors and nurses, as well as occasional citizens, passing by the room.

"Maqui," Hope mumbled, shaking his head as Maqui continued to stare at the sleeve. "I-I know it seems bad but-"

"It's all right, Hope. It's been long enough. I mean…I mean…" Maqui trailed off, looking at his hand as he set it in his lap. He shook his head, swallowing when his throat began to close up. "They filled me up with pain meds and everything. So it should be all right. I just want to get home already. We have to do-do a bunch of things still, don't we?"

Maqui looked up at Hope and Hope could feel his chest getting tighter and tighter the longer he looked at his friend. Maqui's face was dark and tired, deep purple bags under his eyes. His hair was more of a ruffled mess than ever and every move he made seemed to channel to the arm that wasn't there. Maqui tried to smile at Hope but it was crooked and forced, the ends already twitching down.

"You still have to think about-about life now, don't you, Hope?" Maqui closed his eyes and nodded. "I mean, now that there's no Saorise, there's no stopping you, you know? And this?" Maqui raised the stump that was his arm, eyes twitching and flinching until he let himself slump. "I'll be all right. Really. I'll figure out how to do a few things again, I just have to practice. I-I'll figure something out…"

Maqui trailed off again and looked back at his hand, and Hope could only look on. Maqui curled his fingers, then relaxed them, then curled them again. His eyes misted over and when he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper, "I mean…look at the others. Vitan, Tiaw-I helped that happen. I led them there-none of them even came back and-"

"Maqui, no-"

"And I know," Maqui choked, bowling over Hope's voice. "I know you and Lebreau and everyone else are going to do something stupid and blame yourselves for this. But it's not your fault. It's not Lebreau's fault. It's not Rygdea's or Lightning's or anyone else's fault. Just mine." The last few words came out as a choked gasp and Hope winced, shaking his head and kneeling next to Maqui.

Maqui shook his head, trying to roll away from Hope. "Just me…that's all I have to blame for this, all right? I mean-I mean, I was the one who asked them. I was the one who led that stupid decoy thing."

"Sultur-" Hope tried, shaking his head and trying to get a grip on Maqui's shoulder while the other rolled away again.

"I'm the one who said yes!" Maqui shouted, glaring at Hope.

"You were doing it for me!" Hope screamed back, eyes flashing. "You were doing it for me and for Lebreau and everyone else-"

"And look at what it did for everyone, Hope! Look at what it did!" Maqui seethed, grasping the arm of the wheelchair and pushing himself up. He swayed slightly on his feet but threw his arm out to keep his balance, glaring at Hope the entire time. "Look at what it did for us! Four of our comrades are dead and I'm missing a fucking arm because of my mistake-"

"I-"

"No," Maqui muttered, making Hope's mouth snap shut. "I don't want to hear about how-how this is somehow not my fault. Or-or that backwards logic you use when you try to say that something's your fault. I don't want to hear it."

"But Maqui!" Hope cried, desperation kicking his heart. He stepped forward and tried to grab Maqui, but the blond shoved his hand aside. Hope let his arms fall away, eyes scrunching up when Maqui's back hit the bedside.

"No matter how you try to spin it, Hope, I'm the one who did it to myself. I led those people on the mission-"

"They agreed to it-"

Maqui shook his head. "I'm the one who led that mission. I'm the one who led them to Saorise. I'm the one who got them killed, I'm the one who said yes, I'm the one who thought it was worth it, and I'm the only person to blame for my missing arm-"

Maqui's speech was cut short when Hope's fist slammed into his cheek, knocking him on the bed. Maqui yelped at the strike, his hand going to his throbbing cheek before he tried to push himself up with his one arm. Hope was towering over him and he held his fisted hand to his chest, body shaking while he approached Maqui. Maqui pushed himself upright on the bed, eying Hope and his clenched hand. Maqui didn't miss his friend's trembling and he sighed.

"Hope, I know that you-"

"No. Don't say anything," Hope whispered, gritting his teeth. Maqui blinked at him but Hope just walked closer, reaching a hand out and pulling the forgotten wheelchair with him. Maqui tilted his head to the side when Hope turned away from him, grabbing his bags and setting them under the small space under the wheelchair, slinging the extra bag over his shoulder. Hope reached by the bed, pointedly ignoring Maqui's stare as he grabbed a bag of medications. Maqui's heart started to race, watching every move Hope made, the tightening of his face, and waited for the yelling to start.

Hope unzipped the bag with one hand and threw the medication inside without so much as a word. Maqui swallowed and pushed himself off of the bed, wobbling slightly at the empty feeling at his side.

_Standing…like this…with nothing at my side. Nothing to swing. Nothing to clench._

_It's strange…_

"You can be such a hypocrite." Maqui's eyes snapped to Hope and his chest swelled, hot and tight.

"Hypo-"

"You keep telling me…telling me not to blame myself for what happened to me. So why is it okay for you to do it?" Maqui stepped away from Hope when he turned to him, his eyes now slits and his voice strained. "You tell me that what happened wasn't my fault, even though I can think of a thousand ways it is. But when this-this happens to you-"

"That's different, Hope-"

"How is it different?" Hope asked, his voice raspy. "How? Saorise was the one who triggered this-"

"It was a medical procedure to save my life. That's all. I didn't-I was the one who-"

"You blame yourself for the others dying. You blame yourself even though they chose to go. They _chose_ to go." Hope shook his head, blinking hard when his eyes started to burn. "They had a choice at least. They had a choice."

"Hope-"

"I don't want you to think that this is your fault. I don't-I don't-" Hope shuddered, pressing the palm of his hand to his eye. "Is this-this how you felt when I said-said those things about myself. Is this-but it's not your fault, Maqui! How do I make you see that-I don't know-" Hope stopped and closed his eyes, trying to breathe through his nose while wiping at his eyes. Maqui shook his head and stepped toward Hope but Hope backed away.

"I'll…I'll figure this out, Maqui," Hope said, eyes hardening. "I'll figure it out, and you can figure out how to make me stop thinking that way and maybe-maybe we can figure out something with your arm. Because-because you need-and I-Damn! Why won't it stop!" Hope snapped, rubbing his arm hard and fast over his eyes.

"Hope…" Maqui mumbled.

"You should go outside, Hope. You've had a long, long two weeks." Both boys jumped at Lebreau's voice, eyes swiveling to the door. Lebreau was leaning against the doorframe, her arms folded over her chest, a slip of paper tucked in her arms.

"But-but, Lebreau, you shouldn't be moving like that either-"

"I'm fine, Hope. They have me hopped up on so much pain meds I can't even feel it. Besides, they used a few good cure spells with those mana drives to speed up the healing." Lebreau ignored the disbelieving look Hope sent her, waving her hand at the door. "Go on! I need to talk to Maqui alone, and as cute as your bromance is, I need you to high tail it to Lightning. Besides, I'm sure you're eager to get to her, too."

Hope stuttered, his cheeks burning bright red, and Maqui had to bite his lips to keep from laughing. He stopped though when he remembered the word 'bromance' and glared at Lebreau.

"Bromance? What the hell-"

"I was a little shocked as well. Does Lightning know about this, Maqui?" Lebreau smirked when Maqui gasped, shaking his head and backing away, his cheeks turning as red as Hope's. "I mean, really, it's not nice to try and steal a woman's man. Especially when that woman is Lightning. She'll kill you."

"I'm not trying to steal anyone!"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Maqui." Lebreau turned to Hope and offered a smaller, lighter smile. Hope blinked at the sudden change but Lebreau rolled her eyes and swept Hope into a hug before he could say anything. Hope blinked but Lebreau was already pulling away from him, her smile still in place. "Go ahead, Hope. I'll make sure to make this quick and then Maqui and I will meet you outside, all right? Besides, whether she admits it or not, Lightning really does want to see you."

Hope bit his lower lip and gave her a slow nod, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing at Maqui. He gave the blond a small wave before hesitantly stepping out of the room. He gave both of them one last glance before closing the door with a soft thud.

Lebreau pressed her ear to the door, listening for Hope's fading footsteps before her eyes went back to Maqui. Maqui was staring at her, his eyes wide as she made her way to him once she was sure Hope was gone. Maqui inched his way toward the wall and tried to slide toward the door, eyes narrowed on Lebreau in case she made any sudden moves. Lebreau raised an eyebrow at him, placing her hands on her hips and blowing a stray strand of hair from her face.

"Even wounded I can outrun you. Just sit down on the bed and let me talk." Lebreau ignored Maqui's pout, tapping her foot and waving her hand at the bed. Maqui let out a sigh before flopping on the bed, letting his hand rest in his lap and trying to ignore the desire to toy with his shirt. Lebreau watched him, narrowing her eyes when Maqui bowed his head, the corner of his eyes drifting to his empty left side.

Lebreau pinched the bridge of her nose before crinkling the papers in her hands. She glanced at Maqui and slowly made her way to the bed, blinking when Maqui flinched when she sat down. She brought her hands to her lap as well, her fingers running along the edge of the papers. She stared at Maqui out of the corner of her eye and she almost smiled when she caught him looking at her as well.

"So...wanna talk, Maqui?" Lebreau asked, rolling the papers over and over again. Maqui shook his head, snorting at her.

"I just had a talk with Hope, and I'm sure that Rygdea will want to talk to me when we're home anyway. And Snow...Gadot...Yuj... So...sorry to say this Lebreau, but I really don't want to talk right now."

Lebreau grinned, kicking her legs against the bed. "I think I can understand that. I mean, you got hit by _Hope_ of all people. You're just not having a good day, now are you?" She watched Maqui's cheeks flush, holding back a chuckle when she saw him stutter and shake his head, but her chest swelled when she saw the corners of his lips start to twitch up.

"No, I guess you really can't call this a good day." Maqui sighed, shoulders slumping. Lebreau shrugged, pretending to inspect her feet.

"Well...I know for sure that you'll be having a talk with Rygdea later, but he might be yelling, punching, and consoling you all at the same time," Lebreau said, tilting her head toward the ceiling. Maqui snorted and she smiled more, blinking a little harder than she needed to.

"But you know Maqui...I think-well-" Lebreau sighed, crinkling the papers a bit more, but stopped and smoothed them out when she realized what she was doing. She looked toward the door, eyes flashing when she saw a shadow flit just underneath it, and paused. Maqui shook his head though, taking advantage of her hesitation.

"It's not like I don't deserve it, after everything I've done. I led some of our friends to their deaths and I wound up putting everyone in danger-"

"I guess Hope didn't hit you hard enough. That's okay though, I'll just pick up where he left off," Lebreau seethed, raising her hand and forming a fist. Maqui's eyes widened but he hardened them just as quickly, glaring at her and steeling himself. Lebreau gritted her teeth but let her hand fall to her side, shoulders falling.

"You don't deserve it," Lebreau muttered, her eyes drooping. "No matter what you think, no one deserves this." Lebreau ignored Maqui when he started to stutter, opening and unrolling the papers in her hands completely. "And Rygdea and Hope and Lightning and Snow and just about everyone agrees with me. So quit trying to beat yourself up over it."

Maqui gave her a small smile and nodded, but as Lebreau looked into his eyes, she could see the lie there. The way his eyes would continue to glance at his left arm, and the way he would pinch his fingers together and look at the floor, gave away his nerves. When his eyes met hers they would never stay connected for long, and Lebreau thought she could see his thoughts.

_I'm never going to be able to do my favorite things again. _

_I'm not going to be able to just sit in the backyard and work with the cycles or any of my gadgets. _

_I'm not going to be able to hold my loved ones. I'm not going to be able to be the same again. _

_I just..._can't_. _

"I talked to Rygdea, actually," Lebreau said, folding the corners of the papers up and down. She waited until Maqui's head tilted toward her before sucking in her breath. "About what we're going to do now and all of that. I mean, things are so uncertain now, so I guess I was just trying to find something that I could do or focus on. Not that I can do much until I'm _all_ better. Rygdea really stressed that one." Lebreau licked her lips, looking from the papers to Maqui. Her voice started to shake and Maqui raised an eyebrow at her.

"Sorry," Lebreau muttered, her face reddening. "I guess...well, I asked him and he says there are a lot of things we need to do. And we talked about Hope and De Novo and all the other things and people and places that we have to worry about. And he started to rant and rave about all the things that are wrong with the higher ups, and how he was going to kick your ass later because you were being such a dumbass and he really needed to give you what for and all..."

Lebreau trailed off and Maqui was smiling despite himself. Lebreau grinned at him and nodded. "Yeah, you smile now. But just you wait until you're well again. You think I'm kidding when Rygdea says he's going to kick your ass, don't you?" Lebreau asked, giving Maqui a light shove on the shoulder.

"Oh, I don't doubt it. It's still funny though."

"Whatever," Lebreau said, rolling her eyes. Her shoulders slumped and her smile fell. "We talked about you a lot, actually." She didn't look at Maqui when he glanced at her, even though she could feel his eyes on her. "We talked about what had happened and how-how we were going to help you. Talked about how you were going to be really negative and-and about your arm."

Maqui nodded, his eyes dark and downcast. "Got the nail on the head, I suppose."

Lebreau glanced at him, narrowing her eyes. "We talked about what we were going to do. I think we both wound up yelling a lot, but I forget everything we said. I think we were just mad...and there wasn't exactly a long list of people we could really talk to about it, so we took it out on each other. But then we got to talking and-and..."

Lebreau ran a hand over her face, blowing her breath out and kicking the bed a little harder than she meant to. The back of her heels began to throb and she winced. But she tried to use it to center herself and her thoughts. She looked at Maqui and had to hold back a sigh when she saw that his eyes still glued to the floor. She turned around on the bed, resting her legs on the mattress and turning her body to face Maqui. Her stomach shuddered strangely and her hand twitched, but she fought back the need to rub the area.

Maqui flinched when he saw Lebreau moving, but before he could react she was grabbing him by the shoulders and turning him around. Her eyes bored into his and her face was tight. Maqui blinked, shaking his head slightly when he saw that her eyes were strangely wet and bright, but Lebreau talked over him. "I need you to look at me, Maqui. This is important, okay? I'm just trying to make it come out right, because I don't know if you want it or not. So please..."

Maqui's chest rose and he nodded, smiling. "All right. Sorry."

Lebreau shook her head. "It's all right. I know-I think I know why you're being like this. And I can't blame you or anything. But listen, all right? I don't wanna repeat myself." Lebreau reached for the papers that had rolled off her lap, laying them out between her and Maqui. Maqui's eyes trailed down to them, but Lebreau grabbed his chin and forced him to look up at her face.

"So I talked with Rygdea and we started thinking of ways we could help you. And he gave me this idea...and when I was well enough, I started making a few phone calls, and I asked Rygdea for a few favors, and he was more than willing to help. And-and it took some arguing and some shouting. Rygdea wound up helping a lot to, and never believe him again if he says he doesn't know how to talk with other people. Seriously. The way he and the other guys maneuvered around each other was just-"

"Lebreau," Maqui muttered, raising his eyebrows at her. "I know you're bowled over by how awesome Rygdea was and all that, but I really have no idea what you're getting-"

"Prosthetics. Mechanical prosthetics"

Maqui's mouth snapped shut and he tilted his head at Lebreau, not quite sure if he had heard her right. His mouth opened and closed a few times, his breath short and raspy. His throat was tight and he licked his lips. "Lebreau, what did you say?"

Lebreau rolled her eyes, but her hands were shaking. She reached for the papers and flattened them in her lap before bringing them to Maqui's face. He blinked at them, narrowing his eyes, and he had to hold back a gasp. Something in his stomach clenched; curled and curled until it was nothing but a tight ball in his center. His eyes roved the pages, widening the longer he studied them.

The papers were sketches and blueprints. All of it was on grid paper, but on each of the sheets there were pictures of an arm. There were several designs of the limb; with metal, tubed muscles, fingers, just _everything_. There were small equations written in the corners of each of the papers and Maqui slowly took the papers out of Lebreau's hands, flipping through them himself. His eyes scanned the small numerical values and the design features, eyes widening when he made it to the design for the hand. He blinked, hard and fast, as he studied the material lists, or when his eyes flickered to the specific designs for the hand, showing when fingertips would open up and reveal small gadgets that were going to be put there. Small drills, a tiny hook, and one finger would be filled with lighter fluid, and each design was followed by more notes in chicken scratch writing.

Lebreau watched him from over his shoulders, and when Maqui finally tore his eyes away, she clasped her hands and started to speak, her voice high and rushed, "I-I don't know how soon it will get done, but the guys I talked to said that they could probably get started really soon. And some of the guys from the mech room from De Novo said they'd like to help too, like get the materials and all that. And as long as you're willing I'm sure this can be really helpful. You'll have to get used-used to having a normal prosthetic before they can add these attachments and all, and I don't know how long that will take, but it's-it's something..."

Lebreau swallowed, her voice rising more and more. "I mean, I know it's not going to be the same as having an actual arm and hand and everything, but I figured that this way you'll be able to do all those things you love and you won't have to worry about the small, finer parts about mechanics, because they're adding all of those cool little features to the hand, and it's supposed to function like a normal hand would and so-so-"

"Lebreau..." Her eyes snapped to his while she sucked in breath, her lungs screaming from talking so much and so fast, but Maqui wrapped his arm around her before she could say another thing. Lebreau's eyes widened but Maqui shook his head and brought her closer, burying his face in her shoulder. He swallowed hard, heaving a little when he exhaled, and his hands were still gripping the papers tightly in his hand, pressing them into Lebreau's back.

"Thank you..." Maqui muttered, his eyes wet and burning. "Just thank you, thank you, thank-" Maqui's voice cracked and he slammed his mouth down, shaking his head and trying to bring himself closer to her. "Th-thank you..."

Lebreau nodded, flipping her hair away from her face and returning Maqui's hug. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed him closer. She smiled when she felt something wet and hot leaking through her shirt, and when she spoke her voice was calm, "You don't have to thank me, Maqui. You don't. I just-I wanted to help you. I wanted to help you so badly...and I-I just hoped that this would be enough-"

"It's more-" Maqui stopped, voice cracking, but he forced the words out. "It's _more_ than enough. I just-I don't know what to say, Lebreau. I don't. I just-just _thank you_. Thank you so much."

"I'll always be there for you Maqui," Lebreau whispered, shutting her eyes and tightening her hold.

"We all will."

Maqui nodded but Lebreau's eyes swiveled to the door, watching the shadows move more erratically on the floor. She smiled into Maqui's hair and closed her eyes, her chest swelling before gradually releasing and letting the flood of warmth fill her.

The door burst open, slamming against the wall with a loud crack as Snow, Gadot, and Yuj filed in the room. Their voices filled the room, saying congratulations for finally making his move, and asking him why it took him so long, and that Maqui better appreciate them for all the trouble they went through to make this happen.

Maqui whipped around, mouth dropping open, but he was yanked into a hug by Snow before he could get so much as a peep out. Lebreau snorted at his reddening face, shaking her head when Yuj started to pull on Maqui's hair.

"You're really blond...just like our hero here, aren't you?"

"I wonder how long till he realizes that some of that writing is yours, Snow?"

"don't tell him now! He'll think the thing will blow up! All I did was write a few suggestion in, I'm not actually building it or anything."

Lebreau smiled, blinking hard as a sigh slowly made its way from her.

_Your family is always there for you. _

* * *

_The place was as familiar as ever. He had seen it over and over for the last few months, and had lived in it for almost a year._

_Even though it was familiar though-it seemed like it had been ages since he had been there. _

_The wooden planks that made up the cabin were older though and covered in scorch marks, leaving blackened hunks of wood. There were holes in some of the walls, revealing the endless white snow that stretched on outside. Around the room there were shelves, but they were all bare save for a few straggling books. Even those were worn, hanging open and nearly falling off the shelves, pages torn and falling out, sometimes fluttering to the ground. _

_Hope's eyes roamed the floor, which was covered in the yellowing pages of old and forgotten books, and the dirty, blackened planks, and the sheets that were stained red. _

_But he knew it wasn't his room. _

_He slowly looked up, amazed by the lack of feeling in his chest. There was no fear and apprehension in this room, but when his eyes met the door that he knew so well, there was a slight tightening in his chest. It was not a terrible tension though-it did not tell him to run away. Did not tell him he would die. _

_In truth, he did not know what he was supposed to think. _

_He slowly made his way to the door. He pushed aside the papers and books on the floor with his feet, making a small, narrow pathway to the door. And the closer he got, the brighter the door became. Just behind the door there was an orange glow, and when Hope was right in front of it, small slivers of flames would leak out of the sides or from under the door. _

_He paused and studied the wood; saw his old scorch marks and cuts. The small bit of proof that at least some of his magic had managed to hurt the door. But in the end, it just wasn't enough to break down the door. It wasn't enough to grant him his freedom. _

_A part of him would always wonder what would have happened had he managed to open it. _

_He pushed it to the back of his mind though and pressed his hand against the door. The flames erupted on the other side, seemed to scream at him for even touching the door, but no heat made its way to his fingers. Hope closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to the door, rubbing his skin against the rough wood before letting his hand dropped to the doorknob. _

_His heart clenched. _

_But the door opened. _

_For a moment, the fires around him spread-a wall of flame formed and he shut his eyes and held up his arms. The flames licked his body but the heat never burned him-he didn't even feel the heat, and soon they died down into nothing. _

_He lowered his arms and slowly opened his eyes, shuddering as a cold chill swept through him. He swallowed hard and glanced around the room, his body flinching with each familiar item he took in. The soot and blood stained floor-the numerous books on the floor. There was the small desk that was pushed against the wall, still cluttered with all manner of books. _

_And then he saw the bed. _

_Hope tensed, but the air did not rush out of his lungs like he was expecting it to. He did not feel faint, but there was some nausea stirring in his stomach, and his legs did not twitch with the need to run away from this room as fast as they could carry him. Hope took a deep breath, his eyes hardened and focused on the bed, and took a step forward. Then another. Then another. Step after step, small of course, but each a step toward the bed. _

_He stopped when he was beside the mattress-his eyes strayed to a few of the visible blood stains that streaked across the sheets. The fresh lines of red that were already dripping down onto the floor. But then he allowed his eyes to go to the occupant of the bed-_

_It had been years and he still couldn't get over how small he looked then. He was only seventeen then-and so small and tiny the way he huddled to the bed like that. Hope stared at this younger version of himself, his eyes still hard, and his hands now tense at his sides. _

_This younger self represented everything that had happened to him in this room. This little Hope was almost bare, but the wounds from a recent visit were bleeding and pooling on the bed. This Hope's head was tucked underneath his arms, curled in a fetal position as he whispered into his skin. There were bruises on the pale skin-dark brown to bright purple, blaring in the light of the orange fire burning in the room. _

_Even though this Hope was muttering into himself, barely above a whisper and far too quiet for the current Hope to hear, he knew what he was saying. Knew because he had spent months praying for it-begging for it, wondering why it didn't come. It hadn't been the only thing he asked for-but over time it had become the most appealing. _

_Death now though...he knew he didn't want it now. _

_Hope ran his hands over his face and sighed, his shoulders slumping as an unseen weight suddenly crawled up his back and settled on him. He shook his head and sat on the bed beside his younger self, reaching a hand out and brushing the younger's shoulders. _

_The younger Hope recoiled before a sob wrenched itself from his throat and the older Hope had to close his eyes at the tearing, wet sounds that began to rip from his own mouth. But he did take his hand away and he did not make to get up. And when the younger Hope's voice was sucked into the air and his eyes widened with terror, and even as Saorise walked into the room with her daggers in hand, the older Hope did not move. _

_And when Saorise-the younger, vicious Saorise from his past and all his nightmares-knelt down and started to whisper in his ear, just as the dagger began to dig into the skin, the older Hope did not move. He choked and he tensed and his whole body began to shake, but he still didn't move. _

"_Stop-stop-stop, please, stop! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please, please, please-"_

_He had to stay. _

"_Please!"_

_He knew he had to stay._

"_I don't want-I just-I'm sorry-"_

_He couldn't keep running. Not from this._

_There was escape from this. _

I want to die...

_Hope closed his eyes again and took a deep breath, his hand still on the younger Hope's shoulder even as he sobbed and bled and screamed and screamed and screamed. And even though he knew he wouldn't hear, even though he knew it didn't matter anymore because this was done and he was free, he said it anyway. And he would keep saying it until he understood it, and he would say it until it sank in, and he would say it forever after that because he knew that he would need to hear it._

"_It really does end you know. It ends and you wind up happy. It ends and she's gone. But really...really, it ends, and you'll have your family."_

_And he'll keep saying it-even after he understands._

* * *

Rygdea pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing as he leaned against the wall outside of Hope's room. He could hear the others' voices floating from upstairs, and he winced when Serah gave a loud shriek, causing the noise to lower for a few seconds. His eyes went back to Hope's door and he pushed himself off the wall, turning the knob and throwing the door open without so much as knock.

"Rygdea-what are you-" Hope groaned, pushing himself off the bed and running his hands through his hair. Hope peered behind Rygdea, eyes scanning around before they switched back to the man. Rygdea smirked at him, shrugging. But he watched Hope's eyes, noting the mist over them and the slightly dazed look about him.

"I just thought you'd like to know that everyone is wondering where the hell you are. Including your crazy girlfriend," Rygdea said. He glanced behind him, sticking his head out the door. He spotted the top of someone's head and his eyes flickered when he saw familiar strawberry blonde, so Rygdea smiled and hurried back into the room, shutting the door behind him. He leaned against the door, putting as much weight as he could against the wood.

"Lightning isn't crazy," Hope mumbled, throwing himself back on the mattress. "So don't say that she is."

"I'm sorry, kid, but when someone agrees to go out with _you_ of all people, then there must be a little something wrong with them, don't you think?"

Hope grunted, throwing his arm in the air and giving Rygdea the one fingered salute, but the man just snorted. "Glad to know that despite everything, the depths of your immaturity still manage to shine."

"I learned from the best." Hope shook his head, sighing and finally sitting up. "I guess I should come down though." Hope's eyes traveled to the floor and he bit his lip, running a hand through his hair. Rygdea narrowed his eyes but stayed near the door, leaning against it and closing his eyes. He could almost sense Lightning on the other side, wondered if she was pressing her ear to the door, but he opened his eyes when he heard Hope muttering to himself.

"What is it, Hope?" Rygdea asked, smiling slightly.

Hope jumped and looked away, his cheeks tinted pink, but he bit his lip and nodded. He stood from the bed and walked in front of Rygdea, keeping his head bowed the entire time. Rygdea raised an eyebrow at him, tilting his head to the side, but he froze when he heard sniffling.

"Hope…" Rygdea said slowly. "Don't tell me you're about to-"

"Shut up." Rygdea blinked and Hope threw his arms around him, shuddering slightly when he buried his face into Rygdea's chest. "I just…thank you," Hope mumbled. "Thank you, for everything. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. And…"

Rygdea shook his head, closing his eyes and letting out a small sigh before gently pulling Hope away from him. "You keep selling yourself short kid. Believe it or not, you had a hand in this too."

"I know," Hope said, wiping his arm over his eyes. "I know I did. But you still…did all of this for me. You wouldn't let me give up or anything." Hope shut his eyes and took a shaky breath, a smile crossing his face. "So thank you."

"Hope, you don't have to thank me."

"I know…I know I don't because you're you and you probably have it figured out. But I still had to." Hope stopped, his mouth parting slightly, and he looked over Rygdea's shoulder. Rygdea watched the clouds slowly reform over Hope's eyes and wondered where Hope was taking himself.

"It's hard…" Hope said eventually, shaking his head, his eyes still glued to the door. "It's hard to think that she's really gone. I mean-I mean I had a dream about her again. And other things..." Rygdea tensed but Hope plowed on, even when Rygdea grabbed his arm. "It was just a dream though. That's what I told myself when I woke up. That it was just a dream. And I-I want to think I got a little stronger, and maybe I've managed to do more than-"

Hope stopped again, shaking his head. "This isn't making sense, is it? It's not coming out right."

"Hope, what are you-" Hope shook his head, opening his eyes wide before blinking rapidly. He let out a small breath, looking back at Rygdea.

"Rygdea…Rygdea, before you said that I should see a psychologist. That you and the others weren't enough to help me, and that someone who knew what they were doing should get involved. But I said you were enough-that I didn't want to tell anyone else what had happened. And it _was_ that. It was true."

Hope's voice dropped but Rygdea was dead silent. He heard the door creak from behind him-could almost picture Lightning's hand as she pressed toward the door, straining to hear.

Hope started to wring his hands together, biting his lip and looking down at the floor. "I was scared though. I was scared, too. I didn't-there are so many things wrong with me Rygdea. Tons. And sometimes, it seems like I'll never get through them, and that no matter what I do I'll still be this weak-pathetic person…who couldn't save-"

"Hope." Rygdea's voice was low and full of warning, but Hope smiled.

"I know. I know, Rygdea." Hope sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I guess…I guess what I'm trying to say is-not that you're not-not great and everything-but-but maybe I-" Hope shut his eyes and ran his hands through his hair, breathing hard out his nose. "I don't want to be-it's not that I'm-"

"I'll talk to Crawford." Hope stopped, his voice dying and his eyes bugging out when he looked back at Rygdea. The man was smiling at him, but there was no mocking in his face or smile. The look was soft-softer than Hope thought Rygdea could look, with the worry lines relaxed and the tension gone. Hope felt himself swell at the sight of it, his chest rising, about to burst. "I'll talk to Crawford and see what we can do about that psychologist. And we'll work through it, Hope. I promise."

_I will keep this promise. _

_I will not let you fall again._

_It won't be perfect-_

_-but what the hell is these days?_

"Thank you, Rygdea." Hope sighed, his body shaking slightly, and he looked at the floor, his eyes tired. "Just, thank you." And again Rygdea found himself being hugged by Hope, but he smiled and ruffled Hope's hair and shook his head, blinking a little harder than he had to.

_I think this…more than anything, is the first step for you, Hope. _

_Glad to see you're taking it on your own._

Rygdea held on a little tighter before slowly releasing Hope and smirking at him. "And don't look now Hope, but your girlfriend is eavesdropping on our conversation here. I think you'll want to go talk to her. I mean, she's been waiting there so patiently and-" Hope's eyes widened and he shoved Rygdea away from the door, swinging it open just as Lightning's head disappeared down the stairs. Hope swore when he poked his head out into the hallway, just catching sight of Lightning's head. He turned back to Rygdea, a scowl on his face.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Hope hissed, smacking Rygdea on the arm before hurrying after Lightning, calling her name. Rygdea snorted, shaking his had and rubbing his forehead.

"Cause it's funnier to watch you scramble with her," Rygdea mumbled, a small smile on his face. "Hmph…damn kids, making me all sentimental these days."

"Rygdea, you ass! She ran into the kitchen! Snow and Serah are there-I can't even go in without-without-"

'Without what, Hope? Embarrassing yourself?"

"Ass!"

Rygdea shook his head and slowly followed Hope down the stairs, the smile never leaving his face.

* * *

Hope sighed and leaned against the couch, eyes flickering to Hazel and Dajh when the two began to chat with one another, babbling on about chocobos while Dajh led Hazel around the living room. Hope smiled at them, chuckling when Dajh pulled Hazel forward and picked up a small chocobo plush from the floor, making it fly in the air and around her head. Hazel started to giggle, reaching for the chocobo and trying to catch the thing in her hands. Hope closed his eyes briefly before glancing next to him, his smile growing.

Lebreau and Maqui had crashed on the couch despite the light that was shining through the windows and onto their laps. Lebreau's head was on Maqui's shoulder and a small bit of drool escaped her mouth, staining Maqui's shirt. Hope's eyes lingered a moment on the empty space of Maqui's arm and he shuddered. Hope reached for his own arm and pressed his fingers to the skin, but smiled when he remembered what Lebreau had later explained to him-of the mechanical arm they were hoping to make for Maqui.

Hope shook his head and stood up, stretching his stiff legs while listening for sounds from the rest of the house. His mind buzzed, thoughts flowing in and out, some coherent while others were not. His gaze drifted around the room and he peered down the hall and the kitchen doorway. He closed his eyes briefly, breathed in and slowly exhaled. His head felt warm and light, and the heat spread down to his chest before exploding, swimming into his fingers and toes.

_Even after everything that's happened…I wonder how much would have changed if I hadn't fallen that day._

Hope blinked, turning when Hazel latched on his leg, smiling up at him and shoving the chocobo plush in his hand. Dajh started down the hallway, calling for Sazh and shouting, "The mean girl took my chocobo, daddy! Make her give him back!" Hope shook his head and slowly slid the chocobo out of Hazel's hands, ruffling her hair. Hazel giggled, grasping his fingers in her tiny hands.

_If I hadn't been found by Saorise._

"Go show your mom and dad," Hope mumbled, voice distant to his own ears. Hazel nodded, grabbing the plush from him and hugging it to her chest before fleeing to the kitchen. Snow's voice boomed from the room a few seconds later and Hope grinned.

"I see someone's not afraid to get what she wants! Good girl!"

"Snow, don't encourage her to take things from people!" Serah's voice was harsh, but she giggled a few seconds later, with Snow still cheering Hazel for her little theft.

"You should go for Sazh's keys next-he won't suspect a thing."

_If I had lived with Lightning instead…like I was supposed to. _

"Serah, you're surprised your husband is encouraging reckless, bad behavior?" Hope snorted at Lightning's voice, shaking his head. He turned away from the kitchen, eyes drifting outside where Yuj and Gadot were sitting with Rygdea on the small lawn. Rygdea was waving his hands in the air, a grin on his face while the other two watched his antics. The sun was shining over them, almost blinding as the rays reflected off the windows, and Hope's hands itched. He clenched them though, resisting the urge to open the window and let the warmth flood in.

He'd just go and experience it on his own.

_Would we still be here, the way we are now? Would I have held hands with Lightning? Be here…with everyone, just relaxing like this? Would we even exist at all?_

Hope didn't notice when Snow and Serah walked in the living room, Hazel sandwiched between them. And he didn't see Lightning walk up behind him, her head tilted to the side at his lost look. Her face was blank and she stopped herself from walking to close to him, just studying him carefully. Serah blinked at Lightning, asked her what was wrong, but Lightning shook her head.

Hope's shoulders slumped and he ran a hand through his hair, blinking slowly and fighting back a yawn. His head was still stuffed and he was still warm all over, the heat almost radiating off his body it felt to him. His eyes trailed on the door, drifted to the window again, and he watched the light dance on the glass.

_I wonder…about these feelings of pain and loss... I wonder if it would have been worth giving this up-this life to never, ever feel that pain. To have it disappear completely. But then…I guess thinking about things like that doesn't help much. I should stop thinking about it._

_Maybe one day I will. _

"Hope," Serah mumbled, glancing between Snow, Hope, and Lightning. "Is something…" She trailed off when Hope turned to the door, unaware that she had spoken. Snow tilted his head, slowly lowering Hazel to the ground. He turned to Lebreau and Maqui, shaking the two of them awake and asking if something was up with Hope while avoiding Lebreau's flying fist.

Lightning kept her eyes on Hope though; watched when he opened the door and stepped outside, tilting his head toward the sky as he walked from the doorway.

Hope kept going, not even glancing at the others on the front yard as their voices fell silent, or Rygdea when the man called for him. He kept his head toward the sky, letting the bright sun hit his face with closed eyes. The warmth coated him, made breathing easier, lighter, and he let the sunshine wrap around him. He could almost feel the rays start to lift him from the ground, all while the warmth slipped into his clothes. Then it slipped into his mouth, eyes, and ears, filling him to the brim with almost unbearable sunshine.

_But now I am here. Without Saorise. Without Chaos. Even with them gone there are a lot of things that need to be fixed. Even with _her_ gone, she has still left her mark on me and all of my precious people. She has hurt them and she's hurt me. Taken some of them, scarred others, and changed some of them beyond recognition. And sometimes I feel guilty, other times sad, and overwhelmingly grateful that we are still together._

Hazel moved between her mother's legs and ran outside, calling for Dajh over her shoulder. The young boy followed soon after her and Sazh appeared at the doorway, looking at the others before shaking his head, a small smile on his face. Lightning blinked, her face tightening, and weaved around the others to step outside. Her feet crunched with the grass beneath her and she stared at Rygdea for a moment, watching the man's swirling eyes.

Rygdea was staring at Hope as well, watching Hope bask in the sunlight, breathing the warmth in. A smile flitted across Rygdea's face and he turned to Lightning and nodded, tilting his head at Hope. Lightning clenched her hands but returned the nod, glancing at Hope before taking several small steps towards him.

And Hope just took another breath of warm air.

_And I am here, with myself and these people who insisted to keep me here. I am here with all the broken pieces of this. Myself. My life...and I want more than anything to put myself back together._

Hope sighed and lowered his head, bringing his hands in front his face and inspecting the digits. He saw small cuts on the fingertips, as well as calluses and dirt, and he let them drop to his sides. His chest was burning, his head was light, and he pressed a hand to his heart. A brief flash of white and a splash of red flitted through his mind, but it was quickly eaten away by blue eyes and warm hands and the heat from the sun.

_Piece by piece…day by day…step by step…I will be myself again. I will be whole and complete, if a little cracked here and there. _

_I will learn to love myself again. I will not throw away or ignore my weak parts-no matter how much I hate them. No matter how much I want to cast them away into nothing and forget they ever existed. It cannot work that way. _

_I don't want it to._

Lightning crossed over the lawn just as Serah and Snow, Lebreau, Maqui, and Sazh all piled outside, glancing at one another before sitting in the grass. Serah waved Hazel to her, wrapping her arms around her daughter while Snow wrapped is arms around the both of them. Sazh snatched Dajh up, smiling when Dajh laughed before sitting Dajh in his lap. Lebreau and Maqui glanced at one another, scooting closer and mumbling under their breath.

They all turned toward the light, sometimes watching the small street and the people when they walked by, carrying boxes or bags, or just leaving the house and strolling in front of their homes.

Lightning walked up to Hope and grabbed his shoulder, making him jump out of his stupor. He looked at her, his eyes clouded but bright when he smiled.

She was startled by how…genuine it was. The way the corners were twitching up of his lips were twitching up, soft and small, but very true.

She promised herself it would be the first of many.

_I'll open my arms and I'll reach out, and as the light comes down, I will finally see all of these people and all they have done for me. Their hands, which came from both the darkness and the nothing; the hands that fought through my anger and self-loathing and weakness-all to reach for me. _

"Light…" Hope whispered, taking her hand in his, twining their fingers together. "I love you."

Lightning blinked, her cheeks warming, and she looked away from him. She bit her lip, shook her head and tried to harden her eyes. Even though she wanted to laugh and maybe scream a little, except she wasn't sure why. Even though those eyes of his were on her, watching her, and her arms itched to wrap around him.

It was much harder when Hope looked at peace with the world. It was hard to be tough and angry and try to pretend to be angry or stoic.

So she decided not to.

And smiled.

_And I'll grab those hands and let my family pull me up, kicking and pushing all the way. I will look into their eyes, hopefully without shame, and I will laugh and cry with them. I will not run away from them and their love and warmth. _

Lightning bit her lip when Hope kept staring before sighing and squeezing his hand. "Hope…about earlier. I was just a little surprised-Rygdea caught me, and he's well…you know what he is. I wanted to get away from him. But if you want to see that psychologist, you know I'll be with you every step of the way, so don't go thinking-"

"I love you."

_I will look at Lightning and tell her I love her. I will look at Lebreau and Maqui and Rygdea and become stronger for them. Thank them for every sacrifice...stay as long as they'll have me. I'll never leave them. I will look at Snow and Serah and let them love me and I'll love them just as much. I'll look at Hazel and see her-and not those people I could not save. I will laugh with Dajh and run from Sazh when he realizes I've given his son another bad idea. _

_I'll look into the depths and see those faces of people I couldn't save, and I will say I am sorry-_

"I love all of you…" Hope whispered, slowly lifting his arms and wrapping them around Lightning's waist. He ignored her small grunt of protest and buried one hand in her hand and used the other to bring her closer. He didn't heard Snow's catcalls or Serah's giggling. But he opened his eyes let his gaze drift to each of them. Prayed his eyes showed everything there was to tell, because he knew he'd never have the words to say it.

Love. Gratitude. Sorrow. Regret.

Love.

Love.

_Love._

_-but I will not let my regrets crush me. I will not let the guilt drag me from this light again. Even if I hurt-Saorise will never drag me from this. And neither will the ghosts or the voices or anything that has tried to take me away._

_I will live again. _

_I _must_ live again._

"Lightning…" Hope said, eyes matching hers. She was blushing and scowling and Hope thought his heart was going to burst. He held her closer, smiling as his eyes burned and stung. He almost had to close his eyes because of how much it hurt. But it was so warm and right and he just stood there, his arms around Lightning, his heart ready to explode.

_Both for myself…_

"Love you," Hope said, his voice a whisper, his eyes bright.

_And these precious people who have saved my life. _

"And we love you too, Hope!" Snow called, grinning until Serah smacked him. But Hope smiled; chuckled when Lightning shot Snow a death threat before turning back to him. Lightning ran a hand over his cheek, peering at him.

"Hope, are you-" Hope's arms tightened around her. He could hardly believe the looks-the emotions-passing over her face. The love. The strength. The tenderness.

Aimed at _him_ no less.

_Without them…I would not be here. I know it. I feel it in my bones and in my heart and in my soul. Their warmth…love…all of it I want to give back a thousand-fold. I want to shed this skin of weakness for them- I want save them all and love them until I disappear into forever._

"I love you," Hope whispered again. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

_I love you all. And I will keep saying it-long after I am gone. _

"Hope…" Lightning blinked hard, shook her head, and blinked again. Her heart was racing and it felt like she couldn't breathe, but she just smiled and nodded. The words bubbled up from her-

"I love you too."

And Hope looked at her and saw the truth in her eyes. The swirling love and warmth and absolute gentleness. And he saw it in Serah's kind eyes and Snow smile, in Rygdea's words and Maqui and Lebreau's actions. In Sazh and his own brand of wisdom, in Gadot and Yuj as they struggled to hold on and understand what was wrong.

Saw all the hands that were reaching down in the darkness, pulling him back up. The many lights-the unending love. So he reached up, his fingers stretching and almost popping from their place.

_To my precious, broken family… All I can say-_

Hope smiled and buried his face in her hair, letting out a single, soft cry as the others stood and hurried toward him, questions flying from their lips while Lightning held him close to her.

He knew then that things could finally be okay.

_-is thank you. _


End file.
